#this one is actually very special to me because it resonates with my grieving process too

[askremiandenvy]

Needlework and Seedlings--a playlist for Kirin

A playlist of songs inspired by the unfolding of Kirin’s arc in navigating her grief. Though created with her journey in mind, these songs may resonate with anyone who has dealt with trauma or loss.

Tracklist (Song- Artist):

Coda- Echos // (“Are you dreaming, too?”)

Thirteen- The Antlers // (“Couldn’t you have kept this all from happening? Dig me out from under our house”)

Viva la Vida- Coldplay //  (“I used to rule the world, seas would rise when I gave the word”)

St. Jude- Florence and the Machine // (“Maybe I’ve always been more comfortable in chaos”)

Please Just Stay Dead- Nicole Dollanganger // (“Wild fires have been eating you inside my head, trying to smoke you out or burn you alive in it”)

Homesick- Radical Face // (“But you're not the same, you died along the way. Now we're ghosts and we're praying for winter”)

Empty- Ray LaMontagne // (“Well I looked my demons in the eye, laid bare my chest, said: ‘do your best, destroy me’”)

Lung- Vancouver Sleep Clinic // (“Can somebody pick me up? This voice is too loud. I’m losing you in the crowd”)

Crown of the Lost- Piano Magic ft. Vashti Bunyan // ( “I have dreams in which you’re a nightmare, I have dreams in which you’re unfair. But angels still dance in your garden, and flowers still grow in your hair”)

When the World Was Mine- The Count of Monte Cristo OST // (“Gone now, my tomorrow. So fast, my tomorrow's gone. The world I left behind lives only in my mind”)

Epilogue- The Antlers // (“You're screaming, and cursing, and angry, and hurting me. And then smiling, and crying. Apologizing”)

Shallows- Daughter // (“Let the water rise, let the ground crack. Let me fall inside, lying on my back”)

Faded From the Winter- Iron and Wine // ( “Needlework and seedlings, in the way you’re walking to me, from the timbers. Faded from the winter”)

[mewtwo24]

Lucifer Meta

I‌ feel like I‌ keep seeing so much talk about this, and maybe its been said before, but given I‌ have too much time on my hands and I‌ can’t stop thinking about it, I felt the need to put it into words.

A lot of people have mentioned that, if you take a look at Lucifer’s dialogue in several scenes within both the MS‌ and several ES’s, he keeps harping on this insistent desire to be considered special by the MC. He doesn’t want to be another demon a dozen (I’m sorry I‌ know I’m cringing too), he doesn’t want to be just another hottie that got away or the story of ‘that crazy hot guy I‌ fucked and never saw again.’

Today I‌ want to get into the reason for that. (Also a note, I‌ will be using feminine pronouns for the MC but I‌ fully understand that the creators allude to non-binary identification, and don’t want to discourage anyone from that—I‌’m just working from how I‌ personally play.)

Now, I‌ think it can be pretty easy to just write it off as a product of pride. After all, pride does come hand in hand with the idea that you assume you are unique beyond measure, somebody that is without peer in the best meaning of that notion. And while I‌ do think Lucifer does have a great deal of confidence in some regards, I‌ don’t personally believe that’s the whole truth. I‌ feel like it’s more complicated than that. Honestly, it’s one of the reasons I‌ enjoy Obey Me so much; we all know the basic premise. Seven deadly sins yada yada yada, absolute dumpsterfire demon family of brothers yada yada yada. But I‌ feel like beyond that surface level there are some pretty alarming–if not downright profound–moments of humanity (for lack of a better term) that emerge in each of them.

With Lucifer, I‌ feel like this constant desperation for recognition is actually an acute reflection of both his reputation, and his lifelong history. And to explain why I‌ think this is true, I‌ need to reference a major spoiler from the MS. I’m going to assume everyone’s read the MS‌ to that point, but if not I’ve added a cut and added proper tags just in case. Please don’t read below if you haven’t gotten to Chapter (14-10)!

Okay y’all, you remember the scene where it’s revealed that Lucifer gave up his entire future as a demon to give Lilith a chance to be reborn and properly be with a person she loved as a human someday? I‌ want to start here, because I‌ feel like this is crucial to our understanding of Lucifer’s attraction to MC. One of the harder things about getting close to Lucifer is how tightly sealed he is. Call this demon Fort Knox, he’s never going to betray his true intentions or his true feelings unless he has a gun to his head. And the reasons for that are obvious (vulnerability?????‌ in m y me???? it’s less like than you think one more step and I‌ kill you–)‌ You can’t be the perfect caretaker or the perfect right hand to the most powerful being in your realm by betraying constant fluctuation in feeling. (Too bad he’s the most brittle motherfucker I’ve ever seen. But, I‌ digress.) Besides which, I imagine one of the many ways he kept himself from cracking and spilling his secret was to bury it in the sure silence of secrecy. He could significantly lower the threat of revealing the truth if he never, ever talked about it at length. He manifests capability and strength in the most classical/conservative forms of those words (and coincidentally, the ones most acceptable to the old school ‘canonic’ representations of christianity):‌ with stoicism, by refusing to show a single chink in the armor or an iota of oscillating warmth. True devotion to God means no signs of wavering; you are either with Him or against Him. You either follow the rules, or you don’t. (While I‌ understand this is not the case in many branches of the church, trust me when ‌I say the Orthodox community has not changed LMFAO)

The reason I‌ feel the need to create this basis is that it makes his looking to MC‌ for understanding makes so much more sense within that context. Think about it. MC‌ was, first and foremost, the only one to see the memory of him begging Diavolo to save Lilith. MC‌ saw him at the absolute lowest moment of his entire life. Having lost everything in the rebellion, with nothing and nowhere to call home, the very person he was devoted to protecting a casualty. The archangel of heaven, the most glorious and famous immortal in veritable history up to that point–without peer, without equal–lost. Imagine. A‌ being that never even entertained and could not fathom anything less than perfection and capability, was now faced with irrefutable evidence that he not only lost, but failed in the most devastating meaning of that word. Not only could he not prove his newfound conviction, he failed the very person that showed him what he needed to prove–the very person that deserved the fruits of his successful endeavor.

(And not only that, he gets zero time to grieve or process. He immediately has to bargain himself to essentially eternal servitude in order to give his sister just one chance at something she’s always dreamed of, and to protect the siblings most faithful to his cause–the ones to whom he feels most indebted. Let’s not forget growing accustomed to an entirely new way of life, learning how to exist as a demon and having to come to terms with so many changes–whether good or bad. Though knowing Lucifer, I‌ get the feeling change is an incredibly stressful thing for someone who was so accustomed to clear rules, order, and determinism. I’d wager it’s why he hinges so oddly on this notion that ‘demons are extreme creatures that cannot change, MC.’ While in some ways this does feel like scapegoating–and it is, the repressed fuck–I‌ think he does partially believe it to be true. He’s a demon now. Demon = a very powerful inclination to certain vices, and after having people like Diavolo confirm that information he truly believes it cannot be reduced. He just accepts that this is part of his new fate, no matter how frustrating. Me and MC’s modernist ass beg to differ, but given the lore suggests real differences between demons and humans I‌ can’t really speak confidently to which of us is most right. I‌ feel like the game does suggest at least a little potential to change or lessen those vices, but this is a bit of a digression from my main point.)

Second of all, think about her reaction. MC‌ hugs Lucifer immediately, so moved she embraces him even as he’s seconds from starting on a frustrated tirade. (This is how I interpreted that event, and that’s the choice I made--but even if you hit him, you’re showing a very real emotional reaction to Lucifer’s plight. I took both of those reactions to be a heated, heartbroken acknowledgement of what he’d been forced to sacrifice. Either a great deal of compassion, or angry grief that he would take on the weight of everything they’d lost alone--a reminder to think about himself first, too.) Her reaction to his sacrifice isn’t jaded mockery ‘LOL can’t believe you took the biggest L‌ imaginable for your baby sis who’s 6 feet under anyway.’ Her reaction isn’t a hardened heart, so angry with all of his lying and violent outbursts that she doesn’t give a damn (which honestly I‌ wouldn’t even blame her for being indifferent given some of the shit he’s pulled). Her reaction is a sincere appreciation that his heart could be so tender, that he could care so deeply for just one sweet angel that he would risk everything to defend her. (Even if he had other reasons, he expressly says that Lilith was the catalyst.)

I want to take a moment to link back to earlier. That’s what’s so key about Lucifer. He was supposed to be the perfect angel. Unsullied, untainted. Completely devoted to the rules of heaven, so well-versed and immovable in those ideals that even Diavolo had no shortage of admiration for him–was equally desperate to have him in his service after the fall. But Lucifer proves to be, by some perceptions, broken. He is not the perfect angel that everyone lauded without end, that was Daddy dearest’s pride and joy.

He cared. He cared about Lilith and his fellow angels and even humanity, no matter how foolish or ridiculous or foolhardy it seemed–to the point of waging war against everything and everyone he’s ever known. While I‌ can’t speak to what it was that changed him so greatly, I‌ have to wonder if it was, in fact, love. Lilith risked everything to protect the human man she had fallen in love with, wanted nothing more than to have a little family and protect that which was so dear to her. Was Lucifer moved by that…?‌ Did Lucifer find himself wanting something similar?‌ Or at the very least, wanted angels and humans to have the right to choose?

In truth, I‌ really can’t be sure. But I‌ still think it’s crucial that Lilith’s choice was the motivating factor of his change; he saw that someone could earn a love so deep it would inspire a sacrifice beyond reason. And that MC‌ saw him at his most vulnerable–at his most personal–reflecting the very behavior he’d learned from Lilith and saw the same exact thing that he did:‌ beauty. MC understood that moment as something to be cherished, something that proved a staggering capacity for compassion. And not only that, she felt a great deal of sympathy. Sure she’s probably never made a sacrifice that big before, but so much of being mortal is sacrifice. So much of being human is seeing that which is bigger than yourself, is seeing a loved one who needs you, and giving what you can. As such, it was a moment of resonance–it was a moment that proved his capacity for good in human and grounded terms, no matter how cranky or closed off or repressed.

(Also y’all because I‌ have to say it. THE ELLIPSIS. THE FACT THAT HE JUST REVELS IN THE HUG FOR A SOLID FEW MINUTES, JUST SOAKING UP THE AFFECTION. I DIE SOMEBODY PLEASE HUG THIS OVERWORKED, TOUCH-STARVED, MISERABLE FOOL I LOVE HIM.)

Granted, Lucifer did show signs of intrigue towards the MC‌ from the getgo, but most of them were wooden. Curious on a very surface level, more like ‘this human really is deranged huh what a weirdo’ than necessarily BANGS POTS AND PANS ‘I L O V E THIS H U M A N’. And that, for me, is key. I‌ have to wonder if he doesn’t feel comfortable showing skin or getting too close to people in any kind of way because they don’t really know him.

This is what I’m getting at.

The hard thing about pride is that most pride worth any salt comes from a firm center of confident knowledge about one’s own ability. And if there is anything this game tries to get us to understand, it’s that Lucifer is in many regards a workaholic wiz. He never stops going, never stops trying to be the best older brother and second hand to Diavolo the realm has ever seen. (For those of you that argue he’s a shit older brother, I‌ 100% agree he’s a dingus about expressing it properly but I‌ don’t think he’s a bad brother. His home screen lines are 90% him expressing his worries about being unable to connect to and help his brothers. That is not an apathetic guardian. That’s a tender idiot doing his best.) But his greatest strength is also his greatest weakness, the very thing that keeps him up at night literally and figuratively.

What if the people in his life only want him there because he’s so amazing and so capable–makes their lives so much easier–that it doesn’t really matter who’s getting the work done? What if he’s ultimately just a tool again? Just another thing to throw away when he’s no longer useful enough to be kept close? What if nobody loves him for just…him?

This is where it really starts to hurt. Thanks, God.

And that’s why he’s so enamored of the MC. It’s not just that she takes his feelings seriously, it’s not just that she’s equally stubborn and willful and cheeky. I think, more than anything, it’s because she saw who he was at his core–an angel that lost everything and sold what little he had left to make the most precious person in his life happy–and loved him all the more for it. She didn’t see it as a weakness to take advantage of, she didn’t see it as a weakness period.

She saw it as a place to build. She shows him that vulnerability doesn’t have to mean danger and endless anguish. She shows him that in this new world he’s inhabiting–where everyone is flawed, where everyone is limited–it’s only natural to have points that are less than logical or conventionally/perfectly defensible. She stands firm that–while he may have been a bit of a dickwad–that act was still noble, and that he would have to share this with his brothers if they were ever to mend the relationships that were smashed to smithereens in the aftermath of the war. Lilith could be a place of commonality from which they could all bond, and evidence of his compassion–rather than God’s judgement that it was a contemptible flaw.

Because at the end of the day, that’s what his repression of feeling is. It’s not just fear of being mocked by his brothers (though that’s definitely part of it). It’s the literal, staggering PTSD‌ of that moment where everything changed, where he made the ‘wrong’ decision in choosing love and freedom. Not only proof of his being less than perfect, it was the moment his creator abandoned him completely–the moment his creator sought his unilateral and uncompromising destruction over a disagreement. Lucifer is afraid of opening his heart because he’s afraid that, in the end? He’ll devote himself down to the marrow only to find out he was being used the whole time. He isn’t being loved because they see both his shortcomings and his impressive qualities and develop affection anyway, he’s being ‘loved’ because he’s useful to them–and so long as that continues, he’ll continue receiving empty praise meant to motivate him into complacence. This is why Diavolo’s moe pining and compliments mean jack shit to him. Because Lucifer can never be sure it’s not just another selfish power play, because Lucifer can’t trust that Diavolo’s affection comes from a place beyond motivating an unquestioning, relentless work ethic/loyalty. (I fully admit I‌ don’t think Diavolo necessarily means that much harm, but I also don’t think Lucifer is wrong to be wary given how evidently capricious Diavolo is…)

But yeah. MAJOR‌ Daddy and vulnerability issues.

Which is what makes his line “Who knew a human like you would stir this kind of feeling in me?” so fucking ironic to me. Really, Lucifer?‌ The calls are coming from i n s i d e. The defining moment of your life was the most altruistic, humanlike act a celestial creature could ever commit. Why are you so surprised, then, that a human could unlock the depths of your heart?‌ To the contrary, perhaps it is only a human-–that doesn’t have any desire for power or illusions of perfection—that could quiet the anxiety lodged deep inside his heart. She helps him come to terms with and nurture these feelings of love not just because she’s understanding and patient, but because her motivations are not mercenary or interested in prestige. MC’s just here to have a good time and wants to see them all get along together, and who could be more compatible for the demon that has little to no notion of freedom or how to mend the family he gave up everything for?

(Also an interesting side note, it may also explain why Lucifer can relax around the MC so thoroughly as time goes on. Because she herself tends to be more relaxed, he too begins to fully embody an existence where the stakes aren’t always in the stratosphere; he can be silly and tired and needy without fear of a cold reprisal or invasive curiosity. He can just be himself in peace, and that’s all he really wants more than anything.)

[dr-astormylasthurrah]

DR:ASLH AMA (10/21/2020)

so today i decided to sit down and answer a whole bunch of questions on discord!

this DOES contain spoilers up through the end of ch5, just a warning! if you’re on mobile i’m so sorry.

Who is your favorite character?

THAT IS THE MEANEST QUESTION YOU COULD EVER ASK DID YOU KNOW THIS. This varies a lot depending on the day but usually... tied Chiyo/Tatsumaru. I love them both so much. I think Ryouji's my favorite to write, though. If ASLH were someone else's story, I think my favorite would undeniably be Chiyo, because I'm nearly always biased towards protagonists.

What’s been the most enjoyable part of the story process? Why?

Honestly? Getting to see how people react to it. It's the validation luv. Maybe it's selfish, but I really do like seeing how people are affected by my work LOL.

who is on what side of the pineapple on pizza discourse?

Likes it: Amal, Kanemori, Claude, Aster Neutral: Tristan, Tatsumaru, Sentarou Hates it: Ryouji, Chiyo, Ririka, Brendan Doesn't like pizza: Tiana, Hirono, Alexei, Tsukino, Iris Ryouji, Chiyo, and Ririka make fun of Amal.

For the trials of aslh, which trial has been your favorite so far? In terms of planning the case itself, plot beats, character developments, anything really. But which one still makes you lose it when you think about it.

That's a tough one, I don't like writing trials. I liked the structure of ch3, though. The way that the trial stops being "who killed Amal" and instead becomes "who is Aster". The Tatsu POV. The story title drop. And the way the execution just wrecks everything, immediately? Yeah, vibes.

I also feel like ch4's trial deserves a special mention because of how I wrote it while I was sick with the flu, and yet if you ask me that was still probably the most emotionally intense trial- wait I forgot ch2- and ch5- y'know what, forget it. At least it's on par!

If you could change anything about aslh on any level, what would it be & why?

In general, I think it needed more planning. I'm a very on-the-fly planner and writer, but there were a lot of unknowns I didn't consider until late-game that made it hard to bring up and resolve cleanly. It could also probably have used a little bit more clarity with regards to the lore - things like "how does the memory replacement work" weren't decided until super late in the project. I didn't have a backstory for Tatsu until I wrote ch2 or ch3, so before that point their scars were much less extensive and I think they were cut-shaped instead of burns? That was kind of important for at least continuity's sake, and it irks me.

Also, Hirono deserved better. I didn't plan out her arc as extensively as the others (she was, pre-story, the last survivor to be locked and she had traded with Kanemori), so she sort of stagnated in the story. Which wasn't a bad thing, because not everyone's going to get shoved off a balcony or watch their friend get shot, but it kind of sucks that the most "defining" moment she had was that Ririka and Iris died, neither of which she actually witnessed, or the name confession in ch4 trial which kind of got brushed over. Like all the rest of the survivors have Big Defining Moments, except her.

To be honest, ASLH is the first huge writing project I've ever completed, so there's a lot of things I could have done better. But it was also the first huge writing project I've ever completed, so I'm cutting myself some slack there.

What's your philosophy, or even your strategy when it comes to character design? What do you go for first or emphasize, where do you think you could experiment more?

Most of my designs are based around a core "ooh I want to try this thing". Sometimes I take character inspirations, sometimes it's a cool garment, sometimes I'm just redesigning characters. I mostly emphasize clothing, patterns, and colors, but I also reuse a lot of the same clothing styles and patterns. I could definitely experiment more with shape language and silhouette - usually, that's like the last thing I think about, but one of the more important things to have in an ensemble cast. Mostly, though, I just like drawing clothes.

What do you think is the crowning moment of aslh? Like if someone asked you what would be a moment that gets to the heart of the story the most. What would it be?

DEFINITELY the ch5 execution. Like, the emotional resonance? The narration shift? The drama of it all? Peak ASLHcore.

what factored most into your decision-making progress? why did you decide this death order and this mastermind(s)?

My decision making process is entirely me sitting in a fugue state mumbling out details that I need to fix and then sporadically sitting bolt upright and screaming a parallel or tangent I've pieced together.

The mastermind question is easier to put together - I'd always had in mind that this was going to be a revenge game, and that one mastermind was so difficult to take seriously it wasn't even funny and that the other decided to bail halfway through. So I built the characters around that. The points I usually pay attention to with fangan planning (these days) are: ch1 is to establish the status quo and tone of the story, ch3 is to overturn the status quo, and ch5 forces ch6 to happen. So the ch3 case revolved around Sen dying, and then I was like "how can I fuck up the status quo more" and killed Amal and Aster too.

The biggest factor in my decision making process is "what would be really cool". I tend to make a lot of decisions that fuck up the structure of what a fangan "should" be because I think it goes hard as hell when we throw out rules that the characters are unaware of anyway.

was there a draft of aslh that looks drastically different from what we ended up with?

Great question, and fuck you for reminding me!

ASLH actually started as a bullet point fangan called What Tempestuous Despair. It was a much more international cast until I was like "fangans are supposed to be mostly Japanese casts!" and changed a bunch of characters' nationalities, which in hindsight was dumb. Ririka, Kanemori, Tsukino, and Iris were victims of this. Also Amal was the protagonist and I am SO GLAD that didn't stick they are SO DIFFICULT to write the POV from.

I've spoken on a few occasions about how the cast itself changed, and I never got around to plotting out arcs (other than "Amal learns to trust people and allows themself to truly grieve Rin after holding everyone at length for so long"), but some assorted things:

The cast had a bunch of characters who were swapped out. Included in this tally are Rin Matsumoto (whose personality was recycled into Hisaichi, Ryouji's cousin, and their name was recycled into Shuichi's school friend), Leon Mercury Kahahawai (who’s in CYAH), Haywire Asturias, Puck Ganka (who’s also in CYAH), a few characters/designs who I ended up giving away... And also Hayato Kikuchi.

Iris was always a killer, because I really wanted her to have a downfall-that-wasn't-a-downfall-but-rather-a-reflection-of-the-true-self arc. This was always a lategame case so I'd have time to establish her as terrible. Originally, she killed Leon.

Tiana was also always a killer. I think he killed Hayato via electrocution, so as you can tell that's always been around in some form or another.

(Tristan killing Chiyo in ch5 in the current version, btw, was specifically to mirror Tiana's murder. While Tiana killed to get themself out of the KG, Tristan killed to get everyone else out.)

who was considered for mastermind throughout making aslh? what would their reasons have been?

The masterminds have never changed, except that the characters for them didn't exist back in WTD. But the personalities of the characters they replaced were about 1:1 anyway, so yeah basically they've never changed.

what is one thing you really loved about the beta and what is one thing you really hated about the beta

One thing I really loved about the beta was the ch3 case (which I've spoken about at length before), but other than that... honestly Tiana? Tiana's the one character that I had fully developed as of WTD, they just sprung into my head completely materialized. Their entire personality and design somehow stayed the same since conceptualization.

One thing I really hated? I would say "all of it", but specifically, we don't talk about white Tristan. That was so bad. I was trying so hard to design him so that he'd look nonthreatening and I was like "why is this so hard" and then I changed his ethnicity and I was like "oh right, white gamer boy characters just have cursed energies" and moved on with my life.

what would be an ideal day for tiana murdock. what would make them happy.

An ideal day is honestly one where they get a lot done. They're not one to relax or know what to do with free time, but they get a lot of satisfaction out of being productive, so if they manage to finish a lot of work and not end up exhausted? They're happy. They've probably gotta work on learning to enjoy their free time. They do like traveling, though, and- oh my god I should make them friends with Tsukino.

What would the cast's careers be if they lived to be adults?

Chiyo: Elementary school teacher and scifi author! Really wish I'd leaned more into the fact that she loves scifi, honestly. Amal: Journalist, probably, except they'd actually take classes in it this time instead of just writing op-eds constantly Tatsumaru: LIBRARIAN TATSU TRUE ENDING!!! Sentarou: Freelance pianist/composer. I have this whole headverse where he and Alexei are somehow friends with Claude, and together they plot to kill Enji Sekisada. Or Claude and Alexei plot to kill Enji and Sen sits there with his head in his hands. Iris: In universes where she's able to reconcile with academia, she works in ecology + chemistry. In universes where she doesn't, she's a florist. Aster: SERIOUSLY depends on the AU because every time I try to put Aster in a normal AU they're different. Jokes about becoming a flight attendant to travel with Tsukino. Claude: Secretary. No, seriously. May have something to do with killing Enji Sekisada. Hirono: Photojournalist! Photography reminds her of Ekuko. :') Alexei: Veterinary assistant for a specialized bird clinic Tsukino: Pilot, obviously Brendan: Mechanical engineer but sometime around age 30 has enough stress to just quit and become a college professor instead. Tiana: Museum docent, he's coworkers with Laurent Sinclair thanks Ryouji: He's... not sure. In normal AUs does take up food service for a while before getting uncomfortable with his family and quitting. In ASLH canon, he skips this step and goes into law with the intent of helping other killing game survivors sort out their lives. Tristan: Web designer, still makes a few games on the side with his friends. Mostly point and clicks because he ain't about this life Kanemori: Volleyball coach, because he knows a lot more about that than soccer honestly

what part of aslh was the hardest to write?

Deadly life. Always. I can crank the chapters out really fast, but I hate the case part of fangans and they're painful to plan.

For each case, what is your out of universe reason for wanting each person to die when? Like not counting the motives or anything, but why you wanted each person to die then?

- Brendan: He was the OC I had the longest. He had to die. Goodbye you little shit. - Kanemori: He was actually a survivor originally, and Hirono was the ch1 killer for the same "OC longevity" reason but then I realized I don't have anything for Kanemori to do. So... Sorry dude.

- Claude: Y'all ever notice how no one... EVER... puts plot relevant information in ch2s? Anyway. - Tiana: As discussed, they've always been a killer. Putting them as a killer here was a good balance - far enough from ch1 to build up their relationship with Tristan, but also not so far into the story that it conflicts with the general endgame fall-apart-ness.

- Amal, Sentarou, Aster: This case sprung into my head entirely materialized. Like, this was the one that BUILT the story, so it didn't change much. Mostly I just thought it'd be narratively fun to kill off the deuteragonist, the mastermind, AND the ??? in one go. I didn't plan for Chiyal to be a thing so when that became a thing this chapter got better/worse.

- Iris: I always wanted her to be a killer to really expose that "she's not a good person" stuff (she was more of a snake in WTD), but she didn't become a victim until when I was actually writing. She was supposed to have a trial and then I got sick of writing her. Whoops. - Ririka: I had arc ideas for everyone else, and it could have gone either way between Ryouji and Ririka getting that "close to my best friend who is now dead"... in the end it went down to gender balance in survivors. At the time it was Ryouji or Ririka + Kanemori + Tsukino + Tatsumaru, but then once Kanemori got swapped to Hirono just... yeahhh Ririka got stuck in ch4. Sorry. - Alexei: Special shoutout, he was supposed to die in ch4 as just an "oh no this is what happened, how sad" but then it was super narratively unsatisfying and now he's alive.

- Chiyo: For the sake of pain. But like, poignant, meaningful pain. I don't believe in making plot decisions just because they hurt, they've also got to mean something. Considering that a major theme of the story is "death before its time is a complete tragedy", and Chiyo's motifs include death... uh. Yeah... yeah. When it came time to ask myself who'd die in ch5 for this motive, well. I miss Chiyo. - Tristan: Meant to mirror Tiana's killing in ch2, as stated above, had the "selfish kill vs selfless kill" thing. Look if you're going to have a duo in a fangan and don't get to make cool dichotomy/theming what's the POINT. Ended up surviving because when there were only four survivors, there were... really no stakes for the ch6 trial.

- Tatsumaru: I just wanted them to be alive. I didn't know WHY, exactly... I just knew I needed them to live. So. I guess they're alive? Also I thought it'd be really interesting to have a killer protagonist, and a remorseful killer protagonist. - Ryouji: To be honest I didn't have a solid arc for him, aside from Ririka's death I'd decided I was going to figure it out as I went. And I guess I did? I love him. And not gonna lie, since Tatsu became the protagonist and Ryouji's still pissed at them, the perspective/dynamic became VERY INTERESTING. - Tsukino: Originally in beta!ASLH, her schtick was "gilded exterior with a heart of jerk with a hidden, smaller heart of gold" but that didn't transfer over to ASLH itself. Then when I realized "oh shit Tsukino wants to be a hero" it was all over. At first her arc was very "tone yourself down and stop rushing into things" which wasn't... ideal, I think you can still be enthusiastic and upbeat while being mindful and that was not how I had gone about it lol. Fun fact, Tsukino's survived every draft of ASLH, including the beta one - I think she and Amal were closer friends in that. - Hirono: See Kanemori, I just thought she had more survivor potential than him. The problem was that by the time I made the decision to swap them, everyone else was sort of locked by necessity, so Hirono became a survivor by default. Again, I didn't quite have an idea of what she was going to do other than get leeched off of by Iris. Ririka wasn't even part of it, we just had that cooking thing in 2-3 and Ririka was like "this is my problem now" and I was like "what?" so now we're here.

What's everyone's coffee/tea/other preferences?

Coffee: Tiana, Tristan, Brendan Tea: RYOUJI, Tatsumaru, Chiyo, Iris Hot chocolate: Claude, Sentarou Soda: Amal, Ririka Soda but only fruit flavored: Tsukino Water, thanks: Aster, Kanemori, Hirono, Alexei

What was the hardest decision to make, writing wise, for aslh? Like you wanted the story to go one way, but you couldn't force it, or a scene you felt you needed but was difficult to decide upon, anything like that?

Hm... okay see the thing is I'm generally pretty good at writing on the fly so if I make decisions I CAN force them to happen, so there's really not too much that comes to mind. Mostly this happens with trials - I make outlines for my trials and drag my cast along with it. Except they tend to go off-topic, and then I have to drag them back on topic. And sometimes the points don't make sense when you go out of order so I have to ad lib stuff. Ch4 trial was the most off-script one, it was supposed to be a lot slower and made more sense but then the cast just went out of order and I was bonking my head against the wall trying to get it to make sense.

The only real thing I had consistent difficulty with is locations. I did not fucking plan any of this shit and hate making maps so much- oh my god I need to do the ch6 map still.

who would deliberately salt their coffee and who would accidentally do it

Deliberately: Tristan, Tiana, Tsukino, Hirono Accidentally: Kanemori, Amal, Sentarou, Chiyo, Brendan, Iris "Why?": Claude, Alexei, Aster, Tatsumaru, Ryouji, Ririka

[readersguidetotheuniverse]

Beach Read, by Emily Henry

Beach Read was a ridiculously well written view on the tragedy of losing one’s father and dealing with a very well-kept secret.

Cover-content

Alicia: Okay, so let’s start with the name. How delusional of me was it to expect an actual beach and people reading in it? Also, the cover does not help at all to make you think you’ve got another thing coming. I don’t think this cover fully represents the concept of the book, to be honest. I mean, spoiler alert, they do read in a beach. At the very last chapter! If you have to read the whole book for the cover to make sense, maybe it’s not the right cover.

Ariadna: I found it quite misleading. I expected sand, sunscreen and ice lollies, but it turned out to be… a lake. A bit underwhelming (the cover, not the book). A romance novel coming out in May, expected to be a Beach Read. Ok, marketing team, we see what you did there!

Marina: I expected a summer romance on a beach in, say, Florida and got an enemies-to-lovers on a lake. I get that they live right on the beach (lake-shore more like) but they barely spend any time (reading or otherwise) there except for the last chapter when they read each other’s books. I guess they must have chosen it because of the title.

Past- vs. Present-January

Alicia: In my opinion, past January was a bit too naive for her own good. She sees the world through rose-colored glasses and that’s okay while you’re young, but at some point you have to grow up and see that life is not that simple. Happy endings don’t just happen to everyone. Not everyone has the luck to have good supportive parents, a career in something you love, loving partners or friends… people are a spectrum and sometimes you just lie there in the grey middle and that’s just how it is. Now, I think the change in January’s ‘personality’, or just her way of interacting with the world, is simply the consequence of life hitting you with the worse it’s got. She has not only lost two of the most pivotal people in her life, she has also found out that she has kind of been living a lie, and also she’s stuck in her career and money is starting to run low. That changes you whether you like it or not. And even though I would not wish that suffering and pain to anyone, I think she really needed it to finally grow and find herself.

Ariadna: Me being a single, unemployed, 28yo romantic booknerd born in January whose father died a bit more than a year ago, January’s description in the first chapter felt almost like a personal attack. Overcoming her emotional turmoil post her father’s death, all the doubts, the anger, the sadness… Imho, all that makes the new January much more plausible character-wise than the “rose-colored glasses” Janie from before. I really liked her evolving through the chapters into a less naive, more realistic and emotionally intelligent adult.

Marina: Even January says it during those first few chapters: she was living in her head, a life that could be but never was. I can only imagine what it would have been like had she not lost her father or never discovered his affair. Then again, she was wound to find out eventually as he writes in one of his letters. This “new January”, as she keeps calling herself, to me is a medium point between the January that believed her life to be a romance novel and the January that knows her life is not perfect and that’s ok. Throughout the book January explores herself, the character development is there, though subtle.

The families

Alicia: It was a bit hard for me to relate to January’s family issues. The same way I don’t believe in perfect love stories, I also don’t believe in perfect families, so the fact that January’s family is represented as such a perfect unit just makes it a bit too unreal for me. And I don’t need a cheating husband, which felt a bit too shoehorned in the story, to know that it just couldn’t be that good. It’s definitely a ‘too perfect to be true’ kind of situation that only really happens in novels. And I know romance novels are labeled as ‘fiction’, and this is not supposed to be an accurate depiction of any real family. But still this kind of perfect people with perfect relationships makes me not connect as much to the story or characters, ’cause I don’t believe in perfect anything. Gus’ family, on the other hand, seems painfully real, damaged, abusive,… which is not nice. But family is not always nice.

Ariadna: Even though both Janie’s and Gus’ family stories are crucial to the plot, both “alive” families seemed too artificial to me, put there by the author just to help move the plot forward, as could have been any other character. I felt the relationship between January and her mother could have been explored a great deal more, and it would have helped her make sense of her father’s secret without the deus-ex-machina in shape of letters. Gus’ aunt and her wife felt a bit neglected to me too. I understand the journey of mutual understanding and openness between the two main characters, but I think Pete’s big mouth could have been a greater catalyst for the big fight… which actually wasn’t either. Too random, too vanilla for my taste.

Marina: Can I just start by saying I think it would have been way more realistic if the author had introduced more interactions between January and her mother and Gus and his aunts. The reader barely gets any context on what’s going on with January’s mother. She is also a grieving person and I feel like the author centers too much attention on January’s feelings about being betrayed by her mother and too little time exploring how to deal with those emotions, or how THEY dealt with those emotions.

The romance

Alicia: I’m about 0 percent romantic. I don’t like romance. I don’t believe in it. I believe in love but not fairytale romance. So I am always a bit dubious when I read romance novels ’cause it just doesn’t seem realistic to me. And this was a beautiful love story, there’s no denying that. And I’m a sucker for an enemies-to-lovers story. But this one in particular felt, maybe, too cliché? Maybe. For starters, what was the chance of her moving next door to her college enemy? This is the US we’re talking about. Over 300 million people. My scepticism was too strong for this. Cliché #1. Then, turns out, he loved her basically from the get go. She thought he hated her so she ‘hated’ him as well but they had been ‘thirsty’ for each other the whole time.. The ‘I look at them all the time but they never looks back at me’ type of thing. #2. Then little clichés all over the place. Confessions and kissing in the pouring rain. Notes through the window Taylor Swift style (I did love this a lot to be honest). Letting her go because she is too pure for this world and he doesn’t deserve her… Anyway, this book kind of failed at making me believe in romance, but still made me root for them and their love story which is a lot.

Ariadna: Maybe I’m a bit cynical –which I am, why lie– but I found the romance between January and Gus to be a bit forced, for the sake of the plot. Nemesis turned lovers, both writers, both living next to each other, both developing feelings the second they see each other… I think it would have been nice to use the family stories, the secrets and subplots, to make them connect more, and not fall in love because they already fancied each other but because they really came to understand the other in depth and fell in love with that “new” version of them.

Marina: Not going to complain about this, enemies-to-lovers is one of my favourite tropes in romance fiction. Though at times it felt like reading YA, not Adult Romance because January acts a bit like a teenager at times. For example, when she hides from Gus at the bookstore. And ALL THE DRAMA, by God, the drama! That reads YA through and through. But, oh well, if there weren’t drama it wouldn’t be a romantic novel, would it? Even though the romance is a bit weird, to be honest. The reader knows from the beginning that January is halfway in love with Gus and that’s not really an enemies-to-lover theme, is it? I would have liked it more if January actually despised the guy and then, slowly, came to the realization that “oh, this guy is not so bad!”.

Light & dark personalities

Alicia: There is this part of the novel that especially resonated with me, in which Gus describes his parents as a black hole and a bright light. It took me a moment to digest this ‘scene’. First ’cause I think the concepts of black hole and bright light as types of personality are really good metaphors and I was a bit wowed. Second because I sometimes see me as a black hole myself, and this hit too close to home. It made me reconsider some aspects of myself I do not like very much. I have doubted myself and my relationships with other people one too many times because of this. And seeing a character go through the same process and describe himself in a way I can see myself in, it was hard. I have bright lights in my life and day after day I think ‘one day they’ll get tired of me, one day their light will outshine me forever’. This book, in some way, made me feel seen and understood. And somehow that made me feel better. Gus sees himself as a black hole, but I could definitely see the light in him. January is a bright light but I could definitely see the darkness in her. This book gave me hope that it is possible to find someone that sees my darkness and doesn’t reject me for it, but finds light in it. I’ll hold onto it.

Ariadna: At first, I identified with January because of all she was going through. But as soon as I saw her “real” personality, all rosy and bubbly and outgoing, I fell out of love with the character (see above). However, it hit right in the heart when Gus opened up about his feelings, specially about how he felt about himself. I’ve personally felt like a black hole so many times in my life that, well, I literally cried while reading that. I think that passage is what really made me root for the love story and specifically for Gus. It made him much more realistic than “early-thirties-crisis” Janie, and I love how Emily worked their story and developed both characters to the point where they realise that “bright light” and “black hole” coexist in a person, but don’t actually define them, as a sign of emotional maturity and a glimpse of hope for those who feel lost and broken. Repeat after me, those feelings do not define us!

Marina: When January first started telling her story I saw her anger. Not just towards her parents but the world she had had to survive in. Those first chapters shaped her to be almost embarrassed to have felt that way. I think growing up and seeing how much her parents loved each other and then to suddenly discover that her dad had been cheating on her mother the whole time must have been a huge shake to her world-view. Emily Henry made a wonderful job describing the reticence of losing that last part of your loved ones, the last thing you have that belonged to them. Meanwhile, there’s Gus: a morally grey character who failed at showing his emotions towards January when they were younger because of the way he was brought up. And this brings me back to what I was saying about the families: there’s not a whole lot of background even if at the same time you get parts of their lives before they met.

Overall

Alicia: It is a pretty good novel. It was definitely enjoyable, relatable, funny, dorky… It’s not a novel you have to take seriously word by word. But at the same time it does touch some dark topics and it can be a bit painful to read at times. It surely was a bit overwhelming to me at some points. But I think the tougher themes and the lighter ones are well balanced, and these darker topics give the story a depth that many romance novels do not have. I liked it quite a lot.

Ariadna: At first, I identified with January because of all she was going through. But as soon as I saw her “real” personality, all rosy and bubbly and outgoing, I fell out of love with the character (see above). However, it hit right in the heart when Gus opened up about his feelings, specially about how he felt about himself. I’ve personally felt like a black hole so many times in my life that, well, I literally cried while reading that. I think that passage is what really made me root for the love story and specifically for Gus. It made him much more realistic than “early-thirties-crisis” Janie, and I love how Emily worked their story and developed both characters to the point where they realise that “bright light” and “black hole” coexist in a person, but don’t actually define them, as a sign of emotional maturity and a glimpse of hope for those who feel lost and broken. Repeat after me, those feelings do not define us!

Marina: Would recommend exactly for what the title says: as a beach read. It’s funny, it’s light and you can easily read it in a couple of days while sunbathing and/or drinking your favorite cocktail!

[ulyssessklein]

How an indie hip-hop artist charted on Billboard and iTunes

The direct marketing strategy that helped me chart at #3 on iTunes and #50 on Billboard.

It was all a dream: “I believe I can chart on Billboard with this album!”

I convinced my producer, engineer, mentor, and—most importantly—my wife to buy into the dream.

The odds of charting Billboard were clearly stacked against me. No major label budget. No national, regional, or even local publicity campaign. I also work more than the typical “40-hour workweek” at a big tech company in Silicon Valley. The list goes on.

Nonetheless, my belief was strong. It was late October 2018, and I had just spent the past couple weeks writing, what would soon become my latest album, Airplane Mode. I had the music. Now I just needed to crystallize the narrative, develop a marketing strategy, and reach out to my fans.

Five months later, Airplane Mode debuted at #3 on the iTunes Top 40 US Hip-Hop Album Chart as well as at #50 on the Billboard R&B/Hip-Hop Album Sales Chart. Mission accomplished. Simple, right?

In the midst of people congratulating me on this huge accomplishment, many have also asked, “So, how did you actually make it happen…?”

Establishing the Airplane Mode album narrative

Airplane Mode developed in a very unplanned and visceral way. In mid-October 2018, my aunt— the one who nurtured my love for hip-hop at an early age—passed away unexpectedly in my hometown, Bridgeport, Connecticut (about 3,000 miles from where I currently live).

Days before, my friend and producer, J-Dot Music, had coincidentally sent me a collection of beats. We weren’t thinking about an album then. I just wanted to hear the new sounds he had been working on. After hearing about my aunt though, I needed to artistically grieve. I remembered the beat pack, sifted through until I found the beat that most plucked my heart, and wrote the song, “Hope You Hear Me.” All within the same hour I received the news.

I spent the next two weeks devouring each beat J-Dot sent me. Within each song, I explored concepts and tackled issues I wasn’t even ready to express out loud yet. The writing was nonstop. On the bus. At the gym. During my walks in between work meetings. On my flight from San Francisco to see my family. By the time we buried my aunt, I had the foundation for a new project, which I decided to call Airplane Mode.

The term “Airplane Mode” symbolized three main things for me:

My mindstate: I was in a daze. At the same time, by feeling so disconnected, I was able to tap into my creativity without restraint, allowing me to be and remain “in the zone.”

My lifestyle: combined, my wife and I have visited over 100 international cities across 50 countries. We’re both multilingual and children of immigrants coming from an impoverished background. As such, I have developed a global, cross-cultural outlook on life, which is a core part of my brand.

My music career: two months before I wrote Airplane Mode, I had just booked and headlined my third Bay Area show in 2018. My career growth was feeling even more tangible, so in a self-fulfilling prophecy type of way, I claimed that this new album would elevate my platform even further, as each project had done before.

Why do I share all of this with you? Because for me, the album narrative—replete with passion and vulnerability—was imperative for my entire marketing campaign. I interweaved this narrative throughout my entire go-to-market strategy, from the album cover to the song content to audience communications pre, during, and post-release.

Setting the foundation for the Airplane Mode marketing campaign

Around the same time I completed my album, I also learned about the Nielsen and Billboard charting successes of fellow independent artists, Shannon Curtis and Tyke T via the DIY Musician Blog. With more research on the process plus assumptions of my current fanbase, I resolved to set an ambitious goal of selling 1,000 albums within the first week of release.

Pre-sales seemed to be the predominant way that I would hit this goal. Learning that the pre-sales period may be a minimum of one-week and a maximum of six months gave me the time I needed to mobilize my fanbase.

Because my album had 12 tracks, I was also eligible to set up an instant gratification (grat) track via CD Baby. I chose “Hope You Hear Me” as my track because, not only did an instant grat track give extra incentive for core fans when purchasing, this particular track also gave listeners a deeper, weightier connection to the album narrative, which furthered the word-of-mouth evangelism.

The majority of my fans do not purchase physical albums anymore. Combined with my limited budget, I decided upfront that Airplane Mode would be 100% digital. This decision helped me streamline my preorder process in the long-run. For instance, I only had one UPC to register in Nielsen’s database.

Lastly, I knew that over 60% of my fanbase had iOS devices, so iTunes was very essential to my campaign. That said, I did not want to exclude the other 40% of my fanbase from helping me achieve this monumental goal (that’s a lot of fans!). So, I focused on three sales channels: iTunes, Bandcamp, and my online store (which also had Airplane Mode merch for sale).

5 key tactics to enable the Airplane Mode marketing campaign

With a two-month preorder window, I executed several marketing activations. However, there were five that I felt truly moved the needle:

Empowering my brand ambassadors: my “High Grade Society” – my exclusive group of core fans – were critical because not only did they immediately preorder Airplane Mode with enthusiasm but they also encouraged their circles of influence to do the same.

Asking fans to purchase directly: just about every day, I shared the album narrative and sought out support from my fans directly via in-person or direct messaging. With every proof of purchase, I would repost and thank them publicly.

Paying for digital advertising: social media ads are a cheap way to build brand awareness amongst your target audience and fight through organic noise. While I was not depending on ads to generate the bulk of the sales, I did end my campaign with a 3% conversion rate (better than 0%!).

Promoting organically via weekly content production: In December 2018, I started a weekly freestyle series called “Casual Fridays” – a tongue-in-cheek for my fans who know that I juggle both a music career and a white-collar corporate day job. What started as a simple addition to my “Call Me Ace portfolio” soon became another avenue for organic album promotion once I gained traction.

Coordinating a pre-album release party: the Airplane Mode party occurred one week before the album dropped, with an optional “free entry” ticket for those that already preordered. With a full crowd gathered for an exclusive listen to my album, I also garnished the night with additional special touch points to ensure that everyone felt even more connected to the album narrative once they left. Here’s the Airplane Mode release party recap video if you’re curious!

Airplane Mode immediately jumped up to #3 on the iTunes Top 40 US Hip-Hop Album Chart after releasing on Friday, March 22, 2019. This news served as another big social proof point that galvanized more people to organically share and encourage others to listen. Even with the option to stream available, some people still purchased Airplane Mode as a sign of true support.

To top it all off, fans were directly sharing immensely positive feedback with me on the album content. With their permission I would repost, recognize publicly, and use to encourage even more feedback from other listeners.

These additional touchpoints helped push Airplane Mode to the final goal of the campaign: charting on Billboard.

5 challenges during the Airplane Mode marketing campaign

While I’m ecstatic that Airplane Mode hit the Billboard chart, the effort did come with its challenges:

Apple does not provide real-time presales data. Not being able to track my preorder sales on iTunes, where most of my fans purchased my album, forced my total sales count to be more of a calculated guess than a sure fact. I had to assume, for example, that trending at #3 in iTunes Hip-Hop albums to pre-order list was a good sign…right?

Apple is (not-so) secretly phasing out iTunes. Strike two, Apple. Apple automatically reroutes all iTunes links to the “Apple Music” iPhone app. This created unnecessary confusion and frustration, especially for potential supporters that didn’t even remember that the “iTunes Store” was a separate app, probably somewhere in the back of their phones. This definitely impacted final sales.

There were too many clicks at point-of-sale. Although I created a superlink to streamline the preordering process, it still took at best 7 clicks before actually preordering the album. Still, this was a better trade-off than having three separate preorder links to promote…

Not everyone has money to preorder. I naively assumed that all my fans had at least $9.99 of disposable income. However, while there were many cases where supporters spent way beyond $9.99 on Bandcamp to purchase the album, for some would-be supporters, $9.99 was too costly.

Some people just don’t believe in purchasing music. This last challenge wasn’t an issue for my true fans and supporters that understood the larger goal I was hoping to achieve. This was more so a challenge with casual or potential fans that interpreted the ask within the context of their preferred music listening preferences. The reality is that streaming currently dominates music consumption in the US, where over 90% of my fanbase exists. I knew my request wouldn’t be an easy one from the beginning; this challenge only confirmed that I had to rely on my core base in order to reach my Billboard goal under my aforementioned constraints.

And there you have it! If any of what I shared resonates with you, please let me know in the comments below. And of course, if you have any thoughts on the Airplane Mode album itself, I would love to hear your feedback on that too

The post How an indie hip-hop artist charted on Billboard and iTunes appeared first on DIY Musician Blog.

[brianwestchest]

Day 670- Tom Zuba

It began on Friday when I sat down to meditate and found an archangel meditation in my iTunes library.  The meditation was dated 2007, but I cannot remember ever listening to it and have no idea how it got into my collection.  I listened to it and found it surprisingly powerful since i rarely even think of angels.  Why did this suddenly come up on my radar?

Saturday was a whirlwind of activity.  I began by working in my office for a couple of hours.  Then, we had a two hour video conference for Helping Parents Heal leaders.  I had had a two hours video conference for the SoulPhone on Thursday.  Saturday afternoon, it was almost 8 hours for my nephew’s tennis match and dinner with Tywana’s family.  Sunday began with church.  There was guest presenter speaking Sunday afternoon- for two hours.  But, I was not about to do that. I’ve been working hard on the transition of our website and I needed some down time. I took that one off.

On the conference call on Saturday, Tywana and I found out that Tom Zuba was speaking to our on-line group of Helping Parents Heal on Sunday night.  I had briefly heard some of his story. Tywana has read his book.  I was mildly interested in listening it. But, it was another two hour video conference on Sunday evening. All I really wanted to do was catch up on some TV. I was feeling exhausted and planning to hit it hard again on Monday.  Besides, I have purposely avoided books on how to grieve. Grief is an extremely individualized emotion and has to be dealt with in the way that best suits each individual.  Only once, in the very beginning, have I actually listened to or read anything on how to deal with grief. That was on how to get through those first few days when your body is just numb.  I wasn’t all that interested in what Tom had to say about how to deal with grief.  But, I was intrigued by the fact that this man has to be one of the best grief warriors who has ever walked the planet.  Not only had he “lost” two children and his wife, but these were not in an accident or all at once. It was first, his infant daughter, then his young (43 years) wife, then his middle school son.  Oh my God, how is this guy even walking around, let alone thriving? Maybe I’ll listen in for a while. 

Tywana and I rushed dinner since she had gone to the session on Sunday afternoon at church.  We got done just in time to tune into the conference.  Tom spent the first hour telling his story.  I learned that not only had his wife and tow children left him prematurely, his days old infant brother passed when Tom was only six years old himself.  The unfair, premature death of his loved ones started at an early age for him.

We (I) have this expectation that death is supposed to come in order.  I’ve had several aunts and uncles pass.  Both of my parents are still in the flesh. Tywana’s father passed several years ago, but Alzheimer’s took his brain long before it took his body.  These deaths don’t begin to compare to the passing of Shayna, at fifteen years old. There’s something that feels unfair about that. It’s just wrong.  My parents are still here, but my baby is not?  If anyone should feel life is unfair, it’s Tom.  He and his wife were living the perfect life when his 18 month old daughter fell suddenly ill and was gone in less than a week.  They got through that and had two more children. Then, his young, healthy wife suddenly succumbed to a blood clot that went to her heart.  He gets through that, is a single dad raising two boys and one of the boys gets a rare, incurable brain cancer. HIs beautiful, brilliant, intelligent boy, coming into the prime of his life (just like Shayna) I don’t know how one man endures all of that.  But, if one man can do it, I can do it. So, Tom brings me hope.  My burden is nothing compared to his.

So, Tom tells his story. This is a special man. I hear so much that resonates with me.  He believes that every death happens at the perfect time in the perfect way. Suicide?  Planned.  Heroin overdose?  Planned.  Your daughter falls off a zip line at camp because the counselor didn’t strap her in properly? Planned.  Your fifteen year old just doesn’t wake up?  Planned.  Tom has accepted that all of the death around him is part of a divine order. This resonates with me. Tom talks about healing. This is one of the reasons I’ve avoided the grief books. I don’t know about this healing thing people talk about.  I’m not sure it’s possible. I’m not sure I even want it. If healing means leaving Shayna behind, I’ll take the pain to keep her with me. He says that healing is not a destination, it becomes our way of being.  I like that.  I’ll never be healed.  He says if we love someone, we will continue to miss them.  He continues to love Erin (his daughter), Rory (his son) and Trici (his wife). So, he will continue to miss them until the day he drops his body and joins them.  He has an ongoing relationship with each of them, but as long as he is in the flesh, he will miss them. Healing though is not allowing that to destroy his being the radiant being he came here to be.  This all makes perfect sense to me.  He talks about some of the things he did to heal- walking daily is one I do.  I meditate. I listen to the Podcasts. I try to be of service to others.  OK.  Maybe I am on the right path. Tom’s 27 years out from the passing  of his daughter.  I can’t expect to be where he is since today is 22 months out from the passing of mine. But, I can look at him and have hope (and hope that I never get to 27 years out).

There’s so much that he said in that two hours that made perfect sense to me that I can’t cover it all here. I do want to highlight two things though. The first goes back to my opening about the angel meditation I did this week. Tom says we are all loved way more than we can imagine.  We are never alone, always surrounded by loved ones, ancestors and even angels. I feel very, very alone most of the time. I feel like no one is helping me carry this and I just can’t do it alone anymore.  In Tom’s worldview, these passings were not accidents. They are opportunities. They happened in divine order. We who are broken are supposed to be broken.  That’s not a by-product. That’s the intent. But, we are not alone.  Tom helped me process through the fact that I feel betrayed, angry, left alone, cheated.  Why is that?  If I am an eternal being and Shayna is in a place where she’s much happier, why do I feel betrayed?  If I know I am going to see Shayna again, why am I mourning like something ended permanently on June 24, 2015?  If I truly believe this was part of the plan, why would I be content with being bitter about it for the remainder of my days here?  None of that makes sense.  While those feelings won’t go away overnight (and they have not), I can see now a way to let them go. Practically speaking, I plan to add some healing modalities, like Reiki, to my healing regimen. But, perhaps most importantly, I feel a shift in hope that I can heal without losing Shayna.

The second thing he said that I want to highlight is this notion of what I will call divine providence. Our children’s “deaths” were not accidents even if they were ruled accidents, suicides, overdoses, whatever.  Swedenborg uses the term Divine Providence, which I think I’m coming to believe.  Tom talked about someone who is born schizophrenic. Tom thinks that people who agree to come here and be schizophrenic, become addicted to drugs, etc.  These are not young souls who do not know what they are doing. These are old souls making a sacrifice so the rest of us can learn a lesson, have someone to be compassionate towards, etc.  This directly contradicts something taught to me by one of my teachers just a couple of weeks ago.  They said that people who are schizophrenic are possibly young souls who rashly chose a body that doesn’t fit their soul’s personality and that is why they are of “two minds”.  These two teachings/views are 180º apart.  I thought about this as I woke up this morning. A lot of my friends will get upset with afterlife teachings that contradict and take it to mean that someone is lying. Or, even worse, that you can’t trust anything about the afterlife because we have contradictory points of view.  I don’t see it that way.  I take what aligns with the evidence as I understand it and what resonates with me.  When my teacher made the comment about schizophrenics a couple of weeks ago, that didn’t resonate with me.  I respect their point of view, but I don’t share it.  And that’s OK. It doesn’t nullify everything else they say or anything else they say.  Tom’s view makes more sense to me, brings me more comfort, and gives me a greater sense of being empowered.  

Today, I wake up with a bit more hope. I know I will see Shayna again.  Nothing can stop that. When that will happen I don’t know.  I do know that today and every day from here until then I have choices to make in how I’m going to live. And, I like the choices I see people like Tom Zuba making and think I want to do that.

[eelgibbortech-blog]

This Psychological Trick Can Make You a More Empathetic Marketer

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Even though I am [redacted] years old, I follow a bunch of trendy Instagram humor accounts aimed at people in their 20s and teens. I’d like to tell you I do this because I think it’s important to keep up with the latest digital trends… but it’s also possible that I just have an immature sense of humor.

Lately, I’ve been paying closer attention to what resonates on my favorite accounts, which include @Betches, @Ship, @MyTherapistSays, and @GirlsThinkImFunny, among others. These accounts tend to play off the very millennial concept of “same” (a.k.a. “so me,” “also me,” and “it me”). For those not of the Instagram and Snapchat generation, all of these words or phrases basically translate to: “This describes me perfectly.” Below are a few examples that are, ahem, so me.

In an article in The New Statesmen, Amelia Tait calls this “relatable content.” Tait interviewed Dr. Grainne Kirwan, a cyberpsychologist, who said: “As we tend not to discuss many of the mundane aspects of life, either because we believe them to be boring to others, or so unusual that others might think us slightly strange, we frequently don’t realize that many others do and think exactly the same things, even in private moments…hence we seldom realize how common the feeling is.”

What’s making these channels so successful—with their hundreds of thousands of followers—is how they display an empathy for the audience’s deepest, darkest feelings. The accounts make people feel like they aren’t alone. And what’s pretty radical is they prove it’s possible to do empathy en masse.

As you know by now if you’ve been following this series on The Content Strategist, I’ve been exploring the concept of empathic marketing over the past few weeks. I’ve dug into existing psychological and marketing research that relates to empathy, in an effort to understand and synthesize this concept for other marketers. In part three, I’m going to look at what happens when companies validate the emotions of their customers.

My theory is that businesses can actually achieve better results by being kinder to their customers. All the research on empathy suggests that acknowledging another person’s pain is a cornerstone of building trust. That may sound like mushy psychobabble, but there are very practical ways to apply the lesson to our own work.

Emotional Validation

The process of reflecting back someone’s feelings has an official name in psychology textbooks: “emotional validation.”

Houston-based clinician Karyn Hall, Ph.D., author of The Emotionally Sensitive Person, has written extensively about this topic. As she defines it, “Validation is the recognition and acceptance of another person’s thoughts, feelings, sensations, and behaviors as understandable.”

But it’s important to note that validation does not mean flatly agreeing with everything someone says. It’s more akin to acknowledging what they say, holding a mirror up to their feelings.

Human nature is such that we find release simply in feeling heard; perhaps it’s owing to our evolution from caveman days in which there was safety in numbers. (Better to have that Neanderthal on your side than his rock between your eyes.)

In an article from Psychology Today, Steven Stosny, Ph.D., explained that people require confirmation that their suffering or frustration is justified. If they don’t get that confirmation, they become “hyper-focused on the pain and the reasons for it. We know that mental focus amplifies and magnifies the object of the focus; the greater the focus on pain, the more intense and more generalized it grows.”

Translation for marketers: If you don’t acknowledge your customer’s pain, their pain worsens. They won’t hear the solution you’re proposing, because the noise in their head about the problem is too loud. So before you tell them about your great solution, you have to show them that you understand the problem first.

Building Buyer Trust

Robin Stern, associate director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, once told The Washington Post: “When someone feels seen and heard by you, they begin to trust you.” As you well know, connection and trust are keys to building relationships.

Here are a few ways to employ emotional validation:

Do a “validation review”

Back when my now-husband and I were doing premarital counseling, we were taught how to quell arguments (much-needed advice for people of Italian and Greek descent about to enter into a life together). The main tip we learned: Rather than immediately responding to conflict with a zinger that escalates the fight, you should repeat back the sentiment of what the other person said in your own words. For example, “I hear you saying that you don’t like when I leave the sponge in the bottom of the kitchen sink.” (Real scenes from marriage.) If the other person then said, “No, I meant…” you then have to repeat back the change. No inserting opinions until you’ve completed this exercise.

Verbal mimicry—known in psych circles as the “echo effect”—is scientifically proven to increase likability and rapport. There’s also evidence that it leads to better financial outcomes. Two studies have found that waitresses receive bigger tips when they repeat back orders to customers.

If you’re in a business with a high-touch sales process, you can use this tactic of emotional mirroring in one-on-one conversations with customers. But there’s also value in evaluating all of your external-facing marketing materials—website homepage, sales enablement docs, UX copy, social posts, thought leadership, webinars, speeches, press releases, et al.—to make sure they reflect your understanding of the challenges your buyers go through.

Let’s say you’re selling marketing automation software. If securing budget is your buyer’s biggest challenge, you probably want to acknowledge somewhere on your site, “We know how hard it can be to get sign off for an investment of this size, and we’ve worked with hundreds of customers to make the case to senior management.”

Act as your customer’s proxy

Contently’s editor-in-chief Joe Lazauskas is always on the lookout for brands doing funny things to engage—and he recently shared this tweet from Hamburger Helper, a brand I hadn’t thought of in years:

What made Helper’s response so amazing was that the doofy dinner-in-a-box mascot took on the persona of its core clientele. I for one felt a feminist kinship with this anthropomorphic glove. It spoke not just for a box of ground-beef accouterment but for women everywhere. The brand stood in to defend its customers. (Also, I don’t like this Chris fellow very much.)

There are other ways to act as a proxy without needing to defend customers or respond to something off-color. After Tom Petty went into cardiac arrest in the fall, Spotify immediately created a playlist of his work. To me, this was a way for Spotify to tell its users, “We get that you’re sad; we can’t solve this problem with you, but we can help you grieve.”

At Monster, meanwhile, our former social media director Patrick Gillooly had set IFTTT software to inform his team when someone tweeted that they were going on a job interview. Our folks would then quickly reply from the @Monster handle with a good luck message. I’ve always loved this one-to-one engagement because it takes a very solitary moment and helps people feel like they have someone on their side. (At the same time, it gets our brand name in front of people at a very crucial time, since those candidates may not get the job.)

Marketers can take a page from any of these examples. Look for moments like these impacting your audience, and respond in a way that shows you hear and support them.

Find an empathic influencer

I’m fairly skeptical of influencer marketing since it can feel unctuous if done wrong. That said, if you can find the right person to represent your brand, this tactic can help you make deeper connections via empathy.

The other day, I was served up a content-driven video ad on Twitter that was produced by Harper’s Bazaar for Dior 999, a red lipstick that supposedly looks good on everyone. First off, sweet job on targeting, HB, because I went from top of funnel to bottom in like 275 seconds. This ad focused on four women of different races who thought they looked terrible in red lipstick (“it me”). Celebrity makeup artist Daniel Martin listened to their concerns, explained why it would look good on each of them, and applied it using his special tricks. Of course, it worked for all of them, and clearly, the whole thing worked for me.

My point is, when you’re searching for an influencer to supplement your efforts, don’t simply look at reach. Also, do the legwork to see if that person has made empathetic connections with the target audience. Do they validate your customer’s problems through their work? A small audience that feels heard can help your bottom line much more than a large audience that’s only somewhat engaged.

In Traackr’s global research report Influence 2.0, Altimeter Group analyst Brian Solis emphasizes the importance of empathy and says, “The digital influencers that everyone covets are human beings who have built communities where others follow their updates for a variety of personal or professional reasons. The ties that bind are the very premises of relationships. These communities are rich with the exchange of mutual value and social capital.” He goes on to note that in order to have effective results from an influencer campaign, marketers need to know what their audience values first, then choose an influencer who aligns.

The right influencer will make the audience care about your message over time through validation. That can catapult you forward compared to where you’d be if you were starting from scratch.

Look no further than those Instagram accounts I can’t get enough of. They’ve built audiences through their empathy—audiences that are now receptive to a new product. Say, like this t-shirt, which is… also me.

Margaret Magnarelli is the senior director of marketing and managing editor for content at Monster. This is the third column in her series on empathic marketing. You can the first and second installments here. The final part will be published on The Content Strategist next Friday.

Image by iStockphoto

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[eelgibbortech-blog]

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Even though I am [redacted] years old, I follow a bunch of trendy Instagram humor accounts aimed at people in their 20s and teens. I’d like to tell you I do this because I think it’s important to keep up with the latest digital trends… but it’s also possible that I just have an immature sense of humor.

Lately, I’ve been paying closer attention to what resonates on my favorite accounts, which include @Betches, @Ship, @MyTherapistSays, and @GirlsThinkImFunny, among others. These accounts tend to play off the very millennial concept of “same” (a.k.a. “so me,” “also me,” and “it me”). For those not of the Instagram and Snapchat generation, all of these words or phrases basically translate to: “This describes me perfectly.” Below are a few examples that are, ahem, so me.

In an article in The New Statesmen, Amelia Tait calls this “relatable content.” Tait interviewed Dr. Grainne Kirwan, a cyberpsychologist, who said: “As we tend not to discuss many of the mundane aspects of life, either because we believe them to be boring to others, or so unusual that others might think us slightly strange, we frequently don’t realize that many others do and think exactly the same things, even in private moments…hence we seldom realize how common the feeling is.”

What’s making these channels so successful—with their hundreds of thousands of followers—is how they display an empathy for the audience’s deepest, darkest feelings. The accounts make people feel like they aren’t alone. And what’s pretty radical is they prove it’s possible to do empathy en masse.

As you know by now if you’ve been following this series on The Content Strategist, I’ve been exploring the concept of empathic marketing over the past few weeks. I’ve dug into existing psychological and marketing research that relates to empathy, in an effort to understand and synthesize this concept for other marketers. In part three, I’m going to look at what happens when companies validate the emotions of their customers.

My theory is that businesses can actually achieve better results by being kinder to their customers. All the research on empathy suggests that acknowledging another person’s pain is a cornerstone of building trust. That may sound like mushy psychobabble, but there are very practical ways to apply the lesson to our own work.

Emotional Validation

The process of reflecting back someone’s feelings has an official name in psychology textbooks: “emotional validation.”

Houston-based clinician Karyn Hall, Ph.D., author of The Emotionally Sensitive Person, has written extensively about this topic. As she defines it, “Validation is the recognition and acceptance of another person’s thoughts, feelings, sensations, and behaviors as understandable.”

But it’s important to note that validation does not mean flatly agreeing with everything someone says. It’s more akin to acknowledging what they say, holding a mirror up to their feelings.

Human nature is such that we find release simply in feeling heard; perhaps it’s owing to our evolution from caveman days in which there was safety in numbers. (Better to have that Neanderthal on your side than his rock between your eyes.)

In an article from Psychology Today, Steven Stosny, Ph.D., explained that people require confirmation that their suffering or frustration is justified. If they don’t get that confirmation, they become “hyper-focused on the pain and the reasons for it. We know that mental focus amplifies and magnifies the object of the focus; the greater the focus on pain, the more intense and more generalized it grows.”

Translation for marketers: If you don’t acknowledge your customer’s pain, their pain worsens. They won’t hear the solution you’re proposing, because the noise in their head about the problem is too loud. So before you tell them about your great solution, you have to show them that you understand the problem first.

Building Buyer Trust

Robin Stern, associate director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, once told The Washington Post: “When someone feels seen and heard by you, they begin to trust you.” As you well know, connection and trust are keys to building relationships.

Here are a few ways to employ emotional validation:

Do a “validation review”

Back when my now-husband and I were doing premarital counseling, we were taught how to quell arguments (much-needed advice for people of Italian and Greek descent about to enter into a life together). The main tip we learned: Rather than immediately responding to conflict with a zinger that escalates the fight, you should repeat back the sentiment of what the other person said in your own words. For example, “I hear you saying that you don’t like when I leave the sponge in the bottom of the kitchen sink.” (Real scenes from marriage.) If the other person then said, “No, I meant…” you then have to repeat back the change. No inserting opinions until you’ve completed this exercise.

Verbal mimicry—known in psych circles as the “echo effect”—is scientifically proven to increase likability and rapport. There’s also evidence that it leads to better financial outcomes. Two studies have found that waitresses receive bigger tips when they repeat back orders to customers.

If you’re in a business with a high-touch sales process, you can use this tactic of emotional mirroring in one-on-one conversations with customers. But there’s also value in evaluating all of your external-facing marketing materials—website homepage, sales enablement docs, UX copy, social posts, thought leadership, webinars, speeches, press releases, et al.—to make sure they reflect your understanding of the challenges your buyers go through.

Let’s say you’re selling marketing automation software. If securing budget is your buyer’s biggest challenge, you probably want to acknowledge somewhere on your site, “We know how hard it can be to get sign off for an investment of this size, and we’ve worked with hundreds of customers to make the case to senior management.”

Act as your customer’s proxy

Contently’s editor-in-chief Joe Lazauskas is always on the lookout for brands doing funny things to engage—and he recently shared this tweet from Hamburger Helper, a brand I hadn’t thought of in years:

What made Helper’s response so amazing was that the doofy dinner-in-a-box mascot took on the persona of its core clientele. I for one felt a feminist kinship with this anthropomorphic glove. It spoke not just for a box of ground-beef accouterment but for women everywhere. The brand stood in to defend its customers. (Also, I don’t like this Chris fellow very much.)

There are other ways to act as a proxy without needing to defend customers or respond to something off-color. After Tom Petty went into cardiac arrest in the fall, Spotify immediately created a playlist of his work. To me, this was a way for Spotify to tell its users, “We get that you’re sad; we can’t solve this problem with you, but we can help you grieve.”

At Monster, meanwhile, our former social media director Patrick Gillooly had set IFTTT software to inform his team when someone tweeted that they were going on a job interview. Our folks would then quickly reply from the @Monster handle with a good luck message. I’ve always loved this one-to-one engagement because it takes a very solitary moment and helps people feel like they have someone on their side. (At the same time, it gets our brand name in front of people at a very crucial time, since those candidates may not get the job.)

Marketers can take a page from any of these examples. Look for moments like these impacting your audience, and respond in a way that shows you hear and support them.

Find an empathic influencer

I’m fairly skeptical of influencer marketing since it can feel unctuous if done wrong. That said, if you can find the right person to represent your brand, this tactic can help you make deeper connections via empathy.

The other day, I was served up a content-driven video ad on Twitter that was produced by Harper’s Bazaar for Dior 999, a red lipstick that supposedly looks good on everyone. First off, sweet job on targeting, HB, because I went from top of funnel to bottom in like 275 seconds. This ad focused on four women of different races who thought they looked terrible in red lipstick (“it me”). Celebrity makeup artist Daniel Martin listened to their concerns, explained why it would look good on each of them, and applied it using his special tricks. Of course, it worked for all of them, and clearly, the whole thing worked for me.

My point is, when you’re searching for an influencer to supplement your efforts, don’t simply look at reach. Also, do the legwork to see if that person has made empathetic connections with the target audience. Do they validate your customer’s problems through their work? A small audience that feels heard can help your bottom line much more than a large audience that’s only somewhat engaged.

In Traackr’s global research report Influence 2.0, Altimeter Group analyst Brian Solis emphasizes the importance of empathy and says, “The digital influencers that everyone covets are human beings who have built communities where others follow their updates for a variety of personal or professional reasons. The ties that bind are the very premises of relationships. These communities are rich with the exchange of mutual value and social capital.” He goes on to note that in order to have effective results from an influencer campaign, marketers need to know what their audience values first, then choose an influencer who aligns.

The right influencer will make the audience care about your message over time through validation. That can catapult you forward compared to where you’d be if you were starting from scratch.

Look no further than those Instagram accounts I can’t get enough of. They’ve built audiences through their empathy—audiences that are now receptive to a new product. Say, like this t-shirt, which is… also me.

Margaret Magnarelli is the senior director of marketing and managing editor for content at Monster. This is the third column in her series on empathic marketing. You can the first and second installments here. The final part will be published on The Content Strategist next Friday.

Image by iStockphoto

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The post This Psychological Trick Can Make You a More Empathetic Marketer appeared first on Ebulkemaimarketing Blogs and updates.