#this kid has an IEP and is just...honestly an asshole

[likesplatterpaint]

I am so tired of kids being shoved into my advanced classes that A) have no desire to be there or attempt the work B) do not have the SKILLS to be there and only passed the first level out of the kindness of my heart/modified curriculum C) have genuinely difficult personalities.

And just being told "there's nowhere else for them to go."

I haven't had a break from this prickly Mansplainer kid with Problems since last year. Guidance, you are killing me and what my program could be.

and I can't even complain to my supervisor anymore because that changed and she's married to our guidance counselor. UGHHHHHH

[detentiontrack]

Oh wow you actually give quite good advice. Got any advice for highschoolers? I just started my freshman year (although probably some advice won’t be terribly applicable since the entire school is 25 people and my class is 4 kids, but it’s worth a shot. Also it might help other people.)

YES! I DO! So I went to a year and a half of high school before moving up to college and I HATED it. Here are some tips that would have made it suck less.

Learn to have a thicker skin. Easier said than done, I KNOW, but if someone says something mean to you, you can't let it bother you forever. Accept that they're just an asshole or are insecure and taking it out on others, and move on. Your worth is not defined by what some 14 year old bitch says about you.

It is not lame to have a good relationship with teachers! Talk to them, hang out with them during lunch, don't care what anyone else thinks.

Pack yourself a lunch every single day. Its healthier and you'll have more time to hang out during lunch.

Get involved! Join clubs, do student government or debate, do cast or crew for the fall musical. I did costumes for my freshman fall musical, and it's how I met one of my best friends who is still my best friend almost 5 years later (if you're reading this, you know who you are. ily <3)

Don't feel pressured to dress a certain way for fashion trends. I was a freshman in 2019/2020 so vsco girl/cottage core/""alt"" (that wasn't even really alternative) were very popular and I basically didn't wear any of my favorite clothes for a while. Just do what makes you happy.

Get a 504 or an IEP (educational/school accommodation plans) if you need one. They're life savers (if anyone wants another post on what was on my 504 for accommodations, lmk!)

Your body is inevitably going to change. Most people gain weight when they're in high school. Despite being a teenager, you are still a CHILD. Your body isn't going to look like an instagram model's. Don't let it get to you.

Always carry around pads or tampons with you. Even if you don't have periods. You never know when you or someone you know will get a surprise period.

Bring deodorant in your backpack every day. You will need it, even if you apply it in the morning.

Don't be that person who puts on heavy perfumes or body sprays in class. Just don't.

Take honors/AP classes if you can! They're honestly not that much more difficult and they look great on your record.

Do every single extra credit assignment!

Use google docs for everything

Take notes in every class, even if you already know the subject and notes aren't required.

Learn to study in high school, even if you don't need to. You WILL need to study in college and it's good to already know your studying style.

Take lots of photos! Even if you are insecure. You don't have to look at them, but someday you'll want to have them. I was deeply insecure in high school and have barely any photos of myself, and I deeply regret that.

You know those posts that are like "life may suck but at least I'm not 15 again"? Those posts are real. High school is NOT AT ALL the best years of your life, despite what everyone may tell you. Things can always get better.

Try not to date much in high school. Statistically, you are not going to marry your freshman year partner. Even if you think they're "the one", don't take it super seriously. You both have a lot of developing to do.

DO NOT EVER IN YOUR LIFE DATE A SENIOR AS A FRESHMAN. YOU ARE NOT MATURE FOR YOUR AGE. IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU COOL. THEY ARE NOT DIFFERENT OR SPECIAL. A 17/18 YEAR OLD HAS ABSOLOUTLEY NO BUSINESS DATING A 14/15 YEAR OLD. DO NOT GO THERE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE. EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is a LOT of pressure to lose your virginity in high school. That is bullshit. It's okay to not have sex until later. It's okay to never have sex. Anyone who tries to pressure you or tell you otherwise, is NOT someone you want in your life. The right sexual partner will respect your boundries and not try to pressure you into anything.

[floragators]

(PINNED POST) My Stuff ig

(Heads up!! Some of the links are not working due to the fact I changed my username from cottonbunrun to floragators)

(More heads up!! This account is strictly SFW, there maybe some slightly suggestive stuff or sensitive topics discussed briefly but absolutely no explicit NSFW content! I will make a separate account for that when I’m ready. I do tolerate NSFW accounts but you will not see that around here.)

( For my Godzilla and Transformers content, go to @kaiju-gurlfriend and for my non-self shipping one go to @crackicrossiships)

( As a selfshipper, I’m honestly okay with sharing most if not all of my f/os and I never intend to belittle or make someone uncomfortable for loving the same f/o. Trust me I have encountered people who attacked me just for liking the same character for goodness sake. I honestly want to be friends with most of them!

So please if you can’t tolerate sharing the same f/o then DON’T interact with me, I will not always be able to catch on as quickly to someone disliking me because we share the same f/o. However especially DO NOT interact if you actively attack other selfshippers or oc x canon cause then your just being an asshole. Good day self shipping nation.)

General info:

My preferred name is Alligatia but you can also call me Gatia! I don’t mind my irl name but I prefer to keep it private unless we are very close mutuals.

I’m Aceflux Bisexual Aroflux Aegoromantic and Demigirlflux Nonbinary. My preferred pronouns is they/them and occasionally she/her.

I’m Hispanic/Latino with my mom being Uruguayan and my dad being Cuban. I’m also born and raised in Florida, so yes I am a florida man/hj

I’m in college and currently majoring in Psychology! However I do wanna hopefully pursue or do animation on the side, if I ever get the chance to ofc.

I’m an diagnosed and yet undiagnosed neurodivergent individual that does have Anxiety but also might have Autism, ADHD, and OCD. I do infact have IEP but I’ve never actually been to the doctor to get diagnosed with who, who knows. I also do have intrusive thoughts that are currently getting less frequent but still are there to vibe check me.

I am infact a furry and I do draw all kinds of anthro art. I am indeed a huge non-human lover even when i was a kid. I love robots, aliens, and different kinds of monsters that I do also simp over. Please respect that and for the love of all goldfish crackers, don’t believe in the stereotype that all furries are sexual. Plz and thank you.

My birthday is February 3rd!! I’m currently 18 years old.

I’m in my healing arc as a people pleaser/hj

Links to certain stuff:

New and Improved F/o list!!

FNF Alligatia (Minus Version) (Soft Version) (Algal Gatia)

BTAS Gatia/Arkham Nurse Gatia

Spooky Month Serpente

Rhythm Heaven Fever Gatia/Garia

Cherry Bomb(Whitty x GF) Au Info

Art info kinda-

Elementary School au

Whitty au stuff (Soft! whitty)

Wattpad Book on my Fankids with my f/os

My fankids with my f/o listing

Heads Up! Talk about my mental health

Outdated stuff:

Alligatia FNF Self insert

Joyfriend FNF Self Insert

Serpente MC Self Insert

(HAS BEEN REVAMP) My F/Os List!!

(HAS BEEN REVAMPED) Arkham Nurse Gatia

REMINDER I HAVE GENERAL BASIC DNI, SO THAT INCLUDES:

PROSHIPPERS/COMSHIPPERS

P3D0/MAPS/Z00s/RACI3TS/ETC.

AGE UP MINORS IN ORDER TO S3XUALIZE THEM

ANTI-LGBT, TRANS/ASEXUAL/AROMANTIC-EXCLUSIVES

ANTI-FURRY

PEOPLE WHO INVALIDATE UNDIAGNOSED PEOPLE

ZIONIST AND PRO-ISRAELI/IDF

DONT BELIEVE THAT FICTION DOES AFFECT REALITY

ACTIVELY ATTACK OR PUT DOWN OTHER SELFSHIPPERS OR OC X CANON SHIPPERS, REGARDLESS IF YOU ARE ONE YOURSELF OR SHARE THE SAME CHARACTER YOUR AN ASSHOLE FOR THAT (genuinely had that happen to me twice not even with my own selfships)

A thread on how to help support Palestine:

https://x.com/crowley_kissr/status/1749183288495779905?s=46

(I’ll update the list if I need to!!)

I will still be updating on this thing but that's what I got so far

[dlwritings]

Firecracker Soul | Dean Winchester

Chapter 2 - Breakfast and Dinner

pairing - mob!Dean x teacher!ofc

word count - 3,790

warnings - language, gun violence

additional notes at the end

(previous)

When Saturday came along, Alice was ready for the weekend. She loved her kiddos, but she definitely needed time to herself. At the end of each week, she was exhausted. She tried to have work-free Saturdays, but with new lesson plans to create and parent-teacher conferences and IEP meetings to prepare for, that wasn't always possible. This week though, she felt she could enjoy herself.

Every Saturday since she moved back to Kansas, she had been getting breakfast with her best friend Christine at their favorite cafe. Christine was her best friend growing up, and they kept in touch even when Alice went to New York. Her favorite part of moving back to Kansas was being so close to Christine again.

Her apartment was a quick walk to the cafe, and considering it was September in Kansas, the weather was perfect for it. She slid on her outfit -an army green skirt and black, short-sleeve shirt- and her converse and made sure she had her purse and phone before heading out the door. As soon as she stepped into the hallway, she ran into her neighbor, Brent.

Since she had moved into the apartment, Brent had been the perfect neighbor. He helped her move some of the obnoxiously heavy stuff into her room when she got tired and would often bring her leftover pizza when he ordered some and didn't finish. She wouldn't say they were friends, but they were definitely neighborly acquaintances. She was just glad there was someone in the building she could go to if she wanted to vent about her landlord. "Hey!" she said, giving him a smile as she locked her front door. "What're you up to this morning?"

"Just going for a run," he said, taking his earbuds out of his ears as they both walked down the stairs of their building. "You?"

"Getting breakfast with my friend," she said. "It's kind of routine."

"Nice," Brent said. "Can I walk you to your car?"

"I'm actually gonna walk," she said.

"I can walk with you," he offered. "It can be a warm up to my jog."

She laughed. "Don't worry about it. I don't want to slow you down. I'll see you later though!" Brent smiled and nodded, then left the building and jogged on ahead.

She couldn't have asked for a better day: mid-70s with the sun shining. She put her headphones in her ears and made the short walk to the cafe. As suspected, Christine was already at their usual booth when she got there. She waved at Alice, and she smiled and waved back as she made her way over. "Love your skirt," Christine said.

"Thanks," she said back. "The weather's pretty perfect out today, right?"

"I was thinking the same thing," Christine said. "Did you walk here?"

"Mhm," she hummed back. Their usual waitress, AJ came over and got their orders. They always ordered the same things when they were there, so it didn't take long.

"Anything crazy happen at work this week?" Alice asked, sipping her iced latte. Christine was an ER nurse at the local hospital. She always avoided telling Alice the sad work stories, but she sometimes came to breakfast with a crazy miracle, which Alice always loved.

"Nah," Christine said before putting some eggs in her mouth. After swallowing, she said, "Some kid broke his arm, a guy stepped on a nail. Nothing out of the ordinary. What about you?"

"Oh yeah," Alice said with a laugh. "You know crazy stuff's always happening at an elementary school. Only one girl tried to cut her hair, and my ED student only came at me with a stapler once. Crazy world."

"When's the semester up?" she asked.

"A couple more months," Alice answered.

"Before Christmas?"

"Yeah, the 20th. Right before break."

"Any big plans on how to wrap up the year?"

"There's a holiday recital," she said. "Just a time for the kids to showcase their work. I think there's a concert."

Christine laughed. "Wow, you sound so enthusiastic!"

Alice laughed as well. "Honestly I'm just trying to get through a week. I'm not even thinking about the end of the semester." Christine drank some water while Alice dove into her hashbrowns. They were quiet for a moment.

"How's your application going?" she asked. Alice licked her lips and looked down at her food, then shrugged.

"It's going."

Christine scoffed. "What does that mean?"

Alice shrugged again. "It means what it means. It's going."

"Girl, you've been working on that for, like, four months," she said. "Weren't you working on it back in New York?"

"Yeah," she said. "It's fine. It takes a while."

"What part? Filling in the blanks? The essay? Or opening it up on your computer?"

Alice didn't say anything and tried to play it off that she was drinking more of her coffee. "What is with you?" Christine asked. Though her words were a little harsh, Alice knew she was coming from an area of concern.

"Nothing's with me," she said back, her own voice lowered. "Just don't want to waste my time applying for grad school when I have the kids' stuff to work on."

"Doing something for yourself isn't a waste of time," Christine said. "This is furthering your career."

And of course, deep down, Alice knew that, but when she had spent months in New York with an asshole ex telling her otherwise, it was hard to brush it away. Christine didn't say anything, and Alice knew she was waiting for her to speak. Finally, she just sighed. "Sometimes I feel like he can still see me," she said, not daring to meet her friend's eyes. "And I know it's dumb, but you don't know what it was like." When Alice finally looked up at Christine, she was met with a look of sympathy.

"I'm sorry," Christine whispered, reaching her hand forward to squeeze Alice's. "I don't mean to sound harsh."

"You're not," Alice said quickly. "I get it."

"I could be more understanding," Christine said. "Less in-your-face."

Alice couldn't help but giggle. "Christine, you've been an in-your-face person since kindergarten." Christine rolled her eyes and went back to her breakfast. Before diving into her own food again, Alice said, "I'm trying to let him go. And I'm trying be strong on my own, but I don't know how to do that." Christine wiped her mouth on her napkin.

"Here's the thing," she said, tossing her napkin on the table. "You don't have to do that." Alice opened her mouth, but Christine kept talking. "There's a difference between letting a guy like Greg-" Alice closed her eyes at his name. "-control your life and allowing yourself to be lifted up by others. No one said your strength always has to come from you and you alone."

"You always seem to manage fine on your own," Alice argued.

Christine scoffed. "We're all broken, Alice. I've never met a single, wholly self-sufficient person. We all depend on each other for support and compassion. It's just how humans are. You think I'm strong on my own? Girl, if we didn't have these breakfasts every Saturday, I wouldn't make it through a single week."

Alice smiled, reached out to squeeze Christine's hand, then resumed eating her breakfast. The two chatted casually for the rest of the meal, filling each other in on their lives and gossiping about people from their high school and others in the town. With a lull in the conversation, Alice changed the subject. "You know that girl Lexi I talk about sometimes?"

"You mean your favorite?" Christine teased.

"Shut up," she said with a laugh.

"You only have a story to tell me about her every week," she said.

"She's sweet!" Alice said defensively. "She never has any tantrums and she's a great listener. A kid like that's one in a million."

"Blah blah blah," Christine said, waving her hand dismissively. "What about her?"

Alice smiled. "Her parents are lawyers, right?" she said. "So she's got a lot of people who come to pick her up when her parents are too busy." She told the rest of the story, explaining how she had to wait at school with Lexi and how she then met Dean.

"He must be hot," Christine said.

"Why do you say that?" she asked.

"Girl, I know that look in your eyes," Christine said. "You get all doey."

"I do not," she said, folding her arms across her chest.

"Do so!" Christine laughed. "You've been that way since kindergarten when you had that crush on Tommy."

"Oh my god," Alice said with a roll of her eyes. "You suck."

"Honey, I just call it like I see it."

Alice sighed. "Okay. He wasn't bad to look at."

When they finished breakfast, they parted ways, and Alice made the walk back to her apartment. Just as she was walking up the stairs, she heard someone call her name. When she turned, she saw it was Brent. "Hey," she said, waiting for him and holding the door open. "Long run."

"Nah," he said. "I ran for a bit then got a smoothie."

She laughed. "That seems a little counter productive."

"What are you talking about?" Brent asked. "Smoothies are super healthy."

"Mhm," she hummed with a playful eye roll. "I'm sure they are."

Brent just laughed as they got in front of their respective front doors. "What're you doing tonight?" Brent asked as she put the key in her door.

"Mm, I don't have any plans," she said. "Why? What's up?"

"You want to come watch a movie?" he asked. "I just got HBO."

"Sure," she said with a smile. "What time?"

"7:00?" he offered. She agreed, so she went into her apartment to relax for the day before her evening with Brent.

Across town, Dean was in a meeting. He was seated at one head of the table with Crowley at the other. Crowley. The man he once hated and was now forced to work with. On Dean's half of the table was Castiel, his underboss, and Bobby, Rufus, Ellen and Jody- his capos. On Crowley's half, he had the same: his underboss, Rowena, and his four capos whose names Dean never bothered to learn. It was always odd to him that Rowena -who was actually Crowley's mom- worked under Crowley. How did Crowley manage to rise above his mother?

In reality, it didn't matter, so Dean never bothered to ask.

In any other situation, Dean would sooner die than work with Crowley, but times were changing. There was a greater purpose to address than their day-to-day crimes.

"Right," Dean said, clearing his throat to get everyone's attention, "let's get this started."

"Yes, yes," Crowley said, waving his hand, "I suppose chit chat time is over." Dean rolled his eyes.

"I need updates," he said. "Who's been tracking Lucifer this week?"

"That'll be my people," Rufus said, leaning forward with a slight raise of his hand. "And we've got bupkis." Dean rubbed his face with his hand. "Last we saw, he was in New York."

"Doing what?" Dean asked.

Rufus shrugged. "Talking to some of his associates I suppose."

Dean sighed. "You do realize your entire job this week was to figure shit like this out, right?"

"What do you suppose we do, boss?" Rufus said, light sarcasm in his tone. "It's not like we've got a guy on the inside, and Lucifer ain't exactly chatty Kathy." Dean raised his eyebrows at Rufus, and Rufus just held his hands up in defense and leaned back in his chair.

"Well," Crowley said, "while your people have been sitting on their thumbs, my people have been doing some of the dirty work."

"And?" Dean said.

"We tracked one of Lucifer's deliveries," one of Crowley's men said. "It wound up outside of Missouri."

"What was it?" Dean pressed.

"Weapons I've never seen before," the guy continued. "I'm talking military grade guns. Grenade launchers. The works."

"Who was the buyer?"

The guy shrugged. "Didn't recognize him."

Dean leaned back in his chair and rubbed his face with his hand again. "As interesting as that all is," he said sarcastically, "we're still about as close to ganking this guy as we were last week. We need his location and where he'll be next. That's the only way I see this working."

"All due respect," Ellen said, "but how do you expect us to get that? It's not like signs pop up when this guy's in town." Dean clenched his jaw, then looked at Bobby.

"I need you to see if Charlie can hack into Lucifer's systems," he said. "The more information we can get from his inside, the better."

"As if his men are dumb enough to put their information on a computer," Rowena said, rolling her eyes.

"It's not always about what they put on their computers," Dean said sarcastically. "It's about tracking aliases, security cameras, anything that might give us eyes on him or his people."

"We have a list of his most utilized aliases," Crowley piped up.

"Great," Dean said. "Charlie can do some programming and get notified whenever one of them is used. That should help us zero in on him."

"Then why weren't we doing that a week ago?" one of Crowley's men asked. Without hesitation, Dean reached into the waistband of his pants and pointed the gun at the man. He held his hands up defensively and looked at Crowley.

"Are you questioning my orders?" Dean asked. The guy clenched his jaw, and it was clear he was holding back a roll of his eyes.

"I don't follow your orders, sir," he said sarcastically. Dean looked at Crowley, and Crowley sighed and grabbed his own gun from his pants. He pointed it at the guy and, with no hesitation, shot him in the shoulder. The man let out a groan of pain and fell to the floor.

"Ah, you better get that patched up," Crowley said. He looked back at his men who were all slightly on edge. "I like working with Squirrel here about as much as the rest of you."

Dean hated that fucking nickname.

"But we have a common enemy," Crowley said. The speech was one everyone had heard a million times, but sometimes it seemed like it wasn't sinking in. "The Winchesters listen to me, the MacLeod's listen to him. It's not all rainbows and butterflies, but we make it work. We can only make it work if we're all on the same page." He stood up and leaned over the man he had shot, pointing his gun at him. "Are we all on the same page?"

"Yes sir," the man said, nodding his head rapidly. Crowley put the safety back on his gun and tucked it back in his pants.

"Good," he said. "Mr. Winchester, I trust you'll inform us if Charlie finds anything?" Dean nodded. "Good," he said. "This week, Ramiel-" He pointed at one of his men. "-you and your people are in charge of tracking Luci. You find him, you put up the bat signal. The rest of you, go about your business. Follow any leads you might have, and keep us all informed."

Dean had some time to kill before family dinner at Sam's, but he didn't have much to do. He went to the bunker to do some shooting at the gun range and boxing in the gym, knowing he was always able to kill a decent amount of time that way. Whenever he was bored or stressed, he had a tendency to head to the bunker and shoot and work out. There were showers there too, so he was able to shower and change before heading to Sam's house for dinner.

Ever since Lexi was born, Jess decided she wanted family dinners, family being Sam, Lexi, Dean, Cas, and Hannah. Every Saturday evening was set aside for these dinners, and they always switched between Sam's house, Cas' house, and Dean's penthouse. This particular week, it was at Sam's house, which always meant that Jess would be cooking something awesome and Dean would have at least two helpings of it all.

Dean got to Sam's last, just like every other week. It wasn't that he was late. Dean took punctuality very seriously, despite what the events of Thursday might've shown. It was just Cas and Hannah were always so fucking early. He grabbed the wine he brought and jogged up to the front door, opening it without knocking. "Hello!" he called. In two seconds flat, a pair of tiny feet were heard running up to him. Dean put the wine down and crouched down just in time to catch Lexi in his arms. "Hey, kid!"

"Hi Uncle Dean!" she said, kissing his cheek with her arms wrapped around his neck. Dean lifted her up and picked up the wine bottle in his free hand, then walked with her to the kitchen.

"Food smells great," he said as soon as he saw Jess. He hugged the men and placed kisses to the women's cheeks, then set Lexi back on her feet. He handed the wine to Sam who got his corkscrew out of the drawer.

"Lasagna," Jess said, answering Dean's unspoken question. "Garlic bread's in the oven. Hannah brought dessert."

"Pie?" Dean asked.

"Brownies," Hannah said with an apologetic smile. "Sorry, Dean." He just chuckled and helped Sam and Cas set the table.

Dinner was nice as it always was. They had a strict "no business" rule on these days. No matter how essential a job seemed, Jess always felt it could wait until the table was cleared. So, they chatted like normal families did. Hannah discussed how things were going at city hall (she was a city councilwoman), and Jess and Sam talked about their plans for their law firm opening. They were finally in the position to open up their own private practice, so they wouldn't have to work for a large firm anymore. Jess was having a blast planning the grand opening event, and Hannah was helping her. Sam pitched in when he could, but he figured it would be best to leave as much as he could to Jess.

"So Dean," Jess asked, gathering some pasta on her fork, "have you figured out who you're going to take to the opening yet?"

Dean scoffed. "It's much more fun to go stag."

"Oh please," she said with a roll of her eyes. "I can't believe you think we still fall for that." Dean raised his eyebrows.

"Fall for what?" he asked.

"The whole I-love-being-single game," Hannah said before Jess could even open her mouth.

"I do love being single," Dean said. "That one person forever thing isn't for me. Never has been. Never will be."

"What about Lisa?" Jess asked. Dean's jaw clenched as he looked down at his plate. He didn't answer her, instead shoveling some pasta into his mouth.

"Who's Lisa?" Lexi suddenly asked. Sometimes she was so quiet at meals, the adults forgot she was there. And that girl caught onto everything.

"Lisa was a special friend of Uncle Dean's a few years ago," Sam said. "Way before you were born."

"But she's gone now," Dean said, "and Uncle Dean doesn't like to talk about her." He looked at Jess. "That was a long time ago, and it didn't work out. So clearly, the game isn't for me."

"Or maybe you just didn't have the right girl," Jess offered.

Everyone was surprised she kept pushing the topic. Dean really did not like to talk about Lisa, and everyone knew that. What Jess knew was that Dean would never lose his cool around Lexi. Why not use that to her advantage?

"What about Ms. Alice?" Lexi said before inhaling another forkful of pasta. "Is she the right girl?"

"What?" Hannah asked with a smile. "Does Uncle Dean like your teacher?"

"He thinks she's very pretty," Lexi confirmed with a nod. "And I said she's very nice and he should take her on a date."

"A date?" Hannah repeated as Jess laughed beside her. "Well wouldn't that be nice, Uncle Dean?" Dean narrowed his eyes at Hannah with a sarcastic grin. He turned to look at Lexi and winked.

"I think I'll just take Lexi to the opening," he said. "She'd be the perfect date."

-

Brent already had pizza ordered by the time Alice got to his apartment. She was dressed in leggings and a t-shirt, her make-up already scrubbed off for the day. She didn't care what Brent thought of her. She wasn't trying to impress him. He was a nice guy and everything, but not really her type. Then again, she didn't really have a type. Regardless, she just knew he wasn't a guy she'd want to date.

And that was the other thing. She didn't want hookups. She'd never partaken in a hookup, and she wasn't ready to start at 22. What she was ready for was a real, actual relationship that was better than the one she left in New York. Honestly, the bar was so low.

Even though she had zero interest in watching it, Alice agreed to watch Fight Club. To her, it was all just about white male rage, and she didn't need to see anymore of that than what already existed in her life.

But, she didn't want to be difficult, so she agreed.

She focused on eating her pizza rather than the blood and anger on the TV. Brent noticed her discomfort and laughed. "Not your kind of movie?" he asked.

"No, no," she said. "This is great. It's fine."

"You could've told me you didn't like this kind of stuff," he said. He grinned. "I can put my arm around you if it'll ease your mind."

No. That definitely would not ease her mind.

"Seriously, we're all good," she said. "It can't be much longer, right?"

There was still an hour left.

But she powered through to avoid making an awkward situation even more awkward.

It worked for the most part. She paid attention to the pizza and the few scenes in the movie that weren't gross, violent, sexist, or flat out uncomfortable. When the movie ended, she was ready to head home and take a shower to wash off the nasty. "Thanks for letting me hang," she said as she started to walk to Brent's front door. "I'll see you around."

"You're always welcome," Brent said with a smile. He looked like he was going to say something else, but she brushed it off when he closed his mouth again. With one last wave in his direction, she left his apartment, entered hers, and closed the door behind her for the night.

----- ----- ----- -----

(next)

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[firecrackerhh]

Do you ever hear about people your age or younger and they’re doing cool shit with their lives or at the least doing SOMETHING of value with their existence and then here’s you in comparison whose like, boring as shit? Like where do people find the drive to actually like, DO shit? Maybe I’m just an insufferably lazy bitch but like…why the fuck don’t I have that?

Like maybe it’s just cuz I don’t really have a lot going on in my life in general and have no real REASON to really…do stuff, but like, I see people my age or younger doing stuff they wanna do and they’re all like…yknow, at least somewhat happy with their lives. And then I see people YOUNGER than me and it’s like, fuck man am I wasting my life away? Like there are celebrities and shit younger than me, like, god I’m so fucking boring in comparison.

And like I know I’m still young and have time before death has its iron grip on me (hopefully) but it’s like…fuck man I don’t want to die having done NOTHING with my life yknow?

And I dunno maybe I’m just overthinking or being an idiot or some shit but like, if there’s one thing I don’t want is to be like, 40 and barely having done anything useful with my life.

If anything it just makes me feel useless, in comparison to other people anyways. Like shit, if I’m being honest I barely know who I AM really, all I have are little distractions and my own imagination because I haven’t actually talked to an IRL person other than my family in fucking years. I graduated in 2016 and fucking 5 years later I’m still doing the same shit. In my room. On my phone. Wanting to change and yet at the same time not caring enough to either.

It would be nice if my life had meaning. And yeah yeah I know that’s it’s up to me to have all that, but when you aren’t really GOOD at anything it’s not exactly easy.

Shit, I don’t even know how to tie my own goddamned shoes cuz no one’s ever bothered to TEACH ME, at least, not without getting bitched at when I’m not paying 100% attention. Like damn I’m sorry that learning how to do basic shit that I SHOULD HAVE been taught at a much younger age is too fucking boring for me. Not that it matters, I don’t go anywhere.

Like let’s be real, I’m basically a fucking toddler in every way imaginable. I have a limited diet cuz for whatever reason I hate trying new foods, I can only do the most basic of shit by myself, and my social skills are garbage cus I was only ever around special Ed kids who had like, fucking anger management issues and shit. Never mind the occasions when teachers would get pissy at me for refusing to participate. Like I would WANT to be around those fucking cumstains anyways.

“Firecracker that’s not very niiiiiice” yeah well a lot of those kids WEREN’T nice to me, I don’t give a rats ass. Shit I just got shit on constantly all the fucking time by asshole kids who by the way, most of them went to goddamned opportunity school anyways because our school district probably got sick of them. Not even mentioning the TEACHERS.

They weren’t all bad, hell honestly most of them were fine, but the few who weren’t to this day I kinda wanna punch them out. Like the fuck, bullying a kid, the fuck, all because they don’t want to get involved with other kids. Like Jesus Christ I had a fucking IEP did these stupid bitches not READ them in advance? I’m positive that it mentioned my lack of participation, or at least shyness around other kids.

But NOOOOO instead I got fucking BITCHED AT because I sucked ass at being social and got punished I guess, for being too quiet??? Like bitch I was the fucking ANGEL of those classes and you fucking know it you should be THANKFUL I was as quiet as I was!

So yeah my education failed me, wonderful, honestly I almost wonder if I would’ve been better off homeschooled or some shit, because honest to god I don’t think it would’ve made much difference.

It would be nice to not be failed by others yknow? Feeling like I could count on people. Can’t count on my parents cuz they divorced and my mothers too busy to be a comforting presence, not that she really IS if I’m being honest. Hell I told her about the 2nd time I got bitched at and she told me the teacher was right.

And like years later she was all “If I knew that it bothered you…” Bitch, even if I did say it bothered me, you wouldn’t have done shit. You were too busy being all upset about my old man leaving, even though YOU kicked him out, like, woman the fuck up.

Don’t worry she’s a lot better now, though like I said she’s nowadays far too busy to be a comforting presence.

But I guess I shouldn’t COMPLAIN right? Guess I could have it worse.

I dunno sometimes I feel like I was set for failure the moment I was fucking born tbh.