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alfredolover119 · 4 years

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I looooove your zukka rec lists! I recently became Avatar-obsessed, never got a chance to watch it as a kid and only just got through it all! I was wondering if you'd consider doing a specifically angst rec list? I love fluffy zukka everything, but sometimes you just gotta have your heart ripped out of your chest and put back in after being thoroughly blended.

thank you! i relate heavily to “recently became Avatar-obsessed” haha. as for the angst list, i sure can try! warning: all of these have happy endings because im a crybaby who can’t read unhappy endings. also, p much all of the fics in the completed section were featured on my other lists but this is specifically the ANGSTY ones >:^)

angsty zukka wips

first, most obviously, feels like we only go backwards by @oldpotatoe

-currently at 102k with 19/27 chapters posted; rated teen

-the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. you know. i haven’t actually read it yet because, as previously mentioned, i’m a crybaby and am waiting for it to finish up but, from my understanding, this fic will murder you in a dark alleyway with no remorse. if u like zukka angst, you’ve probably already read this, but just in case!

An injury leaves Sokka with amnesia. His last memory is of the failed invasion, of leaving his father behind in enemy territory on the Day of Black Sun. Of hopelessness. Rage. // But then he wakes up, and the war is over. Suddenly, he must come to terms with the fact that years have passed, and that he's somehow the Southern Water Tribe Ambassador to the Fire Nation. He is also supposedly friends with banished-Prince-turned-Fire-Lord Zuko, of all people. Close friends.

Yeah, nah.

and i’ll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands) by @goldrushzukka

-currently 38k with 6/8 chapters posted; rated mature

-holy shit. holy SHIT. modern au based on the “my cat likes my fuckbuddy and i am falling in love” trope(?). maybe it’s just because of how the last chapter ended, but oh my god. this one made me cry. made me want to commit violence. when it’s not angsty as hell, it’s pretty funny, but holy shit. ao3 user nebulastucky please.

It’s supposed to be a one night stand. Pick up some guy at a bar, barely remember his name and never learn anything real about him, send him packing in the morning with a thanks for the ride and a cup of coffee to-go. That’s how it’s supposed to go. // But then it’s the best sex Sokka has ever had, and he thinks he’ll hate himself if he never gets to have it again.

Violet Blossoms and Celestial Objects by @hollypunkers

-currently 15k with 2/? posted. rated teen.

-this is the sequel to blue (an angsty, zukka rewrite of book 2-- go read it if u havent!)! !! this is a book 3 rewrite. only two chapters in and mrs hollypunkers is really abusing the miscommunication tag, as zukka writers seem to enjoy doing. im excited to see how the world and story develops with the changes to the story! you should be too!! its very good! obviously spoilers for blue lmao

Having sided with the Avatar in Ba Sing Se, Zuko not only must navigate his new relationship with Sokka but returning to the Fire Nation as a banished enemy. His own journey of self discovery and personal growth must now coexist alongside the personal struggles of every other member of the Gaang as together they blaze a treacherous path toward an unsure victory against Zuko's own father and nation.

breakable heaven by @fruitysokka

-currently 71k with 9/11 chapters posted. rated teen

-swt ambassador zuko! soon to be chief sokka! fake dating ur best friend to get out of an arranged marriage! what could go wrong!!! i also haven’t read this one ((see: i’m a crybaby who is being hurt by too many zukka wips already)), but it has been hanging out in my marked for later for months. from what i understand, this fic has: angst.

With his twenty-first birthday looming just around the corner, the Southern Water Tribe Elders have decided that Sokka, next in line to be Chief, needs to get married. Sokka does not want that, but he does need to get them off his back until he can figure his way out of it. What better way to do that than to pretend to date his best friend (and newly minted Ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe) Zuko? // Seriously, this is a foolproof plan. Maybe one of Sokka's best. Absolutely nothing can go wrong.

angsty zukka fics (completed!)

(i’ll put these in wc order)

lighthouse beam by @incorrectzukka

-7k, rated g

-a modern college au!! zuko’s inner-monologue is very angsty in this fic. typical zuko. also per usual, theyre both fucking dorks. they sort themselves out in the end, but not before The Angst. zuko is semi-deaf in this fic and also he has a bit of internalized homophobia.

Sokka’s breathtakingly beautiful and he’s smart and makes other people laugh. Zuko has a half-burnt face and a deaf ear. It’s not rocket science. // Or, Zuko falls in love with the boy in his Philosophy class.

This Isn’t My Idea of Fun by @khaleeseas

-9k, explicit

-moon spirit/nwt prince!sokka, no war to be found here! admittedly this isnt THAT angsty but like. the angst IS present. zuko is still the prince. a lovely childhood friends (though they hated each other for a minute haha) to lovers story.

If you asked Zuko, he and Azula saw far too much of Chief Hakoda of the Northern Water Tribe’s children growing up. It wasn’t until they were older, and Azula pointed out that - duh - their families were trying to set them all up, that he realized why. // He was told by his mother to be polite. These people were their friends and allies, and though their nations were as different as they came, harmony between nations was the most important thing. // It wasn’t his fault the Chief’s children were so annoying.

put your lips close to mine (as long as they don’t touch) by @celestialceci

-9k, teen

-modern au! zuko and sokka are college roommates. zuko goes to spend the summer with sokka. again,, not really that angsty but-- its there!! the detail and feeling of Home in this story make me happy. zuko is insecure as hell here too. if ur into that.

Zuko hates his home. He likes college alright, but he likes Sokka even better, his assigned roommate turned best friend. Spending the summer with Sokka will be fun, a welcome change of pace he desperately wants. It probably won't awaken anything in him... right?

the thing about dancing by anodymalion

-9k, teen

-yes. this one right here officer. it makes my heart ache. also trans sokka! which is cool. but the zuko angst in this one. hurts me. not so much relationship angst as it is zuko learning he deserves happiness angst. i’m sure u know The Type.

The first time a attendant spills Zuko’s tea and doesn’t immediately fall to her knees, begging the Fire Lord’s forgiveness, it is not anger but a resounding warmth that fills his chest.

i could (never) give you peace by @zukkababey

-10k, mature

-OUCH. OUCH OUCH OUCH. boys please learn to communicate im begging u. also zuko.. zuko, dude. as the tags of the fic say, hes “really going through it” in this one. YOUCH. post-canon.

Zuko almost said it. He almost said the words I think I’m in love with you, but he choked them back down at the last second. // Zuko would never be able to be what Sokka wanted. They might have needed each other during the summer, when two boys with too much weight on their shoulders found comfort in each other in the only way they knew how. // But now Zuko was Fire Lord, and Sokka was leaving.

this love burns so yellow (becoming orange and in its time, exploding) by @meliebee

-18k, teen, major character death

-i lied. THIS is the one, officer. found family.. good mai and zuko and toph friendships.. . ozai escapes prison and tries to overthrow zuko. OBVIOUSLY angst ensues. poor boy. he Does heal in this but it gets worse before it gets better. angst angst angst angst.

Ten months after Zuko is crowned at seventeen, he faces his first coup.

Anything for You by beersforqueers

-23k, explicit

-istg. this is probably one of my favorite zukka fics. its PAINFUL. modern au where theyre broken up but sokka hasnt told his family yet so zuko goes home with him for kataang wedding. a bit smutty, but the plot oh my god ohgm y fuvk. made me cry the first time i read it. (see: crybaby!me) insert that one picture of the horse with the caption PAIN.

In which Sokka and Zuko have broken up but Sokka hasn't told his family yet. So when Katara and Aang's wedding weekend rolls around and he doesn't want to break Gran-Gran's heart, he asks Zuko to pretend to be his boyfriend for one last weekend. // Things don't go as planned.

Moving Mountains by @thefangirlingdead

-64k, mature

-so. when i read this the first time it was in one sitting. soulmate au set within canon era / the comics, to an extent. soulmates can hear each others thoughts. i will happily say this is slowburn, jesus christ. champagne without the cham.

Soulmates are chosen by the spirits and can hear each other’s thoughts. Sokka thinks it’s cheesy and dumb. Zuko thinks it’s poetic justice that he doesn’t have one because he doesn’t deserve it. Cruel irony is finding out that the prince of the Fire Nation (and the person currently hunting you) is your soulmate.

In the Soft Light by @voidcenturyscholar and @romancedawning

-83k, teen, graphic depictions of violence

-moon spirit!sokka living in the northern water tribe. zuko is sent to the northern water tribe as a cultural liaison. iroh is the fire lord but while he is away taking care of lu ten after his injury ozai steps up. i cannot express how many emotions this fic made me feel. background yuetara. i would almost say found family?? but. anyway. plenty of angst to spare here with a healthy dose of enemies to friends to lovers.

As the newly appointed cultural liaison to Northern Water Tribe, Zuko is the first Fire Nation Citizen to step foot inside the city's walls in nearly a century. He's determined to prove himself—to the Fire Lord and to his father—even if the Water Tribe's spirit-touched prince seems to want nothing to do with him.

That Midnight Sky by @zukkababey

-103k, teen

-now now now. tms... modern college au where sokka agrees to tutor zuko in physics because zuko has to maintain straight a’s and physics is just not doing it for him. so. thats cool but THEN azula moves in, randomly, with zuko. to hide the fact that sokka is tutoring zuko, they fake date! what could go wrong!! the mutual pining in here combined with the angst... wonderful, tasty. everyone read it rn. also SLOWBURN

In Zuko’s strict family, needing a tutor is just about the worst thing you could do. Failing a class, however, is even worse. The only rational solution? Take up Aang on his offer to find him a physics tutor and have Sokka—beautiful, smart, handsome Sokka—tutor him in secret. // When Azula’s arrival threatens to reveal Zuko’s secret, it’s up to Sokka to convince her this definitely isn’t what it looks like. See, he’s actually… Zuko’s… boyfriend? // Hmm. There’s no way this could get complicated, right?

#zukka #zuko #sokka #angst #zukka angst #atla #avatar: the last airbender #fic recs #zukka fic recs

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gringolet · 3 years

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that italian?

okay okay okay i think it happened long enough ago that i can dish about the drama. she changed her url and im not including it anyway so its fine.

prepare for a fuckin. essay in responss to a TWO WORD ask but anyay

so once upon time there was an italian who hated children and loved reylo. she also hung out in the arthuriana tag and got a bunch of asks about it. so one day some poor anon comes in and asks if she has any trans headcanons for arthurian characters, and she, instead of being a normal person and saying like, no, she goes off about how trans characters in fanfic is forced representation and she cant talk about trans people bc surgery is triggering for her.

found this in the archives lol. so i rbd politely explaining that while it was fine to not have trans hcs, her justifications for it were a little offensive.

hey i dont want to start discourse or anything but i see ur asks in the tag a lot and i wanted to politely address this. firstly obviously no one is under any obligation to hc things, and headcanons and fandom is not activism. if you’d just said “no, not really” it would b fine. i mean, cringe of u, but fine. but u make a couple of points here i want to look at a bit critically. then there is “I don’t like when headcanons are pushed up as ~representation, especially when… Ehm, it’s just fandom stuff?” i dont want to misinterpret you or put words in your mouth, but the implication that theres no need for trans rep in fandom and dismissal of that is a very cis take. My initial read of your intention there was a complaint of ‘why should something like fandom spaces, which are for fun and not serious, be filled with non fun serious (bad) trans stuff that i have to see when im trying to enjoy myself.’ now that could be incorrect, you were a bit vague here. if that is what you meant, i think you maybe should examine why you feel that way. if it isnt, im unclear on what exactly youre trying to say here. the idea that trans hcs are performative wokeness and “representation” in fandom is completely ignoring the actual trans people making and wanting them. there is so vanishingly little representation of trans people in actual media and even less thats good, and i think implying trans hcs are being pushed on people and fandom for, ~representation (a world of meaning in the ~ i shant speculate on) is very dismissive and ignorant of that fact. honestly the main thing im troubled by is the idea that trans bodies are inherently disgusting and triggering, which is an incredibly harmful and hurtful idea, and since you yourself acknowledge that trans people and hcs dont predicate surgery i question why you bring it up, except as a justification for disconfort rooted in unexamined prejudice. im not accusing you of being a terf or anything, i dont believe you meant harm by this or have bad intentions, and im definitely not saying anyone has to hc anything. it was the uncomfronted insidiousness of your justification that concerned me. this is not a personal attack at all, you just have a lot of influence in this fandom space and i wanted to make you aware of some of the surely accidentally harmful things ur saying.

so she flips out and rbs that yelling at me and cursing me out in italian (she moved blogs so i dont have her whole response just bits)

basically she completely derailed the original topic and accused me of calling her a horrible person for her triggers? which i never did and would never do, and then tried to make it a wierd anti v proshipper thing

third: I never said there’s no need of trans hcs in fandoms, BUT I’ve noticed that there’s a tendency of condemning people on the basis of what they ship / the dynamics they write. ( like the infinite discourse about how ‘I ship only mlm enemies to lovers because f/m enemies to lovers are Inherently Bad and Abusive - something I personally heard on Twitter sigh ), so I feel the need to say it. blame the current fandom climate.

and were like wow, this lady is unhinged, so we look around her blog and find a. a lot of stuff like saying its racist to not like incest?? and that italians arent white?? also shes a swerf?? and kind of deniel italian colonialsm? and reblogs from a bunch of out and out terfs} there was more but this isnt a callout post lol.

valentine lanzelet made a post about this crazy italian we found and she flipped out on him (this is one of several cursey italian tag rants)

roughly means: GO SHIT YOURSELF (italian alternative to go fuck you), RACIST TERF IS YOUR GRANDMOTHER IN A WHEELBARROW (italian saying which does not translate well) AND WHAT HAS ITALIAN COLONIALISM TO DO WITH THIS YOU UGLY SHIT, and anyways lancelot sucks

(translated by claudio beheaded)

anyway so then. and this is when it gets unhinged. she goes on this server me and a lot of my mutuals n friends r in, camelot, and starts complaining about me.

(in red is the server admin, who was lovely) i asked her to move this convo to dms if she must bc it was rude to bring drama into the server, and she refused, and started insisting that she was being bullied and just wanted to be left alone, so i was like okay lets all block each other and move on, and she refused, continuing to defend everything she was being criticized for

they also said claudio was making them look bad by translating their rants which like... queen if that made them look bad they were already a bad look.

so she keeps pinging people and replying to shit despite everyone else at this point begging her to just drop it and call it a stalemate

imagine this but around n around for like an hour. also she repeatedly got me and valentine confused it was super funny. also she claimed it was an invasion of her privacy for valentine to go on her public blog and look at the things she openly said and rbd there

so the server got put in slow mode and she KEPT GOING even though everyone was just begging her to stop and not even responding

as u can see, around this point we just started spamming her with emoji reactions. she announced she was leaving then went back to arguing a full three times before finally dipping from the server

then she continued complaining about us and calling us puriteens in her tags (trying to make it a proshipper v anti thing i guess lol?)

for literally months before finally remaking. also in that time she got in an argument about how the crusades were fine actually. italianphobia works hard but she works harder i guess

anyway i prolly left out a lot but thats the italian saga

#cw discourse #i guess?#conflict anyway #if any involved have funny things to add go ahead

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many-gay-magpies · 3 years

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@honeyseungz @loabivey so that uh. that mini au that you had like a very small rb thread about yesterday (well over a few days ago now that im posting this). well uh. um . actually you know what im just gonna let you read it yourselves

so. heeseung, jay, and sunoo are all brothers. wether its actual brothers or just "brothers" by blood bond or whatever idk. but, regardless, they're brothers. im thinking that like, at first they aren't vampires, theyre just regular dudes yknow? (and just a forewarning, a lot of this isnt gonna be as compliant with the enhaverse theorizing we've done so far, it's just a little brain worm i wanted to play around with, throwing a little bit of enhaverse crumbs in here and there)

but anyway. they're not vampires, im thinking theyre just like... adopted/found family brothers, probably orphans or something. regardless they love each other a lot and its great. personality-wise everything is super different, but just for plot conveniences, heeseung, jay, and sunoo are the yunmeng trio (heeseung as wwx, jay as jc, and sunoo as jyl respectively), and jungwon is lwj.

the three brothers meet jungwon, probably brought together by this Big Fantasy Evil, maybe something involving the vampire queen as a character? idk. there's some big evil shit going down, and the three brothers somehow end up with jungwon and HIS big bro, who im imagining is jake (basically the lan xichen in this situation—very soft, kind, gentle; the vibes are right). both of them are vampires, not that our three orphan bois know that. they get caught up in the danger, and vampire bros jake and jungwon coms to the rescue.

now, a little bit of personality-mapping here: jay is outwardly very loud, fun, temperamental, and sarcastic, generally very much like he is irl; but inside, he's intensely loyal, protective, and loving, with a HUGE soft spot for the people closest to him. sunoo is very sweet, sensitive, and kind—the walking hug of the three brothers, who is certainly not without his bite and wont hesitate to talk back to anyone who hurts them. aggressively and without mercy. also he makes them soup for comfort and is generally best boy. heeseung is very goofy, playful, free-spirited, and bright, but insecure and sensitive underneath it all; generally a loud annoying mess of a boy. pure chaotic neutral and a gremlin if there ever was one. jungwon, on the other hand, is... not. he's nervous, quiet, cautious to a fault and intensely righteous, always standing up for what's right and refusing to waver from his chosen path. very lawful good vibes. he, naturally, is more than a little put off when jay, sunoo, and heeseung's chaotic ass come crashing into he and his brother jake's once-peaceful (ish) lives. and it doesn't help that heeseung is a... huge flirt, and apparently deadset on making jungwon his friend. fuck.

jungwon... doesn't know what to do. and it would all be so much easier if heeseung were dumb or stupid or unattractive or just a total asshole—but he isnt any of those things. he's beautiful, smart, insanely witty with a brain faster than any jungwon's ever seen—he can't help but admire him. but on top of that, he's wreckless as hell, unpredictable, and pushy, and gives jungwon heart attacks way too much for his liking. he doesn't even have a heartbeat. he's fucking dead.

it eventually comes out that jake and jungwon are vampires; the brothers are surprisingly cool with it. not the craziest thing that's happened to them.

the five boys get closer, staying together as they fight their foe (which im becoming increasingly inclined to make the werewolves), and through a series of convoluted events, jungwon learns that heeseung is not only gorgeous, smart, talented, and funny as all get-out, but also sensitive, caring, insecure, and thoughtful... and heeseung, who's only goal had been to break through the nervous and straightforward outer shell of his young dongsaeng, does just that. and jungwon, naturally, starts to fall in love.

somewhere along the line, though, things go wrong—as they were bound to do in an au loosely based off of the untamed. something happens to heeseung; he's fatally wounded after saving jay's life, and disappears, nowhere to be found. his brothers eventually assume the worse; that he's gone forever. but the queen finds him, takes care of him, nurses him back to health. turns him.

when he comes back, nothing's the same. the war is still going, and his brothers thought he was dead—but he isn't. but he's... different. jungwon and jake are quick to realize that he's been turned, how, they dont know—but they talk to him, teach him, try to help him, jungwon especially. of course he does; he's in love. heeseung, of course, is dismissive; doesn't take it seriously. ill be fine, whats so bad about this? or, perhaps, he doesn't let on just how hard he's taking it; fearing vulnerability more than he fears being a vampire.

inevitably, though, heeseung's wrecklessness leads to doom—he lets his bloodlust overtake him, relishes in it, no matter how much jungwon had warned him against it, pleaded with him to take caution. he says it's usefull—says he can help them take out enemies, help them win this war. jungwon warns him that he could end up getting more than he bargained for. heeseung doesn't listen.

heeseung helps them win the war; practically wins it for them. hes happy, bitterly, until he isnt. he's happy, until he sees his brother—sees sunoo. blood-covered, pale-skinned, drained.

no.

heeseung is broken. jay even moreso. jay yells at him; yells and yells and yells and yells. curses him out, tells him he hates him, tells him he's nothing but cruel evil—he doesn't mean it, of course, but no one knows it then, not even him. now he is only angry; so, so angry. heeseung, wrought with guilt and shame and grief, flees—hides himself somewhere secluded, does the closest thing a vampire can possibly do to death, the equivalent of a thousand-year hibernation. none can find him, he's made sure of that. in his guilt and shame and anger he stews, asleep, for hundreds, thousands of years.

after the anger passes, jay is more than anything in mourning—for heeseung as well as for sunoo. he has a realization, that being that, when, inevitably, heeseung comes back, he doesn't want him to be alone: even if he'll have jungwon and jake, it won't be the same as having his brother. so jay pleads, cries, begs for jungwon to turn him—so that they can search for heeseung together, so that when heeseung comes back, he'll have jay waiting for him, too. so, reluctantly, jungwon gives in and turns jay—after which he helps him deal with his newfound immortality and vampiric status—helping him handle his bloodlust and helping him learn how to feed. over the centuries that heeseung is gone, jay, jungwon, and jake grow even closer (j line eyyy), inseparable as they search for heeseung and even outside of that. jungwon and jay are the closest, jay growing a colossal soft spot for the boy and not hesitating to take him under his wing and protect him with all he has (initially, sort of as a replacement for protecting heeseung, but eventually jay's affection for jungwon grows into something all it's own). to be clear, no love triangle bullshit here, only sickening-sweet platonic soulmates jaywon and a jungwon that is still achingly in love with heeseung.

(okay for anyone thats actually watched cql/read mdzs, yes i KNOW lwj and jc did not get along at all and kind of hated each other but. this is my au i do what i want, and if i want to add soft jaywon into the mix then im fucking going to, goddamnit)

OKAY TIME FOR SOME WACKY SIDE-PLOT MADNESS

so. sunghoon. how does he fit into all this? how does he end up being the one to trigger heeseung's "resurrection"? how does heeseung GET resurrected in the first place? well, not to worry, you're about to find out! and i am too because i'm just figuring this out as i go along baybyyyy

sunghoon, im thinking, is a friend of jake's (lets throw some jakehoon in here too bcs why not), either from before everything went to shit and heeseung went and isolated himself, or sometime during the numerous centuries jakewon spent looking for heeseung with jay. either way, sunghoon is this boy who jake is friends with and cares about a lot, and is also maybe kind of in love with. while jaywon spend most of their time looking for heeseung, jake spends his with sunghoon—finding himself often alone, now that his little bother is going off on his own adventures.

in a situation quite similar to heeseung's, sunghoon probably gets fatally injured somehow and is near death, but jake, not wanting him to die, decides to turn him instead. niki is also involved, and it's a sort of package deal, because before meeting jakewon, heeseung, and everyone, they were their own little thing; not unlike jay, heeseung, and sunoo's brother's triad. they were both probably orphans, niki being the much younger one, and as such sunghoon took him under his wing and never looked back. when jake turned sunghoon, niki was basically like "m8 what the fuck" and demanded he be turned too, not wanting his sunghoon-hyung to live on forever while he grew old and died. jake, also having a soft spot for niki, was like "fine alright" and turned him too. so, now their little vampire coven numbered five, and all was (moderately) well.

or not.

the thing was, jake hadn't anticipated how powerful sunghoon would be—there's nothing in life that anyone's found yet that would indicate a person's level of power once turned, so jake had... pretty much no way to see this coming. but, anyway, sunghoon was... really, really powerful. like, insanely powerful. all the abilities vampires were said to have in legends, the likes of which were previously reserved for just legends, he had them; flawless teleportation, mind control, shape-shifting, the whole bit. and on top of that, he was controlled—insanely good at monitoring himself and keeping tabs on his own instincts. one of the most self-sufficient, well-mannered vampires jake had ever seen. it was... frankly insane.

the problem? the queen. this is where she comes in, because she's played a part in all the boys' transformations, albeit indirectly—when jake and jungwon first turned, it was she who turned them. she could sense sunghoon's power, and she wanted it for herself. jake and jungwon had done well at avoiding her, even forgetting about her for a while; but what she wanted, she took, and take she did. it was sunghoon she took: luring him to her in small increments and then all at once, taking control of him, turning him into a mindless puppet. sunghoon had always prided himself in control, and without it, havoc wreaked: bodies dropping left and right, people being killed seemingly at random, their only purpose being to instill fear and paranoia.

now, niki had heard tales, before, from his hyungs but also from regular townspeople to whom the legend had gotten passed down, of heeseung, and how great and terrible he was. heeseung, the townspeoples' folktales said, had been insane, unstoppable: a mad genius far too gone for redemption. niki also knew from his hyungs' fond stories that heeseung, more than evil, was kind and caring; he was loyal, and powerful in his loyalty, and niki thought that if anyone could save his sunghoon-hyung, it was heeseung.

so niki went on a journey. without telling jaywon or anyone else (and thus causing quite the panic), he spent years searching for heeseung, everywhere jaywon had thought to look and everywhere they hadn't, and twice more for good measure. and, by some stroke of luck, either due to his own sheer force of will of something else entirely, niki found him: locked away in an old castle that never quite seemed to stay put, constantly phasing in between realities. it made sense why no one had found him before then—he didn't want to be found. desperately, in fact.

but niki, too, was desperate. he enacted a ritual that was said (by jake, so of course it was to be trusted) to wake any vampire that had gone into hibernation, and, miracles continuing to work for the bitter young boy, it worked. heeseung awoke—startled to find himself staring into the face of a very teary, very angry (visibly) sixteen-year-old.

confusion passed, things and motives were explained, and heeseung (although bitter at having been woken up, and still riddled with enough guilt to last 1500 lifetimes) attempted to patiently tell niki that he had no fucking idea how to help sunghoon whatsoever. niki pretty much said "well you better fucking find a way because you're not going back to sleep now, the world's about to fucking end. also jay and jungwon-hyung have been looking for you for literal centuries, do you know how pissed theyd be if i went out looking for you, found you, then came back empty-handed? really fucking pissed is how much. also sad. did i mention sad?" and heeseung, notoriously weak and also kind of (read: very) in love, is just like "...jungwon? jay?"

so niki brings heeseung back to the others, the return journey taking a long enough time that the two become significantly close to each other, heeseung's long-forgotten big brother instincts (tm) kicking in around the younger vampire. niki has to basically drag heeseung out of the castle by his teeth, because as much as he misses his brother and jungwon, he's still so incredibly guilty, and completely convinced that he isnt worth love or life whatsoever and that jay still hates his guts. and, jungwon... he doesn't even want to think about jungwon. how he failed him. how he let him down. but, niki slowly works through the insecurities, bit by bit: assuring heeseung that, no, even though jay will definitely rip him a new one once he sees him again, he'll also cry and hug him for at least 24 hours because he misses him like hell and heeseungie hyung you have no idea.

they weather a lot together. storms, mental breakdowns, bouts of blood-starvation so severe heeseung thinks he'll lose it again: but they're there for each other. they hunt, talk, keep each other warm, and in it, form an unbreakable bond. niki had heard tales of the legendary lee heeseung, who wiped out entire armies in two seconds flat and comforted his friends when they were sad and annoyed jay to the very ends of the earth: but what he's faced with is a man with more insecurities than niki has hairs on his head—and he has a lot of hairs on his head.

by the time they make it back to the coven's home, heeseung has grown sufficiently attached to the enigma that is niki, and has almost completely but it out of his mind that he's here for his old friends, too. he's only doing this for niki: it's a fact he's comfortable with. so when they reach the front steps he just... freezes.

i have a very clear image of it in my head—jungwon, jay, and jake sense niki's presence, in some weird vampire-y way. it's been around 10, 15 years since he left at this point, so of course they rush out to greet him, ready with scoldings and lashings about how stupid he had been (after, of course, making sure he's unharmed and alright)—but it all dies on their tongues as soon as they see who's with him.

frozen. everything is frozen.

i imagine it's a lot like lulu and artzyy's post. jungwon is the first to move, stepping forward and whimpering out a broken "hyung", and all heeseung's guilt and avoidance is forgotten in favor of cradling jungwon to his chest, holding him close and whispering reassurances into the crown of his head, wonnie, im so sorry, hyung's so sorry; i didn't mean to leave you for so long, i'm here now, its okay. and of course then jay comes in, crying and screaming about how the fuck is it okay, how can it ever be okay, how could you just not mean to leave us alone for 1500 years?! how the fuck do you just expect to waltz back into our lives like nothing ever happened and pretend its all okay?!? and then he hits him, and hurts him, tries to make him feel even an inkling of the hurt he was made to feel for the past fifteen hundred years—but then punching him turns into fisting hands into the back of his shirt and sobbing into his neck and holding him so tight he wouldn't be able to breath if he had the need to and please, please don't leave, why would you leave, you asshole, why did you leave?

so yeah. things happen. reunions are had, tears are shed. some indirect heewon love confessions probably happen later on in the form of very intense devotions of life and self and all that. "walking on the single-log bridge in the dark really isnt so bad" you know the whole shbang. meanwhile jay salty in the background just like "cant you just say you love each other like normal human beings jesus fucking christ"

jayseung's relationship (or the reigniting of it) is, well, rocky. they're both conflicted—jay even more than heeseung. because, the thing is, heeseung killed sunoo. as regretful as he is, that doesn't make it any easier to forget. but he's back, and alive, and in one piece, and he isn't leaving, and jay knows it wasn't really his fault, he wasn't in control—but he killed him. he killed their brother. and it WAS his own stupid fault for losing control in the first place, for not listening to jungwon, so what the hell is jay supposed to think? he flip-flops between being intensely grateful that heeseung is back and okay and finally with them again, and then remembering what he's done, giving him the cold shoulder and not speaking to him for hours on end. and all the while, heeseung is riddled with guilt, and shame, and grief he'd suppressed for far too long; niki's stubbornness combined with jungwon's unwavering support being the only things keeping him from bolting into oblivion all over again. all in all, it's a difficult time—but they get there. eventually.

naturally, they save sunghoon. what else is there to do? they defeat the queen, break her control over their friend—and then jakehoon have their own teary reunion, not unlike heewon's, and sungki have theirs, not unlike jayseung's (although with a... considerable decrease in cursing and conflicted emotions, and a lot more immediate sobbing). they're a mess—sunghoon is traumatized, heeseung is traumatized, jay and niki are traumatized, they're all just fucking traumatized. jayseung will probably take a long time to get back to the way they once were, if it's even possible—there'll always be an empty space there, something gone, something missing, and it's one that can't be filled. jungwon barely lets heeseung out of sight or touch alike, and heeseung isn't much better off. jay's always been the more touchy one out of the three of them; but after years of missing, of longing, there's plenty of time to be made up, and heeseung is just... so, so soft, and warm, and being held by him is the loveliest thing jungwon's ever known.

AND NOW A SUNOO THING, BECAUSE THE IDEA OF ENHA LIVING HAPPILY EVER AFTER AS OT6 WITH SUNOO JUST FUCKING DEAD DOES. NOT WORK FOR ME

so like. sunoo isn't dead, or he doesn't stay dead, or not the soulless-unmoving kind of dead anyway. you know how necromancy and fierce corpses exist in donghua and shit? well they exist here too because fuck you and also i said so. i made myself sad and now im making it happy again goddamnit.

anyway. after he dies, sunoo gets found by the queen, too, and because she's all-powerful and whatnot she fucking necromances him—figures he'll be useful later. as he is, though, he's basically nothing more than a puppet; like wen ning and song lan were when they were being controlled. his soul isn't... gone exactly, just imprisoned, prevented from being able to come forward and command his body.

so. sunoo is still partially alive, and the boys (jay, jake, jungwon, sunghoon, niki, and whatnot)... don't know that. i imagine that for pretty much the entirety of the centuries that heeseung is gone, sunoo's status as a necromanced fierce corpse goes entirely unknown to them, and it's only after heeseung is brought back by niki that he starts to resurface. i imagine they realize it in a sort of tense, action-filled scenario: the boys have gone to investigate another attack, thinking it's sunghoon, but as it turns out the queen has had TWO undead corpses running around doing her dirty work instead of one. and one of them is sunoo.

heeseung and jay, of course, are stunned. they cant believe it's real; it isn't real, it can't be—and yet.

a lot of angsty plot stuff happens—i dont have the energy or enough shits to give to figure out what. the thing is, the queen only kept sunoo this long and brought him out as a tactic to lure heeseung, make him weaker; and it probably worked. in the midst of both fighting against sunghoon and fighting to SAVE sunghoon, heeseung is bent on saving sunoo as well, and there's probably a lot of very angsty talk wherein there are disagreements about who's life, really, is more important in this situation, and if heeseung is just trying to make up for what he did to sunoo. regardless, heeseung ends up saving sunoo and bringing his soul back to the surface. what he doesn't expect is for sunoo to forgive him—fully and wholeheartedly. and it feels wrong, because no, you should be angry with me, you should hate me and want to hurt me like i hurt you; but sunoo is just... happy. happy that he's back, happy that heeseung is back, happy that they're all together again. and its conflicting, to say the least. even moreso because sunoo isnt stupid—he didnt just act like heeseung was an innocent who did no wrong; he knew he had been wreckless, knew he was at fault, and he forgave him still. loved him still. that was something heeseung... hadn't been prepared for.

like i said in the last part, they save sunghoon; how, im not sure, but they save him, probably with a fair bit of sunoo's help, and they're together again. only the tiny difference here is that sunoo is with them too. sunoo is back, and the gang has yet another undead bestie to teach the ropes of being a vampire to. things are awkward, obviously, especially between the original brother's trio of heeseung, sunoo, and jay; because sunoo is his usual sweet and kind self while jay believes that he should be more angry at heeseung for killing him, heeseung agrees, and jay has some very conflicted feelings about how self-depricating his hyung is being (because like... yeah you killed sunoo and im supposed to hate you but you're not supposed to hate yourself, you idiot, what the fuck?)

(also like. if we're gonna take some more crumbs from cql canon here im gonna go ahead and say sunoo's death was at least somewhat self-sacrificial, even if it was heeseung that ended up causing it in the end)

(i kind of love how jiang cheng-y i made enhaverse jay here to be honest)

(okay this has been in my drafts WAY too long because ive been waiting for some miraculous Other Detail i need to add to pop up in my mind, but honestly i can just add anything else i think of in a reblog afterwards, this bitch just needs to see the light of day)

#magpie thoughts #magpie writes #??? kind of ???#enhaverse #enhaverse theories #ALSO kind of???#enhaverse writing #enhaverse aus #the untamed/cql #the untamed spoilers #idk but just to be safe ig .

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babysizedfics · 4 years

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I need to know about doctor mama lo taking care of a sick baby Virgil if you would like pretty please. I dont wanna ask on the in character blog cuz I feel like it would be weird to ask for details and lo seems kinda busy anyway lol.

hey tumblebee!! yeah yeah lets do this, Im gonna write it so that ppl who dont follow the other blog can understand too

WARNING IF U HAVENT ALREADY BLOCKED THE TAGS ILLNESS TW AND VOMIT TW THEY ARE VERY PREVALENT IN THIS

also this is a VERY long headcanon!!

so last night vee got ill, he had been regressed in the afternoon with patton and he was acting much more fussy than usual - not being entertained by his cartoons, not having the energy to play with his rattle, pretty much constantly whining and pouting and he gets very wriggly when he's fussy

patton assumed it was because vee had been upset earlier that day. at one point vee started gripping his stomach, and patton assumed its because he was hungry and could smell the food roman was cooking

but when dinner came around no matter how hard patton tried he couldnt get vee to eat a morsel - he kept turning his head away from the food and whining. at one point patton and logan both managed to convince him to eat a spoonful but his face crumpled with a wince and it looked almost painful for him to swallow it. it was at this point logan noticed he had a faint sheen of sweat on his forehead

things fell into place quickly after that - logan checked his temperature and it was indeed slightly higher than was healthy, they noticed vee's hands were trembling and he was constantly on the verge of tears :(

while patton cleared away dinner and excused roman who wanted to go and craft in his room, logan took vee to his bedroom and tried to check for more symptoms, since vee was non verbal and unresponsive totheir questions. he tested his tummy by pushing it a little to see if the pain got worse when he released it (this is a test for appendicitis) but there was no reaction thankfully except vee being upset by logan not cuddling him. he checked his throat for any redness or infection, nothing.

vee's crying became more pronounced and eventually he was in constant tears, occassionally pleading 'mama mama' through sniffles and hiccups and whines of pain :(( Patton brought him a baby bottle of cooled tea made with fresh mint leaves since that is supposed to help stomach pains. though he left the room again since logan thought it was best not to crowd virgil. Vee's crying had dissipated but he was strangely silent and seemed almost loopy now. he only drank a little of the tea before he pushed it away with a gag.

logan immediately took him to the bathroom knowing what was coming, and sure enough vee threw up into the toilet, crying between gags. logan dutifully managed to keep vee in his lap the whole time and held his hair and rubbed his back, telling him he was such a good boy the whole time

Thankfully it didnt last long as there wasnt much in vees stomach to be emptied. he was shivering and sweating and flushed and had lost all energy. he wasnt even crying anymore, just whimpering under his breath. with a bit of a struggle logan managed to show him how to rinse his mouth out with mouthwash - though he had to hold vee over the sink and pat his back to make sure he didnt swallow it

during all of this patton wasnt able to help because of his heightened empathy, if he sees someone throwing up the likeihood is he will too and that wiuldnt be very helpful! so instead he drives to the store to pick up some medicine and ice pops - and comes back with half the store including some actual baby medicine smh - ((im actually begging u to read that linked post i think its so funny))

it was originallly meant to be logans night to put roman to bed but understandably patton took on that task instead. after roman was drifting off patton pokes his head into vee's room. he had hoped to find lo and vee asleep but they werent. they were lying in the dark with an in the night garden audio story playing on a portable speaker and with vees salt lamp and star night light lighting up the room in a soft glow.

logan offered a strained little smile and nod to patton as he stroked vee's hair and cuddled him close. vee was completely out of it honestly. his body was wholly lax against his mama, his lips were in a permanent pout and his eyes were puffy and wet. he barely even acknowledged his papa coming in, his teary eyes just settled on him for a moment then dropped back to the bedsheets without a reaction. he kept lifting his thumb up to suck on it but logan kept capturing it and apologising as he brought it away. Vee shouldnt suck on his thumb and logan doesnt want to give him a paci while he's ill. understandably, baby vee was completely miserable.

patton asks if logan thinks vee could handle a popsicle or plain crackers at the moment but logan disagrees. he doesnt expect either of them to get much sleep so he will make sure vee eats something in a few hours. with a gentle kiss on vee's forehead patton goes off to bed, confident that logan will be able to look after vee and will come get him if theres any issues

logan and vee really dont sleep much at all. Vee drifts off for a few minutes at a time then gasps awake from vivid fever dreams. logan keeps ice cubes in a bowl by the bed for vee to suck on if he needs to cool down and wraps a couple in a flannel to press to vee's head when his fever rises in the middle of the night.

around 3am logan jolts awake and realises he had drifted off. and vee isnt anywhere in the room. he panics momentarily, bolting up from the bed and dashing to the closet to see if virgil is in there - which he tends to do when he is overwhelmed - but then he hears sniffling from the bathroom.

he finds vee, no longer regressed, curled up against the side of the bathtub with his bangs clinging to his sweaty head. vee is the palest person logan knows but he looks positively grey at the moment

'can i help in any way?' he asks, aware that he doesnt need to baby talk at the moment but still eager to look after this bundle of miserableness

virgil just groans under his breath and clutches his knees to his chest. 'i.. i didnt know what to do with the..' he gestures vaguely to something on the floor

logan notices virgil, being not regressed anymore, had obviously wrestled off the diaper he had been changed into the night before and not known how to dispose of it

'its ok, ive got it' logan wraps it up in a bag and puts it in the trash can they have in the room for just this purpose

'sorry.. m stupid' virgil croaks

'You're not stupid.' logan says firmly as he washes his hands 'You're ill and probably delirious from the fever. it's alright virgil'

theres quiet for a bit longer, virge's head pressed against the porcelain edge of the bathtub likely in an attempt to cool his fever. logan stays there with him for a while just waiting. then suddenly virgil starts sobbing and buries his face in his hands.

'sweetheart, tell me whats wrong please' logan hurries to kneel beside him, lifting his hands away from his face. that wouldnt help the fever

'i dont feel well' virgil cries pathetically, tears rolling down his face.

logans heart breaks 'no, you dont. i'm sorry little one, i know its not nice'

at the nickname virgils thumb raises to his lips again, which logan hurriedly intercepts. 'i'll make you a deal, okay? you're allowed to use a pacifier, but you have to use the same one everyday until you are better. we will need to sterilise it every night too.'

vee sniffles and nods, then chokes 'm not a baby right now though'

'that doesnt matter. you dont need to be regressed to want one of your pacis, vee'

vee is unresponsive and starts scratching at his pyjama pants. logan gets a feeling he isnt saying something. then he notices virgil's pout is much more infantile than his adult ones. 'are you feeling little, baby?'

with a harsh shake of his head vee starts crying again. he whispers 'dont wanna be a b...' then cuts himself off and whimpers

logan cards his fingers through virgils damp bangs. he knows what virgils mind has jumped to. 'were you going to say you dont want to be a baby?' he lifts virgils chin up to look at him 'or that you dont want to be a burden?'

virgils pale lip wobbles 'same fing'

'no sweetheart, no no no,' logan sits on the tiles beside vee and pulls him into his lap. virgil goes willingly. logan rocks his baby as he says 'youre always always allowed to be a baby and its never ever going to upset your family. even if you're an adorable wonderful brave baby boy alllll of the time' he scribbles his finger on virgils rosy cheek and delights at the tiny smile it earns him. 'but especially when you're feeling yucky. you feel a bit yucky today dont you, little one?'

vee nods with a pout

'but yknow whats not yucky? softies and pacis and diapers and lots and lots of cuddles with mama' he holds virgil tighter to prove his point. vee sighs and drops his head to nuzzle against his mama's neck. logan feels he still has a slight fever. 'i know what might help you feel less yucky. does my sweet baby want a sweet ice pop?'

thankfully vee nods against his shoulder and grips tight onto his pyjama shirt, preparing for when logan lifts him up

he first makes sure to change vee into another diaper and even decides that he should wear one of mama's t-shirts as a light dress so he doesnt get as overheated by his pyjamas. at this point vee actually giggles for the first time pretty much all day as he feels the tshirt swish lazily around his legs. logan makes a mental note to observe whether little vee might want to try wearing dresses if the feeling sparks this much joy (at this point logan is unaware that vee has secretly been trying skirts and dresses in his room for months, and roman found out a few weeks ago, but vee isnt ready to tell the cgs yet)

by the time vee is in his diaper and mamas tshirt dress and has a paci and jiji clutched to his chest he is a lot calmer and happier. he's still very ill and exhausted and teary, but theres a tiny smile on his face instead of a pout. in the kitchen he picks a strawberry ice pop and it goes down well, logan convinces him to have a cracker too though vee is in such a young headspace by then that he is just sucking on it, which logan supposes is fine too

by the (real) morning vee is still regressed and has managed to have a couple hours undisturbed sleep. its not much but its better than nothing. logan didnt fare much better. by then vee misses his papa and asks for him and logan hands the responsibility over to papa patton, trustinf the other caregiver enough to catch up on a quick power nap himself

but yes, the main thing is vee thought being ill was a burden enough that he shouldnt be regressed too, but logan makes him see that its okay. vee is regressed pretty much the whole time he is ill over the next few days because its stressful and painful and its a lot easier to feel comforted when ur a baby

yeah! gosh that was long, theres probably a billion spelling mistakes! feel free to ask follow up Qs if i missed anything u wanted to know abt this event

#little/big concepts #illness tw #vomit tw #food mention #long post #asks #tumblebee the smol bean

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finn-shitposts · 3 years

Text

Just a random l*ki rant so i get the annoyance out my head dont rb lmao

Obviously this post isnt about every loki stan i just keep seeing posts that piss me off so i had to yell. This is a bit generalized but know its probably not aimed at you, its at a small but loud minority of frustrating marvel stans

You know im over it, im done lookin for memes and gifs to rb after each episode cos everyones arguing so much sksksk

Like a solid chunk is alligator memes and pretty gifsets which is nicr but theres just so much twitter flavoured arguing and like opinion based arguements cloaked as morality that i jsut. H.

For me, id be just as happy seeing loki find recognition and self love through sylvie and learn that hes capable of change from mobius then remain platonic them both as Id be seeing him date either or both of them (ot3 usually solves all problems for me). I just enjoy the way the interpersonal bonds are written between them all no matter the flavour of it yknow sksksk?

But people online are calling it disgusting to even ship sylvie and loki for either "heteronormativity cos bisexual ppl that come out on screen should date ppl of the same gender or theyre not really bi after all" (as a bi man. This is just utter bullshit im too tired to get into it) or "i interpret them as siblings so if you ship them youre automaitcally into incest" and im sat here w past trauma regarding that like. Hm. Really bad take just an awful take guys. Like i get that most relationships or bonds are forced into het romances 90% on tv and its frustrating when all you want is a friendship or a siblinf type relationship but like you can express that without sending death threats to the actors and yelling at casual watchers who kinda like the ship. Plus yall gotta stop playing the 'its more moral to ship mobius and loki, cos theyre not siblings' bitch neither are loki and sylvie theyre the same person, not related and also clearly distinct individuals only with similar experienves. You can dislike somethinf and just say you dislike it you dont have to assign a moral righteousness to it.

Also i shipped loki and mobius before i did sylvie and loki, and i love them equally but like. Do you ever get the thing where when you were younger and had gay ships that were massively popular in fandom and it was super fun but then like 4 years later when you actually come out as queer youre like huh, the fanon surrounding that ship was mostly made by straight 15yr old girls that found mlm hot and its not Great. Cos i just get annoyed reading deep analysis posts like "when sylvie is mentioned loki doesnt react he clearly doesnt like her much but when mobius is mentioned here are all his micro reactions and the meanings of it that prove that theyre in love" and like. I get reading into subtext and i get wanting canon gay ships, I mean i fucking put up w supernatural skskksks but this is bordering more on the vibes of like when ppl ship idk like idols/rpf and read way too much into every glance and find any way to dismiss and explain away the actual person theyre dating irl? Or like when you read fanfics where someone clearly hates a female character just cos she gets in the way of their fave gay ship and you just have to sigh like guys. Please.

All this being said, i ship lokius i love mr dilf owen wilson i just get frustrated that people have to shit on one character or relationship to uplift their faves, pls can we not all just get along and be civil i beg this isnt twitter act normal. What am i saying these are marvel stans ,.

Anyway from now im just gonna enjoy loki on my own and sit with my personal thoughts and headcanons without checking tumblr cos yall are acting like twitter and its unbearable, i dont need that in my life. Like I thought itd be fun cos tumblr is usually all about selfcest and poly ships and whatnot but yall are just spewing bad takes lmao

Ill be memeless but ill be much happier not getting pissed off at every third post on the tag, im just gonna ship loki/mobius/sylvie in my own corner and avoid the internet on wednesdays, ✌️

#god if you read all that im so sorry for you sjsksjjs.#i just had to get it out cos it was causing me brainrot to keep thinking about it smsksm #not even tagging this #just uh #dont rb #fandom wank

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nico-idc · 4 years

Text

random vent because i'm numb rn and feel like it

This is a vent post, ill probably talk about su!cide, self h*rm, eating disorders and depression. I’ll also cuss a lot, and things will not be censored. Also, this may seem insensitive to people experiencing any of this, sorry about that. Dont read this if youre triggered by that.

Also, this is my experience with mental health. Everyone deals with it differently.

So, If anyone doesnt know, I have depression and anxiety. And right now, I’m feeling numb as it’s often described by people with depression. But, numb isn’t a very good description. I can still feel. I’ll still smile if you tell me a joke, or if something funny is on a video. I’ll still cry if there’s something super sad. Emotion is just watered down. I feel it, but not as much as I should. Me and my boyfriend were talking, and i couldnt tell him I loved him. It’s not becuase I dont love him, but I just cant feel much of anything, so I dont want to tell him I loved him. Becuase If i did that, I felt as though I was lying. The funniest thing is, I randomly started crying. Still felt nothing, but hey, I had tears streaming down my face. Who fucking knows why.

I havent been doing to great for a while now, but this is the worst i’ve ever gotten. Ive never felt numb before. I mean, I’ve felt myself starting to go through the motions, but i’ve never gone completely numb before. And before this i’ve had a few mental breakdowns. Hell, I’ve sat in a corner twice in the past month or so doing nothing but sobbing and begging myself not to move so I dont grab something sharp and cut myself. (I did not relapse, don’t worry). and recently I completely broke down over simply eating a cereal bar, got through it, ate it. I’m good now.

Figures. That does seem to be my experience. Oh no, big bad issue one time, then magically I just talk myself out of my bullshit, and im fixed. Ha ha, yet I act like I have all these issues. I mean, I didnt even attempt to starve myself, just thought “oh, friends and family wont let me” and didnt. Had a breakdown about a year later, been fine since. Cut for a few months, went to therapy for a few months, stopped cutting. had a few breakdowns about a year or two later, then was fine. was suicidal for a while, went to therapy for a bit, was happy for months. Had breakdowns every now and then, fine now.

ha ha, first time I say alot of this is online. Figures. I’ve done that a lot too. My boyfriend has found out a bit about my depression through this site. Becuase I cant talk to my boyfriend about my shit, but hey random people on the internet! hear about my problems.

So on another note, I recently found a song that describes part of depression pretty well. It’s called “i’m not dead” by boyinaband. it’s linked below, I’ll copy paste the lyrics, and explain how I relate, and what the lyrics mean to me, becuase why not? (lyrics will be in bold)

undefined

youtube

I'm not dead

I'm not fixed, but I'm not giving up yet

Basically, this means that im still here, im still depressed, but I’m still trying to fight depression.

I'm sick of saying that I still don't have anything done

I hate telling friends I'm trying something just to give it up

I never commit to anything, I just say I’ll do something, then decide I dont want to.

I'm still unsure of my emotional state

I'm still incapable of focusing lately

I don't feel like creating

I'm tired of asking Google how to find motivation

I’ve been on break from writing for months now. tried to get back to it, lost concentration. I think this is self explanatory.

I don't think I've ever made

Something that's as good as I'm capable of

Ha, I dont put in enough effort and commitment to make something as good as possible.

I hate not having a reason to look my best

I only ever take care of myself with the intent to show the internet

I mean, I dont try to show the internet, but I only take care of myself when other people will see me.

If what made me successful was an imposed sense of stress then

I am so so glad that I hated myself

The only thing that makes me do things is extreme stress.

I didn't luck into this position

I struggle with decisions

I mean, im not in any high position, but I do struggle with decisions.

I wouldn't be my own friend

I'm too inconsistent

I’m inconsistent as hell. I’m in like 10 group chats, don't talk in any of them for months, then just show up like “hi, havent talked to you all in ages, but hi”.

Without immense pressure nothing ever gets finished

If these words make it to your ears it'll be a fucking miracle.

Yep. I went on whole rant about this on wattpad. Without pressure to do something, I don’t do it.

I'm fortunate to know more good people than most do

I wish I had more friends I could be physically close to

I dont personally have a lot of friends that dont live in my city, so the last line isnt an issue, but I do know a lot of good people”

I'm pretty good at like 20 different skill sets

At the expense of never being great at any one of them

I’m good at quite a few things. Drawing, math, even writing. But im not great at it. I’m average.

I wish this beat hit harder

I wish more syllables rhymed

I know 99 percent of people really don't mind

I dont personally relate to this, seeing as I dont make music.

I think collaborating forced me to finish things

'Cause I was terrified of wasting famous people's time

Oh yeah. Group projects would not get done if i wasnt scared of wasting my partner’s time.

I wish I could focus on what I define priority

I wish I was as grateful as I want to be

Dont really relate to these things

I wish I knew more people who were mentally stable

But if I did,

I wouldn't let them waste their time on me while I'm disabled

Oh yeah. Id love to have a friend who isnt depressed, but I wouldnt let them see that im fucked up becuase i dont wanna drag them down.

I feel alone

I know I'm not

I have a lot of friends, but I still fell alone in this world

I used to talk to lots of people.

Lately I've stopped

They didn't deserve it,

I've been a terrible friend.

But I couldn't bear to let myself become boring to them

I ignore group chats all the time. no reason. Probably shouldnt.

I don't let myself get my hopes up.

I love people who do.

Something good happens? what could go wrong? that is my thought precess.

I never know if what I say I feel is the truth

I have no damn Idea what I think, so its so hard to know what the truth in my head is.

I wish I didn't instinctively try to be less specific

So more people could relate, when they read along with the lyrics.

Not lyrics, but if i write/explain something, I immediately generalize things so its relateable.

I can be happy in the moment

I am not when I reflect

I smile watching youtube, but then I look back and think about how I wasted time.

I distract myself with gaming, waiting to get better

I hate it

Youtube will cure depression right? /s

I wanna do the most good, and prevent the most hurt

But I've gotta put on my own oxygen mask first

This is just an important phrase I try to remember when I’m down. for people who dont do well with metaphors, he’s saying that if you want to help people, you need to help yourself first.

I can't predict what I'll do.

I can never be sure

I am terrified of making promises any more

I can't face my work,

I feel sick from the word

I genuinely believe I'm capable of changing the world

Don’t relate much here, except for the more positive, upbeat tone the song takes on, and i feel that this part, the part above and everything below is dave fighting his depression.

I still think I can get better

I’m holding onto hope.

I still think I can create and get pleasure from it

I hope so, I want my art and writing to improve.

I'll keep aiming to make my emotion and my logic agree

The eternal stuggle. I always try to get the two to line up, it rarely works. I try to use logic more often though.

And become the best version of me

Always trying to improve myself.

I don't want to stop!

There’s alot this could mean. I dont want to stop creating. I dont want to stop fighting. I dont want to stop getting better. I dont want to stop living. I relate to all these things.

I’ll expand on this more later, it’s too late now for me to continue this

#cussing tw #swearing tw #tw suicide mention #tw self harm #tw eating disorder #vent post

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stillwooozy · 4 years

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well my mom is having heart surgery, or idk a stent put in her heart - isnt that heart survery? Anyways shes getting better so thats good.

Ive been playing chess w/ my dad but my 10 yr old brother can beat us both so my dad isnt pissed at me anymore. He lost to my brother so he yelled at HIM for “having an attitude” and i felt bad. sore loser much? I’m competitive as hell, but only for things i know im objectively good at. He admits he isnt good at chess. I’m kinda surprised cuz ngl my dad is smart and my 10 yr old brother is..... 10. But i guess my dads intellect manifests as writing ability and my brother is advanced in math sooo... maybe chess = math? Idk. They are still forced to quaratine cuz they have covid, i doubt i’ll get it but i’ll get tested when they do again. My dogs are going crazy cuz i cant take them to the park.

My mom will come home in a few days. I’m actually excited/relieved. Usually i dread seeing her cuz she always finds something to critize me about but now im just happy she isnt dead. Haha hashtag-compassion. Shes on a bunch of drugs but shes off a venilator and sounds okay. she tested negative for covid so shes done with that im pretty sure. Shes getting a stent put in. I tried to talk to a doctor cuz she was being vague but he wouldnt tell me anything and im like :/ i get it but... i wish they would make my life easier, im the last person who should act as a husband/parent figure but here i am. My dad is pissing me off - if he cant control a situation he gets angry & ignores it. Straight up. I WISH i could do that but i have a guilty complex instilled by my very own mother.

One of my brothers i watching attack on titan so thats pretty interesting. he’s 12 and i was like... um isnt that too young? But i was 13 when i watched it so i guess not

My mom told me if i picked up her meds after i pick her up from the hospital she’ll give me half her painkillers and was like “but dont OD”. I mean im not going to turn them down. Me - turning down tramadol? What reality would that be. she’s a weird woman. I feel bad for her, she blames everyone else for her problems including me but ik she loves me. even if she hates part of me at the same time. A part of me is convinced that ill die by drugs if i never manage to kick the habit but i’d also feel really bad knowing she’d blame herself. I mean its almost comedic how dysfunctional my family is. She goes full Karen begging for opioids, then gives her mentally ill son half the pills as a reward. hey - positive reinforcement i guess? Good for her. Dont hit ur kids - just give them drugs when they are being a good little boy.

I think i’ll watch AoT w/ my brother. Hes the sibling i probably ignore most. him and my 10 yr old brother. I like my 6 yr old brother and my 19 yr old sister. I mean i love all my siblings but come on..... 9-15 yr old boys are batshit. i say this from personal experience.

I asked him if he liked Eren x Mikasa cuz idk. Isnt that what most basic shonen preteen boys are into? I forced myself to read eremika hentai when i was about his age. He’s a nice jewish boy too, so 50/50 chance he has an east asian fetish. You want to know his reply??? “No I don’t see anyone as a couple they all seem gay to me - no offense”. None taken brother ... i have to agree

i was flirting w/ 2 girls on tinder - no worries im not going to spread covid i promise - and i’ve come to the realization that....... why do most “alt” girls SAY they want a bi boy to “peg” but...... get uncomfortable when that bi twink actually gets fucked by men. like what??????? they just want a boy who wears flowery blouses and eyeshadow. sorry hun i’m not that person. I look like mac demarco if he was a twink in the worst way possible. I hate this trend cuz its insincere or maybe im just self concious cuz im gross. its just....... u cant ask for a bi bf...... but not really want them to ever have fucked a man????????? Grindr is disgusting but damn tinder girls are judgemental. I look like david dobrick if he was gay & mentally ill - what do u expect of me? I just miss my ex. She was unusal and im just fully appreciating that. She was the only person (beside my ex who pulled a lil peep before it was cool) who matched my type of crazy. Unfortunately 2 crazy ppl can’t last long.

To clarify i dont tell ppl, i never will, that she was “my crazy gf” or “crazy ex”. I dont mean it as a fully bad thing - i mean im the one on antipsychs (she was on lithium.. what a romance amiright). I miss her so badly. I think about texting or calling her everyday. Honestly idk if she would answer. Maybe she has moved on. We both have a minimal (public) social media presence so i cant stalk her online. she just posts memes & social justice stuff on her sc. she didnt block me from any platform. I pretend she found this blog and can stalk me & i hope she feels bad for me - pathetic right? It wasnt even a bad breakup. We were never on the “same page”, not that type of couple or chemistry, but we enjoyed being together and i miss that cuz atm i have no one but my mentally ill family. jk my siblings are surprisingly sane. I mean the younger ones have time.

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goldenhemmings · 6 years

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Florida - A Stealing Second Extra | Baseball!Shawn

Hello, angels!!! This is me finally getting around to posting some Stealing Second blurbs because Spring Training is coming up and I can’t contain the baseball excitement. This particular piece takes place around eight or so months after where they were at the end of the final part and it’s 1.4k words. It can also be read as a standalone piece if you haven’t read the series, but if you’d like to read it, it’s linked in my masterlist!

A pre-read study guide isn’t really needed other than to explain Spring Training a little bit! Basically, every spring right before a new season starts, the MLB teams divide between Arizona (my home sweet home) and Florida to begin practicing again. I explain it a little bit more in the blurb but, as always, if you have any questions please feel free to ask as well as send feedback!

February was always your favorite month growing up, but for a somewhat unconventional reason. It most certainly was not because of Valentine’s Day, or even due to the (very) slightly warmer weather. February was your favorite month because it brought the beginning of Spring Training games: a glorious five weeks of exhibition baseball that culminated in MLB’s Opening Day at the tail-end of March. Every year, the arrival of Spring Training meant your family’s annual trip to sunny Florida for a week of watching the Blue Jays play at Dunedin Stadium. Once the World Series ended in October you would be majorly looking forward to the day when pitchers and catchers first reported to their teams’ stadiums in Arizona and Florida, and the countdown to the first Spring Training game began from there.

It was funny how quickly things could change.

As you’d gotten older, the family baseball trip eventually stopped happening. And, now that you were with Shawn, Spring Training meant over a month without seeing him while the team was down in Florida; something you were beginning to have to face the reality of. Away series’ were hard enough; you had to completely immerse yourself in the work that came with your new Media Relations position with the Jays in order to distract yourself while he was gone. You’d gotten used to having your boyfriend of eight months all to yourself now that it was the off-season, and you would soon have to adjust to once again sharing him with baseball fans everywhere. You had no idea what you were in for when it came to five consecutive weeks without him.

The point of Spring Training was to obviously get established players from the thirty teams back into the swing of baseball, but it was the younger, lesser-known players that got the majority of the playing time, as a large facet of Spring Training was giving new guys the chance to try out for an official spot on their team’s roster. Shawn had gotten loads of playing time last year, but now that he’d spent a full season as the Blue Jays’ starting second baseman you knew he’d get considerably less time on the field this spring. He was going to be gone for five weeks, and you would hardly even get to see him play.

On a Friday night in the second-to-last week of January after a particularly stressful day at work, you found yourself curled into the side of the couch in your and Shawn’s shared apartment, a glass of wine in hand as a random made-for-TV movie played in the background. Shawn had gone for dinner with a few friends he used to play with back in high school, and he was going to be home any minute. To say you couldn’t wait would be an understatement.

As if he’d read your mind, you heard keys jingling in the lock of the front door. You craned your neck over the back of the sofa to see Shawn come in the door, kicking his shoes off to leave them in the foyer. “Hey, hon,” he called, shrugging off his coat as he made his way over to you. You set your wine glass down on the coffee table just before Shawn sat next to you, a curious white envelope in his hand.

You quirked an eyebrow, motioning towards it. “Whatcha got there?”

He grinned, causing your brow to furrow and a small, curious smile to cross your mouth. “I have a surprise for you,” he stated simply, handing the envelope over to you. You took it hesitantly, turning it over in your hands to see if there was anything written anywhere on it. “The surprise is inside the envelope, believe it or not,” he added sarcastically, and you rolled your eyes as you playfully nudged his arm with your shoulder.

You delicately tore back the envelope’s flap, revealing a piece of paper that had been folded up to fit inside. You began to straighten it out, looking up to quirk an eyebrow at Shawn who just sat there smiling back at you. You returned your focus to the paper in your hand, staring at it until you suddenly realized what it was: a flight confirmation. A flight confirmation to Florida during Spring Training. You snapped your widened eyes back up to Shawn.

“Shawn, I--,” you stuttered, almost speechless. “I don’t know what to say. This is amazing, I can’t believe you did this for me, and--” Wait. You suddenly froze as rational thoughts began to flood back into your mind, and you let out the excited breath you were holding.

Shawn narrowed his eyes at you, moving his hand to rest on your thigh. “Hey. What’s wrong?”

You sighed heavily. “There’s no way I can take time off of work this soon.” You swallowed hard, knowing full well you’d just crushed him, but the smirk that crossed his face caused your brow to furrow even more.

“See, I figured that, which is why I talked to your boss before I even bought the ticket. You’ve got exactly a week off.”

“W-what? You talked to Greg?”

He nodded, sporting a grin that evidenced how proud of himself he was for pulling it off. “His one condition was that you send in at least three team status reports to MLB.com, but I figured that wouldn’t really matter considering you’d be scorekeeping and taking down notes and stats anyways.”

You giggled, partly out of pure giddiness and partly because of how Shawn knew you like the back of his hand. “Exactly. So that’s a very small price to pay,” you responded, pressing your fingers to your mouth. “I can’t believe I’m going to Florida.”

“We’re going to Florida,” he repeated, a massive grin stretching across his face as you flung your arms around his neck, tackling him down in a hug as the two of you erupted into a fit of excited laughter.

“I’m just excited to finally see you in uniform again,” you teased, face still pressed into his neck.

“Yeah?” he laughed, pulling back to shoot you a smug smile.

You giggled. “You know I love you in your jersey.”

“I love you in my jersey,” Shawn replied, and you buried your face back into the crook of his neck as you felt heat rise to your cheeks. He chuckled, pressing a chaste kiss to your shoulder as his arms wrapped completely around your waist, anchoring you against him as though he were worried you’d float away.

You laid there for a while, chest to chest with Shawn’s back pressed against the couch, until you felt him suck in a breath. You propped yourself up on your forearms, looking down at him and silently prompting him to speak. “I forgot to mention something.”

You frowned, a quizzical expression coloring your features. “What did you forget?”

You could see him trying to bite back a smile, and you began to giggle lightly in nervous anticipation of what he was going to say. “So we don’t have a game one of the days you’re out there,” he began, and you hummed in understanding, waiting for him to continue. “So right after our game the day before, we’re gonna go to a little island just off the coast and we’ll be able to spend the entire next day there. I got us a room right on the water and everything.”

“Wait, are you serious?” you interrogated, feeling your eyes bulge in shock.

“One hundred percent,” Shawn replied matter-of-factly, his brown eyes never leaving yours.

You pressed your face into his chest, almost too surprised to speak. “I cannot believe you, Mendes,” you muttered against his shirt, and he laughed. “You’re the fucking best.”

“What was that?”

You picked your head up, resting your chin on your hands that were pressed flat against his torso. “I said you’re the best.”

He frowned, making a show of reaching his hand behind his ear and tilting his head towards you. “One more time?”

You scoffed lightly, pressing your cheek back against his shirt. “You heard me.”

“Heard what?”

“I hate you,” you retorted, biting back a smile as you absentmindedly reached a hand up to thread through his hair.

“But I thought I was the best?”

“Whatever, Mendes,” you giggled, lifting your head to press a kiss to the underside of his jaw and letting out a little hum of content.

It was suddenly only a matter of time until you’d be seeing your favorite team, in your favorite place, with your favorite boy, and you couldn’t be more excited. Finally.

Feedback makes me very happy!

If you want to be removed from the taglist for any extra pieces I post, that’s no prob at all!! Just message me so I know. For this first blurb, I’m gonna keep it the same except that I removed those users it wouldn’t let me tag:

@ashwarren32 @d-arkestangel @idkseavey @yellowitsmendes @north1692 @calistheloml @perfectlywrongfm @gentleshawn @mariemmendes @shawnsmercy @wildest-dream- @shortieshake @shadowsndaisies @yourwonderbelle @madon566 @ruinmeshawn @itrocksmysocks @just-another-fan-girl-for-you @ilovejackavery @vnv21 @planstonightbaby @lou-la-lou @greteeweetee @shawnyimagines @helpmemendes @overactiveimaginati0n @princessflutterwolf @justjustyncase @falling-stars-never-cry @colorful-dodie @andreburakovskyyyyyyy @giveme-gaskarth @ayetami @x-seventeen-x @onlynarry @to-the-road @hollandechart @princessmendes13 @rare-breed-of-human @prettymuchboodup @jc-paramore @etherealchar @ykicantbefoundwithyou @choripxn @noodleboyluke @petit-funsize @heavenly---holland @the-claire-bitch-project @sleepybesson @zankivich @qxeen-of-hearts @begging-mnds @shawnsvlogsquad

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes one shot #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes imagines #shawn mendes one shots #shawn mendes fanfics #shawn mendes fanfictions #shawn mendes blurbs #shawn mendes au #shawn mendes aus #baseball!shawn #shawn mendes writing #sm #imagines

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holyytaehyung · 6 years

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NCT DREAM react to misinterpreting s/o when sleepy

NCT 127 version here:

https://holyytaehyung.tumblr.com/post/178214222496/nct127-reacts-to-misinterpreting-so-when-sleepy

You began to feel sleepy, and instead of communicating this directly to your boyfriend, you decided to just grab them and bring them with you to the bedroom, as you were in the mood for cuddles and sleep. Apparently he wasn’t expecting the same from your actions…

Mark

Mark would instantly look up at you from his seated position at his desk, with your soft hands holding his arm, when he looked up at you and saw your expression, he simply just went with it. He let you pull him to the bedroom, only asking a few questions to try and get a reaction out of you- missing your smile even if he saw it but only ten minutes ago. Thoughts would be racing through his head,

were you going to make out?are you not feeling well? had he done something wrong? When you pushed him down on the bed, a small smirk grew on his face and he leaned up, pressing his lips to yours softly. You smiled, kissing back, but when you pulled away , he couldn't help but to think he was right; he had done something to make you upset. Before his mind could race any faster, you cuddled up to his side, making him freeze before a small blush and smile appeared, his arm curling around your waist. Hed press a soft kiss to your forehead. “ohhhhh they were just, sleepy..” mentally slap himself, didnt mean to always be this anxious, he just cared about you to the moon and back. “my baby is just sleepy?”

“so youre not mad at me?”

“okay good, for a moment it felt like my world was going to end..”

Renjun

Renjun would look up at you from the couch, wondering why you hadn’t said anything in a little while. He asked you if you were okay, only to receive no answer as you dragged him to the bedroom, his movie still playing in the lounge on the TV. The little fluff ball wouldnt know what to say, a soft rosy blush found its way to his cheeks as he scratched the back of his neck. “y/n wants to make-out? thats why she brought me in here.. because Taeyong hyung would be back from the store soon..” He would smirk to himself, thinking that he was obviously the next Sherlock Holmes, but to his dismay, when you pushed him down on the bed, you merely cuddled up beside him, quite cutely too. He sighed with a smile, a breathy chuckle following. “is my y/n tired?” “i couldve sworn i had this all figured out y/n, you wont believe me but i could be the next Sherlock Holmes-!”

His arms found their way around you, playing with your hair softly, admiring your features. “its okay” he thought. “we can make out later”

Jeno

Jeno would wrap his arms around you into a bag hug when you began to try and pull him. He was reading some lyrics when you, broke him out of his trance - his tired yet motivated trance, to begin pulling him toward the bedroom. Knowing you were too innocent to be thinking of something else, his mind immediately went to making out. He craved your kisses, especially since he was sleepy. When you slightly struggled in his arms, he noticed the blush on your cheeks, from the fact that he had completely over powered you, holding you perfectly still in his arms. “you can kiss me out here y’know y/n, i dont really care what the others say. Plus i like showing off whats mine..” when you smiled and blushed more, shaking your head from side to side, a cheeky grin formed on his face. “then what is it baby? you dont want to kiss me? because i want to kiss you” The dark red on your cheeks caused him to inwardly squirm at your cuteness. “sleepy” you mumbled, and he crumbled. He bent down, his arms picking you up, bridal style, holding you close to his chest. “lets go sleep now baby, we can smooch later” this earned him a soft, sleepy, slap to the shoulder.

Haechan As he was practicing singing in the kitchen, grabbing some juice, your small form creeped up behind him and back hugged him, your head resting against his back softly. He immediately knew it was you, his smile forming, hands reaching to hold yours around him. He was only ever like this with you. It always surprised and sometimes spooked out the members to see just how relaxed and mature hed be around you; spare the few dozen sarcastic remarks now and then, but c/mon , were talking about Haechan here. He relaxed, the juice remaining on the bench, as he turned around in your arms, looking down at you with heart eyes as he leaned down slightly. “whats up baby?” hed smile. when you simply just pouted and tugged on his shirt slightly, he couldve died on the spot. a cuteness overload. Did you want to make out? he sure did. maybe that was where youre taking him. He smiled as he let you lead him to the bedroom. “i knew you couldnt resist me, little one~” hed tease, making you chuckle, before pulling him down onto the beg with him, cuddling up to him after mumbling “im sleepy” His expression would go from confused, to excited to contempt. He wrapped his arms around you tightly, pulling your back flush with his chest. “im going to get you back for teasing me... but sleep well baby.”

Jaemin Jaemin would be on the couch with you, already all over you as you both sat there. He had his arms around you, your head on his chest, and his chin ontop of your head. when you began to get up, his grip around you tightened, holding you down. “i dont wanna... here” you said, accidentally mumbling the very detail that he needed. This caused so many ideas to race through him.

It caused him to flash back to a few days ago, when he succeeded in making you so very flustered,and he loved it- the effect he had on you. His hyungs were only in the kitchen, when he decided he wanted to pin you to the wall, his height looming over you as he pressed his lips to yours. You loved it- but wouldnt admit to it. the thought of his hyungs finding you two like this made you worry out of your mind. “i.. dont wanna make out here, jaeminnie.. can we go to the bedroom?” to which he smiled and agreed, loving the way you slightly stuttered- because of his work. “can we go to the bedroom?” your voice broke him out of the flashback, and he nodded, smiling and picking you up, carrying you to the bedroom and placing you down on the bed. He was taken off guard when you pulled him down with you, cuddling up to his side. “thankyou jaeminnie... didnt want to fall asleep out there... so sleepy-” It all made sense now, He laughed to himself softly, “i shouldve known, you werent nearly flustered enough to have been asking to make out with me.. dont worry, when you wake up ill be able to kiss you all i want baby.” he smiled lovingly, his arms wrapped safely and firmly around your waist, his head resting on your shoulder as he admired your sleeping figure. “how did i get so lucky..”

Chenle Chenle was watching youtube when you tugged on his sleeve softly, trying to get him to follow you. At first he found it quite cute and entertaining, until you didnt reply when he asked if you needed anything.

“baby?” his headphones were now on the table infront of him, the video long forgotten as you pulled him to his bedroom, a place where you both found to be the safest place to make out, safe from the hyungs - well mostly- so you could atleast have some time alone- innocent time alone. He smirked as he followed you, pretending to whine that he had things to do- just to get a reaction. He was surprised when you pulled him onto the bed, but as soon as you climbed in, into his arms, he knew exactly what you were doing. “go to sleep baby” hed smile, kissing your forehead. “my little sleepy y/n” “cutie”

Jisung

He was practicing a dance in the spare room, when you wondered in, watching on as your talented boyfriend did some impressive dance moves. As soon as he turned around, he ran to you, as if you both hadnt been watching a movie together a few hours ago. “hiya baby” hed smile. You reached up to tug on his shirt to follow you, but first , he swooped down to bring you into a soft kiss, enough to make you both blush. you smiled softly, and pulled on his shirt toward his bedroom. “were gonna make out hehe” was all that was running through jisungs head as he got pulled into the room, and then further was pulled down onto the bed. when you climbed in next to him, he smiled, placing his arms around you. “m’ tired, need cuddles..” you mumbled, and he melted, holding you closer. “ofcourse, im here baby, sleep well” Hed smile as he watched you close your eyes.

“im supposed to be the cute one, this isnt fair baby”

-admin rose

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onenettvchannel · 4 years

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#OneNETnewsInvestigates: American Netizens & Bashers are Boycotting the Nintendo for Skipping All the Independent Games and Caring for Super Smash Bros. Ultimate

KYOTO, JAPAN -- A partner showcase presentation of Nintendo Direct Mini was not in good shape for the bashers around last Thursday at 10am (Eastern local time) for skipping all the Indie Games (which affects the Undertale and Jackbox Games). Miko Kubota (Radyo Patrol #20's Veteran Reporter) was on the scene for our Investigation to OneNETnews.

In case you're wondering on both of these... What is Nintendo, Nintendo Direct & Indie Games? According to the information database from Wikipedia, "Nintendo Co. Ltd. is a Japanese multinational consumer electronics & video game company headquartered in Kyoto City. The company was founded in 1889 as Nintendo Karuta by craftsman Fusajiro Yamauchi and originally produced handmade hanafuda playing cards. After venturing into various lines of business during the 1960s and acquiring a legal status as a public company under the current company name, Nintendo distributed its first video game console, the Color TV-Game, in 1977. It gained international recognition with the release of the Nintendo Entertainment System in 1985".

On the other hand adds, "Nintendo Direct is a series of online presentation or live shows produced by Nintendo, where information regarding the company's content or franchises is presented, such as information about games and consoles. The presentations began in Japan and North America with the first edition on October 2011. While a shorter version of the main type of Nintendo Direct that showcases information about software and hardware across all Nintendo platforms. There is also a separate vertent of this type of Nintendo Direct, named Nintendo Direct Mini: Partner Showcase that feature games from Nintendo's developing and publishing partners".

And for the Independent Games however... "An independent video game or indie game is a video game typically created by individuals or smaller development teams without the financial and technical support of a large game publisher, in contrast to most (triple-A) games".

#NintendoDirectMini: Partner Showcase | September 2020https://t.co/Nfzd8zXfzF

— Nintendo of America (@NintendoAmerica) September 17, 2020

Just a few hours before the Partner Showcase, these bashers are deadly unhealthy. This happens before...

Yeah, I hate how nintendo fans begging for more newer nintendo games like Mario anniversary collection for example, than indie games and Third party games treatment which is don’t care about.

— Mat 💫 (@Iczer07) September 1, 2020

personally im skipping these partner showcases and staying uninformed about anything announced in them until Nintendo at least stops calling these streams Direct Minis

— snakehugz (@snakehugz) September 16, 2020

calling these filler streams "Direct Minis" tarnishes the reputation of the Nintendo Direct, please stop referring to it as if it is an actual Direct or Direct Mini

— snakehugz (@snakehugz) September 16, 2020

Nintendo fans thinking smash will be in the mini direct pic.twitter.com/tHiYRjbIhQ

— reyn time (@blackwidow2234) September 16, 2020

Really, Nintendo? Another partner showcase? If this is what you think of your fans, this is what I think of you. pic.twitter.com/QjYFG60Pql

— robothing (@MarioToenails) September 16, 2020

I'm not, and I'd say the same for indies who don't deserve the hate they've got in the last days. I'm just arguing that these last non-first party showcases had a bad timing. It doesn't help on anything with Nintendo's eternal silence.

— DoE (@DevilOfEdginess) August 27, 2020

i canot bleieve nbtendo didn’t give me my mario 64 remastered revengEan e at the indie game showcase!!!!!!!!!! fuck u nintendo idiot sitpid AAAAA AI HATE NINRENDOahahahaaaaaaa stipud idiot ocompany!!!!! pic.twitter.com/HJ5QxJ7qNU

— mindfloww (@mindfloww_) August 19, 2020

And after.

Example: Smashers LOVE to hate nintendo for every decision in any smash game. But then completely ignore or make fun of indie platform fighters. They'll go to great distances to play like....project m, or melee on an emulator. But won't touch Icons, Brawlout, or RoA.

— Jamison (@Ggjeed) July 22, 2020

>Nintendo indie direct >No smash announcement Wow Nintendo do you just like hate money or something? fuck you Nintendo, I'm never purchasing another game from you for the next 26 seconds you hate your fans and you just lost another one

— |VRG| Rusty! (@JohnExodiaWick) March 17, 2020

To be quite honest, I kinda hate watching #NintendoDirectMini and #NintendoDirect because it's usually filled with a lot of toxic fans who hate it even if it has FANTASTIC announcements because "Duh, no Smash means bad Direct, duh."

— Yaboichipsahoy (@YaBoiCh43658878) September 17, 2020

I'm unfollowing #Nintendo twitter. The past 6 months have been nothing but hate against Nintendo, and they had me convinced Nintendo was really doing us wrong. After today's #NintendoDirect, I know they just take their time and do it right.

— Tanishq Kancharla (@moonriseTK) September 3, 2020

STILL NO HOTEL MARIO ON SWITCH??? IM DONE FUCK YOU @NintendoAmerica #Nintendo #NintendoDirect I HATE YOU. THIS IS YOUR OWN FAULT I AM NEVER BUYING NINTENDO AGAIN NO ONE CARES ABOUT 3D MARIO!!!' pic.twitter.com/Xbp4pOuQfg

— lucia ⛓ (@GDDR6X) September 3, 2020

Just a thought, but gaming fans should either A. Appreciate the indie titles that get announced and find the ones that look fun to them OR B. STFU 🤷🏼‍♂️#NintendoDirect pic.twitter.com/VdPwJKP3XC

— 𝔻 𝕒 𝕧 𝕚 𝕕 𝔾 𝕚 𝕝 𝕥 𝕚 𝕟 𝕒 𝕟 (@DaGiltyMan) August 26, 2020

Another crappy showcase. Great job Nintendo. You're the king when it comes to crappy showcases

— Robyn Wolph (@LegendOfZelda77) September 17, 2020

Worst direct ever, there wasnt even a reveal for the rest of the smash dlc 2, botw 2, splatoon 3, super mario galaxy 3, not even smash dlc 3 and 4 😡😡

— Dnamssdup (@DnaDan6) September 17, 2020

THERE WILL NOT BE SMASH BROTHERS IN THIS DIRECT!

— Jaedon Daniels | SirPeelz (@JaedonDaniels1) September 17, 2020

Nintendo: We're going to showcase titles from our developing partners. Twitter: BOTW 2! Every Smash Reveal! PRIME 4!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's like you people can't read.

— Stormageddon222 (@Stormageddon222) September 17, 2020

Most of these reveals are old ones so that’s a bit shitty to do to us. 2.5/10

— Jaxon Skye (@WiiMusicDevil) September 17, 2020

These tweets are subject for boycotting with the honest shameless retards at the moment, in skipping all the Independent Games and caring for Super Smash Bros. Ultimate.

I hate indie games, leave that for Nintendo’s man!

— Jigen (@yesdimeji) September 16, 2020

Imagine being an indie game developer and working hard on your game for it to be released in the switch. And you have to deal with hate from nintendo fanboys just because you aren't a direct or new smash bros character. Atleast try their games out before assuming its bad. pic.twitter.com/8IqS6VH3RY

— 🖤Andrea Chan🖤 (@real_andreachan) August 31, 2020

I hate Nintendo fans. Count the indies & third parties in 2020 just like the 2017 image, or fuck off with your inaccurate comparison that you're posting just for clout. https://t.co/XTWYOrvL1n

— Billy (@Billybae10K) August 22, 2020

"WHERE WAS SMASH!?!?! I HATE NINTENDO!". Not everything has to be about Smash DLC and stuff like that. Just be happy with what we get. If you can't do that, then just don't watch the Indie and Third Party directs.

— Ruby (@ruby52986) August 26, 2020

YOU MEAN THERE ISNT GOING TO BE 10 NEW MARIO GAMES ANNOUNCED?!? WHAT ABOUT SMASH >:(((TYPICAL NINTENDO, TAKING THEIR TIME AS USUAL. GOD I HATE NINTENDO. I HAVE HIGH EXPECTATIONS FOR THIS DIRECT, AND THE FACT THEY MISSPELLED NINTENDO AS "INDIE" SHOWS THAT THIS DIRECT IS GONNA SUCK https://t.co/Aq7MUIUifG

— Cryptik (@PhantomCryptik) August 17, 2020

I understand why people are upset about the absence of a full #NintendoDirect but the Mini Partner Directs and the Indie Worlds are allowing the third party games to have room to flourish while Nintendo just relaxes and rides the #AnimalCrossingNewHorizions wave.

— Stephen C (@theday) August 26, 2020

You are funny. I imagine you do the same to every person you find that has a different opinion than you. I did not started this conversation to insult you nor boycott or call you a faggot. I just been incredibly underwhelmed with Nintendo recently.

— Hollowboy (@Koukunari) September 17, 2020

SHUT UP THE GAMES RUINED IM NOT BUYING IT BOYCOTT NINTENDO HHH!!!!1!!!1!!!!!

— sour (@sour_yoshi) September 16, 2020

How dare Nintendo draw a red circle around Mario's sexy mustache BOYCOTT THIS FUCKING GAME!!!!! https://t.co/ynnZk8BU3g

— Ελευθερία ή Θάνατος (@TheCutePyro) September 16, 2020

Sucks huh? Hahaha Nintendo fans should boycott this game and play Devil May Cry 2 (Now available on the Nintendo Switch) instead. pic.twitter.com/2n6b0pXzkT

— shhhh (@terukhoe) September 15, 2020

Mfw the entire internet tells me that Mario 3D All Stars is an absolute rip off with a stupid selling window and that I should boycott Nintendo for it pic.twitter.com/gACXQFJBHe

— Alek (@Trail_txt) September 13, 2020

#BoycottZelda #BoycottNintendo #STOPPERREO https://t.co/SUsGYyWNw9

— Маrshall [#AviciiForever ] ◢◤/⚫⚫⚫ #CowboyBebop20th (@MarshalAfterAll) September 11, 2020

Although this happens for Undertale & Jackbox Games are up for boycotting issue on Nintendo.

DON'T GET THE "UNDERTALE" OR "DELTARUNE" THEY WILL GIVE YOU THE COVID Their made by Toby "Radiation" Fox, yes you read that right, the same radiation as 5G!! BOYCOTT UNDERTALE NOW!

— Thomas (@thomasnet_mc) May 2, 2020

Why not cancel @tobyfox ? And boycott undertale while we are at it pic.twitter.com/Yq4sAeOyx1

— Angel Simp Ara (@karikoritene) August 29, 2019

were playing 1 of the jackbox games n i hate this 1

— 🍔 cheese 🌻 erasermic brainrot (@GargoyleHouse69) September 5, 2020

After however many months in quarantine I truly, from the bottom of my heart, hate Jackbox games. I cannot stress this enough.

— Katie Burke (@senicRTKate) July 24, 2020

ALL MY IRLS ARE BORING MEANING THERE IS NO WAY RHEY WOULD GET JACKBOX GAMES HATE IT HERE

— strawberry 🍓 ophie month (@loonacatgirIs) June 25, 2020

NOBODY EVER WANTS TO PLAY THE DRAWING JACKBOX GAMES AND I HATE IT

— Rinzy 🖌️🖋️ 💙 (@RinzyArt) March 25, 2020

The Jackbox games are fun. The Jackbox community is hot garbage. Your experience is a cut of the same cloth from every Jackbox stream I've seen. Inevitably, some shithead will drop in and ruin the fun for everyone. I hate people sometimes.

— G O Λ T S (@lordofgoats_) October 7, 2019

We speak with Justin Smith (@JBN029) on Twitter's Direct Message (a small affiliate from YouTube Gaming) told exclusively to OneNETnews for this response:

Basher tweets are close to unfair for boycotting all the Nintendo products and games with the Hate Speech in a political way. His private response that only handles for the Hardcore fans of Nintendo with the newest games today. That doesn't mean the company of Nintendo has no shame to do and forced to shut down originally in Japan and worldwide.

youtube

Nintendo does not have a comment to OneNETnews as unfornate but... No apologies was made for this controversy at the Nintendo Direct Mini's partner showcase except for the hidden voiceover to The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, takes over to Monster Hunter Stories 2.

Special Thanks to DJ Unikitty (formerly ColeThePony from Canada) for sending us a news tip.

SOURCE: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nintendo https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nintendo_Direct https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvCod83ilJ3jwkkOxSS8yNw/about?disable_polymer=1 https://www.shacknews.com/article/120427/monster-hunter-stories-2-wings-of-ruin-will-let-us-befriend-rathalos-on-switch-in-2021

SEVERELY HONEST DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed from this news article are not necessarily those from the Nintendo Co. Ltd. Furthermore, the assumptions of this news article will NOT state, intervene or reflect those of our Radyo Patrol reporters. The station, management, interwebs and the network. Thanks for reading everypony!

-- OneNETnews Team

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rainwoman-world · 5 years

Text

My soulmate who is now my ex

I kinda have no place else to write this. I feel like I'll bother my friends on vent because they want me to get over him, Ive gotten better but im not over him at all

You know, some people meet the one and never screw it up from there because they dont want to lose what they have.

But others.. People like me, we meet the one and we screw it again and again and again and again because that's just who we are! We're scared of losing them so we end up fucking up because that fear builds up.

Also because we're idiots! All we wanna do is love them but our fear gets to us.

See, I found the one, and i screwed it up by breaking up with him... I dont remember why i broke up with him... It was cause i lied because of the reason, and I've kinda only told one person since then... I was scared to talk to him about it because its so.... Repetitive.

And i was in denial when we broke up, and then it all hit me.

Yeah i was going through the five motherfucken stages of grief hah! I had no idea until i hit depression.

One night it all hit me, no one will ever love me and treat me like this boy has.

I begged for him to get back with me because i didnt know what else to do and i said i wouldnt beg him but i did, and i made him feel like a dick.

I made him feel like an asshole...

And he isnt, hes the most funniest guy there is, hes so handsone and so sexy like seriously!!! And his laugh and smile are so perfect and the little things like his "Yay"s and "Yee"s or the way he would look at me when i did something cute, or his voice, god his voice was amazing. He was truly amazing and I loved him with all my heart...

Its just i missed him so much and i wanted us to try again, well there wasnt gonna be a "try" i know if we got back together we would stay together for life.

One day he started ignoring me... I didnt know why but he'd talk to me less and less till he just started seening me. And... I didnt know why.

I had hope i could be with him again and i told him i had hope so much! I mean come on! We were perfect for each other and i had my first kiss with him, and i cried every night for him and i felt so lonely without him. Nothing could help.

I texted his best friend for advice (his best and i were like friends-ish). Turns out he got a new girlfriend.

And he didnt tell me.

So here I was texted a guy, calling him a shit load of times, telling him how much i loved him... And he couldnt tell me he had a girlfriend.

Maybe he was trying to protect me? Maybe he didnt feel like I deserved an explanation? I will never know.

But me finding out was definitely inevitable.

When i say ive never cried that hard, I mean it, i was sobbing and screaming into a pillow and hitting my bed, i was a fucking mess.

For days i didnt shower and my hygiene was shit, i didnt eat, didnt drink anything, i was horrible.

I resented him for leaving me, because it DID only take him a few days to a week to get a new gf, but that... I guess that's my fault?

When asked how he got over me so quickly he says because i made him feel like an asshole and a dick.

Great... *SARCASM!!!*

I know that you know I didnt mean to do that, but he thinks i did. I just wanted him back and it got lost in translation. I was so in love with him, like a lot.

I shouldn't have resented him but that's just how stupid teenage me handled it. I made a bunch of posts on how i didnt need him and how i hate him and how he was shit and hes a bitch and blahblahblah, AND then half my other posts were oh i miss him, i love him, im nothing without him and blahblah.

I resented him for dating the girl i was afraid of stealing him away from me, because holy fuck i always thought she was better than me, but he always told me he saw her as a sister and nothing more... I dont know if he lied or if that changed, because now theyre dating.

He doesnt even want to talk to me now, I'm not sure of the exact reason, but I'm sure its because of something I did.

I really think he's my soulmate, even if he isnt, fuck i think he's meant to be mine and i was meant to be his, but now hes with another girl. And god that kills me so fucking much, but if he's happy, I'm happy.

I hope hes happy though, his smile was always the cutest.

I think he loves her more than me already, which mightve been fast but hes over me so... Yeah.

This turns into advice, if you lose someone, if you think they're your soulmate, hold them tight and never let them go no matter what, trust yourself and trust them, trust in the both of you. If you let go and find better holy shit great job!!! But if you let go, you may regret it, like i did.

I dont expect anyone to read this, this is kind of like advice for myself in the future, I know i wont date for a while because this has hurt me like nothing else, but also...you know its true heartbreak when you cant hurt more than you already are.

I'll always love him and want him, but he's happy with another girl so I'm happy for them, I wish him the best.

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