#this melancholy emptiness

[onemillioneggsandcounting]

You ever finish a horror story with an ending that leaves you distraught and just know that you won’t be normal again for a bit? Like you have this pit in your stomach and you just kind of

[neodiekido]

special sort of deep sad fondness for v3 tsumugi shirogane. i can't articulate this very well but she makes me feel very sad. junko is iconic and we love her but i think i like tsumugi just a little more as a mastermind for what she represents

[lucyvaleheart]

.

[feliciadraws]

*WANDERSONG SPOILERS*

Okay excuse me while I scream for a bit Man oh MAN there is so much to unpack here;

I'm currently in the Crater in Mohabumi (I think it's called) in the kingdom of Chaandesh, and this is one of the most simultaneously interesting and heartbreaking moments of the game I think, not least after seeing and hearing about the war between Chaandesh and Rulle from both sides and how this war is affecting the people of Chaandesh, who it seems have actually been needlessly vilified by Rulle to the point where Hala ended up running away and getting herself KILLED because she wanted the war to stop and no-one would listen to her- Okay so- Miriam and the Bard talking and dancing in the Crater about themselves and how Miriam's been on a semi-existential, soul-searching journey of her own while the Bard's been on his own quest, and how she admitted that she actually admires the Bard's positivity in spite of not being the hero and his happiness and sureness with himself, but the Bard admitted to her that he himself actually tries hard to be positive despite feeling immense sadness in himself over not being the hero (as evidenced with his depressive spell in the aftermath of his discovery of the truth and mission to shut down the toy factory in Chismest Town) and that how the so-called hero herself is still running around killing Overseers and how nothing he does or will do will matter in the long run, but nevertheless he still pushes on and keeps trying... And how Miriam admitted to him that she admires that about him, against the weight of the uncertainty she feels within herself...

This is...I'm losing my freaking mind over here and my heart hurts and I've got the game running in the background as I'm typing this and I'm in both my thoughts and my feels as the Crater theme plays in my headphones...

The Crater theme is an actual banger by the way, great to have a mini existential mulling to.

[disaarray]

[deithe]

one thing i love is that the one thing that binds rheagar and jon is this cloud of fucking impending doom and misery over them. rhaegar always gets described as this byronic sadman hero, obsessed with prophecy and burdened by it all the same. constantly chasing something and destroying everything around him to prove... something. jon has that same misery and need for purpose, but he goes against that need for prophecy. jon actively hates the idea of prophecy, magic, that he is anything more than a 'man'. but this burden, this sense of melancholy, hangs over both of them. anyways what im saying is that both rhaegar and jon shouldve been put on medival fantasy ssris and maybe we wouldn't be in this mess.

[ithinkofnealcassady]

my aunt on fb about my mom and i leaving :-(((

[astralarias]

christmas sucks for me now for a bunch of reasons but if I am given money that IS getting me closer to being able to go visit friends again so <3

[steelthroat]

Stupid School related vent

Look objectively speaking this has been a good school year.

Good classmates(except when they were indefensible w the teachers)

Good teachers (except when they acted like whiny children. Idc if they were good to me I speak objectively and generally)

Best grades I've ever achieved

But honestly I am not happy, we did too many useless things, we lost many hours to things our teachers were forced to make us do because the program said so...

I am now making notes and studying alone things we didn't do but they're gonna ask me at my exam.

I haven't studied certain artistic movements, artists and important paintings because our art history teacher was... hhhhrn bad.

Some important authors were skipped

Some historical periods of time just barely mentioned or were explained superficially.

Some philosophers skipped or explained badly.

No, it's not a pretty picture and most of it wasn't our or our teachers' fault. I am not blaming anyone but the school system that now more than ever I am convinced is deeply flawed.

I am going to do my final exam and get my final grade that will determine my "worth". 5 years of work but 5 days are gonna determine 60% of my final grade.

I know whatever happens the grade is gonna be good because I already have 80/100 and if I get 20/20 at the final exam it's gonna be 100/100. And frankly it's not that hard.

I don't even care if something happens and I'm gonna guck up, I'm gonna give my best because I care and I want to be proud of myself when I'm gonna look back at this time of my life.

But I am not happy because I feel like whatever I did and I was taught wasn't enough. I don't care if the final grade is gonna be good, I am still not happy about my own level of education.

I mean, I am happy for myself, i did my best and had my kind of fair "reward" for my efforts... I'm simply not satisfied

[poetluka]

my greatest friends lost to malice

cold and hungry and thin housing when your moms eyes shivered blank and asked if you’ll please stay a girl

we smoke and writhe, ethereal

as someone else touches me hollow, she makes bile taste familiar, I won’t know until years later

~

clawing ripping I miss what we all used to be

fading helpless as this world withers us away

holding, gripping, sobbing into carved up arms and legs and stomach fat “I love you more than anything”

kisses by the river before you depart

~

you and I lay in hospital beds months years countries apart, connected, unsure, bloody, battered

I see us 5 years from now

when the acid finally tears through esophagus

our flesh has always been poisonous

no one knows me at your funeral

but I know you,

I know you.

[vvelegrin]

they should invent a type of being at a parent's house that isn't like eating your own liver

[south-sea]

objectively i have no honest investment in semi-modern shadow since i barely consider it an au, but then i remember that's where i put silly guy amnesiac mephiles and instantly want to do more with it

[skelelephant]

Today is my last shift at my current shitty ass barista job and I was rlly pumped for it to finally be over

But the coworker im taking over for is my Polish coworker who was part of my orientation group, and who is also leaving to go back home.

And now I am a little melancholy bittersweet about the whole thing bc I will probably never cross paths with him again

[melancholypirates]

It's the fact that @miss-taura and I are so accustomed to going to Barnes and Noble together that it feels wrong to be there without each other