#this post is nothing im about to go to a doctors appointment and im bored thats it

[vse-kar-vem]

i hate that im embarrassed seeing my own art because otherwise id be playing my kris dressup game 😞

[heartsoutforchengcheng]

love letters - s o n g m i n g i [ateez]

[a/n: i saw a video on twitter that inspired me to write this,,, i’ll try to post the video later]

it's been over a year, since mingi and you got married. it was memorable, without a doubt, the happiest day of your life. it was amazing to be married to the man you love and share your life with him.

after a year of being officially married, mingi and you had the talk—and by the talk, we're talking about baby talk. he was the one to initiate the conversation. and sure, mingi could still be considered a baby himself, but he is mature enough to know how to act accordingly. after talking and discussing over the course of a few weeks, you both came to the agreement that you would try for a baby.

you decided to take it slow, be patient and not rush things. obviously, trying to conceive was fun, specially if it was with mingi. right after coming to an agreement you immediately went in to trying, and were trying most of the days if not every day for a few weeks. however, that only lasted about two weeks, after that its not that you got bored, but instead the both of you decided to slow down and take in every experience, even try different things out in the bedroom.

but it has been two or three months since then. of course conceiving is not something easy, to some it might be, but it wasn't your case. nevertheless, you did not give up.

recently, you got a call for an important event in your work field. so of course being something important, you decided to write it down in your agenda, but while doing that you noticed something. your period was late almost three weeks. normally you would not have thought of anything because your period had not always been regular. however, knowing that you and mingi were trying for a baby and were having sex without any protection, you start to think about it. and thinking back for the couple days your behavior has been changing. however, not being completely sure yet, you decided not to tell mingi until you were a hundred percent sure you were pregnant.

you made an appointment with your doctors office as soon as possible. after going to your doctor and getting all the necessary work done. it was confirmed that you were indeed pregnant. to say you were happy was an understatement and of course you had to share the good news, the question was how were you gonna tell mingi.

fast-forward to today, two days after the confirmation, you finally decided how to tell mingi. you were going to write him a handwritten letter. mingi had always expressed his admiration for your journaling whenever he saw you creating a new spread. your journal wasn't anything private, it was more of a hobby. so you decided to make him a well done, heart felted letter. but you couldn't just give him a letter, that would seem odd, so in addition you went out and bought a nice button up shirt that he had had his eyes on for some time now. it was a little on the expensive side, which was why mingi decided against buying, but this was a good occasion to spoil the soon to be father.

you prepared everything for when mingi got home from practice. positioning the nicely wrapped box on his side of the bed, with the letter at the bottom. you still had time to kill before mingi got home, so you went to wash yourself. while showering, you couldn't stop smiling. just as if on cue, when you got out of the shower, you heard the front door close and mingi calling for you, “Y/N!” excitement ran through your veins at the sound of his voice, “in the bedroom” you answered him.

you calmed yourself down and tried to contain your excitement as mingi walks through the bedroom door. “im back” he says as he walks up to you to greet you with a kiss. he makes his way to the bed when he sees the box, “what's this?” he asks. “for you” you respond, mingi frowns in confusion, “why? i didn't miss any important date did i?” you laugh at his confused state “no you did not miss anything. can't a woman spoil her man once in a while?” you ask, turning around in your spot after finishing your skin care routine. mingi says nothing and stays there in bed, frozen, not knowing what to do. “open it” you push him, as you move to the bed so you can be closer and appreciate his reaction better. as he opened the box, his eyes went wide “why? it was so expensive- you really didn't have to” you knew if you didn't stop him, he would keep on rambling, “you deserve it” you stated in order to interrupt his mini rambling session.

mingi took out the shirt from the box he admired it and looked at you, “thank you. i love you” he said. you rolled your eyes because he didn't really notice that the shirt was not his intended surprise, “there's something else in the box” you said which immediately made him look back the box. he saw the envelope with the letter in it, “a handwritten letter? romantic” he said, to which you just chuckled in response.

you nodded at him signaling for him to go ahead and open it. it took mingi a couple of seconds to open the letter and started reading it. you sat there, in be, next to him, impatiently waiting for him to finish reading the letter. once he got to the part where you tell him you were pregnant he immediately looked up from the letter, a big smile plastered on his handsome features. his eyes looking directly at you, as if questioning if you were serious.

“congrats daddy” was the only thing you said. you don't know how, but his smile grew ten times bigger, without saying a word, he was indeed speechless. “look at the lid of the box” you indicated him. you knew he would discard the lid and pay no attention to it, so that's why you taped your ultrasound on it. he made a run for it, and once he saw it his eyes disappeared, his huge, happy, smile was on full display. “b-baby...” he stuttered. “yes mingi, we're having a baby” you said with a smile just as big as his. “no baby, thank you. thank you. thank you” he said as he made his way to you and embrace you. he held you tight, positioning his head in the crook of your neck as he kept on thanking you. “stop thanking me” you say as you hug him back. he pulled back and gave you a passionate kiss, “we should go celebrate” he said after the kiss. “aren't you gonna tell the boys?” you ask confused because he usually always tells them right after when he receives good news. “yes. yes we should. let's go celebrate with them” he said and proceeded to shower you with kisses. 

[buckychristwrites]

I know it's not your part of expertise but I need an advice and I feel like you could give it to me because I'm tired of feeling like I'm the one to blame or maybe I am, I don't know anymore.

I've been friends with this girl- let's call her my friend from now on, for about 10 years since we started school. We had our ups and downs but after high school we stayed together as friends I mean.

She started dating this guy like four years ago and I don't think he's the problem as he is nice and I really like him and he likes me too but I got the feeling like my friend feel somehow better than me because she has a guy while I'm mrs lonely. Whenever I went to her she always made it that he could be with us, I didn't mind couple of times but sometimes I wish there weren't other ears listening to me.

Year ago she got me a place at her job and I was really grateful, I still am, but I work there part time so we didn't really see each other, we it had a chance whenever we met as friends but because of pandemic we saw each other like two times.I've always been there for her, I was driving her to and from mechanic when her car broke down a couple of times, even two days before my thesis defense when I should been learning I was driving her to mechanic.

I think everything changed in this February. We were appointed to see each other on the say she had day off after a night shift. I bought a big teddy bear for her niece as she turned 3 earlier in February. I call my friend to ask when I can come and she's like "I forgot it was today because of the night shift, I was tired and everything" so I said I understand and we can meet on the other day and she's like "cool I pick up the time". She never did.

A month later in March I had birthday, and maybe I'm exaggerating but it's really weird when a bunch of almost total strangers wish you happy birthday on facebook while someone you consider friends doesn't even message you even day after. I'm not a easiest person to talk too, I somehow antisocial, I can go weeks without talking to someone but that doesn't mean I'm angry or I bare a grudge and she knew about it.

The last situation happens yesterday. We have a group combo with her and two other mutual friends and one of them is getting married so she asked when she can come to give us invitation (In my country bride and groom are expected to give invitations personally to their guests. It creates opportunity to meet the other person if you haven't earlier). And my friends says to the bride to be that she's working whole week and she's gonna tell later. I'm on my leave right now and next week I'm going back to work. And I said to the bride that it'll be better if we could meet this week but I'll tell her later. And my friend goes "you always have free time" and I said "well it's not like I'm always at home sitting on my ass" (I have other friends from college and I we agreed while I'm on my leave we're gonna see new apartment that one of them got, my mother got an appointment for covid vaccination this week and I have an appointment at doctor's because I believe I have diabetes). So you see Im on my leave but it doesn't mean I'm always home. And she replies "okay them I'm not saying any word ☺️" Though there's smiling emoji I feel like she's angry with me.

Maybe I was too harsh but I'm really tired of people thinking that beside my part time job J don't have a life. I get that I don't have a boyfriend so it maybe look like it but I have hobbies I still have life maybe it's not perfect and it's boring but it's bearable, it's not most exciting but still it's mine. I'm tired of feeling I'm always one to blame and I still have this big ass expensive teddy bear for her niece at home.

Please just tell what would you do if you were me. What should I do?

And I'm sorry for the long ask you don't have to post it though

I’m sorry that you’ve been going through this! Sometimes relationships change people, for the better or for the worst, but also time and adulthood can do the same.

If you feel like you can, you should try to talk to your friend about these issues and see if you can work them out. Let her know that you would like to find some times to hang out just the two of you without her SO, that when she bails on plans it makes you feel like you don’t matter to her, and you don’t like that she suggests that you don’t have a life. You’ve been friends for a long time, and talking things out is always worth a shot.

But if you don’t feel like you’re able to talk things out with her, or if the talk just doesn’t go well, or if the talk does go well but nothing changes, then there’s no shame in just letting her go. Sometimes we outgrow people, and not everyone is meant to be in our lives forever.

Also it’s definitely worth mentioning that no person is better than you just because they’re in a relationship, and if you’re happy while not in one then that’s all that matters!!

I’m definitely no expert but i’ve had my share of friend struggles and i know how hard they can be, i hope that you’re able to work through this, but just know that however it works out will be how it was supposed to work out.

Sending lots of love and positive vibes!!! 💜💜💜💜

[captain-mystical-trash]

My epilepsy Journal part 2

(First Chapter can be found here:

https://captain-mystical-trash.tumblr.com/post/189438812271/my-epilepsy-journal )

11-12-2017

Here I am on my way  the Epilepsy centre. Today I am going to be admitted for an unknown amount of days. It could be a week, it could be 2 weeks or even longer. Leaving my home not knowing how long I would be gone was pretty hard. I have 2 cats which makes it even harder for me. Luckily a good friend of mine is going to take care of them, so they are going to be just fine. Knowing her, she is going to spoil them even more than I already do.

The weather sucks. It started snowing 2 days ago, and the snow turned into ice. Even know its snowing, so fingers crossed I wont be delayed. Our trains and tracks are not made for this kind of weather, which is stupid since this happens every year.

I arrived around 14:40, instead of 9:00 so yeah, a huge delay. I got stuck on one of the biggest train stations in my country, and there where no trains departing at all. When I arrived the doctors were surprised I came in the first place. Well an appointment is an appointment, so here I am. One of the nurses showed me around. We have 2 livings rooms due to more people being there. I have my own room, shower, toilet etc.(thank god).

In all the rooms (accept the bathroom) are camera’s, they record everything in case someone gets a seizure, because that’s why we are there. One of the medicine I take after diner is already changed from 125mg to 100mg. We keep on going doing that until I get a seizure. In the meantime the nurses are helping us to have a as normal as possible day.

I went to bed around 20:30 because I was exhausted. A night with barely sleep, the traveling and all the new impressions was a bit to much. But unfortunately I’m still not asleep (23:48). Tomorrow is going to be a long day.

 12-12-2017

I am in one word Exhausted. Yes with an exclamation mark. I slept for maybe 4 hours? At 8:00 it was time for breakfast, which I never do. It takes a few hours for my stomach to handle food well. But the nurses insist, and goodluck in winning a discussion with a nurse about breakfast. I ate one slice of bread an I already got nauseous. Well the nursed are happy that I ate at least something so woohoo? Later today my best friend is visiting me, so I got something to look forward to.

Today I mostly just worked on my laptop and reading my book I brought along. Getting to know the other people a bit better etc. I really hope that I get my seizure soon, these 2 days where boring…

13-12-2017

Still no seizure. My medicine has been changed again and I started to feel de difference in my body. Im shaky and I’m getting slower in responding to people. Waiting for a seizure to happen is weird. Normally you don’t want it to happen, but now it’s what we need. If I get a seizure I can go home a few days later, so that’s also a thing.  I am constantly focussing on what I feel, which is exhausting.  Also being around people makes it hard for me. I live on my own, so with 10 people around me most of the time is allot to take in.

I feel overwhelmed and sad. I want to be alone, but that’s not possible.. Luckily an other good friend is visiting me today.

14-12-2017

I woke up late, I didn’t hear my alarm so suddenly a nurse was standing next to my bed waking me up. Which gave me a little scare.

Later today we have “sport”. Im looking forward to it. Its not going to be like fitness or anything, just some simple exercises. Like throwing balls etc. I realize that I don’t have much to write about, since every day is basically the same.

15-12-2017

Today I had 3 seizures. During lunch I had a “aura” but It didn’t changed into a Tonic Clonic seizure. But later on it did. I went to bed earlier to rest and I felt the seizure kick in. I was able to hid the button which alerts the nurses, and after doing that I passed out. Between 13:30 and 20:00 I had 2 tonic clonic seizures.  But I don’t remember a thing. My whole body hurts, I bit my tongue and cheek, so I can barely talk. I just want to be alone and rest. To bad this is till out of the question. The nurses want to keep an eye on me. Later today I see my neurologists to see when I can go home.

I have to stay the weekend, and I can go home Monday. I’m glad I can go home soon, and recover at home with my cats.  

(The last 3 days nothing important happened so I haven’t written anything down)

[babeandbike-blog1]

Weight Loss Surgery: A Cautionary Lap Band Story

I made the option to get weight loss surgery. When this occurs, I tipped the machines at about 305lbs. My reasons, as anyone faced with this determination can recognize, were my own. I also made many mistakes at this time and those I believe need addressing. The biggest were: my alternative to have the surgery within my neighborhood as well as the surgery I chose. I reside in a city of 100,000+. The Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex area is approximately three hours away. There is an office of doctors within my area newly released as performing weightloss surgery, but only two: the Lapband and Gastric Bypass. I reviewed both surgeries and had ideas about each, but wished to consult with a doctor within this office prior to making my final choice. I did think the Lapband could possibly be it for me though as it’s reversible plus a less severe option compared to the bypass (so far as having my composition cut up and re-sown together and experiencing troubles just like the probability of seeking gallbladder surgery, “dumping problem,” and malabsorption problems.) Our step sister thought we would have a bypass within the metroplex area before I had my technique and was pleased like a clam about the whole point - I wish I’d followed her lead. I met with a doctor. I was asked what insurance I had (Federal Blue Cross Blue Shield) and what treatment I would like. I told them I’d prefer to discuss my choices and the physician did a quick run down of every, however the perspective of the visit was greatly “Why did you come here should you didn’t know?” I chosen Lap-Band… once I really should have plumped for another doctor, but the Lapband needs regular followup sessions for fills (injecting liquid in to the group via a port beneath the skin so that you can maintain the band’s rigidity round the belly and cause weight loss.) I wanted to help you to get this maintenance within my hometown and not drive for three hours each time I needed to be seen. I was ok with all the probability of slower weight loss because - after spending the majority of my living in Weight Watchers - I recognized slow weight loss was prone to similar permanent weight reduction. The very next time I noticed my physician was your day of the procedure.

I was later told this is what’s called being a “heartbeat with insurance.” I'd the procedure 01/14/09. There was no psych consult, no diet beforehand, no meeting with a dietician or exercise specialist - I was told “eh, should you don’t enjoy it, consider it out!“. My last solid food and carbonated beverage was 01/12/09. The surgery was a day surgery. I was put under, the band was located, I was taken to recover, gently hit conscious, taken to radiology, made to do an upper GI and swallow contrast material so they can check me and be sure everything was okay. This made me start to retch which caused among my surgical sites to reopen. I bled throughout the floor - I still have the blood-stained socks. I had been patched back up and sent home. For that first twentyfour hours, I had been sailing. I was still on top of whatever they gave me at the clinic in addition to the Twilight sleep area behind my hearing that was placed there to stop the inevitable nausea I get after being sedated. Next? I had been in hell. I always joked about wanting a Clockwork Orange Diet - one where I encounter real discomfort or distress in the notion of eating since I thought that’s in what it'd try get me to change my ways because I enjoy eating THAT much. Well, be mindful what you wish for… I vomited constantly. I had been more nauseous than I've previously experienced my life. I took my pain medication and that made it worse. The worst part? I was still ravenously hungry. The Lap-Band had no effect whatsoever on that. I needed nothing more than to eat and also the broths and soups I ate made me throw up. The whole time I was throwing up, I was terrified I was about to get my band (cause the group to go which may cause the wrong form of constraint - tales I read about this online stated that those who did this couldn’t even take their own spit afterward.) Band slippage often requires additional surgery to correct and that I had been in enough pain to not actually need surgery again. I can remember my Mom coming to visit me at this point and me crying and just saying something like, “What have I accomplished? If you had been also considering this, don’t do it.” My husband called the doctor to report how sick I had been to the stage we thought something was wrong. They shrugged it off. We called again. The physician finally mentioned perhaps it had been my pain medication. Sure enough, I had codeine awareness and factors were only a little better after I quit getting the medication, but rather of giving to restore it with another thing, I had been instructed to consider liquid Tylenol… that I gave up on as it didn’t support somewhat. So just about used to do the vast majority of my healing without the pain management whatsoever $6. Besides being physically sore, I had been abruptly also up against a really real sensation like mental pain. Struggling to sleep or get comfortable, I resigned myself towards the sofa and watched TV throughout the day. You don’t understand how much food there is on Television until you can’t have any. My husband could come home from work and that I would just cry. I’d list everything I saw and what everybody ate: a detective show with snacks, a show with delicious cereal being nonchalantly enjoyed straight in the field. It was suffering. I don’t honestly remember the post surgery diet I was on. I think it had been per week of clear liquids, fourteen days of total (milky), two weeks of comfortable then standard food as tolerated. I’m not 100% sure though. I was appointed for my first follow up. I think it was the first time I left the house, used clothes, etc. I still felt like death. I presented myself within the surgeon’s office, hunting and feeling like death and he said ‘well done.’ I wondered if he was also looking at me. A pal got me out of the home after week two, but I still felt awful. Basically it was only a sofa holiday, from languishing on my sofa to languishing on hers for an evening. I got fourteen days off from work overall. “They” will say you can probably return to work after one, but in case there have been difficulties, I needed additional time to feel better - child, am I glad I got that much. Even though I had been actually powerful enough after Week-One, psychologically was another story - I'd have gone ballistic on everybody initially someone introduced a sign up for burger for lunch. I continued going in to find out the surgeon for group fills. We didn’t discuss my treatment plan or just how many fills I may require - at first I didn’t even experience any difference while the band tightened. He just kept telling me to come back in. I will try and summarize since I have don’t actually remember in what order things occurred after this point. The nearly 3 years I'd the group were one of the most unhappy of my life. Our band never slipped or eroded, but I still experienced pain, distress and almost constant vomiting. Anytime I'm expected now in what I went through, I respond that the band is “medically handled bulimia” - and that I possess the ruined esophagus to prove it. Here are a few things I wish I had known: 1. The band doesn’t make sense Your stomach isn't a sealed container. It’s similar to a sieve. The entire cause the Lap Band is meant to work is because the area of your belly that causes thoughts of volume which it declares to your brain is close to the top. The band cinches up your stomach to produce a little pre-belly pouch that you're supposed to fill with food that'll trick this area into early thoughts of depth. My surgeon told me the complete objective of eating will be to take pencil eraser-sized attacks and wait MINUTES among each. You ought to get so “bored with eating, you obtain up and go do something different instead.” (Yea, tell someone who feels as though she is hungry to death to sit down facing food and take pencil eraser-sized bites. That'll surely work.) So tell me this: you sometimes follow this strategy and pulverize the food to the point that it slips directly through the group and beats the point or you take big enough attacks that you do refill your bag, but are then in pain as you experience each bit of badly chewed food try to go through your stoma (your starting from stomach pouch to frequent belly. I call it having “food babies.” the initial time I experienced the sensation of eating anything too big to easily pass through this opening, it felt like the worst ice cream headache ever. in my stomach!) 2. To the majority of surgeons, you're what I was: a heartbeat with insurance Surgeons receive money for doing surgery NOT for aftercare. Odds are excellent your physician is going to KEEP YOU. Hey, should you go have surgery in Mexico, you almost certainly won’t get any aftercare at all! Leading me to another location fun fact I hope I'd have identified: 3. If your doctor leaves, NOBODY WILL TOUCH YOU. My doctor left town and got his entire office with him within a year of my surgery. This left my area high and dry. There was nobody around who'd even get near me. This managed to get added fun once I wound up “obstructed” (the group packed my belly completely closed for no reason at all - I had been struggling to eat or drink anything) as well as in the IM about a week after he pulled up levels. The initial reaction of the ER was “go away, we don’t learn anything in what you have,” nevertheless it was a three day weekend and I basically had nowhere else to show therefore I really had to go them through how to take water from my group and so I could have some relief. I searched physicians inside a THREE HUNDRED MILE distance and was both rejected as being a new patient though I may produce my surgical document which showed there have been no complications with my surgery, or was cited a ridiculous “New Individual Fee” of anywhere from several hundred to several THOUSAND dollars. 4. Your insurance means nothing If you get inside the location I did so, forgotten by your doctor and with nobody else in your town or out who will allow you to, congratulations: you've now joined the planet of cash-for-support! It doesn’t matter that I've amazing insurance that paid for just about anything I needed, with no doctor to get my insurance, I was SOL. I turned to go-between. A ridiculous intermediary service that required income at the start and then approached a network of services near me (I used Austin primarily - the quack in Irving hurt me worse attempting to give me a fill than I’ve probably ever been hurt in that place before) to secure a consultation to have me a load. I had to utilize this support several times to secure fills to get me backup to the level I was at prior to the ER had taken some out when I was blocked. 5. You're at the band’s mercy Your Lab-Band follows no predetermined rules. It is also affected by things entirely beyond your control like atmospheric pressure. I'm quite definitely a monster of habit and might take the same identical Lean Cuisine meal to benefit lunch each day. I may have no difficulty whatsoever eating it or -two to three days-out of five- I may throw it up. I was also told swelling and water retention within my time can and could create the band cinch itself up. The band is an implanted medical device. Believe meticulously about every one of the advertisements you notice on TV: “Call 1-800-fat-sttlmet4u if you've had some of the following… Lawyer Steve can fight for you!” If something goes wrong with it, you encounter more sideeffects or surgery. Our band really had a recall create on it not too long after I got it: a little item used to video the port’s tubing and maintain it from getting kinked up could come undone and cause stated kinkage to take place. The very best part: the recall was for bands not already inserted. For me who previously had it? “Don’t worry. Take no action. You’re probably fine.” The worst thing I worried about was getting clogged again without any one to assist me. Because the best move to make is worry and anxiety, I immediately thought of one of the best books/videos: “The Stand.” there is a complete page within the book dedicated to people who could have survived the plague whenever they hadn’t performed x/y/z (ruptured appendix, dropped off motorcycle and broken head, etc) and gotten killed. I quickly put myself in this type: the entire world ends, I endure, except my stomach squeezes spontaneously closed and that I starve to death. 6. You can still make all of the wrong choices What no one told me and I did not reveal within my study concerning the group is: the band is a resource for weight loss, yes, but it’s a poor one. As your stomach is intact, you can still stretch it. The quack I mentioned before in Irving stated someone he was seeing who managed to stretch out his sack to date that an upper GI revealed that his bag just returned his intact stomach BELOW the band (one stomach, then lapband, then the other stomach.) There is also something called “soft fat problem,” where your group might actually be too small (a situation my physician had me constantly active in before he left.) You are physically unable to make the “right” options when it comes to food because the right choices hurt. It never stopped to impress me how I was suddenly limited in this value following the band. I got to where I'd endless cravings for salad since I hadn’t consumed a salad just about the complete time I had been banded. The vegetables were a nono for me and could get trapped and irritate me until I threw up. This type of irritation is also what could cause possible obstruction because I’d get swollen. You begin making choices which might be simple and not right - high calorie, creamy, fatty soups, milkshakes, icecream - things that are easy-to eat since they get through the band and don’t cause any pain or discomfort. 7. You can still obtain everything back I assume I knew about this potential, but I didn’t wish to think about it. All in all, I lost about 70lbs using the group all together. The truth is: as it didn’t impact my hunger whatsoever, all it did was delay the expected. Each food and eating related wish was still there, I was just physically unable to express it. The month the ER did a partial un-fill because of obstruction? Yes, I gained 20lbs. I dropped it again after I got re-tightened, however it showed me the score. I was probably just about 10 or 15 lbs up after I finally decided to make a change. I joined Weightwatchers for your thousandth time and began rising and following - anything I will have done since Day-One with the group. I don’t know what I was thinking. I was told plenty of reasons for what the group was allowed to be and there were also lots of items that I should did that I didn’t. * * * And so I was un-banded (disbanded?) on Dec 6th (RIP Lappy 01/14/09 - 12/06/11) and opted for the gastric sleeve. I knew that if I didn’t get another kind of surgery - for all my training and good intentions - without that safetynet, I would nevertheless be back up past 300 in a year.

My experience was the precise opposite of the Lapband in pretty much every way. I'm great and hope I got the sleeve in the first place and didn’t waste nearly 3 years in anguish, but what’s the motto? Hindsight is always 20/20. The sleeve was still being enhanced like a strategy in the past so I might not have already been as satisfied with after that it when I am now-so - here’s another for you - everything happens at its time as well as for its own reason, I suppose. I started off writing this being a comparison of every experience (thus the expanded URL), but I noticed I had much too much to create so the gastric sleeve will have to have its own heart later. I do greatly recognize that IS SIMPLY one person’s experience. There are lots of others available who love their Lap-Bands and have had excellent experience using them. I just wished to let you know what happened tome justincase you're building a fat loss surgery decision right now an Become familiar with more about Centralia Orthognathic

[uh-lease-blog1]

Weight Loss Surgery: A Cautionary Lapband Story

I made the decision to own fat loss surgery. At that time, I tipped the machines at about 305lbs. Our reasons, as any person up against this decision will agree, were my own. I also made several errors at this time and those I think need addressing. The greatest were: my alternative to have the surgery in my own neighborhood along with the surgery I chose. I reside in a village of 100,000+. The Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex area is roughly three hours away. There is an office of doctors in my own area recently announced as performing weightloss surgery, but just two: the Lap Band and Gastric Bypass. I researched both operations and had ideas about each, but wanted to consult a doctor in this office prior to making my final choice. Used to do think the Lap Band could possibly be it for me though as it’s reversible plus a less significant choice than the bypass (so far as having my structure cutup and re-sown together and experiencing troubles such as the possibility of requiring gallbladder surgery, “dumping syndrome,” and malabsorption problems.) Our step sister thought we would have a bypass inside the metroplex area prior to I had my procedure and was happy as being a clam concerning the whole thing - I hope I’d followed her lead. I met with the physician. I was asked what insurance I'd (Federal Blue Cross Blue Shield) and what treatment I would like. I told them I’d want to examine my choices and the doctor did a brief run-down of each, however the perspective of the visit was very much “Why did you come here if you didn’t already know?” I plumped for Panel-Band… after I should have chosen another physician, but the Lapband needs frequent follow up visits for floods (injecting liquid to the band using a slot beneath the skin in order to keep up with the band’s tightness round the stomach and induce weight loss.) I needed in order to seek this maintenance in my hometown rather than generate for three hours everytime I must be seen. I had been okay with all the probability of slower weight loss since - after spending most of my living in Weight Watchers - I knew slow weight loss was more likely to similar permanent weight reduction. The next time I found my surgeon was the day of the process.

I was later told this is what’s named being a “heartbeat with insurance.” I had the process 01/14/09. There is no psych consult, no diet beforehand, no meeting with a dietician or exercise consultant - I was informed “eh, should you don’t enjoy it, consider it out!“. My last solid food and carbonated beverage was 01/12/09. The surgery was a day surgery. I had been put under, the band was inserted, I was taken up to recover, lightly smacked alert, taken to radiology, made to do an upper GI and swallow contrast material in order that they might scan me and be sure everything was okay. This made me begin to retch which caused among my surgical sites to reopen. I bled all over the floor - I still have the bloodstained clothes. I was fixed backup and sent home. For the first twenty four hours, I was sailing. I was still on top of whatever they gave me in the hospital as well as the Twilight sleep patch behind my hearing that was set there to avoid the inevitable sickness I get after being sedated. Next? I was in hell. I joked about needing a Clockwork Orange Diet - one where I experience real pain or discomfort at the idea of eating since I decided that’s in what it would take to get me to improve my ways because I love eating THAT much. Well, be cautious what you wish for… I vomited constantly. I was more upset than I have ever experienced my life. I got my pain medicine and that made it worse. The worst part? I was still ravenously hungry. The Lap-Band had no impact whatsoever on that. I wanted nothing more than to eat as well as the broths and sauces I ate made me throw up. The complete time I was sickness, I was terrified I had been going to get my band (cause the group to maneuver which may cause the wrong type of constraint - reports I learn about this online stated that individuals who did this couldn’t also swallow their own spit afterward.) Band slippage often requires additional surgery to improve and I was already in enough pain not to ever want surgery again. I can remember my Mother visiting visit me at this time and me crying and simply saying something like, “What have I completed? If you were also considering this, don’t do it.” My husband called the physician to record how sick I was to the level we thought something was wrong. They shrugged it off. We called again. The doctor finally mentioned maybe it had been my pain medication. Sure enough, I had codeine sensitivity and points were just a little better after I stopped taking the medication, but rather of giving to replace it with something different, I was instructed to consider liquid Tylenol… that I quit on as it didn’t help somewhat. So just about used to do the majority of my healing without any pain management whatsoever $6. Besides being physically sore, I had been instantly also confronted with an extremely true experience like mental pain. Struggling to rest or get comfortable, I resigned myself to the sofa and watched TV all day. You don’t know how much food there is on Television before you can’t have any. My husband would come home from work and I would just cry. I’d list everything I saw and what everyone ate: a detective show with snacks, a show with delicious cereal being nonchalantly enjoyed straight in the field. It was suffering. I don’t actually remember the post surgery diet I was on. I believe it was per week of clear fluids, two weeks of complete (milky), fourteen days of smooth then usual food as tolerated. I’m not 100% sure though. I was appointed for my first follow-up. I think it was the first time I quit the home, used clothes, etc. I still felt like death. I offered myself within the surgeon’s office, seeking and feeling like death and he said ‘well done.’ I wondered if he was perhaps considering me. A friend got me from the home after week two, but I still felt horrible. Basically it was merely a chair holiday, from languishing on my sofa to languishing on hers for an evening. I got fourteen days removed from work whole. “They” will say you can probably go back to work after one, but in the event there have been complications, I wanted extra time to feel better - son, am I glad I took that much. Even if I was physically strong enough after Week-One, mentally was another story - I'd have gone ballistic on everybody the very first time somebody earned a take out hamburger for lunch. I continued planning to view the surgeon for band fills. We didn’t discuss my treatment plan or exactly how many floods I may need - at first I didn’t even experience any distinction whilst the band tightened. He just kept telling me to come back in. I'll attempt to sum up since I don’t actually remember in what order things happened next point. The almost three years I had the group were essentially the most miserable of my life. Our band never slipped or eroded, but I still experienced pain, distress and almost constant nausea. Anytime I am asked today about what I went through, I answer the group is “medically controlled bulimia” - and I have the damaged esophagus to prove it. Here are a few things I wish I had identified: 1. The band doesn’t make sense Your stomach is not a sealed container. It’s similar to a sieve. The entire reason the Lapband is meant to work is because the region of your belly that causes emotions of volume which it communicates for your head is near the top. The band cinches up your stomach to make a tiny pre-stomach pouch that you're purported to fill with food that can trick this region into early thoughts of fullness. My doctor said the entire goal of eating is to take pencil eraser-sized bites and wait UNITS inbetween each. You ought to get so “bored with eating, you get up and go do something else instead.” (Yea, tell somebody who is like she is starving to death to sit down before food and take pencil eraser-sized bites. Which will certainly work.) So tell me this: you possibly follow this process and pulverize your food to the stage that it falls directly through the band and beats the purpose or you take big enough attacks that you do fill your sack, but are then in pain while you feel each piece of poorly chewed food attempt to pass through your stoma (your new opening from stomach pouch to regular belly. I call it having “food babies.” the initial time I experienced the sensation of eating something too large to comfortably move across this opening, it felt such as the worst ice cream headache ever. in my stomach!) 2. To the majority of specialists, you're what I was: a heartbeat with insurance Doctors receive money for doing surgery NOT for aftercare. It is likely that excellent your doctor is going to LEAVE YOU. Hi, should you go have surgery in Mexico, you almost certainly won’t get any aftercare in any way! That leads me to the next fun fact I hope I'd have known: 3. If your doctor leaves, NO ONE WILL TOUCH YOU. My surgeon left town and took his whole office with him within a year of my surgery. This left my city high and dry. There was no one in town who'd also go near me. This made it extra fun when I finished up “obstructed” (the group packed my stomach completely shut for no reason whatsoever - I had been not able to eat or drink anything) as well as in the IM of a week after he pulled up levels. The first result of the ER was “go away, we don’t learn something in what you have,” but it was a three day weekend and I actually had nowhere else to turn and so I actually needed to walk them through how to consider water out of my group so I might have some relief. I searched physicians within a THREE HUNDRED MILE radius and was often declined being a new individual even though I could generate my surgical report which revealed there were no problems with my surgery, or was estimated a ridiculous “New Patient Fee” of anywhere from several hundred to several THOUSAND dollars. 4. Your insurance means nothing If you end up in the situation used to do, abandoned by your doctor and with no one else within your area or out who will allow you to, congratulations: you have now joined the planet of cash-for-service! It doesn’t matter that I've amazing insurance that paid for pretty much anything I needed, with no physician to take my insurance, I had been SOL. I turned to go between. A ridiculous intermediary service that necessary money up front and contacted a community of services near me (I applied Austin primarily - the quack in Irving hurt me worse trying to give me a fill than I’ve probably ever been hurt because situation before) to secure an appointment to have me a fill. I had to utilize this support many times to secure fills to get me back-up for the amount I was at before the ER had taken some out once I was obstructed. 5. You are at the band’s mercy Your Research-Group employs no predetermined rules. It's also afflicted with points completely outside your handle like atmospheric pressure. I'm quite definitely a beast of routine and might take the exact same similar Lean Cuisine meal to work with lunch every day. I might haven't any difficulty whatsoever eating it or -two to three days out of five- I might throw it up. I was also told swelling and water retention within my period may and would create the group cinch itself up. The group can be an implanted medical device. Think very carefully about most of the advertisements you notice on TV: “Call 1-800-fat-sttlmet4u if you have had the following… Attorney Steve will fight for you!” If anything goes wrong with it, you face more unwanted effects or surgery. My band really had a recall released on it not too long after I got it: just a little item used to show the port’s tubing and maintain it from getting kinked up could come undone and cause stated kinkage to take place. The top part: the recall was for groups not already placed. For me who previously had it? “Don’t worry. Take no action. You’re probably fine.” The worst thing I focused on was getting obstructed again without one to assist me. Since the best action to take is worry and worry, I immediately considered one of my personal favorite books/videos: “The Stand.” there is a complete part in the book devoted to those who would have survived the trouble when they hadn’t done x/b/z (ruptured appendix, dropped off motorcycle and broken head, etc) and gotten killed. I quickly put myself within this category: the planet ends, I survive, except my stomach squeezes spontaneously shut and I starve to death. 6. You can still make every one of the wrong choices What no one told me and that I failed to learn in my own study about the band is: the band is just a resource for weight reduction, yes, but it’s a poor one. Since your stomach is intact, you may still stretch it. The quack I mentioned before in Irving stated someone he was seeing who was able to stretch out his pouch to date that the upper GI revealed that his pouch only returned his intact stomach BELOW the band (one stomach, then lapband, then the other stomach.) There's also something called “soft calorie syndrome,” where your group might actually be too small (circumstances my physician had me constantly existing in before he left.) You are physically struggling to create the “right” alternatives when it comes to food as the right choices hurt. It never stopped to amaze me how I was suddenly confined in this regard following the group. I got to where I'd endless cravings for salad since I hadn’t enjoyed a salad pretty much the entire time I was banded. The vegetables were a no no for me and would get trapped and irritate me until I put up. This type of irritation can be what would cause possible obstruction since I’d get swollen. You begin making choices that are easy and not right - high-calorie, creamy, fatty sauces, milkshakes, icecream - items that are easy-to eat since they get through the group and don’t cause any pain or discomfort. 7. You can still achieve everything back I guess I knew about that potential, but I didn’t need to think about it. Overall, I dropped about 70lbs with the band all together. The truth is: as it didn’t impact my hunger whatsoever, all it did was delay the inevitable. Every single food and eating associated wish was still there, I had been just physically struggling to express it. The month the ER did a partial un-fill because of congestion? Yea, I gained 20lbs. I lost it again after I got re-tightened, however it showed me the score. I was probably just about 10 or 15 lbs up when I finally decided to produce a change. I joined Weight Watchers for the thousandth time and began checking and following - anything I ought to have done since Day One with the band. I don’t understand what I had been thinking. I was told a great deal of reasons for what the band was said to be and there were also a lot of things that I will did that I didn’t. * * * Therefore I was un-banded (disbanded?) on Dec 6th (RIP Lappy 01/14/09 - 12/06/11) and chosen the gastric sleeve. I knew that when I didn’t get another type of surgery - for all my training and good intentions - without that safetynet, I would nevertheless be back up past 300 in a year.

Our experience was the exact opposite of the Lapband in pretty much every way. I'm amazing and wish I got the sleeve to start with and didn’t waste nearly 3 years in agony, but what’s the motto? Hindsight is always 20/20. The sleeve was still being enhanced being a strategy in the past so I may not happen to be as satisfied with it then as I am now-so - here’s a different one for you - everything happens at a unique time as well as for its cause, I suppose. I began writing this as a comparison of each knowledge (hence the extensive URL), but I noticed I'd much too much to create and so the gastric sleeve will need to have a unique center later. I do greatly know that this IS SIMPLY one person’s experience. There are lots of other folks outthere who love their Lap Bands and have had excellent experience together. I simply wanted to let you know what happened tome in case you are creating a weight reduction surgery decision right now an Become familiar with more about Centralia Orthognathic Surgery

[raven-the-native-blog]

Weight Loss Surgery: A Cautionary Lap Band History

I made the choice to have weight reduction surgery. At that time, I tipped the scales at about 305lbs. My reasons, as anybody up against this decision will recognize, were my own. I also made many problems at this point and those I believe need addressing. The biggest were: my option to have the surgery within my hometown as well as the surgery I decided. I reside in a city of 100,000+. The Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex area is approximately three hours away. There was an office of physicians in my city newly announced as performing weightloss surgery, but just two: the Lap-Band and Gastric Bypass. I reviewed both surgeries and had a few ideas about each, but wished to consult with a doctor in this office prior to making my final decision. Used to do think the Lap Band may possibly be it for me though as it’s reversible plus a less extreme decision as opposed to bypass (in terms of having my composition cut-up and re-sown together and experiencing complications just like the chance of needing gallbladder surgery, “dumping syndrome,” and malabsorption problems.) Our step-sister thought we would possess a bypass in the metroplex area before I'd my procedure and was pleased as being a clam concerning the whole point - I hope I’d followed her lead. I met with the doctor. I had been asked what insurance I'd (National Blue Cross Blue Shield) and what method I would like. I told them I’d like to discuss my options along with the doctor did a quick run down of each, however the perspective of the visit was very much “Why did you come here should you didn’t already know?” I opted for Lap-Band… once I should have opted for another doctor, however the Lapband requires consistent follow-up visits for fills (adding water to the group via a dock beneath the skin so that you can take care of the band’s tightness round the belly and stimulate weight loss.) I needed in order to seek this preservation in my own neighborhood and never drive for three hours each time I needed to be seen. I had been ok using the possibility of slower weight loss since - after spending the majority of my living in Weightwatchers - I understood gradual weight loss was more likely to identical permanent weight loss. The next time I saw my surgeon was the day of the task.

I was later told that is what’s called being a “heartbeat with insurance.” I'd the task 01/14/09. There was no psych consult, no diet beforehand, no ending up in a nutritionist or exercise expert - I was informed “eh, if you don’t like it, take it out!“. My last stable food and carbonated beverage was 01/12/09. The surgery was a day surgery. I had been put under, the group was located, I had been taken up to recover, gently smacked conscious, taken up to radiology, designed to do an upper GI and swallow contrast material so that they may check me and be sure everything was okay. This made me start to retch which caused one of my medical sites to reopen. I bled throughout the floor - I still possess the blood stained clothes. I was fixed back up and sent home. For that first twentyfour hours, I had been hanging. I was still high on whatever they gave me at the clinic plus the Twilight sleep plot behind my hearing which was placed there to prevent the inevitable nausea I get after being sedated. After that? I had been in hell. I always joked about requiring a Clockwork Orange Diet - one where I encounter real pain or distress at the idea of eating since I figured that’s by what it'd take to get me to change my tactics since I enjoy eating THAT much. Well, be cautious what you would like for… I vomited constantly. I was more sick than I've ever experienced my life. I took my pain medication which managed to get worse. The worst part? I was still ravenously hungry. The Lap-Band had no effect whatsoever on that. I wanted nothing more than to eat and also the broths and soups I ate made me purge. The complete time I was nausea, I had been terrified I had been going to slide my group (trigger the band to go which will cause the wrong type of constraint - myths I read about this on the net said that people that did this couldn’t even swallow their own spit afterward.) Band slippage often requires additional surgery to fix and that I was already in enough discomfort never to actually need surgery again. I will remember my Mother visiting visit me at this time and me crying and simply saying something like, “What have I accomplished? If you were actually considering this, don’t do it.” My husband called a doctor to report how upset I had been to the level we thought something was wrong. They shrugged it off. We called again. The doctor finally accepted perhaps it was my pain medicine. Sure enough, I had codeine sensitivity and issues were just a little better after I quit using the medicine, but rather of presenting to restore it with another thing, I had been advised to take liquid Tylenol… which I gave up on since it didn’t help a bit. So just about used to do nearly all my healing without the pain management whatsoever $6. Besides being physically sore, I had been suddenly also up against an incredibly real experience like mental pain. Not able to rest or get comfy, I resigned myself to the couch and watched TV throughout the day. You don’t know how much food there's on Television before you can’t have any. My husband could come home from work and I would just cry. I’d list everything I observed and what everybody ate: a detective show with sandwiches, a show with yummy cereal being nonchalantly consumed right from your field. It was anguish. I don’t honestly remember the post-surgery diet I had been on. I think it had been a week of clear fluids, two weeks of complete (milky), two weeks of smooth and then typical food as tolerated. I’m not 100% sure though. I had been appointed for my first follow up. I think it was the very first time I left the home, wore garments, etc. I still felt like death. I introduced myself inside the surgeon’s office, hunting and feeling like death and he said ‘well done.’ I wondered if he was also considering me. A friend got me out from the house after week two, but I still felt horrible. Basically it was only a sofa trip, from languishing on my chair to languishing on hers for an evening. I took two weeks off from work overall. “They” will say you can probably go back to work after one, but just in case there have been complications, I needed additional time to feel better - son, am I glad I took that much. Even though I was physically powerful enough after Week One, psychologically was another story - I would have gone ballistic on everyone the very first time someone earned a remove hamburger for lunch. I continued going in to view the doctor for band fills. We didn’t examine my treatment plan or just how many floods I may require - in the beginning I didn’t even feel any distinction because the band tightened. He just kept telling me to come back in. I will attempt to summarize since I don’t actually remember in what order things happened after this point. The nearly 36 months I'd the band were essentially the most unhappy of my life. Our band never fallen or eroded, but I still experienced pain, distress and almost constant nausea. Anytime I'm expected now by what I went through, I reply the group is “medically managed bulimia” - and that I have the deteriorated esophagus to prove it. Here are some things I wish I had identified: 1. The band doesn’t make sense Your stomach isn't a sealed container. It’s similar to a sieve. The whole purpose the Lap Band is meant to work is basically because the location of the stomach that causes emotions of depth which it communicates to your mind is near the top. The band cinches up your belly to make a little pre-stomach pouch that you're purported to complete with food that may trick this place into early feelings of depth. My surgeon said the entire objective of eating would be to get pencil eraser-sized bites and delay MOMENTS among each. You ought to get so “bored with eating, you get up and go do something different instead.” (Yea, tell a person who is like she is hungry to death to sit in front of food and get pencil eraser-sized bites. That can definitely work.) So tell me this: you often follow this technique and pulverize the food to the level that it slips directly through the group and beats the reason or you take large enough attacks that you do fill your pouch, but are then in agony as you experience each piece of badly chewed food try and move across your stoma (your beginning from stomach pouch to frequent belly. I call it having “food babies.” the initial time I experienced the impression of eating something too big to easily move across this opening, it felt like the worst ice cream headache ever. in my stomach!) 2. To many surgeons, you are what I was: a heartbeat with insurance Specialists receive money for performing surgery NOT for aftercare. Odds are excellent your doctor will LEAVE YOU. Hello, if you go have surgery in Mexico, you probably won’t get any aftercare at all! Which leads me to another location fun fact I hope I'd have identified: 3. If your doctor leaves, NOBODY WILL TOUCH YOU. My surgeon left town and got his entire office with him in just a year of my surgery. This left my village high and dry. There is no body around who'd also go near me. This managed to get extra fun when I ended up “obstructed” (the band squeezed my belly completely shut for no reason in any way - I had been not able to eat or drink something) as well as in the IM a couple of week after he pulled up levels. The first result of the ER was “go away, we don’t learn anything in what you've,” nevertheless it was a three-day weekend and I actually had nowhere else to turn and so I actually needed to go them through just how to take water from my band therefore I would have some relief. I looked physicians in just a THREE HUNDRED MILE distance and was sometimes declined being a new patient even though I might produce my operative report which revealed there have been no complications with my surgery, or was quoted a ridiculous “New Patient Fee” of anywhere from several hundred a number of THOUSAND dollars. 4. Your insurance means nothing If you find yourself in the position used to do, forgotten by your physician with no one else within your area or out who'll allow you to, congratulations: you've now joined the world of money-for-service! It doesn’t subject that I've extraordinary insurance that paid for just about something I needed, without any physician to take my insurance, I was SOL. I turned to go between. A silly middleman company that required income at the start and approached a community of vendors near me (I used Austin mainly - the quack in Irving hurt me worse attempting to give me a fill than I’ve possibly actually been hurt because position before) to secure a meeting to have me a load. I had to utilize this support repeatedly to secure fills to get me backup to the degree I had been at ahead of the ER had taken some out when I was obstructed. 5. You're at the band’s mercy Your Research-Band employs no preset rules. It's also suffering from points entirely outside your control like atmospheric pressure. I'm very much a person of habit and may take the exact same identical Lean Cuisine meal to work for lunch everyday. I may have no trouble whatsoever eating it or -2 to 3 days-out of five- I might put it up. I was also told swelling and water retention inside my time could and would create the band cinch itself up. The band is an implanted medical device. Consider very carefully about all the ads you notice on TV: “Call 1800-fat-sttlmet4u if you've had the following… Lawyer Steve can fight for you!” If something goes wrong withit, you encounter more sideeffects or surgery. My group actually had a recall put out on it not too much time after I got it: just a little piece used to cut the port’s tubing and maintain it from getting kinked up could come undone and cause stated kinkage to happen. The very best part: the recall was for artists not already placed. For me who already had it? “Don’t worry. Take no action. You’re probably fine.” The worst thing I focused on was getting blocked again without any one to assist me. Since the best move to make is worry and anxiety, I immediately looked at one of my favorite books/movies: “The Stand.” there is a whole page in the book devoted to individuals who could have survived the plague should they hadn’t accomplished x/y/z (ruptured appendix, fell off motorcycle and broken head, etc) and gotten killed. I immediately put myself in this category: the entire world ends, I endure, except my stomach squeezes automatically shut and that I starve to death. 6. You can still make all of the wrong choices What no one said and I did not learn in my study regarding the band is: the group can be a software for fat loss, yes, but it’s a poor one. As your stomach is intact, you may still stretch it. The quack I mentioned before in Irving described someone he was seeing who were able to loosen up his sack so far an upper GI revealed that his sack simply reflected his intact stomach BELOW the group (one stomach, then lapband, then your other stomach.) There's also something called “soft fat problem,” where your group might actually be too small (a situation my surgeon had me constantly current in before he left.) You are physically unable to make the “right” choices when it comes to food since the right choices hurt. It never stopped to amaze me how I had been suddenly limited in this respect following the group. I got to where I had endless desires for salad because I hadn’t enjoyed a salad just about the whole time I had been banded. The greens were a no-no for me and would get trapped and irritate me until I put up. This kind of discomfort can be what would cause potential obstruction because I’d get swollen. You start making choices which can be easy rather than right - high calorie, creamy, fat sauces, milkshakes, icecream - items that are simple to eat simply because they slip through the band and don’t cause any pain or discomfort. 7. You can still obtain all of it back I guess I knew about that potential, but I didn’t wish to contemplate it. All in all, I dropped about 70lbs using the band all together. The thing is: as it didn’t affect my hunger whatsoever, all it did was delay the inevitable. Every single food and eating associated wish was still there, I was only physically unable to show it. The month the ER did a partial un-load due to obstruction? Yea, I gained 20lbs. I dropped it again after I got re-tightened, however it showed me the report. I was probably no more than 10 or 15 lbs up when I finally chose to produce a change. I joined Weightwatchers for your thousandth time and started checking and following - something I should have done since Day One with the band. I don’t know what I had been thinking. I was told plenty of things about exactly what the band was supposed to be and there were also a lot of items that I ought to have done that I didn’t. * * * So I was un-banded (disbanded?) on Dec 6th (RIP Lappy 01/14/09 - 12/06/11) and plumped for the gastric sleeve. I knew that if I didn’t get another kind of surgery - for all my exercising and good intentions - without that back-up, I'd be back up past 300 in a year.

Our experience was the precise opposite of the Lap-Band in almost any way. I'm wonderful and wish I got the sleeve to start with and didn’t waste nearly three years in misery, but what’s the cliché? Hindsight is always 20/20. The sleeve was still being polished being a technique back then and so I might not have already been as satisfied with after that it when I am now so - here’s another for you - everything happens at its time as well as for its explanation, I suppose. I began writing this being a comparison of every experience (thus the lengthy URL), but I realized I'd way too much to write hence the gastric sleeve must have its own heart later. I really do quite definitely know that this IS JUST one person’s experience. You will find plenty of others on the market who enjoy their Lap-Bands and have had wonderful experience using them. I simply wished to inform you what happened to me in case you are building a weight reduction surgery decision today an Become familiar with more about Centralia Orthognathic

[molly-motivation-blog]

Weight Loss Surgery: A Cautionary Lap-Band History

I made the choice to have weight loss surgery. When this occurs, I tipped the scales at about 305lbs. Our reasons, as anyone up against this decision may recognize, were my own. I also made several mistakes at this time and those I believe need addressing. The largest were: my choice to have the surgery in my neighborhood along with the surgery I chose. I live in a town of 100,000+. The Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex area is approximately three hours away. There was an office of physicians in my own town recently released as doing weightloss surgery, but only two: the Lapband and Gastric Bypass. I investigated both surgeries and had some ideas about each, but wished to consult a physician within this office prior to making my final choice. I did consider the Lap Band may possibly be it for me though as it’s reversible and a less extreme decision compared to the bypass (so far as having my anatomy cut up and re-planted together and experiencing complications like the probability of requiring gallbladder surgery, “dumping syndrome,” and malabsorption problems.) My step-sister thought we would have a bypass inside the metroplex area prior to I'd my procedure and was delighted like a clam regarding the whole point - I want I’d followed her lead. I met with a doctor. I was asked what insurance I had (Federal Blue Cross Blue Shield) and what procedure I would like. I told them I’d like to discuss my options as well as the doctor did a brief run down of each, however the attitude of the visit was greatly “Why did you come here should you didn’t already know?” I chosen Panel-Band… after I should have plumped for another doctor, however the Lap-Band needs regular follow up sessions for fills (treating liquid to the group using a dock underneath the skin so that you can keep up with the band’s rigidity around the belly and encourage weight reduction.) I needed in order to find this preservation in my hometown and never push for three hours each time I must be seen. I was ok with the possibility of slower weight loss because - after spending most of my living in Weightwatchers - I realized gradual weight loss was more likely to equal permanent weight reduction. The very next time I found my physician was your day of the task.

I was later told this is what’s called being a “heartbeat with insurance.” I had the process 01/14/09. There is no psych consult, no diet beforehand, no meeting with a nutritionist or exercise specialist - I had been told “eh, should you don’t like it, take it out!“. Our last stable food and carbonated beverage was 01/12/09. The surgery was a day surgery. I had been put under, the group was located, I used to be taken up to recover, gently smacked alert, taken up to radiology, built to do an upper GI and swallow contrast material so that they might check me and make sure everything was ok. This made me begin to retch which caused one of my medical sites to reopen. I bled throughout the ground - I still possess the blood-stained clothes. I had been fixed backup and sent home. For that first twenty-four hours, I was flying. I was still on top of whatever they gave me at the hospital in addition to the Twilight sleep plot behind my head that was put there to stop the inevitable sickness I get after being sedated. After that? I was in hell. I joked about needing a Clockwork Orange Diet - one where I experience physical discomfort or distress at the concept of eating since I realized that’s in what it would try get me to improve my ways because I enjoy eating THAT much. Well, be careful what you want for… I vomited constantly. I had been more upset than I've previously been in my life. I got my pain medication and that managed to get worse. The worst part? I was still ravenously hungry. The Lap-Band had no impact whatsoever on that. I needed nothing more than to consume as well as the broths and soups I ate made me throw up. The whole time I was nausea, I had been terrified I was going to ease my group (cause the group to go which would cause the wrong kind of constraint - myths I find out about this on the web stated that those who did this couldn’t even swallow their own spit afterward.) Band slippage often requires additional surgery to fix and I had been in enough discomfort to not ever need surgery again. I will remember my Mother coming to visit me at this point and me crying and just saying something similar to, “What have I done? If you're also considering this, don’t do it.” My husband called the doctor to document how sick I was to the point we thought something was wrong. They shrugged it off. We called again. A doctor finally accepted maybe it was my pain medication. Affirmed, I had codeine sensitivity and points were only a little better after I quit using the medicine, BUT instead of offering to displace it with something else, I had been instructed to take liquid Tylenol… that I gave up on as it didn’t help a bit. So just about I did the vast majority of my healing with no pain management whatsoever $6. Besides being physically sore, I was suddenly also faced with an incredibly true experience like mental pain. Struggling to rest or get comfortable, I resigned myself towards the couch and watched TV all day. You don’t know how much food there is on Television and soon you can’t have any. My husband would come home from work and that I would just cry. I’d list everything I watched and what everyone ate: a detective show with snacks, a sitcom with delectable cereal being nonchalantly enjoyed right in the field. It was anguish. I don’t honestly remember the post-surgery diet I was on. I believe it was a week of clear fluids, fourteen days of full (milky), fourteen days of soft and typical food as tolerated. I’m not 100% sure though. I was appointed for my first follow-up. I think it was the first time I left the house, wore clothes, etc. I still felt like death. I presented myself within the surgeon’s office, searching and feeling like death and he said ‘well done.’ I wondered if he was even looking at me. A friend got me out of the house after week two, but I still felt horrible. Basically it was merely a couch vacation, from languishing on my chair to languishing on hers for an evening. I took two weeks off from work overall. “They” will say you can probably go back to work after one, but in the event there have been problems, I desired additional time to feel better - kid, am I glad I took that much. Even when I was actually powerful enough after Week One, psychologically was another story - I'd have gone ballistic on everybody the first time someone earned a take-out hamburger for lunch. I continued planning to see the surgeon for band fills. We didn’t discuss my treatment plan or how many fills I might need - initially I didn’t also experience any variation since the band tightened. He just kept telling me to come in. I'll try and summarize since I have don’t actually remember in what order things happened next point. The nearly three years I'd the group were the most miserable of my life. My band never slipped or eroded, but I still experienced pain, discomfort and almost constant nausea. Anytime I am asked today by what I experienced, I answer the group is “medically managed bulimia” - and I possess the damaged esophagus to prove it. Here are some things I hope I had known: 1. The band doesn’t make sense Your stomach is not a sealed box. It’s similar to a sieve. The whole purpose the Lap-Band is supposed to work is because the location of your belly that triggers emotions of depth which it talks for your head is near the top. The band cinches up your stomach to produce a little pre-stomach pouch that you are purported to complete with food which will trick this region into early thoughts of fullness. My doctor explained the entire objective of eating is to get pencil eraser-sized attacks and wait MINUTES inbetween each. You should get so “bored with eating, you obtain up and go do another thing instead.” (Yea, tell someone who feels like she's starving to death to sit before food and get pencil eraser-sized bites. That'll definitely work.) So tell me this: you sometimes follow this approach and pulverize your meal to the point that it moves straight through the group and defeats the point or you take large enough hits that you do fillup your bag, but are then in pain when you experience each bit of poorly chewed food attempt to move across your stoma (your new beginning from stomach pouch to frequent stomach. I call it having “food babies.” The very first time I experienced the impression of eating anything too large to comfortably go through this opening, it felt such as the worst ice cream headache ever. in my stomach!) 2. To most physicians, you're what I was: a pulse with insurance Specialists get paid for doing surgery NOT for aftercare. Odds are great your physician is going to LEAVE YOU. Hi, if you go have surgery in Mexico, you almost certainly won’t get any aftercare in any way! Which leads me to the next fun fact I hope I'd have identified: 3. If your physician leaves, NO BODY WILL TOUCH YOU. My surgeon left town and took his entire office with him in just a year of my surgery. This left my village high and dry. There was no one around who'd also go near me. This managed to get added fun after I ended up “obstructed” (the band squeezed my belly completely shut for no reason at all - I had been struggling to eat or drink anything) and in the IM in regards to a week after he pulled up stakes. The first result of the ER was “go away, we don’t learn anything by what you have,” nevertheless it was a three day weekend and I literally had nowhere else to show so I really had to walk them through just how to take substance from my band so I would have some relief. I looked doctors in just a THREE HUNDRED MILE radius and was both refused as being a new individual though I may create my surgical report which revealed there have been no issues with my surgery, or was quoted a silly “New Patient Fee” of anywhere from several hundred to several THOUSAND dollars. 4. Your insurance means nothing If you end up within the place I did, forgotten by your surgeon with nobody else in your town or out who'll allow you to, congratulations: you have now entered the entire world of money-for-service! It doesn’t subject that I have unbelievable insurance that taken care of virtually something I needed, without doctor to take my insurance, I was SOL. I resorted to go-between. A ridiculous middleman company that expected income at the start and reached a system of companies near me (I used Austin largely - the quack in Irving hurt me worse trying to give me a fill than I’ve likely actually been hurt because place before) to secure a consultation to have me a load. I had to use this company several times to secure fills to have me back up towards the amount I was at ahead of the ER had taken some out after I was hindered. 5. You are at the band’s mercy Your Lab-Band employs no preset rules. It's also affected by points entirely outside of your control like atmospheric pressure. I'm greatly a creature of habit and may consider the exact same identical Lean Cuisine dinner to work with lunch each day. I may haven't any trouble whatsoever eating it or -two to three days out of five- I may put it up. I was also told inflammation and water retention within my time might and could create the group cinch itself up. The group can be an implanted medical device. Believe cautiously about every one of the advertisements you see on TV: “Call 1 800-fat-sttlmet4u if you have had any of the following… Lawyer Steve will fight for you!” If anything goes wrong withit, you experience more side effects or surgery. Our group actually had a recall create on it not a long time after I got it: a little part used to cut the port’s tubing and keep it from getting kinked up might come undone and cause said kinkage to take place. The best part: the recall was for companies not already placed. For me who already had it? “Don’t worry. Take no action. You’re probably fine.” The worst thing I concerned about was getting blocked again with no one to assist me. Since the best thing to do is fear and anxiety, I immediately thought of among my favorite books/videos: “The Stand.” there is a complete page within the book dedicated to people that would have survived the trouble if they hadn’t done x/b/z (ruptured appendix, fell off motorcycle and broken skull, etc) and gotten killed. I immediately put myself in this category: the planet ends, I survive, except my stomach squeezes spontaneously closed and I starve to death. 6. You can still make most of the wrong choices What no one explained and I failed to learn in my study concerning the band is: the group is a tool for fat loss, yes, but it’s an undesirable one. Since your belly is intact, you can still expand it. The quack I discussed earlier in Irving stated someone he was seeing who was able to stretch out his pouch so far that an upper GI revealed that his sack merely mirrored his intact stomach BELOW the group (one stomach, then lapband, then your other stomach.) There's also something called “soft calorie problem,” where your group could possibly be too tight (circumstances my surgeon had me perpetually current in before he left.) You are physically unable to make the “right” possibilities in regards to food because the right choices hurt. It never stopped to impress me how I had been instantly limited in this value after the group. I got to where I had endless desires for salad because I hadn’t eaten a salad pretty much the entire time I had been banded. The vegetables were a no-no for me and could get stuck and irritate me until I threw up. This sort of discomfort can be what might cause potential obstruction because I’d get swollen. You begin making choices that are easy and not right - high-calorie, creamy, fatty soups, milkshakes, ice cream - things that are easy-to eat since they fall through the band and don’t cause any pain or discomfort. 7. You can still obtain all of it back I suppose I knew about that potential, but I didn’t desire to contemplate it. In general, I lost about 70lbs with the band all together. To be honest: because it didn’t impact my hunger whatsoever, all it did was delay the expected. Every single food and eating relevant need was still there, I had been only physically struggling to show it. The month the ER did a partial un-fill because of obstruction? Yea, I gained 20lbs. I lost it again after I got re-tightened, but it showed me the score. I was probably only about 10 or 15 pounds up after I finally decided to produce a change. I joined Weight Watchers for the thousandth time and started counting and following - anything I should have done since Day-One with the group. I don’t understand what I had been thinking. I had been told a great deal of things about what the group was allowed to be and there were also a lot of items that I should have done that I didn’t. * * * So I was un-banded (disbanded?) on Dec 6th (RIP Lappy 01/14/09 - 12/06/11) and plumped for the gastric sleeve. I realized when I didn’t get another type of surgery - for all my training and good intentions - without that safetynet, I would be back up past 300 in a year.

Our experience was the exact opposite of the Lapband in almost every way. I feel amazing and hope I got the sleeve in the first place and didn’t waste almost 36 months in anguish, but what’s the motto? Hindsight is always 20/20. The sleeve was still being refined as a method in those days therefore I might not happen to be as happy with it then when I am now-so - here’s another for you - everything happens at its time and for a unique reason, I guess. I started off writing this as being a comparison of every knowledge (hence the extended URL), but I noticed I'd far too much to create so the gastric sleeve will have to have its own link later. I do greatly acknowledge that IS JUST one person’s experience. There are plenty of others available who appreciate their Lap-Bands and also have had amazing experience using them. I just wished to let you know what happened tome in the event you are creating a weight reduction surgery decision right now an Become familiar with more about Centralia Orthognathic Surgeons

[malcolmteller-blog]

[HORROR] Things on the Internet

You never imagine that strange things will or even could happen to you, when you live a life like mine. Me? It’s been cookie cutter and bland, all the way through. When I was in high school, I never had any amazing, formative adventures or experiences like you see in all the TV shows and movies. It was just this boring slog of go to school, go to class, come home, play video games, go to bed, wake up, repeat. Same deal with university - go to class, come home, hang out on the Internet, study, and repeat.

So you can imagine how surprised I was when, at the ripe old age of twenty-four, when I was working at a bookstore after I’d graduated from university, the strangest things in the world started to happen to me.

I should explain why I was where I was at. I graduated at the age of twenty-two with a largely useless degree in Political Science. I had no real connections or relevant work experience, so off to retail I went. I may not have achieved my full potential, but I still had to pay the bills, y’know? Be honest with you, I was pretty much aimless at that point. I knew I wanted more, and I guess I knew deep down that I could be more, but I didn’t know how to achieve it.

Then I found Chatroom Pandemonium.

See, I’d never really had a lot of friends. Well, I’ll just come out with it: I was kind of a loser. Still am. So, I sought refuge on the Internet. By the time all this started to happen, I’d be spending tons of hours on it every night, just reading on my various interests for hours, in addition to streaming Netflix and reading comic book scans.

It was on a March evening that I somehow - I can’t remember how, now - stumbled upon an odd website. It was said in a number of these alt-culture message boards to be ‘the most amazing thing ever’ and ‘everything a person could want’. I go there, and… nothing. Blank, black page. ‘Bullshit,’ I muttered to myself, and navigated away. I then decided to watch some Netflix, so I streamed one of those popular superhero shows for three hours then turned my computer off and went to bed.

I slept peacefully, and woke up early - oddly early, given I’d only gone to bed like three hours before. It was three in the morning, and the first thing I noticed was that my computer was on. It was so strange, because I knew I’d turned my monitor and tower off before I went to bed. How could it just turn itself on? But there was something else - it was on the page that I’d closed before, the one where there was nothing on it. Only now, there was a text box there. I slowly got out of bed and walked over to my desk and sat down, squinting my eyes as I leaned in to read what was on the screen. I soon understood that it was a box for me to type a username into to chat in a chatroom, one called ‘Chatroom Pandemonium’.

So, very much curious, I did so. I entered the name “JohnTheMonk” (an old handle of mine from when I was in high school) and clicked ‘JOIN’.

Chatroom prompt shows up, and I noticed it only had one other person in it. His handle was THE_BELIEVER. To make this go simpler, I’ll type up the chatlog and intersperse it with my own feelings and reactions that I had at the time.

THE_BELIEVER: Welcome:)

Now, I had no idea who this guy was, but I was mildly curious. So, I decided to spark up a conversation.

JOHNTHEMONK: hey, sup

I waited a few minutes - oddly long, where chatrooms are concerned (at least in my experience). Finally, he responded.

THE_BELIEVER: im happy youre here. i can tell already that youre a special one

Now, this got me kind of creeped out. I mean, this guy didn’t even know me, but he was saying all this stuff about me?

JOHNTHEMONK: umm..okay.

His next response came immediately.

THE_BELIEVER: im going to come see you. then we’ll have a real good time :)

At this point, I’m basically like “K, fuck this.” So I just logged off, closed the browser, and went back to bed. Didn’t even say goodbye. As far as I was concerned, that was the end of it.

Except it wasn’t.

I woke up a few hours later, got up and showered, got dressed, the whole deal, and went to work. Day went by pretty casually. It was just boring, you know? Bland with not much happening, same as usual for my life. Customers come in, ask about books, I ring them through the cash register, I socialize with my co-workers, that deal.

So I get off work in the evening and I’m walking home. Then my phone dings, so I check it. It’s from a private number and it reads, “it was really rude of you to leave the chatroom without saying goodbye.”

What. The. Fuck.

How the fuck did this asshole get my number? This was getting really scary, and I wasn’t okay with it. But I had no idea how to find out how he got my number, so I just set my phone to not accept texts or phone calls from private numbers. I also resolved to strongly consider changing my phone number later on.

Here’s the thing, though: it didn’t end there.

I was at the comic shop a week later, looking to get a certain item. That’s when the next phase of things started happening.

“Hey,” I asked the clerk who was standing behind the counter, “Do you guys happen to have the latest Hellblazer trade?”

The clerk nodded, pointed out where that title is usually kept, and off I went. I get there and I’m scanning the shelf, and then… then I heard something.

“I haven’t forgotten you.”

It was a thin, small, kind of high-pitched voice. I jumped, kind of, and looked around quickly. No one was around me. Then I heard it speak again.

“I hope you haven’t forgotten me.”

I looked around more. No one there.

I was getting freaked out at this point, so I needed to get out. So I did. Before I knew it, I was out the door and pounding down the sidewalk, trying to shake this. Now I was hearing things? The hell?

But it didn’t stop. The voice kept talking. “I’m going to be there soon, and we’re going to have so much fun.” It sounded almost giddy.

How did I feel at the time? Well, my heart was pounding, and my blood was pumping, and I felt completely on edge - goosebumps all over. What the hell was going on? Two possibilities: something from beyond (as crazy as that sounded) was stalking me, or my mental state was broken. Neither was a comforting thought.

As I walked and desperately tried, and failed, to ignore the voice speaking more and more into my ears and head, I tried to work this out. This all started with that chatroom, and that started with all the postings on the Internet that were gushing about that URL. Nothing about that site had been normal or typical. First time I go there, it’s a blank page. Then my computer and monitor turn on by themselves and navigate back to the website, by themselves, where now it’s a chatroom login page.

This didn’t make any sense, and it was scary as hell. I was on edge the entire walk transit commute home, especially because this voice just would not shut the fuck up. The entire bus ride, it kept telling me all excited how it was gonna come see me and how I’d be ‘changed for the better’ and how ‘pain can be beautiful, and you’ll find that out too’ and all other sorts of horrifying shit. When I got home, I immediately dug out my headphones, put them on and plugged them into my phone and turned on some music to max volume to drown out what I was hearing. It worked.

So, what to do? After some thought, I guess I convinced myself that this had to be a mental health crisis. Like many people, my mind defaulted to the ‘logical’ explanation. I wasn’t at the point where I could convince myself that this was an actual spiritual entity. I just wasn’t wired that way.

So, long story short, I made an appointment with my doctor, got some meds, and everything quieted down. No more voices. At that point, I was satisfied - everything was fine and good, and so was I.

So, back to my boring old life. I went back to the drudgery that was work, while also trying to think on how I could improve my life. Maybe I could go to grad school. Maybe I could try to, somehow, launch a career based on the qualifications and credentials I had now.

So, one night, a week or so later, I was doing web searches for job postings and internships I could possibly take up when I heard something from my living room. I looked at my slightly open door and focused my ears. It was… my TV? How could my TV be on? I specifically remembered having turned it off when I got home that day.

So, I walked out to the living room and checked the TV. It was on to a channel of static. Idly picking up the remote control from the coffee table, I started changing the channel. All static.

‘Well, shit,’ I thought to myself. I immediately assumed it was a problem with the cable company. So I slid my phone out of my pocket to call them, when… I heard the voice.

“You keep running from me, Michael,” it said. My eyes immediately went wide with fear, my blood running cold and freezing inside of me. I, frozen in place in a mix of abject terror and shock, looked up at the TV, which now had a figure on it. It held a basic humanoid shape, but it… it couldn’t be human. Though the figure was largely cloaked in shadows and darkness, I could see its shape. Its head looked misshapen, like there were horns or something coming out of it. As well, the way the sides of its head looked… it looked as if the skin was ridged or something. Logically, the immediate conclusion would be that this was an elaborate prank, but deep down I knew - I knew - that it wasn’t. This was real, and horrifyingly so. I could write off the texts. I could even write off this. But I couldn’t write off the combination of this and the texts and the voice speaking to me out of thin air.

As I dwelt on this, the figure on the TV continued speaking. “I’m going to be arriving soon,” it said, with a happy edge to its voice, “real soon. We’re going to have so much fun then.”

Then the TV switched off. After a moment of me standing there dazed, I hesitantly turned it back on, and it turned on to the standard TV service, like nothing had changed.

This was the point where I decided to go to work figuring out what was going on. I spent the next three days, all day, reading up on that website, what people had said or written about it. After a day, I found one piece of information that I found really helpful. I’ve decided to copy and paste it here:

POSTED BY: TheNightMan Lots of people wonder about what the Pandemonium website leads to, because it appears as different things to different people. But those who have gotten through… well, different things happen. One person got through, and according to reports, months later murdered his entire family before killing himself, but not before talking online about having contacted something. Others report friends or family getting through and talking to people - or figures, whatever they are or whoever they are - and then shortly after their mental state undergoing a rapid deterioration until they had to be institutionalized. Then there’s the murders. One person reported being stalked by some figure from that site, online and in their dreams, until one day their remains - their ripped apart, torn apart - remains were found in their apartment, with no leads on who did it. So, the question remains: who or what is behind the website? I found one lead, in the writings of some hackers from the early nineties who were involved in the occult. It’s… well, it’s batshit crazy, but I feel the need to include it. One guy, who called himself ‘a Cyber-Mystic’, says that there exists spirits - demons, entities, whatever - that exist online, wholly online, in the electronic signals sent to and from across computer networks. Then, when they want to, they show up in the real world. Crazy? Yeah. But I’ve tried to figure out what else could be at work here, and I’m all fuckin’ out of ideas.

It was crazy and insane, but it wouldn’t leave my mind. Now, I should describe my mental and emotional state at this point. At the end of the three days of researching, finding out what I just laid out and other possible ways out of this crisis (but none that I was really all that certain would work), I was just fucked up. That’s the best way to put it. I couldn’t sleep. Every small noise made me jump. My heart was constantly pounding its way out of my chest and I’d never been so afraid. Nights were a terror to get through, because every small bump in the night made me certain that this, this thing had finally shown up to come get me.

It all came to a head two days after I finished doing my research. I was getting ready for bed, and had just finished crying my eyes out in utter terror because I was so terrified that I was fucked with absolutely no hope. I had just finished doing minor chores and other stuff around my room, and had crawled into bed. I shut my eyes and tried to force myself to go to sleep. An hour passed, and I was still awake. As I was starting to despair of ever sleeping again, I… I heard it. A very, very loud sound like a rushing of wind and flame. I opened my eyes and saw in front of my bed this column of flame, that lit up my entire room. Then it disappeared, and, well, there it was. The thing that had been stalking me. I can’t describe it. It was so monstrous, so horrifying. Its long claws, and its razor sharp teeth that dripped blood, and its skin with ridges all over. My heart was pounding so hard I was afraid I was gonna have a heart attack any minute, and I knew - I knew - that this was it. I was done. It was gonna kill me, or take me back to where it was from, or what the fuck ever, and at that moment I wished that I had been a religious person so I could have some protection.

It tried to move forward, to crawl onto my bed to get me. It tried. But it stopped. Something was stopping it.

I realized what happened, and my fear disappeared. Son of a bitch, I thought to myself, the seal worked.

As it shoved itself against the invisible barrier more and more, presumably trying to figure out what the fuck was going on, I felt relief flood through me that that protective measure I’d found in my research on all this had actually worked. First I grinned. Then I laughed - a confident, mocking laugh. I was safe! Then I decided to push my luck. I spoke the incantation of the Mother’s Heart, and just like I expected, the demon was engulfed in bright, vicious blue flame. Its screams sounded like nothing I’d ever heard before. If I had to try and describe it, I’d say try to imagine the cry of a lion mixed with a high-pitched scream, but even that isn’t really close. I watched, my eyes wide open and this big ass smile on my face, as this thing flailed and threw itself against the invisible barrier in all directions, the blue flame eating away at its skin and form. Finally, after a few minutes, it fell to the ground - dead.

I slowly got out of bed and crept over to the corpse. I looked at it. It looked ugly as fuck, to be honest - I mean, not only was it ugly when it was alive, but now it was burned to death. As I looked down at it, I noticed that its flesh wasn’t just burned, it was burned well enough that it was cooked. As I smelt its roasted smell - something like steak - I got an idea. Like, okay, it was a really, really fucked up idea, but equally cool. After as few moments of consideration, I - with a giant smile on my face - went to work putting it into action.

Anyways, now it’s the evening of St. Patrick’s Day, and everything’s fine. I didn’t even have to dispose of the body, it just dissolved into white powder by itself within twenty four hours. That considered, it’s a real good thing I managed to cut off a bunch of the meat from the bones before it all dissolved. You’re probably wondering how the demon meat tasted. Honestly? Like fish. Weird, right? But, hey, now I can say that I’ve done something nobody’s ever done.

But some weird stuff has happened. I feel great - real great. Better than I’ve ever felt in my entire life, than I ever imagined I could feel. Some other stuff, too. My eyes have been changing colour, and I’ve started to notice odd ridges and bumps showing up beneath my skin. I suppose I should be concerned, maybe even scared, but for some reason I can’t find it within myself to give a damn.

So, that’s how my past while has been. How about yours?