#this page was a whole lotta lazy man

[fi2ishdobehere]

i am BACK ON TRACK!!!! (with an au naem)

the au is now called.............................

'gunpowder snow' (its very stupid i have been sleep deprived)

also arti maek sillie face :>

(HINT FOR FUTURE: THE CYAN IS A BIG PART OF THE PLOT)

yall can guess what for :>

[tommyhollandaisesauce]

Let Me Do The Work TEASER [t.h.]

MASTERLIST

Pairing: Tom Holland x Fem!Reader

Word Count: ?k

Posted: 11/16/2020

Warning(s): Fluff, smut, unprotected sex (wrap it up kids), oral sex (f receiving), maybe too much plot? and definitely a whole lotta lazy sex sue me.

Summary: Tom thinks you deserve a reward after a hard few days at work.

A/N: First smut in the bag lets go. Also, the point of view makes no sense but continuity is not in my vocabulary so. Anyway, the full part is almost finished so lmk how you guys like this!

When Tom got home on Wednesday night the last thing he expected his girlfriend to say was “Wanna have sex?” He had asked a few times before if you could and your response was usually something to the effect of “Sorry babe, another time, I’m just exhausted.” He knew your job was taxing and took a lot out of you and, frankly, Tom could survive the work week without getting any. He also knew that once Friday night rolled around it was all systems go; the weekend was yours to fool around as much as you wanted. And he was willing to wait.

Asking never hurt, though. Tom wasn’t annoying about it, at least he hoped he wasn’t. And for all the times you’d asked to have sex after he had a particularly exhausting day on set and he agreed, he didn’t feel super guilty about asking now and then.

It was unusual that Tom would be so exhausted from working that he didn't have any energy left to have sex. There had been some rare days when Tom could barely keep his eyes open even though you were right there, naked and sweaty, and riding his cock right on the living room couch. Your hands would be resting on his broad shoulders, your fingers digging into the muscles beneath his freckled skin as you bounced on his cock and his hands could barely stay put on your waist or hips to help you move. Sure, he liked watching you rise and fall on his lap and he liked seeing himself disappear inside of you and he liked the way your tits bounced with every movement and he liked watching your face. God, he loved your gorgeous face.

Your eyes would flutter open and closed the closer you got and you’d look at him with your big, beautiful eyes that were dark and lust blown and your jaw would go slack and you’d throw your head back in pleasure. Your movements would get sloppier as you’d start shaking and convulsing while you came. His arms would lazily wrap around your waist to pull you closer and you’d nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck, breathing hard against his skin as you came down from your high. But Tom couldn’t find it in himself to even worry about his own orgasm, he just wanted to sleep.

So when he came home to your shared flat around 7 pm from walking Tessa on a particularly boring Wednesday, now that he had a break, and saw you lying on the couch with a glass of red wine in one hand and your other arm thrown over your eyes, he figured it was pointless to ask. You had gotten home sometime while he was out, didn’t bother changing out of your blouse and jeans just yet, popped a bottle open, and poured yourself a glass.

Tom unclipped the leash from Tessa’s collar, allowing her to run free around the flat. Immediately, she trotted over to you, nuzzling your legs with her nose until you caved and gave her a few scratches behind her ears. Tom slipped off his sneakers, padding over to you, causing Tessa to run off in search of her favorite toy. The couch sank under his weight as he sat down next to your head, your eyebrows raised at the shift.

“Hey, stranger,” you muttered, removing your arm from covering your half-lidded eyes. Your eyes sparkled in the dim living room lighting as you looked up at Tom. He couldn’t remember a single time they looked dull. Not during a fight, or when you were sad or tired or sick, never. They reminded him of stars. No matter what, they kept shining.

“Hi love,” Tom leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on your wine-stained lips. The upside-down angle was slightly awkward, but you’d be lying if you said you two hadn’t done the Spider-Man Kiss before, per his request.

You smiled up at him as he pulled away and closed your eyes. Tom threaded his fingers through your messy locks and you relaxed, even more, leaning your head into his hand.

“Long day?” He asked, continuing to run his fingers through your hair.

“Don’t even get me started,” you huffed out, dramatically throwing your arm back over your eyes, which made Tom chuckle at your antics.

“Tell me what happened?” He asked, and as you lowered your arm, you raised a single eyebrow at him.

“You sure?” You asked cautiously, “Because I wouldn’t wish the shit I dealt with today on my worst enemy.”

Tom scoffed, shrugging his shoulders, “Try me.”

You sighed before beginning your story. Today had been insufferable. From the minute you clocked in, to the minute you clocked out, it had been hell. One coworker in particular, with whom you were not super close or friends with in any way, kept nagging you about your relationship like she did every single day.

The incessant questioning and probing was getting old and, quite frankly, rude. The questions started out harmless, like everyone else’s when they found out the Tom Holland was your boyfriend. Some asked for autographs or pictures and you declined, saying that if he ever came in Tom would be more than happy to do that. And Tom agreed; you playing messenger was weird and not the type of thing either of you wanted people to get accustomed to. And most people understood; except for one.

The more she asked the worse they got. Personal questions were the norm now. Questions about family members and life together and sex. God, the sex questions never ended. ‘Is it good?’ and ‘What are you guys into?’ were some of her favorites. Sometimes she’d get creative with them and switch them up. And every time, you refused to answer. And you relayed this information to Tom like you did most days, and he rolled his eyes in annoyance at her ignorance before leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to your forehead when he saw you were getting riled up.

You softened immediately and sighed. Tom had a calming effect on you. Just being around him was relaxing. After so long together he still could calm you down. And he was cheaper than your copay for therapy, so hey why not vent to him?

“Just forget about her for now, babe,” Tom sighed out, continuing to stroke your hair, “she’s not worth your energy.”

“You're right,” you said quietly, “I’m home, I got my wine, I got my boy, I can relax.”

“Exactly,” Tom said, laughing at your words. He didn’t feel the need to say anything else as you both relaxed, his fingers still threaded in your hair, until a few more minutes went by, your eyes opened, and you turned your head to make sure you were setting down your not yet empty glass on the coffee table.

A soft “hey” escaped Tom’s lips as he watched you use your arms to lean up and turn to face him. He would’ve spoken more but was cut off as your lips pressed to his, the kiss awkward since you had caught him as he was speaking. His lips were slightly chapped and he tasted like spearmint gum as you hovered over him and moved your lips against his.

Tom sighed into the kiss, bringing one hand up to cup your cheek. You clumsily clambered into Tom’s sweatpants clad lap to straddle him and his other hand sat high on your thigh. The kiss was slow and passionate, neither of you in a rush to go further just yet. You melted into the kiss as his tongue slid along your lower lip to ask for permission to enter. You parted your lips immediately, allowing Tom access. After a few moments of lazily making out like teenagers, you pulled away to catch your breath. You closed your eyes, leaning your forehead against Tom’s as you both panted, trying to catch your breath.

“Can we go to our room?” You mumbled, just loud enough for Tom to hear. Your voice was low, soft, and a little shaky from being so tired. His eyes opened at your words and his ears perked up. Tom pulled his head away from yours and your eyes returned to their half-open state.

“I thought you were tired?” He questioned teasingly, tucking some strands of hair behind both your ears and resting his hands on your cheeks. You reached up and wrapped your fingers around Tom’s wrists, smiling sweetly at him. He was sure his heart damn near melted in his chest at the sight of his sleepy girlfriend asking to have sex with him.

“I am,” you said softly, smirking as Tom ran his hands down your sides and settled over your hips, “why do you think I wanna go to our room?” You joked, wrapping your arms loosely around his neck and ducking your head down to place soft kisses along the side of it. He sighed, tilting his head in the opposite direction to give you more room as your fingers carded through the short, soft curls at the back of his head.

“You sure?” Tom asked breathily, as you continued laying kisses across his jaw and below his ear, “Because I don’t want you to do it just because I want to-”

“Tom,” you huffed, pulling away from his neck, your hands migrating to rest on his shoulders. He straightened up and opened his eyes as the feeling of your soft lips disappeared from his neck. “I’m sure. Now shut up and take me to the bedroom.”

-

FULL PART

A/N: AAAHHHH ok I mean I definitely put words on the page lol. Fr tho this is the first time I’ve ever posted anything so lmk if y’all want the rest! Feedback is always appreciated! <3

[moonamite]

a any metadede/darkgoon headcannons? 👉👈

A-an ask.... From DAS,,,, THE das,,, -DMK's fur is thicker than MK's, so he sheds more. Sticky things and furry things don't go well together, so Goonie ends up covered in fur to the point that it looks like he's growing hair. -Goonie has, multiple times, fixed up DMK's cape. But even if he tries to be careful with it, it always ends up ripped in about 2 days. -DMK is afraid of water and hates being wet. This fearsome warrior can be easily taken down with a water gun. The only way to get him to take a bath is if Goonie goes in with him. -Ever wondered why DMK's wings are tattered? A fight, maybe? Nope, he just has a bad habit of picking at his wings when nervous. Goonie is trying to help him so that he doesn't end up flightless. -DMK likes to sit on top of Goonie's shell. -Whenever MK and DMK look like they're about to fight, Dedede and Goonie step in and pick up their orbs like cats. -DMK wasn't into coffee, and still isn't. Until Goonie made some for him one time. Now he's into it, but only when Goonie makes it for him. -DMK also wasn't into plants, like, at all. Then he'd listen to Goonie infodump about plants when he was on the other side of the mirror. Now, sometimes a random plant fact will cross his mind, and he'll pause and be like "Wait, where did I learn that?" And remember Goonie telling him about it back when they hadn't met in person. -DMK always listens if Goonie is talking, no matter how boring the topic may seem. Mostly because he thinks he has a nice voice and is pleasant to listen to. -SDDD never let DMK socialize or do much of anything, so he has little to no social skills, but a whole lotta social anxiety. He gets anxious in large crowds or in any social situations. There were books back at the mirror castle about that kind of stuff, but they could never hold his attention for more than 2 pages before he'd get bored and start skipping through the whole thing. The only somewhat social thing he knows how to do is insult people. -Whenever Dedede throws a party, Goonie lets DMK stay in his room and wait it out, occasionally going up to check on him or bring him food. -The only thing DMK and MK can agree on is that big soft boys are the best. Then they'll argue about which of the 2 big soft boys (That being Dedede and Goonie) is better. -Goonie may be undeniably baby, but he absolutely can make DMK melt by saying sweet things and/or flirting like "I know all 21 letters of the alphabet... oh wait, I forgot- U R A Q T!" "a-aa,,," -Goonie's been helping DMK get used to Dreamland life, first showing him around and whatnot. He then tries to help DMK socialize with the locals, but he never forces him to if it makes him uncomfortable. Even if he just manages to do something as small as ordering food, you can bet this snail is proud of his tiny man. -Whereas MK hates laziness and is always busy, DMK is perfectly content to do nothing all day. Does he spend all day lying in bed? No, he spends all day lying on his snail's shell, going wherever the Goonie takes him.

[whole-lotta-hoes]

Whole Lotta Hoes| Crack Fanfic Mini Series

Episode One: Zeppelin Is No More

Episode Two: Looking For A Job

Episode Three:

Episode Four:

Episode Five:

Warning:

This will cause you to lose a couple of brain cells and question your sanity. It will include a shit ton of weird shit and things that don't make sense at all. Do not read if you are not ready for any of this, read at your own risk.

Cast:

John Paul Jones (Main character)

Robert Plant

Jimmy Page

John Bonham

-------------------

Led Zeppelin is a band apparently. It's just a bunch of horny mother fuckers put together to make songs about sex. John Paul Jones was laying in bed with Robert Plant which he has no idea how that happened. He hoped nothing weird went down between them cause Jimmy Page would be so mad. oh jesus oh god you do not want to make that mother fucker mad. He'll literally turn you into a cheeseball and eat you. John got out of bed only to see that John Bonham was standing in the corner eating swedish fish gummies. He was not going to question it.

"Want some?" Bonzo asked him and he held one in his hand.

"I don't know you what the fuck!?" Jonesy yelled. He went to the baffroom and spotted jimmy trying to swim inside of the toilet. He believed he could do it if he tried hard enough.

"the oil supply demand is sky rocketing these days!" jimmy yelled as he got out of the toilet.

"Bitch do not touch me with your boo boo water," He warned him as he grabbed a toothbrush to use as a weapon. He learned how to make a knife with it in jail.

"Penis guitar playing is totes fun jonesy, you should try it," jimmie added. Oh mother fucker he is a heterosexual lad. Or that is what he said the other day when he ate some of robert's caramel popcorn. man he wondered how he even ended up in that stupid band. who's led and why does he have a zeppelin? you know some guy named their kid zeppelin but he claims that he didn't name him after the band. wait what were we talking about?

The band all decided to head to mcdonalds to eat happy meals. jimmy tickles.

"Guys! oh my god you will not believe it but britney is such a slut! ugh! can't believe she left me for a fish lookin' mother fucker-"

"No one gives a rats ass about your weird horny ass!" jimmy cut him off by yelling at robert. God damn that shithead has a huge ego but a small dick. Jonesy never understood why people liked him so much. He once stole his favorite pair of jojo siwa socks and claimed he never knew he owned any.

"You motherfuckers we're supposed to be going on tour!" Bonzo yelled as he swooped the food off the table.

"suck my asshole bonzo!" jim yelled.

"calm down pagey, he's just a meanie," robert added as he patted his head.

"y'all need to start realizing that no one likes you both!" jonesy snapped.

"shut up you're literally ugly and small and the bassist of led zeppelin and you look like heman with that stupid haircut of yours" Bonzo said as he ate jonesys burgers. damn that hurt.

"You know," jonesy began, "i don't need this job"

"what job?" robeet askes.

"shhhhh let the weirdo speak," jimmy said as he stuck his finger into his mouth.

"without me you will all suck asshole and no one will actually like led zeppelin," he explained.

the three slowly looked at each other and began to laugh their asses off at him.

"You act like you matter so much," robert added.

"shut up cheese cream! you're literally big and ugly and you look like you are 50 years old!" bonzo said as he drank his milk. that was funny. Jonesy felt his blood boil and grabbed his happy meal and stormed out.

-

It was the day of their shit concert. led zeppelin were backstage preparing to cause a dismother and set things on fire. preferably roberts underwear that pretty much doesn't exist in this case. the band stepped on stage and the crowd went wild.

"hello bananas-" That motherfucker fell forward into the drum set. oopsies. jimmy ran to him to make sure his hoe isn't dead or alive. fucking bon jovi.

"oh shit! robert plant is down!" he yelled. jonesy was absolutely done with them. they are nothing but a bunch of dumb fucks who ruin everything. He took out his laser penis and shot jimmy and robert to death.

"oh Motherfucker has a fucking laser pp! hija de su pinche madre!" jimmy yelled as he split in half. robert died again. bonzo just sat there blown away by the fact that that john paul jones just killed the front man and the guitarist of Led Zeppelin in front of millions of people. he was impressed.

"holy shit man you really-"

nope sorry but jonesy shot him too so he died. damn he could've let him live. meanie. oh wait im writing this so i could've.... ah man im too lazy to go back and fix it. too bad we're going with this plot now. Jonesy stepped off the stage and headed to the back.

"god dammit i hate everyone in this bloody world," he said to himself. he decided to hit the pub that was nearby to enjoy himself.

As he was sitting at the counter drinking something that is an alcoholic beverage. he began to spark ideas of what he could possibly do since led zeppelin died. He thought about starting a whole new band but he remembered that what caused him to kill led zeppelin. that was out of the shopping list for walmart. next was to steal money from the bank so he remains rich but he then realized that he is a famous musician and will get recognized quickly. fuck. he then thought of changing his hair to look less like heman cause that insult hurt.

"aha!" he shouted. He finally thought of something that could get him a shit ton of money. He drank the remaining drink from his cup and ran out of the pub.

-

he put on a thicc line of eyeliner, red lipstick, a black wig, fish nets leggings, high heeled boots, and earrings. oh man this is going to be hella great. His wife walked in to see what the fuck this small ass mothertrucker was up to this time. oh man i shat my pants.

"sweetie what the fuck are you doing!?" she yelled. Jonesy turned to look at her.

"led zeppelin is no more," he responded. She was so confused and wondered how the fuck she even ended up marrying heman. she had no idea what led zeppelin is no more meant and was hella concerned for his health.

"be back in a few days," he added as he broke his ankle trying to exit the house and rolled down the hill. oops it's not up the hill anymore. guess you could really say he went down hill. i hate myself so much. he walked down the sidewalk and ended up in someone's house. Motherfucker it's jimmy page's house. he stole his nice trousers or whatever those were. my teacher walked by as i wrote that btw. turns out they don't fit him cause jimmy is also a big hoe and jonesy isn't. shit. jimmy is embarrassing asf. that was pointless of him stealing so he stole his underwear. wait he wears those? imma look it up hold on. i didn't find anything about that so im just going to assume that he doesnt.

there was a picture of jimmy when he was with the yardbirbs and golly that is one ugly Motherfucker! he stole and stuffed it into his underwear. he got out of the house full of useless shit that he did not need at all. Then he forgot what he was doing. Jonesy continued walking down the street only to break his other ankle and rolled down the steep pathway. damn he's one dumb hoe bitch.

-

His laser penis was out of control. he just wanted to have a little me time but instead shot a whole through the wall of the motel be was staying in. god dammit. he removed his pp and switched it out with a normal pp. that's odd. his plan of overthrowing led zeppelin stressed him out. what else do you do when you're stressed? well can't say cause i ain't gotta peener. he got so bored. his days of not being in led zeppelin have been lame and was the worst idea he could even come up with. he didn't know what to do know. he can't just eat your grandma over and over again. he looked at himself through the mirror and oh my god I'm a sexy Motherfucker oh yeah bitch im THE BITCH. he needed to find something that'll keep him entertained for while.

babysitting was a bad idea. he got bitten by a bunch of goblins and gave him rabies. god i hate kids.

"hello motherfucker," jimmy said.

"OH SWEET MOTHER OF GOD DAD SHOES PENIS PLANT! I THOUGHT I KILLED YOU THE OTHER DAY!" Jonesy yelled as he jumped over the couch.

"Nah bitch that was just my twin brother Jamie Patricia Page," He added. "Bitch why are you dressed like a stripper?"

Oh yeah he forgot that was what he was going to do once he killed led zeppelin. he still can but now there's a little bitch with him named james patrick page.

"we should kill robert plant," jimny suggested.

"Bitch i already killed him, you're a little too late you duck whore," he responded.

turns out he didn't actually kill led zeppelin but instead killed their twin brothers.

"You want to overthrow led zeppelin into the trashcan?" Jonesy asked. "Thought that's what you and bert wanted to do...."

"Nah man.... percy is a very stupid penguin and is meanie.... he stole my jojo siwa socks," jimmy explained.

ah damn turns out robert plant is the villain of the story and should be died. he is too powerful. his hair will slice the fuck out of anyone.

"You got a plan?" Jonesy asked.

"i say we steal his pants and burn them and use them as an alternative to oil," he explained. damn science class. then this guy named bonzo showed up and began to beat them with his drum sticks.

"BONZO CALM THE FUCK DOWN! AHHHHHHHHH!!!" james yelled.

"sorry but robert said to beat you both with them!" bonzo yelled back.

jonesy dug through his pants and took out a bunch of swedish fish gummies.

"hey look! fish gummies! come and get it boy!"

"bitch what the fuck I am not some stupid dog for you to be doing that time of shit you small Motherfucker heman lookin hoe short shit," bonzo said.

"GIMME GIMME OH SHIT!" he attacked Jonesy.

jimmy page the god of led zeppelin stood there watching while cheering them on fight fight fight! it got in here so he removed his trousers and threw them at bonzo which ended up knocking him out.

"oh shit! your pants are powerful! we can use it to kill percy!" Jonesy shouted.

"NO! JIMBERT MUST GO CANON!" Jimmy yelled and jumped out the window. all you heard was splash. that motherfucker jumped into the pool and is now wet. that's a disturbing image. Jonesy rolled his eyes and went back to doing whatever the fuck he was doing. it all of a sudden got really bright outside. oh the sun came out cause it was cloudy. but wait! Jonesy looked out the window and spotted robert plant heading towards him.

"IM THE GOLDEN GOD-" that motherfucker fell inside of the pool and sizzled. cual pinche golden god ese no mas anda haciendo puros desmadres y estupideces de mario.

that was the end of led zeppelin.

[a-panda-reads-act-omega]

ACT OMEGA PART 25

THE 04/07/17 UPDATE

THE DREAM IS NOT DEAD YOUR HOPE IS NOT LOST

IM A FUCKING LAZY PIECE OF SHIT

Hey wow, betcha didn’t think you’d ever see another one of these now didja? You can always count on me to disappear for like 9 days, come back one day and realize i got 10 followers, and fail to deliver promised effort. But hEY look who’s here now for another UPDATE.  Lets just hope I remember at all how to work tumblr.

And also gdi i forgot where we left off im gonna need to reread the last few pages

~one glance at a panel later~

oh y e a h its Aranea. Im gonna try to remain MATURE. PROFESSIONAL. And most of all, CALM. Because I really do like Aranea as a character. I just. Hate the stuffs she does a lotta the time.

Alright, time to hear about whatever Aranea knows. Looks like we’re starting off with a flashback of her getting destructified by the bish fish herself.

ARANEA: As a few of you may know, some time ago I attempted to 8reak free from the shackles of death and o8scurity 8y endeavoring to mold the alpha timeline to my will. The outcome notwithstanding, the crux of the scheme was that I would ensure the universe Lord English was 8orn into was never cre8ed in the first place, and thus completely avert his disastrous influence on all of reality. Of course, my actions would merely have resulted in a doomed timeline, 8ut I was confident in my a8ility to heal my “doomed” 8ranch to the point where it could functionally supercede the alpha timeline.

Y e a h yeah we all know about your fuckup. But actually that is kinda a helpful reminder of how it went down. God, it was so long since I’ve read normal Homestuck.

MEENAH: man this sounds just as nuts as it did last time you were glubbin aboat it MEENAH: smh ARANEA: Meenah! I thought you said there would 8e no interruptions?? ARANEA: I’m HARDLY proud of my conceited maneuver either, 8ut this is important context!

Aranea needs to hit the chill switch j e e z she snapped

MEENAH: yeah yeah sorry ARANEA: Thank you. ARANEA: That 8eing said, I am still fairly confident that the essence of the plan was well-founded. It just so happened my scope of understanding was far too narrow. My priorities were all askew. MEENAH: (no shit)

No shit indeed. A little life lesson; if you are conjuring up a plan that risks destroying the lives of everybody 

[Alright so everything past this lil note here was written on a different day thant the stuffs before it]

ARANEA: Her Imperious Condescension proved far more ten8cious an o8stacle than I had anticip8ed. Despite her many efforts to 8reak free from Lord English’s servitude, her determin8tion to see that universe made has always 8een in line with the preserv8tion of his eventual arrival. And so long as she continues to oper8 in his 8est interests, she will continue to draw considera8le power from her connection with him. A connection only he can sever. 

So I dunno if they’re talking about physical majyyk power or just position power, but if its the former that could explain how she was still alive. So basically my theory now is: The condesce will not die until Lord English is dead, or wants her to die. And depending on which actually happens, she might be a more direct threat than Lord English himself. We’ll see though.

VRISKA: (........) VRISKA: (Shit.)

wait huH WHat. Did Vriska realize she fucked something up, or is that just her reaction to the condesce’s advantages.

ARANEA: With the current st8 of things, it is far more efficient to simply address the pro8lem at its source. Which of course was the purpose of our original plan. Nonetheless, I grew determined to scour the Furthest Ring for more inform8tion on Lord English’s weaknesses. I had a hunch that there was likely much more to the story than I had initially realized. There were a number of differing theories linked to Lord English’s f8. Though each spun a unique tale, there was one central element common to all of them: a weapon. Presuma8ly, the same weapon that the Lord of Time is currently preoccupied with.

Alright, so IF Aranea’s stories are correct, then the house is going to be responsible Lord English’s death.  And about all these stories, I have a feeling all of them are gonna be true one way or another.

LE I think you gotta give it up buddy. I mean what are you even doing.

As a quick aside, in case any of you were wondering: For the moment, English poses very little threat to us. His attention has shifted to matters far more urgent than terrorizing our small gathering. That is to say, he is entirely focused on the weapon.

Yeah no shit. I just think. He should maybe kill you and then get back to that. LIke. Is he an idiot.

The utilities and nature of this weapon are still shrouded in mystery. That alone should have 8een something of a red flag, 8ut I digress. It was said that the Lord of Time once trapped inside it a 8and of heroes who had challenged him, and that they were destined to 8e released from their prison and finish what they started. It was also suggested the weapon was a juju that had 8een in Lord English’s possession, which upon outlasting its use, thereafter functioned purely as the instrument of his demise. Others assumed that was merely a tool meant to unleash some sort of coup de grâce. At another point all signs seemed to indic8 the weapon was in fact a person--the ghost of the Lord’s long dead female counterpart, whom he had killed to assume control of their shared 8ody. The counterpart he would stop at nothing to eradic8 all traces of from existence.

Jesus fucking Christ that’s a lot of possibilities. Alright, so if all of them are correct, that means: The juju is dead!tier calliope. It’s Lord English’s weapon and weakness. There are four heroes inside. And it will also kill him with the final blow. I have no clue how any of that is possible but whatever I’ll take it.

After my thorough investig8tion, I can tell you with confidence that all of these things are true in one way or another. However... we put the pieces of the puzzle together all wrong. We entirely dismissed the tale of the Lost Cheru8 and assumed that the weapon must be the very juju we discovered in the void. We expected it to wipe out Lord English in one fell swoop through some am8iguous onslaught.

OK so what the fuck. The juju ISNT the weapon. well, in that case I’m gonna assume that the weapon is the god tier clock. That’d make sense, I guess. That’s how he killed godtiers, and it will serve to kill him as well. Yeah, that works out. I just don’t know who the four heroes are and how it’s Calliope. Or I’m entirely wrong but come on the god tier clock would just make SO much sense.

LORD ENGLISH FUCKIN’ CHILL. The house ain’t killing you now is it? Just. WALK AROUND AND MURDER THEM. Or don’t cause that’d piss me off.

As you can see, these preconceptions were entirely unsu8stanti8ed. Lord English has 8een weakened, 8ut remains undefeated. However, that does not mean the weapon failed to perform its proper function. The truth of the weapon is as such: It is a juju that once 8elonged to Lord English as a powerful tool that once used, thereafter could only 8e used against him. When English was challenged by a party of valiant and worthy warriors, he resorted to the juju to entrap them and cast them aside. Then he 8anished it to the void in an attempt to prevent it from 8eing found. This was a fools' errand, as we cleverly managed to loc8 the weapon regardless. It unleashed SOMETHING upon him, and now... 8oth remain. It’s likely many of you were aware of this inform8tion already. The rest, while far more enlightening, will 8egin to delve more into the realm of conjecture. 8ut I am confident in my deductions.

Nothing much to say here, that’s basically exactly what I predicted. I guess all I’m still not sure about is what the weapon actually is. 

Aw it got all cleaned up and mosied of to the void.

As far as I can discern, the juju draws its power from a source completely 8eyond our current comprehension. 8eyond Lord English, 8eyond Skaia, and perhaps even 8eyond this plane of existence altogether! Perhaps it even plays an invisi8le role in shaping reality as we know it. Whatever its true n8ture, it seems that Lord English himself also draws some measure of power from that same source. It may very well 8e the origin of his unconditional immortality and of how causality itself appears to 8end to his will. So. What did the juju do? I 8elieve that it severed his connection to that higher plane. And along with the destruction of one of his other power sources--the Green Sun--he has 8een left vulnera8le, unsta8le, and perhaps even finally mortal.

oly shit, does that mean they can just CHARGE on in and whack ‘em up? AND HOLY SHit. IF VRISKA HAD JUST GOTTEN A gOOD ROLL HE’D BE DEAD

AAAAA

a.

RIP. Paradox Space. Forever-Wherever.

Now, I understand that some of you may 8e wholly unaware of the destruction of the Green Sun. It happened only recently, so don't worry. I will be sure to fill you in. I think that the more o8servant of you may have already managed to take a moment to look up at the infinitely-fracturing void that surrounds this 8u88le. If you haven’t, I suggest that you do so now. That “g8ping hole” in the Furthest Ring is what is known as The Pocket. It is the work of the final piece of the puzzle: the Lost Cheru8.

Yeah, Calliope wrecked that green sun. The only disappointing part of this is the possibility of an affect on Jade.

Ohhh that’s cool art. But yeah, what’s deadiope doing now anyways? Is she more dead?

part of me is actually not sure if she was dead to begin with or not. I forget. OOPs.

We were far too quick to dismiss her role in this story, though our h8ste is ultimately inconsequential. She was always 8eyond our grasp, and she would have done her duty just as readily, no matter our thoughts or feelings of her. 

Spellcheck thinks h8ste is a word but not 8eyond. ok. And yeah, in retrospect the  whole hunt for calliope was pretty pointless.

The Lost Cheru8 turned out to 8e another manner of weapon in her own right. She was also far more than that. Her mere existence is something of a miracle. The Muse of Space should have never emerged victorious in the 8attle against her more determined male counterpart. And yet, she defied the odds stacked against her just as deftly as Lord English had. In some lonely offshoot timeline, she asserted her iron will and managed to predomin8 over her 8rother. She played the game that was 8uilt for her to lose, and she made The Choice that her 8rother would never have possi8ly made.

Man MOS Calliope is fuckin badass.

She’s so smol

The Lord of Time, upon meeting with his Denizen, took the path of the Conqueror. The Muse of Space, given a similar opportunity, took the path of the Martyr. And in doing so, she dedic8ed her life, and her su8sequent death, to the Conqueror's destruction.

Man that’s just a pretty sad existence. I mean, YAY you get to be the hero and all. But FUCK you’re gonna die for it? Then what’s the PO I N T

I 8elieve that, on some level, Lord English knew this. His relentless quest to find and destroy her was as much a la8or of self-preserv8tion as it was of h8tred. 8ut this too would lead to his undoing. The Muse used herself as 88, goading him into his misguided ramp8ge across the Furthest Ring while simultaneously forging a path for us to cl8im his long-forgotten juju.

Oh wow. So She kinda knew about the ghost army all along, and was super dedicated to helping them find the juju. She was pulling ALL the fuckin strings here.

And so the Lost Cheru8 w8ed patiently until all the other pieces were in place for her final gam8it. She travelled to the Green Sun to fulfill her destiny as Lord English’s foil.

SHE’S FOILED ALL HIS PLANS.  H A H.

Okay yeah, so she died when destroying the sun i guess.

lil green SWORL.

There, she performed her final act as the Martyr. She cre8ed a singularity which a8sor8ed the incredi8le mass and energy of the Green Sun. The singularity 8ecame so dense and so powerful that it tore a cataclysmic rift into the very fa8ric of paradox space. The Pocket will continue to rip apart and consume reality until nothing is left. And Lord English is no exception.

What does this mean for the kids then? And the new universe.  Are they all temporary due to this fuCKIN HOLE

godDAMMIT

Hey don’t you fucking look cool.  You’re not allowed to look cool.

So you see now, don’t you? Our failure was not in defeating Lord English. It was in stopping the rest of reality as we know it from 8ecoming collateral in his destruction.

I’m a little confused by that, but I’m guessing it means they were supposed to find a way to protect everything from being destroyed. Huh.

ALRIght. Whatever. this was fun. Im SUPER sorry for the delay on this, but hey it was a pretty long update so maybe that makes up for it.

Se  E Y A L A  T  E R A  L L I  G A  T O  R 

[bronovatwelvemore]

Sho Wara

Satoshi Sho Wara (サトシ翔ワーア) is an english singer-songwriter, record producer, multi-instrumentalist, poet and painter under Asylum Records. Dubbed as “The Poet Of Rock And Roll”, he has enjoyed consistent critical and popular success and is widely credited as one of the key artists in the rock genre. Besides music, Sho has released poem books and paintings. He is also one of the only artists of asian ethnicity to win a Grammy Award.

Profile

Full name: Satoshi Sho Wara (サトシ翔ワーア). Stage name: Sho Wara (翔ワーア). Birth date: June 1st 1984 (33). Birth place: London, England. Nationality: English. Zodiac sign: Gemini. Chinese zodiac sign: Wood rat. Height: 1.93cm. Weight: 86kg. Blood type: O. Voice type: Bass. Vocal analysis: A-.

Personality

Positive traits: Adventurous, charming, communicative, creative, dynamic, energetic, enthusiastic, independent, lively, loving, self-confident, sociable, strong sense of teamwork, virtuous, talented, warmhearted and witty. Negative traits: Changeable, competitive, daredevil, flirtatious, foolhardy, greedy, impatient, impulsive, inquisitive, jealous, obsessive, possessive, quick-tempered, resentful, self-indulgent, selfish and unfaithful.

Physical appearance

Dark brown and straight hair. Brown eyes. Tanned skin. Athletic. Dimples. One piercing on the left ear and one piercing on the right ear. Eighteen tattoos.

Vocals

Critic Of Music

Vocal type: Bass. Positives: Robust, clear lower register that is projected well. Bass is achieved with great technique and support down to F#2. A highlight of the voice. Slightly brightening as he ascends, the middle register still maintains ease and displays a warm, masculine tone. Though he gains a slight (pushed) rasp above E4, his voice remains open, projecting well. Well-developed mixed voice, allowing him to access a clean, head-dominant C5 belt. A light, warm falsetto that Sho has no issues staying in for extended periods. This area possesses a soft vibrato and is reached with ease until around Eb5 when he needs more volume to phonate. Solid understanding of musical phrasing, being considerate to the music by changing vocal colors, texture and dynamics. Negatives: The upper extremes of the falsetto are unstable and undeveloped and the chest register thins as he ascends. Though he mixes at the extremes of his chest voice, the rest of the belting range could use a more even mix.

Albums and singles

Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not (2002) I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor When The Sun Goes Down

Favorite Worst Nightmare (2004) Brianstorm Fluorescent Adolescent Teddy Picker

The Things We Do To Find People Who Feel Like Us (2006) Bad Art & Weirdo Ideas Dirty Lights Noisy Heaven

Gumboot Soup and Polygondwanaland (2007) All Is Known Beginner’s Luck Greenhouse Heat Death The Last Oasis

Ok Computer (2010) Airbag Karma Police Lucky No Surprises Paranoid Android Plug In Baby

In Rainbows (2012) All I Need Bodysnatchers House Of Cards Jigsaw Falling Into Place Nude Reckoner

The Underside Of Power (2014) Cleveland The Underside Of Power Walk Like A Panther

Boarding House Reach (2016) Connected By Love Corporation Ice Station Zebra Over And Over And Over Seven Nation Army Supermassive Black Hole

Thin Black Duke (2018) Come As You Are Locked Out Of Heaven Roxanne Smoke On The Water

Science Fiction (2020) Happy Together Hold On We’re Going Home Sex And Candy Time Of The Season

Virtue (2022) ALieNNatioN All Wordz Are Made Up Leave It In My Dreams Pointlessness QYURRYUS

For Nina, Forever Ago (2024) Lover, You Should’ve Come Over Since I’ve Been Loving You Skinny Love Slow Dancing In A Burning Room You Are My Sunshine

Hug Of Thunder (2026) 1979 Hug Of Thunder Losing My Religion Viva La Vida

Sleep Well Beast (2028) Carin At The Liquor Store Day I Die Guilty Party I’ll Still Destroy You The System Only Dreams In Total Darkness

Kid A (2031) Burning For You Don’t Fear The Reaper Kid A True Love Waits

Skeleton Tree (2033) I Need You Jesus Alone O’Children Skeleton Tree

Is This The Life We Really Want? (2035) Dejà Vu Smell The Roses The Last Refugee Wait For Her

Relatives In Descent (2037) All Along The Watchtower A Private Understanding Don’t Go To Anacita Whole Lotta Love

No Cities To Love (2040) Babe I’m Gonna Leave You Hallelujah Stairway To Heaven

Twin Fantasy (2043) Bodys My Boy Say It Ain’t So Twin Fantasy

To Be Kind (2045) Oxygen Screen Shot

Snares Like A Haircut (2047) I Want You Just Like A Woman One Of Us Most Know Snares Like A Haircut

Sleeping Tapes (2053) A Glass Of Water Goodmorning, Sweetheart The Raven

Grace (2060) Eternal Life Forget Her Grace Last Goodbye So Real

Albums and non-title tracks

Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not (2002) A Certain Romance Dancing Shoes Fake Tales Of San Francisco From The Ritz To The Rubble Mardy Bum Perhaps Vampires Is a Bit Strong But Red Light Indicates Doors Are Secured Riot Van Still Take You Home The View From The Afternoon You Probably Couldn’t See For The Lights

Favorite Worst Nightmare (2004) 505 Balaclava D Is For Dangerous Do Me A Favour If You Were There, Beware Old Yellow Bricks Only Ones Who Know The Bad Thing This House Is A Circus

The Things We Do To Find People Who Feel Like Us (2006) Hard Luck Kid I Break Guitars Porno Love Ride The Wild Haze Throwaways Too Late To Die Young Young & Alive

Gumboot Soup and Polygondwanaland (2007) Barefoot Desert Down In The Sink I’m Sleeping In Muddy Water Superposition The Great Chain Of Being The Wheel

Ok Computer (2010) Climbing Up The Walls Electioneering Exit Music (For A Film) Filter Happier Let Down Subterranean Homesick Alien The Tourist

In Rainbows (2012) 15 Step All I’ve Ever Known Faust Arp Pain Videotape Weird Fishes/Arpeggi

The Underside Of Power (2014) A Hymn For An Average Man A Murmur, A Sign Animals Bury Me Standing Death March Cry Of The Martyrs Mme Rieux Plague Years The Cycle/The Spiral: Time to Go Down Slowly

Boarding House Reach (2016) Abulia And Akrasia Ball And Biscuit Everything You’ve Ever Learned Ezmerelda Steals the Show Get In The Mind Shaft Humoresque Hypermisophoniac Respect Commander What’s Done Is Done Why Walk A Dog?

Thin Black Duke (2018) A Gentleman’s Gentleman Cold & Well-Lit Place Ecce Homo Host Letter Of Note Other People The Finished Line The Upper

Science Fiction (2020) 137 451 Batter Up Can’t Get It Out Could Never Be Heaven Damn Desert Everybody Here Wants You In The Water Lit Me Up No Control Out Of Mana Same Logic/Teeth Waste

Virtue (2022) Black Hole Lazy Boy My Friend The Walls One Of The Ones Permanent High School Pink Ocean Pyramid Of Bones Think Before You Drink To Fall In Love With You We’re Where We Were Wink

For Nina, Forever Ago (2024) Can’t Get Started Edge Of Desire Give Me Love I Don’t Trust Myself With Loving You I Know It’s Over In The Blood I Still Feel Like Your Man Little Lion Man Nina Please Don’t Fall In Love With Someone New The Girl The Night We Met White Blank Page You Should Know Where I’m Coming From

Hug Of Thunder (2026) Gonna Get Better Halfway Home Mouth Guards Of The Apocalypse Please Take Me With You Protest Song Skyline Sol Luna Stay Happy Towers And Masons Vanity Pail Kids Victim Lover Violet Hill

Sleep Well Beast (2028) Born To Beg Cheers, Darling Coconut Skins Dark Side Of The Gym Empire Line Helpless Moving On And Getting Over New Light Nobody Else Will Be There Sleep Well Beast Turtleneck Walk It Back

Kid A (2031) Eskimo Everything In Its Right Place How To Disappear Completely Idioteque In Limbo Morning Bell Motion Picture Soundtrack Optimistic The National Anthem Treefingers

Skeleton Tree (2033) Anthrocene Distant Sky Girl In Amber Magneto Ring Of Saturn

Is This The Life We Really Want? (2035) Bird In A Gale Broken Bones Is This The Life We Really Want? Oceans Apart Part Of Me Died Picture That The Most Beautiful Girl When We Were Young

Relatives In Descent (2037) Caitriona Corpses in Regalia Elephant Half Sister Here Is The Thing Male Pleague My Children Night-Blooming Cereus The Chuckler Up The Tower Windsor Hum

No Cities To Love (2040) A New Wave Bury Our Friends Fangless Gimme Love Hey Darling No Anthems No Cities To Love Price Tag Surface Envy Wave

Twin Fantasy (2043) Beach Life-In-Death Cute Thing Famous Prophets High To Death Nervous Young Inhumans Never On The Day You Leave Sober To Death Stop Smoking

To Be Kind (2045) A Little God In Your Hands Bring The Sun Just A Little Boy Kirsten Supine Nathalie Neal She Loves Us Some Things We Do To Be Kind

Snares Like A Haircut (2047) Cruise Control Drippy Popper Primitive Plus Send Me Secret Swamp Soft Collar Fad Squashed Stuck In The Changer Third Grave Rave Tidal

Sleeping Tapes (2053) Chimes For Dreams Feeling Good Good Evening Hummmmmm IKEA Seeing With My Eyes Closed See You At The Dreaming Tree Sleep. Dream. Wakeup. Temescal Canyon The Hen The Sea We’re All In This Together (Goodnight)

Grace (2060) Corpus Christi Carol Dream Brother Lilac Wine Mojo Pin You’re Gonna Live Forever In Me

Partners

Shraddha Kapoor (1999) Caryn Marjorie (2001) Adeline Rudo (2002) Yovanna Ventura (2002) Seryna Seo (2003) Caitlin Beadles (2004) Dina Denoire (2004) Lily He (2004-2010) Koleen Diaz (2006-2011) Jessica Vu (2005) Dollicia Bryan (2005) Mishti Rahman (2007-2009) Jasmine Villegas (2007) Érika Januza (2008) Yes Liv Can (2008) Blue Cantrell (2009) Tammy Torres (2009) Rosario Dawson (2010) Bria Myles (2010) Karrine Steffans (2011) Alyssa Arce (2011) Vanessa Vargas (2011) Mikaela Long (2012-2015) Krista Santiago (2012) Maika Monroe (2012) Cindy Kimberly (2012) Shenelle Scott (2013) Nicola Peltz (2013) Cydney Christine (2014) Marie Avgeropoulos (2014) Jasmine Sanders (2014) Draya Michele (2015) Bernice Burgos (2015) Cyn Santana (2015) Ammika Harris (2016) India Westbrook (2016) Lily Collins (2016) Baskin Champion (2017) Audreyana Michelle (2017) Cailin Russo (2017) Jordan Ozuna (2017) Alexandra Daddario (2018) Olivia Holt (2018) Raina Lawson (2018) Nina (2018-2023) *married in 2022, divorced in 2023 Rachel Roy (2021-2023) Karisma Ramir (2021) Jasmine Rose (2022) Maya James (2022) Lani Blair (2022) Marie Nova (2023) Stephanie Woods (2023) Brenda Lowe (2023)