#this shall be my non-spoiler only review of the show so far

[aroaceleovaldez]

they girlbossed Sally Jackson

[edwardelricsrightarm]

"A lesson without pain is meaningless. For you cannot gain anything without sacrificing something else in return, but once you have overcome it and made it your own...you will gain an irreplaceable fullmetal heart." - Edward Elric

In honor of disability month and the FMA 20 year anniversary I wanted to address some Thoughts™️ about the series.

It's not often you see a disabled protagonist in media where their disability is integral to the story without taking up their entire character, even more so with anime. Yet, Fullmetal Alchemist has not just one disabled Protagonist, but two. The Elric Brothers are an exemplary representation of disability in media that I find myself reflecting on often as a disabled person myself. If you haven't completed the manga or Brotherhood, skip this as it will be brimming with spoilers.

(Mangahood will be my point of reference because while 03 is good on its own merits it's not as fresh within my immediate memory, and I am far less familiar with it. Keep this in mind, I've watched FMAB 10 and a half times whereas I've finished 03 only once years ago.)

The story highlights their disabilities immediately, Edward being a double amputee and Alphonse being without his ENTIRE body, only having the senses of proprioception, sight, and hearing left. Yet, despite this being key to the story and an integral part of their characterization, it is only one facet of their motivations and doesn't take center in the narrative, which is refreshing. It's not inherently negative to make a narrative centered on the characters' disabilities, but often this model of a story goes very wrong very fast and starts to feel hollow (no pun intended). FMA avoids this by making their disabilities a clear part of the plot and their motivations without allowing it to consume the entire story, so the Elric Brothers don't suffer the "my disability is all of my character" problem that many disabled characters are relegated to in a vast portion of media, all while being strong and competent.

Recap:

The brothers wished to revive their mother, but their good intentions cannot change the atrocity of their mistake, Truth makes this abundantly clear from the start. Edward loses his leg first, a punishment for "stepping" into God's shoes and transgressing the place of humans in their world. Alphonse loses his entire body, unable to feel any warmth or simple comforts like food and rest, when all he wanted was to feel the warmth and comfort of his mother's embrace again. At first, Alphonse's entire being is consumed by the gate, but Edward acts immediately, refusing to lose his little brother and refusing to allow his arrogance in this plan to cause his brother's death for only following his lead. Edward gives his right arm to have the gate give back Alphonse's soul, and stated clearly in his panic that he'd give his entire self to save Alphonse if that's what it would take, but Truth took his dominant arm only, showing something akin to mercy, although the character of Truth is capriciously strict and hard to describe as "merciful".

Through giving up his right arm, Edward regains his Right Hand Man, his little brother and best friend. His only remaining family, who he feels responsible for protecting in the absence of their parents. He felt immediately that he'd made a grave mistake, instantly full of regret as he realized the gate had taken his brother. In that moment he was willing to give anything to take it back and undo the suffering his arrogance caused his brother, yet Alphonse was still to suffer more to come. Ed tied Alphonse's disembodied soul to one of Hohenheim's collected suits of armor, managing to at least keep his brother alive in some way. One could say that Alphonse's punishment functioned as a secondary punishment for Edward, showing him how easily his hubris could have cost him what he has left in his obsession with regaining what they'd lost, their mother. A very clear symbolic reminder of the weight of his actions and how he'd misled his brother in his own naive ignorance. Even in giving another limb away to drag his brother's soul back out of the gate, he couldn't offer enough to bring him back intact. Thus is the law of equivalent exchange.

Now that we've reviewed some of that basic symbolism and the motifs the story draws upon with limbs and body parts in relation to characters, let's move on to each individual brother and break it down, shall we?

Edward Elric is a very realistic protagonist, this is one thing a majority of us familiar with this series can agree upon. He feels like a believable teen boy, with layers of complexity to his character while also showing arrogance and immaturity that is unsurprising at his age. He expresses unwillingness to kill and avoidance of unjust violence from the beginning, and has a strong moral code after the ordeal of committing the taboo.

In some characters his cocky personality would typically become grating, yet the story explains in itself why he is this way, then builds upon this to develop him into an incredibly mature character who is willing to admit when he's absolutely wrong and adapts to new information and context for the crisis unfolding around him as it comes, even if he remains crass. This arrogance is shown from the start to be a manifestation of insecurity, self loathing, and repressed guilt. Edward is a logic driven person, he has a very unique thought process, which is where my interpretation of him as autistic comes in. Edward's awkward social demeanor, somewhat abrasive and cold approach to some, and his trouble coping with nonsensical societal structures all stand out in this way. Furthermore he clearly shows hyperfixation, hyperactivity, special interest, and infodumping behaviors that are all too familiar. He's picky with food (*cough* the milk thing), has very little filter and speaks his mind bluntly even if this can warrant conflicting responses, yet at the same time struggles with vulnerable emotions, and he is frustrated when his own routine or itinerary are interrupted by forces beyond his control. All of these things Scream autism with comorbid ADHD. Many traits are shared between the brothers, and I'm quite certain they're both on the autism spectrum based on behavioral patterns. Neurodivergence aside, Edward's physical disabilities are undeniable.

Despite his bratty persona, Edward is fundamentally kind and uncharacteristically gentle and soft around the edges for a shonen protagonist in many ways. He cries openly on many occasions even if he struggles talking about his trauma and burdens in words at times, he feels pain, grief, and compassion so intensely it throws him into action on a regular basis in the narrative. In this way he's also a fantastic example of non-toxic masculinity (though in other ways he has displayed more toxic traits, he's just a kid). He acts on his heart, even if he's led by his mind and logic in most things. His humanity, value for life, and care for others will always win over his logic, and he shows a sense of personal responsibility for doing the right thing even if it harms him in the process. Ed is clearly shown having ghost pains in his lost limbs which is honestly an interesting detail to include, I don't think I've ever seen that aspect of amputation shown in media aside from FMA. It's also shown that when Ed's automail arm breaks this is a HUGE problem for him, but he's also shown to be very good at working around this in difficult circumstances. He doesn't become completely helpless, even if majorly weakened.

Alphonse is an extremely lovable and compassionate boy, brimming with altruism and care for others. Even in his noncorporeal state he pursues a better future and he's not helpless by any stretch. Edward clearly states Alphonse is the superior fighter for example, and it's not just because of his armor body being so large. He's *talented*, that's a fact. Al is every bit as clever and capable as Ed, moreso in some ways, and I love that about his character *because* he's so clearly disabled. He has no sense of pain, he is completely incapable of sleeping, he can't eat, can't relax or find comfort, he can only exist and think. This causes him to overthink in all his time alone, this is debilitating. He clearly is absolutely sick of the loneliness this causes, and he often feels helpless though he's not. He has doubts and fears that consume him in relation to his armor body, he questions his own personhood, even. Yet, Edward is stubborn and staunch in affirming that no matter what he's dealing with, he is fundamentally still a human being that is loved and irreplaceable. Alphonse is powerful and his body gives him some advantages, but it also sets him back, and the brothers know this even when others claim Alphonse's state is somehow a good thing. I have hEDS, a disability that comes with advantages as well as the major downsides, so I can understand and relate to Alphonse here. I too am told my disability is a boon because of flexibility and because I'm less likely to fracture bones, but I'm twice as likely to injure my ligaments and joints, which people ignore.

The brothers are both disabled, both flawed, both show weaknesses, but they are competent, determined, and strong in their own right. They are rounded characters that exist for more than to be pitied or condescended to by able bodied characters around them. They put their entire being in everything that they do no matter what that is, and they don't know the meaning of giving up. These traits that they're made of truly make them a shining example of disability in protagonists for others to look to for reference when writing their own disabled characters.

Even though by the end Edward has regained one limb and Al has regained his body, this also doesn't just deus ex machina reverse their disability or make it go away. It's clear that Alphonse's body is weak and has to be rehabilitated upon recovery, and Edward is still missing his leg and bears the scars and pieces of the port from his automail arm. They weren't suddenly made able bodied upon recovering these things, they reclaimed what was lost through struggle and grit, but the narrative didn't give the impression that their disability in itself was something to be fixed, which is important. They wanted to recover their bodies, but this doesn't erase the effects of their disability.

It was about Edward atoning for leading Alphonse into their mistake and saving his brother from suffering further, it was about them proving they can keep moving forward no matter what, not about getting rid of their disability in itself or putting themselves down because of the disabilities. This, to me, as a mentally and physically disabled viewer, is so important. They achieve their goal, but this doesn't in any way erase or undo the effects of their initial losses, they find ways to adapt and move on but they're still affected and still disabled. They always will be. That can be so important to see in comfort characters, and as a disabled individual who's had both brothers as comfort characters since I was a child, their impact on my own journey is surprisingly tangible for fiction.

[popculturebuffet]

Mission Hill Review: Plan 9 From Mission Hill or I Married a Gay Man From Outer Space!

Commission for @weirdkev27​. Hallowen Havoc marches on! For my first commission ever, I take a look at the cult classic mission hill’s final produced episode and one of it’s most loved. Kevin’s visit to an x rated movie pays off less with boobs and more with a friendship with his elderly gay neighbor and film buff wally and a new appreciation for cinema, only for this new friendship to nearly end over Kevin’s good natured attempt to spotlight Wally’s only film, the man from pluto. Gay spaceman, a touching gay love story, and a surprisingly likeable guy with a neckbeard insue. Spoilers and full recap FROM PLUTO, under the cut. 

Well this was a nice suprise. After the utterly draining process of my review of “Let’s Get Dangerous”, it was a nice suprise to find out one of my handful of fans had tried to comission me a while back and I hadn’t realized it, and I was happy to oblige him. I was even happier when I found out what his commission was: Plan 9 From Mission HIll, an episode i’d planned to cover for pride but got squeezed out due to how little i’d planned the month out in advance, a lesson I still REALLY need to learn. Regardless not only was it a nice, funny, and heartwarming ep to cover after the sheer amount of analysis and recapping the last one took, I realized it ended up fitting the spooky season, as there’s just as much fun to be had in truly fantastic horror movies like “Nightmare on Elm Street”, “Get Out”, “Child’s Play”, “Tales from the Hood” and “The Thing” as there is from so bad it’s great horror films like “House (The Japanese one), C.H.U.D. II: Bud The Chud, Terror Toons and House Shark. Seriously watch House Shark i’ts hilarious. Hell I fully plan on watching the Gary Busey film Hider in the House tomorrow. I mean it’s a film about hollywood’s favorite nutball  living in the walls and attic of someone’s house. What’s not to love? Maybe it might be entirely boring but that’s the risk you sometimes take to find so bad it’s gold filmaking. Plus cheeestastic films like these are the reason we have the classsic and incomprable mystery science theater 3000 and it’s succesor rifftrax. So while I need to watch more of them, I have a spot in my likely overtaxed heart for this kind of film, and as a result this episode resonated with me on rewatch in a way it didn’t the first time around, even if it was still my faviorite. 

Backing up a bit as usual I like to give my history with a show first time covering it: Mission HIll was one of a handful of shows picked up by Adult Swim in it’s early days. Since most of Adult Swim’s early originals were 11 minutes at a time when this was still a new and radical thing they were doing having 11 minute shows that weren’t sold as half hour pairs of 11 minute episodes, they likely needed more shows to fill up the air and clevelry simply bought the rights to several shows that had only had one season, along with Family Guy and Futurama which as history would bear out both made the shows into huge names in the animation industry but brought both back.. though in Family Guy’s case sometimes dead is better. Point is, several shows got a second life thanks to Cartoon Network if sadly not more seasons, with the sole exception of the utter classic Home Movies which I really need to talk about at some point, and thus are really more associated with Adult Swim than their original networks. Hell before doing this review I genuinely didn’t know what Mission HIll’s original networks. But now you know the framework this show came out in what IS Mission Hill anyway? 

MIssion Hill was a cartoon from the wonderful brains of Bill Oakely and Josh Weinstein, no relation to the MST3K one who due to this confusion now goes by J. Elvis Weinstein instead, who showran the simpsons and did some great episodes, my faviorte of there’s being $pringfield, aka the casino one. 

The show was about Andy, a 24 year old slacker whose happily lazing about after college in his loft with his friends Jim, a stoic but friendly stoner played by Brian Posehn, and Posey, a sensitive hippie. However when he goes to pickup his childhood dog he ends up with an unexpected roomate: His nerdy, sheltered and neurotic brother Kevin, who has a love of sci fi, a type a personality and a habit of going bling blong to focus when studying or just whenever. He’s also voiced by future robin and future psychopath claming to be robin Scott Mellinville. Also in the building are Carlos and Natalie, an unemployed artist and college professor and their baby Nameless.  I forgot they existed.  And of course saving the best for last we have the brother’s neighbors, and a very early gay couple for animated television Wally and Gus, played by the legendary Tom Kenny and Nick Jameson who hasn’t done much of note but does a great job anyway. Wally is a fastudious, Gus is angry and very brooklyn, but the two genuinely love each other, makeout frequently, with their first showing off the two as a gay couple, and are an adorable but very beliviable couple. It’s part of WHY I wanted to spotlight them. The late 90′s/early 2000′s, the show originally aired in 99 and into 2000 and aired on adult swim in the early 2000 for the curious, were not a great time to be gay in animation with most gay characters used as punchlines and hardly any queer stories. Not only that but just a year earlier will and grace had to have one overly camp chracter and one “regular” gay character in order to get made. Granted that show has it’s issues but still, the point stands having a gay couple that plays fairly realistically, is shown to both be sexually active and love each other and who’ve been together for decades was a hell of a step for a medium where Family Guy around the same time had a joke with the punchline “Whoa transvestite back off!” Granted Family Guy would do far worse to both the gay and trans communities, but we’ll get to that someday. Or sooner if you commission me, but I swear if you do I will pull a gary busey on your house. Point is not only is it INCREIDBLY forward for it’s time but it holds up even now. There’s a reason the creators are working on a spinoff/revivial focused on the two and a reason these two tend to be one of the most talked about elements of the show. That and frankly their hilarious having realistic banter.. and also having one episode where Gus has a knife in his head for a whole episode. It helps that this episode, their spotlight one and the last one produced, is also one fo the series best. So with all that build up let’s take a look shall we? 

We open with Kevin passing a theater showing x rated movies and are shown, over a bunch of times of him passing it him condeming it publicly but his tone clearly telegraphing the classic battle between a teenage boy and his dick. Dick wins and Kevin heads inside and gives us... this. 

.... If you will excuse me, please enjoy the musical stylings of the late great Zorak while I go shower the “EeEEEEEEUUUUGGggggggHHHhhuuuuuuggghhhhhhhhewwwwuuuuugggghhhhggooooodddddddwwwyyyyyy” off me. 

God rest his soul. Okay i’m good now. Thankfully this isn’t an episode about Kevin getting addicted to x-rated theater, and they already did an episode about him masturbating. No really it actually had a good message as Kevin was so embarassed about the incident, he nearly let two other guys, granted not remotley good people who were stealing from there anyway, take the fall. Andy even ends up giving a great speech coming to his defense

“People, you mock this boy, but it's your fault he's here today. Your hypocrisy has made this boy a prisoner, terrified of his own sexuality. So much so that he'd rather send two relatively-innocent men to prison than admit he looks at pornography! He thinks his natural urges are filthy and perverted, and why? Because of your conspiracy of silence! Nobody dares admit the truth - that you're all just like him!”

IT’s a damn good moment and a good message. That sadly is still relevant as America still views sex as worse than violence for some weird reason. At least he has the internet now. Anywho when Kevin goes to see what’s up he runs into Wally who explains the confusion: He’s just showing old “X-Rated films”. Now some of you are probably wondering “Wait non-porn films used to use that?” Or “Wait what’s an x-rating?” Well while I knew some films did used to do that I was honestly curious myself as to why it was retired and why porn films got to use it and took a quick hop to google to find out reading both the wikipedia article for the rating and this vulture article on the subject to get a slightly deeper look at it. 

It’s actually quite intresting as I genuinelly also didn’t know when the MPAA ratings started for films: When the rating’s board started in 1968 there were four raitings: G, GP (Later flipped to PG), R and X. X was the modern equivlent of today’s R really, and films like Last Tango in Paris, Midnight Cowboy and a Clockwork Orange, with Orange even having a poster up at the cinema in this episode and Midnight Cowboy being part of the plot very soon. We’ll get to that in the moment. Point is it allowed filmakers to push the envelope break barriers all that good stuff and makes me curious about those very films, which is a good thing as i’ll admit to not being exactly a film buff.  But as Kevin’s confusion here shows, eventually the porn industry took a hold of it, using the X as a way to get sex movies into regular cinemas and have an air of legitimacy, hence why Debbie Does Dallas was a mainstream hit.. and yes that’s an actual film that I only know about thanks to I Love the 70′s. If your wondering why the MPAA just couldn’t you know, tell them to know or why they didn’t take over other ratings it turns out for some weird reason why the G and R ratings were owned by them, and later PG , they forgot to trademark X and by the time they even thought of it it was too late. Hence terms like XXX rated and what not or the ungodly stupid XXX porn parodies. Just.. just give them actual names and slap “A porn parody” ont he end if you want to avoid a lawsuit.  Naturally the film industry struck back and X soon went from a way to have daring, interesting films.. to basically a threat by the MPAA that your film wouldn’t be carried by any major distributors if it had one, with Dawn of the Dead having to just go unrated just to get distributed. The 80′s brought the killing stroke: With the rise of big theater chains, mall theaters with restrictions I wasn’t aware of, and big home video outlets like blockbuster that didn’t carry porn, the x rating was well and truly dead and the MPAA lukewarmly added NC-17 which serves the same bullshit purpose as theaters still refuse to carry them and the MPAA still uses it for essenitally the same reason. Nothing changed! If your wondering why people sometimes have problems with the MPAA, yeah there’s your answer, as they could’ve campaigned harder for NC-17 but clearly enjoyed having a raiting to hold over films heads. 

So yeah if you don’t know, know you know bud, let’s move on. So yeah Wally explains the confusion and decides to educate Kevin on film by showing him Midnight Cowboy, with John Voight “Before his head looked like a radish” and Dustin Hoffman. Also Andy brings up Sphere.. a film I also know nothing about. Hang on... checking Letterboxd and okay. It’s a Dustin Hoffman starring Sci-Fi film about a research team investigating a mysterious sphere at the bottom of the sea. Huh.. I prefer Cube myself but to each his own.  But once Kevin clams up he really enjoys it. Will grant the episode lays it on a tad thick, with Kevin comparing the film to , of all things, Armageddon. I mean I get MIcheal Bay is a good metric for crowd pleasing schlock but still, even nerds have standards. My standards aren’t very high at times mind as I still want to watch this sometime today. 

But I still think even awkward teens have better standards. Then again one of my faviorite films at the time was Saving Silverman which while I can’t hate it due to nostalgia , having watched it from 5th grade well into my teens, I can see was not very good. Though it did have R. Lee Ermy being both really funny and turning out to be gay so that was awesome. 

And he does make a good point that heroes like Ratzzo Rizzo don’t go well on Taco Bell cups.. though it also feels weird to me in 2020 where while not big sellers films with deep stories and unlikeable heroes are some of the biggest on tv and one of them was one of the greatest animated series of the last decade, so things must’ve been pretty damn bleak in 1999. The two also run into Gus who wants dinner and a fight ensues between the couple about the fact Gus owns a restraunt, could just bring his lunch etc. It’s hilarious and as I said I like how they feel like a couple you’d meet in real life. Sadly I don’t have an elderly gay couple in my neighborhood but here’s hoping. Or maybe i’ll be the neighborhoods wally when I grow up who knows. Also Tom Kenny’s delivery is great. 

Kevin later relays his fun day to his loftmates, with Andy expressing genuine suprise at Wally’s job and love of art house cinema, as none of them knew what he actually did. Andy’s genuinely shocked and mildly appalled they’ve lived near Wally for so long but having no idea what he does.. but really I had a sweet old lady, Delores who lived next to me for almost my entire life before she moved to be closer to her family, visited her house frequently pet her cats, went to her house after school at one point.. and I cannot tell you what he did, so it’s incredibly relatable. However in a scene that’s both hilarious but also really, really sweet, the three relate that they do know him well and due to being neighbors after all and know Gus and Wally’s morning routine: They wake up at 8, Wally brews the Coffee, Gus reads him the funnies, then they shower together while singing college fight songs, and then, with Jim saying this part so picture it in Brian Posehn’s voice please you won’t regret it, argue or have gay sex and then it’s off to work. It’s really sweet, both in showing off their well worn dynamic with each other, and the fact that the loftmates really DO know these two even if they dont’ know everything and they are close in their own way. Kevin can only give out a “Hm” in response... which is probably the closest he can get to saying touche without breaking into nerdy giggles. 

Cue the good times montage as Wally introduces Kevin to Ingmar Bergman, who I have heard of even if i’ve never seen any of them, and some director I never heard of who made old timey comedies apparently. IT’s a really nice sequence. Kevin also shows 2001: A Space Oddesy to his friends, who are bored to tears by it while Kevin’s enraptured. Which I would say was another heavy-handed swipe at late 90′s cinema but being a teen myself who had mostly watched things like Star Wars, I did not gel with 2001 and need to rematch it at some point, so I totally relate to his friends utter boredom and confusion with it given it’s rep. It’s a visually stunning film. I will however stand by not liking Star Trek: The Motion Picture, as that film TRIES to be 2001 but is instead just really, REALLY boring. 

But naturally things can be entirely good natured bonding between an elderly gay man and , as Wally puts it in the best line of the episode “The son god never wanted me to have”, as Kevin notices a film coming up that Wally apparently made, and looks to star gus. Wally panics and shoos his young protégé away... which yeah he could’ve just you know told him he doesn’t like the film or anything else and prevented this episode but then we wouldn’t of seen the gay equilvent of plan 9 from outer space so fair enough. 

At the Gus’ Diner, the loftmates and their neighbors I mentioned earlier look over the poster, and we find out from Gus that that is him, and he starred in a movie.. and naturally Wally explained never showing it to his husband in the simplest way possible: By claming a shark ate it. You know while I watched the show I didn’t quite get it when I was younger and it’s probably why it took me decades to revisit it.. but I wish I had sooner this show is REALLY damn funny and i’m really looking forward to that spinoff with Wally and Gus. 

Wally continues to dodge Kevin, so Kevin, trying to find info about the film and it being lost, goes to the video store.. back when those existed. Something I have to give the show is honestly the use of vhs, visits to video stores, and the movies Kevin mentions are the only things that really date this film. While swapping another Dustin Hoffman film in proved impossible, it is plausible Kevin would see it streaming somewhere. and it’s easy enough to swap Armageddon for Rise of Skywalker given that film’s just as good.. Last Jedi was excellent though. Point is this story REALLY holds up, which is the sign of a good story: where even if some elements are stamped to the time, the story itself could easily be told again with few changes. It’s also why i’m not AGAINST Reboots, as my coverage of ducktales makes obvious: As long as stories can still be told or you can retell a story in a unique and intresting way, it’s fine to reuse something. I do think hollywood overdoes it, but I’ve never thought there was genuine harm in it or reviving old franchises. It’s all in how you do it.  But yeah while the local video store dosen’t help at all, Andy happens to know just the man for the job, though Jim and Posey nope out of going with them. Also something to note is the series animation: It’s animated like an old 30′s cartoon or a comic strip, modernized a bit in color and realisim, but still having comic strip stuff like shaking head lines, heat lines coming off coffee that sort of thing.  I really love it. 

Anyways the brothers head off to a funky out of the way video store, I wish there were more hole in the wall used media stores where I lived. We mostly have chains like Vintage Stock and Half-Priced Books, though I genuinely love both of those stores and VIntage Stock is the modern equilvent of places like blockbuster honestly. Anyway after Beardo confuses Kevin for an Employee kevin asks him about the man from pluto which Beardo reveals he knows about but is very rare and has few prints. I like Beardo.. he’s a neckbeard who seems more liable to complain abotu some reboot on the fact their rebooting it again rather than “gasp” women are involved. I prefer my neckbeards just a tad pretentious rather than you know, sexist, homophobic, deranged assholes with nothing better to do. I mean i’m still living at home and didn’t get out much before the pandemic either but you dont’ see me bitching every time a franchise gets a female lead. 

Anyway, Kevin is inspired by that and with help from everyone gets the word out about the film. As you’d expect though this can’t end well, as Wally tries avoiding the premire entirely (And we get a great bit where Jim happens to see him trying to flee down the fire escape and Wally’s expression is priceless) 

Huh.. I bet that’s what Rob Reiner when North had it’s premire. As you can probably guess the showing dosen’t go well: The film itself is a hilarious combination of the day the earth stood still (the general plot as we’ll find out more in a second) and Plan 9 From Outer Space (A cheestatic no budget film with a hulking man brute who can’t act as the lead), and in catching the feel of a b-movie it’s utterly perfectly done. This film would go perfect on MST3K and the audience’s howls of laughter agrees with me. 

Wally however is utterly humiliated and doesn’t want to speak to Kevin which.. yeah is about the only issue I have with an otherwise marvelous episode. While I get Wally’s humiliation was Kevin’s fault.. Kevin GENUINELY meant well. While Kevin is book smart at his core he’s a dumb kid who didn’t know any better and didn’t realize Wally hated his film and it’s Wally’s own damn fault for not telling him.  Sure Kevin should’ve picked up the hint, but given the kid is oblivious and didn’t even know what an x raiting is it’s clear he’s not the sharpest crayon in the box when it comes to life experince. Wally had every opportunity to just explain his story but didn’t. And I put most of the blame on Wally when he’s you know, the adult. He’s a 60 or so year old man. He should know better. But it really doesn’t take away from the episode entirely.  But the loftmates clearly love the film and are quoting bits from it, with jim having a fishbowl on his head, when they run into Wally, though Wally is fine with them admitting it’s crap and he knows it is. We then get what REALLY makes the episode and really makes me primed for a spinoff: Wally and Gus’ backstory, which also makes it obvious the crew was probably going to use the two more had the series got another season. 

Anyways it was the 50′s, Archie Andrews was an average teen and not shredded both in muscle and by a bear that one time, Fonzie was out and about and eyying, and Wally was a first unit director given a shot as the studio asked him for a script having utter faith in him. HIs script was a day the earth stood still esque parable on the Cold War.. until he met Gus who, naturally for Gus, was outrunning a ton of police having stumbled on set and likely defeated them all bare handed because Gus is as incredible as the hulk and likely also comes back through a glowing green door when he dies.  So Wally made the tragic mistake of mixing his love life with his career, and lost both Kurt Douglas, who he bumped down from lead for Gus, and Charleton Hesston who just walked off and they got a dinkier stage and worse actors as a result. The resulting film ended Wally’s career but he was able to sell the rights to cinemas to make enough for them to start over in mission hill and buy the diner.. and at least they had each other. It’s a really great story that explains why it upsets Wally so much: This was his baby and while he dosen’t even for one second regret meeting gus or the life they’ve had, he regrets that his one film was a total trainwreck and goes off to the theater to mope as he plays his film for laughing crowds, as it was naturally held over. I mean when you get the next plan 9 from outer space, this was a bit before the room mind you, you hold onto that shit. 

Kevin, who heard the whole thing, goes to mope by watching what is likely a MIcheal Bay film, who was a target even then folks. Oh you poor poor fools you knew not how much worse it could get... i.e. robot testicles. Just.. robot testicles. And their MAKING A DELUXE MOVIE DEVISTATOR. Why. Just.. why who wanted this after that scene. He’s sworn off good movies as he feels he no longer deserves them. Andy however bluntly tells him to cut the pity party, while he’s moping his friend really needs him and when you love somebody, you put your pants on for them. When you love somebody you see it to the end, when you love somebody the conclusions forgone when you love somebody you put your big boy pants right onnnnn! ... I’ll put the song at the end. Point is Kevin goes to help his friend, and as Wally is moping in the projection booth and wonders what he was thinking Kevin tells him the obvious truth: He was thinking of how far he’d go.  “You taught me the best films are personal stories.. and this film is your valentine to Gus” While Wally starts to break a little, he does point out it doesn’t make it good.. but Kevin rightly counters that he’s not so sure of it. Wally sees the audience enjoying the film and goes down, with all of them carrying red light bulbs like the one gus has to show when he’s mad in the film. And Wally finally realizes waht I got to in the beginning: It doesn’t matter if a film’s good or bad, what matters is someone enjoys it. A film can be utterly terrible, and still be good. It can be a mess and still have merit. And Wally finally realizes it doesn’t matter if it’s the film he wanted, it’s the film he made for his future husband, it’s a film that brings laughter and sticks in people’s heads and really  brings them a godo time. It’s a film worth remembering and Wally finally accepts that and his film as his own.  Later that night Kevin and Wally exit the theater, with Wally no longer mad at him and the two still friends or as Wally puts it in the second best line of the episode “As close as an elderly gay man and a straight boy can be” Awwww. The two depart and we get a touching final scene as Wally comes home and finds a bottle of wine and a note from gus saying he has a suprise for him> Turns out Gus put on his old space helmet.. but fell asleep in it. So we get a really nice tender moment as Gus takes the  helmet off, smooches his husband on his bald head and smiles brightly as the episode ends.

Final Thoughts on The Man From Pluto or I Married a Gay Man From Outer Space: Before you ask each episode had two titles for funzies, the first one to get past the censors and the second for fun and likely what they would’ve gone with if they could. As for this episode.. it’s spectacular. It holds up well even 20 years later, it’s touching, sweet and really damn funny and makes me want to rewatch the show as a whole again. I highly recommend seeking it out and hope mission hill is eventually made officially available somewhere. Till then you can find the whole series including this episode on YouTube and despite being the last one you could easily watch this one first if you want and it’s a decent enough intro to the show as a whole. I highly recommend it, an utter pleasure to watch.  If you liked this review, you can comission your own by PMing me on this very blog, just mention you want to do a comission and we can talk it out. As this review proves, it dosen’t have to be a show i’ve done before or even one that’s remotely recent. Hell i’d gladly do Fonz and The Happy Days gang, the animated happy days spinoff that’s like dr. who but with the Fonz. Yes really. Whatever you want i’ll do it as long as it’s not porn for just 5 bucks an episode and 10 for a movie. YOu can also join my patreon, and for 2 dollars a month get acess to my discord (that i’ll start once I get patreons) and once I get enough patreons exclusive polls or 10 bucks for all of that and a review of your choice each month. You can find said patreon right here. And even 1 buck a month would be apricated if you can spare it and if not simply reblog this and share it around.  You can also follow this blog for weekly ducktales, loud house and amphibia coverage as they come out.  I’d also personally thank WeirdKev27 for both being a long time fan of this blog and for the comission. 

Until we meet again say safe, wear a mask, check your atttic for Gary Busey and happy Halloween! Play us out Mr Heere!

[mister-maiden]

Parasite (2019): The Distinction of Perfection

No film from 2019 surprised me as much as Parasite did. 

I took interest in the film after I heard of its rumors. Created by South Korean filmmaker Bong Joon-Ho, creator of some of my favorite films such as Snowpiercer, Mother, and the Host, Parasite stands to be one of the greatest films of 2019 alongside Joker for showing what understanding the utilization of basic film  technique looks like, and refining it to perfection.

I shall only be writing about the elements of what was seen rather than the plot for spoilers sake. I wouldn’t want a single one of you to be spoiled of viewing such a masterpiece, so I will attempt to present vague samples of how the elements are used rather than specific moments at first. This shall change towards the end where I shall list a *SPOILER WARNING* line. You have been warned. So! Let’s get to it. 

*****************************************PARASITE********************************************

Created by Bong Joon-Ho, Parasite (2019) is about a low income family, the Kims, slowly infiltrating the lives of a wealthier family, the Parks, by taking over as staff through whatever means necessary.  While the story is expertly crafted to give a seamless story to the audience, its visual elements are what excited me to no end. Through its usage of the most basic elements of framing such as lines, lighting, and camera angle, Parasite was able to utilize film as its medium to tell a story completely through visuals.

In other films, typically there is some thought placed in the set and design of each shot. Where should this pencil go? Is this starbucks cup in the way of our medieval series? While there are some filmmakers who briefly touch on this, some such as Wes Anderson has made their own vision of how film should be. For instance, when you are watching a Wes Anderson film, you will know exactly who made it because of his signature visual elements like the ultra wide shot, color, and costume design. All of these choices are entirely deliberate to separate itself from other films and filmmakers. What makes Parasite so great is its attention to the most basic of these elements. Rather than choosing elements that would have surely made it stick out like color and costumes, Bong Joon-Ho chose to harness the most basic of components such as lines.

Lines are used to create boundaries between objects, form objects into groups, and more. In the visual space, lines can be produced from just about anything like corners, cracks, and anything that can place an interruption between two objects. In Parasite, the line is used to separate the families before and after the families collide to contrast their lifestyles, wealth, and more. This is to use film to its full extent as the best visual storytelling medium. In full control of everything that happens on screen, Bong Joon-Ho has each family separated in shots by lines consistently in the first half by harsh lines that van be easy to point out, and then he switches to vague, difficult to see lines in the second half. Instead of constantly using the same type of lines, he creates the sense of slow invasion and the idea that no matter what the Kim family does, they will never be in the same light nor grouping as the Parks. This is further explored through the story in several instances such as smell, language, and manners; however, this is not a review of the content of the film, rather the visual stimuli, so I will touch on this at a later time. 

Through the usage of the most basic of shapes, Parasite continually presented the struggle of non-belonging, difference, and invasion. With lines being placed in strategic areas to contrast workers with the higher class, they also show the slow infestation of what was happening. Solid lines which were placed in visual form became boundaries. There are even several times when Mr. Park speaks about “the line” and when someone crosses it. In my opinion, the visual line is the perfect representation of this line that Park talks about.

It brings a certain level of class difference to the world around the families, with the Parks being used to this large house and room, the Kims have forever made their home in insect covered filth due to unfortunate circumstances and poor financial choices. The visual invades the story itself by displaying how different these two families are and contrasting the two using a simple element of visual art. This family who has been in the limelight for as long as we know has had this type of life forever, acclimating to the manners, items, and personality that comes with it while the Kims have never seen such behavior to the point that Mr. Kim became surprised the Park family was so kind even though they were rich. This type of alienation comes from the lack of standing in another's’ shoes. Bong Joon-Ho not only formed this paradigm through his usage of dialogue and actors. He brought it into the environment itself, making the line its own character as a silent antagonist that follows the Kims. Another element which plays into the storytelling is the lighting. 

While living in their home, the Kims are lit with drab lighting which forces the home and environment to seem dark yet natural, representing the Kims perfectly. Their home is in a hit of disarray yet they continue to live their lives through it all. There is also a certain tinge of green which stays with the family which separates them even further from the Parks. In comparison, the Park’s home is filled with a gorgeous golden light which peers from every corner of their home. Be it from the ceiling lights to the small shelves on the wall. This envelops everything in frame to create a golden shade over everything, representing the mass amount of wealth and elevation of their lifestyle. Compared to their drab, green tint, the Parks is something entirely else to behold akin to that of a dream which can never be grasped. 

Even the lighting outside is used for storytelling. For instance, light is used in many cases to show the presence of intelligence, malevolence, or progression in comparison to darkness being this sickly, dirty element. As such, the Kims step out of the darkness of their dirty hidey hole to dream in the majestic gold of this beautiful environment...much like that of a cockroach. 

Insects, in this case a cockroach, generally reside in darker areas. This is explored heavily through how the family acts when the lights are on and off. The Kim family hides themselves to put on the facade of a group of golden employees all the while constraining their parasitic nature until they can leach more from the family. In each scene the Kim family is inside the house without the Parks, the lighting is darker.to show that they will never escape what they are and what they are doing. This existential circumstance is being entirely interpreted by a few lights and the lack of. There is even a scene where the Kim family panics and scatters as the lights slowly come back on. Just like a cockroach as shown by a direct representation in the film (you’ll know it when you see it). 

On the topic of insects, they can generally be found in low, slightly difficult to reach places. Small corners, constricted spaces, and at low elevations. To further the visual story, Bong Joon-Ho focused on refining elevation and camera angle as a further way to emphasize the Kim family behaving like Parasites. This is a continual element in the film that is explored through other characters.

Every time the Kims seem to rise physically in frame, the lights are brighter. The same vice versa as when the Kims go back home, the lights are dark, drab, and disgusting. I believe this is to continually group the families and continue this notion of how a bug can only be a bug while opening a discussion about the class solidarity of South Korea. Then again, this whole film is an entire discussion of classes in any economic system. 

This angle of elevation does not simply mean a direction for either family. It represents the gradual increase of class and difference that separates one another. There’s a reason we use phrases such as downwards spiral and climbing up the work ladder. We have vaguely identified as up to be better and down to be failure. All from things such as groveling to jumping for victory. This is by far the least used visual element in comparison to lighting and lines, but it was too prominent to not mention as there are entire scenes dedicating to visually telling the story of these families only using the shots of rising and falling. 

Visually, Parasite is one of the best films of 2019. There are few films which are able to tell an entire story so perfectly through the refinement of such basic visual elements. This is where it all comes together though. Even though all of these elements are different to each family, they are present within each.

It concretes the feeling of class solidarity because it shows that both families have each element. From the bluntest of lines to the brightest of lights, these elements are constantly in life of the Kim family and forever holds a boundary that near invisibly separates them as the insects, and the Park family as, well, more. It’s this solidarity that sparks the question of if any of these boundaries, if any of these visual ques and verbal manners even mean anything and if the Kim family ever even had a chance in the first place. 

I absolutely urge you to watch this film, not simply because it is good. It is the perfect example of what distinction by perfection is. Work on an element long enough and it will come to be the very thing you are known by. As Bruce Lee said: I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times.”

********************************SPOILERS AND MOVIE TALK******************

There are so many moments in this film that scream amazing at me. First, I’d like to take a moment to analyze scenes involving lines. Then I will look to lighting, then to elevation. Here I will be giving examples of the scenes I remember the most fondly. 

In this scene, the sister of the Kim family and the mother of the Park family are conversing about the young boy from the Park Family. Poising herself as someone from art school specializing in “art therapy”, Jessica (Kim daughter) is able to convince the mother of her talents by controlling the quite rowdy child. What I want to draw attention to is the lighting in the back, this very faint light coming from the basement in the form of three bright lights.

From the beginning of the conversation, Jessica and Mrs. Park are seated on the same side of the table sitting side by side. The entire time, Mrs. Park stays on the left side of the lights while Jessica stays on the right, meanwhile the Maid slowly moves to Mrs. Park’s side and slightly obscures the line. In my opinion, this is a way to represent that the maid was in a similar position to the Kim family, and had already infiltrated the Park’s sanctum. It was something quite small, but I don’t believe it was not on purpose because of what happens next. 

As the conversation goes on, the lights suddenly disappear. Before, the line was vague at best because of how blurred the lights were, so it seems this was a “weak barrier” so to speak. This is to represent the infiltration of Jessica into the Park family. Jessica reaffirmed herself as knowing Psychology and Art Therapy. As soon as she said this, the barrier was put down since she reminded Mrs. Park of her credibility/Ethos. As the line is gone, the conversation is suddenly controlled by Jessica as she begins to ask the questions. 

The camera then does a sudden pan to capture an over the shoulder shot of Mrs. Park listening to Jessica. This right here is the visual representation of Jessica taking hold of the barrier and destroying it, as we never see that line in this scene again. The camera stays with Jessica showing how dominant she is in control as opposed to the “simple” Mrs. Park simply listening to this nonsense Jessica is spouting. 

In this scene, only two lines were used to show boundaries, and in two minutes those boundaries were turned off, or atleast dampened by Jessica because of her attention to detail and acting. The visual boundary of lights were destroyed through her credibility while the pan of the mother got rid of the line created by Jessica’s hair which represented both a loss of power, and the idea that this question may not have ended well if Jessica had not proven her credentials first. For my next example, I will be using the conversation between Mr. Kim and Mr. Park in their car. This is when Mr. Kim comments on Mr. Park’s wife for the first time about how Park must love her. 

In this scene, Mr. Park is complaining about his wife and her lack of skill in housework. Mr. Kim then adds the comment, “You love her, right?” 

The distinction between these two characters is carried out between an invisible line between the front and the backseat that the camera constantly balances on. Every time a character speaks, the camera cuts to them rather than panning as to show a constant flow of conversation. So far everything seems completely okay until it gets to this one comment.

The camera, rather than cut out, pans on a swivel and looks to Mr. Park. This was a direct difference than the previous cuts because it was an invasion of privacy and a crossing of that line that shouldn’t be crossed. As I stated before, Jessica was okay with crossing this line because she easily demolished the line that stopped her from asking those type of questions. For instance, I doubt the interview would have gone well if she had said she was from a culinary school. In this scene, in no place does Mr. Kim get the chance to destroy any of these lines, and he rushed in to capitalize either on any weaknesses in the family, or in some way to feel good about his own marriage which seemed fine. 

With the sudden pan came the annoyed expression of Mr. Park as Kim obviously crossed a line that shouldn’t be touched. There was no need for a driver to talk to his employer about relationships in comparison to the art therapist talking to a mother about her child’s...art therapy. 

This was the best example of Mr. Kim crossing the line visually because the camera only pans like this in precise moments. Why would Bong Joon-Ho pick this moment to add a random pan? It was to disorient audiences since it was such a change in visuals and a hard hitting question. While this is one of my favorite examples of the line being crossed, here is an example of the line being ever present in the inner turmoil of the Kim family’s son, Kevin.

As seen in many scenes of Kevin, he is quite philosophical with how he views things. From tests to giant rocks, Kevin believes many elements of his life can be seen as metaphorical. It is this scene that hits hardest in this regard, and it can all be explained through a simple explanation of the line in this scene.

This is Kevin staring out into the courtyard at all the upper class preparing for the party. Some are chopping wood with a single arm while others are tuning their instruments. Many of the activities can be seen as “upper class” since they have the time to practice as well as the activities being more elegant rather than horsing around. This is paired with a bright light which is cast on them from above to make them seem even more angelic. While he looks, a pale reflection of him is casted on the window above...yet he is separated from himself by the line this time under the stress of heavy inner turmoil.

The line which previously separated the Kim family from the Park’s is now creating a metaphorical barrier of who Kevin is and how he should act. His entire arc in the film has been finding out who he was while also knowing what he was doing was a complete lie and fabricated. Everything of what he has been doing has been fake and meant nothing. From the tutoring to the party. The reflection of Kevin is the Kevin that was perfect and went to University, while the pale reality was he is nothing like any of these people. He knows he is separated, and he can’t change it. There is even a faint golden light in his reflection to show how it was all fake. meanwhile in his real appearance not a single shed of golden light is on him. Only faint shades of it as he was slowly coming to reality...And the line showed it all in a single visual as not only acting as a physical barrier of glass. It acted as a metaphorical barrier of disorder.

There is one scene with a line I’d like to discuss that sort of envisioned the story as a whole. This scene is while the Kim family are taking in the pleasures of the Park household but must hide underneath the table.

In this scene, when the Parks sit down at the couch and the Kims hid under the table, a slow pan occurs with the camera slowly lowering itself to show the situation underneath the table. The line here is the table, and it is the only pan shot in this scene. 

This is without a doubt the perfect representation of the film through its usage of visual alone. For one, the Kim family are seen having to lay in their own filth in the darkness similar to their starting point in the film while the Parks get to lounge. These two lives are divided by a single line which seems impossible to cross. The Kims must stick to their cramped, disgusting space while the Parks are able to lounge and roam their large space without a care in the world. They don’t need to lift a finger because their employees had already done everything. 

While under the line, Mr. Park talks about Mr. Kim’s smell because it crossed the line in the car. It was even crossing this line made by the table by him even smelling it in the first place. In my opinion, I believe this line represents so much more. It’s the lack of understanding of one another, the differences between these groups. The Parks have never had to lift a finger so they can’t imagine the lives the Kims lead and vice versa. Neither can fully understand the other because of this *line* this...separation of the two entities that can never be completely overcome and thrown away. Neither understand why or how the other does what they do and it will remain just as that. 

Next I will be using an example of lighting use that is very simple but 100% effective at its storytelling. Refined to a tip, Bong Joon-Ho uses the lighting in this scene to tell the tale of Kevin’s step into the wealthy life of the Park’s.

(Not a good picture, but couldn’t find one)

In this scene, Kevin talks to his father about his fake university document being made early as he will go to University when he gets the money. He then steps out of his home of shadows and into the light of the streets as he makes his way upwards towards the Park House.

A scene that could easily be looked over. This whole time Kevin has been in this dank house but had been given the opportunity to go into the light. It showed that he was making his first steps into a world entirely unknown to him. I don’t have much else to say, but the scene was grand. 

For an example of elevation, I don’t want to just post lots of scenes of them going up and down so I will just talk about them.

In general, there are 6 directions you can take when it comes to cameras. Up, down, left, right, closer, farther. You can argue diagonal directions are different but I digress. In all scenes showing the trips to the Park’s home, it is always filled with bright light. Anyone walking upwards in this city will be blinded as the sun always seems to shine on those moving upwards. It is almost like the environment itself is a character and is representing what is happening. Then, the one time the KIm family must fall down from their lovely home they infested, the environment is dark, gloomy, and wet. 

All and all, the usage of elevation was very simple, yet used so much that it was refined perfectly to represent exactly what it set out to show - the difference between the families. 

I feel as though I could continue on about these three aspects, but I have grown sorta tired of writing this one. Parasite is an amazing film and I truly do hope you see it. It would be an absolute waste to skip out on a film like this.

[aion-rsa]

Riverdale Season 5 Episode 2 Review – Chapter 78: The Preppy Murders

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This RIVERDALE review contains spoilers.

Riverdale Season 5 Episode 2

“So now we have a preppy murderer on the loose…”

The most valid criticism about Riverdale over the course of its now five seasons is how the series constantly drags out its ongoing mysteries, only to frantically race to wrap them up. Due to the pandemic, what was initially intended as last season’s big resolution episode just played out before our eyes and it was….kind of meh?

Let’s examine the wrapping up of these various plots from most to least successful, shall we?

As I speculated in last week’s wrap-up, Jellybean was revealed to be the Auteur (with an assist from her friends). This is actually oddly sweet, as the Jughead/Jellybean relationship hasn’t been heavily explored in this show. There is much dramatic mileage to be mined from the fact that these siblings have been separated for most of their lives and when they are finally reunited it is against the backdrop of everything from murderous games of Dungeons and Dragons knock offs to my personal favorite, the town’s Maple Syrup Blood Feud. Sure, the argument can be made here that Jellybean’s lack of realization of how hurtful these demented videos are is straight up psychotic — she definitely seems to be more on the road to becoming a serial killer here than Betty. Yet there is a pure motive behind them, that of a sister who wants to keep her cool brother around that is actually touching.

That said, there are contrivances aplenty to be had with this denouement. Primarily, why would she recreate Archie’s confrontation with the Black Hood? Correct me if I’m wrong, but there wasn’t actually security footage of this incident, therefore Jellybean and her friends couldn’t have staged such a dramatic recreation. Plus, Veronica works at the Chok’lit Shoppe non-stop, so surely she and/or Pop Tate would have mentioned to Archie that a bunch of kids were recreating his worst trauma. With Riverdale, a deluxe cheesburger-sized suspension of disbelief is the order of the day. But this is pushing it.

The second most interesting storyline that played out here unsurprisingly involves Cheryl. From her horror that the graduation uniforms aren’t crimson to her touching scenes with Toni, the character continues to explode energy whenever she appears. There is something hilarious about her utter indifference to her mother poisoning most of her family that makes her all the more endearing. It’s going to be fascinating to watch her attempt to redeem the Blossom family name. But if anyone can do it, Cheryl can.

Next up comes the not-shocking-at-all reveal that Charles is not the stand-up guy we are supposed to think he was. Remember, this was teased early in the fourth season when we saw him lovey dovey with Chic during a prison visit. Since then it’s been a lot of wheel-spinning and I have to admit that I was surprised that he was actually an FBI agent at all given how much subterfuge is always going on within the Riverdale town limits.

This episode introduced the subplot that Jughead’s former Stonewall Prep classmates were being murdered, raising the gigantic question of who cares? Charles believes his motives behind the killings are born of nobility. Narratively speaking, he’s not much of a serial killer though. In fact, Hermosa cold-bloodedly executes more people than he did in this very episode.

It’s another example of Riverdale trying to stick the landing but instead coming down on its knees. If the preppy murders were happening for weeks, somehow piggybacking off of the mayhem the Auteur was creating this all would have been much more effective.

Circling back to Hermosa for a second. Mishel Prada continues to deliver a delightfully cold performance as Veronica’s sister, here tonight helping to mastermind yet another takedown of Hiram Lodge. Maybe this one will stick, as the final episode of Katy Keene showed a future version of Hiram who has taken up residence in New York City, seemingly focused on smaller scale intimidation that his usual Riverdale antics. At this point the pendulum has swung so far back and forth on the character that it’s hard to feel any concern about him either way. With any luck we will see a new iteration of the character following the series’ impending time jump. Otherwise it’s just business as usual for Hiram, and that is beyond stale.

All of this brings us to Archie. Typically this poor kid’s storyline is the least interesting of the lot. It’s a nice touch to show how Fred’s death is at the core of his ongoing ennui, and K.J. Apa is at his best when he shows Archie spiraling. Yet there was never a doubt that Archie wouldn’t write the letter asking the judge for leniency towards the kid who caused Fred’s death. At his heart, Archie is a good kid, and he would have down the right thing without having to involve the problematic Uncle Frank.

Next week: Graduation time, and a glimpse at Riverdale’s future.

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Riverdale Rundown

• Mary offers Archie some “camo-mile” tea. Whether or not this pronunciation is an actor’s choice or yet another of Riverdale‘s goofy fake productions remains a mystery that even Betty and Jughead couldn’t solve.

• Kevin and Reggie do not appear in this episode. And that is not okay.

• Farewell weirdo Blossoms, we hardly knew — and definitely didn’t care about — ye.

• Hermione announces her plans to divorce Hiram and, hilariously, become a cast member on The Real Housewives of New York City in this episode. This development was originally written when Marisol Nichols was planning on leaving Riverdale, however she will in fact be back after the upcoming (and heavily publicized so its not exactly a spoiler) time jump.

• I straight up Haw Haw-ed at Charles’ economy brand adoption of Dexter‘s serial killing ethos.

• I know there just wasn’t time to show Alice’s reaction to finding out about Charles due to everything else that was happening in this episode, but I would have much rather seen that subplot play out on screen instead of more Archie angst.

• Dramatically it would have been really involving to have Archie confront Jellybean about how utterly fucked up her actions towards him were. Furthermore, her accomplices were kids Archie helped at his community center. There is some real narrative meat to be chewed on there, and hopefully we will see this mentioned in next week’s episode.

• Real talk though, Jellybean and her friends should definitely pursue Hollywood careers. Their skills are legitimate.

• “Are you kidding me Betty, what isn’t wrong?” It’s always so jarring when Archie shows some self-awareness, isn’t it?

• Next week’s episode apparently will focus on the gang’s final days at Riverdale High. Even though school is a massive part of Archie comics, it always feels super weird when the series focuses on it given how heightened the Riverdale reality is.

The post Riverdale Season 5 Episode 2 Review – Chapter 78: The Preppy Murders appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[pass-the-bechdel]

Dollhouse full series review

How many episodes pass the Bechdel test?

96.15% (twenty-five of twenty-six).

What is the average percentage of female characters with names and lines for the full series?

45.89%

How many episodes have a cast that is at least 40% female?

Twenty.

How many episodes have a cast that is at least 50% female?

Twelve.

How many episodes have a cast that is less than 20% female?

Zero.

Positive Content Status:

Very poor - this is exactly why we don’t just rely on passing the Bechdel and having a large number of female characters in the cast as ‘guarantees’ that we’re watching feminist content. If all those female characters exist to be punished, objectified, and abused by the story’s creator as an expression of his misogynistic rage, that is not a good thing (average rating of 2.76).

Which season had the best representation statistics overall?

They’re about the same, really. The one Bechdel fail was in the first season, but season two had less female character presence overall, but it was also more balanced insofar as it scored more episodes with 40% or more on the cast. Both scored equally badly on content quality, though my feeling is that perhaps season one’s sins were the worse of the two. On the other hand, season one had more guest female characters AND it used its supporting female cast more prominently, whereas season two was more male-heavy not just in numbers but in screen time and narrative attention. At the end of the day, I’m not sure it matters which you consider to be worse.

Which season had the worst representation statistics overall?

See above. I cannot recommend this show for feminist content.

Overall Series Quality:

For a first-time viewer, there’s probably still solid potential for enjoyment, and at least some of the twists should be genuinely enjoyable. The majority of the cast is very excellent, and the idea of the show is compelling. However, the quality of the series as it turned out is negligible, full of flash and little substance, the bad apples in the cast spoil the batch while the good grapple with bad writing and the woeful underuse of their skills, and the whole thing remains far better as a thought than it is in execution. And then there’s the misogynistic rage thing. That’s a problem that really messes with the overall product, to put it lightly.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) under the cut:

For the record: I believe, sincerely and completely, that Joss Whedon hates women. Not that he doesn’t know how to relate to them or he misses ‘the old days’ or any other such placid disdain; I think he deeply and violently hates women, and I think the evidence is written all up and down his work - all of his work, but perhaps never more clearly than in this show. He can claim to be a feminist all he wants, he can put women at the forefront of his shows and talk big game about what he believes they’re capable of, but so long as the women in his stories continue to be mistreated at every turn, beaten, raped, and constantly belittled and devalued within the text, I will not be convinced that the man doesn’t resent the Hell out of women for existing - and particularly, for existing with potential for sexuality. The misogyny of the Whedonverse is rampant, unchecked, often participated in by his ‘heroes’ as much as his villains, and treated as largely incidental, rarely acknowledged and even then, gleefully delivered as ‘just the way things are’. Characters might shake their heads about how that’s unfortunate (and Whedon pats himself on the back for making such an insightful feminist statement), but the verbal denouncement doesn’t detract from the indulgent inclusion of that misogyny, the platform provided for it to roam uninhibited, and be showcased and vicariously enjoyed. For someone who claims to be a feminist, Whedon sure does seem to be fetishistically obsessed with making women suffer, and when I compare the content of his work to that of the other creators whose shows have appeared on this blog, the result is most unflattering. 

As easy as it would be to while away this post explicating the details of Whedon’s reprehensible worldview, however, I shall refrain; for one, it would be boring as Hell, it’s not a complicated reality and the truth really is in the pudding for all to see, you don’t need me for that, and for two: I already promised to at last talk about the characters and their arcs (such as they are), since that is one subject I often neglected in the posts on this show, and arguably the only subject upon which the show could hang any virtues. Naturally, we will begin at the beginning, with the much-maligned lead character: Echo. 

Eliza Dushku is not a terrible actor. But her range is pretty limited, she plays variations on the same archetype almost exclusively, and that’s a terrible fit for a show where the central caveat is supposed to be that she can take on any personality and be a complete and whole different person week by week. No one should ever expect to be able to float that idea with a lead who is so very obviously not up to the task, and while I don’t think she’s responsible for the failure of the show (all of its other flaws would have soundly sunk it even if Dushku was a crown jewel of talent), it certainly does not help that she’s easily the blandest and least compelling player in the whole sorry mess. It’s a cringe every time she utters some silly line about how powerful and badass she is, because there’s nothing convincing about it, and if the creative team really believed (and believed their audience would believe) that Echo is THAT great, they wouldn’t feel the need to have her showily declare it. When season two hits and Echo’s ‘character development’ fast-tracks to full sentience, she becomes even less dynamic: all of the things which could have provided legitimate engagement with the character’s struggle are skipped over, her process of self-actualisation (anyone who read my Farscape reviews knows my love for hard self-actualisation narratives), her navigation of her role as a developing entity in a world hostile to such things (touched on occasionally in season one, thrown to the wind in season two), anything to do with her cognitive evolution is scrapped in favour of ‘she just remembers it all now’, and there’s no arc to it. I invoked the concept of the Mary Sue in one episode post, and that is exactly the problem we end up with: a ‘perfect’ character who can do everything and anything and be ~the best~ at it, who is beloved and desired by all who meet her, except for her (mustache-twirling cliche villain) enemies, who fear her awesome powers. There is no personality in Echo, no conflict, no meaning. Wild as it may sound, you could actually remove her from the show completely and easily adapt the other characters (the ones who have personality, conflict, and meaning) to fill the space, and not only would it work, but the show would be infinitely the better for it. That’s the absolute opposite of what you want from a lead character.

The other BIG mistake in the casting for this show is Tahmoh Penikett as Paul Ballard, who plays his part with all the verve and charisma of a piece of wood with eyes drawn on (ever watch Ed, Edd, and Eddy? Plank has more dynamic personality than our boy Ballard). I’m not sure how much of it is Penikett’s fault - it has been many years since I watched Battlestar Galactica, and while I don’t remember being particular impressed by him, I don’t remember being frustrated by his inability to walk in a straight line without making it look weird, either - but whether he’s handicapped by his own acting non-prowess or not, he’s certainly fighting a losing battle with an unfocused mess of a character, and if the writing couldn’t decide what Ballard’s deal was to start with, I’m not shocked that Penikett had a hard time conveying it. Is Ballard a morally righteous hero (on a show with no moral centre for him to relate to)? Is he flawed and secretly-dark, and if he is, who recognises that, is it deliberate? Is he losing control, or is that just supposed to be ‘normal person’ behaviour? Again, who notices, does he know? How much of his interiority is a white-knight cliche, and how much is supposed to be genuine, and is any of it supposed to be subversive? I honestly can’t tell, one episode from the next. In season one, he’s garbage at his job, and some characters mention it, but then Ballard himself appears to be under the impression that he’s fighting the good fight and the tone of the show seems to agree with him rather than acknowledging his self-delusion. In season two, he joins the Dollhouse at the same time as openly declaring himself to be still against it, the plot conveniently pretends he never raped Mellie so that we can uphold the idea that he IS righteous, after all, and has no dark impulses, other characters at the Dollhouse put up with him being an obvious liability for no discernible reason, and then eventually he gets rendered brain-dead, reconstructed as a doll version of himself, and then dies a few episodes later anyway. Big whoop. It feels an awful lot like they had no long-term plan for what to do with the character, so they just focused on giving him a romance with Echo and then threw some contrived death stuff on top of that for flavour. Speaking of the romance thing: eek. Again, in season one it seemed they couldn’t decide whether or not his mounting obsession with his damsel-in-distress vision of Caroline was creepy as Hell (pro tip: it absolutely was), but then in season two it all became very simple: Ballard wants Echo, but doesn’t really believe she’s a real person (for some reason this is not a deal-breaker to her), and they dance around each other for a bit but never get together and somehow we’re supposed to interpret this as the development of a wonderful love story with a bittersweet tragic end when he dies, twice but also not really because then she downloads him into her brain anyway so they live happily ever after, sort of. It’s a fucking mess, y’all, and they don’t earn it, and the utter soup that is Ballard’s personality and motivation goes un-examined. The fact that season two tips heavily in favour of Echo/Ballard scenes is something very significantly to its detriment, because it’s the worst and most shakily-developed non-relationship of the series. Ok, that, and whatever the fuck Topher/Bennett was supposed to be.

Speaking of Topher...actually, I don’t have much to say about him. Breaking pattern with the rest of the characters, Topher shows no real sign of a personal story in season one, so it’s season two which attempts to give him some function as an individual outside of being the comic-relief tech guy. It’s not particularly successful, since the attempted character development revolves around 1) moral compunctions (which, as noted ad nauseum, this show left itself incapable of engaging with in any meaningful way back when it pretended sexual slavery was a morally grey issue), and 2) throwing a love interest at him: zero actual relationship-building ensues and it’s awkward and chemistry free and then she dies (so glad Bennett could exist to tick off a bunch of Whedon’s favourite suffering-woman tropes and then die for shock value, yay). At the end of the day, Topher was just a handful of affectations, fun to watch, but hardly amounting to more of a ‘whole person’ than the paper-thin personalities of the sex-fantasy cliches he imprinted into the dolls. 

If Topher is the character who suffers most from a lack of development in season one, Boyd is the hardest hit in season two, easily. As Echo’s handler in season one, Boyd was pleasant, mild-mannered, protective, and he had an ethos which governed his choices (imagine such a thing!). His former career as a cop was referenced variously, and it seemed clear that we should expect one day to learn how he came to leave the force and wind up as a bodyguard working for a secret organisation. Season two? Forget about it. Forget about it because of the idiotic ‘twist’ that turned Boyd into Rossum’s cuckoo founder and thereby unraveled his entire personality as a sham in one fell swoop, obviously, but forget about his character having even the appearance of development in the meantime, also. Removing Boyd from his position as Echo’s handler was a grave error, as it downgraded his importance and effectively stifled the natural bond he had developed with his charge which represented a nice, uncomplicated character dynamic (one far more welcome than that clusterfuck replacement which was Ballard as Echo’s handler, euch). Additionally, this led to Boyd being largely backgrounded for the entirety of season two, given no meaningful stories to engage with, and certainly not expanded upon or explored as a character. As noted, any such expansion would have been irrelevant anyway once the dumbass ‘big reveal’ happened, but that’s all the more reason to bemoan the loss of Boyd’s character, which essentially occurred a full season before he actually donned his suicide vest and exploded in the Rossum building. If you have to dump a character just to service your twist, don’t. Dump the twist instead. Like pretty much every other actor on this show, Harry Lennix deserved better.

And then there’s DeWitt...I largely covered the DeWitt issue back in the episode posts, really; she starts out an intriguing character (and I credit Olivia Williams with much of this, she created dynamism out of an oft-lacking script, in every case), but season two really did a number on her when it came to leaping wildly about different plot ideas that jerked DeWitt’s characterisation from one extreme to another with very little connective tissue to sell the change. If Ballard was the character whom the narrative couldn’t decide how to handle in season one, DeWitt takes up that odious mantle in season two; is she losing her grasp? Is she playing the game? Is she an evil, pragmatic genius? Is she foolish and deluded by an idealism that plainly has no basis in reality? Is she an alcoholic who spontaneously gets her shit together after a couple of other characters tell her off? Damn, that was easy. As with Ballard, the problem is not just that the story seems to change tone and purpose for DeWitt’s character from one episode to the next; it also robs her of the opportunity to be defined through consistent interaction with others - she has no one to bounce off in a manner which would create a baseline for her behaviour and how it is outwardly perceived (and thus, how the audience is intended to interpret it). 

I’m gonna talk about Sierra and Victor together, because frankly, that’s both the way the show packages them, and there’s not much to say outside of it. For the millionth time ever on this blog, I will complain that all shows ever would be improved by being ensembles; in this case, Sierra and Victor both would have benefited from a framework which allowed either one of them to take greater precedence more often, instead of having their own narratives distilled down to a single Personal Episode each in season two. I do enjoy both, and their relationship has legitimate chemistry and charm while also following a sensible plot concept through - the idea that strong emotional connections and bonds can transcend the mind wipe. Unfortunately, the show has little functional purpose for either character outside of their relationship, to the extent that it even sidelines them almost entirely in the climax of the series (pre-flashforward). Victor/Anthony is given the least plot purpose in the show proper, which is just a criminal misuse of Enver Gjokaj - Anthony is a soldier and that’s essentially his entire personality right there, and the only thing that gives them an excuse to make him do Manly Fighter Stuff in the latter stages of season two. Sierra/Priya gets more to do, but the bad news is, it’s all about being raped, and that’s her whole story - horrible possessive misogynists abusing her so that she can embody Whedon’s favourite Broken Bird trope, with the added misfortune of changing the nature of her relationship with Victor to make it a little bit about him ‘rescuing’ her with the love of a good man. Both of these actors are so good, and their characters had such potential, I can’t believe the show fucked around and wasted them like it did. 

Ok, one more before I go. I know he was never a member of the central cast, but we gotta talk about Laurence Dominic, because he was deceptively essential to the show, important to what made it work for the brief time when it could be said to work, and he was altogether the best character on the show insofar as he was the most cohesive, consistent, and logical player in the piece. I said as much when he made his welcome return in ‘The Attic’ (the best episode of season two...coincidence?), and as I noted then, it may be that Dominic’s early exit from the show was to his benefit in that he avoided being jostled across season two having all semblance of coherence torn to pieces along the way. I’m fairly certain the writer’s had no idea how valuable Dominic was to the story when they axed him (not least because they clearly had no idea how important it is to create some kind of moral framework to support a story that is inherently morally dubious), but consider the most obvious changes to the show format and the other character’s stories once Dominic was out of the picture: Boyd takes over as Head of Security, to his detriment as a character, and to the detriment of his relationship with Echo, leaving her wasting time with that dolt Ballard instead and putting audiences everywhere to sleep. And DeWitt? DeWitt loses her sounding board, the right-hand man who - for most of the first season - anchored her character by giving her someone to talk and plot and, at times, disagree with, creating that behavioural baseline that she lacked when she was being dragged all over season two. Dominic’s role was a structural pillar on the show, he held the roof up so that the rest of the characters could interact and interrelate - with each other, and with him - he had distinct relationship dynamics with pretty much all of them - and he was exactly the kind of character that you want around being a stable, unobtrusive presence. They could even have kept the idea of him being an NSA spy, just keep him working undercover, the audience knows the truth but the other characters don’t, it creates tension! Sure, it’d probably mean letting Ivy be sent to the attic under false charges, and that wouldn’t help this show’s abysmal abuse-of-women record, but considering the show did nothing of consequence with Ivy in the end anyway and she just existed to be belittled by Topher while he sent her to fetch him snacks...yeah, anyway. I could talk a lot about why Dominic was the best character on this stinking show, but it’s ultimately beside the point: the point is that nothing in this show really worked, and that had a lot to do with major conceptual issues (moral grounding is not optional! Misogyny is not tasty plot flavouring! Joss Whedon is an abomination!), and keeping Dominic around long-term would no more save the show than if Eliza Dushku possessed a modicum of acting range. It’s frustrating because there are so many good pieces there, excellent actors, intriguing character set-ups, fantastic plot possibilities, and heady existential implications. It’s just that some moron decided the best thing to do with that would be to play nasty sexual wish-fulfillment games and leave the rest to rot. I’m pretty sure the version of this show I enjoyed once was largely the version I made in my head, because the reality is a wasteful disaster. And misogynistic as Hell, too. We, the viewers, deserved better.

[dramaticviolincrescendo]

Spoiler-Free KH3 Review

This review will not contain any spoilers for the story content of Kingdom Hearts III; the only mechanics I will mention with regards to gameplay are the ones that we have seen in the trailers. As this may get a little long, the rest is under the cut.

First of all, let me preface this by saying that I am exceedingly biased. I am one of the originals; I am one of the ancients who remembers when the first game came out and what it felt like to see the groundbreaking technology it used in 2002 when I was twelve years old. I’ve had every game at launch and been fortunate enough to keep up with the various handhelds and consoles that the series has spanned. Kingdom Hearts has become an ingrained part of who I am, and I find it difficult to remember a time when it didn’t exist. After all, it’s been around for far more than half of my life now, so it’s as if it’s always been there. That isn’t to say that I don’t recognize that it has shortcomings, but that’s the same with any game or other media. It’s made by humans, and as such, there will always be room to improve. Nevertheless, I am a hardcore Kingdom Hearts fan and love this series more than this post will ever intimate. That said, I am going to attempt to keep this review as impartial as possible. Let’s see how well I do, shall we?

Gameplay:

Honestly, this was the part I was most nervous about. As I watched all the trailers, it felt like an overload to see just how much you could do in this game compared with the prior installments. Adding that to the upgraded technology we saw them using, like a smartphone, and I began to wonder... Was this going to feel like a Kingdom Hearts game? Would it be as magical as the others? Don’t get me wrong: all the new mechanics looked exciting and spectacular. I simply felt that it would be hard to keep it all straight and that updating the technology would mean leaving behind everything that made the series so special to me. 

It turned out that my concerns were unwarranted. KH3 has my favorite gameplay system yet. Running up walls is still a little disorienting, but the rest is magnificent. Summons are fun and interactive in a way that previous entries weren’t, offering the player more opportunities to interact with the environment rather than merely wait for the summon to do their thing while mashing X or triangle. Attraction flow was phenomenal and extremely useful, and alongside older additions like flowmotion and shotlocks, they created a much more diverse experience. Even the standard combos were more artistic and gave you options for what to do next. As someone who has always been more of a melee person than a magic-user, I had a blast with the magic in this game. (Pun intended.) There were a lot of instances where I used that more than my physical attacks. And all that new technology Sora uses? It turns out that it was just as magical as ever. A different type of magic, sure, but magical all the same. There was nothing about the gameplay that was less than stellar to me.

Graphics:

Good Lord, do you have time? I’ve never been a snob when it comes to graphics. As long as the story is captivating, I’m good with just about any art style. Even so, I’m being entirely real when I say that some of those cutscenes made me cry purely because everyone looked so beautiful. The team really brought the thunder and showed us that the extra time they needed to get used to this engine was not in vain. On the contrary, it’s easy to see that these talented artists are experts in their field when you get a load of what they managed to accomplish. The style shifted with the theme of the world; many of them upped the ante and had full, opening-quality CGI cutscenes at the end or at various other points. If you ever felt like you were pulled out of the experience because of the more cartoonish elements of the previous games, then fear not. You’ll forget there’s a real world as you traverse some of these.

Music:

Another triumph. Everything is perfectly balanced between new tracks and the familiar ones we recognize from as far back as the first game. That’s something I personally appreciate a lot, even though it may be nostalgia talking. As someone who is very attuned to emotion as it is conveyed through music, I felt that they used the songs we revere at just the right times to evoke an emotional response in anyone who played the other games. And the new tunes? Oh, man. Every time I think there’s no topping what they’ve already done, Yoko Shimomura and the other composers that have contributed to the series prove me wrong. I can’t wait to buy the soundtrack when they make it.

Easter Eggs:

If you’re an old hand like me, then you’re going to love all the little surprises hidden in the dialogue, the worlds, and the situations. If you’re not… Well, I hope that they make you want to go back and see what the references mean!

Story:

Yup, I saved this one for last as I think it is the most important. Kingdom Hearts is a series built on its extensive storyline. (Notice that I said extensive and not convoluted. Sorry, but I’ve never seen it as being hard to understand, although I recognize and respect that not everyone agrees.)

Let’s start with the Disney worlds. I already mentioned that they are stylistically gorgeous. There are many instances where you can’t tell that you aren’t really playing inside that particular movie. The only exception is in the Caribbean, but that’s pretty understandable; even so, the animation is spectacular and makes it look real without the uncanny valley sensation. There is a typical balance of worlds that rehash what happened in their movies as well as ones that have original storylines designed to act as sequels of a sort. Both are done phenomenally well. I think the only thing that gave me pause was the length of some of the cutscenes. Again, that’s understandable given how much content they had to pack into this game in order to provide closure, and since I am always a big fan of story over gameplay, it didn’t bother me. Just be aware that if you prefer to have short cutscenes or none at all, there will be a lot of them.

Speaking of cutscenes, they did a fantastic job with pacing this game. Rather than traveling to a set number of worlds before advancing the main plot, you see what is going on with our collective heroes every time you complete a world. As such, you end up with a more solid flow that shows there is progress on all fronts and connects what Sora learns in each world to the larger plot, especially when Organization members come into play in the worlds he visits. I know some people have said that the “relevant” plot is only in the last few hours, but I honestly felt that there was a lot of very important information and development between world visits that was absolutely necessary. It also served as a nice break since each world was significantly longer than any of the others in the series thus far.

Now, about the original, non-Disney storyline. As I said, I’ve been in this fandom for seventeen years—I am very well aware of the various criticisms that the series has received. Some, I understand even if I don’t agree; others, I’m afraid I just can’t wrap my head around. Needless to say, my mind was boggled when I finally logged back into all my social media to see that there are actually people claiming the game is incomplete. It seems like every game is “incomplete” these days if it didn’t have every single thing that people wanted. That being said…

This game is complete. Period.

Once again, I think perhaps you have to have lived with the series for a long time to understand that this is how it works: you tie up a major plot point and then get punched in the gut with a new mystery to look forward to deciphering in the next game. Admittedly, that sucker-punch was more of a sucker-here-let-me-throw-you-off-a-cliff-and-send-your-heart-into-eternal-torment this time, but still. We’re accustomed to this formula. It’s something specific to the Kingdom Hearts series, whereas many other games tend to tie up everything as a single experience and then create a brand new storyline if they make a sequel. That’s just not how Kingdom Hearts works, which is fine by me. As promised, the Xehanort Saga has indeed come to an end. Kingdom Hearts, however, is still going to continue, and they clearly built the game with that concept in mind. That’s all I will say about that to avoid spoilers.

…Actually, no it’s not. A word of advice: have tissues handy.

Okay, that is all I will say about that to avoid spoilers.

Overall Rating:

A+++++++++++++

This game won’t please everyone. No game or anything else ever does. Regardless, this was worth every second of the years I’ve waited to play it, and I finished the game pumped to hype up the next one. I tried to go in with no expectations to avoid disappointment, but I shouldn’t have bothered. This is a phenomenal conclusion to the Xehanort Saga, and I am so grateful to Nomura and his team for the time, energy, and love they put into this game.

If you’re a KH fan, I don’t have to tell you how amazing this is. If you’re not, then this is still a super fun gaming experience that will keep you interested if for no other reason than the gameplay and Disney elements. Either way, I wrote this review because I had to get it off my chest before the stuff I reblog (all marked #kh3 spoilers, of course) hits my dash. I hope you enjoyed my take, and may your heart be your guiding key!

Whew. There. Totally unbiased opinion.

Totally.

[atopfourthwall]

State of the Wall: 4-6-18

Sorry about the lateness of this one! It’s been a rough last two weeks, filled with personal stuff and massive projects like Event Comics Month. But for now, enjoy the update on what’s going on with the site, upcoming episodes, and other stuff!

List of Upcoming Episodes 4/2 – Power Rangers Turbo vs. Beetleborgs Metallix #1 4/9 – PATREON: Diesel #1 4/16 – PATREON: Teen Titans: “Betrayal” and “Aftershock, Parts 1 and 2” 4/23 – PATREON: The Punisher: Purgatory 4/30 – Comic Book Quickies #8 5/7 – 500th Episode 5/14 – MILLER TIME: Dark Knight III: Master Race #1-2 5/21 – Just Imagine Stan Lee Creating Green Lantern 5/28 – New Guardians #3

As usual, I reserve the right to alter the schedule for any number of reasons, but like before, chances are good that this is all pretty locked-in.

The Road to 500 Well, here we go! The 500th episode is going to be on May 7th. It’s been a hell of a ride and I’m still finalizing plans for stuff to do during the livestream. At the very least there will be games – definitely the finale to Pokémon Omicron (the streams, anyway, we’re reeeaaally far behind on episodes). I’ve considered doing some Jackbox games, I’m writing up some new “Insights” and maybe get some testimonials from people for the whole thing and I’ll pick some good episodes of that and Longbox of the Damned to show off during it. I’m curious to hear if people would prefer it be streamed on youtube or twitch… or, if I can pull it off, both.

Channel Awesome Departure So in case you hadn’t heard, I recently left Channel Awesome. The full statement is available HERE. Not much else to say beyond that other than thanks for your continued support and as a reminder, please do not question or harass anyone who remains on the site – they have their own reasons for doing so and that should be respected.

If you missed it, the Google Doc listing out the specific grievances many former produces have with Channel Awesome’s management can be read HERE.

Video Restoration Progress So in the wake of the loss of the other video hosts, a lot of older videos got lost along the way – not just major stuff like History of Power Rangers, but older trailers, vlogs, miscellaneous videos, etc. I’m happy to report that I’ve begun going through a bunch of older videos and doing minor edits to make them appropriate for youtube and reuploading. It’s not a huge amount so far, but all previous trailers that I’ve made – the old 2009 and 2010 trailers, the Longbox/October trailers of past years, and all past April Fools’ Day videos have been reuploaded, which would include Mobile Suit Gundabridged and the History of Power Rangers episode on the reversioned season of Mighty Morphin’. Next up will likely be a bunch of old movie vlogs. The Southland Tales crossover will also be reuploaded at some point – it just requires more extensive re-editing.

Countdown Re-Edit? On the subject of re-editing, while working on the Final Crisis review I discovered that I actually still have the raw footage for some of the original Countdown videos. I’m curious to know if people would be interested in a bit of a re-edit, at the very least for Part 1 where the video quality of the comic scans isn’t great due to my inexperience with Adobe Premiere at the time. I’d likely also punch things up a bit by removing breaths and tightening the cuts from voiceover to live action.

History of Power Rangers Obviously I’ve fallen behind on the re-edits. Sorry about that, but a loooot of other things have taken priority, namely Event Comics Month. I should also clarify a few points since I get these questions a lot: -Yes, there will be a Ninja Steel History of Power Rangers. The show has not stopped, so neither will History of Power Rangers. The series is not done yet and it’s not out on DVD. I have not watched a single bit of it. No spoilers, please. -No, I will not be doing a History of Power Rangers on the Boom Studios comics. History of Power Rangers is for the TV series only. -Yes, I have seen the Shattered Grid trailer. It’s awesome. You should go check it out, yourselves if you haven’t. -No, there will not be a History of Power Rangers on the livestream tabletop RPG show Power Rangers: Hyperforce. As I said, it’s for TV shows only. While people have said it’s in-continuity, I have not seen any articles or press releases that have stated that. And even then, it is still ongoing and I’m not even sure how I could cover something like that when most of the footage is people sitting in chairs.

It’s entirely possible I’ll change my mind about covering Hyperforce or the like, but for now that’s my policy. Sadly I haven’t watched any of Hyperforce. I only have so much time to consume content and there’s a lot else I’m interested in. I’ll probably get into it eventually, though.

Longbox of the Damned Right now, I AM planning on having a Midsummer’s Nightmare this year for Longbox of the Damned. The current plan, due to everything else going on, is for it to be 4 weekly videos in either June or July and covering a few comics under a specific theme with a different host. That theme will be announced closer to the date (assuming I manage to go through with it). I’m doing such a smaller amount for it this year because of the heavy workload of the storyline, the 10th anniversary, conventions, and basically just everything else going on this year. More details hopefully to come once we’re closer!

Conventions Animinneapolis – I will once again be attending Animinneapolis on May 25-27 at the Hyatt Regency Minneapolis in Minneapolis, MN! This has become a regular thing for me since it’s local and I hope to see people there! Anime Midwest – I shall once again be going to Anime Midwest on July 6-8 at the Hyatt Regency O’Hare in Rosemont, IL! This one’s also a regular one for me, but it’s definitely a lot of fun and the area is full of great places to see and eat at and the hotel itself is pretty dang cool! Too Many Games – I’ll be coming back to Too Many Games this year on June 22-24 at the Greater Philadelpha Expo Center in Oaks, PA! I sat out last year but I’ll be back again this time with plenty of copies of the AT4W Movie and the Compilation DVD, so definitely come out and take a look! Power Morphicon – As indicated in the Power Rangers Turbo vs. Beetleborgs Metallix review, I will be returning to Power Morphicon this summer! I was last there in 2010 when I had nothing to really show for it other than some minor name value for having done History of Power Rangers, but this time around I should have a live show and get to hang out with some other Power Rangers-related youtubers. Power Morphicon is on August 17-19 at the Anaheim Convention Center in Anaheim, CA! And as a reminder for that one, if you can’t attend to get the exclusive Lord Drakkon figure, you can purchase a non-attending badge and have it shipped to you!

That’s all we’ve got this time around! Thank you all for your patience and continued support!

[sambart93]

2018.03.30 ‘KimiSaga’ Kimi yo Sakebe,  Sono Saga no Aru ga Mama [Review]

Unfortunately I am a piece of shit who has fallen behind on reviews, AGAIN, so as usual, my memory won’t be the best. But, bear with me!

Official Site here Official Twitter here Online Store here Press Coverage 1, 2, 3, 4

CAST and CHARACTERS

Main:

Oguri Ryo as Byakoumaru / Byaki Seto Keita as Gedomaru Hiroya as Tsuchimigado Gentoku Natsume Aimi as Tamayorihime Akaba Mio as Umarokya Mochida Chihira as Izumi Kadono Sho as Hoemaru Takahashi Makoto as Nazo no Onna (Mysterious Woman) Ichijo Ryunosuke as Nagayama  Kakun Minami Chisato as Sakura Araki Miyu as Wakasano Okiku Sugamoto Ikumi as Blind Man Ogura Erika as Shichuu Hanaoka Meika as Dabi Maruyama Raiden as Henmima Satsune

Kimi Cast:

Umeda Shouhei as Shiki Ishihara Rin as Iroha Aibara Mizuki as Shihou Hirono Ryota as Young Boy

Saga Cast:

Watai Ryuuya as Shiki Ota Saki as Shihou Umehara Saeri as Iroha Tanaka Hiroki as Young Boy

*The Kimi and Saga cast did alternative days. I only watched Saga's version.

Ensemble:

Masuda Yuuna Komae Yuka Kumaya Rion

*

NON-SPOILER REVIEW

Overall: As usual ASSH doesn't fail me. It was just as amazing and as enjoyable as I had expected and predicted. As always they have some shocking moments, they had moments where my heart was in my mouth; moments where my tears were coming out with no control; I enjoyed this so much. I wouldn't expect anything less from ASSH and they (alongside ODD) are becoming a very important production company to me. This was dark, this was funny, the story was compelling, the characters were all great and had so much development in such a small amount of time. They wrapped it up enough to be satisfactory but also left enough mystery and holes open for them to do a prequel, sequel, second installment etc. if they wanted to! And I definitely want a second installment. Rating: 8/10

SPOILER REVIEW

I have no idea where to start with this....

There's two running plot lines in this story; the past and the present. The past is centered around Byaki's story and what happened with him and then the future story is people learning about the Byaki's past. The future group is the Mysterious Woman, Blind Man and the Young Boy for the most part. Then everyone else is pretty much the past. I think there's about 15 years or so between the two time lines.

What I love about ASSH are their twists and the brutality in their stages. Actually I was super surprised that most people survived in this one because every ASSH I've seen so far, about 80% of the cast die xD so people suriving was that in itself a twist and a surprise! The other big surprise is with the future group.

So it turns out - By the way MAJOR spoilers coming up so ingore until 「*」 if you don't want to know the big reveals:

******

Shounen = Byaki's son Blind Man = Old Gedomaru Mysterious Woman = Tamayorihime

I am not doing it justice but when this fucking comes out, I was so freaking shocked and surprised! I was like 'WWWWWAAAHHH?!?! NO WAY!!!' I realise I've spoilt it for you but are you going to watch this dvd? Probably not, so I might as well tell you ALL and give you ALL my feels, okay?

******

Now let's work from the big scale and work in. FIRST, I really loved the set! I've been to this theatre before and it's super small. There's like 40 seats and a tiny ass stage but I was super impressed at how BIG they managed to make the set look! There were stairs and proper background and foreground sets and it looked super cool! But I felt kind of sorry for the front row people because there was literally no gap between them and the stage/cast so it's kind of a godsend no audience member got hurt to be honest...

Then we had the action scenes which were so well choreographed! AND!! I didn’t know until afterwards that Oguri Ryo did the entirity of the sword fighting choreography  himself which is absolutely amazing! Huge kudos to him! He has a lot to direct and a lot of action scenes to deal with but I felt like everyone had their own style and the techniques were so great! I feel like Oguri is at his most confortable and most confident when he's doing sword fighting scenes. You can just feel that kind of sense from him when he's fighting. It's difficult to explain but he feels different when he's doing the sword scenes.

The story was great, like I said earlier, so many twists and surprising things happened! Also, they left enough questions unanswered that if they wanted to do a second installment then they could! I really want a second installment, especially for the one big question that I have, (again major spoilers):

*****

Who is hell is Shounen's mother?!

*****

Now I want to go character/actor-by-character/actor.

Oguri Ryo as Byakoumaru / Byaki

I love Oguri. I really do. He's such a good actor and he picks so amazing characters! I've enjoyed every character and performance he's ever done! Also his actual personality is always so different to his characters which just proves how great of an actor he is. I really enjoyed Byaki in this for several reasons. I love how, regardless of the fact he's being called a monster and a god, he just embraces it and pronounces himself as this thing, but that is due to the fact he has no recollection of who he is which I'm pretty sure is due to some magician meddling with his memories (more on him later).

I really liked how lost and quiet his character was. But I also love how he blamed how he looked as to why he was being treated in such a way << I realise how this sounds but you get what I mean right?! I enjoy the character, NOT the act of mistreating another human. This story, I believe, is set in an old Japan, maybe like 16th, 17th Century, maybe even later so it makes sense that people who had never seen an Albino before (which I believe is what Byaki is supposed to be or at least, represents) would treat him either like a monster or like a god.

I really liked Oguri's visual look too! He's a pale man to begin with but the added white paint made him even more pale. He also had this beautiful red eyeliner and eye makeup on which, along with red contacts, just made his expressions and face pop-out even more and looked super amazing! It was a really good look for him (actually he's somewhat redoing this look for his NEXT stage --- which I also really want to see but I shall restrain...)

His story towards the end of the play was left open enough that he could come back in a second installment too.

Seto Keita as Gedomaru

I loved this character! He was such a likeable character. He was loyal to his friend, he was a badass fighter and he has stupidly funny moments too. Especially with Sakura. He fell totally in love with her straight away and was an absolutely adorable idiot around her. But he is also self-sacrificing which was so sweet. He rejected Sakura and made her go far away so she wouldn't get caught up in the fighting and so she could live a happy and safe life even if it was without him. Which I think is totally sweet!

He also never left Byaki's side and was his pal from childhood, all the way to the end, I loved his relationship with Byaki and those two would do anything for each other! His look visually was really nice too! His visual, his comedy balance, his loyalty to Byaki, I just super loved this character!!

Hiroya as Tsuchimigado Gentoku

Here's the crazy guy!! I should've expected Hiroya to play the morally wrong, crayz guy! He is so great in these roles and he did great in this one too! His has some sort of power where he can take control of people and get them to do his bidding, which he does with the ensemble cast, he controls them and makes them attack the good guys; he also has control of Byaki for a while when Byaki is really lost in himself and weak; and THEN we get this moment where he takes control of this super powerful sword, it even has a name which is epic because we ALL know how I feel about naming swords ♡　(psst. if you didn't know, I am a Touken Ranbu lover which personifies swords and many swords in Japan have names and just... flail...) but unfortunately I've forgotten it *cries*. It was amazing seeing how the sword had a mind of it's own and you could see Hiroya struggling to control the sword and trying to get the sword to do it's bidding.

Also before the show, he kindly spoke to me and my friend and he was spekaing some English to us which was totally sweet. I've always known Hiroya to be a nice guy so it was great to took some of his time out to talk to us. Also when he realised we knew Japanese he was like 'we use old Japanese in this-- WILL YOU BE OKAY?! Will you understand?!' which is so nice of him.

Natsume Aimi as Tamayorihime

She was such a sweet girl but had such a SHITTY husband! She was beat and bruised and hurt so much by him. It was the standard DV case for this couple. She just had such a sad life and it doesn't get much better for her for quite a long time.

Without spoiling too much, thank god she has a happy ending but oh my lord did I cry a few times with what happened to her!

We had the standard, 'husband beats wife but then produsely apologises right after' scene which hurt my heart. And then something precious is taken away from her and she's thrown away which I was just balling in tears at. And then when she finally gets a happy end, I was just cry from pure happiness for her. After ALL the shit she went through, she deserved an ending like that. And just like everyone else, her end of the story is left open just enough that, if she wants to come back for part two, she can.

Akaba Mio as Umarokya and Hanaoka Meika as Dabi

Uma and his underling, Dabi, were absolutely hilarious together! They were such a great pair! His character is a damn good archer and he has powers to shoot multiple arrows at once and he can rain arrows upon people which is so cool and then while he always scolds his underling, he also has this stupid soft spot for her. Dabi was so freaking funny!! I'm pretty sure she was in charge of a lot of the adlibbing and some things she said were just nonsensical and ridiculous and even Mio couldn't hold it together sometimes, he would just crack into smiles and try so hard to hold his laughter back. There were also times where her adlibs were so fast, she'd mess up and then she'd make fun of the fact she obviously messed up which made everyone crack up even more. She had so much energy and was so high-pitched, she was so amusing and funny! I really loved their dynamic and I also love just how loyal she was to Uma even though she was crazy and she was very obviously in love with him -- she definitely acted like a fangirl around him at times with all the 'kyaaaa' screaming and cheering him on during battles. But it was cute when she ended up getting injured and he was there to help her and protect her so he obviously cared for her too! It was a great and enjoyable duo!

Kadono Sho as Hoemaru and Mochida Chihira as Izumi

Izumi and Hoemaru were part of Gedomaru's gang. It felt like they'd all been with each other for quite a while and were a tight-knot group. I unforutnately don't remember too much about Hoemaru except that the actor, Sho, had the best muscles and looked DAMN attractive! I really liked his physical and visual look xD but I remember quite a bit about Izumi; she was a very quite girl, almost ninja like in how quiet she is and she sneaks around a lot. But I also felt for her because it was obvious she was in love with Gedomaru but, I guess due to comradary or due to him liking Sakura, Gedomaru never really paid attention to her feelings. But everyone else around could tell and there's a scene towards the end where Okiku refuses to join their group because she sees how Izumi feels about Gedomaru and doesn't want to ruin it, so Okiku is like 'you should stay by his side. She'll always be there for you' so the two go off together. A part of me thinks, maybe he feels the exact same way back to an extent but, like I said, if they get involved and one of them ends up getting killed or something, the hurt would only increase and be a lot worse, so maybe they both mutually and unspokenly agreed to never get involved just so they can save each other a way of emotions? OR I am simply being WAY TOO DEEP about this!

^^^ Do you not see?! In less than 2 hours ASSH managed to produce a play that had THIS much context and THIS much meaning and THIS much thought in it?! This is why I love ASSH, their characters are so damn LAYERED and you can get so MUCH out of them and the story even when you only see it once and only in like 2 hours. Ahh ASSH. 

Seriously, check them out. Just go and love them okay! They're two amazing production companies and they have given me MORE satisfactory stages than any MARV or Nelke or any of those 'big shots' in the 2.5 stage world have.

ANYWAY...

Takahashi Makoto as Nazo no Onna (Mysterious Woman)

Her reveal was so mindblowing. I loved it! Also, she has a limp and throughout the story we learn what happened to her and what caused her injured leg and just my poor heart. She was such a lovely woman though and I'm glad her ending was happy. OH! And the actress herself is super badass, she played the shamisen LIVE on stage and it was so good! I was so impressed!

Ichijo Ryunosuke as Nagayama Kakun

This guy is supposed to be a bad guy but... he's handsome and he looks cool so I was very soft towards him. He does treat Sakura like crap and he is mean to her and he does turn on her, (or she turns on him) and he IS a bad guy but I just reallt enjoyed him visually and the actor himself did a really good job with the evil moments! Seeing his switch between being this nice guy and being evil was just great acting. It was so juicy and so good!

Minami Chisato as Sakura

She was Kakun's wife (or to be wife) and she up until about half way through believed in her husband and they looked like a great pairing but then obviously soon she starts to realise that he's not all that good and after being introduced to Gedomaru, she starts falling for him and seeing how great of a genuine guy he is, even though at first she pretended to like him in order to manipulate him and because it was very obvious he liked her. But she genuinely falls for him after discovering the malicious plan her husband has with Satsune, and she just sees how much of a great guy he actually is. And it is quite sad how, even after she falls for him and begs to stay by Gedomaru's side, Gedomaru is just TOO kind and tells her to escape and get away so she can be safe and have a happy life and not be held back by him or by Kakun.

She is my girl crush in this stage... so beautiful!!

Araki Miyu as Wakasano Okiku

I don't quite remember HOW she ended up join Gedomaru and crew but she was a great addition to them. She was totally cute and like Dabi, a bit silly and ridiculous but the actress herself is very flexible and she obviously has some sort of dancing under her belt because she did a lot of beautiful movements and lots of high perfect kicks and legs and stuff. She too fell for Gedomaru but seeing just how much Izumi likes him, she gives up which is just... my heart ♡

Sugamoto Ikumi as Blind Man

He is a tricky and sneaky little guy, BUT with good intentions so don't get too suspicious of him! His reveal, just like the Mysterious Woman, was just like 'OHHHH MYYY GOOODDD' but also made sense. I really loved his relationship with Shounen -- but later on it makes sense why they get on so well and why they are a pair. I enjoyed the actor and his acting. In fact I knew he looked familiar and I've already seen him in Marker Light Blue (his character is GREAT in that) and Onigiri so I had that familiarity with him and his character in this is GREAT.

Maruyama Raiden as Henmima Satsune

This piece of shit. He was a great bad guy. Not only was he just a bad guy but he was a real piece of shit. He constantly beat his wife, he beat his wife's maid, and then had the audacity to apologise every time after wards?! He was so controlling and would get angry at Tama for everything! He was bat shit crazy and seeing him meet his demise was so satisfactory. Kudos to the actor for being such a SHIT. I wanted him dead so badly! The way he treated his wife and what he did to her, not just the beatings by the way(!), was just dispicable. Espeically the way he dies is so good but also hits you in the feels because of WHO kills him.

Also, I love how it's not simply just one bad guy in all this. We have Satsune who's the messed up King, then we have Kakun who's only motive is for control and power, and then we have Horiya's character who just wants to control others literally and how the world's strongest weapons etc. While they aren't technically all working together, it's great how we have all these shits for different purposes and meanings. It's great!

Umehara Saeri as Iroha

She was Tama's maid and she was so protective and loving towards Tama. She tried so hard to make sure it was her being hit by the King/husband rather than Tama herself and she spouted so many reasons just to please so Tama wouldn't get attacked etc. Her final scene in this was just so touching and, again, loyalty is a BIG thing in this play and you can see it in her actions for Tama ♡

Tanaka Hiroki as Young Boy

Ahhhhh my boy!!! First a compulsory picspam!!!

He was great!! As usual I fall into my normal complaint of 'he didn't get enough stage time!!!' but we all know that's me being biased xD Besides that, he was GREAT! I really loved his character. His reveal as to who his character actually was is great! I was so happy when it came out who he was!! Also his part of the story is very calm as he's just walking through the forest and stuff listening to the Mysterious Girls' story but they also 'stand' in the scenes while they're happening so that's great. He does get a moment or two to fight and show off his fighting techniques and he also had like a cartwheel here and there which made me very happy. Visually he looked great too! And totally makes sense why he looked like that (trying not to spoil too much here) xD and at the end we are still left with this HUGE question mark about him (mentioned above already) so I am hoping they're do a part two and that becomes a main part or is at least answered. I definitely want to know more about his character and his past and what he's been through and his connections. I loved his relationship with the blind man too and I'd love to see how that friendship came to be too!!

*

And that's all! I don't think I have anything else to add except, GIVE ME A SECOND STAGE!!!

But as always, finishing off with the

GOODS

*

Hopefully I have a bunch of reviews coming out fairly close between each other!

[film-clown]

Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker

So this is about... 3 months late? I usually post reviews a couple weeks following the film’s release, but the last few months have been nothing short of awful. Maybe this quarantine has a good side - I can finally finish writing this! As I write this at the end of March 2020, I have literally 90% of this review finished. I don’t know what held me back.

But here we go. My thoughts, discussions, and a generally unbiased review of Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker. Major spoilers ahead, obviously.

Many people continue to emphasise the fact that the Star Wars films that have been released under Disney are all horrible. Although I do agree to an extent, The Last Jedi did end up being one of my favourite Star Wars films, and the trilogy wasn’t all that bad. But, Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker surpassed my predictions in so many ways. It was hilarious, emotional, shocking, disappointing, and aggravating to the point where everything left me crying anyway. So what am I gonna do to cope? Write about it.

Straight off the bat, the most important point I will continue to emphasise for all my time - Finnpoe should’ve been canon. I will ALWAYS stand by this statement and there were numerous scenes that prove my point. They have such an incredibly tight bond and it continued to grow tighter throughout this film. Always having each other’s back no matter what, with such a deep-rooted connection. I wish they had kissed after the hug in the reunion at the end - it was perfect. I would also like to send out a special thank you to Mr. Oscar Isaac for genuinely speaking out about the injustice done towards finnpoe and overall LGBTQ+ representation. He was so incredibly vocal about how scared Disney is to have this happen, and how amazing and impactful it would have been if they were canon. John Boyega said a lot about finnpoe too during press, which made me incredibly happy to see such support from the actors. Not a lot of actors speak out against poor decisions made in their movies, which is why there’s almost no change for the good.

On the topic of ships that were done injustice, let’s talk about Reylo, shall we?

The topic of Rey and Ben as a couple is extremely controversial. Another reason it took a while for me to finish this review is because I’ve done a LOT of research for evidence from both sides of the argument. Due to the incest factor, I’ve looked into if Palpatine is 100% Anakin’s father, but everything I’ve found has been contradicted with another point, or just speculation. But it’s a very important topic, so I’m going to discuss it in a non-biased manner, and as if the incest of it all has not been confirmed or denied. Please do feel free to send over any sources, I’m always open to look at it and discuss! Because whether or not their bond is considered romantic, it’s intimate and has a deep meaning to it.

Okay, that being said: they deserved better. Ben did not deserve to die the moment he finally felt loved and finally made a decision that was his own. All his life he’s been nothing but tormented by Palpatine, been told what to do and always had such awful inner conflict. Rey saw that conflict, she chose to try her best to help through everything. You cannot excuse the fact that what Ben has done in his life has been awful, but what we can do is understand that the voice that’s been telling him to do all this hasn’t been himself. He took control, he fought (WITH A BLUE LIGHTSABER, HOLY SH*T) side by side with Rey. The moment they finally got to hold each other out of war, he smiled for the first time; and then he died. The whole point of this was to see him redeem himself, and although he did, death should not always equal redemption! His story was supposed to be different, he was supposed to live. They were supposed to have a happy ending. And after reading several conspiracies, I’m fully convinced that he was supposed to live. Ben Solo DESERVED to live and it is beyond me that they chose to end one of, if not the most important film saga in cinematic history by letting him die in the hands of his LITERAL soulmate. It’s painful, and traumatising for people to watch.

Not only was his death painful, it just didn’t make any sense! The whole point of this trilogy was that Rey and Ben were a dyad in the force, and it was shown through certain scenes from The Last Jedi, and verbally mentioned by both Ben and Palpatine.

“A dyad in the force. A power like life itself.” (Palpatine)

“We’re a dyad in the force; two that are one.” (Kylo Ren)

So why the hell did Ben die? They built up this bond and portrayed it for 3 fucking movies just to have Rey defeat Palpatine herself? This bond was supposed to bring balance to the force. Rey and Ben are literally two force-sensitive beings, who share the power of one, which is BY FAR the most complex and influential relationship between 2 individuals that could possibly exist in the galaxy and you’re telling me that they touched on this topic for 5 minutes at the end of the entire trilogy and then threw it all away by killing off Ben? Seriously?

They had the capability to defeat Palpatine TOGETHER, and that would have been one of the most acclaimed scenes in Star Wars history. The symbolism of a Jedi and the Supreme Leader of the First Order fighting side-by-side would’ve been the most ideal representation of balance in the force.

I’ve also heard several contradictions towards Reylo and how it’s an abusive pairing? As an abuse victim, I believe that these two were at war as the Resistance and the First Order. Did you expect them to hold hands in TFA and TLJ? Hopefully not. All the hurtful things they did were just out of spite towards each other, if anything. And I think this is where I’ll go on and disagree with the Reylo kiss. It just didn’t make sense! There was tension throughout the film and just because he became Ben Solo again, they’re suddenly in love? I don’t know, if they wanted the kiss to make sense, Kylo Ren should have become Ben Solo in TLJ, so TROS could have worked on their positive relationship. The kiss was purely fan service, and it clearly did not please people anyway.

Moving on, the idea of Palpatine returning is absolutely beyond me. What was the point of the celebration at the end of Return of the Jedi? What was the point of the entire last two trilogies if they were just going to bring him back for shock effect? What I can say though is that the shock effect did work, and that the climax of the film was BRILLIANT. I’m sorry, but the scene where his force lightning makes contact with all the resistance ships, the scene when Rey fights his lightning with two lightsabers (Ben should’ve been there, but anyway...), it was visually stunning and deserves only a bit of praise.

But Rey being a Palpatine is the most RIDICULOUS plot twist in Star Wars history. Not only was it a terrible attempt at shocking the crowd in a “No [Luke], I am your father” way, the whole point of Rey’s arc was that she is from nowhere. SHE IS SUPPOSED TO BE REY FROM NOWHERE. And now she’s Rey Palpatine. Force powers don’t have to be hereditary. Like she did the same mind-controlling thing that Obi-Wan did at one point so why couldn’t she have been a Kenobi? They showed her letting out force lightening so they could justify her bloodline, and I think this is one of the most severe flaws of the film.

The sidelining of Rose was so disappointing to me. Not only of Rose, Finn too. JJ Abrams literally confirmed that we were going to get Finn’s backstory and we never ended up getting it. All we got was him yelling Rey’s name another 40 times. And, the one person’s story which we got, aka Poe, turned out to be a drug dealer. They made a Hispanic man a drug dealer. I will never, ever forgive them for doing all of this.

Another problem was of how rushed this entire film was. An incredible amount of information to put in a 2 and 1/2 hour film, and it wasn’t done all that well. Just when the audience had genuinely believed that Chewie had died, we see that he’s alive. If you’re gonna do a death-scare, make it believable? 3PO getting his memory wiped but then getting it back from R2 was rushed as well; what was the point of the whole emotional “Taking one last look sir, at my friends” if he was just going to get his memory back anyway? Overdramatic AND unnecessary. Once again circling back to Reylo; they started off the film indicating no signs of romantic tensions but they ended up kissing at the end? You could pull the enemies-to-lovers card on this, which would make sense to an extent but also could not justify how rushed their romance was. I wouldn’t say that such twists in the film weren’t interesting, but if they carried out the concept to a point where it made sense, it would have been better. This was just unnecessary and ruined the film even more.

Back to Finnpoe once again; the idea that they were each given a heterosexual partner in this film AFTER all the hype and the shipping was done, is queerbaiting at its finest. Maybe that’s not the right word, but it’s something shitty. Jannah and Zorii had a lot of potential as their individual characters but were reduced to love interests because Disney is homophobic and it really, really is disgusting to me.

Since when does the Force do all these things. Resurrecting people? Being dead and still being able to force lift things? Not to say that such powers couldn’t have been discovered by each individual, but to have brought them into the film as a plot device rather than a power each respective character has developed during their arc, is once again, unnecessary.

After the release, the fans got all but concept art and excerpts of the film, and what COULD have been. Explanations of what was trying to be conveyed in the film. If you are forced to explain the film you have just released through interviews, it sucked. There’s a saying that as a filmmaker, you must “trust your audience”. Abrams trusted his audience, and all we could see were the flaws and missing details.

Generally, several flaws of this film spawned out of the petty film-feud between JJ Abrams and Rian Johnson. What Johnson tried to do in The Last Jedi was outstanding, and was a very unique concept compared to other Star Wars films. Sure, it had flaws, but a Star Wars film is not a Star Wars film without plot-holes and shitshows. But what Abrams attempted in The Rise Of Skywalker was to contradict almost everything in the previous film. The Force Awakens was outstanding, don’t get me wrong, so I couldn’t really say that Abrams isn’t good for Star Wars. But the two directors’ creative differences should NOT have gotten in the way of telling a good story. This trilogy had potential, and this film was beyond important for millions of fans of all ages.

Adam Driver’s performance was brilliant. It’s upsetting that he didn’t even get much to say in the 3rd act other than “Ow” but he managed to do so well even without dialogue. He didn’t even have to speak to show the true transition between Kylo Ren and Ben Solo, you could see it through the tenderness of the emotions portrayed by Driver overtime.

It’s upsetting that Domhnall Gleeson didn’t get half as much screentime as he did in The Last Jedi, and the way they finished General Hux’s character arc was honestly pathetic. For a character with such antagonism to be reduced to a plot device that dies like THAT? Regardless, still an amazing performance by Gleeson as per usual.

John Boyega and Oscar Isaac continue to be my favourite people ever. Their characters deserve so much better and I am GLAD that John is speaking his mind on social media, regardless of the... aftermath of it.

If I talk about the way that Han and Leia deserved better, I will not stop talking. Just know that is a point I want to get across. And, Rest in Peace Carrie Fisher. We love and miss you tremendously and it hurts me to know that had you been around, you would not have let this film be so awful.

To conclude this extremely lengthy and overdramatic review of Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker, I would like to push aside the numerous flaws of this film and try my best to look at the bright side of the disaster. The rainbow after the storm. Whatever.

I believe that this film was really good if you disconnect it from the rest of the franchise. For round 3 of this film in theatres, I went with a friend who had only seen The Force Awakens and about half of The Last Jedi; and she loved it. It’s definitely not a clear judgement, but I tried to look at her perspective and I got it. Disconnect the story, the expectations, and the background of each character which inevitably leads to expectations of the end of their character arc. It’s difficult, and honestly stupid to look at it like this, but as someone who just wants to smile during a film; I think there’s no fun in hate. Most of the effects in this film were gorgeous (let’s forget force ghost Luke). Take that, the larger-than-life scale of events, the emotions, the impeccable score, I believe it to be nothing short of a cinematic masterpiece. I’ll take the tomatoes you throw at me because I have to admit, watching this film in theatre was an experience I’d love to have again. I cheered my ass off when Ben pulled out the blue lightsaber in the climax.

I don’t think I could ever be a real film critic solely because I will always find some way to enjoy the film no matter how awful it is.

As usual, honorary mention to the phenomenal score that is present in every Star Wars films. Hats off to John Williams, thank you for making the audience cry for 40+ years. We love you!

It’s 5:45am as I’m finishing this off and as a side note, since I’m overly-emotional, I’d like to say something. The hatred and conflict created by The Rise Of Skywalker has blinded us of our true love for what Star Wars once was. Star Wars is a film saga about hope, love, faith, and the way (almost) every film has managed to convey it, always brings tears to my eyes. It upsets me to see it, and I hope that everyone slowly grasps back onto their once-love for Star Wars.

May the force be with you.

[theblackbooknerd]

Game Of Thrones: Season 7 episode 6 non spoiler review: Starkbowl, The blue eyed army, Jon Snow (King of my heart), A dragon or two, A tale of the hammerless Gendry, A love song for Tormund and me being absolutely done with Game of Thrones. Because I'm not ready to die and the show wants to kill me.

Note: Even though this is a non spoilery review, it may contain spoilers which will be noted/indicated before they are revealed. All thoughts are just my personal observations and opinions.

Firstly, let’s talk about Arya and Sansa- because that’s some BS right there and I can’t even; at first, I thought Arya and Sansa were playing littlefinger. But from this episode, I am now unsure. D&D, do you truly expect me to believe that these two sisters who haven’t seen each other in years, believed most of their family members to be dead and had no one and nowhere to call home would honestly be fighting like this? I can understand if there were only a slight atmosphere of distrust and/or caution- they didn’t get along even as children and of course now that they’re grown up they’d be trying to get a better feel of eachother, but all full blown bloody starkbowl is not what I had in mind. I mean [SPOILER] Arya (essentially) only threatened to kill Sansa [SPOILER] by saying she could wear her face (can you wear the face of someone living?). I mean maybe threatened is too harsh a word? But Arya’s intention in that scene was certainly to intimidate Sansa. It was working very well. But bravo to my Sansa (Queen of my heart and my Kings heart), for standing her ground. My point is, I find this very unrealistic and if it’s not a ploy planned by my Stark girls, I very well hope they band together in the end (which they will). I just want my baby’s to understand and recognise each others struggle and bloody love eachother.

Now let’s move on to the King of my heart: Jon “I am a King” Snow. Sigh. Jon oh Jon. Why oh why would you do that? No, seriously. I’m very very angry. I saw this coming of course ( I read the spoilers- shame on me). But I seriously can’t even comprehend what you think you’re doing. I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU, WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU. [MAJOR SPOILER] There was absolutely no need for you to “bend” the knee. She had promised to help you fight the white walkers. She was going to help you fight the blue eyed demons. Soooooooooooooo why did you do that. [Spoiler] My Queen- YOU ONLY KNOW ONE TRUE QUEEN IN THE NORTH WHO’S NAME IS STARK. Sigh. I don’t get where this sudden affection for Dani has come from. It was literally non existent before. It’s either due to his gratitude for her help. Orrrrrrrrr he’s playing the game. He’s killed the boy, recognised her great affection for him, and has decided to use it to his advantage. He’s killed the boy. Hopefully it’s that latter, but I can imagine it being a mix of both. Furthermore Jon Snow, I am very cross with you, but I love you and trust you enough to know that when we are at the end, your duty to the North, to your family, to your one true Queen Sansa Stark will override everything. Including Dani. You’re a man of your word Jon snow. A man of your word.

Ah, Dany. Now this episode, Dany’s character intrigued me immensely. I’m going to start with her wardrobe choice. When she went to help our gang, she transitioned back in to her lighter coloured clothing (to show that she’s actually doing something selfless for the first time in ages). But as soon as she gets back to the boat, she has changed back in to her darker attire (to represent the dark path she’s still walking on). Nothing in GOT is a coincidence, they’ve done this on purpose. To foreshadow. To mirror her actions. I repeat nothing is a coincidence. They even throw in the conversation with Tyrion. Tyrion’s begging her not to go- to do nothing. Not because he wants our blue-eyed demon fighting companions to die- oh no. He does it because he loves her and he’s scared and he doesn’t want to lose her. But Dani refuses. She has to go. She has to help them. Why is this conversation thrown in? I think it’s to give us hope. Last episode Tyrion and Vary’s are having that whole conversation where they are convincing themselves (mostly Tyrion) that what she did to the Tarly’s (my poor Dickon), was justified. When Tyrion says she isn’t her father, Vary’s replies she never will be with the correct consul. And here in episode 6, we perhaps see the earlier version of Dany. Helping people because she wants too, because she sees it as a duty, because it’s the right thing to do. Not the Dany we’ve been seeing recently: a Dani obsessed with the iron throne because she believes it’s her birth right (lol- R+L= J. Targbowl is really on the horizon). And it gives us hope. Perhaps she makes questionable decisions, but she is still good. Nope. As soon as we’re back on the boat, back in to her dark attire to represent her dark path. I mean think about it, [SPOILER], if they wanted to paint her as this truly good leader, why accept Jon bending the knee? If she had said no, I’ll help you either way, no my faith in her would’ve been fully restored. Because she’d be helping Jon not because she got something out of it, but because she recognises the threat the white walkers pose is too real to ignore. I have a love/hate relationship with Dany. I don’t hate Dany, I love her in the way that I love Cersei- not because she’s a good person, because she’s a complex one. When her and Tyrion discuss what happened with the Tarly’s, she calls it necessary. When Tyrion explains other ways they could’ve dealt with it- SHE DISREGARDS HIM. Sigh. There’s so much I could say about Dani but honestly, I’m just not bothered.

The blue eyed army- also known as the White walkers. This paragraph will include spoilers in essentially every sentence, so I suggest you just skip this one. Okayyyyyy- let’s talk about The King of the Blues- or the night King. Whatever. Same thing. This guy is BADASS OKAY. [SPOILERS FROM HERE UNTIL THE END OF THE WHITE WALKER PARAGRAPH] The way he killed Viserion on his first attempt? Yeahhhhhh byeeeeeee. Dude’s just too cool for school. He’s too cool for the North. He’s just cool in general to be honest. I really can’t wait until season 8 and the rest of the books to find out what the WW’s true purpose is. I’m really interested to find out. They really killed my baby Benjen. Who deserved so much more in life- YOU SEE JON. BENJEN DIDN’T DIE FOR YOU TO BEND THE FRICKING KNEE. YOU POMPUS SWINE. YOU ATTRACTIVE BEAST. YOU PANTY DROPPER. Sigh. Jon Snow, King of my heart- he knows nothing. But the White walkers are seriously such an interesting aspect of the show and now that they have a dragon on their side, it’s about to get very very interesting. The wall’s coming down. And the war’s about to begin.

Tormund and a splash of The Hound- I just love Tormund and thought it was wrong to write a review and not mention him. I love him and all the cute things he said about Brienne. And his observation of the Hound was bloody spot on (the hound is another interesting character). [Slight dialouge SPOILER]. “I don’t think you’re really mean, your eyes are sad.” [SPOILER] I just thank the God’s (the old God’s and the new), that they kept him alive as it was a very very close call.

The Hammerless Gendry- A tale: A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR BLOODY GENDRY THE HAMMERLESS who indirectly saved our gang. Whom is already loyal to his future “brother” (mwahahaha) in-law and the KITN (forever and always) Jon snow. Who could’ve died but kept running. The true hero of this episode: THE HAMMERLESS GENDRY. [SPOILERS AHEAD BUT IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHERE HIS HAMMER IS READ ON] Okay, so we’ve captured a WW, just another day in the North you know- no bigie and we’re ready to return to perhaps not the comfort of dragonstone (we are essentially bloody prisoners), but definitely as far away from the blue eyed ones as possible when we find ourselves surrounded by the army. YAY. Bloody brilliant. So what does Jon who knows nothing Snow do. We send our most capable rower- sorry- runner to run back to Dadvos (I do love Daddy Davos) and get a Raven to Dragonstone stat. At first, he refuses to leave bro in-law but Jon tells him he’s the only one who can do it. So he begins to run when The Hound stops him, says he’ll be faster without the hammer and so (hesitantly), Thor- I mean Gendry- entrusts the hammer with The Hound (guess he’s worthy). And that my friends, is how Gendry the Hammerless lost his hammer. And he’s a bloody hero for it. If Gendry didn’t get to Dadvos, Dani wouldn’t have known what was going on and therefore, they’d have been screwed. Gendry is the true hero.

My final thoughts: I enjoyed episode 6 thoroughly (apart from a few bits and bobs) and don’t know what I’m going to do next week when it all ends for maybe two years as opposed to one. It definitely gave me all the feels- I shouted, I jumped, I rolled my eyes, I almost cried (twice) and I got very very angry. I don’t understand where Jon and Dany popped out of but understand its necessity in the show in order to set up Targbowl, The (inevitable) Northern revolt and the fulfilment of Dany’s prophecies (three mounts you must ride… three fires you must light). I can tell Dany is smitten with Jon. Couldn’t say the same for Jon until this episode (poor Jorah). I’m happy the gang is safe for now. And I am impatiently awaiting the arrival of Sam and Gilly at Winterfell. Littlefinger death shall be immensely satisfying. Can’t wait for this foolish Starkbowl to end. The meeting at KL is going to be epic. Dany vs Cersei. Brienne and Jamie reunion. Euron shows his face maybe? A flipping R+L=J REVEAL WOULD BE GREAT. And yeah. I have too many feelings to type coherently, but overall, I quite enjoyed that episode.

I’m on book two of The Ice And Fire series: a clash of kings. And so far, I am enjoying them immensely.

[themeatlife]

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker - A Review

AND Reranking the Star Wars Movies

The Finale (Maybe)

2019 saw the end of several major pop culture series: The Avengers, Game of Thrones, and the Skywalker Saga of Star Wars (or at least it was proclaimed, we shall see a decade from now if it is resurrected). Having a major finale was en vogue.

So here is the spoiler-free review. Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker was enjoyable. It was imperfect, with a handful of glaring flaws, but nothing that would prevent die-hards or casual fans from enjoying the experience. You get the scale of things and at moments visually it is almost overwhelming. The action set pieces are fantastic. All-in-all, worth seeing in theaters.

Now for the spoiler-rific review below the line. If you haven’t seen it and don’t want to be spoiled (why are you reading this) then scroll until “The Star Wars Countdown” headline is at the very top of you window/phone screen.

——————————————————————

I’m probably going to skip a few things but this is the main storyline.

Palpatine has never really left. He’s been in the background in the Unknown Regions raising the Final Order, a super-ginormous fleet to rule over the galaxy once and for all.

We catch up with our new trilogy trio of Rey, Finn, and Poe and what is left of the Resistance, led by General Leia. Leia has also taken the lead in mentoring Rey in the ways of the Force. News of Palpatine gets to them and the trio find themselves planet hopping on a quest first to find a dagger which is the key to finding Palpatine and then a programmer to get C3PO to translate script on said dagger. Along the way they are being hunted by the First Order and Kylo Ren. This sequence is very Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, but better executed.

Once the dagger is decoded, it leads them to the remains of the second Death Star where they must retreive a device with the coordinates to where Palpatine is. There is first a showdown between Rey and Sith Rey a la Luke in the forest in Degoba. Then is the showdown between Rey and Kylo where Rey ends up stabbing Kylo with his own lightsaber (Kylo was distracted by a dying Leia, Force-calling out to her son with her last breathe) and then Force-healing him and leaving him on the planet using his Tie Fighter with the device. Kylo then sees a vision of his father Han Solo telling him Kylo Ren is dead and his son Ben lives. Ben then leaves to chase after Rey to attempt to help confront Palpatine.

So Rey arrives on Exegol where Palpatine and the Final Order are gathered and preparing to deploy, leaving a signal for her Resistance friends and Ben to find. While Rey confronts Palpatine, the short handed Resistance tries to take down a communication tower in an effort to prevent the fleet from deploying. Epic battle ensues. Lando Calrissian comes with reinforcements for the Resistance while Rey almost gives in to Palpatine in an effort to save her friends. Ben comes in and they both fight Palpatine. Ben goes down and Rey uses the lightsabers she and Ben were using (coincidentally Luke and Leia’s lightsabers) against Palpatine’s Force Lightning, eventually killing him and herself in the process. Ben revives Rey and then kisses her (WHAT?!?) and then dies. The Resistance takes down the Final Order. The Resistance returns to their base, the new trio hug it out. Then the film ends with Rey returning to Tatooine where the saga began, burying Luke and Leia’s lightsabers and with their Force ghosts looking on takes on the Skywalker last name.

So my issues...

So, Palpatine is back? Last we saw his body fell down a shaft in the short-lived rebuild Death Star, thrown over by Vader in an effort to save Luke. I’m not sure how that even works that he’s back. I know they touch on it in the movie but seemed like we were done with the Emperor three (or is it six?) movies ago. But as a villain, Palpatine is effective.

The quest for the dagger and map device thing was a bit much. That actually could have been a movie itself. Like could have essentially replaced The Last Jedi with that quest. As much as I liked the The Last Jedi, I think a lot of the internet fanatics didn’t. And that hurt the Star Wars powers that be. And much of The Rise of Skywalker felt like it was actually attempting to write a lot of The Last Jedi out of the Star Wars timeline.

And yeah the Ben-Rey kiss was sudden. They seemed to have a very non-romantic connection so that was kind of out of place. Maybe it was more a goodbye kiss from Ben than anything, but it felt out of place.

And then the new trilogy as a whole. Although there was a new trio of main characters, the storyline was really dependent on the trio from the original trilogy. If the Force Awakens was the Han Solo movie and the Last Jedi was the Luke Skywalker movie, the Rise of Skywalker would have been the Leia Organa movie. And in many ways it was, but then it wasn’t. There is only so much you can do with extra footage. Rest In Peace Carrie Fisher, this movie needed more of you in it.

But with all that, it was still an enjoyable experience. It was imperfect, but that’s okay. No Star Wars movie is perfect (except for Empire). If you want comparison, better than Game of Thrones, no where near as satisfying as Avengers: Endgame.

The Star Wars Countdown

I ranked these almost two years ago. It didn’t change that much but I did switch a few and added the newer ones after I rewatched all the movies in the lead up to the Rise of Skywalker release. I FINALLY got my wife to watch them all with me. Disney+ and Netflix came in handy. So here are the updated Star Wars standings. I’ll do my college football wrap up later this week.

11 – Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999)

Surprise surprise, I know.  But yes, Episode I is by far the weakest and most disposable of the series (as evidenced by the omission of it in the Machete Order). Most of the major plot points are brought up again in Episode II, so not really that important to watch.  And the action in it, while okay for the most part, do not make up for the most annoying and boring parts of the film – Jar Jar Binks, child Anakin Skywalker, and the Pod Race.  If you must watch it, the main scene you need to watch is the battle on Naboo where Liam Neeson’s Qui-Gon Jinn and the Ewan McGregor version of Obi-Wan Kenobi take on double-lightsaber wielding Darth Maul played by martial artist Ray Park.

10 – Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002)

While Attack of the Clones is a step up from Episode I, this episode is plagued by two things: awkward pacing and the unnatural evolution of the love story of Padme Amidala and Anakin Skywalker.  The way the movie was paced it felt like it was going by too slowly at times.  Obi-Wan’s story arc kept me interested as he investigates bounty hunter Jango Fett and discovers the clone army.  But man, that Padme-Anakin story is rough.  Anakin comes off with a stalker-like creep factor obsession for Padme, and somehow Padme is infatuated with that?  Yeah I’m not convinced, that dynamic always felt super awkward and forced. Not that Natalie Portman and Hayden Christensen couldn’t have chemistry.  It’s just that in this movie, they didn’t…at least not convincingly. Cool stuff on the back end of this movie is the battle on Geonosis featuring a gladiator-style survival scene for Obi-Wan, Padme, and Anakin as well as the Jedi coming to their rescue. Samuel L. Jackson’s Mace Windu and Frank Oz’s Yoda show off some lightsaber skills as well.

9 - Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018)

This ended up being not as bad as critics made it out to be. It was fun and action heavy. I slightly different take on the Han Solo character by Alden Ehrenreich. It was fresh and it was Han as a young man less jaded than his original trilogy self. It was cool to see Woody Harrelson (Beckett), Thandie Newton (Val), Emilia Clarke (Qi’ra), and Donald Glover (young Lando Calrissian) in the Star Wars universe. There were a few things wonky with the movie though. I don’t know if I liked the live story between Solo and Qi’ra. The whole Lando and a droid thing was weird. And resurrecting previously deceased Sith Darth Mal felt a little empty (I know he’s appeared in other Star Wars projects but the cliffhanger at the end of this was Darth Mal’s first film appearance since Phantom Menace).

8 – Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (2005)

Out of the prequel trilogy, I like this one the best.  And while it was a longer movie (2 hours 20 minutes), it didn’t feel weighed down by some of the pacing issues of Clones.  The ever-present forced romance between Padme and Anakin is still there though, and it becomes the primary reason Anakin turns to the Dark Side.  While the premise seems feasible, the unnatural feel of the relationship hinders this reasoning.  Over the course of the prequel series, they did a good job of planting seeds to make it seem like the Jedi are plotting to take over the Republic. So as a secondary reason for Anakin turning to the Dark Side, this reasoning works.  Some people had a problem with the whole calling kids “younglings” but I didn’t really see that as a problem.  The Old Republic could have talked like that, so it wasn’t an issue for me. So minus the whole Padme-Anakin thing and an unintended hilarious “NOOOOOOOOO” moment when Anakin turns into Darth Vader, it was a solid movie.  It was sad to see several points where Anakin could have turned back but didn’t.

7 – Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015)

Before going into this film, I have to say that doing away with having the episode number in the title was a welcomed change away from the George Lucas era awkward titling. When I first saw this movie, I was awestruck.  Filled with nostalgia.  Almost like seeing a Star Wars movie as a kid again.  But the second time around seeing it, I quickly realized that even though there were new characters that this was more or less a very borrowed plotline. It was basically the original Star Wars, only updated.  Rey (Daisy Ridley) was like Luke (Mark Hamill), Han Solo (Harrison Ford, of course) like a less-Force oriented Obi-Wan.  The First Order is basically the Empire resurrected, the Resistance is the Rebel Alliance.  Starkiller Base is the Death Star.  And Kylo Ren (Adam Driver) killing Han like Vader defeating Obi-Wan.  But I was still thoroughly entertained, and the intro of Rey, Poe (Oscar Isaac), Finn (John Boyega), and BB-8 was a welcomed addition to the Star Wars universe and The Force Awakens put down a solid foundation for the franchise to build upon for its new trilogy.

6 - Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (2019)

See above for the review. I will say for all it’s problems it was enjoyable for the most part and entertaining as hell.

5 – Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017)

While The Force Awakens feels borrowed, The Last Jedi felt more like its own things.  Some critical of The Last Jedi felt it similar to The Empire Strikes Back. While it did have some similarities, I think the major differences (particularly the Force Chat and dynamic between Kylo Ren and Rey, and some of the backstory behind Luke and Kylo Ren’s relationship) make it so much of its own story. It is the peak as far as quality of the newest trilogy. One of the coolest scenes in the entire Star Wars franchise was Kylo and Rey taking on Supreme Leader Snoke (Andy Serkis) and his Praetorian Guard.  And while clearly the main focus of the film is the Kylo-Rey-Luke dynamic, the side plot of Finn and Rose (Star Wars newcomer Kelly Marie Tran) to Canto Bight in search of a hacker to disable a tracking device while Leia (RIP Carrie Fisher) and Poe try to lead the Resistance away in escape of the First Order were welcome storylines. Don’t listen to the haters online, this one is the best of the new trilogy.

4 – Star Wars (1977)

Wow, trailers back then are nothing like they are now. Yes, I refrained from calling this film “A New Hope,” simply because that was not the original name of the movie.  I respect this movie.  It’s the origin story of Luke Skywalker.  It featured ruthless villain Darth Vader (before we knew he was Luke and Leia’s father), a love interest (Leia before we and Luke find out they are brother-sister), and the cool rebel too cool to be in the rebellion (at first) in Han Solo.  But as most movies of the time, the special effects feel dated (much more so in this film than the other two in the trilogy).  And while it is the origin story, it was merely the tip of the iceberg. A strong foundation to build the rest of the franchise, but not the most compelling plotlines of the series (that is to come later).

3 – Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)

I had this film actually up at 2 when I ranked this a year and a half ago. It isn’t an essential movie to the overall Skywalker storyline of the main Star Wars installments.  But you get the sense of urgency and the sacrifice it took to steal the Death Star plans.  Rogue One is one part chase movie, another part heist movie.  Two types of movies I always enjoy.  The characters fill out in a short period of time and feel so rich.  It is the only Star Wars movie where all the main protagonist characters you are focused on the entire movie dies, making it not feel like a Star Wars film.  But the death scene with Donnie Yen’s Chirrut Imwe and Jiang Wen’s Baze Malbus as well as Felicity Jones’s Jyn Erso and Diego Luna’s Cassian Andor are equally heartbreaking and powerful.  The feels!  While the film doesn’t add to the overlying plot of the entire series, it does add a bit of understanding of just how big the stakes were in getting those Death Star plans and how invested the Rebellion was outside of the core characters of the series in trying to topple the Empire.  And then, well, Darth Vader totally owning the Rebels while trying to board Leia’s ship is badass and leads right into the original Star Wars.  Loved this movie.

2 – Return of the Jedi (1983)

A great conclusion to the original trilogy. We see the movie open with Jedi Luke displaying his control of the Force as the team rescues Han from Jabba the Hut. The Rebellion wants to strike one last blow to the Empire by taking out the rebuilt Death Star. The fight culminates on the forest moon of Endor. Luke reveals to Leia what she probably felt but didn’t recognize, that they are brother and sister. One of the strongest scenes was that final confrontation between Luke and Vader that ends with Vader saving Luke’s life from electrocution from the Emperor. Some people had a problem with the cute, fluffy Ewoks but I was okay with it. This is the movie where the extras added by George Lucas in the 1998 theatrical rerelease (and updated again in 2004) hurt the movie experience though. The extended musical scene at Jabba’s place was unneeded. We don’t need extra celebration scenes on other planets when its mission accomplished. And we didn’t need Hayden Christensen’s ghost in place of original Anakin actor Sebastian Shaw standing there with ghost Yoda and old ghost Obi-Wan Alec Guinness.  But other than that, this was my second favorite Star Wars movie growing up.

1 – The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

Out of all the series, this is the masterpiece. If you ever want to make a successful sequel that continues the original story and add to the overall depth of a film series, here was the blueprint.  From the opening battle on Hoth, to the core team getting split up, to Luke’s journey finding Yoda and training, to Han and Leia being chased down by the Empire, all the way to the climax of the film on Cloud City, we find our heroes being tested and pushed as well as finding themselves.  The Han-Leia love story holds up and feels realistic.  Luke’s internal struggle to train and fight off the darkness in him while confronting his fear of Vader feels realistic as well. And of course, the mic drop of all mic drops in sci-fi and maybe movie history – “I am your father.”  I was eight or nine years old when I remember first watching and actually understanding some of what was going on.  I remember yelling “WHAT?!?” as I watched.  The most iconic moment of the series.  It made this more than just a space opera.  More than just a sequel to a sci-fi hit. Those words made Star Wars into an expandable series that they have since built upon twenty-fold.  It turned Star Wars from a battle of good vs evil into an internal family struggle – the Skywalker family saga that impacted not just that family, but the entire galaxy.  Luke’s fear was no longer about confronting some ominous unknown bad guy. It was Luke confronting his father, one he never knew.  And the 1980 special effects hold up pretty well in this one.  

The Force will be with you. Always.

[shadow-is-upon-us]

Unexpected

Hello mates and welcome to my first try at a Dishonored fic. A one shot I did because I needed to, since the ending to Death of the Outsider kinda... killed me. So, this is what it came to. Low chaos through all games and DLCs so, there's that (and non-lethal assassinations) Also, spoilers for all games and DLCs - you've been warred. Might be kinda out of character, since it's my first attempt, but consider it humor.

Okay, done, read, review and enjoy~

You can also read it on FanFic or Ao3

They all felt a shift in the Void, but no one was quite sure what happened. At least, until Billie showed up with the Outsider himself, only his eyes were clear. The whole, ‘adopt him’ bit was even more weird.

It's hardly been a week since Delilah was taken care of, trapped in her own fairy tale world. Dunwall was still recovering, and so were Corvo, who had been trapped in stone for two months, and Emily, who worked to restore her throne.

Corvo was still somewhat weak from the prolonged imprisonment, but he had said it was better than Coldridge Prison, so he won't complain. Emily was mostly just happy to be home and didn't need to scavenge up food or coin, even if it was fun at times. Both of them spent the first few days just… resting, doing light work. And no one blamed them. But then, Attano got a surprise visit from an 'old friend', if he could call him that…

"Corvo, my dear friend," the familiar echo of the Outsider's voice rang in his ears and he let out a muffled groan. Suddenly waking up in the Void was never fun, and probably never will be. Maybe only to this God though.

"Outsiders… It's been a while, hasn't it?" the Royal Protector got off the bed and saw he was, as usual, on a piece of rock floating in the Void. "I see nothing's changed here," he muttered to himself, looking at the Whale passing by casually.

"It has been an interesting two months, hasn't it? Your daughter impressed me in much the same way you did, when we first met," the Leviathan was sitting on a slob of stone and Corvo leaned on a broken wall nearby.

"She mentioned yes… I'm proud she managed to restrain herself, even when faced with all these enemies," the father couldn't keep the pride from his voice as he smiled. Emily really outdid herself, but she always said it was because of him. Because she was trying to follow in his footsteps of never shedding blood until absolutely necessary.

"I'm curious, if you would have done the same," the Outsider asked, a small glimmer in his black eyes and a ghost of a smile on his lips.

"…I would have tried," came the answer. "I don't know about Delilah… I heard-," he cut himself off, rubbing his face. It was still a lot to take in, what Daud did fifteen years ago. And how his former Lieutenant – Billie Lurk helped Emily now. He learned all that soon after being freed as Emily needed to tell someone who would understand fully.

"It seems your mercy has rubbed off on more than your daughter," the God sounded so amused as he said that and disappeared in his usual fashion, only to appear atop a stone wall, moments later.

"Are you lonely today? Because you're clearly just… killing time," Attano said suddenly, and he saw the Outsider was taken back. Heck, he even looked away.

"We haven't spoken in two months," the God quickly recovered and disappeared, only to appear in front of the Royal Protector a moment later. "I am curious."

"Emily would probably be able to tell you more about anything that happened than me," Attano said automatically, mentally smacking himself. He still doesn't like the fact his daughter got Marked, but it was her choice. He's just waiting for her to ask him about his own Mark. Not looking forward to that conversation though…

"Perhaps… But she is, new, to all of this. And needs more time to process all of it. You on the other hand, are quite used to it," Corvo only frowned slightly as the Leviathan seemed to chuckle.

"Shall we take a walk?" the Outsider smirked and waved his hand towards the left, where stone and metal seemed to appear of out nowhere to create a path from one floating island to the other.

"You really are acting weirder than usual…" Corvo let out a small chuckle but followed the Leviathan none the less.

"I feel as if I should… apologize," the Outsider said as they walked. Attano gave him a baffled look because today was just getting weirder and weirder.

"I did not know about Delilah until it was too late… She drifted in the Void for a near decade, before being freed. I should have warned you," the God didn't look at his mortal friend, instead keeping his eyes fixed in the distance.

"Yeah, you probably should have…" Corvo said with a small sigh and saw the Leviathan twitch slightly. "But she probably would have found some other way to do this…" he added soon after and continued walking, even as the Outsider stopped in his tracks.

"Corvo," the God said and it sounded anxious? Worried? He couldn't quite place it, but the Royal Protector sat down on some rocks, resting his arms on his knees.

"Do you think it is my fault? That Delilah did, what she did?" the question took the mortal by surprise, especially since it sounded like he wanted to add more. But still, Attano shook his head, to make sure he heard right.

"…You sound guilty?" he stated first because he still hasn't processed the fact the Outsider asked him a question like that.

"Perhaps I am," the Leviathan had his hands behind his back, staring off into the Void again.

Corvo sighed and leaned back on the stones, looking up at the purple glowing lantern floating by. He wasn't really sure what to say, because, he never thought he'd have to say it. Then again, maybe it was who he had to say it to that was so strange.

"How long ago did you Mark Delilah?"

"Decades," was the answer, and Attano could see the God tense. "She may not show it, wandering the Void for 12 years, but she's much older than she seems."

"And Daud?" he never took his eyes off his companion who frowned slightly.

"He was seeking me out since a young age… I granted him the mark at the age of 25, I believe," his voice was getting more and more strained.

"That's about the same age Emily is…" Corvo mused, letting out a small sigh. "I was near 40 when you gave it to me… Hah, now I really do feel old."

"Do you have a point here?" the Outsider snapped his head to the mortal, actually looking annoyed. "You didn't answer my question."

"…" Corvo gave him a steady look before closing his eyes and shaking his head. "My point, is that people change over the years." Opening his eyes, he saw the Leviathan looked puzzled and confused and couldn't help but chuckle.

"If you have given me my Mark at the age most others got it, things would have been different. So, when you Marked Delilah and Daud, you might now have really seen what would happen… You can't control us or our actions."

There was a moment of silence as the Outsider seemed to process the information, relaxing his stance and opening his eyes slightly.

"So, no, I don't blame you for what Delilah did. Or Daud, for that matter…" the last bit was said more silently, but it seemed to echo in the Void. "We make our own choices. You just gave us the tools to do it."

Another silence as the two stared at each other, before the Royal Protector looked away and into the Void again.

"I'm from Serkonos… And Emily was there now…" his voice was softer, quieter, as his expression turned to sadness. "There's always at least one duet singing that song, even if it's not the Month of Darkness yet," glancing at the Outsider showed him stiffen again. "I know it supposedly tells your story… What they did to you. Don't know how much of it is true, but it's the closest thing we have to a real story… So, I know you didn't chose this yourself," a humorless chuckle escaped him. "Seems like none of us ever did…"

"…Thank you, Corvo," the God said and Attano could have sworn he saw a real smile on his lips right before he disappeared. But this time, he didn't see him appear again.

"We have never really had a proper conversation have we… I'm glad we finally did, even if it's for the last time," the words echoed all around and Corvo was confused, but seconds later, he woke up in his bed, as he was supposed to.

It was about a week later, that both Corvo and Emily felt something shift. Their Marks burned and it was only luck it didn't happen during some meeting or whatnot, since they both felt like their hand would melt.

"What was that?" Emily asked, holding her pained hand and looking from the Mark to her father. By now, she knew his story, if only partly, because he didn't wish to go into detail of what happened fifteen years ago. And she can't blame him.

"…Something's happened to the Outsider…" Corvo muttered, seeing the Mark pulse ever so slightly. And the last words the God gave him rang in his head. I'm glad we finally did, even if it's for the last time.

"Should we search for a shrine? See what's wrong?" the Empress asked, concern in her voice as she gently rubbed the Mark.

"I doubt we'd find anything… But it may be worth a try."

For about a week, the duo scoured Dunwall when able, searching for shrines. And while they did find some, they were… dead. No eerie light, no whispering Runes, no shadows licking the floor and walls. Corvo eventually told his daughter of the Outsider's visit, though he didn't do into great detail of what they talked.

The thing which confused them, was the fact their powers still worked. Though at times they would spike, like Corvo overshooting his Blink or Emily's Far Reach gripping too tightly to a fence. They had tried to not use them for that reason, but sometimes it was still needed. Corvo had a near heart attack when he thought he'd trapped himself out of time forever when using Bend Time. Or the time they had to shove Emily's Doppelganger into a closet because it wouldn't disappear. That was a hectic week indeed, but after it was over, what came next effectively turned everything on its head.

"So, as you can see, we will need further funding for a proper reconstruction," Lord Baylish spoke clearly and calmly, standing in front of the Empress who was leaning her cheek on her palm and her Royal Protector looked half asleep.

"Yes, I see," Emily answered absentmindedly. "I'll make sure the proper funds are given."

"Thank you, your majesty," the Lord bowed with a smile and turned to leave, his guards following soon after.

"How many more?" she whispered, tilting her head slightly towards the direction of her father. When no answer came, she turned fully only to find his eyes closed and a soft snore coming from.

"Oh for the love of-," she grumbled and jabbed her elbow into the man's side, effectively making him jump and pull out his sword.

"You fell asleep," she accused and disapproved as Corvo cursed under his breath.

"You sleep more than I do and you know it."

"That doesn't excuse you, Royal Protector."

The answer was a half exhausted glare, but she gave her own tired frown as the two looked like they were ready to drop dead. Just as Emily was about to ask, again, how many more meetings she had to do, the doors opened and a guard stepped in.

"Forgive me, your majesty," he bowed, sounding anxious. "But, there is someone who insists she must speak to you immediately."

"Don't they all…" the Empress muttered, luckily silent enough for the man not to hear. "Who is she?" she said more loudly.

"Meagan Foster, your highness," at the name, both Marked tensed and stiffened, their exhaustion seemingly forgotten. "She has someone with her as well."

"Send them in," Corvo said, his hand already moving to grip his sword. Emily herself moved her arms so she would have her own weapon out in a second.

"Right away," the guard gave a final bow before leaving.

"I got a bad feeling about this…"

It was a minute later that the doors opened again and two figures walked in. One, the two quickly realized was Billie – Meagan – wearing her white coat and a scarf around her head to try and avoid being recognized. The other one was… familiar, but at the same time, new. A man in a hood, wearing a black coat similar to Lurk's, his hands pale like snow.

"Meagan," Emily said flatly, still having mixed feelings about the woman who helped murder her mother. "Or do you prefer Billie?"

"Billie, so long as no one else is around," Lurk grinned and took off the scarf, showing her red glowing eye and not hiding her right arm.

"What happened to you?" the Empress' suspicions vanished as she saw the strange body parts. But she fixed it. She saved Stilton. Billie was supposed to have both her eye and arm back to being whole.

"…He did," the former assassin simply nodded to the hooded man and both of them felt a very familiar feeling. Even if it was only phantom of what it used to be.

"Greetings, Corvo, Emily," the man pulled down his hood to reveal the face of the Outsider, a smile on his face and his eyes no longer pick black.

The duo simply stared in stunned silence, their weapons forgotten, their body language rigid with shock and their eyes wide.

"How-?" Corvo couldn't even properly form a sentence as Emily stood up.

"Is this real?" the daughter asked, descending the stairs, her father close behind.

"It is," the Outsider said, sounding… so human. It was weirder than most of what else had happened in the past few months.

"…" Attano stared for a few seconds, before putting his face in his hands and letting out a muffled groan. "Do I even what to know what happened?"

"It's a long story," Billie spoke up, giving a smug and almost satisfying smirk. "I'm sure you'd find it interesting if you'd listen."

"Well, I didn't have anything important to do for today anyway," the Empress grinned, folding her arms. "And I'm sure your story is much more interesting than boring old politics."

"…I'll cancel the rest of your meetings then," Corvo looked tired and done as he kept looking at the former God.

"Cancel your own as well. You're listening with me."

At the end of the tale, when all four of them were in a small, private room sharing tea, a silence covered the room. The Outsider didn't speak much, only added a comment here or there, as Billie explained the majority of it.

"…Daud sure had some wild ideas…" Corvo said, leaning on the table. "First an Empress, then a Witch and finally a God…" a humorless chuckle escaped him.

"I'm surprised you managed to convince him to help you, after his… defiant intent on killing him," Emily held the cup in her hands, giving a small nod to the Outsider.

"It wasn't easy… But I like to imagine he's a peace. More so, than if we had killed again," Billie looked down at the tea, sorrow in her expression.

"It's delicious," the Outsider said suddenly, probably on his fifth cup of tea. The Marked look at him in mild confusion, before recalling that he hasn't been able to really see, taste, feel or smell anything in over four thousand years.

"I can ask Mina to make a different one, if you wish," Emily offered a kind smile.

"…Thank you," was the slightly embarrassed reply as the three around him all laughed or smiled.

"I can't say I know what you're going through," Corvo leaned back in the chair, looking at the former God. "But being trapped in stone like I was, I can imagine what it may be like…"

"It's… all new," the Outsider had a small, excited smile on his face. "I can't imagine what else I can find now… Four thousand years truly changes a world."

"About that," Billie caught their attention, but she was looking at the ground. "I didn't bring him here, just so we could explain what happened. I was hoping I could leave him in your care."

"…What?" Emily and Corvo asked in the same manner, head moving back, eyes wide and blinking. It actually made the former God and Assassin laugh. Truly, father and daughter.

"Consider him an… adopted brother," Lurk raised the cup to her mouth, taking a sip. "He has no powers, so he can't mess with anything. And he's too… new, for this world to just leave him wandering around."

"Why can't you take care of him? You saved him," Corvo was still reeling from the question while Emily seemed to be thinking it over.

"Please, do I strike you as the type of person who could take care of a kid?"

"I am not a child…"

"Maybe, but you're as clueless as one."

"I like the idea."

"Emily?!"

"On one condition," the Empress smirked, eyes focused on Billie. "That you stay here, in Dunwall, and work for me."

"Excuse you?" now it was Billie's turn to look in shock as Corvo covered his face with his hand. The Outsider was merely enjoying the development and sipping tea.

"You heard me. A woman of your skill… We could use that. You wouldn't be an assassin, mind you. A spy. Maybe even the Spymaster. You'd be paid, have a place to live here… everything you'd need," Emily continued, her smirk turning into a smile.

"…A fulling life, eh?" Lurk mused, setting her cup down. "What about my crimes? Pretty sure people would still recognize my face."

"A full pardon," the Empress said without hesitation. "No one really knows you were part of mother's murder. Only other, minor crimes. And let's not forget the fact you helped me take back my throne and defeat Delilah."

"…You're serious about this?"

"I am."

"…Then who am I to refuse her majesty?"

"Wonderful! My father can begin working with the Outsider to help him adjust and I can help you begin a new life."

"Hey now, I never agreed-!"

"Corvo, it would seem we will be spending some more time together."

"I'm too old for this shit."

As Billie watched the bickering between the oldest and, in a way, the youngest among them, she looked out the window and could have sworn she saw Daud, smiling. He looked… content, at peace… more than she'd ever seen him before.

"You probably would have regretted killing him, just as much as I would have. I'm glad you helped him. You never could turn away a kid in need," she thought with a smile before the new set of tea arrived.

And cut! So, yeah, short one shot about something I needed to put down. Came out better than I thought, actually... Anyway, hope you all enjoyed it and thanks for reading! Consider reviewing would you? I'd love to hear how my first Dishonored story turned out =D

[karyu-endan]

Twilight Chapter 9 review: I actually... liked this one? Huh.

I… I can’t believe it. A whole chapter of Twilight went by and I didn’t find anything new to complain about.

In chapter 1 Bella is an ungrateful bitch.

In chapter 2 Bella proves herself a compulsive liar.

In chapter 3 Bella shows the first signs of being a Mary Sue.

In chapter 4 everyone is an idiot.

In chapter 5 Edward’s an abuser.

In chapter 6 all the tension built up before it goes to waste with spoon-fed answers.

In chapter 7 Bella fails at doing research.

In chapter 8 everyone is an asshole, including the supposedly nice Angela.

This chapter… has nothing that substantial. Oh there were things I didn’t like about it, certainly, but most of it is more of the same. And, however much it may surprise some of you… There are a few things I liked about this chapter. If you hate Twilight and are looking for a review that accentuates the negative, you’ve come to the wrong place; if anything, I’m going to be doing the opposite and accentuating the positive about this one. Because Meyer doing something right is rare, and when it happens, credit needs to be given where credit is due.

With that out of the way, here is my review of Twilight chapter 9!

Let’s talk about those good parts, shall we?

The chapter opens with a more detailed explanation of Edward’s mind-reading abilities than we got in chapter 8. I like this a lot; it gives us a concrete definition of Edward’s ability, pointing out its strength, range of effect, and limitations. This is very important because it provides us a standard to measure the consistency of Edward’s power later down the road. If Edward’s powers aren’t working the way they should, we can refer back to this chapter to make sure. If Edward’s power becomes critical to the plot later, we can know right away whether it was a consistent use of his abilities or an ass pull.

Unfortunately, Meyer contradicts this very power definition later in the same chapter, when Edward claims he’s never gotten a ticket or got into a car accident because he can use his mind-reading as a form of radar. That doesn’t make sense because Edward just established that his power’s range is proportional to the familiarity of the target (as in, the better he knows you, the farther away he can hear your thoughts) and maxes out at a few miles.

Edward was driving at 100 miles per hour when he said this. After sundown. Even giving his maximum range a generous ten miles with Carlisle as his target, he’d only have six minutes to avoid him assuming he’s stationary. Cut that time in half if Carlisle was approaching him at the same speed. And reduce that further if they were accelerating. That’d still be enough time for Edward’s vampire reflexes to react… but he’s not as familiar with any random passerby on the street as he is with Carlisle. You’d have to cut his sensing range down much smaller, to the point that Edward would need to be so close to his target that he wouldn’t be able to avoid hitting them in time if he were driving at 100 mph.

And that’s not getting into how Edward needs to concentrate on a specific target in order to hear clear thoughts; it just comes in like a buzz by default. Edward wouldn’t be able to tell who among him are police officers (so he’d know when to slow down and avoid getting speeding tickets) without having an idea who they are ahead of time and deliberately looking for them. Never mind that concentrating on his mind-reading could distract him from paying attention to the road. Though I suppose that last weakness could be corrected by a century’s worth of practice. But then Edward never got into an accident or got a ticket, so he was perfect before practicing… Ugh.

Regardless of the immediate contradiction though, props to Meyer for giving us a straight definition of Edward’s mind-reading. All the easier to point out when it goes wrong.

The next thing I like about this chapter is that Edward probably came off more like he was supposed to. Back in chapter 8 I talked about how Edward should have been afraid of killing the rapists instead of angry at leaving them alive… well, Edward is still angry, but angry at something more appropriate.

He was angry at Bella declaring that what he is doesn’t matter.

That is a statement worth being angry about. During this chapter, Edward makes it clear he doesn’t want to be a monster, and is doing everything he can (short of taking the initiative of staying away from Bella) to avoid being overcome by his vampiric bloodlust and eating humans. To Edward, what he is does matter, and Bella saying it doesn’t is making light of his struggles. According to Bella, reverting back into a monster and eating all the humans he wants would be completely fine. And that’s not fine. Bella’s statement was extremely insensitive and Edward’s anger in response is a natural and fitting reaction given who he is.

The last thing that struck me as particularly good this chapter was the very end of it. The whole scene of Bella going to bed was well put together and gave the impact it needed. From the moment Bella finished her phone call with Jessica about the jacket she left behind to the long, awkward shower and finally to hugging under the covers to keep herself warm, it really felt like Bella was overwhelmed by everything she learned this chapter and was struggling to process her thoughts. Edward metaphorically opened a door to a whole new world and Bella was taking the time she needed to adjust her eyes to what was on the other side. Normally Bella’s narration being what it is (read: monotone and melancholic) makes scenes bland and boring, but for scenes like this, it works surprisingly well. Bella felt cold the whole way and so did I reading it.

Speaking of which, the emphasis on Bella feeling very cold works on a symbolic level. This chapter was pretty much a point of no return for Bella. The Volturi decreed that any human that learns about vampires must be killed or turned into a vampire themselves, and Bella just learned without a doubt that the Cullens are vampires from Edward himself. No matter how Bella’s life wound up from here, vampires were going to be involved one way or another; there was no going back to an ordinary life. That may have even been why Edward warned Bella that he’s not the most dangerous thing in the world and that she shouldn’t go into the woods on her own; he knows he just risked the Volturi coming after her head by telling her everything he did. Even if Meyer didn’t plan the Volturi this early, that’s how I’m interpreting it. And as the story pointed out a couple of times already, Edward feels cold and the Quileutes call vampires the “cold ones”; coldness has consistently been linked to vampirism. Effectively, Bella feeling so cold at the end of the chapter represents vampire-kind placing an irrevocable claim on her soul. She’s a part of the vampire world now whether she wants to be or not, and the scene definitely showed that.

Of course, even with all that good stuff in this chapter, there were still some moments I didn’t like. But aside from that inconsistency with Edward’s powers, all of them are pretty minor and I won’t go into quite as much detail as I usually do. Here they are:

-While Edward was right to be angry at Bella’s insensitivity, he was also aggravated enough by Jacob telling Bella about vampires that Bella’s first instinct was to protect Jacob any way she could. I’m not sure how I feel about Bella thinking Jacob being in danger of Edward even though he’s very far away. Downside is that Edward is vindictive enough to actually force this reaction out of Bella… and according to Midnight Sun, apparently Edward actually was thinking about going down to La Push and slaughtering the entire tribe because he perceives Jacob being Spoilers and Wolf as violating the non-aggression treaty. So much for being angry at the right things… On the upside though, it does establish Edward’s antagonism for Jacob before they even meet.

-I’m getting tired of seeing Edward’s “crooked smile”. Is that supposed to be attractive? Because all I get from reading “crooked smile” is that Edward is a sadistic asshole (and he has laughed at Bella’s and Mike’s expense before).

-The same irresponsibility and mixed messages from chapter 4 come up here. Edward says he’s dangerous and Bella should stay away from him… but then he’s also worried that Bella’s going to die without him and can’t leave her alone… but he’s also pretty clear about how Bella leaving of her own will is impossible, so the only one with the power to end their relationship is Edward… But Edward’s still confused about Bella’s unreadable mind and won’t be satisfied until he has an answer… But the more Edward’s around Bella, the harder it is for him to control his bloodlust… You get the idea.

-Bella’s freaked out by Edward’s driving because, according to her, Charlie raised her to abide by the traffic laws. I’ll keep that Lawful Good upbringing in mind when people start talking about murder.

-Edward apparently notices Bella crying before Bella notices she’s crying. Either Vampire processing speed is at fault, or Bella is exceptionally unobservant. Or both… I’m going with both.

With all that out of the way, the chapter concludes with Bella affirming that she is in love with Edward, insane as that is, and before he left they promised to sit together at lunch the following day… and Edward promised to show Bella why he can’t appear in the sunlight sometime later. So there are a couple things to be “excited” about going forward.

Oh… before I end this, Edward says that burning in the sunlight and sleeping in a coffin are myths. Well, all myths have to start somewhere and have at least some basis in reality… I can easily see the Volturi coming up with the “burning in the sunlight” thing and spreading rumours about it to cover up the “sparkling in the sunlight” reality… but sleeping in a coffin? Where did that one come from? Vampires in this universe don’t sleep at all. These are the things I’m really curious about.

See you next time.

[i-just-like-commenting]

Game of Thrones s7e1 mini-review

I’m doing this in the style of my aborted first attempt at watching the show, which is to say that I’m dividing it up into sections.  Like this show always does, it had moments I loved and moments I wanted to beat up the writers for. Spoilers obviously follow.

The Good

Oh did I miss that opening theme song. Never any complaints about the music for this, Ramin Djawadi is a gift.

Look, the opening is ridiculous if you think about it too long (what exactly are Arya's powers, did they skip most of her training so that they could fudge on this for the rest of the series?), but I did love the speech Arya gives while posing as Walder Frey. In a better show this would be the sign of Arya becoming a new villain as she murders a huge number of people in cold blood, though maybe the lines from Jon about not punishing whole families for the crimes of some, and her moment of realizing the red cloaks are human are foreshadowing of her moving away from her single-minded revenge mindset and questioning her actions? We’ll see.

The shot of the white walkers and their undead army approaching. The show has always managed them well as far as I’m concerned, and I wish we would just get to the big final struggle because they’d be great at it.

Tormund eagerly volunteering to defend the Wall. “We’re the Night’s Watch now” -- very cool.

You know, some people are going to complain about the line about Ned and Robb making “stupid mistakes,” but I’m only going to half-complain because no, Ned didn’t, but Robb sure did, and he did so by not listening to the smarter woman nearby, i.e. Catelyn. There is a definite parallel there in Jon not listening to Sansa, who yes, was closer to the halls of power than he’s been in a long time.

Okay, the montage of Sam doing chores as an initiate at Oldtown is actually funny, come at me haters. It also shows Sam’s commitment. He’ll deal with any shit you throw at him - literally - if he can be a maester. I liked everything in Oldtown, honestly, and I hope they keep in the Big Final Reveal.

Sansa talking back to Littlefinger. Dear heavens, girl, just have Brienne kill him. She'd do it, and he's earned it, and if you tell them he killed Lysa you'd have the Vale's men. Is this just misplaced loyalty? Or is she trying to use him?

Most of everything with Beric, Thoros, and Sandor (see the exception below). It’s finally some course correction on Sandor’s characterization, though I wish they’d seeded it last season. Maybe have him obviously trying to cover a sense of guilt, express curiosity about Ray’s version of religion even while expressing doubts, etc. Still, I’ll always take characters acting more like themselves.

Dany’s arrival at Dragonstone was pretty great and suitably dramatic...but as a matter of personal preference, I don’t like “Shall we begin?” as an ending line. Something like “I’ve come home” would’ve given me way more feels. That said, most of my affection for Dany is still book-derived, as she’s basically as much a supervillain as Cersei is in the show.

The Odd

How does Bran having creepy knowledge prove that he's Bran? This speech is a non sequitor to Edd's question - though Edd  obviously brings them inside anyway because he's on Jon's side of "no more bodies for the wight army."

I'm putting this here because I'm going to have to see more, but right now I do not like what's going on with Jaime. We ended last season with him glaring daggers at her after she killed a mass of people with wildfire, i.e. the same thing he killed Aerys to prevent, and he doesn’t even mention it. I'd consider that Bad, but NCW is playing Jaime a bit like a man walking on eggshells, not sure of what he should be doing but pretty sure his sister has gone off the deep end. It's not how I'd write his reaction, but then again it was his reaction to her lesser crimes in aFfC, so as with Sandor it feels like a bit of a course alignment. We'll see where it goes.

The Dumb

The Arbor Gold is red...that's just a simply mistake to fix, especially when it's voice-over.

Wtf is Euron wearing? That outfit looks straight out of Hot Topic, not the late middle ages. His entire performance is just hammy and over-the-top which...isn't completely wrong, so long as it proves to be a front for a personality far more sinister.

"Hands of Gold" sung completely outside of its context of someone taunting Tyrion for his relationship with Shae, by Ed freaking Sheeran in the most obvious, blatant stunt-casting cameo I've seen in a long time.

"Are you old enough to drink?" You had children drinking in earlier seasons, water purification hasn't been invented, this is the most anachronistic question you could put in their mouths. Something like "This might be too strong for someone as young as you" would have worked better.

Um, how is Gilly staying in Oldtown? They brought up how women aren’t allowed in, why is she there, with what everyone believes is their child, without any explanation? Give me some half-assed excuse, like they’re lying about her being his sister or something.

The Bad

How do we show our badass female character is badass? Stick in an unnecessary barb about how she's not going to be knitting. Also, acting like fighting is the only thing they will need to survive the apocalypse. That's poor planning, right there. You need people running supply lines, including making warm clothing so they don't all freeze to death. Sure, let the girls who are willing to fight learn to fight, but not everybody can and not everybody should, male or female.

Sansa doesn't deny admiring Cersei, she just says she learned a great deal from her - true, but given how badly she was treated in King's Landing, I'd like to have heard her add "but that doesn't mean I admire her."

Cersei magically knows everything happening in Slaver's Bay. How? Both of the people she could get intelligence from - Littlefinger and Varys - have defected at this point. Did Daenerys send out messages proclaiming her coming and all its details? Or does Cersei know because she's read the rest of the script?

Tormund leering at an uninterested Brienne, again treated as a funny ship tease, when it's basically him being a stalker.

The complete lack of consistency on snow. Arya-as-Walder says winter has arrived, but she travels only a bit south, only there's no snow to be seen. And Beric and Sandor should be in the same general area (the Riverlands) but there's plenty of snow there. I know they had issues with the weather (curse you climate change!) but it took me out of the story.

Beric: "Why am I here?" Me: "Because the showrunners cut out the enormous plot chunk that is Lady Stoneheart, you should be dead, Jaime and Brienne should have had their own separate plots that lead to them encountering Lady Stoneheart and basically the entire show would have been so much better."

[marvelandponder]

The Messy Fun of B-Canon

Should I Read It? Short Answer: Yeah! Not the most involved story the comics have gone into, but for a single issue, it’s certainly a worthwhile little story, especially if you’re interested in Starswirl the Bearded and/or Luna and Celestia’s past.

Spoilers will be discussed from now on, so enjoy the comic on iTunes, in stores, from wherever you get your comics, or here in video form (uhhh, what? Who said that? Reading comics for free—pffft, I never do that…).

Starswirl the Bearded is a mysterious figure in MLP lore. One who’s actually already had several different depictions outside of the show, and yet still remains so because at this point it’s become up to preference which you consider canon.

The most notable are the stories where we get to spend time with him, as mentions like the Rainbow Rocks backstory and brief appearances like the Sirens’ Fiendship is Magic are certainly neat, but don’t offer too much in the way of real character aside from what you may read into yourself.

The Journal of the Two Sisters gives us a look at him through the eyes of a very young Luna and Celestia, who at the time are just becoming princesses because he (and the ponies from A Hearth’s Warming Eve) approached them. He apparently even coronated them himself, so it’s no wonder why they looked up to him right from the start (if, found him a bit “unusual”).

Here, it’s his strangeness that lead him to creating so many spells, according to Celestia, as he thought of things no one else would. 

This seems to fall in line with the old kooky Pinkie parallel depicted in the Reflections arc. Luna makes that comparison herself at one point, and it’s quite apt. He’s rather silly and eccentric, explaining his fascination with a big old hat with bells on it in a funny way without taking away too much dignity from the figure.

After all, we know Pinkie. The more Starswirl is likened to her, to more we know his silliness will never go so far as to make him shallow or uncaring. He proves throughout his time in this arc, too, that he can be serious when necessary—even, perhaps, to his detriment. 

In Reflections, he has to tell Celestia to stop travelling to the alternate dimension where the good King Sombra lives. It’s for a good reason, there can be consequences to this dimension-hopping romance, but I have to wonder if this is why Celestia thinks Starswirl never understood friendship as well as Twilight did.

The guy’s certainly not heartless or cruel, and not much of a loner, really, so we’re left with choices like this to demonstrate why Celestia hold that view of him. She was pretty heart-broken over this, so it might just be her bias speaking. 

Or, perhaps this is symptomatic of Starswirl’s usual mindset: instead of doing what he could to help this blossoming relationship survive (finding a way around all the paradoxes since he’s, y’know, a magical genius), he forbade it for the greater good… which, I mean, only resulted in Celestia sneaking behind his back anyway, but whatever. He had a good reason, it just may have damaged their relationship in the long run, as Celestia later says things were never the same between them after he found out she disobeyed his orders.

On that bright note, now we come to the Legends of Magic depiction of Starswirl!

Here, he’s a fair bit younger and seems rather strict. He’s not afraid to give the girls some tough love to get a lesson to hit home.

If Legends and Reflections are still canon with each other (question mark), it paints a nice picture of him; an all around eccentric guy who was a strict mentor in the beginning, and perhaps grew sillier and with age, but was still able to lay down the law when needed.

For that matter, it’s interesting to me that the most prominent depictions of Starswirl always seem to have a balance between his silly side and his strict, non-nonsense mentoring side, because they both come with pros and cons.

His more out-there side, where he takes himself less seriously, seems to provide some of his most brilliant ideas and allows for him to have a sense of humour. It seems this is when he’s best able to connect with his students, too. Even if he is a bit of a goof.

You people wonder why I keep babbling about the parent-child parallels between the teachers and students in this dang franchise. It cute.

On the other hand, his worldly, serious side lets him take charge in dangerous situations and get through to his two students when they need it most. Although, it can come off as callousness and has hurt both Luna and Celestia, even if they needed the lesson.

Granted, having two opposing traits battling for dominance might be the result of the writers of these various materials not necessarily coordinating, but it can also be seen within each work, and I think it works really well. The worldly adventurer and the old eccentric are two well-worn tropes that could be used on their own when developing Starswirl’s character, but by combining these tropes into one character, you get a more interesting, 3-dimensional dynamic!

Although, these two sides to Starswirl aren’t the only thing that seems to contradict itself, and it’s here where this analysis/review has to talk about… *shudders* continuity errors.

Well, okay, I can mostly shrug off minor continuity errors here and there (mostly because even for the brief time I wrote for a fan show, I found it crazy how many little details I had to be reminded of by other writers in the chat; I have admiration for the poor bastards who do this for a living).

On the other hand, continuity errors so big that they bring other stories from b-canon into question are a different story. I still have sympathy for the writers, but that just makes my job as a (non)Professional Analytic Bullshitter much more… creative.

So, let’s try to explain (bullshit) some pretty big continuity errors, shall we?

Continuity Error? # 1: Starswirl’s Impeccable Sense of Timing (… get it? TIME)

Okay, so we know the order of these stories—Journal, Legends, Reflections—but that’s about where the logical flow stops.

During the beginning of Legends, Celestia tells Sunburst that Starswirl went missing before Luna became Nightmare Moon, but that directly contradicts the flashbacks laced throughout Reflections, which took place (for the most part) after Luna became Nightmare Moon.

There’s also the fact that Reflections keeps stubbornly referring to Starswirl as Celestia’s mentor, not Luna and Celestia’s—to the point that Luna at one point says she doesn’t remember much of him outside of his appearance.

2/3 say he mentored them both and that’s cuter in my book, so screw that. 

So, let’s just focus on the mysterious whereabouts of Starswirl the Bearded. That one sounds cooler, anyway.

Some fans have already speculated that Celestia might be lying to Sunburst about exactly when and how Starswirl disappeared, basically just to cover up the whole I-almost-destroyed-not-one-but-two-dimensions fiasco, which is an explanation that has merit. 

In Reflections, Celestia apparently kept this whole story a secret from even Luna up until she absolutely had to tell her. Mostly because of all the guilt and other messy feelings involved, but this was something she and Starswirl originally experimented on in secret.

If she didn’t tell her own sister for that long, I could see Celestia covering up the sad truth that she lost Starswirl both emotionally and physically sometime after she lost her sister. Especially if she still blames herself for at least one of those.

Continuity Error? #2: The Castle

There’s a bit of confusion now on when exactly Canterlot Castle was built, if the sisters appear to be living there as teenagers in this comic, but built The Castle of the Two Sisters in the Everfree forest shortly after their coronation as kids.

However, while I don’t know if this was intentional or not, I can find an explanation in the Journal. When Luna and Celestia were coronated, Princess Platinum, Chancellor Puddinghead, and Commander Hurricane didn’t just buzz off. In fact, at the time Luna and Celestia didn’t even have their cutie marks yet, so responsibilities like raising the sun and the moon were left to teams of ponies (one of which being Starswirl).

It would stand to reason to me that Canterlot Castle originally belonged to that lot of leaders, as a sort of middle-ground between their three castles since the country was united. 

This seems to be backed up by something Celestia writes:

“I had a great time meeting with Private Pansy, Clover the Clever, and Smart Cookie, the three representatives from the Pegasai, Unicorns, and Earth ponies who originally came up to Canterlot.” - page 57, The Journal of the Two Sisters

They may have ruled from there all together, or met there for meetings, or what have you, but that would make sense. Even if they wanted these young alicorns to represent all Equestria, they couldn’t exactly leave it to inexperienced children to do it quite yet.

Speaking of which…

Continuity Error? #3: Princess Personalities

It’s not just Starswirl who got a brand new bag for Legends of Magic #1! Teenage Celestia in particular shows off some real thoughtlessness and attitude, really rubbing it in that her younger sister can’t keep up with her.

Some have called this into question, as in the Journal of the Two Sisters, a young Celestia is quite the dork. Geeking out over libraries and scrolls, anxiously doubting the choice to make her a princess, etc. 

She’s certainly very thoughtful (even Twilight-esque) at a young age, so it might seem backwards for her to be even more immature as a teenager.

But, then again, we know the timeline here.

By the time Celestia’s a teenager, she’s been a princess for years. The Journal only covers the time just after her coronation (in addition to being her and her sister’s journal, with a obvious bias) and when she and Luna got their cutie marks.

There’s a time-gap in between that might seem a bit small in comparison to the hundreds of years she seemed to remain relatively unchanged. However, given how fame and power has been known for corrupting those who grow up surrounded by it, it’s not too far-fetched for me to think vast amounts of ponies worshiping her for doing something no one else has ever had the power to do on their own got to her.

Besides, that seemed to be in the narrative of the original lore. Celestia was praised, and because of it was relatively blind to her sister’s slow descent into jealousy and depression. 

Speaking of which, between Celestia’s unkind treatment and the Nightmare forces, I’ve seen it suggested that Luna seems to be more a victim of circumstance than a true villain in her own story. 

The delicious dramatic irony in this story only adds to that perception. A young Luna is the only one who can hear the dark whispers from the dimension she was dragged into, and it seems that whatever wanted her power seemed to think she’d already become Nightmare Moon (or, was trying to speed up the process). 

Plus, Starswirl keeps foreshadowing her descent in ways that might be too obvious for some, but just make me feel so sorry for them, that they think they’re out of the woods for good. I’m a sucker for the sap.

But as to whether Nightmare Moon was Luna’s fault, I still think it was Luna’s choices and jealousy that sealed her fate. Whether Nightmare Moon was a force entirely from Luna or not, she was willingly calling on it. At most, Luna seems a bit in awe of the forces transforming her, but it was absolutely her decision to listen to the dark whispers in the back of her mind.

So, in the end, that just makes Legends of Magic all the more endearing, with the power of hindsight. I can totally see how the continuity … mess would turn some readers off, and how some will find the foreshadowing/dramatic irony (more so the latter, since we as the audience will exclusively appreciate this with the knowledge of what’s to come already in mind) for Luna’s fall a bit heavy-handed, but dang, if the character dynamics in this trio worth the long wait for more of their adventures.

With any luck, that’s the part of this comic that ties into season 7. Here’s to hoping!

Year of the Pony