#this past week has been really hard bc of other current issues and this just. idk man.

[everythingisliminal]

Day 20 of 75 Hard

When I complete today, it'll be the furthest I've ever been in this challenge (made it through day 10 then day 19 in 2021).

The journey so far:

Two 45+ minute workouts, 3+ hours apart, at least one of which must be outside. Because I work 10 hour days in wetland restoration navigating mucky, watery, and steep terrain with ~40lbs on my back, I count those 4 workdays as my outdoor workout. Yes it's already part of my routine, but I wasn't going to not do this challenge just because I'm not fitting another workout in before work.

My other outdoor workouts are all walking and/or running around the neighborhood or on trails. My indoor workouts are push, pull, and indoor cycling days with my buddy, bowling with my husband, and following walk/dance/box/lift/yoga vids at home.

Saturdays are wild because I need to get a walk/run in, then go straight to cycling, and then 3 hours later bowl bc my afternoons are booked and I have to get that outdoor workout in but 3 hours away from another workout. Making it work, though!

I did put together an idealized workout schedule to train for the 5 mile trail run my buddy and I signed up for 2 weekends after we complete 75 Hard. Already had to adjust because I twisted my ankle yesterday, so I used that opportunity to try Qigong (followed by 45 min yoga). We'll see if I should stick with walking today or if I can throw in a few 3-4 minute runs.

Honestly, the toughest part of this rule is the scheduling and getting started. I really enjoy the physical activity when I'm in the flow of it.

Take a progress picture. This has been beneficial for me in a way I couldn't predict. The mirror has always surprised me, like "oh, that's what I look like?" It always shows me as curvier, less athletic than I picture myself. Might stem from a grey area of body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria. It's one of the things I'm talking with my therapist about.

But now that I'm taking a picture of my body every day, I'm realizing that what I'm seeing in the mirror looks better than what I'm seeing in the photo, giving an element of valuing what I see in the mirror. Like, I can more positively accept that that's me. So that's cool.

10 pages of reading a "think about your life" nonfiction book. I read The Book on Mental Toughness, which the creator of 75 Hard wrote. 3 of 5 stars. I might write an extended review, but a lot of the book was like watching a car crash. Yeah, the author's mentally tough, but he's not very well read sociologically. It'll be a tougher read for anyone who's nonbinary, living with intergenerational trauma, or can't stand editing/formatting issues. But there was some insightful info about 75 Hard and the continued LIVEHARD program, and I really benefited from the chapter on drinking water.

Currently reading Weave the Liminal: Living Modern Traditional Witchcraft, which I'm fully enjoying.

Books I'm considering reading next are Rest is Resistance: Free Yourself from Grind Culture and Reclaim Your Life / How to Make Friends & Influence People / The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius / Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good / and Keeping It Living: Traditions of Plant Use and Cultivation on the Northwest Coast of North America.

If anyone has a recommendation for books on Inanna, Ishtar, Astarte, or Aphrodite/Aphroditus, I'm looking to learn more about their part in trans history.

Drink 1 gallon of water. I have to stick with a 90oz goal. I've tried multiple times in the past to drink a gallon a day and always wound up with a horribly sore throat after a few days. Last time, it made me sick for 2 weeks. So 90oz of unflavored water is definitely way more than I'd drink normally (32oz on a good day) but without dipping back into unhealthy territory. There are some days that I can drink more (allowing me to get in some Gatorade, preworkout, or BCAAs), but I also have a steady supply of good cough drops at hand.

I try to get in 32oz before lunch, another 32oz by 5pm, and 26oz+ before sleepy time.

Follow a diet. No cheat meals or alcohol. I'm focused on getting 100+ grams of protein a day (macro balancing and calorie deficit are secondary but seem to be happening naturally). I've also cut out chocolate (this is how I know I mean business), sugary drinks, gluten, and microwavable mac n' cheese type meals.

This is really forcing me to get my act together when it comes to planning/prepping. No more going to the coffee stand for a burrito and red bull before work. I have to either cook breakfast or nom on a protein bar. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and at least 2 snacks all have to be protein-centric for me to meet my goal. It's wild to think of how little protein I must have been getting. But now I'm full, and then I'm hungry! There's no middle ground of kinda-hungry filled with chips and milk teas. All this meal prepping and forcing myself to eat well for 75 days will probably be one of the most beneficial things I've ever done for myself.

Tangentially, cutting out chocolate meant cutting out my herbal calm chocolate supplements I always had at night to help myself wind down. Now I have to get off my phone earlier and stretch/meditate/read to get myself prepped for bed. It's good stuff.

Also, I don't drink alcohol, so there's no challenge for me there.

Overall: I'm so glad I'm doing this. This is helping me live my life the way I actually want to live it. I'm developing daily discipline and gaining insights into myself. I've lost 6lbs, my clothes fit better, and I can navigate terrain more easily. I'm enjoying trails in my free time. I was wishy-washy about my goals when I tried 75 Soft a couple months ago, and so didn't stick with them. With 75 Hard, my commitment is unquestionable. This is what my life looks like for the next 56 days. Afterward, I'll take what I like and ditch anything I don't.

If you're considering 75 Hard yourself, do make a game plan. Figure out what your diet is going to be and shop for it. Know how you'll track your water. Schedule a week or two of workouts that help you fulfill a goal (finding out what's fun for you, increasing strength/flexibility/speed, getting outside, hanging out with someone, whatever). Get a book. Give yourself this Day 0 to set yourself up for success.

Then START :D

[allthecanadianpolitics]

Hey, I’m not sure where I can get reliable info on this and thought you and/or your followers might be a good shot

How’s the COVID situation in BC? My health has taken a decline and I really wanna go to the gym again, since I haven’t gone since before the pandemic. But I don’t know if the situation is safe enough to go, especially if I do what I wanna do, which is not wearing a mask, since I have a hard time breathing with the mask if I’m doing strenuous activity (not trying to sound like a Karen here, I’m being serious— wearing a mask will make working out virtually impossible for me)

I’ve still been wearing a mask wherever I go, and I know most others don’t do that these days, but my issue is that I noticed the restrictions got looser after the Freedom Convoy, and I suspect that it’s because of backlash from COVID deniers that restrictions have been eased so much. Please correct me if I’m wrong on this!! I just don’t know what to believe anymore because everything seems so muddled up from conspiracies and pandering

Do you or your followers have any good insight on this?

BC has had 263 Covid cases in the past week. This is a rate of 5 per 100,000 people. Compared to all the provinces that are still reporting cases, this goes as follows:

Manitoba: 4

BC: 5

Ontario: 8

Quebec: 15

Canada: 7

So, BC is doing a bit better than the national average, but its still not over.

[heottokes]

fyi.

i'm sure no one is that surprised by my inconsistency since i've always been a shit updater/poster (acquiesce has been going on for 3 years now bc of how bad i am at this)

but i thought i should officially address why that is.

i can give several reasons (excuses) like, i am not confident in my writing, i have a busy personal life, sometimes i get writers block and lack motivation to continue, and i am not an involved kpop fan as i used to be anymore (i still listen everyday but i don't get into the other content as much as i used/like to)

but my main problem is that i have mental health issues (i might have hinted at this but never really properly addressed it) it comes and goes. sometimes it stays longer than usual. this is something i have been battling for at least 10 years now. kpop has been one of the things that helped me find happiness and i am much better now but sometimes it's hard to fight. when i get into these ruts my entire life stops - it's hard for me to do anything much less update my writing weekly. the only thing i do during those times is try to not spiral even further and trying to get out of it.

i am currently going through that moment and have been going through it more frequently these past 3 years since getting out of my rock bottom but i am working hard to get out of it every single time.

hopefully i am able to post the next chapter this week but i wanted to explain why i am so inconsistent with writing

i appreciate every single one of you that has showed any interest in my writings. it really does help knowing there is someone waiting for the next chapter as i use it to push myself to get better quicker. i cannot make any promises that i will be consistent this time but i just wanted to explain why my postings are like this. i completely understand if you lose interest in my stories because of it but if you are still interested i am sincerely appreciative of it and have so much love for you <3

[someotherdog]

get to know the author!

name : velouria! mutuals can call me rachel if they want since it's my real name but i respond to both

pronouns :  she/her

preference of communication : i prefer tumblr im to start with so we can get to know each other and do some light plotting. then move onto discord for in-depth plotting if our personalities mesh well :)

most active muse :  i go through phases where i'll have a lot of muse for a certain few one week and then lose their voice the next week lol, and a lot of the muses i have are quite selective because their setting/personality is very specific and can sometimes be hard to tap into. generally, i'm always rarin' to go with jeannie, ingrid, lisa, gideon, heidi, vikram, and taher. (now actually getting people to rp with these hoes is the hard part lmao)

experience / how many years : i don't want to talk abt it... jk, i started in 2005 i believe? on myspace mainly and i lurked a few message boards back in the day but never actually used them. i wasn't always roleplaying though, i'd often take long breaks throughout the years, sometimes for months, but it's been a part of my life for a long time! after myspace shut down, i went on to roleplayer.me until 2015 when one day i saw an rpg promo in devon bostick's tag (that name's a blast from the past, i know) and i subsequently made the permanent switch to tumblr :) so you can pretty much consider me a veteran around these parts. i remember the days when people used the cast of one tree hill when it was actually currently airing as fcs (or playbys, as we called them) and every third muse was named seraphina!!!

best experience : i think one of the best times i had on here was during christmas 2015 in the rpg hell state bc it was very active and i had a lot of good storylines going! the best time i had on rp.me was the group verse i had for a knockoff of terra nova called alia terra, which i actually made into an rpg on here and then made a closed verse between lucia and i so we could continue some dino fun! but i did it on rp.me shortly before i made the switch to tumblr so i kinda roll that all into one. i mean don't get me wrong i've had some great experiences on here, and lately have been having an amazing time with my writing partners, new and old, but those two are events that stick out in my mind. and also meeting lucia in 2015 duhhh of course!!!!!!!

rp pet peeves : honestly i don't want to say bc i don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or discourage people from writing with me lmfao, but i'll just say it has to do with dropping articles and using two certain french words 😬😬😬

fluff, angst, or smut : if i could crush up angst and snort it i would. i don't write smut (just a personal choice, not a judgment!) and fluff doesn't really interest me unless there's an undercurrent of angst or toxicity lmaooo, but i'm mostly interested in genre fiction like horror/slasher or sci-fi anyway and angst is kind of a package deal with those topics

plots or memes : i like to start with a general idea and then just kinda improvise. i also don't mind having structed plot points like going from a > b > c but having the freedom to do what we want in between those points. i also have absolutely no issue with changing or adding things as we go along! i'm basically very hype for anything

long or short replies : i'm a wordy bitch! when it comes to replies, i tend to stick with 2-4 for my 'shorter' threads but i have no issue getting up to 5-9 paragraphs if i'm really feeling something. no worries about matching length, btw, as long as it's not egregious like getting a few sentences in response when i wrote you four paragraphs, because i feel that's just rude. i also tend to start out small and get bigger as we go on, since i do like to begin with a general idea and add on from there

time to write : so before i started my current job, i only wrote at night because writing when the sun was up seemed morally wrong lmfao. nowadays, i sometimes write my replies at work on my google drive and then edit/format them once i get home, but that's only when i work alone and it's not super busy, and i actually have writing muse for that day. after work, i'll get on after midnight since i don't get home until late and need to put on my jammies, take off my makeup, eat dinner, and watch some tv. even on my days off, i most likely won't get on until late in the night because my family actually has the audacity to want to see me during the daylight hours 🙄

are you like your muses : i have a lot of muses that share similarities with myself, but i also have muses i have absolutely nothing in common with, like blair the satanic serial killer or lauren the son of a cult leader turned political campaign manager. more than likely they'll have something random from me like also being allergic to penicillin or they drive a buick like i do lmao, but i don't have a muse i would really consider my 'self-insert' character!

tagged by: @thewolfruns

tagging: i feel like everyone has been tagged to do this already?? so if you haven't, pretend i did so you can have some fun too :)

[icel]

Saw your reply earlier but didn't get chance to respond til now; I've been working a ton of 45-50hr weeks recently, and it feels like all my time/energy has been vanishing into the void that my job's become, rip

I actually just got caught up with the manga again myself after temporarily putting it down at the end of the egghead arc. I'm loving luzo's current outfits and watching them get into (and start) trouble together

Have you seen the live action netflix show yet? I have mixed feelings about stuff they decided to do with the last couple eps of season one, but oh my god, did they go hard with zoro being down bad for luffy and luffy also being utterly captivated by zoro. The live action brought a whole big-ass wave of new luzo, zolu and luzolu shippers to the fandom

Re: my fics, I've written/posted A LOT since you were last actively following OP. Tbh, most of it's smut (lol) but you'll hafta let me know what you think if you get chance to check it out!

same im so excited for this arc, they're the only ones to blame for setting Loki free and i really hope Sanji berates them for it soon lmao. love how Zoro made this big deal about talking to Loki first and caved after just a few grumbles without doing what he was there for. this fucking guy.....

i DID watch the live action, unfortunately that kind of live action stuff really just isn't for me lol. The visuals, the castings, the costuming and set design were fantastic. But I have a lot of gripes, the story changes were dumb and unnecessary. My biggest issue is how much they fucking shafted Usopp and took away his big moments in Syrup that were meant to establish why he'd be a good fit. And then they immediately had him fuck up with the canon like what??? i also did not like how Nami was inserted into the Zoro introduction, Zoro's sassiness went too far, and a lot of Nami's backstory was practically ruined. but yeah lmao the luffy/zoro was there, love the scene where they're laying on top of each other and Usopp fucking walks in like "…:D"/ a lot of people skip out on this ship because of the really early art so i feel having attractive adults portray them really helped people SEE it. i've honestly been spiraling about it for the past few weeks. i think the revelation that Zoro has conqueror's yet choses to follow anyway bc he's that down bad fucking broke my brain like no wonder even powerscaling side of the fandom ships them LMAO oda accidentally writing the slowburn idiots of the century. omg i have been making my way through the ao3 feeds consuming everythjng i missed, slowly cause STINKY WORK. but you will eventually see me in ur comments soon 👀

[the-anonymous-vent-blog]

im the polyamorous venter from Jan 5 (I just remembered to check mb-)

Me and my bf are both polyam my fear then was hurting him again bc I've done that shit twice before. I've thought about it more since then and I think I like her queer platonically??? (I talked to him just after I figured that out)

which

new fear

what if she doesn't understand qprs and says no?? or think its fucking weird what I want (cuddles and to run away together for like a week every now and then)

also unfortunately we've been forced to be online friends but over discord which I'm not allowed to have and in different times zones for the past 2-3 years which made it hard to talk to her at all (thats a full other rant) so I don't know how she acts when in love considering we've both grown and the last time the topic came up she said that she doesn't really see anyone liking her.

but yeah mostly the qpr thing is my current issue

trying to get her to me (recently moved closed) for my prom and maybe I'll ask her to be my queer platonic partner then?

also, for clarification, can we submit happy vents?

(can I be 💫 anon if that's not taken?)

(You can absolutely send in happy vents, and 💫 is not yet taken!)

Kind of like what I said in your previous ask, you've gotta figure out what they think. You can ask her if she's ever heard of qpr first, that's how I usually broach topics like this. You can also ask similar questions like, 'what does the acronym qpr mean?' (If she knows you know what it is), or look up a funny story centered around a qpr and try to figure out her view from her reaction to it.

Of course this is all made more complicated by the time zone part.

Prom is most definitely the best time to askt he question, but you should also definitely speak to your boyfriend before then. Your boyfriend also being polyam is good news for the situation. I unfortunately cannot give advice on how to avoid hurting him. I am wishing you the best of luck, 💫 Anon. I know me giving advice kinda sounds like it conflicts with my next statement, but, from how everything sounds I know you've got this! You're making a plan, reflecting on what you want, how that affects others, and what others want. I fully believe this has a good chance of working out, one way or another.

[just-kiss-me-you-fool-hehe]

wow

hey im struggling. i feel like i always end up in this weird state no matter how much i try, i feel like i keep failing. i made myself way too tired this weekend and i have been trying to be present thru everything even when things are going bad, but today i really struggled because i had a raging headache bc i was too tired and then i had to suffer thru lunch and then i threw up bc the lunch was bad and then it took me a long time to figure out how to fix it and then i cancelled dinner plans which made me feel better because i was dreading having to make conversation but now that i dont have dinner plans i can chill at home but my issue is why do i dread both outcomes, it feels like i cant be happy regardless of what i choose and i just feel so stuck because no matter how much i try to be my own friend it feels like im constantly working against myself and self sabotaging like i think i wouldve had a very different week if i gave myself rest this weekend and was able to come here with more energy and it didnt help that i had my period which made my anemia worse. when i had just found out about my anemia i was so good about taking my supplements and eating well but as soon as i started feeling a little better i forgot all about taking care of myself. it feels this way constantly where i am able to focus on the thing that is important to me for a while but then something happens, and the pain seeps in again, and i self sabotage and things feel bad and i start dissociating and making poor decisions. i know the best way is to keep fighting, to keep correcting the voice in my head that tells me im a piece of shit that will never improve and i know that once i start exercising more regularly and feeling good in my body that it will help me to be nicer to myself and i know all i can do is pick myself up from the current point and do better instead of wallowing in the sadness of having dissociated once again. the thing is i know im doing better little by little every day that i try and all i need to do is try. i just gotta keep making the good decisions as often as i can even if it means i cant make them every and especially after i come out of a haze of having made a string of bad decisions. i think it is just really difficult to be present with the idea that 1. i am the only one responsible for how tired and bad i feel because i spent too much time socializing this weekend. 2. i keep socializing because i have this incessant need to be with people so i don't have to face my fear of being alone bc being alone means that i will have to go back to dark and sad places in my past and there will be no one around to comfort me. 3. despite knowing all this, i still sometimes make the bad choice because it feels good in the moment and more importantly fulfills this need school age me had of wanting to fit it but the thing is this need never feels satisfied and even when it does it doesn't feel very meaningful because i changed myself to get there. i know that the reason i feel bad all the time is because i dont want to accept that i have to experience some sad emotions from the past but the only way out is thru and i dont understand how to teach the concepts of cause and effect to someone (me) who has constantly sacrificed everything for some version of validation that doesnt even feel good, being popular feels pointless because its based on other peoples views of you but i just want to have a positive view of myself. that's why it felt so easy to be with my ex because it was easy to believe in the positive view he had of me but somehow it's so hard for me to see myself how he saw me. i guess all this to say, how do i get out of these cycles of self sabotage then dissociating then having to pick myself back up and start again trying to be present and hoping that this time i dont self sabotage and i dont dissociate after doing it?

[mandana-the-service-pup]

We’ve tried A LOT of booties.

Nonstop Dog Wear does have a version called protector booties which has a rubber coating and is better shaped for the paws than their thinner booties which have a square design that leaves excess fabric that could be an issue in some situations. The problem I have with their Protector booties is that they are hard to get on compared to other dog shoe designs.

Ruffwear GripTrex are good. Cons is that they can flip, they can be hard on dewclaws unless you meticulously wrap your dogs paws with vetwrap, they wear out prematurely bc the rubber ends just below the dogs nails so nails end up poking through long before the rest of the shoe wears out. Pros is that they are easy to get on, durable, the mesh makes them breathable, design is attractive. I’ve heard it’s really hard to get Ruffwear products to Australia tho

We actually prefer HC Pet Boots on Amazon. There are lots of cheap brands on Amazon which look similar but I’ve tried nearly all of them and HC Pet Boots have the best quality and design. I prefer the double straps and softer fabric around the wrist to the hard strap on the Ruffwear boots. The rubber comes up past the nails so they don’t wear out prematurely like Ruffwear. The lower cost is a huge plus but most dogs have two different sizes for front and back feet (back are usually smaller) Ruffwear sells in sets of two so you can get different sizes but HC Pet Boots are in four packs so you’ll have to buy two sets. Their waterproof shoes are amazing and hardly ever flip over or come off and don’t collect snow like Ruffwear Polar Trex. Their mesh shoes are great for most situations and dry out quicker after washing them so they aren’t as prone to smelling bad like waterproof dog shoes are. Mandana wears a size 6 in the back and 7 in the front. The Ruffwear equivalent for her is 2.75 in back and 3 in front.

Alternative to boots, I wouldn’t use paw wax bc it would just melt off and doesn’t provide much thermal protection but you can get a spray called Tuffeoot (there are probably other brands idk) Hunters use it to toughen their dogs paws before hunting season. You have to use it a lot at first and then like once a week to maintain it. It should help toughen paw pads so they aren’t as likely to get damaged.

To be honest, if I was in your situation I wouldn’t use shoes if I could help it. I grew up in Texas and I’ve been to Australia so I understand the heat. One of the few places a dog can sweat is their paws and when you put shoes on them it keeps them from being able to regulate their heat as well. I use shoes a lot but on hot days I immediately take them off my service dog as soon as we go inside so she can cool off and her paws are hot and sweaty just from the parking lot. If you live in an area with mostly shaded sidewalks then I would suggest using Tuffoot to strengthen the paw pads and not using shoes but just sticking to the shade and/or grass as much as possible. Dirt or sand can get hot enough to blister feet so if there’s not enough shade I wouldn’t risk it. Besides if it’s that hot then your pup will probably be at risk for heatstroke no matter what they have on their feet so use some common sense.

Also, just a side note about evaporative cooling gear. It doesn’t work in high humidity. Low humidity is great and I highly recommend but anything above like 45% humidity it doesn’t evaporate and just traps the heat against their body. I’ve made that mistake before so even though you’re asking about boots I just want to make sure you are aware. There are some jackets which are designed to reflect the sun and currently on really hot days we use the Ruffwear Trail Runner mesh harness and I put gel ice packs in the pockets along her back to keep her cool.

Hi I was scrolling and realised from your posts. You have weather and dogs! I was wondering if you know much about good brands for dog shoes? I've heard they can be bad but also I'm in Australia and at the moment we cannot walk our puppy most days because the ground would burn her little feet. So I figured I'd ask in case you do know any since I've never had dogs as high energy as our puppy. In summer they be lazy inside. Our girl wants walks still so. Shoes and short walks sounds like a plan that could work for her through the hotter months. Thanks either way though! Have a great day!

Hello! This is a weather we are unfamiliar with unfortunately/fortunately!

We've only very recently started trying out boots for Sparty (salted winter roads + river smoke, and skinny little legs) but haven't really gotten very far.

I feel like at least some of the service dog handlers I follow (ie @mandana-the-service-pup ?) prefer rubber-soled boots with wraparound elastics similar in design to Ruffwear's, but this really isn't an issue I've put enough thought or effort into to make personal recommendations. Good luck though!

[ratgingi]

some margo content because i need to figure out how to draw her more . plus some misc facts abt her under cut

i cant remember if i mentioned it before or not but she tends to change jobs often, she hasn't been fired from any but instead she will pick up jobs and quit them a few months later after she grows bored with them. the places in town she's worked at include the arcade (she worked there before exie, and exie only worked with her for a few weeks as by the time she started the job margo was already getting ready to work elsewhere), the petstore (it was her first job in town, and well before outis was in the picture), the funfair (she worked at one of the game stalls), and the mcphonalds (where she and juniper met). shes also worked at a couple places outside city limits. a good chunk of the places she's worked at are still open to her to go back to as she is a decent employee who works hard at her jobs and learns fast. there are a few places shed never even consider though either because theyd take too long to be qualified for or just seem generally uninteresting to her.

the tattoo/piercing parlor she currently works at wouldnt be a place youd get to actually visit in her route but would probably be mentioned in passing a couple times

while growing up whenever she would act too 'girly' her father would pay their neighbors to teach her more 'manly' things, so as a result she knows how to do a handful of more technical things like minor car repairs/put together furniture/etc, and also went through some fighting classes and stuff. shes also good at things like repairing clothes and cooking because addy made sure to teach her stuff like that as well

she also has a number of random talents/general things she can do from hobbies she got into and since dropped, things like crochet, gardening, baking, etc etc. she isnt Fantastic at any of them really but shes decent at them. jack of many ace of none type deal

adelaide was actually the one who helped her pick her name bc when she was trying to figure out what she wanted to be called she asked her if she had any ideas and addy told her that she'd had the name margo picked out for her before she was born

she likes doing puzzles and stuff, the bigger or more complicated the better. she has a couple 3d puzzle figures hanging out in her house but they change often as she gets bored of seeing the same ones. theres a closet in her hallway that has nothing but the boxes past puzzles she's finished stay in

she has a big heart, but because of her issues with connection she refuses to let her more caring side show in the hopes it'll help others not to get too attached to her. she isnt rude or anything like that and if someone is clearly in need of some sort of shoulder to cry on she tends to soften up but otherwise youre most likely to get a distant n cold politeness, she believes that by doing so shes doing you a favor and would rather keep herself closed off than hurt you if her whole attachment issue acts up. however if she doesnt like you she just flat out wont interact with you no matter how much you try. you could be standing in front of her waving your hands in her face and she'll act like you dont exist to the point of actually walking into you and not acknowledging it if need be

during her route the player would be able to accompany her to do things like run errands around town, which is sorta the sign that youve Made It because youre allowed to just sorta exist with her without her insisting you go do something else/trying to keep away from you yknow. her way of showing affection is pretty much just i allow you to exist near me/i choose to exist near you and on the surface literally stops there so

the only person she considers herself to be genuinely close to is her mother, and even then from a distance you wouldnt even really be able to tell that theyre close from her end. addys a pretty vocally affectionate person and is also the only person margo allows to do things like hug/pat her (addy still does so sparingly and asks before hand for the sake of margos comfort <3)

when she got her first tattoo she sorta did so in an effort to make herself commit to something but has since forgotten that motivation for them and now just likes getting them because they look cool

she has really pretty handwriting because she went through a phase where she was really into calligraphy. for technical things like letters/important papers/what have you she writes in print but otherwise she likes doing it really fancy and would probably be one of those people who writes stupid shit in fancy letters on tiktok

she has a big thing about honesty, as shes pretty good at telling when people are lying even if she doesnt really know them. this is partially why trying to lie and come up with a fake answer when asking her out would result in her turning you down bc 1. doesnt really seem interesting and 2. she can tell youre not telling her the truth and decides she has better things to do

[thatgirlkalani]

bye?

I'm at a point in my life where I'm in full blown self destruct mode my life is a series of unfortunate events and it Dosent seem to be getting any better I have no will to live but I'm scared to die..not really scared to do but scared to do it myself...every couple of weeks its something new and fuccin terrible its been like that since the car crash I literally can't catch a break I can't win and I'm so mf tired of it after all the shit I been thru I still care too much I still love too hard I still give too many fuccs and I don't know how to turn it off I Juss wanna be numb or not exist or some shit I'm always seeing the good in people when the human race is literally shit. I feel like everybody in my life currently doesn't fwm as much as I fw them and I'm over exerting and ppl don't actually like me and I know they don't care how I do I can tell by little things...not answering a text..a call. bluffing on a link...and I just sense energies ... I don't have friends that are like me and I haven't in years and the one I did have. I lost at no fault of my own all of my friendships and relationships go to shit anytime somebody makes me happy they leave or get taken or change but something always goes wrong I find somebody I actually care or want to care about and get traumatized by it I have horrible taste in men bc. I seem to only want the ones that are gonna ruin my life stress me out or could give two fuccs how I feel and its crazy because they seem to be the only ones I relate or feel close to then its alll down tf hill from there. Idk if my poor choices in men comes from wanting to get as far from people like my family or from my long ass list of SA history but either way its gone to shit all these niggas do is hurt the feelings that I barley have , disappoint me, not give a Fucc inconvenience me or all of the above....the hyper sexuality has calmed down for the time being but the hyper fixation has kicked in there's no in-between I'm either completely cool on everybody, hyper sexual because I need to be in control of my body or I'm hyper fixated... normally on somebody who could give two shits.. and can't find interest in anybody else which is where I'm currently at...and I have every reason to be obsessed with this man even tho I know I shouldn't but its too late bc I genuinely fwh again I know better but currently I'm stuck and at a point where I hate myself because I watch him want/give everybody a chance but me then I'm forced to hear about it but have to play it cool bc I Juss want to keep him in my life atp bc. I don't have much... I don't really know how to pinpoint where all my abandonment issues came from but at the same time I can point out specific situations that have added to them because everyone that I attach myself to leaves.. and or hurts tf out of me and its been happening since I was 14 friendships and relationships alike.....why I really Juss wanna disconnect from everybody and I do ever so often but I get lonely and I hate that I wish I didn't need anybody.. I wish a lot I wish I didn't hate myself..I wish I didn't give so many chances.. wish I didn't love people who don't love me bacc...wish I could go numb, wish I didn't have mommy and daddy issues mannn fml. the. mommy and daddy issues is a whole other story because they weren't abusive in anyway except emotionally and I don't think they meant it but I just can't get past it... its hard to show affection to them and shit of that nature I wish we were closer I wish we shared similar views I wish I was comfortable going to them but I don't..im the. blacc sheep of the family and even if they wont admit it they know and I feel it.. I'm honestly tired of existing tired of the panic attacks tired of the manic episodes tired of the abandonment issues tired or the attachment issues tired of it all I really don't wanna be here doing this atp I'm only living for my grandmas...and. I guess my parents idk bc I don't wanna be here but I don't wanna hurt them..but I feel like I have nothing and no one anyone I had anyone I related to anyone that was my..

[zee-writes-and-draws]

Normal world AU where the different buildings are just random groups of people and all of them ended up moving to the small village near the supposedly ‘haunted’ mountain that Samon and Enki grew up on bc property values are low as shit, and all of the minors are adopted by the guards. Qi has basically just grabbed Upa and Liang and ran the hell away from the Chinese mafia. Samon sees this random man dragging two half-dead children with him and this is now the very first time any of the new residents of the village find out the ‘hauntings’ that lowered property values were just a teenage Enki post massive growth spurt and a very small and over-energetic Samon that haven’t been seen in well over a decade.

- Hajime has, unfortunately, agreed to look after Jyugo and Nico while Rock and Uno try to find legal jobs, but it’s a lot on him. He and Seitarou help Uno and Rock fight a case to get custody of the two minors. Yamato is helping Tsukumo get a restraining order against his former agent and various paparazzi, as well as going to therapy so he doesn’t constantly feel the need to put on a persona in front of others. Hajime is a teacher at the local school (since there’s a decent number of local kids and then the building children), Yamato is the school’s coach, and Seitarou sells uniforms/cute festival stuff but is also occasionally seen working with the age 7 and below kids because they’re all very small and nice.

- Kiji is trying to cure Honey of his anger management issues and Trois of his pyromaniac tendencies. His day job is making and testing makeup that everyone buys, like mascara and eyeliner and hair gel. His second in command is working in one of the other small shops, selling everyone clothes (he and Seitarou make the clothing together).

- Kenshirou is only here because some of his dogs are sick and this village has been weirdly good for their health. Along the way he lets Musashi and Hitoshi stay with him because they help on chores and the dogs love both of them very much. He helps with the local stray problem by opening a shelter and rehabilitating most of them (the few who can’t be fixed to near-perfect health are still loved and cared for). Hitoshi bakes lots of food and sells it at Shiro’s restaurant, which is also why his presence is appreciated. Musashi tutors online part-time after Mitsuru rigged up wifi for them. Between all three of their jobs they can afford a place that’s small but has four tiny rooms so each person can a private space. (They sleep in the living room that’s been transformed into the group bedroom).

- Mitsuru is considered the local nuisance in so many ways, but after all of his loudspeakers and amplifiers have been confiscated he’s forced to resort back to regular hand-made instruments, so he at least gets to learn something entertaining as he irritates everyone with his noise-making. He and Momoko live in the same house but there’s a line drawn on the inside and outside that splits the house in half so everyone realizes in all of ten seconds they’re not actually together together, just saving on rent as long-term friends. Momoko works on managing the more official stuff to keep the town from being erased. She’s the unofficial (until the next election of course) mayor of the town at this point. Mitsuru’s day job is rigging up stuff like wifi and helping Hajime with his shop class at the high school.

- Shiro moved here after hearing how wonderful the cuisine is. He approves of being able to gather fresh ingredients on the mountain. Rock is frequently seen at his restaurant, both as a customer and as a worker. Hitoshi was recruited within a week. (Hajime has some mixed feelings but Rock mostly stops acting like an idiot after the first day, so it works out well)

- Inori and Ruka moved here years ago (and dragged the Daisen brothers with them) and are pretty much the only residents who were here before everyone started moving out and the buildings moved in. They’re the only ones initially who know the story behind the hauntings and never shared it out of indifference. Inori works in construction of new buildings/clearing rubble from the old, the Daisen trio help train the different sports teams at the school, and Ruka technically co-owns the makeup business with Kiji but his preferred job is as an unofficial swimming instructor because the two of them don’t get along.

- Samon and Enki bring the village supplies and materials from the mountain and trade this way. Samon has a notable weakness for ice pops, popsicles, and zakuro shaved ice, which he gets to surprise Enki on days it seems like he might want it. The new residents are all pleasantly surprised by how sweet Noriko is. Shiro offers her a job after trying some of her desserts. She bakes on weekends and holidays only to avoid overexerting herself, but the rest of the time her jobs include checking people in, taking orders to Shiro and Rock, and keeping peace if someone starts arguments. Houzuki is the area acupuncture specialist and medic until the Otogi family moves in, but he switches to full time acupuncture and massage therapy after they take up the practice. (they’re better than him at medicine anyways and he’s ok with admitting it).

- Liang and Upa love training on the mountain. Rock joins them frequently, often chatting with Liang as they race up. Qi is marginally less interested in physical activity, but he’s willing to make the hike up with them because of the amazing plant both during the hike and at the arrival itself. In the long run, doing some exercise in this form helps him with his mental health a lot and makes him happier. Tsukumo joins occasionally and talking to Qi helps him gradually come out of his shell.

- Trois takes to the challenge of trying to be constructive in building things instead of weapons and explosives. The downside is he frequently teams up with Mitsuru (who has the most equipment necessary) and therefore there are unique ways of getting around the idea of non-destructive inventions. Honey figures out ways to get Mitsuru his speakers back on the condition that he can use the wiring for his capsules.

- Nico ends up really sad about the lack of wifi so he tries to work with Mitsuru to improve tech, but he’s got a hard time reading the manuals so now Musashi, accompanied by either Uno or Trois depending on the day, can be seen teaching Nico how to read instruction manuals.

- Yamato is still very proud of his Japanese heritage, but he also frequently encourages others to appreciate the culture they live in and the culture they came from. Thanks to him, there’s a small festival hosted each year where everyone brings something like food or games or clothing from their culture and share it with everyone.

- Kiji takes it as a personal challenge to help teach normal world culture to at least one of the Gokuu brothers. Enki is far less willing to go along with the idea that he needs help from someone, so it’s Samon. Inori, who had a similar idea for the last eleven years, is currently trying to teach Samon how to drive. It’s yielding mixed results, but he takes really well to motorbikes. Hajme and Samon have a brief ceasefire whenever the subject of motorcycles comes up.

- No one is allowed to bring up the time that Hajime got lost in the mountain. No  one.

- Kuu comes and goes as he pleases. Mostly he stays at Hajime’s house but sometimes he’ll somehow appear wherever Samon Enki and Noriko are presently staying and lies down in the lap of whoever is trying to meditate. Enki tries to ignore Kuu (and fails), Samon will give him small scritches and complain about Hajime in a quiet tone, and Noriko feeds and pets him.

- In their spare time, many of the adults critique the prison systems they rescued the others from. Kiji, Hajime, and Kenshirou work with Enki to fix things on a bureactraic level, frequently accompanied by Momoko when she isn’t a sole representative in front of various international governments. Hajime knows the prison model perfectly, Kenshirou understands the police aspect that ties into it, and Kiji has several decades of experience serving as a prison guard, and their combined knowledge leads to many of their proposals being pushed pretty far up the ranks. 

- Samon is working on fixing prisons on the level of how each inmate is treated. All the official and formal changes in the world don’t change that there’s also issues with inmates not receiving care, sufficient entertainment, decent things for purchase and not just whether or not they can afford them, all sorts of stuff that slips past the cracks in the paperwork. He’s also the one who’s pushing for  more rehabilitation programs with Kiji and Mitsuru’s help. Between Samon’s knowledge of physical needs of people, Kiji’s balanced addition of general knowledge of what kind of education and paperwork prisoners need for proper rehabilitation to stick, and Mitsuru’s experience in communication, they have a very solid structure. Mitsuru’s ability to middleman and talk to Momoko also helps push their ideas forward.

- Slowly the buildings become more friendly towards one another. Upa smiles more because Nico helped him get out of his shell, there is a photo of Tsukumo laughing as himself for the first time hanging on the wall of Shiro’s restaurant, and Kenshirou’s dogs all adopted different humans to befriend and bond with. Qi gradually gets over his fear of dogs thanks to Musashi and ends up adopting one who works as a service dog for him and keeps him away from panic attacks and self-harming attempts, as well as (gradually) learning how to tell what kind of health Upa and Liang are presently in and alerting the doctor if necessary.

- The time-honored tradition of feuds between the different non-inmates and adults in charge of them continues, but they added in some new competitions. There are now options for multi-building tug-of-war, kids vs adults (and variations) relays, one v one competitions, and general tomfuckery. Most of the time Momoko is the referee, Mitsuru commentates, and although they rarely join in, they tend to tag-team and secure a near-effortless victory. If it’s every person for themselves, Momoko wins unless distracted by Hajime, at which point the rule of funny is frequently used to determine a victor.

[holdingforgeneralhugs]

Hi there! I am in Florida, and at this very moment, trying to dissociate from hurricane Ian that is beginning to hit my town. 😬 So I figured I'd distract myself by asking for ships. If you see this elsewhere too, I just...don't like talking about myself very much so I'm writing this once.

She/her, INFP, Hufflepuff. 5'2, generally pale, curvy, but not overweight (yet, lol), blonde hair (but it's currently The Little Mermaid bright red, lol), blue-green eyes. I love my hair and my eyes and this is the only thing you'll ever hear me say I like about my appearance.

My favorite thing about myself is my sense of humor. And to a lesser extent, my sarcasm. I never really feel I have much to offer people, especially in difficult times, but I can make my friends laugh when they are crying. And a few weeks ago one of my good friends said to me that every time she goes home after spending time with me, her husbsnd says she is always in such a happy mood. And that was just like...the nicest thing anyone could say to me. 💜 I am an introvert until I am comfortable with someone and then I can be loud and frequently silly. Years of customer service in my past made me decent at bullshitting small talk, but ugh, it drains my batteries. I will get along with anyone who isn't an asshole, but I do not get close to most people easily. I don't like conflict, so I can get passive aggressive with people I'm close to if I have any issues over something. Trying very hard to change that, as I know it's not a great look.

Other random shit about me: I have anxiety, but (I think) I've learned to hide it well in public most of the time? My brain is just a fucking mess, but I will joke about it all day! 🙃 I love all animals. I'd cuddle an alligator if it wouldn't eat me. I've got cats, dogs, rats and a bunny. I've wanted a horse my whole life. My favorite author is Neil Gaiman. I love going to the beach and swimming in the ocean. I love museums and history and learning about lore/fairytales/monsters/cryptids. I love Marvel movies/comics, Star Wars and Lord of the Rings. I occasionally do conventions and cosplay, though I'm not very good at the cosplay bc I cannot sew. Lol. I've been Rose and Amy from Doctor Who and Kate Bishop (Hawkeye). It's really fun! I wish I were better at it. Love bowling and mini golf. Sadly, none of my friends do.

I love music and going to shows used to be my thing! Like I've seen over 100 bands and concerts. I don't have the time/money/energy to do it anymore, but those were absolutely the best years of my life. I've traveled to other states and across the country for a couple of bands (The Matches and Motion City Soundtrack) and made some of the best friends just waiting in lines. I have one tattoo and it's a crow with a blue button eye that the singer of my favorite band drew for me.

I'm gonna shut up now. Lol. Sorry I got carried away. I'm REALLY trying to distract myself from thinking about this hurricane rn. Thanks in advance if you made it through the rambling and decide to do anything with it. 😁💜

Firstly, I hope you and your family are doing OK since the hurricane and that it didn't cause too much damage! Secondly I'm so sorry this has taken me so long to get to, I've been all over the place lately between graduating and starting my new job🙈

I ship you with Johnny Martin

He's obsessed with your red hair, like he thinks it's the coolest thing ever and it looks so good on you.

You're alike in the sense that you both need to be comfortable with someone before you feel like you can really be yourself.

Of course you two seemed to click right away. You both made a few sarcastic teasing comments and it was like you'd been friends for years.

He's always quick to remind you of your worth, and how you always seem to brighten people's lives without even trying

He totally get that sometimes you just need time to yourself to recharge, and he's always happy to just sit quietly with you or leave you do your own thing in your own space. You'll come find him when you're ready.

No matter what you say, he thinks your cosplays are great and he's always super encouraging.

He's ridiculously competitive, and loves nothing more than trying to beat you at mini golf. He scoffs and acts annoyed when you beat him, but really he just loves seeing you smile.

He definitely intends to start taking you to concerts again, cause he knows you loved going to them.

Hope you like it x

[urmomsstuntdouble]

Can you do one for america

Since I received this about an hour or two after posting my lithuania analysis, I assume you’re asking for an america character analysis. I was debating whether or not to go through with writing this or not for a while, but i’ve decided that I’ll try. I hope you enjoy it!

Idealism

The first thing that sticks out to me when thinking about america is that he’s super idealistic, and I think this has its roots in his birth. Everything in his life has been about hope and being better than others, even down to the decision to colonise north america. England needs to be the most powerful country in europe. Better set up a colony in america so that it can save us. It’s that sort of logic that i think gives america the idea that he needs to be perfect, or that he can be the ideal person. And though a lot of what we consider to be the “american” identity (intense patriotism, nativism, idealism, etc) took recognizable shape in the 19th century, i think this way of thinking was nothing new to alfred. He’d been raised on it, with the desire to please arthur sort of in his blood? Anyway i feel like the idea that the colonies would be so so prosperous really put the idea into america’s head early on that he was perfect and that he was destined to be such a great person, even if that wasn't true. I often see his daddy issues presented as solely abandonment issues, but my interpretation of america is more of a combination of abandonment issues and the pressure, some of it self inflicted, to be a perfect country. Basically, his idealism is deeply rooted in unhealthy places. 

Also, a religion headcanon i have is that while he was more raised to be a puritan, freddie prefers quakerism. Though he’s not the most compatible with quakerism, as it rejects violence and quakers often refer to themselves as the society of friends, and are very welcoming, i think it gives him some hope. One of freddie’s biggest problems is that he wants people to be better than they are, and quakerism helps a little with that, because it’s a way that he can help himself become better than he currently is. I feel like he’s been a quaker for a very long time, so he’s not a very good quaker, but this is still something that’s very important to him. 

Hero complex and other mental bullshit

America having a hero complex and also being physically 19 is something i think really highly of. First of all, it very much fits with the mythology of america being a sort of world savior. Secondly, a lot of american media focuses on heroism, whether its on the behalf of average people, like the hunger games, or on the behalf of superheroes, like the mcu- especially over the past 20 years. Though i think it’s a good thing to promote heroism, the hero-martyr complex that gen z has is. Oof. And i think alfred fits very well into that toxic sort of “heroism” that most gen z kids have. He thinks he’s somehow able to fix everything wrong with the world, just because he really wants to. Though that desire is genuine, it’s not always something that’s his place to fix or something that even needed fixing. There’s also a selfish component to that- He needs to prove himself, and heroism is the only way he thinks he can do that. It’s why he works out constantly and cares so much, on a personal rather than country-avatar-thing level, about being #1 at everything. He has to be better than everyone else because he has to be the perfect hero. 

I also think it’s interesting how america seems to have more pronounced daddy issues than canada, and i think this is something that harkens back to the 13 colonies (side note i hate the term ‘colonial times’ when referring to the time before the revolutionary war or canadian independence. These are settler states, its always colonial times.) and american independence. Canada sort of only exists because of british loyalists, as they made up the majority of the population around the turn of the 19th century. They saw themselves as being The Better Colonists. Real daddy’s boy types, and I think this is something that contributes to the hero complex. Because matthew refused to rebel so openly, that made arthur favor him as a son, so alfred felt the need to be even better than matthew- even though, of course, alfred was a bit more favored. 

Fighting Style

Freddie is very good at violence, but not in the same way that a lot of other nations are. Where they tend to be more well trained in specific styles of fighting, freddie just sort of has all of them? His mind is very crowded, i think. Also, the way that he would have learned to fight is different from the other super powerful countries by virtue of his youth, and by virtue of the different regional fighting styles in america. One that’s haunted me is a trend in the ability to rip off ears and noses- Particularly by white gangs in the antebellum south, this was seen as being like. A real badass. I think alfred was something of a feral child. If you know the saying “it takes a village to raise a child,” i think it really did with him. He had so many parents, just like a lot of the western hemisphere countries. But anyway because of all his many many parents, there was never any strong parental force in his life, so it’s more like he didn’t have any at all, and because of that, alfred was a very strange child. And because violence is so ingrained in american society, alfred is very good at fighting, both in order to be fun and flashy and for his own self defense. Though he doesn't really like to fight unless he feels like he has to (and other people are very good at convincing him that he does have to)

Sports

Though america is definitely super athletic and could probably naturally be good at most sports, i think there’s a few that he’d more gravitate towards. Those are basketball, track and field, and olympic lifting. I would include american football but it’s a stupid sport that doesn’t make any sense, so it will not be included for spite reasons. In basketball I think he’s sort of an every-man. I think he’s around six feet tall, so he really could play any position on offense, and as for defense, I think he’d play his best defense against the point guard, bc i feel like Alfred is really fast and good at getting up in your face. He’d have a ton of steals whenever defending against the point guard. I think he’d be a good center on offense, because he’s a bit aggressive and that would be useful for getting rebounds and put-backs, though i wouldn’t discount point-guard freddie, because he does like to be very inspiring. He’s pretty energetic as well, and a point guard can really carry the entire team in terms of energy and spirit. As for track and field, he’d also be an every man- I feel like he’d gravitate more towards sprinting events by personality, but his coach would stick him in wherever. Where olympic lifts are concerned, he’s absolutely a snatch specialist. 

Empire and contradictions

America is an empire. No way of getting around that. I think imperialism in hetalia is an interesting subject, especially where america is concerned. @mysticalmusicwhispers did a good job running that down here, but basically my thoughts on the matter are that alfred doesn't really like being an empire. There’s many angles to that. It’s lonely at the top, for one. There’s no one who relates to being a 21st century empire in quite the same way as him. Then you have the fact that a lot of people living in america have suffered under imperialism as well. Because of that, there’s a lot of self hatred and anxiety and a not knowing if he can fully trust himself. Theres also the obsession that many americans have with people from other cultures being able to assimilate to american wasp culture. Because of all the people who live in the states who are very much not wasps and who can never be, it’s really hard on alfred, though he refuses to admit that things are anything but fine. 

Extras/Fun stuff

A book that reminds me of him is The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien. It’s a collection of short stories about O’Brien’s time serving in the military during the Vietnam War. It’s a very haunting book and I think about it at least once a week, but it is very violent and there’s a lot of fucked up stuff in it.

giveme chubby alfred or give me death

i feel like this shouldn’t have to be said, but sometimes there’s people who depict him as being pro-trump or pro-right wing bullshit, which. absolutely not. just because of all the political turmoil that exists within alfred, and because of all the pain he goes through because of all the hate that exists within his borders- hate that the entire world is forced to pay attention to. even though he might not have all the best sympathies or motivations, he’s just so tired of all the pain he personally goes through because of domestic political unrest, and would like it to end in the way that’s the least painful for him as a person. 

Bi king of my heart 

not a natural blond

I hc him as being mixed, though i’m not sure what exactly he’d look like? But i do enjoy alfred but not white, as poc are the driving force behind a lot of american life, right down to the languages we speak. Like. something like half the states names are the words of their indigenous peoples, and even more toponyms are indigenous across the country. Then of course i feel he’s very protective of aave and will always pronounce words in Not English correctly. (if u want to hear more about my language thoughts they’re linked below. Not gonna rehash it here cause those posts are Long™) 

My playlist for him!

Other analyses (age, linguistics) 

writing requests

[destroyrofworlds]

► GENERAL INFORMATION

FULL NAME: daisy johnson

ALIAS: quake

AGE: thirty-two

DATE OF BIRTH: july 2nd, 1983

ALSO KNOWN AS: skye, tremors, mary sue poots, sweaty cosplay girl, destroyer of worlds

IDENTITY: public

CURRENT TEAM(S): ultimates, secret warriors

OTHER AFFILIATIONS: S.W.O.R.D, S.H.I.E.L.D, rising tide

MULTIVERSE ORIGIN: earth-199999

SNAP STATUS: not snapped

HOMETOWN: san diego, california

CURRENT RESIDENCE: wherever the job takes her

CURRENT OCCUPATION: agent/hero

PAST OCCUPATION(S): hacker 

GENDER IDENTITY: cisgender

SEXUALITY: pansexual

NATIONALITY: american

ETHNICITY: chinese-american

► APPEARANCE

FACE CLAIM: chloe bennet

HEIGHT: 5’6

HAIR COLOR: blonde with purple streaks underneath

EYE COLOR: brown

ACCENT: just plain ol’ american

SCARS: she has bullet wound scars on her side, shoulder, and leg as well as a faint scar on her cheek from reopening a wound there several times during fights

TATTOOS: none

RECOGNIZABLE FEATURES: the purple hair and gauntlets she sports with her uniform

►BACKGROUND

FINANCIAL STATUS: she’s pretty well off thanks to S.H.I.E.L.D., and even still sends lincoln’s sister a portion of her paycheck every two weeks

EDUCATION LEVEL: high school dropout, no GED. but she learned everything she knows about computers from being in the Rising Tide. 

SPOKEN LANGUAGE(S): english, mandarin (she was inspired to learn it after meeting her mom), bits and pieces of random languages cause spy stuff

RELIGION: atheist 

CONVICTION(S): nothing she’s been caught for 

►RELATIONS

FATHER: calvin johnson (mr. hyde)

MOTHER:  jaiying johnson

SIBLING(S): kora johnson

CHILDREN: n/a

EXTENDED FAMILY: her entire S.H.I.E.L.D. team

BEST FRIEND: jemma simmons

ADVERSARY: nathaniel mallick / all of hydra lol

PARTNER(S): alfonso mackenzie, phil coulson, leopald fitz, jemma simmons, bobbi morse

►EXTRA INFORMATION

HOROSCOPE: cancer

JUNG TYPE: ISTP

ENNEAGRAM: type 8

MORAL ALIGNMENT: chaotic good

VICE: wrath/anger. daisy finds it pretty hard to control her temper when it comes down to it.

VIRTUE: diligence

►PERSONALITY 

POSITIVE TRAITS: perceptive, dependable, honest, passionate, caring

NEGATIVE TRAITS: blunt, impulsive, reactionary, hard-headed

 ►  THEME SONG

https://youtu.be/iMgTVB3HF8k

►HEADCANONS/FUN FACTS

as the show mentions, daisy used to cosplay in front of stark tower and I’ve always had the head canon that she’d cosplay as thor bc that’s hilarious

she’s got a pretty bad fear of nuns from being at st. agnes orphanage for so long, and hella trust issues because she ended up aging out of foster care instead of finding a family

she’s a pretty infamous hacker after leaking some classified project pegasus files, and still has a few connects to the rising tide

►ABILITIES / SKILLS / POWERS

vibration manipulation, vibrational absorption, disintegration, force-field generation, concussive blasts, hacking skills, pickpocketing, expert marksmanship, tactical awareness, expert fighting ability

►WANTED CONNECTIONS

(!!) nick fury: I really want to toy with adding some of daisy’s comic origins into my writing, so I would love a fury to come and be her mentor post-coulson

alfonso mackenzie: having her director and partner here would be so cool

kora johnson: the show only really gave these two a few episodes, so it’d be really fun to be able to write out their relationship and develop them!

phil coulson (lmd): another relationship I’d love to explore since this technically isn’t the real coulson

[mego42]

I 100% agree about wanting more fanfic lists! I honestly think it's the best way to get a variety. Everybody has personal preferences, if someone, who mostly reads long, fluffy au Brio fic, is making recs, they're not likely to mention short, angsty, canon Brio (which is understandable and fair!) so ideally someone else, who does like those, would also do recs. I'm pretty sure I've read or at least tried the vast majority of Brio fics, but the recs often make me re-read the fic and author.

YAAASSSS!!! I mean like, okay, I v much get why people have issues with rec lists, and I def do not by any stretch endorse the idea that recs/rec lists should be considered anything other than one person sharing a think they liked, but to me a lot of the issues (the same fics/authors getting recced, feeling like awesome fics/authors are going unrecognized) can be solved by more reccing, not less. everyone’s got different taste and different stuff they look/read for and I am extremely pro sharing that.

Idk, I think about it like this: in a previous internet life I was a YA book blogger and I lived and died by recs from other bloggers whose taste and preferences I knew. I mean, you know, I’d check out a book bc the premise sounded interesting but literally the first thing I would do was go to Goodreads and look for a handful of people who tended to like the same books I did and see what they were saying about it bc that was the best way to get a good idea of if I wanted to give it a shot. Or, on the flip side, there were some people whose reviews I followed bc I knew we v much did not read for the same things so if they hated a book for X, Y and Z reasons, I was probs going to like it (one thing about book blogging is if you want to keep current, you do not have a lot of time to mess around, snap judgements are key but that’s a whole other thing and idk if it’s even relevant anymore bc that landscape has changed so much). 

ANYWAY, the point is, I got in the habit and now I do the same thing with fic bc, tbh, I don’t have a ton of time to read, esp not when I’m actively writing which, with the exception of the last week or two, I’ve been doing p non-stop since I got here. All of which to say is, I am desperately in favor of fic recs for purely selfish reasons, I need them! Give them to me!!! Please!!!!!

That said, I uh, am v bad at returning the favor and I recognize that (I think I’ve made what? two rec lists for this fandom?) so I will try to do better to live by my own, idek what this is, moving on and here are 10 recs not really thematically linked by anything other than I’ve read them and loved them and don’t think I’ve put any of them on one of my rec lists yet (and if I have, my blog is a trainwreck I cannot be expected to remember what’s on it LET ME LIVE):

The Goodest Boy by EnsignDisaster

There’s a key turning in the lock and Buddy rushes over to greet his Master excited for her to meet his new friends. The door opens and he dances around Master’s feet rejoicing on the fact that she’s made it home. It's been literally forever.

“Hey Buddy what’s wrong? Need to go potty? Need to pee-pee?”

“Nah he’s good we took him out.”

Master does something very unMasterlike, she drops all the food she’d brought in on the ground and screams. It’s a non traditional avant garde type of hello…Buddy loves it. Mostly because while Master taps furiously on her small light box and sits tense in the corner opposite his new friend Buddy can lick up the egg smashed on the hardwood floor.

Buddy! The! Dog! POV! no further explanation necessary. Technically WIP, but it covers the whole pilot in a way that could be read as standalone (THOUGH THAT WOULD V MUCH GIVE ME A SAD though, when did the show forget the Bolands had a dog? so maybe that’s a tragic casualty of canon, idk)

May The Moon’s Silvery Beams by @pynkhues

Emma hums in agreement, and Rio turns her around to sit her on the counter, grabbing one of the older looking boxes of muesli while she kicks her legs out, heels bumping back against the counter, watching him. He gropes around the inside of the box, finally just opting to pull the plastic cereal bag out and peering inside. He can’t quite keep the grin off his face when he sees the wad of cash lining the bottom. This woman kills him, she really does.

Then there’s a little face peering up beside him, trying to peek into the box.

“What is it?” she asks, and he tilts the box sideways so she can see inside.

The upside to not getting here until s3 is that old fic is new to me! Huzzah!! Idk how many of y’all have already read this on but if you haven’t I highkey recommend. Extremely cute take on what if Emma woke up when Rio and came by to collect his/Beth’s/whoever's money during the shutdown. Cannot believe I’m reccing kidfic. Witchcraft!!!!!!

Maybe You’re My Fantasy by ohmisterjapan

He fucking loves the involuntary. It speaks to how he likes to unlock chaos and walk away. He's been called a control freak before and it felt like such a misunderstanding of him - he's all about self control but he doesn't want to control others. It's more that he enjoys revealing to them how little they can control themselves. It's more that he likes to stand still in the eye of someone else's storm and pick coldly through the wreckage.

Another oldie but a goodie. This fic is more like an extended character study (first chapter Rio POV, second chapter Beth) and I LIVE FOR THIS KIND OF SHIT. I really really really love the take on both characters, it really digs in and pulls out some nuances that made me sit and think about my own read of them and I love it.

A Shock Of Blue by mintletters16

“You don’t look very well. Would you… like me to get you a glass of water or something?”

Her voice is low but smooth, laced with a softness that cuts straight though to his core. Strawberry blonde locks fall gently just above the pair of magnets freezing him in place.

He can still feel the chaos tearing through his veins - emanating from the gold plated gun stuffed in his waistband - and suddenly he can’t be here anymore. Can’t meet this wide-eyed gaze that’s been locked on his for the past God-knows-how-long anymore.

Can’t see blue alive and concerned when he just left it cold and void somewhere in oblivion.

She’s looking at him like he’s on the brink of madness. He thinks maybe he is.

Apparently, it’s backlist rec day over here and I’m not sorry. This one is another technical WIP but the chapter works as a standalone (BUT if the author decided to return to it I WOULD NOT BE MAD). It’s a what if Beth and Rio met pre-canon and it works so!!! well!!!! The tension and fascination and build are all *chef’s kiss* plus the writing is gorgeous and lyrical and ugh, I love it.

for a moment we were strangers by openhearts

“We got stuff,” Rio motions with a nod to the backpack Beth hadn’t noticed when they arrived hanging on the back of one of the chairs at the island.

She swallows and turns back to the dishes, realizing Rio apparently means to sleep there , assuming the place isn’t bugged.  Or for some kind of cover story if it is.  She turns and fixes Rio with a narrow-eyed stare, studying his face, the corner of his jaw especially prominent from the angle she’s looking up at him.  He’s methodical about drying each dish and setting it back on the rack, maddeningly ignoring her hard stare, so when he goes to take the next plate from her hands she grips it tightly and gets his attention.

“Hey.”

“What you on about now?” he asks, irritated.

It gets her gut uneasy, how he’s just . . . there, settling in, in ways he never had before, no matter how nonchalantly he would let himself in through her locked doors.  

“This is,” Beth tries, failing, to find words for it, “. . . it’s weird .”

This one takes place post 204 and Rio and Marcus end up spending a long weekend staying with Beth and Emma for reasons (that work, for the record, I’m just not trying to summarize rn) and it’s domestic and cute but honestly my fav part of it is how weirded out Beth is by how easily they slip into sync. The story does an excellent job balancing where they are in canon (uneasy post-sex truce) with a snapshot of what they could be if they got over themselves (HA! as if) and Beth is DEEPLY FREAKED which makes her slow slide into realizing she could maybe sort of kind of oh shit like it/him??? that much more satisfying.

Not So Careful by @bensonstablers

When he doesn’t answer, her eyes go to his but he’s too busy watching the letter opener which is still pressed against the back of his hand. Curiously, Beth runs it up his arm, careful not to press too hard, and smiles a little as he shivers. Pulling her leg up onto the bed, she shuffles closer to him before pressing the tip of the sword to his chest and slowly circling his left nipple with it, being sure not to get too close.

“You ain’t gotta be that careful.”

And when she lifts her eyes to meet his, he’s got that look. The one that always makes a lump form in her throat and for her to fall back into bed with him without a single thought of what they have to do that day. Only thing is, this time they’ve got nothing to do for the rest of the weekend and well, staying in bed the entire time had seemed like an appealing idea so she allows herself to give in a little to that look.

It makes me EXTREMELY SAD that knifeplay ranked so low on the kink survey so I’m gonna need y’all to check out this V V V EXCELLENT example of it and come back and tell me you’re sorry and you voted wrong. I am v reasonable what are you talking about.

love (where it wasn’t supposed to be) by @lilliloves

"You know what I can't stand?" Rio asks, stepping closer. It's a rhetorical question but he pauses for a second and watches Dean sniff, watches a bead of sweat trickle down his forehead, watches him shift on both his feet as he contemplates making a run for it.

"A guy who don’t realize how good he's got it." Rio continues, looking Dean up and down in disgust. "A guy that will literally fuck up a good thing just to get his dick wet."

"Yeah, well I can't stand a guy who can have anyone he wants but chooses the married woman he's not entitled to.” Dean shoots back. "And I really can't stand the fact that you're always in the room with us even when you aren't there."

And who brings him into the room Dean hmmmmm????? Jk, jk (or am I). In this one Rio catches Dean out on the town with another woman (bc of course he is) and tries to call him out but whoops! gets called out himself. I really love the like, idk, undercurrent of wistful regret in this fic. I love Dean straight up calling Rio out on his feelings (spoilers but there’s an exchange right after this one that made me straight up holler), and, you know, obvs I am here for Rio making Dean feel like an ass. 

Hell Is Other People by makemanybraver

Rio: We're in Hell, Elizabeth! If you don't think you belong here, then repent! Don't fuck everyone in the room in hopes that you get to go out!

Beth: Why do I have to repent?!

Rio: Because you did some fucked up shit in your life, Elizabeth! You keep doing fucked up shit here, too! And you think you don't belong here!

Beth [screaming at the top of her lungs]: Because I don't!

This fic is existentially bonkers and I love it. It’s the kind of experimental format/homage/what have you kind of thing that I L O V E. Based on No Exit by Jean-Paul Sartre, Beth, Rio, and Fitzpatrick are stuck together in a room in hell for all eternity. What more do you need, honestly.

Working On Things by odenkirk

Unknown Hold up, Elizabeth. I'm really thinkin about you here.

Beth turned her face into the pillow, effectively suffocating herself for a moment, but thinking it was a good trade off for the way the cool silk of her pillowcase chilled her skin.

She lifted her head to glance at the still sleeping Dean before replying.

Beth I'm thinking about you too. But this can't happen.

She wanted him to know she wanted him, but she also thought that admitting she was already there would save Rio from trying to convince her. She wanted him, but morals had to win just once in a while.

YES this is technically Beth/Dean while also being Beth/Rio BUT it’s also sort of Rio/Dean and I am HERE FOR THE DIVERSITY OF SHIPPING leave me alone who asked you.

Five Times He Knew What She Was Thinking, and One Time He Didn't by JoeyLee

Aight, so tell ‘em I was hittin’ it. Said deliberately blunt, eyes locked on her face the whole time, just to see those blue eyes widen. She looked so shocked that he almost laughed, so he softened it teasingly just to keep her going. Oh, I’m sorry, sweetheart, tell ‘em we were makin’ love.

Then he just watched her, just watched her face, just fucking fascinated. Her lips were parted and her eyes were big as saucers, and…there it was. Before she could look away flustered, he watched the thought go through her mind. Him and her together.

He wondered what she was picturing or where. Them in the back seat, her bed, a motel?  Her on top or him from behind or his face between her legs?

Whatever it was, the blush started immediately, and he watched it bloom out from her cheeks to her hair. Then she was tearing her eyes away to gulp a little.  But it didn’t knock her down for long before she was looking back. And then, wait, was she actually asking him how to go about telling a fed they were fucking?

Okay this is another technical WIP but works as a standalone. I am absolutely fucking feral for character POV takes of canon scenes and this is a supremely excellent take on Rio POV of some notable scenes from the pilot through 204. Imo it brilliantly captures Rio’s voice and I love it a lot. 

HEADS UP I am absolute shite at tracking ao3 to tumblr unless people have specifically told me someone’s ao3/tumblr name SO if you recognize any of the non-tumblr authors on please lmk so I can tag them and YES I recognize that I am asking y’all to do things for me throughout this entire post and I’M SORRY OKAY I’M A WHOLE ASS MESS LOVE YOU BYE

[socialistsooner420]

ok i gotta slow down

i accidentally overmedicated myself with my focalin. not too much, dont worry, im not even prescribed a proper amount for an adult (which is a whole other can of worms i'll get into) and i only took one extra. ive done way more uppers than this, ill be ok i just need to do a little ramble here so i can slow down and vent

i took an extra bc i panicked and just felt overwhelmed by the amount of chores n shit i needed to catch up on from not having meds the past two weeks and living in a literal garbage pile

my psych wont up my dosage because she thinks its illegal?? but like... im on the lowest dosage possible, twice a day, instant release. i've been on it for over a year, and she can absolutely up the dosage. i used to have extended release prescription (god i miss those so much but i couldnt afford $165 a month plus my other meds ugh) and just one was 2 times stronger than the current dosage of my instant releases. so?????? why the fuck

all yall ppl who say "be honest with yr psychs!!!!" hahahahahaahaahaha they lie to me why tf would i be honest to them? especially when in the times i have been "honest" its actively harmed my treatment

like, do yall not understand how hard it is to get medication when your doctor doesnt even believe in the specific illness affecting you??

ive literally been told to "pray the anxiety away". i left that doc after one appointment. but thats just a PRIME example of why being "honest" just dont work here

ive been misdiagnosed and mismedicated all while my doctors just wouldn't listen to what the fuck i was saying and that i was dealing with and wanted to just use the "textbook conditions". and agoraphobia isn't well researched, because, well..... thats pretty much our biggest fear. being observed. being open with strangers. so its not really a "textbook condition".

its a complex issue that is different in every agor because it's usually induced by individual trauma, and its not a "societal/behavioral" illness and therefore not really something to "fix" with just meds. meds absolutely help. but since its not a "behavioral" illness, its not "as urgent of an illness" and i need to focus on my "REAL PROBLEMS" of anxiety and depression

which?????? what the fuck does "behavioral" even MEAN???? agoraphobia absolutely is behavioral, i cant fucking leave my house by myself, and BARELY with trusted people since ive regressed so bad due to covid panic. it effects my daily life and my "real issues" of anxiety and depression are actually fucking SYMPTOMS OF AGORAPHOBIA.

i will give credit where credit is due, but doctors (esp psychs) are NOT magical gods of medical knowledge that people hold them to be. living with a nurse ive learned that doctors are actually pretty fucking dumb and that they're really just "management/public relations" in hospitals. ive had a lot of bad experiences with doctors. so no i do not just trust them and tell them everything, they've probed to me countless times that they're not listening anyway.

and the reason why i put quotes around "honest" is because im not lying to them, but

idk how y'all's psych appointments go, but mine are literally just this conversation

"hi! how are you doing today?"

eh. im surviving haha

"hahaha yeah we all are. any panic attacks?"

ohhhh yeah hahahaha. plenty.

"oh! okay well lets move on, how is your add?"

i cant really focus on anything for more than like an hour but... at least i get that hour?

"well ya gotta just take the time ya got to do what ya need! how about the depression?"

well, i can barely leave my bedroom, which is covered in garbage because i cant go outside to take them to the trash and thats pretty depressing

"hahaha awww, im sorry to hear that. well, im sending your prescriptions to the pharmacy, see ya next month!"

i dont even have an opportunity to be honest. its so fast.

i dont want to have to find a new doctor because ive literally had to fight tooth and nail to find someone who would prescribe me anything that can actually HELP me, aka my vallium, which is a hell of a lot more difficult to get than any other fucking benzo for some reason???? the only others ive been prescribed was xanx, kpins. xanx is nice but its too temporary. its for when you're having an anxiety attack, not for general anxiety like valium is. and kpins?? mannnnnn FUCK KLONOPIN THAT SHIT DID NOTHIN.

idk i guess rant over for now thanks for not reading this long dumb post where i cry about not being properly medicated and being actively neglected & abused by doctors who literally don't believe in agoraphobia & refuse to acknowledge its existence or the consequences it has on both my mental state and my physical state.