#this may or may not be tmi but idgaf: i'm a 36d in cup sizes
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#i just realised..#i'm passing as fuck (save for my goddamn chest area and mayyybe my shortness?)#like a) my face is pretty androgynous i look literally exactly like how my dad did when he was my age#and obvs i don't have enough testosterone to grow a lot of facial hair but a) i don't want facial hair and b) what i DO have is visible#like my stache is to the point where people are asking me why i don't wax it. it's funny cos even if i were cis i wouldn't want to lmao#okay b) my voice. sometimes it goes high but it still has a low timbre. even with my singing voice. i sound like freddie mercury and the#guy from bee gees when i sing and i use falsetto cos i don't have much of a head voice. like legit idk how to use it and if i do it's bad#like it spans 3 notes barely above middle c and it's weak as fuck.#and also i have a 3-octave tenor vocal range. a2 to a5. that's pretty goddamn passing#or almost passing at least. my voice still aint as low as i want it to be but for now? i'm so fucking lucky dear god.#even my speaking voice is fine. it has a low timbre and has kind of a 'twang' to it that makes it sound less smooth/soft and i'm loud#so my NATURAL voice doesn't prevent people from thinking i'm a guy. which is like...damn.#here are things that kind of don't pass:#i'm only like 5ft 4in. that's below average for men BUT at the same time! i have a small stature so i can get away with it.#then while my legs are small they're really muscular so i don't look weird wearing men's pants in fact they fit me better than women's do#and also even my torso kinda passes as men's shirts fit me well and i'm only slightly 'curvy'.#now for things that definitely don't pass: my chest gdi#this may or may not be tmi but idgaf: i'm a 36d in cup sizes#which is fucking CRAZY for someone who's skinny as fuck and small and not curvy. it's like i'm small everywhere but my chest#i mean at the same time i've lost so much weight that my size has probably gone down but that's not the point#point is i'm passing but i've been cursed with a chest so large compared to the rest of me that i can't really bind it#and that people are like 'idk why you hide you're so sexy you shouldn't be insecure' they don't heckin get it!#maybe i prefer loose clothing. maybe idgaf about bein 'sexy'. maybe i have fuckin gender dysphoria!#like when i 'had' to start wearing bras my mom was like 'you know most women would kill to have your body type' and i wanted to be like#'i'd kill to have my breasts removed' and that was before i even knew what bein trans was. i was ELEVEN. and i cried for hours that day#and the person at the shop was like 'it's okay my daughter was exactly like that but now she loves bras.' it's funny cos her kid actually#ended up goin to the same high school as me and came out as trans in the beginning of the school year. he hasn't been in school since then#and i really fuckin hope he's okay dear god. anyway#OF COURSE if i already look passing without testosterone i have to get cursed with a chest i can't bind cos of size (and my bad lungs)#i also can't wear sports bras cos of my lungs and cos they actually make my dysphoria worse. like it makes me feel em
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