#this is why i rarely take them even tho they were prescribed to me

[forest-hashira]

i've been asleep for most of the day wtf do they put in ambien

[under-the-green-eyes]

Chapter 3

Storywise there isn't much to analyze cause, yeah, u guessed right, it's hot 'n' steamy time *eyebrow wiggle* ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Anyway, this is the perfect starting point for my main and also personal favorite thesis. And that is to explain why Jaxx's works are just top tier BL rn and what makes them so outstanding. (I really wanted to do this for a while now cause I just ADORE her works and at least for me she's the absolute No.1) Like, I always say stuff like that with friends but I couldn't quite explain why it is the way it is. So I'm really looking forward to take a rather analytical approach to explain what exactly makes the difference. Of course, that's my subjective opinion and perception but here I'm trying to prove it based on "facts" or rather examples. I mean the ratings for it speaks for itself.

Lets divide this into the two main aspects:

1. Character Design

When I was first reading Walk On Water it was so unusual and even kinda weird for me to see all those big, bulky men. It seemed like some sort of Bara manhwa to me. No wonder I thought this way when up to this point I was coming from all these rather "stereotypical" representations in mangas etc. As long as I remember Walk On Water was one of the first manhwas being like that. Just to be clear I really don't mean to degrade those types of mangas. I'm just trying to say that as a regular yaoi reader it can be quite tiresome and predictable to see in every story the same stereotypes, regarding appearance as well as in character traits.

So for one we've got most commonly the rather "manly" (bigger, straightforward, dominant,...) seme and the more "feminine" (smaller, fragile, shy,...) uke. Here, we got for both sides those big ass men and therefore it takes a lot of more time to figure out who is who. Specifically, up until to the first intercourse. This as well is a major reason that keeps us hooked on it. Also, the whole comment section in the time period until chapter 13 proves the point. There were everywhere hints and guesses who's gonna be the seme/uke and let me tell u it was pretty much up to 50/50. To sum it up, it is just so refreshing to see for both sides these "manly" men bc that just rarely happens, tho changes can be seen, especially regarding the manhwa scene. My point is that me, as a female reader, I ain't reading BL to see some sort of substitute for a female character.

That is obviously not the one reason to break it down to. This of course only works for Under The Green Light and Walk On Water. There are manhwas which does not work like that and still they're absolute masterpieces. One current example: Dangerous Convenience Store. Absolutely gorgeous. I won't dig in any deeper but think about it.

2. Art Style

Actually, dunno exactly how to name it but her overall art style and construction of story telling. Here I will give some examples. Basic features are the actions of the characters and how they're drawn. One outstanding feature is Jaxx abilities in drawing expressions and therefore creating an IMMACULATE level of atmosphere, especially for the steamy scenes. So let's go.

Short recall to the previous argument, what it also makes it so intriguing is that the prescribed attributes are reverted here. Jin, as far as he's being the uke, is the actual dominant and straightforward part. And this is just a different level of hotness, to see the "receiving" person to express their desires, even act on without any hesitation and want it as much (here actually more lmao) than the "giving" person. Another point, she just uses so many "tropes" that are just so highly erotic: the neck kissing/biting, licking, kissing in general, biting while kissing. And all those in one chapter, u can imagine how red my fucking face was.

Also the damn dialogue, Matthew just being so damn honest and overwhelmed with the situation, having no words. And THEN Jin asking him, like I can literally HEAR him saying it. He's eating him up ALIVE and he doesn't stand a single chance. Um, can I get devoured like that as well? Then he's just being a tease. Also, pls have a look at Matthews face here, totally dazed, UGH same boy. Peak of it being their faces while having sex.

Where I am trying to get at is that is seen so rarely how they're fully enjoying it. Usually there is whining, crying and denying and rarely the uke is enjoying the sex as much as the seme. It is just so well drawn, the struggle of keeping one sane thought, the total lust overcoming him, the dazed gaze and the furrowed brows. PERFECTION.

[cynicaldesire]

Since I’m having trouble writing, I’ll just make an update post. Maybe that’ll help me feel better, get some things off my chest.

Not much to get off my chest tho. My husband had a like 2week break and we sat around mostly playing Monster Hunter Rise for the duration.

Shortly before his break, though, I was having chest pain and a toothache. My teeth have looked pretty gnarly and my gums have been receding for a while but language barrier so we’ve been too scared to go to a dentist. But we have to now because I started have Chest Pain.

My husband’s father died from heart failure. So I kept expecting my chest pain to go away so I wouldn’t have to scare him with it. But after like day 4, when the pain hadn’t gone away, I finally broke down and told him about it. He had like 3 days of work, so we agreed that I would be super careful and we lost a lot of sleep, but I checked my heart rate using my phone and tried to take it easy until my husband’s break started. We headed to the big hospital like a block away from the clinic we usually go to just in case my chest pain was serious. We struggle our way through language barriers and I explain my symptoms to the doctor. It was mostly some burning pain at the time. Doctor has me get an ECG and some bloodwork. He tells me the ECG is normal so my actual heart muscle is fine, but the bloodwork says my liver is inflamed in response to something, but it’s not an infection, so he’s gonna prescribe me some NSAIDs and tells me to come back in a week. My husband says that I also have been having some tooth pain. The doctor freezes with a thinky face and says to get my teeth checked and to come back in a week. We ask if he has any suggestions on dentists. He says NOPE! and leaves. We head to checkout and while waiting for them to process my stuff, the doctor stops by checkout also and I’m like Hey. He nods and heads out. We spent a total of like... 4 hours there. Total. For the ECG, the bloodwork, etc.

Go home, take the meds, try to take care of my teeth, get Listerine. Sit around and try to take it easy for a week. We go back, the burning is gone and my teeth have overcome their problem. Doc asks if I’m okay now, I say yeah, seem to be, but now I have random pinchy pains. He says I should come back in a month. Husband and I can’t so the doctor is like Okay well, you’re fine, but if it gets bad again... Come back.

Due to my being broke, uninsured, and having a chronic illness, I do a lot of armchair doctoring on myself. There’s a limit to it, of course, but I try to research my own health issues or treatments after visiting a doctor. I found so much more information on PCOS on sites like fucking Reddit than by going to a doctor for years. So after the doctor told me I was okay, I looked up why I might have chest pain if it wasn’t related to a heart attack or something. And one of the options was a pulled muscle.

I thought back to the week before the chest pain started. Other than the toothache and swollen gums, I had been doing a bunch of exercise. I did a bunch of Ringfit and hip lifts and situps and stuff. And I was like Hm. Did I injure my chest muscle overdoing the Ringfit?

I, of course, informed the parents of all of this. My husband’s mother was informed and I was worried she would be deeply upset because she lost her husband to heart problems. But then both parents were like “You went to the doctor? You have medications? Well you seem to have it under control, so let’s bitch about my problems.” Meanwhile, I’m over here having trouble sleeping because I’m worried I won’t wake up. But okay. When my husband went back to work, I Skype’d with my mother and she seemed more irritated that I had interrupted her evening than happy to talk to me or worried about my Chest Pain. Also my dad has to get up at like 3am, so when I called her, she was worried her getting loud and animated as we do was going to wake him up.

(husband’s mental health doctor struggles and a story about library card nonsense under the cut)

Husband has also been seeking professional help because he believes he has ADHD. He’s been having a lot of problems, mostly mentally and emotionally, and he traced all the issues he’s having to ADHD. So he went to an English-speaking psychiatrist for medication. The shrink said he wanted to treat the anxiety before the ADHD in case anxiety is the only issue. My husband, due to his job, is very good at asking questions, so he asked the doctor how many people he prescribes this medication to. And he said 100% of his patients. Well, the medication didn’t seem to help, so on the followup appointment, the doctor said Oh, you’re just taking too much. My husband was like It’s supposed to reduce my anxiety, but instead it’s making my anxiety worse, it’s giving me mood swings, and generally making me very angry. And also sex is more difficult. Doc said I’m gonna reduce the dosage because I can’t treat your ADHD without getting rid of the anxiety. Husband came out of the appointment angry and defeated. But now he’s taking less (and it might be helping?)

Soooo yeah. I try to brush my teeth at least once a day (up from the like once every 20 years I did it before) and I use the No alcohol Listerine in place of brushing sometimes because you can. I skimmed an article about how to take good care of your teeth and it said to not actually rinse when you brush and mouthwash in place of brushing sometimes. I drink almost exclusively soda so I try not to drink any for at least 30minutes after brushing or mouthwash.

We hung out with the friends a couple weeks ago and they said we should start up a new DnD campaign because one of our friends has a roommate in his small apartment and can’t rejoin the old one. The roommate is a friend displaced by a breakup, but he seems to have a new apartment and the moveout date keeps moving. Our DM is getting tired of it and one of our other friends wants in because he’s lonely and DnD is great, so he said we should start up a new campaign so he can join. So we’re setting up for that, just in case.

In order to work on my writing, I’ve skimmed a lot of tips articles after watching a bunch of YouTube lectures and videos. I kinda hate reading and I feel like a huge fraud because if I want to write, I should like to read. But I don’t want to risk buying books I don’t like and having piles of books on my Kindle that just rot. And also, you know, I’m broke. Why spend money on something I won’t get any enjoyment out of? Just a waste at that point. Coulda bought some McDonald’s with that money. Or something. So I thought about the library. I don’t have an active library card, but I knew my Dad had one, so I asked to use his to check out ebooks. He obliged and I started getting books that everybody recommends, like The Name of the Wind and Tales of Earthsea and all this other stuff. I also got Mistborn: The Final Empire and some other Sanderson books, and the Witcher series. But not every book was available at my library. I found an app that let me look at other libraries’ catalogs and I found the missing books at the library where my husband’s family and friends are. I asked our friends if they had a card among them, and the one guy that works at the library has one but his card is always maxed out for checkouts. As an employee, he can check out like  a max of 99 things. And it’s always maxed out. He offered me something I wasn’t comfortable with, so I declined. So I asked my husband to make a card. He declined. So I asked him to ask his mom to make one. She said she doesn’t live in the city, so she can’t. She sent us an email with my husband’s sister’s name for a library that I didn’t ask for and didn’t have the books I was looking for available. Because it uses a different service than the one I was looking at apparently so I could use that one but they didn’t send actual login information.

My husband, because of the way he communicates with his family, asked his mother for help with this library endeavor very cavalierly. He was just loosey-goosey with it. Something about it rubbed me the wrong way, but I figured they would handle it. His family intimidates me, has rarely made me feel welcome, and so I usually leave myself out of conversations with them. But after they just stopped worrying about the library thing, because I felt like I was right and all they had to do was make an effort, I took it upon myself to email his mom directly. Due to childhood trauma or other paranoia, I’m always worried about being misconstrued or misunderstood, so I end up being very verbose. See above. So I made a long email explaining why I wanted the library card, why I was asking for their help specifically, and included links to the places I saw you could make a library card and how they didn’t have to leave the house to verify it because of COVID. Then, to make sure it wasn’t demanding, that it was friendly, I added some stuff at the bottom about how I wished them well and I was proud of my sister-in-laws’s weight loss journey and how my chest was doing and blah blah. I sent this email right before bed. I assumed that his family would work together to figure it out and if they didn’t wanna deal with it, they would say they weren’t interested. The worst they can do is say no and I’ll have lost nothing except time.

Woke up to an email from his mother saying, in that malicious compliance/corporate politeness way, that she couldn’t make a library card because she didn’t live in the city and she’d be happy to make one for one of the cities that did work. Also, she hoped I was feeling better.

I had had a bad day prior. The day before, waking up had been near impossible, my husband ordered McDonald’s delivery for breakfast and I wasn’t hungry so we sat and watched an anime I didn’t want to watch while food sat getting cold in front of me. I ended up not being hungry for 8hrs. We were talking to the group about DnD, but also needed to shower, so while my husband got in the shower, I said some things to the group and then hopped in the shower. Upon telling my husband what I said, he had this look on his face like he was planning how to damage control what I had said, despite not even knowing what it was. My exhaustion had left me vulnerable, so I couldn’t deal with it and cried. He apologized and we talked about it. Bolstered by this conversation, I went on to boldly converse with other people, which is what allowed me to send that email to his mother in the first place. So upon her declaration that she couldn’t help me, I decided to help myself.

So I went through the process of making an account using my husband’s name for the library I wanted and it worked, I think. It’s not verified or maybe it’s not in the city, so I couldn’t check out an ebook. So I was back to square one. Not only back to square one, now I was doubly wrong. I had pursued this process in righteous indignation, after having directly contacted his mother, and been proven wrong. So now, not only was I dumb and wrong, I had put myself out there. I was wrong on stage.

My husband, wanting to help, went and acquired the one book I was using as my litmus for me. There are probably others I could look up, but at least I have that one and it’s sequel.

But yeah, that’s what’s going on with me.

[diarrheaworldstarhiphop]

what can a heteronormie shitlib such as myself do to support trans people?

uh

whoa, this is a question im stumped over and kinda dont wanna answer lmao

i dont fucking know

be chill? Think critically?

i cant say cus its different shit with different people lol. either you are uncomfortably “supportive” or abruptly blunt me with in lil MiCrOaGgReSsIvE ways that i cant even articulate aside from it ranging from goofy to hurtful, betraying your possible true feelings around me inspite of your filter.

my issue with normies isn’t that you don’t say the right pronouns or whatever popularized web and college shit, i personally dont give a shit really, it’s that you internalize it as a rare encounter social decency thing and don’t think too critically about it or your place besides it - causing you to simply not mind it until you say something goofy. But then again, that is a general shitlib issue of not thinking too critically about anything, including the party platform you uncritically adopt and perform support for.

I almost respect far right people and they hatred for me more because they are concise and unapologetic about their hatred. They have thought considerably about it or even debate it often. I can anticipate it and it doesn’t bother me. Those shitlibs in the middle have just accepted it as part of the Liberal ethos and are either so indifferent, so intimidated around me or do these embarrassing (for you) things like ENCOUNTER A GROUP OF WILD TRANSES and ONE BY ONE compliment them rather verbosely like it’s a heroic theatrical obligation once you catch yourself saying “sorry sir” in passing lmao. Like you think by doing so, it will make their WEEK and leave them feeling ENORMOUSLY VALID!!!…and actually, im depersonalizing this… very personal story.. lol, i was subject to this. I was flush in the face and buried my face in my phone and shuffled away snickering as my friends had to deal with the almost masturbatory YOU, AND YOUA RE SO BEAUTIFUL AND I LOVE THIS AND THAT ABOUT YOUR LOOK thing. A “sorry!” is about as much as necessary and recommended. We get it. You need to do a READ [Y], SAY [X] filter when you encounter one in the wild.

Oh man, or this time at a festival when i was wearing a gas mask (because rave culture, it was part of my cyber swamp witch aesthetic) and this girl with her bf were beside me and she realized that i was trans at some point and tapped my shoulder like “WHY ARE YOU WEARING A MASK? DONT HIDE YOUR SMILE. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!” and i nodded, said thanks and went back to my head space, dancing by myself, until she started literally tugging, then clawing at my mask, yelling through a big smile “SHOW YOUR FACE, SHOW THAT BEAUTIFUL SMILE!” which I guess was this fantasy of hers to make me feel wonderful or something……that i was covering my face out of embarrassment or some shit… it was fucking annoying and amounted to assault, really lmao. Which is like, she literally took it upon herself to be a saviour to me in that moment. I never asked. I was rendered a spectacle for her oh, so progressive gratification. I bet she was looking at me for a while like “IM GONNA SAY YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND >SHE IS GONNA PULL THAT MASK OFF AND TEARFULLY THANK ME FOR BEING SO SUPPORTIVE AND MAKING >HER FEEL SAFE”

I feel alot of you conceptualize transes or even lgbt as some fragile protected class that is your responsibility to protect and patronize. You lose touch with or forget the humanity or agency in trans people. They often exist as a phenomenal Other informed by SO AND SO CAME OUT THE CLOSET AND EVERYONE CLAPPED fiction and political drama. If you want to support trans people, forget the trans part and engage with the people part. Otherwise, i dunno. I kinda brace for stupidity most of the time.

Tho i will say, banter aside, I am grateful for your support lmao

Ur herd really deserves accolades for allowing me to self-actualize safely.

Don’t think my expressed annoyances makes me lose sight of that support. It’s also like, in bein so candid, ive considered that you may go “wow, fuck you, you ungrateful asshole, ill take away my support then” but then, that fairweatherness is partially why im suspect. It plays into that complex where im this Other you feel is your responsibility to protect, that inherently owes you gratitude for being part of the big tent sports team.

Here’s the reality: there are fantastic and shitty transes, as in, as many SHITTY PEOPLE with shitty personalities as there are nice tranners and, while im playing up the sass here, im trying to illustrate that point.

I think its an exposure thing and i would like to prescribe that you expose yourself to transgender people if you want to get to know how to support them, because the best support is the support you can give individually as a friend. It’s enormously more beneficial than being the patronized Other. Go get drunk with a tranner and have a good time. Shoot the shit or whatever.

[szopenhauer]

why aren’t you with your first love? my first female crush was hetero

were you sad when you heard about michael jackson’s death? no have you ever kissed an ex after you broke up? because we’re together again lol how long could you go without cursing? not long if I’m around people :x did anything annoy you today? mostly my computer and thunderstorm  have you consumed alcohol in the past 24 hours? I don’t drink so obviously not have you ever kissed someone who’s last name started with an b? no what were you doing at 8am this morning? sleeping if you were kicked out of your house, where would you go first? I would try grandma and my gf probably maybe my sister? if none of those options would work then I’d be homeless what will you be doing in 3 hours? hopefully sleeping is tomorrow gonna be a good day? what are you going to do? doubt it, nothing much are you satisfied with your life as of now? am not are any of your friends taller than you? of course, I’m very short have you ever gone out of your way to make someone happy? shitload of times who was the last person you took a picture with? my dad or my gf do you wear a belt with every pair of jeans? I don’t wear jeans or belts  where did you get the shirt you are wearing? got it from my sister as a gift the last two people you kissed, are they virgins? I only kissed one person in my entire life and that’s personal describe how you feel right now in one word? bad anybody tell you they miss you lately? my gf made a post about it if that counts  are you closer to your father or mother? my dad what’s your relationship with the person you talked to last? she’s my mom do you say sorry first? often did you speak to your father today? yeah, like every day what locker number is yours? I never had a locker do you sleep on a certain side of the bed? my bed is too small to have sides do you prefer an ocean or a pool? pool, ocean is more scary do you shut off the water when you brush your teeth? yup do you sleep with your closet door opened or closed? my wardrobe is always closed are you capable of holding down a long-term relationship? we’ll see is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to? at least my father if your best friend made out with your boyfriend/ girlfriend, what would you do? my father? with my gf?... what is bothering you right now? ugh... do you think someone is thinking about you right now? sure do you like when people play with your hair? I don’t care much  do you miss how things use to be with someone? absolutely

how are you doing today? sigh... sex ruins relationships, right? could say so

do you think it’s a bunch of bull shit when people say “i have no regrets”? I hate this kind of ppl, stay away! who got you the jewelry you’re wearing? I’m not wearing any jewelry atm do you get scared during scary movies? I usually get grossed out  how do you feel right now? *shrug* is there anybody you wish you could be spending time with right now? I’m fine being alone  do you like hugs? depends two days from today, where will you be? either home or or hospital... or dead are relationships ever really worth it? time will show do you miss your past? badly is the last person you kissed older than you? nope, almost 2 months younger what color shirt are you wearing? black and white stripes with a cat shaped UFO and a pug what do you currently hear right now? nothing, I can’t listen to music anymore because my mom is asleep and I don’t want to use my headphones  what are you planning on doing after this? maybe another survey

are you gonna be home tonight? yup, unless smth bad will happen then I will go to ER - you never know  name the first person you can think of that you know that has a tattoo? I’ve been talking about it today lmfao W. and S. had tattoos do you slam doors when you’re mad? might  is your room messy or clean? organized mess do you tell your best friend everything? it’s not possible but I try my best do you think anyone has feelings for you? it seems did your last kiss take place on a bed? I don’t think so are you someone’s best friend? one of best friends, not the only one have you kissed anyone whose name starts with a z? my name starts with z

when you take surveys, are your answers inspired by the person’s before you? I basically never read their answers, can happen accidentally but it doesn’t change anything

are you a “fan” of a lot of things on facebook? been on my old account, that was one of the reasons I created new profile, the only thing I regret about that fact is losing my Criminal case progress :(

have you ever “spoken” to any celebrities via. twitter? Grimes 

do you like croissants? noooo

do you get a lot of traffic outside your house or not? nah what does the last jacket you wore look like? blue plaid with grey hood, buttons and pockets

do you eat cereal bars? tried some in the past

are you on any prescribed medication? can’t take any meds currently 

how often do you change your bedsheets? rarely because I’m allergic to most of detergents and then I have ever bigger problems with sleeping 

if you haven’t already, are you scared of leaving home? if you have, do you like it? just a little

do you know how to look after yourself away from home? (budget, pay pills, feed yourself, cook, clean, do laundry etc.) not everything, I need to learn some stuff yet

do you drink a lot of juice? nope

what would you do if you found an abandoned baby on your doorstep, with a note asking you to keep it and take care of it? it’s illegal...

how many times have you moved in your life so far? 0

do you have a certain routine in the bath or shower? what is it? I bath my shoulders first (unless I wash my hair then my head goes first)

is there anything that you loved a year ago but just can’t stand now? food mostly

what do you do when people give you mixed messages? I try to find out the truth 

would you ever eat kangaroo steak? ewww, hell no

is there a chalkboard or whiteboard anywhere in your house? I hate chalkboards, I have magnetic board tho

do you like dried fruit at all? what’s your favorite type? meh

how many times have you been to the ER? at least 3 times how has this past week been for you? complicated

when a friend walks out of your life, do you go after them or let them go? walks out HOW and WHY?  what do people think about you that isn’t true? long story, dunno where should I even start, plenty of gossips to mention what do you think about internet best friends? why not? how many months until your birthday? half a year does it bother you when your friends bring up your past mistakes? I do that myself but at times it doesn’t make me laugh but hurts me if the year consisted of only one season, which would you choose? summer? if somebody liked you right now, what do you think is a cool way to tell you? I’m taken so if we’re not talking about my partner then I don’t think someone should tell me that  when was the last time you cried really hard? yesterday, today only slightly and just once could you go out in public looking like you do now? yes last person you gave something to? parents do you believe that if you want something bad enough you’ll get it? pfft honestly, has anyone ever seen you in your underwear? well I was in hospitals, been visiting many doctors, went to school where we had PE, have a family and am in a relationship etc etc etc would you ever shave your head to save someone you love? that doesn’t really help  when’s the next time you will kiss somebody? not soon, second half of the next month? how’s your heart lately? physically or emotionally? are you a jealous person? a bit do you wear the hood on your hoodie? sometimes can you successfully blow up and tie a balloon? doubt it where’s the weirdest place you’ve changed clothes? not sure which place was the weirdest what are you doing next week? no plans what was the first thing you thought this morning? I was thinking about my dream (me and some strangers were in an abandoned factory of some sort and there were dragons chasing us but I was escaping and even saved a little girl) would you rather have your nose or tongue pierced? nose ever stayed up all night on the phone? not whole night has the last person you kissed ever been mad at you? she was indeed does someone call and talk to you every night before you go to sleep? luckily not has the last person you kissed seen you cry? few times did anyone see your last kiss? we were one on one have you ever kissed someone who was high? I haven’t do you want to please everyone? no way, it’s not possible anyway anything interesting happen this week? mostly interesting bad

do you still talk to the person you last kissed? in general because at this very moment they’re busy would you kiss the last person you kissed again? we're going to  what does that person look like? tall, curly hair, glasses, black clothes  have you dated someone who wasn’t good to you? not that I deserve anything good but... would you ever cut your hair 6 inches shorter than it is now? I would be bald :o when was the last time it rained? today last person you cuddled with dies, are you sad? omg

have you ever helped a blind/visually impaired person to cross the road? there was no occassion

have you ever had a letter get lost in the mail, only to receive it months/years later? I sent a letter to my (now ex) friend and she never received it because someone stolen it 

do you ever feel disconnected from everyone around you? kinda

have you ever had a stalker? more than once

have you ever had to look after someone’s pet when they were away on holiday? sorta

do you know anyone who works as an air hostess? someone I know wants to work as an air hostess but she’s studying 

have you ever found something in your home which belonged to a previous owner? there was no previous owner

^ even if you haven’t, what would you do if you did? would you try and find the original owner? no idea

do you (or does anyone you know) tend to exaggerate any sign of sickness? looks like it

have you ever owned a pet goldfish? no fish, ever

were you ever bullied in primary school? not only primary

have you ever been into any kind of sex shop? online ones count?

when you go to church, do you light a candle for anyone? there were those coin turned on lamp candles in Ełk that I loved but they’re gone

are you/or is anyone you know a really good painter? no one is that good

would you be more inclined to give money to homeless people who play music as opposed to just sitting and begging? that’s true

have you ever traveled by train? if so, do you do it often? at least once a year 

have you ever been diagnosed with any kind of heart condition? when I was born

are you homeschooled? if you went to regular highschool, do you think you’d have liked being taught at home? wish I was homeschooled

is one of your parents very much into diy? my mom likes diy but not obsessively

do you know of anyone who is/has been in a coma? -

do you like skimming stones? I suck at it

would you ever want to work in cafe, even if only temporarily? not even temporarily

how much would you to do to get back something which contained your most treasured memories? damn

do you know anyone who is afraid of butterflies? I heard K. is

have you ever been inside a lighthouse? I don’t recall  do you have any money from different countries other than your own? several coins if you already have your license, how did you feel on the day of your test? I don’t have my license  do you care if you buy things that are ‘made in china’ or not?  I avoid buying some specific items that were made in china  would you rather swim in the pool or play in a sprinkler? none, am against sprinklers actually  if you get your pictures developed, or if you have in the past, do you keep the negatives or just throw them away? my mom kept them 

where were you 2 hours ago? home

are you wearing socks right now? almost always

have you been to the movies in the last 5 days? not since high school  who was the last person to hear you cry? more like saw that I cried/want to cry, not hear have you bought any clothing items in the last week? mother bought a crop top for me this day one thing you hate about yourself? can’t choose one, there’s more what are your plans for the day? day is over did you have fun today? moment  what do you know about the future? that I’ll die someday as every other human being do you have a tan? honey skin is my tan during summer how old do you want to be when you have kids? I don’t want to have any kids! how do you like your soda? I don’t drink soda  who was the last person to make you cry? myself? what day is tomorrow? Friday have you ever worn red lipstick? it was the only one I ever used

do you know who bonnie and clyde are? remind me of Sara

are you christian? I am 

if so, have you ever read the entire bible? I guess

are you generally attracted to more outgoing and loud people or quiet and mysterious people? smth in between

have you ever cried because you couldn’t be with someone? that was dumb of me

could you ever see yourself going to those college parties, getting drunk, fucking some random person and getting an std? u can apparently get std without parties, drinking and sex

don’t you hate it when things are amazing in other people’s lives and you’re stuck in a hole? very

do you have problems with one - or both - of your parents? with one of them way more

do you sleep a lot? barely

do you like drinking water? whatever

have you ever been to a funeral? 1 

do you like writing? when I have smth to write about

are you doing/did you do good in school? got worse with time

do you think moths are bad luck? whaaat? but they’re so pretty! :o

or do you not believe in supersitious stuff? I believe in some superstitions but like five of them or smth

will you date someone that’s not your race? I believe

i hope you aren’t racist… are you? am I? :(

have you ever made yourself throw up? disgusting, not able to do that

do you think you exercise enough? I don’t exercise 

have you ever pierced something on your body, yourself? I’m not stupid

Have you ever listened to the same song on repeat for hours on end? that happened  Do you like staying in hotels? hmm... Are musicals interesting or boring? annoying, besides Cats What is your favorite scent of incense? I don’t burn it

Can you tune a guitar by ear or do you need a tuner? need a tuner Do you like love songs? oh well...

Don’t you hate it when your eyes burn? it’s awful, got that problem last weeks Have you ever sex texted? I’ve sexted 

Would you know who to talk to if you wanted weed? but I don’t want it Have you ever worn leather? fake What is your greatest fear? personal If you could kiss anyone right now, who would it be? my gf What perfume do you wear? none, I hate perfumes Do you smell good right now? I don’t think so What is your favorite energy drink? never tried any and don’t want to