#this seems like a repeated behavior where theyll get called out

[toaster-hair]

because i keep getting notes for that one puppychan post, i wanted to mention that i actually found their(his) new blog. not going to share it for obvious reasons but he seems to be a lot happier and his community isnt full of minors now. glad to see him improve as a person (and as an artist!)

im not really sure if they should be back on the internet so soon after he left (iirc he left the internet when he was around 19 and the blog seems to have been made when he was 20 or younger) but at least it isnt twitter

i originally wrote this unsure if they were puppychan but ive found proof of him being puppychan. im still not going to share their blog name (although its pretty easy to find) because even though hes done a lot of awful things, i do want to see him get better. but hes gotten back on the internet way too soon. like, got called out in 2022 and came back 2023.

[dyke1]

i cannot find the post or if I imagined it but that that one tweet where one of the writers is like id like to think homophobia or the concept of the closet whatever doesn't exist in the future is so so strange when it comes to Bangalore's character cause she is portrayed as this person who (imo) represents a lot of the repressed nature found in a structural environments like the IMC and military in general who uphold homophobia, ableism etc..

the point im getting at is i feel the writers have gone out of their way to emphasize the expression of denial and alienation in Anita's character (not believing her brothers dead[note* this one was true but still its about conveying to the audience], liking loba, not wanting to admit the ICM’s crimes, and to some extent her friendship with wraith) as faults that developed because of personal resentment and fail to consider what that would mean for a lesbian coded character like Anita.

the reason i point this out is because a lot of that denial seems to bubble into internalized hatred for herself and hostility for people who share traits she has come to recognize as "unfavorable"

like in most obvious of ways her outright refusal to renounce the IMC which..

considering she grew up on a military operated planet she still holds like a lot of misogynistic attitudes especially towards women who express themselves in a feminine manner and like you could say it stemmed from her grievances with her brothers's gf but they are still specific to women..like she makes it clear that she is directing that weariness specifically to women . she hates men too because they are stupid and self-interested... but.... anyone can be stupid and act like that and ESPECIALLY in this character just makes her seem even more aligned with lesbianism actually... like even just her excessive use of the term ladies in squads full of men, “dont call me lady” etc..(btw like where do you think that was learned -_-) she has come to align feminine traits with weakness or a weapon to wield against authority in environments where that power is kinda expected to go to men. ASSUMING these structures are even just specific to Gridiron and not the Frontier as a whole its still funny that the writers were like homophobia is over :) but we still hate women who express themselves in this one specific way like ok lol

less obvious but even with wraith... the ableism there.. i just dont know why the writers would go down this path to show anita as like? this hateful person when Anita herself is NOT the most shining example of neurotypical behavior either..unless to continue the narrative of trying to distance herself from these traits.. but again they make her repeat those insults to a point it seems irredeemable which sucks cause i feel like people already find her unlikable and its continuing a narrative i find really gross.

anyways, ultimately it does result in a character that comes off with a ton of internalized lesbophobia in a universe where the concept doesn't...exist? like maybe if the loba/anita relationship where straight i could understand her not wanting to get attached to anyone, i could understand this coming off as her being a “private” person. WHICH. like she still can be... but even NOW with Valks introduction as woman who is unapologetically GAY ...its hard to not make the comparisons..like seriously..

theres a line im not sure theyll ever use for the halloween event or something but its directed towards anita and im not going to say what it is but like thinking abt it. HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO TAKE IT?

ofc this does seem like an issue of dissonance in writing with language/ perceived assumptions that dont translate well in contexts from modern life to the apex universe which i guess is also my fault so like sorry for existing in this day and age and being a lesbian but uhh ok im done whatever also i havent kept up with the lore so maybe im wrong idk

[teddy-feathers]

So to get to work we drive to the store thats being built get into a van and go bye bye to denver. And theres this one kid (hes married and has a baby so hes not a kid i just call everyone not last gen a kid cause habit) who likes dnd and me and him show up early and he wants to talk about dnd so i figure itll be destracting and I can keep up (hes making and editing classes so no i cant but it sounds cool) but the longer we sit there the more anxious i get even after the others show up the vans not there and theyre parked down a ways from us so what do they know only the guy doesnt want to move his car and even if we moved itd be aknowledgement i was wrong and didnt know what the fuck i was doing and Then there's the van showing up literally at go time So we walk over to the competent group and i sat to make room but was actually last on the bus so then moved to have space and sit by the window instead of next to a person (only to make room i sat in the middle middle and not next to the person id been talking to so now ive been weird around two people) I just got so fn anxious about all of it and it built what felt really fast and i almost uh well freaked out so i put on my music and head phones id brought only then i worried because what id we're supposed to talk or listen only the drivers playing the radio and everyone else is listening to music so i finally calmed down but Anyways i dont know the last time i was around human people but that sucked lets not repeat it today The rest of the day was spent in actually not akward small talk but the three of us who were new new dont know how to shut up because (like talking + politeness) and i really didnt want to talk just learn so i dont fuck it up and all but i dont think that kid gets that and i dont want to be rude and i wouldnt mind listening on our breaks but at the same time IVE used a smart system a telzon know how to read them and signage and how inventory works to SOME extent because ive done some of this in a different system but still i think with a little practice I'll be fine quick fast and in a hurry but this kids only worked grocery and has no fucking clue he NEEDS to be asking questions and playing with the damn telzon and figuring this out YES its a lot to take it if youve never seen it but you cant just go "yeah brains fried after the first bit of explanation i give up for the day" because like yeah these people expect you todo and understand a lot but RIGHT NOW is the time for fuck ups because rn youre new and know jack and shit and they EXPECT that so they allow for.mistakes right? Later youll say or theyll expect you to at least have grasped it and you dont want to be that guy alone with your job and having to crib off of someone else meaning your shit doesnt meet expectations AND youre dragging down the guy next to you with basic questions. Like i get attaching yourself to people and trying to make friends i do but dude while i understand some of it some of it is wild and new and confusing and i need to get and practice but i have a base for this stuff and i get being confused and not wanting to fuck the system but at the same time you know nada. You should be the one making grabby hands at the telzon while the manager walks you through shit. Should be asking questions even the same ones until you get it because youll never be allowed to be this clueless ever again. Im an anxious individual akward and beat myself up over literally everything i almost had a panic attack in an fn van full of people almost started crying and gave up while in said van before we even left the city but i got there and i can do the job and learn the job and make sure that reguardless of my quarks i can learn and do it as fast as possible to get the learning curve out of the way as soon as possible so i can be smooth at it before they finish the training period and learn my people friendly scripts and where things are and ALWAYS try to be johnny on the spot and on top of things FIRST SO THAT LATER theyll know im competent and a good worker so theyll tolerate odd things like how akward i am and how later i wont feel allowed to fuck up or wont be forgiven it the way i am rn So FIRST you make yourself a dream worker as best as you can around you until you fit. THEN youre allowed to talk and goof off and stand around for a bit or do nothing. Right now youre allowed to be clueless but you dont want to be that guy who does nothing or doesnt seem to try to be learning because i dont care if youre new theyre sizing you up amd juding your behavior now as your work ethic too. Getting the job doesnt mean youre getting the job dude. I know im weird and mean and harsh and my thought process may not be right but dont drag me down with you. I will help i will try to show and explain and things but dude right now im not trying to be your friend except during breaks im trying to learn the job and do the job and KEEP the job and i know more than you do PLEASE please please do the SAME so that you dont give up or get in trouble because when the people were covering that topic you were trying to be buddy buddy with me. Also like if you dont shut up i cant hear him and have to ask him to explain what he JUST said over again and new or not i already look stupid i dont need help thanks.