#this post brought to you by my computer autocorrecting 'aziraphale' to 'paleographers'

[edsearring]

just finished rewatching go2, and while of course there is a lot to be said for heavenly brainwashing and a general lack of proper communication, and while that is of course a huge part of it, i've barely seen anyone talking about just how little aziraphale actually wanted to go to heaven. almost all the way through the whole last bit.

when aziraphale is first approached by the metatron, he says that he's made his position perfectly clear. he knows where he stands, and so does everyone else. he stands with crowley, they're on their own side. but he decides to hear the metatron out, because what could he possibly say that would change his mind?

(i also think it's worth mentioning that the metatron opened with coffee. i don't personally believe in the coffee theory, but he may have started with that to show aziraphale that he's on 'his side.' he's not like the other angels, he's consumed things. he's gone against what angels expect.)

and at first, when the metatron gives his offer, aziraphale turns it down completely. he said it clearly, he doesn't want to go back to heaven. even as the metatron continues to detail all of these reasons why aziraphale should lead, aziraphale still looks pretty uncomfortable.

but the metatron can clearly see this isn't working, so he uses what he knows will always get aziraphale. crowley. he offers to restore him.

so aziraphale starts thinking. what if he accepts the offer? as so many other people have pointed out, there is no way aziraphale could have even come close to completely breaking out of the way he'd been taught to think for millions of years. so he thinks, well, heaven are the good ones. it would certainly be better if they were on the right side of things, wouldn't it? and crowley is a good person, he's seen it.

not to mention that crowley seemed so much happier when he was an angel. and to aziraphale, of course, it's because heaven are the good ones. crowley was so angry because he got lumped in with the bad ones. he just doesn't understand that maybe crowley was so angry because of the whole idea of a 'great plan', of the 'good ones' and 'bad ones' in the first place.

and finally, his decision was about safety. of course aziraphale wants to be with crowley. but they've been hiding from heaven and hell this whole time. if the metatron was being completely honest (which he obviously wasn't, that was a suspicious offer, but in aziraphale's situation he couldn't tell), they wouldn't have to hide, they could be together.

and so of course he rushes home to tell crowley, and of course crowley refuses, and has his big confession.

which, to be perfectly honest, i don't think was a horrible coincidence, or incredibly tragic timing. setting aside the fact that it just happened after the whole 'gabriel and beelzebub' incident, the metatron planned that.

he knew that crowley would refuse, because he never would accept an offer like that. and maybe he gathered that crowley would confess from the gabriel/beelzebub scene, maybe he overheard nina and maggie talking, it could have been anything.

the point is, it was the metatron's plan all along to have crowley refuse, confess, and storm out, leaving aziraphale heartbroken. that way he could come into the bookshop, hear it from aziraphale that crowley left.

because when crowley confessed, he did something that neither of them were used to. he said (at least a lot of) what he was actually feeling. and aziraphale has had millions of years of practice of denying exactly that, the instinct kicks in. he says "i forgive you". they both leave, heartbroken.

and at this point, when crowley is gone, and the metatron comes back in, what else is aziraphale going to do? he denies it. he does the very thing he refused in the first place, he goes to heaven, leaving everything behind, without crowley.

and only a few seconds afterwards, we can see that aziraphale regrets it. he starts trying to come up with excuses. he can't leave the bookshop—no, don't worry, muriel has that taken care of. do you need to take anything with you?—there isn't anything he can think of to get him out of this. he's run out of excuses.

and so it's too late. aziraphale is about to get into the elevator to heaven. but before he does that, he asks what the great plan that he'll be helping with is.

and the metatron says the second coming.

aziraphale knows he's been tricked, after this. if the second coming truly is the great plan, straight from the metatron, he can't 'fix heaven.' he can't improve anything if god's will is the second coming.

but what can he do? he gets in the elevator.

through the credits, we can see his shock, anger, and heartbreak so incredibly clearly. of course, until the smirk at the end.

that was the very moment when aziraphale made a plan to tear it all apart.