#this moment had never stand out as much as it did here

[isaadore]

ILLICIT AFFAIRS LANDO NORRIS

pairing lando norris x reader

SUMMARY you meet lando at a charity event and immediately hit it off. as time went on, you slowly fall for him, but he feels the need to keep you a secret. despite the endless promises from him to make the relationship public, he never follows through on them, leaving you feeling like an option instead of a priority. inspired by “illicit affairs” by taylor swift.

word count 4.4k words

warnings HEAVY angst, lando’s a red flag, unrequited love, emotional manipulation

note first ever lando fic <3

MAIN MASTERLIST LN4 MASTERLIST

THE ATMOSPHERE AT the charity event buzzed with energy as the low hum of conversations blended with the soft clinking of champagne glasses. Lights flickered across the spacious hall, casting shadows on the elegantly dressed guests mingling in clusters, each face adorned with a mask of friendliness. You stood at the edge of the room, clipboard in hand, checking off the names of donors and VIPs as they arrived. As a volunteer, your role was straightforward: coordinate and stay out of the way. However, beneath your composure, nerves twisted in your stomach. Each signature was a reminder of your own smallness in a world where you clearly did not belong.

You observed the attendees flitting from one conversation to another, their laughter ringing like tiny explosions of wealth. Each smile and cheerful greeting served as a reminder of your own anonymity, as you felt like a cog in a machine that hummed with life while you remained unseen.

It was nearing the end of the evening when you spotted him: Lando Norris, a few feet away, laughing at something one of his friends had said. There was something infectious about his laughter, a sound that seemed to ripple through the room, drawing the eyes of those nearby. You recognized him immediately, of course. You weren’t an F1 fanatic, but you knew his name. Yet, seeing him in person was different. He seemed… more real, somehow. Not just a face on a screen or a name in a headline, but a person.

His tousled hair glimmered under the soft lighting, and his eyes sparkled as he chatted with his friends. You felt an unexpected rush of warmth in your cheeks as you watched him, your heart picking up pace in a way that left you both excited and apprehensive. He must have felt your gaze because he turned in your direction, his eyes catching yours briefly. A playful smile danced across his lips. You looked away quickly, mortified to have been caught.

At that moment, time seemed to freeze. The noise of the event faded into the background as your mind raced. What would it be like to actually talk to him? Would he be as charming in person as he seemed on social media? Your thoughts were interrupted as he turned back to his friends, and you fought the urge to sink back into the shadows, convinced you’d never get the chance to speak to him.

You were almost certain that would be the last interaction you had with him, ever. As the event wound down, you found yourself stationed at the coat check by the exit. The evening felt like it was dragging on, your mind preoccupied with thoughts of everything and nothing at once. 

“You’re the one who was working the check-in, right?” Lando asked, his voice cutting through your thoughts, clear and bright. There he was, standing in front of you, just as you thought you would never interact with him again.

You managed to nod, surprised and unsure how to respond, suddenly feeling self-conscious under his gaze. The warmth of his presence was both exhilarating and terrifying.

“You’ve been here the whole night, then?” he asked, pulling out a small, leather Louis Vuitton wallet and handing over a ticket for his coat.

“Pretty much,” you said with a shrug, forcing yourself to maintain a professional tone despite the way your heart was hammering in your chest. “But it’s worth it. It’s for a good cause.”

He tilted his head, genuinely intrigued. “Why volunteer for something like this?”

You paused, considering your words carefully as you glanced away, searching for a deeper truth to share. “I guess… I like feeling like I’m part of something bigger. Helping people, even if it’s in a small way. It’s like… I want to make a difference.”

Lando nodded thoughtfully, taking back his coat. “That’s cool. Not many people would spend their night doing that.”

He kept the conversation going for a bit longer, discussing the event, the guests, and the poor quality of the food. For a moment, you almost forgot he was a professional athlete; he seemed like just an ordinary guy passing by, someone you enjoyed talking to.

You didn’t expect to see him again after that night, but two days later, your phone pinged with a message from an unknown number.

Hope I’m not overstepping. Got your number from the event coordinator.

It’s Lando.

You stared at the message, half convinced you’d imagined it. But when you replied, he answered almost instantly.

hey, you’re not overstepping. it’s good to hear from you.

It’s good to hear from you too. :)

You both started off talking casually, moving from occasional texts to asking about each other’s day and then to late-night calls.

As the weeks turned into months, your connection grew in ways you never expected. Each message and call felt like a rope, pulling you closer to him, closing the gap between your worlds. You found yourself counting down the days until the next race weekend, not because you wanted to see him drive but because of the brief moments when he’d disappear from the paddock to call you, his voice filled with adrenaline and excitement. The rush of his laughter and the stolen moments made you feel alive, as though you were experiencing a thrill far beyond what Formula 1 could offer.

One evening, Lando suggested meeting up after the Monaco GP. It was late, and he was exhausted, but he insisted on walking along the harbour with you despite the whispers and glances from passing fans. There was a thrill to it like you were sharing a secret the rest of the world didn’t know. He wrapped his arm around you, pulling you close as you both stared out at the city lights reflecting on the water.

The air was thick as you wandered through the narrow streets, laughter and music drifting from the nearby bars. You felt a strange sense of belonging, as though the world had faded away and left just the two of you.

“You ever feel like you’re living two lives?” he asked suddenly, his voice low and contemplative, breaking the comfortable silence.

You glanced up at him, surprised. “What do you mean?”

He shrugged, his gaze fixed on the distant horizon. “Like… there’s the life everyone sees. The races, the media, the expectations. And then there’s this other part. The real part. Where I get to just… be me.”

You looked at him, feeling the weight of his words pressing down on you. “Which life is this, then?” you asked, your heart racing with curiosity and longing.

He smiled down at you, his eyes softening, but the hint of sadness lurking there sent a shiver down your spine. “The one I wish I could live all the time,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.

You wanted to reach out, to comfort him in whatever way he needed, but the fear of crossing an invisible line held you back. Instead, you settled for a gentle nudge against his side, leaning into him as you walked. “What would it take to make that happen?” you asked, hopeful yet anxious, searching for a hint of what could be.

Lando chuckled softly, the sound tinged with a hint of melancholy. “I wish I knew. Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck in a whirlwind. The moment I think I’m free, something pulls me back in. It’s exhausting.”

You nodded, the weight of his words resonating within you. The world of fame and racing was foreign, filled with its own set of rules and expectations. But standing there with him, you felt you needed to pull him away from it all to show him the life he yearned for.

As months passed, the excitement of your connection began to dim. The secrecy that had once felt thrilling now weighed heavily on you. Each time you’d fly out to see him, you’d find yourself sneaking into hotels, slipping out before dawn, hiding from prying eyes. Lando would promise it was only temporary, that one day he’d be able to let everyone know about you. However, you started to feel like you were playing a part in someone else’s story, always waiting for a spotlight that would never come.

The turning point came one night in Barcelona. Lando had invited you to the race afterparty, and while you knew you’d be lurking in the shadows, you hoped that at least for a moment, he might acknowledge you. You spent hours picking out an outfit, wanting to look your best while still remaining inconspicuous. But as you arrived, the excitement in your chest quickly morphed into dread as you took in the crowd.

The night went on, and it became clear he was keeping his distance, chatting with colleagues, posing for pictures, always careful to stay on the opposite side of the room. The way he laughed with others, his vibrant energy lighting up the space, only amplified your sense of isolation. You tried to blend in, chatting with other guests, but the feeling of invisibility gnawed at you, a constant reminder of the line he was drawing between his life and your place in it.

You watched as he effortlessly interacted with the media. It was intoxicating and heart-wrenching all at once, knowing you were just out of reach, a spectator lurking in the background. You couldn’t shake the feeling that you were being left behind, the light of his world shining so brightly that it eclipsed everything else.

Eventually, you slipped outside, finding a quiet spot on a balcony overlooking the city below. The cool air stung against your skin as you leaned on the railing, staring out into the night.

It wasn’t long before you felt Lando’s presence beside you. He didn’t say anything at first, just stood there in silence, his gaze distant as he looked out over the city. You could sense the tension in the air, thick and suffocating.

“Why do you always do this?” you asked finally, your voice quiet and filled with frustration.

He looked at you, confusion etched on his face. “Do what?”

“This.” You gestured back toward the party. “Pretend like I’m not here. Like I don’t exist in your world.”

Lando sighed, running a hand through his hair, the weight of your words hitting him hard. “It’s not that simple. You know what it’s like with the media. One photo, one headline, and they’ll tear you apart.”

You swallowed, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill. “Do you know how hard it is for me? Watching you laugh, talk, be yourself around everyone else, and then pretend like I’m a stranger? It hurts, Lando. I don’t want to be your secret anymore.”

He reached out, his hand grazing yours. But you pulled away, too hurt to ignore.

“I’m just trying to protect you,” he said, desperation lacing his words.

“Protect me from what?” you demanded, your voice cracking. “From being a part of your life? From being seen with you? I can’t keep hiding, Lando. I don’t want to be an option anymore.”

For a moment, he didn’t respond, his silence louder than any words he could have spoken. You searched his face for understanding, but the pain in his eyes reflected back the struggle in him. Finally, he whispered, “I don’t want to lose you.”

The hurt and frustration boiled over. “Maybe you already have,” you said, and without another word, you turned and walked back inside, leaving him alone in the quiet night.

The weeks that followed were filled with desperation. Lando tried reaching out, but each call felt empty, a reminder of the life he was still keeping you out of. You missed him, missed the easy laughter and the late-night conversations, but you knew you couldn’t keep living like this, always on the sidelines, always hidden.

You focused on your own life, immersing yourself in work and friends, but the ache of his absence was always there. Each time your phone rang, hope fluttered in your chest, only to be crushed when it was just another group message or a call from a colleague. Your heart grew heavy, and the conversations with your friends felt empty in comparison to your feelings for Lando.

One night, he showed up unexpectedly at your apartment. You hadn’t seen him in person since that night in Barcelona, and the sight of him standing there, vulnerable and apologetic, almost broke you. The way he stood with his hands shoved deep in his pockets, his hair tousled, and his eyes shadowed made your heartache.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” he said, stepping inside and closing the door behind him, his voice low and serious. The warmth of his presence enveloped you, but the tension crackled in the air between you.

“About what?” you asked, your voice trembling as you tried to maintain your composure.

“About us,” he replied, his eyes locking onto yours with a fierce intensity. “And everything that happened. I know I messed up.”

You swallowed hard, your heart racing with anticipation. “What do you mean?”

He hesitated, glancing down as if gathering his thoughts. “I’ve been selfish. Afraid. But I don’t want to keep hiding.”

You looked at him, hope flickering in your chest. “So what does that mean?” you asked, longing for clarity.

“It means… I want to try. I want to let you into my world, no matter what it takes.” His words hung in the air, heavy with promise and possibility.

And for a brief moment, you believed him, feeling a mix of hope and fear, the thrill of what could be mingling with the uncertainty of what lay ahead.

Reality hit hard as the days turned into weeks. Despite his promises, Lando kept you in the background, just as before. You attended races, blending into the crowd, hurting as you watched him share his world with everyone but you. Each laugh he shared, each photo he took, felt like another nail in the coffin of your relationship. The distance grew, and every interaction turned to moments of joy overshadowed by a sense of despair.

The bright lights of the racetrack felt like a stage set for everyone but you, and the applause that echoed through the stands was a reminder of your place in his life: always out of reach. Each time Lando reached out, his messages filled with enthusiasm about his races and triumphs. A dull ache settled in your chest as you realized the happiness he experienced was increasingly separate from you.

Finally, it all came to an end one night. You stood in front of Lando, your heart racing, feeling the weight of the words you were about to say. The dim light of his apartment cast shadows on his face, highlighting the deep lines of worry etched on his brow.

“This isn’t what I signed up for,” you said, your voice trembling as anger and heartbreak collided within you. “I thought you wanted to change things. I thought you wanted me in your life, not just in the shadows.”

Lando’s eyes widened, pain on his face as he took a step closer. “You know I do! I’m trying! But you don’t understand the pressure, the stakes…”

“Don’t pretend like you’re the only one who’s under pressure!” you said, tears streaming down your cheeks. “I’m here too! I’m the one who’s been waiting, hiding, and feeling like a ghost in your life. I can’t do it anymore, Lando.”

He stepped closer, desperation flooding his eyes. “Please, just give me time. I need to figure this out.”

You shook your head, the pain overwhelming you. “Time? I’ve given you enough time. I don’t want to be an option anymore. I deserve to be more than a secret.”

The silence that followed felt like an abyss stretching between you. The walls felt like they were closing in, and the air grew with tension. Finally, you whispered, “I can’t keep doing this.”

And just like that, the fragile thread connecting you snapped, unravelling everything you’d built together. You turned away, your heart breaking with every step as you walked out of his life, leaving him standing in the dark.

As the door closed behind you, reality hit Lando like a freight train, the consequences of his actions crashing down on him. He stood in the silence of his apartment, a void where your laughter used to fill the air, the reality of what he had lost settling heavily in his chest. He had pushed you away, convinced that keeping you hidden would protect you, but now he realized that it had only created a gap between you, a wound that might never heal.

A YEAR LATER

The café was buzzing with life, sunlight streaming through the large windows and illuminating the vibrant chatter of patrons. Lando strolled in, his mind still preoccupied with the endless cycle of races and media obligations and some days, he’d feel the pain of your absence. Today was one of those days.

As he waited in line for his coffee, Lando couldn’t shake the feeling of being adrift. The laughter of fans, the chatter of friends celebrating victories; it all felt distant like he was watching life unfold through a pane of glass. With each passing day, the absence of your smile haunted him more than the pressures of the racing world ever could. He longed for the moments you had shared, the laughter, the connection, but it was too late now.

His thoughts were interrupted by a wave of chatter and laughter from the corner table. He turned, and his heart dropped. There you were, sitting across from someone else, a man who was leaning in closer than Lando had ever dared. You looked radiant, laughter spilling from your lips, and for a moment, time stood still.

A mix of emotions surged through him: jealousy, regret, and longing. He felt a pang of envy at the sight of your joy and sat with the realization that he had lost you to someone else. He should have fought harder, should have tried to mend the rift he had created, but now here you were, moving on without him.

As you glanced up, your eyes met his, and for a brief moment, the world fell away. Surprise flickered in your gaze, quickly replaced by a look of uncertainty. Lando’s heart raced as he willed himself to smile, but it felt forced, a mask to hide the storm of emotions brewing inside him. He stood frozen, trapped between wanting to reach out and the fear of what it would mean if he did.

The man you were with leaned closer, whispering something that made you laugh again, and it was like a knife twisting in Lando’s chest. The sound was beautiful, but it stung like salt on a wound. He turned back to the counter, pretending to check his phone, but his heart was racing, battling the urge to pull you into his arms and tell you how sorry he was.

But as he turned away, he could feel your gaze on him. He wanted to shout your name, to break the silence that loomed like a thick fog, but fear held him back. He was afraid of disrupting your happiness, afraid of hearing you say what he already feared: that you were happier without him.

Just as he was about to step outside, the barista called his name. He grabbed his coffee, forcing a smile as he turned back toward the door, but his heart was pounding in his chest. That’s when you stood up, your laughter fading as you walked toward him, the man you were with still seated, oblivious to the tension in the air.

“Lando?” you said, your voice filled with uncertainty. He caught a glimpse of your eyes, a mix of emotions swirling within them, mirroring how he felt.

“Hey,” he replied. He could feel the heat radiating off you, the familiarity bringing up thousands of memories.

“Nice to see you,” you said, trying to maintain a casual tone, but Lando could sense the tension lingering in the space between you. He glanced over your shoulder, catching the curious gaze of your date, and the sight sent another wave of jealousy over him.

“Yeah, you too,” he managed, forcing his gaze to meet yours. Your eyes held a million unspoken words, and he felt the weight of them pressing down on him. “How have you been?” he asked, desperate to keep the conversation alive.

“I’ve been… good. Just busy with work and stuff,” you replied, your voice faltering slightly. “And you? Racing still?”

“Yeah, always,” he said, a bitter taste filling his mouth at the thought. “Winning, losing, you know how it is.”

You nodded. “I saw you won the last race,” you said, a forced smile tugging at your lips. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks,” he said, his heart aching. “But it’s not the same without you there.” The words slipped out before he could stop them, raw and unfiltered.

Your expression faltered, a flicker of pain crossing your face. “Lando…”

Just then, the man from the table called out to you, breaking the conversation. “Everything okay?” His voice was casual, but Lando could hear the possessiveness beneath.

“Yeah, just… catching up with an old friend,” you replied, you shifted your gaze back towards Lando. The man’s expression darkened, a flicker of jealousy passing across his face, but you seemed unaware of it.

“Maybe we should go?” the man suggested, and Lando’s heart sank at the thought of you leaving with him.

“Yeah, I—” you started, but Lando couldn’t let you walk away again.

“Wait,” he interjected, desperation creeping into his voice. “Can we talk? Just for a minute?”

You hesitated, conflicted. “I don’t know, Lando. It’s complicated…”

“Please,” he pressed, the urgency in his voice growing. “Just… for a minute.”

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, you nodded, glancing back at your date, who frowned but didn’t object. “Just a minute,” you said, stepping aside, and Lando’s heart soared at the small victory.

The two of you found a quieter corner of the café, where the sound of chatter faded into the background. Lando leaned against the wall, his eyes locked onto yours, seeking even a small part of the connection that you once shared.

“Look, I know things ended badly between us,” he started, his voice steady despite feeling the opposite. “I messed up, and I’m sorry for pushing you away. I thought I was protecting you, but all I did was hurt you.”

You looked down, the weight of his words heavy in the air. “You really think it was that easy for me?” you asked, your voice laced with hurt. “You think I just moved on? It’s not like that, Lando. I’ve been trying to pick up the pieces since you shut me out.”

“I didn’t mean to—” he began, but you cut him off, the pain in your eyes cutting deeper than he anticipated.

“Didn’t mean to what? To hurt me? To leave me hanging?” Your voice trembled, and he could see the anger mixed with sorrow in your expression. “I thought we had something real, Lando. But when you walked away, you broke everything. I was left to figure it all out alone.”

“I know,” he said, desperation rising in his chest. “And I regret it every day. I thought pushing you away would protect you from the chaos of my life, but it only drove you further away. I’ve been miserable without you. I don’t— I can’t want to lose you for good.”

Your eyes softened momentarily, but the resolve in them remained. “But you already did,” you said softly. “I’m here with someone else now, Lando. I can’t just pretend that you didn’t hurt me, that I didn’t feel like I meant nothing to you.”

He felt the truth of your words like a punch to the gut, the reality crashing over him. “You mean everything to me,” he insisted, his voice breaking. “You’re the only one who ever really understood me. Without you, I feel lost.”

Your expression faltered, the conflict raging within you. “And what do you expect me to do? Just drop everything and go back to the way it was? It’s not that simple, Lando. I’m trying to move on.”

“I don’t want you to move on without me,” he said. “I want to fix this, to make it right. If you give me a chance, I promise I’ll do better this time. I’ll fight for you.”

The moment hung heavy in the air, your eyes searching his for sincerity. “But what if you’re just saying that because you’re afraid of being alone?”

“I’m saying it because I can’t imagine my life without you in it,” he replied, vulnerability spilling from his lips. “I’ve been racing for titles, for victory, but nothing feels right without you by my side. I need you, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to prove that to you.”

You took a step back, your expression unreadable. “I don’t know if I can trust you again, Lando. It hurts too much to think about going through that pain again.”

“Trust takes time,” he said, his voice gentle. “But I promise I’ll be here till you come around.”

Just then, the man from the table approached, a look of concern on his face. “Everything all right?” he asked, his tone slightly defensive.

You glanced at him, and Lando felt the tightness in his chest return. He didn’t want to fight for you with another man standing there, but he couldn’t let you walk away again.

“I need to go,” you said, your voice tinged with uncertainty.

“Wait, just—” Lando started, but you shook your head, the finality in your eyes piercing through him.

“I have to figure things out, Lando. I can’t just jump back into something that broke me.”

With that, you turned and walked away, leaving Lando standing in the café, your footsteps fading into the distance.

Lando knew he had lost you, perhaps for good. As the world continued to spin, he was left with the realization that sometimes love wasn’t enough to mend the fractures life had carved into the heart. He knew he might never have the chance to tell you how much you truly meant to him.

‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎ MAIN MASTERLIST ✷ LN4 MASTERLIST

[lonesome-greenery]

I was four at the time and my heel had been sliced open by the edge of a bed so I had a waterproof bandaid on it. This will be important later.

I'd never gone to the ocean or beach for that matter before. That kind of thing just doesn't happen when you live so far inland and have a big family. So this was the first time I'd ever seen something so big and deep. The sand was wet and I was wearing my favorite sun dress. There were some older kids nearby -- I think they were probably ten to twelve years old -- who were building a sand castle with a moat. They had said something about finding a hermit crab and it pinching one of them. I was very careful wading through the water then because I didn't know what a crab pinch felt like, but I imagined it would be quite painful.

My mom was chatting with a circle of adults nearby in some of the deeper water, and I went out to meet her. I was treading water as best I could and the ocean was up to my neck. I say something to her and I'm sent back to the shore because it's too deep for me there and how did I get out so far? Why wasn't my dad watching me?

I get back to the shallows, and I feel something tug on my heel. My immediate thought is a hermit crab having gotten a hold on my foot. It doesn't hurt, but I'm terrified nonetheless and I go running up and onto the shore where the sun has baked the sand to the point that I can't handle the heat.

I'm back in the ocean again with the water around my ankles. I check my heel, and there's an immediate sense of relief. It's just a band aid. A band aid whose adhesive just doesn't work period. It's not a hermit crab, and I'm safe.

Now here's where things get interesting.

I'm standing in the shallows. The wind is picking up and I've just had the adrenaline wear off from being convinced that a hermit crab is attacking my foot. I'm four years old and relatively short.

The wind has picked up.

That means that the waves have started to get bigger. One starts picking up speed as it gets closer to the shore.

I don't know what exactly was going through my mind at that time, but I decide that the best way to handle that is not to go back to the shore (it's too hot on the sand, I'd rather stay in the water), but instead to drop onto my stomach and grab onto whatever stick or ocean greenery is there under the water and let the wave wash over me. I hadn't even taken a breath, but the wave passes over me and I can't get up. I'm sucked under and further out. The water is in my nose and stinging my eyes. I can't breathe. Everything is a murky yellow blue green. I'm no longer holding onto the sand and sticks. Those have slipped through my fingers.

I could very well die in that moment.

I don't realize it at the time. I'm four years old, and this is my first time interacting with a huge body of water.

I'm stuck under the wave for about twenty seconds before someone has grabbed me by the ankle and yanked me out of the ocean. He's one of my parents' friends and had noticed that I'd gone missing. It's the same leg as the heel with the bandaid that he's grabbed. I'm coughing up water and he's setting me upright. My mom and dad are running to check on me. I don't even know quite what's happened.

The guy who pulled me out of the water has sunglasses and assures them that I'm okay. I get told I almost drowned. That I could have died. When you're four, you don't have much of a concept of death. I didn't understand death much less drowning, but I understood the fear in my parents' voices.

I didn't drown, but I could have.

I'm still alive today.

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[my-castles-crumbling]

prank - Jegulus Microfic - @into-the-jeggyverse - word count: 497

It's dark. The room James has been shoved into is small, and he can sense another person in the cramped space. Silently, he curses Sirius and everyone he loves, because for an extremely smart person, this prank is decidedly uncreative and inconvenient. But this is what James gets for letting Sirius take the fall for their prank last week so he could still go to Quidditch practice.

"Who's there?" he sighs, resigned to the fact that he's stuck there for a bit.

"Potter?"

"Regulus?"

There's a scoff. "Of course he'd lock me in here with you."

And James is a bit put off by that, because what's wrong with him in particular? "What's wrong with me?" he asks, frowning.

"You annoy me," Regulus retorts simply.

Rolling his eyes, James snorts. It makes him uncomfortable, to know how much Regulus dislikes him. It's been even more obvious than usual lately, and he hates it. "Probably why he put us both in here. Did you piss him off?"

There's silence, but it speaks volumes.

"Well. He's mad at me, too. Figures," James sighs.

They stand awkwardly for a moment before a thought pops into James's mind, so ridiculous that he laughs out loud.

"What, Potter?" Regulus asks, voice dripping with annoyance.

"Nothing! Nothing, it's just....wouldn't he be pissed if he came here to let us out and found the whole thing had backfired," James chuckles, knowing he's probably just making Regulus more angry, but picturing his friend's face.

Regulus makes a noise of confusion. "Backfired?"

"You know...like he finds us...dunno, snogging, or something!" James says it because it's a silly idea. Because it would never happen. Because he doesn't think before he speaks.

But as he does, the air suddenly thickens and Regulus doesn't laugh.

And then, time completely standing still, a cool hand touches his shoulder. "What if he did?" Regulus asks, his voice full of an emotion James cannot place.

"Well," James clears his throat, his brain suddenly foggy. "He'd...he'd be really...confused, I guess. He'd..."

"Hmmm....we'd turn the tables on him," Regulus murmurs, and James can feel breath fanning over his cheek.

But honestly, Sirius is now the furthest thing from James's mind. He's decidedly distracted. "Yeah..." he mumbles. "it'd be..."

Lips claim his, and his world completely tilts on it's axis. He's completely consumed by the way Regulus kisses him- with passion fiery enough to light the dark room they're trapped in. He chokes out between kisses, "-t-thought you hated me."

"I do. I think. Maybe," Regulus hisses into his mouth.

He stops thinking. Presses the other boy against the wall and loses all track of time. Hands and lips roam and his mind melts to the feeling of Regulus, the sounds of the younger boy groaning in his mouth.

Until the door opens, causing light to spill into the room.

"WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK?" Sirius cries, seeing the two of them intertwined.

But James doesn't even care. "Hey, Pads," he says, giving a shit-eating grin.

[mind-intheclouds342]

Do it for them - Co-captain reader x Curly

Previous - Part 12 - Next

"So we just have to wait a little longer... Here you go"

You were finishing explaining the situation to Curly while giving him his medicine, Anya was standing behind you grimacing in pain at the sounds the man made while swallowing.

Anya: "How is it that... Can you tolerate that?"

"What thing? The sounds? The burnt meat? The smell? The blood?"

You were mentioning while slowly and carefully removing the bandages from his body, the man trying to be as quiet as possible so as not to further discomfort the other woman present, but the bandages were almost stuck to his skin.

You were applying water little by little to be able to peel them off better, you had managed to get more drinkable water from the station, grateful for it since they had been without bathing or cleaning themselves to avoid wasting it for weeks now.

Anya: "Everything..."

"Well, I've been to many places, doing different jobs... I've gotten used to it."

When you saw the woman's horrified face, you realized how bad that sounded.

"I worked in morgues and crematoriums! Heavens... I didn't kill anyone."

Anya: "Seriously?"

"My dad owned a morgue and a crematorium, when I turned 18, he made me work, you have no idea how many times I had to clean my own vomit off the floor... or the corpses."

Immediately, she covered her mouth, almost vomiting at the thought of it, but you laughed at her reaction.

"That was exactly my reaction! I grew up with a strong stomach."

Anya: "How did you get here?"

You finished removing the bandages from the man, looking at his skin, you sighed knowing full well that you would have to clean it, pus was already forming in certain areas.

Anya, upon seeing that, had to turn around and hold her stomach, trying to think of something else.

"If you want to get into medical school, you have to watch this, no professor will have pity on you for having a sensitive stomach."

Anya: "I've already seen it without the bandages... But... Today they look extremely bad... I'm sorry..."

Upon saying that, she took a deep breath and turned back again, ready to help you clean her wounds.

"...I was in charge of the morgue in just a few years, and one day, while preparing bodies... I saw him, my father on the table in front of me, ready to be open and empty like any other corpse.. Three shots to the chest, some guys had robbed a store while he was in, he tried to be a hero defending the cashier, and they shot him. The thieves fled with nothing in their hands... I got depressed..."

You looked at Curly, who was watching you attentively while you told that story he already knew.

"I ran away from home... I started with drugs... and all kinds of things to get money... I went to my mother's house just to ask her for money or to eat something, I didn't care how much she begged me to stay... I just... I couldn't feel good again, and I was destroying myself to know that I was still alive."

Anya: "...How did you get out of that?"

"Because of this stubborn one"

You smiled at Curly, who soon looked away as if he weren't paying attention to what you were saying.

"He found me shoplifting in a store, and instead of turning me in, he bought the things I was taking and invited me for a coffee" you laughed, recalling that moment.

Anya: "Seriously?"

"Then he was looking for me all over the city."

Anya: "Did he want to see you again?"

"I stole his wallet."

You paused to laugh at the memory as well, before continuing with the story.

"But he insisted on keep meeting with me, on helping me, and I ended up falling for his kindness... I started living in his house, he was never around because of work, I got a job as a dog walker to have my own money while I was recovering, and he was always making sure I was okay... After years... Finally, I had the strength to see my mother again... And she felt relieved to see me well... Ugh, you have no idea the scene she made when she met Curly, so happy that i found a good man, I wanted the ground to swallow me up."

Anya: "That still doesn't tell me how you ended up as co-captain."

"...Five years ago... Curly recommended me, I did the physical and psychological exams, the training, and since I passed everything flawlessly, well... That's how I ended up here!"

You scratched your neck, smiling somewhat embarrassed that it wasn't a great story of how you became captain on your own; that was the plain truth of how you had ended up there.

You finished putting the upper bandage on Curly, ready to continue with the lower part.

Anya: "We're going to have to be careful with the catheter for this part."

Immediately, they heard Curly's complaints when they were about to remove the bandages from that part.

"Don't be like that, Curly! Anya was the one who has been changing your bandages, washing them, and put the catheter in for you; there's nothing wrong with her seeing you again."

Anya: "I think he doesn't want you to see him..."

She said a little embarrassed, you turned to look at Curly, speechless, not knowing what to say to him.

"Okay, no problem, I'm leaving."

You raised your hands to get up from your seat and leave that room. 

Anya: "You shouldn't feel ashamed, she'ss your wife after all, she'll see you again someday."

Curly shook his head slowly, he preferred that you see him again when he was recovered.

[mythalism]

im so sorry to be a mythal lover like my icon and url suggest but i genuinely think her relationship with solas in this game was one of its best writing moments and specifically their confrontation is the highlight of this game for me and i have to talk about it.

it is so fucked up and tragic and raw. it shows us a side of him we have never seen before. she is so brutal but also somehow kind. she is probably the most complex and nuanced character in the entire dragon age universe. what she did to him was inexcusable and she takes full accountability for it but she also does not apologize. its SO INTERESTING!!! ITS SO INTERESTING!!!!

WHEN HAVE WE EVER SEEN HIM LOOK LIKE THIS>??? HIS FACE??? HIS BODY LANGUAGE????? HE LOOKS TERRIFIED AND WRETCHED. WE HAVE NEVER SEEN HIM LOOK LIKE THIS EVER.

HE WHISPERS HER NAME, AVERTS HIS GAZE. HE CANT EVEN LOOK HER IN THE EYE. HIS NAME IS PRIDE??? HE IS THE DREAD WOLF AND HE IS THE MANIFESTATION OF PRIDE AND LOOK AT HOW HE LITERALLY CRUMBLES IN HER PRESENCE???? HOLY SHIT. THIS IS SO UNLIKE HIM

i love that she does not apologize. it would have been out of character. she isnt sorry and she never was, but she at least takes accountability for what she did to him and the effect it had. she does not offer meaningless platitudes of sorrow. why would she??? she just plainly states the truth.

I RELEASE YOU FROM MY SERVICE. I RELEASE YOU FROM MY SERVICE. HE STILL CANT LOOK HER IN THE EYE. HE IS SOOOO SUBMISSIVE HERE WHAT THE FUCK. honestly i need to make a comparison between their body language here and his body language with lavellan in trespasser but that'll have to be for another time. but i am so obsessed with this line being what she says of all the things she could have said. again no apologies. just catharsis. and she talks to him like a loyal dog, someone under her command, a subordinate, not a lover. did she always see him that way? where did those lines blur? this would have been a good moment for an "ar sala mala revas" but this line is so brilliant on its own i cant complain.

AND THEN YOU HAVE THIS NEXT. THE WAY THEY ARE THE INVERSE. mythal stands over him and looks down upon him, while lavellan literally GETS ON HER KNEES TO SEE HIS FACE. TO LOOK HIM IN THE EYE. BRO THIS IS SO SICKENING. once again it mimics the way they kneel in trespasser, the way they kneel when he removes her vallaslin. and even though he's not kneeling he is bent over in agony and she is quite literally meeting him where he is at ohhhh myg od

and then when it is finally his time to address her directly he looks her right in the eye, his face is calm and not wretched like before when he looked upon mythal, im literally so sick over this look like how long has it been since they stood face to face like this, 8 years????? i havent even gotten into the way his face is bloodied and bruised like this is so vulnerable im literally dying i dont even remember what my point was with writing this i just needed to scream about it. i think mythal's presence here gives so much context to solavellan's dynamic. seeing how he is with mythal versus with lavellan back to back, how mythal speaks down to him while lavellan literally looks up to him. also something something about how lavellan offers him forgiveness while mythal offers him freedom. maybe i can make these thoughts more coherent in like a week from now but right now im running on 3 hours of sleep and pure dopamine. this scene is so fucking crazy i love it.

[moonlitwitchdaisy]

need a bigger size

✰ summary: you’re six months pregnant and calling your husband to help you put on the jeans you just can’t seem to wear right now.

✰ warnings: MDNI!! satoru gojo x fem reader, pregnant reader, soon to be dad satoru, mentioning of sex

✰ a little note: i apologize for it being a bit short. i hope you like it. also, you can tell that i wrote this during my ovulation.

“Ugh… please, please fit. I really don’t want to buy another pair of pants.”

The sixth month of your pregnancy hadn’t exactly been a breeze. Your belly was getting bigger, and the clothes you bought just two weeks ago were barely fitting. Could a person really gain this much weight in two weeks?

As you struggled to pull your jeans up over your hips, you were truly at your limit. Moments like this made you question why you were pregnant in the first place. A simple act of getting dressed had turned into a sweaty, intense battle. You had no choice but to play your last card.

“Satoruuu! Can you come here for a second, please?”

As you kept struggling with your jeans, you heard footsteps approaching the bedroom. You looked miserably toward the door, seeing your husband with his perfect, well-kept hair standing there, giving you an amused look. You, on the other hand, had sweat-plastered hair sticking to every part of your face.

“I didn’t know you wanted to have a quick fuck so bad before we went shopping.”

Your husband was truly straightforward. But right now, more than a quick fuck, you needed to fit into these $70 jeans.

“How on earth did you think I wanted that?”

While leaning against the doorframe, Satoru walked over and stood in front of your struggling body.

“First, you’re trying to take off your pants. Second, you’ve been moaning for the past five minutes and—”

“OH MY GOD NO! I’VE JUST BEEN TRYING TO PUT ON THESE DAMN JEANS FOR THE PAST HALF HOUR, SATORU.”

The mischievous grin on your husband’s face instantly transformed into disappointment. Did he really not realize you were just trying to put on your jeans?

“So, the moans that I could hear all the way in the living room were just because of your jeans?” He sounded so genuinely let down that, as mad as you were, you felt a bit sorry for him.

“FINALLY, YOU GET IT.”

Your husband went into defense mode. “Hey, calm down, wifey. As your husband, who’s constantly thinking about wanting you, of course I’d think that way.”

“Gosh I’m so sorry. Pregnancy is really making me so irritable.” You hadn’t even realized you were yelling, and it upset you to treat the person you loved most in the world this way. All the blame lay on these cursed jeans, which had fit just fine two weeks ago.

A sweet smile appeared on Satoru’s face as he cupped your face and placed a gentle kiss on your lips. “Never apologize to me. Alright, then, let’s get these jeans on you and head out shopping!”

Satoru moved behind you and took hold of the jeans stuck just below your hips. “Okay, this might be a bit tough, but take a deep breath, baby.”

Listening to him, you took a deep breath and allowed him to work the jeans over your hips. After a few challenging minutes, he’d finally managed to help you get them on.

“You might actually be the strongest, Satoru.” As you buttoned your jeans, he moved to stand in front of you again.

“I know, sweetheart. I’m always the strongest for you and our babygirl.”

After managing to fasten the buttons, you threw your arms around his neck with a triumphant smile. “I should have stopped you from getting me pregnant that night. Being pregnant is seriously tough. I bought these jeans just two weeks ago, and now they barely go over my ass”

“You’re the one who said you’d kill me if I didn’t get you pregnant that night, wifey. Besides,” he paused for a moment and placed his hands on your full hips, giving them both a firm squeeze, “if I’d known these amazing things would be this big, I would’ve gotten you pregnant the day I first saw you.”

You rolled your eyes at his words, giving him a quick peck on the lips before turning around to grab the shirt you’d left on the bed. “Let me just put on this shirt real quick and we-”

The sound of ripping made you freeze, and your hands instinctively reached to feel the tear right where your backside was. Your jeans had split straight down the middle.

“Shit, shit, shit… GOD, I PAID 70 DOLLARS FOR THESE DAMN JEANS!” You cursed angrily at them, glancing at the rip in the mirror. Your husband, as if he’d been waiting for this exact moment, was happily staring at the split right in the center of your backside.

“I guess this might be a sign that I should fuck you before we go shopping.”

Yeah, it really was, because after he finished speaking, he started kissing you hungrily. Later that day, while out shopping for baby items, you ended up buying a new pair of jeans. You just hoped they wouldn’t tear from the back after wearing them.

all rights belong to the @moonlitwitchdaisy do not copy, reproduce, or translate my work.

[becauseicantthinkwritings]

Angel of Small Death

Part 7 in my Halloween mini series!

Dark Priest!Billy Russo, Dark Priest!Matt Murdock, Dark!Frank Castle

Warnings: Major blasphemy, dub-con, corruption, spanking (with a Bible), very very inappropriate use of said Bible, oral (f), edging, being held in place.

You check on Billy in the morning.

He has no recollection of ever being in the attic, no clue how he got there or even why. The last thing he remembered was going to sleep the night before.

He looks so concerned, so worried, that you don't bother to tell him about the things he did, the things you wanted him to do.

Your heart hurts a little at the thought, that all of his words had no meaning, that those hungry, ravenous kisses weren't meant for you.

It helps you grow more complacent with the idea of Father Murdock's punishment, that your loyalties were to God, and this monastery, and a few moments of weakness couldn't define you.

Your head is held high when you step into Matt's office at midday, prepared for whatever punishment he would dole out.

You would take it, and you would grow from it.

But you stiffen when you step in to find a person you’re not expecting.

“Mister Castle?” You ask curiously, your stomach going queasy with anxiety.

Frank turns, lifting his head from the bible in his hands, looking at you in an expectant and eager way that has you second guessing the strength of your resolve.

“Hey sweetheart,” He murmurs, snapping the book shut, “you’re right on time.”

“On time?” You question, wondering exactly how much he knew. Glancing around the room you note that Matthew isn’t even here.

He gives you a cryptic smile, moving toward you, placing the bible onto Matthew’s desk, before stopping in front of you.

His face is contemplative, stern, he raises a hand, trailing the backs of his fingers over your cheek.

Your breath catches as his touch tingles across your skin.

“Billy keeps touching you when he knows he shouldn’t.” His voice ripples across your skin, that spot between your legs warms slightly. 

You swallow, feeling the need to defend your longtime friend.

“He was just confused, he didn’t mean to.”

“No?” Frank asks, “And what about the night he came into your room to taste you? Was he confused then?”

Your eyebrows draw together.

Had that actually happened? Was it not a vivid dream? How did Frank know about it?

You can’t find the words to express your disbelief, searching his face for any indication that he was lying to you.

“That didn’t happen.” You protest weakly.

Instead of responding, his smile only deepens.

The sound of the door locking behind you draws your attention, and you turn to see Father Murdock standing at the door.

“I’m happy to see you came,” Matthew says, and you frown, opening your mouth to tell him that you hadn’t had much of a choice.

“Oh, I wouldn’t miss this.” Frank answers. You glance at him, your brain teetering on overdrive as you try to fit pieces together that don’t go quite right.

Matthew leans his cane against the door, carefully approaching the both of you.

“And you, little one, are you ready to accept your sins and work towards redemption?”

You straighten.

“I am.”

“Good.” he says with finality, approaching you.

He reaches out, fingers finding your rosary around your neck, tracing the pearls.

“Tell me about this.” He says.

You swallow, glancing down at the rosary in question.

“It’s been passed down through each Mother Superior for generations. I inherited it when she passed. God bless her soul.”

“I see, and how did she die?”

You blink, wondering how he hasn’t heard the bizarre story yet.

“She got sick, they all did, every senior person in the abbey. It was horrible.”

“You poor thing.” Frank says, stepping closer behind you, and you turn to look up at him.

You give him a weak smile.

“It happens, I guess. The Lord’s reasons are not always known to us.”

He chuckles, lifting a hand to hover it over your rosary as well, never actually touching it.

“I suppose so.” He murmurs.

“Remove it,” Matthew’s voice interjects, “We are going to begin your punishment now.”

You nod, shakily tugging the rosary over your head, wrapping it around your fist with the expectation that you’re going to pray.

“Bend over my desk.”

You freeze.

“Wh-what?”

Matthew angles his head, saying Frank’s name, your eyes dart between the men as some kind of silent exchange happens.

Frank smiles politely, reaching out to grip your shoulders.

“I don’t think he wants to repeat himself, sweetheart.” Frank says, turning your body and guiding you toward the wooden desk.

Your hips pressed flush to the desk, you gasp as he presses on your shoulder, bending you over the table.

When you try to protest, and raise your body, Frank reaches to grip your wrists, pressing them down.

It renders you somewhat immobile, Frank moves to sit in the chair right in front of you, almost at eye level, while he keeps his grip firm on your wrists.

“What is going on? What kind of punishment is this?” You ask, wriggling, confused as to how this will redeem you in any way.

You feel hands settle on your backside, tugging your skirt up slowly.

“This punishment,” Matthew says behind you, “Is designed to make you reflect on your sins, to associate any thoughts of defilement with discomfort.”

Frank’s grip tightens on your wrists, drawing your attention.

“Don’t panic,” He whispers, leaning in close to you so that his voice is right in your ear, “Just look at me, and it’ll be over before you know it.”

His eyes do calm you, the warmth of his hands and the smell of sage that fills your senses eases your nerves.

You let out a slow breath, nodding at Frank.

Your eyes widen dramatically in the next moment when you feel your undergarments tugged down the length of your legs.

Your lower half is exposed to Father Murdock, and you stiffen when you feel his bare hand grip at the flesh of your cheek firmly.

“Let’s start simple,” Matt starts, “Was that the first time you’ve let a man touch you?”

You swallow.

“No.”

Something firm comes down on your rear, it makes a dull sound before you feel a gentle sting.

You turn your head, catching sight of the Bible that Frank had been reading earlier in Father Murdock’s hands, but as soon as you see it, Frank’s free hand is on your jaw, twisting your vision back to him.

He shakes his head.

“Keep those pretty eyes on me.” He commands.

You shiver, nodding, mouth dropping open at the flood of sensations you were experiencing, that… wasn’t quite bad at all.

“When was the first time you let someone defile you?” Matthew asks.

Frank's eyes study your face as you contemplate your answer.

“I kissed Billy, i-in the gazebo in the cemetery, when I was around seventeen.”

You gasp, feeling another hit against your rear, your eyes rolling in pleasure for just a moment.

“Is that all?”

“N-no, I kissed him a few days ago, in the same place.”

The bible hits you again.

“He’s the only man you’ve ever kissed?”

“Yes.” You answer honestly.

“But he’s not the only man you desire.” Matthew continues with a statement, and not a question.

“Um,” You murmur, trying to stall.

The bible comes down harder on your flesh, and you can’t help the moan that leaves your mouth.

“Please, Father Murdock, I’m sorry.”

His palm presses to your heated rear, fingers dipping down until they brush against your most intimate parts.

“You don’t feel sorry, little one, you feel wet.”

A whine leaves your throat, his fingers probe you, gliding over your cunt, pausing on your aching bud.

“Is this what you want? Does it excite you to be touched like this?”

You don’t answer, dropping your head in shame.

Another spank, this time a little harder than you expect.

Tears pool in your eyes.

“Yes, Father.” You answer honestly.

Another hit, followed by another. The pain stings, your body hot, the little spot between your legs throbbing, begging for attention.

You feel his hand, pulling your legs further apart, before something rubs against your center.

You tip your head back, mouth open, but before any sound can get out, Frank is pushing his thumb into your mouth.

“Not too loud, we don’t want anyone to hear you.”

Tears slip from the outer corners of your eyes, down your cheeks to pool in his hand, Matthew rubs the spine of the bible between your thighs in a slow, agonising movement.

You moan around Frank’s thumb, eyes fluttering shut as pleasure you’ve never felt before assails you.

Frank’s rough thumb sways over your thumb, you whimper, opening your eyes to meet his.

Matthew continues to give you pleasure, instead of pain, rubbing the indented leather spine along the seam of your cunt, pressing in, circling against you for a few moments.

Your fingers curl around your rosary, an aching throb begging you to tilt your hips up and rock your body further onto Matthew’s bible.

He spanks you again, and your only response is to suck on Frank’s fingers more passionately.

You flutter your pleading eyes at him, trying for the first time, to seduce, to encourage him to pleasure your body.

Frank smiles, dark eyes that seem to bore right into your soul, he leans forward to delicately glide his nose against yours.

“You take punishment so beautifully, sweetheart.”

You lean into the palm of his hand, accepting the compliment gratefully.

Your head swarms with pleasure, approaching that peak so easily you can almost taste it, Matt behind you, quietly pleasuring you.

You groan in dismay when he stops, feeling his hands smooth over the curves of your behind.

Your face is so close to Frank’s that you don’t react when you feel his tongue dart out to lick your tears away. You’re surprised at the way it feels, very different from Billy’s rougher, longer, an oddness to it that you cannot put your finger on.

You accept your fate, at the mercy of these two men, wondering briefly how Billy would fit into the mix.

Frank pulls his thumb out of your mouth, gripping your jaw softly so that he can press his mouth to yours.

At the same time, you feel a tongue dart out to lick between your legs.

You feel like putty, being molded anew, as Frank kisses your lips and Matthew kisses your cunt.

You gasp into Frank’s mouth, feel him chuckle, his lips taste sweet, soft, his tongue- dextrous and wicked, delving into your mouth with expert precision.

Humming, you note hazily that Frank’s tongue has two points, the movements are vile, delicious, you want to feel like this permanently.

Matt’s tongue is no less capable, licking hungrily at your wetness, humming into your delicate skin, kissing the areas that he’s punished with his bible.

Your toes curl, fingers tight around your rosary, head floating. Your body trembles, your breath stalling in your chest as bliss approaches. 

Matthew’s tongue withdraws, and you find that the disappointment is almost too much to bear.

You stiffen, eyes searching Frank’s, begging for something more as Matthew rights your underwear, pulling your skirt over your legs.

Frank withdraws too, you glance down, watching as he removes his hand from around your wrists, his palm holding odd marks where your rosary has touched him.

“Why?” You whisper helplessly.

“Punishments are not supposed to feel good, little one, they’re supposed to make you want to be good.” 

Your body responds eagerly to Matthew’s words. You find that he’s right, you want to be good, you want- more of what he gave you.

“How do I be good?” You ask timidly.

Matthew helps you stand on shaky legs, his mouth- pink and glistening- no doubt with your arousal.

“Obedience.” He answers your question, carefully untangling your rosary from your hands and placing it around your neck.

He takes a second, running his thumb across your bottom lip gently, the gesture heavy with affection.

“I have to go now, but I'll see you later?” He murmurs.

You nod, looking up at him with glassy eyes, wondering if you were too much above begging for release.

You don't get a chance to contemplate it further, before he leaves.

You drop your head, contemplating your actions, before turning to look at Frank.

“I'm confused.”

Frank chuckles, moving around the table to stand before you.

“What's troubling you?”

“I was just punished for letting Billy almost defile me last night, and in the process, he- you both- well you defiled me in a way too.”

“That does sound confusing, yes.” He agrees, stepping in closer. You take a deep breath, enjoying his masculine scent.

“I think, sweetheart, you just have to accept that these things are barely going to make sense from now on.” 

Your eyebrows draw together in further confusion. He reaches up, fingers stroking your jaw to bring your attention back to him.

“You really are beautiful.” He says, deep in thought. You feel heat rising to your cheeks.

“Th- thank you.” You whisper.

.

“When was the last time he was seen?” Sister April asks.

You wait, listening to Sister Margaret's mumbled response.

“Perhaps at morning mass yesterday? Definitely not after that. Father Murdock even confirmed that he wasn't in the dormitory last night.”

“It was pouring last night,” you recall, “Could he have gotten lost somewhere?”

Sister April lifts her shoulders.

“It’s possible, everyone is looking for him, hopefully he is found soon.”

You nod in agreement, concerned for one of the monks residing here. 

You’d been so caught up with Billy, Matthew and Frank, that you’d let your duties to your people fall short, and now someone was missing. 

It was hard not to blame yourself.

.

.

.

[ashblooddragons]

My Heart, My Ruin (Prolouge/?)

22 ac Kingslanding

Maegors pov

I could hear my good-sister's screams well into the night. I finally gave up trying to fid sleep once the hour of the owl came, I climbed out of my bed and went to where I knew my brother would be waiting until his wife had given birth to their child. She’s been in labor since yesterday at the hour of the wolf, surely she should have had the babe by now.

When I walked in I saw mother and father standing next to each other whispering as my brother sat in a chair sobbing.

“What’s wrong, she’s been in labor since yesterday, shouldn’t the babe be here?” I ask as I rub the drowsiness from my eyes. 

I watch mother and father look at each other silently having a conversation with only their eyes. Probably deciding if I should know or not. But it is not them who answers but my sniffling brother.

“The babe won’t come, the Maesters think Alyssa’s contractions are too weak.” Aenys sobs out.

“These are just guesses my son, they are giving her a concoction now to strengthen them.” Father says rubbing Aenys back as he sobs into his hands. 

I look at Mother and see a scowl on her face, she never liked how Father treats Aenys compared to me says he “treats him like some infant looking for their Mother’s teat.” and in this moment of watching his brother sob so openly, he wonders if his mother is right.

“What would happen if the concoction doesn’t work?” I ask looking from my brother to my Mother.

“Then we will have to choose who lives, the babe or the Mother.” Mother responds in a cold calculating tone. This only makes Aenys sob more.

“But it will not come to that, we have the greatest Maesters in all of the seven Kingdoms we have nothing to fear.” Father says trying to reassure Aenys again as he glares at Mother.

Mother scoffs and takes a sip of her amber gold wine, she doesn’t like it as much as Dornish red but ever since Rhaenys death she won’t touch anything to do with the Dornish. She often says. “They took my sister with that scorpion arrow, I suppose I am glad they had horrible aim and Meraxes did not perish either. If this, me not drinking their wine is the only way I can show how I hate them, then I will.” 

Mother and Father say Meraxes had seen the arrow coming, she had tried to dive so it wouldn’t his either her or Aunt Rhaenys, but she hadn’t noticed quick enough, and the arrow had split her in two. Meraxes has been inconsolable since her rider’s death, but Father has said he swears he sees her flying above Kingslanding over the last moon, as if looking, searching for something. This is odd as she much prefers the sulfur rocks and salty air of Dragonstone compared to Kingslandings stench and filth. 

I can not blame the dragon though, I do as well, I’d much rather be on our ancestral home instead of this filth-ridden city.

We all flinched, well besides Mother, when we hear a bone-chilling scream from Alyssa, and then it all went quiet. I hear Aenys sob more thinking his wife as perished until we hear the cries that only a healthy babe could make. 

Aenys bolts out of his chair and rushes to his wife, Mother, and Father not far behind them. I sigh in relief knowing I can finally get some much-needed sleep. 

The next morning I go to visit my new niece, when I enter I see my good-sister asleep on the birthing bed with new sheets dorning it so the stench of blood isn’t as pungent in the air. I turn and look at my brother who is smiling down at a bundle in his arms.

Are babes truly that small, Alyssa was huge and the bundle doesn’t even reach the length of my brother's forearm.

I’m cut out of my musing when Aenys looks at me smiling waving me over trying to keep quiet as to not wake his wife or the babe.

“Come meet your niece, Rhaella.” He says as he rests the babe into my arms making sure I hold her right.

When I look down I see her looking up at me with the most gorgeous lavender eyes I’ve ever seen, they take my take my breath away. I shake my head trying to gain my bearings again. 

“She’s so small, is she supposed to be this small?” I ask as I move some of the blanket to see a swarm of silver-white curls atop her little head.

“I had asked the Maesters the same thing, they said it’s normal for the first to be small.” He responds touching the tufts of hair upon her head. 

I nod not taking my eyes off hers, I couldn’t look away even if I wanted to. I sit on a plush armchair staring at her, staring at the very being who seems to keep my heart pumping now, the very thing I will always adore and cherish, the one thing, one person I could never hurt. I knew in this moment she would be the very focal point of my heart, but she would also be my very ruin.

Special thanks to my bestie @sugutoad for making the Header for this fic!!! I swear I'd be lost without you Girly!

@sugutoad @ilikefelines @baybaybear1 @sachaa-ff @mmogurl @classicsimpforaaronwarner

[webanglikethat]

REACH OUT TO YOUR AMERICAN QUEER FRIENDS.

if you’re feeling like there’s no point anymore, if this all feels like it’s too damn much to take, please just hang on. this fight is brutal, and sometimes it feels like it never ends. but I’m begging you—don’t give up. don’t let them have that final victory. don’t let them silence your voice, your light, your life. scream, cry, punch walls, call someone, reach out, hold on to whatever will keep you here another day, another hour. do whatever you have to do to survive this moment. because you’re needed. we need you. the world needs you.

you might not see it now, but you are a part of something big, something powerful, something they wish they could destroy but never will. you’re part of a legacy of resilience, of love, of defiance against hatred. every queer person, every person who has ever had to stand up against a world that told them they shouldn’t exist, that they should be crucified, erased, beaten up, has carried that legacy forward, passed it down so we could be here. so you could be here. and they did not survive all they did, did not fight, did not sacrifice so much just for us to lose hope. we’re still here because others fought and held on. now, it’s our turn. we owe it to them, to ourselves, to hold on with everything we have, to fight with everything in us.

and one day, I promise you, I truly pinkie promise you, that you’re going to wake up in a world that has moved beyond these hateful voices. one day, you will wake up in a world that sees you, that values you, where you don’t have to fight just to exist. you deserve to live in it, to walk in the sunlight without fear, without shame. they don’t get to take that from you. they don’t get to erase you. they don’t get to win.

this moment is hard. it’s beyond hard. but you, every single one of you, are worth it. you are not alone in this fight. you are surrounded by countless others who feel this too, who know this pain, who are holding on right alongside you.

so please, hold on. you belong, and nothing they do can change that. they cannot snuff out your light. they cannot erase your legacy. they cannot undo the love you were born to spread.

stay. fight like hell. be louder, be prouder, be everything they tell you not to be. because you are worth every ounce of this battle. and we will see the day they’re gone. we will make it through.

[vampsquerade]

May I request König with fem! Reader who has anxiety and insomnia? (She sometimes stay late, but tries to keep a good hygiene.)

I relate to him a lot since he was bullied to and apparently has anxiety as well :( </3

Thank you in advance ❤️

hi anon, of course i can! thank you for requesting, i appreciate it so much :,) and same dude i was bullied too so i understand how it can be a little easy to relate to him 💕 sorry you experienced that, you didn’t and nobody else deserves to go through that.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

König x Female!Reader: Inner and Outer Strifes

Trigger Warnings: hurt/comfort, mentions of: past trauma, bullying, physical altercations; insomnia, anxiety, self destructive tendencies, self-doubt, relationship insecurities

Having someone who actually understood what it was like to go through anxiety attacks, whether they be in regards to social or emotional, made it all the better to get through with life. König always made sure to take care of you, as you would do the same for him. He pampered you, treating you so nicely as he eased you out of those intrusive thoughts that kept you trapped in your own head. The feelings of eyes staring at you, watching your every move always waned off whenever König comforted you. He would also do whatever he could to get you to go to bed, as you suffered from chronic insomnia as a result of your anxiety.

König would use himself as a form of weight for comforting pressure on you sometimes, wanting you to feel safe with him. Tonight was one of those nights where you struggled to sleep, no matter what König tried. “Meine liebe…how about we go and try a nice, warm bath, hm?” König asks as he strokes your cheek gently with the back of his hand. You sigh deeply before nodding your head. “Yeah, maybe that’ll help me this time around,” you say in a slightly hoarse and somewhat defeated tone of voice. König frowned, seeing how frustrated you were at your lack of being able to fall asleep at all.

He lifted you up carefully, taking you to the bathroom and sitting you down on the sink’s counter. You stare at König almost blankly as he turns the water on, watching his large and scarred hand moving under the water just to feel it get warm. You could see the tenderness in his eyes, and a slightly bitter smile seems to form on your face. Your eyes are filled with a sharp and indignant gaze, as if feeling wronged for the unfairness of your own thoughts. Part of you wants to just flat out ask the question that runs through your head over and over to talk about it, and another one fights and restrains that thought immensely.

You’d gone through just as much as he did as a kid, dealing with being bullied by your peers at every waking moment you sat down in those little seats. No matter what you did, they wouldn’t leave you alone; it’s where that sensation that thousands of eyes were watching you came from. It was an awful feeling because no matter how close someone got to you, it would create a barrier between you and the person you’ve come close to. The fact that you were doing this with König despite already having dated for a few months made you feel like shit.

So you popped the question.

“Do you actually enjoy doing this? Taking care of me every waking moment you’re here?” The way you phrase it seems to take the Austrian by surprise. He never expected you to ask him something so loaded. König’s head immediately whips to you, and he looks at you with his soft, blue eyes in disbelief. His own anxiety seems to spike slightly, and he stands up from his knees next to the bathtub as he lets it fill with water. “Of course I do. You and I come from similar walks of life—you’ve understood me far better than anyone else had,” he says softly. His large hand comes up to grab yours, fingers intertwining within your own.

König’s eyes shone in the light within the bathroom, but the gaze in his eyes showed a profound sadness. He would silently bring your hand up to his chest, pressing your now open palm against it. The sensation of his heart thumping hard in his chest as it rose and fell, and you can hear the Colonel give a hesitant chuckle. “Please…let me understand and love you as you have me…let me help teach you how to take better care of yourself and manage your anxieties…you know that I’m here for you, and that I would do anything for you…” König continues to speak, his voice growing ever softer.

In your head, remnants of you still continued to think this way and all you could do was blame it on those inner thoughts that never stopped. But from how adamant König was becoming, how he grew anxious at the thought of you doubting his love for you. “Meine liebe,” he begins, standing in front of you and holding you close to his chest. “Love comes without conditions…love is all about caring for one another without acting like it’s a burden,” he continues in a much gentler tone. He could see the doubt still lingering in your gaze, causing him to become a little more anxious that you couldn’t believe him.

“I promise you that I don’t mind taking care of you,” König continues to tell you, “I will do so until my dying days. Just to make sure you don’t ever end up alone ever again.” You look at the hulking man once more, staring at the way he gently moved himself to embrace you tightly. Instinctively, your arms and legs wrapped around him to comfort yourself more. “I’m sorry for doubting you,” you apologize, nuzzling your face into König’s chest and inhaling deeply. His natural musk was something you loved more than anything and it was the one thing that helped keep you calm.

He chuckles softly, giving you a chaste kiss on the lips before gently helping to undress you. “Now let’s get you that nice bath and we can try to get you to go to bed,” König says with a tender tone of affection in his voice. He then lifts you carefully and sets you down in the warm water, allowing for you to take in the comforting aromas of the soaps you were using. Your eyes close as König takes this as the chance to massage your back, whispering reassurances and affirmations into your ears. They sounded like the ones he normally used to keep himself calm in certain scenarios…it made you feel special.

After a few minutes of König rubbing your spine and shoulders, cleaning you up, he drains the water and gently starts to clean any excess soap off you with new water. He goes to grab a towel and warms it up for a minute, leaving you there with your thoughts again. Your anxieties and potential insecurities about your relationship and how much König takes care of you rear their ugly heads, but from how loving and gentle he was with you, they slowly dissipate. You look up and see him there, a smile on his face.

“Here, my love…let me lift you up…” The Colonel says as he wraps the towel around you. Its warmth against your body makes you so happy, filling you with a sense of safety as his massive arms wrap around you. König gently begins to dry you off after sitting you down on the sink’s counter again, doing so in such a slow manner that it felt so romantic. You couldn’t help but smile and reach your arms out to hold onto his face. König looks up at you, a bit confused, before his eyes go wide.

“Mmh-” He hums briefly, closing his eyes slowly and allowing you to kiss him. The way König wrapped his arms around you again now that you were dry was actually making you feel tired. You pull back just to cover your mouth as you yawn, making the Colonel smile and chuckle at you. “Feeling tired now, aren’t you? I won’t keep you awake for much longer…” König mumbles against your lips, leaning in for one more kiss after pushing your hand down.

The Austrian dresses you once more in newer, more comfortable sleeping clothes, and carries you back to your shared room. He turns the lights off and pulls the curtains shut after closing the door, having laid you back down on the bed prior to any of this. König finds himself cuddling up to you and putting his hands back onto your body.

The gentle squeeze as he began to rub your back up and down as a way to get you to sleep seems to do it’s trick.

Your eyes are shutting…

Breathing is slowing…

And your muscles are relaxing…

“I love you,” falls from your lips wearily as you hide your face into König’s comfortable chest. “I love you too, my love. Get some sleep,” he mumbles in a much softer and soothing tone. You finally seem to fall asleep after trying for so long and the Colonel follows suit once he makes sure you’ree completely asleep. Safe and protected right in his arms…

[legionofshaza]

A place to call home

Lucien week day 5 @lucienweekofficial

⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️

The sun had just begun to slowly rise, casting a golden hue over the Autumn Court. Lucien stood on the edge of the balcony, staring out at the forest that stretched endlessly beyond.It was beautiful,but it wasn’t home.

Not anymore.

Lucien had spent his whole life wandering, whether across lands or courts, always searching for a place where he could truly belong. He had hoped to find it with Tamlin, in the Spring Court. At first, it had felt like home—a sanctuary of golden fields and blooming gardens where he could escape the weight of his past. But that feeling had long since crumbled, buried beneath the ashes of betrayal and power.

He thought of Velaris, of the Night Court, where Feyre and Rhysand had built something precious. It had a warmth, a peace that called to him. But he could not shake the sense that he was an outsider there, even among those who treated him with kindness. He knew Feyre cared for him in her own way, but she had her own life, her own family. His place in it was… peripheral. He was not like Cassian or Azriel, with their unspoken brotherhood. He was not Rhysand’s inner circle, not really. He was a guest, a friend. A visitor.

“Is everything all right?”

The voice startled him from his thoughts, though he knew it well. Elain stood at the threshold of the balcony looking at him.She had a way of entering his presence silently, as though she were a part of the world itself—soft and unassuming, yet impossible to ignore.

Lucien straightened, his heart doing the now-familiar stutter it always did when she was near. He hadn’t expected to see her tonight. Elain had spent much of her time in Velaris, her life entwined with her sisters and their court. He hadn’t dared to ask her to stay. How could he?

“Elain,” he murmured, turning to face her. “I didn’t know you were back.”

She smiled, a small, tentative thing that seemed to light up the dimming world around them. “I didn’t want to interrupt, but Feyre mentioned you’d returned here for a few days. I… I thought I’d join you.”

Lucien’s chest tightened. He had come back to the Autumn Court, not because he wanted to, but because he needed to. There was unfinished business here—family ties that still gnawed at him, even after all this time. He had hoped to leave quietly, unnoticed, as always.

But here she was, her presence both a comfort and a confusion. Elain had a home. She had her family in Velaris. What was she doing here, in a court that had never been kind to either of them?

“You didn’t have to come,” Lucien said quietly, stepping toward her. “This place isn’t… it’s not for you.”

Elain met his gaze, her eyes soft but steady. “Maybe not. But I thought it might be for you.”

For him?

Lucien wanted to scoff, to laugh bitterly at the notion that the Autumn Court, of all places, could ever be home to him again. But the look in Elain’s eyes stopped him. She wasn’t here out of pity or obligation. She was here because she chose to be. And for a moment, Lucien dared to believe that maybe, just maybe, she saw something in him.

He swallowed, his throat tight. “I don’t know if I belong anywhere, Elain. Not here. Not… anywhere.”

She stepped closer, until she was standing right beside him, her gaze drifting out to the sprawling forest.Elain was quiet for a long moment, as though considering his words, or perhaps searching for the right ones to offer in return.

Finally, she spoke, her voice soft but firm. “Home isn’t always a place, Lucien. Sometimes it’s… it’s a person. Or the people who make you feel like you belong, even when you don’t see it yourself.”

Lucien felt the weight of her words settle over him, gentle and warm like the fading sunlight. He wanted to believe her, to let that warmth into the cold, lonely parts of his soul that had long ago turned to ice. But he wasn’t sure if he could. He had spent so long wandering, so long searching for something he didn’t think he deserved to find.

But then Elain looked up at him, her eyes filled with quiet determination, and he wondered if maybe he’d been searching in the wrong places all along.

“Maybe I don’t belong anywhere,” he murmured. “But when I’m with you… it feels like something. Like I’m not so lost.”

Elain’s hand brushed his, a gentle touch that sent a shock of warmth through him. “Then let’s not be lost together.”

Lucien stared at her, his heart in his throat, unsure of what to say. But maybe words weren’t what was needed here. Maybe, for once, it was enough to simply be. To stand here, with Elain beside him, and let the idea of home take root in a place he never expected to find it.

Maybe home wasn’t something he had to find. Maybe it was something he could choose.

 Lucien found himself hoping that home might be wherever she was.

💘 End 💘

[thewrothode-if]

Just a little scenario I made up since that recent POV reminded me just how much I adore Gungir. (I don't imagine it taking place during the actual game/story necessarily. But it would take place further down the line where both the MC and Gungir are aware of their attraction, but the MC is still not ready to let go of the hurt caused by their father's preferential treatment)

It was the soft, concerned way Gungir spoke their name that finally broke them.

The past few days had not been kind, giving them little time to rest. Every moment, they were needed for something: make this decision, mediate this grievance, help with supplies, break up a fight. Ever it went on, seemingly endless. And in the back of their mind, growing louder with each passing moment, was the criticizing voice of their father.

The imaginary voice was ceaseless with its chiding and beratement, always there to let them know how much they were failing. Even lands apart, they could not escape that man's unfair judgement. It was wearing them down, and their temper was growing even quicker to flare.

It wasn't until they threw an overly cruel remark towards Thyra that they finally pulled themselves away to be alone. They just needed a moment, one moment, alone to collect themselves. But, it seems Gungir couldn't even give them that.

The large oaf decided to follow them, for only the gods know what reason. They may have had moments with him during the journey where they put their animosty to the side and truly talked with the man. But surely, a handful of amicable conversations could not have given Gungir the confidence to believe approaching them now when they were this irate was the best decision. But here Gungir was, and they could feel the pent-up frustration and anger rising.

They watched him take a few cautious steps closer and, quietly, he said their name. Just their name. But it was filled with such concern, the kind that they were rarely ever given, and they couldn't stand it. Not in this moment, and not from him. Like a cornered animal, they lashed out.

They hurled every insult they could think of at him. They poked and prodded at any perceived failings of the man with no care for how petty they may be. Every grievance and every flaw they were forced to listen to by their imaginary father's voice, they took and threw it all onto Gungir. And through their tirade, he did not turn away or back down.

Gungir seemed to disregard it all, the worry never leaving his eyes. The large man continued his approach until he was standing right before them. By then, their anger had started to fade, but they couldn't stop. They continued to yell at him, chanting 'I hate you' over and over, their words growing weaker each time. They just wanted this miserable feeling to end and Gungir to leave.

But he didn't. Gungir slowly lifted his arms and, to their surprise, gathered them into a hug. It wasn't a strong hold, loose enough that they could easily pull away if they wanted, but they didn't. They could feel his warmth seeping into their skin, and it smothered the remaining embers of their ire, leaving them feeling hollow and quiet. Suddenly, they felt their breath hitch, and like a burst dam, they started to sob.

They clung to the front of Gungir's clothes and cried in a way they hadn't since they were a child. Later, they would undoubtedly be embarrassed about this. But for now, they let themselves forget about the complicated feelings they had for the man holding them and greedily accepted the comfort he freely gave. They felt Gungir pull them into a tighter embrace, and in that moment, they were truly glad he was there. Whether they deserved his kindness or not, they were glad.

YOOO, this shit is so GOOD. What the fuck.

Like you actually had me so excited for what was going to come next. Can you please, PLEASE write this IF for me so I enjoy your delicious writing? The dynamic between Gungir and the MC is so good in this.

I will most likely use this as a reference for what my writing should be because damn. This is FIRE. 😍

[satureja13]

Jack dragged Sai over to his and Kiyoshi's quarters to distract him from his misery - with some games. Skully: "Yes! Slay them into bloody pieces!" And he began to sing growl 'Swing of the Axe' by Power Trip... 'Go on and look at you - today's your lucky day The executioner's here And he's ready to make you pay

Swing of the axe, Swing of the axe Cry all you want, but the blade soars today Swing of the axe, Swing of the axe' "

Sai: "That's a bowling game, Skully..." Skully: "Then put some more effort in it!" Saiwa sighed. But everything is better than mulling over Jeb and their doomed sex life. Even hanging out with Skully. Where does he get those songs from anyway? ö.ö

And then Noxee called! Jack's eyes lit up. He loves Noxee since he first laid eyes on her. And he might have told her how much he's worried about Sai. Sai was so happy to see her. She surely would have some good tips for him. Noxee tamed Greg. She's the Queen of giving relationship advice.

Noxee looked at broken Sai: "Oh honey. That's not how I know you. I didn't raise you like that." Sai just wanted to start rambling about Jeb's revelation and how he's never going to lose his virginity, when Noxee interrupted. Noxee: "Babies. I'd love to chat with you but I have to take Greg to the hospital wing." Sai: "Gods! Did he get into a fight again? Is he severely hurt?" Noxee: "No, no he isn't. Just a physical inspection. A little strip search. A thorough body check. If you know what I mean? *She winked twice - and Greg, in the background, was just standing there, grinning stupidly in anticipation* And then some physiotherapy for this hardened muscle. A proper roleplay never hurt anyone ^^' Love you - bye!"

Well that was disappointing. As always... Sai grumbled: "Noxee didn't raise us at all." Jack: "Oh, I think she has. You don't have to be around someone for years to get an impact from them. And I think she did also gave us some valueable advice." Sai: "How so? She didn't say anything about me and Jeb." Jack: "Just you wait and see. She already showed us that a relationship can work, even under worst conditions, hm?" And Jack tugged Sai along - over to the Security Office, where the latest subscription box from 'Ye Olde Magick Shoppe' waited to be unboxed by curious creatures. Sai: "I don't think Noxee said anything about this?"

Jack: "You are just too deep in your despair to interpret it right. Noxee mentioned role play. And with what do you play with? With toys!" Sai: "I don't think Jeb will let me use them. He'll think they'd hurt me too..." Jack: "That's when her second advice falls in. The pysiotherapy. We've been practising yoga, meditation and tantra for so many months now, it's about time to yield the large crop! And get some profits from it." Sai: "Omg Jack! You and your wild brain. I don't think this was was Noxee had in mind." Jack, who hates Greg: "The only thing she has in mind is that mangily werewolf! We have to work with what we've got." Sai: "But how is that even supposed to help me getting woohooed by Jeb?" Jack: "That's easy. You are starting to play with those toys, some of them look exactly Jeb's size. And you also still have the wand from Kiyoshi. Just go slow and use lots of polish. Simultaneously, you start your one-on-one tantra practise with Jeb. Both of you should leave your ego - and everything else - behind and just focus on the moment - and your bliss. And after a few days - in the right moment - take the toy out and Jeb in - and it won't hurt a bit. And yes, you can thank me later, when you've seen the stars - all of them." And poor Sai is desperate enough to not chase Jack around the ship but to listen to his mad theories. Yes, things already have come this far.

And while Jack stuffs Sai's poor, suffering brain with his nonsense, Vlad and Ji Ho admire the new cargo bay. Jeb and Jack had turned it into a little green paradise for the Little Ones and for themselves. It will be nice and calming to hang out here. Since they aren't able to just walk around in the open air as long as they travel through space.

Ji Ho: "Let's pick our food and eat on the blanket?" Vlad, who'd promised Jack to be more approachable: "Eh - sure."

Jack told them just a few minutes ago he'd already set the table for them with their meals in the Crew Mess. But when they entered, their plates were empty. Someone ate their food. And it even looks like the plates had been licked clean. What the hell?

A little later, when Jeb and Kiyoshi finished their shift at the bridge, they built a - hopefully - secure container for the meteorites. The glow effects even intesified with time... They weren't able to measure any harmful radiants, so they just hope it's safe enough until they have time to research further. After they'd finished, it was upon Kiyoshi to distract poor Jeb from his misery. Well, Kiyoshi has decades of experience in not woohooing Jack...

From the Beginning 🔱 Underwater Love 🔱 Latest

Current Chapter: starts ▶️ here Last Chapter: 'Here comes the Sun' from the beginning ▶️ here

📚 Previous Chapters: Chapters: 1-6 ~ 7-12 ~ 13-16 ~ 23-29

Outtakes

Meteorites going crazy

[dreamsofbroflovski]

Leopold "Butters" Stotch x Reader - sweet escape

Also available on ao3!

Summary: When you and your darling boyfriend break up, Eric Cartman's inner cupid decides to make sure you two get back together... By fucking your way right out of that argument.

Warnings: Explicit Sexual Content (EVERYONE INVOLVED IS ABOVE THE AGE OF CONSENT), Explicit Language, Cisgender female Reader, Aphrodisiacs, Nipple Play, Nipple Orgasm, Penis In Vagina Sex, Bathroom Sex, Creampie

A/N: I've had this in my Docs for almost 2 months now, and never got to properly finish it. Then yesterday I went berserk and stayed until 4am writing and cleaning up the draft so I could have it up by today.

We have an utter drought of Butters x Reader smut in this fandom, so I hope I did our sweet guy justice.

Obligatory "English is not my first language, if anything sounds like total nonsense it probably is so please let me know" This is also my first fic after whole years without writing anything creative and my first smut work in general and IDK how to feel about it

It was your average Monday morning in Park County. People from all walks of life had frowns on their faces as they made their way to school or work, missing the protection of their warm blankets and the peacefulness of a deep sleep. In your high school, most of the students hung about in the hallways as they waited for classes to start, and the cliques standing around together provided some warmth for its members, both emotionally and physically.

At the end of one of the corridors, in one of the staircases, hung out a particular group of young men, lazing around and chatting about their weekend like everyone else. Some of them stood, leaning on the wall or the handrail, while others sat on the steps, basically creating a barricade against anyone who wanted to go up or down the stairs - not that many people tried, anyway; over the course of their high school days all the way to the current senior year, the South Park boys had kind of made that particular part of the stairs their hangout spot, and the other students really just preferred to take any necessary detours than have to deal with the certified biggest assholes in the whole school.

As they began to engage in yet another heated debate over some useless topic, almost none of them saw a certain blonde man arrive. This was not abnormal - most people were never paying attention to Butters, unless they needed him for a favor. What was abnormal, however, was the expression he carried. Butters was a normally friendly and peaceful person, always with a smile on his face even in the most inhospitable of days; to see him like he was now, walking with heavy steps like a soldier, his face down and gaze fixed on his own feet, it didn’t take much from anyone to see that he was not doing well. 

“Hey there, fellas.” He spoke in an unusually low voice, not looking up for even a second to acknowledge his peers. Almost all the other boys responded with a quiet Hey or a quick movement of the head, but he didn’t acknowledge either of those greetings, too engulfed in his own feelings.

“Oh, hey, Butters, there you are.” Cartman said, looking briefly at his direction but almost seeing past him, clearly not realizing what was amiss - Eric couldn’t care about someone else’s feelings to save his life. “Thank God you’re here, I have to talk to you about something later and it’s really important, if you didn’t show up it would’ve really fucked me over. You’re really gonna have to make up to me later for that. We’ll go over what you can do during lunch, so tell your bitch to - hey, where’s your bitch, anyway?”

“I DON’T KNOW, I DON’T CARE, AND IF ANY OF YOU DO THEN YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELVES!” was Butters’ immediate answer, in such a thundering angry tone that it made the whole group flinch in fear. This was the first moment he actually looked at his so-called friends that Monday, and his face was one of pure fury. “And if YOU-” he turned in his heels to face Cartman, pointing a finger at his face, “-think I’m going to be a part of whatever fucking evil deeds you have planned right now, then you better sit that fat ass of yours down, because I ain’t helping you anymore, got it?” He turned again to glare at the rest of the guys, who all had wide eyes. “Or any of you bitches either! I’m done with you jerks! DONE!”

“Dude, dude, calm down, it’s okay-” Kyle was the one to first try and appease the situation, seeing as everyone else was too afraid to make a movement. He tried to reach an arm out to Butters, but it was promptly slapped out of his reach by the latter.

“IT’S NOT FUCKING OKAY! Everyone hates you, y’all fucking hate each other, and then you sit around here and pretend to be best friends! Oh, but y’all won’t say anything because if you do y’all gon’ have to hang around with fucking Kip Drordy ‘till graduation! And I’ll tell you what else-”

He eventually became engulfed by his own rage, breathing rapidly as he looked around for anything else he could say his truth about.

“Easy there, buddy. Look, I haven’t had breakfast yet, how about you and I go pick up a snack in one of the vending machines?” Kenny tapped on Butters’ shoulder, gesturing in the direction of the canteen.

“I don’t want no goddamn snack!” Butters yelled right in Kenny’s ear, but the latter didn’t even acknowledge the rudeness, being used to worse back at his house.

“Yes, you do. Now let’s go.”

The whole staircase group watched in silence as Kenny dragged Butters far away, and then all faces turned to Cartman.

“Great job there, fatass.” Kyle snarled, rolling his eyes.

“Fuck you, Kyle! What the hell did I do now?” Cartman raised his voice, pointing a finger in Kyle’s face, then signaling with his other hand towards the corridor through which Butters had just left. “He’s the one that started acting like a chick on her period! That’s got nothing to do with me!”

“You provoked him, dude! You know he’s sensitive about that shit these days!”

“Butters is always sensitive, dude! What is his problem NOW?”

The other boys looked at each other, unsure if Cartman’s behavior was legitimate. “You really don’t know what you did?” Kyle asked, almost a surprised tone in his voice, his eyebrows arched.

“No! If I’m going to be blamed for shit, at least tell me what it is!” Eric huffed, tired of the back-and-forth.

Kyle took a deep breath. “Butters and (Y/N) broke up this weekend.”

The news had Cartman legitimately shocked. “Really? Why didn’t he tell me?”

“But he did. He told all of us.” Stan picked up his phone and turned the screen towards Cartman, with the messages app open, and started scrolling up quickly with his free hand, which made it impossible for the other to be even able to read anything. “It’s all over the group chat, dude.”

“Oh, right. I didn’t read that shit, I was rushing the battle pass for the new Fortnite season.” Cartman waved his hand in dismissal and Stan put his phone back in his pocket.

“Then you can’t complain about not being informed of stuff as soon as it happens.”

“Alright, alright, my bad. But man, hope they get back together.”

Eric wasn’t really feeling bad about causing Butters to snap or worried about your romance out of care for his friend. More so, like everything else in his life, the fatass wanted you to sort your issues because that would bring him personal benefit. He needed your lover for something in the coming days, a very important plan he had been cooking, and that breakup could very well ruin it all.

When you and Butters first got together, Cartman thought this was the death of his most useful pawn, maybe he’d even have to spy on your relationship to make sure you wouldn’t be too much of an inconvenience. To his surprise, the opposite turned out to be true - the already affable young man became even more docile, if that was even possible. He was also willing to do damn near anything if it meant your happiness, so the only thing Cartman ever had to do to get his help was make up some bullshit story about how that scheme was actually going to be great for your relationship and how you’d be so glad if Butters just assisted him with this one thing (despite said thing having nothing to do with you at all, and you normally not being aware of the stuff until it happened). Since the blonde was mad at you, that meant the usual strategies wouldn’t stick.

Whatever it was that was creating this rift between you two, it had to end fast.

“But why the hell did they break up, anyway?” Eric continued, hoping to gather more information that he could use to reverse the situation.

“You’d know if you read the group chat!”, three or four of the guys answered in unison.

“Hell, I don’t read the group chat either and even I know what happened”, said Craig. He wasn’t usually one to engage in his colleagues’ dumb fighting, so, since the most aloof person on Earth had an opinion on the subject, Cartman knew he’d been missing out.

“You don’t read the group chat?!” Tweek yelped, looking at Craig with a panicked expression on his face - even more panicked than the one he had at any given time. “ACK!- You gotta read it, babe! What if one of us gets injured, dies, and you never find out because you didn’t read the group chat? What if EVERYONE dies and our last wishes are all in the group chat? UGH!”

He then seemingly got really scared of this hypothetical situation he himself created, proceeding to hyperventilate and tremble on the spot.

“I don’t read them because you do, babe. Then you tell me everything. Your texts are the only ones I ever need to read.” 

Craig patted Tweek’s hair a few times and kissed him on the forehead after speaking, which seemed to calm down the anxious male, who let out a contented sigh as his lungs seemed to finally allow him to breathe properly again. Everyone else around rolled their eyes at this, and Jimmy, out of the couple’s line of sight, stuck his tongue out and made a gesture pointing down his throat as if going to vomit.

“What do you guys do when the girls are mad at you, though?” Kyle asked, looking across the group, focusing on no one in particular - Kyle was the only one there who never managed to be in a long-term relationship (his surreal bad luck with women was extremely good content for jokes around those parts), and wouldn’t have an answer to that particular question.

“I just fuck mine ‘till she’s stupid”, Clyde answered immediately, with a hint of pride in his voice.

“Jesus, Clyde!” Tolkien gawped at the man next to him. Even if they were used to that type of vulgar speech, hearing it early in the morning on a Monday was a less than ideal setup. “Didn’t your mom teach you some manners or something?”

“As a matter of fact, no. She couldn’t.” Clyde looked sad for a moment. “But it’s real, you guys. Whenever Bebe starts bitching my ear off about some nonsense, I just take her somewhere private and give it to her good. By the time we’re done, she can’t even remember what it was she wanted, so it’s a win.”

“She probably just drops the issue because she knows you’re too stupid to hold any kind of deep conversation with”, stated Craig, earning a chuckle from most of the guys.

“Hey! It’s not like you’re any kind of master communicator either, Mr. Don’t-Read-The-Group-Chat!” Clyde retorted, hitting Craig - and Tweek, by association - right where it hurted.

By then, Cartman had tuned out the voices of all the other guys, the gears in his mind turning furiously. Clyde, however much of an idiot he could be, had unironically given him the solution to his most pressing problem. 

༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩♡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚

Later on, at night, the only lights on in a particular suburban street were those in the kitchen of the Cartman household.

Eric had an old cookbook open in the counter in front of him, alongside an assortment of ingredients and kitchen utensils. The food laid out seemed like your average components for making cupcakes - sugar, eggs, flour, the works -, but, hidden in the middle of it all, camouflaging itself nicely with the vanilla extract in a way that one would really need to pay attention to realize, was a bottle containing an edible aphrodisiac concentrate - the wonders of same-day delivery allowed it to be dropped off at Cartman’s doorstep right that afternoon when he bought it in the morning. 

After being done with all the other ingredients in the bowl, following the instructions in the book to a tee - Cartman could fool around with many things, but food was not one of them -, Eric grabbed the tray with the liners he had set and transferred the mixture to them. After that, he picked up that one particular bottle, turning his attention to two specific tins closest to him in the tray, lined with red cases. The bottle had instructions in the back of it - thorough information about its content, advice about the amount that was to be used and general warnings -, but the cook was having none of that, instead dumping the liquid in the two tins until he felt satisfied. In his mind, the more effect it made, the easier for him.

When that was done, he carefully put the tray into the oven and moved on to other parts of the recipe.

༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩♡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚

The next day, Eric Cartman was on a mission. Along with the usual backpack, he carried with him to school a small box that smelled faintly of vanilla. The cupcakes had turned out really dang nice, if he could say so himself, and now it was time to pacify a certain pair of lovebirds.

After going to the usual staircase, he was surprised to find that his target, the only one of those assholes he cared to see today, was not around - but it wasn’t without reason; ever since his outburst yesterday, most of the other guys had decided to leave Butters alone with his anger until the issue was resolved, so he got warned to take his sulking elsewhere because it was bringing everyone down. As soon as he found that out, Eric turned on his heels and continued through the hallways, leaving his other colleagues very confused.

Making his way to Butters’ locker, he found the blonde male unaccompanied, mumbling some nonsense as he picked up everything he needed for the upcoming classes.

“Butters! Hey, buddy.” Cartman approached him with a smile.

“Fuck off, Eric!” Butters slammed the door to his locker, startling everyone who dared to be around him.

“Woah, calm down dude, I just wanted to give you this.” Cartman opened the box in his hands and carefully picked one of the cupcakes that had the red liner, handing it to his infuriated friend. “Might make you feel a little better.”

“Oh- huh- Really? Thanks.” Butters seemed genuinely surprised that someone, no matter who, was being nice to him. He picked up the cupcake, taking a bite out of it right away and getting some of the whipped cream on the side of his mouth. “That’s awfully nice of ya. You’re a good person, ya know, Eric. UNLIKE SOMEONE I KNOW!” He said that last part too loud, facing the corridor, as if he expected you to be around so you could hear all about how much he hated you right now. Unfortunately, you were nowhere to be found - instead, he yelled that stuff right while a group of young freshman girls happened to be passing through, laughing about something. They jumped in fear, looking at him like he was a maniac, and quickened their steps to leave as soon as possible while whispering to each other.

“Yeah, yeah, Butters, I know, I’m amazing” Eric replied, absent-mindedly, setting his sights on the end of the corridor, planning his escape route. “Look, man, I gotta go, see you in class or whatever.” Not even saying a word more than the absolutely necessary, he left Butters’ side as well, this time looking for his next objective.

Luckily, he didn’t take too long to find it as well. Right as he turned the corner, you stood next to another set of lockers, next to Red and Wendy. As they talked eagerly about something, though, you kept to your silence, also dwelling on your fight with your ex-boyfriend. You just weren’t trying to make your anger everyone else’s problem was all, but the other girls knew better than to talk about it near you or ask you questions, lest a wrong word also have you snapping.

Cartman beelined to your group, and as you all saw him coming up, the happy chatter immediately turned into silence. “Hello, ladies”, he spoke, earning a raised eyebrow from you and a questionable stare from the two other girls. “Might I interest you in some cupcakes?”

Before anyone could answer, he opened the box in his hands again, carefully picking a cupcake and handing it to every member in your trio, making sure to give you the one with the red wrap. He had made sure to bring extra cupcakes just in case anyone else in the class might see him with them or ask about it, since just giving sweet treats to you and Butters and no one else would look extremely suspicious. The red liners were to separate the laced cupcakes from the others, so he wouldn’t give them to anyone else unknowingly, and among the colorful liners in the others, no one could see you and your ex getting the same color as nothing but a funny coincidence.

As he closed the box, though, you didn’t make a single movement, still staring at him with the baked good in your hands. “No need to thank me, you know. Aren’t you going to eat it?” He asked, tilting his head to the side slightly.

Your eyes narrowed at him. “You put your dick in this thing, didn’t you?” was the question that came out of your mouth. Red let out an “Ewwwww”.

“NO! Why would you think that?” He gasped, his eyes widening in surprise, like it was an absurd thing to even think about - even though it was definitely something he was capable of doing and everyone knew that. “Who do you think I am, some kind of psychopath?”

“Yes.” Your eyes went from him to the cupcake, turning it around in your hand, analyzing it for any obvious signs of tampering. “Farted on it? Put cum on the whipped cream? Is my mom dead on the filling?”

“No, no and NO! Christ, you do something once and all of a sudden it’s all people ever talk about.” He didn’t actually expect you to start asking so many questions - who questions free food? -, so he hadn’t taken the time to build up an actual excuse. “I just had too much batter and made a few extra to bring to class, can’t a guy just be nice anymore?”

 You waited a little bit more to see if he’d say anything, if he’d give away any evil plans. Unable to figure out anything, you took the leap of faith, getting the cupcake near your mouth and slowly taking a bite of it. The taste that your tongue could pick up - plain vanilla, whipped cream, a little bit of chocolate from the sprinkles on top - was good, but nothing out of the ordinary. Well, you weren’t expecting Cartman to be some kind of superb baker, and there wasn’t anything that struck you as odd, so you continued eating. Seeing this, the girls around you followed suit with eating theirs, since if you couldn’t find anything wrong with it they probably wouldn’t either.

“See? Pretty good, isn’t it? Anyway, I’m gonna go and give the rest away, bye.” He left before you could interrogate him any further.

“What a weirdo”, stated Red. Before you could dwell on the subject more, Wendy warned both of you about the time, and your trio started making your way to class.

༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩♡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚

For the next couple of hours, Butters felt like he was about to die.

His whole body felt hot, to the point where he was building up a slight sweat. During this time of the year and up in the mountains, this concept felt absurd, so when he asked the classmates around him to see if anyone else felt the same way, he was met with confused stares and Kenny putting the back of his hand on Butters’ forehead to check his temperature. He was warm alright, but he could tell this wasn’t a fever because this particular warmth felt more intense in the lower part of his belly, irradiating through his body.

The worst part that came with it, though, was the hard-on. It had popped up about an hour into classes, throbbing like crazy, refusing to go down and urging him to take action. He thought about asking for the hall pass to go to the bathroom and masturbate, but decided against it - because that would mean getting up in front of the whole class and standing there where everyone could see him. At this point, after so long, it all started to feel really painful, so he resorted to just curling onto himself on the chair as best as he could, waiting for the bell to ring so he could leave without drawing too much attention.

All the way across the class, you weren’t faring too well, either - just way better at hiding it. Some strands of your hair were glued to your forehead from the sweat, and you fanned yourself with an old crumbled assignment you found in the bottom of your bag. Under your table where no one could see, you pressed your thighs against each other, rubbing them together as silently as possible to create even the tiniest bit of friction to relieve yourself. As much as you did, it wasn’t nearly enough.

During this whole ordeal, you and Butters would look across the room towards each other regularly - even though you were mad at each other, you were the only person he could think about at a time like this, and vice versa. Every once in a while, your gazes would cross, both with completely panicked stares. Oh what you’d give to know what he was thinking at those times. But then, either you or him would realize the other was staring, and you’d immediately turn to the blackboard and pretend you were staring at it the whole time.

The bell ringing to announce lunchtime couldn’t have come soon enough.

“Alright class, off to lunch, we’ll-” The teacher started her usual speech to send all of you off, but before she could finish, Butters got up from his desk and bolted out of the door in extreme hurry, the speed with which he left being so intense that it knocked his whole desk back as he left and all his belongings scattered to the ground. “- Oh, I guess someone’s really into Taco Tuesday.”

As everyone got up to leave for the canteen, you thought about making a quick detour to the bathroom, maybe you could sneak in a little DJing session in one of the stalls, if you kept your quiet, just enough to get yourself through the rest of the day. Before you could make your way there, however, your girl friends made a whole group around your desk, and you had yourself cornered. If you wanted to leave anywhere, they were absolutely going to follow, so you begrudgingly walked to lunch alongside them, still trying to keep your legs as close to each other as possible. You weren’t sure if you’d even survive the rest of the day at this rate.

You hoped that lunch time and the interactions that came with it could make you distracted unlike the quiet classroom, but you were deprived of that as well. No matter how much you tried to pay attention to the conversations the girls were having around you at the table, the heat in your lower abdomen was too strong to ignore, and your thoughts always went straight back to poundtown at any given chance. More than once you had hands waved and fingers snapped near your face because someone asked you a question and you didn’t realize it. 

Also, having scanned around the room with your eyes more than a couple of times like a turret looking for a target, you couldn’t find Butters anywhere in the canteen. You wanted anything from him, even his angry looks at this point were enough to get you going - your mind got busy drawing up all those detailed scenarios where he pinned you to the table, choked you, slapped your ass, pulled your hair, all that while pounding into you violently and calling you filthy names that you never thought you’d hear from his mouth, but that made sense in your anger. 

But he wasn’t there, and you had honestly started to worry. The way he left class earlier had you wondering, who was he hanging out with that made him leave in such a hurry? Was he with some other girl? You usually trusted Butters a lot, he worshipped the ground you walked on and never gave you any reason to doubt his loyalty, but now that you had broken up, God knows what kind of shenanigans he could be up to. You certainly didn’t want to imagine the worst; not only because of the implication of betrayal on his end and the idea that he could already be loving someone else so soon, but also because it would mean he was getting a bunch of action while you couldn’t even masturbate.

“Earth to (Y/N)!” You were once again thrown out of your train of thought by Wendy Testaburger, snapping her fingers close to your ear to draw your attention once more. 

“Wait, what was it again?”, you answered, looking around with your eyes focused on the peers closest to you. All the other girls at the table were staring back, some with anger in their eyes, some with concern.

“Ugh, nevermind. I’ll text you later, since you’re too good to listen to us today.” She made a dismissing motion with her hand. “The bell’s about to ring. Let’s head back.”

As your whole group got up to leave, you looked around the considerably less crowded cafeteria one more time, hoping to catch your ex lingering around, maybe he just came late for lunch? But unfortunately, he was God knows where still. You were expecting to catch some sights of him in class again, but that was unideal - the setting there was one of silence and concentration, two things that you had no intention of keeping up with.

You didn’t have to wait until then to see him, though. As soon as your group opened the cafeteria doors, he was waiting right on the other side of it, just waiting for you to leave for the hall. Coming up from your side, he pulled on the sleeve of your blouse to draw your attention. “Canitalktoyouplease?” was the sentence that left his mouth, almost too quick and slurred for you to catch.

“Huh?”

You turned to face him and the sight was almost absurd. Butters was usually well kept, his parents weren’t going to let him get out of the house looking less than presentable, but right now he was a whole mess. His hair was all shagged up and he was panting like he had just ran a marathon. The hairs closest to his forehead were wet and some droplets of transparent liquid were around it - could be sweat, the same problem you had, or he might’ve thrown some water on his face to cool himself down (which was also a great idea). He also had his jacket tied to his waist, which was weird considering it wasn’t hot this time of the year and he had been wearing it earlier. Did he spend the whole lunch period running track?

“Can- Can I talk to you, please?” He repeated more slowly this time, gripping your arm tight and making you wince from pain. He wasn’t aware of his own strength right now. Seeing the look on your face, he quickly removed his hand from your arm, but stayed still waiting for your answer.

“She doesn’t wanna talk right now, asshole!” Before you could even say anything, Red yelled out, moving right next to you and locking her arm on yours, to show him that you weren’t alone. “And it’s almost time for class anyway. Fuck off.” 

You loved Red McArthur, you really did. That was one of your best friends right there. You didn’t regret at all having told her everything about your fight with Butters, were extremely grateful for the support she had shown you throughout, and you’d surely be glad for her intervention in any other situation. However, she was the one that should be thankful right now - thankful that the knives in the school cafeteria were dull, otherwise you’d have picked up one and stabbed her on the spot. You and your ex were still in a rift, sure, but he was the person you wanted to talk to the most right now and she was denying you that. Even if unknowingly, she was currently being the ultimate cockblocker, or pussy-blocker?

You took a deep breath, something that the other girls probably took as an attempt to dial down your anger at Butters, but that was in reality so you wouldn’t yell at your best friend in front of everyone else. “It’s alright, Red. Go on without me, we won’t take long.” You spoke as calmly as you could, waving them away with your hand and taking your arm away from hers.

As soon as you did so, Butters took you by the wrist and started to power walk in a completely different direction from everyone else, and you had a hard time matching his footsteps while trying not to bump into the groups of students everywhere. You wondered where the hell he was even taking you in such a hurry. For a while, he also seemed confused - he looked towards every door as you went, as if searching for something himself -, but then he made a decision, taking you up two sets of stairs to the third floor of the school building, where he surprised you again by pulling you inside the handicapped restroom.

Unlike the other toilets in the school, the ones reserved for handicapped people were single-user, and since there weren’t many disabled students that were willing to go all the way to the third floor to pee, this one was actually always seen to be in great condition. It was quite spacious to make it easy to maneuver wheelchairs, and also away from many of the actual occupied classrooms. Whatever it was that Butters wanted to discuss with you, he clearly didn’t want anyone else listening.

While he turned to lock the door, you took a few small steps towards the other side of the restroom, standing in the middle of it. You crossed your arms and straightened your posture, trying to look as stiff and unsympathetic as possible. Maybe it was overkill, you had agreed to be here so that already sent the message that you were at least willing to listen, but you didn’t want him to think for a second that he still had your heart on a chokehold like he did.

He took a deep breath as he turned to face you, as if trying to collect his thoughts. “Look, I know you’re mad at me and I’m mad at you and you prolly don’t wanna see me none, but I have no one else to turn to! I need your help!” He blurted out, his arms in front of him like he was ready to push you back if you were to become aggressive.

You frowned. “YOU need MY help? With what?” 

“I… I can’t say it, okay?” He was fighting with his thoughts now, knowing that he’d need to speak up, but couldn’t bring himself to. “It’s a heck of a thing and I can’t really explain it and I don’t even know if it can be explained-”

“Stop with the rambling!” You stomped your foot on the ground to alert him. “Either you tell me what this is about or I’m leaving!”

At this moment, he averted his eyes to the ground, avoiding your gaze as if that would conceal his feelings of absolute shame. His hands moved to his waist, untying his jacket and letting it fall to the floor, and the reason why he wasn’t wearing it immediately became clear - he had a noticeable tent in the front of his pants, which the sleeves of the jacket previously hung in front of, covering the view. 

As soon as you saw, it took you every little bit of restraint you had not to immediately drop to your knees, free his dick of its confinements and take it in your mouth to suck him dry. You felt your saliva building up, ready to make it as sloppy as possible too. But it would mean a complete lack of self-respect on your part to give in without at least him properly asking for it (you could faintly hear the voice of Red in your head scolding you for that), and you also needed to negotiate your own release, so you just swallowed it all back and waited as he built up the courage to continue talking.

“I tried jacking off in the stalls, watching porn on my phone, heck, even meditating to make it go away… It’s not enough. Nothing is. I NEED YOU.” He grabbed both your wrists with his hands and stared deep into your eyes as he pleaded. “I’ll do anything you want if you help me. If you never wanna see me again, I’ll leave! Forever! Just please help me! I can’t stand this anymore!”

You were far from wanting him to leave forever, not when he begged like this, looking like a hungry lost puppy. The poor man was so overwhelmed by his own arousal that he couldn’t notice the fact that you had taken a few steps towards him to close the distance between you instead of widening it. “Anything?” You murmured, to which he nodded vigorously. 

You wriggled your wrists out of his hold and took his hand in yours, guiding it towards your crotch. Your other hand quickly opened the buttons and zipper in your pants, and you pulled it down just a little, just barely halfway down your butt. The wetness between your legs had created a damp spot in your panties, and when you guided Butters’ hand to feel it, the mere brush of his hand over your extremely sensitive area was enough to make your breath hitch even through the fabric. He noticed it immediately, and you saw his eyes widen. “I believe we can help each other.”

He needed no more explanation, maybe due to fear that talking any longer would make you change your mind. So he quickly clashed his mouth onto yours, needy and desperate, wrapping both his arms around you with unusual strength - whatever it is that was driving him mad was also making him act differently than what you’re used to, but you were here for it. As you kissed him back, you felt his usually soft lips to be slightly raw - he had probably been biting them in his anxiety earlier. You didn’t have a second to dwell on it, though, because his tongue swiftly started to brush over yours, an invitation for a dance that you gladly accepted.

Still completely glued to your mouth, Butters started to take small steps, which made you walk backwards, all the way to the other side of the restroom. As your back touched the wall, you felt one of the horizontal metal grab rails under you. You shifted so more of your ass was on top of it, not completely seated (the bar was too narrow for it), but just giving you the extra support in case you needed it. The current position had you firm on your right foot, while the other hovered slightly above ground. Your legs being more open also allowed for Butters to get even closer with his hips, his erection so close to your pussy, separated only by the clothes you both wore.

In one swift motion, Butters hiked up both your blouse and your bra, not even caring about the back clasps, taking everything off and exposing your breasts to the slightly cold air of the restroom as well as to his hungry gaze. The latter wasn’t true for much long, though - he closed his eyes and dove immediately with his mouth to your left nipple, sucking on it and flicking the hardened bud with the tip of his tongue, while his right hand took care of the other breast, massaging it softly. Your nipples were already sensitive by nature, but right now they felt connected to all other nerves in your body, and the stimulation had you whimpering in pleasure.

Your lover started to alternate between one breast and the other with his mouth, giving both the same amount of love and attention - wherever his mouth wasn’t, one of his hands was sure to be, kneading the soft flesh and flicking your peaks slightly. The other hand would then be running around your chest, arms and belly, feeling your soft skin and making up for lost time. 

On your end, one of your hands grabbed hard on the metal rail below you, even if that wouldn’t do you much to make you stable. The other ran through Butters’ hair, caressing it - a type of caring behavior that almost felt out of place considering the borderline sinful thoughts you had all day and the situation you found yourself in right now, but that was doing wonders for him, since it made him even more eager to keep loving on your tits.

You could also feel his hips rutting towards plain air near you, as he tried to satiate his throbbing dick even a little bit. Not wanting to deny him any part of this experience when he was treating you so right, you moved one of your legs closer to him, putting your knee between his legs and allowing him to grind on your thigh. He took the offer immediately and responded by growling against your breast and sending some more shivers through your body with the vibrations.

The new stimulus had Butters going wild. He was getting more feral with his treatment of your body - taking your nipples between his fingers, tugging at them and twisting slightly. He started to graze your bud with his teeth, which soon turned into full-on love bites all across your nipples and breasts, the red patches not looking so jarring now that your whole skin was so flushed, but they’d certainly be a nice keepsake later.

When you started to feel that familiar tension in your muscles, the pleasure in your nipples spreading like a flame under your skin, it came as a surprise. You hadn’t ever climaxed from just him working your nipples before - hell, was that even possible? -, and it had sneaked up on you, first feeling like if lightning was gentle, an electric tingle all over your body that sparked like fireworks. Then there was no denying the well-known wave of pleasure that hit you like a tsunami, crashing your whole world around you and making your knees buckle. 

Sensing your loss of balance in front of him, Butters quickly let go of your breasts and wrapped his arms around your waist. You wouldn’t have fallen either way, catching yourself in the metal bar behind you with a firm grip, but the consideration was appreciated. As he looked at you with a worried expression and breathing through his mouth anxiously, you felt the walls of your pussy spasming again and more slick dripping in your panties. 

“You okay?” His eyes ran through your body, looking for anything that might be wrong, and coming up short. You were absolutely perfect as always.

“More than.” You purred with a smile, giving him a brief kiss. When your mouths parted ways, he tilted his head closer to yours ever so slightly, almost as if chasing your lips with his. Savoring his yearning, you pucker up your lips and make a kissing sound, before tugging at his shirt. “You’re gonna kill me like this though. Just let me feel you already.”

It was his time to smile. “Okay, honey”, he hummed, fixing his posture - and you closed your eyes happily, not having noted how much you missed him calling you pet names until now. He locked mouths with you again and his hands drifted down between you two, pulling further down the hem of your jeans and tracing your slit through the soaked panties, earning from you a sharp moan.

His mouth left yours so he could focus on ridding you of the rest of your outfit, and you held down on the grab rail with your other hand as he lifted your legs – first one, then the other so you could keep stability - to remove your shoes, pants and undergarments completely. You would’ve helped him to make the job quicker, but he seemed to be enjoying the ride now that he had you back in his embrace. Once he had fully taken everything off, he planted a quick kiss on the inside of your lifted thigh, making you shudder.

Slowly and carefully letting go of your leg, Butters took another look at your full body as you stood there naked for him. He wanted to kiss every inch of you, show you as much of his love as possible, but there was also this overpowering lust. Not wanting to spend another second more not touching you, he made quick work of his own pants and boxers while you grabbed onto his shirt and pulled it over his head, throwing it somewhere and allowing his bare chest to touch yours. You were both drenched in sweat at this point, and your naked bodies basically glued together like that, but in the haze none of that mattered.

Butters lifted your left leg up again and held your thigh firmly against his hip with his right arm, while his other hand stroked his shaft slowly as he moved to position it against your entrance. You felt your cunt clench tight as the head of his cock breached your folds, and you were sure he could feel it too, as his breath hitched and his eyes fluttered when you tried to look at them. “Need me that bad, huh?”, he murmured, giving you a kiss on the cheek. “I need you too, honey. Can’t be without you no more.”

With that, he thrusted into you in one swift motion - your surreal wetness making it easy for him to bottom out several inches deep inside of you, the familiar sting you felt as he stretched you being eased by how aroused you already were. The both of you moaned almost in unison at this very welcomed sensation, and in a moment of pseudo-clarity you remembered that you couldn’t be loud like this, a realization that did not seem to grace Butters as he started to push out and back into you with more fully open-mouthed moans. You quickly put one of your hands in the back of his head and push it towards the crook of your neck, where he starts to place quick but strong suckles and bites, not caring for - actually downright wanting - the marks they’d leave.

“Shh, honey” You whispered with the softest of voices, not wanting him to get discouraged, but still needing to give him a reminder. “Can’t get loud in here or they’ll catch us. Just do this for me, okay?” 

It was hard for you to heed your own warning, though - with each quick and hard slam of his hips, plus his assault on your neck, you wanted nothing more than to have him hear just how good he was doing. You settle for biting your own lip and keeping your moans in your mouth, which to him seemed to sound even hotter - as he sped up the pace of his thrusts with newfound energy, getting high on the sound of your muffled whimpers and the wet sound of his dick plunging inside your weeping cunt.

The force with which his hips struck your body had you sliding up and down against the wall, your tits bouncing with the movement. His hot breath on your neck made the fine hairs on your whole body stand up, and your back arched, which made him hit that sweet spot inside of you even more perfectly now. Needing to be closer, closer, you let your hands go from the grab rails where they had settled before and wrap your arms around Butters’ neck, relying on him like your last connection to the Earth now. You were glad he had enough strength to hold you with just the lower half of your body pinned to the cold bathroom tiles while still jackhammering into you.

As Butters raised his head from your neck to take a brief look at you through his half-lidded eyes, he used a lot of self-restraint to not cum on the spot. You were a whole mess: disheveled hair, face moist with sweat, a soft reddish tint spread through your whole body, but more prominent on your cheeks, nose, and breasts. You weren’t staring back at him, eyes tight shut as the feeling of his cock inside of you distracted you from using any of your other senses. He wanted to kiss your rosy puffy lips again, but wouldn’t risk disturbing the pretty noises that came out of your throat as you tried so hard to not let out the loud moans you wanted to. “Yeah, that’s it, baby... You’re so… good to me...” He laid his head back on the crook of your neck, but didn’t go back to biting - instead, he inhaled deeply, taking all of your scent in, your faint perfume that he loved mixed with your sweat and… a hint of vanilla? “Lemme make you… feel even better…” 

His last sentence slurred into nonsense, but in the blur you barely registered it. You also didn’t even notice how he sneaked his left hand between your bodies, coating his thumb with the splattered juices around your cunt before moving it up and rubbing quick circles in your clit, increasing your pleasure in an almost overwhelming way. You felt a sharp sting in your lip and a metallic taste - in your efforts to not make any noise, you had bitten your lip so hard it broke skin. The pain, however, was quickly overshadowed by Butters’ ministrations, and you slapped one of your hands over your mouth to silence yourself, leaning with your back against the wall again.

It wasn’t like any past fuck you ever had. Everything was heightened; You heard every slap of his skin against yours and all the little sharp breaths both of you took as you tried to avoid being too loud in your pleasure, you could feel every single vein in his cock squeezing through your tight walls, and you saw whole galaxies even through your closed eyes. 

As that coil inside of your belly was getting tighter and tighter, so were your walls against Butters’ cock - and you knew that had to be catching up to him, as he started to lose the pace on his thrusts, and the muscle in his arms and legs seemed to become even more tense. “‘m- I- can’t hold much longer like this, sweets!” It seemed almost impossible for him to get the words out, having to say them through quick breaths as he got close to his release himself. “You’re just… too good…”

Then there was no warning as he let out a loud growl and his hips hit your body with one final deep slam, and you felt his dick pulsating as he filled the deepest part of you with his hot seed. The thumb in his left hand, however, still flicked your clit viciously, and so it didn’t take much longer for you to come undone, your cunt gripping his throbbing dick as the pleasure washed over your body for a second time.

As both of you dissolved into each other’s bodies, you found it in yourself to take his face in your shaky hands and press his lips to yours once more. Unlike your previous kisses of today, though, this moment was much more kind and full of tenderness, feeling exactly like the ones you shared throughout your relationship with him. You both felt loved and cared for, and while that rough fuck session took care of the needs of your physical bodies, the kiss took care of your souls.

You only dared part your mouths this time when it became necessary to breathe, and both of you sported soft smiles after you did, tired, but happy. You started using one of your hands to brush back through your fingers the multiple small strands of hair glued to his forehead, while the other caressed his cheek. He leaned into your touch, resting his hands on your waist. His dick was softening, but he didn’t feel keen on pulling out just yet, relishing the closeness of your bodies like this.

“I love you, Leo.” You finally broke the ice after a couple of minutes like this, giving him a peck on the forehead, to draw his attention back to Earth.

“Geez, by now I sure hope so!” You couldn’t help but giggle at his ever present sincerity. “I love you too, (Y/N).”

As you smiled and took note of your actual environment for the first time in a while, an idea came to mind. “Wanna get away from here?” You already knew what his answer would be to this offer, but you wanted to make your intentions clear nonetheless. “We can find someplace else where we can make some real noise.”

༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩♡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚

You and Butters didn’t come back for the rest of classes, and nobody in school had an answer to where you were, either. All texts sent to you or him went unanswered for that day, and your friends had no idea what happened.

What they could certainly say they saw, though, was the pair of you arriving at school together the next morning with a pep in both your steps, chatting away and smiling as you held hands. Everyone was left speechless, and some even questioned if the last few days had even been real. 

The only person who didn’t seem confused was Eric Cartman, his nonchalant behavior earning him plenty of questioning from the other dudes the following days, but he refused to admit to anything. And why would he, anyway? You and his friend were back together, happy as could be, the sun was up in the sky, everything was right. And, if it ever stopped being that way, he had a certain tiny bottle in the back of his wardrobe to sort things out again.

Dividers by @cafekitsune

[movingmusically]

Caught Feeling - Chapter 12

Synopsis:

With Hank gone, Y/N struggles to fill the quiet spaces he’s left behind. Each day feels heavier, the silence only deepening her uncertainty. A message from him brings a glimmer of relief, but its brevity leaves her questioning everything. As she waits, torn between hope and doubt, Y/N realises that their time apart may reveal more than she’s ready to face.

Word count: 4,649

Masterlist

Bud had taken over the couch completely, sprawled out in a way that made it seem like he’d always lived here. His gentle purring was the only sound in the apartment, a quiet hum against the backdrop of my thoughts. I watched him, absentmindedly scratching behind his ears, trying to keep my mind from wandering too far into the silence.

It had only been a couple of days since Hank left, but it already felt longer—like time had stretched itself thin, making every hour drag. I’d told myself I’d give him the space he asked for, that I wouldn’t be the person who texted first, who couldn’t wait it out. But every time I glanced at my phone, my stomach knotted up, and I found myself staring at the screen, willing it to light up.

Hank needed time. I knew that. He’d said it. But knowing it didn’t stop the thoughts from creeping in, the ones that whispered this was more than just space. That maybe he wasn’t coming back, not in the way I wanted him to. The apartment felt too big without him here, the quiet too loud. Bud’s company helped—somehow the cat had become a sort of stand-in for Hank, a small, warm reminder of him—but it wasn’t enough to fill the ache in my chest.

I sighed, sinking deeper into the cushions, the weight of the last few days pressing down on me. “You miss him too, huh?” I murmured, running my hand down Bud’s back. He blinked at me lazily, as if to say, You’re talking to the wrong person. Maybe I was. Maybe I was clinging to something that had already started to slip away, long before Hank even left for San Francisco.

I reached for my phone, my fingers hovering over the screen. It was almost instinct now, checking for messages I knew wouldn’t be there. But the moment I unlocked it, there it was—Hank’s name, blinking back at me. For a second, I just stared, my heart speeding up.

He’d finally texted.

My breath caught, but as soon as I opened the message, that flicker of hope dimmed.

How’s Bud?

That was it. Three words. No I miss you, no hint at the conversation we hadn’t finished. Just… Bud. I stared at the screen, waiting for something more to follow, but the minutes ticked by, and nothing came. I didn’t know why I’d expected more. But it didn’t stop the pang of disappointment from settling in.

I typed a reply, trying to keep it light, like I wasn’t waiting for him to say something real.

He’s good. Misses you, I think. How are you?

I hesitated before sending it, my thumb hovering over the button. Was I pushing too much? Did I sound too… needy? But I hit send anyway, because not asking would only make the silence worse.

I watched the screen, my heart thudding in my chest as the minutes dragged on. I half-expected a reply right away, something to tell me that maybe he wasn’t as far away as I felt he was. But when the message came through, it was more of the same.

I’m okay. Thanks for looking after him.

That was it. No follow-up, no hint that he wanted to talk about anything else. Just okay. I stared at the words, my chest tightening as I tried to ignore the frustration building inside me. He wasn’t ready to open up, not yet. But I couldn’t help feeling like I was holding on to something that might never fully come back.

I dropped the phone on the coffee table, leaning back against the cushions, staring up at the ceiling. The silence in the room felt heavier now, suffocating. I hadn’t realised how much I’d come to rely on the little things—his voice, his presence—until they were gone.

“Guess it’s just you and me for a while,” I muttered, glancing at Bud. He gave a soft meow, his head tilting like he understood, then curled up tighter, settling back into sleep. I wished it were that easy. I wished I could curl up and shut everything out, but the worry gnawed at me, the uncertainty making it hard to focus on anything else.

I reached for my phone again, almost reflexively, my thumb brushing over the screen. I could send another message, but what was the point? I couldn’t force him to talk. I couldn’t make him open up if he wasn’t ready.

I stood up, moving to the window, watching the streets below. People passed by, wrapped up in their own lives, completely unaware of the storm swirling inside me. The city had a way of making you feel small, insignificant, like whatever you were going through didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. But it mattered to me. And it was taking everything I had not to let it swallow me whole.

Still, I stared at the last message, the brief interaction replaying in my head. It wasn’t much—just a simple question about Bud—but the fact that he’d reached out at all felt like a lifeline. Maybe he was thinking about me too, even if he couldn’t say it outright. Maybe, despite everything, he hadn’t completely shut me out.

I found myself holding onto that small glimmer of hope, telling myself that it meant something. Even if he wasn’t ready to come back yet, this was a start.

The next few days passed in a blur of half-hearted distractions and moments spent watching Bud curl up in the spots Hank used to occupy. I kept myself busy with work, trying to push the thoughts of him to the back of my mind, but they always found a way in. By the time Friday rolled around, I was ready for a change of scenery.

I called Mum, the familiar sound of her voice instantly soothing some of the restlessness that had been gnawing at me. We made plans to meet at the station the next morning and take the train to my eldest brother Dean’s for the weekend. A few days with family—seeing Dean, my sister in law Viki, and my niece and nephew—might help to lift the weight that had been sitting on my chest.

As I packed a small overnight bag that evening, I thought about Meg. She wasn’t living in the city yet, but she’d stayed with me recently during her job interview, and we’d had some good talks about her future. Maybe during this visit, we could talk more about what was next for her, distract myself with something other than the constant waiting.

The next morning, I met Mum at the station. She greeted me with her usual warm smile and a hug that lasted a little longer than normal, as if she sensed I needed the extra comfort. We exchanged the usual pleasantries—how work had been, what was going on with the family—before settling onto the train.

The ride to Dean’s was peaceful, the countryside slipping by in shades of green and gold. Occasionally, Mum would point out something—a new development, or how the fields seemed different since last season—but for the most part, we sat in a comfortable silence. It was the kind of quiet I needed, one that didn’t demand anything of me. I let my gaze drift out the window, watching as the fields blurred into one another, each moment a brief reprieve from the thoughts I’d been wrestling with.

“I spoke to Barry yesterday,” Mum said at one point, breaking the silence. Barry, my other brother, the middle child, was often busy with work.

I turned to her, pulling my focus away from the passing scenery. “Oh? Is he still out of town?”

“Yeah, he’s stuck with work until next week.” Mum sighed, shaking her head. “He wanted to come with us but couldn’t make it.”

I nodded, understanding. “We’ll catch him next time.”

Mum gave me a soft smile, patting my hand. “You doing alright, love?”

“I’m okay,” I said, managing a smile of my own, though I knew she could tell it wasn’t entirely the truth. I appreciated that she didn’t push any further. Mum always seemed to know when I needed space, just like Hank had asked for.

The train pulled into the station, and Mum and I made our way to Dean’s house. The familiar path helped ease some of the tension that had been sitting in my chest. Maybe this visit would be exactly what I needed—something to take me out of my head for a while.

As soon as we stepped through the door, the smell of something cooking greeted us, and a wave of warmth washed over me. It was like stepping into a safe haven, where the worries of the last few days couldn’t reach.

“Hey, little sis,” Dean said as he appeared from the kitchen, pulling me into a quick hug. “Been too long.”

“Not that long,” I teased, smiling up at him.

Dean chuckled, then glanced over his shoulder. “Meg and Shaun are already here—Shaun’s trying to win some argument with her about who’s doing the dishes.”

Mum rolled her eyes playfully, already making her way through to greet them. “Shaun thinks because he’s older he can escape helping out, but I’ll sort him.”

“Good luck with that,” I laughed, shaking my head. Shaun had always had a knack for getting out of chores.

Dean led me to the kitchen where Viki was busy chopping vegetables at the counter. She smiled warmly when she saw me and pulled me into a quick hug.

“Glad you’re here,” she said, glancing over at Dean. “Your brother’s been insisting he can manage dinner on his own, but we all know how that would end.”

Dean huffed, picking up a potato peeler. “I’m perfectly capable, thank you very much.”

I smirked and grabbed another peeler, joining Dean in preparing dinner. The easy banter between him and Viki made the kitchen feel lighter, like the air was clearer here than it had been for days.

“Meg’s looking forward to chatting with you,” Viki said as she handed me another potato. “She’s still buzzing from that interview.”

“Did she hear back yet?” I asked, glancing over at her.

“Not yet, but she’s hopeful,” Viki replied. “She really enjoyed staying with you, by the way. Said she felt more prepared after your advice.”

I smiled, glad to hear it. “It was nice having her around. She’s got a good head on her shoulders.”

Shaun sauntered into the kitchen then, narrowly avoiding Viki, who was eyeing him with a smirk. “She’s only nice to you because she doesn’t have to live with you all the time,” he teased.

“Don’t worry, I’ll remind her when she gets her own place in the city,” I shot back.

Dinner was soon ready, and we all sat down at the table, the familiar sounds of family filling the space. It felt good to be here, surrounded by people who knew me best. The conversation flowed easily—Meg talked about the interview, Shaun teased her, and Mum shared updates on what was happening in the neighbourhood.

“So,” Dean said after a while, glancing at me with a grin. “What’s this I hear about you finally finding yourself a guy?”

I chuckled, but kept my tone casual. “Yeah, his name’s Hank. He’s in San Francisco at the moment.”

Dean raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. “San Francisco, huh? What’s he doing over there?”

“He’s originally from there,” I explained, trying to keep the focus light. “He’s visiting his parents for a bit.”

Viki smiled warmly from across the table. “How long have you two been together?”

“A little over a month,” I said, grateful that the question stayed lighthearted.

“Sounds serious,” Shaun chimed in with a teasing grin.

“Don’t start,” Meg said, nudging him with her elbow. “You’re always trying to make everything sound more dramatic than it is.”

As dinner wrapped up, everyone drifted towards the living room. Mum settled on the sofa, chatting with Meg about the apartments she’d been looking at, while Dean and Shaun picked up their playful banter in the background. I stayed back with Viki, helping to clear the table and carry the dishes to the kitchen.

“You don’t have to do that, you know,” Viki said with a playful smile as I reached for the dishcloth. “You’re a guest.”

I shrugged, falling into the easy rhythm of drying the dishes. “You’ve got enough on your hands with Dean’s cooking experiments. The least I can do is help.”

Viki laughed softly, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “True. Last time, he tried to ‘improvise’ with the recipe, and we ended up ordering pizza.”

I chuckled, but the momentary lightness faded as we worked in silence, the sound of clinking plates and running water filling the kitchen. Viki glanced over at me a few times, her brow furrowing slightly, and I knew the questions were coming.

“You know, I’ve known you long enough to tell when something’s bothering you,” she said gently, handing me another plate. “Everything alright with Hank?”

I paused for a moment, the question hanging in the air between us. I hadn’t planned on talking about it, not with everyone here. But Viki had a way of making it feel like you could say anything without fear of judgment, like she could hold whatever you threw at her without flinching.

I took a breath, wiping my hands on the dish towel. “It’s… complicated.”

Viki raised an eyebrow but stayed quiet, waiting for me to continue.

“We’ve only been together for a little over a month,” I began, my voice quieter than I’d intended. “But things started to change recently. He’s been pulling away, closing off, and I don’t know why. He left for San Francisco to see his parents, but… we didn’t exactly part on the best terms. Now I’m not sure where we stand.”

Viki turned off the tap and leaned against the counter, giving me her full attention. “What do you mean? Did something happen?”

I hesitated, trying to find the right words to explain the knot of uncertainty and fear that had been building inside me. “He asked for space, said he needed time to figure things out. I thought we were getting closer, but now it feels like he’s taken a step back. I don’t know if I’m being patient or just setting myself up to get hurt.”

The vulnerability in my voice surprised even me. I hadn’t realised how scared I was until I said it out loud.

Viki’s expression softened, and she stepped closer, resting a hand on my arm. “I get it. It’s hard when someone pulls away, especially when you feel like things were going well. But you’re doing the right thing by giving him space. Sometimes, people need time to process things, especially when they’ve got their own stuff to work through.”

I nodded, though the worry still weighed heavily on my chest. “What if giving him space just makes him drift further away?”

Viki sighed, her gaze thoughtful. “There’s always that risk. But if he cares about you—and it sounds like he does—he’ll come back when he’s ready. You just have to trust that the foundation you’ve built is strong enough to handle this.”

I let her words sink in, wishing I could take comfort in them fully. But the fear was still there, lurking at the edges of my thoughts. “I just don’t know if he’ll ever let me in. He hasn’t talked much about his past, but I know there’s something holding him back. Every time I think he’s about to open up, he pulls away again.”

Viki’s hand tightened slightly on my arm, a gentle reassurance. “Some people carry their wounds deep. It’s not about you, Y/N. It’s about whatever he’s still holding onto. And while it’s okay to want him to open up, you can’t force him. He has to do that in his own time.”

I blinked back the tears that threatened to spill over. “But what if he never does? What if I’m just waiting for something that’s never going to happen?”

Viki gave me a small, understanding smile. “That’s a hard one. You can only wait so long before it starts to hurt you. It’s important to know what you need too, Y/N. You deserve someone who’s going to meet you halfway. And if Hank can’t do that right now, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care—it just means he’s got his own battles to fight.”

I nodded, feeling the weight of her words settle into my chest. “I guess I’m just scared. I don’t want to lose him, but I also don’t want to keep holding on if he’s already gone.”

Viki reached out, pulling me into a quick hug. “I get that. Just… don’t forget about yourself in all this. It’s okay to want him to be there for you, but don’t lose sight of your own needs.”

I nodded, letting out a shaky breath. “Thanks, Viki. I needed to hear that.”

She pulled back, her eyes warm and reassuring. “Anytime. And remember, we’re all here for you, no matter what happens with Hank.”

As Viki’s words settled into my chest, I found myself taking a deep breath, letting go of some of the weight I’d been carrying. It wasn’t that everything was fixed or that I suddenly had all the answers, but there was a comfort in knowing I wasn’t completely alone. Viki’s reassurance, the warmth of my family—it made it easier to believe that, whatever happened, I’d be okay.

For a few moments, I lingered in the kitchen, rinsing the last of the dishes and wiping down the counters. My thoughts drifted to Hank, as they often did, but this time, they felt less urgent, less heavy. I could give him space. I could wait. And while I did, I had this—my family, the people who had always been there for me.

When I joined the others in the living room, the atmosphere was light, filled with laughter and the familiar sounds of home. Shaun was teasing Meg about something, his quick wit making her roll her eyes, though I could see the smile she was trying to hide. Dean was lounging back, feet up on the coffee table, shaking his head at the playful bickering between his kids.

Mum was still talking to Meg, asking her about the apartments she’d been looking at, while Shaun jumped in with comments about which neighbourhoods he thought were “too cool” for her. The warmth in the room, the ease of the conversation, started to pull me out of my head, letting me sink into the comfort of being here with them.

“I miss this,” I said, smiling as I glanced around the room. “Feels like it’s been forever since we all sat around like this.”

Dean nodded, his expression softening as he met my eyes. “Yeah, especially without Dad here,” he said, his voice dropping just slightly. “It’s still strange, you know? Not hearing him jumping in to tell us we’re all talking rubbish.”

Mum gave a wistful smile, her eyes glistening a little as she reached for her glass. “Oh, he’d definitely have a thing or two to say about Shaun’s life advice.”

Shaun grinned, trying to lighten the mood. “Granddad always said I had potential,” he joked, puffing out his chest. “He just didn’t say for what.”

The room erupted in laughter, the kind of shared memory that brought both joy and sadness. Dad had always been the one to cut through the noise with his sharp wit, offering his opinion on everything, whether we wanted it or not. It was moments like this—sitting around as a family, sharing stories—that made me miss him most. But it also made me feel closer to him, like he was still a part of these gatherings.

“You remember that time he insisted on fixing the fence by himself?” Dean said, shaking his head with a fond smile. “Didn’t even let me help. Took him twice as long because he ‘didn’t need any interference.’”

“And then it fell over two days later,” I added, laughing as the memory came rushing back. “Mum was furious.”

Mum chuckled, wiping at her eyes as she spoke. “He never let us live that down, kept saying it was the wind. Blamed it on ‘one in a million freak weather.’”

Viki joined in, her eyes bright with amusement. “I remember. We were all just standing there, watching it fall, and he was already trying to figure out how to fix it before it even hit the ground.”

We all laughed, the sound filling the room with the kind of warmth only shared memories can bring. It was good to talk about him like this, to let the grief mix with the laughter. For a moment, the weight of missing him wasn’t as heavy. Instead, it felt like he was there with us, a part of the conversation, living on in the stories we told.

The evening continued like that—light, filled with easy conversation and laughter. Meg and Shaun continued their sibling banter, while Dean threw in the occasional joke, much like Dad would’ve done. Every now and then, my mind would drift back to Hank, but it didn’t feel as overwhelming as it had before. Being with my family, hearing their stories, their laughter—it reminded me that I wasn’t navigating this alone.

Eventually, the conversation wound down, and I found myself glancing out the window, the darkness settling over the quiet streets outside. The night had brought a sense of peace, a reprieve from the constant worry that had followed me for days. I knew that come morning, the uncertainty would still be there, but for now, I was content to just be here, surrounded by the people who knew me best.

The next morning, the warmth of the previous night’s laughter still lingered as we gathered for breakfast. The air smelled of toast and coffee, and the conversation had a soft, easy flow to it, Shaun and Meg continued their usual sibling banter while Mum spoke to Viki about plans for the week ahead.

I felt lighter than I had in days, like the knots in my chest had loosened just a little. Being here, surrounded by family, had done more for me than I’d expected. The constant hum of anxiety that had followed me since Hank left felt quieter now, though not completely gone. I wasn’t sure when it would come back in full force, but for now, I was grateful for the reprieve.

After breakfast, Dean offered to drive Mum and me to the station. As we stood by the door, I turned back to see Viki tidying up, Shaun scrolling through his phone, and Meg sipping the last of her tea, looking relaxed and at home. It felt good, knowing they were all here together.

The ride to the station was quiet, save for Mum pointing out a few landmarks on the way, things that had changed since her last visit.

“Don’t be a stranger, alright?” Dean said, pulling me into a hug once we had our bags out of the car. “You’re welcome anytime.”

“Thanks,” I smiled, squeezing him back. “I’ll take you up on that.”

By the time the train pulled away from the platform, I felt a sense of calm wash over me. Mum and I chatted about little things during the journey—more about Barry, what Meg’s plans might be, and bits of family news. The conversation helped keep my mind from wandering too much, but as the scenery sped by, my thoughts drifted back to Hank.

I was starting to realise that, no matter what distractions I filled my time with, my mind always found its way back to him.

Mum gave me a soft, knowing look as we pulled into the station. “You’ve got a lot on your mind, love,” she said, her voice gentle.

I nodded, grateful she hadn’t pushed for details. “Yeah. But I’ll figure it out.”

She squeezed my hand as we stood to leave the train. “You always do.”

I gave her one last hug before we parted ways, promising to call her soon. As I walked back to my apartment, the weight that had lifted slightly over the weekend began to creep back in, each step reminding me that I was heading back to an empty place, with no answers waiting for me. Bud would be there, but Hank… Hank was still an uncertainty.

When I finally unlocked the door, Bud greeted me with a sleepy stretch, hopping down from his spot on the couch to rub against my legs. I smiled, scratching behind his ears. “Hey, buddy. Miss me?”

He purred in response, and I let out a small laugh, grateful for the comfort he brought. It felt good to be home, but as I set down my bag and settled into the familiar space, the quiet started to settle back over me. I glanced around, the emptiness feeling heavier than it had before I left.

I reached for my phone, more out of habit than anything else, half-expecting the same silence that had greeted me for days. But when I unlocked the screen, there was a message waiting for me—from Hank.

Thanks again for looking after Bud. How’ve you been?

My heart skipped a beat as I read it, the words settling over me like a strange mixture of relief and confusion. This wasn’t the same distant, one-line response from before. It wasn’t much, but it was something. He was asking about me. He cared enough to check in.

I stared at the message for a moment, not sure what to make of it. Was this a step forward? A sign that maybe he was starting to open up, even if just a little? Or was it just a polite check-in, something he felt obligated to do because I was looking after Bud?

I couldn’t be sure, but for the first time in days, I felt a flicker of hope. Maybe, just maybe, Hank was starting to reach out. Even if he wasn’t ready to come back fully, this felt like progress.

I took a deep breath, typing out a reply.

I’ve been alright, just got back from visiting my brother’s place. It’s been a quiet few days here—how’ve you been?

I hovered over the send button for a moment, wondering if I was saying too much. But then I hit send, the message disappearing from my screen.

I set my phone down, trying not to dwell too much on the exchange. It felt like the first real connection we’d had since he left, and even though it wasn’t much, it was enough to quiet the anxious part of my mind, if only for a moment. I leaned back, letting the stillness of the room wash over me, Bud curled up by my feet as if sensing my need for calm.

The past few days had been a strange mix of waiting and worrying, and now that Hank had finally reached out, I didn’t know how to feel. I told myself not to read too much into it—that maybe he just didn’t want me to feel forgotten—but at the same time, it was impossible not to hope that this meant something more.

My phone buzzed, startling me from my thoughts. I glanced at the screen, and there it was—Hank’s reply.

I’ve been alright. Things are good here. I’ll be back in New York in a few days.

My chest tightened, a mixture of relief and uncertainty settling in. He was coming back.

Masterlist

[resssistance]

mea tormenta