#this season is also known as the “frustrated with everybody in this fucking cast of characters” season

[dandyleyen]

TMA RELISTEN — MAG 154

Spoilers, duh !

—

Ohhhh my god. Genuinely I was tearing up a bit at the end when hearing just how badly Jon wanted the chance to get out of there with Martin.

Honestly, the way this is going ? They really should not at all be surprised if Jon does end up going the more monster-y route. Whenever he goes off and does something reckless on his own, he gets chastised. Now when he goes to the one person he trusts most, he still practically gets chastised and gets told that he's acting insincerely.

I love Martin very much, but the fact that he's saying that Jon came to him for an out is genuinely baffling to me. I don't know if he genuinely believes that or if he is trying to convince himself of that, but Jon would 100% gouge his eyes out if Martin gave him the go-ahead. The guy got a rib ripped out and cut his own finger off. Gahhhh Martin is so incredibly frustrating this season (and many characters are throughout the show, but that's just how it is) and I know he's locked into this path already so there's no changing his mind but goddamn. This one was rough. Worried about them all :(

[autisticaradiamegido]

day 309

no actually i wont stop inserting my blorbos into other properties.

anyway.

i saw hadestown on tour this summer and im never going to emotionally or spiritually recover. and i have a lot of thoughts about this au!! long-winded rambling under the cut

so casting: Orpheus: Jade Eurydice: Aradia Hermes: Rose Hades: Jane (Crockertier mode, primarily) Persephone: Roxy The fates are representative of like. Aradia's ghost voices. I don't super know how to convey that visually. ANYWAY!! I just think that the dynamic between Orpheus and Eurydice in the way Hadestown tells their story gets very much to the heart of what I think is so interesting about AraJade, and that's the like.... Conflicting worldviews they have. I think that conflict, despite frustrating them at times, is part of what pulls them toward each other. Aradia (and Eurydice) are like... Kind of tragic characters! They have been through a lot, and while Aradia is very positive, and Eurydice is prepared to crack jokes, their worldviews boil down to "The universe is uncaring, and fate bears down on us no matter what choices we make. But FUCK it, I am going to live anyway. I'm going to do whatever the hell I have to do to keep going as an act of rebellion."

Jade (and Orpheus) however, still manage to be optimistic, not just about their own prospects, but about the world. When problems arise, they're not just going to ignore them and try to press on as things get worse. They're going to try to solve the problem! They're going to put that responsibility on themselves. It might speak to a level of overconfidence, or naivete, sure. But it also speaks to an overabundance of compassion for the people around it. They're not just going to fix things for themselves, but for everybody.

So when they meet, and Jade says "YES the world is difficult, the seasons are wrong, the world is out of tune, but I am going to write a song that will fix it." Aradia is understandably skeptical! She doesn't believe it until Jade shows her proof that her music has some otherworldly power (which. shakes her worldview obviously and she kind of fucking LOVES that?) But Rose (Hermes) says this girl will make her feel alive again, and to Aradia, "that's worth a lot" Speaking of Rose, idk. I was torn on who to put in Hermes' place. But Rose is established as both a Seer, and a storyteller. To repeatedly narrate a story whose tragic ending she's already seen play out a thousand times, just because it's beautiful and hey, maybe it'll turn out different this time (even though it never has before.) IDK ITS JUST A ROSE VIBE 2 ME! Plus Hermes has a friendly relationship with Orpheus, he wants him to succeed, but he's also not afraid to pull punches when criticizing him. I think that's a good dynamic for Rose and Jade.

I also waffled around for a while about Hades and Persephone, but in the end Persephone really HAD to be Roxy. It's not just about the alcoholism recovery arc they both share, it's about Persephone as a daughter missing her mother, and as a figure known to everyone around her as funny and generous and just kind of this universally-beloved figure who behind the scenes is REALLY struggling to cope with her own emotions. The Roxy vibes are truly off the charts. So given that, Jane made the best Hades, I think. Jane as Hades isn't the MOST compelling matchup in this to me, but I think she fits into the role well enough. First off, she really DOES love Roxy. But as they drift apart over time, and in the absence of any other real positive influences, she just kinda... Falls into the capitalism thing a little too hardcore. She misses Roxy and maybe to start with she really DOES think that if she can make enough progress in her work that it will impress Roxy enough to maybe stay a little longer than usual, but well. Industrial progress is not what impresses Roxy! And Jane is.... A little stubborn about her worldview, and has become extremely busy with her work, and doesn't really pay close enough attention to Roxy's feelings to notice all that, so. Things decay rapidly, and it becomes a point of conflict between them. But in the end we DO get to see them taking the first steps towards resolving things. Because frankly I think they would! They just care too much about each other at the end of the day.

Anyway listen to the Hadestown soundtrack if you haven't yet, please, I'm fucking begging

[hotcat37]

Things abt Trailer park boys I dislike. Disclaimer that it's completely okay to disagree with these takes! I'll make a counterpost to this as well with things I like abt the show

-Susan being outright abusive to Ricky and no one stepping in or mentioning it. They could've written something meaningful abt Ricky's need for a partner in his life and that blinding him to toxic relationships but instead it's just played for laughs

-the lack of T screentime 💔

-Bubbles never getting a love interest (to clarify I don't think any character needs a love interest, but it seems unfair that Ricky and Julian have multiple romances and Bubbles is the only one in the trio who doesn't. I personally see Bubbles as prioritizing his friendships much more over romance but it's very specific that he's the only one who has absolutely zero chicks interested in him)

-the artstyle of the animated series I'm sorry like it's not ugly but it's just so bland and uninteresting. I would've loved to see an Ed Edd n Eddy type artstyle or just something more stylized and dynamic

-Julian being continuously sexually harassed and it being, predictably, played for laughs. Like in the early seasons Sexian jokes and Lahey being like "you sexy shitbird....." are really funny but then it just becomes fucked up. Like the scene (can't remember which season) where Lahey forces Julian to let him kiss him on the lips so he'll sign the contract for the park made my skin crawl (he doesn't actually end up kissing him but it was super fcked up that Julian looked massively uncomfortable and no one showed him any sympathy)

-Jacob's character became super bland and was dumbed down so much in the Netflix seasons. He was such an interesting character to me in season 7 because we saw him have an actually fleshed out personality and his admiration for Julian was super cute. We don't see any of that post season 7 and it's just so frustrating because I rlly felt like he was a good addition to the cast

-on the topic of Jacob his relationship with Trinity came out of nowhere. Not to mention the weird age gap between them no one in the show seems to be bothered by.

-the awful celebrity cameos 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ They added absolutely nothing valuable or funny to the show

-the main trio getting treated like absolute garbage by the Swearnet crew during the Out Of The Park series. They're constantly put in uncomfortable situations for laughs, are starving and dehydrated half of the time and absolutely none of their efforts ever pay off. It was funny at first but then at some point it just became "watch these men get tortured by an evil company with no consequences for 10 episodes straight" and just,,nah. I can't even say I blame the boys for acting out of character and acting like dicks

-Donna's entire character....yikes 😬 I think the only way a trans character in Trailer Park Boys would work is if it was just mentioned and no one rlly cares abt it (like Randy and Lahey coming out as gay during that one episode. Everybody already knows and knows abt their sex shenanigans but they don't give a shit because they hate them anyways lmao)

-Julian's characterization specifically in the Netflix series. Like y'all know I fcking love Julian but I hate how extremely selfish and greedy he becomes. In the Out Of The Park series he never wants to try anything, while Season 1-7 Julian would absolutely sing karaoke with the boys if it means getting paid. He's done much much worse things for money than just singing Stayin' Alive lmfao. And there's also a moment in the later seasons where Sarah asks to stay in Julian's trailer (I can't really remember why?) and she literally asked to stay I think for like a night or two and he was immediately like "no👺👺" until she said she'd compensate him with something.

Like my man, she's asking to sleep on ur couch for 2 days max what is the issue here 🤦‍♀️ I know Sarah can be a bitch to him sometimes but he gives her the same energy and they've known each other for decades.

-the boys generally just becoming worse people as the show progresses. They've never been even close to Saints but they were regretful of their actions and did what they could to make up for their wrongdoings. Nowadays they do progressively terrible things, apologize, but then do the exact same thing again the next episode.

That's what I can think of rn but lemme know what u guys don't like much abt the show I'm curious

[therenlover]

Brutal (A Demon!Daniel Bruhl x Starlet!Reader Ficlet)

(So, this is the first little ficlet in my Sour series, which can be found HERE! I hope you enjoy it! Also, enjoy blurry Checo, because he’s who @creme-bruhlee and I imagine as demon!Daniel)

“And I'm so tired that I might / Quit my job, start a new life / And they'd all be so disappointed / 'Cause who am I if not exploited?”

Synopsis: A crime of passion accidentally summons a handsome demon who offers to make your deepest desires come true... for a price, of course. 

Rating; M (16+)

Warnings: Vague Allusions to Past Dubcon/Noncon, Explicit Language, Implied Sexual Content, Non-Explicit Murder, Making A Deal With A Demon, Maybe A Tiny Bit Of Monsterfucking???? If You Squint??? Not Really Though

Word Count: 1500~

-------

“What is it that you desire?”

The man- no, creature- before you was shrouded in the darkest corner of your dressing room, perched languidly upon the chaise lounge that had been oh so kindly included in the rider of your contract by whatever filthy fucker decided they wanted to have you this time. He didn’t matter now, though. No, not now that his brains were splattered against the carpet. The only thing that mattered anymore was the creature in the corner. 

Even in the darkness, you could see its razor-sharp teeth glinting in the low light. 

Trembling with unused adrenaline, you smiled back at it, hands still covered in blood. “I’m not answering that until you answer a few questions of my own,” 

Surprisingly, the thing seemed to lean further back into its plush seat as it nodded, long pointed tail undulating slowly, like a python preparing to strike. “Very well. It makes no difference to me how long you draw out our little deal,” slowly, the thing chuckled, “Besides, for you, pretty one, I’d wait all the time in the world,” 

You groaned at his exaggerated wink. 

Still, it was too late to turn back now. With the blood on your hands for the death of the man at your feet, both physically and metaphorically, there was nowhere to go but forward. Maybe making a deal with the devil wasn’t your original plan, but it sure as hell was better than prison. With a sigh, you sat down heavily into your high-backed makeup chair. 

“So I’m assuming you’re a demon?”

The creature in the corner made some sort of deep, proud noise in its chest as its two, shadowy hands came up to stroke its curved horns, much like a goat’s, with a certain puff-chested reverence. Even while beholding it in that darkness, its features shrouded in black, there was an allure to the strange monster, a strange, sick draw. You were helpless to whatever had appeared before you and all its powers. Somehow, though, you had seemed to intrigue it despite your comparative weakness. 

“I go by many names, but demon is one of them,” it purred, red eyes glinting with something more than bloodlust, “I prefer others,”

“What should I call you then?”

“Whatever you please,”

You scoffed. “You said you had many names, why can’t you tell me even one?”

It huffed a long sigh, and if you didn’t know better, you would’ve said that you saw smoke erupt from where its nostrils should be. 

That being said, it didn’t seem like the thing was frustrated. If anything, the creature seemed amused. From its words, you could only assume it had been hundreds of years since it had last entertained itself on the human realm. You could only hope your rage was entertaining enough to keep any of its less desirable emotions at bay. 

“Names have power, Schatz. I can’t just go around telling everybody who I am,” it’s accent felt thicker as it leaned back, “but I suppose, if you and I were to make a deal, that I could allow you to name me something. Or I could choose one for you,”

“What if I didn’t make deal with you?” you challenged the creature with a smirk. 

It hummed low in its chest as it pondered your question. “Now that would be no fun,” 

“For me or for you?” You asked, crossing your arms over your chest. Time was getting short now, with the clock on the wall ticking down the minutes until someone would arrive at your dressing room door to lead you out towards the set where the rest of the cast and crew were waiting. If they found you with the body it was over. Things with the demon needed to be resolved, and they needed to be resolved fast. 

Thankfully, it didn’t toy with you any more than you expected it to. 

“For both of us,” it replied, tail flicking almost excitedly, “I can’t touch you if we don’t make a deal, for better or for worse, and even then your soul wouldn’t be mine to toy with until the deal was complete. That being said, you’re in a pretty sticky situation. I think you need me just about as much as I need you, so I’ll ask again; What do you desire?”

You swallowed thickly. 

On one hand, you couldn’t imagine things would end up very pleasantly for you once the dark shadow who had staked its claim on that awful chaise lounge finally did have a chance to get its clawed hands on your soul. On the other hand, though, you had nothing left to lose. Fame, especially so young, always came at a price. You would wager to guess that even if your soul hadn’t been claimed by a demon, that it had already been stolen away by the producers and directors that pulled the strings of your life like you were some obedient little puppet dancing for an audience who wanted to devour you whole. 

In the end, an eternity in Hell with whatever was grinning at you like the Cheshire cat from the shadows might even be preferable to the horrors you’d already seen. 

Slowly, you answered its question. 

“I want to make every single person who ever took advantage of me suffer the same pain they put me through,” 

The creature’s face split into a toothy smile. 

“Now that’s what I like to hear,” 

Moving like smoke on water, it stood from its place on the chaise lounge, morphing in shape and size as it approached and held out it’s newly human-shaped hand to you. In his new form, at least, you assumed it was a he, the creature was handsome, all dark eyes and slick hair. He looked young, and somehow, even with his new, thin lips and human teeth, he retained his signature smile. You took his hand and shook it without hesitation.

Even with your heart beating almost out of your chest, you had to admit that, with a demon at your side, you felt more empowered than you ever had before. 

He noticed. 

“I am known to my kin as Asmodeus,” he cooed, long eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks as he drew near to you. You couldn’t bring yourself to mind, “You, though, my sweetest pet, may call me Daniel,” 

Daniel. 

Somehow, even after you had seen the faintest traces of his beastly form, you had to admit that the name suited him. Maybe not as well as Asmodeus, but it worked well enough. You looked up at him through lidded eyes. “I’m-”

Before you could answer, he pressed a finger to your rouged lips. 

“I know everything about you sweetling, no need for introductions. There is one last thing we need to do to seal the deal, though,” 

A pit formed in your stomach as you gulped, caught in Daniel’s entrancing gaze. You had to assume there was some sort of magic to it, a spell that kept you trapped for all long as he could stare down into your eyes. Still, it would do you no good to fight it. Besides, the pangs that were making their way through your whole being weren’t fear. 

Oh no, they were something much worse. 

“What do we need to do?” You asked, wetting your lips with your tongue. 

Daniel replied with a sly smile and a soft chuckle. “I need you to kiss me, of course,” 

Who were you to disagree with the expert?

With all the strength and bravery you could muster, you surged up and met Daniel’s lips with your own, melting into the kiss as he quickly took over, skilled tongue darting into your mouth to claim it as his own. He bit hard on your lip, hard enough to draw blood, but you couldn’t bring yourself to mind, not when your hands were busy exploring up under his shirt and finding purchase on the firm muscles that waited below. 

To be fair, he wasn’t exactly keeping his hands to himself either.

Sooner than you would have liked, though, Daniel was pulling his lips away from yours. It was just a fraction of an inch, your swollen mouths still connected by a string of saliva tinted a dark red with your blood, but you were already keening from the loss of him the second you caught your breath. The sound pleased him. 

“What are we to do first, sweetling?” he purred, letting his nails run gently against the soft skin of your waist, “I’m at your command,” His breath was hot against your fact, and he smelled like gun smoke. 

It drove you wild. 

You snuck a look at the clock before turning back to him, eyes aflame. “In about ten minutes we’ll need to have the mess in here cleaned up with any evidence gone, but before we do that, I want you- no, I need you to fuck me. Can you make that happen?”

Daniel beamed. 

“Oh, sweet girl, anything is possible with me at your side,” As he whipped you around to push you against the chaise lounge, licking his lips, he couldn’t help but add, “I believe this is the beginning of a very beneficial partnership,” 

And against all odds, as you hooked a leg up around his waist and pulled him in for another searing kiss, you had to agree.

--------

a/n: WOW WOW WOW THAT WAS GARBAGE BUT I LOVED IT. I finished season 5 of Lucifer yesterday, so I was in the mood for some demonic shit. I hope it was at least semi-enjoyable despite being straight up shitty writing lol. 

Taglist: @tatestripedsweater , @elaineygrace , @multiyfandomgirl40 ,  @lovelymischief , @be-cautious-around-bri 

[mrsmess]

Faves and fails of SPN (season 15, finally):

Favorite episodes (in chronological order):

15:4 Atomic Monsters - Demon!Sam flashbacks! Dean in a beard! Some old fashioned banter! Meatman! Beaverdale! Love how Sam starts arguing w the parents in the parking lot - Me too, Sam, me too. Loving the self-aware monster. I know Becky is problematique™, but I dig her, so, all kinds of fuck Chuck. He must die, and when he does this is the episode I’ll think about.

15:6 Golden Time - Badass protection spells. Dean in a robe and a hot dog pyjamas. Cas going by Clarence. Jogging Sam. Eileen! God I ship her and Sam, and I’d like to take this opportunity to remind you that I don’t ship him w anyone. Liking this ep a lot, every little side plot. Nice. And Eileen is back and I know it won’t last but like, that was awesome.

15:10 The Heroes’ Journey - Pretty neat intro. Monster on monster violence to the sound of Clair the Lune. Oh, and excellent casting of Garth’s kids. Regular people trouble... Awesome! Brilliant! This is the kind of meta storylines this show should deal in, exclusively. Oh my Garth! Explosives! Why isn’t every episode like this?

15:11 The Gamblers - Oh, is this another lucky coin episode? In that case yes please! More inconsequential bullshit kindly! Loving Sam staying in touch w Eileen. Hey guys, remember when you did the gambling thing w your years? And the rabbit’s foot? Good times. Will this be an equally good time? I hope so. A god! Excellent. ”Lady, I’m Tolstoy.” Yeah ya are, and i’m dead. The guys and Fortuna bashing god. And I'm equally delighted and distraught over the lore that god created man, man imagined gods and god decided to create the other gods to play into man’s ideas, or as a distraction.

15:13 Destiny’s Child - Omg the intro! Savage garden! I’m dead. Jack w the sandwich, why is that so funny? Cas is a gem this episode! ”’Sexually intimate’?” Lol. That’s what you get for trying to speak plainly, Cas! Hunter Corp. I’m dead, again. Keep the different Deans and Sams coming! I’m digging this! Why would they send ‘em to Rio? They could be your buffy-bots!

15:14 Last Holiday - Weird people popping up in the hq is awesome. And Dean’s immediate instinct to yell for Sam reminds me of me calling mr mess for everything! ”Shouldnt you be in the woods? Nymfing?” Monster radar? Oh, oh this is excellent. So mrs Butters is capable of murder when home and family are threatened, good for her. They better not kill her. I can accept them returning her to the wild. Yes! Did I call it or did I call it? Good Supernatural, good boy! And Dean making a cake for Jack! My heart.

Fail episodes (in chronological order):

15:2 Raising Hell - Rowena! Instant win. Ketch. Instant lose. Ketch undressing Rowena with his eyes = rating plummeting. Jeez. A bit dangerous even joking about the GoT finale, don’t you think? Rowena and Ketch full on flirting... this is hell, I'm being punished.

15:3 The Rupture - Don’t call him god! His name is Sucky-Chucky. The shock of Cas! “You’ve been playing us the whole time!” This is how it works Cas, where have you been? They're always solving problems like Jason Mendoza. In-Dean-angry-voice: “Anytime I had a problem and I threw a Molotov cocktail, boom! Right away, I had a different problem.” Rowena! And Sam! No!

15:5 Proverbs 17:3 - Listen, spn, it’s your last season and if you like just wanna stop writing and casting women completely rn i won't stop you or hold it against you (also why are these ladies identical?). We’ve had a terrible run but lets just let bygones be bygones.

15:8 Our father, who aren’t in heaven - Gosh, having Eileen in the show is painful, I’m just constantly expecting a piano to fall on her head. *Ugh* Sucky-yucky-Chucky. But hey, at least everybody else looks better alongside him. Case and point: I never rly cared that much for Donatello, but it’s great to see him, and Michael’s back, sure is nice to see him too.

15:9 The trap - Ugh. Main plot shit and Sucky-yucky-fucking-Chucky. Fail. Although the flashforward to jan 6th 2021 was a hoot (but probably not meant like one, huh?) Dean’s monologue in purgatory though... gosh. This show would be nothing w/o Jensen Ackles. Omg the kiss! Nice. However, the show at this point has lost the ability to offer any sort of pleasure. Because like Sam, we know which way this will go. They used to have some hedonism working for the characters but now they don’t even have that.

15:20 Carry on - You know what? I’m not gonna make this post longer than it already is talking about the last episode of Supernatural, that has been done better by people w real grievances w the show. The kindest thing you can say about the finale is that it just as well could’ve been jammed into a few extra minutes added to the previous episode.

Mediocre mentions:

Drag me away (from you) - what is this ugly cell interface? The opposite of product placement. Yay! Retro episode! And they got the same actor to play Dean, neato! Dean admitting he had a hard time handling hunting, that always gets me. Woah! That scream effect without reverb was kinda startling. And the camera zooming in on the little porcelain clown even though Sam is nowhere n- oh shit. This was an interesting episode

Inherit the earth - Goooood I hate Chucky. Barefoot Sam is okay though. Digging this soundtrack too. Very un-Supernatural. Nice to meet ya Betty, but I wouldn’t pull up a chair if I were you. Always a fan of the shiteating grin. Jack, stripping god of his power, that’s so hot. And again: kudos to the soundtrack! The Youngbloods and then Jackson freakin’ Browne! And you know, it’s clichéd and kinda vacant, but also kinda nice. I’m cool with the story ending like this. Why did they have to do another one? Supernatural has never known when to quit, and this is the very real backside of this.

Honorable mentions:

I don’t know who this Ardat chick is but killing Ketch puts her instantly in my win column.

Winchester-dumb, new household term.

”Feels like were taking a big, probably stupid risk. Feels good.” That made me feel good too.

I’m vastly enjoying this dark-art hippie couple in Unity and Jack’s interaction w them.

Cas launching straight into his dramatic I-will-not-let-you-end-your-own-life-speech when Sam casually mentions he’d like to talk to death in Unity, that angel has seen some things, and he has learned.

Those are some pretty pretty death effects on Jack in Despair/The Truth.

Obviously Misha Collins

Things that makes you go hmm:

Which of the clowns is this supposed to be in Back and to the Future? Because the one from season 2 was a monster, right? So he would’ve gone to purgatory. You know what? I’m not an expert. I try to not pay too much attention ’cause it makes me funny in the head. But just, y’know, a general objection.

Here’s my deal w death as a looming threat in this show: it holds no weight. And even if it did it has been painted as the ultimate relief, unless you go to hell, these characters know for a fact that there’s a potentially blissful afterlife, so their attitude towards death should be, what? More pragmatic, I think. And it’s partly why Ackles is wasted on this show; That man can deliver a death monologue like it’s nobody’s business, too bad all those words have been rendered meaningless after 15 seasons of this shit!

Summing up:

So, I did not go into or leave this season happy, I knew how it would end and I was sad for everyone the show screwed over (more than it already had). Which really meant that I always had to force myself to watch another episode, knowing what was coming. But I had to see it through. I did, so I’ll give myself a pat on the back and get to work on my own personal selection of episodes that will henceforth represent spn to me. A selection I’ll enjoy all the way through. All in all I think the most frustrating thing about the show is how it insists on taking itself so freakin’ seriously. It has always done horror *and* humor best and this whole heaven and hell aspect has never sat right w me, and in any case they should’ve leaned more on “supernatural” narrative tropes (if you will) getting out of their plot problems, gambled some more and thought a bit more outside genre conventions *especially* in their main arcs, they opened up so many opportunities that they never even used. They could’ve been more like Buffy, or Doctor Who. That said, I’ll always get that spn-itch, and when I do, I’ll be happy to have seen all the episodes so I’ll know which ones to avoid.

[sienna27]

TWD Spoilers - The Big Scary U (8x05)

Notes.  Again, separate bullets.  Though there are no literal bullets.  

Imagine them.  

/

/

/

/

/

/

So to open with “bullets.”  Did they actually have Negan refer to the rifle’s magazine, as a “clip?”   They are not the same things.  Negan would know this.  And I am QUITE sure that all of the show’s explosive/FX guys and gals would know this too.  It’s just little bits of sloppiness like that in the writing, which make me sigh.

The whole scene with the Negan Round Table was tense and well done, but would have been WAY more suspenseful if we hadn’t seen that every one of those people sitting around the table (potentially about to be Lucille’d if Negan had gone off like it ‘seemed’ that he would) if we hadn’t already known all of those folks were alive and perfectly well when Rick et al showed up to ram the barricades.  Just saying, no issue at all with flashbacks to forward the plot, they save us needless exposition, but they literally could have opened the Premiere with that scene, as in aired it ‘in order’ and it would have been just fine with me.

Nice touch with all the marks and dents on Negan’s end of the Meeting Table.  It wasn’t even like it was a camera pan, I just happened to notice it. So I’d like to think that was JDM fucking it up during rehearsal.  

King Ass Face.  Heh.  And so CHILDISH!  You know why?  Because Ezekiel (and his “They’ve Got a God damn Tiger” tiger #RIPSHIVA) were the ones that saved Alexandria and ran Negan off before he could kill Carl and cripple Rick.  Negan is a bitter child. 

Not to belittle Glenn’s death but I will allow that it was ‘refreshing’ (for lack of a better word that I can’t think of right now) to hear him referred to as “The Widow’s Husband,” when you know it’s always women referred to as ‘so and so’s wife.’  

So Rick, Daryl, Carl, The Widow, The Ginger, Preacher, King Ass Face.  Is that everybody that Negan knows by ‘name?’  If so, I am VERY curious as to what he would call Carol.  Because the Termites were the ones who nicknamed her and Daryl The Archer and the Queen Bitch.  I think Negan would come up with something more unique for her.  

Speaking of Negan, let’s get into him for a second.  His discussion of “rubbing one out” in the trailer to calm down was a discussion I could have done without.  I’m not saying it was bad writing, it was effective in adding a layer to his creep factor, but still, didn’t need the imagery in my head.  Blech.  Overall though, Negan referred to his junk or someone else’s junk seriously like a RIDICULOUS number of times, and by the end, it HAD lessened my view of the character.  Which I’m assuming was intentional, because he no longer comes off as quirky, powerful scary, he just comes off as a genuine creep.  Like dude, it’s a workplace, enough about your dick.   I know this was filmed back in early summer but it was striking me as oddly ‘timely’ with the current wave of creepy harassers being exposed (no pun) right now.  

Simon Ogg is really excellent at ‘goofy scary’ which is a very particular skill set.  And it pains me to say it (though I’ve intimated to this before) but I am not ‘un-fond’ of Gavin.  I will be a little sorry when he gets killed.  That is mostly because he is a good actor, and he plays him more like a ‘real’ person, if that makes sense.  Obviously I know it’s the writing too, but like him going through the doorway to see that Rick and everyone were outside about to unleash hell and he muttered, “oh shit.”  Because THAT is what you say in that moment!  Then again walking out to see the double digit worker insurrection and muttering, “Jesus Christ.”  Again, APPROPRIATE RESPONSE FOR THE MOMENT!  He doesn’t walk around with a false bravado or a true psychopathy like some of the others, he’s just in the middle of this shit and he holds the line of what he needs to do but he’s said before, he just chose this as the easiest path.  Unlike most of the Saviors who are psychopaths or average redneck, dirtbags, I believe that Gavin could just as easily have been part of any of these other groups.  He just happened to run into Negan first.

Speaking of their redneck dirtbags, are there any black Saviors?  Or Asian, or Hispanic saviors for that matter?  I know the workers there for sure yes, clearly a multi-ethnic group, but I am drawing a blank on any ‘non-white’ members of their armed faction.  Hmph.  (*whispers* racist)

I have missed Eugene’s Eugene’isms.  From the beginning the show has always had characters who added levity to scenes that weren’t funny and with Abraham and Glenn, and Merle, and HERSHEL, etc., all dead, Eugene’s absence in that area was a missing piece of the key TWD puzzle.  That said, if he doesn’t trade a couple of his cucumbers for a full set of working testicles, and do a major doublecross of Negan I have no problem with him being Lucille’d or made into walker chow.  Him not immediately diming out Dwight was a good start.  And I think he was genuinely happy to see Gabriel too.  

Gabriel grew a pair!  Like, for real!  He was manipulative and lowered Negan’s defenses and fucking stripped him of his gun!  Damn, man!  Good job!  I mean, it didn’t work out, but still!  SOLID EFFORT!  

The Rickyl.  Rick’s points weren’t wrong, but Daryl was right.  I am TeamDaryl on this one.   Things change.  You had three full communities of fighters in this war, and now you have two.  It’s like you lost a whole God damn country.  War plans are changed when a country is lost from the list of allies.  Especially when you only had two allies.  And Daryl wasn’t being psychotic with his plans!  He wanted to end it all that day.  The quicker a war ends, the more people live.  That’s a ‘duh’ moment.  And he listened to Rick’s point about the families and nodded like ‘yeah, okay I don’t want to kill the families,’ then pointed out, ‘but hey, they live over in this part of the compound we’ll just go in on the other side, they can run up the stairs to escape the walkers and Rick is still, “No! People could get hurt!” Dude!  you’re fighting a WAR!  You can, and should, work to minimize civilian causalities but you can’t save everyone!  It’s your people or their people.  One of them has to be the MAIN priority, and one has to be the LESSER priority.  Get with it, man.  

The fight did have good wind up music though.  I think it was a riff off of the Daryl/Richard fight music!  Even with Daryl’s “NAW!”  Ha, ha!

Then Rick, FUCKING MORON(!!!!!), tosses the explosives into the fire.  This Rick, this is why people think you’re bad at coming up with plans.  Because blowing up the truck, instead of the Savior compound, was a “bad plan.”  Their faces after that were a nice, amusing, break to the tension. Like a sigh, and “okay, well, that’s the end of that.’  And their sweet little choke hold callback.  You do know that we have the only show, in the world, with a sweet little CHOKE HOLD, callback :)  It was also sweet how Daryl was all about unleashing his frustration on Rick, and kicking his ass, then he realizes that Rick might actually get hurt (again because he’s a fucking moron) and then it was all “I will grab your hand and drag your ass out of here because I LOVE you!”   :)

Negan couldn’t put down Woman Lucille after she turned.  So Negan is . . . Morgan.  Hmph.  I also would have been cool with a quick flash of Woman Lucille showing Hilarie B in that role.  

Now one point that I’ve never gotten into before on my notes here,but it has been with me since the beginning of my season seven catch up, was the whole thing with Negan’s “wives.”  Because his fans are all, ‘oh he’s not a rapist, he’s okay.’  But what he does is NOT okay.  He sees a woman that he likes and makes their husbands GIVE them to him so he doesn’t beat their brains in!  He IS a rapist.  Just because you aren’t physically holding the women down during the “act” doesn’t make what he’s doing any less of a violation.  Christ, his wives were trying to kill him!  These are not voluntary relationships! They want him DEAD!   I’m not trying ‘to do battle’ with a whole sub-segment of the shipping community but yeah, a guy who coerces women into having sex with him or he’ll kill them and/or their real husbands is just fucking disgusting.  I’m hoping that all of that stuff being brought up again (plus all of the creepy dick talk above) is the part of the writer’s efforts to remove the ‘mystique’ around him, and make him more of ‘pathetic douchebag,’ than a ‘charming villain.’    It’s working guys!  👍🏽

Speaking as a Virginian, and knowing our “fairly” balanced racial makeup in the NOVA area, I can say without a doubt that there were not nearly enough ‘black walkers’ in that herd of dead people.   Were those like “Friendship Heights” walkers?  Because otherwise, no.  

The Regina actress is a terrible actress.  It’s SO rare that they have a casting misfire (“fifth letter of the alphabet” *cough, cough*) that it is JARRING when a bad actor shows up.  Because bad acting takes you out of the moment and when she yelled, “I’m Negan,” with all of the impact of a high school theater production, I was like, ‘oh, no, no that made my ears hurt.  Shhhh.”    No future talking for her.  She just needs to stand there and look tough until she gets iced.

And as long as I’m on this, Austin isn’t a super great actor either.  Not terrible.  And maybe the prosthetic on the face is hurting him.  Not physically but like affecting his performance, because he doesn’t ‘project’ much in the way of emotion.  I understand he was doing a double cross there and trying to protect his identity, so he was supposed to be ‘pretending’ to be tough when he was actually just freaking out that they would figure out it was him and he’d get tossed out into the herd.  Still, I’d never watched him before and thought, “wow, he’s good,” like I have for (as examples) Simon and Gavin above.  So I’m going to stick with, ‘not super great.’  :(  But on the bright side, I have HIGH hopes Daryl will murder him by season’s end.  

Helicopter.  I blinked, and blinked, and blinked.  So confused.  Like, does it belong to the Garbage Pail Kids?  Do they have a helicopter in the dump? Because it was their ‘neighborhood’ Rick was walking through.  Curious.  Very curious.  Maybe it’s a harbinger for next season...

Overall even though it was Savior focused I didn’t hate it, but that was ONLY because they balanced it with the Rickyl.  I don’t wish to see another Savior focused episode, at all though, so here’s to hoping we won’t have to.  And I would have totally skipped next week (more of Jesus is enough for me to skip right now) but then Carol had to show up in the next scene damn it.  See, keeping one of the Magic Three Carickyl constantly on screen DOES affect viewership, because I can’t be the only one who was like, ‘okay, fine. I’ll watch.’

Finally to the Caryl:  Updating my note here, because on second watch, the scene was actually much more layered than it seemed!  Full thoughts (with screenshots) on that over here on this post.  Still though, screw you random Dying In The Street Savior for telling Daryl that  Carol was alive!  We needed him to check on that shit himself!!!  And he WOULD have damn it, because his face when he thought that EVERYONE was dead, was complete horror and panic.  Then the relief when he found out about the badass woman who killed all of the other saviors, (because of course he knew if there’s ever a Last Woman Standing it’s his Carol) was totally an ‘oh yeah, that’s my girl.  Thank God she’s okay,” sigh.  It was actually kind of the reverse of her hearing his motorcycle last week.  Her smile, then his sigh of relief of knowing that she was still all right.  And that’s our Caryl for the week.  Which is again, (let’s all remember the drought) more Caryl than we got in 96% of last season’s episodes!  So I can’t even be annoyed with Norman.  He wasn’t trolling, he didn’t SAY anything was going to happen with like a ‘wink, wink or something.  He was just excited about tonight because of the Rickyl stuff, and he was excited about his Melissa tweet because he loves Melissa and apparently really liked that Caryl scene with her.  So he put it up again, and I got my hopes too high that the writers would reward us, as I would have rewarded us.  It was on me.  I own it.  Sorry folks if I got anyone else’s hopes up too :)  Also I do honestly, think it’s deliberate that literally every single week either M or N puts up a Caryl post on show night.  I think they are trying to keep the momentum going in the background, even if the foreground plot on the show, is still ‘the war.’  Just how I see it.  It’s coming :)

So, later kids!   Have a good week!  And if it’s an upcoming Turkey Day for you enjoy your side dishes, because really the sides are the best part! ✌️

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[celestialallstars]

Episode 11: “The odds are against me but I’m gonna make it....” - Loris

FUCK YOU MATT. FUCK YOU JACK. FUCK YOU STEPHEN. FUCK THIS CAST. YALL LYING ASS HOES SUCK MY FUCKING NIPPLES

Right now, I've got a mixture of feelings. On one end, I guess the tribal showed were some people's loyalties lie, but on the other I couldn't help but feel like it was a bit much. Like everybody in this game has literally lied and like I don't know, I understood Jack and Matt's frustration but it was a big yikes to see it get so tense and everyone get worked up. Like had my laptop not shut off, I would have likely snapped tonight and I think I'm seeing the good and the bad of things right now and it's just...a mess. Not to mention the 8 man alliance couldn't get it together until the 11th hour.

Fuck. Fucking fuck. Matt is finally gone, and this time we pulled it all off to keep him until Jared fucking pulled out an idol. How did he even know it was gonna be Chloe anyways? Man. I can't help but wonder if he wouldn't have played it had Matt and I shut our mouths but I think he would've anyways. I couldn't help myself, I couldn't let him lie again in public about that I had to expose him. Now he's got no idol, he's got few allies (I think), he's totally vulnerable and I pray to god we get him in the next 2 rounds.

It just occurred to me that I had a part in the chaos tonight. Stephen was already worried about the vote, but if I don't talk to Jack/Mitch then none of the last minute plan to vote Chloe happens I feel or gains as much momentum, then half the craziness that happened tonight at tribal does not happen at all....I saved Steph but at the cost of seemingly having Jared cost his game.

________________________________________________________________

I'm really drained at the moment between the school stuff and this game and now Jared claims my name was around for this round, or at least it was Bryce's plan. It did not phase me because I already wanted to go against Bryce/Zach but now it at least gives me another reason. AS of all of the craziness, my gut told me to try and stick it out with Michael/Chloe. I believe that between Rhys/Bryce/Zach's sketchiness, Jack just being himself, and Loris, I'd rather just try things out with the others. At this point, I'm kind of over a lot of the BS that people keep trying to sell. Having that said, I firmly believe that things need to get outted tomorrow unless we attempt a full on blindside.

I keep checking my messages as though someone wants to talk to me. Spoiler alert: they don’t.

Sooooo YESTERDAY WAS A DAY!

It started off so simple, Matt seemed to be the target for the majority alliance and Michael/Chloe didn't seem very interested in keeping him around. So I came up with a scheme that I think may have tied into someone else's scheme. But I didn't know it at the time. ANYWAYYYYY...

Matt's going home, but I don't want to vote him. Why? Because I wanna strengthen my relationship with Jack, so I approach both of them to talk about things and figure out who they're voting for. Matt was very antagonistic and I figured out this is because he heard I was saying his name, which was true! I get them to say a name they'd rather have taken out, and it's Chloe. Sure. Me and Chloe barely talk tbh. So I essentially go around getting pissy about wanting to vote Chloe instead of Matt to my alliance because I need to sell it anddddddd........

They... Want to vote her out? SKDJSKDKSKSKSKSKAKSK

Ummmm this wasn't the plan! Everyone except Loris and Jared want to do it. Okay. Whatever. I'm too deep in now to flip back, sorry Chloe!

THEN JARED PLAYS THE IDOL SKSKDKDMSKSKSKSKSSM

Ok but why didn't you use that idol to save Mitch hm?

Sketchy bitch.

Soooo I hear afterwards that Zach and Bryce had a chat with Jack and Matt and apparently they might have wanted to vote Chloe anyway????? But then why let the vote be Matt for the entire day? When we all would've voted Chloe if they just said her name originally? And now Jared also has a chat with Chloe and Michael? Worst allies ever.

Idk Zach and Bryce are sketchy and I've known that since the Mitch vote. Maybe they should watch their backs in the near future ......

First off I was SO happy for Loris! It would have been nice to immunity, but I know with all of the distracting things I had for the day that I did good with the few hours I had. This makes me wonder if it will continue a trend I see in a lot of orgs where I begin to place in the top 4 a lot in the late game. Only time shall tell. Going into this tribal, I for once feel great. Making a new alliance with Loris/Michael/Chloe/Jared all the while keeping Stephen in the loop. I'll still smile and wave in the 13th, three kings, literally any other chat but as far as I'm concerned, I'm ridding my hands of that. Hope its not too early to feel good (it is)

________________________________________________________________

So I did some thinking and for a bit I had a feeling me or Bryce would get 10th. This was just because Karth came in 20th and Kori in 15th, which had to mean one of us would come in 10th and the other in 5th. Time to see how accurate this prophecy is

Day 25......... gross. So disregarding the challenge because yikes the whole game seems to be flipped on and the best part is that I don’t put myself forward as a target and Jared and Chloe are seen as this tight duo so I expect them to be targeted over myself. However chris and loris both expressed disappointment in how the game has been progressing and Bryce and zach both came to me to strategise so hopefully I’m in some sort of power position in the game however chris has pulled this before where he’s so sad he didn’t get his way and so disappointed and nothing has changed so right now my focus is on how to get myself forward in the game with hopefully more to come and Bryce will hopefully be eliminated this round.

Soooooo I had to abstain from the challenge for work but that's okay. I don't think I'm the target anyway.

The biggest news is that Jared has added onto his old group of Chloe and Michael to create a new majority. One that is planning to overthrow the old one in the near future. Based on what Chris has told me, the additions are himself and Loris.

The issue is, based on what Jared has told me, that Loris wants to wait one more round before locking things down. I see why he'd want to do this. Jack could easily slip through the cracks of the impending majority vs. majority war and that puts him within reach of an easy win at FTC in my opinion.

Jack might actually go home unanimously if things keep up like this. It'd be sad, because I just really started putting work into my relationship with him recently, but it really doesn't seem worth it when, even if I save him, I'll likely be targeting him within 2 or 3 rounds anyway. Cyrena? More like, sayonara.

Of course, if last vote is any indication, this can all change in a couple of minutes! So who the fuck knows. There's still 3 hours until tribal and if I can convince the 5 in power to pull their move now I wouldn't mind it at all.

hi!! ok so like... I won immunity??? and it was a creative challenge???? I’m so shocked and proud of myself I rlly tried to snap and things went wrong but I still SNAPPED!!! and now I made single digits oh my god!!! like... 9th or above I’m so happy with but of course I’m gonna win anyways. so. I suggested an alliance with me chloe Chris michael Jared to Chris and Jared and now it’s a real thing and like.. we just need to get people to vote jack for themselves and then we can run the game perry add. That could be a serve. I genuinely feel like I’m in a rather good spot this game I don’t think anyone should want to vote me out except stephen  maybe??  jack is hard to read because I’m not sure he talks To that many people ... idk... also oh my god so I just need to survive 3 more tribals and then I can play my legacy.... and like I’ll be so proud of myself if I get to do that. both seasons I find the legacy in round one(?) and I manage to hold onto it until the final six both times ?? like.. the odds are against me but Im gonna make it....

girl idk. i feel in danger because of lack of talk. everyone wants jack out. id prefer chloe. the only votes we can get are bryce, rhys, jack and myself. loris is dumb. HE WONT idk. jareds legit playin super well and good for him but ppl needa wake up and start knockin off his +1’s so hes easier to take out in the future. but who cares. these people are gonna end up lettin like jared or chris win .. and good. i suppose they deserve it.

im just super tired. partly due to this game but partly because of irl factors... so i just cant go chaotic. its so fun but soooo draining, and its hard when everyone leaks things and jared wants to be dumb and idol. it wasnt dumb. im petty. its real dumb.

im just trying to get ppl on my side but it seems so hard NNNN so . we’ll see

My names going round again 🤠

Ever since I played the idol on Chloe (which was indeed an in the moment decision), I feel a lot better about my spot in the game.

I revealed basically everything to Chris. There was very little that I left out. I told him about the F2 with Bryce, and my motivations behind every decision so far.

Sometimes overbearing trust comes out of overbearing promises. I still need someone to have my back no matter what, so being open with Chris was necessary. I still will try my best to keep Bryce in the game. I need them to war with each other because it will be a long term buffer for me. In terms of F3 plans, I'm not sure. I have options between Chris, Rhys, Chloe, Michael, Stephen, and Loris. I wouldn't mind staying true and taking Bryce as far as I can, but eventually his number will be up and I think that will be better for my chances to win anyways.

Today I finally pulled the trigger and Chris and I put together this 5some of him, Chloe, Michael, Loris, and myself called "starpower."

I will have to be cheeky with Chris to stay in a better spot than him, because he doesn't have strict promises with Bryce as far as I know.

Tonight Jack will go home which was Loris' call. I think it's fine because either way next round Stephen will want a big target out and he needs me to make it happen. I want that target to be on Zach, because I think Zach is the current frontrunner to win, and I think voting him will suit Stephen.

With that being said, it will take a smooth game from hear on out to not be a total goat. I'll try my best.

Feeling very strange about this vote. It's another sort of last minute vote, we've all kind of agreed to do a hard reset and vote Chloe again, but now that I've seen one idol play I can't help but feel like there's another coming, and this time it'd directed towards me potentially. I think I'm gonna propose possibly splitting votes just to cover our bases, because I do feel like Jared and Chloe are now gonna want to target me for no reason other than it's convenient.

If someone idols Jack tonight I’m gonna scream 🤡

So, I wanted Chloe gone this round, because I'm scared she will just float through this game and take a spot at the end. Which is exactly what is happening this vote. People want Jack instead so here we go. Haven't been too active so couldn't have gotten the numbers. Sad times.

Hi so the vote seems to be on  jack which is a little bit anti climatic because everyone was like let’s make a move and then boom jack goes like I thot we were going after bryce zach or rhys but I guess not? Anyway I hope im not being played by bitches right now and people stick to their words. Or at least vote jared/Chloe out

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The thing that makes me most nervous going into tribal is that it makes strategic sense for Stephen not to vote with us and instead vote out Jared who’s a far bigger threat than Jack but hopefully the fear of a tie will mean that he makes it 6 and I hope he realises that I’m ok with going against Jared sksksksksk.

THIS game is so sad liek nothing i want happens ppl are just not wanting to do what i want and thats so unlike my first season KJFHDASKJ i just want total control and someone to run the game with but jared is so annoying and is trying to work with the ppl who will vote him out bc hes such a big threat like girl pls just let me have my way and i wont cut u at 4th! im still fuming over the idol play like who does he think he is playing it without letting me know thats all i ask i literally feel pathetic trying to work with him when he clearly has chris/loris/chloe interests ahead of me

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Jack is voted out 8-1-1. He becomes the third member of our jury.

Watch Jack’s exit interview take place below:

[trendingnewsb]

5 Ways Disney Can’t Stop Screwing Up Star Wars

Star Wars. You love it! You think it’s great. But what if Star Wars stopped being great? That would be bad, right? And bad things aren’t great! Everybody knows that! Seeing as how we’re all in agreement here, let’s talk about the possibility that Disney’s entire strategy for Star Wars might be, as a whole, actually madly deeply verifiably bad. I know it’s painful to fathom such a terrible possibility — I mean, The Last Jedi looks just bonkers — but I can’t help to notice a few glaring red flags. Bad flags. So without further ado …

5

So Far, The New Movies Seem Afraid To Take Chances

For staunch Star Wars nerds burnt out by years of jackass Expanded Universe stories, adding to the Star Wars canon sometimes feels like writing new chapters to the Bible wherein Jesus comes back to fight ISIS with the aid of a talking car. And seeing as how the folks in charge of Star Wars are the ones who grew up on it, the new films feel a smidge unadventurous at times.

Read Next

5 Insane Answers For Questions You Didn't Know You Had

It’s no secret that The Force Awakens mirrors every character and plot point from the Original Trilogy. But what I find staggering is how every new character also geeks out over the old cast. Kylo Ren worships Vader. Poe and Rey know all about the adventures of Han and Luke. It’s as if the screenwriters wanted to make “relatable characters,” and so naturally wrote them as Star Wars fans. The filmmakers aren’t blind to this. Rogue One director Gareth Edwards has spoken multiple times about the balance between writing an original story and keeping to the Star Wars tone. But with Rogue One, Lucasfilm’s definition of “original story” was “the movie takes place literally a few days before A New Hope.”

And remember Ass-Face Roy and Joe Walrus from the Mon Eisley Cantina? Hooray or something, they came back in Rogue One!

LucasfilmTheir plot arc is: “Get drunk and wander around the Galaxy.”

This scene is similar to one later in the movie, when we see C-3PO and R2-D2 on Yavin, watching the fleet roll out.

LucasfilmJust in case you’d forgotten what franchise you were watching.

This is weird, considering that they’re in that very fleet in A New Hope. Fans have already done the mental gymnastics required to fix this obvious mistake (“They must have taken a shuttle later into the war zone, because that totally makes sense!”), but the obvious answer is that Lucasfilm simply wanted to shove these characters into Rogue One and didn’t bother to think about it too hard. And hey, when this kind of nostalgia callback inevitably wears off, people will have to confront the merits of the writing itself, y’know?

And let’s talk about the spinoff movies (like Rogue One) for a second. These could explore enigmatic side characters like Boba Fett, jump forward or back centuries, or even completely switch genres. Who wouldn’t want to see a Star Wars noir-style detective film? There are so many amazing options …

BBCOh.

Or make a Han Solo origin, I guess? Hey, wasn’t A New Hope already the Han Solo origin? See, there’s a reason that film began when it did: It was the most interesting point to start. We didn’t need to know what Han was up to before saving the fucking Galaxy any more than we needed to see how Leia got the Death Star plans. These are footnotes to a bigger story. Devoting films to them is like if Peter Jackson made a two-hour Lord Of The Rings spinoff adventure about Aragorn hitchhiking to the Prancing Pony.

What frustrates me here is that it’s not like there aren’t popular Star Wars characters that it wouldn’t be awesome to see the origin of. (Yoda has no doubt seen his share of adventures and/or psychic goblin orgies.) But I think the reason we’re getting Han Solo is because it’s safe from a writing perspective. He’s a beloved character, a known quantity. His “origin” will undoubtedly be a series of unbearable callbacks to minutiae from A New Hope. In other words, brace yourself for a nail-biting “Kessel Run” sequence in which the prize is a vest.

4

Forcing A New Star Wars Every Year Means Rushing Out Crap

Everyone knows that classic I Love Lucy bit in which Lucy’s wrapping chocolate on a production line, and the conveyor goes so fast that she gets desperate and starts eating the candy to keep up, but Lucy still makes billions worldwide, because people will eat chocolate no matter how sloppy and slapdash it is.

If you haven’t puzzled out my brilliant analogy, Star Wars is the chocolate and Lucasfilm is the hilarious 1950s comedienne. Disney has decided that the world deserves a new Star Wars film every 365 days, because nothing says “quality” like deciding the release date before knowing what you’re making. (That’s why restaurants always bring your meal out in exactly five minutes, no matter how undercooked it is.)

The moral of the story is “rushing is dumb.” It’s why back when most TV shows had 20+ episodes a season, we’d get hogwash like clip shows and that one X-Files where the villain was a clowder of cats. We learned over time that it’s better to have a smaller amount of high-quality things than a large amount of poor-quality things. This applies to 99 percent of everything humanity has ever created. And if you don’t believe me, look at the small library’s worth of articles about Lucasfilm’s current production problems.

As The Hollywood Reporter notes, Lucasfilm’s schedule is so nuts that they’re hemorrhaging writers and directors. The script for A New Hope took three years and four drafts to complete, but the process for Rogue One was so zippy that they were writing pivotal scenes during post-production.

So if you’re wondering why these new films seem to borrow so much from the originals, it’s because who has time to think of something new? Who has time to consider plot holes or character inconsistencies when you’re barreling toward a release date? This is the kind of dumb idea that forces you to panic and fire your directors five months into filming.

So yeah, slow the fuck down, Disney. No one is going to forget Star Wars exists if you skip a year. The world once went, like, 16 years without a new Star Wars movie. Those were some wild days.

3

And, Uh, Stop Hiring Indie Directors

Let’s talk about Colin Trevorrow. For those unaware, Trevorrow got his start with a low-budget film called Safety Not Guaranteed, which was based off of a funny fake ad in the newspaper. It’s a perfectly existing movie. So how did he go from that straight to directing Jurassic World? Well, the studio originally wanted Brad Bird (The Incredibles) to direct, and when Bird declined, he referred them to Trevorrow because he liked Safety. In a world full of qualified sci-fi and action directors, this one reference boosted an indie comedy guy to Spielbergian status. And Hollywood being Hollywood, Trevorrow also got a Star Wars out of the deal, because why the hell not.

That’s when things got stupid. After being personally hired by Spielberg for Jurassic World, the newbie director asserted himself hard during the production process and reportedly became difficult to work with. And while a good director is supposed to lead the charge, his lack of experience contrasted with his overconfidence and created a toxic mix, not unlike electing a reality TV show host to be the president of the United States.

And so when his next film, The Book Of Henry, proved to be a confounding disaster, Trevorrow was hastily dropped from Episode IX and replaced with the much more experienced J.J. Abrams. Look, I have nothing against Trevorrow as a director, but the guy was, well, two movies into his career when they hired him for this massive task. And yet for Star Wars, this is a painfully common practice that almost always leads to problems (which I have pointed out again and again).

When Lucasfilm hired Chris Miller and Phil Lord — directors known for improv-heavy comedies like 21 Jump Street and The Lego Movie — one would assume they were there to bring that element to the Han Solo film. And you know what? Neat! Considering what I’ve already said about that premise, a Han Solo comedy about improv space shenanigans would have been kinda awesome. But it turns out that wasn’t what Lucasfilm had in mind, and the directors’ slower shooting style and frustration over lack of creative freedom led to them being replaced with smilin’ Ron Howard.

See the pattern yet? Lucasfilm inexplicably hires inexperienced or unique directors, refuses to let them express themselves, and ultimately has to shitcan them. I’m gonna go ahead and call it “Trank Mania” after Josh Trank, whose troubled times directing the 2015 Fantastic Four reboot reportedly led to him losing the Boba Fett solo movie. (Also, “Trank Mania” sounds like an awesome WWE special, so there’s that.)

2

There’s No Single Person In Charge Of The Story

While he didn’t direct two-thirds of the Original Trilogy, George Lucas did oversee the writing and production of all of them. Today we have similar “George Lucases” for other series — Zack Snyder and the DC Extended Universe, Kevin Feige for Marvel, J.J. Abrams for the new Star Trek films, and Peter Jackson for the Lord Of The Rings trilogy.

And so here’s my question: Who is in charge of these new Star Wars films? Is it Kathleen Kennedy, the president of Lucasfilm? Not really. By her own admission, she and Lucasfilm “haven’t mapped out” the direction of the new trilogy, and have been largely leaving it up to each director to figure it out. And that’s kind of insane, isn’t it? Most film trilogies are championed by a single artist keeping track of the details. And without that, you run the risk of setting up plot points with zero payoffs, or adding twists that contradict previous scenes.

To give you an idea of why this is important, when Alan Rickman played Severus Snape, he was made aware (before anyone else) that his character always had a thing for Harry’s mom. That knowledge dictated the way he played the role long before that twist was revealed. Imagine how less effective that performance would have been if he was told, “Oh, by the way, we decided you’ve been good all along!” at the very end.

And right now, the directors of Star Wars are absolutely making those kind of last-minute decisions. You know the ending of Force Awakens, when Rey and Chewie and R2-D2 show up on Luke’s island of Jedi guano and bring him his lightsaber?

Well, it turns out that J.J. Abrams originally planned for BB-8 to be there, and swapped droids at the request of Last Jedi director Rian Johnson. We don’t know why Johnson needed the switch, but it sure seems weird that they’re doing stuff like that. Meanwhile, J.J. is coming back for the final film, and who knows if his plans will match up with what Johnson has set up?

In fairness, both of these directors are good at what they do. But the whole process still seems like they are flying blind with one hand tied behind their backs. And the oddest thing of all is that no one seems to know exactly where it’s all heading, or really why we’re making these films beyond the fact that people love Star Wars. And that brings me to a pretty dark question …

1

Maybe Star Wars Was Never A Repeatable Premise?

There was no fucking way the Hobbit trilogy, or even a Hobbit solo film, was going to be as good as the Lord Of The Rings films. Tolkien wrote Rings as an epic sequel to The Hobbit, and by reversing that order, the movies lowered the stakes. This is the same problem I’m sensing with Star Wars.

The first films were about the saving the entire goddamn Galaxy from tyranny. They were a definitive, standalone series that highlighted the most important event to happen in that universe. Anything else is supplemental and pales in comparison. The prequels worked (on paper) because they didn’t attempt to tell that same story, and focused more on one man’s transition to the Dark Side. (The delivery did have some issues.) But these new sequels seem unable to do much save repackage the same threats from the original films. “They had a Star Destroyer? Well, we have a Mega Star Destroyer!” “You thought the last Death Star was big? Well, ours is even DEATH-IER!”

Look, I’m honestly not certain I’m 100 percent right about this, but I think somewhere down the line, we overestimated how repeatable of a premise Star Wars really was. The originals were a self-contained trilogy, and after they came out, even George Lucas attempted to pivot off of them and find the next big franchise. (Unfortunately, it was called Willow and failed hilariously.)

But Lucas still continued to spend the next decade searching for original stories for his company to tell, eventually giving in and re-releasing Star Wars in the late ’90s. When Titanic knocked the re-release from the #1 box office spot, he went full tilt and dug up his idea for the prequel. And after that, the world’s never stopped wanting more.

But I believe that through all his attempts to revive the franchise, Lucas knew in his heart that the most important, most epic, and beloved part of Star Wars had long been told.

He knew, deep inside his hirsute gullet, that it was time to move on. That Star Wars would never be as special as that first time.

Unfortunately, it might take the rest of us a bit longer to figure that out.

If you’re George Lucas and wanna vent (or maybe just hang out sometime), contact Dave on Twitter.

The new Star Wars movies may be flawed, and we know porgs are just marketing gimmicks. But goddamnit we want still want porgs.

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