#this post is an absolute mess but i have been animatedly dissecting the show all morning with my roommate and i wanted to just Say More Word

[bramblepaws]

okay i just finished watching season 3 of riverdale and i have SO many thoughts on the show so im going to cram all of my thoughts into ONE POST.... 

first of all: i’ve been watching this show as a fun way to hang out with my roommate and it’s so deliciously good AND bad simultaneously. there are a LOT of really intriguing plot points, all the actors are pretty solid, and the dialogue is clunky in a way that’s really entertaining. some of the characters are REALLY good and others are clearly just “uh we needed a plot point so chuck this person in.” it’s a VERY entertaining mess of a show that Clearly would have been good if the writers had like... crammed fewer things in. like if they had taken the time to flesh out 2 plots instead of 6 per season, it would be a really good show. 

it’s usually bad in a slightly frustrating, mostly funny way. like, a character just straight-up forgetting something that happened earlier so they can fuck up in exactly the same way as before. or characters just COMPLETELY disappearing for a bunch of episodes, being mentioned to be “gone” with no context as to why (aka half of the parents). or a single side character having three things going on at once while the main characters ALSO have three things going on at once, so you get scenes of Big Plot being intercut with Josie singing a song to impress her dad (and those two things are COMPLETELY unconnected). 

it’s a lot of spaghetti being thrown at the wall, and some of the spaghetti sticks, but then the writers just take BOTH the spaghetti that’s done AND the undercooked shit and just chuck it all in a pot with like, way too much oregano. but you eat it anyways because it’s really funny. 

anyways here are my favorite characters

betty is at the top because i would kill and die for her. she keeps getting more morally fucked up every season and frankly? she does it SO well. she feels the Most Human out of everyone here IMO, just based on her facial expressions alone. she deserves better than this show will ever give her. 

reggie is up there because, even though he was garbage in the last two seasons, i fucking love this air-headed himbo in season 3. all he knows is drive car, head empty, eat chip and be honest :) he just wants to help veronica out and he’s a good boy!!!!!!!!!!!!! also he and archie have chemistry and the riverdale writers are cowards for not making them angrily make out over their mutual frustrations with veronica. he disappeared randomly for like 5 episodes and i missed him so much. 

jughead is also up there because i am bisexual :) and he and betty are an EXTREMELY good match. also this boy needs a fucking nap and, like, literally any good family member. as do all of the characters in this show but i digress--

pop is practically canonically Veronica’s best friend, which /i/ think is absolutely hilarious. he like gives her advice and updates about her family situation. he is supportive. he helps her run her business and backs her up. they’re best friends and frankly he should adopt her. 

dr curdle jr is there because his name is fucking Dr. Curdle Jr. and he looks like THAT. archie is like extremely bland and flip-flops on characterization all the time but i love him anyways. 

joaquin, kevin, and veronica are all Good Sometimes, but then the writers are like “actually i want x to happen and you are convenient” and i just have to watch >:( 

FRED IS A TERRIBLE, AWFUL PARENT, BUT HE’S LITERALLY THE BEST ONE OUT OF EVERY PARENT ON THIS SHOW............ he’s like “son i don’t think you should be drinking” but then, like, doesn’t actually do anything about it or send his CHILD to therapy. i am begging you to be literally 5% less hands-off in your parenting style sir. he is like 16-17 he is NOT an adult even though he looks and acts like one

FP is an even worse parent but i think he’s entertaining. cheryl goes back and forth between being like-able and hate-able every few episodes. 

These People Are All Fine.  These People Are All Boring (YES including the dogs--) except for the child with a knife (he is hilarious in concept and boring in execution. just pick him up, he’s like 12?)

kurtz is hilarious to me because of the acting, edgar evernever has that fucking name and is too boring to be properly hate-able, the principle is absolutely HILARIOUS cuz he just straight-up acknowledges the gangs in the school as if they’re clubs & joins the local cult. and then Mob Boss Man has a blood feud with a 16-year-old so i can literally never take him seriously. also he has said the phrase “nothing about me is soft” and it was one of THE funniest moments in the series cuz he was standing chest-to-chest with his DAUGHTER’S BOYFRIEND when they were both in ONLY TOWELS!!!!!!! HEY WRITERS??? I JUST WANNA TALK--

garbage tier speaks for itself. polly has never been a good sister to betty and i resent her for that forever, also she’s boring. charles can die. “OUR half brother.” fuck off.

and then here is the polar opposite of betty. literally the WORST parent in here. I HATE HER MORE THAN THE MOB BOSS!!!!!! MORE THAN THE SERIAL KILLER DAD!!!!! she’s so awful and continues to be awful literally every time she is on screen. the fbi plot point is so stupid and just makes me hate her even more. 

okay here are my ships :)

betty/jughead is “writers please i am begging you to keep doing this right, you’re doing FANTASTIC so far please don’t fuck it up.” literally better than 80% of relationships in TV. power couple of my fucking heart. 

jughead/archie is “writers please i am begging you to make them AT LEAST KISS, you have had SO many prime opportunities for this to happen and you KEEP JUST LETTING THEM GO BY!!!!!” they care about each other okay. they have chemistry. jughead’s whole entire reaction to archie fighting the bear? *chef kiss* HE CARES SO MUCH!!!!!!!! 

archie/reggie i have already discussed. i think archie should kiss boys. and reggie is prime real estate for bisexuality. im right. 

(literally though archie has SO much more chemistry with both of these dudes than he has had with LITERALLY any woman on the show. Archie Should Kiss Boys.)

the rest of these are boring (i shipped b/v in season 1 and then they just Stopped Interacting Much lmfao. and betty/jughead have soOOOoo much more chemistry and compliment each other so well)

alice/fp is something i will never, ever stop hating. you are both bad parents & it is made EVEN worse by the fact that yall fuck WHILE your kids are dating. disgosting. 

anyways riverdale writers if you want to hire me HMU, i would have had Betty be manipulating her serial killer dad to go after the cult in season three as she embraced her darker side so that it paralleled him manipulating her in the earlier seasons. also i would have had archie and reggie kiss because i know what the queer watchers of the show deserve.