#this isn't really in response to anything I've just had this observation rattling in the dome for a few days

[joyfuladorable]

Mikey has good ideas most of the time! ...He just tends to execute them before explaining 'em to anybody else, lol

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary23

9/27/2023

still need to do some stuff to get these songs ready for tomorrow, but:

beset by two questions that are unrelated, and i'd like to collect them and my thoughts here.

one is:

so many things you can do to a guitar and so many ways you can make it sound, why do we always recognize it, what's at the core of the sound that does that, a fragment of bone lodged in a rapidly changing body that tells you where the sound came from, if light could get stuck in time, and you could find the one ray that remains telling you where the light was from and where it was going.

and two:

why is everyone so annoying on twitter, and why is it when you get to to know them better, they still remain annoying on twitter.

i'll put the second first and try to answer:

the answer has to be down to the desire to control how one is seen, creation of the face and the communication of the face (duh) but why is the face always sitting opposite of you, is that a me problem, am i just insane in how i read people on there, it always feels like there's an attack implicit in there somewhere. here's what i am, here's what i think, here are my pronouncements, into the ether they go, collecting eyes and attracting responses. it has to be that all of yourself is rendered as, rather than a personality, a total ejaculatory thing. in such few words to communicate anything like your context, your self, your thoughts, what else could it be but the jism caught on the edges of underwear or some other such thing, cobwebs in the vacuum cleaner wrapped up with all the thoughts of others, inspiring recombinanation of responses and contexts the thoughts sit in. you, rendered as ejaculate, and you, posing yourself among the rest of the world as a voice which ought to be heard, these are things that really do not bother me so much. i stand up for the masturbatory in literature (bataille and genet are dear to my heart, i could not call lispector masturbatory but she sits besides them in my chest, there are others too, maurice blanchot is not sexless but he is unsexy, sexuality is a thing of intensity, all sensation on skin and through the world and the burning up of the self, dennis cooper's similar approach, kristeva and the abject, whatever) so why here is it such a hideous thing. i think it must be that it cleaves itself from the content of passion, ejaculate cleaved from what would really make one rattle and shake in such ways (cleaved from the hips, cleaved from intensity of experience/thought/time/place) and instead it is all about posing oneself against another in a social game. total social climber reality, you are your own capital. what gains are there, what do you accrue. the funny thing is that i don't think that matters so much here but i'll tell you, in a roundabout way what i've observed twitter to be, in the circles i've more or less been sorted into and been unable to escape, is a fairly wicked sexgame where by ascending social ranks, desirability appears where there had been none before (i've seen this in a couple cases, it's cruel to say though.)

there are of course people who don't annoy me on twitter but, like me and anyone else i've liked on the website, outside of an extremely tiny corner, meaning resting typically in low numbers and on high effort / low social reward activities (anything that isn't posting) are people who basically mean nothing to the broader goings on. the broader goings on are hideous and stupid, so meaning anything to them is a good thing to avoid, but the relation simply becomes one way, and i guess much hostility and ressentiment is borne from being exposed to a world which cares not for you (it's easy enough to let go, the cruelest vengeance you can visit upon a social field like that is to make it disappear into smoke, as it always is about to, in your own life at least).

and so these people slight the substance they are by their self-handling. they perpetuate idiot-drama of the highest order and subject themselves to the flows of stupid moods, and a libidinal economy that results in quick fucks between the miserable and isolated, either because of capital gains made by trashing someone who was awful, or by being awful, or a mix of these two things.

why was i thinking about it, at all?

i chose a basically stupid day to look at twitter, and saw some insane thing where trans women are fighting with trans women over some other people's lives being extraordinarily sad and difficult basically. it's stupid stuff, really. it's like that guy in the simpsons walking into rakes, or charlie brown with the football. all i can say in my defense is i was on there for 10 minutes before witnessing what amounts to what happens when you put lobsters in a tank without putting rubber bands on their claws.

everyone is for some reason so holier than thou, it's a mystery that we're still all stuck in hell with all these saints around.

the first question then:

i think the answer here is maybe simple or kind of simple, it has to do with the frequency range and the attack of the instrument (ofc). meaning its plucky-ness, and it being situated in the middle range. the curious thing is how is that we can still sense it being a guitar when you take it out of that standard range and towards other ranges, if you only play it atonally, if you only play noise on it, if you effect it so much you're really just playing its reverb, you can still sense it a lot of the time i think, the rasping of the strings, you think about how insane it is to get that sound from a guitar, rather than questioning what that even is. some people do. i figure this is largely about familiarity. but it could also be due to distance/not really listening to something, hearing it in passing and saying, what is that, you know, normal stuff.

it's interesting to think about how twitter is at least looking like it will die, i wonder if it will take the ways it's shaped people with it. i doubt it though, i don't think slower platforms will change anything, twitter is only the sped up form of those same slow platforms. if anything, they would attempt to speed up.

but beyond that, i was thinking about how sometimes when people make people mad on twitter, on purpose (fucked up sentence), it's like someone making a wasp's nest sting itself to death, leaving unscathed, and how kind of funny it is. i thought about how i think of everyone as some kind of insect, and how that's probably by design, and any of these sites that let people seem more human, this is totally incidental.

anyways no one needs screeds about internet culture, especially not anymore. everyone knows everything now i think, earnestly. i don't know if there's anything to really actually add when it comes to putting out real actual analysis of how these things work and what they do to people. if you don't know in a way you can articulate, you understand it in your gut, it's reached that point i think.

anyways i have been getting these songs all ready for tomorrow hopefully, since maybe my friend might not be able to help me out tomorrow, and if not they'll be ready for next week, and i'll have the bpms all written and stuff will be in more or less better shape anyways. the big pain is getting all the guitars out of the songs i need, it's not hard it just consumes a lot of time re-exporting that one stem.

now it's 4am and i am done. yayyyyy.

now i can sleep i guess.

we also did do errands today and it was fine , i am becoming less insane i think. maybe this whole thing has made me slightly stronger or something.

anyways, byebye!!