#this might get deleted. i know how im wired.

[cannibal-nightmares]

i laugh a lot. at shit that's funny, at things that make me sad, when I'm stressed, when I'm pissed off, when i am in pain (probably in this order, ascending in more consistent response). sometimes it's an intentional social quirk/self-defense mechanism, sometimes it's involuntary. sometimes it's in response to my own thoughts, sometimes it's in response to nothing at all. This is all to say I live with someone else, and I keep to myself; 50/50 I give a fuck about whether he hears me or not, but I 100% assume he *always* does (even when he's not even home). it bothers me sometimes, sometimes. sometimes it loops in my head and stresses me out and makes me giggle more. but lately he's had more and more guests over. let's just say I'm force-converting my self-consciousness into hoping they're perturbed by me and will leave me tf alone.

[kabutone]

Hi!! I hope this is okay to ask but you seem to be really knowledgeable on masks so i was wondering what type you recommend the most?? :0 i'd love to get more masks since i do mask already but want to get better ones and i feel like you'd know which ones are the best!! Tysm in advance and feel free to delete this if this is weird!! ^^

yes ofc im glad you asked!! this might get kinda long so bear with me lol (TLDR: I'd recommend to find an N95 that is comfortable and fits you well! My go to is the 3M Aura 9210, but there are a variety of other masks for every face shape if the 3M Aura isn't a good fit!)

It can be kinda tricky to name one specific mask since face shapes differ so much, but I'll list the ones I've tried and some styles you could explore! But my main recommendation is to look for an N95 or better! The most important things to look out for is a mask that has good filtration material and that it fits well on your face (no big gaps or leakage)! And of course, that you're getting a legitimate product.

I prefer N95s because they're generally more protective than KN95s and KF94s. There also isn't as much regulation for KN95s and KF94s as there is for N95s, so it can be easier to come across fakes. People also sometimes find that head strap masks keep their fit better than earloop masks. This isn't a one size fits all rule, however, some people have passed fit tests in ear loop masks! It's just something to keep in mind.

I'd recommend looking at masks on ProjectN95! These have been vetted to ensure they're good quality, and there should be links to buy directly from the website. Unfortunately there's a lot of fake or underperforming masks out there, so it's important to buy from a trusted source. Here's a video that covers this issue and what to look out for! Another great resource is Aaron Collins, who has posted a lot of tests and info about many different types of masks.

I use the 3M Aura 9210! I like this one for the material it uses for the straps. There are other kinds of 3M Auras (like the 9205) which are just as good, but they have those rubber straps and I just don't prefer those. This is the only trifold-style I've worn, but it's pretty comfortable!

And this is just anecdotal, but I've heard the 3M Aura tends to fit more faces better than other styles. Compared to other masks I've tried, it has a stronger nose wire, so its easier to shape it to your face! Some others have had flimsy nose wires that don't hold very well, while others (like cup-style masks) have rigid ones that you're not really supposed to mold at all. This one has passed fit tests for me, and is comfortable enough for me to sleep in!

Another style I like is the Gerson 3230! This is a duckbill style mask!

It looks a little silly but these are SUPER breathable. So much so that I feel a little exposed wearing them lol but I've passed fit tests in them multiple times!! One downside to these though is that unlike the 3M Aura, they don't have as much structure, so if you inhale too hard they kinda suction onto your face.

This is the 3M 8210, which is a cup style mask!

These didn't work for me, but that doesn't necessarily mean they won't work for you! This specific mask is very rigid, so you can't really form them to your face, but they will not collapse when you breathe! I haven't tried other brands' cup style masks though, just 3M's.

This is a bifold mask! I just grabbed a photo of the Demetech one because I thinnnkkk I've worn this before? But its been YEARS, I don't wear bifolds anymore. KN95s also usually come in this style

This style can be a bit tricky because they come folded in half, and that sharp point at the nose bridge can cause issues for some people. I see a lot of people walking around with a big gap at their nose because of that folded point, so just be sure to properly fit it to your face if you use these! Here's a video demonstration on how to do this, and here's a good photo example:

Finally, there's also this strapless adhesive mask. They're kinda pricey compared to the others, but kinda cool I guess? Can also get them here

Strangely I didn't pass a fit test in these? I think maybe I just need more practice putting them on lol

These are all N95s, but there are also masks like N100s, P100s, and PAPRs if you wanna get really intense. And I can also ramble about those but this is already so so long lol

Finally, it's important your mask fits well! This is to make sure that air is going through the filtration material, not going around the mask. For example, it'd be safer to wear a well fitted N95 than an ill fitted N100. A quick way to check for leaks is to do a seal check when you put on a mask! here's a guide on how to do it, and here's a video demonstration!

But it's important to note this is not a foolproof solution, and the best way to measure fit would be a qualitative or quantitative fit test. Unfortunately, fit testing can be rather inaccessible to most people, so it's hard for me to recommend it. There are DIY kits and DIY tutorials in addition to official kits, though. Quantitative fit tests are even less accessible, and I'm still trying to figure out how to get one :( But if you're interested in it, I can also ramble about that.

If you read this far thank you so much for listening to my lil mask infodump :') I hope this was helpful !!

[sand-lily]

I JUST GOT MY CoE!!!

(like just now now)

they still didn't tell me when my training date is, where my hotel is, when i can check in to the hotel, or APPARENTLY how long I'll be staying

(my contract says 1 year, but the CoE says 3years,, so idk what to put on the application , if they dont answer by Friday I'll just put 3years, then i wont get in trouble if i do renew the contract but it wont be an issue if i only stay 1 year)

im NOT buying another hotel if i can help it, SO i do wanna know when i can check into the training hotel so i can buy my plane ticket for that day and put that as the arrival date on the application, according to maps and reddit the shinkansen is only a few hours to the city i need to be in from the airport, so im taking that instead of doing a layover in japan,,

so i need to know WHEN i can check in so i can do the math to know WHAT flight to take, and since im technically losing a day across time zones, thats going to be hard for me since normal time math is ALREADY hard for me

i already have the passport photos, i already have the envelopes, i already made the shipping labels (just gotta print them), i already signed the disclaimer (gotta print), I already filled out the application minus those 2 things im not sure about (and gotta print),,

so my plan is to go to the library and print all the stuff at once, and sign it at the library, then go from there to the post office to drop it off, and then from there back home (shit has to be planned when you don't have a car and public transit only comes once every 2hrs)

the CoE is valid for 3 months from tonight, so im HOPING they want me there the last week of june or mid july so i can pack up my apartment, call my bank, get an esim card for my phone company (this is the only phone number I had my WHOLE LIFE and I don't wanna lose it so i MIGHT pay for international data to keep it), take care of my pets, break my lease unfortunately, get a transit card (apparently you can buy them online BEFORE going to Japan and have it shipped to you),

and quit my new job i JUST started last week unfortunately,, ive only done training so i dont even think i can put it on my resume, HOWEVER, i did pass CPR + baby CPR so i can put that on my resume if they have the certificate on file (idk if they filed it yet)...but if i have another month, I'll be able to have childcare IN A SCHOOL experience (asst teaching)

ig i WONT be able to save up to pay off my credit card, or get my hair braided, and i WONT be able to afford business class like i wanted,, i just hope i get a window seat, i WILL NOT sit in the middle if i can avoid it, i also dont want an isle seat just in case i sit next to somebody who doesn't speak English and they feel nervous about asking me to move so they can use the toilet... i really dont wanna talk to ppl like that

i also also need to look for headphones with a type c connector, because i heard those exist,, my Bluetooth headphones dont work very well on airplanes and i MISS wired headphones severely (i WILL NOT take them out of the box until im at the airport tho, i WILL NOT risk losing them before the flight, as i tend to do)

i also also also need to go through my music library and delete the songs i always skip and add in the new ones ive been playing on repeat via YouTube, im NOT paying for plane wifi , i also x3 need to figure out how to download Libby books like PDFs since i cant use libby outside of America and i want to keep reading books on the flight

ig im un-makeovering my apt tomorrow, time to put doors back on hinges and remove contact paper and fill in nail holes and everything,, it took me like 3days to do everything up and i did it with a butter knife instead of a screwdriver, so it should take less time to undo it with my new electric screwdriver ,, i think my sister is going to try and steal my bedframe, shes already laid dibs on the couch

they BETTER NOT charge me ANY fees considering i paid a TRIPLE deposit to move in here without a cosigner and thats the whole point of a deposit

anyways i got a lot to do tomorrow, so i gotta go to bed at a REASONABLE HOUR, NOT 2AM

and if anybody wants to help me pay off my $1400 credit card bill (ive been using it to pay rent and buy groceries since nobody wants to hire me, unemployment is only enough to pay the minimum + my phone bill so i dont get late fees)

here are my PayPal and cashapp,, im not good at art AT ALL, but if yall want commissions for something so that i can earn the money (i can only do traditional art), I'll do that too,, or i can proofread something? creative writing is actually my forte believe it or not

anyways

cashapp: https://cash.app/$firellily

(the pfp is a pic of my cat)

[fanficguy]

Yo! Can you do how toy animatronics would react to a darling who is surprisingly affectionate after being kidnapped? Would they be suspicious of y/n's actions? Are they more lenient knowing they wouldn't leave?

yandere toys x affectionate post-kidnapping gn reader

notes- I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED SO MUCH OF IT IM FUCKING CRYINF WTF I HATE THIS SM GOD I WANNA BANG MY GODDAMN HEAD IN TE SIDEWALK THIS SUCKS SM AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

warnings- mangle + puppet uses all pronouns, obessive and delusional behavior, possesive and forceful behavior, other yandere things, some violence here and there

=========

Toy Freddy ��

♩ freddy probably is rlly happy about this!! he's excited and thinks you love him so he'll loosen up a bit. he'll even let you out of his sight now!

♩ he will get a little lot more possesive though since after all, you love him don't you? freddy would probably start being aggresive to his colleagues if they even got around your area.

♩ freddy will start forcing more prolonged affection compared to how he used to be, i mean he was affectionate but he will really amp up on it. it might even be a bit forcefull at times, but if you deny he'll get annoyed so you just have to tolerate it.

♩ a good thing though is that he probably won't be as occupied on getting you to like him! he'll even start getting you more grand gifts now, usually stuff by him or stuff he found in the lost and found(nobody'll notice anyways).

♩ expectedly freddy also gets more obsessive, he might start commenting on things you do, whether you realize he saw you doing those things or not. you wouldn't mind though right?

Toy Bonnie 𖦹

𖦹 omg he becomes so much more of a snobby duchebag because of this. i applause you for even tolerating bonnie, anyways. even though he is sucking up this attention a lot, he would be a little suspicious though. he kidnapped you and you barely even care?

𖦹 bonnie would probably get over being suspicious of you quickly though. he'll turn into kind of a show off though, he'll start telling everyone how much you must love him.

𖦹 he might start dragging you around more, like he already did but it's practically all the time now.

𖦹 bonnie will start forcing affection but less than freddy, he will start whining if you even think of the concept of getting up and leaving him, he probably wouldn't physically harm you for it but he's a BIG manipulator.

𖦹 bonnie starts being kinda softer though, he will let you get away with some things if you give him a hug! bonnie might even let you be alone for an hour at night if you give him enough affection, make sure to abuse that power!

Toy Chica ↯

↯ chica will probably take awhile to change her sadistic demeanor(which'll never change but can be softened!), it's so worth it when chica starts changing though!

↯ she'll probably be a bit curious on why you're being affectionate, she even tries to ruin any attempts by shoving you off her but eventually decides to just leave it be and start taking in the nice feeling.

↯ after trying to ruin it she'll decide you mold it into something similiar but a little more rough and painful. chica starts biting you when the two of you cuddle and doesn't let go until she's bored(she always makes sure you bleed too).

↯ chica also will be really forceful with how she touches you, not that she wasnt but now it's even more prolonged.

↯ chica will probably never change into a soft or gentle idividual but she will learn to be affectionate in her own cruel kind of way, she likes it this way.

Mangle ❥

❥ mangle would be a little scared tbh both because of concern for your health and also because he isn't used to this. i mean, they have wires and all sorts of things out in the open, you could get shocked and get hurt on accident!

❥ she learns to love it though, it's a really gentle and comforting feeling for them that they can't help but love. mangle's sure to be really careful of you though!

❥ mangle would definitely start snapping or growling at the others if they even get near you now though, even lunging at them if they bother you guys during affectionate hours.

❥ they'll definately start growing more lenient of you, mangle starts letting you leave his sight at night most of the time! oh but mangle will definitely return to you all bloody from the night guard and starts asking for affection.

❥ mangle will grow sad if you deny them any affections, they really grew dependent on you don't you realize?

Marionette/Puppet

❦ puppet’s not necessarily surprised but he didn’t expect this either, they’re happy though! They really like you being affectionate. :)

❦ she won’t make a big deal on the outside but on the inside he’s all squealing and kicking his feet.

❦ it makes him more protective definitely! he might not like you being outside her box for more than like 20 minutes now, and as soon as you’re back the puppet needs some hugs.

❦ you’re her little source of sunshine tbh, puppet really finds it cute when you’re all affectionate and whatnot.

❦ puppet probably would spend all the time cuddling with you now, he’s always really gentle and affectionate back 10/10.

[naffeclipse]

hi naff! hope your day/night is going well. i have a few questions about your series. this whole buildup to the cat and mouse game happening between the vigilante and eclipse and his mob seems to have caught steam super quick, but it makes me wonder… how long has eclipse been trying to get the vigilante to join him? there was a line from him in ‘a small favor’ where he says “After all of my offers, all it took was waiting for you to come to me.” so just how long has he been attempting to recruit them? im guessing he would have just dug himself back up and made a reappearance even if vigilante!y/n hadn’t gone to him for the celestial wire.

also, can you share the scooping line that you ended up taking out/the context of it? 👀 (i have next to no knowledge of fnaf, so i think i have a general idea of what scooping means, but i’m not entirely sure. is it something that you consider is already canon to your series?) on a related note, i noticed another line from ‘a small favor’ (because im rereading the series for very important scientific research), and it’s also from eclipse: “Last I checked, you don’t need one of those,” he says, eyes falling down to your chest and slowly trailing down to your belly. “You’re too soft. Not enough wires.”

that made me think that maybe this was maybe alluding to scooping, or at least hinting that it’s been on eclipse’s mind

last question (sorry i have so many fjlsjfns)! after the sleuth jesters series is done, are there any alternate endings or side ideas you might write for it, like maybe that ‘trouble’ alternate ending?

Hi!! My day has been going well, thank you! ♥

Eclipse has been trying to recruit the vigilante for a while, about as long as Detective Sun and Moon have been chasing after them!

I don't have the extra line as I deleted it, but it was something like: "If you keep resisting me, I could always scoop you. Keep you soft but much more obedient."

As for scooping being canon, I'm not sure yet. My original idea with it was that it was a rather terrible way to kill someone in this world of animatronic gangsters and powerful mafia families, sort of a version of "sleeping with the fish" but instead it's like "Oh, I heard they got scooped last week." However, I wasn't sure if I liked the implications it would bring within the world-building so I decided to keep it out, but who knows! I might use it in the future but not in this current arc of Sleuth Jesters :D

As for the "You're too soft. Not enough wires." line, that was more of Eclipse just being creepy and focused on Y/N's body while asking about why they'd need a celestial wire!

I wouldn't mind writing more one-shots in the future! Like proper one-shots and not just parts of an overarching story lol but currently, I'm just focused on finishing Sleuth Jesters main story right now.

@certified-handler wrote an amazing one shot for an alternate ending to Trouble that you should definitely read!

[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

Eccentricity [Chapter 6: You Know You Got Me In The Palm Of Your Hand]

Series Summary: Joe Mazzello is a nice guy with a weird family. A VERY weird family. They have a secret, and you have a choice to make. Potentially a better love story than Twilight.

Chapter Title Is A Lyric From: Mean It by Lauv.

Chapter Warnings: Language, references to sex and violence, slavery in American history.

Other Chapters (And All My Writing) Available: HERE

Tagging: @queen-turtle-boiii​​​​​ @bramblesforbreakfast​​​​​​ @writerxinthedark​​ @maggieroseevans​​​​​​ @culturefiendtrashqueen​​​​​​ @imnotvibingveryguccimrstark​​​​​​ @escabell​​​​​​ @im-an-adult-ish​​​​​​ @someforeigntragedy​​​​​​ @imtheinvisiblequeen​​​​​​​​​​ @deacyblues​​​​​​ ​ @tensecondvacation​​​​​​​ @brianssixpence​​​​​​ @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhye​​ @some-major-ishues​​ @haileymorelikestupid​​ @loveandbeloved29​​

Please yell at me if I forget to tag you! 💜

What The Fuck, Washington Animals Are Weird

I woke up in a bedroom drenched in a rainbow of darkness, shades of grey vacillating from charcoal to the wings of a mourning dove; indolent dawn rain pattered against the window. There were no glaring veins of sunlight spilling in through gaps in the curtains, no promise of dry invigorating heat, no whistle of vicious parched wind. Toto, we’re not in Phoenix anymore.

“Ugh,” I complained to the empty room, unraveling from a tangle of blankets patterned with cacti and pure white clouds and rust-orange suns.

I clicked off my iPhone alarm—I’d beaten it by two minutes; my circadian rhythm was finally conceding that this whole Pacific Time thing was permanent—and read my nine new texts from Joe.

3:12 a.m.: Hey it’s an emergency what’s the plural of octopus

3:13 a.m.: Rami is insisting that it is octopuses

3:14 a.m.: But it’s octopi, right? Right?? I just announced in front of everyone that it’s octopi

3:15 a.m.: Scarlett is verbally abusing me

3:18 a.m.: Oh you are probably asleep

3:21 a.m.: Update, according to the internet Rami is right and now I have to assume a new identity and move to Antarctica

3:25 a.m.: We can discuss logistics of the Antarctica relocation tomorrow

3:26 a.m.: Hope you like penguins

3:30 a.m.: Okay goodnight!! Don’t let the mythical creatures bite!!

“That man,” I murmured to myself, smiling.

I typed out: It’s definitely octopuses, you clown. Then I deleted ‘clown’ and replaced it with its Italian equivalent: pagliaccio. Text sent.

Joe responded almost instantly. I had to ask Lucy what pagliaccio meant and now she’s verbally abusing me too. Send help. See you at lunch. xx

Wait, two Xs? What did Xs mean?? Kisses???

Did Joseph Francis Mazzello, sexy undead Italian man, just send me multiple text kisses?

“You’re gonna give me an aneurism, Chicago boy,” I muttered at my phone as I slid it into the pocket of my flannel pajama pants. And then I glanced out the bedroom window into a tussle of rain and thick, caliginous fog.

Just a few feet beyond the misted glass, its leathery talons hooked around a branch of Charlie’s decades-old red alder tree, was an owl. But not just any owl. A hulking, spotlessly white owl.

“Oh, hey, you,” I whispered, leaning closer, pressing my palms against the cold window. My hands left transparent imprints in the condensation. “Hey, buddy. Aren’t you supposed to be sleeping? I sure wish I was. Did something wake you up? Did your idiot vampire boyfriend disturb you with a series of ridiculous texts?”

The owl just contemplated me with unnervingly vast, slick, engrossed eyes. And there was something else, too: those eyes were blood red.

“So you’re an albino owl, huh big guy? Good for you. You know, usually albino animals don’t last all that long in the wild. Because they’re really easy for predators and prey to spot. Or they get skin cancer. So congratulations on living to become the voluptuous, tremendously creepy creature that you are today. Job well done.”

The owl stared back at me unflinchingly, blinked, then resumed staring. Rainwater gathered in swelling beads like blood drops on its ivory-colored beak and talons.

“Well,” I noted, turning away and grabbing my shower towel off the back of the desk chair. “You don’t get that in Arizona.”

Thirty minutes later, I was bounding down the stairs two at a time to meet Charlie in the kitchen. He was browsing through his daily newspaper at the table, drinking coffee and nibbling messily on burnt triangles of toast. Crumbs littered his moustache.

“You didn’t tell me that living here came with the added benefit of freaky albino animal friends.”

Charlie crinkled his forehead at me. “Huh?”

“How was bowling with the dads last night?”

“Oh, awesome!” he exclaimed, folding up his newspaper and slapping it down on the table. “We bowled against the team from Mora and it came right down to the wire, but we caught them. Dr. Lee got a strike on his very last turn. He always seems to do that...he’ll be bowling hit or miss all night and then when it really matters he manages to pull a strike out of nowhere. He’s a beast.”

“He’s a pretty remarkable guy,” I agreed, rummaging through the cabinets for Pop-Tarts.

“He mentioned that you and his son were really hitting it off,” Charlie said, grinning. “Not the ragey blond one. The spindly annoying one. What’s his name again? Josh? Jimmy?”

“Joe.” I conjured up my best poker face of lofty indifference. It crumbled like a sandcastle beneath reckless, rushing footsteps.

“Ohhhh, I saw that!” Charlie said, pointing, delighted. “Check out that smile. My gorgeous, brilliant progeny has a crush. I knew it. I knew you wouldn’t be single for long up here. Alright, I’m ready. Bring on the grandchildren.”

“Shut up,” I pleaded good-naturedly.

“Relax, I have great news. According to Gwil, that Joe kid is pretty wild about you too.”

“Oh, is that what you old guys do between bowling turns? Betray your children’s deepest confidences? Matchmake them over nachos and chili cheese dogs?” Still, my curiosity was piqued. “What else did Dr. Lee say about Joe?”

“I think the exact word he used was...” Charlie reminisced, sipping his coffee, curls of steam pouring over the rim of the mug. “Smitten.”

Supernatural Pictionary

I turned the notebook to Joe so he could see; everyone else momentarily covered their eyes or looked away. Then Lucy started the timer on her iPhone. Thirty seconds.

“Go!” Lucy announced.

“I think it’s a boat,” Rami said, hesitantly, haltingly, squinting at Joe with great concentration.

“Do you?” Joe teased.

“Yeah. But I’m also getting something about a fish.”

“Maybe I’m trying to make you think it’s a fish because it’s actually a boat,” Joe replied flippantly.

Rami muttered: “Or you want me to think it’s a boat because it’s actually a fish.”

“Interesting.”

“Now you’re mentally singing Never Gonna Give You Up just to fuck with me.”

Joe gasped, pressing a palm to his chest. “That doesn’t sound like something I would do!”

Scarlett snickered, dunking her chicken tender in honey mustard, slurping Coke through a straw clenched between crimson-painted lips. “That sounds exactly like something you would do.”

“Fifteen seconds,” Lucy warned.

“Fish or boat, boat or fish...” Rami chanted, peering fixedly at Joe.

“Make a decision,” I taunted, hugging the notebook to my chest.

“I’m going with boat,” Rami decided.

“Final answer?” Lucy asked, then stopped the timer when Rami nodded.

“Loser!” Joe cackled victoriously, leaping out of his chair, waving his L-shaped fingers in the air. Calawah University students at nearby tables glanced over with wide, startled eyes, their beloved chicken tenders briefly forgotten. “How’s it feel to not win every round of a game, huh?! Loser!”

I flipped my notebook so Rami could see the extremely unskilled pencil sketch I’d drawn there: a smiling fish. “My condolences.”

“Damn.” Rami pulled a ten-dollar bill out of his wallet and slid it across the table to Joe. Joe snatched it up, tucked it into the waistline of his jeans like a stripper collecting money in her G-string, and slung his arm around my shoulders.

“We are the champions. Bask in our glory.”

Scarlett turned on her iPhone flashlight and waved it in slow arcs over her head. “Youuuuu are the champions, my friendssssss...”

From my usual lunch table, Jessica gazed at my esteemed place among the Lees with palpable envy, resting her chin in her hands. I had worked out a schedule that seemed fairly obvious given my extensive experience as a child of divorce: lunch with Jessica et al. one day, lunch with the Lees the next. I took a bite of the Chipotle veggie bowl that Joe had insisted on ordering for me and tossed Jessica a sympathetic wave. Get Ben’s Snapchat for me! she mouthed back. I harbored serious doubts that Benjamin August Hardy, former professional assassin, born in 1893, had a Snapchat.

Joe’s words from last week rolled around in my head; I could see him all over again, nodding to the enormous painting hung in Gwil’s upstairs office, telling me about those startling, ethereal figures who had initiated Ben into life as a vampire. They call themselves the Draghi. They collect dues from covens, offer protection, keep order, protect our secrets. But they also demand loyalty. They force people they want into service. They might try to make it seem like you have a choice, but you don’t. They destroy anyone who tries to resist them. And they feed on humans.

“This is so awesome,” Lucy sighed, elated. “We could never play Pictionary before, drawing something is way too much of a mental process, Rami always figured it out right away...”

But now they had a built-in blindfold, someone who could draw without Rami getting a peek into their thoughts, a fighting chance at hiding the truth from him...for thirty seconds, at least.

“Okay Benny Boy, you’re up.” Joe darted over to Ben’s side of the table and massaged his tense, muscular shoulders as Ben grimaced. “You got this. I believe in you. Baby Swan is gonna pitch you a home run.”

“I’ll pass,” Ben said.

“You can’t!” Lucy cried. “Ben, please? Rami got Scarlett’s, and then he didn’t get Joe’s...and I know he’s going to see though me immediately. You’re our only chance to tie things up and maybe beat him!”

“Traitor,” Rami told Lucy affectionately.

“Uhh...” Ben hesitated, glimpsing longingly at the doors that led outside to the grove of bigleaf maple trees. He was fidgeting restlessly with his vape pen.

“Come on, Benny!” Joe begged. “I’ll owe you. I’ll do anything.”

Ben perked up a little bit. “You’ll do my Calc 2 homework for a month?”

Joe groaned theatrically, but nodded. He was wearing a grey U Chicago hoodie today. “Fine. Okay. But you’re gonna have to learn that shit eventually, I can’t take the MCAT for you.”

“Deal.” Ben bumped his knuckles against Joe’s.

“Batter up,” Joe heralded in his best mock-umpire voice, grinning at me expectantly, drumming the table with his palms. “Go Baby Swan, go! What will she choose? Will she continue with the nautical theme? Will she change it up, maybe switch to beloved Chicago landmarks? Baseball or food? Will she invent a variety of pizza even more despicable than pineapple?”

“Hm.” I flipped to a fresh notebook page, scratched my temple with the eraser end of the pencil, then quickly sketched a picture for Ben. “Okay, I’m ready.” I showed the drawing to Ben while everyone else covered their eyes.

Ben shook his head, scowling. “You’ll have to try again. I have no idea what that is.”

“Really?!” I checked the picture again. Okay, it definitely didn’t belong in the Louvre or anything, but it was lifelike enough to be decipherable. “You don’t recognize it? At all?”

“No,” Ben replied flatly.

From behind his shielded eyes, Rami scanned through the images in Ben’s mind. He dropped his hands onto the table. “SpongeBob?!”

“Who...?” Ben ventured.

Everyone else looked too. “Oh yeah, that’s definitely SpongeBob,” Joe said, then chuckled. “Aww, Baby Swan, you even remembered his little necktie!”

“It’s so cute!” Lucy trilled.

Ben just stared at the picture, blinking, completely lost, increasingly morose. And now there was a new guest at the table; or maybe not a new one, maybe just a quiet one, something that perched on the ledge of every conversation and field of vision just waiting to tap its claws against the wall and make its presence known: that interminable reminder of Ben’s unconventional past life, of how incomparable his vampiric upbringing was to those of the rest of the Lee kids.

“Benny Boy, you’ve never seen SpongeBob?” Joe inquired gently. “No problem. We’ll have a marathon tonight. I have the entire series on DVD. Also several Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy action figures.”

Scarlett snorted. “This is why you’ve been single since Hoover was president.”

“I wasn’t single the whole time,” Joe corrected.

“Oh, really?” Not that I’m interested, my voice suggested. I was a total liar. I was super interested. Thank the great deity that Rami and Ben couldn’t read me like a restaurant menu. Today’s specials are Being In Love With Someone Wildly Inappropriate for $15.99, and also Lamenting My Own Lack Of Sexual Experience for $11.99. Oh, and clam chowder.

“He had a couple of...what would you call them?” Scarlett combed her elegant fingers through her voluminous blonde hair. “What’s the modern vernacular? Fuck buddies? Booty calls? Netflix and chill partners?”

My stomach lurched; I nonchalantly buried my fork in a mountain of guacamole and left it there. I kept my lips turned up into a smile like a mask. Of course he’s loved other people. Duh. He’s hot and immortal. Get over it. But that didn’t calm my pounding heartbeat at all, didn’t soothe that sudden and irrational melancholy.

“Whoa whoa whoa, okay, you’re making it sound way worse than it was,” Joe protested, glancing at me nervously.

Scarlett continued: “It wasn’t serious, whatever it was. None of them would have cared about your action figure collection or obsession with a city you haven’t lived in for fifty years. It wasn’t your personality they wanted. Thank god.”

Oh this is bad, I thought helplessly. How am I ever going to be able to compete with the memory of countless gorgeous vampire girlfriends?

“Uh, ScarJo, you’re single too.” And Joe’s nickname for her was strangely apt; Scarlett could pass for Scarlett Johansson’s younger, blonder, much hotter sister. And Scarlett Johansson, in case you’re somehow unaware, is already pretty fucking hot.

Scarlett flashed a grin. “Entirely by choice.”

“And much to Mercy’s eternal and profound concern,” Lucy told me. “She stages an intervention at least twice a month. Did I overhear one last week, Scarlett?”

“Oh jesus, yeah. I was like, ‘Mom, what the hell do I need a husband for? I have my own money. I can fix household appliances. I have a vibrator. I’m good to go.’”

Joe rocked back in his chair, howling. “You did not tell Mom that!”

“I did. She was so distraught. She just kind of pinched her eyes shut and shuddered and then went out back to feed the alpacas.”

“Scarlett, babe,” Rami managed between gales of laughter. “A vibrator isn’t going to keep you company for all of eternity. It’s not a suitable substitute for a life partner.”

“You’re right. It’s even better. It’ll never abandon or disappoint me. Assuming I keep the batteries fresh, of course.”

“Oh my god,” Lucy giggled into her hands.

“She’s not wrong,” I said, shrugging, sipping my Diet Coke.  

And Joe peered over at me, surprised, intrigued, slowly raising his thin dark eyebrows. I winked back. Yeah, okay, I’ve never slept with someone. But that doesn’t mean I’ve never had an orgasm.

“Ah, loud thoughts! Loud thoughts! Joe, please!” Rami moaned, pressing his balled fists to his forehead.

Ben smirked. “There’s a color I’ve never seen from you before, Joe.”

“This family is the worst!” Joe exploded.

“I like that girl,” Scarlett decided, signaling to me with glossy maroon fingernails. “She can stay.”

Joe sighed, flustered, then shook it off as he turned to me. “You coming over tonight?”

“I can’t spend every night at your house petting alpacas, mob guy.”

“Yeah?” he asked, smiling, draping his arm around the back of my chair. “Why not?”

“Well, my tonight-specific reason is that I’m visiting a friend.”

“Cool. Your friends are my friends. Can I visit too?”

“You’re aware that you’re a legit stalker, right?” But actually, Archer was dying to meet Joe: the loud Lee, the approachable Lee, the Lee who I definitely liked more than a Tinder swipe could ever convey. This could work. “Offer to buy dinner and you can come.”

“I’m a walking Visa, baby.”

Ben stood, hauled on his backpack, gathered up his trash to throw away. “I need a smoke break before Chem. See you guys later.”

“Don’t forget!” Joe called after him. “SpongeBob marathon starts at 8! I’ll bring the Milk Duds!”

And when Ben disappeared through the doors, a solemn hush descended over the table.

“Poor guy,” Lucy said softly. The other Lees nodded.

And again, I recalled what Joe had told me in Gwil’s office, what he had said when I asked how Ben came to join the Lee family. He was assigned to us, to be the liaison to our coven. And Gwil saw something in him. Potential, suffering, unrealized decency, I don’t know. But Gwil worked on him for years, trying to convince Ben to leave the Draghi when his contract was up and come live with us. To give a peaceful life a try. And to be honest, Ben never seemed interested. But something must have resonated with him, because we opened the front door on October 15th, 2016 and he was sitting on the steps of our porch with a single suitcase, puffing on that fucking vape pen and watching the storm clouds roll in off the Pacific Ocean.

But why would they just let him leave? I had asked, tracing my fingertips over the uncanny and magnificent faces in that painting. Why would they let him live?

Because they know how valuable he is. And because they think they can get him back.

“I think he’s a good person,” I said, breaking the silence. “You know. Underneath the whole being raised to be a killing machine thing.”

“Yeah,” Rami replied, frowning thoughtfully. “Just try not to spend too much time alone with him.”

Car Jacks And Sneak Attacks

“Joe, this is Archer James Foxchild, my first-ever best friend.”

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you!” Joe said, shaking Archer’s oil-stained hand. “I understand you are really good at making mud pies and poking dead animals with sticks.”

Archer chuckled. “It’s true. We found a shark tooth down at La Push one time and I convinced Baby Swan here that it was from a sea monster. She had nightmares for months. Charlie called my dad over it and I got my Game Boy taken away.”

“No!” Joe gasped in horror. “Were you a Pokémon guy?”

“For sure.”

“Ruby or Sapphire?”

“Emerald.”

Joe grinned. “This dude knows what’s up.”

“And to think, my grandpa tried to tell me that you guys were freaks,” Archer replied.

“Well,” Joe conceded. “Not all of us.”  

“Maybe you two should start dating,” I said. “Don’t mind me. I’ll just sit in my Honda and eat my Taco Bell cheese quesadillas and Cinnamon Twists and try not to interrupt all the sex.”

“Yes, you brought Taco Bell,” Archer sighed euphorically. “Give me five minutes, I just gotta finish rotating these tires real quick.” He jogged to the other end of the garage, knelt beside a Ford Mustang that was propped up on a jack, and starting twisting off lug nuts with a tire iron.

“You have a nice place here,” Joe observed, strolling around the small garage with his hands in the front pocket of his U Chicago hoodie, eyeing the fractures in the concrete floor and the spidering cracks in the windows. “You have any investors?”

“Are you kidding?!” Archer replied from the Mustang. “No, man, it’s just me. I rent for now, but at some point I’ll buy my own shop. Once I’ve saved up enough. A great big one with shiny new equipment and no mice squeaking behind the walls.”

“What’s your cash flow like?”

“I’m netting around three grand a month after taxes.”

“Not bad!” Joe noted admiringly.

“Yeah. It’s a hustle, but I love it.”

“Hey, I don’t know if you’d be interested—and absolutely no pressure if you’re not, really—but I do a lot of work with start-ups and I’d love to help you get into your own shop. By this Christmas, preferably. If we can work out a deal.”

“Really?!” Archer peeked incredulously over the hood of the Mustang.

“Absolutely.”

Archer beamed at me. “This guy is willing to drop serious cash to look good in front of you. You should probably marry him. No prenup though.”

I held my pinky out towards Joe, grinning. “No more sad prenups.”

He laughed and hooked my pinky with his. “Bankrupt me, bitch.”

I heard the metallic clang of a lug nut hitting the concrete floor and rolling under the Mustang. “Come back here, you bastard,” Archer muttered, then dropped to his stomach and crawled beneath the car.

“Hey, kid, be careful,” I fretted, crossing my arms across my chest and taking a step closer.

“Relax, Baby Swan, I am a professional, changing a tire for me is like feeding a fish for you, so just chill and keep fantasizing about those Cinnamon Twists—”

There was a squeal of metal as the car jack collapsed and the Mustang came crashing down. In a fraction of a second—faster than I could see him moving, faster than I could loose a scream—Joe had soared across the garage, yanked Archer out from beneath the falling Mustang, and dragged him to the center of the room.

“Oh fuck,” Archer wheezed, his dark eyes huge and fascinated and horrified. “Grandpa was right.”

I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)

We rolled up to the Lee house in my 1999 Honda Accord just as I polished off the last of my Cinnamon Twists and Archer chewed, tentatively and dazedly, on a Cheesy Gordita Crunch. The sun was beginning to set in a clouded sky that perpetually threatened rain.

He asked Joe for the fifth time from the back seat: “But wait, seriously, no one is going to eat me, right? Because I’m too young to die. I haven’t taken enough vacations yet. I can’t die without seeing Hawaii. I want to swim with the sea turtles.”

“No, none of us have ever eaten people. Well, almost none of us. Maybe stay away from Ben.”

“I would like a little more exposition,” Archer replied, blanching.

“Hey, if you stay until 8, you guys can join us for the SpongeBob marathon!”

Gwil and Mercy were waiting on the front porch, thanks to Joe’s ‘hey I accidentally exposed myself as a paranormal being and now we have a new friend, plz don’t be mad okay love you see you soon!1!!’ text.

“Welcome, sweetheart!” Mercy fussed, enfolding Archer into her arms as soon as he stepped out of the Honda. “Would you like some hummingbird cake? I just baked it this morning. And maybe some sweet tea too. And some peanut butter cookies. And banana pudding.”

“Sure,” he responded, bewildered. This lady does not seem like a bloodsucking demon, that voice said. And he was absolutely right.

“I’ll fix you up a tray,” Mercy promised, and hurried into the house.

“We’re so very happy to have you, Mr. Foxchild.” Gwil shook Archer’s hand firmly. “We don’t get many visitors around here. I’m sure you understand why.”

“My grandpa always insisted that there was something off about you guys. Especially you, Dr. Lee. Said you shouldn’t still be around.”

“Yes, I imagine that would have been disconcerting for him. He must have remembered us from the 1940s...that’s the last time we settled down in Forks. It’s not often that someone recognizes us after so long, but it happens. It was just Mercy and me and Rami and Joe back then. And look how far we’ve come.” Gwil beamed warmly, then turned to Joe. “But really, son, you’re going to have to stop telling humans about us.”

“Hold up, I was not responsible for her!” Joe exclaimed, waving at me. “Take it up with Ben!”

The garage door rumbled open and Scarlett sauntered out, wiping her filthy hands with a rag. She halted abruptly, stood there in her high-waisted vintage jeans and black crop top and bare feet with maroon-colored toenails, tilted her head and pondered Archer with an innocent sort of curiosity that I hadn’t seen from her before.

“Wait,” Archer said, gaping. “Is that...is that an Aston Martin Vantage in there?!”

“You bet,” Scarlett replied. “You want to learn how to work on it?”

“Uh, hell to the yeah!” He trotted over and they vanished into the garage together.

“Huh,” Joe muttered, watching them. “She was nice to him. Very weird.” He whirled back to me. “Anyway, come on. I promised you an education in classic rock music. And I shall deliver.”

Joe’s bedroom was a chaotic jumble of economics textbooks and Chicago Cubs paraphernalia and U Chicago apparel and action figures and comic books and classic rock posters. There was a massive Italian flag tacked to the wall above his bed. But what caught my attention immediately was a life-sized cardboard cutout of Ben lurking in the corner by a bookshelf full of cassette tapes.

“How is there any possible logical explanation for that?” I asked, pointing.

“Oh, that! That was a joke. When Ben first showed up, he pretty much lived in his room and never came out. Gwil was worried. Mercy was heartbroken. So I made a cardboard cutout of him and would bring it to family activities and do this really deep and seductive Ben voice when I pretended to have conversations with him. It gave the whole situation some levity...and I think Ben secretly liked that we missed him enough to make an artificial version to fill the void.”

“So this bitchy, brooding, blood-craving Ben I met is actually a drastic improvement?”

“Oh, Baby Swan,” Joe confided, almost sadly. “You have no idea what he was like four years ago.”

“I’m glad he has you. All of you. That he has a chance to get better.”

“I think you might be good for him too. Seeing a human as a real person instead of a walking, talking Hi-C juice box. And you care about him, don’t you? Despite everything.”

“Of course. It’s not his fault they taught him to be a monster.”  

Joe just looked at me for a while, and then he cradled my face with one hand and grazed a thumb across my cheek “You’re never going to stop saying things that knock me into next week, are you?”

“Joe...” I hesitated, laying my hand over his. His skin was smooth and yielding yet strong, cool yet not unnaturally so. Refreshing. Safe. Fan-fucking-tastic. Oh noooooo. “Are we a thing?”

“Why? Do you want to be a thing?”

“Oh, uh, no, I was just wondering if we were.”

He stepped away, teasing me with a crooked smirk. “...So you don’t want to be a thing?”

“What would that entail?”

“Well...we’d be an official thing, you and me.” He shot finger guns at me, and then towards himself. “Which means you can’t be a thing with anyone else. And neither can I.”

“Ahhh, I see. So this thing is an exclusive thing.”

“Will you shut up and just admit that you’d totally be thrilled to be a thing with me?”

“Fine. Whatever. We’re a thing.”

“Nice.” He high-fived me.

“This is the most romantic moment of my life.”

“But wait, there’s more.” He went to the bookshelf, browsed through his cassette tape collection, found the one he wanted and popped it into a boombox that was probably older than I was. The frantic opening piano notes of I’d Do Anything For Love poured out.

“Meat Loaf,” I said in disbelief. “Really. This is the product of your superior taste in music. This is the culmination of over a century of musical experience. Meat Loaf.”

“The man is a genius!”

“This is all an elaborate joke about my vegetarianism, isn’t it?”

“No,” Joe mused. “But now that you mention it, I have yet another reason to force you to appreciate this song.” He took my hand in his, spun me around like a ballerina in a slow and careful circle, sang along—with extreme and dramatic enthusiasm—to the music.

“And I would do anything for love

I'd run right into hell and back

I would do anything for love

I'd never lie to you and that's a fact...”

“I don’t dance,” I cautioned him, laying a palm against his chest to catch my balance. That brisk, comforting scent of pine and snow and peppermint was everywhere. It feels like I can’t stand to be away from him. Like I’ll never get close enough. “I am terribly uncoordinated. I will step all over your feet. And I’m really not sure if I can trust you. You didn’t even know the plural form of octopus until like eighteen hours ago. You’re kind of a disaster. A, you know, uh, unexpectedly charming, unconventionally super cute, kind of bizarrely enchanting disaster.”

“Yeah,” Joe whispered, smiling, tilting up my chin, leaning in to kiss me. “I like you too.”

Cato

He came out of the oak trees like a ghost, pushing aside massive chandeliers of Spanish moss that blotted out the dusk sun, his expensive shoes sloshing in the marshy water that flooded the rice field. He was wearing a full suit, but no top hat; his hair was black and chin-length and wild around his face. And at first I thought he was a hallucination, a dream conjured by heat sickness or those first dreaded signs of malaria. He was unnervingly, uncommonly beautiful; beautiful like a hurricane, beautiful like lightning or an eclipse. But he was real. I straightened up as I watched him approach, my back aching in protest, a basket full of seedlings slung over my shoulder.

“Mr. Cato.”

His voice, clear and beckoning and twisted by an accent I’d never heard before, rang in my skull like church bells. He called me mister. This white man called me mister.

“Yes sir?” And I almost added: You want to be careful there, sir. The water moccasins like to hide among the tree roots, especially when the sun starts going down. But I had an inexplicable feeling that this man wasn’t afraid of things like snakes. Maybe the snakes should be afraid of him.

“Mr. Cato,” he said again, this time to himself, very quietly, tasting it.

I kept trying to look away, to disentangle my gaze from him like a hook out of a sturgeon’s mouth, because staring piercingly and astonished at a white man like that in the rice swamps of South Carolina in 1851 could get me beaten or the lash, could get my teeth pried right out of my jaw. But it didn’t seem to bother him. He grinned, hugely, all-knowingly, under prehistoric golden eyes like an alligator’s. He knew exactly what he was doing to me. And he was proud.

“Do you want to be free?” he asked, almost hissed, still grinning from the tree line.

What kind of question was that? Did a sandpiper want to fly? Did a coyote want dirt under its paws and flesh disappearing down its throat? But that wasn’t something you ever confessed aloud, not if you wanted your feet on the ground instead of swinging ten inches above it. But this man wasn’t a master, wasn’t an overseer. He wasn’t from the South. He didn’t carry a whip or a club to remind you of the rules of the world. He stood there tall and radiant in the shadows of the fading daylight like he was the one who wrote the rules to begin with; which meant that maybe he could change them. “Yes sir.”

“I can only take you,” the man warned. “No others. No family. No friends.”

“No trouble, sir,” I told him. “They sold my family. They hanged my friends.”

The man’s grin stretched wider under glinting eyes. His canine teeth were sharp, I realized: like a coyote’s, like a snake’s fangs. He held out his hand. “We are going to get along very well, you and I.”

I let the basket fall from my shoulder. I slogged through the mud and rows of wispy verdant rice plants to meet him in the shade of the oak trees. And there, for the first time in forever, a man with skin the color of bones looked me dead in the eye and shook my scarred hand.

“Welcome, Cato,” he whispered; and I was home.

He took my face in his cool palms, gingerly, reverently, like a lover. He touched his teeth to my throat. And every nerve ending in my body flooded with wildfire as he dragged me, screaming, into the depths of the forest.

[xthirteensummersx]

Emotional Insanity

Time is supposed to heal all wounds, yet I’ve never known that to be true. I keep thinking that all I need is to hang on a little longer and eventually the pain will go away. With each day I doubt that more and more. On top of it all I already know that everything I am feeling is an exaggerated version of what it should, makes everything all the more fun I suppose. Love unfortunately is a cruel sister of pain and endless emotional agony that I didn’t realize until I started making some big decisions in my life. My relationship with my ex has been a rollercoaster at best, I honestly didn’t realize how badly I was being treated until he broke up with me first (and me being me literally begged for him to take me back in which he said he would if I went on meds and so I did, then meds helped realize even more as well). The red flags early on that I blatantly ignored out of blind love and adoration for this man. We spent four years together, I wouldn’t have stayed as long as I did if it wasn’t for the fact that I love him. There lies in the problem, Love, in it’s present tense. It has been months since the actual breakup, but me being me and unable to let go we remained friends w/ some benefits. Not a wise choice although I totally suspected it was a bad idea from the beginning but again I am so good at ignoring those red flags and such, even so the benefits ORIGINALLY came with an agreement that he tells me if he’s slept someone else which was broken almost immediately, I wouldn’t have found out at all if I hadn’t even asked. Then he refused to tell me who he was sleeping with, saying that he was protecting her identity even though it was confirmed that she knew who I was. Which I played off as whatever until I was told by other guys I knew that all that really sounded like was that it was something I didn’t want to hear. Which turns out was the actual truth of it as he had been sleeping with a girl that while we were still together was trying to get with him, (fun fact less than a week after we split he was sleeping with her) and on top of that when I originally asked who it was I asked if it was her and he said no. Even more for the hit me where it hurts points one of the things that was a constant battle with said ex was that I wanted a baby and a pet and this girl had fucking 5 kids and husky so just the idea of him being with her hurt like hell she has everything he said he wouldn’t give me. But whatever I love him, I wanted to be his friend I wanted to make it work, HE AGREES TO STOP SLEEPING WITH HER, despite me saying that I was fine I was just more upset he lied about it. Anyways queue me a couple weeks later than that last convo we’ve still been sleeping together having fun but I am actively trying to move on because he already stated he didn’t love me anymore just that he “feels strongly about me”, and it took him less than a week to sleep with someone I need to work on moving on too. There’s an old friend that I get back in touch with and he made it clear he was interested and so after a couple of really nice just friendly hangouts I thought I would put myself out there and give it shot which in turn made me message my ex being all like, just a heads up I started seeing someone so I can’t sleep with you anymore, type thing which he acted okay about it. I thought I can do this, I can keep him in my life as a friend, and I can move on and get what I need as well.

THE LITERAL NEXT DAY, he is in a relationship too and my very first instinct was actually that I was happy for him we could be friends and maybe do double dates (although he was never into actual dates with me so I don’t know why I thought that) and such I was excited that everything could finally be amicable. Then I had to notice that, that same girl from before had hearted his new relationship status. And Im like no he wouldn’t do that not the girl with 5 kids not the girl that literally has everything I asked of him. I was like no I AM BEING PARANOID, he had said he wasn’t sleeping with her anymore how would they suddenly be in a relationship. I AM JUST BEING EMOTIONAL like all the other times he told me that a girl that I actually had to worry about I didn’t need to worry about. So like a sane person I straight up just asked him and he confirmed it was the truth. In which I finally broke several wires inside my sane brain and straight up went “then we cant be friends anymore” he had the audacity to tell me that “he never thought I’d be that type of girl” Whatever the fuck that’s even supposed to mean, and go off on how I was once again being unreasonable but I’m not, and this whole thing was not, I was never actually wrong about anything he had me convinced I was. Even this final incident was almost I would say a month ago at this point, I am still seeing that old friend. Who is very nice to me and treats me well, makes me realize all the time all I had wanted out of a relationship weren’t as outlandish and impossible to achieve as the ex had made them out to be. This guy literally only tries to motivate and make me feel better. He’s never made me feel like a nuisance and has on more than one occasion actually had me feeling like maybe I was a cute person. And yet here I am still crying about him. Despite having something really nice, and like I can feel myself developing more feelings for new guy so it isn’t stopping me from finding new love. It’s just exhausting and painful to still love him.

I can delete him from my facebook but it doesn’t stop me from missing his smell next to me in the middle of the night. I can stop texting, talking and sleeping with him but I can stop imagining in agony as someone else’s kids call him dad. It’s a pain that won’t stop and I hate this side of Love the everlasting audacity despite someone not being good for you, despite all the pain they cause you. I honestly at this point don’t even know what the point of writing all this down was. So that maybe one day he sees it and realizes how bad he missed out? Clearly not since that would still involve him having to think about someone other than himself for 2 minutes which I am not even sure he is capable of. Was it to try and get that emotion out? I thought so, but the more I write the more I realize it’ll never be out, it’ll never leave, it’ll just sit in this hole in my chest. Was it to get advice? I don’t know maybe, unless you can acutely answer “how to fall out of love” not sure anyone could help here. Was it to send all this nonsense into the void that is my tumblr so I can look back on it in the future and remind myself that he is an asshole? That might work.

[prorevkiss]

yh i only come on here every once in a while to make a text post for validation but im gonna make one of those really long rant posts because im in my five am benzodiazepine mood and angry because of the state of society rn. i’ll probably delete this later. 

i come across videos every once in a while of men (white men. cis straight white men) who are trump supporters. they get a hate comment and go on a rant as long as this one about how if they were a minority or a leftist people wouldn’t be as comfortable making hate comments. i can’t reply to him, i can’t put it into words under 140 characters but he can’t begin to understand. as minorities we’ve succeeded in making most of the internet a safe place for us. it’s still not without its cons but i know i won’t get hurt there. it’s the only place where i can say that. once you leave those virtual doors you fear for your life while in your own front yard because the people across from you own a gun and a trump sign. this guy who got a hate comment, he can escape the internet. it’s a completely optional and voluntary task to make videos on the internet. i can’t choose not to live in the real world. the sad thing is that he talks within his narrow mindset about the liberal media and how he’s the victim because someone on facebook said he’s dirty for supporting trump. HOW MANY OF YOUR PEOPLE HAVE BEEN KILLED? i’m consistently stuck between being as loud and proud as possible to anger the bigots and then not wanting to die because the bigots are the ones with the guns and the ones who hate us for existing. i have had slurs yelled at me in the school hallways, i was twelve. i have had rocks thrown at me because i didn’t fit the cishet profile. i have had to see every news story of my sisters being killed for existing. i have had to know about a woman in my hometown murdered for being transgender and having to walk on those very streets it happened. i have to go to sleep with another fresh dead face in my mind and go to school the next day like nothing happened. i cry myself to sleep at night for my future, for my friends’ future, and the fact that we are completely powerless in it. i have to drive past anti-abortion billboards on the highway and envision me and my closest friends buying pallets of plan-b, envision bleeding to death from the wire coat hanger. i have to think about my trans girlfriend, praying to gods i’m not sure exist to keep her safe, please, please, she can’t be number 20-something, number 30-something, number however many until there’s no history left of them and of us except for disgusting yellow gossip because there’s no place for us in this world. i want to take all my rage and throw buckets of sheep’s blood on the white house lawn, this is our blood, this is what you’re doing to us. i want to burn down every house that can proudly boast their hate for our kind while my people are losing their rights one by one. this is all so very real and terrifying, and every day i’m afraid to check the news because i’m afraid it might mean tearing down every piece of myself to ensure my safety. we don’t have much time. i can’t vote but my future is being affected by everything. he’s going to vote red and no matter what the turnout is he’ll never have to deal with any of this because he’ll always be at the top of the food chain. this is all so hopeless. 

[delicioustrashlove]

To me : a honest open letter to my self. deep breath and open up and express 

What do you know . You went back there again and all though you held on super tight you couldn’t keep him could you? Of course not. You’ve lost your self every-time chasing him and you’ve never been able to catch him.

I thought I wouldn’t survive this one. I thought honestly I was not going to make something of my self . I whole heartedly was ready to give up . What ever happened happened and I could care less it’ll never be as bad as losing you. And I truthfully connived my self that my happiness only lied in your arms.

It took me so long to cry . Once I got back Colorado the reality of my new home, it was such a blur . For a while I pretended you died. To some how help my heart forget you. And thats all I wanted was to forget you. I deleted every picture and every single video .I blocked you on everything I could think of that youd have access to talking to me through . And for what . Just to black out once a week and tell you how much  I miss you and that I love you . I drank my self silly . I mean every event every party every outing I had to be there I had to be anywhere but in reality . Because reality meant no you. It meant what once was and will never be again,, reality meant excepting my feelings. And I wanted so badly to be tough and strong. I’ve gotten my heart shattered a million times by you , you’d think I would get easier . It didnt it was worse . I was so fully invested in you that life didnt exist with out you in it . I didnt know what that felt like anymore . I was so wrapped up In you so blind to reality . Loving you meant losing my self . I lost my self 4 times a year for 5 years trying to keep your heart. I broke my own heart letting you back in to my life so many times . I knew better . But the love I had for you was so much stronger . I couldn’t stay away . I also revolved my entire world around you , so when you where gone I felt so literally like the world was ending . I lost my whole life . I realize now thats not healthy . You have to always prioritize your health and well being before anyone . You have to love you before you love anyone. So wed break up id self destruct then Id put all my pieces back together the ones you broke. Id fix my self and I would get back on track I was moving on I was happy then just like that . One phone call at 10pm where you clearly to drunk to remember the conversation id be on a plane. Drop my job my home my family My friends … quite literally everything just to be with you . Just to love you. All I ever did in this world was so unconditionally love you. I thought I could hate you I did for a while . But I dont anymore . You where apart of my journey and it almost killed losing you but it was supposed to happen . It was part of the plan that god has for me. You coming int o my life brought so much love and bond that ill never feel with anyone else . I will never love someone the way I let my self love you. And when the lesson has finally been learned only then I can move forward to the next chapter. And your purpose in my life was love and lots of lessons and lots of growing . You think god doest hear your heart crying you think he gave up on you ya know , but he never did. In the end you’ll see there was such bigger picture. 5 years I spent going back to you and leaving you. Why did I always go back ? Because loved you but I clearly wasn’t seeing what god prepared for me. He wouldn’t believe his lessons or fallow his guidance so he kept bring ing me back to you so I could relearn and remember why I left and well you might be my soulmate your not meant to be in my story forever . Only a couple chapters . And once you’ve served your purpose to my life that god wants me to have experienced and learned I will be able to move forward. I first must let you go . And I finally am starting to. I got so unhealthy and so sad and so stuck and caused so many health problems to my body . So much that was almost to much to prepare. But I made a choice one day . I chose my self , and not you. I chose to love me and not love you anymore. I commented intently to my family and I mean really gave it my all. I learned that no matter what my parents wouldn’t never leave mom behind .and im going to everything in my power to be a good girl to them and build our love and our relationship . And I think that was gods purpose all along. You cant keep whats not for you . And I didnt understand that when we parted ways. I accept that now . And I know as I continue to stay on the right path god has such beauty waiting ahead for me… look how much I loved you and all I did for you imagine how much I will love the right man. I did alot. Every time we break up I have to fix my self . But I know now its all apart of the journey . All those trials with you just made me stronger it made me braver it made me wiser and it made men grateful for the good ones.  You breaking my heart was one of the best things to happen to me in the end. Because I never would stopped loving you I never would have left you behind. I would have always been your biggest fan and continued to love you till I ended up hating my self. You have the courage to set me free was the kindest thing you ever did for me. At the time I didnt get it but who I am now and what I ve accomplished for my self and how when you try really hard to be better and I mean really hard things kind of fall in to place. God smiles and says okay you deserve this you’ve learned you’ve grown . I manaaged to accomplish that goal of being close to my family . We are so close and we love trust and respect eachother so much . Our bond is very very strong . I managed to get my self too a doctor , I found out I complete sabotaged my health . And oh ya I have 14 allergies !!!!  And some of the effects of those allergies after time has caused a harmful build up to where I was 3 years away form being diabetic , my thyroid completely stopped working . Amplifying my anxiety and my depression . The last month. I was in az i would get sick a lot . Id eat something and get sick . The problem was I was so fuxking drunk all the time I didnt ever thing anything of it. I’ve destroyed my guy and its a blessing that wildly and randomly this doctor asked if she could test me . And we found a lot of issues and also got a lot of answers to a lot of my health issues. Im starting treatment for that . Ill be injecting my self every other day with medicine to help my body repair the damages I have done and it will also help fight allergic reaction and build immunity so this doesnt happen again . I also !!! Am taking my meds again . Different ones but im glad I chose to take this chance on them again . I figured if im going to  put my health and happiness first I dotn need to be drinking and If im not drinking a lot fo stuff is going to come to the surface and I don know how well ill be able to handle that reality. I also like I said thought. Was going to kill my self. I was so heartbroken so so so sad. I knew I needed help and I reached out and got. Now im happy and stable and I get out of bed and I have energy and im so present and to active. I work out everyday . I eat healthy and I lost some weight . My highest weigh t was 168 before our florida trip I got down to 147 , when worked for Linx I was 145 then after being with tj again my mental health went hay wire and I lost my self again . Completely lost. And when I got back to co I was 153 pounds …. I would shift from 145 to 147 … then I just stopped worrying about it and started doing something about it. I channeled all my sadness in to exercise . Im sad go work out im bored go work out im happy hey go work out get that good flow !!  Your angry you miss him what ever it was I worked out then it became all I could focus on cus I learned to love it so Much . I took on running again I put in the work . Things finally where falling into place . I was getting my self back and this time it was better then ever . Better then ever before . I unlocked this door and its been so beautiful. I one day weighed my self just to see assuming id be 145 I was 137 !!!! Wow !!! A week later I was 135 and today I am 133!!!!! Its so cool and feels so good to not be depressed not feel pretty in my clothes. And iliv Amy self. So much . I hope I start working at hooters soon and continue to have a great life. I finally got approved for unemployment and ally back pay and also and extra 13 weeks after mine runs out. Things are just happening . I wasn’t going to get any hadn’t outs . But I was at the bottom thats for sure and you know who was there ? Not tj not the guy you literally did everything for no not him . My mom and my step dad and my brother . They took me in . And it was hard and uncomfterable , but I just stopped going out stopped drinking as much . And did things for them no matter if they where mad at me or if it was awkward.i committed to being good fo them . And I knew it would take time . But little by little ive managed to accomplish all my goals . When I used to be the queen of quitting. I cant wait to see even more of what god has in store for me. And who I become . My skins cleaning up my body is losing weight I more active im healthy and im very in touch with my desires and my well being . I care and love and respect my self so so much. Its like a huge spiritual awakening. I love being alone . I dont feel like alone deserves me right now to be honest .Its gong to take a lot for me to love again but its okay . Not everyone deserves that form me anyway. I worked so hard to me this . To be who I am right now and I won’t let anyone take that away form me. You cause harm to my heart my well being just by !! If you disappoint me disrespect me or hurt me its done . You lost you dot meet my needs your not benefiting and there’s to many many and women on this planet . Ill never waist my time on the wrong one . Ever again. I respect my self to much to put someone over me! And I stand by that now and forever!!!  The new be is bette then ever and its gong to take a hell of a person to change my relationship status . And that cool im honestly not even interested . I dont care to date or hang out or hook up or even have sexual contact with anyone . Im so content with me myself and this beautiful transition im goin through I just want to focus on me and my family and my health. Because this is what its all about. This is what living is. this is life. This is beauty . This is whats important. I feel like im living . And im happy and im only going to get better and better. Thank you god for this life and thank you for giving me the strength to turn the page and start a new chapter on life. I fully trust you and the processs. And that brings me back to “god will never leave you behind” I needed to learn all those things that all may mistakes have taught me . And god has a way of constantly bringing things back Into your life if it has not yet served its purpose or taught you what you needed to learn.  I see that now. Positive mind set is very powerful . Loving your self is amazing and living through god is the best thing you can do . I will always you tj and I will always in some way wish there was a me and you forever .but I cant ever betray my self like that again. That door is officially closed.  See I thought my life was over when you said our relationship was over. But really it had just begun. Everything happened for a reason exactly how its meant to happen . Losing you meant I could finally find my self. It just lit up the path .  God bless <3 no angry  im happy and im I accept this and I forgive my self and you . Life is so Beautiful .

Some one very wise once said … -Life is not about how much you hurt its about how much your willing to suffer. ~VP

Im not willing to suffer any longer.  Except it feel it and then forgive and move forward.

[abbykramer001]

i dont know why writing something in my notes and then deleting it just isnt working for mw anymore but i know literally none of you that might possibly see this so im just gonna write it out here and post that sucker and maybe then ill be able to sleep

i have a major crush on a boy. crushes arent something i normally feel. i had 1 crush in high school, dated him for a bit, he broke my heart, thats that. i built up my defense wall and didnt want to let anyone else in. i didnt want to be vulnerable again. and then enter the new boy.

hes kinda dumb but in a good way. he told me that before we left school that he had a crush on me. and instead of saying that i had one as well like a normal person would, i told him that i didnt because i just dont like people in that way. its not him its just how my brain is wired. so turn around a few weeks after he told me that and we are back at school and i am crushing hard again. he is the type that if he gets rejected he just kinda says okay and moves on. so if i tell him now will i be too late? what if i tell him how i actually feel and he doesnt feel that same way anymore? did i hurt him when i told him i didnt like him back but like its literally not him its me?

i didnt intend to hurt him but i think that i did. and i feel like if i dont tell him i am literally going to burst with guilt.

so what do i do?? i dont want to make things awkward between us but they already are based on the fact that i have a big ol crush on him.

i need to tell him....right?

[floaty-pickle]

ok so this post has been sitting in my drafts for a while and i keep editing it and deleting it rewriting it deleting it again. the problem is, i genuinely want to share this, but i dont know how without it being a little weird. im not going to tag this post and i’d prefer you not reblog it. 

ok so im autistic. i got ‘diagnosed’ (im not officially diagnosed, but i went to a therapist for some time and he said that hes 99% sure i am and is convinced i would be diagnosed with it if i ever went to get tested) pretty late, so most of my life i didnt have any explanation for my occasional weirdness. neither did my family, my friends or anyone who met me, so of course things would be a little awkward at times, bc my brain is wired differently so naturally id react differently or id behave ~strangely~. so getting something like a diagnosis was a relief. 

but do you know what really makes me happy? the fact that shane is super weird. now, im not gonna be that person who diagnoses other people with some shit or who projects onto them, so im not gonna say shane is autistic or that i think he is, bc i simply dont know lol. BUT he has a lot of characteristics and mannerisms that remind me of my own symptoms. and in myself i always thought they were super weird, abnormal, annoying etc, but in shane i can see that theyre also funny and endearing. and the fact that people love him for his weirdness specifically is making me so happy ok. the fact that people think hes a super swell dude while accepting and even celebrating his quirks and tics is super encouraging.

like im not gonna go into any more detail, if youre autistic youll probably have noticed some of the same things i did, you might even have when youre not autistic and, as i said, i dont wanna say someone is autistic when they themselves have never even implied they are, so im not gonna talk about symptoms.

i hope this wasnt too weird, i just felt that i needed to share that whenever shane does something unusual that i can relate to and people love it i go :O

(so please dont spread this around, bc im not comfortable with that and i dont want to make it look like im encouraging people to speculate about whether or not somebody is autistic.)

[bwicblog]

>HANDS UP (and touch the sky)

While a global-spanning fishing attack has the Alternian internet glitching, Vadaya connects to the BWIC servers through his helming device. When Riccin IMs him and pushes him, he discovers he's able to make certain changes to the server - like punching a hole in the coding to allow a third person to be invited into his PM.

-- obstructedAntiquity [OA] is now trolling unruffledVanquisher [UV]! --

OA: cOUSIN, DID I HONESTLY GO AND OFFENd? OA: bECAUSE THAT AIN'T MY INTENTIOn. UV: Oh. UV: That is how you start a private chat. OA: UV: No Riccin. UV: My apologies. UV: I did not mean to be so blunt. OA: OA: cOUSIN, ARE YOU DRUNk? UV: Incorrect. OA: hIGh? UV: Also Incorrect. OA: UV: Oh. UV: I made a capitalized letter. OA: tESTING DRUGS ARE STILL DRUGS, YOU KNOw. UV: How. OA: OA: hm. UV: My apologies. UV: I am unused to this. OA: dON'T YOU START FUCKING APOLOGISING TO ME. WHY, SHIT THROWS US ALL LOOPY THE FIRST TIME, COUSIN. GOTTA BUILD UP YOUR MOMENTUM. GET YOUR FEET IN THE RIGHT FUCKING ORDER, 'FORE YOU START WALKING STRAIGHt. UV: I am not on drugs. UV: That is incorrect.(edited) UV: I am currently drugged. OA: UV: But not on those kinds of drugs. OA: rIGHt. OA: yOU GOT ANY TECHS IN THERE WITH YOU? IT'S THAT TIME OF THE PERIGEE, AIN'T It? UV: Correct. OA: tO WHICH PART, COUSIn. UV: I am in testing. UV: But i recommended that i was also allowed to do training. UV: Oh. UV: Both. OA: rIGHt. OA: wELL, GOOD, THEY GOT YOU WOUND UP LIKE A KITE, BETTER BE KEEPING AN EYE ON YOu. UV: I am not a kite. UV: I am just trying to learn speaking through computer systems. OA: OA: what. OA: like. they got you hooked in? UV: Correct. UV: I am very hooked in. OA: aW, SHIt. OA: hOLY SMOKES. NAH, WAIT, FUCK THAT: HOLY FUCKING SHIt. OA: tHAT HAS GOT TO BE THE MOST GODDAMN WICKED THING I HAVE EVER LAID THESE UNFORTUNATE VISIONSACKS UPON. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, VADAYa. OA: tHAT'S SO FUCKING COOl. OA: bUT, LIKE, FUCk. OA: hOw? UV: How. UV: Question mark. OA: aND FUCK, HOW THE FUCk -- OA: tHEY WON'T EVEN LET ME DO THAT SHIT YET, HOW THE FUCK ARE YOu? OA: hOw. OA: qUESTION MARk. UV: I have not figured out question marks. OA: pRESS AND HOLD SHIFt. OA: UV: OA: wAIT, SHIt. OA: tRY THINKING IT REAL LOUd. UV: QUESTION MARK. OA: gODDAMNIt. OA: tRY THINKING IT LIKE IT'S A QUESTION, BROTHER. THINK IT LIKE YOU'RE SCREAMING IT. THINK IT LIKE IT STOLE YOUR FUCKING MATESPRIT, AND NOW YOU'RE ON YOUR KNEES, EDGE OF THE FUCKING DOCKS, HAND REACHED OUT TOWARDS THE SHIP THAT'S ALREADY ZOOMING TOWARDS A GALAXY AS FAR THE FUCK AWAY AS YOU COULD EVER EVEN IMAGINe. UV: Why did that not send. OA: tHINK IT LIKE YOU FUCKING MEAN It. OA: qUESTION MARk!(edited) OA: bUT WITH A ?. UV: I cannot do exclamation points either. OA: aRE YOU SCREAMING It. OA: pUTTING ALL OF YOUR FUCKING LUNGS INTO It. UV: I can not scream. UV: I am watching my body. OA: 'cAUSE YOU GOT NO MOUTh? OA: hm. UV: My mouth was not removed. UV: I simply can not use it. OA: yEAH, BUT YOU AIN'T GOT ACCESS, COUSIN, THAT'S ALL I MEAn. OA: aCADEMY SLANG. FORGIVE Me. UV: Oh. OA: hmmm. OA: hmmmmm. UV: Comma. UV: SIGH. OA: hEY, LOOK, YOU GOT ALL CAPs. :o) OA: sHIT, I WISH I WAS THERE. YOU TRIED GOING ON THE NET, COUSIn? OA: tRIED STRETCHING OUT YOUR LEGs? UV: I was told not to. OA: OA: OA: mm. UV: Because of viruses. OA: vIRUSES AIN'T NO BIG TO DODGe. OA: wHY, HALF THE ACADEMY BRATS ARE WIRED UP, AND THEY AIN'T NABBING VIRUSES LEFT AND RIGHt. OA: jUST DON'T GO TOUCHIN' NOTHING YOU DON'T WANT TOUCHIN' YOu. UV: I am in the bureau intranet. UV: It is quite vast. OA: hUh. UV: I will be able to integrate with ships. UV: Why are my messages appearing elsewhere. OA: i AM SO JEALOUS, I COULD FUCKING SPIt. OA: dON'T SUPPOSE I COULD COME TAKE A GANDER AT YOUR SETUp? OA: gOT RULES AND SHIt. OA: sHAMe. OA: aND 'CAUSE YOU AIN'T SURE WHAT YOU'RE DOING, COUSIN, THAT'S ALl. OA: oR OUR LOCAL FUCKING MODERATOR'S FINALLY GOT MALWARE INTO HIS poor, poor little pan. :o) UV: Let me borrow the speaker system to ask. UV: Oh. UV: I forgot to turn off audio again. UV: Feedback. OA: nAH. YOU'RE LEAKING, SURE AS SALt. UV: Incorrect. UV: My other chat room i do not leak. OA: bECAUSE IT'S THE INTRANET, COUSIN. WHY, THEY GOT YOU WIRED STRAIGHT INTO THAT SHIT. IS IT ANY WONDER YOU FIND IT EASy? OA: tHIS IS THE FUCKING INTERNEt. OA: gOTTA SAY, MAYBE IT is FOR THE BEST, YOU KEEP YOUR ASS OFF THE MAINWAYs.(edited) UV: I suppose not. UV: I have not considered it before. MH: But it looks like I'm banned from lowbloods right now. UV: The main internet seems. UV: Oh. OA: ! OA: lu? OA: :o? OA: wHAT THE FUCk. OA: hOW THE FUCk - OA: wHAT SORT OF HAVOC YOU WRECKING, COUSIn? OA: yOU TRYING TO GO DIGGINg? UV: I did not do that. UV: I am offended you thought i would dig. OA: iT WAS ANOTHER JOKe. :o) OA: dON'T START FUSSING, COUSIN. YOU ARE THE FINEST MOTHERFUCKER I HAVE MEt. OA: tHE MOST STRAIGHT-LACED OF MOTHERFUCKERs. UV: My apologies. UV: I think i find jokes harder to determine like this. OA: bUT AS IS, YOU'RE PERFECTLY FUCKING UPSTANDINg.(edited) OA:(edited) OA: wELL, SHIT, IT ATE MY MESSAGE. HOLD On. OA: iF YOU WERE LACED ANY TIGHTER, SHIT WOULD BE ruinous. BREAKING BONES. RUINING PANS. CUTTING OFF ALL SORTS OF BITS THAT A MOTHERFUCKER MIGHT NEED, ALL WILLY-NILLY, WITH NO CONSIDERATION FOR A SINGLE FUCKING THINg. OA: bUT AS IS, YOU'RE PERFECTLY FUCKING UPSTANDINg. OA: aND DON'T YOU WORRY NONE ABOUT MY JAPEs. :o) UV: It sent to my other private conversation. OA: OA: :o? OA: hOW MANY CONVOS YOU GOT running? UV: Two private ones. UV: Another chat room. UV: Highblood and general chat. UV: Delete. UV: Sigh. MH: Tell Riccin I say hi. UV: Images are strange to look at like this. UV: Look is the wrong word. OA: hUh. OA: yOU TALKING TO LU? SHIt. OA: yOU OUGHT TO SEE IF WE CAN TURN THIS INTO A PROPER THREESOME, COUSIn. OA: sHE HOPS OVER HERE, I HOP OVER THERE, DON'T SEE WHY NOt. OA: jUST, Mm.(edited) OA: sHOVE AT THE WALLS A LITTLe? UV: I am unsure how much shoving i can do. OA: wHY NOT GIVE IT A TRy? :o) UV: I am unsure. UV: Oh. UV: That is. OA: OA: :o? :o??? UV: If i JUST. -unruffledVanquisher has started trolling mistingHafgufa [MH]!- MH: OA: ! MH: What. UV: Success. MH: Is this glitching again. MH: Because now I can see Riccin. OA: nAH, SISTER, JUST GOT VADAYA HERE TO THROW AROUND SOME FUCKING WEIGHt. OA: hOW SWEET IS THIS SHIt? MH: What the hell did he do? UV: It was not weight. MH: I feel like this isn't how the chat should be. MH: I'm not complaining but. MH: What. MH: I think ID closed the other chat. MH: Between just me and you Vadaya. UV: Oh. MH: .... They're letting me stay in highblood chat though. OA: wHAT? FUCKEr. OA: bIASED MOTHERFUCKEr. OA: tELL HIM TO LET ME INTO THE HIGHBLOOD CHAt. OA: dON'T SEE WHY I SHOULDN'T GET TO GET MY BUSINESS IN THERE, TOo. UV: At least he did not close this chat. MH: He gave me permission to stay, do I want to lose my own permission by trying to bother him for it? No. He's fickle. MH: Sorry Riccin, you're going to have to fight him yourself.(edited) MH: Or wait for a window to open. Apparently that's how others are getting in. MH: That's how I got in, and apparently I lost my lowblood privileges too. OA: :o( OA: fINE. I'LL GO FIGHT OUR PINK FUCKING OGLIARCH. WHY NOt? OA: gET MYSELF ALL UP AND BANNED, JUST 'CAUSE HE'S ALWAYS GOT TO GO PLAYIN' FAVORITES WITH THE rusts. MH: Then wait for a window. UV: Windows. UV: Yes. OA: bOO ON BOTH OF YOu. OA: uh.(edited) OA: 'kAy. UV: Boo. OA: hm. UV: Boo. OA: hOW LONG YOU TWO KNOWN EACH OTHEr? OA: sHIT, HOW WELL YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHEr? :o) OA: dON'T YOU BOO AT ME, MOTHERFUCKEr. OA: i AM BOOING AT YOu. MH: Hahaha. MH: We chat on and off. OA: hUh. UV: Correct. OA: sO YOU AIN'T FLESH PALS, HUh? OA: OA: rEGULAR OL' FUCKING BOSOM BUDDIEs? OA: wHAT YOU TALK ABOUt? UV: Chess. MH: MH: Never say flesh pals again. OA: :o( UV: Oh. MH: Sometimes we play chess. MH: Sometimes we talk about books. MH: It's on and off. OA: hUh. OA: wHAT KIND OF BOOKS, GIRl? OA: sHIT, IS EVERY MOTHERFUCKER HERE ALL UP ON THE READINg? OA: gOT YOUR NOSE IN THE PAGEs? MH: ....Yes? MH: I read a lot on war tactics and the like. I also read a lot of engineering books. UV: Yes. UV: I recommend books and we speak about ones that we have both read. OA: sWEET MESSIAHs. OA: dUNNO WHY EVERY MOTHERFUCKER I KNOW'S SUCH A GODDAMN NE MH: ...Nerd? OA: nUANCED LITERATe. OA: nAh. MH: Uh huh. OA: wHY WOULD I SAY NERd? OA: gIRL, THAT SHIT's MEAn. OA: sTONE COLd. OA: uN FUCKING NECCESSARy. :o) MH: Yes. It is. OA: ha. UV: I have been called worse than nerd. MH: Have you? MH: What have people called you? UV: A troll without a personality. OA: MH: Why? OA: wHAT SORT OF MOTHERFUCKER WOULD EVEN PULL THAT SHIt? MH: That's stupid. UV: To be cruel. UV: I imagine. OA: dID YOU SET THEM RIGHT? CLOCK 'EM IN THE SNOUt? UV: No. UV: I did not damage them. UV: I sometimes think they wish i would damage them. MH: Why not indulge them. UV: Unprofessional. MH: If they have the spine to go around picking fights, then maybe they - ah. OA: nAH, NAH, HE'S GOT A POINt. OA: iNDULGE THEM, AND LET THEM GO WEEPING BACK TO THEIR CLADE? WRINGING THEIR FINGERS? KNITTING THEIR GODDAMN BROWS? PUTTING ON A SHOw? OA: aIN'T NO NEED FOR ALL OF THAt. OA: wHY NOT HAVE SOMEONE ELSE DO IT, COUSIn? MH: That's true. MH: Though it might not help the situation. UV: I do not think that would stop them. MH: Because if someone off the streets comes up and hits them, they won't even know why they're getting hit. UV: Have you done such a thing before:question: UV: MH: That's great. MH: Have I done such a thing as pay someone to hit someone else for me? Or hit someone for saying things about me? OA: oH, COUSIN, I HAVE HIT FOLKS FOR TALKING SHIT TO THEIR BETTERS ALL THE GODDAMN TIMe.(edited) OA: mIGHT AS WELL SAY IT'S A HOBBY, AT THIS POINt. MH: I've hit people for it too. MH: Sometimes wigglers won't learn not to touch fire unless they get burned. OA: nO HARM TO IT. WHY, IT'S PRACTICALLY A FUCKING service. MH: They get a warning, then they get the consequences of not listening to that warning. UV: I understand. UV: I have never considered it. UV: Mostly i just ignore them. MH: You said you don't say hit them because it's unprofessional. Are they a coworker? UV: Of sorts. OA: a MOTHERFUCKER GOES SPILLING THAT TEA ON YOU AGAIN, COUSIN, JUST GIVE A HOLLEr. OA: iT AIN'T UNPROFESSIONAL IF someone else GOES STRIKING THEm. :o) UV: I would not wish to get you in trouble. UV: But. MH: Well. I think I heard that you're head of your group, correct? MH: Can't you file a formal complaint? Or disciplinary action? MH: I think that went into general, Vadaya. UV: It did. UV: It is complicated. MH: Huh. MH: Sorry to hear that then. MH: They sound like an asshole. OA: eh. OA: wHAT TROUBLE CAN I GET INTO? I'M IMPERIAL, COUSIN. AIN'T NOBODY HOLDING MY LEASH, BUT MY PROCTOR HER FUCKING SELf. OA:(edited) OA: wHAT TROUBLE CAN I GET INTO, COUSIN? :o) I'M IMPERIAl. MH: I'd also offer to hit them but unfortunately, I am not imperial. MH: I doubt a backwater hick like me striking an Imperial will go down well. MH: So you'll have to take my support instead. OA: nOW, GIRL, DON'T YOU GO DOWNPLAYING It. OA: pRETTY THING LIKE YOu? OA: wHY, JUST SAY THE WORD, AND EVERY KIND OF MOTHERFUCKER WOULD JUMP THROUGH A FLAMING GODDAMN hoop, JUST TO net YOUR approval. ;o) OA: nEVER MIND YOUR support. UV: Oh. UV: You are pretty? MH: MH: Thanks. OA: OA: nAH, SHE'S DUMPY AS FUCK, I'M JUST PLAYIn'. UV: You are aware. UV: How? OA: uh. OA: i THOUGHT SHE WAS THE WRONG KIND OF GAL, THAT'S ALl. OA: sHIT, WEREN'T YOU THERE FOR THAt? OA: aLL SORTS OF UNFORTUNATE GODDAMN MISTAKEs. OA: fELT LIKE A RIGHT AND PROPER CHUMP, MIXING UP EVERY HUE OF RUSt. OA: OA: hEY, YOU GOT YOUR NOODLES ON, COUSIn. :o) UV: Hmm. UV: Yes. UV: I did. OA: wELL. THAT'S FUCKING WICKEd. OA: um.(edited) OA: rEAL WICKEd. MH: Indeed. MH: So what are you up to today Riccin? I know Vadaya is doing his certification. working. What about you?(edited) OA: hIDING FROM THE LEGIs. MH: Smart plan. OA: gOT SOME HARDWARE GLITCHES GOING ON WITH THE HANDHELDs. OA: sO I AM FUCKING free, IF I KEEP MY HEAD BOWED LOw. :o) OA: ha. OA: aIN'T IT JUSt? MH: From what I saw of the legis you HAVE been working with, they're a trashfire. MH: I can't imagine what it's like to work with DS. UV: Oh. UV: Them. MH: The trashfire. MH: I find it hard to respect someone like that, if I'm honest. OA: oH, COME, NOW, AIN'T NO NEED TO START DRAGGIn'. OA: bROTHER IS THE MOST USELESS SHADE OF MOTHERFUCKER, BUT HE'S A SUBJUG, THROUGH AND THROUGh. OA: sUPPOSE IT'S MY place TO BOW MY HEAD, TAKE THE SHIT HE LEVIEs. OA: aIN'T It? MH: I mean. I guess. MH: But I don't believe people in authority should have that authority if they haven't earned it. MH: Authority is authority but it defeats the purpose if the person who has authority can't MH: MH: Well, I won't start dragging. MH: I have my feelings on it, but I'll keep them to myself. UV: Yes. UV: Lets not argue about such things. UV: It is not every night we have what amounts to our own private chat. UV: No need to waste it with debate. MH: Exactly. OA: hm. OA: wELl. OA: tHAT'S TRUe. :o) OA: bUT YOU KNOW ME. I AM JUST SO AWFULLY mealy-mouthed WHEN YOU HAUL ME OUT IN PUBLIC LIKE THIS SHIt. OA: wHAT THE FUCK CAN WE EVEN TALK ABOUT IN HERe? UV: I am uncertain. UV: I have no idea. UV: You wanted to see about making a threesome chat. UV: So i did. OA: OA: ha. OA: sO I DID, AND YOU SO KINDLY OBLIGEd. :o) OA: wELL, SHIT, Uh. OA: yOU MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA SEE THE ISE OFFICe? OA: aIN'T EXACTLY HEADQUARTERs. OA: bUT SHIT, I CAN GIVE YOU THE TOUr. MH: Considering I'm just sitting around on waterfront doing nothing, sure. MH: Since this was Riccin's idea, I say they should be the ones leading the conversation train here. UV: Make sure it does not get broadcasted to the general chat. MH: I can keep an eye out to let you know if any messages slip so you can delete them. OA: aIN'T YOU A FUCKING DEAr. OA: lET ME JUSt - OA: there we fucking go. speech to goddamn text. and they said technology was hard. ha.

-- obstructedAntiquity [OA] has started up a VIDEO CHAT! The camera's actually remarkably crisp, and it goes on a slow pan around the room they're in. It's.. a fairly standard legislacerator dorm, all things considered. There's a picture of the Imperial Symbol standing on the mantle. The ceiling tiles are a fetching shape of neon red. -- -- There's a tealblood on the opposite bed, studiously ignoring them. --

OA: where to first? we got all sorts of spots in here. OA: training rooms, and shit. UV: Why not the training rooms?

-- There's a long jostling pan through the hallways! So much red. SO MUCH RED. Tall, swooping archways, in a tacky, 1920's bank kind of way: it's less utilarian and more clearly repurposed from an older building. The phone pans over a cluster of subjuggulators near a statue, some neophyte legislacerators gossiping near a doorway, someone with a drone on a leash --

OA: wait. wait, shit, which training room? OA: guess we could go snooping on the clowns, cousin. ain't no big. why, pull up my scarf proper, ain't nobody gonna pay no mind. OA: or we could look at the legi's shit. OA: you know they got an actual fucking courtblock? MH: Is that a drone on a leash? MH: Why does someone have a drone on a leash? UV: Hm UV: Why not the Mirthful first? OA: huh. OA: didn't you know, girl? OA: jades fuckin' breed 'em. the little ones. OA: should have that motherfucker on a full harness, though. OA: keep it from going feral on someone. MH: Well, I knew they came from the caverns. But why do they have one. UV: I am sure they can be handy in that line of work. UV: If for the intimidation factor alone. MH: You know what, that's fair.(edited) OA: hahaha. OA: because it's the legis office, sister. imperial.. uh. shit. let me check the sign. OA: OA: imperial social enforcement. we got some cavewretches in here, all dressed up in teal. OA: caverns need their watchdogs, after all. OA: otherwise folks start thinkin' the dark blinds the empire's eyes. OA: and naaaah. MH: Ah. Sounds about right. MH: They hunt rebels and mutants, right? UV: I believe the ise do all sorts of things. UV: Depending on the branch. OA: the two i'm with, yeah. OA: proper fucking hunters. OA: hold up -- OA: aLRIGHT, SWITCHING BACK TO VOICE, THESE CHUCKLEFUCKS DON'T NEED TO KNOW I'M FUCKING NARRATINg. MH: Yeah. MH: Might be for the best.

-- The camera pans as they wander through one door, and into.. the indigo training area. It's very clearly set up for subjuggulators: there's spotted carpets on the ground, enough indigo draped across the walls that it looks like a tent, and recruits in various states of uniform wandering between the stations, and through a pair of open archways in the back. Some are wearing crowns. The center of the room has a pit, and Riccin steps towards it briefly, before treating back to a corner. It's still easy enough to see the stations, though, and the indigoes settling on psi-crowns at them. --

OA: ha. OA: tO SAY THE VERY LEASt. :o) OA: tHEY DO AL SORTS OF SHIT, SISTER. COUNSEL QUADS. HUNT DOWN REBELS. I'M WITH THE HUNTERs. OA: aIN'T NO NEED FOR ME DOING PAPERWORK, OR QUAD COUNSELLING, OR TAXES, OR ANY OF THAT SHIt. OA: iT'D BE A PROPER WASTE OF TALENt. MH: What's up with the trolls at the stations? What are they doing? OA: aIN'T YOU EVER SEEN A GUNNEr? OA: i CAN'T GET TOO NEAR TO TAKE A VID, SISTER, LESS YOU WANT ME SPRINGING A LEAk. OA: yOU PUT ON THE CROWN, SHIT AMPLIFIEs. OA: tESTS YOUR PSYCHIC SHIT, PULLS IT OUT STRAIGHT, AND SEES HOW FAR YOU CAN GO - HOW FAR IT CAN BE pushed - BEFORE THE STRING SNAPs.(edited) UV: I doubt lu has much experience with those sort of thing. UV: Hmmm. MH: I don't. OA: :o? OA: hUh. MH: It's the first time I've seen something like that. MH: Sounds. Interesting. MH: I'm sure it's not as painful as you made it sound to be though. MH: Right? OA: wHAT, PAINFUL FOR THEm? OA: iT'S A STRESS TEST, GIRL, YOU AIN'T GONNA GET NOTHING MORE PAINFUL THAN THAt. OA: aMPLIFIERS ARE THE EMPRESS'S OWN PUNISHMENt. MH: Riccin. I know nothing about psionics or the technology used on them. MH: So you'll have to be patient with me if I sound a bit ignorant. OA: :o? OA: hUh. OA: mY BAD, GIRL. FORGET YOU FUCKERS AIN'T ALL.. EDUCATED ON THIS SHIt. OA: OA: sHIT, GOTTA GO. I'LL FINISH THIS LATEr. OA: oR JUST SEND PICS, HELl. :o)

-- obstructedAntiquity has left the PM! --

UV: Ah. UV: It is probably for the best. UV: I should not have been watching a stream. MH: Aw. MH: Yeah. You've been on a long break haven't you? Or have you been sneaking into the chat this entire time? UV: I have been multitasking. UV: The testing is. UV: Simple. UV: Boring. MH: .... Do you want me to leave you to it or would you like me to stick around? UV: I should focus. UV: I will let you go. MH: Very well. MH: Good luck. I hope it goes well. UV: Thank you.

-unruffledVanquisher [UV] has stopped trolling mistingHafgufa [MH]!-

In the aftermath of the server glitching, Vadaya messages Riccin while helming, and ID pops up to browbeat a perceived saboteur in his server.

-unruffledVanquisher [UV] has started trolling obstructedAntiquity [OA]!-

UV: Good evening comma riccin. UV: Failure again. UV: lol OA: hA. WELL, AT LEAST YOU'RE FUCKING TRYINg. :o) OA: sHIT'S WHAT FUCKING COUNTS. OA:

-unruffledVanquisher [UV] has started trolling obstructedAntiquity [OA]!- -unruffledVanquisher [UV] has started trolling obstructedAntiquity [OA]!- -unruffledVanquisher [UV] is no longer trolling obstructedAntiquity [OA]!- -unruffledVanquisher [UV] has started trolling obstructedAntiquity [OA]!- -unruffledVanquisher [UV] is no longer trolling obstructedAntiquity [OA]!-

UV: What?

- iconicDisquiet [ID] is now trolling unruffledVanquisher [UV] !-

UV: ????? UV: oh what the fuck UV: who is this UV: whats going on ID: You! UV: you! ID: I cannot believe you have the AUDACITY to show up in my server again. ID: After last time! UV: who the hell are you! UV: Ah. UV: ...... oh no theyre squishy ID: No~ooo, space cadet, you've gotten the script all confused! ID: That's what I'm here to ask YOU. UV: Correct. UV: oh no UV: vadaya UV: Why would you use a name at a time like this? ID: D'you think just because you're coming from some dinky little imperial server, sweetheart, you get to swan in here and start testing out your wings? ID: Clipping other folks feathers? ID: ID: Are there two of you in there? ID: Oh, for fuck's sake. ID: It's a handle, darlings, not a clown car! UV: your name has been used all over in conjunction with your handle on the server UV: are you telling me the helm who runs this cant just search your name and boop :heart_exclamation: find you? UV: There are two of us. ID: Lovely! Stupendous! I am just ecstatic with joy, sugargrubs, just flushing pink with it all the way through. ID: Two of you, and you still didn't have the common sense not go trying to punch poor, innocent sysop's, just trying to do their job, right in the horn! UV: alright alright UV: so like UV: My apologies. UV: whats happening now UV: like whats going on here going forward UV: are you coming to yell at us ID: Am I yelling right now? UV: metaphorically UV: I do not think they are yelling. ID: Of course I'm here to yell at you! UV: and there we go UV: I am incorrect. ID: p(●｀□´●)q UV: ..... UV: thats adorable UV: i cant even be mad ID: You are destroying ID: ID: Isn't it just? UV: Ah. UV: That is hard to understand. ID: But, oh, don't think complimenting my emojis will save you from this! (๑•̀д•́๑) UV: view it as a picture not text UV: wait UV: How do you view it as a picture. UV: Question mark. ID: UV: °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖° ID: How are you so bad at this, sugargrub? Good heavens! ID: Just do your head a little tilt and convert it! UV: thats because he IS new UV: why do you think im here ID: I don't know, since it obviously isn't to keep him from punching holes into my server! UV: its all just for shits and giggles UV: i wasnt here for that! UV: That was my first time in the system. UV: My apologies. UV: he had no idea what another helm felt like UV: and now im here! to tell him what to do and not do ID: So you hooked up some poor little wriggler, and promptly set him loose on the internet, to go nipping at my vines, tearing at my wires? UV: well no not you UV: not anyone UV: he did it for shits and giggles ID: My server isn't the testing ground for ID: ID: Oh, well, that's better. UV: I did not do it for. UV: That. UV: hold on hold on UV: okay hold up UV: it was an accident UV: he didnt know what he was doing UV: and now hes supervised! UV: hes expressed a lot of remorse for punching you in the brain and weve yelled at him a lot for it UV: Ellipses. ID: Ellipses indeed! (๑•̀ n •́๑)✧(edited) UV: seriously though i hope he didnt hurt you too hard? UV: i mean with all of this glitch shit going down i cant imagine its really helping ID: He did diddly squat, my little worrywart, except fan the fires of my poor temper. (◞ ‸ ◟ㆀ) ID: And a little hackers in the wires aren't bothering the server, anyway! Or won't be, as soon as I move it somewhere a little more secure than this lovely little hellplanet. UV: I am glad that i did not damage you. ID: But I'll tell you want, Vadaya, my grapeblossom. If you promise - absolutely promise! cross your pumpbiscuit and hope to die! - not to pull such complete, raucous bullshit again in my server, then I won't ban you, and every other schmuck connecting from a helmsport, how's that? UV: me too (;´Д`) ID: Or you, and your clowncar mentor. (╯︵╰,) ID: I was getting there! UV: no that wasn't what i was me too-ing about UV: the i'm glad you didn't get hurt thing UV: thats a fair warning though UV: Grapeblossom. UV: I understand. UV: I will not cause damage to the server again. UV: It was reckless and inconsiderate of me to push on the server to begin with. ID: It was! ID: Imagine if I was in space when you did that! Why, who knows what sort of business I do? What sort of ship I might be piloting? ID: You could've caused frontline deaths, elderberry, and then where would we be? UV: shit outta luck (´ཀ`」 ∠) (edited) ID: Overtaken by Steelborn, and eaten alive by their fetid, horrible young! ಥ ^ ಥ ID: And it would've been all your fault. ID: Think about that! UV: (-@Д@) UV: Mentor. UV: You are not helping right now. UV: Those emoticons are distracting. UV: I understand. UV: ive realized i have not been sending them at the speed needed so i will stop UV: I am probably slowing you. UV: My apologies. UV: dw about it UV: o o o ohh you asshole :anger: (howfuckingdareyou) UV: (ಠ ∩ಠ) UV: I wanted to stop slowing you. UV: ლಠ益ಠ)ლ ID: Well! This is delightful, and bizarre. (´-ω-`) ID: Why are you duel-piloting, dears? ID: What's your spaceship classification? UV: nnnnnoneeee UV: Ellipses. UV: shits shits shits shits and giggles :rofl: UV: Sorry ゞ◎Д◎ヾ I'm terrible ble ble ble bleeee at keeping my words straight UV: doesnnnn n n n n't translate over well (idiotwaskeepingmestable) UV: Mentor has a hard time keeping his thoughts straight. UV: fraid i think more in tangents and pictures than straight words(edited) UV: That is why i am here. UV: practice makes perfect UV: he figures out not to punch people in the head and i figure out how to get my shit sorted ID: Well, alright! ID: I'd ask further, but I just don't think I need to know. Especially now that you've got me feeling all bad for you. ヾ( ￣O￣)ツ ID: What is it, burnout? UV: Classified. ID: You just punched me in the brain! UV: Mentor did not. UV: He is the classified one. UV: whats burnout? how messed up my text is? ID: Yes, yes, that. UV: Quiet MENTOR. ID: No need to go hushing him! ヾ(`ヘ´)ﾉﾞ Why, we're just having ourselves a friendly conversation. ID: I could go rummaging on your connection, much like someone went rummaging through my server, but instead, we're just drinking our metaphorical tea, making ourselves a pleasant little time of things, because we are civilized. UV: Ellipses. UV: its fine UV: its been a busy night - probably not as busy as yours buuuuuuut i think were almost up on our alloted shits and giggles time??? UV: what time is it UV: I did not want you to become stressed comma MENTOR. ID: Hahaha. ID: Time for you to go, obviously. (个_个) ID: So sad! Have a safe trip back! Try not to trip on anyone else on the network on your way out. (｡•́︿ ~ ｡)(edited) UV: we understand your terms and conditions though and we do promise we're not going to go around and mess up your stuff. UV: (☍﹏⁰) ID: Well, gosh golly, as long as you promise. UV: so maybe we can all still enjoy ourselves while being respectful of the boundaries around us?? UV: (✿ヘᴥヘ) UV: we won't bother you a bit! i'll make sure of it! (ﾉﾟ▽ﾟ)ﾉ ID: There you have it! (๑˘︶˘๑) Respect my boundaries, and I'll respect yours, darling. ID: Now shoo! UV: we're shooing! ID: Don't make yourself strangers! UV: Farewell. UV: ヾ(☆▽☆)

-unruffledVanquisher [UV] is no longer trolling iconicDisquiet [ID]!-

ID checks back in on Vadaya, curious to see if he can pry out what the deal is with this indigo helm:

-- iconicDisquiet [ID] is now messaging unruffledvanquisher [UV]! --

ID: You know what? I was just sitting here, looking over my to do list, figuring out what a busy fellow like me was going to do with his evening, when I thought to myself - ID: Why, ID, you scoundrel! You haven't checked in on the little space cadet in weeks, and weeks, and weeks! (╯^╰) ID: And here I was, meaning to see how you were doing absolute ages ago. A pox on my bloodline, blueberry, because I have done wrong. But rending my garments won't fix that! Sometimes you just have to say: well, gosh, and move right on. ID: So how are you? （＾ω＾）(edited) UV: Ah. UV: Well. A busy. Fellow does not always have time for such minor things. UV: I would not call you a scoundrel for it. UV: But I would not call myself a space cadet either. UV: I am. Well. And... Yourself? ID: Oh, you wouldn't? You could just colour me pink, I am so flattered. ID: Should I be saying helm cadet? ( ~ ω・) UV: Mmm. I can not stop you from calling me anything. UV: But I would prefer my name. ID: Do you think just because I own this server, I know everyone's names on here? ╭∩╮ ID: I'm wounded, blueberry. I do do more things than just reading people's chats! Why, especially when they're so uninteresting. UV: My apologies. Mentor used it in our last. Conversation. UV: I was unaware that you had forgotten. ID: Oh? ID: I assumed you wouldn't go using a real name in that sort of conversation, that's all! (•ω•) But, why, if that's the case.. ID: My night is positively swell, Vadaya. ID: And thank you kindly for asking! o(〃＾▽＾〃)o UV: Mentor is. A bit scattered. And difficult to reign in at times. ID: Is that so? Poor thing! Well, I'm sure the two of you will get the hang of it, right as rain. ID: Helming isn't too hard, after the first few tries! ('▽')♪ ID: How is it treating you so far? Easier now than it was at first? ( ~ • ^ ) UV: Correct. It was just a matter of learning the ropes. UV: I apologize again for my error against you. ID: Oh, there's no need to apologise a second time! I'm just checking in on the name of solidarity, Vadaya. ID: Us helms have to stick together, don't we? (¯ u￣๑) ID: It's practically the foundation of our little community! We have to guide every fresh new wriggler to the interweb, just to ensure they don't go doing anything too foolish!(edited) ID: But stars and garters, it's so nice to hear you're picking it up! I was just awfully worried at first about how you were going to manage. UV: ...Yes, well. UV: I have Mentor now. Who has been doing their duty well. There is no need to concern yourself with me. UV: As you said. You are a busy troll. There is no need to put more on your plate by worrying about me. ID: Oh, don't you worry about me worrying! I'm like a furry mammalian predecessor to every pupa on my chat, and you are all as dear to me as my very own hypothetical, hideous offspring. Worrying is just the burden I bear! ID: If it weren't over you, why, it'd be over the disquieting sort of shenanigans people get up to in general. (￣^￣;) Fermented eggs. Really! ID: So, Vadaya, my blueberry, how long have you been rigging up? UV: Your chat is mainly pupas. And you do not seem to worry too heavily over them. I believe I have seen you more in private chats like this than I have in actual chats. UV: I would rather not discuss it. ID: No? Did I step onto an NDA? ╮(╯▽╰)╭ ID: I didn't think they usually gave folks of your caste pan nannies! ID: And nonsense! I'm in plenty. When I need to be. (｡･ω･｡) UV: Incorrect. I simply do not wish to speak about it. UV: No need for a nanny. UV: My apologies then. To an untrained eye, and the murmurings of the chat itself, you seem absent. ID: Oh? No, no, I should be the one apologising, then! I didn't mean to go stepping on your toes - why, it's just usually the first thing people share. Ship codes, time rigging, pilot details.. ID: Are you equally clammed up on those, too? ╮(╯▽╰)╭ UV: Usually one introduces themselves before they ask about the other. ID: Why, you want my name? UV: Just trying to maintain good manners. ID: Well, gee whillickers. What would I do if a little sprout like you wasn't here to remind me of those? ID: Would you believe my first name is Iconic? (•ω•) UV: I would wonder if you were from Barcino. ID: Oh, a shot to the heart! ID: (╥﹏╥) ID: Not at all, dearheart! Why, I have a perfectly respectable last name, rest assured, but I think manners says that a highblooded troll like yourself is supposed to do the honor of sharing that first. (≧u≦) UV: I was unaware that coming from Barcino was such an insult. UV: I think we are fine with staying on a first name only basis. ID: Were you really? ID: Why, then that's good! You've learned something tonight. ╰(´︶`)╯ But hopefully that won't be the only thing you learn. Pull out your notebook, Vadaya, I have some advice, straight from my own glorious mentor, back when I was first hooking up. And, if you can just believe it, she practically built the tech. ﾍ(￣▽￣*)ﾉ ID: Or do you think you've got it all already? Why, it has been practically perigees and perigees. ID: You might be a bonafide expert! ( ° △ °) UV: How prestigious. UV: You must be an important helm. UV: I am certainly no expert, but I am learning well enough. I have plenty of guides, you do not need to concern yourself with offering more advice. UV: I am sure you have much more critical things to focus your energy on. ID: Why, Vadaya, I bet I'm only as important as you. ʕ•v•ʔ ID: And nonsense! Like I said before: the most important thing is making sure our fellows know what they're doing. Offer up some advice! Lead them on the right path! ID: Smooth over little things before they happen, just because no one warned you it's impolite to go slinging fists. ╰(´︶`)╯ UV: ...Honestly, you do not need to worry about it. UV: I was made aware of my mistake. And I am glad that you and the server have not suffered any long lasting effects from it. ID: Maybe I want to worry about it! Why, you and I and your mentor are the only helms on this entire little server. ID: I thought we could share some camadery. ︶︿︶ ID: Maybe even plant a seed of friendship, given your awfully kind concern about my servers well-being. ID: And mine. ID: So generous! ╮(╯▽╰)╭ UV: Incorrect. UV: There is The-Beat-of-an-Egret’s-Wings-as-it-Breaks-into-Flight-From-the-Shore. ID: Oh? UV: Perhaps you could offer them your advice. They did not seem very. Happy. ID: And what handle is that, Vadaya? (￣▽￣) Why, I can't believe I missed a big relevation like that! UV: Can you not find it on your own? UV: I am sure you were occupied with other more important things at the time. ID: I could, but I thought you might know off hand, if you typed up her entire ship name. ︶︿︶ ID: And I'm a little occupied right now! I'm just making time in my schedule to talk to you, on account of our solidarity, but I have some naughty wriggler on the line, getting a scolding even as we speak. ID: But if you don't know, why, I suppose I can just go look.. UV: My apologies. I am unsure of how you run your server. I did not think it was much of a task to look someone UV: UV: Okay, which one of the wrigglers is this? UV: You can be pink on this chat room? UV: A bit garish really. ID: I do work a job outside of this server, you know! ￣へ￣ Don't most of us? ID: And ID: - oh! A new face! ID: Why, hello, there. UV: Yes yes, hello to you too. UV: Can we wrap up whatever business is going on here? UV: We're a bit busy. ID: Why, sure thing! ID: I'll just make sure to let Vadaya know how Egret's holding up later, since they were so worried. ฅ'ω'ฅ ID: Have a good night of.. well, whatever business you're getting up to!

-- iconicDisquiet [ID] is no longer messaging unruffledvanquisher [UV]! --

Another night, another try: ID pries for more information, only somewhat successfully.

-- iconicDisquiet [ID] is now trolling unruffledVanquisher [UV]! --

ID: Vadaya! ID: Are my little eyes fooling me, or is someone plugged in? ʕ•^•ʔ ID: I guess you could just be switching things up. Stretching out your fronds. Trying out a new quirk! ID: But that sure does look like the sort of talk you get from pupa's first speech-to-pan. UV: Elipses. UV: If i am disturbing anything and i was unaware of it. UV: I will leave. ID: Disturbing things? No, not at all. ID: Why, Steamy's having just about the best night of her perigee out there, chattering about all this techno junk. (๑˘︶˘๑) ID: I was just curious! UV: Well she seems to have. UV: Fallen asleep now. UV: I believe. UV: Curious about what? ID: She does that, poor dear. ID: If you were plugged in to chat, sugargrub! If you've got a cord in your neck, or spine, or forehead, letting you send all of these twee little messages straight from your pan to my monitor. ( ˙꒳​˙ )(edited) UV: I believe you answered that question yourself. UV: If you did not believe that i was plugged in. UV: You would not have contacted me about it. UV: Correct? ID: Maybe I was just looking to get some validation! You know what they say about assumptions, Vadaya. ID: Nothing good ever comes out of those. ID: So, on the topic of questions: if you're really plugged in, and you're really indigo - ID: - which I'm sure a good, upstanding kind of bloke like you definitely is - (o´v`o) ID: - does that mean you're one of those fancy new bootleg psis? ID: Because I have to say, I just wasn't ever expecting to see one of you make it all the way out to the field. ID: Good job, space cadet! ( ❛ᴗ❛ ) UV: Of course i am indigo, i UV: Elipses. UV: Apostrophe bootleg apostrophe? UV: I am not a space cadet. UV: Either. ID: See, I knew you were an honest fellow! ID: It's just something about your face, sweetheart. (▔◡▔) ID: And no? Not a cadet? ID: All helmscapable pupas are cadets, dearheart, unless we went and changed up our structure while I wasn't looking. ID: Which I guess is possible! Why, there's nothing like a commander getting ideas to go and make everything confusing for us poor common folk. (╯︵╰,) UV: Noise of disgust. UV: I am not a. UV: Bootleg anything. UV: I hope this has helped sate your curiosity. ID: Oh, well! ID: It's not that I'm doubting you, dear, but - are you positively sure about that? Not just pulling my frond for the sake of pulling? ID: Because I just know the Carnifex's paying for some cobalts to come through. Some indigoes, too, if they can finally figure out the right measurements. ID: Why, the last one they tried, they cracked her poor pan open, set her all up, and then went and got the temperature wrong. UV: Elipses. UV: You seem to know quite a lot about these things. ID: Hahaha. ID: Well, gosh, do I? ID: What can I say! ID: Just between the two of us, I'm a pretty important fellow. (~ ω •) UV: I understand. UV: It must keep you busy. UV: Perhaps i should let you go so you can focus on it. ID: Oh, you don't have to scamper on my account! All the shrines are keeping my office all tied up, with nothing to do. ID: It's downright tragic, that's what it is. (ˇヘˇ) ID: You sure you're not one of Shep dear's little projects? Hatched out of the slurry, all right and proper? UV: I am not a project. UV: And certainly not of SHEP. UV: Shep. UV: Sigh. UV: I was hatched as i am. ID: Hmm. ID: Hmmm. ID: Hmmmm. ID: Well, I guess you'd be the one to know, sugarplum. ID: And if you were one of her little gene projects, why, you'd be at the institute, not at.. wherever they've placed someone as unique as you! UV: Yes. UV: I would. UV: Is that all you were curious about? ID: Of course! ID: Thank you just for being so awfully obliging. UV: Elipses. UV: Of course. ID: Don't think I've forgotten you wanted me to talk to mister Egret, by the way! ID: Why, I never forget anything. (´｡• ᵕ ~｡`) ID: I'll be sure to let you know how that goes, sugarplum, but in the meanwhile - why, have fun with your little helming. ID: And ta!

-- iconicDisquiet [ID] is no longer messaging unruffledVanquisher [UV]! --

Another night, ID checks in with Vadaya again:

-- iconicDisquiet [ID] is now messaging unruffledVanquisher [UV]! --

ID: Hey there, elderberry! UV: Oh. UV: It is you. ID: Well! UV: Good evening. ID: What a way to greet a fellow. ( T ^ T)(edited) UV: oh look it's you again!!! :heart:⃛ヾ(๑❛ ▿ ◠๑ ) ID: Here I came bearing news and greetings for my favorite helm, and I get - it's you. ( ˙ ^˙ ) UV: what a delight it is to see you! ID: Oh! It's you! ID: My other favorite helm, bless your little biscuit. (〃＾▽＾〃) UV: I doubt we are your favorites. UV: what's going on now, did something happen again? ꒰๑•̥﹏•̥๑꒱ UV: c〳 ݓ ﹏ ݓ 〵੭ ID: Oh, space cadet, why would you go saying that? ID: Have I gone and given you the wrong sort of impression? (╯︵╰,) UV: well!! UV: the only other time i saw you was when dear sweet poor vadaya here had come and caused you some bodily harm! how could i not assume the worst?? (´；ω；`) UV: I did accidentally assault you. UV: It does not usually endear a troll to another. UV: What news did you have? ID: Oh, but we are so far past that, dearheart. Why, didn't I tell you before, when we were nattering on about poor little Egret? ID: Us helms have to stick together! UV: ╰(✧∇✧╰) UV: Dearheart. ID: I can't call you both elderberry, when only the one of you's indigo. ID: It's just not right! UV: and how do you know we're not both a delicious shade of elderberry ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡ ID: Statistics, mostly.! ╮( ︶▽ ´)╭ ID: Vadaya here already said he's not one of Shep's little pet projects. So, why, what're the odds that there's two of you, going about, getting all strapped in? ID: Though, gosh, I guess you could be a pair of gunners. UV: へ[ •́ ‸ •̀ ]ʋ do i really not seem like I can be??? UV: We are getting distracted from this. UV: News. UV: (๑◕︵◕๑) ID: Well! Anyway. I've moved on past the whole little punching business. We ought to be friends! ID: Goodness only knows there aren't a lot of us on here. ╮(︶▽︶)╭ ID: And right, right, the news.(edited) ID: How could I ever forget? ID: Have you two met our exciting new fellow? ID: The delightful Overseer? UV: the who ID: We have an Overseer now! All offishial, if you know what I mean. UV: don't you mean UV: offishoal(edited) ID: Perfect! ( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡ UV: (ง ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)ง UV: Ellipses. UV: I have already been speaking with the overseer. ID: Oh! Is that so? ID: Are the two of you already practically bosom buddies, then? UV: Incorrect. UV: But i am aware of his existence. ID: Hmmm. ID: Hm, hm, hmmm. ID: Well! ID: If you are, that makes things awfully easy. ID: Vadaya, how would you feel about doing me a little bit of a favour? ╰(´︶`) UV: What kind of favor. UV: 【・_・?】 UV: ɾ◉⊆◉ɹ are you trying to network through us? UV: ⍨⃝ ID: ID: I feel like that little thing warrants a star for effort, dearheart, or a suggestion to maybe not drink and helm? ID: One of the two! ID: And not at all, my little bundle of grapes. (・`ω´・) UV: ٩̋(ˊ•͈ ꇴ •͈ˋ)و UV: I think it is better than mentors second one. UV: That does not look much like a face. UV: Σ(‘◉⌓◉’) ID: If I was networking, why, I'd have to go much higher than just some stodgy little overseer. ID: And go a little stronger than some internet chatroom! ID: No, no. ID: If you're just wiling away the hours, nattering away with him anyway, though, why - it's no velvet off your horns to just ring a bell if anyone starts getting a little too antsy at him, now, is it? (҂ `з´ ) ID: .. and that's not a face, that's a computer. (＃￣ω￣) UV: You are asking me to moderate his interactions. UV: Ellipses. UV: For you. UV: i bet you could!! you're nothing but sweet silver tongue and absolutely as sweet as pie (灬ºωº灬)♡ ID: Moderating suggests you'd have to intervene! There's no need for you to go playing clubs, when that's us moderators jobs. UV: us??? is there more of you?? (•̀o•́) ID: I'm just asking you to ring a bell, that's all. ID: And aww, aren't you just the sweetest little thing? (｡・// ᵕ //・｡) I'm just tickled pink you've got so much gosh darn confidence in me. ID: Especially because, why, I can't exactly disagree. (・`ω´・) ID: But I've already got one queen! I don't think she'd like it much if I went schmoozing with overseers. ID: .. of course there's more of me! ID: Haven't you seen mini-me? (･ω UV: a queen! Σ(゜ロ゜;) UV: Mentor meant are there more moderacullers. UV: Are there? ID: So many questions! ID: You never struck me as the curious sort, sugarplum. UV: Not as many answers. UV: we're a curious bunch! ˓˓ ⍥⃝⃝ ˒˒ ID: Why so curious? (￣ω￣) UV: You have asked questions of me in the past. UV: I thought it was polite to show interest back. ID: Well, who went and told you that? (o´ω`o) ID: Our darling CC is one of the moderacullers! UV: Is it best to ask questions revolving more around you? ID: Haha, oh my goodness gracious. Are we that sort of friends, now? ID: And here I was worrying you were feeling all bothered!(edited) UV: Well. UV: Perhaps not friends. UV: But for who told me to ask questions. UV: ID: Oh? No, no, I should be the one apologising, then! I didn't mean to go stepping on your toes - why, it's just usually the first thing people share. Ship codes, time rigging, pilot details.. UV: My apologies. UV: I asked the wrong questions. UV: What is your ship code? ID: Well, those are the more typical sort of questions. ID: But there's no need to go and get feisty on me. Quoting my words back at me! (`n ´) ID: Who says I have a ship?(edited) UV: (｡☬０☬｡) then where are you helming from?! ID: Space! ID: Same as you, isn't that right? (=`ω´=) ID: Or are you planet-bound? ID: ID: Why, am I talking to genuine wrigglers? UV: You are not speaking to wrigglers. UV: We are in space. UV: What are you operating? ID: The chat, mostly. ☆⌒(ゝ。∂) ID: Tell you what, I'm answering an awful lot of questions here, but you still haven't answered mine. UV: I just answered two of your questions. ID: The first, dearheart, about ringing the bell! UV: I will attempt to contact you if anyone seems to be distressing the overseer. ID: Perfect. (´• ω •`) ID: Well! Sounds like we're all wrapped up over here, then, unless you've got more questions? ID: Why, I guess that's only fair, to give you pit for pat like that. UV: Thoughtful noise. UV: Mentor? UV: (๑°艸°๑) what's your name?? clearly we MUST have a name that we can call you!! UV: unless you told vadaya but not me?? ID: Haha, oh, gosh, I did! UV: (ノ﹏ヽ) ID: So I'm afraid you'll just have to ask him! ID: And in the meanwhile, there's your question, so: ID: Until next time! UV: ꒰๑•̥﹏•̥๑꒱ but wait! UV: what if i want to come chatting again?(ఠ్ఠ ˓̭ ఠ్ఠ) ID: ID: Why, that's adorable. ID: My handle's right there, you goopy-eyed rascal. UV: so i have permission?! ID: Of course! Never let it be said I'm not a magnamious ogliarch. UV: gasp!!!!!!!! UV: Magnanimous oligarch. ID: ID:

-- iconicDisquiet [ID] has stopped messaging unruffledVanquisher [UV]! --

[callmemrscurtis]

Headcannons for the boys when Netflix started trending

I’m gonna rant real quick idk wtf happened but apparently this didn’t post last night so Here It Is Now

Darry:
-I think we all know it took some persuasion from Pony to invest in an account but after a while he gave in and got the up to four screens at a time pack

-Was highkey pissed when all the boys started freeloading off of it

-He’s all comfy in bed at like 9:30 getting ready to watch OISNB and he gets the message on his tv telling him that too many people are watching at once -He checks who’s using HIS account

-He picks up his old ass phone (idk but it’s pink and has the coiled wire the bell phones)

-“GOD DAMN IT, STEVE! I JUST WANTED TO WATCH ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK IN PEACE AND I GET MY SNACK READY JUST FOR ME TO SEE YOU’RE PLAYING THREE DIFFERENT THINGS AT ONCE?”

- He’s all causal eating popcorn “Listen, Darry. They just put Moana as an option and then I saw that they have Finding Dory too and I don’t have time to watch them separately so-”

-“STEVE!”

-“PS Baby Dory is a-dor-a-ble. Totally deserved more screen time.”

-“STEVEN RANDLE!“

-“Although…I do like Ellen Degeneres’ performance…I find it quite modern and realistic.”

-“JUST TURN ONE OFF SO I CAN WATCH MY SHOW. IVE BEEN WAITING ALL DAY, PLEASE. IM NOT GOING TO WORK JUST TO PAY FOR YOU TO STOP ME FROM GETTING MY FIX OF CRAZY EYES!”

-“Dar, chill it’s like, what? Twelve dollars a month” 
-“eleven ninety-nine.”

- “Wait…why are you watching Orange is the New Black?”

-“you know what…forget it. ENJOY YOUR FREELOADING!” He slams the phone so quick. He doesn’t ask about the last show

-Darry hates Piper, thinks she’s a total bitch

-He watches all the trending shows or the unpopular documentaries there’s no in between

-He’s a HuGe fan of Stranger Things

-Watches Friday Night Lights thinking it’ll remind him of his high school days

-He threatens to cancel the subscription when the boys piss him off

-it’s such a powerful threat that it has never gotten to the point where he actually had to do it, they cut the shit immediately

-legitimately how he gets the boys to get their shit together

Ponyboy:
-He convinced Darry by telling him that it would cost less than going to the movies all the time and a lot safer

-He’s the one constantly reminding everyone that it’s illegal to use their account because they’re cheating the company

-They all look at other with serious faces then turn back to Pony and laugh their asses off because the law has never stopped them before

-It makes Johnny feel bad but he needs his daily fix of One Tree Hill so he got over it

-The one watching The Great British Baking Show because the American version isn’t there but he finds the accents soothing

-He gets frustrated because he’ll think he knows what they’re making but it’s just a word used America that turns out to be a different thing in the U.K. (Stuff like Biscuits)

-tbh doesn’t know what they’re talking about half the time…that or has never heard of what they’re making in his entire young life

-He has the masked icon as his “who’s watching” profile picture

-He somehow managed to convince Darry to get the four screen plan but it was never so that the other guys could use too it was just because he wanted the higher HD quality they didn’t offer in the other plans

-If he watches something he’s ashamed of, knowing everyone has access to his history, he’ll go delete it

-Its like the My Little Pony marathons never happened

Sodapop: -The one who gave the rest of the gang the username and password

-Worst mistake ever because now Dallas has Darry’s credit card information

-He doesn’t watch a lot of Netflix he mostly only went to movies to make Pony happy he only really enjoyed a few

-His attention span is just too short he can’t sit still to watch a movie for an hour or two

-Despite that, he can binge shows if he wants to

-If he’s sad he’ll watch Clueless and quotes the shit out of it

-Honestly Soda is the type to watch anything from a kids movie to a documentary on GMO foods like he only uses Netflix when he has nothing else to do

-To him it’s just one of those apps you don’t want to delete because you might need it but you never really use it

-His icon is the penguin

-He wishes they had a blue penguin

-but they don’t so he settles for the orange one

-he’s called the company multiple times to complain he’s waiting for them to call back

Two-bit:
-Fought Pony the first couple of days

-“SERIOUSLY? YOU WANT TO TAKE UP A SCREEN SO THAT I CANT WATCH MY OWN NETFLIX BUT LAST WEEK YOU COULDNT TAKE ME TO THE MOVIES?? YOU DIDNT EVEN HAVE TO STAY YOU COULD’VE WALKED AROUND THE MALL!!”

-“Listen, PoNyBoNeR. NOBODY and I mean NOBODY watches movies on Netflix it’s all about binging Baby Daddy, my friend.”

-“WEVE HAD THE ACCOUNT FOR A WEEK NOW YOURE SUDDENLY THE NETFLIX MASTER? WE HAVE SEVEN PEOPLE ON THIS ACCOUNT RIGHT NOW!”

-He ignores that last comment and answers the question, “Yes. And I say movies suck.”

-“DUDE the reviews for Wonder Woman were crazy I wanted to see it.”

-“Yeah, like I want to spend my precious time watching a lil twerp watch a chick flick.”

-Truth is he already went to see it five times

-Actually watches every show out there but mostly comedies

-Rewatches Friends all the time

-He’s never actually watched a movie tho

-He’s like Soda he can’t sit still long enough

-He wouldn’t have a problem buying his own account if he had to but using The Curtis’ is much more fun

-He had the free trial for a month but he canceled his subscription when it was over like he does with every other free trial

Dally:
-Only uses the account to watch porn in good quality

-That’s literally it I’m serious he doesn’t care for tv shows or movies it doesn’t have any other use to him

-Well he’s waiting for a good investment to come along and then he’s swiping that credit card info so quick

-He doesn’t use it for show watching purposes but he does fuck around with profile names and changes the pictures to piss Soda off mostly

-He changes the penguin to the Panda and it is a problem because Soda likes penguins and Pandas just aren’t the same

Johnny: 
-He watches the trendy shows and movies sometimes

-He takes Pony’s recommendations to heart because Pony loves this kinda thing so he figures Pony must know what he’s talking about

-He really likes Once Upon A Time

-And Raising Hope

-And literally any show that surrounds a group of friends because he relates to them for obvious reasons

-Okay but Gossip Girl is his shit

-The last profile has his name on it but the rest of boys share it

-Obsessed with Riverdale

-Pony didn’t fight with Johnny about using Netflix because he would tag along to movies before they got an account


Steve:
-Always pushed Darry to sign up for Hulu instead because they update faster and it’s the same price for no commercials as the 4 screen plan

-Helps Dally mess up the names

-Shamelessly watches whatever he wants

-Toddlers and Tiaras? Sure.

-My Little Pony? Yep.

-Cupcakes Wars? Hell yeah!

-Just no OITNB because that shit gets too crazy for him (RIP Dylan)

-Watches New Girl like it’s his religion

- He watched Family Guy and American Dad in the actual order they came out except for the first few seasons bc the quality/art style sucked

- He’s the type of person who need need needs to have something to snack on while he’s watching a show

-like he’ll plan it out or just save his food until he watches his show

-Laughed at Pony for spending all his time watching movies but now he never leaves his house because he’s binging shows

-They had the same conversation as the one with Two except Steve watched Wonder Woman seven times and once was with Sodapop who made him swear not to tell Pony

-But he’s a bitch so he exposed him when Soda refused to admit that Rainbow Dash is better than Pinky Pie

-Pony flipped

-Then Two came forward and it was a huge mess


This is for @maxisprettygay and @matt-dillon-trash

IM STILL SO MAD LIKE WHY DIDNT IT POST?? But at least it’s going up now