#this show is gonna be the most unhinged shitshow ever and i will be seated for every second of it

[gunsatthaphan]

,,,so anyway can't wait for gmmtv to drop an actual romcom next year-

[terrebus-fc]

how do all y'all recommend getting into football for a newcomer? just pick a team and start watching them? or like watch previous tournaments or something?

first of all, welcome to football :3

there’s some similarities to the terror so i think you might find it quite familiar:

get ready for some rambling below the cut!

i think it’s easiest to start by watching a bigger international tournament while it’s happening. the world cup, obviously, is the biggest event in football, but other tournaments like the european championships or the copa américa (or whatever is going on where you’re from) also work well and are happening sooner (in 2020). follow the country you’re from if they qualified or pick any other country you like, really, and… just watch.

the advantage of those tournaments are that you’ll usually get to see a good mix of teams that are actually playing to win, that it all happens within the span of a month and that there will be extensive media coverage of the matches, part of it tailored to new viewers. don’t worry too much about the details of all the rules, you’ll get into the important ones quite quickly after watching some matches. part of being a football fan also is angrily disagreeing with the rules so not much knowledge is required. the emotions are the important thing. when the tournament is over you can follow the players you got to know during it back to their clubs and slip nicely into watching club football and selling your soul to the beautiful game.

of course you can also start with club football and randomly see what sticks. football is all about irrational attachments so… whatever works. (if you’re looking for club matches, this is a good site to find a stream!)

we agreed on our discord to each recommend a past match and an upcoming one to watch. i’ve thought about it for a bit and always kept coming back to the same match that’s a classic one and though it’s cliché i’m biased enough not to care. so. world cup 2014 semifinal between germany and brazil. i promise you the pay-off is very good (unless you support brazil).

for an upcoming match there’s a women’s football match between england and germany happening on 9th november. i know we’re all here for guys being lads but if you feel like it, check out the women playing, too.

- frauke

past match: my past match recommendation is Germany vs England, World Cup 2010, Round of 16. I think it’s a beautiful example of football at its best (Germany’s incredibly fluid style of play, feat. one of my favorite goals of all time) and worst (a referee completely failing to call a goal: a farcically monstrous error on the world stage). I love this game because despite everyone’s tactics, despite everyone’s efforts, the entire game arguably hinges on one incredibly stupid, incredibly human mistake, and what comes after. In a way it is a little bit like the Franklin expedition! And even nine years later the thought of what could have been evokes hilarity in some (three fifths of this mod team) and despair in others (one fifth of this mod team). That’s football babey! [WATCH IT HERE]

upcoming match: I’m gonna recommend a club match for this one! I’m a fan of German football and the Berlin derby (Union Berlin vs Hertha Berlin) is coming up this Saturday (Nov 2) at 5:30PM GMT! This is the first time these teams will be playing each other in the top league of German football, and it’s likely to be a good example of what rivalries in club football can be like. Union Berlin has a great underdog story–this is their first year ever in the Bundesliga–and it should be a lot of fun all around! Also, one week later, on Nov 9 at 4:30PM GMT, Borussia Dortmund take on perennial juggernauts Bayern Munich. Over the last decade or so Dortmund’s fast-paced, attacking football has been the only real challenge to Bayern’s throne, and with Bayern (my team, for better or worse) not playing nearly as well as they should this season, this could shape up to be an exciting match!

-ireny

past match: so i heard you like this very english show about these very english boys? you also like to suffer? FANTASTIC! croatia vs. england, the world cup 2018 semifinals, is the only match that matters on the planet and you should watch it immediately. underdog narratives on both sides! nobody expected either team to make it as far as they did – england because they’ve got a long history of disappointing in national tournaments, croatia because they’re considered a small country in football terms and because they hadn’t gotten past the group stages since 1998. england scored early, croatia equalized in the second half to drag them to extra time – their third game in a row that went to 120+ minutes – and despite how ragged and exhausted the team was, my #1 player of all time ever mario mandžukić scored the winning goal that got croatia through to their first ever world cup final. it was a truly transcendent moment. no matter whose side you’re on (i mean, there is only one right side, but who am i to judge) it’s a thrilling, scrappy game to watch. i want you to watch it so badly, i have a link for you.

upcoming match: outside of frothing at the mouth about my national team, i watch the italian league religiously. if you’d like to try out club football, this weekend has a couple high profile games in italy. on saturday (nov. 2) at 7:00 AM PT, you can watch roma vs. napoli, which are two teams that are considered hipster to like despite the fact that they’re actually massive. napoli are, regrettably, usually very good, but have had a poor start to their season, so they’ll be looking to dominate on-fire roma. it should be a shitshow, i can’t wait! meanwhile, at 12:45 PM PT you can watch the derby della mole, torino vs. juventus. juve is the most successful team in serie a, and torino are their cross-town rivals who are EXTREMELY lovable but also Not Very Good At Football. watch it and root for torino and have your heart broken (and then come talk to me about either team/any players you like because i can prime you equally on both!) (not ronaldo.)

- caitlin

past match: W O W do the attacks against england just keep coming and coming huh just like Tuunbaq huh!!!! Aside from that, the perennial sense of crisis, setback after setback, English people suffering, madness and disappointment, and betrayal of everything you hold dear are also some of the ways in which England resembles The Terror and therefore why you should also watch us. 

In the spirit of England, I’m going to recommend a match in which we lose: England 1-1 West Germany, 4-3 on penalties, at the 1990 World Cup. We lose to Germany a lot. (Pls hold: 1966, babey.) But 1990 was the first time that we reached the semi-finals since ‘66, and it was crazily emotionally charged; our coach Bobby Robson was leaving amidst a scandal, there’d been fights between the police and fans, and of course there was a palpable sense of christ, we could actually do it. (I say ‘we’ as in the way football fans say ‘we’, since in 1990 I was -5 years old.) The game is rip-roaring, furious, dramatic - look for Gazza’s Tears - and also introduces you to the concept of extra time, aka sitting in your seats for a full half-hour more than you expected, and penalties, aka something we are so famously bad at that when we finally won a penalty shootout last year we celebrated as if we had won the cup itself.

upcoming match: The Engl attacks made me defend myself and I couldn’t recommend a club game, which I would otherwise have (United 2-1 Arsenal ‘99, for those interested) because my club’s current football is SO DIRE I would not recommend it to anyone unless I wanted to turn them off of football forever. You might want to tune in next week for Liverpool Vs Man City (4:30 PM GMT, 10 Nov), a giant clash with probably entertaining football for everyone except United fans, who will desperately be cheering on Team Sinkhole.

- rach

I have something to add, which is that football has a weird and wild history, and I recommend looking up something like ‘the 10 most inexplicable moments in football’, or ‘five of the most unhinged things the most unhinged managers have ever said’ to get a taste. The sport is about enjoying the actual movement of the ball across the grass, but it’s also about basking in the massive array of bizarre personalities.

past match: a lot of good bases have already been covered re: Germany so I won’t pile on by recommending our 4-0 battering of Argentina in 2010 :3c I present to you instead the FA Cup final from 2014, Arsenal-Hull City. (Have a link!) Arsenal hadn’t won a trophy in nine years. The fan discontent with iconic manager Arsene Wenger was getting nasty. Hull City was the decided underdog. An underdog who promptly scored twice in the first ten minutes. Through a mix of lovely skill and scrappy luck the match ended happily for Arsenal, and even knowing that the Wenger story wasn’t entirely on the up and up after breaking that long drought, seeing the sheer joy and relief on everyone’ faces still makes me feel a whole lot of things.

upcoming match: that aside, Arsenal are currently playing as though they’ve got lost in a damp paper bag and have yet to soggily wander their way out. Despite that I’m going to recommend Leicester-Arsenal next weekend (9 Nov, 18.30 CET). Leicester have been absolutely swanning about (they annihilated Southampton last week 0-9 in the joint-largest prem league scoreline ever) and Arsenal at the moment, with their negative confidence and cotton wool defence are precisely in position to be smashed. But we’ve also done historically quite well against Leicester, and it could be the sort of match where Arsenal get their heads up and deliver the kind of easy-passing, smooth-running performance they’re supposed to be known for. It has great potential to be either a misery or a cheer-up charm for me, and regardless it’ll be a good time for you.

- Sabina