#this is.....extremely long aiosudfhsiufh

[pennewithmeatballs]

ok so heres the situation i just need to get it down in writing so if no one reads this at least it will be out of my mind

ok so like......in september/october i had had a job for like 3 weeks and i had ended up quiting because of a lot of things but basically it wasnt what i wanted to do and the hours were insane.....and so i went back to my part time job....and ive been applying to jobs in my field (between my two majors) the whole time....so i was working at my part time job until about two weeks ago because i had gotten a job offer....the job offer seemed good but its not in my field like at all and its not exactly what i wanted to do but it paid better than my part time job and the hours were more regular/it was full time....and my parents and i always joked that i would always complain and get down on myself about not having a full time job yet and when i got one id start complaining about it.........so i accept this new job (that is not in my field) and im really nervous because like wow holy shit what if the same thing happens that happened at the job i was at for 3 weeks......so i start the job 3 days ago and thats when everything started getting crazy about the coronavirus in the U.S. but it was my first day on the job and it just so happens that this job is seen as an “essential employee” so i could not work from home or anything even though im just training....so im like ok thats whatever like it sucks and its not very safe but whatever. but then i start training in the job and its just like. completely out of the realm of things i know like they speak to me and they say things like i should know what they are and i just DONT and like. then yesterday they announced that SOMEONE ELSE in the same room as me has coronavirus so that freaks me the fuck the fuck out...and THEN they tell me theyre gonna train me super fast so that when they have all the equipment in like a week i can work from home and this job is mostly talking on the phone...and i thought there would be scripts but like there isnt and i dont feel comfortable being ALONE at home with “super fast training” on the phone doing stuff that i was supposed to have 5 weeks to train on......so like im freaking out and i already know i dont like this job at all like i thought it would be easy being on the phone because i thought there was a script but im still like ok i need to power through it and just see if i get used to it!!!!! but then all of the coronavirus stuff happens and this super fast training and i already know i dont really like it and i was freaking out last night. so im talking about it with my parents and theyre like “you cant quit after 3 days” and “its like a fight or flight response” which i think there is some truth to but also like.....times are crazy right now and im freaking out and i dont know how to do this job and im expected to it ALONE!!!!!!! so i called out today and told them i wasnt feeling well and my parents said i should do this so it gives me the 14 days to think my decision over..........but now im freaking out that im just sabotaging myself with every new opportunity i get because im scared of change but then i think about going back in and im like “i dont want to!!!!” why would i waste my time at a job i already know i dont like!!!!!!!!!! but then i just flip flop and idk theres so much going through my head and i dont want anyone to think im a flake and that i just hop from job to job it like just happens that i didnt like the two jobs i had gotten. and rather than “power through it” id like to take my life and career into my own hands and not you know. like hate and despise going somewhere for 5/7 days of my life. idk AAAHHHHH