#this isn’t me saying I don’t hc Apple as a lesbian

[athena-xox]

Y’all Mattel has tried denying that dappling ever existed I don’t think Apple is a canon lesbian

[justanisabelakinnie]

Fandom Lesbophobia

No but the way fandom treats lesbianism, whether canon lesbian characters or characters headcanoned as lesbians, or ships involving lesbians(whether canon or fanon) is fucking whack. 

Whenever a female character is canonically confirmed to be a lesbian, “fans” will always go the whole nine yards in trying to prove that the character is bi; they’ll always headcanon the character as bi and ship them with men. If you politely tell them that the character is a lesbian they’ll snap at you and call you biphobic or say there’s no proof of that or that “everyone can have their headcanons regardless” not when it’s actively erasing a canon sexuality being represented, ya dipshits. I can’t think of a single gay female character I’ve seen that hasn’t been called bi or even straight or had their sexuality dismissed by being shipped with men: Apple White, Tomoyo Daidouji, Robin Buckley, Amity Blight, Velma Dinkley, the list goes on and on. 

Even when the character isn’t canonically a lesbian but is headcanoned as such people seem super against it and will be super bothered by it for some reason. Like they’ll always ask you “why” you hc the character as a lesbian and say “but she could be bi!” And yeah, she could, but what’s so wrong with me seeing her as a lesbian? Why not just make your own post about the character being bi? And then they’ll go on to derail your post by talking about how much they ship the female character with a man. Why are you so offended at the possibility of a female character not being attracted to men? Why do all women have to be available to men, even in fiction? 

Imo people seem to hate lesbian headcanons the most, even compared to other headcanons. It’s as if a female character being unattracted to men completely intimidates them and/or is something they can’t comprehend, whether it’s canon or not. Just looking at the Encanto TikTok, when it comes to queer headcanons, fans on there seem to hate the lesbian Isabela one the most. And no, I’m not talking about Colombians who don’t want the message of the movie to be erased, I’m talking about people who simply don’t like the headcanon because they are homophobic/lesbophobic. Maybe it’s just me being an Isabela simp and looking at more content of Isabela and since I’m a lesbian the headcanon I tend to look at the most is Isabela being a lesbian as well(especially since I also have the headcanon myself), but I see it all the time, even more so than hatred for Mirabel being bi or Camilo being genderfluid even though the latter is possibly the most baseless. 

Like I am so sick of people getting mad at others for headcanoning Isabela as a lesbian and using Bubo as an excuse even though his character is a rough draft and not canon. And it’s funny as well because most people don’t even like Bubo. Bring him up to an Encanto fan and they’ll instantly say they dislike him. But suddenly you want him to be with Isabela because it’s still better than Isabela being a lesbian. I even saw someone’s account receive death threats, attacks, and hatred just because they headcanoned Isabela as a lesbian, and it culminated in them taking down all their Isabela lesbian content and uploading an apology video instead, and all the comments were saying “it’s okay I forgive you now that you understand” WHAT?! So you only feel bad that she received hate because she no longer has the headcanon? It’s fine for her to receive death threats as long as she does have it though because she deserves it for thinking a fictional fucking female character isn’t attracted to men. Fucking sickening. 

Don’t even get me started on how much more popular slash generally is compared to femslash. Because as we all know if a relationship doesn’t have men at its center then it’s not worth paying attention to and not to mention people will attack you for having the ship all the time as well. Even if it is canon don’t think that will stop fandom from tearing the ship apart and pairing one or both characters with boys. Alternatively very often slash pairers will only ship f/f ships to get them out of the way of their slash ship, and I’ve seen a lot of fics while looking for a femslash pair that I want that are tagged as such but only have that relationship in the background/as secondary. And the main and “foreground” ship is always an m/m ship every. single. time. This post goes into it in more detail so that I don’t have to, but the point is made that it’s so upsetting because this all directly stems from centering of men in society as well as fandom. idk it just frustrates me. And I wish this was acknowledged more. 

TLDR: I’m tired, please just respect lesbian characters more in fiction and let people have their lesbian headcanons and ships, that is all. Lesbians deserve better. 

[passivenovember]

Another stupid Harringrove HC bc I'm full of them! Billy being the kind of obnoxious ass who will be pouring you a drink all 'tell me when to stop' and everytime Steve gets distracted or looks away he just keeps pouring until the drink is overflowing and spilling out of the cup and all over the table and he'll still keep going until Steve says 'Stop!', meaning, 'what the fuck, Billy!?' and 'WOAH' and 'knock it off!' are not accepted.

I'm so sorry this took so long!!

When you sent me this I was over the moon because this?? Is Billy's humor exactly. I thought for so long about the perfect universe to build for you, but instead put it in one of my WIPs.

This is a snippet from chapter seven of If Snow Loves the Trees and Fields. I hope you enjoy it.

--

"How many bottles of this shit do you keep on hand?"

"Cosmo says we should drink a glass of wine a night, so." Billy counts on his fingers. "Four? Seven? I dunno." He giggles. "Is there something in there you like?"

Steve hiccups, moving to cover his mouth with one hand but giggling when the hiccup beats him to it. He looks at Billy with wide, playful eyes. "How many bottles have we had, then, is anyone keeping count?"

His cheeks are so pink.

Billy's never even seen a shade of pink that vibrant, that lovely, and he feels like it could be a fluke because he works in a kindergarten classroom, for Christ sake. Some of his kids have the big pack of Crayola with everything from bubblegum to magenta wasted on cheap construction paper, but Steve.

He has them all beat, the way his tongue pokes out to put a glaze on his lips.

Pink pink pink.

Billy pours them each another glass, leaning heavily on the coffee table to keep from tipping over. "Where did the other bottles go?" He whispers.

Steve looks around wildly, shifting on his haunches to look under the coffee table. When he pops back up he nearly knocks the glass over and that sends them rolling down the hill. Clutching their sides in laughter.

"I love wine." Billy says, finishing his glass. "I love spilling stuff, too. Creating puddles to jump around in."

"I didn't mean to spill."

"You didn't, but you could." Billy slaps a thick, heavy hand on the hardwood below him. "Just dump the whole fuckin' bottle out, if you want to. These babies are indestructible."

Steve gasps, leaning all the way across the coffee table until Billy thinks maybe his head has filled with helium. "My friend just had a baby."

Billy wants to throw up. "Congratulations."

"Babies really are indestructible," Steve says with a voice full of glittering wonder. "The baby will crawl the fuck around sometimes, and I'm always worried his little arms will break when Robin swaddles him because it looks uncomfortable--"

"I like being swaddled." Billy says. Matter of fact.

But Steve isn't listening. He makes a bowl shape with his hands, like, "And his little noggin' just finished growing, like. Yesterday." He folds his arms, frowning. "I'm surprised Robin and her nanny haven't dropped him yet."

Billy leans back on his palms. "What about her husband, does he have a hand in all this?"

"She's raising the baby on her self."

"Like, on her tit? Breastfeeding?" Billy whispers, nearly dying when Steve's wine comes out through his nose.

They spend the next five minutes cleaning up peach scented snot with a paper towel, joining each other on the floor in front of the couch. Almost touching but not quite, as Billy gets the last of it, his fingers gentle on Steve's chin to hold him still.

Billy likes touching Steve.

Billy wants them to be like this forever, and for always. Drinking wine on his living room floor in damp, distant candle light. Steve's eyes have gone heavy lidded, like he's bare-knuckle boxing to stay awake. Billy runs his thumb over Steve's mouth, pretending to dab away the last bit of boogers.

Steve leans into the touch.

Billy keeps touching him. "Maybe you should lay down," He says. "Does your head hurt?"

"My nose burns. It feels like sizzling bacon." Steve wines, and.

It's adorable. Billy pulls Steve to his chest on impulse and Steve doesn't think twice about it, laying down with his head in Billy's lap once he manages to slide from collarbone to hip. His nose is red.

Pink and red, like valentines day.

Billy plays with Steve's hair, winding strands around his fingers and tugging until Steve bats at him, lazy and slow. "Don't pull my hair out of my head, Bill."

"I won't."

"I need it."

Billy grins. "For what?"

"For love. And Sex. And engagement photos, when he finally puts two and two together."

"When who puts two and three--"

"Two."

"Can we stop talking about math?" Billy whines, tugging on Steve's hair again. "Jesus, I feel like I've done more math today than I have in fucking years."

Steve giggles, high and light like a baby. "God help the youth of Hawkins."

"Gee, thanks."

"You're cute." Steve pouts, turning until his nose is buried in Billy's stomach. When he speaks again the words are all muffled. "I should help you find a wife."

And.

Billy doesn't even want to get into that. The impossibility of it all.

"Oh sure, maybe I'll date your friend with the baby," Billy teases, smirking when Steve bites him. "I'm not so good with babies but once the kid can shit in a toilet we'll be best pals."

Steve sits like the ground is on fire, getting right up in Billy's face. "You can't marry her." Steve says triumphantly.

Billy tucks the hair behind Steve's ears. "Why not?"

"Because she's a lesbian." Harrington pokes Billy's nose with his finger, and then with his own nose, like, "Ha-ha, you little cherub asshole, I foiled your plan!"

Steve giggles.

And rocks them back and forth.

And keeps staring at Billy with those eyes. All soft, so.

Billy moves away. "You getting sleepy?"

Steve cranes his neck to stare at the half empty bottle of Boone's on the floor next to them. He raises his eyebrows once, twice, three times, until Billy shakes his head.

"You need water, Harrington."

"I want wine."

"You're gonna hate yourself in the morning."

Steve gets on his haunches, finally pulling away from Billy to grab their empty glasses. He holds them over his head, like, "I'd never hate waking up here." And the glasses make little lady bug antenna's on Steve's head, so.

Who is Billy to argue.

He grabs the bottle and sets up shop, telling Steve to put the glasses on the coffee table so they won't spill.

Steve's lips form a pout. "You promised me a puddle to jump around in."

"I didn't--"

"You mentioned puddles to a drunk bisexual, Billy." Steve says, the picture of resolve. "What else is a gay to do? Forget about it? Move on?"

Billy shakes his head, putting the spout of the bottle over Steve's wine glass. "Tell me when to stop, pretty boy."

Steve nods with his whole body as the glass turns orange in the candle light.

Billy glances at Steve, watching him watch the bottle drain. "Um, Steve?"

"Yeah?" Steve says dreamily.

The glass starts to overflow.

Harrington jolts into action, like, "What are you doing?"

"I'm getting you some wine."

"It's spilling all over the place--"

"I thought you wanted a puddle, Steve."

"I was joking."

"Well you have to tell me when you stop." Billy says, almost bored. Like this is something he does everyday.

"Okay," Steve says, as if gathering his thoughts.

Billy keeps going.

Steve swats him, like, "I said okay, what the fuck--"

"Yeah, but you didn't say stop."

"Well fucking STOP, Billy." Steve laughs, loud and bright. "You're crazy, you know that? Like an apple falling from the tree or whatever it is they say?"

And that's not at all what they say, but.

Steve's fingers make little splashes in the puddle Billy creates for them, anyway, until the room seems to disappear.

[toxicpineapple]

HI IM ANON THAT ASKED FOR HCS and i just wanted like hmm a general like hcs for the whole cast,, but i would gladly appreciate a ‘taro ramble too <33

okay, well, to begin with, i do have a post of drv3 character headcanons already, so you can go and check this post out for your outdated juice. i honestly made this post months ago though so a lot of the headcanons on there are. kind of wonky. i’m gonna go ahead and correct the ones that have changed real quick and then add on new ones.

- bi kaito and maki? LAME!!! kaito and maki are homoromantic asexuals and i don’t take constructive criticism. (bi kaito and maki headcanons are so valid i just prefer them as homosexual now LFKDSJFKJD anyway akamota rights)

- actually they’re all asexual? hehe. the love hotels aren’t real they can’t hurt me. i’m gonna list ace headcanons now

- shuichi: sex positive asexual

- kaede: sex indifferent asexual

- kaito: sex repulsed asexual

- maki: sex repulsed asexual

- miu: sex indifferent asexual (side note, if anyone comes at me for my ace miu headcanons i’m literally gonna commit a murder)

- kokichi: sex repulsed asexual (but good at repressing his sex repulsion)

- rantaro: sex repulsed asexual

- himiko: sex repulsed asexual

- tsumugi: sex repulsed asexual

- tenko: sex repulsed asexual

- angie: sex positive asexual

- kiyo: sex positive asexual (but experiences sex repulsion due to trauma)

- ryoma: sex repulsed asexual

- gonta: sex indifferent asexual

- kirumi: sex repulsed asexual

- kiibo: sex indifferent asexual

- um. i lost my train of thought. oh. okay. so i gave kokichi depression back when i made this post and i think that was a weird thing in particular to saddle him with. i don’t think kokichi is like, a-okay and all the time, but i think he tends more towards manic than depressive. which isn’t to say that he can’t be both, but there’s a vibe and kokichi doesn’t have it

- regardless i gave kaito depression. suffer bitchboy

- while we’re talking about kaito, HOO BOY, i am a kinnie. sorry about this, anon. kaito has asthma, which isn’t a kinnie thing, but he also plays the ukulele, which IS a kinnie thing. i mentioned that he can knit. that was true. he also bakes!!! and he has had a series of hyperfixations throughout his life in this order:

- disney movies (ongoing)

- pirates (elementary school)

- musical theatre (first year middle school)

- frogs (second year middle school)

- tennis (third year middle school)

- also kaito has a crush on ryoma! haha! did i mention i don’t take constructive criticism! anyway

- let’s talk about trans headcanons :)

- shuichi, kokichi, maki, kaede, himiko, and tenko are all binary trans no matter what work i’m writing them in. even if i don’t tag it and it doesn’t come up at all, assume they’re trans! because they are and i don’t take constructive criticism

- BIG fan of nb kiibo, rantaro, kiyo, angie, kirumi, and kaito. just, real big fan

- all trans headcanons are valid periodt!!! except transmasc tenko we don’t.... we don’t like that in this house. please take your transmasc tenko elsewhere

- while i do think that himiko’s master committing suicide was One Hell Of A Take on my part, i’m pretty sure he just left. he just ditched a child because she was better than him. that’s all. y’know that one oumeno fic where he dies and everything is nuanced? yeah. he was just, a shitty person, that’s all it was. i’m sorry himiko you deserved better

- ummmmmmm himiko autistic! himiko autistic. she cannot STAND the texture of denim or sweats, it is just. The Unhappy Texture

- delicately eyezooms. low empathy mugi? low empathy tsumugi? hewwo, low empa

- kokichii is very good with kids! just exceedingly good with children. it’s because he is one himself

- kaede has two dads :)

- himiko’s parents are divorced. she lives with a single mother. as one does from time to time

- rantaro, if he finds all his sisters, eventually settles down as either a teacher, a therapist, or a school counselor. so like the first two or a combination of them

- kaito knits under the bed. why does he do this? i don’t know. he doesn’t know. it’s a thing, just go with it.

- rantaro sees a lesbian and thinks, “hmmm. she could use an emotional support himbo” and then just does it. kaito does this too but he hyperfocuses on like. two or three lesbians at a time. rantaro spreads himself thin between the lesbians. amamota and lesbians guys get into it

- mwahahaha (pushes my amamota agenda onto you) they’re dating and in love!

- coffee headcanons :)

- shuichi: black. as black as his soul. which is to say very black. not because he’s emo he just likes the colour

- kaede: a bit of cream and sugar, nothing excessive. kaede stays up late on hyperfixation energy alone she doesn’t need no coffee

- kaito: a couple sugar cubes but no cream

- maki: ... a lot sweeter than she’ll admit

- rantaro: milk and sugar with a side of coffee

- gonta: gonta prefers tea! but he’ll take coffee when it’s offered, as gentlemen do. he likes it with a bit of cream, but no sugar

- kirumi: black.

- ryoma: black

- himiko: she prefers apple juice. himiko gets nauseous on coffee

- tenko: DOES NOT DRINK COFFEE!!! NO!!!! COFFEE IS AN ADDICTION IT’S BAD FOR YOU!!!!!!

- angie: angie doesn’t drink coffee either but when she does you have to fill the damn thing with mostly milk or she will be absolutely unbearable

- kokichi: you really wanna give this little adhd gremlin coffee? are you insane? (he’ll take it with an egregious amount of cream and sugar but he doesn’t mind it black)

- miu: black and like six or seven cups of it at a time

- tsumugi: a little bit of cream but no sugar!

- korekiyo: he really prefers tea but kiyo will take coffee either black or with a touch of cream

- kiibo: haha.... he’d like to know what coffee tastes like.......

- scent headcanons :))))

- shuichi: books, cinnamon, rose tea, coffee

- kaede: honeysuckle, morning dew

- kaito: axe body spray, banana bread, old spice

- maki: fresh snow, dry cleaners

- tsumugi: fabric stores, honey, lemons

- korekiyo: incense, perfume, old books

- kiibo: metal

- kokichi: linen, sugar

- rantaro: evergreen trees, fresh laundry, incense (finesses jim’s hcs)

- miu: coffee, machinery, rosemary shampoo

- kirumi: mild floral perfume, dark chocolate

- gonta: trees, camp fires, pine needles

- angie: paint, clay, daisies, salt water

- himiko: strawberries, clean laundry, hot chocolate

- tenko: cherry blossoms, tatami, maybe a little bit of sweat

- ryoma: mint, rubber

anon i probably have more but my spoon count just went down, i hope you appreciate this list, such as it is FLKSJDFKLSDJFj i’m!! really passionate about these guys. i’d also love to talk about rantaro’s specific relationship with each member of the v3 cast so like........ shoot me an ask if there’s interest i guess FLKDSJFLKDSJF

or if there’s interest in anything else!! i love answering these you guys are so sweet, tysm <3

[goforwardgreenwriter-blog]

The Worm Reads: Empire of Storms, Ch 58 - 60

 I’m back and ready to dive into hell again

Kaltain Rompier had just turned the tide in this war. Dorian had never been more ashamed of himself. He should have been better. Should have seen better. They all should have.

Many chapters ago I would have defended you... but yeah, no, you’re an asshole Dorito.

There was no Lock. Not in the way that they had expected, not in the way the queen had been promised and instructed to find it.

So yeah, no cigar. Given there’s still quite a few chapters left, I didn’t expect it to be this easy.

Instead of a Lock, inside there is instead a witch mirror, which are very powerful, Manon explains.

Finally, the witch said, “They’ve been making towers. Enormous, yet capable of being hauled across battlefields, lined with those mirrors. For Erawan to use with his powers—to incinerate your armies in a few blasts.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ARE YOU SHITTING ME

ERAWAN’S SECRET ULTIMATE WEAPON IS SOME WALKING TOWERS WITH FUCKING MIRRORS ON THEM

HAHAHAHAHA THIS IS ALMOST AS FUNNY AS THE BATHTUB CAULDRON FROM AC0WAR KDHAFJKHKJFHKHKD YOU'RE KILLING ME SJM

[Aelin’s] magic was exhausted. For the first time in days, that pit of magic now slumbered. She could sleep for a week. A month.

Maybe you shouldn’t have been a dumbass and wasted it all on showing off and shitting glitter out your ass then, Alien.

Anyways some ships and a small army roll up to the marshes. Everyone understandably freaks out but Alien seems weirdly calm?

The soldiers were in heavy, worn gray armor, their faces rough and scarred, sizing them up as they hit the sand. Fenrys snarled at one of them, and the man averted his eyes. But the cloaked woman removed her hood as she approached with feline grace, halting perhaps ten feet away. Aelin knew every detail about her.

Huh, weird, she kinda sounds like-

That full mouth slanted into a half grin as Ansel of Briarcliff, Queen of the Wastes, drawled, “Who gave you permission to use my name in pit fights, Aelin?”

Wait......... what the fuck.

Ansel. As in, Ansel from the prequel novella. As in, a character who was not in the main series is now playing a major role in this series plot.

I’m..... tired. Not gonna complain. Just know it’s dumb and I hate it, because not everyone has read the short stories and I shouldn’t have to pay extra to understand your main plot, SJM!

Next chapter establishes that Ansel is indeed a queen. Fuckin’ great, because nobody can not be royalty in this godforsaken series.

No sign of Abraxos. Manon scanned the skies, the fleet, the seas. Not a scale to be found.

SJM, ABRAXOS BETTER BE OKAY I SWEAR TO GOD

Ansel is here because Alien used her name in the fighting pits in the previous novel.

Dorian staggered forward a step at Ansel’s words, and the Queen of the Wastes gave him a look that said she’d like to pillage him.

Yuck. Can you assholes not be horny for once in your life.

Aedion didn’t know who to be more furious with: Aelin, for not telling him about Ansel of Briarcliff and the gods-damned army she’d quietly ordered to sack Melisande and seize its fleet, or himself, for not trusting her.

Jesus fucking christ, I can’t believe I’m about to defend Assdion, but you have no reason to trust Alien! She schemes and plans behinds everyone’s backs and doesn’t tell you of her plans so she can rub it in your faces after you yell at her! Alien is the embodiment of all my pet peeves in people jkdhjkshfja

[Aedion] tried not to bristle. He was [Aelin’s] general-prince. Rowan was her consort —or close enough to it. And yet she had not entrusted them with this.

I think SJM wants us to see Assdion as unreasonable, but he’s right! They’re Alien’s fucking court and she won’t trust any of them with her plans but oh, since it works out in the end it turns out she’s the best queen evah!!!11 Fucking eat my ass SJM.

Lysandra ran a finger down the smooth wood of the railing. “I thought … It all seemed a grand adventure. Even when the danger was so horrible, it was still new, and I was no longer caged in dresses and bedrooms. But that day in Skull’s Bay, it stopped being any of that. It started being … survival. And some of us might not make it.”

>implying SJM would ever dare to kill one of her darling main characters

Assdion and Lysandra talk about loss and dying or something then they talk about whatever their relationship is.

Lysandra indeed went on the defensive and showed her hand. “I know my history is … unappealing.” “I’m going to stop you right there,” Aedion said, daring a step closer. “And I’m going to tell you that there is nothing unappealing about you. Nothing. I’ve been with just as many people. Women, men … I’ve seen and tried it all.”

ok but like.. Lysandra is talking about being a courtesan, Assdion is talking about being bisexual. Those two are... completely different things. Why would Assdion compare his bisexuality to being a courtesan...... maybe I’m reading too much into this but I’m bisexual and this kinda makes me uncomfortable....

Also of course the only bisexual character in the cast is a slut shaming asshole so I can’t even stan him. Ungh. I hc Manon as lesbian and Darrow is canon gay, so I’m gonna say Gav is bisexual and stan him. SJM can catch these hands.

Aedion shrugged. “I find pleasure in both, depending on my mood and the person.” One of his former lovers still remained one of his closest friends—and most skilled commanders in his Bane.

If Assion wasn’t a dick, I’d ship it. Also, ten bucks says nameless gay Bane commander will die for Assdion’s pain.

Lysandra agrees that they should be honest with each other and Assdion gets a boner at the thought of her mouth then the chapter ends. Riveting. That served no purpose other than to make all the bisexuals reading this squirm uncomfortably.

Next chapter begins with Ansel and Alien drinking and I can already tell there’s gonna be plenty of dumb banter.

“It’d be nice,” Aedion grumbled from down the table, where he and Rowan glared at them, “to be included in just one of these schemes, Aelin.” “But your faces are so wonderful when I get to reveal them,” Aelin crooned. He and Rowan growled. Oh, she knew they were pissed. So pissed that she hadn’t told them about Ansel. But the thought of disappointing them, of failing … She’d wanted to do this on her own.

Does SJM even read the shit she writes? Let’s dissect this.

1. Rowboat and Assdion are portrayed as nosy assholes for wanting to... be involved in their queen’s plans? You know, the queen they’ve sworn to serve? THE QUEEN WHO PUT THEM IN HER COURT.

2. Stop describing them as “pissed” they’re goddamn Fae for god’s sake

3. Oh, so Alien is scared of disappointing them, so it’s okay she lies to her own people and court?? Like how does SJM see this as a woman capable of being a queen? She lies all the goddamn time!!!! A queen is not supposed to hide this important shit from her own goddamn court!!! Just because she feels sorry about it doesn’t make it okay gdi!!!! I want Alien to fucking rot in hell!!!!!

“I want you to find me the lost Crochan witches.” Manon jerked upright. “What.”

Yeah, so now Alien wants to raise a witch army. Manon is understandably like “what the fuck” but of course, she is shot down to raise Alien up. Fuck you, SJM.

“They’re all gone,” Manon cut in again. “We’ve hunted them to near extinction.” Aelin slowly looked over a shoulder. “What if their queen summoned them?” “I am no more their queen than you are.”

Manon says this, but SJM has been parading her around almost this entire novel as a queen despite not having any land, titles, armies, whatever. Also, why does every single species have monarchies? Wouldn’t it make more sense for some of them to have different ruling systems?

“I think Erawan was probably born pissed.”

God Ansel is Alien 2.0 isn’t she...

It was no surprise at all that Ansel had managed to hold on to Hisli, the Asterion mare she’d stolen for herself. But Kasida—oh, Kasida was just as beautiful as Aelin remembered, even more so once she’d been led over a gangway onto the ship. Aelin had brushed the mare down when she’d led her into the cramped, wet stables, and bribed the horse to forgive her with an apple.

Alien can eat my ass but this is cute........ I don’t like or trust horses irl, but I like them in fiction where I don’t have to be next to them. Don’t @ me horse lovers.

Ansel splooges about how Alien didn’t kill her back in the desert and how noble and uhmazing that makes Alien. Deep breaths. Deeeep breaths. I can do this.

“We got a report that Fae soldiers were spied starting them. Firing from ships.” “Maeve,” Gavriel murmured. “But burning isn’t her style.” “It’s mine,” Aelin said. They all looked at her. She let out a humorless laugh.

Alien’s really out here making jokes when innocent country sides have been set on fire because of her, huh..... yeah, I can totally tell the deaths of innocent people are really eating her up, what a sympathetic character!

Later, Alien and Rowboat are going over strategies in private and... oh god. Oh my god. It’s this scene. This one page drained so much life and happiness out of me I think I need more therapy.

Aelin scanned the sprawl of the world, which had once seemed so vast and now, at her feet, seemed so … fragile. So small and breakable. “You could, you know,” Rowan said, his tattoo stark in the lantern light. “Take it for yourself. Take it all. Use Maeve’s bullshit maneuvers against her. Make good on that promise.”

“bullshit maneuvers” jhdahfjafh I’d complain about the writing but that is nothing compared to this implication of Alien being a fucking conqueror. If she was supposed to be a villain or morally grey then maybe, but SJM keeps hailing her as the best morally right queen evah, but then has her think about conquering the goddamn world.

“And would you join me if I did? If I turned conqueror?” “You would unify, not pillage and burn. And yes—to whatever end.” “That’s the threat, isn’t it?” she mused.

OHHH, OH OKAY. WELL THAT MAKES IT OKAY THEN.

NO FUCK YOU. Doesn’t matter what your reason is for conquering is, it’s a goddamn bad thing to do!! You’re attacking and invading other countries resulting in thousands of deaths in order to yank control out of their hands like wtf!!!!! ALIEN WAS A SLAVE IN THE SALT MINES SHE SHOULD KNOW BETTER.

This is shit that FASCISTS would say. And Alien is supposed to be the morally sound protagonist that little girls can look up to. Holy fucking shit.

“But if you could … would you?” For a heartbeat, she could see it—see her face, carved into statues in kingdoms so far away they did not even know Terrasen existed.

You know who else did shit like this?

Ozai from ATLA. You know, a fucking Fascist villain who wiped out an entire culture of Airbenders and planned to conquer the whole world to rule with an iron fist.

This is your protagonist, SJM. YOU THINK THIS IS A GOOD THING TO ASPIRE TO BE. How the fuck was this book published I am so goddamn mad.

“Perhaps if being queen bores me … I’ll think about making myself empress. To give my offspring not one kingdom to inherit, but as many as the stars.” There was no harm in saying it, anyway. In thinking about it, stupid and useless as it was. Even if wondering about the possibilities … perhaps it made her no better than Maeve or Erawan.

DFJAKLJFDLKAJFLKAJSKF

1. I love how Alien’s quote is supposed to be ~epic and uhmayzing~ when it’s about her fucking conquering all of the world’s countries to give to her kids, who may very well follow in her footsteps and be fascist assholes as well. I pray to god that Alien or Rowboat kicks the fucking bucket before they can have kids.

2.How could you be bored of being queen.... you know that’s like, a huge responsibility??? SJM literally knows nothing about monarchies and did no research outside of watching old Disney princess movies.

3. “no harm in saying it” OP is a fascist but go off I guess

4. “perhaps it made her no better than Maeve or Erawan” no bitch you’re worse than them at this point holy fucking shit!!!! At least no one is out here stanning them despite them wanting to conquer and kill innocent people like you!! Holy fucking shit this novel!!

Rowan dragged a hand through his hair. “Sometimes I wish I knew every thought in that head, each scheme and plot. Then I remember how much it delights me when you reveal it—usually when it’s most likely to make my heart stop dead in my chest.”

Yeah never mind me defending you because Alien is a dumbass, you’re a fucking awful person too. Both of you can fucking drown for all I care.

Next up is Manon’s POV.

Abraxos should have been here already. [Manon] shut out the coiling dread in her stomach. But instead of wings, footsteps creaked in the hall outside. A heartbeat later, the door opened on near-silent hinges, then shut again. Locked.

Oh, fuck you SJM, teasing me with a Manon and Abraxos reunion only to give me dumb Dorito/Manon shit. Fuck. Yo.

You don’t have chains anymore.” She sat up at that, examining where the irons draped down the wall. “Is it more enticing for you if they’re on?” Sapphire eyes seemed to glow in the dark as he leaned against the shut door. “Sometimes it is.”

Gross. I’ve never been disgusted reading Manon’s POV before, but... it’s starting to rub off on her. Please SJM, don’t taint her, she is one of the few good things I have to cling to in this massive pile of shit.

She let Dorian back her against the wall. Let him hold her gaze while he tugged the top laces of her white shirt free. One. By. One.

This. Writing. Is. Terrible.

But Dorian Havilliard said, “The Bloodhound was lying that night. What she said about your Second. I felt her lie—tasted it.” Some tight part in her chest eased. “I don’t want to talk about that.”

What the fuck Dorito, you’re making out with her and then you randomly bring up her possibly dead friends?????? What is this writing????

Again, that dark, edged smile appeared. And when he stepped close once more, his hands replaced those phantom ones. Tracing her hips, her waist, her breasts. Unhurried, indolent circles that she allowed him to make, simply because no one had ever dared.

Oh my god this is a DoritoManon sex scene isn’t it

A chill ran down her body, peaking her breasts. He watched them, then circled a finger around one. Dorian bent, his mouth following the path where that finger had been. Then his tongue. She bit her lip against the groan rising up her throat, her hands sliding into the silken locks of his hair.

OH GOD IT IS PLEASE HELP ME I NEED AN ADULT

Okay so if you want my thoughts on SJM sex scenes in general, go read my ch 38 review. But this is especially shit because Manon and Dorito barely have any chemistry. Plus Dorito is a crusty asshole and I don’t want him anywhere near my Manon baby. Fuck this goddamn shit.

She had never contemplated what it would be like—to yield control. And not have it be weakness, but a freedom.

JFC SJM, I GET IT. I get it, Dorito is the only man Manon would ever be submissive with because he’s so ~manly and dominate~ I FUCKING GET IT, GET THIS SHIT OUT OF MY FACE.

As he freed her pants button by button, then slid them off.

PANTS

This just further proves my theory SJM did no research about the medieval time period and just wanted to write lots of smutty porn.

Manon let him raise her arms over her head, his magic gently pinning her wrists to the mattress as he touched her, first with those wicked hands.

Oh my god the magic foreplay returns to haunt me. It was dumb then, it’s dumb now.

The next paragraph they’re already done and cleaning up, which seems... oddly rushed for SJM. She took numerous pages to describe Rowboat and Alien climaxing but skipped out here? I’m not complaining, believe me, just feels odd for her.

She tugged on her clothes with trained efficiency, and only when she was lacing up her shirt did Dorian say, “We’re not done, you and I.” And it was the purely male promise that made her bare her teeth.

I AM GOING TO GODDAMN LOSE MY MIND MORE THAN I ALREADY HAVE

DORITO ISN’T A MALE FAE. I’VE SEEN PEOPLE EXCUSE THE WEIRD MALE TERRITORIAL FAE SHIT WITH “oh it’s okay because they’re Fae and not human so it’s okay for them to be possessive uwuu” BUT GUESS FUCKING WHAT SWEETHEART! DORITO ISN’T FAE SO Y’ALL HAVE NO GODDAMN EXCUSE FOR HAND WAVING THIS GROSS POSSESSIVE SHIT ASIDE

KHADKFHAFHAJKHFKJAHSFK IM BREAKING

Dorian gave another purely male smile

After Dorito fucks off we go to Lorcan and Elide. Holy fucking shit this chapter is so long. The DoritoManon sex scene could’ve been cut out without any loss to the plot but lbr, fans aren’t here for the supposed fantasy plot, they’re here to read shitty smut.

Even utterly exhausted, Elide barely slept during the long night she and Lorcan swayed in hammocks with the other sailors.

After the shit I just read, this cuteness is welcomed.

Something softened in [Lorcan’s] harsh face as his eyes dipped to where [Elide’s] arm dangled out of her hammock, the skin still a bit sore, but … miraculously healed. She’d thanked Gavriel twice now, but he’d brushed it aside with a gentle nod and shrug.

This is either pure and wholesome or I’m just grasping for anything after that sex scene. Gav is such a good character, let him be a father figure to Elide and take her out for ice cream and they go for fun walks on the beach searching for interesting shells and rocks. Treasure that wholesome mental image.

It was the shout of the watch that jolted them. The one of pure terror. Elide nearly flipped out of her hammock, the sailors rushing past. By the time she shoved her hair from her eyes, Lorcan was already gone.

Oh fucking great, what bullshit do I have to put up with now?

Sailing over the western horizon, another armada headed for them. And Elide knew in her bones it was not one that Aelin had schemed and planned for. Not as Fenrys breathed, suddenly beside her on the steps. “Maeve.”

I’m so sorry I’m leaving you on a cliffhanger, but I need a break after the shit I’ve just witnessed. Like, I might actually die if I don’t stop right now.

[rulerofthedistortionworld]

hey yeah can I get a number 4,a number 7,a 12 with cheese,a 15 with bacon and extra dip and a bag full of 26 please? thanks

We’re outta bacon sorry

(also this got a little out of hand so I’ll use a read more)

4. Past labels you’ve used?

Now I’m not sure if this meant sexual identities or pronouns so I’ll answer for both

Pronouns: just she/her, I only came into my gender identity last August

Sexuality: straight and cis ofc, and I identified as bi for a while before realizing I’m pan (people don’t start bi/pan discourse, I’ve seen so many rancid takes)

7. What made you pick your name?

So Winter came from old warrior cats rps actually. I was like 11 when I started on this site and had to make up ocs to use. Winterbreeze was the first one (warriors fans know that isn’t a possible name but shut up it was pretty) and since it was a habit to call people by the prefix of the first oc in their username (since most people would have A Lot and just have a couple of them listed)

So I got shortnamed to Winter and it stuck perhaps too well

12. Favorite flag(s) visually?

Tbh I love my own flags a lot (though I like the pan flag more when it’s a bit desaturated) and aroflux is so pretty (reminds me of apples :))

Sapphic flag so fucking pretty hehe flowers and the queerplatonic also very pretty bc rosy maple moth colors :)

Demiboy has really pretty shades of blue too! Same with the achilean/mlm flag :0 And genderqueer and intersex! Okay I’ll stop there-

26. Some characters you headcanon as LGBT+?

Oh so many-

Since the darkest dungeon hyperfixation be strong, I’ll use them

(I could also use my dd ocs but those little blorbos can stay in my head unless y’all want them <3)

First off, you can drag lesbian vestal from my cold dead hands, she deserves a gf

I read like one (1) fic where Dismas was trans and I’m in love with the hc

(In a similar vein, my gf has a trans occultist oc and god she’s so smart shout out to that gay little hippie of an occultist)

Oh yeah and the one genderfluid abom fic, that’s so true, it’s what they deserve

All clowns are gay and that includes our little jester boy here

I love reymas and I am against Wife Erasure so bi Reynauld is so very true

And I’ll leave off with saying that my friend and gf call my personal estate (the one with all my little blorbos) the sapphic estate bc half of the ships are wlw lol

[palaces-in-every-paragraph]

Fandom 5K Letter!

A03 Name: LadyReisling

First of all, thank you SO MUCH for writing for me. I know I’m going to love whatever you come up with! I truly appreciate  the time and effort you are going to put into this. PLEASE do not stress over it; I am really very easy to please and just looking forward to seeing what you come up with. I’ve jotted down some basic prompts here, follow them or don’t--the choice is yours!

Style Stuff:

Competency is absolutely my greatest kink. I also have a decent-sized hair kink and love hair-touching/stroking/brushing, etc, as well as any kind of safe touch. I like friendship in love, equal partnerships, ass-kicking females, friends to lovers, grudging respect that becomes not so grudging, fluff and cuteness, light angst (angst over the perfect gift, for example), caretaking, hairbrushing, cuddling and tender kissing, blanket/bed-sharing in a totally platonic way, all the non-sexual intimacy and tenderness, late-night talks, letters. Tenderly-described safe touch makes me squee. I don’t mind sex so long as it’s consensual between adults, well-written, driven by emotions, and true to character. My favorite AUs are coffee shop and library.

My A03 bookmarks are pretty heavy on MCU and Hamilton, my two latest obsessions. I love mission fic/casefic, adventures, unwinding/caretaking after a mission, celebrations, and all the happy things.

I adore setting detail and good descriptive writing. Fall is absolutely my favorite season--so perfect for walks, crisp air, toasted marshmallows, apple orchard trips, cider and donuts, colorful leaves that crunch underfoot, hay rides, cozy sweaters, knitting, lazy weekends, bonfires (or fires in fireplaces) new pens and notebooks, etc. I also love holidays and celebrations--all of them equally, so whatever feels natural to you and the characters is great. Cultural descriptions and events are fabulous, as well as setting, time period, and seasonal details. I’ve been blessed to grow up and live my entire life in a place with four distinct seasons, and as long as I’m not driving in them, I actually adore blizzards and being snowed in. If you happen to live in a place where you don’t have seasons, I’m sorry! But pull up some Google images and describe away and I’ll love it.

Dislikes:

D/s relationships, PWP, A/B/O dynamics (I don’t understand how these work), dark/dystopian or supernatural AUs. Please no kidfic.

Hard Squicks:

Please no rape/non- or dub-con, rough sex, underage, graphic violence, suicide or self-harm, depression, or non-canonical character death. All of the above are major triggers for me. Also, in general, I feel like the world needs to come together and celebrate love and inclusion without judgment. In other words, please use this exchange to make the world a softer place for everyone.

Specific Fandoms and Prompts:

Code Name Verity - Maddie, Julie

This is one of my absolute favorite books ever. I would love to see the early days of the war, how they became best friends and maybe something more. Show me each of them knowing more about the other’s job than they strictly should--Maddie showing Julie how to navigate/fly or fix an engine, Julie teaching Maddie how to communicate in code. Did they write each other letters in a code known only to the two of them? Give me their stolen moments of friendship or dates in the middle of mayhem, nights at the pub, bike rides, perfecting cover stories, meeting each other’s families, days when Julie doesn’t have an assignment and Maddie is grounded because of weather or the need for repairs, sharing newspapers and iced buns and making jokes out of their fears. Show me the cuddling and comforting that goes on after missions/interrogations. Give me a missing scene from that time that they don’t see each other, during which Julie’s brother Jamie gets hurt. Do they have an umbrella that they pass between the two of them as a token, a reminder of their first meeting? Was the whole meeting between Maddie and Jamie a setup on Julie’s part, so that Maddie could be taken care of/stay in Julie’s family if something happened to Julie? Was Maddie’s relationship with Jamie originally meant to be a front for her and Julie’s relationship, which then became something entirely different that grew out of their shared grief over Julie? How does a lesbian couple manage to date in the middle of a war, and particularly World War II? How much pining goes on before it comes to fruition?

Agent Carter: Peggy/Angie, Peggy, Ana, Edwin

Agent Carter is maybe my favorite TV show of all time. I love the dynamic between Peggy and the girls at the Griffith, and I love how Angie never gives up on Peggy, even when Peggy isn’t sure how to be a friend and a spy at the same time. How does Angie react to her the revelation of the real nature of Peggy’s work? What was Angie up to in Season 2? Show me the two of them living in the Griffith or Howard’s house, shopping, Peggy teaching Angie some tricks of the trade to get around the strict rules of the Griffith, friendship, shopping, dates, ways to sneak out, Angie bringing Peggy out of her shell and into an easier integration of spy and civilian. Or Angie coming to California and getting involved with an investigation of Thompson’s death along with Peggy and the Jarvises, wittingly or unwittingly.

For Peggy, Ana, and Edwin: Play up Ana’s role and competency in this threesome. Do they investigate Jack’s death together, with the SSR boys in the background? I love how all three of these characters are fiercely competent in their own ways. Give me a fix-it for Ana’s tiny role of worrier-in-chief and make her as kickass as she deserves to be. Also, please please please give me all the post-canon in this fandom because I might go insane from not knowing who killed Jack Thompson and why. Feel free also to use any characters you want in the background or the foreground because I seriously love all of them.

MCU: Nat, Maria, Steve, Sam, Bucky, Peggy, Clint

To put it simply: I adore the MCU. You can really mix up any of these characters or any of the ones I didn’t mention in almost any way you want and I’ll love it. Given the revelations in Age of Ultron, I am dying to know what really happened in Budapest. I love how Sam really “gets” Steve and Bucky in a way that no one else does. Show me Bucky coming out of cryosleep to banter with Sam and remind Steve not to take himself and his life too seriously. Mix up Nat and Steve assuming that Nat wasn’t Steve’s first kiss since 1945, and Peggy was. Show me Nat bonding with Peggy, who gets her in a unique way. Show me Nat and Clint adopting Peggy as their unofficial handler, consulting with her before missions and debriefing with her after. For this fandom, I prefer espionage action over fight action. But really, do whatever you want with as many characters as you like.

Hamilton: Hamilton/Washington, Hamilton/Burr

Let me say upfront that I tolerate the daddy kink that pervades this fandom, but it isn’t my favorite thing. I don’t mind modern AUs here, but really, really, really love the canon era. I enjoy Washington as Hamilton’s hero and mentor and and Burr as his relentless competitor in any era. UST fluff on any front is good here, as is the fight/make-up scene when one pushes the other too far. How many drafts did Washington write of his letter that basically said “I messed up when I sent you home, come back please?” How long did it take him to figure out that he wanted the cannon-stealing daredevil to be his secretary? (We know that Hamilton was a helluva writer, but did Washington? How so?) Take me behind the scenes of the Levi Weeks trial with Aaron and Alexander, or inside Burr’s head during Non-Stop (was he actually hellaciously worried that Hamilton was legit going to work himself to death and hang them all out to dry--afraid not that the Constitution would fail, but that Hamilton would fail?) and the whole thought process of his decision not to participate in the writing of the Federalist? Give me the life and hard times of the Revolution, slice of life, camp life, the good, the bad, and the ugly--the horrors of war are a good spot for unexpected light in the darkness, like indulging my caretaking/HC kink. Or anything really.

The Martian: Beck, Mark

And again, another place to play with the HC and caretaking kinks and play up the humor. Show me all the training shenanigans, Beck taking care of Mark after they rescue him, or watching his video journals and being all like “JFC, he’s going to kill himself before we get there” or whatever. I love Beth/Beck too, so feel free to bring her in, or any other characters. Show it all the setting love, Mars science, awesomesauce. 

Thank you again, so much! See you on the other side of the swap!