#this is why these award shows ain’t shit they literally know nothing about music it’s not even funny

[electric-emo-cat]

Just saw how those VMA votes are going…

Maybe we should collectively get together and put some of those votes towards Paramore-

[timeaftertime-chriscornellfanfic]

Chapter 43 - Back In A New York - Er... Seattle Groove

New York City, New York June 29 2017

(Andi is 29, Chris is 52)

ANDI: The air was warm with the sun brightly shining, a perfect summer day for moving. Though this move is going to be a little bit longer than just your typical quick trip and done in a day. Chris is moving back to Seattle - with me of course - somewhere where he hasn't been in very long time. Obviously you all know that it's only been just over a month since I was there - if we are going by my time anyways - ugh, this thing that I have is never easy to explain.

Chris had put the house up for sale as soon as he signed the divorce papers from Vicky. Within a day, he had already received an offer and they were willing to give him a little more than he was asking in order to secure the sale. I mean I don't blame them one bit, it's a beautiful home. Chris accepted and so we pretty much began packing as soon as it was finalized, though there wasn't much in the home to pack. It was basically all of Vicky's left over stuff and a few things of Chris's. Obviously nothing of mine except for the 3 guitars that he had saved over the years.

I don't know what it is though, but I just have this really strange feeling that all of this shouldn't be happening so smoothly. As much as I know that he isn't with Vicky anymore - I mean I saw him sign the divorce papers right in front of me - I just can't shake this strange feeling that it's not supposed to be this easy.

"Ok I think... we've got everything. Here is the address and uh, we'll see you in a couple of days," Chris says as he hands the driver of the moving company some cash then they both sign the delivery and insurance papers.

"No problem, thank you," The driver says as they shake hands, then climbs up into the large moving truck. Chris turns and flips those gorgeous curls out of his face and walks back over to me.

"Ok babe, you ready?" Chris smiles at me, standing in his slim fitted ripped up jeans with the cuffs rolled up over his Doc's and a plain dark grey t-shirt.

"Yea I think so," I exhale, pushing my curls behind my ear, squinting my eyes from the sunlight as I look up at him.

"Alright, road trip time," He says and leans down placing a quick kiss on my lips, then heads over to his 1969 Jet black Dodge Challenger. I smile as I head over to the passenger side, opening the door and sliding into the black leather seat, feeling the heat on the back of my bare thighs. I smooth out my ripped jean cutoff shorts and buckle my seatbelt, adjusting my off-the-shoulder White Zombie - La Sexorcisto tour shirt from '94.

"So when's our flight again?' I ask flipping my dark curls out of my face, leaning back as I glance at him.

"What flight?" Chris asks as he starts the engine.

"Um... I thought we were moving to Seattle - back home to Seattle... right?" I chuckle.

"We are... I never said we had plane tickets though," He says as he pulls out of the driveway for the last time.

"Wait... you're gonna drive us all the way to Seattle?" I ask furrowing my brow for a moment as he drives us down the road towards down town.

"Yea baby, why not?" He smiles at me for a second then turns his attention back to the road.

"Chris, it's like a 2 and a half day drive,"

"Uh huh... and...?" He says as we pull up to a stop light. I glance out the windshield and then back at him, trying to see if he was serious or not, though my bets are pretty much on the former.

"Most of my clothes are pack in the U-Haul truck that already left though," I say.

"Nope, I grabbed the last couple of suitcases that had our clothes in them and packed them in the trunk," He says as the stop light turns green and start moving again.

"Oh... ok... " I trail off for a moment looking back out the windshield.

"What? You don't wanna spend 2 more days on the road with me? " He smirks at me raising his eyebrow.

"No, no it's not that... I just wasn't expecting you to drive us there," I giggle and he smiles at me.

"Well it's been a long time since we took a road trip - that wasn't touring around with the band and well because of what happened- so I thought maybe we could check out some places, do a little sight seeing, y'know... just me and you," He says sweetly.

"Ok sure, that's perfect actually," I smile at him and he reaches over and takes my hand in his, placing his lips to the back of my hand like he always does.

"Can I put on some tunes?" I ask after a few moments, pushing my curls behind my ear as Chris changes lanes.

"No," He says flatly then looks over at me with a smirk. I pat him lightly on his bicep and chuckle, then reach for my phone and connect to the Bluetooth stereo system that was upgraded in the dashboard. I scroll through the Spotify Music app, find some Aerosmith and play the Album 'Get A Grip'

'Wake up kid, it's half past your youth Ain't nothin' really changes but the date You a grand slammer, but you no Babe Ruth You gotta learn how to relate Or you'll be swingin' from the pearly gate Now you got all the answers, low and behold You got the right key baby but the wrong key hole, yo'

I sing -  or sorry 'rap' - along with Steven Tyler, closing my eyes and getting right into it as Chris starts laughing.

"Babe you are so cute," He laughs.

"Nah, I just love that part" I giggle as I look down at my phone for a moment.

"I know, that's what makes you so cute," He says sweetly with his blue eyes glancing over at me, and I feel my cheeks flush. Funny how after all this time, he can still make me blush and  feel those butterflies fluttering around in my stomach.

" I remember when you met Steven for the first time with me at the... what was it... the '94 MTV awards or something - ?" He says thoughtfully.

"Oh my god Chris, no, I'd really rather not remember that," I laugh embarrassingly.

"What-Why? It was adorable, -" He laughs.

"No Chris, How was that adorable? I literally like... fell into him," I gesture with my hands remembering the after party when I apparently had a little too much to drink and lost my footing when I stepped forward to shake his hand and tripped. Chris caught me of course but I was mortified the entire night. I was able to make light of the situation after but honestly, it wasn't my finest moment. If I could've pick a moment to time travel, that would've been the perfect moment so that I could re-do it and not be so embarrassed.

"It was just a little stumble, it wasn't as bad as you think it was... I just remember the look on your face, you were so cute," He chuckles.

" I remember trying to basically hide behind you the whole night after. I'm such a klutz. It was Steven fucking Tyler... like my god," I shake my head at myself.

"You were always so hard on yourself...you still are. I think that's what made me fall in love with you though. You never give up even though you feel like it and just... how you cope with the fact that you can't control... y'know.... and how you are always the first person I could run to when I was - or am - finding it hard to go on, 'cause I'm so hard on myself too," He glances back at me, his blue eyes catching mine and I give him a small smile as I lean my head against the seat while his gorgeous dark curls rest at his shoulders, his beard now fuller than before as he decided to grow it a little.

Fuck, he's so sexy

"That, and you were so fucking gorgeous when you showed up in my bathroom that I didn't know what to do. You scared the shit outta me," He adds as he returns his focus to the road and changes lanes again.

"Scared the shit outta you? Fuck I mean, I knew someday I was gonna meet you when you were 15 but I didn't think it was gonna be like that," I giggle.

"You know I am still so sorry I came at you with a bat... even though that was what... 30-something years ago? " He says thoughtfully with a chuckle. "Fuck I'm old..."

"Chris, you're not old. I love you, and you are still the same to me," I say as I reach over and begin to play with his curls, running my fingers through, then gently play with his earlobe. He turns, placing a kiss on my palm then quickly focuses back on the road.

After about 45 minutes, we finally make our way to downtown New York in which the city was absolutely buzzingly busy. I still was not used to the crazy crowds of people but at least I can say that I lived in New York City even if it was only for a little while. Driving down on of the main streets, Chris decides to pull off into one of the public parking spots which left me a bit confused as to what we were doing.

"I just have to make a stop in Guitar Center, wanna come in with me?" He asks noticing my confused look as he unbuckles his seatbelt.

"Um... Hello, do you know who you're asking here?" I ask as I unbuckle my seat belt and he laughs as I step out of the car. It had been a while since I was in a Music store so of course I didn't mind going in and looking at all the new pretty things.

Chris makes his way around to my side of the car and with a sweet smile on his face, takes my hand in his. We then take a walk from the parking lot down the street to Guitar Center.

Stepping inside Guitar Center is like stepping into a world that is full of shiny beautiful things. Beautiful guitars line the illuminated walls around the store, amps and accessories staged in various places, I swear I'm like a kid in a candy store. I just want everything.

"Hey Chris, how are ya?" A guy with long black hair, straighter than anything, wearing a white dress shirt and tie with black jeans and Doc's calls out to him. He sort of looked a bit like David Wyndorf from Monster Magnet but not flashy like the 'Space Lord' video.

"Hi, good, I'm good, did my order for that effects pedal...." Chris smiles, his voice fading away as  I slowly let go of his hand and walk over to the wall of guitars. I can't help it, they are all so beautiful. I continue on while I hear them talk glancing at each Fender Strat, Rickenbacker, Washburn, you name it. I wish I could describe the feeling of seeing them all hung up with their own spotlights waiting for the perfect person to discover what they can do.

Then I see it. The one that suddenly makes my heart all fluttery. An emerald green flame top Gibson Les Paul. It is absolutely gorgeous.

"...alright well good luck in Seattle and uh, if you need anything when you're in New York just give us a shout,"

"Thanks man, I will," Chris says as he walks over to me, placing his hand on the small of my back and following my gaze to the beautiful guitar on the wall. "See something you like?"

"Uh huh," I say, trying to not let my jaw drop to the floor.

"Hey, uh... can we see that, Gibson up there?" Chris turns and calls out to the store rep.

"No Chris, it's ok - " I start but I'm cut off by the David Wyndorf look alike.

"Sure, we actually just got that in yesterday," He says walking over with a reaching contraption to take it down off the hanger. I furrow my brow for a moment but I couldn't take my eyes off the emerald green coloring and how it meshed so well into the finish. He then hands it towards Chris but Chris refuses.

"No sorry, it's for my wife,"

The David Wyndorf look alike raises his eyebrow for a moment and looks at me and I couldn't tell if it was because it was Chris said I'm his wife or because I play. I smile shyly at him and push my curls behind my ear and he sweetly hands it over to me.I glance behind me and see a stool with a little amp that people use for testing. I then sit down and plug in the patch cord and adjust the volume and effects knobs on the amp, and rest the guitar across my lap.

As soon as I start to play, I am instantly in love. the way it feels in my hands, the neck doesn't feel too think, the frets are at the perfect width... the strings kinda suck but I can always change them.

Oh my god I love this thing.

I stop playing for a moment and look up to see Chris looking down at me with such a cute smile on his face. I clear my throat and try to seem like I'm not completely in love with this guitar, but I think Chris knows that I am. He's seen this look on my face before.

"We'll take it," Chris says to the guy.

"Chris no, it's ok," I say as I suddenly feel weird about him buying me guitar. I mean it isn't the first time he's bought one for me,but this is seriously expensive. 

Ugh, but I do love it so much though.

"Babe are you kidding? The look on your face, I know you want it," Chris says to me as the David Wyndorf look alike walks away to the front desk to prepare the guitar, by grabbing the case that comes with it.

"Chris, it's a 4000 dollar guitar. I love it but, this is too much," I say quietly as I reach out for his hand and pull him closer to me.  The last time he bought one for me it was maybe under 1000. I know it's 2017 now and I get the cost of inflation, but this seems a little too much to me.

"No baby it isn't too much... c'mon," Chris smiles sweetly at me and helps me up from the stool. With the beautiful guitar in my hand, I unplug it and walk with him over to the counter register while the loo alike rings up the guitar. Chris takes the guitar from me and hands it over to him gently while I glance over the accessory display and pick out some new strings. It's been so long since I've had a new guitar and though I still feel a little uneasy about him spending this much money on me, I really, really love that guitar.

Once everything was rung through -  Chris with his new pedal and I with my new guitar - we head out of the store and back to the car. Once I place the guitar in the back seat, I slide into the passenger side as Chris starts up the car and we head back out on the road, making our way through the rest of downtown New York.  Everyone and a while I glance back in the backseat admiring the leather guitar case, knowing that emerald green beauty is safe inside and try to resist the temptation to play it until we get to Seattle. Or at least a hotel along the way.

"Thank you," I say quietly still looking at the guitar case in the back seat as we finally make it onto the highway.

"For what?" Chris smiles at me glancing quickly at me then back to the road.

"For the guitar, and for... well... everything," I say still looking at the guitar as Chris glances at me again. I then look back at him and he reaches over to me cupping my cheek in his palm and I lean into his palm closing my eyes, catching the fresh scent of his cologne.

"You don't have to thank me babe. I love you," He says glancing back at the road and then back at me. "And I always loved that look on your face when you would get excited over a new guitar - I still do," He adds chuckling.

"I love you too," I say as he slides his palm from my cheek and I take his hand, placing a kiss on the back before he places it back on the steering wheel, then I glance back at the beauty in the backseat.

"Me? Or the Guitar?" He smirks and I laugh as we head down the highway.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #306

i’m v talkative today so pardon my jabbering below.

What is the strangest type of candy you have eaten? I think I've had one of those lollipops with a bug in it before as a kid? I don't remember. What would be your most ideal profession? A freelance photographer. But I'm honestly starting to lose hope. Have you tried those coloring books for adults? Yeah; it's funny you mention 'em, 'cuz a family friend got me one for my birthday earlier this month. What is a topic you definitely don't want to talk about with anyone? I don't like talking about my sexual history, doesn't matter who you are. It's just uncomfortable. What was your first gaming console? An Atari. Is there something you're eagerly waiting for? What is it? *SLAMS FISTS ON TABLE* MAY NEEDS TO FUCKIN' HURRY. My tattoo appointment is set then. :''') Do you/have you ever belonged to an organization? If so, which one? I was a Girl Scout when I was young. What is something you're very passionate about? Nature conservation, gay rights (equal rights in general, really), the pro-choice movement, and then there are less "important" things like certain hobbies interests and such. I'm sure there are more big ones that are just slipping my mind right now, considering I feel passionately for a shitload of stuff. What are you studying or what was the last thing you studied? I majored in Art & Design with a focus on Photography in college. But guess who dropped out. What was the last present you gave someone? I don't know... I mention enough that I don't have a source of income where I can really buy anything. I think the last thing I did was a Christmas gift for Mom a year or two back of a drawing I did of our late dog Cali, whom she absolutely adored. Do you enjoy plays? If so, what was the latest one you saw? Not really, no. What was the last thing you achieved? PHP has helped me focus on little victories, so prepare for an underwhelming answer haha, but it's something. I Facebook messaged an old friend I really wanted to catch up with, and everyone in group cheered for me. :') It was really heartwarming. What a shocker that this program is really helping me once again. What is something you would like to achieve at some point in your life? I would love love love to take at least one "famous" or award-winning photograph. It'd be such amazing validation that I'm talented at something I love so much. What is one philosophy you have regarding life/living/purpose? That's... difficult to answer seeing as I'm trying desperately to find my purpose. I do try to live by this old quote a therapist said once: "Deal with life, or life deals with you." I think it holds an incredible amount of depth and meaning in such a short phrase. How would you design the inside of your own home? I don't know the details of it, really, besides that shit is gonna look like a Halloween house year-round. I can imagine wanting black furniture, too, and having loooots of decor expressive of what I love and find comfort in. Gotta make a house feel like a home just for me. What is a band you remember liking from your childhood? Backstreet Boys, duh. Do you ever get mad at people for not having the same opinion as you (i.e. abortion being wrong/right, meat-eating being wrong/right)? Two things: it depends on the topic, and "get mad" is the wrong term for what I feel. It's more disgust; ex., I'm repulsed by anti-gay rights people and want absolutely nothing to do with 'em, but I'm not like, mad at them. Do you edit any of your pictures? In what ways? Oh yeah, and it definitely depends on the raw photograph. I edit depending on the mood it emanates; like if you've seen my roadkill photography versus nature shots, there is an extremely distinct difference in editing style and vibe. I'd say in general though, I tend to like to brighten my photographs and add more vibrance. If you like to take pictures, what is your motivation? God, I could write an essay on this. I just love and am so thankful for the fact we can literally freeze time forever with the click of a button and look back on fantastic sights, beautiful moments, memories... It's just magical to me, and I adore contributing to that art. Would you ever consider living anywhere cold? Well yeah, that's my preference, actually. What is your absolute favorite food? The spicy shrimp fritas from Olive Garden, jfc. Would you ever wear snake-skin pants, or other animal clothing? Fuck to the absolute hell no. What foreign country would you like to go to for a shopping spree? Idk, considering I'm not well-versed in the artistic creations of other countries. Perhaps India? Japan? I dunno. If you met your favorite musician, what would you ask him/her? I'm asking for his fucking autograph and a hug while I smile my face in two AND cry lmao. What do you spend most of your day thinking about? I ain't gonna bullshit nobody, my PTSD. In some way or another, he's lurking in that head of mine through memories, flashbacks, wonders of what could have gone differently... but thank God it's no longer in the forefront of my mind after my first PHP. I've come very, very far, but especially when trying to blank out my mind to fall asleep, parts of PTSD strangle my brain until I'm just finally out. I really hope that changes someday. Where is a busy place you would like to go to? Yikes, nowhere, really. I like to avoid busy locations. Do you think video games cause people to become violent? Absolutely not. You are responsible for the decisions you make; music, games, movies, etc. have no deciding voice in stupid shit you do, and it's bullshit that people blame art and entertainment for such things. Vocabulary: What was the last word you learned? I'm unsure. Have you or could you build your own site? Absolutely not from scratch. The closest I've gotten to that is my photography website, but it was through the assistance of Wix. What's the best thing you can cook yourself? Scrambled eggs, haha. I do make some bomb eggs at least. Are there a lot of graffiti around your neighborhood? No. Do you have a hobby that forces you out of the house? If so, what is it? Nature photography. Would you stop eating meat, if you had to raise and slaughter it yourself? Absolutely. God, I want to go vegetarian again... Besides English, what other languages can you speak? I can speak a very little bit of German. Took four semesters of it in high school and became very good at it, but lack of practice has pretty much ruined that. Besides English, what other languages can you read? I can read German well; as in, I can pronounce most words I see, but that doesn't mean I understand what is written. Do you think you could make it as a chef? Gordon Ramsey would deadass kick me off his show on day one, lmao. What's your favorite kind of tea? It marvels me JUST how many tea and coffee questions are in surveys. Anyway, I don't like tea. I am an embarrassment to NC culture. What thing/person/happening has made you the happiest you've been? lask;dfjal;wekrjwe What's the most freeing thing you've ever done? Stealing my happiness back from someone who had no right to hold it all in its entirety. That shit's mine. Do you think today's kids are really impatient? Most, probably, but in some ways I can understand it - at least, in the sense that with the assistance of modern technology and advancements in satiating our wants so quickly, kids just expect it. I definitely believe that patience is something to try to be deeply instilled in everyone, though. I don't have an ounce of it (in most situations) and wish I did. Have you ever tasted birch sap? No. How about the young buds/shoots of spruce trees? No. Which edible flowers have you tasted? One of my favorite Southern experiences is finding a bunch of honeysuckles and tasting the honey (is it technically even honey??). Tastes amazing. My family's hairdresser lives down a beautiful path that sprouts a massive amount of them, and as kids, my sisters and her two boys would go tasting them while our parents talked for so long, or if we were waiting our turn. Good memories. What has been your worst restaurant experience? I'm not sure, really. What's the most immature, adolescent thing that still makes you laugh? "Inappropriate humor type jokes." <<<< They can get me sometimes, too. Have you ever had a life-threatening condition? If so, what was it? No, thankfully. Have you ever had a custom print done on a shirt? If so, what was it? I don't believe so, no. Besides making a tye-dye one in HS with our school colors. Wasn't my idea and never wore it, haha. Do you ever read other people's survey answers? It depends on the person. If it's a friend, absolutely, because I love learning usually obscure things about them I wouldn't have known otherwise. If it's a user I don't know from wherever I got the survey, sometimes, depending on how short the answer is and my eyes kinda just scroll over it. Do you like daytime or night time better? Why? Daytime, especially mornings. I'm generally happier when there's light around. What's your highest level of education so far? Some college. Describe your ordinary day: My average day is embarrassingly uneventful. It's sitting on the laptop doing shit on various sites, none of which are actually important, and playing WoW, which is also without true substance, save for social interactions with my friends on there. I spray Venus' terrarium everyday multiple times as well to keep the humidity up, and obviously eat and handle that kinda bodily needs stuff. Would you ever have a UV tattoo? Ugh, that'd be so dope. I've seen some awesome ones, but idk if I'd get one, considering when am I actually going to be under UV light?? Like I wanna be able to see my tat. What is the brand and color name of your favorite lipstick? I have one black lipstick, but it comes right off so I don't even like it. I only ever put it on to take pictures. What do you like on your tortilla? Just ham and cheese. How about inside your pita bread? I've never had pita bread, actually. What do you like in your burger? It depends on where I'm getting the burger. My basic is cheese, ketchup, mustard, a bit of mayo, pickles, and a light sprinkle of diced onion, but sometimes I add bacon and take away the onions. How about on your pizza? I have three I tend to pick from: pepperoni, jalapeno, or meat lovers. Do you work better alone or in a group? Alone, definitely. Which body part would you not mind losing? I'ma be extremely honest, with just how horribly weak my legs are, I could live without them, I guess. Not saying I want to by any means, it's just exhausting using them. Ideally, I'd take away something minor, like a finger or something. What common saying people use is absolute BS to you? “'Everything happens for a reason.'” <<<< Fuckin' colossal "same." I won't rag on people who believe it, especially if it gives you courage to keep moving forward, but I don't believe it in the slightest. If it were so, I'd like to talk to whoever is in control of those "reasons," please. What is the most interesting thing you’ve read or seen this week? I had no idea elephants were pregnant for two years, like holy shit, can you imagine. It was in an article I saw on Facebook about a mother and daughter elephant who are both expecting and doing well. Wonderful to hear. What’s the most useless talent you have? Ha, I'm a master in the arts of catastrophizing and jumping to conclusions involving people hating me in one way or another. What’s something everyone looks stupid doing? I'm one of those people who hate dabbing done by anybody, like you look like you're just smelling your armpit. Which kids’ movie scarred you for life? I wouldn't say "scarred me for life" by any means, but when I was little, I was terrified of the Wicked Witch from The Wizard of Oz and even had nightmares about her. It sucked because my little sister was obsessed with that movie, haha. In one sentence, how would you sum up the Internet? A source of incredible knowledge but also hate and misinformation. What would be the most ridiculous thing for the government to make illegal? I literally dread the idea of Roe vs. Wade being reversed. Banning abortion would kill so many people with operational uteruses and cause absolute pandemonium. How many friends do you have on social media and how many of them do you know for real? On Facebook, I have 124 friends, and I'd say I know most of them "in real life." However, having been on the Internet since I was so young and befriending loads of incredible people, a good chunk are "online friends." Hell, I'm more interested in their lives than most "real" ones. Long-distance friendships are so valid. What fact amazes you every time you think of it? Lots of things, generally regarding the stupidity of humanity. What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done? Probably going to the beach w/ my old friend Colleen. We had zero plans of doing it, but she just called me one morning and asked if I wanted to go, and off we went. It was a fun day. What has taken up too much of your life? I'ma be real, WoW. I don't think I'm addicted to it like I once was seeing as I go through spans where I barely want to play it at all and don't, so I truly am capable of not playing it, but rather it's just the most entertaining way to kill time in my life. I just don't like how much time I've invested into a game over six or seven years regardless. Where do you not mind waiting? Uh, nowhere lmao. Is there an app you hate to use, but still use every day? No; why would I use it if that was the case? Who is the funniest person you know? My friend Girt is fucking hysterical. What three words describe you best? Complex, passionate, and creative. What makes you think you’re smart? Lol who says I think I'm smart? Who inspires you? Korean Jesus. Okay on a serious note, not just him, of course, but he's #1 in an entire universe of ways. Do you aspire to be like somebody else? If so, who? No; I want to be my own authentic self. How did you meet your best friend? YouTube, back when it had more social aspects. Which one of your accomplishments are you the most proud of? I want to say my recovery, but like... I wonder a lot if it's "enough" to be proud of with how scarred I still am? I still struggle with a lot and feel like I could be so much better by now if I tried harder. If I'm completely honest with myself, I think it's finishing high school in the top percentile of my graduating class. There was a ceremony for the handful of us and all, and I cherish my plaque probably too much. Reminds me of a time when I knew what the fuck I was doing. What's the strangest thing you ever did as a child? Thinking I had "animal powers" where I could invoke the traits of certain animals at will, like what the actual fuck, Brittany. What did your mother teach you? Christ, a lot. Dad didn't do a lot of the raising, honestly, so much of my core values and whatnot were instilled by my mother. She taught me to care for and be nice to others, respect myself, try my best in everything, and most importantly that she is always there for me and my sisters no matter what and can tell her absolutely anything. She was very serious about us going to college and saving sex for marriage when we were younger, but she diverged from those ideas as absolutely necessary with experience. I'm extremely lucky with who I call my mom, overall. What did your father teach you? Eek... Read above. Not a lot as a kid (save for riding a bike and playing softball); most he's taught me has come following reuniting with him after my parents' divorce. I remember we went to lunch once and talked about my breakup, and he talked to me about sometimes, you just have to let people go in order to be happy, like with him and Mom. He's very serious now about ensuring us girls know that he is always there for us and will help us in any way he's capable. What makes you feel powerful? "Powerful" isn't something I really feel, if I'm being real. What are you ready to let go? It would be inexplicably fantastic if I could let every speck of Jason go in both my head and heart. What is your most bizarre deal-breaker? I don't really find any of my expectations and limits as "bizarre?" They're all valid to me. Well wait, idk if you'd find it strange that I absofuckinglutely would not date someone who hunts, but it's not to me. That's a difference in a very serious value to me. Would you rather be hated or forgotten? Hated. God, I don't want to leave this earth having given just nothing. I can live with some people hating me for whatever reason. What’s the biggest personal change you’ve made? Accepting my bisexuality, probably. That's something that I consider pretty big for two reasons: 1.) I could end up with a woman forever, and especially 2.) I was originally homophobic. I still have difficulty in fathoming how I ever was. What are some of your short-term goals? PHP is finally starting to make me build these again. I want to get better at selfcare, draw, write, and read more, I want to drink a lot more water, exercise way more... Lots of things, really. What is the weirdest thing about you? Uh. I dunno. Probably that I RP meerkats, which is a very obscure RP niche for sure.

[naturaldisasterfanfiction]

4.

Stretching my body out sighing out, that was a nice stretch. Looking up to the ceiling smiling to myself, since I have had my scan, found out I am seven weeks which was a week ago so now I am eight weeks. I have heard the heartbeat and I feel the connection, I feel I have someone with me through this journey even though I am alone in a way, but I am not, I have baby Fenty with me. Pushing the covers off of me and getting up out of bed, my smile grew seeing my scan picture. I rest it up on the side table so I can look at it and fall asleep with my baby scan facing me, I am incredibly happy now. I have accepted it and it’s the best thing that has happened to me, I am literally on a high right now but slightly tired. We came to California, arrived last night. I am getting the Humanitarian of the Year award with BET, I could have sent a video, but I just said I will just come here and get the award, then I can go New York, see my workers. Get some work done in New York and then my photoshoot for the promo, do my promo video shoot for Fenty Beauty and then go to Mexico to finish off the lingerie shoot I was doing, all before I become big when I then have to hide behind a camera, unless I get a double chin before then, I will have to wear a mask. The reason I wanted to come and get the award myself, it’s because this bitch is going into hiding, I won’t be getting nothing for nobody or doing anything so I thought why not give the fans some pictures and a little run on the red carpet. I am lucky, lucky in the sense that my body is not making big changes so fast because I won’t be able to deal if that happened.

Standing at the side staring at myself in the mirror, there is a slight pouch to me, ever so slightly but this is another one for the books. Taking a picture in the mirror of me standing to the side with my stomach out, I want to keep it for myself. This will probably be my only baby, I mean I am not going to find a man and if I am bad now, I will be worse after this because of my child, men out there are very weird. Moving my hand and letting my long tee fall, looking at the picture of me. I am very happy about this, I had to accept it which took time to do but I got there and now I am happier than ever. My aim is to do everything before The Diamond Ball, that is when the world will find out because I can’t hide it, by then I will be embracing it and ready for the world to know. I have all of this planned out, just that one thing I am not sure where to add and that is Chris. Where do I put him, where do I include him in this because as much as I am not ready for it, the world isn’t. I love him, I can openly say that but he’s a mess. I laughed at him stalking me, but I am doing it to him now, I am watching him and seeing what he is doing and what quote he put up. Every post on Instagram is the most negative bullshit about his aura, nobody cares. He is searching for something he can fix, himself and I hate it for him, but I can’t fix him and help myself. Chris is a worry because I do want to tell him, in the right setting.

My mom be feeding me “I am done” pushing the plate back “you eating for two Robyn” I chuckled at my mom, her face is ever so serious “I know but my baby is tiny right now, it just needs a little bit. As long as mommy is ok, baby is ok. I have never felt so happy, inside I am happy. I feel whole because I have wanted this” Rorrey rolled his eyes “why do I need a dad when I have you” kissing my teeth “he is going to be the first one in love, trust me” Jen pointed out “you women all say this, I will be in the living room playing games” he got up from the chair “it’s so good to see you like this, because I was scared you was going to jump into getting rid of it, to see you so vibrant and happy. It’s just nice to see” Mel has come back from Barbados and is with us in California, which I am happy about “I was scared Mel, I was so scared to think what I have got myself into, I didn’t feel in control but god is guiding me and I will get better with it. I am not perfect, and I will make mistakes, I am not perfect. I wish I was perfect, as a mother to be, I will make the mistakes” I know I will make mistakes “what about the father? You’re in Cali, he is here also” I feel like all eyes are on me now, Mel had to do this “I may be feeling good in myself about this baby but I still need time to tell him mentally, he is fighting demons on his own and I see it. I don’t know if you girls look on his Instagram, I remember when his page was all fine, he was good and now he’s just dark with his words and I am seeing things I don’t like. I want to help him, but I have to help myself, I am thinking can he handle this because every time I am with him, close to him or people see it. He gets abused about it like I need protection, it hurts me to see it. No matter how much I tell the world I am ok they do it to him, this can mentally put you down. I am trying to find peace within me to help him as I am pregnant, I just don’t know. I want him to be ok with this. I mean even I got subjected to abuse about it, it’s a lot and I am just trying to find the right balance” clasping my hands together “I will tell him, that is all I can tell you” he worries me, his mental state does. And then I see him with whippets, he is doing drugs and I am just put off, I don’t want to say that either. I just need to gather myself; I will do it though and he will know, and I will be able to help guide him or we argue together about it all but it can go either way for both of us “I suppose, you ain’t a nobody he got pregnant so this will be a big deal. It does need to be handled right” I am glad they are on board and realise it is a big thing for the both of us, it’s just got to be done right.

Jen walked into the bedroom “what happened?” she asked, she is asking because I have now gone back into bed and I feel terrible all over again “pregnancy” I mumbled “you were ok before, but anyways. Jahleel wants you out soon to get dressed, I mean you will be late there. We have two bodyguards; Frank has arrived, and we got Rich. Extra security for you, it needs to be done. I want you to be extra careful, you are sensitive so mind yourself” nodding my head “stop looking so grumpy and besides, pregnancy can do that to you, one minute fine and the next miserable” poking my lips out “I have nobody to hug me in bed” I mumbled staring at Jen “well here I am! Your cuddle buddy has arrived” I smiled watching Jen walk around the bed “hold me, make me feel all warm” I smiled to myself, I just need a good cuddle in bed “you’re just worrying, that is all. Stressing yourself out” Jen said feeling the bed move behind me “I suppose, but I am happy. Just need a moment to myself to gather my thoughts and stuff” Jen is so annoying, she is giggling all up in my ear “stop it” I giggled “come here, my little baby want snuggled” Jen held me from behind “you’re not the hug I wanted, I regret it” I really do now “awww you have the scan on your side table, it has your forehead already. We already winning” smiling to myself looking at the baby scan, I swear to god she is annoying, Jen touched my boob “they feel sore yet, wait till these little babies start feeling sore. You about to feel even more moody” she is not the best cuddle buddy at all.

Why am I hating this, sat here staring at myself in this mirror is making me feel insecure “does my face look fat to you?” I asked Priscilla, I feel it “bloated as fuck” Yusuf shouted from across the room “wait what!” I turned in the chair ever so quickly “woah, calm down. I could have poked your eye out there, Yusuf laughed to himself “you are so gullible, you look beautiful stop it. Your hair is looking shinier though. I like it” Yusuf is such a bitch “whatever” turning in the chair “are you done?” Priscilla eyeballed me “I do not want a lawsuit if I poke your eye out, now can we all relax?” I sighed out “I am ok” I am not really; I feel like shit. In the morning I was so happy, felt so good in myself. Then I felt like I wanted to be sick and now I am self-conscious, I am ok. My people say I am fine so I must be fine “we need to hurry up sis, like you about to be so late” Ja said at the side of me “well what is new?” waving him off “what is new? Girl, you about to be rushed in, I want bitches to faint when they see on the red carpet, you hear that? The red fucking carpet. This like my last award show I be doing, can we not?” he has a point “Rihanna finally quitting music?” Yusuf said laughing in the background “wait until your fans bully you” rolling my eyes.

Smirking at Jahleel, I feel bad that I haven’t told Yusuf or Pricilla “is this Vodka? Since when?” Yusuf pointed out “since now, I have changed” I lied “let me taste then? We aren’t having you back out now! You always do this, we taking this together” moving the shot glass frowning at him, Jahleel put water in it, I am so glad I have him to do it “shut up” he is playing “let’s just do this then I can leave” watching them clink shot glasses and I joined in with them, I gasped “Yusuf!” I screamed out “this bitch lied!” hitting his arm “ok, look. There is a reason to this!” I shouted “she is on a water diet” Jahleel said like that makes a difference now I got caught “no way, my girl loves a glass of wine” Jahleel mouthed I tried “I should tell you both anyways, I need my team on board and I will see you both here and Dennis, wherever he is. Dennis. Come here because I will need you all eventually again. This has to be secret, like kept in here but then again you all are good at that” Yusuf has the judgemental look on his face “what did you do now” he crossed his arms “me? Nothing but” I breathed out, I mean there is no reason to hide this from these when they will be there with me “well, I am pregnant” I said smiling before hearing crash of glass hit the floor “Yusuf!” I shouted “no, you’re lying?” he said in disbelief “I promise you; I am pregnant. This is why Ja and I have been arguing back and forth about the timings, this will generally be my last time to do anything related to red carpet for a long time. It’s about to be about me and my baby” Yusuf looks so scared but I think he is in disbelief “you always said the sperm donor is coming and you did it” Dennis hugged me “I am so happy and I can’t wait to do the pregnancy photoshoot with you!, I have ideas now” I cooed “but I know the dad anyways” Priscilla hugged me “so happy for you, you deserve this. You really do” they are so sweet “oh, who is it?” Yusuf is like ready for a storm “I will sue all of you but I trust you all, so uhm. He doesn’t know yet, it was a drunk thing. It’s Chris’ baby” I admitted “Hemsworth?” Daniel said “would I be drunk with him? But Chris Brown” Yusuf let out a shriek, staring at him “you are pregnant with Chris Brown’ child? Rihanna what the fuck have you been doing!?” Ja is nodding his head like I told you so “a lot, clearly but it’s a mess and I am sure you all are ready for the ride?” Yusuf laugh “bitch I am shook, but I am ready. Come here you crazy fucking bitch” Yusuf hugged me close “you about to be a beautiful milf, I am here for it baby” I chuckled at Yusuf saying that but he is not wrong, I will be that now.

I wore something revealing, I thought why not because I can right now. I am wearing a satin robe over a plunging playsuit which showed off my toned legs. High heeled strappy sandals and a chunky pendant necklace completed my look, and my long black hair curled and tied up in a loose updo. I am ready for this “am I even ok to go on the red carpet? Like am I that late?” I hope not, I want to show off my legs “we are going to show you off, don’t you worry” Ja said, oh the carpet is still kind off full “your mom said for you to just go in from the back?” Frank said in the front “my mother worries too much it is ok; she needs to stop worrying. Thank god she is at home” rolling my eyes, she is fussing. The SUV came to a halt and Rich came out of the SUV in front, watching him run over to the SUV “I don’t want everyone fussing now, I mean it” I am ok, they will know if I need help or not. The SUV door opened; Rich held his hand out to me. Grabbing his hand as I got out “you look so beautiful, oh my god!” Taraji came out of nowhere “thank you” I said smiling at her, looking behind me at Mel getting out.

Mel laughed at me, I don’t find her funny “this is why I don’t come” I said in a whisper “it’s just you, sitting with the Cash Money record team, it’s nice to see” I laughed shaking my head, I am sat next to Lil Wayne which is fine because he is not here, but just behind me on the left of me I have Drake and I have Chris here too, I did see him with another shade of colour on his head but it was quick. He didn’t see, I saw him “don’t you think the girls here are a hot mess, like this whole place is a hot mess” me and Mel are just bitching “They be wearing things just to wear them, I mean is this a strip club” Mel laughed “says you, looking like you going to some sex club for rich men” hitting Mel’ leg “I think hot mess was on the cards, chile” looking ahead of us “I am blessed, I am so blessed to be sitting next to the queen, my queen. How are you?” getting up from my seat “I am good, when I heard I am sitting with you, I asked to move. Not going to lie” Lil Wayne looked at me offended as fuck “come on now, I will be good. Promise, you know I appreciate you” sitting down on my seat laughing “you better be good” I rather sit in the back but here I am, all in the front like I asked for this, maybe I shouldn’t have worn this.

Some unknown dude called NAV is performing, my time to go to the toilet “you coming” I said as I got up, this is my toilet break “yes I am” Rich came out of nowhere “I am just going to the toilet” I laughed at him “I will walk you” seeing from the corner of my eye, Drake is coming “yes, let’s go this way” turning on my heels “watch out” hearing Drake say, oh the camera is conveniently here “you good?” he hugged Mel first, he knows I don’t care for it “nice seeing you” Mel said, maybe I should go the other way. Drake looked at me “like old times, we should have performed work together if you was coming” I nodded my head smiling, he didn’t hug me which is good of him “I need the bathroom” I pointed at him before walking off “the bathroom is that way” he pointed the opposite side “I didn’t know you got a new job of directing people now” hitting his arm to move out of the way, I caught him licking his lips before walking by Rich to go “hey!” Cardi rushed over to me “your legs look so good, bitch!” hugging her laughing “thank you, I regret it now. I cold” I laughed it off, but I am being deadass about this.

I wonder if I will have a girl, I really would like a daughter but I don’t for either because this is a blessing, like praise Jesus, I am blessed but if it’s a girl, that would be beautiful for me. She will be my bestie forever “Rihanna!” hearing my name, looking up like a deer caught in headlights. I am so confused “get up” Mel said as she got up to clap, oh this is me. I am so lost because I rather sit and daydream of my baby now, I laughed looking around “thank you” I didn’t want to walk alone either but here I am, alone but it’s whatever. Walking by the crowd jus clapping for me “Rih” Rich came up behind me, he held my hand as I went up the stairs “thank you” smiling at him, he is coming out of everywhere today “thank you so, so, so much” hugging Debra “thank you so much” I said to her but I do not remember a single word she said, turning around to the crowd and seeing the standing ovation, this will always get me shy “thank you” I laughed down the mic, even though theses lights are shining in my eyes I can still see Chris from here, his multicoloured self just there, waiting for them to sit down before I started.

I blew out air as I was helped down by Rich, I am glad that is done and it is a commercial break “you looked great up there” Mel said “thank you, I felt nervous” Mel held my hand, everyone is walking around because it is a commercial break “I want to go now, I am just done now” I pulled a face “let’s go this way” Rich led the way, I guess Rich knows a quicker way out for us “Chris is here, why don’t you tell him that you have something to tell him. This is your chance” Mel said in my ear, is Mel crazy staring at her like she is crazy “he is right there, just say it” Mel dragged me, Chris is speaking to Usher but I caught him looking at me and he looked away so quickly, he knows I caught him but he looked away in annoyance, I know him and he seems angry and he’s probably angry I told him to go that night. It’s like everything was in slow motion, Chris moved back from Usher, he is staring at me and I am staring at him as I am being dragged to him. Slowly I see a smile form on his face, am I really doing this “come” Rich blocked my view and stood in front of Chris “let’s go before it gets busy again” Rich moved and Chris’ smile disappeared, Mel let my hand go thinking I am saying anything “hey” that was it “hi” walking by him, that was so awkward for us and I just fucked that up but I was put on the spot.

I am glad to be in the SUV “what happened to you saying Chris I have something to tell you, come to the apartment?” Mel is annoyed with me, but I was put on the spot “I freaked out Mel, he seemed to be so mixed with emotions. Like he was angry, annoyed and happy. Only thing we said was hey and hi, it was all awkward and I felt like everyone was watching us, it’s not the setting, I am not ready to deal with Chris” I wish they just let me live, let me just do this how I want it “he smiled because it looked like we was walking towards him, you need to get over people seeing you both speak. You sharing a whole ass child, the public going to have a field day with you both” she has a point but that is my issue to get used to that.

[jikooklaundryroom]

Dry Pancakes

Gather around folks. It’s time to have an open and honest conversation about – yep you guessed it – Jimin and Jungkook and the behavior that mystifies the entire fandom.  And notice I say Jimin and Jungkook, not Kookmin or Jikook, because this talk is less about them as a couple and more about them as individuals.  A fair warning to everyone, only grown, competent adults are invited to this conversation.  If you are a twelve-year old who wants to scream about top/bottom sex positions and Omega slick and Jeonlous tongue thing – please move on.  This conversation is not for you.  Adults will be talking here.

In this essay, I will NOT discuss Jimin and Jungkook as an intimate- romantic couple, or as boyfriends, or as domestic partners, or as husbands.  In fact, those topics are so complex, that they will definitely need to be saved for another day.  Lastly, the only time Tae will be mentioned is in this sentence because I plan to write a full separate tribute to this precious man so that I can properly call out how poorly he is treated and perceived because of shipping wars.  Again, I give you fair warning, if this ain’t for you, move on because I can’t help you. OK?  I am going to give you my honest opinion here and I won’t be nice about it.  Pancakers, you should also be warned, you may be offended as well.  I leave no stone unturned.  Now that we have a proper filter in place, let’s get it.

The month of May gave us nauseating amounts of Jimin and Jungkook being seen together occupying each other’s space.  For those of you have been living under a rock, I will do a quick break down of some of their time together:  stage moments of laughing and teasing, stage moments of them comforting each other through difficult emotions (aka: the infamous ear sucking confusion), stage moments of them holding hands, sudden VLIVE, the two of them sharing a car, the two of them presumably sharing a hotel room, each one watching the other during rehearsals, the two of them watching fireworks, the elusive selca, the hand jockeying during the unboxing video and last but not least, the full day of sight-seeing they did with their friends in London.  And of course, for every moment they DO spend together there is a sea of people who only care about the moments that they DON’T spend together.  I’ll address both sides.  Within this flurry of activity/inactivty, comes a flurry of narratives from different factions within the fandom attempting to define what is happening, attempting to brain wash the neutral observer into taking their side over others.  These folks are literally and figuratively battling across social media to reign supreme in the war of narratives that explain Jimin and Jungkook.

Let’s break down some of these narratives and discuss why they are ALL bullshit shall we?

Narrative #1 -The “Bighit is forcing them to be together for publicity” crowd –  This group thinks that everything that Jimin and Jungkook do is strictly for the sake of bringing publicity/attention to Bangtan.  This shit has never made sense to me.  Exactly what additional publicity does Bighit and Bangtan need?  They just reached 20.2 million followers on twitter. They just won TWO Billboard music awards in America despite singing in only Korean.  They’ve been announced as members of the Grammy Recording Academy, they received the Order of Cultural Merit award in South Korea, they spoke at the United Nations.  They are the biggest boy band in the history of the world and if I am not mistaken they are currently on a sold-out stadium tour that has sold out over 600,000 seats in just ten shows.  SO, tell me, what bitch doesn’t know who Bangtan is?  Let’s pretend for a moment that Bangtan needed more publicity.  What additional publicity would be achieved by insinuating a homosexual relationship between two members?  Especially when you consider the vitriol that explodes when these two particular members are together.  Do you really think that forcing Jimin and Jungkook into a touchy-feely spree will help Bangtan sell more CDs or get more YouTube views?  If we consider how many homophones exist within the fandom, do you really think that highlighting the intimacy between Jimin and Jungkook would be viewed as positive and promote deeper engagement with the group?  Absolutely not.  Bighit is not encouraging Jimin and Jungkook to be fake gays for publicity. So again, I ask you, what additional publicity does Bangtan need? The answer is NONE; I think they’re good bro.

Narrative #2 - The “This is just fan service to satisfy the shipping culture” crowd – No other “ship” makes the fan more unhappy than Jikook. In fact, SNS explodes with negativity almost every single time that Jimin and Jungkook even breath near each other. Fans get extremely upset OR they ignore and refuse to acknowledge the interaction.  So how can it be fan service if it pisses off the majority of the fans?  Isn’t fan service supposed to make fans happy?  I would go even further to say that Bangtan, Jimin and Jungkook in particular know full well how polarizing their interactions are for the fandom. Seems to me like they don’t give a fuck though.  Fan service is to service the fans and give them what they want.  They don’t seem to want Jimin and Jungkook as unit.  And for those of you who think their relationship is manufactured to feed the pancakers out there, you’re mistaken and here’s why: Jimin and JK work very hard to avoid being caught or showing us too much.  It is pretty common knowledge that most of their most intimate interactions are done AWAY from the cameras – a fact that we would never know if they didn’t accidently tell us.  (“I go to Jungkook’s room at night when I can’t sleep because he also stays up late.” - Jimin) Often times, pancakers are VERY unhappy with the amount of interaction we get between Jimin and Jungkook and we are quick to yell foul if we aren’t “fed”.  This once again proves my point, it is not fan service if it doesn’t please the fans.

Narrative #3 – The “We just don’t understand Korean culture “ crowd - Uuum what? Talk to K-Army and even they will tell you that the intimacy and togetherness between Jimin and Jungkook goes far beyond typical “fan service” or “cultural norm” that would be expected from the Korean culture. It also extends beyond typical friendly male behavior given their closeness.  Westerners often get accused of “oversexualizing” Jimin and Jungkook or claiming something as homosexual because we “don’t understand” how Koreans interact.  BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT.  We know what we see.  We know what K-ARMY has explained to us.  We have taken the time to study the culture in Korea and talk with our fellow ARMY about Jimin and Jungkook.  The conclusion is always the same; there is an entire relationship being played out in front of us and it is consistent, predicable and progressive.  These interactions are not just fortuitous bits of circumstance by two friends. It is not just Korean culture.

Narrative #4 - The “Bighit is forcing them to be apart because they are too loud” crowd – Sorry Pancakes, but shut up.  This has become a ready-made excuse for us pancakers whenever we don’t receive the interactions that we expect (demand, crave, obsess over). Do you realize how much influence Jimin and Jungkook have over their own choices?  They are not mindless dummies who are mind controlled by their management. I will concede the fact that both of them are thoughtful and considerate of the feelings of the other members and they are also respectful of the wishes of management.  So if either of the two entities gives them advice with regard to watching their proximity then YES, this could affect their natural behavior’s. You have that concession from me. But that is NOT WHY THERE ARE LULLS IN THEIR INTERACTIONS.  Bighit management and Bangtan members are not playing some sadistic game of RED LIGHT – GREEN LIGHT with Jimin and Jungkook’s emotions.  Think about how ridiculous this sounds to say to grown men, “Ohh well you two were too intimate and too loud and you could expose yourself so you better repress your natural instincts as best friends and then pretend that the other doesn’t exist.” And then conversely, “You two have behaved and been good boys, so now you are allowed to interact and act like you’re in love again.”  If Bighit was trying to hide anything, they would shut it down completely, permanently - NOT IN RANDOM SPURTS.  The two of them would be threatened beyond belief and I guarantee there would be contractual implications.

It is simply ridiculous, not to mention reductive to attempt to exercise that level of control over two rich, popular and very grown individuals.  Guess what?  It’s also impossible.  Have you ever noticed that neither Jimin nor Jungkook are very good at following directions? If they are being told to stay away from each other, how come they never seem to do it?  At best, they manage to tone things down for short periods, but inevitably they always go back to just being them. My fellow pancakers have even gone so far as to develop a theory that Bighit was keeping Jimin and Jungkook from ever doing VLIVES together.  But just recently, we saw them splash tension all over the screen in a VLIVE between the two of them.  If they were restricted from doing VLIVES, then why did they do one all of a sudden after a 2-year hiatus?  Did Bighit suddenly change their mind and allow it?  Of course not.  There is a much simpler explanation and I will explain later.

Narrative #5 - The “They are just brothers, nothing they do is a big deal or any different from the rest of the members” crowd – Guess what? I actually agree with you, sorta’. So much of what Jimin and Jungkook do is the result of them being very close and loving friends who have been together forever. Even some of the gentler physical contact between the two is not exclusive to just them when compared to the other members.  But the situation is not quite that simple is it?  Brothers (not blood brothers) is just ONE of the many layers of the Jimin and Jungkook dynamic.  There’s more, a lot more.  I will come back to this one.  

Hm.  So if none of the prevalent theories above define the incongruent public intimacy of Jimin and Jungkook, then WHAT IS THE ANSWER?  Simple.  It’s called FREE WILL!  No one, especially Pancakes with butter and syrup, want to ever admit that Jimin and Jungkook do exactly what they want to do. The reason they interact and the reason they don’t is because it’s what they want to do at that moment.  They are exercising their FREE WILL.  If Jimin and Jungkook don’t speak, it’s because they don’t want to.  If Jimin and Jungkook don’t post on twitter, it’s because they don’t want to.  If Jimin and Jungkook don’t post a selca, it’s because they don’t want to.  If Jimin and Jungkook don’t do a VLIVE for two years, it’s because THEY DON’T WANT TO!  There could be months that go by where they CHOSE not to let us into their private lives and we as Jimin and Jungkook supporters have to be accepting of that choice.  Allow them to exercise their free will.  In most cases, their free will is to self-manage their own interactions.  Think about it this way – is everyday a good day for you?  Probably not. Some of us have really good days and some of us have really bad ones.  Our moods can be dictated by so many things such as: hunger, bad news, fatigue, negativity, irritation, anger, jealousy, illness, depression – so many things can affect how we feel and how we project our energy. These two men are no different.  They are not immune to the emotions that plague the rest of us mere mortals. Travel with me for a moment as we reflect on just how much Jimin and Jungkook are together,

Sharing a car during transport to and from the airport

Sitting next to each other on the plane

Spending time outside of business schedules to attend personal events (movies, dinner, tours)

Visiting each other’s parents

Presumably living together

Presumably sharing hotel rooms when they travel

Working together

Practicing together

Filming together

Presumably engaging in intimacy together

Together- Together -Together –Together- Baam  

That’s a lot of freaking togetherness.  When we see them keep their distance, why are we surprised?  It is clear that they are using their free will to be together MOST of the time and that is a sign of a very solid symbiotic relationship.  So why can’t it be conversely true that they are also using their free will when they are apart?  We pancakes are so quick to blame external forces when Jungkook and Jimin aren’t stuck to each other as opposed to blaming Jimin and Jungkook themselves.  Personal growth can only occur when you broaden your horizons and experience new things, new environments, new opinions and new people.  YES NEW PEOPLE.  It is an exercise in self-care for them to be apart from time to time.  We can’t and shouldn’t expect them to be together 24/7. It just isn’t healthy.  I would say they live a well-rounded life when they can be happy apart but still prefer to be together.  It’s beautiful.  It you are truly a part of the Jimin and Jungkook nation, then your attitudes and opinions toward the strength of them individually or as a couple should NOT be predicated solely on what they do together and how often.  Do I need to repeat that last sentence for the 14YOs who read this post even though I tried to filter you out?  Just because the two of them don’t show us blatant interactions does not meant that is an indictment or indicator that the friendship/relationship/companionship/brotherhood is dead.  Please stop posting fatalistic admonishments because their interactions are not timed according to your schedule.  Let them live.  Yes, I am saying that when we go through a pancake drought, it is because Jimin and Jungkook themselves want it to be that way.  Not because they are being forced to do so.

Now let’s talk about the nature of their interactions by using myself as an example.  I love my husband with all of my heart.  He is truly my soul mate and we get along very well. Our relationship is so complex and has so many layers.  We are friends, lovers, parents, mates, partners, business owners, even at times like siblings.  So, when he and I interact, the definition of that interaction could fall within any of the categories that I just listed.  It could be a friendly touch, or a sexual touch or a business partner touch – understand what I mean?  The same is true with Jimin and Jungkook.  Their interactions are highly conditional and must be reviewed within the context of the moment.  Which means, when they are in friend mode and they hug, they honestly are just hugging as friends.  Over hyping meaningless moments without placing it within proper context, makes pancakes look petty and delusional.  Another example, when one is sucking the other’s ear – aww shit – I have no idea what category to put that in – but it ain’t friends – we need to hype the shit out of that one.   That was a bad example.  But you get my point.  Moving on…

Let me make this really clear.  Do you remember when you first fell in love with Bangtan?  We fell so hard right?  The music, the dancing, the talent, the fashion, the creativity, the visuals – we fell hook line and sinker.  But there was more wasn’t it?  Think back.  There was soo much more.  Yes my pancakes, we fell in love with their hearts.  We fell in love with them as people.  Above all, we fell in love with their AUTHENTICITY.  You see, Bangtan was never fake.   Bangtan never presented a closed-off image to us.  They provided as much transparency and honesty as they possibly could, which was a HUGE change from what we were accustomed to seeing from KPOP artists (any artist really).  They allowed us to have a real-world peak into their emotions, vulnerabilities and personalities.  Bangtan’s authenticity is why we love them most and why we continue to love them. So when we see the love that exists between all seven of them, we know it’s real.  Accordingly, there is an extreme affinity that Jimin and Jungkook have towards each other that cannot be faked.  Even if they were being forced for publicity purposes to spend time together, they could not do it successfully unless there was already an underlying desire to be together.  Furthermore, forcing someone to be together when they don’t want to be is paramount to torture and that would greatly affect the overall happiness and chemistry of the entire group.  Imagine being forced to spend that much time with someone you don’t like.  It also explains why we don’t see other couplings “forced” upon the members because it’s not natural.  None of the members have a strong ability to vacate authenticity.  They all truly exercise their free will.  

And for my very last point, I want to talk a little tiny bit about the VLIVE (again).  I have insisted throughout this rant that Jimin and Jungkook were never prohibited by Bighit from doing a VLIVE together. So why the 2-year hiatus?  I think the explanation is pretty simple.  As we saw, it is very difficult for the two of them to maintain “composure” when they are together.  They show us so much when they fully intend to show us nothing.  They are acutely aware of how they appear on camera – which is why I argue that their two-year hiatus was self-imposed.  Think about how hard it must be in that intimate setting, sitting that close, talking that freely to repress their natural instincts to touch, or call each other pet names or possibly even kiss.  It’s like freaking impossible.  So why risk it?  It is so much easier to just keep themselves out of that situation and instead watch each other do the VLIVES from off camera.  As we know, even when one of them is off camera, they still freaking flirt.  Imagine if they were both in front of the camera on a consistent basis.  This goes back to my theory on free will.  I honestly believe that these two are being very smart to exercise their free will to stay away from Jikook VLIVES.

I have probably not changed anyone’s mind and you will likely continue to incessantly spew your narrative, whatever it is.  But for those of you who are a bit more open-minded, I hope you found some insight as well as clarity in my words.  Here’s to loving our seven boys and obsessing over two of them.

So in conclusion, I have concluded.  Thank you. Love you Pancakes – don’t be mad, k?

[brutcllysoft]

first meeting ft. @becamedcath

setting: andy’s managers office?? idr. march 2015​

ANDY

This is a bad fucking idea. He seems to be the only one who thinks so, though. From some twisted angle, he can see the point of this — This kind of set up is good PR, something to get them both on the cover of any and every magazine. Everyone loves a cliche, the bad boy and a good girl getting together despite the odds. It’s all about marketing, even if it’s at the cost of his personal life. Even if he’s signed a contract and agreed to it — Good fucking god this girl is /not/ his type. She’s too Girl Next Door, someone who would turn her nose up at him if they’d met on the street. They’ve met before, at an awards show or something — He barely remembers it after the lines he’d done in the bathroom and the shots he threw back at the bar. But he can recall how much of a brat she was, having made a scene when he ran into her or something. Truthfully, he had tuned her out that night and carried on, forgetting all about her until a friend told him about the encounter later. And now, two years later — He’s pacing around the studio lounge waiting for her to arrive, so he can properly meet his new girlfriend. All he wants is a cigarette or maybe an adderall — But in that moment, he settles on one of the beers in the fridge, plowing through three without hesitation in the hope to catch at least a buzz. Andy paces, a hand in his pocket and another brings the bottle back to his lips — He examines the posters on the walls as he waits, before the click of the door pulls his attention.

His first thought is about how short she is — Even standing across the room, he knows she’ll only come up to his shoulder. She’s cute, with an All American look that he’s sure people fucking eat up. They’re about as opposite as they can get, but he’s willing to make some sort of effort for Chris. “Hey,” he settles with, tone bored as he moves his eyes from her to the Rolling Stone cover he’d been looking at moments before. Admittedly, Andy isn’t sure what to say in this moment — He’s never had an issue with getting a girl before, usually ending up with a different one in his bed each night, but in this instance? What are you supposed to say? Hey, ain’t it crazy that we’re fake dating now? Wild. “There’s drinks in the fridge.” He settles on after a moment, a terrible opener but he holds his ground. It’s not like Andy’s trying to impress this girl or anything, anyway. No point in bullshitting. “They don’t have juice boxes or anythin’, though.” He can’t resist the urge to make the jab, just to push her buttons.

ROWAN

All of this just feels so bizarre to her. It's not something she would have liked to sign up for, not something she ever would have thought up for herself --- but Reina swears it's a good idea. Once upon a time the brunette would have signed her on for anything as long as it made them money, regardless of whether or not she thought it was a good move for her but things have changed over the last few years and Rowan trusts Reina not to set her up for something terrible. Still, she can't help but wish that she had picked literally anyone besides Andrew Thane. She sees the appeal behind him --- objectively speaking he's attractive, not that she'll admit that. Not to mention he's her opposite and everyone loves a cliche. He's riding the coattails of a successful career with his band, looking to branch off solo and a relationship with her could be a huge step in the right direction for him. And honestly, her own career has felt a little stagnant the last six months and this kind of media attention would make her next album release blow up. So if she forces herself to look at it from an outside perspective, Rowan sees how it works. She just wishes it wasn't with him. They've met only once before, a few years earlier at the VMA's and she'd known from the moment she laid eyes on him he had been wasted. He'd all but confirmed that moments after they came off stage from presenting an award and decided to blow chunks all over her feet. He'd slurred his way through an apology that she barely heard before storming off to try and clean herself up, and she's held a grudge ever since.

So needless to say, she's not thrilled to be here right now. But Reina insisted, telling her how important it is to get to know him at least a little bit before their first public appearance. Rowan can't help but feel out of place when she walks into the studio lounge -- it's different from her own, clearly reflecting the differences between their personalities and music styles. Where her studio is a mix of greens and yellows on white walls, fresh flowers adorning all the surfaces and pink guitars on stands in the corners, this one is significantly darker. She feels out of place immediately, self conscious of herself and anxiously tugging at the hem of her sundress as she walks in before crossing her arms over her chest. His voice catches her attention, doing nothing to soothe her unease and she takes a minute to look him over. He’s taller than she remembers, but she chalks it up to the fact that she’d been wearing heels that night whereas she’s on flat feet today. Reina had put today's outfit together and there’s a pair of red bottoms sitting in the back of her towncar she’d ditched in favour of a pair of sandals the moment Reina disappeared from view. Now she can’t help but regret it just a little. “Hi.” She repeats his greeting back to him, awkwardly as she shifts from one foot to another. A brow raises at his comment, scoffing quietly under her breath. “I’m not legal to drink yet,” she chimes in, head tilting. “April 27th. Next year.” Not that she thinks he really cares about that, and honestly neither does she --- of course she’s drank before now, their business practically runs on alcohol and cocaine and even she has partaken in the former on more than one occasion despite what her squeaky clean image suggests. But she opens the fridge anyway, needing something to do with her hands and is grateful to find one lone bottled water amongst the array of booze. "I don't think underage drinking on a Tuesday afternoon is really going to do either of us any favours." Though a part of her knows that the ramifications for the two of them would be very different. Andy has already made a name for himself with drugs and alcohol, something everyone just seems to accept. Where as she knows if she were so much to touch a bottle of beer in public, she'd be crucified. She's not sure if it's a genre thing or a gender thing, but she tries to make herself believe it's the former despite the fact that it is, very much, the latter.

ANDY

There’s a scoff that comes with her words — Of course she didn’t drink, he finds it almost laughable for her to wait until she’s twenty one when he thinks of how young he was when he had his first beer. “Right, sure, whatever.” He settles with, glancing back at her as she grabs a bottle of water. Andy has to remind himself not everyone has lived the same life as him -- He’s sure she’s just as sheltered as the tabloids say, some wide eyed girl who thinks the world is full of fucking rainbows and sunshine. He can hear Chris’s voice in the back of his head telling him not to be such an asshole, but it’s hard to resist. After the nightmare that has been the last six months, it’s hard not to bite back at anything thrown his way -- Good or bad. He’s still reeling from Cerberus’ break up, the messy way things had ended with his bandmates, and then girlfriend. He can’t help but feel like he’s in this mess because of all of them -- God knows he’s no saint himself, but it wasn’t his ego that pulled them apart. But Chris had explained to him time and time again why this is a good idea, that he’ll become more relatable or some shit, that she can help get his solo career moving. Andy doesn’t like it, but he’ll at least give it a shot for him. Chris has yet to lead him astray, he’s sure this won’t be the first time.

Taking another swig of his drink, he spins on his heel so that he’s facing her. Now that he and Rowan were meeting when he was decently sober and she’s not dressed like a pastry  — Andy notes that she’s actually pretty cute, even if she’s annoying. Had they met under different circumstances, they probably could have hit it off. Maybe. Andy doesn’t bother with being subtle when he looks at her, finding it fascinating that even down to their shoe choices -- Her sandals and his ratty Doc Martens -- they’re absolute opposites. It’s almost laughable. “I’m gonna need a drink to get through this.” He fires back in a level tone, holding eye contact and challenging her to push further. Though Andy won’t admit it to anyone -- Not even Chris -- He’s terrified of what’s going to happen next. His album, his reputation, Rowan. He’d found a comfortable corner with Cereberus, loving playing a different city each night with his two best friends, shredding on his guitar until his fingers bled. He understood how things worked then -- They slept all day, played a show, partied all night -- More often than not he’d end up doing lines off some groupies breasts before she got him off, just to wake up in the bathtub of whatever hotel they’re staying at. It was chaos, but he knew what to expect from it. They drank too much, snorted whatever was put in front of them, and kept going until they passed out. Wash, rinse, repeat. There’s no denying he’s doing just the same now, but he was venturing into something different and he’d be a liar if he said that didn’t scare him -- He’s too exposed right now. Even in this lounge, alone with Rowan. If this goes sideways, he doesn’t have a safety net to fall into.

He doesn’t let it show, though. If there’s anything he’d learned from his childhood, it’s how to master a poker face -- Andy has no interest in letting anyone in on what he’s thinking, knowing that they’ll just end up using it against him or sell it to a tabloid. The last thing he wants is Rowan Fisher, of all fucking people, to see him sweat. “You look like you’re gonna piss yourself.” He settles on, smirk at his lips before he finishes off his bottle, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand. He’s had enough to take a little bit of the edge off, settling the nerves in his stomach with each swig.

ROWAN

The scoff that reaches her has her feeling an array of emotions all at once --- predominantly offence, irritation and a small bit of embarrassment, which promptly turns itself into annoyance. He’s so fucking obnoxious. It’s not necessarily that she’s waiting until she’s twenty-one to drink --- she just likes to be careful. While it may not be a big deal if he is seen walking around drinking from a flask on a Tuesday afternoon, it is a big deal if she is. She’d be smeared all over TMZ about what a bad example she’s setting, not to mention Reina would have her head. The amount of time and money they would have to put into correcting that would be a nightmare, and it’s one she’s not eager to get into. Better to keep the parents of her mostly underage female fan base happy and eager to buy them albums and merchandise and concert tickets. She twists the cap off her water bottle, taking a step backward when he not so subtly looks her up and down --- usually when a man in this industry does that not long after there’s a hand on her thigh and warm breath on her neck while they ask if she’s interested in switching management and going somewhere. However, she knows that Andy really doesn’t have anything to offer her in that department, so instead it just makes her feel self-conscious, much to her dismay.

She’s never been a particularly insecure person, but it would be a lie to say that Rowan wasn’t always wondering what people were thinking of her. That she wasn’t constantly trying to decipher every look shot her way, every whisper murmured behind her back. But she doesn’t let it show, resigning herself to the fact that she doesn’t need to worry about what Andrew Thane, of all people, thinks about her. She rolls her eyes when he mentions needing a drink, finding herself already tired of his tough guy act. She can’t imagine any situation where she might actually like him, any situation where she doesn’t want to punch him in the fucking face. “Can’t blame a girl for feeling out of place.” Which she does. Very much so. She feels too big for this space, too bright, too vibrant, too everything. And while she knows that this is not a real relationship and they’re not looking to find any common ground, it is a little disheartening to be so clearly disconnected from the world that he lives in. Selfishly, she can’t help but wish they had done this at her studio -- somewhere she would be in her element, her usual confident and collected self. But she carries on, chin held high as it always is --- just as Reina taught her when she was a scrawny little sixteen year old, shy and unsure of herself and practically begging execs to take advantage of her. “Especially considering our last interaction wasn’t exactly pleasant.” She turns on her heel, moving away from him to look at the hangings decorating the walls -- albums, awards, framed articles. His band had been successful. Not really her thing, but she can’t deny the fact that they’d accomplished a lot. “You puked on me, in case you forgot.” She tacked on, glancing at him over her shoulder, sure that he has zero recollection of the night in question. “Just tryin’ to save another pair of shoes.”

ANDY

He knows why they’re there -- This is supposed to be an ice breaker for what’s to come for the next two years, the answer is obvious. But he’s not sure what’s supposed to say to her, make casual conversation about how they’re going to spend the next two years of their lives tolerating one another? It’s not exactly the kind of small talk he’s interested in. Hell -- He doesn’t want to talk to her at all, but there’s no going back now. A shoulder shrugs at her comment, leaving him itching for a cigarette. He’s craving a distraction, a way to not have to sit in this feeling, or endure the obvious tension. Finishing off his beer, he drops the empty bottle on the counter top, before moving to take another out of the fridge, popping the cap off with his teeth. He knows it’ll probably get a disgusted reaction from the blonde, but he doesn’t bother dwelling on it. This was uncomfortable enough to warrant another drink, something to keep him buzzed and from over thinking every single thing happening around him. It’s a perk of being who he is -- The label thrives on him being out of control and unpredictable, loaded up on whatever white powder or drink he’s presented with in the hopes that they’ll get another song or some press from him. It makes him feel like there’s an endless party going on while they record, but in this moment -- It’s enough to take the edge off.

When she mentions their last interaction, though -- He’s confused. He barely remembers it, assuming it had been something about maybe having stepped on her dress or run into her. Apparently she held a grudge. Admittedly, he can’t really defend himself given that he doesn’t remember much of that night, but he listens as she speaks, moving to sit on the couch as she paces around the room. A loud bark of laughter comes at the mention of puke, something of a hazy memory finding him -- Ian, his bandmate, coming around to pull him away while Andy let out a loud and slurred oh fuck, before the two stumbled off to the open bar. “Jesus fuckin’ Christ.” He doesn’t bother apologizing to her. Frankly, Andy doesn’t see much of a point in apologizing for something he doesn’t remember, but clearly -- Rowan doesn’t want to let it go. “That was -- What? VMAs? AMAs? I don’t remember.” He tries to clarify, clearly amused by the story though he can’t even remember where they had been. A slight frown comes when he follows her eyes to where she’s looking, a framed picture of Cerberus’s first album, having gone triple platinum. Andy doesn’t dawn on the thought, taking another large swig of his beer before speaking again. “I’m not gonna puke on you again, if that’s what you’re worried about.” He leans forward, elbows resting against his knees, watching as she wanders around the lounge.

ROWAN

It isn’t often Rowan finds herself at a loss of things to say. She’s an extrovert by nature and finds it easy to strike up a conversation with most anyone --- but he isn’t just anyone. He’s someone who despite only having met briefly one time, she isn’t particularly fond of. She would like to say she isn’t a vindictive person or that she doesn’t hold a grudge, but the truth is she is guilty of both and that much is evident in the cold shoulder she gives to him. She’d come into this with good enough intentions, she really did. She’d psyched herself up the whole car ride over, told herself that not to get so worked up over something that didn’t matter in the big picture. To go into it with an open mind, to give him a chance because maybe he isn’t that bad. But within just a few moment, she’s found herself reverting back to square one. He just rubs her the wrong way --- the bad boy act he’s putting on irks her because she can’t help but think it’s just that, an act. And really she shouldn’t be able to blame him. She does the same thing, doesn’t she? Bright green eyes and long blonde hair, she’s been the poster child for innocence and naivety and purity since she was signed, the label having grabbed onto that with both hands. Since then she’s been batting her eyelashes and playing coy nearly every moment of her life. So she shouldn’t be annoyed by the fact that someone else is doing the same thing, but she does

She finds herself physically unable to hold back the cringe as he opens the bottle of beer with his teeth. “God, you’re going to break a tooth doing that.” Surprisingly, her voice doesn’t hold much judgement --- she’s definitely judging him, but she’s more shocked by it than anything. It’s something she’s seen before -- Reina is guilty of it, though she’d never admit it -- but it never fails to churn her stomach, unable to stop the idea of an emergency dental visit from swarming her mind. The fact that he finds amusement in the story just irks her all over again. “The VMA’s.” She confirms with a roll over her eyes, turning back around to look at the picture on the wall again, hoping that a little more distance will cool her down. It doesn’t work very well. Honestly, she’s not even that upset about the shoes (okay, she is, but mostly because they had been open toe and scrubbing vomit from between her toes had been a horrible end to an otherwise great night) but rather his reaction to the whole thing. Maybe she could overlook it before because he’d clearly been too drunk to know what he was doing, but an apology now certainly wouldn’t hurt any. It’d been rude and Rowan has never done well with being disrespected --- which is ironic because these days it feels like it’s happening more than ever. “I’m not worrying about you puking on me again. Not yet anyway. A few more of those and I might be. Gut rot’s a real thing, you know.” She muses, shrugging her shoulders. Honestly she wouldn’t be surprised to hear he’s already six beers in --- not because he’s acting drunk, but just because that’s the kind of person he apparently is. But they’re here for a reason and so she sighs, turning again to face him, arms crossing over her chest. “I’ve got a charity thing next week--- s’for the children’s hospital. Tuesday night. Reina thinks it should be our first public appearance.”

ANDY

He doesn’t bother dwelling on her clear disgust with him -- Admittedly, it makes him want to push it further just to see what reaction she can get out of her. He can’t help but wonder if she’s ever done anything other than sing country songs and go to church or something, but doesn’t ask. Instead, he nods as she clarifies where they had met, memories of that night coming back to him -- Two year ago, he’d been riding the high Cerberus brought, the band sweeping each award show and topping charts. It’s a bitter sweet thought, knowing that the people he’d celebrated that night with were ones he couldn’t stand being around anymore. Clearly, Rowan is more bothered by the memory than he is. Andy’s not planning on apologizing for it, instead he just laughs at the thought of the look on her face when he hunched over -- If only he could remember it. Now it’s his turn to roll his eyes, as she mentions the beer in his hand and gut rot. “Thanks for the information, WebMD.” Her remark only makes him want to drink more, anything to get out of this conversation even if means risking puking on her, or getting sick, as she mentioned. God, how is this possibly going to work for the next two years if he can barely handle a conversation with her without finding the desire to drink?

A brow raises at the mention of a charity thing for a children’s hospital, knowing as important as it is to make to their first public appearance a good one -- He doesn’t exactly want to sit in the hallway of a children’s hospital room while Rowan plays that fucking Biscuits song over and over. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have a counter suggestion to give -- He’s spent the last three months in the studio, and his first single isn’t coming out for another two weeks. Children’s hospital it is. “Yeah, sure.” He reluctantly agrees, leaning back against the couch as he takes another sip of his beer. Andy shares the same unimpressed look she has, arms crossed defensively over her chest. “You sure you’re ready for this?” He challenges, brow arched. It’s clear to him that she doesn’t like him, and the feeling is mutual -- But when they’re in public, it’s game time. “Cause you’re gonna have to look a lil’ less disgusted with me when we’re in front’a cameras.”

ROWAN

One day down, seven hundred and twenty-nine to go. Christ, it’s going to be a long two years. Rowan can only hope that between the chaos that is both of their careers, they can manage to keep their actual time together limited. They’re both busy people with busy lives and budding careers, there certainly won’t be any shortage of opportunities to get their photo taken together and she can only hope that Reina is able to work some magic to keep those spread out far enough that she can make it through this without strangling him while also somehow keeping up the charade. She’s going to deserve a goddamn Oscar after this. She already knows it’s going to take any ounce of acting talent she’s got to make it seem like Andrew Thane doesn’t make her want to vomit, let alone that she actually cares about him. God, she’s getting a pressure headache again from the whole thing and sips at her water in an attempt to keep it at bay.

It’s clear he’s reluctant to agree to go with her next week and that just annoys her all over again. Just when she thinks she can’t get anymore agitated he opens his big fucking mouth and sends her right back up the wall. Her jaw clenches momentarily, eyes icy and she shrugs. “It’ll be mostly younger kids. Your music’ll probably be a little mature for most of ‘em.” She hates that using the word mature on his music opens her own up for scrutiny, something she’s very much used to -- her talent and the effort she puts into it is so often taken at face value as something of little depth due to the poppy melodies. “But there’ll be a couple older ones who probably wouldn’t hate to see you.” Which is about as close to a compliment or actual invitation to participate as he’ll get and if he wants to be the asshole whose pride keeps him from playing some dumb song for a sick kid that’s on him. His next question has her eyes rolling. In truth, she isn’t ready for this at all but she isn’t going to admit that to him of all people. “Won’t be a problem. I have an excellent poker face.” And that’s true. Reina’s taught her to perfect it over the years and she has been around men who she somehow finds more revolting than him and smiled sweetly and batted her eyelashes to bide her time before making an escape. “You gonna be able to look like you’re not countin’ down the seconds until you get to make a break for it?”

ANDY

He doesn’t mind doing events at hospitals, or for kids (though, most young kids don’t listen to him or Cerberus) -- But he’s not interested in going alongside Rowan if it means he’s just playing arm candy. “Rock’n’roll is a little mature for most kids,” he mocks, laughing lightly at his own words, putting on his best high society voice on with the word. She has a point, though -- He’s sure there’s a couple of teenagers there eager to see him. It’s a bit surprising she’d say that at all, part of him assumes she would want him to be around long enough to get a couple pictures in, before shoving him out of the room so she can entertain some twelve year old girls. “You know,” he begins again, giving her a pointed look. “Despite what you may think’a a me, I do like doin’ that kind of stuff. The children’s hospitals, and shit.” He doesn’t bother explaining much more. Instead, he takes another of his beer before dropping the glass onto the small table. He’s on his feet after, moving towards her. A scoff comes with the mention of her poker face, “Somehow I doubt that.” Andy challenges. This is their first conversation, but he can already tell she’s an absolute open book. In the professional world, she’s clearly held her own well -- But if this conversation is anything to go off of, her trying to play it cool will be a sight to see. “Depends,” He continues, mostly just wanting to get a rise out of her. “When the papz want a kiss, you gonna go running?” Andy asks point blank. Truthfully, if it came down to it and she had an issue -- He’s not going to force her into anything, but at this moment? He just wants to push her buttons.

ROWAN

The mocking is apparent and only serves to push him even further beneath her skin, but Rowan simply rolls her eyes. She’s over this entire interaction and pushing back will only instigate some kind of argument, she’s sure, and right now she has less than zero interest in going down that road. “Great. Then bring a guitar and you’ll make some sixteen year olds day.” It’s said with a tone of finality, clearly indicating that she doesn’t want to argue semantics about whether or not he really is a piece of shit like she suspects. Her initial reaction when he stands and crosses the room is to follow suit and take two steps back for every one he takes, but she doesn’t want to make herself into an easier target than she’s sure he already sees her as. So she keeps her feet planted where they are, standing her ground even when his tone turns challenging. “You don’t know me,” she reminds him with a raise of her brows. It’s not lost on her that she doesn’t know him either and she’s been being just as judgmental, but that isn’t the point. Honestly, when it comes to her personal life her poker face is very much lacking. She’s wears her heart on her sleeve as much as she wishes she didn’t and it’s gotten her burned on more than one occasion. But when it comes to her career, she’s great at keeping her composure and making sure the press and the media execs see only what she wants them to. “I’ve got no reason to hide anything right now but rest assured once the cameras turn on I’ll be all smiles and doe eyes.” Which isn’t really any different from how the media usually portrays her, but she’ll be sure to send him some fond glances to try and amp things up. His question has a short scoff leaving her, eyes rolling for what feels like the millionth time. “Do I look like I’m running? I’m sure I’ll manage.” Though the thought of actually kissing him isn’t anything she’s looking forward to, she has accepted that a little physical affection is going to be part of the gig, whether they like it or not. “That a satisfactory answer for you? I’ve got somewhere else I need to be.” She doesn’t. Reina cleared her schedule for this in hopes that they’d find some kind of common ground but Rowan knows if she’s here much longer they’re going to end up murdering each other.

ANDY

The fact that he’s so easily gotten under her skin puts a smirk on his lips, resisting the urge to laugh. It’s too easy. “Me and a guitar, deal.” He settles with a quick nod. He’s not going to push back on it, he enjoys charity shows — But it’s quickly become apparent to him that it’s pretty fun to get a rise out of her. And more so, it’s easy. Brows raise as she gets defensive, mentioning how he doesn’t know her. It’s laughable, considering she hates him based off a reputation and one drunk moment — Nothing else. He doesn’t bother pointing it out, though. Instead, eyes roll and arms cross, before he speaks up. “I’ve been around you for like ten minutes, and I know I’m right. It’s obvious.” Andy insists, knowing that she’ll be fine when it comes to red carpets and staged moments — But when the paparazzi sneak into a party and catch a candid moment, he knows they’re going to see through this shit. “I’m countin’ on it.” He remarks with a challenging look. While he’d gone into this thinking they’d be screaming in each other’s faces, he was starting to enjoy this back and forth — Even if Rowan was clearly about to lose her shit. “I’ll believe it when I see it.” He’s not looking forward to the PDA they’ll have to put on, but there’s no getting out of it now. As she turns to leave, eyes roll and a scoff leaves his lips. “Sure looks like you’re runnin’ now.” He points out the contradiction from her words, for one last jab before she turns to leave the lounge.

[harryfeatgaga]

I'm dying laughing at the CEO of the Recording Academy trying to cover his ass cause he knew he made a mistake all while questioning if Harry's reached a "level of excellence to merit a nomination." But gave the Chainsmokers and Meghan fucking Trainor a Grammy. Where was the excellence from them? The Chainsmokers song was played at Frat parties and dirty basement, is that's excellence then I don't want Harry to reach that point.

i literally cannot believe

Anonymous said: My dad just texted me from work to see if I was okay because he got a call from the neighbours saying there’s been the same song on loop on full blast (that song is the Grammy robbed Sign of the Times by the Grammy deserving Harry Edward Styles)

DJNFBGUHFBJNHFIJNBFHJKF MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said: I bet that one anon you got a few days ago is cackling and trying to talk shit about how they knew Harry isn't talented enough to get a Grammy or something stupid like that

they can ch*ke

Anonymous said: Niall did great things with his album and it got great hype by both the public and music producers so if his album made the deadline I would easily say his album deserved a nomination. But the other boys haven’t even released albums yet and their singles were just good for radio play.

i haven't listened to his album still lol but noah fence from what i saw it did not get nearly as great reviews and hype as harrys lol and idk why the others even bothered fhbgfjkvl

Anonymous said: Boycott the Grammys 2k18!

tru!!!

Anonymous said: I’m just going to air out my grievances if that’s ok- first of all,Harry’s management or record company stuffed up bad cos y’all know damn well the members don’t vote artists with a progressive sound into the rock category so you fucked up there. second - Bruno mars is clearly this ceremony’s Taylor swift cos idk how tf his flimsy song about material things got nominated over a relevant refreshing ballad like SOTT . Harry deserved better , but also, harry needs to fire some incompetent people ✌️

well harry made music he wanted lol not stuff thats gonna get played on the radio which i enjoy lol but yea bruno is the tswift this year....or j*y z

Anonymous said: The thing that sucks is he most likely was planning on going to the Grammys cause he's performing for Fleetwood Mac the day before, but now he's going to be in New York and not going.....

PLEASE :(

Anonymous said: I was really disappointed but more for him than me like my first thought was “I hope he’s alright and not too sad about it” And I really hope he understands that it doesn’t make him any less good because an award is just an award and it never defines who you are as an artist and as a person.

i know I'm so sad for him i hope he's okay :(

Anonymous said: Harry is the best artist in the world right now he doesn’t need awards!!

tru! but it would've been nice to even get a nom/recognition

Anonymous said: You can tell the Grammy' will just nominated any old shite. I mean Ed Sheeran has the biggest album of the year yet he isn't nominated. And i didn't even know JayZ had an album out and he's nominated. Like no offense but American music industry is just shit.

ed is nominated and some other categories which I'm sure he will win and literally same i had no idea jay z had music out lmao

Anonymous said: Scrap what i said, Zayn didn't get nominated. It was for songwriting and he didn't write that song.

good

Anonymous said: He got all that hype, he did that private show for them, they went his his first show in LA. They for sure used him for hype and media attention. Robbing bastards.

seriously

Anonymous said: A LOUIS FAN CLAIMING LOUIS DESERVED A NOM YALL I WAS SAD BUT NOT NOW. NOW A BITCH CANT STOP LAUGHING. HE AIN'T EVER GETTING SHIT

LMAOOOOO BYEEEEE AS IF

Anonymous said: I just hope he knows Grammys ain’t shit

honestly

Anonymous said: I know it’s not the end of the world, but I hope he’s not super disappointed and sad, because everyone hyped him up so much smh. Also, I bet this will change how he does promo and radio shit for his next album, they should get him a radio deal just for the fact that clearly that’s all these loser Grammy voters care about.

well if thats what he has to do to get a grammy i don't think that would be worth it and i don't think he would think that either

Anonymous said: Jay Z can fucking choke like his album? The shit he did to beyonce? I’m not fucking rewarding a man for being like that anymore, he can take his ancient ass somewhere else.

nasty

Anonymous said: Good, now I don’t have to watch the Grammys this year, I’m glad tbh since I’m not really a fan of any of the other nominees and I’m sick to death of hearing the same five songs all fucking year lol, that issues song? Fucking hate it, have since day one, can’t believe it got nominated for shit lol. However Jeff needs to get Harry a radio deal since clearly that’s all that matters to voters, considering Harry did all the courting of the voters he could and still got fucked.

i literally haven't even heard most of whats nominated its such a joke

Anonymous said: Most nominees in the important categories are poc so I’m not completely mad and besides Despacito or however you write it (which is a horrible song) they nominated well deserved ones. I still think SOTT should’ve got at least one nomination but I think that maybe because harry is fresh out of the oven they’re not gonna straight up give him a nomination even if he deserves it.

yea i mean its awesome theres actually diversity this year but SOTT literally deserved a ROTY nom

Anonymous said: Nah Harry will get Brit nominations because he’s respected in his own country, the Brits also nominated 1D they don’t hold being in a boy band against him which clearly the Grammy voters do, which is a real shame tbh. But the Grammys are continuing to dig their own grave and become more and more unimportant every year.

i cant wait till the grammys just make such a food of themselves no one goes

Anonymous said: Pls the whole Grammys is a conspiracy theory lol I told you

a mess

Anonymous said: The Grammys lost all credibility after giving Adele Album of the Year last year and not Beyonce. They stick to the basics and just anyone who doesn't "break the rules of music" Harry's first solo song was a 6 minute long rock ballad, which doesn't go with what was expected to be put out. They don't care for originality or you know talent, that's why Ed Sheeran's wack ass has won 🤷🏼‍♀️

SERIOUSLY

Anonymous said: He'll probably get nominated for Song of the year and Video of the year at the Brits. Pretty sure both are fan voted. Maybe best male as well. Also maybe best album but then again probably not because it depends. Also maybe global success. I can't think who else would get that right now. Maybe Ed Sheeran again.

i hope so

Anonymous said: Grammys? I don’t know her. Anyway I hope Harry knows how proud everyone is of him and I hope he’s proud of himself I love my baby 🤧💕

ME!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said: i feel so much for harry i mean he did everything he could he put out a phenomenal single and a stellar album and worked with amazing producers and writers and did the grammy performance thing and all that stuff with cbs and like i know im biased but he deserves SOME recognition for all of that like he really did put out amazing music this year that was so much more worthy than despacito like come on he was robbed i just hope he feels okay and valid bc he IS :(

i know :( like i hope he knows he still has done such incredible things this year and his album is so good and he doesn't need a stupid grammy anyway

Anonymous said: Taylor is nominated for two (one for the country song she wrote). Like no offense the the American music industry but you need to get your head out of Taylor arse and stop being snobs. SOTT deserved a nomination.

when will they stop kissing her ass

Anonymous said: Harry broke records held by legends, had a BBC special, performed at the record academy, and sold out an arena tour in minutes. So Julia Michaels and Ed Sheehan can take their boring ass music along with their nominations and shove it up their asses.

TBH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said: I’m sorry but I have to point out the irony. The lyrics of the song are literally stop your crying it’s a sign of the times. and I know there’s a deeper meaning, but this year fucking sucks

i know :(

Anonymous said: All that hype for nothing. Boy was robbed. Sign of the times deserves a Grammy.

ROBBED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said: Everyone knows no one, NO ONE deserved a nomination more then Harry. White old men disappointing me again. Like every fucking person said Harry deserved one. ISSUES AS SONG OF THE YEAR? YALL I NEED THEIR CRACK DEALER CAUSE CLEARLY ITS SOME GOOD SHIT TO GET YOU TO THINK FUCKING ISSUES IS SONG OF THE YEAR. Nah fuck them.

FUCK THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said: I’m so?? Noah fence but the songs that got nominated? What the fuck???? Harry deserved to be up there whether it was roty or aoty idc he just deserves to be nominated.

seriously

Anonymous said: LISTEN in 10 years time people will look back and say why the fuck wasn’t SOTT a Grammy winner... he is timeless and he’ll win in the end!! The Grammys are fucked

THEY WILL REGRET IT

Anonymous said: The Grammys just proved again how much they don’t matter lol, Harry’s song and album was on every single list as one of the best of the entire year, and the you know who wasn’t? Most of those other songs lmao so whatever man I know the Grammys matters to harry, but it doesn’t matter to me anymore they continue to be irrelevant and continue to nominate mediocrity.

its such a joke lmao

Anonymous said: Yeah honestly the Grammys really do only care about awarding the same people over and over again, and it’s like, no offense but who cares lol. I’m sure Jay Zs album is good but he’s nearly 50 and been nominated a ton like idc anymore lol. And I like Bruno mars but seriously? The songs he was nominated for really aren’t that great lmao.

seriously tho like j*y z has enough awards

[kateofthecanals]

For The (Not)Watch: Episode 7.3

The Queen’s Nap Time

Guys, remember after Season 5 ended, all the showpologists came out in full force to declare S5 superior to Feastdance because those 2 books are too “slow” and “boring” and “nothing happens”? Remember how they thought S5 was better because there was less talkie-talkie and more stabby-stabby? Remember?

It’s okay, I’m sure they conveniently don’t either...

The opening scene of this episode is TWENTY. MINUTES. LONG. Sure, it’s Jon & Davos’s (miraculous) touch-down in Dragonstone, culminating in a reunion between Jon & Tyrion and the much-anticipated first meeting between Jon and Dany but HOLY SHIT WAS IT DULL. So Jon & Davos pull up in their row boat and are greeted by Missandei, who has a certain extra pep in her step today ifyaknowhatimean. Davos immediately begins hitting on her but she swervin’ cuz she spoken for, old man!! She also tells J & D and their soldiers to wipe their feet on the mat and drop their weapons at the door, like this is Vaes Dothrak 2.0 (because that worked out so well last time, eh?). The Northern party is escorted by a band of busted-wig Dothraki and make their way up the Great Wall of Dragonstone. Every. Fucking. Step. Jon and Tyrion’s first convo is literally about Sandra and whether or not she “misses” Tyrion [eyeroll]. Jon’s like ummm awkwaaaarrrrd before Tyrion proclaims it “a sham marriage, and never consummated”. Jon’s like “T.M.I., bro“ and then Tyrion’s like, “well ANYWAY, she’s a lot smarter than she lets on” (correction: a lot smarter than the writers let on, thankyouverymuch), to which Jon replies, “She’s starting to let on.” HAHAHAHAHAHA shut up. They continue to make lame small talk until even Drogon is like “OH MY GOD ENOUGH” and swoops down upon them and they all hit the deck. Actually, this moment came immediately after Jon declared “I’m not a Stark” because D&D think they’re clever. Jon is proper SHOOK at seeing dragons for the first time, and honestly it’s the most emotion we’ve seen from him in like 3-4 seasons.

“Hold me closer, tiny Lannistaaahhhh...”

Up above some perch overlooking the walkway, Mel is looking all wistful as she watches Jon and Davos make their approach and then Varys, who looks like he’s been over-hitting the self-tanner, creeps up behind her and asks why she isn’t down there to greet Jon too, and she says, “I’ve done my part. I’ve brought Ice and Fire together.” (Again, D&D soooo clevah!) Mel declares she’s retiring from the king-advisin’ game but Varys ain’t buying it. She admits she and Jon & Davos aren’t on speaking terms because of “mistakes” she made and is fixing to bugger off to Volantis. Varys is like I’LL HELP YOU PACK, but she’s like pump the brakes, I’ll be back later cuz I have a date with death in Westeros AND SO DO YOOOOUUU! Well needless to say, that wiped the bronzer right off Varys’s face.

We finally get to the Stone Throne Zone™ where Missandei spends 8 minutes rattling off Dany’s titles, and Davos is like “uhhhhh, this is Jon Snow, he likes pancakes!” or whatever, and when Dany calls him “my lord” Davos is like “EXCUSE YOU, HE IS KING IN THE NORTH, SHOW SOME RESPECT” and Dany decides to give us a history lesson about Torrhen Stark (AKA D&D’s attempt at trying to convince us they did some actual research lolololol) and how he totally gave it up to Aegon the Conqueror and is looking at Jon like

She also has to ask Tyrion what big words mean because of course she does, and Jon’s just like, sorry, I ain’t about that bending-the-knee life and reminds her that her father murdered his grandfather and uncle AND OMIGOD CAN’T YOU JUST SEE HOW THEY’RE FALLING IN LOVE, YOU GUYS??? She apologizes for her dad being a douche but still insists he bow down and she’ll make him Warden of the North instead and they can all be friendsies. Jon’s like, cool story, but nah, and insists that Dany needs his help. She’s like “bitch where?” and Davos steps in to say that they coulda stormed King’s Landing if they wanted to (snicker), and Jon asks Dany why SHE hasn’t done that yet. A VERY GOOD QUESTION THAT I WANTED TO HEAR HER ANSWER TO but oops, nevermind, Jon went ahead and answered it for her; in fact, he must have watched last week’s episode because he seemed to know her whole (dumb) plan! Jon finally gets around to mentioning the Army of the Dead and the Night King and everyone’s just rolling their eyes. Dany then spends another 5 minutes (woodenly) monologuing about her life story. Her whole point being that... actually, I’m not sure, she was pretty much just rambling, but I’m sure D&D thought it was super profound. They find themselves at an impasse, so Davos decides it’s a good time to start rattling off Jon’s resume, but when he gets to the part about the stabby-deathy-wakey, Jon’s like

WHY, tho?? Even Mel stopped just short last episode of mentioning that Jon’s a reanimated corpse. I don’t understand why this is such a mystery...

Jon still refuses to bend the knee, and Dany declares him a rebel, but then Varys comes in and whispers in her ear and suddenly she’s like, “SO, my peeps will show you to your rooms, take a load off, enjoy some room service, ring the bell if you need anything!” As she begins to walk away, Jon asks, “Am I your prisoner?” To which she replies, “Not yet.” [CUE PORN MUSIC]

Jon and Davos leave, and Varys tells Dany about how the ships sailing back south to Dorne were ambushed by Euron Two-Hands and how errybody was either killed or captured.

CUT TO Theon being dragged out of the water by some Ironborn who ask him if Yara is dead or not, and he says he tried to save her, and Yoda Harlaw is like “there is no try!” and they all leave him in a heap on the poop deck.

Meanwhile, in King’s Landing, all those smallfolk who should be in open rebellion over the usurper queen who murdered they queen they actually loved along with half the city and their religious center are gleefully applauding Euron Both-Eyes as he parades how own niece plus Ellaria and Tyene through the streets on leashes.

So yeah, Pause. Can we talk for a second about how the smallfolk are portrayed on this show? Last week, Olenna gave a speech about how the smallfolk (or, the “mob”, as they are referred to this week) are just a bunch of morons who will basically just go along with whatever you tell them, and this episode proved that statement to be correct. Showing us, once again, how there are literally NO CONSEQUENCES to anything on this show. Remember in Season 2 when the smallfolk rioted just cuz Joffrey wouldn’t give them any bread? Cersei committed an act of ACTUAL TERRORISM, and she’s being cheered in the streets now.

Anyway, Euron is prancing through the streets like a rock star, panties flying at his face, and he says he’s getting a boner and calls Theon a “twat” (I didn’t need to mention this is a D&D-written episode, right?). He rides into the throne room to respectful applause and Ellaria pees a little when she sees Gregor -- because remember EVERYONE KNOWS IT’S GREGOR. Euron presents Ellaria & Tyene as the “gift” for Cersei and she’s like “awwww and I didn’t get you anything... and I won’t until the war is over.” Euron and Jaime then have another shade-off, where Euron is bragging about how the mob loves him, and Jaime reminding him that this same mob spat at Cersei not long ago.... WHAT BRAINLESS SHEEP, AMIRITE?!? Euron then asks Jaime’s advice on how Cersei likes it in the sack, and whether or not she likes “a finger in the bum?” EMMYS ARE ALREADY IN THE MAIL, FELLAS!

Next we have another interminably long scene in a dungeon that’s so clearly an attempt at awards-baiting for Lena and Indira, where Cersei just starts monologuing at Ellaria about murdering Myrcella (apparently we care about our kids again today) and taunts her about Gregor, who is standing just off to the side, killing Oberyn. VERY LONG STORY short, Cersei ends up poisoning Tyene in the same manner that Ellaria did Myrcella and then leaves them there so Ellaria can watch Tyene die. I guess. It was dumb.

So, for those (not) keeping score, one episode after D&D pat themselves on the back for having 4 Strong Women™ in one scene together talking politics, 3 of those women have been imprisoned and/or murdered, by another woman. #FEMINIST

After this, Cersei makes a b-line for Jaime and immediately gives him a blowjob and I’m just like OH NO is Jaime’s dick gonna fall off now???

The wake up the next morning in blissful afterglow because character development is for sissies, when there’s a knock on the door. 40-something Cersei hops out of bed with her still-nubile 20-something bod to answer (yes, it was clearly the same body double from the WoS, because an aging woman’s body has no place on this show except for laughs or shock value). Jaime’s like “no, nobody can see us together!” and she’s like “meh nbd.” She opens the door to some Mya Stone-looking babe -- who is rocking the same hairstyle as her, and no I don’t think that was supposed to be a coincidence? -- who tells her that Tycho Nestoris is in the hizzy.

Tycho congratulates her(??) for blowing up the sept, but she insists it was an accident... even though fucking HOT PIE knows she did it. Anyway, lots more talkie-talkie about she’s in hella debt and Iron Bank wants to invest in a “winner” and Cersei throwing some shade about the Iron Bank suffering because Dany put the kibosh on the slave trade and hold on a minute Braavos is the only Free City that does NOT have slaves??? Uggghhhh... Anyway, she says that the Iron Bank should invest in her because slaves and dragons can’t pay their debts. Okay, whatever...

Back on sunny Dragonstone, we reach peak-meta as Tyrion approaches Jon on a cliffside and says that he (Jon) looks way better than him (Tyrion) while brooding. [cue ALL the eye-rolling] Tyrion’s all bummed out because he didn’t foresee the Greyjoy attack, and the pained look on his face and in his voice seems to be channeling D&D as they have to admit that their golden boy is actually fallible! Jon’s whining about how Dany took his ship and no one believes his story about the walkers, but Tyrion says he believes him. Jon just wants to go back home, and Tyrion actually says, “It’s hard to believe you became King In The North by giving up that easily”, and even Jon has to look into the camera like he’s on “The Office”. Blah blah blah, talk talk talk, then FINALLY Jon comes out with the dragonglass pitch, which Tyrion delivers to Dany. He also quotes himself from the previous scene, saying “a wise man once said” but Dany totally calls him out on it... which would be awesome if SHE WASN’T ALWAYS QUOTING HIM HERSELF. Tyrion’s like, look, just give him the dragonglass and let him be on his way. Dany brings up what Davos said about Jon taking a knife to the heart and wonders what the heck it meant, and Tyrion’s just like “ahhhh those kooky Northerners!”

Skip to later and Jon and Dany having a heart-to-heart outside and she tells him he can have all the dragonglass he wants but won’t answer him when he asks if she believes him about the Night King.

Up in Winterfell, Sandra is taking charge, y’all! She’s struttin’ around the grounds with her posse LF, Bronze Yohn, and Maester Whatshisname and is not happy with the amount of food stores because, as she points out, all the armies in the North will eventually end up at Winterfell (oh REALLY??) when winter comes and they need to be prepared for that, so she proposes “borrowing” grain stores from all the other keeps in the North for the duration of winter and they can have back whatever’s left when winter is over. Then she passes the smith and is like “PUT SOME LEATHER ON THOSE DANG BREASTPLATES YOU AMATEURS!” Bronze Yohn and Maester peel off but LF is still sticking to her like glue, telling her that “command suits you.” He then goes into what seems like another version of the “chaos is a laddah!!” speech except even less sensical. Like seriously, what even the hell? “Fight the battles with your mind! Everything you’ve seen before you will see again!”

Just then, someone comes up behind Sandra (who is absolutely RAPT by LF’s speech, mind you) and tells her there’s someone at the gate. I won’t lie, my stomach did a flip -- could it be?? Is it?? Will they??

Ahhhhhh no, of course not. It’s just Bran, who has apparently been watching the episode too because he looks bored as fuuuuuck. He’s just like “oh hi.” Sandra bursts into tears and hugs him, and he just sits there, emotionless. So, somewhere between the Wall and Winterfell, his personality became as paralyzed as his legs...

So the two of them are chilling in the godswood where Sandra (correctly) points out that Bran is actually the true heir to Winterfell. Bran’s like, “nah, that ain’t for me. I’m the Three-Eyed Raven!” and Sandra’s like “I don’t know what that means”. He tries to explain (badly) and Sandra’s all “uhhhhh kaaayyy?”

Then Bran goes into full Creep Mode and begins to recount her wedding in the godswood to Ramsay, which he refers to as “beautiful”. At which point she’s just like

So that shot of Sandra from the trailer where she’s exiting the godswood on the verge of tears is actually because she’s been triggered by her own damn brother reminding her of her marriage to a rapist and calling it “beautiful”. ANOTHER GREAT STARK REUNION, GUYS!!

Also... Bran KNEW ABOUT HER MARRIAGE TO RAMSAY THE WHOLE TIME?? And he never mentioned it to anyone?? Bloodraven? Meera? Hodor?? Like, “oh shit, my sister has been through some nonsense, I wish I was there to help her or something!” Just... nothing???

Anyway, Sandra almost got to have a reaction to her trauma as if it still matters or something, QUICK, CUTAWAY TO ANOTHER SCENE!!

Ahhhh, Jorah’s raw, scaly flesh, perfect! So, long story short, the procedure totally worked, Jorah is no worse for wear other than just a bad sunburn, and Sam can add “totally cured Westerosi AIDS” to his list of things to brag about. Jorah skips off to go find his Kuhleeeezy again, and literally there was no point to this storyline whatsoever. Jorah is fine, he learned absolutely nothing, and even Sam didn’t even get like a promotion or a raise or anything. Just a pat on the back from the now-bearded Archmaester Slughorn and alls well that ends well!

Back on Dragonstone, Dany wants to attack Euron’s fleet on her dragons but she gets talked out of it. The comes a whirlwind montage of the Unsullied attacking Casterly Rock, which they are able to do successfully because of Tyrion’s knowledge of the sewers. But OOPS here comes the Ironborn fleet! Grey Worm has a concern...

Meanwhile, the rest of the Lannister forces are storming... Highgarden? Freaking Horn Hill looked better than Highgarden, wtf? Anyway, apparently Jaime and the Lannister army sieges and takes HG off-camera in less than a minute, because we needed to spend that time on pointless, redundant dialogue in the first-half of the episode. So Jaime finds Olenna in her chambers, and Olenna’s like “you’re cool with your queen being a total tyrant then, huh?” And Jaime ACTUALLY says that once the war is over, it won’t matter HOW she got there. Uhhhhhhh okay, bro! Sadly, he’s right, though, because literally nothing matters on this show anymore. He offers her some poison in her wine and she’s like

And before she peaces out, she tells Jaime to tell Cersei that she’s the one who killed Joffrey. BUUURRRRN!

Now, I’m not sure if that was supposed to be a revelation for the audience or just for Jaime... because I feel like even the most casual GoT fan already knew this?

Also -- DID JAIME AND OLENNA JUST HAVE THE SCENE THAT SHOULD’VE HAPPENED BETWEEN JAIME AND TYRION AT THE END OF SEASON 4???

Also also, it begs the question -- who DID Jaime think killed Joffrey?? Obviously not Tyrion... and likely not Sansa either. Was this ever even addressed?? I can’t recall.

ANYWAY, I’m too bored to care. Amazing how these episodes just get worse and worse in a season that was supposed to have “fixed” the pacing issues lmao.

And btw, when I said that Sandor would not be seen again for the next 3 to 4 episodes after the premiere, I was only half-joking.... buuuut that seems to be entirely the case after all. Sigh...

[betariz-blog1]

alright. here we go again. it’s me – acacia. the garbage behind the queen that is beatriz hong. i forgot to tell y’all about me. so, here it goes: i like kpop. that’s it. so, anyways, here’s some stuff about beatriz! ✧･ﾟ:* \(◕‿◕✿)/ *:･ﾟ✧

****psa you clicked on this so you’re obligated to plot with me srry but i don’t make the rules.

░   * . ╰ ✯ ›  ⊰ JENNIE KIM, CIS-FEMALE, TWENTY-ONE ⊱ is that BEATRIZ HONG ? the STUDENT & ASPIRING MUSICIAN. they’re known to be CHARISMATIC & ALLURING. but also NAIVE & RECKLESS. unknown to them, they are the reincarnation of PSYCHE.

BACKGROUND + TRIGGER WARNINGS: abandonment/adoption, depression

ok so so sooooo, beatriz grew up in an orphanage. (this for sure got dark fast. whoops??) basically all her childhood memories before she was ten was all with other orphans. and it wasn’t like she didn’t like the people or the place, it was her home for awhile after all. but once she was old enough to realize what the hell was going on she got pretty sad… she often wondered why her biological fam didn’t keep her. therefore, she knows absolutely nothing about her real parents.

but yo it ain’t always sad because eventually bea gets adopted into a wealthy family. her adoptive father, mark hong, was a famous actor and stuntman back in the 1960s. (think of jackie chan tbh) her adoptive mother, joan hong, was an award-winning actress in south korea. when her parents got together they were madly in love. once they got married, they wanted to have a baby. but unfortunately, joan was incapable of getting pregnant. so they turned to adoption!! and that’s when bea comes in and becomes the light of their lives!!  eventually, her mom retired… but her father wanted to continue being in the film industry and he’s now a film director and producer.

so, bea grew up around the fame and what not. acting had always seem interesting to her. she was featured in a couple commercials and spoke a few lines in shows, but never went any further than that. acting was nice but she knew it wasn’t meant for her. luckily, her parents were understanding and never pressured her to chose a career like theirs. if she wanted to be a model, doctor, teacher – they would’ve supported her no matter what.

once bea turned thirteen she went through an awkward phase. while she had some friends, she didn’t have many. and it wasn’t because she couldn’t make them, she just felt better being alone. however, with this time alone she got into writing. at first it was basic poetry she was taught in school. then eventually it developed into lyrics. that’s when bea knew song writing became a passion for her.

on her fourteenth birthday she asked for keyboard. then started to write her own music. this lead to other instruments such as the guitar, ukulele, and a midi pad controller. she started to produce her own music and like published it all over youtube and soundcloud (yeah she was one of thoSSEEEE.) eventually, she started growing an audience. she didn’t expect people to enjoy what she was producing. sometimes she would do covers of songs and that’s how it all began. 

she’s not signed to any companies yet. she has a manager who’s in charge of all her content and actions bscly. she’s currently writing songs, the concept she has going right now is ariana grande’s my everything. aka she just got out of the your’s truly phase and is slowly transforming. she’s trying to one day fulfill her dream of becoming a real singer. but if she isn’t singing she’s a full time college student. she’s currently unemployed looking for a job. but she really doesn’t have to seeing she comes from a pretty wealthy family that loves her unconditionally.

PERSONALITY + RELATIONSHIPS

PERSONALITY wise, the girl has two sides. personality a: she is charismatic, creative, and alluring. she’s a sweetheart y’all. and i’m pretty sure that people try to push her around a lot. she’s very giving and has the best fan service. if her manager tells her not to stop and socialize at the airport, you know she’s gonna push past security to sneak in a few pics and accept those gifts. and when her friends force her out to party, trust that she’s gonna wild out. this girl looks like an absolute ball of sunshine. but personality b: everyone has a limit and if someone reaches her’s, that girl will snap so fast. she’s a bit naive and doesn’t have a good filter. so, most people find her rude sometimes but she only calls it as she sees it. she can be sarcastic af. sarcasm being her only form of defense. she’s grown out of her tough head of hair and morphed into a young woman so beautiful over the years, but also at times, terrifying?? self destructive?? even if she’ll never let anyone see her deteriorate her insides sigh. basically she’s a hot mess. but she tries her best to hide that shit. yeye sweg.

bea and FRIENDS. she’s a very energetic and outgoing girl. she’s really good at making friends and is in need of attention constantly. although she might have some slight trust issues. therefore, probably won’t ever get that deep with them. she still wants a shit ton of friend. bea kinda has that mom friend. she plans out their day, makes sure they stay on task, looks both ways before crossing the street, etc etc. but… she’s most likely the baby of the group. considering the fact she just turned twenty-one. so, mostly everyone has the need to protect her at all costs. but she ends up being the protector instead. she loves deeply and cares deeply. she would literally give up the world for the people she cares about the most. she likes to keep to herself most of the time, because she knows it keeps her out of drama. but she can still kick it with people who get themselves into drama (does that make sense??) you can say, she tends to hangout with the wrong people sometimes. rip. maybe because she wants to believe people r good (even though she knows they aren’t lol.) overall, i would say she needs a lot of friends. LOVE THIS LIL SMOL BEAN.

as for ENEMIES. i don’t really think she has any, but she might. deep deeeeep deeeeeeeeep down the girl is trust issue central when it comes to letting people in. she can’t help it. she has abandonment issues. therefore, she might come off as standoff-ish to new people. she keeps her circle tight. so maybe they think she’s cliquey? or she could have pushed people away. she’s like that one rihanna meme, them: you can’t just cut people off. bea: *holds a pair of scissors* she doesn’t have problem with letting people go. so maybe people think she’s a bitch because, “how could you just drop our five year long friendship like that.” and she’d just shrug. but really, she’s hurting beyond repair and will go home crying while eating a thing of ben & jerry’s chunky monkey. and there’s always that possibility where a friendship just didn’t work out. maybe they just stopped having time for each other and now it’s just mad awk. whatever it is, an enemy would b beaut.

and when it comes to LOVERS. what a thing just thinking about it. for being such a beautiful and captivating woman, she hasn’t had a serious relationship. has she been in relationships? possibly so, but it probably only lasted a month. dates? yes, she has definitely been spotted with a couple guys. but a serious relationship? never. this is because a boyfriend would mean the following: allowing someone into your life and exposing every single thing about yourself. loving someone with all your heart and giving them the power to h u r t you. that’s scary!!! so, bea is a big baby when it comes to things like this. i’m sure she’s friendzoned a lot of guys. her excuse being, she doesn’t have time for a relationship right now. (but ya she’s just scared.) i think bea is just waiting for the right guy… whoever tht is??

WANTED CONNECTIONS

FRIENDS

best friend — someone she believes (or wants to believe) will always be there for her. the person she feels most comfortable with. someone she hasn’t pushed away them away and hopes she won’t ever have to. // m, f, or nb 

childhood friend — her first friend(s)! the one she’s known since she got adopted. someone who has always been around. almost like family. // m, f, or nb

winghoe — the wingman yo. someone who sees bea a soft ball of sunshine. is constantly trying to get her to go out on dates and what not. // m, f, or nb

brotherly figure— completely platonic relationship. just someone who can protect this small bean at all costs. // m or nb

sisterly/motherly figure — someone who she looks up to. someone who she sees a role model. // f or nb

ENEMIES

mistaken — someone who thinks she’s just a rude, standoff-ish, biatch. bea has probably tried to explain to them that she doesn’t mean to come off like that. but this person just ain’t having it. // m, f, or nb

pushed away — they used to be friends but once shit got real, bea dropped them real fast. she just cut them off and it kind of resulted into this fucked up unnecessary tension. // m, f, or nb

rivals — someone who hates her and some she hates too. maybe they throw some mad shade at her all the time. just a lot of fighting. // m, f, or nb

corrupter — she is so naive. so maybe this person did her real dirty leaked some info about her being adopted? like once a really good friend and someone she can’t stand. // m, f, or nb  

LOVERS

exes — so basically, they had a thing but bea called it quits. or they did?? either way, bea just tries to ignore the fact that they were ever a thing. however, she’s mad awkward around them if they ever run into each other. // m or nb

the date — that one person she went on a date with. probably had some huge dating scandal after her relationship with her ex ended. // m or nb

publicity stunt — this would be good for the future. her manager probably set her up for this because she wasn’t in the top fifteen on the charts. they could get along or they could absolutely despise each other. // m or nb

the one — this could be a friend, an enemy, anything really. this could go in any direction we want. but this person gonna end up being the o n e. // m or nb

*** to be honest, throw whatever ideas you have right at me! i’m so down for whatever

MISCELLANEOUS 

☆ overall beatriz is a big ol’ fluff ball. the world sees her as a babydoll dressed in black and pink. an absolute doll. charming, cute, and talented. she seems like the full package. an absolute angel to her small group of fans, acquaintances, and etc….but anyone who really knows her, knows the girl has some bad abandonment issues because of her biological parents. and therefore pushes away the people who truly care about her. this also makes her really lonely, leaving her to be almost depressed. she’s truly a mess for someone who seems to have it all figured out. 

alright, this the end of my long ass intro. like dis up if u trynna plot. WE OO WE OOOOO.

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs, week thirty-seven

Complaining about songs I didn’t have to listen to, specifically the songs which debuted on the Billboard charts the week of 20 September 1997, 22 September 2007, and 23 September 2007

9.20.1997

50) "On My Own," by Peach Union

The whole song, I was thinking, "You know, this is pretty Eurotrashy, but it's not as awful as most of what I've had to endure. There's a lot of awful elements, don't get me wrong, but on the whole, I don't mind it!" And then it turned out that this group is British! That makes sense. I, an American, would of course find the music of Britain more accessible than the music from other European countries. British dance music is basically Sarah McLachlan with record scratches.

60) "Me and My Crazy World," by Lost Boyz

I was promised a fun "day in the life" song, something in the vein of "It Was a Good Day." What I got was some dude or group of dudes saying they somehow brought two dates to the same dance -- oh no! Their attempts to make it our of the night with neither girl wise to his schemes will surely make for some grand comedy! "She thought that I'm some clown nigga she can scream on and talk to/I had to run her down the line this ain't no walk through/Now who the fuck you think you talkin to chick/Your complaining's makin' me sick." YOU CHEATED ON HER, YOU AWFUL AWFUL MAN! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. THIS IS NO WAY TO THINK. Shit. I mean, shit! Just a light-hearted song, and suddenly you're tryna yell at her because you want a side piece. Absolute fuck is wrong with you.

68) "Avenues," by Refugee Camp All-Stars ft./Pras (w/Ky-mani)

Enh. I like the sample, but it's hard to imagine anything about this song sticking with me longerthan it takes to finish this sentence. Something about avenues? Yeah this is kinda nothing.

90) "The Way That You Talk," by Jagged Edge ft./Da Brat & JD

'90s R&B where the group of dudes wanna fuck me >>>>>>>>>>>> '90s R&B where dudes pledge their devotion and vow to protect me so that they can fuck me later.

9.22.2007

71) "No One," Alicia Keys

I remember being a little put off by this song, just because I had watched "You Don't Know My Name" and "If I Ain't Got You" hella times on vh1 (I used to throw vh1 and MTV on in the morning before school because that's when they played music videos) and this was so different from those songs, but listening to this song now, I'm very angry that young Bob! robbed me of at least a few months of enjoying this song. This is amazing. It's still a weird song, I have no actual musicwords to back this I just always associate Alicia Keys with "intricate piano balladry" and it's my fault for never letting that bias go, but just the way the chorus escalates each time, the way she's proclaiming every single time that her love is undying is SO GOOD. Alicia Keys, man, she's a phenomenal songwriter. I can't think of anything she's made which I find disagreeable. I even stand with "Another Way to Die."

79) "Don't Blink," Kenny Chesney

"it is sad when old so young before you're old!" ~kennald chsenald

85) "Gimme More," Britney Spears

...You're right. When I thought this week was a clinch to win, I forgot that mid-aughts Britney was the least interesting Britney. I don't have a lot of love for dance-pop Britney. Or, if I'm being real, non-"Hit Me Baby (One More Time)" Britney. I don't know why I was excited for this song. It's not good! It's as bad, if not worse, than the average '90s Eurotrash song, it just has that brand name attached that made me forget for a second it was grating and repetitive and needlessly dark and Timbalandly over-the-top. What even is that interlude with all the dude voices just going "oh" for ten seconds. The track ends with the producer saying, "The unstoppable Danja. You gon' have to remove me 'cuz I ain't goin' nowhere." Danja hasn't had a major hit since 2009 and was last heard producing a universally panned DJ Khaled song. Congratulations, Danja, you played yourself? Is that, am I saying that right? Eh, fuck it, I'm about to admit I enjoyed a Good Charlotte song again.

88) "I Don't Wanna Be in Love (Dance Floor Anthem)," Good Charlotte

My headcanon is that Panic! At the Disco heard this song, considered what ill they had wrought, and decided to drop the ! and pretend they were the Beatles until they could be sure they couldn't influence something like this. I mean, you isolate it from the brand name, this is a solid dance-punk jam. It's over-the-top in all the right ways, I was shouting along with the chorus even in the peak "GOOD CHARLOTTE AREN'T REAL PUNKERS" days, and it's a sad song without trying to be profound about it. "You feel like shit, so dance it out!" this song says, and that's an agreeable message! But also Good Charlotte yelps the line "He was dedicated/By most suckas hated/That girl was fine but she didn't appreciate him" and if you're not embarrassed by that you need to think about the person you are in this moment. “By most suckas hated.” I’m being charitable by transcribing the line as if Joel Madden didn’t say ‘sucker.’ Criminy.

93) "Shawty Is a 10," The-Dream ft./Fabolous

this song is a 6 OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ...Is what I was GOING to say before I heard this song, which is refreshing! I found the way he pronounced "ten" unacceptable until I saw that the song was originally called "Shawty is Da Shit!" and now I only find it irksome, the lyrics are kinda enh, but that is a breezy summer day of a beat if I've ever heard one, Fabolous drops his best verse of 2007 so far, and The-Dream isn't nearly as nothing as I remember him being. Just a nice song about hot girls. Nothing to complain about, no sir.

94) "Fall," Clay Walker

"Doin' this and doin' that/Always puttin' yourself last/A whole lotta give and not enough take" ...I know there's no way for this song to be about what I just wanted it to be about and I'm angry that I let myself hope for better. "Fall/Go on and fall apart/Fall into these arms of mine/I'll catch you every time you/Fall" I'm so angry I thought this would be the song about a country dude agreeing to be an unselfish lover and eat out his girlfriend. Nope. He just wants her to cry in his arms so he can have her at his lowest moment and help build her back up so she'll continue associating "feeling better" with "being with him" and continue to blow him. I DARE one of these country dudes to make a song bragging about how good they are at eating pussy. I will buy a Brantley Gilbert record if he makes that song.

97) "How 'Bout Them Cowgirls," George Strait

et tu, possum?

9.23.2017

4) "...Ready for It?" by Tay Tay

There is entirely too much punctuation in this song title, this song begins with Tay Tay clearing her throat, and she is rapping. No. Absolutely not. How are people defending this? How come Tay Tay fired the person in charge of telling her "no?" This song is excessive and I hated listening to this and don't think it's gonna come around. This is bad and I hate it.

77) "These Heaux," by Bhad Bhabie

1) No 2) Fuck anyone expressing an actual opinion about this song 3) This country is broken 4) How dare they 5) No 6) No 7) No 8) Please don't 9) At least it wasn't a third Jake Paul song! 10) But legit life's too short to waste on things you know you're gonna hate. Maybe next time a meme drops a track, don't listen? This song only exists because it wants you to hate it. Listen to something you like next time. 11) #77. Fuck's sake.

81) "Bad at Love," by Halsey

This song could use a sense of humor. The phrase "bad at love" is inherently comical; how can you be bad at a noun, silly, what a playful use of language! But to call Halsey extra is to imply that this isn't standard Halsey. This could be a playful song about a girl who's been fucking around (in more ways than one! /slaps knee) too long and wishes she could settle down, but instead it's a song about a girl who needs to be fixed, and what it actually is doesn't captivate me at all. Halsey: Almost being something I'm into since 2015!

86) "Greatest Love Story," by LANCO

A three-act play: "Hey! I haven't heard of this band/artist before! Yippee, new music!" /sees country videos in the 'up next' sidebar "At this point, I’m refusing to learn." "They said I was nothing but a troublemaker never up to no good/You were the perfect all-American girl, wouldn't touch me even if you could." Oh wow, apparently the greatest love story is the story literally every other country artist has told, well no wonder so many of them have told story! Because it's the greatest! MYSTERY UNLOCKED.

97) "Sky Walker," by Miguel ft./Travis Scott

That falsetto Miguel does when he sings "but don't wait to jump in too long" that only like maybe five people on earth can do is unreal. I brought up Miguel when I complained about having to listen to Bryson Tiller, but LEGIT why are we bothering with Bryson Tiller when Miguel can do that thing with his voice. This song isn't really that great, it goes about the same places as the average Bryson Tiller song did, but just knowing I would hear Miguel sing that line in that way kept me engaged enough with the song.

99) "Reminder (Remix)," by The Weeknd ft./A$AP Rocky & Young Thug

"Ain't no more Hanes on my balls, these are Kenneth Cole" is a fucking outsanding boast from Young Thug and why I think he's one of the greatest artists of his generation. The Weeknd's verse is hilarious, as well -- "I just won a new award for a kids show/Talkin' 'bout a face numbing off a bag of blow." It takes a special track to render A$AP Rocky the bronze medalist, but man, this song is just a good time and a half. 2017 isn't all bad! It's had more downs than ups in recent days, but this is some quality 2017 music right here.

100) "No Fear," be DeJ Loaf

I thought #AndSeeThatsTheThing was dope, and I was looking forward to hearing more from DeJ Loaf, and then I forgot she existed for /checks watch/ nearly two years!, and now here's this song which is kinda basic but also so good, just an uncomplicated, nice song about being a love, which, y'know, if you're gonna give me something uncomplicated, I'd rather hear something simple about love than any of the thousands of simple songs about darkness and evil. Also, apparently DeJ and that Jacuqees fellow from a couple weeks back released a joint album called Fuck a Friend Zone. Fuck a Friend Zone is, as you likely expected, a bunch of songs about fuckin'. I'll repeat a point I've made: '90s R&B never died, it just lost all subtlety.

Who won the week?

In a lot of ways, I feel “No One” is the only Actually Good song I listened to this week. “Reminder” puts up one hell of a fight, but “No One” is pretty much all 2007 needed.

Current standings: 1997: 13 2007: 12 2017: 12 Next week, 1997 throws us Boyz II Men and Mary J. Blige, 2007 throws us a heck of a lot of random junk (Kanye! Khaled! Feist! Backstreet Boys?), and maybe Kelly Clarkson for 2017? Maybe? Or will it be a thousand country artists, each more broey than the last? please just give me a good week, please, just, please