#this man hates cameras ever since i made him wear a flower crown and have a photoshoot for the phandom games

[jorzuela]

Look at this birthday boy! He's so handsome!

10 years together today, thank you for watching me cry so many times and unthankyou for all the sleepless night, you noisy bitch.

[you-li-ya]

Happily Ever After

Pairing: BTS member x reader

Word count: 1431

Warnings: character death, murder, suicide

Summary: Writing has always been difficult for you. You loved to fantasize about stories, stories about dragons and fairies, magic and friendship and romance. For you, nothing could beat a good love story.

However, as much as you wished to write about all your dreams and wishes, you could never find the right words for it.

In which perspective should you write it?

How should you begin your story?

And how should it end? A happy ending? A tragedy?

You never really knew, but luckily, you had him. He helped you to organize your daydreams, gave you inspiration for an introduction and encouraged you to finish your stories. His love for your ideas, all the tales you tell, always animated you to keep going, to see his glowing eyes and growing smile, while reading your books.

He was your biggest motivation and no opinion was more important than his.

He couldn’t stand reading, never did. For him, it was the most boring activity one could do. He never understood how one could like it, calling it addicting. That was, until he read your stories. He saw the world with your eyes, felt fabrics with your hands. He learned to love reading books, reading your books. They were the biggest treasure in the world, right next to you. And in his opinion no one, except for him, was worthy enough to read your books. And nobody but him would recognize the value of you.

next part

Books. Everywhere were books. Stacked on the table, piled next to the bed. But they weren’t just any books. No, every single volume, every page, was written by you. He could open any of those, in his eyes, treasures and immerse into a new world, another universe, a paradise. Your fantasy, your whole mind was completely innocent, free of any filth. And your whole being was just as innocent as your mind. Once he saw you up close at a fan meeting. If he hadn’t known beforehand, he would have thought he was standing in front of an angel. You radiated such purity that he was afraid to stain you, when your fingertips touched while you took his copy of your newly written book. You gave him a smile, showing so much love in your eyes, he had to hold himself back to not whisk you away. Far away from all of the others preying eyes, who just waited to taint you, to let you wither like a beautiful flower in a field of weed. He could not allow that. No it was his mission, the purpose of his whole life, to protect you. He would be your knight in shining armor.

Covers. He loved the hardcovers the most. The printed picture of you on these had the best quality. It was easier for him to copy your face from them, print posters for his wall and small photos for his wallet, so  he could always look at you.

He remembered the first time he saw your face. It was on the back of the book, you flashed a big grin for the camera, showed how excited you were to publish your first novel. Your name was printed right under your picture, so perfect sounding and melodic that he couldn’t stop himself from saying it out loud.

But right under your image was his. In your very first book and in every other one as well.

Kim Namjoon. Your editor and the very first person in every of your acknowledgments.

He loathed to see this person soil your beautiful book covers and execrated him every time he read your thanks to Kim Namjoon. Him, being your biggest support, your help in dark times? Nonsense, he was your biggest fan, he read no other book than yours. Wrote you letters, was the first to inform you what a masterpiece you created. So why wasn’t he mentioned but this excuse of a man? He truly hated Kim Namjoon.

Pages. He always imagined you would smell like the pages of an old book. You mentioned once in an interview that you loved to collect antique novels. All of your book recommendations were on your personal blog. He read every single on of them and immediately purchased the next one if you updated your list, but he could never really find the reason why you liked those books. They were boring, completely ordinary and it made him feel sick, thinking how you would believe those are better authors than you. He just hoped you wouldn’t let yourself be influenced.

He loved you for your originality. If someone was to wear the same outfit as you or to have the same hairstyle, it would always be the other person who copied you, be it a normal person or a celebrity. Everything you did was better, and while he normally hated changes, he trusted you to make the right choices, be it on your body or in your books. The only thing he could never forgive was you talking down on yourself. He would never lean back and watch how someone, not even yourself, would dim your light. He would protect you, but how?

Words. Every word that passed you lips was like a spell that enchanted him. From your soft voice in the interview videos, the emotional whisper in your public readings to the happy laugh when you announced your engagement. The man next to you, Kim Namjoon, moved his arm around your waist when the desktop of his computer went black. He saw his reflection in the cracked monitor, the mouse he previously still held in his hand, laying behind the broken screen. Did he threw it? He didn’t notice it, still to enraged about your future plans to care for the damage in front of him.

You, engaged to him? Don’t make him laugh. You were destined to be with him and not with your editor. He had already planned everything, from your wedding theme to where you would live after your honeymoon. And you, you just destroyed everything. Yes, it was your fault that he destroyed his monitor, that he began to loose his mind. You should take responsibility for your actions.

He was out of his apartment and on the street, on his way to you when a different thought crossed his mind. What if it wasn’t your decision? What if it was this man, if he was responsible for all of this? Did he blackmail you, force you to marry him? It had to be like this, you would never deceive him without a reason.

He quickened his pace, you must be scared to death, completely alone with this monster. You were so helpless without his protection, it was almost cute.

Finished. Your book was finally finished. You told him, he inspired you to write it, the male protagonist was his role. He was thrilled hearing that. All those months he had kept you in his apartment were paying off. He was distraught when you refused to talk to him, completely ignored him. The only time you broke your silence was to yell at him or to cry. He hated seeing your tears, he never really knew what to say, none of his words helped you feel better. But one day he finally found the reason for all your sadness.

His clothes were soaked in blood when he came home later then usual. His feet carried him into your room, wanting to show you his gift for you. He saw tears well up when he showed you his surprise, but after this night you never cried again. He was more than happy that he finally eliminated the cause of all of your sorrow. To celebrate this, he hanged your present over the door to the kitchen, to always remind you, there was no reason to cry anymore. He never noticed how you refused to enter the kitchen since then or how your eyes were always down casted when you left your room, just to avoid the sight of Namjoon’s head over the door frame.

To be continued. Were the last words on your manuscript. His fingers caressed the letters, before he closed the book. A prince, you wrote him as a crown prince. But, why did he hurt you so much in the story? It wasn’t like you to write such cruel books. You normally would create your own world, so why did you pick the Joseon era? What triggered your change? His feet carried him into your room, wanting to confront you about your abnormal behavior.

You laid in your bed, blood dripping down your arm, your breath shallow. Your eyelids flattered open when his shadow fell upon you. You gave him a weak smile, to tired to show or even feel your hatred towards him. He didn’t understand, why were you hurt? Pieces of the mirror laid next to your bed, splattered with your blood, both of your wrists cut open.

He knelt in front of you and held your hands, which were getting colder and colder. You wouldn’t die, you wouldn’t leave him alone. Now that you no longer hate him, both of you could start a new life, explore the world and create your own love stories. Your last breaths came only slowly, you struggled with every gasp. Your eyes opened a last time and to find his.

“I… I am so tired about- About everything that’s happening… Why… Won’t you leave me alone… For the last few minutes… H… Hoseok?”, your eyes squeezed shut when you took an especially straining breath.

The corners of his mouth curved upwards. It was the first time you called him by his name, not just some cuss or insult. Now, you truly loved him.

He kissed your forehead, covered you with your blanket and turned the lights off, before exiting your room. The slumber you fell into afterwards was for eternity, but this was okay, because he was always there to care for you. He would never leave you alone.

And here is my first fanfiction and the start of my first series as well. M biggest thanks go to Google Translator and any other translating website, I feel like this fanfic sucked all of my English skills out of me. Thank you for reading and happy birthday to our Hope.

[littlemeowmeowschimmy]

Be Mine [Yoongi x Reader]

Credit: littlemeowmeowschimmy

Requests opened // m.list

Genre: Fluff // Cute 

Summary: It was everything you had ever dreamed of - getting married to Min Yoongi. 

Word Count:  2690

A/N: Let me know what y’all think. Do you want a second part? I’ve been in the wedding mood lately, so I figured this would be cute. 

»»————-　★　————-««

 There it stood in its full beauty. It hung on a hanger, pressed against the mirror. The veil resting besides it as the sun’s rays casted upon it. You sat there; your hands folded in your lap with your legs crossed at the knee. You noticed that because of the small jewels, the sun made the dress sparkle. The pink undertone was light as the dress itself wasn’t pure white. Nor was it strapless because it hung from two beautiful laced straps. 

Surrounding the full and base of the skirt was beautiful lace designs. You remember standing in the stop looking at it. How it’s beauty completely captivated you. Once the dress was on, the tears fell. Little did you realize that your life was changing right before you eye. 

It was a hard pill to swallow. Knowing that you were changing from just an independent woman to still one but with your fiancé at your side. You had gotten used to his company over the five years you had been dating. How warm and soft he was, bunt and his sarcastic humor. He seemed to be enjoying what he was doing, because he spoke so passionately about it. The time you’ve spent together was like a dream that was now becoming your reality. 

Slowly, your body ascended from your chair. You delicately moved yourself towards such beauty. It was almost as if you were sneaking up on a peaceful bear. You didn’t want to make a sound, because if you had, it would rip you away from your entrancement. Just as you were about to reach out and touch it, the doorbell rang. 

Your heart skipped against your rib cage, your mind swirling with questions. Almost robotically, you move around. Calling out to whomever was waiting. When you opened it, there your mother and bridal group stood. Your mother was dressed in a navy blue, her eyes bright and teary. She reaches out to touch your face, gently caressing her thumb against your skin. 

“Today’s the day,” she spoke her eyes blinking the tears away. You gave her a small smile, reaching up to grasp her wrist, then press your cheek against her palm. She takes in a heavy sigh, then proceeds to step around you. Blythe, your maid of honor, claps her hands. 

It was her way of getting everyone’s attention so they could move. It seemed as if she had her entire collection of makeup and tools with her. The reason being her big bright bag was filled to the brim. The other girls, Athena, Harlow, Layla, Jazz, and Harper moved inwards. They all seemed to be wearing their bridal gowns. 

A sweet heart neckline with a short front and long back. The color was a simple light pink, matching up with the pink undertones of your dress. The waist had a beautiful rose jewel in the center that was met with the laced back. Their dresses were strapless but could be held up by the shoulders with a clear strap. Their heels clicked against the wooden floor, sending the once quiet room into one filled with laughter. 

The bridal party seemed to finish getting ready with you. Doing their own hair and makeup as well as making sure to give you as enough support as they possibly could. These girls were your best friends, most of whom you met in college. They were your support system when you studied abroad in Germany and continued to be so when you moved out. 

It had been years since you last saw them in person, the sight alone making you want to cry. Yes, you met up with them weeks before, but even now, their company was enough. Blythe pushes you down into your chair again, a small mischievous grin spreading across her lips. 

“So, why didn’t you tell me about Jungkook?” she ponders taking your hair out of the messy bun it once resided in. 

“Because he is younger than you,” you start looking into the mirror to catch her eye. “And I knew if you knew you’d be all over him, because you’re like a lioness.” Blythe had a thing for younger men. It showed in her dating patterns and how often she got in trouble. She often explained that the men her age were out of her league and immature. 

It’s often why she came home with someone who was two years or even three years younger than her. She said they were fun, had more energy, and didn’t complain that often. You believed that most of the guys she hooked up for was just for sex. There were plenty more reasons for not telling her about Jungkook. One of the more recent ones was because he was often shy around the other sex. 

Blythe would literally crush him, and you didn’t want to see that. “So?” She presses grabbing her comb to push away some hair. “That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try~” her mischievous look turning dark and lustful. 

“Oh, come off its Blythe,” Harper, the eldest, rolls her eyes. Harper was a lot like Namjoon. In the sense that she kept everyone sane. Most importantly, she and Blythe would often get into arguments surrounding her dating patterns. Harper was only looking out for her friend and she wanted to make sure that everything was okay with her. But also, she was the mother of the group and she hated the way Blythe acted so childish. “You shouldn’t be trying to get into bed with Y/N   fiancé’s best friend.” 

“But I do want to ride Jimin though,” Layla whistles out, Blythe joining in. “Maybe even Taehyung. C’mon Harper, at least admit Yoongi does have handsome men for friends.” Layla and Blythe were born in the same year. They often thought alike, hung out the most, and were basically twins. Their relationship reminded you a lot of Taehyung and Jimin. They were extremely playful women and extremely straight forwards. 

Harper went silent as she didn’t know what to say. Instead, she picked up her eyebrow pencil, moving it inwards to start filling in. Layla whistles again, asserting her sense of accomplishment. Everyone wasn’t going to argue with her statement. Just by the group chat the previous night, everyone was drooling over them. 

“I wonder what Jin will wear...” Athena squeaks from the corner. Your eyes shift towards her. She was a delicate one, but very thoughtful. She was the friend everyone went to when they were feeling down. Just like Harper was the mother, Athena was like the best little sister. She was the youngest out of the seven of you. She still was in undergrad as she had changed her major just in the three years. 

Athena wasn’t one to speak out normally. Instead, she observed everyone, making sure they were doing fine. It was her who was the loud and rowdy one at parties when drunk. Just as Hoseok, she was a light weight. Or so you assumed Hoseok was, due to how quickly his vibe changed when he did drink. 

“I’m positive Jin will be wearing whatever Yoongi puts him in darling,” Harlow reassures tapping the excess powder off her brush. She moves in to place the darker shade on Jazz’s lid. Out of everyone, Harlow was the one who majored in something artistic. Most everyone wanted to see what she could do with a brush and some powders. 

The sight was almost mesmerizing how quickly she worked. Jazz was a music major. She wanted to do something with her voice and that’s exactly what she did. Just like Harlow, everyone went to Jazz if they wanted a song written or to analyze something. Jazz and Athena were a lot alike in the terms of they don’t speak up often. 

They were extremely shy once you met them and slowly opened over the years. However, when they were in new environments they often froze and hid behind Layla and Blythe. Just to have their energy was still enough to make you smile. Having your friends around you was the most rewarding thing you could’ve asked for in life. 

Silence stepped in once again due to the door bell ringing. Your mother stood up, leaving her chair alongside your bed. Her heels clicking while she makes her way down the narrow hallway. The girls whispering to each other, Blythe curling another part of your hair. When the door opened, you heard your mother speaking quietly. 

Seconds later, Jungkook pops his head around the corner. He gives everyone a great big smile, his eyes forming crescents. You didn’t have to look at Blythe because you knew she was already giving him a lustful glance. You reached back to smack her leg, receiving a hiss from her. Jungkook held his camera in hand, as it seemed he was taking photos for you. 

“You really don’t have to Jungkook,” you start only to be cut off by Blythe. 

“You’re walking down the aisle with me right Jungkook?” He flushes a little nodding his head while raising the camera. 

“Yeah, it seems like it.” he answers calmly. The reaction alone making Blythe give a devilish smirk. Layla whines next to Athena, her attention drawn back to the mirror. She was walking down the aisle with Hoseok, whilst Harper was walking down with Jimin. She didn’t have a problem either way, but her eyes were set on Jimin. 

Jungkook’s camera snaps away, capturing every laughter, every mistake, and every memory. It wasn’t long until he had to turn around because you were getting into your dress. Jungkook walks out into the hallway, only to be met by Blythe trying to shoot her shot. Your mother and Jazz help you get into your dress. 

The fabric easily sliding over your head, down your back and sitting on your shoulders. Jazz comes around, grabbing the strings to lace up the back. This time, the fabric squeezes against your curves, then sits still. You looked at yourself in the mirror, finding it hard to believe that you, Y/N, was marrying the man of your dreams. 

What topped it all off was your mother. She came behind you, the veil tied to a small flower crown. She pins it on top of your hair, moving some of the loose strands to frame your face. Her eyes were red with tears and her hands shaky. She stands there, a smile spreading across her lips as her palms reach to gently touch your face. 

“You look absolutely stunning my dear,” her voice coming out small. “I am so proud of you and so proud to be your mother.” her emotions swelling as every word touched your heart. “He is and will absolutely adore you.” 

 »»————-　★　————-««

 Yoongi stood at the altar, his hands behind his back. It was your idea to have a Westernized wedding before the more traditional. This way, it would join both parties respected cultures. He couldn’t stand still as the anticipation was growing ever more. The room was filled with bright pinks and whites, the smell of candles and other aromas filling the air. 

His eyes couldn’t stop looking around. It was almost as if his wedding had come out of a storybook. Everything was so beautiful that he knew, he would never forget. His eyes turn when the doors to the church open. His brothers walking in with your friends. Yoongi wore a white tuxedo whilst the rest wore black. He was going for a non-traditional style because of your wedding dress. 

Yoongi hadn’t seen it, but he had heard you describe it. You hadn’t seen his tuxedo, but you had heard him describe it. Both parties move inwards, each smiling in his direction. Yoongi was lightly bouncing on the balls of his feet, the ever so monster of anticipation continuing to sink its teeth into his back. As your last friend, Blythe, moves to her spot the waiting really started to stab him. 

The bridal chorus plays, and the wooden doors open again. In that split second it had seemed like Yoongi’s soul left his body. There you stood, the dress fitting your every curve, your makeup bringing out the best parts of your face. Your eyes light and your hair framing you. You held onto your father’s arm as you confidently walked forwards. 

Yoongi saw you with your heels walking around the apartment. He knew how you weren’t comfortable in them, yet in this moment he couldn’t describe you. Every memory flood through his mind, sending his emotions all over the place. It hadn’t occurred to him he was crying until he felt his hot tears against his cheeks. 

He brought a hand up, swiping the tear away, only to be replaced by others. When your father stopped at the end of the pews, Yoongi stood there. Never breaking eye contact as the pastor spoke. When he was ready, his words came out in a choke. He takes a few steps down, thanking your father, then reaching to take you. 

In his grasp, you stood firm. Your hands were shaky because you had never seen Yoongi like this. You wanted to wipe away his tears, reassure him that everything was alright. And yet, just by looking at you he knew. He knew that you were his everything and nothing, God damn it nothing was going to change that. 

The ceremony itself was long, or at least to the couple it was. It seemed as if they just wanted the pastor to say the words and run into pure happiness. Yoongi’s eyes never left yours, and you ever left his. The world surrounding you was gone, and you were just left looking at him. Gazing upon his beauty. When you mentioned to your friends earlier that week, how you got lost in Yoongi’s eyes, you weren’t kidding. 

It was like you were swimming in a pool of chocolate. The warmth captivating your heart and sending chills throughout your veins. How his eyes twinkled under the sunlight and became crescents when he laughed. They were, the most important and your favorite aspect of him. 

The vows were taken quickly as both of you didn’t write anything. Instead, you both knew how you felt inside and didn’t want to share it. Instead, you took the traditional vows. Filling them with love and passion. Yoongi went first, reaching down to take the ring from your cousin. 

He slips the silver metal onto your right hand, bringing it up to place a sweet kiss against. You flushed at the sight, breaking eye contact for the first time as you couldn’t look at him head on. You followed afterwards, taking the ring and slipping it on his right hand. Just like he did previously, Yoongi brought your hand up to place a kiss against your fingers. 

The pastor says a few ending comments, then as it comes out to you, mumbles “You may kiss the bride.” 

Yoongi didn’t hesitate. Instead, he lifts the veil, pushes it back, then dances his fingers against your waist. He pulls you in, capturing your lips in a passion filled kiss. Yoongi arches your back, pressing you against his chest as the world once again leaves you. His lips soft and his hands firm. Yoongi didn’t want to let you go, he didn’t want you to leave that world with him. Sadly, the only thing that brought you back was both Taehyung’s loud ass yelling and Hoseok’s clapping. 

Yoongi breaks apart his expression soft. He brings a hand up to press the back of his fingers against your cheek, leaning in and kissing your forehead. “I love you Mrs.Min Y/N,” he whispers his words swelling your heart as the first time today, you cried. 

“I love you too Mr. Min Yoongi,” your fingers tightening around his jacket tugging on him. He realizes that it was time to walk down the aisle to start the party. Leaving you to cling on him as one thought crossed your mind: 

You were finally in paradise with the one you now called husband. 

[camillemontespan]

the enigma [olivia nevrakis interview]

Drake’s Interview

Maxwell’s Interview

@jovialyouthmusic @pug-bitch @sirbeepsalot @moonlightgem7 @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore @notoriouscs @be-still-my-aching-heart @katedrakeohd

Warnings: Mentions about sex toys. This is Olivia, after all. 

              **************************************************************

I am waiting for my interview subject to finish modelling for our cover shoot. We are shooting in a manor just outside of Cordonia and the room is filled with flowers, ornate chairs, glimmering chandeliers, fashion assistants, catering staff and our enthusiastic photographer. 

The one person who isn’t enthusiastic is the model herself.

Olivia Nevrakis is lounging on the floor, silk and satin sheets beneath her with flowers strewn around the feet. She is wearing a pink and white gown with pink taffeta underneath the layers; she looks like she is wearing a rose. 

‘I hate pink..’ Olivia grumbles in between photos. She holds an open book in her hand and flashes that famous Nevrakis stare at the camera. I look at the screenshots and can’t deny it; she may hate pink but she makes the outfit look regal. 

‘You look gorgeous, darling!’ the photographer exclaims. Olivia arches an eyebrow. ‘Oh, I know..’ she purrs, before striking another pose. 

Once the photographs are taken, Olivia is helped to her feet by an intern. ‘Get me a coffee,’ she orders him. The intern nods, clearly nervous. ‘Um, black? Latte? Cappuccino?’

‘Ask someone else your impertinent questions..’ Olivia drawls, before striding over to where I’m standing. She holds out a hand which I shake. ‘Let’s do this, shall we?’

I am also rendered speechless. Olivia has an air about her that is intimidating. I’m not the first journalist to feel nervous about interviewing her and I doubt I will be the last. She stalks ahead of me and I watch as she takes her hair clip out of her bun, shaking her red hair out so it falls down her back like a waterfall. We enter a private room and Olivia pulls off her pearl bracelet, tossing it onto a table. There is a Chinese screen in the room, which she goes behind and starts to undress. I stand awkwardly as I see the pink dress flung over the screen, landing heavily on the floor. 

Olivia comes out from behind the screen wearing a red lace bodysuit and black stilettos. She is tall, creamy skinned and as she moves, I can see her muscles flexing under her skin. I know that she is trained in taekwondo; in clothes, her muscles aren’t obvious, it is only when she is bare that you can see the effect her training has had.  She shrugs on a red silk dressing down and ties it up before settling down on the chaise lounge in front of me. 

‘I feel much better now,’ she breathes, eyeing me. I clear my throat and set the dictaphone down on the table between us. The door opens and the intern comes in holding a tray with three coffee cups on it. ‘I wasn’t sure which one to get you so I thought, be safe and pick all three of our choices,’ he babbles, setting the tray down. Olivia looks down at the coffees, her nose wrinkled. She takes the black coffee and adds two sugars. She looks at me. ‘Do you want one of these?’

I take the cappuccino and smile at the intern. He leaves the tray on the table with the extra latte. The door closes behind him and I turn to Olivia, who has a Cheshire Cat grin on her face. 

‘I know I may come across as a bitch to you,’ she tells me, ‘but in this world, you kind of have to be. See, extra coffee.’ She indicates the latte that is still on the tray. ‘That intern was too scared to bring me just one coffee so he brought me different kinds in case I bit his head off.’

I am immediately wanting to ask her why she views the world like this. I want to find out about her upbringing and her parents, her life as a Duchess. I bite the bullet and ask her. 

‘My parents were killed,’ she tells me point blank. ‘I had nobody but servants for company.’

I tell her it sounds lonely. 

She shrugs, brushing off my concern. Olivia then reaches down into her bodysuit and brings a dagger out from her cleavage. She twirls it around her fingers; I slowly edge away. 

Olivia grew up alongside King Liam. He is so kind and gentle, it is hard to imagine the two of them being friends. ‘I like to think we compliment each other actually..’ she says quietly.  ‘He tries to make me a little nicer, a little more understanding, while I try to get him to be less gentle, less of a pushover. More of a badass.’

I ask if Liam is a pushover.

‘Oh god, yes!’ she laughs. ‘He hates conflict. When we were growing up, say it was his birthday, if his brother asked for the biggest slice, Liam would give him the bigger slice even though it was his own birthday. If it was me, I’d have shoved the cake in Leo’s face. In fact, I think I did once.’

Leo. The King’s older brother. Leo had been the king first but then abdicated and left Cordonia to do God knows what. He is often seen as the party boy royal, kind of like Britain’s Prince Harry before he grew up. I have heard he is charming flirtatious and makes women go weak at the knees.

Olivia rolls her eyes. ‘Yeah, whatever..’

I ask jokingly if she has ever gone weak at the knees when confronted by Leo. She bristles and raises her chin defiantly. ‘I’m not that kind of woman, in case you hadn’t noticed. I’m not pathetic.’ 

I go quiet. Clearly, I’ve hit a nerve. Olivia takes a sip of her coffee, her eyes studying me from above the rim of the cup. ‘You’re a woman,’ she says to me. ‘Do you go weak at the knees over men?’

I ponder her question.  I have interviewed many swoonworthy male celebrities. I tell her I met Tom Hardy and the way he called me ‘pet’ made me giggle. She looks like she has swallowed something inedible and wants to throw up. 

‘The only time a woman should go weak at the knees over a man is when he leaves her alone in the bedroom with a rampant rabbit and comes back with champagne on ice,’ she tells me dryly. 

I’m shocked at how quickly this conversation has turned to talk about sex. But this is a woman’s magazine, sex is a topic we cover widely, so why not? Let’s talk about sex with Olivia Nevrakis. 

‘I mean, men are good for some things,’ she relents. ‘But most of the time, no. If I want something done, I do it myself and that goes for everything, not just sex. I love being independent.’

I ask if she’s ever had a boyfriend. ‘Nobody I deemed important enough to give that label,’ she says shortly. 

Has she ever had a crush on anyone?

‘Sure. I’m not a total ice woman.’ 

I ask if she’s seeing anyone now. She stares at me, her face unreadable. ‘I’d rather not say.’ 

She definitely is. Whoever he is, he has got to be some guy. An alpha who can challenge her but also someone who can keep up with her. I think about her circle of friends and wonder if any of the men in that group are secretly dating her. I always thought she would be well suited to the Duke of Valtoria, Drake Walker, but he married Camille Montespan last year. 

‘What the fuck? Me and Drake?’ she asks in disbelief. ‘You are aware that I’m good friends with Camille, right?’

I nod, feeling my face go red. 

‘Good. Now wash your mouth out with soap. They are so well suited, anyone who says otherwise is a moron.’

I tell her it’s only because Olivia and Drake are both outspoken and Drake is often pictured looking.. well, grumpy. Pissed off. Like he doesn’t like anything. 

‘Drake is actually a sweetheart,’ she tells me. ‘He only gets pissed off because of the constant paparazzi stalking him and Camille. Fuck, I get pissed off when I’ve got photographers hounding me. You would too.’

Since the King was crowned, there seems to have been a new obsession about him and his friends; this new generation of young Cordonian nobility who are making a difference to the country. 

Drake Walker spreads awareness for mental health - he launched a successful campaign called Mind over Matter which aimed to get Cordonian men together, outside, trekking, abseiling, rock climbing etc., while talking about their struggles with depression and anxiety. The country could donate money to the campaign which was dispensed to various mental health charities.

Duchess Camille re-introduced Open Houses, a dormant feature from 200 years ago in which she and Drake open their doors for their citizens, who visit to discuss issues and the Duke and Duchess work with them to help. 

Cordonia is becoming more modern and all the better for it. This brings me to why I am interviewing Olivia. 

Because as cold and harsh as she may be, Olivia Nevrakis has a heart. She has been working with the King to make foster care more prominent in the country. 

Cordonia is known for being traditional. Anything outside of the typical family dynamic of two parents and 2 children is seen as radical; this means that adoption and foster care is not prevalent in the country. As an orphan, Olivia is keen to change this. 

‘As I said, I grew up surrounded by servants in an old, crumbling manor. I had no parental guidance, which forced me to grow up very, very quickly.’ I see that she is opening up more now; gone is the hard stare, the bored drawl. She is now animated and gesturing with her hands to discuss this topic. 

‘When Constantine ruled, I saw orphans out on the streets, playing barefoot in dirty clothes. Most people avoided them; they would literally cross the street to stay away from them. I didn’t. I would offer them money so they could buy food or a drink.’

I did not see that coming. Olivia shrugs. ‘I don’t want children to grow up desperate. I know I brushed off your concern before, but that is just how I deal with things. I brush off people’s pity.  But fine, I’ll be honest. I hated being an orphan. I hate that feeling of being helpless so I taught myself taikwondo and defence skills. My parents had already instilled in me from a young age to know it is important to fight. Lythikos is a cold, tough place; if you have no survival skills, you’re a goner. I learned how to look after myself and I’ll admit, I picked up some fucked up ways of thinking. Like, I always carry a weapon. You saw my dagger just now. I don’t trust anybody as far as I can throw them.’

I sit in silence, scared to speak in case I lose her sudden honesty. ‘So, when Liam ascended the throne, we talked and I asked him to consider the orphans of Cordonia. Now, we’re developing a programme which is open to adults who have a job but also free time to raise a child, and offering them the option to foster these orphans. By taking in a child, the King will give them a monthly income to help pay for the child’s upkeep and that way, it’s a child off the streets.’ 

I am sceptical. Surely, some adults might take advantage and abuse this? Foster a child so they earn extra money.

‘The adults are tested about their knowledge of raising children. They have to prove they want to help a child, not to do it for their own gain. They have to do it out of the goodness of their hearts. So more families can take in orphans, more single adults can do it too.’

I ask if she would consider launching a defence training course for children. She grins. ‘Maybe in the near future..’

The foster care programme launches next month and is named ChildKind.  Olivia smiles and nods when I confirm the name and leans into the dictaphone. ‘Tell your readers that I say, ‘sign up, bitches.’ 

She is more humorous now, more easygoing.  It seems that it takes a while for Olivia to relax in interviews but once she is over that hurdle, she is easier to talk to. We go back to different topics and she is more forthcoming now. 

I ask how she deals with sudden celebrity that she has commanded since Liam came to the throne. ‘I have set up four restraining orders for four different photographers,’ she says wearily. ‘It can be exhausting. But last month, I got away from it all with Camille and Hana.’

From Hana’s Instagram feed- which I urge you to check out, it’s so pretty-  photos were put up of a girls trip. The three women went on a girls break to Mykonos. ‘We rented a villa, it was so secluded. Just a week of sunshine, drinking cocktails and swimming in the pool.’

I ask if any debauchery was had. She smirks. ‘What do you think?’

I imagine Hana is the quiet, sensible one. Olivia bursts out laughing; real laughter. ‘You would think that! Oh my God, give that girl a Tequila Sunrise and she is on the table. Nah, she is the wild one when she lets go. Camille is the mom of the group; she makes sure we’re wearing suncream, have drank enough water... she still got wasted though.’

Duchess Camille is always pictured looking elegant and sophisticated with her usual uniform of pencil dresses, nude heels and chignon hairstyles. I can’t picture her wasted. 

‘She is a fun girl, always,’ Olivia tells me. ‘But she does need to let loose now she’s a Duchess. Plus she’s from New York, of course she’s not going to be elegant 100% of the time.. Bertrand taught her well about etiquette and royal duties, but there is still a crazy New Yorker in there. Put her with Drake, who loves a whiskey, and they become more American as the night goes on.’

How?

‘I swear I heard Camille say y’all in all seriousness..’ she tells me, groaning. ‘Of course, she says she was joking, but I think she genuinely said it. She forgot she was talking to me.’ 

I ask what Drake does to be more American. ‘He has a tipsy habit of saying ‘fixin’ to. Like, ‘I’m fixin’ to get another whiskey. It means he’s about to get another whiskey. Why not just say that? He’s so Texan sometimes. His voice becomes more of a drawl when he’s been drinking.’ 

I wonder what Olivia is like under the influence. She smirks. ‘Am I hell telling you that.’

That is when I get it. Olivia is an enigma; she has these walls up which are hard to climb over and she won’t discuss anything too personal. She will happily make fun of her friends or talk about important causes such as ChildKind. She will talk about sex- hell, she mentioned rampant rabbits in this interview- but she has layers which she deliberately hides. I know she is kind and engaging, I can glimpse it. I just feel that she would rather show her true self to someone who is deserving of it. Someone who is prepared to deal with everything that she is.  Anyone else is just lucky to see above the surface.

[alexiela73]

Overwatch Valentine Request 2

I ended up hand picking three people to take Valentines requests from. Each chose something quite different and I’m pleased with the requests I received.

This one is for @strawberrypluto

Grinning from ear to ear, Reinhardt made his way from the armory and was working on sliding a custom made sweater over his head. It had been a long time since he had gone on a mission like this one that had left him feeling exhilarated and accomplished.

It had been wild. It had started as a stake out near a secret Talon base where he and his comrades had remained on standby for a few days. Listening to radio conversation, working their way through the data bit by bit. Admittedly, Reinhardt had begun to get impatient over the course of the five days, but the moment that they’d been given permission to enter and engage in combat....nothing had excited him more.

He could still remember the thrill as his hammer had torn down the board, as he’d commanded the soldiers to keep behind him as guns were drawn. The sound of the bullets bouncing off his shield as they made their way inside: the moment Reinhardt had charged enemy soldiers and omnics.

Every day since Balderich’s death, Reinhardt had promised to live with honor for the both of them. There was glory to be found in bringing their foes to justice, and the idea of helping even one person made him warm with happiness.

Now his armor had been left back in the armory, where Brigitte Lindholm would shine and service it after his rough couple of days. Usually he’d end a mission and go to grab a beer with his friends, but after so many days apart, Reinhardt was eager to get home to you.

You’d be so proud, Reinhardt was sure. He wasn’t always sure how he'd been blessed with someone as incredible as you, but he thanked the universe every day for the love you gave him.

Having you to come home to was a thousand times more important to him then any mission. You were his reason, his purpose.

As he walked to the living quarters building, Reinhardt noticed a series of dirty looks from others. It baffled him, especially when he said hello in passing with Ana and she just walked away after providing him the middle finger in a vulgar display of aggression.

Confused, Reinhardt made his way through the halls toward his suite. Perhaps they were jealous, he mused, that they hadn’t had a chance to go on such an exciting mission. It had been a few months since one that had taken as long as this one. If not that, then what else could it be?

The answer greeted him as Reinhardt unlocked the of his suite and turned on the lights as he stepped inside.

Reinhardt shared a modest bachelor suite with you, a larger one with very tall ceilings and such just to accommodate to his height and build. Of course, he had an actual house over in Germany that he often went home to, one that he now shared with you. But this suite was his home when working, and like everything else, it had begun to hold more value with you there. Made him feel warm and comfortable.

Except...this time it didn’t. It sent a splash of cold realization through him that left him wiped his usually smug smile away and replaced it with uncontrolled shame.

The table was set up as if for dinner, the silverware set with candles and an empty vase on the table. There were some big red heart balloons tied to the fridge handle, and rose petals were scattered across the counters. Candles lined every table and stand, and the bed had clean sheets and some petals there too.

In the middle was a thin blue rectangle of blue paper with little crowns all over it and a big gold bow. Beside it was a crumpled pile of black and white fabric and a white piece of paper.

Reinhardt slowly took a breath as he walked further in, leaving his shoes on. Slowly he brushed his fingers across the edge of the table, looking down at it. There was a pot in the middle, and he didn’t bother to open it to see if the food was still there. The wax of the candle on the dinner table was low, and told him it had been burning for a very long time. 

All of them had, it seemed. Reinhardt had a cold feeling fill him, that slowly became white hot anger as he gradually made his way to the bed. 

Picking up the fabric, Reinhardt realized it was a brand new outfit. One that you had likely planned to wear that night... Lifting paper, Reinhardt read what it said and that anger continued to build. But it wasn’t anger at you....it was anger purely directed at himself, and it was laced with shame.

Reinhardt

I’ve waited long enough. I’m not just talking about the fact that I sat here for hours and hours, thinking that at some point you’d walk in the door with flowers and spend this one special day with me. I’m talking about the fact that I wait for you every day, every minute. You are not there when I need you. You forget half the time about planning to spend time with me, and when you do remember you are either late or leave early for work. I’ve waited long enough for you, Reinhardt.

What you do is important to you, and I understand that. Please believe me when I say that I understand what it means for you to go out and do what you do every day, and how that makes you happy. You are a kind and loyal man who gives everything to help others. You are someone everyone should admire and strive to be like. You are a hero, and I wish I could stop feeling so left out.

I can’t though. I’m tired and lonely, and I can’t expect you to help me when you are busy helping everyone else. I don’t blame you for that. Please know that I love you, Reinhardt. I love you so much it hurts. Writing this is the most painful thing I’ve ever done.

I need someone who won’t forget me.

Happy Valentines Day

Y/N

Reading the letter was like choking on air. He could barely breath, and his chest felt so tight it might best. Even though he’d just read it, his eyes scanned the letter again and again, as if praying to make sense of the words he read.

How could he have forgotten again? Valentines day...the day itself wouldn’t have mattered, except you had asked him to come home that night. You had begged him months in advance to please be home that night, to spend it with you. While Reinhardt loved you every day, this had been important to you because of how little time you got to spend together.

It wasn’t like he’d meant to forget...Valentines day had been two days ago, if he now remembered correctly. Things like that had never mattered to him once upon a time. But they did now. They needed to, because he shared them with someone and like a fool, he had screwed this up.

How long had you waited here in the room with the new cloths on, dressed up with homemade food waiting on the table and all these candles lit? How long did you sit here watching the door, hoping he’d walk through them only to realize that he wasn’t coming?

The looks had all been because everyone here knew. Everyone knew what he’d done to you. You both were friends with everyone, and surely someone had come to wipe your tears away, he hoped. And they hated him for hurting you again and again.

He felt like a fool and a bastard. Who would do that to someone they loved? Forgetting small things sometimes was one thing but even as the day approached, he had not thought for a second of having to be here. He....he hadn’t thought of you.

“I did this,” Reinhardt said softly, sitting on the edge of the bed. All the anger and shame and self loathing that had filled him fell silent, and he was left feeling numb.

The very idea of not having you in his life...it...it was devastating. 

Feeling something against his side, Reinhardt vaguely remembered the present that had been sitting on the bed. Gingerly, he lifted it in one hand and there was a bitter amusement in how tiny it seemed.

Carefully he opened it, treating it as though it were fragile, as if at any moment it would disintegrate. And when he opened it, it felt like a whole new wave of pain once more.

Inside was a silver frame with a little metal heart in the corner. On it were engraved letters that read ‘Reinhardt, my shining knight’. And in the frame was a picture of him dancing with you at an Overwatch birthday party, and he’d dipped you in the dance. The two of you were kissing, and you both looked so happy.

It was your first kiss together. Angela had caught it on camera by magic, and had said the two of you looked like a dream come true.

You were his dream. And now, his dream was shattered.

Happy Valentines Day, Reinhardt.

[romancevsreality-blog]

the bachelorette, season fourteen, episode two: let’s pretend i didn’t forget i didn’t post this recap, okay?

Thank god Queen Rachel showed up to save this episode, otherwise I don’t think I’d have much to say1.

We’re in Venice Beach, California, and it’s Becca’s first date as the Bachelorette and since Arie, which isn’t saying a lot considering she basically had an hour between their breakup and her crowning. The beeftestants are all ready for the competition to begin and to get their first date card. The Devil Incarnate Chris Harrison arrives for a solid 30 seconds to ask the guys about how they feel about Becca. We see David without the chicken suit for the first time and god, that venture capitalist does it for me. I hate myself for it too, but he honestly looks like if Scott Wolf and Matthew Fox got together on the set of Party of Five and made a baby, and I AM ABOUT IT. David probably drinks old fashioneds and wears boat shoes. My Mortal Enemy Chris Harrison talks about how serious Becca is about the entire experience, and tells them to relish in the time they get with her.

Remember, these people get, in total, around 48 hours with the person they’re going to marry if they make it that far, most of which is spent with an entire camera crew and production. I hate to say it, but Chris Harrison might be right.

Aside from a brief moment of correctness, what else does Chris Harrison have?

A DATE CARD!!!!!!!!!!

Clay, Nick, Chris / Perez Hilton, Venture Capitalist/Chicken David, Jean Blanc, Jordan, Connor, and Lincoln are on the first group date of the season.

The guys pull up and Becca’s there in a wedding dress, and Jordan’s feeling confident because he’s a model2 and beating good looking dudes is basically how he makes his bread and butter, so he’s not concerned. I love that Jordan’s entire personality is just being a Good Looking Guy. No one ever explained to Jordan that looks aren’t everything, and if they did, he wasn’t listening. Becca wants to “pamper” the men the way she was on her first date with Arby and I love that Becca thinks men’s idea of pampering is wearing tuxedos and drinking champagne. I mean, that’s my ideal man, but what do I know? I’m the kind of person who thinks Jack Donaghy was right here:

Becca pretends not to be ogling these men because I would be ogling these men. Without shame. I decided in 2018 I’m going to be as shameless about wanting to sleep with men as men are about wanting to sleep with me and it’s pretty great. I haven’t taken a full left turn into catcalling just yet, but I really have just embraced my inner Guy Checking Out A Girl Meme this year.

Jordan does his various modeling runway walks, and honestly, I so preferred this last week on the Vanderpump Rules Secrets Revealed episode when it was Tom Sandoval. Tom Sandoval actually had variation in his poses, where as Jordan is verging on the Zoolander “THESE ARE ALL THE SAME LOOK I FEEL LIKE I’M TAKING CRAZY PILLS” type of modeling. Jon Kortajarena is offended. Jordan is comfortable wearing clothes because he does it for a living. He tells Becca the best way to get dressed is to put her confidence on first. Becca invites the guys to go get rough and there we see

QUEEN RACHEL AND HER FIANCEE BRYAN.

This is a variation on the challenge we had last season that starred Mila Kunis and the Jar Of Douche she married, but instead of babies, it’s a wedding themed obstacle course. It’s a stretch, but it’s basically guys in tuxedos doing a Mud Run, something I can guarantee 85% of the men on this show have participated in. The first obstacle is strapping an ankle bracelet with a ball on it to the next obstacle.

Because ball and chains. Get it? Marriage? Women are carriers for men’s baggage?

Moving on.

The next is “Cold Feet”, which is basically dunking yourself into a vat of cold water3 for a period of time. The next is “slippery slope”, running up some slippery steps. Then “Get Over Your Exes” where they have to crawl on the ground to get a bouquet. The stretchiness is so real, it’s like a rubber band. They’re really trying this.

Finally, it’s “Cake Tasting”, which basically has the guys chomping through some cakes in order to find rings. This is all made worth it for Rachel telling the guys to “find out what that mouth do,” which I think should be a much better catchphrase than “do the damn thing”. The final two have to race to the altar to find Becca.

The obstacle course is kind of boring. Clay DGAF about the ice buckets, meanwhile Lincoln is miserable. All the guys notice that Lincoln got in the tub after them, but was out before them, and are pissed. Meanwhile, Lincoln is slipping and sliding all over the place4 and he gets a huge headstart. However, he misses the vase that bouquet of flowers is supposed to go in, so he must go back. By that point, David’s caught up and is face first in cake5 and they’re neck and neck until Lincoln nudges David, and he falls. Lincoln is the one to meet Becca at the aisle and “propose”, and the guys are all pissed.

There is a difference between competitiveness and playing dirty. Lincoln was playing dirty - leaving the tub before his time was up, knocking David over - that’s not a fair playing ground and yeah, Connor (I think?) is like, “wow, that says a lot about him as a person if he’ll cheat on a game like THIS.”

At the After-Party, Becca is wearing a red lace dress and Lincoln is being obnoxious. He keeps calling Becca his wife and the guys are barely in their chairs before Lincoln is taking Becca aside. Lincoln keeps saying “you bring out the best in me,” and Becca wants to know why. I love Becca’s line of questioning. These dudes can’t say empty, false platitudes because she’s gonna ask why. Becca gives him a portrtait of the two of them on their “wedding day” and Lincoln… kisses it. He’s gushing and all over her and they finally kiss in a manner that’s not covered in mud.

"Kissing Becca is like flying to the moon on the wings of a Pegasus while dancing with unicorns on a pot of gold.” - Lincoln actually says this. I have never hated anyone so much.

Back at the house, there’s a...

DATE CARD!!!!!!!!!

It goes to Blake, who honestly, if you replaced him mid-season with Miles Teller, I wouldn’t realize.

We see the montage of Becca connecting with the guys, of course. Meanwhile, Lincoln is literally talking to his “wedding portrait”, kissing it, all kinds of obnoxious behavior. The guys are annoyed because he keeps propping the picture up and rubbing it in their faces, and it’s not something any of them are cool with. I mean, same? Connor (I think?), who clearly is being manipulated by a producer, keeps moving the picture, even when Lincoln continues to display it. Connor (I think?) tosses the photo on the ground after Lincoln’s like “where would I put it?” Of course Lincoln is the type to get hyped up on semantics. Lincoln props up the frame one more time, and Connor (I think?) ’s completely normal, pratcial reaction is to fling the photo across the pool, shattering it.

This reaction is so over the top, and I hate Lincoln, so that’s saying a lot. Lincoln was wrong, but his incorrectness was basically harmless. Connor (I think?) ;has been there for one day at this point. It is entirely unacceptable that he reacted like this… after one day. It’s a red flag if I’ve ever seen one.

Meanwhile, Jean Blanc, my mom’s dream husband for me, is making Becca swoon. Honestly, he talks about needing love in his life and how he gives her butterflies. They kiss and it’s nice. I'm glad Becca is giving the black guys a real shot at this.

Meanwhile, Lincoln is lurking a stairwell waiting because he “needs a new picture”, and he’s crying. He’s “rattled” because Connor (I think?) broke his picture and tells Becca that it’s becuase he didn’t like the picture. All the guys are like “tattletale”. Lincoln calls Connor (I think?) aggressive6 and says he doesn’t know why Connor (I think?) destroyed the photo. Becca points out that yes, this is aggressive and extreme, and is frustrated that it’s this early in the season and this is already happening. Becca goes to talk to Connor (I think?) , and Connor (I think?) really doesn’t see anything wrong with how aggressive he got straight away, which is scary. Rightfully, Becca asks him if this happens often, because girl has right to know if this dude is going to slaughter her in her sleep. Becca admits that what Lincoln did wasn’t right, but she wants someone respectful. Becca’s frustrated because it’s already too soon for this drama to start.

Remember what Chris Harrison said about using your time wisely? This is what he meant, Connor (I think?). Your time with Bex was spent talking about another dude.

Back with the group, Jean Blanc gets the group date rose. Of course.

Back at the house, Lincoln is still upset about his picture and Garrett, Andrew Keegan and the rest of the 90s Villains are all telling him it’s okay for him to be upset about it. I mean, kind of? It’s not worth crying over. I bet production can get you another copy, they just need to go to Michaels and get a Michaels coupon for 50% off frames first. They go to Jordan, where he’s sititng with the same Andrew Keegan from before, and Andrew Keegan is like, “dude, why are you CRYING over a photo where you don’t even look good?!”

Andrew Keegan, asking the right questions. No wonder you started a cult. Jordan thinks Lincoln’s accent is fake, and normally I’d be like “pfft, who would fake an accent?” But then I remember the Emmy-worthy performance Lincoln is putting on and I remember... it’s guys like Lincoln who put on a fake accent. It’s like Emily Mortimer on 30 Rock, but instead of fragile bones, Lincoln has a fragile ego.

They make an entirely uneventful transition to Blake on his date with Becca. I went to high school with a billion dudes who look just like Blake, and that is probably the source of my tiny crush on Blake? I mean, Blake is likely as trash as the rest of these men but he’s trash in a sweater?7 Honestly, looking like Miles Teller and not having the personality of Miles Teller already is a win for Blake. It’s Blake’s first limo ride because last week, he rode in on an ox. And before that, a horse. Blake does not like enclosed spaces. Becca has no idea what’s happening on the date today, only that it’s been left in Chris Harrison’s hands.

A List of Chris Harrison’s Date Ideas:

Making you into a human candle

Slaughtering babies

Going to a Speculum Museum

Creating enemies

Drinking mimosas from human skulls

This is why they haven’t let this man plan a date on this show before.

They meet Chris Harrison at what only be described as a Murder Warehouse8 and he’s holding a sledgehammer. In case you’re wondering what my nightmares are like, it’s this. Chris Harrison in a button-down and jacket with no tie, holding a fucking sledgehammer. Basically, the entire premise is “Becca, you say you’re over Arby, but production isn’t quite yet, so why don’t you smash some of his shit with sledgehammers?” Y’all, did you know Arby and Becca broke up? There are TV monitors playing her proposal like some demented Truman Show, the couch he broke up with her on, and Arby’s racecar. We get it, production. The metaphor has been handed to us on a stick.

Also, this is a dream date of mine, but with just general shit. I want to smash stuff.

Then Lil’ Jon shows up and I yelled “GIVE HIM THE ROSE, BECCA!!!!!!!!!!!” I have no idea why Lil’ Jon is there other than to DJ the destruction. It’s perfectly scored to “Turn Down For What” because this show really is permanently in 2014. Regardless, Becca and Blake are getting along. Their arms are sore! Becca was nervous but not because of Blake. They already knew what they were in for and so they were relaxed. Becca points out that this show is a lot like dating in reverse - basically, you’ve already picked this person as your life partner, now get to know them - and how that created an environment where she fell for someone quicker than she thought possible. What a fascinating dynamic, honestly, and it’s amazing how simply summarized the concept of this show is. People always say “How do they do this so quickly, how can they say they’re in love after a few days?” When you’re isolated with nothing else to do but think about the possibility of a life with the only person in your vicinity, combined with someone coming into your room to talk to you only about that One Person and your relationship with them, you’d do the same. This is why distractions are good in love. When you first fall in love, keep yourself busy9.

Blake unleashes his trauma - he fell for a girl who said she loved him early on, and then everything changed and she broke up with him out of the blue not even a week later. Damn, that’s savagery. He can appreciate her being there and opening up again after her heartbreak, because he’s struggling with that. Blake gets the first one-on-one rose.

Back at the house, there’s a...

DATE CARD!!!!!!!!!

Garrett, Rickey, John, Ryan, Alex, Christon, Trent, Leo, Wills, and Colton are on the date card. Which means none for Andrew Keegan / Jason or Mike.

The guys on the group date head onto a school bus and head to a field, where Becca is waiting for them. Colton confirms his virgin status by talking about how good Becca smells - she looks good, but smells better? What? Shut up, Colton. Your facial hair isn’t enough for your chin.

They head into a gymnasium, where the men are immediately greeted by eight-year-olds throwing balls at them. The kids are there to show them dodgeball and make sure they know how to dodge a ball like Becca dodged Arby. My absolute favorite is these kids just reading these grown men to filth. One of the boys calls the men trash and asks if Becca wants trash, and I literally laughed for a solid hour.

The pink team takes the strategy to hide behind Becca because no one’s going to hit The Bachelorette, right? Wrong. Christon is just pelting her with balls. Dodgeball is a serious sport, despite what these people think. We get another occurrence of Fred Willard, who I really hope was adequately paid for this appearance because he looks like he’d rather be in bed. As quickly as the game starts it devolves into this year’s NBA finals - Leo vs. the Green Team, if Leo is Lebron James and the Green Team is the Golden State Warriors.

CAN I GET A MOMENT AND A PAT ON THE BACK FOR MY SPORTS KNOWLEDGE????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? I’LL WAIT. I’LL WAIT. I know y’all are shocked.

Becca’s shocked Leo, who is a stuntman, is good at dodging injury in dodgeball. Becca. Come ON. But the audience is living for Leo, the Last Man Standing. Eventually he’s defeated and the Green Team is the victor, but Becca’s got her eyes on him, so that’s what matters.

At the After-After Party, the guys are all on top of the world. It’s the opposite vibe from the other group date, so of course someone’s gonna come in and fuck it all up. Garrett and Becca talk about whether it was weird to get the First Impression Rose and then be sequestered into Group Date category. Garrett talks a lot about himself and calls himself the male version of Becca. Wills has the best sense of fashion out of the house, full-stop. They do rapid-fire questions, my favorite form of getting to know someone. Becca wants a relationship like her parents, and Wills does too. Wills gets emotional talking about his parents and his family, and I love Wills!!!!!!!

Is Wills my new Wells?

Colton and Becca sit down and Colton’s got something big to reveal to Becca. He tells Garrett that before filming started he had a fling with Tia from Arby’s season. I love the underlying message here: I was dating the girl who probably would have been The Bachelorette if Arby hadn’t smashed Becca’s heart. Colton, without a doubt, is there because he thought Tia would be The Bachelorette.

We’ve had the dynamic of “they hung out before and came on the show to date this person”, namely in the case of Kaitlyn Bristowe and Nick Viall. There’s no doubt in my mind this was the intentions of everyone involved - Tia, Colton, and production. There were rumors of Luke Pell, when he was still a contender for The Bachelor, taking previous Bachelor contestants and various women that if they came on the show for him, he’d guarantee them a spot in the final four and they’d get the chance to “date” while on the show. This is what cost Luke the position as The Bachelor. Colton either a) went on the show for Tia and stayed along for the ride with the hopes of getting to Paradise and (likely) dating Tia or b) is there for the Instagram followers and the fame that comes with it. The timeline doesn’t make any sense.

Colton tells Becca that he dated her friend for a few months and that it fizzled out because it was getting too serious too quickly even though they had a connection. Which is why he proceeded to go on a show where the end goal is a quick engagement? Get the fuck out of here with that logic, Colton. You also dated Aly Raisman - you’re a starfucker. He takes a long pause when he says “I’m here…. To get to know you.” He’s not, he’s there for the Instagram ads. Becca doesn’t send him home immediately like I would. He’s basically admitting to not being there for The Right Reasons, Becca!!!!!! You already had one dude choose another girl over you, and you’re into the one who has a high likelihood of doing the same thing? It’s salting a wound that already exists. Becca feels sick to her stomach about it, but doens’t sent him home on the spot.

To me, that’s production intervention. But that’s just me.

My New Boyfriend Wills gets the group date rose, but it’s begrudging.

At the cocktail party, Becca arrives in this gorgeous cobalt blue sparkly dress that is easily on par with my favorite Bachelorette Look, Joelle from The Final Five Elimination form her season. She looks gorgeous. More of this, less of the red lace, blarg.

Clay takes Becca outside and teaches her the Art of the Celebration Dance. Sometimes Clay comes off a little robotic, and I wonder if he’s just got a lack of experience with women. Which isn’t a bad thing. For a professional football player, it’s a little shocking. He’s so smooth though, because he uses what would be a “helmet bump” with his teammates to parlay a little smooch in there.

Venmo wrote Becca a poem, and he is too good to last. Venmo, call me. Connor (I think?) gives Becca a picture of himself from the mud date and they both fling his picture across the pool in order to make peace. Meanwhile, Jordan is trying to set himself apart from the other guys. He really wants Becca to know his personality, so he decides the best way to show her that is to get naked and parade through the mansion.

I mean, thus far, Jordan has done a great job of teling us his personality is basically just Being Good Looking, so this is one way to show your personality. Jordan also thinks that nothing attracts women more than being comfortable next to a sexy man, which is a very simplistic way of thinking. I’ve been comfortable around sexy men, but barely. Also, they were fully clothed at the time.

He parades past the other men in his boxer briefs and interrupts Becca’s time with David, who immediately gets his feathers ruffled10. Becca is amused, but David feels disrespected. Jordan doesn’t want Becca to get the wrong idea of him - he likes to live life on the edge, he likes to be a classy gentleman, which is why he’s sitting next to her in his skivvies on the couch. Meanwhile, David’s rattled and is immedaitely questioning Jordan’s intentions. Jordan is the kind of guy who wants to pass his name along to his son and wants to call his son Jordi, which I’m pretty sure is the name of a porn star.

What David hasn’t realized, though, is that every season has a Jordan - the guy who pushes buttons just by having a personality - and every season there’s a guy whose skin he gets under and that becomes their main focus. I’m sad it’s my boyfriend David, but I also have Venmo, Wills, and Blake in my back corner for moments like this.mp3. Last season it was Whaboom and Blake. The season prior? Alex and Chad. David also got upset earlier in the episode when Lincoln cheated and didn’t feel the need to say anything then, even though he had a legitimate reason to. Be more assertive, dude. Don’t try to approach an irrational person with rationality like you do Jordan. He doesn’t care what you think, and clearly none of the other guys are as butthurt about Jordan’s annoying behavior as you are. Jordan knows what his purpose on the show is, and he’s not going to be shamed because he literally cannot feel shame.

Also, David - you came in wearing a chicken suit last week. You’re kinda the last guy who has a leg to stand on when it comes to this.

Becca sits down with Colton and they try to unpack their conversation from prior. He wants to make sure Becca knows the reason that he’s there - to get to know her / Instagram ads - and she can trust him.

BECCA NOOOOOOO GET AWAY.

Becca talks to Chris Harrison for the thirty seconds he’s allowed for himself to be on set that day and basically tells him it’s been a hard week, but he’s like “okay, it’s time to send someone home so I can go home!!!!”

The rose ceremony starts.

Chris, Andrew Keegan / Jason, Venmo John, Clay, Mike, Connor (I think?), Leo, Chicken Daddy Bae David, Garrett, Nick, Ryan (Who I think is Mystery Bae from last week, good GOD he is fine), Christon, Jordan - with a bonus struggle to pin the rose to his blanket because of course someone in production didn’t have him change, Lincoln, and Colton are all safe.

That means bye to my mom’s dream man, Rickey, Trent, and Alex, who gives us some drunken man tears on his way out that are unintentionally hilarious.

Next Week: We’re playing some football! Jason / Andrew Keegan and Chris get some private time! Tia, Sienne, Kendall, Bekah, and Caroline are all there from Arby’s season to help the guys, and of course that’s why Colton was allowed to stay for another week, because they want to show us the love triangle of Tia/Colton/Becca. Tia totally seems liek the kind of girl who would flirt with your man in front of you. David’s white knighting Becca about Jordan. And oooh, there’s an ambulance? Someone’s fucking hurt.

See you next week!

Random Assessments from the Desk of Amanda:

So many of these guys look the same. Oh my god. Someone tell me the difference between Connor and Garrett. I really think they put them on separate group dates so Becca would remember they’re not the same person.

My mom’s picks for men this season:

Jordan is trying to be this season’s Corinne and I am not about it. I wasn’t about her, either, though.

THE LIGHTING ON THIS SHOW IS SUCH A MESS.

I really don’t like the narrative that these guys are solely here so Becca can forget another guy. Why does she have to forget him? She doesn’t even have to forgive him. It’s a part of her story, of who she is as a person. You’re as much of a person because of the pain you’ve felt as the great parts of your life. Arby is rubbish, but we must at least acknowledge his place and impact on her life. Also, replacing one trash dude with another doesn’t help.

Of course Jordan describes himself as an alpha.

I really think the reason I don’t like Lincoln is because he really does act like one of those black guys whose entire idea of success is a white wife. Like, achieving whiteness is his ultimate goal. He’s so phony, so calculated, and I don’t trust him.

I’m really struggling with coming up with a nickname for Becca. Like, I tried Bex, but I feel like Bex is going to be better served for Bekah Martinez on Paradise and her disappearing ass. Gimme suggestions in the comments.

Becca looks like June Diane Raphael, fully confirming that The Bachelorette and Burning Love are the same show.

Chris looks like Perez Hilton, 90s-era Adam Goldberg, and Ben Stiller in Dodgeball all rolled up into one rat-like person. Like, his face is permanently in “I smelled something bad” mode.

Related: Ben Stiller should get some residuals considering this season is basically full of men based on characters he has played.

I do want to take back a lot of that harsh things I said about Bryan last season. Yes, he had too many fillers put in and I did just have a thing for Peter ripping off his sweater in his breakup with Rachel, but damn. Those two have stood the test of time (or at least a year, longer than a lot of these other relationships have) and here we are. Their Instagram stories are my favorite. He loves her so much. She got him to stop putting so much filler in his cheeks. It’s all good. Plus, damn. He was lookin FINE in this episode. Get it, Rachel. ↩︎

Between him and Christina from America’s Next Top Model 24, I never want to hear the phrase “I’m a model” again. PS: Have you heard my podcast yet? ↩︎

Connor calls this a “good little bathroom break” - dude, are you advocating peeing yourself on a date? DUDE. DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE. ↩︎

I swear to god this show is trying to kill people. ↩︎

This is what Rihanna was singing about. ↩︎

Is this the first time anyone can think of where the black guy is calling the white guy aggressive and scary? This is refreshing. ↩︎

You know how my type is just Shoulders? Yeah, my type is definitely Shoulders in Sweaters. Yum. ↩︎

It’s an off-shoot of the Men’s Warehouse - you take the Toxic Masculinity Tunnel to get there. ↩︎

I actually just rewatched the episode of The Office where Michael thinks he has herpes and contacts all of his exes, only to realize he has a fantasy problem and a problem with romanticizing relationships with a revisionist history of what truly went on. Much like Michael, I understand wanting your life to be an epic story, including the Happily Ever After. But after thinking about this… I mean. If Michael had been more focused on his job like he should have been, maybe it wouldn’t have worked out for him that way? Then again, he might have married Jan. ↩︎

Come on, you know I had to. It’s an easy joke. ↩︎

[tiemeupspidey]

The Way You Look Tonight..

Series: Tom Holland Imagines

Relationship: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Tom is in awe when you make your entrance at the event. Tom has a surprise of his own if he gets an award either way he wins..

Warnings: swearing cause I swear a lot IRL and so does Tom, and cuteness from his infatuation

Word Count:1,800+

A/N: 

[Reader’s POV]

“Tom I’m probably going to have to meet you there, my dress just got fixed and I have to go pick it up.. I can’t believe they just fixed it when it was supposed to be ready two days ago” Your voice full of frustration as you gathered your makeup on the counter. 

“Darling I’m sure everything is going to be fine and you’ll look stunning as always..” he tries to assure you but how your nerves were getting the best of you made you think otherwise.

“Tom this is the Oscars, I can’t look like rubbish next to you” you say setting your phone down putting it on speakerphone.

“I assure you that you won’t look like rubbish but if you do you’re my rubbish” he teases making you laugh a bit.

“Why aren’t you here at the house?” you ask turning on your curling iron. Grabbing your foundation you put liquid dots on your skin. Taking a beauty blender to bounce the product onto your skin. Thankfully the house you were staying in had an awesome sized bathroom.

“I.. uh I’m shopping for a bowtie last minute.. yeah that’s it” his voice uneasy making you raise a brow.

“Thomas, I know when you’re lying to me.. I packed your suitcase and I put a bowtie and a tie in your suitcase”  you stare at your phone waiting for him to respond. There was a slight pause before he continued.

“Oh it wasn’t for me.. I’m with Haz right now” he explains with a nervous laugh. Knowing him and Harrison it was probably true. 

“Alright baby, I have to finish getting ready.. I love you and will see you there okay? Zendaya is coming over to help with my hair”

“I love you more, tell her I say hello and not to burn you” his comment making you laugh before hanging up on that fool.

[Tom’s POV]

“Dude that was so fucking close” my breath shaking from the nerves. I hated lying to her,I’m not great with secrets.

“You’ve kept it a secret this whole time mate,you got this” Harrison smiles over at me from the chair he was sitting in.

“You sure this is going to go well?” I ask holding the box in my hand,my hand shaking slightly.

“Tom if you don’t do it I will make you,It’s about time you’ve done it too.. there’s no way she could say no, you two are head over heels for each other” He laughs rolling his eyes at me nerves. I open the box to see the diamonds glistening in the light.

“C’mon Tom, we need to get to the venue so I can take some pics of you” Haz punches my black suit clad shoulder.

“Y-yeah I got this.. plus my family came here to support me so I’ll get to see them as well afterwards” I walk along with Harrison out of the store. Thankfully they finished cleaning it today cause today was the day..

-

[Reader’s POV]

“That eyeshadow look is gorgeous, what products did you use?” Zendaya asks as you blend another color into your outer corner. 

“I’m using Tarte, I absolutely love their products” you smile taking another brush off of the counter. Dabbing the brush into the glitter shade rubbing it in your inner corner. 

    Her hands working at your hair adding another gem into the thin braid crown. The rest of your hair fell in soft waves down your back. The gems looking embedded into your hair making it glisten in the bathroom light when you turn your head. What is something that Zendaya can’t do? 

    Zendaya’s curls were put into a bun with a intense smokey adorning her eyes. She always looked flawless when it comes to events, a true queen in fact. Zendaya is one of your closest friends thanks to Tom introducing you to her. You wouldn’t know what to do if she didn’t give you advice on how to handle being involved with a celebrity. She was truly a blessing.

“You’re going to love it, tonight is going to be truly amazing” she smiles admiring her work on your hair. Picking up a hairspray can she sprays it lightly running her fingers through the waves.

“I think Tom is hiding something from me.. He’s been acting strange these past few weeks we’ve been here in LA” A gut feeling wouldn’t go away and you absolutely hated it. Zendaya’s hand is on your exposed shoulder giving it a squeeze.

“Tom is just weird sometimes, maybe he’s just nervous for the Oscars?” Her body turns in the mirror as she fixes the belt on her outfit. Readjusting it she gives you a reassuring smile in the mirror.

“You’re probably right, I’m going to go and get my dress on” getting up you walk past her heading towards the dress bag. 

    Grabbing your heels you slip them on. Unzipping your bag the dress hangs in full view in front of you. Slipping off your robe you take the dress off the hanger. Stepping into it and sliding it up your body slowly. The gems on the dress catching your eye making you smile.

    Running your fingers through your hair you turn slightly in the mirror. The dress looking like you were mother nature herself. The plunging neckline wasn’t provocative like the other dresses you tried on before this one. You guessed it was the flowers that added some innocence to the neckline.

“Woah” you look up to see Zendaya looking at you in the mirror. Her face looking at you in complete shock and awe.

“So I picked a good one?” you smile doing a small curtsey towards her. 

“You look breathtaking… let’s take some pictures then head over there” She quickly pulls out her phone aiming it at you. Posing you give her a smile as the flash goes off.

-

“Look it’s Tom’s girlfriend and Zendaya!”

“Ladies pose for us!”

“Look at that dress, turn to the side !”

“Zendaya which designer are you wearing?!”

“Zendaya take a picture with us”

“Go ahead and find Tom, I know how all the camera flashes make you nervous” Zendaya whispers down to you giving you a slight hug. Nodding you wave to the cameras before heading towards the doors. 

    The man at the doorway opens the door for you. Thanking him as you head inside to a room full of actors and actresses. Eyes looking at you made your heart hammer in your chest. Giving the people you know hugs as you make your way farther into the room.

    Chris Evans walks up to you telling you he last saw Tom downstairs with Robert getting drinks. He points over towards the staircase that went to a lower floor. Lifting your dress slightly so you don’t trip on it. Your eyes scan the room to land on the one person you were looking for. His eyes lock with yours in a stare that makes your heart skip a beat.

-

[Tom’s POV]

“So did you get the ring in time?” Robert asks me tapping his glass with mine. He takes a sip of his Scotch waiting for a response.

“Yeah, thankfully it was ready to be picked up in time for today” I laugh nervously at him. My nerves were still getting the best of me at the moment. 

   Murmurs and whispers catch my attention causing me to detach myself from the conversation. I look around to see some people looking in a certain direction. My eyes look up to see the most beautiful woman, my girlfriend to be precise. She looks stunning, absolutely breathtaking… 

    Walking away from Robert I head towards the edge of the staircase. She descends down the staircase as her dress drags behind her. Our eye contact not breaking as she gets closer and closer to me. My heart rate was rising from how she was making me feel. She reaches the bottom step looking down at me.

“You’re absolutely gorgeous,holy fuck” I breathe out looking at her figure in the dress. 

“You look very handsome tonight Tom” her smile melting my heart instantly. Helping her down the last step I pull her body close to mine. Connecting our lips in a longing sweet kiss. When she pulls away her cheeks are tinted a shade of pink.

“Now I feel like rubbish next to you” I laugh running my fingers through my gelled curls.

“Oh shut it you cheeky shit” she giggles taking my hand in hers bringing it up to her lips to give it a kiss. God I love this woman.

“C’mon darling, I want to show you off to everyone” his lips press against your forehead gently calming your nerves instantly.

-

“I just want to thank everyone in my life for supporting me through my acting career. My family has helped me tons with everything , Harrison has been one of the greatest friends I could ever ask for.. Now if my lovely girlfriend could come up here I want to say something special to you darling..” Holding my award I look over in the direction where she was sitting. I see her figure stand and make her way towards the stage. Setting the award down by the mic stand before I walk over to her.

“Tom… what are you doing?” she asks taking my hand as I helped her up the steps. Walking her over towards the center of the stage.

“Well I wanted to thank you the most darling, you were always there through everything since we first got together.. you saw me as a person rather than a celebrity,I love you so much for that.. Oh shit whats that!?” I freak out pointing behind her causing her to turn around. The crowd gasping in confusion at what’s happening.

“What the hell Tom ,why are you shouting?” She asks while her back is to me. Getting down on one knee I pull out the ring box opening it. 

    Her hands going up in confusion not knowing what I pointed at.The audience starts shouting for her to turn around. Her body slowly turns around to see me down on one knee. A big smile on my face as I looked up at her.

“Thomas Holland..” her eyes start filling with tears her hand covering her math.

“I want to you to always be there with me in the future.. I want to spend the rest of my life with you .. Will you marry me?” I ask as my heart pounds in my chest. The audience growing silent waiting for her answer. 

“Yes! Yes I’ll marry you Tom” she smiles making the audience clap and Zendaya screaming loudly in the background. I could see her at the corner of the stage recording.Putting on the ring her finger I stand up. She attacks me in a hug holding onto me as I spin her around. The audience of my co-stars peers and role models were experiencing another moment of mine that I will remember forever.

“I love you so much” Tears fall down her cheeks as she looks down at me. Her hands pull my face to hers sealing everything with a kiss.

[theartificialdane]

Galactica, part 226

This is halloween, everybody make a scene, trick or treat till the neighbors gonna die of fright! Happy Halloween everyone from the Galactica characters who has finally made it to the biggest costume party of the year <3

Thank you @veronicasanders @toriibelledarling and @samrull for all their help with this wonderfull story <3

“Ta da!” Courtney burst into the bedroom, hair in French-braided pigtails, curled at the ends, tied with blue ribbons. She was still wearing pajamas and carrying her costume on a hanger. “What do you think?”

“If it say you look cute, is this gonna become another weird age thing?” Bianca asked, closing her computer.

Courtney laughed and crawled onto the bed, shaking her head.

“Okay, then you look fucking cute. Come here…”

Courtney bit her lip. “Don’t we need to start getting ready?”

“Seriously? We have like 3 hours.”

“I know! But you have all that green makeup to deal with, and Ben is making me wear false eyelashes. That’s gonna take me like a half hour.”

Bianca burst out laughing. “I’ll do your eyelashes, bunny.” She pulled Courtney into her lap, kissing her neck. “There. I just saved us a half hour.”

“Mmmhmm, okay…” Courtney closed her eyes.

Bianca slid a hand up her thigh, wondering if she should be trying to talk to her girlfriend instead of doing her usual thing. An image flashed into her mind of Courtney the night before, clinging to her mother when it was time to say goodbye, sobbing her eyes out like the world was ending. Even Adore seemed a little taken aback, but ultimately shrugged, reminding Bianca that Courtney had gone almost 2 years without seeing her parents in person, so obviously it made sense that she’d feel emotional seeing them leave.

She seemed alright today, though, sighing happily as Bianca caressed her soft skin, murmuring into Bianca’s ear, “I’m sorry, B.”

“Sorry for what, baby?”

“I know that’s I’ve been a little, um, you know, distracted by the album and the concert and everything. But tonight is all about us. We’re gonna have a great time. Okay?”

“Deal.”

“So I have to ask...what are you planning to wear under your costume?” Courtney smirked, fingering the black fabric beside them.

“What...do you want me to wear?”

Courtney’s eyes lit up. “/I/ get to choose?”

“I think it’s your turn, right?”

She bounced excitedly in Bianca’s lap. “Oh my god, this is amazing! I feel drunk with power…” She grabbed Bianca by the back of the neck, kissing her deeply.

Bianca laughed. “I think I’m gonna let you pick my underwear more often.”

***

“So what are we watching again Bonbon?”

Pearl smiled as she dumped down on the couch, two beers in her hand before she gave one of them to Laila. Laila and Pearl was dressed up, their hair perfected, Laila crafting Pearl’s makeup to perfection, but then as they were about to get out of the cab, Laila had gotten a panic attack, Pearl holding Laila as she couldn’t breath, the thought of all of the people, of having to hang out with Pearl’s friends, coworkers and the social climber strangers that tried to use her girlfriend all too much, so Pearl had done the only thing she could think of. She had booked them into a hotel and ordered an extra large pepperoni pizza.

“Nightmare before Christmas.”

“Nice.”

Pearl turned her head, Laila kissing her, their lipsticks mixing slightly.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Laila looked small, her eyes a dim, and Pearl felt worry settle in her stomach.

“Of course I am, I’m here with you.”

“But what abou-”

“I don’t care about some shitty party, or the foam cannons or the fact that I have three different kinds of body glitter in my bag.”

“But-”

“No.” Pearl grabbed the box of pizza and opened it. “Now start me the movie so we can watch Jack the Fruit king.”

“Pumpkin.”

“Duh, pumpkin is a fruit dumbdumb.”

***

“Coming!” Courtney skipped to the door, swinging Kylie in his little basket, throwing it open to reveal Adore, Jinkx and Alaska. She gasped in delight. “You guys look AMAZING!”

“I know, right?” Adore replied smugly, twirling her axe, silver makeup glittering.

Jinkx laughed and stepped inside. “My friend Roy works at this fantastic costume house. He helped out. And of course we’ve got the best makeup artist in the city at our disposal.”

Alaska tongue popped.

“Seriously, you look SO good! I feel so underdressed…” Courtney shook her head.

Adore put her arm around Courtney. “Awww, bae, you’re a perfect little Dorothy. Someone’s gotta be the bitch from Kansas, right?”

Courtney laughed. “Yeah, and Ben would only agree to the theme if he was Glinda. But I mean, I thought I went so over the top, with sequins and false eyelashes.”

“You’re wearing lashes?” Alaska asked, squinting.

“Yeah, you can’t tell?!”

Alaska laughed. “Not really, but that’s okay. You look pretty.”

“Fuck. Bianca helped and I told her to use a light hand with the mascara. ‘Cause, you know, between her and Vanity, I’m not sure who wears more makeup.”

“Ha! Speaking of the witches...where are they?”

“B’s almost ready, and Vanity wants to make an entrance. Can I get you guys a drink?”

Jinkx shook her head, the shiny curls of her lion’s mane shining in the lamp light. “We’ve been instructed not to eat, drink, touch our skin, or move until after photos are taken, lest we destroy Alaska’s artistry.”

“Hey, assholes!” Bianca said, walking down the hall in full Wicked Witch regalia, trailed by Sammy and Dede as little flying monkeys.

“B! You’ve shed your human skin and come as your true self!” Adore cried. “You look radiant!”

Bianca held up one green hand to give Adore the middle finger. “And who decided that you’d be the Tin Man? You have the mushiest heart of anyone in the universe.”

“Well, right, isn’t that the whole point? Like...irony, or whatever, cause he had the heart all along?”

“Yeah, exactly, and Alaska is the smart one; that’s why she’s the Scarecrow,” Jinkx added.

“I thought it’s ‘cause she’s the tall one…” Adore mused.

Alaska laughed and tossed Adore a kiss, posing sexily in her burlap booty shorts, long legs covered with intricately drawn patches and stiching.

“And we’re supposed to be celebrating your remarkable bravery?” Bianca asked Jinkx.

“Rowr!” Jinkx growled.

“Nice.”

“Citizens of Oz! Behold!”

“Oh, dear Christ,” said Bianca, and Courtney giggled, taking her arm.

Vanity swept into the room, in a gigantic pink ball gown, strawberry-blonde wig, and 2 foot crown. Courtney clapped and jumped up and down in her ruby slippers, squealing.

“Holy shit, you are STUNNING!” cried Alaska.

“Thank you, love,” said Vanity. “I know. To the party?”

“Ummm…” Courtney shook her head. “Hello, no, we need to Snapchat first.”

“Yes!” Adore squealed.

Vanity looked at Bianca, shaking her head. “Kids, amiright?”

***

Sutan laughed as he and Violet stumbled into Sutan’s car, the Violet’s dress so big he had to lift it to sit down, the fabric falling over him and covering him as he finally got into the car too.

“Your costume is gigantic mata indah.”

“My dress is the perfect size.”

Sutan settled in and closed the door, Violet giggly and happy, happier than Sutan had seen her in a while for some reason, the girl carefully leaning her head against his shoulder. Violet was beautiful, a fantasy of flowers and silk, her hair put up, jewerly covering her slender wrists, and Sutan had never felt prouder to be Violet’s boyfriend, his own costume nicer than any other he had ever worn, though he wasn’t proud of the fact that his Hades costume put the Batman one to shame.

“Ow ow ow ow, Sutan, you’re arm is on my hair.”

“Oops.” Sutan smiled, quickly moving so he wasn’t caught up in Violet’s extensions anymore. “I’m sorry.” Violet rolled her eyes, and Sutan grabbed a strand, tugging on Violet’s hair, her head bending at the pull.

“Sutan!” Violet gasped, surprised painted on every feature as the car started moving.

“I didn’t do anything.”

“You did, you totally did!”.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Sutan smiled as Violet sat up straight, the woman rolling her eyes as she took out her phone, turning on the front camera as she was checking her hair and fixing her makeup, the car stopped and Sutan opened the door and got out. He turned around, ready to tell the driver to take Violet around the corner and drop her off so she could walk into the party through the backdoor, when he felt a slender hand on top of his own, Violet smiling as she got out of the car too, and before Sutan knew it, he and Violet were walking the red carpet together.

***

“Should we wait any longer Miss?”

Fame looked at Roxy and sighed. “No… Let’s go.” Fame picked up her gloves, and Roxy and Fame left Fame’s townhouse, Patrick’s costume left behind on the untouched bed upstairs since he hadn’t been home in weeks.

“Miss, are you okay?”

Fame turned her head, quickly wiping her tears away. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.”

Fame snorted, but smiled. “Were you also this annoying and nosy when I hired you?”

“Afraid so Miss.” Roxy grabbed a handkerchief from her bag, and wiped Fame’s cheeks gently without removing her makeup.

“I’m glad you are.”

***

"I swear this dress looks even better on me now than before," Raven slurred as she kissed on Raja's neck, the rum pumping through her system. "Would you toot me Rara?" Raja shivered as she felt Raven's teeth tug at her earlobe, "only if you refrain from leaving hickies on my neck," Raja purred. "Wanna play a game baby?" Raven peeked up at the sound of playing a game, "I love games! Games give me life," Raven sang happily as she drained her glass of wine. "Games games games!" Raja laughed at Raven's song and dance, "Let's play toot or boot with the guests." Raja began as she scanned the crowd for their first contestant, "I spy with my smokey eye, a glittery devil in cowboy boots." Raven narrowed her eyes as she zeroed in on the person Raja was talking about, "I would hate to be him," she said as she twirled Raja's hair around her finger. "I mean look at those boots and that patchy glitter job… Fucking boot those boots." "I toot for originality, and for commitment since he'll never get rid of all that glitter," Raja added with a nod. "Oh look," Raven started as she used Raja's hand to point to what she could only assume was a woman. "I spy with my shady eyes, a DIY Victoria's Secret angel." Raja snorted into her martini at Raven's description, "She doesn't look that bad lovey," Raja crooned as she felt Raven try to crawl into her lap. "I think she looks quite lovely." "She's wearing a cheap white mesh bodysuit from Leg Avenue, $15 lingerie, fishnets from the bodega and a child's sequined fairy wings." Raven replied with a flat tone as she tipped some of Raja's blood orange martini into her empty glass. "She should have gone to Party City; if you're going to look cheap, make it a cohesive cheap look all from the same plastic bag." "So do you toot it or boot it?" Raja asked as she drank the rest of her martini making Raven pout and huff. "I toot it," Raven said with a cheeky grin, "I'm all for looking like Julia Roberts better looking slutty sister." "So is that tonight's esthetic theme, I thought you were Aphrodite?" Raja asked innocently as she turned her head to look at Raven, "It's very Slut-a-rella couture?" Raven cackled, kicking her legs in drunken glee, "Yaaaaaasss!! This is from the spring/summer collection for the new season!" Raven squealed happily as she clung to Raja's neck before flinching as she felt her implant shift. "So do you toot it Athena?" "The siren before me or the angel wannabe below?" Raja drawled as she watched Raven get up to grab a half drunk bottle of champagne and bring it up to her lips. "The wannabe," Raven replied with a hiccup as she poured some champagne in Raja's glass. "I'll give it a toot for effort," Raja said after draining her glass of champagne, offering it back to Raven to refill. "But a boot for poor execution and absolutely no attention to detail; Victoria’s Secret would never dare put one of their angels in that white mesh tragedy." "But what about the siren?" Raven asked, "does she get a toot for effort or boot for slut appeal?" "I'll give her a toot for her daring," Raja replied as she fingered the hem of Raven's dress, "but she'll get a boot and a spank if she wears that dress again without anything besides fashion tape underneath." Raven wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or Raja's words that made her face tinge pink, "what about a toot and spank?" Raven asked as she straddled Raja's lap, mindful of Sutan and her knees as she settled down on her fiancées lap. Raja looked up at her drunk fiancée who looked like she was having the time of her life giving her a pseudo lap dance while lip syncing the song playing, "a toot now and a spank later." Raja replied, letting her hand creep up the back of Raven's skirt, her fingertips grazing right below her bare ass. Raven giggled at the ticklish sensation that ran up her spine, "I'll be holding you to that since I have this dress in 3 different colors and one will definitely be worn at our wedding." Raja gripped Raven's ass tightly, pulling her closer to her smiling slightly, "you're so scandalous," Raja purred near Raven's ear, "but that will be a honeymoon outfit only." "If you say so," Raven crooned as she wrapped her arms around Raja's neck, almost flashing the crowd below. "I toot you too babe." Raja smiled as she felt Raven settle against her and her breathing slow down, "thank you Rave, you're my top toot of the week." "I'm your top toot of life bitch," Raven mumbled into Raja's neck. "That you are princess, that you are."

***

Alaska turned to Adore and murmured under her breath, “Is she ever gonna get bored?”

Adore laughed and shook her head, pulling the taller girl closer. “No, she fucking loves a step and repeat,” she responded, watching Courtney ham it up with Bianca and Vanity, pulling faces as reporters snapped photos of all of them.

At the moment, she was pretending to be terrified of Bianca as the Wicked Witch, cowering against Vanity as Glinda, with Kylie clutched in her arms. Jinkx stood off to the side directing them.

“Lasky! Adore!” Courtney waved them over excitedly. “Come on! Yellow Brick Road Realness!”

Adore glanced back at Alaska, grinning at her, before they went to indulge their friend and the paparazzi some more. “Sure, Dorothy. You bossy cunt.”

***

“Raja! Take our picture!” Raven smiled brightly. Her friends in the “Elite 6” had finally all shown up, and Raven wanted to get pictures with them - with herself center stage as usual, showing off her new tits and her offseason ass in her tight, sinful costume. Celia got close right away, her blonde hair and fair face making her look like a snow queen next to Raven’s deep brown colouring. Fo was already slightly drunk, the girl happily vlogging everything with her phone, while Jaslene had to be pried off her husband’s face. Allison got in the picture too and Sutan smiled when he saw that she looked genuinely happy. He, Raja and Violet sat nearby in a booth. Raja got up to oblige her slightly tipsy fiancee.

“Tati! Come here! You have to be in the photo too!” Allison called.

Tati protested, but Allison dragged her in as Raja began to snap photos of all of them, the girls laughing together for the camera.

***

Tati was nervous afterwards when they sat down, Sutan buying a round of shots for the table. She watched Raven scrolling through the photos on Raja’s phone, deciding which one to post. “Do you think I can see the picture? I don’t want to look weird,” she requested softly, perhaps too softly as Raven didn’t seem to hear her.

“I wouldn’t worry,” came Violet’s voice beside her. “You look great.”

“Are you sure? We had pizza the other day and I know gluten was a choice, but I feel all-”

“Your ass is nicer than my entire face Tatianna, you’re gorgeous.”

Tati looks over at Violet, slightly surprised by such a passionate compliment from her agent’s girlfriend.

“I mean...uh...you know…” Violet was flushing furiously. “You’re a model, you must know how pretty you are!” she finished.

Tatianna smiled, touching Violet’s hand. “I’m a little out of my element here. So sometimes...thank you. I needed to hear that.”

Violet pulled her hand away quickly, not meeting Tatianna eyes, almost looking like she was blushing, but Tati couldn’t really see her in the dim light. Violet reached out, picking up her glass and pushing one towards Tatianna. “Cheers.”

“Cheers.”

***

“Sutan! Hi” Chad smiled brightly as she leaned against the bar, her Cher costume making her a striking image of the celebrity.

“Hi Chad. Lovely outfit.” Sutan wiggled his eyebrows, making Chad laugh as she knew he was making fun of her.

“So have you heard?” Chad accepted the drink the bartender gave her, taking a long sip while she looked at Sutan, mischief in her eyes.

“Heard what?” Chad always had the best gossip, the woman somehow knowing everything about everyone since she was working at Saks, every brand with respect for themselves had their stuff there, so she knew practically everyone.

“Marie Claire is fighting.”

“.. The Ford models?”

“No silly! Bianca and Nina.”

“Really?”

“Cross my heart and hope to die.”

Sutan took a swing of his beer, not really sure if he should believe Chad, but she had never shared anything that wasn’t true before, he could see that she was looking at him in that certain way though, clearly expecting him to share some gossip himself since he knew Bianca so well. “I’ve always told Bianca she was better than MC anyway. She deserves to be the editor in chief of Vogue.”

Chad laughed at how Sutan deflected the question, letting him off the hook since they had known each other for years.

“You’ve always shot for the moon Amrull, both for yourself and for everyone else.”

“Everyone should, even if you miss you still end up among the stars.”

***

“Okay goblins! If everyone walks /slowly/ to the kitchen, we can divide your candy in threes.”

“But we don’t want to share with Grace! She’s too small!”

“Too bad munchkin, sharing is important, now walk.” Detox picked up his kids shoes, the terror twins having toed them off the moment they got inside, Julia dressed as an egg while Owen was a TV. Detox had no idea why Juju had allowed them to pick their own costumes, but since he hadn’t been home, he wasn’t going to complain about the fact that his wife had taken care of Halloween for him.

“You’re being so harsh on them.” Detox looked up, and saw Juju who was dressed as a cowboy, fitting in with her children’s theme of weird shit, while Grace who was sitting on her hip, the little girl dressed like a sheep.

“Aren’t you the fruit boxes and organic grapes queen?”

“But it’s Halloween. You have to get a stomachache” Juju looked down at Grace who was sleeping in her little costume. “And if we let them eat and watch TV, we could have time for a little Halloween celebration ourself.” Juju smiled and reached out to grab onto the belt of Detox’s chicken pants. “My sexy chicken man.”

“... This costume turns you on?”

“More than you know.”

“... I’ll take Grace.”

***

Allison walked over to Tatianna, carrying drinks for both of them. “Here you go… You drink vodka Red Bull, right?” Allison smiled sweetly. She looked so cute in her little angel costume, Tati thought.

“Wait...you paid for these?” Tati asked, adjusting her devil horns.

“Sure.” Allison smiled and stood next to Tatianna, surveying the crowd. “Wow, everyone looks great, don’t th--”

“Oooh, look at you and your fancy supermodel girlfriend!” came a playfully teasing voice from the side.

Tati turned to find Adore in a sexy glittering Tin Man costume, hand on her hip, eyebrows cocked. “Fuck off Adore, you know I don’t swing like that.” Tatianna said. She felt weird when she saw Allison’s big, expressive eyes widen at Adore’s comments.

“Seriously? You’re going to pretend to be straight,” Adore laughed.

Tati put a hand on her hip and began, “I’m very straig-”

Adore grabbed Tati around the waist and kissed her. Tati sputtered out a protest at first, but soon got into the kiss, grabbing Adore’s hair, not new to this little interaction between them, although it normally occurred when she had far more alcohol in her. Allison watched, wondering if this was why her roommate never talked about boys.

Tati was breathless by the time they broke apart, and tried to cover it up by saying, “Ugh, you ruined my lipstick, didn’t you?”

Laughing, Adore brushed a finger against her cheek, where silver glitter lingered. “That’s the least of your problems, princess.”

Tati glanced over Adore’s shoulder and saw a very jealous-looking woman dressed like the Scarecrow looking like she wanted to stab her eyes out. “Yeah, tell me about it. Your girlfriend looks pissed.”

“Which one?” Adore grinned impishly, then held out a hand to Allison. “Sorry, I’m being very rude. I’m Adore Delano. I went to college with Tati.”

“Allison. I’m her roommate.”

“Pleasure. You girls have fun. Happy Halloween!” Adore winked and turned to head back to Jinkx and Alaska.

*** “Sutan! Sutan! Are you out here?” Violet peeked out of the door, and stepped out onto the patio. Heidi Klum truly thought of everything, the area for smokers kept warm by several space heaters, everyone drinking and laughing as there was a bar at the far end of the room, the floor covered by superheros, musical characters and a slutty version of everything under the sun. Violet wrapped her arms around herself, her delicate gown, the deep neck and her bare arms making her shiver slightly anyway. Violet walked around, the cigarette smell crass in her nose as she walked around, looking for her boyfriend who she finally spotted at the edge of the patio. “Sutan!”

Violet smiled as she quickly walked over to her boyfriend who opened his arms and pulled her into a half hug.

“Hello lovely eyes.” Sutan kissed her hair. “How come you got such lovely eyes?”

“Stooop.” Violet giggled, the girl sneaking her hands underneath Sutan’s costume to warm them. Sutan flicked his cigarette and threw it in one of the ashtrays before he wrapped both arms around. “What are you doing out here?” Sutan took a step away, making a little distance between him and the big group of men he had been talking to just moments before.

“Looking for you.” Violet smiled, her cheeks a dusty pink as she snuggled into Sutan’s chest. “You have my wallet.”

“That’s correct.”

“Can I have it?”

“Why?” Sutan was gently swaying with Violet, the two of them almost dancing to the music from inside they could faintly hear.

“To buy drinks?“ Violet giggled, the woman gently turning her head up, effectively shutting Sutan up as they kissed lacy, neither of them noticing the bald man that took pictures of them from across the room.