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dandylion240 · 6 years ago

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Siblings Interview Tag

I was tagged by @lyrea a long time ago. I’m slowly trying to catch on things I was tagged in while I was on vacation. Not going to tag anyone since it’s been so long but if you see this and want to do it consider yourself tagged.

For this one I decided to do Toby and Tristan Queen. This is kind of a time jump considering one is still a toddler and the other just aged up to child in my game play.

1. Which one of you is the older sibling?

Toby: he is. He’s an ancient alien disguised in a twenty year old’s body.

Tristan: I am not. He’s kidding.

Toby: how do I know? You are an alien.

Tristan: I thought you gave up this weird obsession of yours a long time ago.

Toby: it’s not weird but yeah I did.

Tristan: so I’m not an ancient alien?

Toby: no your my dorky little brother. But wouldn’t it be cool if you were an ancient alien?

More under the cut

2. What do you like about your sibling?

Toby: he’s like the smartest person I know.

Tristan: smarter than you anyway.

Toby: aren’t you going to say what you like about me?

Tristan: hmm....you’re adorable. Like a puppy. You make messes and people still love you.

Toby: I’m not sure if I should feel flattered or insulted. Seriously a puppy?

Tristan: I did say adorable.

3. What annoys you about your sibling?

Toby: he’s an alien with a free invitation to go to his home planet anytime and he won’t take me.

Tristan: I don’t want to go.

Toby: why not?

Tristan: I was born here. My family is here. Why would I want to go there?

Toby: if we went together you’d still have family

Tristan: and that’s what is so annoying. You won’t give up.

Toby: I just don’t understand why you don’t want to know more about your people.

Tristan: They’re not my people!.

4. Describe your sibling(s) with three adjectives.

Toby: intelligent, stubborn and an alien

Tristan: persistent, stubborn and incorrigible

5. What is your sibling’s/siblings’ biggest talent(s)?

Toby: he’s like this walking brain. He can read anything and remember it like months later.

Tristan: it’s called having a photographic memory. It’s not a talent.

Toby: it is to me.

Tristan: you’re weird.

Toby: being weird is not a talent.

Tristan: no? It must be because you’re so good at it.

6. What is your sibling(s) really bad at?

Tristan: this is easy. He’s really bad at being serious.

Toby: I’m serious when I have to be.

Tristan: which is never

Toby: well you’re really bad at being an alien. What happened to the guy I was scared of?

Tristan: ugh how many times do I have to tell you I don’t want to talk about that?

Toby: until you tell me the truth. I know there was something about you when you first arrived.

Tristan: I was born. I wasn’t hatched and found in a cabbage patch.

7. Do you have nicknames for each other?

Toby: alien

Tristan: don’t call me that

Toby: why not? You are one aren’t you?

Tristan: human

Toby: yeah we don’t really have nicknames.

8. What’s one thing you can do that your sibling(s) can’t?

Toby: he has all these really cool alien powers.

Tristan: I may have alien powers but at least I know how to keep my mouth shut.

Toby: whatever

9. Did you get along when you were younger?

Tristan/Toby together: No

Toby: I hated sharing a room with him. I told my parents I was scared of him.

Tristan: and you were.

Toby: of course. You were strange. Kind of like someone was controlling you.

Tristan: (squirms uncomfortably giving him an almost guilty expression) It got better as we got older

10. What is your funniest childhood memory of your sibling?

Toby: there was this one time that Tristan walked in on our parents while they were...

Tristan: they don’t need to hear that story (attempts to cover Toby’s mouth with his hands)

Toby: (laughing too hard to talk) he thought someone was killing them!

Tristan: I was four and thought that....never mind.

Toby: you thought what?

Tristan: doesn’t matter. I was four. It was scary. I didn’t know what was happening.

Toby: I think there’s more that you’re not telling me.

11. Are you closer now or when you were younger?

Toby: definitely closer now than when we were kids.

Tristan: we got closer once he decided I wasn’t going to kill everyone in their sleep

Toby: I was a kid and you acted strange. I still say something was controlling you and somehow you were able to block them.

Tristan: argh nothing was controlling me. I was a kid. Kids do strange things.

12. Did you compete with each other?

Toby: not really.

Tristan: he was too busy being scared of me to want to compete with me.

Toby: yeah that’s true. Kind of hard to compete with someone when you think you’ll be killed if you win.

13. Which one of you is more likely to turn out like your mum or dad?

Toby: Tristan is totally clone of our dad Titus

Tristan: I hope it’s more than the fact we’re both aliens.

Toby: yeah it is. I was never afraid of him like I was of you. So this is a good thing.

14. Which one is most likely to have a big family?

Tristan: he is.

Toby: me? Why me?

Tristan: because you’re a Reagan and they all have big families.

Toby: not all of them...

Tristan: most of them.

15. What is one thing about your sibling(s) that has changed as you’ve gotten older?

Tristan: he’s gotten less scared of me

Toby: you’ve gotten less scary

17. Who is more pessimistic and who is more optimistic?

Toby: Tristan is more pessimistic than me I think

Tristan: not going to argue that. He tends to optimistic even when there’s no reason to be. Must be the puppy in him.

18. Is there anything you don’t like doing together?

Toby: sharing a room together.

Tristan: he’s a slob.

Toby: he’s a neat freak

19. Which one of you do you think will get married first?

Toby: him

Tristan: I was going to say you

Toby: um maybe we’ll get married at the same time

Tristan: yeah no let’s not.

Toby: yeah it’d be too much like sharing a room.

Tristan: neither of us plan on getting married.

Toby: yep single forever.

20. Lastly, how often do you argue?

Toby: I think a better question would be when don’t we argue?

Tristan: we don’t argue that much do we?

Toby: you’ve got to be kidding.

Tristan: ok we argue a lot.

#siblings interview #toby queen #tristan queen #character development #ts4

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thedanceofrelationship-blog · 8 years ago

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The Long Road to a Redemption Story

Identity is a story that comes in three basic parts. First is communion – who we are connected to, who we love; second is agency – what we have done and contributed in our lives; and third, redemption – how we have transformed the bad things that happened to us into something good. Most of us can site many times we have created happy endings from nasty situations. This is one of mine. It takes a long and winding road with a cast of characters (many who shall remain nameless) and extraordinary experiences, each adding a major milestone. Redemption would take well over a decade to be revealed to me.

OK, here’s the bad thing. My best friend betrayed me by having an affair with my husband which I didn’t find out about until two years after my divorce.

When I met her, I was 29, divorced with two kids, and commuting from a NY suburb to my Manhattan job on the Penn Central Railroad. My neighbor Fred introduced us saying she had a good weed connection. Our friendship began just as I was beginning to date the man who, within three years, would become my second husband. My BFF danced at our wedding. She became the sister I never had.

In the second year of my new marriage, my family moved from NY to Texas. Dallas launched my princess career. He had a great job, making lots of money. We got a great house. My kids were enrolled in a great private school. And, no longer needing to work, I built an art studio in the house and put my National Academy of Design training to work as a portrait sculptor. Life was full of carpool, art, tennis, jogging, and socializing.

My long, lost sister was a constant presence, no matter where we were. Our first Dallas summer of 100+ degree days, we rented a house for a month on the beach in Long Island. BFF arrived to visit with a surprising new practice – Nichiren Shoshu Buddhism, a sect that believes we can unlock the limitless potential of our inner lives and achieve Buddhahood in this lifetime. While she was locked away in her room chanting, nam myoho renge kyo for long periods of time, we were snarkily chuckling that she sounded like a buzzing bee. She tried to get me interested. “Herbie Hancock and Tina Turner are Buddhists” she said. I would have none of it.

The following year, during one of her regular visits to Dallas, I was suffering a highly unusual and excruciating migraine headache. BFF knew just the cure – chant nam myo ho renge kyo. I was desperate. After about 20 minutes, my headache was gone. And thus began what the Buddhists call, shakubuku, the initiation process into the Buddhist practice. She connected me to a local chapter where I could meet people and learn to recite the gongyo, the morning and evening prayers. From my first meeting, I was captivated by the sound, the harmony, the vibration, and the joy of these people chanting together.

Through my regular practice with this chapter I came to know the family of TV star from the show DALLAS. While they were residents of California, they spent each of their summers in Dallas for location shooting of the show. Seeing my work, they commissioned me to sculpt a portrait of their two boys, who were about eight and three years old at the time. As summer turned to fall and they prepared to travel west, they asked me to shakubuku a woman named Carolyn, the ex-girlfriend of a doctor who had rented them their house the previous year. Happy to oblige, I arranged for a meeting in which I taught her to chant.

Carolyn was the most dazzling, free spirit I’d ever met. She was a model, a dancer, an actress, and a pothead. I would regularly go to her house where we would chant for a while, then smoke a joint, and go to one of Dallas’s luxury watering holes for champagne.

Carolyn introduced me to her friends, a husband and wife who owned a resort in Mexico and were purveyors of the drug Ecstasy, or MDMA, which, at the time, was still unknown and unclassified by the Drug Enforcement Agency. In other words, legal. Ecstasy was a life-altering experience. I’d had a commonly reported reaction – I felt my heart opening in a way that I can feel to this day, so many years later.

One evening during a small cocktail party at my house with Carolyn and her friends, our doorbell was rung by a young family. Enter Blair and Stephen, and their 18-month old son, Seraphim. They had been on their way to their home in Austin and had stopped by to meet the resort owners just to say “hello” and give them thanks for the wonderful time they had had at their resort. With our hearts Ecstasy-wide open, we invited them to stay, which they did, for three days.

Blair and Stephen were the personification of The New Age. During our time together, they taught me how to rebirth, a type of breath work invented by the therapist Leonard Orr. The basic idea is that you can heal whatever ails you by re-experiencing the trauma surrounding your birth. It’s really just conscious, circular, yogic breathing that can be done lying flat or under water with a snorkel. Traditional psychologists have voted to discredit it. But, for me, it was extraordinarily powerful.

Blair and Stephen were aspiring breatharians. (If you’ve never heard of breatharians, think “vegetarian,” only substitute breath for veggies.) I know. But stay with me. They believed that it is possible for a person to live without consuming food, purely on prana, Sanskrit for life force, IF you could eliminate all toxins from your body, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Go ahead and Google this. There have been many articles written on breatharians and breathariansim. At that particular moment in time, they were subsisting as fruitarians and followers of Baba Muktananda and Siddha yoga, working to scrub their souls clean.

Blair was a practicing medium. She channeled a Canadian Catholic priest from the 1800’s named ��Father Andre.” This was the first time I had ever encountered a channeled being. Blair would go into a meditation, and with her eyes closed, a new voice sprang from her lips, with wisdom and guidance for those in her audience. Father Andre told me that I was like the sands of the desert, beautiful but frequently shifting, and failing to give solid ground to my children. I could see it. This harsh counsel came with a strong recommendation, “You need to do the est Training.” Naturally, I picked up the phone and enrolled in the next program.

Est, an 80-hour two-weekend training, was developed by Werner Erhard in the 1970’s. Est promised “to transform one’s ability to experience living so that the situations one had been trying to change or had been putting up with, clear up just in the process of life itself.” In truth, the training stopped my self-doubt and striving to be someone I was not, and actually produced a sense of perfection and responsibility. I came away from est feeling as though my life had taken a dramatic turn. I stopped drinking and drugging and encouraged my husband, whose drinking I was always working to keep up with, along with several of my closest friends, to do the training also.

As an enthusiastic and tremendously appreciative participant, I became a holy roller advocate for the training and guest seminar leader, leading evenings about the training to enroll newcomers. That’s where I met Lisa, my newest best friend and certainly the smartest and funniest woman I’ve ever known. Lisa was 11 years younger than I and 11 years older than my oldest daughter. We became so close that my husband had suggested that she could support my spiritual needs while he supported my financial ones. This didn’t work out so well. I was living a sober life with my husband, with whom I could find little in common, and simultaneously falling in love with Lisa. We divorced one year after the training.

Lisa moved in the day after he moved out. Her brilliance transported me from my desolation and fear to excitement about the blank canvas that I was. It would take a couple of years before I could come to terms with the failure of my marriage.

With no husband to support me, finance instantaneously became a priority in my life again. The job title, ‘princess/sculptor’ did not seem promising for generating anywhere near the income I needed to maintain the lifestyle to which I had become accustomed. I had to come up with a new career, and fast. Forced to examine what I had done in my life, I was completely stymied at how to combine my experience in visual art, sales, business analysis, and mother, and articulate it in the form of a new offer. And to whom would I make this invaluable offer?

Lisa connected me to a program on entrepreneurship that was being given by a Werner Erhard connection, Fernando Flores. Some background on Flores: At 29, he was the youngest minister in the Salvador Allende presidency. Remember the American-backed coup in Chile in 1973? Allende died and Flores was isolated in a political prison at the hands of Augusto Pinochet. After three years, Flores was released through the efforts of Amnesty International and went to Stanford to do his Ph.D. His doctoral thesis “Communication in the Office of the Future” provided important distinctions that Erhard used in his training.

The course on entrepreneurship created a huge opening for my career. I was introduced me to the fundamentals of the philosophy of language and the inevitability of the coming boom in the personal computer industry. From my years in the corporate world, I could readily see an offer to business. I returned to Dallas, a complete novice in the computer world but ready to start a company with Lisa where we sold grey market computers loaded with modems, floppy drives, and communication software.

Our first big break came with a contract with a global software company in Dallas. We were doing so well that we interested an investor in our business. Needing a staff, the first person I thought of was my old BFF who had been trying to find a job in Dallas for years.

The business venture was a disaster. We naively gave away 51% to the man with the money. Within a year, he had fired us and left us holding a $100K debt on a line of credit with which we had bought computers that our partner had sold and collected on. And while Lisa and I were fired, my BFF stayed on. It seemed that she had conspired against us, something we could hardly understand. Until the following summer when my ex-husband confessed his affair with her.

I called her immediately. At first, she denied it. When I told her that the information came from my ex-husband, she deflected by saying, “it was another time.” I offered her the opportunity to clean it up with me. She declined. I fell into a rage which turned into a righteous obsession that I couldn’t shake without several months of therapy and deep work on the nature of forgiveness.

No longer living together, Lisa and I bootstrapped a new business. Recognizing a substantial need for greater competence than our customers in communication, I immersed myself in a long-term program with Flores in the philosophy of language. Flores committed that if I would give him three years, he would teach me how to think.

In my third year of the program, a group of students went out for a night of salsa dancing. There I met Cristián, a Chilean man who studied with and worked for Flores. The moment I saw him, I knew I had to dance with him. Within two years we married.

Our highest priority was to live together authentically. One of our first commitments was to tell each other everything we didn’t want to tell the other. And in so doing, we delved into the depths of our humanity, discovering more and more of ourselves and each other, healing our shames and traumas, and continually expanded the limits of what is possible in an intimate relationship.

We have been together for almost 30 years. During this time, I developed the agency aspect of my identity. Building on my education, I created a program called Mindful Collaboration. I have become known as a virtuoso coach and team developer, working with the leadership of Fortune 100 companies.

Another significant connection came from my relationship with Flores. I coached a man named David who was struggling to create a new business. We became friends. I introduced him to a training called Avatar that was conducted at my friends’ resort in Mexico. There he fell in love with a woman who moved him to Mexico where he encountered Huichol shamans who completely changed his life. A few years later, David offered me the gift of vision quest, a traditional indigenous ritual where one goes alone to the mountain, fasting for days, sitting in a small corn circle with nothing to do and nowhere to go, praying for a vision. The mountain showed me the intricate, sacred, interconnectedness of all life. This great gift answered the question I didn’t know that I had, but was the force that had been driving me, “why am I here?”

The portrait of my life is drawn by connecting the dots of these remarkable encounters. Meeting the mountain was a dot that forms the heart of my portrait, like a keystone holding it all together.

Bringing the sacred into our lives has given our couple a palpable resonance, one that has had people constantly asking what it is we know. Ten years ago, we began to offer a course together called The Dance of Relationship that shows that love is a dance everyone can learn. We share our most significant commitments and provide practices for mastering the moves of the dance. The course awakens the heart of all who come.

We have become great learners, Cristián and I. This is the secret to redemption – find the gift in those failures and pain, use them to become masterful in life. I sit in great gratitude to my old BFF for putting me on the path of learning and finding my amazing partner. Without her, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

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helloworlddemo1122-yahoopar-blog · 7 years ago

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Justin Timberlake, Chrissy Teigen, Dwayne Johnson and More Stars Share Touching Father's Day Messages

Happy Father's Day!

Dads across the globe were feted on Sunday with Father's Day cards, perhaps some breakfast in bed or a new tie and, of course, lots of love. Celebrities were no different, as social media tributes went out to dads who helped them get where they were, stood by their sides and gave them their love.

From Justin Timberlake, to Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, to Madonna and Miley Cyrus, celebrities celebrated Father's Day in their own special ways.

Timberlake took time to celebrate his son, Silas, and shared rare photos of him.

"The last 3 years of my life have brought more joy than I could ever imagine. Being a father is such a trip... an amazing discovery every day. My son: it is my honor to be your Daddy. You make me feel a love that I didn't know existed," Timberlake wrote on Instagram. "I will ALWAYS be there... to pick you up when you fall, to lift you up when you are ready to soar, and to remind you that your humility will be your guide through this thing called life. And to all the Dads out there: Keep on keeping on! Our children are watching and listening more than we know! I'm celebrating you all today! Happy Father's Day! Cheers! 🍻."

The last 3 years of my life have brought more joy than I could ever imagine. Being a father is such a trip... an amazing discovery every day. My son: it is my honor to be your Daddy. You make me feel a love that I didn't know existed. I will ALWAYS be there... to pick you up when you fall, to lift you up when you are ready to soar, and to remind you that your humility will be your guide through this thing called life. And to all the Dads out there: Keep on keeping on! Our children are watching and listening more than we know! I'm celebrating you all today! Happy Father's Day! Cheers! 🍻

A post shared by Justin Timberlake (@justintimberlake) on Jun 17, 2018 at 12:17pm PDT

Miley Cyrus took time to honor her father with an adorably cringeworthy throwback photo of dad Billy Ray Cyrus during his epic '90s mullet phase.

"Happy Daddy’s Day to the best Dad on the planet!" she wrote on Twitter.

pic.twitter.com/UQQv1fkJWB

— Miley Ray Cyrus (@MileyCyrus) June 17, 2018

Happy Daddy’s Day to the best Dad on the planet! @billyraycyruspic.twitter.com/BW3wupu3Bx

— Miley Ray Cyrus (@MileyCyrus) June 17, 2018

Dwayne Johnson, whose third daughter was just born in April, paid tribute to his father in a throwback Instagram pic that showed the elder Johnson looking pretty Rock-like himself. Calling him a "hardly ever smiling OG bad ass," Johnson wrote that he learned about true love from his father -- even if it was tough.

"Years later as a man and father of three girls, I know that tough love, is a helluva lot better than no love at all," he wrote. "I’ll take it. It’s made me who I am today. Grateful to the original Rock."

Happy Father’s Day to this hardly ever smiling OG bad ass. Little boys by nature, look up to and idolize their old man. They want to be just like em, do whatever they do and are always looking for their approval. Funny thing is the day I stopped looking for that approval was the day I understood what it meant to be man and more importantly, a father. That shift lifted me to a new level of gratitude for the tough love he always gave. Years later as a man and father of three girls, I know that tough love, is a helluva lot better than no love at all. I’ll take it. It’s made me who I am today. Grateful to the original Rock. #HappyFathersDay #KingStache #RockyJohnson

A post shared by therock (@therock) on Jun 17, 2018 at 11:23am PDT

Here are just some of the celebrity Father's Day tributes warming up hearts today:

I think they love him 😘x Truly the best daddy @davidbeckham x missing u @brooklynbeckham x

A post shared by Victoria Beckham (@victoriabeckham) on Jun 17, 2018 at 2:06am PDT

Having matching donor organs in case anything happens to me is a true blessing. #HappyFathersDay

— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 17, 2018

My first baby holding OUR second baby.....Our girls are so lucky to call you dad and I’m so lucky to have you as a husband a lover and a friend. We love you. Life is better with you. 👨‍👩‍👧‍👧 - To my dad, thank you for being the best example to show me what i would want in a husband and father one day, the way you look at mom is the way Adam looks at me, thank you for being the best dad EVER.

A post shared by Behati Prinsloo Levine (@behatiprinsloo) on Jun 17, 2018 at 11:29am PDT

Happy Father’s Day babe. Thanks for being such a good dad to our babies! Shout out to all of the amazing dads out there! 💕

A post shared by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on Jun 17, 2018 at 7:07am PDT

Dad I love you more than words.. I would do absolutely anything for you. I can’t wait to hug and kiss you Happy Father’s Day

A post shared by Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) on Jun 17, 2018 at 7:33am PDT

What a man, what a man, what a mighty good man. Thank you for the beautiful life and these beautiful lives you have given me. My best friend and partner always, the most loving and generous and kind human in the world. And the smartest. I didn’t say funniest so you know I’m not lying here. We love you with all our hearts. Happy Father’s Day

A post shared by chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) on Jun 17, 2018 at 9:11am PDT

Today has an entirely different meaning to me than I did when I first became a father to Tashi and then my Ella Bella. It’s an incredible responsibility, and one I have always treasured. But as I grow older and proudly watch them doing the same, not only are my kids my pride and joy and number one priority - now they also motivate me. Every day, Tashi and Ella make me a better dad and a better person. Being a father is the greatest job in the world, more than any career I could have dreamed of as a kid. To all the fathers out there, never stop trying to be the best. I don’t. #HappyFathersDay

A post shared by Alex Rodriguez (@arod) on Jun 17, 2018 at 6:29am PDT

My beautiful love, I love everything about you & the love you give to our beautiful babies. Your commitment, passion, & the way you love deeper & deeper every day! You are totally one of one & we cherish you! Happy Father’s Day! @THEREALSWIZZZ 😍🌟😘 & to all special fathers! 💕 pic.twitter.com/bNrcYzPZUq

— Alicia Keys (@aliciakeys) June 17, 2018

Happy Father’s Day @bradfalchuk You are extraordinary.

A post shared by Gwyneth Paltrow (@gwynethpaltrow) on Jun 17, 2018 at 8:12am PDT

Happy Father’s Day cajm, you are a ray of sunshine ☀️.

A post shared by Gwyneth Paltrow (@gwynethpaltrow) on Jun 17, 2018 at 8:10am PDT

There’s too many cute moments to choose from❤️.. @DangeRussWilson! I’m truly obsessed with how much you love our little ones, and how every moment matters to you! I’m so grateful for you. You are truly the best dad in the world. I Love You! #HappyFathersDay! pic.twitter.com/Vk2h1WLgKK

— Ciara (@ciara) June 17, 2018

Thank you for loving me until you took your last breath and beyond. Thank you for the sacrifices. Love love you daddy❤️💕💕💕 Happy Father's Day! pic.twitter.com/fCO6ZlBcDT

— Viola Davis (@violadavis) June 17, 2018

Happy #FathersDay to the greatest dad, who always makes time to give big bear hugs, supportive pep talks, and a few golf tips! We love you JT ! ❤️🏆❤️

A post shared by Reese Witherspoon (@reesewitherspoon) on Jun 17, 2018 at 9:21am PDT

Happy Father’s Day Dad!!!! Love, Axl #axljackpic.twitter.com/BKuZ95aLcw

— Fergie (@Fergie) June 17, 2018

i love you i miss you happy daddy’s day Lala 😍 twin twinnn pic.twitter.com/A6uIUj4yeo

— Kehlani (@Kehlani) June 17, 2018

Miss this guy every day. Always had my back. #HappyFatherDaypic.twitter.com/9GDyNzWHpZ

— Tom Bergeron (@Tom_Bergeron) June 17, 2018

This Man Tho..........Silvio Ciccone!! 💙 Happy Father’s Day to you and all the Dads who really show up! You know who you are #present! 🏋🏽‍♀️ pic.twitter.com/b0hWPLOVHW

— Madonna (@Madonna) June 17, 2018

Happy Father’s Day! Photo: @markweissguypic.twitter.com/4J9VzOJkmW

— Ozzy Osbourne (@OzzyOsbourne) June 17, 2018

And, of course, not everyone has neat family situations. So special thanks to Mark Hamill for recognizing that sometimes, family stuff can be complicated.

#HappyFathersDaypic.twitter.com/IMLJ3AimYT

— Mark Hamill (@HamillHimself) June 17, 2018

For a look at Alex Rodriguez's experience with fatherhood, watch the video below.

RELATED CONTENT:

Jennifer Garner Sends Ben Affleck Heartwarming Father's Day Message

Alex Rodriguez Says Strained Relationship With His Father Inspires Him to Be a Better Dad (Exclusive)

Khloe Kardashian Praises Brother Rob Kardashian for Being a Great Father Like Their Dad

#_revsp:new_provider_with_logo_342 #_lmsid:a0VK0000001yfWcMAI #_uuid:3587dc3d-768e-339f-b8f8-536fe3038890

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coffeeandambientnoise · 7 years ago

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Social Justice Activism Has Become Just Another Fashion Accessory

Pop activism is just a giant Che Guevara T-shirt draped atop the collective bosom of a generation of vapid attention-junkies.

By Mahdi Barakat

OCTOBER 11, 2017

Recently it was super trendy to do a volunteer trip in a poor country and follow it with a Facebook picture of oneself holding a helpless brown child. This sort of flattering altruism raised many eyebrows, and for obvious reasons: If your actions are truly about helping the less-fortunate, why flaunt it?

Although I’m not doubting the sincerity of many who do such volunteer trips, you don’t need to be a psychoanalyst to recognize that “holding the helpless African child” is often a form of self-promotion. Even our friends on the Left have found ways to interpret such photogenic philanthropy as self-serving.

Most of today’s political activism feels a lot like the profile picture with the Third World child, especially among the under-30 crowd. We all know contemporary activism tends to find its way onto social media: A person goes to an anti-Trump rally, and nine times out of ten will post a status documenting that participation. So now I ask: Is posting a photo of yourself holding an anti-Trump sign akin to posting a photo of yourself holding a Haitian child?

Yes, but publicizing one’s compassion is a much more clever game now. Whereas helping needy children on a volunteer trip doesn’t actually require broadcasting one’s actions, the purpose of modern-day activism is closely tied to the notion of spreading awareness—sharing your good deed with the world is an inherent feature of the deed itself. What a convenient goal.

We’re not meant to doubt the motives behind your flattering #supportthecause selfie, because you’re spreading awareness. That picture of you courageously holding a sign at this week’s anti-fascism protest isn’t to show the world you’re a great person, or to let your social circle know that you’re hip to the cause; no, it’s about spreading that magical awareness.

What We Call Decisions Made to Look Good

You don’t need to be a Seinfeldian cynic to see through all of this. Instagram, for example, is literally dedicated to projecting an idealized version of one’s life and character for others to see. It’s the ultimate tool for self-advertising. Instagram is where you share a bird’s-eye view of your cappuccino next to a book so everyone can know how quaint and learned your Sunday was.

By some weird and wild coincidence, Instagram just so happens to be among the choice platforms for promoting cosmic justice as well. In some happy twist of fate, the platform that is meant to portray the perfect version of oneself convenientlyhappens to be the go-to medium for those exhibiting their burning commitment to uplifting humankind.

I’m not buying it, and neither should you. By Occam’s razor, it sounds like what the kids are calling “activism” these days is really just another means for enhancing one’s appearance. Like a nose ring, a contrived candid pose, and a retro photo filter, activism injects a desirable aesthetic into one’s social media persona. What do we call decisions made to look good? Fashion decisions.

In favoring style over function, we’re left with a shallow knock-off of true activism for the kids to play with. Bastardized, standardized, and commercialized for superficial mass consumption, what we are actually witnessing is pop activism.

Pop Goes the Activism

Like other things “pop,” pop activism is more concerned with channeling the appearance of the original than knowing its substance. It requires no appreciation for the root material, nor the intellectual commitment to the ideas that underpinned the original cultural phenomenon. Generally, the younger the pop activist is, the more acutely fashion-oriented his or her “activism.” Resist capitalism on Saturday, and enjoy its fruits on Sunday. Decry institutional oppression in your latest Facebook status, yet lack the faintest idea of what truly oppressive institutions are like.

The pop activist is like the gym bro who posts shirtless pics of his hot bod to “inspire others to be their best selves.” The pop activist is like the supermodel who posts a no-makeup selfie under the pretense of “celebrating imperfections,” knowing full well that she still looks better than 99.9 percent of people would after a two-hour appointment at Sephora. The pop activist is very much like the person holding the African child, except the pop activist rarely does any actual good work.

Pop activism is just a giant Che Guevara T-shirt draped atop the collective bosom of a generation of vapid attention-junkies. If Katy Perry is a true activist, then she’s also a true punk-rocker. And whether you’re an aspiring Instagram model or peddling climate change models, there’s always a pop-activist accessory for your tastes.

Here’s the funniest bit: the very individuals who claim to abhor the idea of “cultural appropriation” are practicing the ultimate appropriation. They’ve extracted the imagery and language of meaningful activism from generations and peoples they cannot understand. Pop activists poach the look, but most will never come close to fathoming the circumstances and experiences of the truly downtrodden. Thus, the pop activist trivializes historical struggles for the sake of social cosmetics. It’s wrong for a white girl to wear braids, but apparently it’s just fine to liken a rally for subsidized birth control to Martin Luther King Jr.’s March on Washington.

What’s New About This Old Human Feature

Now, trends and Instagram quirks are usually harmless. It’s cute when cuffed trousers make a comeback for a few years. It’s cute when you’re given a glimpse into the (theoretically personal) moment an acquaintance proposes to his fiancée. We can argue that these cute things are narcissistic and vainglorious, but they’re not tangibly malignant.

But this phenomenon of cheap-and-trendy social consciousness has demonstrated an ability to drive policies that coerce and regulate people’s actions. That’s no longer cute. Sub-cultures as shallow as Beyoncé fandom shouldn’t have a dramatic effect on society’s most important institutions. We should be bothered that a bunch of hipsters who are nostalgic for eras of real struggle are exaggerating and fabricating human rights crises just to get their fix. We should be extremely bothered that “wokeness” has become a marketing gimmick for major fashion enterprise.

We’re all familiar with the silliness of virtue-signaling. We intuitively know that people go around wagging their fingers at others in order to make themselves look and feel good. We also know that activism has always had a place in vogue media.

But things are different now. Social media grants every person his own brand, and we’re constantly curating the studio of self. We are our own PR teams in the social marketplace, always ready to strike a pose or feign an emotion for the camera. Whoever or whatever brought us here reeks of malevolent genius. Pop activism dovetails perfectly with our ‘round-the-clock jobs of self-promotion. As a consequence, framing serious political issues with hyper-moralistic language becomes more effective. It’s no coincidence that campus leftism broke into the mainstream in tandem with social media’s meteoric ascent.

It’s the Confluence of Selfish Advantages With Activism

You may be thinking, “You’re not being fair. My best friend, Quinn, may derive some social benefits from his activism, but he’s genuinely devoted to what he’s doing.” Good point. But I’ll note two things. First, I don’t claim that no SJWs or pop activists maintain pure fundamental motives. Some of those gym bros really do want to inspire others with their washboard abs, and some supermodels do seek to celebrate imperfections. Yet general skepticism is warranted because, these days, activism is generally not what it purports to be.

Humans are good at convincing themselves of whatever reality aligns with their comfort.

Second, even if one is consciously committed to one’s own bag of social causes, it’s not unlikely that self-interest is a significant driver. Humans are good at convincing themselves of whatever reality aligns with their comfort. It just so happens that lots of rich people vote for and believe in the guy who wants to lower taxes. It just so happens that lots of welfare dependents vote for and believe in the guy who’s promising more government benefits.

It just so happens that your best friend, Quinn, settled on a political disposition that’s great for his image. It just so happens that he’s found himself in a political culture that guarantees praise for every instance of exhibitionism from his extended social circle. It just so happens that Quinn found a way to simultaneously fight for all that’s right in this world and look fab while doing it.

There’s an easier way to get to the bottom of this: Do you think half as many people would attend church if doing so didn’t come with any social benefits? That’s not so hard to admit. By that same token, are we to believe that half as many people would be Women’s Marching if it were all anonymous?

What makes pop activism so contagious is that it’s as easy to convince oneself of the virtue in one’s deeds as it is to persuade others. Just as traditional religious systems are so effective in generating activity by socially and spiritually rewarding the most conspicuous worshippers, the ecosystem of contemporary activism does much the same. Two hundred years ago it was bonnet-clad Puritans brandishing their religiosity; today we have pink-haired baristas converting every news item into obnoxious displays of sanctimony.

We Don’t Have to Be Like This

But the smartest woman in the room isn’t compelled to tell everyone how smart she is. The most pious man at church doesn’t feel the need to pray where everyone can see him. Similarly, a real activist doesn’t approach an anti-Trump rally with all of the social opportunism of a sorority pack eager to Snapchat the best pics from their Coachella weekend.

Don’t get me wrong: all of the hot topics of pop activism are worth talking about. But using activism, to whatever degree, as a means to social ends taints whatever intellectual integrity you may hope to associate with your political advocacy.

There’s always the hope that pop activism will go the way of Tamagotchi pets and Ed Hardy tees. But this is unlikely. Social signaling is an integral human function. Like music, pop activism will always be popular, but different content will go in and out of style. Future generations will inherit the paradigm of superficial activism, simply replacing old content with new (hence the rise of alt-righters and meme-based right-wing politics as an alternative to the leftist pop-activist program).

Unless we transcend the naïve idea that flattering activism is some sort of virtue, the country will always be at the mercy of the whims of fashion. That probably doesn’t make for good policy.

Mahdi is a first-generation American Muslim from Salt Lake City, Utah. As a strong advocate for small government and liberal principles, he dedicates his time to researching and writing about public policy and culture. He holds a master's degree in engineering from University College London and has worked as a consultant in the medical device industry.

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russellthornton · 8 years ago

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Infatuation Symptoms You Can’t Miss: 15 Signs You’re Sick in Love

What’s happening to you? You feel light-headed, you’re always happy, and you can’t wait to see them again. Here are 15 infatuation symptoms!

I’m actually going through this right now. I haven’t felt like this in years. I can’t focus on anything, you should see how long it took me to write this feature! I’m constantly thinking about him, checking my phone for his reply, it’s like I’m going through withdrawals. I need more of him. And that is just one sign of the infatuation symptoms.

Is this love? I don’t think so, at least not yet, but it’s definitely infatuation. I’m completely obsessed and if you’re going through this, then you know exactly what I mean. You may think you’ve fallen in love, and believe me, I want that for you, but don’t jump to conclusions right away.

If this is infatuation, of course, you need to enjoy every moment. Also keep yourself reminded of your emotions. Infatuation leads to love and a relationship, but it can also lead to heartbreak.

The infatuation symptoms: How to tell if it’s love or not

Love and lust is one hell of a drug. If you want to know if you’re headed for heartbreak or the altar, read on.

#1 You can’t focus on anything else. It’s taking you twice as long to finish a simple task, you’re not listening when people talk to you and you find yourself making stupid mistakes.

Yeah, I know, this was me all week. It’s horrible, you feel like you’ve lost control of your body and mind. [Read: Totally smitten or mildly crushing? 10 ways to split them apart]

#2 Everything reminds you of them. That cupcake in the window shop? It reminds you of the shots you two pounded back at the bar. Or the Beyonce song, totally reminds you of the way they smile. Everything has some connection to them even when in reality, there’s no connection. You just want to have them on your mind all day and night.

#3 They’re all you want to talk about. Your friends and family have been patient. However, if they have to listen to another story about this person, they’re going to explode. If they’re all you can talk about, it’s safe to say you’re infatuated. Love isn’t obsession, lust is.

#4 You’re defensive if someone knew them before you. If you know someone that knew your new flame before you did, you’re highly defensive. Maybe this person tells you that your flame is known to be a cheater or liar, but you have their back 100%.

Infatuation is blinding, so, whatever anyone tells you, don’t just disregard it as false information. Keep it in the back of your head. [Read: How to keep from moving too fast in a new relationship]

#5 Your friends and family don’t see it. No one can understand why you’re with this person. I’ve been in this situation before. In fact, I was completely infatuated with them. Now, I get why my friends and family were confused, we were not a match. But at the time, this guy was my life. Your friends and family know you very well, and they can see a true connection a mile away.

#6 You change what you want to match them. You used to want to have kids and a beach house, but, they don’t want children and prefer apartment living.

Well, suddenly, you don’t mind not having kids and you could do apartment living, why not? Nooo! This is not what it’s about, people. If you’re willing to scrap all your dreams for this person, it’s not love.

#7 You just met. You’re trying not to tell them you love them even though you just met them ten minutes ago. Listen, you don’t love them, at least not now. In reality, you just want to have sex with them. So, have sex with them, spend time together, and wait a bit to see how you feel then.

#8 You’re willing to change core values. All of a sudden, your core beliefs are going out the window for this person. Maybe you’re a vegetarian and they’re not. Well, now, you’re buying a giant steak for dinner. If this was love, you wouldn’t feel like you should change. [Read: Too good to be true? How to tell if you’re dating a phony]

#9 You put them on a pedestal. They’re literally the smartest, best looking, funniest person you’ve ever met. You feel that in some ways you’re less than them, that you don’t know what they’re doing with you. But that isn’t how it’s supposed to be. If it’s mutual, they see you both as equals and you should do the same.

#10 This is the best thing that’s ever happened to you. Better than when you graduated from college or landed your first promotion, it’s the best thing since chocolate. Listen, it’s not the best thing that’ll ever happen to you. Loving someone isn’t supposed to be the highlight of your life, though, it feels amazing, the journey through life is what matters. [Read: How to be happy alone: 20 ways relationships are overrated]

#11 It feels as though you know everything about them. It’s like you’ve known each other for years, there’s nothing you don’t know about them. But in reality, you have no idea who they are. Can you actually be sure that’s even their name? Exactly. Love is when you start to see who they are, and you accept both the good and bad.

#12 You’re already jumping into the next step. You want babies, you want a ring on your finger, but you still haven’t met their parents or figured out how to pronounce their last name. Yeah, you’re thinking eight steps ahead and not living in the moment. If it’s love, these moments come naturally, so, just chill. [Read: Lust vs. Love – 10 signs you’re feeling lust and not love]

#13 The jealousy is strong. You see them talking to an old friend from school and you can’t handle it. They’re laughing and smiling while you feel the heat building up in your body. Remember, love isn’t jealousy. You’re infatuated, you see them as your property.

#14 You’re terrified they’ll leave you. You think they’ll cheat on you or leave you for someone else. It’s this sudden paranoia that starts to develop inside your head. Now, if you had trust issues in the past, I understand this fear. But listen, if this is love, you shouldn’t be worrying. Love is confidence. [Read: How to get over trust issues in your relationship]

#15 You lost sudden interest. Oh, and look at that, you no longer find their laugh sexy or charming when food falls onto their shirt. If this was love, you’d be into all those quirky parts about them until you’re old and grey. But infatuation is a funny thing, it can leave as quickly as it comes.

[Read: Infatuation vs. love: 14 ways you can tell the difference]

So, now that you know what the infatuation symptoms are, try to see where you are on the spectrum. Whether it’s love or infatuation, the most important thing is you enjoy each moment.

The post Infatuation Symptoms You Can’t Miss: 15 Signs You’re Sick in Love is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.