#this one is just for a laff though i could not stop myself

[wraithsoutlaws]

new boot goofin

[shvkespearc]

fun facts about da blogger

Tagged by @elizabeth-karenina for ANOTHER ASK POST <3

1. why did you choose your url?

special interest williyum shakespeare...simply. i have had many urls. many many. someone out there may recall: kit1564, daarcy, kitmaarlowe, darcy-alexander, lavender--lover, adraelian, king-of-irises, old-ass-gandalf (favorite) and several others.... OH MY GOD alexander-hamiltons-gr8-butt. alternative design: alexander-hamiltons-spooky-butt. god take me out back and shoot me

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.week.

@lordbyron666 is my kind of miscellaneous fandom memes etc. blog where i reblog things i dont particularly want to reblog to main. i started it in like 2017(?) when i became more of an aesthetic blog but QUITE HONESTLY i find myself using it less these days. i fink ive stopped giving a fuck

@1seafoam cottagecore ISH side blog, mostly for comfort pleasant images. soothing space for my panic disorder having ass.

@vnge11 art blog i DONT REALLY USE. though i do stay drawing. i just dont post much. i once had an art blog in 2014/5(?) , which actually became the lordbyron666 blog.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

i made my blog in july 2012 and started as a black and white grunge blogger + memes. me now quite honestly like the vibe is still there. my best friend at the time (RIP) made me make one. i remember i had a music player and she said that it was "good, just not really tumblr"... i remember having like a galaxy background at one point when i started to get into it.... then over the years i had like a VERY CUSTOMIZED INSANE BLOG like with gifs and transparent things and pixel buddies AND MUSIC PLAYER. my friends would say they couldnt load my blog but i never had a problem 😤

4. do you have a queue tag?

i BELIEVE it's 'q' but i don't use the queue feature.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

re: my friend made me make one, but i think i really enjoyed it being a place where i could collect moody feelings (and laffs). then i joined a few fandoms (polite way of saying homestuck) and it felt more and more like a community and fun.

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

ethel cain w a shotgun. not much else to be said

7. why did you choose your header?

bjork writhing around on the floor kind of a no brainer to me. absolute vibe absolute mood.

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

OOUAAGHH i think it's either my vampire uquiz orrrrrr ugh idk there is like a handful of random ass posts that have blown up. it's all fun and games until people are weird in the replies and you see yourself screenshotted on imgur. ALSO i think i just don't like when they resurface years later and i'm like STOP SPREADING IT AROUND IM NOT THAT PERSON ANYMORE ID NEVER SAY THAT!!!!

9. how many mutuals do you have?

i dont know! i dont know!!! i just recognize people on my dash or in my notes but whether or not we follow each other and specifically enjoy one anothers content. I DONT KNOW

10. how many followers do you have?

in da 4-digits. enough that i get not 0 notes but about 2 notes per post.

11. how many people do you follow?

700-something. i like to follow more rather than less people cause following many blogs is the key to a healthy dashboard ecosystem.

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

every day of my life

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

i look at my activity daily but i dont ALWAYS scroll every day anymore. but usually every day ish at least for a minute

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

i am sure... now the idea of "fighting" on tumblr.com is so hilarious to me. bro this is website. clown on clown violence

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts

i do not do it... but those "REBLOG IF YOU ARE NOT A HOMOPHONE" posts really hit in 2013

16. do you like tag games?

YA. however sometimes i get too overwhelmed and say i will do it and then never do <3

17. do you like ask games?

YA. however sometimes i g-

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

WHICH OF YOU SHOULDERS THE GREATEST BURDEN? IE: FOLLOWER COUNT? it is unknown to me... i just work here

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

no...but i am not immune to getting attention on the internet from a Cool Profile disease

20. tags

👉👈 do it if you wana

[fatoujallovv]

fanfiction writer appreciation: skamverse edition

thank you @yasminaselamrani for starting this lil tag 🥺 i read and write elu so that’s what you’re in for here but i’m sending a kiss on the forehead to any writer or reader of anything for being the best 🥺💛

if you’re a writer:

a fic that you’re really proud of:

i know i’m sitting here while i haven’t even finished the fic but close to you just makes me really happy 🥺 it’s obviously not oscar winning movie adaptation worthy in the slightest but i think it’s turned out to be a really fun story and i’ve enjoyed writing it and messing around with social media 🤪

a fic that you were nervous to post:

my lil mental health oneshots rotten work and not to me, not if it’s you (incredibly original titles i know skfjfj) were literally . an excuse for a cathartic feelings dump via my emotional support projection character monsieur lucas lallemant and i felt like i was being to dramatic or insensitive or portraying things badly (even though it was literally my own experiences adskljg idk don’t ask what i was thinking) or being too personal so i was kind of nervous 🥺 but i got a lovely response and being able to share them was really healing for me so i’m so glad i did it 🥺

a fic you wished got more hits/kudos/comments:

i’m super happy with every bit of response i’ve gotten from my writing 🥺 i love all of my comments so so much and all i want to use this space for is to say thank you guys for being the best 🥺

one of your favorite tropes to write:

i think it’s obvious that it’s childhood best friends because both of my chaptered fics have been that sjdjfjsj but i also love myself some fake dating hence my current best friends fake dating au akdjfj

another ship that you don’t write but you’d like to write:

i wish i could write kieutou but i struggle to relate to kieu my’s perspective to be able to write her from an honest and accurate place bc as much as i adore her she is so so different from me and i feel like i can’t get in her head 🤧🤧

one of your abandoned wip you never wrote but wish you did:

i only ever abandoned one thing and it was gonna be a long oneshot where they met in the laundry room of their dorm and then dumbassery ensued and it was gonna be very silly but then i forgot about it so akdjfj mayhaps i should return to her this summer if i have the time

another writer you would love to collaborate with:

@luxandobscurus @lucasotteli and i have literally. planned to collab before and just never made it happen .... besties let’s get on that summer 2021

i would LOVE to do some sort of sm au or something with a cool unique format with miss @vexedtonightmares the queen of sm and galaxy brain concepts!!!!! i would basically be dead weight but i would be like beyond honored to assist her in making magic with her big beautiful brain

if you’re a reader:

a fic (or more) that you love to reread:

i looooove rereading if i can recognize real by @tawmlinsun (i’m linking part two i think oops) i have said it before but it gives me butterflies every time it is the peeeeerfect lil first kiss/getting together fic omg omg

the reread value of all mixed up by @lucasotteli and online love by @vexedtonightmares !!!!! unmatched !!!!! social media au supremacy lichrally go tos when i need a Laff

tag an author you always love reading:

@clairdelalune i know ur movin away from the fandom queen so soz to bring u into this but everything you’ve ever written makes me happy 🥺🥺 ur style and vibes are so . good and heartwarming

@lumierelovers is just an absolutely gorgeous writer and everything she touches is magical 🥺

recommend a story to your followers:

i will recommend lots 😌 (vaguely in order of length from like 1k to like 100k+)

when you kill the lights (and kiss my eyes) by @blanxkey (zaira i frickin miss u pls write more pure poetry 🤧)

thoughts of you aren’t enough by cgsf on ao3 (i think they might be on tumblr but it didn’t let me tag 😔)

open your heart (and let me know you want me here) by @demaury

save us by @luxandobscurus

last dance by @vexedtonightmares (i linked the chap 2 post bc it has the ao3 link but 😌)

maybe it starts now by @lepetitepeach (first part of the series is linked on ao3 bc i don’t think there’s a ficpost)

tag an author you discovered recently:

@fireflysxx is kinda new to writing and i’m so proud of herrrrrr 🤧🤧🤧 i would like to direct your attention to the fic she wrote for me about eliott basically being grumpy lucas’s personal shopper for the day akdjdh: new style

spread the love!

tag someone who inspires you to write:

@yasminaselamrani you literally never stop like i am so impressed you just always have new stories to tell i admire that so much even if i don’t read wtfock i’m sorry 🤧🤧🤧

tag someone who you’ve admired forever:

i don’t want to bother people and i feel like many of the people i’ve had longstanding Big Admiration for i already tagged or isn’t really here anymore 🥺 so just like . everyone i’ve mentioned i admire so much? that’s cheating but idc

tag your writing support:

@luxandobscurus and @lucasotteli the only ones who care as much about elu in 2021 as me and i don’t feel guilty making them help me with my fics KAJDJDJD and @fireflysxx my biggest cheerleader and self proclaimed number one fan you’re always there wanting to see what i’ve made and it’s so encouraging 🥺💛 also @thenerd10 bc u always leave me the sweetest comments EVER and you literally singlehandedly make posting worth it 🤧🤧💛💓💗💓

ok i’m tagging everyone i mentioned 🥺 and i would tag more people but i haven’t seen a lot of my writer friends around in a while and i don’t want to be bothering anyone so please just do this if you see it and want to!!!

[jlf23tumble]

Hi jen! I know usually anons have specific requests but could you rec me a couple of fics ? Just something you think it's really great! I'm not feeling too well and i need to get out of my head for a while. (Thank you in advance!)

oOh, mannnn, that sucks, but I feel ya!! This is mildly tricky but also incredibly easy: you don’t necessarily need or want anything super angsty or kinky because you don’t feel great, and canon’s probably a no go (which is a shame, I’d be rec’ing that pube fic HARD bleepin’ CORE), so you need some good AU material that’ll err on the side of distraction, methinks. Because I’ll bet that you’ve read most of these, I’m gonna give you a few more than two, and if you HAVE read ‘em all anyway, come back over and tell me a little bit more about some parameters, and I’ll do another pass. These are just off the top of my head, but I can search with the best of ‘em, goddammit, even my own spotty bookmarking. Under the wiggly line, in no particular order.

Tuxedo Dress-Up, by Blake/ @newleafover, 11k, E. Louis is an aspiring song writer by day, a make up artist for drag queens by night, and masquerading as a full time real estate agent for his third most famous (and first most handsome) client Harry Styles.Or, five times they fail to fuck in a closet, and one time they get it right. (I will not rest until everyone has read this one!!!! I can rec it for pretty much every single scenario, and I barely restrain myself, I’m telling you)

Sing You Butterflies, by objectlesson/ @alienfuckeronmain, 22k, E. Harry’s a clumsy unicorn who accidentally stomps on a witch’s garden and is turned into a human as punishment, so he wanders into a nearby village covered in glitter, still figuring out how to walk on two feet, and meets the fairy-tale-fine Louis, who has to teach him how to live as a human and stop him from eating soap. (I’m putting two from Phoenix on here, but rest assured I’d rec all of hers, too, this is just an adorable fantastical story that completely immerses you in another world that’s still rooted in this one? talent, I tell ya...and I HIGHLY recommend all of P’s fic, she’s writing drabbles in so many universes if you want to explore)

Take Me Under the Blue, by objectlesson, 19k, E. Louis hasn’t even seen his legs yet. He doesn’t know how they work or how long they’ll be. Maybe they won’t suit the rest of Harry at all, and he’ll have to grow into them or something. It doesn’t matter; Louis has loved Harry for a year with scales, so he can’t imagine wonky legs putting a damper on his attraction.He supposes he’ll just have to find out. In the meantime, he wonders how the fuck he got here, in his squelching wellies about to save the love of his life from the sea and take him to bed and bang him for the very first time.It’s sort of a long story. (when I heard about this one before editing, I was scurred...but it’s so fucking GOOD, I’d read so many more installments, and I say this as someone who hates fish dick stories, p.s., there’s no fish dick)

just call me inspiration, by @hereforlou, 51k, E. The truth is Louis knows he’s going to hell, if there is such a thing, but it isn’t because he writes erotic fiction for a living. If anything, it’s because his muse, the reason he’s inspired to write about people shagging in increasingly creative ways everyday, is the sweetest, loveliest, most genuine (and completely oblivious) future children-book illustrator in the world. Or, the one where Louis is a writer, Harry is an art student, and they inspire each other in very different ways. (Just me as Liam, that’s all I’ll say)

Tied Down, by @ham-palpert, 48k, E. The most interesting case in Liam and Niall's careers falls directly into their laps, courtesy of an epic fuck-up of one Harry Styles, partner to the almost-infamous drug dealer Louis Tomlinson. The investigation yields an unexpected yet satisfactory outcome for Liam and Niall. For Harry and Louis, however, things are far more complicated. (A twisty mystery, and all is NOT as it seems, so read the tags and push through chapter 1; it’s more of a tense drama, if you want to go down that path)

Alien Roadtrip!, by @helloamhere, 16k words, E. For the first time in his life, Louis doesn’t know where he’s going. Harry doesn’t mind. Or roadtrip with desert feelings, too much snack food, and empty motels. Harry is definitely absolutely not an alien. That would be ridiculous. (great dialogue and miles of smiles/laffs in this one, plus you can pretend it’s related to that area 51 nonsense if you really want to)

I’m reading a couple of WIPs that might pull you in, too:

Harry Styles Cooks..., by @sunsetmog, 52k, E. In which Louis Tomlinson can’t cook, there’s a very special shower curtain, and Harry Styles used to be a baker.Or: Louis owns all of Harry Styles’ cookbooks, and he never intends to cook a single thing out of any of them. (this one is updating fairly slowly, but that’s okay, it’s literally Christmas every time I get that nota, AGGRESSIVE SIGHING OVER HOW MUCH I GRIN LIKE A LOON WHEN I READ EACH INSTALLMENT)

Cards Are Dealt, by @loutmlnsn, 26k, E. Louis likes his life; he likes his job, he likes his house, he likes his town and he loves his cat. It’s not exciting, per say, but it’s comfortable, predictable and quiet. It’s normal. It’s what Louis has always wanted out of life. What Louis never wanted out of life was an A-list actor for a neighbour, who at first glance appears to possess all the values that Louis detests in a human being. An AU in which Louis is a nurse, Harry is an actor, and first impressions matter just as much as everyone keeps saying. (I’m actually reading a few wips, but I tend to notice when they update...I don’t bookmark them until they’re done, though, and this last one just updated yesterday, so check it out! Harry Styles Cooks is my fave wip of all time, I will never forget I’m following it, lmao)

[recentanimenews]

Manga the Week of 5/19/21

SEAN: As the days get warmer, why not try some manga to cool you off?

Airship debuts a new release, out next week digitally and in print next month. I Swear I Won’t Bother You Again! (Kondo wa Zettai ni Jamashimasen!) features a somewhat familiar plot – a villainess who is in prison for the crimes she has committed ends up in her past self, and is determined to do things right this time. As with many of these stories, I suspect bothering will, in fact, occur.

ASH: Ha!

SEAN: There’s also an early digital for Kuma Kuma Kuma Bear 6.

In print, we debut I Have a Secret, from the author of I Want to Eat Your Pancreas. There’s also the 2nd volume of Trapped in a Dating Sim: The World of Otome Games Is Tough for Mobs.

MICHELLE: I still need to read my digital copy of I Have a Secret. Soon.

ASH: I’ll probably be picking it up in print, myself.

SEAN: Dark Horse has the 3rd and final volume of Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair.

J-Novel Club debuts its Pulp imprint, showing us that German novels can be just as bonkers as Japanese ones. The first of these is John Sinclair: Demon Hunter (Geisterjäger John Sinclair). Scotland Yard in the 1970s hunts demons. Imagine The Sweeney but less violent.

ASH: I’m curious to see how this imprint develops!

SEAN: There’s also The Magician Who Rose from Failure 2 and Welcome to Japan, Ms. Elf! 6.

No print debuts for Kodansha, but we do see Blue Period 3, Cells at Work: CODE BLACK 7, Drifting Dragons 8, Fairy Tail: 100 Years Quest 7, Living-Room Matsunaga-san 6, A Sign of Affection 2, Something’s Wrong with Us 6, and Those Not-So-Sweet Boys 2.

MICHELLE: The shoujo titles beckon to me.

ASH: Indeed! I’ve also been enjoying Drifting Dragons.

SEAN: The digital debut is Medalist, a figure skating manga from Kodansha’s Afternoon that is much acclaimed.

MICHELLE: Sports + seinen = yes.

ANNA: Oooh, I’m intrigued.

MELINDA: I need it.

SEAN: Also digital: Blue Lock 3, A Girl and Her Guard Dog 4, The Honey-Blonde Beauty & Her Vampire 2, Hop Step Sing! 3 (the final volume), We’re New at This 6, and Will it Be the World or Her? 5.

Seven Seas’ debut is the comedy Dungeon Toilet (Isekai no Toire de Dai o Suru), an Akita Shoten title from Young Champion Retsu, and if, like me, you flee in terror when you see the words “Young Champion”, you may have already stopped reading. It’s about a reincarnated kid in search of the perfect toilet in a fantasy world. Laffs no doubt ensue.

ANNA: No thank you!

MELINDA: Oh no.

SEAN: Also from Seven Seas: Didn’t I Say to Make My Abilities Average in the Next Life?! Everyday Misadventures! 2, How NOT to Summon a Demon Lord 11, The King of Fighters: A New Beginning 5, and Wonder Cat Kyuu-chan 2.

No debuts from Viz, but we do get BEASTARS 12, Hell’s Paradise Jigokuraku 8, Levius/est 8, No Guns Life 10, Urusei Yatsura 10, The Way of the Househusband 5, and Zom 100: Bucket List of the Dead 2.

MICHELLE: I look forward to getting caught up on The Way of the Househusband!

ANNA: I’m actually not behind on that series!

ASH: It’s one of my favorites at the moment.

SEAN: Yen On has been doing so much shuffling of release dates lately that it’s hard to get a handle on what is due out next week, especially as the print and digital dates differ. We should definitely have the 3rd Banished from the Hero’s Party, I Decided to Live a Quiet Life in the Countryside and the 2nd Interspecies Reviewers.

Yen Press has similar release date blues, but definitely debuting next week is I’m the Hero, but the Demon Lord’s Also Me (Boku ga Yuusha de Maou mo Boku de), a title from Media Factory’s Comic Alive, my old nemesis. A young man is approached by a beautiful woman to be the Hero�� and another beautiful woman to be the Demon Lord. Turns out it could go either way. Hard to get past that boob-laden cover, though.

Also debuting is Sex Ed 120% (Seikyouiku 120%), which runs on ASCII Mediaworks’ @Vitamin site. This seems to combine comedy and actual sex ed, as a teacher who thinks she can teach sex ed better than the modern sex ed texts tries to teach her class about various subjects. I’ve actually heard this is pretty good.

ASH: Same!

SEAN: Does this list cool you off or warm you up?

By: Sean Gaffney

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: this is why i don't wear shoes Ali: i have lost one??? Ali: rescue it if you see it Carly: what do they look like Ali: just a kinda tan sandal thing Ali: just a penneys special so not the end of the world, should chuck the other one so someone can have the pair Carly: come & bring me food & then youll be here to reunite them Carly: but yea k will lean out my door & see if its there Ali: love the enthusiasm, babe 😜 Ali: can feel your come down from here Carly: dont barely remember the come up Carly: wtf happened last night Ali: not in a much better position myself but uhm Ali: mayhem, that's for sure Ali: i think you might've gone home with the wrong cousin Carly: shit Carly: my bad Carly: better read my txts Carly: who did you go w ? Ali: didn't go that far with anyone Ali: 💍 remember and such a 😇 Ali: ronan was in a mard though and i weren't up for listening to that so 🤷 Carly: aw Carly: sorry baby i'll calm him down Ali: it's chill 😂 bless him Ali: no need on my account tho i'm sure he'd be down, despite protests otherwise Carly: my inbox is Carly: cba w this rn Ali: oh baby, want a bacon sarnie and a secretary? Carly: yea Carly: gonna throw my phone w your shoe Ali: i woke up to a mystery dickpic on my phone Ali: is it rude to ask which one it belongs to because lads, sorry, not that memorable that i'm picking it out of a line-up Ali: you'll know, been more recent, i'll come over with food and lucozade for real and ruin your day with that lovely image and the actually rather creative sexts that went with it Ali: 10/10 for effort, sir Carly: cant put it on the cv or school report but my memory for 'em is good Carly: if ive seen it i'll id it Carly: ill laff if its the large ginge cousin whose name i never got Carly: sounded like a cough Ali: that's a talent and if the man can't see that, fuck him Ali: and his job in tescos, like Ali: i mean, shouldn't have a preference but i hope not 😂 Ali: soz honey but Carly: thanks baby Carly: I hope its that token english Carly: he was fit Ali: can reply if you like Ali: worse ways to waste a sunday morning than messing with boys Ali: sounding like a priest Ali: oops Carly: ha Carly: i found some fucking funny vids of us so maybe the phone shouldnt go out window before youve had a look Ali: yes, i need to see that Carly: [sends her fave of the vids] Ali: aww Ali: we're fun drunks Ali: love that for us Carly: yea Carly: im a messy bitch tho Carly: no wonder i went w the hero cousin Ali: meh, things happen at parties, everyone knows that Ali: not like you're proper attached is it Ali: though he's gonna be annoying now probs but day in the life when you're irresistible, yeah? Carly: youd know babe Carly: he wont be on site long never is Carly: so idc Carly: saved me for a nite boy youre welcome Ali: duh Ali: hottest couple in town Ali: one for the wank bank anyway Carly: yea & he is fit Carly: give him that Carly: esp when i dont understand what hes saying Ali: the best kind Ali: a boy you don't have to speak to 😜 Ali: if that's all it takes like, whip out the Gaeilge Carly: youve got the giggles but yea Carly: true Carly: but on site id just have all the oldies chatting at me if i could Carly: not trying to make them go weak Ali: they ain't daddies? boo 😥 Carly: some got many kids but thats it Carly: say something to me then Ali: [sends voice memo, probably has dirty words she'd recognise from site life and lots of loling] Carly: k Carly: so hot Carly: if your gf is mad at me for stealing you last nite you can smooth things over w her like that Ali: might have to Ali: though it ain't you she's 😤 with Ali: poor ronan, shoulda done more than snog him if she comes for him, not even worth it for that Carly: ill protect him when he lets me back near Carly: cant stay mad at this Carly: sure your girls the same Ali: She's mad 24/7 babe, just gotta hold on, like 😂 Ali: we want different things now but that's not a convo for this morning like jesus Carly: whos got the energy Carly: cba w angry Carly: yea you want a sarnie Ali: exactly, and i wanted to have fun last night but may as well have said i want his dick in or around my mouth k bye babe Carly: ha Carly: that would be fun tho Ali: tell that to past you, dashing his threesome dreams like 🤷💔 Carly: still time Ali: not me you need to promise baby Carly: yea but id rather talk to you Ali: 💚 Ali: you cute Carly: all you Carly: how you look so good coming from band? wtf Ali: psh please Ali: it was all about you 🙇 Carly: if that was true why is every memory i got from last nite just you Carly: facts Ali: had to get you away from that mirror somehow, like 😉 Ali: it was fun Carly: ha Carly: cuz your talents got me like Carly: yea it was Ali: helps when the canvas already beautiful babe Carly: aw Carly: youre sweet Ali: 🍓 Carly: gonna make me cry Ali: don't cry lil one Ali: the bacon is coming Ali: got roped into doing a shady kid swap, where is my ma, take this demon child Carly: you can bring him if you want Carly: ill put clothes on before Ali: cockblocked again 😉 Ali: nah, he needs to go get shoes Ali: ironically and unlucky, twat Carly: what size is he Carly: i can ask around when i look for yours Carly: lads flog everything and anything here on sundays Ali: his feet are big man Ali: he's only little but he's lanky af, unlike me Ali: that's fun tho Ali: imma go shopping Carly: aw Carly: yea wish i was taller Carly: ffs ma and da Ali: literally Ali: least neither of my sisters are model tall or i'd be more raging Ali: we make it work, babe Carly: & i dont have any sisters Carly: well done on that one tho ma & da Ali: speak for yourself Ali: i'm gutted Carly: oww Carly: trying to replace me like the vows were no thing Ali: you know you're my one and only Ali: but a woman got needs Carly: thats what your gf is for Carly: no Ali: yeah but i'm allowed wishful thinking too Ali: damn Carly: ive given you the mental image of me naked Carly: what more you need Ali: are you jealous of your hypothetical sister? Carly: yea if you like her more Ali: aw baby, 'course not Ali: she's a ride, yeah, but bit of a bitch too, like Carly: ha Carly: takes after our ma like Ali: sadly, straighter than you Ali: 👎 Carly: like theres a ranking Carly: just straight or not yea Ali: I mean, it is a scale but I'm not gonna try and bond with your Ma giving her the test for it, like Ali: could we tie her down for a sec, obvs Carly: hit her when shes washing up Carly: takes long Ali: okay, i'll dry 😉 Ali: what an offer Carly: trying to make me vom now Carly: take crying or blushing over Ali: soz babe Carly: her & my da dont fuck but still dont reckon youre her type Ali: don't know what's worse, that, or knowing they do Carly: im good w them not Carly: sound carries Carly: no secrets in the caravan Ali: sure there's a toilet block they could go to Ali: keeping it sexy Carly: sure my da's there doing his cry wank Carly: while my ma checks the talent Carly: we got that to look forward to in our marriage in a few years Ali: who's scouting who's cranking Ali: because frankly, i refuse either Carly: im the biggest slag so probs me Carly: sorry Ali: and I'm not Ali: igloo sisters how many times now?! 😂 Carly: ha Carly: but youre loyal Carly: me and my ma dont kno the meaning like Ali: am i Ali: you miss the part when i got on ronan Carly: o yea Carly: i forgot Ali: idk what i'm gonna do about that Ali: instant gameover but its literally so irrelevant Carly: hes a ride Carly: you should be excused for it Ali: she's a 6 on that scale, yeah, massive gay Ali: so she ain't seeing that, never mind the other shit Carly: shit yea Carly: dont tell her Ali: does that make me the worst? Ali: i should hm Carly: hes not gonna speak to her Carly: and if he brags you can call it that Ali: Yeah Ali: I don't know Carly: its that or tell her Carly: & say youre sorry Carly: we were all wasted Carly: not like you have feelings for him Ali: You're right, obviously Ali: like that's the truth but yeah Ali: might leave it unless I need to go there Ali: soz God, swing by confession later Carly: tell her youre a bi cliche Carly: she'd love it Carly: use the scale Ali: she would tho Ali: validate everything she's ever sneaky or not so thought about me Ali: soz, i need a constant stream of p n v or i die Carly: a girl has needs Carly: what am i a 1? Ali: its like dis Ali: 1- all straight 2- mostly straight but lil gay 3- equal/bi 4- mostly gay but still lil into opposite 5- total gay Ali: but not gonna resist the urge to tell you you a 10 Carly: 🥇 Carly: i like that you're 3 tho. 3's a lucky number Ali: and a magic one 🔮 Carly: yea cuz youre magical Ali: believe it baby Carly: i do Ali: right, finally leaving, be like 10 Ali: doing the opposite to a walk of shame rn, strutting back in like what's good Carly: you gotta Carly: own it baby Carly: havent found your shoe tho sorry Carly: maybe ronan took it cuz he loves you so bad Ali: 😂 oh my god Ali: like a horny puppy Carly: yea Carly: building a shrine to you rn probs Ali: or he wanna play cinderella Ali: such a ridiculous fairytale, as far as they go Carly: how wasted was the prince that he cant remember what she looks like Carly: k been there but not trying to wife anyone Ali: right?! also, sure plenty of bitches a size 5, like??? Ali: was it a magic shoe Ali: no explanation, frankly Carly: yea like me and you have the same size Carly: ill take your prince for a ride bitch Ali: 😂 Ali: he cool with that Ali: that's the tea Ali: boy gives no fucks, long as it ain't a man in drag Carly: he hasnt met your brother tho Carly: boy looks good Ali: eww Ali: stop that thought right there Carly: dont get jealous Carly: not gonna go there Ali: not jealous, but repulsed 😷 Carly: k babe Carly: if you say so Ali: trust, you wanna see jealous you'll see it soon enough if you go there Ali: 😂 bea don't fuck about Carly: have to go for one of your other hot brothers Ali: trying be my sister in law and wife Ali: kickin it country Carly: you kno Carly: been on site too long Ali: forreal, not gotta hang with the traveller lads that hard baby Carly: after last nite not gonna be hanging w them for a while Ali: let 'em fight it out amongst themselves Ali: defs for the best Carly: yea Carly: hide w me babe Carly: gonna be so bored Ali: gonna Ali: i'll peep their wares another day Ali: not a euphemism Carly: sounds dirty tho Ali: yeah, regretted it as i said it but hey Ali: love me a sale and a gypsy boy Carly: no regrets boo Carly: they love you too Carly: esp whoever send the dick pic Ali: the real mystery Ali: soz everyone else with your drama but we gotta know Carly: i do need to be knowing Carly: thats my wife lads Ali: awh you gonna defend my honour n delicate sensibilities Carly: yea Carly: youre an angel Ali: you're so cute Carly: its you Carly: my parents came back Carly: gonna have to run Ali: oh no i am en route Ali: where you going boo Carly: i'll catch you and we can find somewhere theyre not Carly: ha church Carly: can you eat there cuz im not looking to die for jesus Ali: yeah for sure, not in the pews like its the cinema, like Ali: can go park if you wanna Ali: or up the mountain if you can hack it, like Carly: youre so smart Carly: like your mouth Carly: but yea Carly: date time Ali: awh yeah Ali: this picnic ain't goals i'm so sorry babe Ali: least the weather's looking up Carly: idc Carly: get to be w my boo Ali: 😍 Carly: i look crazy Carly: havent got dressed faster w out getting fucked before since idc Carly: idk Ali: i like crazy Ali: and beside me you'll probs look totally normal 😉 Carly: you look hot every day baby Carly: facts Ali: all these compliments got me feeling 🔥 obvs Carly: thats how i want it Ali: gonna have you flying high too Ali: top of the world, baby Carly: aw Carly: whats in the food like Ali: 😂 Ali: just faith n trust n pixiedust, of course Carly: you can snort pixiedust yea? Carly: k Ali: you gon' be mad when i've got nothing but sandwiches and half a donut Carly: nah Carly: cant be mad at you Carly: too cute Ali: and donuts are life Carly: true

[hollywoodx4]

Sticking With the Schuylers (20)

I’m not even going to introduce this chapter with a note. I’m just going to leave it here. That’s when you know.

1  2  3  4   5   6   7   8   9   10   11   12   I   13  14   15   16   17   18A  18B   18C  I   19 

In this chapter, Thanksgiving is approaching...

My sweet baby boy,

Today, you are twelve years old. You’re gangly, all limbs and nothing more. You have tiny bits of muscle starting to show-mostly in your legs. You also have this crazy, unruly hair that you’ll never let me do anything with. I hope that in your older days, you’ll at least have the decency to comb your hair before you leave the house.

Today, my baby, you are twelve years old. And yes, you are still my baby. I can see it, sometimes, in the way you ask to be tucked in. You never use your words; there’s an expression on your face, one that calls me to your cot until I watch the relief flood through your body. You still need to be tucked in, but you never sleep. Mijo, I tell you every night that your eyes are too heavy and your body too small to carry atop it the weight of both of our worlds. But every morning I wake and you have gone, off to the market to find more food-or supplies-things we need that I am now much too weak to gather myself.

I have pretended to be fine for you every day since your father left us. You are perceptive.

Today, my little man, you are twelve years old. Your soul is centuries older. You have a sense of self-discipline that matches only the oldest and wisest of men I have seen, who have fought the war that is a lifetime on this earth and in the confines of this country. You are too brilliant to be wasting this wisdom on living the rest of your life here.

Today, it is your twelfth birthday. We gathered the ingredients for a small cake to share tonight. You’ve gone to play baseball with your friends by the river. Before sundown we’ll share the cake with them-you’ll get your wish. And then I’ll tuck you into bed once more. I’ll take a moment for my own wish as I watch your eyelids flutter from exhaustion after a carefree day. Today will be one of the few times you’ll sleep. It will be one of the only days you’ve allowed yourself a childhood.

My strong, kind, persistent Alexander…today you are twelve, and I am dying. You don’t believe me, but I can feel the life slipping away from my body in pieces, and although I love you with my entire soul I cannot bear to fight much longer in this battle I know I will not win. So this year, I only have one wish for you. In your lifetime, you are meant to do something better, to be something better. I hope only happiness for you; that for a moment in your life you are able to experience pieces of the childhood happiness that your father and I ripped from you so unfairly. I wish that you keep your protective, loving soul. I pray you stay humble in your nature and persistent toward your dreams.

For you, my baby, I wish nothing but a lifetime of happiness.

I love you very much-I will always love you.

Mom

               Alexander tucks the letter back into its nook-an old cloth pouch with a fraying drawstring, fabric littered with tears and imperfections. He lets his fingers run over them; memories are built into their ridges. If he presses the soft mauve fabric to his cheek he can almost hear the calls of his friends-the crack of a torn-up baseball on a wooden bat. Bare feet against rough sand, which track an incredible odor through the house at the end of the day. Alexander can feel the sensation of too-cold water on his feet as he’s begged-for the millionth time-to keep them clean. His mother’s voice is a cool jazz trumpet; tenacious when excited, flowing and collected in conversation.

               He misses that sound.

               There’s something about the falling of leaves-the changing of seasons-that leaves Alexander feeling unsettled and craving his mother’s voice once more.  She hadn’t passed until after his birthday, in January, yet there were certain days where things were harder, regardless of the season or the closeness to specific dates.

               Growing up in the Caribbean Alexander had never celebrated Thanksgiving. He’d never really even known about it fully until he’d moved here, and suddenly the train stations and bus stops in New York City were full  of people coming and going, always a larger mob than usual. And then he had asked Laurens about it that first year, when he’d first moved to America. They’d been roommates even then-Laurens was his first friend in the country, the one who’d always been there for him. They’d shared everything; a bathroom, the cramped dorm room with cold, dirty tiled floors. Their first night sharing a room they’d stayed up late using the clanging of their broken AC as a beatboxing machine to freestyle to. They’d even had bunk beds once (it only lasted a week) when they’d had the idea of using their floor space to set up a dart board or plastic basketball hoop. Their dreams were shattered by Alex’s tossing on the top bunk and Laurens’ little snores.

               But they’d managed, finding compromise after compromise until their room became the most harmonious place for their friend group. And then they’d welcomed Herc and Laff when they’d gotten roped into one of their crazy hijinks, pranking a person who lived next to Lafayette who’d been a little too noisy the past few days. From there it became history, the four never known without each other.

               It’s the memories that help Alex carry on; to adjust to life in America-life without his mother, or his past trailing and taunting him. Life seems to carry on here as seamlessly as if he’d lived here his entire life thanks to the friends that he’d made. There are only some cultural barriers he still has to overcome-Thanksgiving being a big one.

               His first Thanksgiving had been spent-almost involuntarily-with John Laurens and his very large and loud Puerto Rican family. John had been talking about the event for the entire month before, Alex never batting an eye to the holiday’s name. It wasn’t until his roommate had asked about his own plans that Alex had to admit that he had nothing; Thanksgiving wasn’t something he’d celebrated before, and didn’t seem like something he’d be interested in. It had always been him and his mother; a quiet, balanced household. And then it was his cousin, and then the foster family…silent.

               Thanksgiving with the Laurens family was always something to experience.

               They were loud; rambunctious. They liked music that rocked the house and food that turned his tongue to flame; cooking together in a kitchen crowded with warm bodies, cups of alcohol, and the heat of the oven. It was something completely different to his own upbringing but as the years grew he returned. Alex became familiar with the family, the dancing, the food…in time he nearly grew to like Thanksgiving-to crave the crazy night ahead to the family that had welcomed him with opened arms.

               Which is why he now found himself to be in a monumental predicament.

               It began on a Sunday; he was in the library, taking up nearly an entire table with papers splayed out around him and a pencil tucked behind his ear. Alexander pressed keys on his laptop, squinting his eyes and pushing stray locks of hair from his face as he attempted complete concentration. His lips moved in a flurry of disconnected thoughts, ones that he would jot down on random corners of loose leaf paper every so often.

               When Eliza found him he was sitting cross-legged in the uncomfortable wooden chair, elbow propped on the table and head bent in concentration. She hovered at the library door, a sparing number of students around, to watch him work. Her heart swelled watching him, the way his fingers met the hem on the arm of his favorite sweater, where it had already begun to strain from repetitive action. She could tell that he was nearly ready for a break by the way his hand held a slight tremor when he wrote; the way he fidgeted in his chair, antsy although he’d never admit defeat. So Eliza took his body language as her cue, crossing the library before running a hand along his back, sitting in the empty chair next to him.

               “Is this seat taken?” He looks up from his work and feels himself immediately lighten, uncrossing his legs and reaching over to kiss her.

               “Ooh, this is awkward. I was just waiting for Burr-we were going to go walking in the park, maybe stop by and see his sister…what was her name again?”

               “Very funny.” She shakes her head, laughing. And then Eliza brings her fingers to her mouth, touching the tips of them to her lips as her eyes wander the room. He doesn’t notice at first, busy with packing his things. But when he looks up he straightens in his chair a bit, pausing in his task.

               “So, I have a question for you.” She draws out her words as though they’re difficult to say, moving her hand to the back of her neck. Eliza lets it linger there for a moment, and when he asks her for clarification she groans, closing her eyes and speaking through slightly parted lips.

               “mydadwantsyoutocomeforthanksgiving.”

               “What?”

               “My dad wants you to come for Thanksgiving-good, there, it’s been said.” Alexander is completely still. His heart begins to race, pounding against his chest as her words repeat through his mind-mostly, my dad. He imagines Phillip Schuyler, rich politician known for being protective of his three daughters more than anything else, meeting him. His hands reach up to adjust his hair involuntarily at the thought.

               “I know it’s a lot but he mentioned my leaving brunch last weekend so I was telling him the half-truth of the story and your name came up. I panicked, Angelica saved me because she’s mentioned you a few times too…basically, my dad likes Thanksgiving to be a big affair. He was saying how much he’d love to meet a friend of ours. I said I didn’t know if you had any plans and he was insisting that you come.”

               Alexander still doesn’t answer. He’s caught by the scenarios in his head; of the thought of her father’s eyes staring him down, judging him. It made his blood run cold through his veins, his hand reaching slyly for the cube in his pocket as he attempted to calm his heart’s rapid beating.

               “-And then, I thought it might not be a bad idea. Do you-have any plans for Thanksgiving?”

               “I uh, I usually go to John’s house. Every year since I moved here, actually. They’re kind of the family I have here.”  

               “Oh, okay. That’s great, I’m glad you have them.” One thing Alexander has learned about Eliza in the time they have been dating is that she is excellent at deceit; not wrongful, hurtful deceit, but at putting on a show when she’s not pleased with something. She has this face she makes. The corners of her lips turn up in a smile but her eyes do not come to meet it. She’s poise; always poised, and polite. He can read through her-eyes without their usual shine, posture that’s just a little too straight. She’s putting on her show for him, and today it begins both a simmering and a sinking feeling within his bones.

               “Eliza,” He takes pause to read her expression again, dubious. “Do you want me to come?”

               “Alexander it’s alright, it’s fine.”

               “You do, you’re trying to make me feel better. I can see that you want me to, I know you.”

               “Okay, so I do. I want you to come. But I’m not going to make you change your plans for me.”

               “You know I want you to be happy.”

               “It’s just,” She scans the room, then, eyes searching as she suddenly realizes how quiet and public of a space they’re in. She rises from her chair. “Can we not have this conversation here?”

               “Okay-yeah, sure.” He follows in her steps, each movement increasing the rapid of his blood flow; the unease he’s begun to feel. It courses from his head to his toes, lifting through his knees as they bend with his walk, his hands as his fingers intertwine with hers. He can feel her own anxieties, too, from the loose grip on his hand and the slightly larger distance subconsciously kept between them.

               They find their way to her room.

               Neither wants to start the conversation; the space has an air of both nerves and awkward silence between them. She makes her way into the kitchenette, bringing them both back a glass of water. For a moment she just stares into the cup, watching the condensation gathering on the outside of the glass. It feels cool on her hands. Eliza traces the droplets until they’ve formed one large one, falling down the outside of the cup and onto the knee of her tights.

               “I want you to meet my father.” The words fall heavy in the air between them. She can barely hear the audible intake of air from Alexander, but it’s there. His fingers rub circles on the hem of his sweater. He looks down at his hands.

               “Okay.”

               “I think…it’s just-it’s important to me. I don’t want to have to keep ‘kind of sort of’ lying to him anymore.”

               Alexander nods but says nothing; above her voice there are 500 of his own in his mind, coursing rough and feverish, telling him all sorts of things. And within every though there’s a vision, an image of what it would be like to meet Phillip Schuyler. To shake his firm hand with his own shaking one in introduction-to prove himself. He’d have to answer questions, then, about everything. In conversation just this week, Church had mentioned the process; the endless conversations, and just how in-depth the man would get.

               How would Phillip Schuyler feel about his daughter dating a penniless immigrant?

               And even if-by some form of a miracle-he accepted Alexander…would he accept the truth that he was so surely in love with her? Would he allow it? And then, one more glaringly obvious thought shoots to the front of his mind like a bullet, hard and fast.

               “Shit, this relationship is going to have to go public at some point.” His tone is fast and incredulous; a darker timbre settling in. Eliza sits up in her chair, tipping her head slightly at his words.

               “Is that….is that going to be a problem?”

               “No, it’s just-well, yes. But,”

               “-This is my life, Alexander. As stupid as it is to live like this, it is what it is. I accepted a long time ago that I’d have to share pieces of my life that I might not want to. For my father…for the sake of his dream, and his goals. It’s a big deal. It’s a huge piece of my life.”

               “I know, I know.”

               “Making my father happy means a lot to me.”    

               “I just-I don’t know if I’m ready for all of that.”

               “Okay…Alright.” Eliza rises from the couch then, visibly upset. She swallows back a lump in her throat.

               A piece of Eliza, within the depths of herself, understands. She sees it as what it is, is willing to accept it. But the other part-the ruling, headstrong, emotional piece-feels a pain in her heart at his rejection of the idea. In one moment she’d had an entire vision of her future laid out in front of her, a course they’d take together.

               She’d introduce him to her father. He’d sit between her and Angelica at dinner. He’d tell her father about himself and he’d be accepted-won over. They’d be happy. She could begin her new chapter with him by her side. She wouldn’t have to hide things anymore. And he’d be there, for the most important holiday in her father’s mind, for the first time of many. He’d be there to erase her memories-to give her comfort, and to make new ones.

               Her heart sinks as it’s let down, and suddenly she finds the atmosphere to be overwhelming; it’s the first time she’s wanted to be alone to her own comfort while he’s been there. The first time she hasn’t sought him out, but herself. She turns, looking down at his figure on the couch with rounded, glossy eyes.

               “Eliza,”

               “Can I just-I need to be alone right now. To think things out, y’know?”

               “I didn’t mean,”

               “I know. I know you didn’t.” She reaches for his arm, putting a gentle hand on the space below his elbow in comfort-reassurance. It doesn’t work as well as she’d like, for Alexander’s eyes still bare a cocktail of hurt and discomfort-an anxiety she can’t ignore yet can’t quite talk about at this moment. Now, she just wants silence. To be alone with her thoughts. “I understand. I just need a minute.”

               “Okay.” He rises from the couch, her hand still on his arm as his other finds her waist, pulling her in for the slightest brushing of lips. She sighs into the contact. She wishes things could be easier. He gathers his things and heads out the door, turning only once to look at her.

               Alexander wishes he could gather the strength of words enough to stay. The same coursing numbness lingers inside of him. He parts his lips-a slight courage of words joining him before it dissipates again.

               Alexander walks out of her apartment wishing for more; more strength, more time…but his continual, singeing nerves serve as a reminder that he just might not be enough for her.

               The truth about Eliza Schuyler’s boyfriend…bastard. Immigrant. Orphan. Scholarship student….

The headlines flash though his mind for the rest of the night. No, he won’t do that to her. She deserves more than the truth of his life. His Eliza deserves a world that he just can’t give to her, and Alexander’s not so sure he can hold her brilliance back much longer.

[niara-aldaine]

challenge 4

[part 2/3]

thank you to @haidenschreave @lady-naomi-lafleur @winter-havilliard

mentions of @heatherkuwahara @baguette-le-chef

Eliminations were nerve-wracking, no doubt about that. I was left pondering why I was kept here, although I most certainly didn’t argue against it. It was a questionable feeling, being one of the Elite. The hallways were emptier with a void lack of girls and the Women’s Room was filled with less conversation. Less laughter, more tension in the air, although the bonds of friendship that had survived were stronger than steel. But I felt..different. As if I was a piece of metal that had been heated and forged into something different. Something stronger.

But soon enough, it was announced that there would be a birthday ball in honor of Prince Haiden, and that the former Selected would be visiting. And just as it had been before, the palace was suddenly whisked into a frenzy. The buzz of chatter filled the empty rooms and maids hurried down halls, whispering to each other excitedly. The staff was reinvigorated and the girls suddenly were delighted, making plans for what to wear. That goes to show that life, no matter how dead it may seem, always goes on.

8 am // the morning of the birthday ball

Naomi and I were probably waking the other girls earlier than they would have liked, laughing hysterically while slathering on oatmeal face masks and throwing almonds at each other. Last night, I had knocked on Naomi’s door and suggested a sleepover, so that the next morning we could get ready together, which she agreed to.

“So,” I chucked an almond at her. “Ow! Stop that!” she laughed, picking up the fallen almond. “We’re in the Elite now,” I said, my face turning serious, although I doubted I looked somber due to the fact I had some chunky yellow face mask plastered onto my skin. “It’s crazy!” she answered, her eyes wide, “I can’t believe it.” “I know,” I responded, scrunching up my face, “I’m surprised I’ve made it this far.” “I didn’t think I’d make it this far either,” Naomi confessed, “It feels like it’s already gone by so fast!” It was true. Time was flying by faster than I had thought and definitely faster than I wanted it to be. 

The same rule applied to our “morning makeover session”. We painted each other’s nails and invited our maids as well, making it a blast. It was too soon when we had to put on our dresses, put up our hair, and elegantly (or at least tried to) descend down the stairs to the birthday ball.The ballroom looked absolutely stunning, a table overflowing with gifts, a glittering chandelier while a quartet played in the background. I saw the King and Queen waltz across the room, blissfully in love. 

Naomi and I, to no one’s surprise, made a beeline for the chocolate table. If anyone had slightly turned their head to look in our direction, they would’ve seen 2 girls clad in gorgeous dresses, stuffing themselves with desserts. 

“So shud we thalk to the fermer Shulected?” I asked, my mouth full. “Yeth we sall,” Naomi answered, with an equally stuffed mouth.

“Dun make me laff or elth I’m gonna shpit out all my thocolate,” I said, trying to contain my laughter. “Tat voud be unfotunate,” she giggled.

“Even wurse, I cud shpit it all over Haiden,” I grimaced. “Oh yu don’t even know how muth I voud pay to see tat,” she mumbled back. 

“Where ith Haiden efen?” I asked. Naomi turned me around, “Riht by teh shtairs.” “Ith he luking ath us?” I said, trying not to let anyone see my bulging mouth full of chocolate. “I hopth not. How do we luk so cthlassy?” she laughed, making me almost spit everything out.

“Wher ith Heather? She voud be madth at us,” Naomi said.”Ith ok, I theenk Bagueeth ith going to be more madth at us for making him make moore of theese desserts,” I shrugged. It was awhile until we could fully speak again.

“Should we talk to some of the Selected then?” I asked, receiving back a, “Yeah, I guess we should.” She looked back at the chocolate fondly, whispering, “I’ll be back for you.” I looked sideways, saying, “Someone��s going to eat all of them though, but thank God I brought a bag.” I took the entire platter of chocolates and shoved it into my bag. “So smart,” Naomi smiled, tapping her head with her finger before departing, her dress fluttering behind her as she went to talk to the other Selected.

I ended up talking to all of the Selected, each with their own advice and experiences. I hoped that from them I could gain a little knowledge, some sort of reassurance from the girls who once had stood in my place, all vying for the heart of the prince. I especially had a lovely conversation with Princess Winter, who was extremely sweet and gave amazing advice.

Somewhere during the midst of the birthday ball, I walked over to Haiden, in my hands a thin box with a neatly tied bow. “Happy birthday,” I smiled, handing it to him. “Ah thank you,” he answered, “What’s in the box?” “Sheets of music,” I said hesitatingly, “It’s a song I wrote myself. I hope you like it.” “That’s amazing,” Haiden said sincerely, “Thank you so much.”

And I suddenly realized that after a thousand conversations with diplomats and Selected and royals, that maybe I did actually know what my feelings were. And I knew somehow that I wasn’t anything like a piece of metal, forged into something stronger. No, I was glass, a piece of clear, delicate art that could break at the hands of anything. And anyone.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Planning a romantic weekend away

Jimmy: Gracie came at me earlier. There was mistletoe up and I near fully hit the floor 😎 Jimmy: Hold fire though. She only wanted to tell me to convince you of summat. Pretty sure you already know what it is Janis: Erm...Father Christmas is really real? That her weave isn't from dead Brazilian hookers? Janis: Enlighten me or I'll tell her she's got a holiday free pass on you 😈 Jimmy: Double date. Need I say more 😡 Janis: FUCK. I DIDN'T THINK IT'D ACTUALLY HAPPEN. Janis: How far does she expect the season of goodwill to extend, like? Already got some poor cunt being a charitable home for her arse so she don't freeze Janis: Single tear. Janis: Question is, can we make it worth it enough for us to endure that shite? Hmm Jimmy: I almost got my arse to church so it wouldn't. Shoulda sucked off that priest when he asked. Too late? Jimmy: You better get me a top notch pressie, baby 😏 Janis: You know you ain't on the nice list 😉 Janis: So, Santa might be dissing but you'll be getting something extra special from me Janis: As for God, and his holly jolly perverted following, I reckon we're both shit out of 🍀 there, no matter how good our head game is, such is life Janis: Grah, I hear she does shoutouts now...want that 'influencer' clout, baby? Not double entendre my end but might be for GracieGuru 🙊😂 Jimmy: what the fuck we going to do then? No way I'm hanging with her and her latest 'boo boy' Jimmy: Even if I was getting paid, which is likely since she just loves common grounds Janis: Preaching to the choir, dickhead, ain't my idea of a good time either, or hers let's be fucking real. She just wants to dry-hump a slab of boy in front of you on the off chance that really gets you going for her Janis: You wouldn't call her brainy, bless Janis: Idk, don't worry about it, Jim. Just avoid her/the flat whites like the plague and I'll have to literally run away like I'm an angsty 12 year old so we can't be located, even with friend finder or whatever they stalk each other with Janis: Oooh! Just call me brains, we should pretend to have a romantic weekend away planned, that'll send her over the edge, that is her everything goals Janis: Like I said, I can hide from a hoe Jimmy: I knew there was a reason I kept you about Jimmy: Let's do it though. Easier to take than fake the 'gram Jimmy: Any ideas? 🤔 Jimmy: Most of my boltholes are far from yours and not very enviable for that crowd #it'sgrimupnorth Janis: Yeah, why do you tbh? Janis: Now its clear my sister has got no respect for anyone on her hunt for dick/self-esteem Janis: She's hoping its a twofer like Janis: I don't know if I can stand you for that long, darling Janis: But I SUPPOSE your the lesser of two evils here 😉 Jimmy: It's love 💕 Jimmy: Come on, it'll be a laff. I'll get the beers in Jimmy: You can try harder to beat me at darts and pool Janis: As far as the adoring fans/salty haterz are concerned Janis: and that's all that matters Janis: bitch i don't have to try! 😤 you put me off last time with ur mooning 😍 Janis: we don't need to convince the old fellas in the boozer Jimmy: Fuck off I was getting practice in! Jimmy: If you're ready to fake a break up say the word but until then, it takes a lot of work to give you the puppy dog eyes. I'm not Twix Janis: Sure you was 😂 Janis: N'awwh but you do it so well! Janis: Audition for the School play whilst ur at it, soft lad Jimmy: I do enough fake snogging without signing myself up for that bollocks Jimmy: You coming away with me then or not? Jimmy: You know your sister'll be in again nagging before shift's end Janis: Well, when you put it like that Janis: 😒 Janis: I ain't got nothing better to do, and I certainly ain't third wheeling her fake date Janis: My grandparents got a place down skerries Janis: we can crash there Jimmy: How many rooms they got? My dad's working so I'll have to bring the ramble with Jimmy: #goals I know Janis: Fucking hell, my pissing sister! She owes you more than she's spending on coffee for the hassle she's causing Janis: If you really can't, don't worry, I'll sort her. She'll be unbearable when she finds out it was all for a laugh but it was at her expense so how much of a mug can she actually make me feel? 😑 Janis: That said, there's 3 rooms, its only a caravan don't get excited but the kids would probably be buzzin', it is pretty nice down there Janis: I'll even let you have the double bed to yourself Janis: ol Janis: l Jimmy: It'll stop them nagging me about going somewhere other than the park that'll do me Jimmy: Cass talks big but she isn't even really so doable Jimmy: Don't be getting any ideas though 😍😉 my brother hasn't slept well since we moved. I'll be sharing that double like it or not Jimmy: What a way to spend my first proper time off since I started #blessed Janis: Yeah, fish and chips on the beach even tho its fucking baltic, chasing Twix will keep 'em warm, you'll earn major big brother points as well as bae ones Janis: What a mighty fine man Janis: Same here, Cass. Shh about it though Janis: Like you said, it'll be a laugh, we can make it one Janis: You'd really rather be making pinkity drinkidies or whatever the fuck they are? Jimmy: Nope. But your 1st romantic break usually is. Any talent there is in all grans playing bingo? Jimmy: Be nice to get something off the 'gram 💋 Janis: I ain't been since I was about 9 Janis: I wasn't after bitches then and I ain't now Janis: I wish you luck, 2 kids hanging on your arm and a woman back home, like Janis: Does it for some. Jimmy: I'd do some talking first to get things clear I'm not tall Tammy 😂 Jimmy: Bet you were a right cute kid, weren't you? Aww Janis: Again, have fun explaining that one, mate. I'd struggle with the concept and I'm in on it. Janis: Adorable. What happened? Jimmy: Shut up you know what you look like, mate Janis: A butch lezza? Janis: So I've been told 👍 Jimmy: That's not what they are saying anymore. Check my comments sometime. The lads are gagging for you now Janis: Goody gumdrops. Janis: I'll leave my knickers at the door, like Jimmy: You could like. I've been waiting for you to drop me as your fake bf since this whole thing started Janis: I'm not interested in any of them. Janis: Would your world be set alight by Aaron O'Reilly from form? Janis: If you wanna cop off with some of your fans don't let me stop you Jimmy: You aren't. They're not my type anymore than Aaron's yours. I'm just saying you take a crackin pic and I should know since I'm the one takin 'em. So you don't need to spout that crap. They're just jealous of how much of a butch lezza you aren't Janis: Alright. Well, you're not half bad at taking snaps, and not in the bullshit way every hoe thinks they know their angles and magic lighting these days, you're actually decent. Janis: It don't feel like crap when Janis: blah, meant to delete that, ignore it Jimmy: 🤐 Jimmy: Wanna help me with my art project while we're away then? Kill all the birds (hopefully not with my flash) Jimmy: I'll owe you again Janis: I won't even joke on you for being a swot 🤓🤞 Janis: What've you got planned? Jimmy: I haven't had any time to think yet beyond film being the medium but Jimmy: #workinprogress Jimmy: with a muse like you m'dear how could I go wrong 💕 Janis: 😜 Janis: just so you know, i ain't bringing any homework but put my name or yours, yeah? 😘 not even in art but might count for something Janis: clue me in tho, brainiac, what do the kiddos like? i'll get 'em something Jimmy: Rookie mistake mate, art's an easy A Jimmy: They'll take anything covered in sugar. Can't say I'll love you for it when they crash mid journey though Janis: Only 'cos you're good at it. With my genes I should be but I can barely draw a stickman. Janis: I'll stick with double sports, sports science and science 👌 Janis: I'll keep sweets in stock for bribery, goes without sayin'! Different pocket to Twix' fish treats, though Janis: I'll have a look down town Jimmy: 😂 did you see that article doin the rounds about the mum who bought her kid a cat's advent calendar Janis: 😂 Yes! Shame catnip don't work like on us like it does cats, that kid would be pingin' Janis: Might get meself some, like Jimmy: What gets dogs off their heads? I'll keep Twix well clear Jimmy: She's high enough on your 😍 Janis: I don't know, actually...telling them they're good bois? Janis: Works for you boo 😘 Jimmy: I prefer being called a very bad boy 😎 Janis: You clown 😂 Janis: Good to know, suppose. Dirty weekend away though it ain't Jimmy: what our fans don't know won't break their jealous hearts Jimmy: you coming in for your freebies today or shall I do a delivery your way once Grace is home? 😉 Janis: Kick it really cliche and be my sexy delivery boy Janis: Try and bring something with sausage in so I can come at you with the quality porn writing Jimmy: Live your fantasies as well as your sister's if you want, my name tag says Jonathon today Janis: Ooh, spicing it up with some roleplay like we're middle-aged okay Janis: How boring are you that you've picked a name so similar to your own...this is why we've hit a dry patch, Jimothy! Jimmy: What would you seriously pick? Janis: For you? Janis: Who's a fittie... Janis: Anthony Joshua could get it Janis: You don't want to be in the play but reckon you can stretch to that? Jimmy: Next time I lose my name tag I'll insist on that. For the bae 💕 Jimmy: About as close as I'll get I think Janis: Who do you want? Janis: I wanna know your type Janis: Bar Tall Tammy Jimmy: Your sister obviously Janis: Fuck off, not even funny Janis: If that were true, you know where she lives bitch, I ain't stopping ya, she's practically shoe-horning you in 🤢 Jimmy: I meant the fit older one 😉 Janis: Ohhh Janis: Still, do one 🖕 I'm not pretending to be my sister you freak Jimmy: That's one pretense too far. Got it 😂 Janis: Yeah, in this hypothetical you've really shit the bed, pal. Jimmy: I only half read that because #customers and thought you called me shit in bed mate Janis: well... 😏 Jimmy: I fake rocked your world Janis Cavante! 😂 Janis: you know we faked it so i didn't have to fake it 💅 Jimmy: Aaron O'Reilly's walking through the door want me to slip him your number and end this? 😝 Janis: I will murder you. Janis: also he might think your trying to set up a threeway for YOUR benefit, so if you wanna take over the gay rumours that bad, go for it 💋🍆 Jimmy: I've seen you with a pool cue I think I'm safe Jimmy: Give a shit. At least I actually am butch Janis: Psh, you're all show no grow Janis: We're arm wrestling, then you'll see Jimmy: 💪 I'll beat you at that too then, shall I? 🏆 Janis: Bring it on. I won't make you cry too hard, save face in front of the kiddos. Janis: 'Let' them kick your arse too 😜 Jimmy: Try it, baby girl 😝 Jimmy: Cass probs could no lie. Scrappy af that one Janis: Good girl 👍 Janis: Gotta keep you in check Jimmy: Doubt you'll be calling her that when she's shadowed you all weekend Jimmy: She loves you. Who knows why? Janis: I keep telling you I'm a delight Janis: Has this...how long has it been? Month, 2? Of SHEER BLISS taught you nothing Janis: Ruuuuude. Jimmy: Nope. I'm with Team Bobby. You're a gross meanie Jimmy: As all girls are 😂 Janis: Well I'm winning Bobby 'round this weekend by hook or by crook Janis: then you can please yourself, billy no mates Janis: Team Janis 💪 Jimmy: Every bro knows you can't be friends with your girl Jimmy: DUH Janis: Oh yeah, all straight couples HATE each other and that's #goals Janis: If I can't be chatting shit on you, how will I get to talk about you constantly to my gals? Janis: Singing your praises? I THINK NOT Jimmy: Speaking of, Gracie and co are back on the premise that Tall Tammy left her....something. I wasn't listening. Should I break the news we won't be here for date night or do you want to do the honors Janis: Dignity? That's long gone, honey. Janis: Ooh, lemme do it, you're coming round with the sausage anyway Janis: We can do it together baby Jimmy: awhhh Jimmy: I've hidden the mistletoe but she can see the top of the highest counters!! I'm on borrowed time what do I do? Janis: Headbutt her in the teeth Janis: 'Accidentally' Janis: Can't help being a normal-sized human Jimmy: #customerservice Jimmy: then recommend her our chewy cookies 😂 Janis: You can see why I'm not trying to be your work wifey too, yeah? 😂 Janis: If you can convince any of those girls to break their diet, I'll be impressed Janis: Don't count if they go vom in the bogs after tho Jimmy: Gracie might be on her way already. One of her posse asked what you were getting me for Christmas and I didn't hold back Janis: Oh no, am I about to get slut-shamed? 😲 Janis: Or, heaven forfend, tips Janis: I will die Jimmy: Damn I didn't think of that. Sorry Janis: Its cool Janis: She's all mouth anyway, not in a beneficial to the cause way Janis: Be interesting hearing what she thinks you want, keep ya posted lol Jimmy: 🙌 Can't wait Janis: that's what you're meant to say about my present! Jimmy: I did, swear 🤞 Janis: what do you actually want Jimmy: Don't worry about it Janis: Oh, is it? If I'm not fucking your brains out you're not interested Janis: Fine then, save my reddies. 👍 Jimmy: That's what I was thinking. Stage a break up before 🎄 for max drama and min spends Janis: Cool. If you wanna. Janis: Just don't tell everyone you chucked me 'cos I wouldn't give it up. Already a frigit. Janis: What's the story then? Jimmy: Obviously not. We've been hooking up for ages got to keep it #goals Jimmy: I don't know haven't thought that far ahead it just makes sense to get out before gifting Janis: Yeah. Fair. Janis: Think on and let me know Jimmy: You too. We can brainstorm at the weekend. Nothing but time then Jimmy: Can't break up right after the break though Janis: Would look sus, yeah. Janis: Maybe I'll whup you one too many times, your fragile male ego can't hack it, eh? Jimmy: Grace'd be smug 😩 Jimmy: Can't even fake that, babe Jimmy: Nobody'd believe the story Janis: She's gonna be regardless Janis: I got the shitty end of the stick here like but ain't nowt we can do about it now Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: No we're goals we just burned too bright that's all 😂 Jimmy: You've got way more time served with me than she does any of her boos she doesn't win Janis: Mhmm. Calm down, Icarus. Sure you'll be comparing some other bint on a balcony to the sun in no time. 😘 Janis: Suppose so. Least hers are real, if not short-lived, and, well, shit. Janis: She won't know the difference anyway Jimmy: There's nobody like you 💕 Jimmy: Exactly I'm not going to tell her we weren't real Janis: Bullshit 💕 Janis: True enough, I'll take it. Jimmy: Shit gotta go the boss is back Jimmy: Love you 💕 Janis: Love you too, Jonathon 💕