#this is what i wuz lookin fooor

[aether-staza]

Sheith Angst Idea

In a canon divergence AU, Shiro doesn’t return to the team with the events of season 3. Years go by, and everyone but Keith has given up on Shiro even being alive. But Keith knows Shiro is still out there, still guiding him every day. Sometimes when Keith is in Black, he can swear he hears Shiro’s voice, watching his back, supporting him…and whispering right to his heart how much he loves him. Keith never stops believing that somehow, they will find each other. 

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In a canon divergence AU, Shiro doesn’t return to the team with the events of season 3. Years go by, and everyone but Keith has given up on Shiro even being alive. But Keith knows Shiro is still out there, still guiding him every day. Sometimes when Keith is in Black, he can swear he hears Shiro’s voice, watching his back, supporting him…and whispering right to his heart how much he loves him. Keith never stops believing that somehow, they will find each other. 

 In the battle with Zarkon, Shiro’s entire being was strained, and put to the test, a mighty war of wills to bond with the Black Lion, but Shiro throws in everything he’s got to banish Zarkon’s hold over Black, knowing that no matter what else happens, Black needs to be freed in order for Voltron to win the war. Shiro is utterly spent, on the verge of burning out forever, and Black desperately tries to save her paladin, using all her power to transport him somewhere safe, somewhere he can recover. The Castle is safe…everything was safe before Zarkon was corrupted…Zarkon…Zarkon tries one more time to wrestle control of Black back, right as she transports Shiro…The former paladin is nearly out of strength himself, but his desperation is just enough. It give him just enough power to shake Black up before their bond is severed forever. The path to safety the lion has created diverges, cracks, sends Shiro to the Castle…the Castle of Lions over 10,000 years in the past, before everything had gone so wrong, before Zarkon had gone so wrong. 

He is in Black, but a Black that belongs wholly to Zarkon…he can only just barely make out his bond with her before her roar alerts the Paladins that something is wrong. Shiro is rounded up and confronted by five very suspicious and confused paladins…but they aren’t without reason. 

Given the opportunity to explain how he got into the Castle, let alone the Black Lion, Shiro explains that he is from the future, the current Black Paladin fighting to free the oppressed universe 10,000 years from now…but he knows he cannot accuse Zarkon of being the oppressor right in front of the man himself, so he carefully…edits the details of the future, about the evil that the universe faces in his own time. Reluctantly, the paladins of old are cautiously convinced of Shiro’s identity…after all, Black wouldn’t let just anyone in, and Zarkon admits that he feels a vague connection between himself and the stranger, leading back to Black. 

Shiro, now vetted and and somewhat trusted, explains that he has to find a way to get back, but Alfor is uncertain if they are going to be able to replicate the circumstances that sent Shiro here in the first place…after all, Shiro can’t be completely honest with them about what he knows…but maybe he can change the past…stop it all from happening in the first place. He can at least try; he has no idea how long he’ll be stuck here, and there is no reason to believe he can’t still try to make a difference even in the past, separated from his team…and from Keith by thousands of years. 

Its jarring for Shiro to meet Coran and Allura, pretend he knows nothing more about them than legends in his own time…this is going to be difficult, but he has to try. With Alfor and other scientists focusing efforts on trying to help get Shiro home, the Black Paladin finds himself being taken tentatively under his predecessor’s wing. Zarkon is not what Shiro expected; the man clearly has his flaws, but he is a devoted leader to his people, he loves his family and his friends dearly…Shiro doesn’t understand how it all went so wrong in the end. He isn’t opposed to spending so much time with the emperor, trying everything he can to guide him away from the dark fate that awaits…but time dragging them relentlessly towards their fate, and Shiro is losing hope of ever getting back to Keith and his team. All he can do is try and turn the tides now. 

With Zarkon’s interests inevitably comes the interests of Honerva…Shiro was brought into the past through the intervention of the Black Lion, and massive use of quintessence, and she is hungry to learn more. She has to know if more is possible, and Shiro holds so many answers, and she will have them no matter the costs. She will understand quintessence no matter what it takes. 

Shiro is getting nervous; he’s been with the paladins for a couple of years now, and he knows they are getting closer to the day that Zarkon tricks the team into entering the rift, Daibazaal getting destroyed, and a reign of terror spanning thousands of years begins. Watching the slow erosion of trust among the paladins is heartbreaking, and Shiro doesn’t know how he can stop this all from going to hell in a handbasket, but he is still doing his best to try…and his efforts are not going unnoticed. Honerva is suspicious of his motives, his intentions…before her inevitable collapse, she manages to get Shiro alone, eager to try out some of her research on this stranger from the future. 

Through a judicious use of druid magic, Honerva gleans enough information to know that Shiro is trying to stop her, trying to interfere with her husband, and she will not let anything stand in her way. She instead will make a loyal servant of Shiro, a mindless warrior to protect her, her husband, and her future child no matter the cost. Poisoning Shiro’s mind with quintessence is enough for now, and her team of devoted researchers take Shiro away for reconditioning…Shiro’s last thought was regret, knowing he had failed to make a difference, and never returned to Keith. 

In the chaos created by Honerva’s collapse, and Zarkon’s no one thinks to question where Shiro has gone, and too soon, history is made as the five paladins enter the rift, Daibazaal is destroyed and Zarkon and Honerva��Haggar…return from death to begin a war that will rage through the galaxy for years to come.

Shiro is gone, a running theme in his life, but a new servant has joined Zarkon, a dark armored figure that follows Zarkon like a shadow, fiercely loyal to the emperor and feared as his most ruthless commander…a commander that watches a Champion rise through the ranks in the slave pits with a rigid form, and though the shadow wears a mask constantly, Takashi Shirogane cannot help but feel like his soul is being peeled away every time that mask’s blank gaze falls upon him. 

But the pilot turned arena brawler has a savior, and the Blade gets the Champion back to Earth, back just in time to kick off a new era in the Legend of Voltron. Things are only slightly different this time…Allura and Coran squint when they see Shiro standing before them, four other humans in tow, getting the strangest feeling that they have met this calm, reassuring leader before…but 10,000 years of cryo-stasis have made details of their past a little hard to remember, like the fading images of a dream upon waking…what they do know is that they trust this man, even if the rest of these children don’t inspire much confidence…

Events play out as they should, time repeating itself in a strange way for Shiro…he lives through battles for a second first time, leading up to that fateful moment when he will face Zarkon for the last time, to break his hold over Black once and for all…

All Keith knows, is that Shiro is gone. His heart aches when he sees the proud Black Lion, collapsed in the hangar like a puppet with cut strings…he knows before he even enters the cockpit that Shiro isn’t going to be there, but he has to go. The ache becomes a crack that sends fractures through his heart, breaking the fragile organ into pieces that he isn’t so sure can ever be put back together.

Shiro is gone. He is gone again, and there is nothing he can do. 

He searches fruitlessly, avoiding picking up the torch that Shiro had placed beside him all those months ago, stranded together on a desolate planet…he could barely stand to look at Black, let alone try to pilot her…but the team was growing desperate. They need a Black Paladin, and the universe needs Voltron. 

When Black chooses Keith, his stomach bottoms out, and what is left of Keith’s fragile heart is crumbling to dust…he takes up the mantle, reluctant and unhappy…but after a few times of piloting Black, he starts to feel it…the ghost of a touch here, the whisper of encouragement there…it gives Keith a renewed hope that Shiro lives, that he is out there waiting. Keith is bonding with Black, and just like Zarkon could feel Shiro through Black, Keith is feeling that same pull. Shiro is alive. 

In the absence of Zarkon, Voltron is being kept busy by Lotor and his generals…as well as the master of a fleet that fights with more ferocity than Keith is prepared for the first few times. This shadowy commander has a scorched earth method that leaves destruction in his path every time Voltron clashes with his fleet, and it only gets worse when Zarkon returns and sets the empire against Lotor.

Through events fairly similar to current canon, Lotor and Voltron end up as allies, forced to work together or let Zarkon and his monster of a right-hand man salt and burn they’re way through the growing number or coalition planets in order to crush the rebellion. 

Every time Keith finds himself facing this mysterious commander, he cannot help but feel his heart ache a little, like something is wrong, and a few missteps have nearly cost them their lives. By the time Zarkon offers to exchange Sam Holt for betraying Lotor, Keith knows they have to do this with the utmost care, or they will lose everything. 

Keith and Lotor lay out the plan…Voltron will pretend to betray Lotor to get Sam back, but as soon as the exchange is made, Keith, Pidge and Matt will rush Zarkon, while Lotor will attack from behind enemy lines. The surprise of Lotor not actually being cuffed should give them enough of an edge to take down the emperor before the waiting fleets can move in and blast them all…once they’re in close quarters with the emperor, the fleet wont be able to risk an aerial attack. 

Planetside, Keith feels his heart go cold when he sees the shadow commander at Zarkon’s side, just in front of Lotor’s former generals…its too many for Lotor to fight on his own even for a moment, but it’s too late now, and they can’t leave Sam, not when Pidge and Matt are so close to having their father back against all odds. Keith feels like his eyes are glued to the commander in black the whole time it takes for Lotor to cross to distance between them, even though he knows he should be watching Zarkon, watching Sam, watching the Acxa and the others with the same level of care, but he can’t. This is his first time seeing the commander in the flesh, all their previous exchanges happening in the skies, in ships that kept them relatively shielded from one another’s scrutiny. 

Keith swallows, takes a minute to breath before the shit hits the fan; Zarkon’s inevitable double-cross comes, and Keith is not surprised. Keith darts forward immediately as soon as Lotor’s cuffs hit the ground and the prince pulls out his broadsword, going for his father with single-minded intensity while the others hurried to get Sam back inside the ship. He knows Pidge and Matt wont let that happen, so he zeroes in on the shadow commander. He cant let him interfere with Zarkon and Lotor’s fight; he knows that if the prince is killed their victory is going to be even more difficult. He glances to the right; Pidge and Matt are busting into the ship; they’ll get Sam…he shifts his gaze and sees Lotor get thrown back by his father just as the shadow commander’s right arm begins to glow with violet light…Keith’s stomach twists as he feels the pull and wonders…the commander is already running to stop Lotor, to kill him, and Keith doesn’t have time to question himself. 

He makes sure he is there to intercept, the glowing Galra-crafted hand coming down in a deadly arc only to be met by Keith’s gleaming black sword. The hit is powerful, and Keith feels the impact vibrate through his arms, but he clenches his teeth and he presses back, prepared to risk it all to make sure this mission is a success…the rest of the paladins are on their way, he knows…they can still win the day. 

Their battle is fierce, and this commander has Keith on the ropes, but the Black Paladin refuses to go down until everyone else is safe; he gasps and shudders when the impact comes. He looks down…the Galra arm is sunk into Keith’s side, and the Black Paladin can only think…oh. 

He drags his eyes away from his torso, finding his bayard sunk through the commander’s shoulder, and Keith smirks. He’s finally landed a hit that counts, and Keith knows he has to press the advantage; he slams the hilt of his Marmoran blade into the side of the commander’s helmet, hoping to stun the other; the sound of shattering glass fills his ears, and Keith pulls back to strike again…until he sees a shock of white hair, a scar and grey eyes that he would know anywhere. His heart stops, and he gasps…or he tries to…Keith feels like he can’t breath. 

Someone is calling his name, but he can’t move, can’t comprehend the sound beyond the vague buzzing of the words at the back of his skull. 

“Shi…Shiro?” he manages…he can’t believe it. Nothing makes sense, and the world feels like its falling away beneath his feet. Static is eating at his peripheral, and all he can focus on is cold, grey eyes, staring through him with no recognition, no warmth or love…Keith feels the tears welling up, and the ache in his heart threatening to tear him to pieces. He wants to say more, wants to plead with Shiro to remember…but he can’t force his mouth to make any sound as he realized that Shiro’s hand is now wrapped around his throat, lifting him off the ground. The former Black Paladin yanks his Galra hand out of Keith’s side, a gush of blood seeping into the armor, following the lines of the plates to drip on the ground in a slow, steady stream. Keith’s hand slipped from the hilt of his bayard, and his Blade dropped to the ground with a clatter…Keith thinks he hears someone scream his name, but all he can do is find the strength to reach out, to touch Shiro’s cheek before the world goes dark. Shiro’s arm tensed, like he plans to throw Keith away from him. 

“Shiro…I love you…always will…” he chokes out. Shiro’s eyes widen, and Keith hopes…maybe he’s reached him…but everything is going fuzzy, going dark…he can’t feel anything, can’t think. The Black Paladin is dropped to the ground like a sack of bricks, the echo of gunfire still rippling across the empty plane of this dusty planet…Lotor stands over the body of Zarkon, Matt and Pidge are landing the shuttle, their father safe and secure, while Coran, Allura and Hunk finish off the last of the Galra fleet above…Lance runs forward, his sniper rifle still trained on the Galran commander in black, praying that Keith is still alive. He calls Coran for medical backup as he runs, not even watching as the Galra falls over where Lance had shot him, intent on reaching his fallen leader in time. He collapses in the dirt next to the Black Paladin, trying to staunch the bleeding for long enough to get Keith back to the castle…Keith groans, trying to move despite his broken state, and Lance shushes him, reaching out to hold him still. “Its alright, buddy…we’ll get you back to the castle, just stay with me.” Lance pleads. Keith moans, and reaches…though its more of a pitiful twitch of his hand than anything…towards the Galran… 

“Shiro…” Keith croaks before truly passing into complete unconsciousness, going limp under Lance’s hands, the Blue-turned Red Paladin panicking, his eyes following Keith’s gesture, towards the prone body he had shot down moments ago. He went cold…Shiro. Lance had shot down Shiro. 

“CORAN!” he shouted into his coms. He couldn’t lose two Black Paladins in one day. Not if he could help it. 

***

Okay, I am so sorry. This spiralled so far out of control, and I know its a little all over the place, but I hope this is the type of angst that you are looking for. 

Thank you for humoring me