#this really does go back to judging a percentage of women for reading romance

[ladysophiebeckett]

I remember when my friend, who loves ya fantasy, started reading 6 of crows bc of me and they struggled cause it opens with made up words and concepts in fake dutch. and soc is a spinoff of so it never goes in depth explaining anything like. i love the series and i hate booktok but that girl was set up by the people recommending it. probably not an ask to publish but i just didnt see anyone else who thought she was done dirty and i was about accept insanity in my life until i saw your post lol

was it fake dutch? i saw one episode of the netflix show and it looked like it borrowed a lot fm like, the soviet union?? (the costumes looked like it was inspired by russian in late 1800's-early 1900's).

i dont even think she was necessarily set up (looks like it tho) bc i went on her account and she does read ya fantasy-ROMANCE. so, its not even a genre issue. i honestly think the writing style did not vibe with her. and that happens. not every writing style is going to be liked.

ppl have seen her video and tore her to shreds, luckily it seems like she doesn't care. but her later on critiques (bc she tried to continue reading it on her kindle) are valid. she just didnt like it. and some ppl have said that 'its the way her video is worded'--okay um she's not a journalist or a professional critic. she literally just talks about what shes reading to her camera phone and posts it. ppl went after her bc of the book AND bc her tagline bio on her account says that 'if its not smut, i wont read it' indicating she mostly only reads romance. and that egged ppl on.

reading one genre is neither good nor bad. its just a preference. ya fantasy isnt the pinnacle of literature imo. but it exists and im fine with it. (im just not gonna read it).

it's just me and you and one other person on tiktok that think she was done dirty. everyone else is still on her ass even tho she's moved on.

[griffelkinn]

Letter to a Man

I wish all men would read this letter. I am a woman who is attracted to men. But it seems impossible to find romance and friendship with a man, as much as I wish I could.

This is a letter I wrote to a man I met on Okcupid, and started a friendship with, and then ended the friendship shortly after.

The reason that I ended the friendship was because while we were on a hike, he began talking at length about his feelings that men suffer from oppression and women are privileged. He also emotionally defended incels and misogynists, and said women needed to be kinder to them. He also expressed sympathy toward rapists.

After our hike, we texted, and he continued expressing supportive feelings toward misogynists. And so over text, I said that I felt we should part ways, and shouldn’t hang out anymore. After that, he sent me a letter in the mail, and I wrote him this letter in return.

I wish all men could read this letter...

“Brian,

I didn't want to cause you pain or sadness, the other day. I knew that I probably did, and that made me feel pain myself.

Your letter was very thoughtful, and I was glad to read it. I appreciated the time you took to write it, and your sincerity. I do hope you'll read this letter, and know that it is a very serious and honest outpouring of my feelings. I want you to understand. I know it might seem like a wall of text, but every word of it feels important to tell you.

When I first moved to San Francisco, my very first friend in the whole state was a guy named Roger. We got along really well, and immediately became very close, and had fun together constantly. We cooked, and lay in the park, and got drunk, and joked around, and tried new snacks, and got ice cream on hot days, and even got some acid on the street and tripped together on Halloween to Nightmare Before Christmas. We were super close for months. Then he randomly started passionately ranting about how rape is a very mild crime, and people shouldn't get too bothered if it happens to them, or punished for doing it either. He went on about how rapists were usually molested at some point, and they deserved sympathy. Not to have their lives negatively impacted by getting in trouble for raping someone. Also, that they can't help doing it, like it's a nervous tic. We talked and argued about it for hours. All of those points. Finally I left, because I was shaking with anger and emotion, and he was very passionately defending everything he'd said with no moving at all.

I was especially shaken by his tirade because it was an exact echo of the many tirades the violent psycho I was trapped living with years ago used to go on. All of those points were favorites of his to passionately rant about. That guy had also been my best friend, before I got a place with him (accessible only by his truck), and also before he dropped his carefully-constructed façade of a great person. He also used to rant about how 15-year-old girls are the most appropriate breeding partners for men, and how women's sports are a joke, and how girls are biologically inclined to bear children and take care of them. Also that men are currently generously "allowing their women to become educated". He had been jailed for rape. He was sadistic, in ways I could never describe.

I didn't see my friend Roger anymore after that. All of his weird rapist-support arguments were so similar to the psycho's, and also extremely suggestive of his own tendencies. He did later tell me in a text that he was one of the rapists he was defending.

Later when I was working at Whole Foods, I became really good friends with this guy named Greg, who also worked there. We became instantly great buddies, and did all kinds of stuff together. We went on road trips, went out for pizza regularly, and learned how to make silicone molds and castings together. We were both really into art and painting. We swapped comics, and discovered Stranger Things together. I actually started getting a crush on him, which was a big thing for me. Then one night we were parked in front of my apartment, cause he was dropping me off after we'd spent a whole day having fun around the city and then making molds at his apartment. We didn't even want to say good night, because we wanted to keep hanging out and talking. We started talking about how we were both really happy that we'd become friends. And then he told me that his last best friend and him had parted badly, and he was disappointed. So then, I told him I'd had something similar happen, and I told him about Roger. I told him about the argument me and Roger had had about rape and rapists, and how that had ended the friendship, and how sad it was. And then Greg said "Well, it does make you think..." And I asked what about. And he then launched into a passionate rant feeling sorry for rapists. I think my jaw hung down 3 feet. I was just stunned. He started talking about Brock Turner, the rapist from a few years ago who was all over the news. The one who got barely any jail time, because the judge felt sorry for him and didn't want his life negatively impacted by his raping that girl.

Greg went on and on about how it was terrible that Brock Turner was going to be known as a rapist now, and how sad that was for him. He'd made one tiny little mistake anyone could make, and now he's gonna be thought of badly. He didn't seem aware of the other person involved whose life actually was negatively impacted. I argued all of his ideas about his "tiny mistake", and also how sad it was for him now. I wanted to understand why Greg was saying this stuff. I must be misunderstanding. We talked about it until 4 in the morning in the car, until finally I had to go inside, because clearly there was no misunderstanding.

As soon as I got into my apartment, I cried on my couch. I was so sad, because I liked Greg so much, and this was how he was. I knew our friendship was over. We decided to get together the next night and see if there was really a misunderstanding that maybe we could figure out had happened. At a bar, he told me it's his nature, when he sees a viewpoint that's hard to agree with at first, to try to figure out a way it could be agreed with. He's just really intelligent and quick and enjoys doing that. That was obviously not what was happening.

Before meeting you on Okcupid, I'd met one other guy this year. He told me he'd forced himself sexually on a girl once, and he was sorry for it now.

A friend I met while living in Maine for a while years ago (between CA and FL) was a guy named Doug, I met on Okcupid. He assaulted me.

Another friend I met on Okcupid in that same stay was a guy named Nate. He assaulted me.

I wanted to tell you about Roger and Greg, because they are really what led to my action after our text conversation. When you and me were walking that day, I didn't react much at the time, but I was very unsettled when you mentioned how rapists were usually molested themselves. I've been just confused and frustrated that I very rarely meet a man who doesn't sympathize with rapists or misogynists. It's like 1 in a million. When you said that, I was internally thinking, you probably feel like Roger and Greg. When you said that you like to try to see the side of people who have an extreme viewpoint, and that's why you tried to see the side of misogynists, it sounded exactly like Greg later explaining his rape-sympathizing.

I know I had lots of fun kayaking with you, and playing 7 Days to Die, and talking about tripping, and watching Chappie. The letter you wrote me was really thoughtful, and made me feel how much you care and how much you were focused on self-awareness, which is really awesome.

I told you about Doug and Nate, because I want you to understand why I have so much hesitancy about hanging out. Sadly, since we haven't known each other long, I am strongly affected by the percentage of times I've made a male friend and had them assault me or reveal that they support rapists.

Those examples are not the only times I've been assaulted.

In my opinion, the number-one cause of the extreme amount of rapists, is how much support rapists get. And misogynists. 99.9% men seem to support them. Male rappers and sportsmen remain heroes after assaulting women. Male judges give rapists such light sentencing that it seems less serious than drug crimes or theft. Movies and tv show heroes and "cool" characters are often raping and joking about it. Everywhere, whenever I turn on the tv it seems like.

I remember when I was a kid, and I used to run around town playing with this big group of all the town kids, and we were all friends. I had some really great friends who were boys, who lived around me, and we used to hang out and mess around and we didn't see each other as a different species. We hadn't been brainwashed yet. It makes me deeply sad that that kind of camaraderie between men and women seems like a fantasy now. I hope it's still around.

It's so upsetting to think about that stuff, and I am filled with so much unease when I'm around people who I think might see me as a "woman-creature" that can never be understood or related to. I walk around thinking in the back of my mind that I might have a violent encounter at any given time, and I'm prepared for it mentally. I'm positive there will be more in the future.

I really want you to understand me, because I don't want you to feel bad or upset or hurt or offended. I know that I offended you and hurt you when I said I thought you were a man like those others. All I knew was that you were saying things that they all say, and that it has hurt me deeply to hear those things from friends in the past. It hurt so much that it makes me not want to risk becoming very close when there's any indication that those feelings about rapists and misogynists are part of someone. From your letter it sounds like you also empathize with those who are hurt by misogyny. You feel bad for your misogynist and racist uncle, and for all others. And empathy is a wonderful quality. Empathy is one of the most important things to have. And the most respectable. But I do think the cause of so much misogyny and rape is this overabundance of sympathy for them (and far too little for the people who are actually seriously hurt by them).

I don't want bad feelings between us. I want good feelings. I have good feelings toward you. I am just sad and tired and just... confused and frustrated that I've never met a man who just completely was angry and disgusted with rapists and misogynists, and spoke as passionately about that as they so often speak passionately about sympathizing with them. I don't know what that means for the state of people right now. I don't say this to single you out or to try and make you feel bad. It's just something I've been thinking a lot about, that's got me down. And hearing certain arguments and opinions about that stuff so often makes me feel down. Also, there were other things you said during our hike that made it seem like you were very emotionally into the idea that men have it harder than women. It really seemed like something you think about a lot and feel strongly about. I was walking in a constant state of "What-the?". Maybe that's not true. It just seemed like a continuous vibe.

I hope you understand that I didn't end things with us out of anything personal with you. I really enjoyed most of our times together, and I will remember them with happiness. I hope you make many more beautiful potteries, and have fun and happiness. Empathy is a great thing to have, it's just that those specific sympathies make me very unhappy to be around, in a really big way, now.

-C”