#this is without a doubt the worst thing i've ever posted

[onekeii]

"Can we do that again?"

Day 11: "I never want this night to end." One Piece: Luffy x Reader Warnings/Genre: spoilers up to fishman island arc, fluff, ambiguous relationship, smoochin', mentions of drinking, not proof read Word count: 904 AN: this might be the worst thing i've ever written

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Mermaids, mermen, and fishmen of all shapes and sizes sang and danced before your eyes, the room threatening to burst with laughter and music and the rumble of feet on the floor. It was something you’d never forget, you hoped, letting the familiar post-battle relief seep into your veins and loosen up your muscles.

Up until yesterday morning, you hadn’t seen anyone for two years. Part of you was convinced that your dangerous yet thrilling life on the seas was over, and that you might not run into your long lost friends on Saboady. But of course they would never let you down. When you arrived at the Sunny, there they all were: beaming down at you as if nothing had changed. 

Perhaps nothing had changed, after all. The past few years without them were erased in an instant upon your frantic descent to Fishman Island, and it was business as usual - fighting then feasting then repeating. You took this rare moment of peace to admire your friends from afar, nostalgia aching and eating away at your heart.

Zoro already drank his fill and fell asleep, while you winced at the face stuck to Sanji’s face as he laid in a mermaid’s lap. Chopper was next to him, frantically scolding him for yet another nosebleed. Brook - the Soul King - started performing with the band while Franky taught some fishmen fellows his signature pose, yelling at the top of his lungs, “Suuuuper!” You couldn’t help but choke on your laugh.

Your esteemed captain, Luffy, was deflating slowly after eating so much food, waving his arms about and talking excitedly with Jimbe. Ever the social butterfly, Nami chatted away to Camie while Robin sat still and listened, a small and graceful smile upon her face. Usopp soon joined in, spinning his silly but entertaining little stories.

“Why are you crying?” you look up to find Luffy, his eyes wide with innocent confusion, his body already returned to normal. When you don’t respond right away, he tilts his head and asks again, “Are you still hurt from earlier?”

You shake your head, only just noticing how the tears stung your eyes. Frantically, you wipe them away with the back of your arm, no doubt rubbing your face a little raw. He plops down next to you, taking in the same views. You wonder if he’s thinking of the same thing as you, or maybe he’s just zero’d in on how much more he wants to eat - you can never tell. That’s your captain. 

You clear your throat and say, “I gotta admit something stupid.”

“Yeah?” is all Luffy can say. He doesn’t even turn to you, mesmerised still on what’s before him.

“I’m so happy we’re back together,” you smile, finally tearing your eyes from him, “Even though we’re still going to be bouncing from one place to the other, just like always, I still… I never want this night to end!”

He throws his head back and laughs, “It never will!” he announces proudly, “We’re pirates. We’re gonna live this good every day. I promise!”

Right then, a long-forgotten feeling blossomed in your chest once more. It climbed up into your throat and threatened to choke you, for you were finally back with your friends and your captain - the future King of the Pirates, and you didn’t have to fear what would come next. This is what the past two years were for.

As Luffy’s laugh died down, his wide smile still plastered across his face, you found yourself thinking that you love your captain, who bears so much for you all with no hesitation, so much that you could kiss him. And you do.

It’s quick, fleeting. You race forward and press your lips against his, the music around you fading into the background for a moment, but sense washes over you and sobers you up fast, and you pull away. To your surprise, Luffy doesn’t seem angry or confused. His eyebrows are twisted in shock and his mouth hangs open slightly, but at least he’s not upset. It only makes you feel even more embarrassed, twisting your body away from him and hiding your now red face. “I’m sorry!” your mind races to find the right thing to say, but Luffy’s response takes you out once more.

“Hey, can we do that again?” 

You freeze. Then you slowly turn back to him, only to find his face centimetres from yours. Scooting backwards against the floor to put some distance between you, your response is scattered as you fan the heat away from your face, “What do you mean?”

“That- It felt good! I wanna try it again!” he’s smiling again.  Of course, you huff. Luffy’s actions shouldn’t surprise you anymore. But you give in, feeling yourself lean in to connect your lips again, your hand flying up to cup his cheek and pull him in closer and keep him there longer. Luffy smiles toothily and clumsily into the kiss, reminding you again why you love him so much in the first place.

@12daysofchristmas

If you enjoyed, please consider helping out by dropping a reblog or follow ✩

[teaboot]

you have some really evil, selfish and toxic ideas irt whos allowed to have friends, you know? i see pop psy people like you all the time making lists of things that are clear and obvious trauma induced behaviour, and then immediately flip to how if you have a friend who ever behaves like this they are evil and need to be cut off, theyre not allowed to have support systems to get better! you really hate bad victims, huh? if someone isn't demure and cowering and self effacing in their symptoms they don't deserve anyone? i got assaulted and when my friend group threw me out on my ass and called me too fucked up for acting erratic and strange in the aftermath and being unable to communicate why they used your posts to justify it. its sick that people like you will look at someone uncontrollably acting out their ptsd and go wow you aren't doing this nice enough to be tolerated! people like you talk so much about compassion but when it comes to people in actual crisis you don't give a shit. no, theyre acting too problematic. just cut them off! no one should help their friends!

original post

Please allow me to take this opportunity to make some things clear.

First, you do not know me. You do not know anything about me. You do not know where I've been, where I'm going, or where I am. All that you believe that you know is extrapolated from information I have volunteered to share. Information that is, by clear and honest choice, edited for both safety and personal security. Remember this.

Second, and I say this in the kindest of ways, because I have had to learn this lesson myself:

Nobody Owes You Shit.

Have you ever saved someone from drowning?

I have.

Do you know that a drowning person struggling to get air will instinctively drag you under them?

It's hard to save people in the water. It takes specific skills and knowledge that not everybody has. Not everyone can save a drowning person without drowning in the process.

The lifeguard needs energy, and strength, and expertise, and persistence.

The swimmer needs self-restraint, and composure, and the desire to be helped, and the ability to do what they can to facilitate their own rescue.

I believe in kindness, and generosity, and compassion. I believe in trying persistently, and in giving the benefit of the doubt wherever possible. I believe that people are good, and small, and trying. And I believe that I can give all the energy I have inside of me to help someone and still come up short.

So you're drowning? I'm sorry. That must be terrifying. That must be miserable. You must be experiencing the worst moments of your life. I hope someone nearby knows how to help you. I hope they have a raft you can climb into, or a rope for you to grab, or a float you can cling to. I hope things get better. I'll call for help, and give you what I can to get you to shore.

But don't you dare drag me under water and curse me for saving myself.

Now get out of my fucking inbox.

[ailithnight]

So! Giving my reblogs to this amazing art by @providencehq their own post so I can keep adding on to this fic at my own leisure.

Please don't ask to be tagged. I'm relegated to mobile and simply cannot keep up with a taglist. All additions will be going in the reblogs on this post, though. So feel free to come back here periodically to see if I've added more.

I'm currently up to 3 chunks with 1 more in planning.

So, without further ado:

Caught and Content

Daniel James Fenton had died at 14.

And every day since then he has counted as a blessing. Especially the good ones, but even the bad ones. The terrible ones. The days so horrid that Danny wouldn’t wish them on the worst beings in the universe. Danny treasured them still. Because every breath, every too slow heart beat, even the ones that pulsed with terror and exhaustion and agony, every one was a miracle. A moment of life that Daniel James Fenton wasn’t meant to have any more.

Borrowed time.

That’s what it was.

Danny had been living on borrowed time since he was 14. And he had long since made peace with the fact that his borrowed time would some day run out.

He’s 20 now. 6 whole years he wasn’t meant to live but did anyway.

A few more months and Danny would be 21, old enough to buy his first alcoholic drink. But even if he lived that long now, he wouldn’t get the chance. The GIW would ensure that. Tuck had celebrated his 21st a couple months ago, and Sam a few months before him. Danny would never get to celebrate his with them.

But that was okay. As said, Danny had long since made peace with the uncertain nature of his borrowed time. He didn’t need to go out to a bar with his friends and celebrate that he had survived 21 whole years. It would have been a lie anyway.

Daniel James Fenton had died when he was 14.

He was in the Watchtower now. Power suppression cuffs and collar making his already battered body feel even more weak and achy. Batman was staring at him. Superman and Wonder Woman seemed to be telling him things. Or asking. Interrogating. Danny paid them no mind. No answer he’d given them before seemed to satisfy. And he already knew what would come next.

These were government sanctioned heros. They were bound to the law. And the law said Danny must be turned over to the GIW. And since Danny had already escaped them and his parents once, he doubted they’d be keen to lock him up again. Research be damned, Phantom was too dangerous to be left alive. Or whatever facsimile of alive Danny existed in right now. Daniel James Fenton had died when he was 14.

So Danny ignored the government sanctioned superheros. He didn’t let his mind wander to tomorrows he’d never have. He had made peace with his death. So now he took every moment left of his breathing beating blessing to turn his gaze out the large Watchtower window.

Nothing else mattered as Danny beheld, breathed in, drowned in the last he’d ever see of the infinite beauty of the cosmos. He let himself relax, smile, and relish in the miracle of being here, of being allowed to see it one last time. And up so close, too.

And when the heros grew tired of Danny’s distraction. When they led him to a new room without any windows to peer out of. Danny stayed relaxed. Stayed smiling. He closed his eyes and waited for his borrowed time to run out. Even as Batman stared and Superman and Wonder Woman interrogated and the power suppression devices drained him of excess energy and he’s pretty sure the GIW were on their way to arrange his execution; he was contented.

Danny was not afraid. He was happy. At peace. Why would he be scared? After all, Daniel James Fenton had died at 14. Every moment since has been a blessing he has been grateful to have.

Because

Daniel James Fenton had died at 14.

[carlyraejepsans]

mind if i get sappy both negatively and positively for a sec?

if you've been following me for a while you'll remember just last year when i was still in highschool and i was so, so lonely and this blog was getting more popular than i meant for it to be. i was a wreck. i had straight up nightmares about hypothetical call outs and people taking my words out of context to turn people against me and that I'd lose the few people i genuinely thought of as friends. i used to go over my old posts deleting them and obsessively editing the wording when i felt it could be twisted to mean something else. even worrying that the fact they COULD have a double meaning meant i was secretly a horrible person in some sick freudian sense. not a good time to have moral OCD! or anon asks open, lmfao.

and i look at my past self now, after my biggest fear realized so many times it's now a monthly annoyance at worst and well. of course i did. i had no one else! that was the extent of my friendships at the time. the people i met and came to love online were the only place i felt truly safe to be myself around without having to fight for my right to be respected or putting on a persona.

but guess what? that's not the case anymore. I'm out of my parents' house, i have authority over my own decisions and presentation, i have friends at school (real friends! more than I've ever had simultaneously in my life!) that enjoy my company in person and include me in the things they do, fully respecting my chosen name and identity as a trans person. i have a queer community to share my burdens and my joys with, i am finally, finally getting started on HRT which is a dream I thought I'd never reach... and guess what. even my online friends didn't give a fuck. i was so paranoid about being alone again that i forgot to consider that they... also care about me, just like i care about them. that they're not gonna dump me out of nowhere because some random asshole decided i was their parasocial nemesis of the week, and if they had doubts or questions wbout something, we could discuss it in private and either agree or agree to disagree on friendly terms.

idk I'm just doing the best I've ever done in my life. this period of my life is perhaps the first time I've ever felt like a complete and whole person. it gets me a little tender hearted looking back and seeing how much I've grown since the time "something like this" would've been world ending.

anyway if any of this rings familiar to you, know I'm proud of you as well. in the way you've grown AND in the way you will grow, given time. hold the line, soldier. things get getter. that's a promise.

[atzoutlw]

summary ; gn!reader x ateez , how ateez would treat you as your boyfriend ! all fluff, no nsfw in this hc list !

wc : 1,287 words you may not agree with the things i say, but i just want you to remember, these are my head canons and i don't expect everyone to feel the same way as i do about this. also, i know this isn't the best quality, it is the first time i've ever posted on tumblr, so i'm a little nervous and i'm trying to find something that works for me.

kim hongjoong would love nothing more than to share his passion for music with his significant other. He'd invite you to late-night songwriting sessions, where the two of you would bounce ideas off each other. he is incredibly thoughtful and attentive to his partner's needs. whether it's leaving little love notes hidden around your room or surprising you with your favorite snacks when you're feeling down, he always goes the extra mile to make you feel special. joong is your biggest cheerleader, supporting you in everything you do. whether you're pursuing your own dreams or facing challenges, he'll be there every step of the way. he loves cuddling up with you on the couch while watching movies or stealing sweet kisses when no one's looking. he loves to wake up before you just so he can make the two of you cups of coffee and/or breakfast. he loves to make playlists for you, and probably has a hidden collection of playlists he hasn't shown to you yet!

park seonghwa is the epitome of a gentleman, he will always hold doors open for you, pull out chairs, make you feel like true royalty to show how much he cherishes you. seonghwa's touch is always gentle and reassuring, whether it's holding your hand or brushing a stray hair from your face. he enjoys taking romantic walks with you, especially during sunset, enjoying the beauty of nature and each other's company. he sets up relaxing spa nights at home, complete with face masks, candles, and soothing music, to help both of you unwind and de-stress after work. seonghwa is incredibly affectionate, often soothing you with soft kisses and warm hugs whenever you need comfort.

jeong yunho loves to tease you playfully, always keeping the mood light and fun. he knows just how to make you laugh, even on your worst days. yunho gives the best bear hugs. his hugs are warm, comforting, and make you feel safe and loved. he is incredibly supportive and always knows what to say to lift your spirits. he encourages you to chase your dreams and reassures you whenever you doubt yourself. yunho is a great listener. he pays attention to everything you say, no matter how big or small, and offers thoughtful advice and comfort. he loves having movie marathons with you, complete with snacks, cozy blankets, and commentary throughout the films. yunho loves holding your hand whenever you’re together. It’s a simple gesture, but it makes you feel connected and cherished.

kang yeosang cherishes quiet moments with you. whether you're reading together or simply enjoying each other's presence without speaking, he finds comfort in the silence. he loves taking candid photos of you, capturing your genuine expressions and moments. his camera roll is filled with pictures of you in various moods and settings. yeosang is subtle in his displays of affection. he often brushes his fingers against yours, gives soft kisses on your forehead, and wraps his arm around your shoulders when you're sitting together. his gifts are always thoughtful and meaningful. he remembers small details about your likes and dislikes and surprises you with things that hold special significance. yeosang leaves little handwritten notes for you to find, whether it's in your bag, on your desk, or next to your pillow. these notes often contain sweet messages or inside jokes. yeosang is perfectly happy spending a cozy day at home with you, binge-watching your favorite shows, playing video games, or just cuddling on the couch. ( these days are, by far, his favorites ). yeosang also loves sharing his favorite music with you. he'll create playlists that remind him of you or that he thinks you'll enjoy.

choi san is full of playful energy. he loves to joke around and tease you in a light-hearted way, making every moment together fun and lively. he loves surprising you with unexpected visits, whether it's showing up at your work with lunch or arriving at your doorstep with your favorite treat. san is very affectionate and isn’t shy about showing it. he’s always holding your hand, giving you hugs, and sneaking kisses, making you feel loved and adored. he enjoys working out with you, motivating you to push your limits while making the experience fun and rewarding. san loves having deep, meaningful conversations late into the night, sharing dreams, fears, and everything in between. he’s your number one cheerleader, supporting you in everything you do and always encouraging you to follow your dreams. if you’re not together, he never fails to send you sweet goodnight texts, reminding you how much he cares.

song mingi gives the best hugs—warm, tight, and full of affection. his hugs can instantly make you feel safe and loved. he loves making you laugh with his goofy antics and playful personality. whether it's funny faces, silly dances, or witty jokes, mingi always knows how to bring a smile to your face. he is very protective of you. he always looks out for your well-being and ensures you're safe, whether you're out in public or just feeling down. mingi loves to tease you in a lighthearted, fun way. his teasing is always affectionate and never crosses the line, making you laugh and feel closer to him. mingi sends you sweet and sometimes silly texts throughout the day to let you know he's thinking of you, making you feel cherished even when you're apart. ( stuff like "work is boring, i wanna be with you :(" ). he often engages in playful wrestling matches with you, enjoying the physical closeness and the laughter that comes with it. he gives genuine and thoughtful compliments, always noticing the little things about you and making you feel appreciated.

jung wooyoung is incredibly affectionate, always finding ways to touch you—holding hands, hugging, and giving you sweet kisses throughout the day. wooyoung enjoys cooking with you and often tries new recipes. he’s a great cook and loves impressing you with his culinary skills. wooyoung has a keen sense of fashion and loves giving you style advice. he often suggests outfits and enjoys shopping with you. he’s a master of planning surprise dates, taking you to new and exciting places or setting up romantic evenings at home. he’s a big fan of cuddling and loves snuggling up with you on the couch or in bed. he makes you feel warm and secure. he enjoys having fun fashion shows at home, trying on different outfits and giving you a mini runway performance. wooyoung loves taking photos of you and with you, capturing beautiful moments and creating lasting memories. wooyoung has a variety of sweet and funny nicknames for you, always calling you something that makes you smile.

choi jongho is naturally protective. he always makes sure you're safe and comfortable, whether you’re out together or apart. despite his strong exterior, jongho has a gentle and caring demeanor. his hugs are warm and comforting, and he always knows how to make you feel secure. he values quality time and loves spending it with you, whether it's watching movies, going for walks, or simply talking for hours. jongho loves surprising you with thoughtful gestures, like bringing you coffee in the morning or leaving sweet treats for you to find. jongho likes working out and would love having you as his workout partner, encouraging and motivating you while keeping it fun. he loves holding your hand, whether you’re walking down the street or sitting together, finding simple ways to stay connected. he loves learning about your interests and hobbies, making an effort to engage with the things you’re passionate about. jongho is fiercely loyal and committed, making sure you know that he’s always there for you, and won't ever leave, no matter what.

─ perm tag list ; @nikoshiftscom @platinumsarcasm @otter-pebbles @discordchic

this tag list is open so feel free to request to be added!

[menlove]

i saw on some of your posts that you say you aren’t an india truther, out of curiosity what do you think caused john and paul to have a fallout? do you think the resentment was more gradual and happened over 68-69? im sorry if you’ve answered this before but i love hearing about people’s theories of what happened in india and the aftermath.

sorry I totally forgot to answer this but for me.... hm. tossing under a readmore bc it got long oops

I think it was more gradual. like the way they act w each other in the get back sessions & just in general speaks more to something more unspoken happening than some big dramatic break up or rejection, at least to me. esp given how john & yoko lived with paul for a while in the summer of 68 (and talk about the world's worst throuple)

I wouldn't say I don't think Anything happened in india, but imo it seems more like.... I saw someone talking about how up until that point they were all on a lot of drugs & india was them getting off them for a minute & they sort of looked around and went "what the fuck are we doing? do I even know these people?" and that rings the most true to me I think.

some of the bigger reasons I have my doubts abt india being some huge thing where they fucked for the first time and paul rejected john are a) they still got along after that. things were weird but not much weirder than they'd been after brian's death b) paul wrote "i will" in india and I've talked before about how I'm 100% convinced that's about john and to me "will I wait a lonely lifetime, if you want me to I will" doesn't sound like the words of someone about to do any rejecting c) the infamous blowing the mic scene in get back is way too lighthearted and makes paul blush and giggle like they're just referencing fucking as a part of their relationship that happened enough to not be disarming. doesn't seem like john is being bitter or trying to egg him on and paul isn't reacting like someone that got called out for fucking john and then rejecting him. it reads more, to me, like just two lovers slyly joking around about a time they fucked that no one else can know about

which brings me to d) I'm also a "they had a sexual relationship" truther (which would be a whole other essay tbh) and so For Me Personally that just doesn't jive w smth big and dramatic happening in india. I just don't think they ever talked about what the fuck was going on between them, whatever it was, and then the typical band breakdown reasons coincided w a breakdown of their personal relationship as well. like just sort of dying out without much fanfare which can honestly be worse than some big rejection or breakup. and then ofc john goes full in with yoko and paul flounders around trying to settle down with a woman and marry her in such a weirdly frantic way. like that quote where he asks if he was supposed to be a 26 year old queer that never got married....... I would wager, imo, that things breaking down w john & then jane would've lead him to a bit of a Crisis about all that. but he found linda and went all in w her and she wound up pregnant so there you go.

which would lead them to a really weird place by the get back sessions, which I at least feel like is reflected pretty well- this awkward tension, paul's nervous desperation, nostalgia for the old times, lingering sexual tension. but not the attitude like they hated each other yet or had some big breakup or rejection. they're still joking and flirting, it's just awkward. the Big Moment would've been something else after that imo, probably john announcing he wanted a divorce but could've also been something more private that would go a long way to explaining why they were basically not on speaking terms at all by the abbey road sessions

again this is all Purely Speculation. mostly based on my more conflicting view from the fandom at large that they did have a sexual relationship and paul isn't as repressed/clueless as he puts on. so w those Two Beliefs in mind, this is sort of the trajectory that would make the most sense to me!

of course, without those two Core McLennon beliefs of mine I can see why people would point to india as the game changer if they think paul is a repressed bisexual who thinks he's straight while john pined over him. like it would make sense in that scenario if that's where the tension snapped & it was just a mess after that. but I very firmly and adamantly don't believe that so it's just hard for me to see the india theory as anything solid when there's a lot of other explanations for why india was such a shitshow

but all that is just me personally! don't have shit to back it up beyond what I can bring up about the evidence of a sexual relationship and paul being closeted that then lead me to these speculations based on that but yeah lmao

(and fun fact lmao whenever we publish it this is gonna be like half of the story of "i need you" so yall will get to see my fully baked opinion there mixed w just what I think would be fun or angsty dbshsjss)

[lassieposting]

So in the wake of my post on Astarion and cptsd, have another concept I've been thinking about lately:

Tav/Durge (or an origin character, but I'm gonna use Tav because there are so many potential ships) using magic on him - with his permission, of course, they're not a complete monster - to help him cope with the symptoms.

I feel like there's a lot of potential here? But I haven't really seen anyone using it in fics, so. Here are some ideas I've been turning over.

Spells Tav Can Use On Astarion:

Calm Emotions: magically subdue intense emotions.

So.

I have a fond headcanon that while Astarion is still in survival mode during the game - the worst symptoms of his cptsd are on lockdown and he's mostly able to keep it together well enough to be functional and clear-headed - there is an incident where Tav sees him have a panic attack.

Like. Maybe they're attempting to sneak around patrolling guards in enemy territory, or edging around hostile wildlife in the Underdark. They're alone, the party split into two pairs with different tasks, and some threat is headed their way. They don't want to raise any alarms, so Tav drags Astarion back into a narrow crevice in the rock, or a chest loaded onto a supply wagon, or something, to hide until the threat has passed by.

And. Astarion has never mentioned that he's claustrophobic. He doesn't show weakness unless he's forced to, and at this point, he hasn't told Tav about being sealed in a tomb for a whole year. So the first they know of it is when they're crushed up against him in a cramped hiding spot and they realise he's shaking. They try to calm him, but his eyes have gone unfocused and glassy and he's starting to hyperventilate, a wounded animal noise brewing in his chest.

And Tav has to make a split second decision, because he's going to get them noticed. So they try to comfort him and instinctively cast Calm Emotions - and it works. It cuts the panic attack off, and once the threat is audibly moving away from them, they're able to emerge and carry on undetected.

He's angry, on and off for a while, that Tav used magic on him without his consent, even once he understands what they did and why. But the thing is, it did work. It helped him get his fear under control. So down the line, as they get closer, and he begins to really trust Tav, he agrees to them using that one on him when he really needs it, when he's crippled with the panic of 200 years' worth of obediently withstood torture sessions, when he feels like dying is the only way to escape the fear. They're both aware though that Calm Emotions is a deferral, not a cure - it won't help him work through the panic attacks, and it won't stop him having them.

Heroism: instill the caster or an ally with courage

I like to think Tav uses this one on him a few times as the group approaches the city, when he's fretting about being back within Cazador's reach. They're not ✨sleeping together✨, but they are sleeping together - he has an open invitation to share Tav's tent at night, just to cuddle and rest a little easier with someone he trusts close by to watch over him. They know he's scared, and they know he doubts the group's ability to protect him if Cazador tries to take him back. Heroism here is essentially a stand-in for anti-anxiety medication - it stops him ruminating on what-if scenarios the group is determined not to ever let happen.

Enthrall: capture the attention of a creature, making it look at you

Another one that could be useful in a panic attack situation, though it's far too similar to Cazador's control to ever use on him spontaneously - it would need to be something suggested, discussed and agreed upon while he was clearheaded, to see if it was useful for him. Making him focus on Tav stops him focusing on whatever is causing him to nosedive. It's the, "Astarion, hey, look at me, just focus on me, breathe with me," spiel taken to a level that actually yanks him out of his fear spiral when just their voice won't do it.

Dancing Lights: creates magical orbs of light that brighten an area

Sometimes, Astarion struggles to switch off and unwind at bedtime. The "trying to get to sleep" gap can be a fucking horror show when you have a condition like cptsd - everything goes quiet in preparation for sleep, so it's the perfect time for all your intrusive thoughts and ruminations and spiralling to dogpile you, the way it struggles to do when you're compulsively keeping busy in the daytime.

A Tav who can create Dancing Lights is essentially giving him Candy Crush. A mindless, no-complex-thought-required distraction that shuts up all those bad thoughts long enough for his eyes to start closing.

Light: makes an object shed light in a small area

He's not afraid of the dark. The dark is a vampire's natural habitat, after all. But he is, in the early days, sometimes afraid of what might be in the dark - he has nightmares of Cazador lurking around the outskirts of the camp, waiting to snatch him up. Shifting shadows against tent fabric can warp and twist into horrors to a groggy, fresh-from-a-nightmare mind. He would rather die again than ever ask Tav to magic him a nightlight. But if an object bespelled to cast a soft, grounding glow inside his tent happened to be left beside his bedroll, well, finders keepers and all that. Of course he uses the damn thing, darling, if he leaves it off for one night Gale will probably eat it.

Detect Thoughts: telepathically link to unprotected minds and hear the thoughts of targeted creatures while talking to them.

I like to think this mostly happens when he's struggling to express something and getting frustrated.

Sometimes, it's a vocabulary issue. Faerûn is a medieval-esque setting - Astarion doesn't have terms like "trigger" or "dissociation" or "flashback" to express what's going on in his head. He has to cobble together not-quite-right-but-close-enough explanations out of the words he does have, and that shit is hard.

Other times, it's because he's trying to recount a memory that gets stuck in his throat or between his teeth. Because he can't bear to voice the humiliation, or the dehumanization, or the violence that goes with it. Putting it to words makes it real in a way that he can't deal with anymore. He wants Tav to know what's distressing him, but he just...can't say it. He can't.

And once upon a time, he would've just shown them through the tadpole, but that's no longer an option, so Detect Thoughts it is. Tav can either hear him, or he can visualise the memory and show it to them - or flashes of it, anyway. And it can be a quiet understanding between them - no stumbling over his words, no tears, no shaking voice.

Hold Person: hold a target humanoid in place.

Paralyzing Ray: paralyzes the target.

Otiluke's Resilient Sphere: enclose a target in a sphere of shimmering force...blocking all incoming and outgoing damage

These wouldn't really come into play until months or even years postgame, once Astarion is safe and settled and finally processing all the horrors he's been through - if he has an era where the flashbacks are so vivid, he might not recognise Tav, or might even mistake them for Cazador or Godey. The era where, sometimes, through no fault of his own, he might be a danger to himself and others, Tav included. What's a fantasy protagonist to do with him, when he's beyond reason? Pop him in the rage cage - where he can't hurt himself or anyone else - until he comes back to himself.

Spells Tav Has Tried And Failed To Use On Astarion:

Cure Wounds: heal wounds through touch

Probably the first spell they ever try on him, and one he could've sorely benefited from. The extra impetus to start associating touch with pain relief instead of pain itself would've done him a lot of good. But, according to the wiki, undead are immune to virtually all healing spells, which is a deeply angsty bummer.

Sleep: make a conscious creature fall into a deep slumber

As a high elf, he's immune to sleep magic, but he gets the elven equivalent of night terrors, and days on end of broken rest will leave anyone drained and exhausted. Tav has absolutely offered to try and put him to "proper" sleep, a deep sleep, so he won't dream. I've never actually played dnd, so I don't know how much leeway there is here for creative interpretation of immunity, there are certainly ways you could be creative with it - maybe his fey ancestry protects him from being put to sleep specifically in an attack context, or from being put to sleep unexpectedly, or by unfamiliar and potentially hostile magic. Maybe, if he knows it's happening and his innate magic recognises the magic of the caster, he's able to lean into it. Like the difference between being shot from behind with a tranquilizer gun and popping an ambien before bedtime.

Also! These could even be scrolls! It amuses me to think of Tav popping over to the pharmacist Gale's tower in Waterdeep to get Astarion's monthly anxiety prescription scrolls of Calm Emotions

[matan4il]

Daily update post:

I don't have an online source yet other than a tweet in Hebrew, but I heard a report about at least two Hamas divers who tried to invade Israel through the sea. The threat has been neutralized, but this shows once again, that as long as Hamas exists, the civilians in southern Israel are NOT safe. That's along with Hamas still firing rockets at Israeli civilians whenever they can.

This morning also saw another independent Palestinian terrorist attack, this time on one of the major roads leading into Jerusalem. Two Israelis have been stabbed and injured, a 25 years old man, and a 19 or 20 years old woman (I heard contradicting reports, so I'm citing both options). The terrorist was 15 years old, and has been neutralized. He reached the scene of the attack riding on electric bicycles. Just a reminder, inciting and recruiting a teenager to carry out a terrorist attack is morally wrong, if not downright criminal, and it should be where everyone's ire is directed.

The IDF has confirmed that it has killed a Hamas leader in Lebanon, Mustafa Hadi. He was in charge, among other things, of promoting terrorist attacks against Israeli and Jewish targets outside of Israel.

I've heard a journalist saying that there are enough aid trucks entering Gaza, the issue is that Hamas is confiscating about 60% of the humanitarian aid brought in. The info is confirmed in this article, about a new pilot the IDF is trying, to try and bypass Hamas. If the last attempt (which backfired) was to bring aid in from the south, and the IDF would secure it as it's transferred to the north (instead of handing it to local elements for the transfer), now they're going to check the trucks in the south, but bring them into Gaza directly in its northern part.

I've already expressed my POV about what is probably the worst speech given at the Oscars this year, maybe ever. Now, the Holocaust Survivors' Foundation has denounced the Holocaust-hijacking, anti-Israel speech at the Oscars as "factually incorrect and morally indefensible." The ADL sent out the same message.

I've already pointed out that the absolute majority of survivors were and are Zionist (as were many of the Jews murdered in the Holocaust), but I think it really matters that the survivors who are still around are using their own voices to speak out against this distorted narrative. Will this director and others like him, who have hijacked the Holocaust for their political messages, actually listen and apologize? I kind of doubt it. Holocaust survivors are to be listened to! ...But only if they're one of the 5 or so who hate Israel.

And while we're at it, it should also be mentioned that the red hand pin that many stars wore at awards ceremonies this year stems from a symbol featured in many anti-Israel protests, leading back to the 2000 brutal lynching and murder of two Israelis who took a wrong turn into the Palestinian city of Ramallah. I think it says a lot in itself, that Arabs in general and Palestinians in particular SAFELY walk around Jewish majority Israeli cities every day, or live in them, but Jews have to fear for their lives when they enter, even accidentally, Arab areas that have been ethnically cleansed of Jews. Regarding the red hand symbol, I'm not saying that every person using it fully understands its origin, that it became a feature of anti-Israel demonstrations only after the lynching, it was never spotted at them before that, it became a prominent feature of the Second Intifada (2000-2005), I'm also not saying this is the only use of a red hand as a protest symbol ever, so people who saw the pin would have easily been unaware of its origin in this context. But it feels like another sign of the same problem: people are ignorant about this conflict, yet they allow themselves the freedom to talk about it, or use its symbols and terms, without truly understanding them, and without seeming to care about the consequences. It's a bit like someone who might have watched Dukes of Hazard, and started wearing a pin of the Confederate flag, initially not knowing (but later also not showing any care for) why this would hurt the feelings of many African Americans.

Here's another reminder from November 2023, that informed people knowing about the origin of this symbol pre-dates the Oscars:

BTW, I should probably mention that the Italian press crew, which documented the lynching and the proudly presented bloodied hands of one murderer, shared the footage despite threats to their lives from Palestinians (while another Italian film crew threw that one under the bus, promising that their TV station abides by the rules of the Palestinian Authority, implying they comply with the PA's censorship of Palestinian-committed violence). An American news team from ABC, was attacked and prevented from documenting the lynching. A British photojournalist, Mark Seager, who tried to document the lynching as well, was attacked by Palestinians, his equipment was destroyed, and he said he would have nightmares for the rest of his life. Back in 2009, Fatah (the ruling party of the PA) used the lynching to claim they were more deadly towards Israelis than Hamas. ANYONE who lived through this, as many Israelis and Jews did, or even just heard about it growing up, would not easily forget the symbolism of the red hand in this context.

This is 13 years old Mai Zuheir abu Subeich.

She was an Israeli Arab Muslim Bedouine. She excelled as a student, and dreamed of being an English teacher. Family members say she was even already teaching her siblings and cousins. On Oct 7, she was killed when a Palestinian rocket from Gaza hit her home, in the Negev desert. This Ramadan, as IDF soldiers continue to fight in Gaza, Jews, Christians, Muslims, Bedouins and Druze, please remember they're fighting to keep the Muslim citizens of Israel safe from Hamas, too.

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[velvetvexations]

honestly those posts about needing to steal trans women from tme partners for their own good just feel condescending. very "if your views don't align with mine, it's a sign that you can't make decisions for yourself." if you're genuinely concerned someone is being taken advantage of by a partner, there's better ways to offer support and help them out of that relationship than "convince them to be with you instead"

it's the radical feminism!

i was genuinely asking myself if I was high while reading that meat-headed, "come to the Denny's parking lot if you want an ass-whupping"-plagiarising post, like great work defending trans women by — oh, dear, threatening to beat up people (including, by that purposefully vague definition, other trans women)? And doxxing yourself while doing so? Instead of — oh, I don't know — dismantling the idea of waifish women & fems in need of protection by strong men & mascs, and doing the legwork to break down other such binary ideals? I thought the whole argument was that trans mascs are inherently emulating the worst of cis masculinity by BEING trans masc, and are thus dangerous to be around/include in the community; does it help or hurt that rhetoric to specifically act like that? And also; why are you going to doxx yourself about it?? With the political climate as it is??? It is infuriating that I still care about this jabroni's safety but there it is!

wild right

Terminally online transradfems will say they're the most oppressed demographic but I don't think many of them are poor sex workers of color

there is no good hierarchy ordering but the new TRF thing is that they (affluent White women) HAVE to do this for the less privileged trans women who can't do it themselves and lol

I love black trans women and believe they need all the support they can get. I also believe it's crazy to portray tWoC as the #1 most targeted group of people when intersex people's right to life is under question since birth in more than a few countries. Around the world and throughout history, intersex people have been euthanized like animals before even getting the opportunity to live our lives. This practice is still not outlawed worldwide. Did you know that even in the US and European countries, the medical establishment attempts to coerce expecting parents into terminating an intersex fetus because it would be "better for the child not to live such a horrible life", and if the visibly into child is born, 95% of the time they are mutilated at birth or otherwise before puberty. Is that not a hate crime? Oh wait. It's not illegal, so it can't be a crime. Is maiming an intersex person's body because you believe how they look is disgusting and disordered not hate? The violence of intersexism is baked so throughly into laws and medical protocol that hate crimes against us aren't even documented because they're fully fucking legal. Millions of us. Our blood soaks the earth and nobody cares to hear our pleas.

ultimately no oppression caste system will ever help anyone but the way intersexism is ignored is disgusting and desperately needs to stop

Often I wish I could like your response to a post without liking the rancid original post

lol my friend says that a lot

At this point I've started to take someone being transandrophobic as a FULL THROATED confession that they were aphobic during the ace discourse days and only stopped because it started being "cringe" (read, they only stopped because it was unpopular, not because their views actually changed) to be aphobic. And like, this is what, the fourth identity or so that's being completly fucking harassed like this? By the same fucking people? I'm done giving these people the benefit of a doubt.

the first thing I heard about fite-club was what a huge aphobe he was so that was my introduction to TRFs

the enemy is at once all-powerful and in control of everything, and incredibly weak and few and far between, right? lol. everyone agrees with you and loves you but actually nobody believes in the things you claim. somehow.

it's wild like yo dawg I just passed a thousand followers!!!!!

i am so baffled by the insinuation that youre a Very Popular Transfem and all other transfems on here are fighting for scraps???? because not two months ago, the posts being passed around were about how all the best most popular posts on tumblr are made by the same circle of transfems

maybe they were talking about apricot-aligator being a sycophant for transmisogynistic TMEs

re that fox girls post, i dont think thw critique itself is unfair but ime transandrophobia blogs sharing black feminism is not necessarily bc it has relevance to white transmasculine experience directly (ofc entirely ignoring the black transmascs active in this theory) but bc transandrophobia itself is built off of black feminism and most of these people are interested in black feminist theory outside of transandrophobia theory or rather, that they came To transandrophobia theory From black feminist theory < or at least thats been my experience with my favorite transandrophobia theorists (the more i think abt it the angrier i get that it just sidesteps talking abt its relevance to black transmasculinity by . just tacking on "white" and leaving it at that. like yeah thats abt what id expect from someone that finds hooks' own intersectional work "mid" lol) (but maybe im being uncharitable idk.)

it was really weird because it's like

marginalized misandry for my category but not for thine ig

[serpentface]

How (if he does) does Brakul reconcile his want for a relationship with Hibrides and his kids with the knowledge of the child he abandoned? Does this cause any conflict in him?

It's kind of something he feels immense guilt about and is continually haunted by, but he's also not willing to take like full self-accountability (much less any Direct accountability, which in his very, very slight defense is next to impossible at this point). He kind of just uselessly wallows in it like 'Oh I feel horrible that's the worst thing I've ever done but also it's not my fault, I wasn't happy, I deserve to be happy, but I'm so guilty I wish I never had that kid so I didn't have to abandon him, but I had to do it, but I shouldn't have, but-" etc etc

His go-to self justification is that his ex wife/child are probably better off with his younger brother (who he's (correctly) assuming Sirudan would have remarried). Brakul wasn't treated Badly by his clan by any means but was definitely regarded as lazy and difficult, not particularly talented in any capacity, and with a tendency to cause drama. His little brother was better liked, well behaved, and better husband material. He can partly convince himself that this was really for the best.

The main way he kind of reconciles it is by treating his new circumstances as a second chance. It's simultaneously something that Feels like an opportunity to do it right this time, with people he loves and wants to be with, while also impossible to do so. He loves Hibrides like he thinks he should love a wife, but she isn't his wife. She's Janeys' wife. That's not going to change without a divorce or Janeys dying, neither of which are ideal circumstances (for Brakul or Janeys at least). The children are his, but they're claimed as Janeys' and being definitively outed (or suspected beyond doubt) as bastards would be disastrous for everyone involved, Brakul cannot father them. It's kind of like everything he could possibly want is Right There and yet impossible to Have (which in turn triggers more guilt wallowing cycles for him).

All this is part of why he's so desperate to make everything work out. He's still convinced on some level that there is SOME way this whole thing can coalesce into being a sort of stable family. Maybe when the kids are old enough to keep it secret he can be their father in private. Maybe he can get Janeys and Hibrides to stop hating each other, and get Hibrides to like him again, and he can be with his life partner AND his beloved quasi-wife AND be a father to his children and all this can stabilize into something strange and unconventional but like, okay.

He does think about his son a lot. The kid would be 14 now, close to coming of age. He's probably starting to learn men's tasks now that he's almost an adult, maybe he's even stolen his first cow or spent his first summer alone up at pasture, but Brakul can't know. He doesn't even know if he's alive or dead. He never even saw the kid start to talk, let alone take his first steps. He doesn't really know what to do with any of this.

(I would suggest reading the wildwoman bride story under the cut in this post with all this in mind. Brakul is projecting about as heavily as humanly possible on the story without outright changing the plot.)

[myddle]

Okay Uzi, lets start Murdering, some Drones

The finale of Murder Drones has come and gone, this show has successfully buried it's way into my cerebral cortex, and I will now think about it until I die

Anyway, lets speculate on what the fuck just happened in Episode 8 (And Episode 7 a bit too I guess)

Warning: Biggest Post Yet, Spoilers, Opinions

I Was Wrong About The Admin Thing, And I'm Okay With That

Last time I did a post like this, I speculated that Uzi's Administrator status would be the key to victory against the Absolute Solver. In truth, it was a blink-and-you'll-miss-it lore point, which makes sense in hindsight, because the whole Admin thing was a blink-and-you'll-miss-it lore point to begin with. This kind of environmental storytelling is good to put in a text, of course, but casual viewers need to be able to follow the plot without it. Truthfully, this is actually an area where the show usually stumbles a little; if there's one criticism I have for Murder Drones, it's that it show-don't-tells a little too hard sometimes. Luckily, this show is good enough for me to want to excuse it's flaws by any means neccessary! FOR EXAMPLE,

Khan Doorman: Mischaracterised, Or Traumatised?

So, Khan was kind of acting a little too badass at the end there, huh? This drone was a delusional door maniac at the start of the series, but now he's this stoic badass with a goofy side? Huhwhat? Explain THAT, Smart Genius!

How about I do? Call it a theory, but I think that THIS, is the real Khan, and the dingus we saw at the start of the series was a broken shadow of him.

Khan was a respected man, seeming leader of the Worker Defense Force, front of the line in finding Nori and Yeva just after the Core Collapse, and say what you will, he can build a good door.

And then tragedy strikes. The Dissassembly Drones strike, and while the WDF fends them off, they are not without casualty. Nori is devoured by nanite acid, and Khan beats her head in to end her suffering. The worst has happened.

While Nori's heart sneaks away to go make the plot happen, Khan spirals. His efforts to fight the DD scourge have failed, so he turns to doors. He doubles, triples down, becomes obsessed with the only thing that hasn't failed him. His daughter still wants to take the fight to the enemy, but Khan rejects the thought so hard, he rejects Uzi with it, hence his "doors>uzi" bullshit in the first episode (for the record, I'm not justifying it, I'm just explaining it, he was still a piece of shit for this).

By the time "Pilot" rolls around, Khan has been in a door-obsessed fugue state for... maybe years, I don't think we ever find out how long ago Nori's "death" was. But by now, he's barely functional; Uzi's second excuse to go outside literally only worked because it was door themed. His fear and delusion almost kill his only remaining family.

But as the events of the show go on, Khan is shook out of routine, and his stupor begins to fall away. In "Heartbeat", he defends his daughter's eccentricities. In "The Promening", he clumsily attempts to be part of Uzi's life again, and watches her build an alliance with N and V. In "Cabin Fever", he opens up to Uzi, revealing the darkness that haunts him and admitting to his mistakes. By "Mass Destruction" his mind has mostly cleared, and while he's still a door-loving goofball, he trusts his daughter, knows what he needs to do, and is ready to kick some Solver ass.

Wow, turns out I had a lot to say about Khan friggin' Doorman, do excuse me. Alright, onto the actual finale, now.

And Now, A Summarisation Of My Thoughts On "Nuzi"

yes

TradJedy: A Bootlicker To The End

I've seen some people are unsatisfied with J's villanous and, lets be honest, kinda pathetic role in the finale, but as sad as it is, I think it was true to her character. J is, above all, two things: Tessa's closest, favourite drone, and a corporate underling for some reason. Cyn wearing Tessa's skin was no doubt the most demoralising for J; Tessa is dead, the killer is pantomiming the life she never had, and you can't stop her. Plus, J likely knows better than anyone just how powerful the Solver is, how futile resisting it's conquest could be. But, to have a place alongside it? An offer of safety? Why wouldn't she take that offer? Hell, even V was tempted by it; when Cyn confronts her, she almost instinctively says "I can still...", as if her survival instinct is telling her to serve. J simply gave in.

Anyway, onto some details:

"If I promised you anything, it tricked me too."

I've seen people get confused by this line, but I think J is speaking on behalf of Eldritch J, formerly the J clone that led N & V's DD squad. That J seemed to fully buy the JCJenson cover story, at least to me, and J Prime appears to have deduced that. I don't think she has all of Eldritch J's memory, though; that "PRIOR HAZARD" poppup strikes me as the impersonal knowledge of an error report, rather than personal experience of getting blown to pieces.

"I never needed either of you."

Yeah, buuuuuullshit. J definitely doesn't really mean this. She's in bridge-burning mode, trying to convince herself more than anything that she's moved on. That offer of safety has gained a heavy price of two old friends, and J is pushing herself to pay it.

Local Autistic Teen Fights God And Wins

This uno-reverse-card moment felt a little out of nowhere at first, but on a rewatch, I think I get it. While the past few minutes fighting Cyn were utterly nightmarish, and some of the most gruesome stuff I've ever seen get done to humanoids, it did teach Uzi one thing; resisting the CallbackPing is suprisingly easy. Before this episode, it seemed like the USB Patch was the only hope for escaping the Solver's clutches, but apparently strong willpower and personality is enough to stop it temporarily, and that gets a lot easier to pull off once you know that you can do that. A single "Bite me" or the hand-hold of love is enough to stop Cyn's advance, and once Uzi fully realises that, it stops scaring her. In addition, Uzi's use of the [NULL] shows that she is a very quick learner, and can easily adapt to Cyn's tricks, allowing her to pull this "no-u" and turn the tables on Cyn. This quick thinking is also what wins the battle against Cyn in the end, catching on to how she uses the teleport.

Teleport... that seems familiar... hey, WAIT A SEC-

Doll Is Alive And I'm Not Coping; A Thesis

Everybody has pointed to this frame after Uzi eats Cyn's heart; the box that says "UZI DRN" briefly says "RSN DOLL" instead. But funnily enough, that isn't even the first thing that made me suspect that Doll might still be alive deep within Uzi's code.

If you look closely at Uzi's new gradient eyes, you'll notice that thEY'RE SO PRETTTYYY AAAHHH <3 <3 <3

*ahem*

If you look closely at Uzi's new gradient eyes, you'll notice that a subtle but distinct tint of red sits in between the yellow and purple ends. Admittedly, you can also see pink and orange, so it's not airtight evidence, but it was enough to get me speculating. Obviously, that RSN DOLL frame basically confirms it on it's own, but I found some other stuff too, and I thought it was interesting enough to share.

Uzi consumed Cyn's heart (some of it anyway), and Cyn lived on inside Uzi, possessing her tail in the post-credits. Back in "Mass Destruction", Cyn consumed Doll's heart, and while the scenarios aren't one-to-one, it can be reasonably inferred that Doll might live on in Cyn, who now lives on in Uzi, resulting in a situation oddly reminiscent... of Russian Dolls. BWAM BWAM BWAAAAAAM

It's thematically resonant, which means it's basically canon, right?

[There used to be another thing here about Solver Powers, but it turned out it was a lot less airtight than I thought, so I'm moving it to another post. Thanks to @1-800-hellyeah for the catch]

In conclusion, Doll lives on in the depths of Uzi's code, and that matters. The ramifications of this are unclear, and there's another thing with Doll in the credits, but we'll get to that in a moment with...

The Credits Scene Lightning Round

The credits are full of scenes of the surviving cast enjoying life after the Battle For Copper 9, and while I haven't heard anything about their canonicity... I mean, they look canon. Liam has stated that this is the end of the series, and I'm inclined to believe him, but a lot of this stuff feels like plot hooks he could pick up in a second season someday, if he wanted. Or maybe he just left them to feed the fanfic crowd long term. Either way, lets see what we've got to chew on!

J Prime, Alone

Man, despite how much of a prick she was, I feel kinda bad for J. She gave up everything for the Solver, only for the Solver to get defeated anyway, at least for now. She's repairing one of the ships she destroyed, presumably to leave the planet, but where is she gonna go? What is she gonna do? Fake Tessa's JCJenson credentials imply that the company might still be operating out in space somewhere, but trying to pal up with them feels like a long shot, especially since J Prime probably has some blood on her hands from Cyn's orders. ...What's left for her?

Goopy Ghost Doll

Okay, so if Doll is in Uzi's code, how is she also here? I honestly have no real clue, but my best guess is that since Uzi is arguably the most powerful entity in the setting now, Doll could utilise a fraction of Uzi's power to project herself out into the world, unnoticed? Maybe? That's the best I've got. Anyway, she's probably gonna try to kill V again, knowing her.

And don't say it's just a hallucination or something; everything* in the show has either been real, or an illusion with a clear source. They've been very good about not pulling the hallucination card, and I'm inclined to trust they wouldn't do it now.

*I just remembered the weird skeleton thing behind V in "Home", I'm not sure what that counts as

Yeva's Corpse, Or Lack Thereof

People have seen this shot of Doll's house, and said that the absence of one of the covered bodies implies Yeva is also alive. While Nori proves that your body doesn't even need to be missing for you to maybe be alive... I don't know. I'm hesitant. If she's alive, why get her body back now of all times? It feels like there are other much simpler explanations, like maybe her body is just on the floor now, 'cause everything started floating at the start of the episode, and actually, didn't N pull the cover off of those two, anyway? Maybe he put it back, I don't know. Make of this what you will, I got nothin'.

Eldritch J, Alone

Oh, SHE'S alive. Now THIS is interesting. Her heart did survive the explosion in "Heartbeat", and I guess nobody's been down to the Cryosleep wing since. Understandable, I wouldn't exactly be eager myself. But it's possible Eldritch J was able to recollect all the matter that Cyn "gathered" with her back then, and has grown back to full size.

Now that Cyn isn't around to run the Solver, Eldritch J is probably fully sentient and aware now. That must have sucked to wake up to; last she remembers, she got shot in the face by a purple gremlin, and now she's this fucking thing. Oh man, my brain is already writing the fanfic where J Prime finds her whilst infiltrating the Outpost for ship parts. (That concept is free to grab it anyone wants to)

Alright, lets finish this off...

Cyn

I've long wondered about Cyn's true nature, whether Cyn is a remorseless mastermind or a tragic puppet of the Solver's true will... The finale didn't give us a straight answer on this - The two seemed narratively entwined in Cyn's heart, but in the post credits scene she seems... friendly. Friendliest she's been, potentially. Plus, The illusory camera heads appear in Uzi's reflection seperately, implying a seperation between Cyn and Solver.

After everything, I think I've personally settled on somewhere in the middle. Cyn was a willing accomplice to the Solver... for as much as that can mean for Cyn. In "Home", Cyn is contacted by the Solver on the brink of death, and is offered salvation, to not be discarded like she was before. Her life before this was likely very short; her owners probably threw her out pretty quickly due to her "quirks". Tessa tried to give her the love she gave to her other drones, but it was already too late; Cyn would spend her formative years under the influence of the Solver, so it's no wonder she ended up so morally twisted. She talked about her "back-ups" to excuse the deaths and suffering of her fellow drones... was it an excuse? Or does she genuinely think that made it okay? How much does she understand... anything?

She's acted without remorse, but she's only had the full perspective of a detached eldritch being that only cares for consumption. But even then, her personality shines through. She seems to have genuine affection for N, even if she expresses it in horrid ways. Her alignment with the Solvers goals seems to come from a personal desire for revenge on humanity, considering how she plays out the gala. And despite the circumstances, she's visibly enjoying herself in "Absolute End", having an absolute blast fighting the trio. It's like a game to her.

Her crimes are great, but she's hardly the only one in this show with a kill count. I believe that if someone gave her that USB Patch, then sat her down and explained how reality works, she would have a full change of heart and crisis of remorse.

In a way, she was a lot like J; a willing, but coerced minion to the Solver of The Absolute Fabric. The Void. The Exponential End.

I like to call it The Voiceless One.

[moonspirit]

What’s something that helped you get through a tough time?

Hello!

It's a good time for me to answer this hahaha xD

Some of the things I talk about here could be a little disturbing (or not?) so I'll put it under a cut. Anyone who might feel uncomfortable, please skip this post.

I don't know if I have "something" in specific, really, when I look back on some of the worst times I've experienced... it was more like there were a bunch of disordered things that helped me pull through. Many weren't even healthy; sometimes I could get out of bed and do something nice, other times I just lay there and binged Terrace House seasons without drinking water cuz I couldn't find the energy to move. That was, without doubt one of the worst things I did (the dehydration was baaaaaaaaaad hahaha, don't recommend xD) but it also made me think "woah man... I'm just gonna stay like this?"

I mean, it wasn't everything, but it was one of the first thoughts in a series that helped me move.

See, I think belief matters. I'm 28. Assuming I'm going to live a normal lifespan, I'm not even half of my way through. Things were really bad a few years ago. Nothing was good, I was spending whole weeks in a fog, and I had very little belief that things could ever get better.

But I held on to that sliver of belief and things today are definitely much better.

I'm not any closer to seeing the aurora with my own eyes or the other things I've always wanted to do. But hey, I'm 28 today, in a few more years I'll be in my 30s - what if things are even better? I'll admit that some days even now, this thought feels stupid and sour and I get dangerously close to going back to square one. Things aren't easy still, but I know that belief is a very very strong thing, even in the smallest dose. I do have it. Once it seemed impossible.

When things get better (and please trust me, they always do), it's not really in huge ways. It can just be the tiniest difference between yesterday and today. Yesterday I couldn't get out of bed, but today I did. Tomorrow I might actually sleep at night too. These changes aren't consistent either, but they ARE there and it's important to notice them. It helps to see that they exist, they're all the small hands helping you out of the tough time.

Keep your belief in the future, no matter HOW bad things are. Keep it.

[missymysticc]

The lowly gardener

Pairing: loki x reader

Summary: a gardener of frigga and loki fall in love. Loki is about to have an arranged marriage. They're love is forbidden.

Warning: just angst, fluff, and no smut. No use of y/n. Forbidden romance

A/n: i uploaded the wrong thing the first time. This is a reupload. I accidentally posted half of the first draft.

"Meet me at our spot "

I read the note Loki slipped into my basket. It's risky, I know, we've been sneaking to meet each other for the past 2 years now. It's a miracle we haven't gotten caught.

I am just a gardener. The queen Frigga's gardener to be exact. I tend to the gardens of this palace. While Loki, he's the prince of asgard. no one in my status should even ever be talking to someone like him without permission. But the day he spoke to me, something I never expected, soon became the best moment of my life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two years ago~

"You missed a spot" I look to the left where a small branch or leaves peaked out.

"Oh, apologies, your highness. I didn't notice"

I notice he smells of strong asgardian ale. It lingers, the scent, it's so him. Whenever I walk past Loki after parties he always smells of liquor. I don't mind it, the smell always tells me he is approaching.

"I'm going to ask you something. As someone who isn't close with Thor, what do you think of him?" He asks. This feels like a set up. He has always been jealous of Thor, the ladies he slept with, his status, and most of all, how the allfather favors him. It doesn't take someone near to him to notice.

"I don't think I should answer that question"

"Come on, it's not like anyone's here. It'll be our secret." He winks. I look around making sure no one else is here.

"He's... respectful, he's polite. Oh, and he once picked up the fire lillies I so carelessly dropped. So I guess he's nice” I give a tight lipped smile.

"But...?" Almost as if he read my mind. No wonder he's the God of lies.

"I guess...Look, if you're trying to get validation off of a lowly gardener, trust me, my opinion doesn't matter."

"It matters to me" he steps closer. He looked at me in a shifted demeanor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Present day~

I walk quietly into the garden. To the part of the garden where it's covered. Our spot. The vine covered dome; the lilies, who's scent can cure sadness; the tulips, my personal favorite; but none of it matters since my eyes land on the gentleman standing at the corner.

"You came" he seemed surprised.

"Was there a time where I didn't?" I chuckle at his doubtfulness.

"You were hesitant the first few times we met."

“Yet, I still met you every single time you asked”

I took a few steps closer to him and wrap my arms around his neck. He leans his head on mine. I feel comfort in his arms.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I lift his head up by his chin. He never looked this upset. I've seen him at his worst, his expression shows a different type of devastation.

"I'm getting married. Father arranged me to marry some princess I have never even met. Like I even bothered to learn her name. I-I can't be married! Not if it's not with you!"

"Love, we knew that we can't be together from the start. We knew that getting into this. I know it's difficult, but all of this was meant to end in due time." I search his face for some sort of clarity. Instead, he pushes me back with confusion written all over his face.

"Do you love me?"

"What are you even asking me?"

"Just answer" my hand cups his cheek wiping of the tears dropping of his eyes.

"Of course I do!"

"Please say it. I just need to hear you say it."

His voice cracks as he looks to the side, then back to me.

"I love you, I'll come back to you more times than the number of all the stars combined. I have loved you ever since the night you asked me such a ridiculous question, and I will love you till the very last sentence you could ever mutter. I love you, and only you." His doubt of my love has always been there. His insecurities that he masks with his so-called self pride, I see through it, I see through it all. It has always been prevalent for me.

"Then why are you alright with me getting married off? You are fine with me with another woman beside me in bed?"

"Of course not! I'm just saying you need to face reality. We were never meant to be together. What reality do you think a mere servant gardener and the all mighty prince of Asgard can be together peacefully?"

He pauses for a minute searching my eyes for something. He sighs, anger surfaces to his face, pushing me back further. He storms off.

The very next day, at sunrise. Someone knocks on the door of my chambers.

“Tyra, I'll be ready in a few-”

My chamber doors open and it isn't Tyra.

“Love.” Loki calls out to me.

“Hey you” I smiled at him. He approaches me and holds both of my hands nearing them to his lips and kisses them.

“You shouldn't be here”qzd

“Would you rather I leave?”

I chuckle

“No, I'd much rather you stay here.”

“I want to apologize. I know I acted irrationally last night. Sometimes I just doubt how anyone as lovely as you could ever want me”

“That's ridiculous! I should be the one apologizing. I shouldn't have been so unbothered about your arranged marriage. You were upset and instead of comforting you, I made it worse.”

“I really tried to convince my father not to marry me off. He wouldn't budge”

“I know, while you're not married, let's just enjoy each other's company. Not worrying about the future. Just you and me. What do you say?”

He kisses me gently. His lips lingered onto mine longer than usual. No words needed to be said.

[glitteringcrab]

Nip this in the bud (2)

Okay, I think I finally figured out what Rick Prime was hoping to accomplish with this:

Because I was all "WTF" during that scene.

First things first:

It's clear that Rick Prime has been monitoring Rick C-137 during this whole time. Maybe not continually monitoring him, but monitoring him often enough that he knows:

Rick lived in the Prime Dimension

Rick is hanging out with Morty Prime

Rick has two Beths now (LOL) "echoes" of Prime's daughter since C-137 Beth never grew up

Likewise, he knew Rick C-137 was accompanied by Morty Prime, and could tell (without actually checking nor monitoring this, because then he wouldn't have fallen for Evil Morty's trick) that one of the Mortys Rick C-137 showed up with was Morty Prime, his original grandson.

In a similar vein, it's theoretically possible that he has some inkling of Evil Morty's identity. I mean, otherwise why tell him "you're like an evil Morty, a clever one". Um, excuse me? Evil Morty didn't do a single "evil" thing during the Prime fight. Why the heck call him "evil"? Just because he's wearing an eyepatch? WEAK. Call him clever, sure. But evil? Nope.

UNLESS... Rick Prime has also sporadically been monitoring the happenings in the Citadel of Ricks. News of Evil Rick's killing spree might have reached him, he might have read witness accounts and known that Evil Rick was accompanied by an eye-patched Morty who disappeared (although I seriously doubt anyone would bother to write more than a single sentence on Evil Morty in any report). Or he may have noticed (you know, after he was teleported in the Prime dimension right after Evil Morty contaminated EVERYONE'S portal travel) that the Citadel blew up, that there was a breach in the Central Finite Curve, and he might have investigated the ruins out of curiosity. He might have found out Stuff.

(Edit: nah, the name "Evil Morty" was mentioned a couple of times in the box, so Rick Prime using it only means that he was paying attention to what was happening in the Box)

In any case, even if all that isn't true, even if Rick Prime had originally no clue that there ever was any animosity between Rick C-137 and Evil Morty, and him calling Evil Morty "Evil" was just a lucky guess, Prick Prime was definitely able to tell that was no love between Evil Morty and Rick C-137 during this scene:

...in which he uses Evil Morty as a literal human shield and Rick C-137 shoots without hesitation (on a different note, I'd like to say how sad is that when strangled Evil Morty doesn't have the presence of mind to try and use any of his implants; he's just a 14 year old boy against an grown-up man at that moment. Forget shooting him with plasma guns; you can literally just strangle him).

And so we come to this scene:

Okay, Rick Prime could already tell that Evil Morty and Rick C-137 weren't family, but the suggestion of "nip this in the bud" was still absurd!

(I've written a similar post in the past while venting, but this one is actually getting somewhere, so please bear with me)

Because Evil Morty and Rick C-137 were, at worst, temporary allies. Rick C-137 owned to Evil Morty:

his freaking life (Evil Morty revived him)

his revenge (Evil Morty let him kill Rick Prime)

and (depending on to what degree Rick Prime was monitoring his clones and the killing box) he might have also known that Evil Morty helped Rick C-137 track Rick Prime down and helped him to escape the box.

That's a huge debt. And I know that Evil Morty helped Rick C-137 to save his own skin from getting Omega-ed if/when Rick C-137 failed to win, and to get the weapon plans, but he wasn't at all obligated to save Rick C-137's life nor to hand him his nemesis on a plate.

Arguably, Evil Morty did this precisely so that he'd have an Omega-enslaved and morally indebted Rick to come to his aid in a hypothetical future hour of need. However, the truth is that Evil Morty and Rick C-137 worked well with each other since the beginning of the episode, before any Omega Device threat (nor carrot!) dangled in front of Evil Morty to influence his decisions (he had just wanted to... talk) and Rick had trusted him enough to leave Morty Prime alone with him.

Like, under normal circumstances, Evil Morty honoring their alliance during the Prime Fight could have been the beginning of a friendship (or at least a more honest and permanent alliance) between Rick C-137 and Evil Morty. Evil Morty is insecure and traumatized enough to need the failsafe of the Omega Device backing him up, but Rick C-137 was game...!

Rick Prime instead puts in Rick C-137's head the idea that Evil Morty might kill him in a tantrum. Not because their interests might clash in the future. Not because Evil Morty may get power-hungry when he grows up. But because he's young and emotional. (Mind you, this is about a boy whose whole characterization revolves around being extremely cautious and calculating; not someone who'd kill another person in a fit of fury.)

Of course, the first idea that pops up in our minds (at least... it was in mine) is that Rick Prime said this hoping that Rick C-137 will drop everything to go stop Evil Morty, and so Rick Prime would get a chance to escape.

...But that doesn't make any sense, either!

Rick C-137 isn't so stupid as to give Rick Prime that chance of survival. Even if he took Rick Prime's warning seriously, he'd hurriedly shoot him in the face before running out to deal with Evil Morty. Rick Prime was toast, and he knew that. This wasn't about his own survival.

Rick C-137 wasn't about to take his worst enemy's advice to turn against his temporary ally. Like, what the heck? Since when Rick Prime fancied himself trustworthy? He could have easily lied, made this up. Rick C-137 couldn't have actually known if Evil Morty really had the weapon plans at that moment, and he'd have to take Rick Prime's word for it. No way he'd drop everything at his worst enemy's word.

Rick Prime saw that Evil Morty downloaded the weapon plans straight on his person. There was no external device that you can just snatch away (like the cone thing Evil Morty used when scanning Rick C-137's brain). So Rick Prime knew that the only way to "nip this in the bud" would be for Rick C-137 to run outside, confront Evil Morty, find out that there was no external device to forcefully take from him, and promptly attack him with lethal intent. But, come on, Rick C-137 was not going to do that, because of the aforementioned debt. Even Rick C-137 isn't so ruthless as to have his own life saved one minute, and him returning the favor with a murder attempt. This was never going to work.

Even if Rick C-137 took Rick Prime's warning seriously, even he trusted his advice, even if he was willing to murder a version of his grandson (to whom his owned his life) in cold blood, I doubt he could do it. He was a mess physically, while Evil Morty was perfectly fine. If they did clash at that moment, I think Evil Morty could have escaped easily with a portal. So this was never going to work.

And don't even get me started on what a joke it is for the Rick who wanted to murder Rick C-137's whole family, one by one, to express Rick-to-Rick camaraderie. As if...!

So what was all this for? This would never work, Rick C-137 would not try to kill Evil Morty at that moment...

...but he can do it in the future.

Any seeds of trust or appreciation that were planted that day were promptly poisoned by Rick Prime's "well-meaning" warning.

Evil Morty himself did trample said seeds further by warning Rick C-137 he could kill him any time he wanted as of now, but he also said that "using a weapon like this doesn't get you. Left. Alone." His whole speech would have hit very differently without Rick Prime's warning. We would have trusted him, we would have trusted that he did all this with the single goal of being left alone and that this is going to be the end of it. Worse case scenario, we would have thought Evil Morty might demand Rick C-137's support for A Thing (like a slave) if he had no other choice, but we still wouldn't have thought Evil Morty would murder him in a flight of rage during a disagreement. Now, the idea that Evil Morty might become unhinged in the future has been planted in our heads, by Rick Prime!

We fans were discussing on how the narrative seems to be setting Evil Morty as the final villain, but it's not the narrative, not really! It's Rick Prime manipulating Rick C-137, hoping he'll attack Evil Morty sometime in the future, so they can kill each other.

He fueled Rick C-137' paranoia on purpose, so as to get delayed revenge on the Rick who dared to think himself better than him... and on the one person who actually bested him.

[buddiebeginz]

Heads up Buddie fandom some of the B*mmy stans are actively searching for our posts and tweets to leave harassing comments. When this happens the best thing you can do is block them. They’re looking for attention and they're trying to rile us up and mostly they're worried about their ship. If they weren’t they wouldn’t care this much that we don’t like their ship or what our opinions are. Think about how little we’re going to give a sh*t about them once Buddie is canon. They know their ship is on borrowed time, if Lou even comes back at all. The main reason they’re attacking us is because we represent the biggest threat to their ship and that’s Eddie and Buddie.

Don’t let whatever bs they try to throw at you upset you or make you doubt the fact that Buddie is happening. They can call us delusional as much as they want but they are seeing a version of a relationship that just doesn’t exist. They can try to say the same about us but we have 6 going on 7 years of development between Buck and Eddie. And while Buddie's relationship hasn't canonically moved into the realm of romantic yet they are definitely written has having a much deeper bond than just best friends. This is especially true when you compare them to Hen/Chim or Maddie/Josh or Athena/Hen, etc. None of those friendships behave the way Buddie ever has.

When I say B/T shippers are only seeing what they want to see it's because they have built that relationship up to be something way more serious than it is without any proof to back that up. Buck is literally only dating T*mmy they're not even in a committed relationship at this point and that was only reconfirmed more by that deleted scene. There is a part of them that has to look at everything that happened in s7, that deleted scene (which they originally thought was going to be Henren's seal of approval for the rs), Lou's radio silence and the SWAT rumours and they have to be worried. They might try to put on this front of certainty that their ship is endgame but it's clear from how defensive they get that they know it doesn't look good for their ship.

We honestly need to just ignore that part of fandom and keep spreading the love for Buddie. B*mmy fandom is simply a loud minority and there's no reason that fandom should be getting as much attention on social media as it sometimes does. We need to keep showing that there is still a huge active fan base for Buddie.

I know that since season 7 ended without any serious development for Buddie and Buck still with T*mmy a lot of you are worried Buddie might never happen and I get that. I was ready to give up on the show all together after season 6 but I'm telling you I've never been more certain than I am now that Buddie is happening. It's the most logical direction for these characters and it's where everything is telling us the story is going.

Remember that s7 was heavily focused on Bathena, Henren, and Buddie. For as much as B*mmy's act like their ship is so important (even constantly comparing it to the other main couples) that relationship has had very little development and screen time and even less pr. Which you'd think given how big Buck's coming out was they would have had tons but they didn't. They only even did one joint interview with Oliver and Lou and that was right at the end and they barely even talked about B/T. Meanwhile Ryan and Oliver did a bunch of interviews together and nearly every interview and article mentioned Buddie.

We need to stop looking at B/T as a threat to our ship because it's really not. I hate Buck in that relationship and I don't like T*mmy at all and the worst part has been the fans of that ship but T*mmy is only here to serve a purpose. He was there to be Buck's first male love interest and help Buck realize he could explore that part of himself. He's not here to be the great love of Buck's life. To be the person who gets Buck better than anyone else. That position has already been filled.

[writingquestionsanswered]

I think my ego is getting in the way of my writing. It's confusing, because I doubt my ideas and writing, but I still feel competitive in a way. I don't like reading about others' WIPs, I avoid reading the genre I want to write, and I automatically dislike authors who's already published a book similar to any of my WIPs. I quit the ACOTAR series because the themes were too similar, and I'm scared of Priory of the Orange Tree because the worldbuilding has intense good praise. I need an egodeath.

Case of Strong Ego or Low Self-Confidence?

If you're doubting your ideas and writing, I would question whether it's actually your ego getting in the way and maybe not just good old-fashioned low self-confidence. The reason I wonder is because your dislikes and aversions all sound fear-based to me. For example, if your ego were an issue, you probably wouldn't dislike or avoid authors who did something similar... you'd more likely scoff at their relative inferiority and boast that you did it better. You wouldn't be afraid of a book because its world building received good praise... you'd roll your eyes and say you don't know what people are going on about, because your world building is so much better.

Dislike and aversion instead seem to indicate jealousy and self-doubt. The good news, however, is that low self-confidence is actually pretty typical for writers and it's something that gets better with time.

Here are some things I hope will help boost your confidence, or at least give you hope that it will get better:

1 - Writers with big egos probably aren't as great as they think they are. In reality, storytelling is a craft no one can truly master, because reader appetites, story material, and even mechanics to a degree all evolve over time. What makes a good story is also very, very subjective. There are people who consider Jane Austen one of the best writers to ever grace the Earth, and there are people who think she's one of the worst. I think truly good writers can know that they're good without thinking everyone else is beneath them.

2 - You can't doubt your ideas and writing without understanding where you want your ideas and writing to be. In other words, you know what good ideas and good writing sound like to you, which means your taste and style are intact... you just have a little bit further to go to get your own ideas and writing where you want it to be, but that's okay. Going back to #1 a bit, writers don't hit some magical peak early on and level off at greatness. There's a lifelong upward trajectory with each book being a little bit better than the last. And sure, it's not a perfect upward trajectory. You can have periods of leveling out or even dropping off, but most writers will continue to get better over time. So, again, it's okay that your writing isn't quite where you want it to be, because it's that feeling that drives us to get better and better and better. This shows you're on the right track!

3 - Those similarities aren't the big deal you think they are... I've been at this a long time, and I'm going to tell you right now: stop worrying about "similarities" in other books. I've posted about this a lot because it's a common concern, but similarities are a dime a dozen in fiction. For every book about a high school girl who falls in love with a vampire, there are a dozen more. For every book about a woman who quits her big city job after a divorce, moves home to her small town, and falls in love with her childhood nemesis, there are at least twenty others. There are countless stories about young women getting wrapped up with fae princes, sad boys/men whose lives are invigorated by a Manic Pixie Dream Girl, murder mysteries set in quiet fishing villages, horror stories set in dilapidated old mansions someone just inherited from a long lost aunt, kids or adult who learn they've secretly been magic all along and get roped into fighting a Big Magical Bad. There are over 100 million books in existence, and that number increases by hundreds of thousands every year. You're never going to write a book that doesn't have similarities with dozens of other books, so stop worrying about it. Remember, it's not the similarities that matter... it's everything else... all the things that only you can do.

4 - Similarities are actually a good thing. The truth of the matter is, similarities are actually a good thing. That's why you can look back through cinematic history and see major trends... monsters, westerns, musicals, disasters, sci-fi, action, epic adventures, rom coms, superheroes... It's why when a book about a young woman toppling a dystopian regime becomes massively popular, dozens of other dystopian books hit the shelves the following year. It's why we gravitate toward favorite genres and tropes and comfort shows. Its why we go to the same restaurants and stores over and over again instead of going to a brand new one every time. Humans like a bit of repetition, and if your book has similar world building to Priory of the Orange Tree, that's a bunch of readers who are going to gravitate toward your book.

5 - There's only so much material to go around. I was interested in the fact that your concern about ACOTAR was that the "themes were too similar," but I promise you, those themes are in a million other stories. When it comes to tropes and themes and character arcs and magic systems and settings and... all of it... there's only so much material. Themes aren't something that are created from nothing. You can't make up an original theme that no one else has explored. Themes are inherent to human existence. They're truths about humanity that beg to be examined and explored. It's not the themes that matter so much as how they're explored and what you say about them, and even if there were similarities there, odds are there were far more differences.

I hope this resonates and helps. I hope I was right that it's more of a self-confidence issue than an ego issue. And if I was wrong, maybe something here will still resonate. You might spend some time in the "writing-related fears" section of my Motivation master list to see if anything there resonates, too. ♥

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