#this is why I write

[zepskies]

Hiiii! I've read some of your fics in the past and first I've gotta compliment your writing style and your incredible use of vocabulary.

Lately it's been rough and I've been struggling with the mental side effects of that, but your fics (especially Soldier Boy) have been such a huge comfort and I just felt that you deserve to know that. ❤️

hey there, lovely!

Wow, thank you so much for that amazing compliment! 😍💗 All I can say is I've studied literature and the writing craft for a while now, so I'm happy to hear that it comes out in my writing. 😊

Though I'm sorry you've been going through a hard time. Trust me, I've been right there with you this week. But, I'm so glad that my stories have helped you in any way (especially my Soldier Boy fics; we all know he can be a lot lol).

While I hope and pray things get better for us, thank you again for letting me know how much my stuff has helped you. It's made my day! 😘

[jasadhyana]

We were robbed!

[httpsserene]

I just wanted to take a moment to thank for feeding the black f1 girlies 🩵🩵🩵

oh, don’t worry it’s literally my pleasure LOL

no srs, thank you for showing love, i really needed this motivation < 3333

[okamirayne]

hello rayne!!! i was so glad to see a new chapter of HHU, you truly are a gift!

as a reader and a writer, the way you build your scenes always amazes me. you have all these characters, all of them with their own past and their own motives, interacting with each other in these intricate political and emotional dances, and you manage to show us through dialogue and gestures the layered complexity of their inner and outer reality. hibiki and genma's conversation in particular was so good!!!

thank you so much, sending you love and a giant hug ♥

Hello, my dear @god-of-dust 💜!

How beautiful to hear from you, luv! Such a joy to get your message. Thank you for the immense support of taking out that time to write to me. My appreciation is all up in your energy right now. 💜💜!

I'm not only touched by your feedback, but both spurred and reassured. But more than anything, I'm just so damn happy you enjoy the scenes...you hit the emotional nail right on the head for me when you mentioned the characters...oh gods, the characters are EVERYTHING. Their layers are everything. And I am a fuzzy fizzy fluffy fangirling mess myself over my readers (seriously, the appreciation runneth over so hard) when they enjoy the character interaction and dynamics, which are undoubtedly my most favourite part to write (or witness, as I watch them go about their crazy business and run around after them like some medieval bard or scribe, writing down the madness as it unfolds). You guys let me know I've captured something that matters to you and when you let me know what that is, I feel the joy of being a reader myself, as well as a writer, and also, a fan of the characters. It's this awesome, indescribable cycle of beautiful energy and that connection lives on the kindness of the readers giving their feedback - so THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 💜💜💜

Or rather, I hope I give you entertainment and you give me the energy back like a nuclear power plant imbuing me with some of the big radioactive stuff (not the legit crap that kills you - oh dear, Rayne), but the metaphorical stuff that turns you into some kind of MARVEL/DC individual whose superpower is to be able to see and hear people talking and walking about the screen in their head (psychiatrist would have a field day with this) and then be able to conceptualise wtf is going on by putting that into words.

Is that a superpower or schizophrenia? 😅😅 As a fellow writer, would you agree that's between us and our maker, right? 😉 Right'O.

Thank you again, my lovely, for being so bloody awesome to reach out with this message. 🫶🏼

I'm sending you a giant hug right back and big love and appreciation right on its heels. 🥰 Xx

[blackwomanwriter]

I know I don’t be on here like that, but I see y’all liking and reblogging. And, I love y’all for that. I see you.

[rylredrants]

Thank you for Judging Me

My estrangement from my mother was never meant to be a war.

I didn’t cut her out of my life because I wanted her to suffer or because I wanted people to pick a side. All I wanted was peace.

I wanted… no, needed to put myself in a place where I could more easily give up on ever getting the things I needed from her: an acknowledgment that her choices and actions hurt me profoundly and maybe some kind of apology for all the times she failed to protect me. Instead, she fed me to the wolves that lived under her roof and made me feel responsible for the claw marks left on my body and soul.

I needed to give up on the idea of ever feeling mothered so that I could work towards more acceptance and find a way to heal myself. Nothing I say or do can fix what was broken between us because she is simply incapable of seeing past her own pain, and that's sad.

She can't step out of the victim role long enough to consider that while I’m a survivor today, I was a child then. I was a child who needed a mother; I was not and am not just another old soul put in her life to guide and teach her.

That’s a hard truth I’ve wrestled with for decades.

Keeping her in my life meant holding on to a glimmer of hope; I can’t and won’t hold onto that anymore. Seeing how she reacted to my telling the truth so openly only reinforces what I know to be true.

The newly added layer to all of this was learning that a relative called her about my social media and said that I should seek therapy.

Well, dear relative, don a robe and take up a gavel if you're here to judge me. Seat yourself front and center where I can address you directly.

I submit to the court that you haven’t acknowledged me in decades.

My fragmented memories include being yelled at until I cried, being looked down on, and feeling small around you. Even as a small child, I inherently knew that you viewed us as poor, white trash relatives who deserved pity and contempt but never empathy.

Each Christmas, a gift from you sat under the tree. I knew it was from you because of the wrapping paper covered in the toy company logo you worked for. I knew it was mine because there were two and the other one had my brother's name. Mine, however, was labeled with some variations of a boy's name with the same first and last letter as my own.

You couldn't be bothered to relay the correct 4 letters to the assistant who handled the task. I wasn't even the correct name on your list of family obligations.

You sit and judge me without having the courage or decency to speak up and tell me what you really think of me. You call others for answers to questions I would have given without guilt, blame or shame.

None of this is my fault. I didn’t choose to be a family scandal but I am choosing to share my story in my way.

I refuse to stay hidden like your own eldest child who, no matter how much I dig, I’m unable to find a trace of anywhere on your social media.

Keeping secrets only fosters shame.

And if YOU had ever done any meaningful therapy you might realize just how important and cathartic it is to speak up and to help others.

I didn’t decide I was special and needed to be heard. I was told time and time again how wise I was and how I was able to help someone else feel what I always needed… to feel safe, seen, valued and loved.

I wouldn’t keep writing, sharing, and shrieking into this digital void if I hadn’t heard the echo returning… Thank you! Hearing your story has helped me heal, too, more than once.

Thank you, judgmental relative, for validating what I remembered about your character.

[rexxdjarin]

going out is getting harder and harder for me :(

all I’ve ever wanted is to be the girl guys want to come up and talk to. I want to be wanted. Everything I’ve done my whole life, all the growing up and changing and even feeling better about myself…it’s still the same result. I stand around and I feel ignored, isolated and unseen even while I’m surrounded by hundreds of people.

It makes me feel like no matter what I will always be invisible. And that’s why I never want to leave my house any more.

[khaoticcottagecore]

Sometimes I just be sitting with my thoughts and I start constructing the most seductive animatic between me and my favorite character.

Then I remember that I'm also the kind of person who gets all warm in the cheeks if someone gives me a random trinket they found on the ground.

[hyperfocuscentre]

i’d be such a good artist if my hand co-operated with my brain.. but it doesn’t, so masterpieces become stick men.

[eddis-not-eeddis]

Modern entertainment is not edifying or restful and it’s driving me crazy.

[darkherolovercroissant]

My exact reaction seeing this in my notifications:

[eddies-house]

i just had the most genius moment, y'all arent ready for this and ill probably be posting it tonight

[shameonmeeguiltypleasure]

Ok.... Here's the thing.....👀

I vent/shared this in a Discord I'm part of, and it's so Wattpad I can't even believe my life.

But yooooo......... There is like...SOOOO MUCH MORE TO SHARE ABOUT THIS!!

There is backstory, there is plot, and there is side stories and i-

It's cringe cause it's LITERALLY my life right now, but the writer in me is like "This could be a whole ass story tho!?"

So I guess..... The question is..... If I wrote it.... Would anyone read it 👀👀😂🤔👀

*I am still working on my fics, but I don't want to post till I have at least 2 complete chapters for SMB and the ending of Gayzoned Colin*

[leftdestiny-posts]

I tried to draw dogs and cats

[okamirayne]

Hello🥹ok, I don't speak English, I'm from Latin America, I love reading but a while ago I had a horrible block, then one day 3 years ago I found B&B and my God what a beautiful wonder, chaotic but beautiful, to this day it has my heart completely (ShikaNeji my babies😭❤️) reading your story has helped me on days when it was sometimes difficult to get up. I am fascinated to know how this work of art continues🥹 please take good care of yourself, I send you lots of good energy!

Hello Dear Anon,💜

Firstly, thank you so, so much for reaching out to me and bridging the language barrier so we can communicate. I appreciate that so much 🙏🏼 and am always humbled by this.

🥰

[...] one day 3 years ago I found B&B and my God what a beautiful wonder, chaotic but beautiful, to this day it has my heart completely (ShikaNeji my babies😭❤️)

Aw! I'm so happy that you enjoyed it so much, my luv!

[...] reading your story has helped me on days when it was sometimes difficult to get up.

🫂🩵

Knowing this...the impact of you sharing this with me, I can't do justice to in words. I am so thankful and moved to know BtB helped you on those tough days, sweetheart.

I am fascinated to know how this work of art continues🥹 please take good care of yourself, I send you lots of good energy!

Thank you, thank you, thank you, my dear Anon...I am so touched by your message and I am blessed to receive your warm wishes. Your good energy is received with so much gratitude. I am so thankful you took the time to leave me this message.

Bless you for all your support and your kindness! 💜🙏🏼💜 

[heavy-buddy]

oh my god bro I hate drawing