#this one is in the catradora drabble collection on ao3

[creacherkeeper]

based on this post by @horde-princess

between 5x06 and 5x07 - catra and adora discuss the origins of she-ra’s new form 

-

The technology was ancient, and no matter how much Entrapta had fixed it up in the weeks they’d been on the ship, things were bound to be a little clunky, a little too loud. Adora didn’t know a thing about mechanics, but she thought there had to be a way to fix it. Maybe a little grease wasn’t enough to solve her problem, but they had to try something.

She hated the way Catra flinched whenever the door to the bedroom opened.

(She told herself it was just the noise.)

“I brought some food,” she said, trying to plaster on a smile as she watched Catra’s muscles unclench. “Don’t worry, Bow made it. It’s probably edible.”

Catra nodded, clawed fingers messing with the edge of the blanket.

Adora stopped a ways away from the bed (okay, it was a mattress on a table, whatever) and pushed the tray of food back and forth between her hands.

“You haven’t eaten in a while,” she said, trying not to clear the nerves from her throat. She couldn’t ask ‘are you hungry’, because Catra would just say no.

Catra nodded again, eyes downcast.

“I’ll, um. I’ll leave it here.” She sat the tray at the foot of the bed, room enough that Catra couldn’t kick it without trying.

She twiddled her fingers, lips trying to twitch into an awkward smile.

“Do you need anything else?”

“No,” Catra mumbled, sounding, to Adora’s ears, very, very tired. And then, after a moment, “Thank you.”

“Of course.”

Adora stayed by the edge of the bed, staring. It was a moment before she caught herself doing so, and she huffed an anxious laugh and quickly turned to leave the room.

Catra stopped her right before the door.

“Adora?”

The door—the damned noisy creaky door—groaned opened. It was Adora this time who flinched at the noise.

She spun faster than she meant to.

“Yeah?”

From the bed, Catra watched her, mismatched eyes shining in the soft light of the room. Her eyebrows were pressing inwards, bottom lip caught on one sharp tooth.

“Um.” Catra looked down, away. “Can I ask you a question?”

The heart inside Adora’s chest jolted and quickened its pace.

She took a few hasty steps forward.

“Yes, of course. Absolutely. What’s up?”

She tried not to screw up her face at how awkward that sounded, at how awkward this whole thing was. She and Catra had … well … ‘made up’ maybe wasn’t a good term for it. There was so much between them still, so much history, so much hurt. They were speaking now. That was good. They had, Adora knew, a very long way to go.

Catra glanced at her briefly, then away again.

“Why, um … Why do you look different now?” Her face pinched. She shook her head. “She-ra, I mean.”

“Oh.”

Adora shifted her weight, trying not to be disappointed. It was a fair question, just not one she had a clear answer to.

“Like the- the outfit, and everything?”

Catra nodded.

“Well, I guess … I mean, I don’t have the sword anymore, so that may be it? I don’t know how much that was … controlling it, I guess.”

“Oh,” Catra said quietly. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

Adora stared with the perplexed realization that that was not what Catra had wanted to hear.

She shifted her weight again, twitched her fingers, scuffed her boot on the floor. Before she could think better of it, she slid the tray to the other side of the bed and sat down at the foot.

Catra’s eyes drew up to watch her.

“That’s maybe not all of it,” she admitted.

The slit pupils drew across her face, but Catra was silent. Alert and listening.

Adora took a breath.

“It feels … kind of different, now? I … Well, I lost her. She-ra. I destroyed the sword, and I didn’t think I had the connection to her anymore. For a while, I … thought she was gone. I was so distraught, I tried everything, but I really did think she was lost. I couldn’t become She-ra.”

Adora steeled herself.

“Not until I came to get you.”

Catra’s eyes widened. She blinked a few times before she looked away. Adora thought her cheeks were a shade darker.

“Yeah, well.” Catra cleared her throat, her hands tightening around the blanket. “You always have to save everyone, don’t you? Gotta be the big hero.”

“I never wanted to be.”

Catra’s eyes shot back. Adora was surprised how easily the words had slipped out, how desperately fast the rest were coming.

“I never wanted to save the world. I never wanted to be the hero. I got chosen. That’s it, that’s the whole thing. For whatever reason, the universe chose me. I’m just doing what I have to.”

“Oh, don’t give me that,” Catra bit back, and despite the opposition, Adora was a little pleased with the energy in her voice. “Even when we were kids, you were the big protector. That’s how you’ve always been.”

“Yeah,” Adora agreed, and Catra’s face clouded with confusion. “But that wasn’t about … all this. It wasn’t about saving the world. It was about saving you. That’s it, it … That’s what I cared about, that’s where it all came from. It was just about protecting you. And I know- I know you don’t need me to, and you don’t like it. You can take care of yourself. And- And there were so many times where I still failed, but—”

“Hey,” Catra cut her off. Her face was growing softer, but there was something else to it. Frustration, maybe. Trying to find what to say.

“Sorry,” Adora mumbled. She looked down at her hands, twisting on her lap.

“I can—” She heard Catra take a breath. “I can maybe do with a little protecting. Sometimes.”

Adora rolled with a chuckle. She shot Catra a weak smile, surprised to find her eyes were wet.

Catra’s lips quirked in return. The expression fell, and Adora looked away.

“It’s not that I didn’t want you to protect me, when we were kids.” She pushed a sigh through her nose. “I just … I didn’t want us to need to be saved, you know? I thought … I thought we would both get so strong that … We’d have each other’s backs, and we’d both be so strong that no one could hurt us even if they wanted to. You protecting me meant that there were people still trying. People who could. Who … Who did. And maybe sometimes I got scared that if you were the one always protecting me, that you didn’t think I could have your back too, or … or maybe you’d get tired of it, of me not pulling my weight, of my not doing my share, and you’d …”

“I’d leave,” Adora finished quietly.

“Yeah.”

Adora let out a shaking, watery breath as she leaned back on her hands. She stared up at the ceiling, trying to blink away the blur.

“I get that,” she whispered after a second. “I do. I’m sorry I didn’t see that before.”

“I’m sorry I never said it.”

Despite her tears, a little smile tugged her lips at the apology.

“I guess—” Adora swallowed, trying to find her words. “I guess I thought that if I was protecting you, if I could do that … That was the reason I was there, you know? Not- Not in the Horde specifically, but … just … alive? Like that was my purpose? I thought if I could protect you, then that would justify the space I took up.”

Catra was quiet for a few moments.

“That sounds like a lot.”

“I wanted to, though?” She rolled her head to the side, staring at Catra as if that would summon her meaning. She used to do the same thing when they were kids—just stare until her thoughts made sense and the words came to her. It drove Catra up the wall. It felt … right, that she could do it again now. “I never … I didn’t think of it as a burden, or … Now, with She-ra, this is what I’m supposed to do, it’s what I have to do. It’s my duty to the world, and I’m doing it.” Her eyebrows drew, mouth parting as she watched Catra’s expression and thought. “It never felt that way with you. It wasn’t a task, a weight, it … it was my purpose. And that felt … good. It felt right.”

Catra was watching her with such soft concern, some new expression of aching understanding, that Adora had to look away.

“I didn’t feel that way again until I got you back from Prime.”

“The new She-ra form …” Catra mumbled.

“Yeah. I think so.”

They were quiet. Adora reached up and rubbed the fuzziness from her eyes.

“With the saving the world stuff …” Catra said after a while. “Do you … have to? I mean, if you never wanted to, if that isn’t what it was about—”

“Who else is going to, Catra?”

Catra’s mouth closed.

“I- It stopped being about me a long time ago,” Adora said. “I have a duty. The universe gave me a job, and I’m doing it. That’s it, that’s … that’s all there is to it. No one else can do it, so I am. I’m not going to sit idly by when I could do something.”

“Yeah.”

Adora watched her eyes slip down, watched her hands grip hard against the blanket.

“You were never the type to let things be.”

Adora’s stomach knotted. She watched Catra, but the other girl didn’t look back up at her.

Adora cleared her throat. She stood, brushed herself off, tugged the bottom of her jacket.

“You should eat before it gets cold.”

Catra was quiet. She nodded.

Adora took a breath and pushed it out. She looked around the room, but there was nothing left to say.

“I’ll let you rest.”

Her boots trudged across the room, though she didn’t want to leave. She was so tired of leaving Catra. She wanted Catra to call her back, for her to turn once again and find a reason to stay.

There was silence in the room.

Catra didn’t call her back, and Adora didn’t find her reason. She stood in the doorway until the damn creaky noisy door groaned open, and this time, Adora didn’t flinch.

[thinkingisadangerouspastime]

author interview tag

i was tagged by @ambivalentmarvel!! thank you so much!! all the love to you my friend 💕

name: amy // thinkingisadangerouspastime // faerialchemist on ao3

fandoms: in terms of what i’ve written about… well, in chronological order, it was teen titans, a dash of winx club, fairy tail, a dash of ohshc, fma/fmab, mcu, ml, good omens, tdp, she-ra, a dash of fruits basket, pjo, and finally atla. im most active with atla and tdp right now, though fma/fmab will always be my favorite and i sporadically jump in and out of the mcu lmao.

where you post: ao3, ffn, wattpad, and quotev lol. idk why quotev too tbh but i started writing fic in middle school (which is why you should not. Never Ever. go to my ffn lmao) so i guess i just wanted to cover my bases?

most popular one-shot: on ao3, Inevitable (Avengers Endgame fix-it) has the most hits but There’s a Fine, Fine Line (Flash Thompson character introspection) has the most kudos.

most popular multi-chapter fic: i don’t really have a lot of true multi-chapter fics? i only have a couple multi-chapter fics and a few oneshot collections (back when i was worried about posting too many stories; now i have no shame 🥰). No Ordinary Exchange has the most hits (Rayllum College!AU and a true multi-chapter fic) while certainty has the most kudos (Catradora fluff prompts; a oneshot collection)

favorite story you’ve written so far: oh man that’s so hard? i have things i like and things i dislike about all of my fics where once they’ve been posted for long enough it’s hard for me to pick a favorite. i guess No Ordinary Exchange, because it’s the longest fic i’ve ever written (and possibly the only multi-chapter fic i’ve ever completed? lmao) and i just had so much fun writing it. i got to explore a lot of rayllum fluff, angst, and hurt/comfort while also delving into soren’s strained relationship with viren and even introducing some of my ocs, just as a way to explore them! i also got to make everyone queer which y’all know i love

fic you were nervous to post: Sigh No More (Maiko Much Ado AU) because it’s so niche and keep the paper lantern lit (zutaraang week oneshots) because i’d never written an ot3 before

how you choose your titles: mmmmmm song lyrics, randomly thinking of them, texting my best friends in our group chat, and using a significant word/phrase from the fic

do you outline: yes? for shorter fics, i usually just think it through in my head, but for longer fics i’ll either write down an outline (bullet-point style) or type it in the notes app on my phone (i KNOW, pls don’t judge me)

complete: if we go to ffn, where all of my fics are, 21/30 are strictly complete. if you include oneshot collections that are always in limbo between complete and incomplete since i can update them but don’t have to, 25/30. some of those remaining five will probably never be finished 😳

in progress: five fics, two of which are 99% abandoned, another two of which could be completed one day (although the change in my writing style might kill any readers who come across it), and then No Ordinary Exchange, which is written in full and updated weekly.

coming soon/not yet started: a katara-centric fic about her path to forgiving zuko (with a heavy focus on her guilt regarding kya’s death and aang’s near-death, meaning there’s some nice kataangst, too); two sequels to fire lily (young!maiko fluff and hurt/comfort), the first of which will be kinda angsty can’t lie; mai and sokka content (i have a few ideas for mai&sokka and maixsokka babey!!); an aang-centric drabble-esque fic or two; possibly some “outtakes” to my rayllum college!au

do you accept prompts: technically, yes! my ask box is always open. but my rule is very concrete that i am not required to write any prompt i receive and i will only write what interests me.

upcoming story you are most excited to write: im technically already in progress of writing it but my katara-centric fic,, AHHHHHHHHH. and then the sequels to fire lily!! i can’t wait to work on them 🥰

tagging: @justoceanmyth, @penguinsledder, @the-last-cuddlebender, @korvidaee, @irresistible-revolution, @praetorqueenreyna, and anyone else who wants to do this!! just say i tagged you :) and no pressure to those i tagged - only do it if you want to