#this is what I’m doing to bill true blood

[mooooonnnzz]

Platonic ask for gravity falls 🩷

The twins with a mother figure? Those kids are all around saving the world, someone needs to seriously worry about them and make a little fuss lol maybe the mother figure is Stanley or Stanford new wife? I just imagine the twins coming back next summer and boom new mother/aunt

Heartbreak, Heartbreak

Stanford x Reader / Dipper & Mable x Mother!Reader

✦ your stanfords wife whaatt?!

✦ i feel like this is one of my weaker works, i apologize

✦ 2,5k words

✦ fem reader

✦ gulp i hope i did ur request justice 😭

✦ mable goes "stop fighting!!" at some point

✦ requests r still deliciously open

꣑୧ Coming back to Gravity Falls was a dream come true for the twins. What they weren’t expecting was to see their Great Uncle Ford walk in the Mystery Shack hand in hand with you. Mable was the first to bombard you Grunkle with questions; which stemmed from “Oh my god, when did you guys meet?” to “Oh my god, oh my god, am I going to have Great Cousins? That sounds weird, doesn’t it?” Ford had to calm her down before she got too rowdy with their questions and overwhelm you. 

꣑୧ Once Mable was calm enough to sit down in the same room with you, without bursting in her seat with excitement, was when Ford broke the news. “Mable, Dipper. This is my wife,” He said, wrapping his arms around you, his hand moving up and down your arm in a soothing manner. You introduced yourself to the twins who were more than happy to meet you. 

꣑୧ “Did our Grunkle by some chance, manage to hypnotize you into dating him with a book?” Dipper asked with an analyzing stare. His lips were puckered, pointer finger and thumb on his chin, tapping it curiously. Not expecting a question as absurd as that, you let out a laugh. Shaking your head, you smiled at Dipper. “Not at all,” You respond, taking Ford’s hand with yours, intertwining your fingers together. “He just won me over with his nerdy charm.” You say, your eyes locked on Ford. A rush of blood swarmed Ford’s cheeks. A chorus of groans echoed in the shack. Stan appears behind the kids, resting his arms on the top of their chairs. “See, kids,” He motions over to you and Ford with a swipe of his hand. “This is what I had to deal with while you guys were gone.” With a sympathetic look, Mable rested her hand on his arm, shaking her head sorrowfully. “I’m so sorry, Grunkle Stan.” 

꣑୧ After the initial shock wore off, Dipper and Mable began to grew skeptical of you. What if you were one of Bill’s goons disguising yourself as a human? And your goal was to take down their Grunkles and start Weirdmageddon 2?! Rushing up to their room in the attic, they pulled out their trusty 8-ball, the one they used the first day they arrived at Gravity Falls and when they were unsure if they were safe to stay with Grunkle Stan. They both sat down on the floor, 8-ball in Dipper’s hand. “Okay, magic 8-ball!” Mable boomed loudly with a weird amalgamation of a British and French accent. “Mable, keep it down.” Dipper shushed. “Oops,” Mable giggled. “Okay, magic 8-ball,” She whispered, her head uncomfortably close to the 8-ball. “Is Grunkle Ford’s wife evil?” With a rapid shake, Dipper and Mable peered into the ball. A pyramid accompanied with words appeared. “Don’t count on it.” The twins read out loud. “Huh…” Mable slowly nodded her head, eyes squinted in thought. “Well,” Dipper tossed the 8-ball behind him. “The magic 8-ball never lies.” 

꣑୧  Getting along with the twins wasn’t hard. All you had to do was grab your car keys from your purse, jingle them as if they were a bell and wait. Few minutes later, you’d hear their feet stomping down the stairs and a flash of colors swarming the living room. “I heard keys jingle, I heard keys jingle!!” Mable’s eyes darted around the room in search of the keys and when her eyes landed on you, her eyes sparkled with joy and anticipation. “Are you taking us somewhere, Great Aunt [Name]?” You smiled, spinning the keys around your finger. “Depends,” You pretended to think for a moment, just to keep them on their toes. “Where would you guys like to go?” A laugh escapes you as Dipper and Mable attack you with where they want to go. “Alright, let me tell your Grunkle that I’m taking you guys out.” Digging through your purse, you fish out your phone. You turned it on and went to your contacts. With a tap, you dialed his number. He picked up almost immediately. “Yes, dear?” You could hear his pencil scribbling on a piece of paper. “I’m taking Dipper and Mable out for the day.” You tell him, mouthing to the kids to get in the car. They scampered out of the living room and to the hallway. You could hear the door open and their hushed voices as they made a beeline to your car. “Okay, be safe when you’re driving and call me whenever you can, okay?” You hummed in response. “Of course, I’ll keep you updated on the kids.” You say, walking out of the shack and to your car. “I want updates on how you feel too,” You could feel the love dripping from his tone. “I will, my love.” You blow a kiss into the phone, wishing Ford goodbye. He blows one back and the call ends. Entering the car, you look behind you to see the twins all buckled up and ready for their adventure. “You guys ready?” “Yeah!” 

꣑୧ “So, Dipper, what’s with those dots on your arm?” You point at the four dots on his arm with a fry. Dipper looked down to his arm. His eyebrows rise in shock. “I-I completely forgot I had these,” Dipper’s thumbs the scars, an uneasy look on his face. Your heart stops in your chest. “I’m so sorry, Dipper. I didn’t mean to make–’ Dipper’s hands raise up to his chest, waving them side to side, dismissing your concerns. He assured you that your question didn’t make him uncomfortable. “No, no! It’s just…” He rubs the back of his neck anxiously. “He got possessed by a demon!” Mable blurts out, stuffing her face with a greasy burger. “Mable!” Dipper whines. “I’m sorry! I couldn’t handle you beating around the bush any longer.” She says with a mouthful of chewed up food. You leaned yourself back in the booth, trying to assess what Mable just said. “Dipper got possessed?” You repeated in a question. “Yeah, I kinda did.” Dipper said with a slight voice crack. “Can I know how?” Disbelief was thick in your tone. You didn’t know whether to laugh or walk away in shock. They don’t look like they’re telling a joke? The way Dipper has his head slightly hung low and a tiny frown on his face proved that. But Mable seems as jolly as ever. You fight with yourself, trying to make sense of what happened when Dipper spoke up. “Have you heard of the name Bill Cipher?” Shaking your head no, the twins dove straight into a very long story pertaining to Bill Cipher and how he tormented them throughout summer last year and ultimately led to the world almost ending. “Wow,” Was all that you could mutter. You never got your question about Dipper’s scar answered that day. 

꣑୧ Laying in bed, you eyes drifted over to Ford who was brushing his teeth in the bathroom. “You wanna know something crazy the twins told me earlier today?” Ford spat out the toothpaste into the sink. “What did those knuckleheads tell you?” He said, cupping his hand under the running faucet and filling his hand up with water. “It was this really crazy story,” You started. Ford nodded, dunking the water in his mouth and sloshing it around. “They told me about this interdimensional demon named Bill Cipher?--” Ford spit out the water in shock, spraying it everywhere on the mirror. You sat up in surprise. “Ford?” You pushed the blankets off of you and walked over to Ford, your hand on his shoulder. “You okay?” With a forced, “mhm,” he wiped the dripping water from his lips with his forearm. “Y-yeah, no. I’m fine.” He waved you off, nodding his head vigorously, almost as if he was convincing himself that everything was fine. “Are you sure?” Concern laced your voice. Someone who’s fine wouldn’t spit out their water like that at the mention of…Bill Cipher? That’s when it clicked for you. “You have history with this demon as well, don’t you?” Ford groaned, running his hands down his face. “Those kids can’t keep their mouths shut, can they?” He mumbled to himself, his head turning to face you. “What else did they tell you?” That night, you spent it horrified with the tales he told you regarding the past summer and his time with Bill. “And you never told me this, why?” Ford nervously pushed his glasses up, his eyes looking everywhere but you. “Because I…” He trailed off. “I don’t know,” He stops for a moment, inhaling deeply before continuing. “I didn’t want to scare you off. My past...isn’t something I could easily tell you without having a second thought.” A frown pulls to your lips. “Were you ever going to tell me?” You ask, your voice frail and quiet. “Yes?” His tone was full of uncertainty. You didn’t know what to think. One side of you wanted to be mad at him for keeping all of this from you, but on the other hand you felt sympathetic. You knew this wasn’t an easy topic to discuss normally. And you could tell it took him a lot of courage to admit a side of him that he wasn’t fully ready to reveal. But you were deeply hurt that he kept such secrets from you for a long time. And considering how he responded to your question, you weren’t even sure he was going to tell you any time soon. “What are you thinking about?” Ford’s voice ripped you out from your thoughts, grounding you back to reality. “I’m thinking about how crazy all of this is. I didn’t know. The kids went through so much at a young age. A-and you act like it was nothing, they could’ve died Ford.” Your hand rested on the side of your forehead. “You also made a deal with a demon? I…” You let out a sigh. “I don’t know, Stanford.” Ford cringed at the use of his full name. “I can go, if you’d like me to.” You raised your hand up to stop him. “No, I don’t want you to go. I just need time to process this,” You offer him a weak smile. “That’s all I need right now my love, just time.” 

꣑୧ “You what?!” Mable and Dipper both screech at the same time. “Yeesh, Ford. And I thought I was a screw-up.” Stan chuckled, elbowing Mable to see if that got a rise from her. It did not. “I thought I was protecting her from all of this madness!” Ford’s elbow rested on the dining room table, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. “Grunkle Stan tried doing the same thing, did you see how that almost ended for us?” Dipper said. “I know, I know.” Ford weakly muttered out. “Then, why did you keep such important details away from her?” Stan argued. “Because I was trying to protect her!” Ford yelled, slamming his hands on the table. That seemed to get a rise from Stan. “Well, maybe you weren’t trying hard enough! Now, look at what you did. You fucked everything up.” He shouted. “Oh!” Ford stood up from his chair. “That’s hilarious coming from you!” Scrambling up the table, Mable slammed her foot down, gaining the attention from Ford and Stan. “Fighting isn’t going to fix things, guys.” She said, “Ford had his reasons, like how you had your reasons for hiding Grunkle Ford from us, Grunkle Stan.” Ford adjusted his sweater, sitting back down on his chair. “Now, Grunkle Ford. What did she tell you?” She asked, turning over to Ford. “She told me that she needed time.” Sitting crossed-crossed, she nodded her head intently. “That’s good, right?” In return was silence. “Right, guys?” Both Dipper and Stan agreed. “Great! Now while we wait, can we apologize to each other for acting so mean and for swearing.” She directed a look to Stan who scoffed. 

꣑୧  And wait they did. After a couple of days, Ford’s phone randomly started ringing. Rushing to pick it up, he lifted his phone to see you calling him. He gulped nervously, suddenly second guessing himself. Should he pick up the phone? If he does, what if it’s you telling him that you want a divorce? Or that you need a break, or that– “Grunkle Ford!” Dipper snapped his fingers in front of his face. “Answer!” He pointed to the phone. “I got it!” Mable sang out, swiping her finger to the right. There was a beat of silence. Mable and Dipper anxiously waited for at least you or him to speak. One of them was about to intrude, no longer able to withstand such silence when you spoke up. “My love?” Your voice was timid. Ford’s heart lunged to his throat. How he missed your voice. “Y-Yes?” He mentally punched himself for stuttering like a complete fool in front of you. “Can you open the door for me? It’s locked.” Without a second thought, Ford practically ran over to the door and whipped it open for you. The twins watched you and him silently talk to each other from a distance. After a few tearful words and hugs, they recoil in disgust when they see Ford swoop you in for a kiss. “Oh my eyes!” Mable dramatically exclaimed. “Gross.” Dipper made a face in disgust. 

꣑୧ “I’m still mad at Ford for roping you kids into all that madness.” You tell the kids, mindlessly scrolling on your phone. “Dawww, don’t you worry about us.” Mable put a hand to her cheek bashfully. “We can handle it.” You found that hard to believe. “Is Gravity Falls still…crazy?” You whisper the last part, in case Bill Cipher is listening. You’ve only heard stories of him, but hearing what he has done rooted a new fear in you. “Kind of? There’s still weird things that happen here, but not as bad as last summer.” Dipper said, jotting down a few notes in his journal. “How come I’ve never seen anything weird?” You wondered. “Because you’re too busy making out with Grunkle Ford to notice anything!” Mable chirped, kicking her feet as she drew on colored piece of paper. That elicited a laugh from Dipper and a “What!” Ford walked in with an eyebrow raised and breakfast in hand. ”I heard I was mentioned in a conversation. Are you guys talking crap about me?” Ford places his food on the table and pulls back a chair. He sits right next to you and before he dives in on his breakfast, he gives you a quick kiss on the lips. “You wish!” Mable says, flipping her paper on its backside. “I do not.” Ford said quietly. “So, kids saving the world, huh? That has to count as some kind of child abuse.” You half said seriously, half said jokingly. Ford rolled his eyes. “What? Are you gonna arrest me?” You glared at him. “I might…” 

[happy74827]

The Perfect Gift of Appreciation

[Rudy Cooper (technically) x Female!Reader]

Synopsis: Being severely injured with zero money to back up your bills, you decide to take an emergency visit to the only doctor you personally know.

WC: 2897

Category: Hurt/Comfort, Slight Fluff,

A lot of you actually liked my Brian fic (love y’all), so I wanted to make another for you guys. I’m sad that there’s still none 😔😔

『••✎••』

He was absolutely pissed. Granted, he didn’t actually tell you, but the way his face fell into utter disappointment when he finally answered his door was all the information you needed. You couldn’t help but frown, your hand moving to cover your poorly bandaged arm as you watched him.

It made sense; the man had just come home from his shift, and his outfit was still intact with his suit and lab coat, with exhaustion weighing on his eyes. The man looked downright miserable, and with you looking like a wet rat from the rain and the blood seeping from your wound, he couldn't imagine a less welcome sight.

You both just stood there staring at one another, the rain pounding against the umbrella over your head. The wind was picking up, and you knew it was going to storm harder. You really couldn’t stand the look he was giving you.

"Hey, Rudy," You managed out, swallowing hard as the pain began to seep into your voice. You endured quite a lot to get here, and you weren’t about to let your pride show now.

The man before you let out a tired sigh, leaning against the doorframe as he closed his eyes.

"You do realize what time it is, don't you?" He questioned the usual cheerfulness of his voice, which was replaced with annoyance. It hurt a bit to hear, but you didn't blame him. It’s quite rude to show up unannounced, and it was even worse considering you showed up after 2 am.

Your eyes averted downwards, feeling ashamed for even showing up here. The last thing you wanted was to bother him, especially at a time like this.

Yet, you couldn’t go anywhere else. Money wasn’t quite flowing well in your area, and it was bad enough to where you had no insurance. You were a simple college student, working odd jobs here and there while balancing school and the like.

The job you had recently obtained was a janitor position for a nearby grocery store, and things seemed pretty good for a bit. It was not enough to pay those outrageous health bills, but it was getting you by.

"I need a favor... I know it's not exactly the best time to be asking, but please, just listen—" You began, the words spilling out of your mouth just as you’ve rehearsed them a million times.

Before you could continue, Rudy opened his eyes and looked down at you with a small frown. He already noticed the way you held your arm and the way you kept glancing at it. He knew what this was about; he knew the moment he opened the door and saw the desperation in your eyes.

Your name fell from his lips, drained and tired as he rubbed his forehead. He was silent for a bit, just as you were, and when he finally looked back up, his frown grew deeper.

"You seriously can’t afford to get simple treatment? How do you even know if I have the right supplies to fix something like this up, huh?"

You didn’t reply, merely biting down on your lip as you looked away. It was true, you weren't sure. Yet, Rudy had always been so kind to you, always willing to offer his help and support when you needed it.

The man sighed, closing his eyes as he ran his fingers through his hair. He couldn’t believe he was doing this; he had to wake up in a few hours, and now he had to deal with this.

The only thing keeping him from saying no was the look you gave him.

You weren’t one to beg or ask for help. You usually dealt with things on your own, and when you couldn’t, you were willing to work it off. He admired that about you, how you weren't the type to depend on others.

The fact that you were even here, soaked to the bone and asking for his help, proved to him just how serious the situation was.

You had no other choice, and he knew that.

So, without a word, Rudy stepped aside and gestured for you to enter. The relief was immediate, and before he could blink, you were inside, the sound of the rain slowly fading behind you.

The warmth of his home was a great contrast from the outside, and you couldn’t help but sigh contently as he threw his coat off and led you down the hall.

His duffel was still beside the couch, a sign that he had just returned moments before. Somehow, it made you feel worse, knowing that you interrupted his much-needed rest.

You followed Rudy through the living room, landing in the kitchen where the door to his basement was. You were about to follow him downwards, side-stepping past him, but a hand slammed against the doorframe just before you could.

Startled, you looked up at Rudy, a brow raised at the sudden stop. He was staring at you, his expression unreadable, and it made you grow uncomfortable.

"Stay here. I’ll be up in a minute, okay?" His voice changed slightly, sounding far more awake than before.

"Can’t you just do it down there? I mean, that’s where all your stuff is, right?"

Why go through all the trouble of bringing everything upstairs?

He shook his head, his lips pulling into a tight line. It looked like he was thinking something over, and when he finally spoke, he seemed hesitant.

"Just trust me, okay? Just wait here. I promise I won't be long."

You frowned, wanting to question him, but Rudy was already moving down the stairs. The door shut behind him, and the next thing you knew, you were left alone in the kitchen.

Confused, you couldn't help but stare at the door.

Why didn’t he want you down there? That was pretty odd behavior for someone who loved to brag about his work. You couldn’t recall a time when Rudy wasn’t so open about what he did.

So why the sudden change?

You didn’t want to question it, and instead, you hummed and sat down in the chair. You could hear his footsteps echo downstairs, and you waited patiently for him to return.

The sound of the basement door opening was almost instant, and when Rudy entered, you noticed the big medical box in his arms. You couldn’t help but watch the man walk around his kitchen, his movements slow and calculated as he made his way over to you.

Rudy placed the box onto the table, popped it open, and began to pull out the gloves, rubbing alcohol, and gauze. The man grabbed a chair and pulled it across from you, and as he did, he glanced up at you and smiled.

Your mind, however, was still elsewhere.

"Hiding a body down there, or something? You were taking forever, know..." You mumbled, your gaze shifting from the box to Rudy.

He chortled at the comment, glancing up momentarily to give you a small smile before resuming his task of pulling out the medical supplies.

He didn’t say anything other than the comments about your wound. How’d you get it? If it hurt, how long ago did it happen…

You know, the typical doctor questions.

Rudy took your arm in his, his hold gentle as he carefully removed the cloth that was once your makeshift bandage. You winced, hissing as the material peeled away some of the dried blood, and it caused Rudy to glance up at you apologetically.

As the cloth finally came off, Rudy didn’t make any type of comment. He didn't react to the deep cut on your arm other than the occasional flicker of his eyes. To you, it was absolutely jarring. It looked so much worse than you expected, and you couldn’t help but glance away as the man poured the alcohol onto the gauze.

He must’ve been used to this kind of thing, considering he didn’t so much as bat an eye.

The alcohol felt cold against your skin, and you bit your tongue to prevent the pain from escaping. Rudy didn't say a word as he cleaned up the wound, and you took the time to glance at the man.

Rudy was focused, his eyes narrowed as he concentrated on your wound. He was careful but quick, and his actions were precise and methodical. The way he moved was almost fascinating, and before you knew it, he was done with that part.

Rudy tossed the now bloodied gauze into the trash can that was temporarily beside the table and then reached for the next item.

The numbing shot.

The man paused, his gaze lifting from the supplies and up to your face. Rudy, the sweet and caring guy, had a very different face whenever he worked. He had his usual soft and comforting smile, but the way he constantly looked at your arm was so… cold.

He almost looked bored.

You blinked, and suddenly, he was staring at you, his brows raised.

You stared, unable to find the words, but the moment he spoke, the spell was broken.

Rudy gave you a sheepish smile, gesturing the shot in his hands. He warned you about the small prickle, gesturing to the shot in his hands, the prickle that’s never just a prick of the skin. It’s always quite painful.

The needle was tiny, but the feeling of the sensation entering your body was enough to make you grit your teeth. You felt your face grow warm, the embarrassment washing over you as the pain became a dull ache.

It didn't last long, and soon Rudy was shaking it around, supposedly making the numbing effect act faster.

Then, the waiting game. He told you around five to ten minutes, depending on your tolerance, and that's how you both ended up sitting across from one another in silence.

Rudy was tapping his fingers against the table, the only sound filling the air. You couldn’t help but notice the dark circles under his eyes, the way his shoulders sagged, and the occasional yawn that escaped him.

"I’m sorry," You said, finally breaking the silence. His facial expression didn’t help you feel better, the frown on his lips growing deeper as he shook his head.

"Don’t be sorry." He mumbled, his eyes closing briefly as he inhaled sharply. "Truth be told, I actually despise apologies. And it's not like you did this to yourself on purpose, anyways…"

That was true, you supposed. Still, the guilt wouldn't leave you alone.

When the man didn’t receive a reply, Rudy looked at you with a tired smile. His hands moved over the medical box, and with a slight push, it was out of the way and no longer between you.

Rudy then leaned forward, placing his elbows against the table, and folded his hands beneath his chin.

"You know, I miss this."

You blinked, tilting your head at him as a soft smile formed on your lips. "Me being clumsy and annoying?"

He chuckled, a sound that brought warmth to your heart, and the exhaustion was temporarily forgotten.

Rudy shook his head, and as he did, his smile faded and was replaced with something a little more sad. "Skin. The human body. Blood. The life force. I just miss it, I guess... I love what I do, don't get me wrong, but it can be a little boring at times.. It gets repetitive. The smiles are nice, the gratitude of those I treat, but sometimes I can't help but think about other things. More exciting things, y'know?"

"Suturing my arm is exciting to you? That's pretty weird, Rudy, and that's coming from me…"

You were only half-joking, and Rudy was aware. The man was silent for a moment, his gaze averted as his smile slowly returned.

A soft chuckle left him, and he leaned back against the chair, crossing his arms against his chest.

His eyes closed, and the smile on his face grew.

It wasn’t a sad smile, nor was it happy. It was a smile that said many things but nothing at all.

When his eyes finally opened, they were different. The smile was gone, and so was the warmth in his expression.

The smile he wore now was a familiar one, and the glint in his eyes was one you knew too well.

The box was moved back in front of him, and with a swift movement, the scissors and tweezers were in his hands.

Then, the conversation was over, and so was the waiting period. He did check to see if it was numb, but the moment you confirmed that it was, he went right back to work.

It was silent for the most part; you felt no pain, and Rudy was careful as he did his job. It was going by rather quickly, and with the silence that fell between the two of you, you couldn’t help but look down at your arm.

He was already halfway done. The numbing was working like a charm, and with how quickly Rudy was going, it was almost like a superpower. For a man not in his element, he seemed like he was pretty damn well in his element.

Maybe he did have a body hidden downstairs. Give him some practice.

Rudy stopped for a moment, the sudden pause causing you to lift your gaze and look at him. He was holding a new needle in his hand, a black string-like material in the other.

He was staring at your arm, the concentration on his face strong as he held the items up. It was a rather odd sight, and you couldn't help but lean closer to get a better look.

Rudy blinked, his focus snapping up at you, and he gave you a lopsided grin.

You watched him for a moment, the man simply staring back at you with the same grin, and after a moment of silence, he put the tools down.

"And, presto." He said, his grin widening, and before you knew it, he was packing up the box.

Damn, that was fast.

He wrapped the wound in an actual bandage, moving at the speed of light, and before you could even comprehend what was happening, Rudy was already finished.

The man got up, stretching out his back as he did, and he glanced down at you with a soft smile.

"I don’t keep any antibiotics around here, but a simple store trip can fix that. You don’t need anything fancy, just a simple infection control, and you should be good to go. It doesn't seem to be too bad, and if it gets any worse, then we can look into that later... at the ER."

"Right." You mumbled, not having the energy to protest. The sarcasm, the jokes, the humor... everything was gone. You were drained, and now that the whole ordeal was over, you felt yourself slouching against the chair.

You looked up at Rudy, and before you could speak, he was already talking.

"Don’t worry about it. I’ll drop you home tomorrow morning before I go in. I’m seconds away from passing out, and you look like you're about to fall over."

You nodded, a silent thank you falling from your lips. Rudy gave you a nod in response and then gestured towards the hallway.

It wasn’t too long after that you found yourself walking down the hallway with a spare pillow and blanket. The guest bedroom was empty, and when you entered, the lights were off.

You didn’t question it, and instead, you set the pillow and blanket on the bed and made yourself comfortable. He said he used this room a lot, but somehow, it looked so untouched. It wasn’t dusty, but the way the room was set up proved that it wasn't often used.

Still, you were far too exhausted to give it a second thought.

Rudy walked past the doorway, a pair of keys in his hands as he waved them around. You heard him mention something about locking up and going to sleep, and after he left, the hall was silent.

And then, after a few minutes, the house was silent.

As you lay there, a wave of exhaustion washed over you. Your arm was still numb, and you felt nothing as you gently placed your hand against the bandage.

There was no pain, no nothing. It was just ugly, and yet you were grateful.

You didn’t even know Rudy for that long. A mutual friend introduced you to one another, and ever since then, it has been a whirlwind of events.

Especially due to your overbearing clumsiness.

But tonight? What a true blessing.

You couldn’t thank him enough. Maybe you could make him breakfast in the morning. That sounded like a decent enough gift.

Unless you happened to break his kitchen or yourself, you’d have to see how things played out.

And with that, you rolled over, your eyes slowly drifting shut.

You were out within a minute. And fortunately for Rudy, so were his neighbors.

It was a rather quiet night, after all, and with his soundproof walls, no one could hear a thing.

Even with the preparation for the next present for his precious Ken, the perfect gift of appreciation, no one could hear the sounds of his true work.

Well, no one except you.

[@ghostheartbeat, @numetalnerd2007] Here’s your tag, besties! Go wild! ☺️☺️

I hope you guys liked the "realistic" approach I took here lmao. I felt really devious about this plot 😈

[with-my-calamitous-love]

I WAITED AGES TO SEE YOU THERE

hitoshi shinso x reader

celebrating his first official year as a pro hero, you and your childhood friend-turned boyfriend share an intimate moment.

inspired by you’re on your own, kid

summer went away, and now, and hitoshi had completed his first official year as a pro hero.

rent is enough to bring people to tears. and though you two have been lucky enough to score a cozy, one bedroom apartment. it has beautiful open windows, a warm space just fit enough for a young couple. you’d tell yourself anything to ignore the fact that it was barely furnished.

you two sat on the living room floor, lit by a few faulty lights and some candles. you’re surrounded by tax papers, bills, and old grocery lists. but its still romantic, because its hitoshi.

you’d dress nicer if it weren’t for the new autumn chill. so instead, you’re wrapped up in one of his sweaters while he pours you both glasses of cheap rosé.

once it’s filled, you lift the glass and clink it against his. “1 year.” you smile.

“one year of being a pro-hero.” he says. “still can’t believe its been that long.”

and it’s true. he still doesn’t actually believe he’s been saving lives for one full year, with more to come. he’s learned that his dreams aren’t rare, that every starry-eyed kid wants to be a hero. but now, he’s actually doing it.

“this goes without saying, but,” you start, taking a sip of your drink. “i am so proud of you.”

he feels his heart swell, looking at you with admiration. he’s played it cool, he’s waited patiently, and now he’s here with you. “thank you… you know i couldn’t have done it without you.”

that part resonates with you. from sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes, you’ve seen his journey. you set your glass down before speaking again: “i’m not just saying i’m proud of you as your partner, or anything like that. i say that as your best friend, too.”

lilac eyes pause, remembering the fond memories you’re bringing up with your words. “i still remember the day we first met, we were 6. you said you wanted to be a hero.”

he chuckles, fondly staring out the window as if re-living his lofty, childhood dreams. “i did, didn’t i?”

you nod. “and since then… i have seen you get your ass beat and heart broken trying to achieve that dream. you’ve been shoved down and told you’d never be a hero because of your villainous quirk.”

villainous in heavy quotations.

his expression turns more contemplative, reflecting on those times. he would never admit it, but he sometimes wondered if they were right, after all. he gave his blood, sweat and tears for it, to fight back and prove those assholes wrong.

and now that he’s made it, no one really knows what to say- not even him. but your smile and proud, teary eyes tells him all he needs to know.

“it broke my heart everytime they said it.” he admits, his voice coming out in a slow, steady breath.

“but you didn’t let it stop you.” you remind him. “you proved them all wrong, even when you didn’t believe in yourself.”

somehow, you vindicate all his worries. his hands intertwine with yours.

“that’s because of you.” he smiles. “you believed enough for the both of us.”

you chuckle, not wanting to take credit. but honestly, hitoshi gives you all of it. you stood by him. you held his hand. you picked up the pieces of him and kept him going all this years.

“i waited ages to see you there.” you hum, happily. “you’re my best friend, and the love of my life.”

he nods, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “you are the one thing they’ll never take away from me, [y/n].”

his hands accidentally touch a stack of papers, creating a crumpling sound. when you two look over, you see the official papers documenting him as a pro hero. one year ago today, you were there when he received them. and you’re just as proud now as you were then.

you smile fondly at them, remembering that day and everything he did to get here. “everything you lost to get here was a step you took, love.” you say. “i am so, so proud of you.”

he honestly isn’t sure how to place his gratitude into words anymore. he doesn’t have any reason to be afraid, because he knows you’re his safe place. you’re the one thing that will never change. he will always have you.

“i love you.” he whispers just under his breath, pressing another kiss to your forehead. and when you respond, he pulls you closer to him, cheap rosé long forgotten in the night.

after a few beats of silence, some catching up and lamenting his dumb jokes, you decide to bring up the one thing thats been on your mind.

“can i ask you something?”

“anything.”

“um… at that work party the other day… i overheard you talking with izuku and denki.” you mention, mind wandering back to that exact memory from a few days ago. you two were separated, your boyfriend catching up with his old colleagues.

his eyebrows furrow curiously, wandering what you overheard. “yeah.. what about it?”

“you told them that… that becoming a hero wasn’t the best thing thats ever happened to you. i got pulled away before i could hear what you meant.”

hitoshi is quiet for a moment, his mind racing as he tries to figure out how to explain his statement. a mixture of emotions flit across his face, embarrassment. he sighs softly and looks away, his face slightly flushed.

“i… i did say that, yes," he admits, his voice soft. "i guess it just slipped out, i didn’t mean for you to hear it."

you quickly shake your head, taking his hand again. “no, no. i’m not mad, or anything.” you chuckle.

“i’m just… curious. if not becoming a hero… whats the best thing thats ever happened to you?”

the fact that you’re asking, as if it isn’t already obvious, is nothing but endearing to him.

“meeting you, love.” he says, voice soft and sincere. “becoming a pro-hero is a dream come true… but being with you? it does’t even compare. its not even a contest, [y/n]. its you.”

your mouth goes slightly agape, your chest fluttering before looking down. your lips curve into a flushed, embarrassed smile. “oh, shut up.”

he laughs at this scene of you, how even after all this time he still manages to make you nervous. instead, he opts to cup your face and press his lips to yours.

and its a perfect kiss, the kind that saves you. its the kind that turns the pages, that heals all the pain of the past. its the kind of kiss that makes all of it worth it, that lets him know that he isn’t on his own.

[gay-dorito-dust]

I just imagine the ANGER that reader has when dipper & mabel becomes distraction

The twins are arguing with each other and reader just calmly said "what if just volunteer myself with the memory gun i mean i also know the equation" then they said something hurtful calmly that make the twins realize how their action put a nail into the coffin of their niece & nephew

When they got back and want to make a deal with bill but he didn't believe them but then reader said "you can't possibly got in his head with that metal plate of his" (they say something like that) bill wasn't angry but more like entertaint and make a deal with them, reader just wants no harm comes to the kids and town people's after they give him the equation and when asked abt the stan twins they just don't care

You didn’t care what happened to yourself, you really didn’t but what you weren’t about to do was let Mabel answer dipper become distractions.

You refused. So while Stan and Ford were bickering, again, you whistled sharply, which got the two older men to stop their argument to look over at you.

‘How about instead of using your own flesh and blood and possibly getting them killed due to your negligence and let me to make the deal with bill instead, you’re not the only one who knows the equation Ford so you can drop the hero complex.’ You snapped and it silenced the entire Pines Family when they realised you were right.

‘Are you sure about-‘

‘I am very certain Stanford.’ You cut Ford off and his face was full of hurt but begrudging acceptance, he knew that once your mind was made up nothing else mattered.

‘Hey let’s at least-‘

‘I don’t care about what the next words to leave your mouth are Stanley!’ You hissed, making him take a step back. ‘What I’m not about to do is put those two kids in danger like you two, it’s almost like you forget they are kids at the end of the day with parents waiting for them back home.’ You reminded the pair as they looked at Dipper and Mabel who were gripping onto you tightly, pleading with you to not make the deal with Bill.

Ford sighed. ‘Fine, if this is what you want to do.’ He trails off.

‘It is.’ You said with a newfound strength. ‘Since It seems like I’m the only one who gives a fuck about Gravity Falls and the people in it.’ You added but left Ford and Stan with the twins before they had the urge to further push you on that statement.

When you finally confront Bill, who was obviously waiting for Stanford, you could see him visibly deflate and couldn’t help but scoff. ‘Oh come on Bill I’m not that bad.’

Bill chuckles. ‘Sure you might not be but no offence, I was expecting fordsy, not his assistant- or should I say former assistant.’ Your jaw clenched, bill sure knew how to put salt in the wound but still you pressed on, for dipper and Mabel and the weird but lovable townsfolk of Gravity Falls; your true family.

‘Sorry to disappoint but with that metal plate in his head, there’s no chance you would’ve made it even close to the equation.’ You fake winced as you saw the annoyance flicker in Bill’s one eye. ‘Sorry but I’m the closest to the next best thing for you.’ You add with a shrug, fully accepting what was going to happen to you as you didn’t have any one of worth to mourn you nor your memories.

‘Ugh if I have to since option one was unavailable,’ Bill drawled as he held out his hand, not bothering to look at you, ‘is there any boring thing you want to say now in your final act of heroism fleshbag?’ He asks.

‘For you to leave dipper, Mabel and the citizens of Gravity Falls alone, they’ve been through enough as it is.’ You tell him, watching as the blue flames flicker and lick at his hand. Bill blinked at you, having where this stereotypical speech one too many times in his long, long, long life, ‘anything else, or rather anyone else?’

You knew who he was suggesting but all you said in regards to Stan and Ford was; ‘kill them, torture them, make them into your personally puppets whatever, I honestly don’t care.’

Bill’s eye widened. ‘Oh now this is interesting! You’re becoming interesting to me now fleshbag! I haven’t heard such venom towards another fellow fleshbag in so long! Deal!’ He exclaims as he grabs your hand, cementing the finality of your deal, how naive the dream demon was to not see the trap he had walked into by doing so.

[morganski-19]

Chills Right to the Marrow Part 19

part 1, prev part

Dustin’s crying when Wayne walks into the room. Rushing to wipe away the tears when he realizes Wayne’s presence. His hand gripped in Eddie’s while he sleeps. Wayne almost feels like he’s intruding.

“I can go if you need a minute,” he says. Halfway stepping out the door.

Dustin shakes his head, hand releasing Eddie’s to wipe away the rest of the tears. “No, it’s fine.”

Wayne hesitates before sitting down. Debating whether or not the kid is lying for his benefit. But it’s better to let the kid decide for himself than Wayne to decide for him. So he sits in the same chair he always does. Waiting for Dustin to ready himself.

“He was a wake a few minutes ago, you missed it.”

“I’m sorry if he said anything,” Wayne says on instinct. Ready to apologize for the things that Eddie can’t control. “He’s so confused right now that he can’t tell here nor there. Don’t take anything too personally-.”

“He remembered me,” Dustin interrupts. Awe vibrating through his voice.

Wayne’s brain recalibrates. “What?”

Dustin turns toward Wayne. A hope that Wayne has never seen from him gracing his face. “My name. He said my name. He remembered me.”

A smile so unfamiliar at this point cracks on Wayne’s face. The muscles in his face having to remember how to form it. “He did?”

“Yeah.” Dustin smiles. A real bright smile that could light an entire room. “I was reading to him and finished the book. He opened his eyes and was listening, like he has been. And then he started talking, apologized for yesterday, and I think for what happened before. Then he said my name.”

“That’s,” Wayne’s struggling to find words. Anything to express what he’s feeling. “That’s really good, kid.”

There’s that bubbling sort of hope starting up again in Wayne’s chest. The feeling like there’s a chance his boy will wake up again and actually remember him. Say something other than cheap swears meant to hurt and nothing else. Finally, be able to heal. Maybe in a place outside of the blank hospital walls. In a place that feels like home.

If Wayne can find a place by then.

It’s not without a lack of trying, it’s with a lack of funds. His paychecks being tugged in different directions. Most of it going into savings to pay for what is about to be an astronomically high medical bill, the rest going to the money pit of his motel room. Leaving Wayne to use pennies to take care of himself.

Wayne doesn’t know how he’s going to pull himself out of this debt. Having a feeling that it’s going to haunt him for a long time. Hoping that it’s going to be a burden that only he has to have. Not one that he will have to pass down to the person he’s doing all of this for.

“You said you finished the book,” Wayne starts conversation. A dual effort to cheer the kid up and get himself out of this thought train. “You got me all invested and couldn’t even wait for me to finish it. Best you can do is tell me how it ends.”

There’s a certain light that brights people’s eyes when talking about the things they love. Makes the people that notice a bit happier when it does. Knowing that there’s something someone loves so much that it makes time a little brighter for a while. Instead of the suffocating darkness that it can be.

It’s the same light that clicks on when Dustin starts to relay the last few chapters of the book. Talking like someone who’s read it a million times, wanting to interject with their own thoughts of the events. Intertwining information learned in later books and materials when they aren’t necessary for the summary. Often pausing and going back on his words after getting ahead of himself.

Wayne sees so much of Eddie in this kid. It’s insane how two people couldn’t be more related when sharing no blood at all. How mannerisms imprint from simply spending time with each other. And how sharing the same interests can form a bond so special that he hopes it never breaks.

What he said to Steve was true, it was no problem looking out for this kid. It was no problem at all. Mainly because helping this kid was helping a part of him too.

It reminded him that there was at least one person out there that cared for Eddie enough to come and sit by him when Wayne couldn’t. That someone else believed in Eddie’s innocence from the beginning and took the time to try and help him. And, while he wouldn’t wish it on anyone, someone that shares his pain.

Dustin was one of the reasons that Wayne remains as hopeful as he is. It’s harder to lose hope completely when that means breaking it for someone else. Easier for it to remain when there’s a person smiling at every step forward, instead of getting weighed down by the steps back.

And somewhere along the small conversations to try and get their minds off the subject at hand, Wayne started getting invested. Started paying more attention to how Dustin’s doing in school, at home. Checking in a making sure he was taking care of himself, and not stretching himself too thin.

It was easy to start caring about him.

“Oh shit, I almost forgot.” Dustin pulls a take out container out of his lunchbox and hands it to Wayne. “It’s from my mom, she wanted to give it to you. Please don’t refuse it, she gives out food to literally everyone.”

Wayne takes the container, seeing some sort of pasta dish under the clear lid. “Tell her I said thank you.”

Dustin zips up his bag and stands, saying goodbye to Wayne before leaving. Just him and Eddie left in the room.

Despite what people may think about Eddie, about his friends, they’re good kids. All of them. They were some of the kindest people Wayne’s ever met.

next part

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[steddieas-shegoes]

Happy day of survival, Eddie!

Steve doesn’t leave the hospital.

He says it’s because Max’s mom can’t be reached and he doesn’t want her to wake up alone, which is true, but that’s not the main reason.

Wayne Munson looks haunted.

His nephew has been borderline dead for hours now, and they won’t let anyone back to see him or give any updates other than he’s still alive, not dead, heart beating, blood still forcefully exiting the body through multiple wounds.

It’s not looking good.

It’s beyond touch and go.

It’s go and go. Touch and touch?

Steve doesn’t fucking know. He just knows they’ve never been here before.

And he didn’t know what to do about it.

Max was in surgery getting the bones in her legs fixed. They expected her to stabilize after surgery, but she’d have a long road ahead.

Eddie was in surgery to get internal bleeding under control so they could focus on the external bleeding. They were giving him blood as quickly as he was losing it.

Wayne had given two pints the moment he arrived, despite the doctors recommending he not give more than one since he hadn’t eaten all day.

Steve was a match, but they wouldn’t take from him because he’d suffered significant blood loss himself. No matter how much he argued, they turned him away, said they could find other donors.

He tried every time he saw a new nurse. But they must have all been warned about the ‘kid trying to kill himself via voluntary blood loss.’

So they all waited.

Wayne paced. Robin would just stare into space, then look at Steve, then the clock, then space again. Nancy was trying to manage the kids, making sure that all the parents were contacted and Dustin’s ankle was being looked at. Jonathan and Argyle had disappeared with Hopper and Joyce almost immediately, and Steve couldn’t really find it in himself to care about that.

They waited.

The kids all went to Max’s recovery room the moment they were allowed. Nancy waited outside for the parents to show up. Robin’s parents had shown up and insisted she leave with them and Steve agreed; No use waiting here when she could wait at home.

But Steve and Wayne waited.

They sat across from each other, but didn’t look at each other or talk.

Wayne watched the doors, Steve watched the clock.

Four hours is a long time to be in surgery.

Five hours is a very long time to be in surgery.

Six hours is too long to be in surgery.

At hour seven, Steve finds one of the nicer nurses from earlier to try to get any kind of update that wasn’t just ‘he’s still alive.’

“Excuse me. Is there anything new on Eddie Munson?”

“Oh, you’re still here? Sweetie, you need to get some rest!”

“I’m fine. I just need to know how Eddie’s doing.”

He could feel Wayne’s eyes on him, but he ignored them for now.

“He’s still alive. They’d let you know if he wasn’t.”

“Yes, but how much longer will they be?”

“It’s hard to say.”

“It’s been a long time.”

“It has. He had a lot of very serious injuries.”

“I know, it just.” He sighed and shook his head. “He was asking for me when they brought him back. He was awake. I didn’t think it would take this long.”

He felt a warm weight on his shoulder. He turned to see Wayne standing beside him, sad smile pointed at the nurse.

“C’mon Steve. Let’s take a little walk.”

“What if they’re done while we’re gone?”

Wayne looked at the nurse. “Just going to the cafeteria. Come find us please.”

“Can do, Mr. Munson.”

Wayne gently guided Steve out of the waiting room, down the only hall that wasn’t closed with double doors. They passed some offices, a few supply closets, and made it to the cafeteria. It was busy, a fair mix of doctors, nurses, and visitors bustling through the line to grab some dinner or lunch or midnight snack. Steve had no idea what time it was.

“How about some sandwiches? They got premade ones over there so we don’t have to wait in line.”

“Sure.”

Steve followed Wayne towards the sandwiches, surprised to find they looked decent. He pulled out his wallet and started to shuffle through the few bills he had left from their trip to War Zone when he felt Wayne’s hand on his.

“They aren’t charging right now because of the quake.”

“Oh.”

Steve put his wallet away and picked out a ham, cheese, and mustard sandwich. He wasn’t really hungry, but he knew Wayne wasn’t going to let him leave if he didn’t try.

They sat down at a table in the far corner, no one at the surrounding tables despite the crowd hovering at the entrance.

They both took a bite of their sandwich, Steve resisting the nausea building up to get something in his system.

“So.”

Steve stared at Wayne.

“Didn’t know you knew Eddie.”

“We kinda just met.”

“He’s mentioned you before.”

Steve knew his reputation, especially to people like Eddie. He may not have ever done anything directly to him, but he was around to watch it happen. He did his best not to cower from Wayne.

“I’m sure it wasn’t anything good. Look, Mr. Munson…”

“Uh uh. Let me finish.”

Steve nodded, eyes wide in fear of what Wayne would say.

“I remember him coming home one day his junior year saying there was this kid with this great hair that got all the girls. He sounded pretty jealous, but not of you.” Wayne raised his eyebrows, seeing if Steve understood. He did. “He didn’t say anything else until his second senior year. He came home with a black eye and I asked what the hell happened and he said you saved his ass from much worse. Remember that?”

The memory hit him hard.

Tommy had been stupid, like always. Eddie had been feeding into it, like always. Tommy got carried away and started pushing Eddie around. Eddie tried to walk away, Tommy refused to let him. He shoved him against the wall and threw two punches in a row at his eye before Steve was able to pull Tommy away and convince him to let Eddie go.

“I’d forgotten, but yeah.”

“He brought you up sometimes after that. About how you seemed different. But still didn’t have the courage to see for himself. Guess that changed?”

“In a way. We didn’t have much of a choice with this. I don’t know that he’d wanna be around me outside of…all of this.”

“Let’s ask him when he wakes up. I’ll make a bet with you.” Wayne smirked. Steve had no idea how he was holding it together so well. “I bet $5 he asks for you the moment he wakes up.”

“You don’t think he’ll ask for you? Or Dustin?”

“Nope. It’ll be you.”

“Alright. $5?”

“$5.”

“Deal.”

They shook on it.

Steve managed to have about half of his sandwich before giving up. He still felt nauseous especially when he saw that the clock was broken and he had no real idea for how long they were sitting in there.

Wayne didn’t comment as they made their way back to the waiting area, just followed behind him, slight limp present from sitting in hospital chairs for too long.

They were only sitting down for about ten minutes when a nurse came over to Wayne. She looked like she had bad news.

Steve walked over to listen in.

“He may not wake up. He’s stable, but his status could change quickly. You can see him if you’d like, but be prepared for a lot of machines keeping him alive. He has a lot of stitches.”

“He’s alive?”

Steve hadn’t meant to speak, but couldn’t help the relief flooding out of him.

Wayne nodded at him, tears shining in his eyes.

“He’s alive.”

Steve repeated so he could believe it.

He’d spent the last 12 hours trying to convince himself Eddie couldn’t die, but now he had to convince himself he was alive.

“I’ll wait here, Mr. Munson.”

Despite the fact his brain and body were trying to force him to go see for himself that Eddie was alive, he knew Wayne needed to go first.

“Nonsense. You’re coming with me. The boy’s got two hands to hold, don’t he?”

Steve blushed, but nodded.

They followed the nurse through the doors Steve had been so convinced were locked, but had really just been closed. She walked them down a hall, then turned right down another hall, and left down a hall that was much darker, but had more doctors bustling around.

She stopped outside of room 327, turning to both of them.

“Visiting hours are technically over, but they’re giving you permission to stay. It helps patients to have company even when in a coma.”

Steve and Wayne nodded and thanked her before walking through the doorway.

She’d been right to warn them; machinery was hooked up to almost all available skin. He had one IV on his right hand that connected to a liquid bag to keep him hydrated, and one on his left hand for another blood transfusion. More tubes were coming out of various places, and he had an oxygen mask on his face instead of just the usual cannulas Steve had seen before.

“Oh, Eds.”

Wayne pulled the chair to by the door over to his bed and sat down, gently touching his fingers and letting out the tears he’d probably been holding in for hours.

“You better come back to us, boy.”

Steve stood at the end of the bed, feeling like he was intruding on Wayne’s moment, but knowing saying anything or leaving would just interrupt it more.

“Grab the other chair and sit on that side, Steve.”

Who was Steve to argue?

He sat and placed his fingers on top of Eddie’s, frowning when the heart monitor started beating more rapidly.

Wayne looked over at their hands and then the heart monitor, a knowing smirk crossing his face.

“Well, I’ll be damned.”

“What?”

“I thought he got over it.”

“Got over what?!”

Steve was trying not to get impatient, but Wayne wasn’t making any sense and Steve’s head hurt and he was exhausted and just wanted to rest.

“His crush on you.”

“His what?”

“St…eve?”

Steve’s head turned to Eddie so quickly, he practically gave himself whiplash.

“Eddie?!”

He didn’t want to remove the oxygen mask, but he wanted so badly to see the full smile he knew Eddie was giving him.

“We win?”

His voice was barely audible, but Steve could make out the gist of it.

“Yeah, babe. We won.”

“Wayne?”

“Yeah, bud?”

“Did…he…just say…babe?”

Wayne snorted. “He did.”

“‘M high.”

Steve squeezed his fingers gently, and then leaned over to kiss his forehead.

“Go back to sleep. We’ll be here when you wake up.”

“‘Kay. Luh you bo’.”

“Love ya, kid.”

Steve remained quiet, but looked up at Wayne after he was sure Eddie was actually back asleep.

“You know, I got to know him a lot better over the last few days. They say you don’t really know someone until you’ve seen them at their worst.” Steve shrugged. “I think we saw each others worst at different times and still managed to be here. That’s gotta mean something, right?”

Wayne reached a hand over and covered his and Eddie’s fingers.

“Yeah, kid. I think it means somethin’ pretty important.”

When Eddie woke up the next day, he was lucid enough to remove his own oxygen mask and start whisper yelling about his throat being dry.

Wayne shook his head and said he needed some fresh air, but he knew that was just to give Steve some privacy.

“I got you some water. Doctor says small sips and you can only have a few at a time.”

“Doc can…suck my…dick.”

“I’d rather he didn’t.”

“Why? Jealous?”

Steve had no control here. He wasn’t used to it.

“Yeah, actually.”

Eddie’s eyes searched his face for any sign of teasing, but found none. Of course he wouldn’t. Steve had spent the last 24 hours figuring out he was kind of halfway in love with Eddie already.

Robin was gonna lose her shit.

“When…can…I leave?”

“Not any time soon. You’ve got a lot of healing to do.”

“But…”

“Nope. Put your oxygen back on before they come yell at you.”

He groaned, but did as Steve asked.

He fell asleep minutes later, Steve’s fingers tracing patterns on his palm.

He wasn’t sure of many things; Eddie’s name still had to be officially cleared, the kids still had to visit, and Eddie had to stay awake for more than a few minutes at a time. But he knew that he was where he was supposed to be. With Eddie.

Part 2

[halsteadlover]

Spaces Between Us

*Gif not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Female!Reader.

• Requested: yes by anon.

• Summary: you and Jay break up and it’s the hardest thing you’ve even been through. Is it forever over or will you be able to overcome the difficulties?

• Warnings: LOTS of angst and cursing, use of alcohol, slight mention of blood and dead body (it’s not important for the plot but still), I don’t know if there’s anything else please let me know if I missed any <3

• Word count: 19k. Yeah… I know.

• A/N: I’VE NEVER BEEN SO STRESSED OUT FOR A FIC I SWEAR IT’S LIKE IT HAD TO PAY MY BILLS SO PLS BLOW THIS UP. I’m kidding (no I’m not ) but jokes aside, I hope you’ll like this fic even if still shitting bricks at the thought you’ll gonna hate it 😭 so please let me know what do you think and give me any advice if you want. I’m sorry for any mistakes and just so you know this fic dramatic as fuck lol. I love you all and thank you so much I know nobody is gonna read this, like I haven’t already written enough okay bye ❤️

Anyone who tells you that getting together with your best friend is simple because you know each other very well, don't trust them, it's complete bullshit.

And you had unfortunately learned this the hard way.

You really thought your relationship with Jay would be amazing to say the least, the first few months being pure heaven. You were very happy, you sprayed joy from every pore and anyone who met you could notice the toothy smile you continually had on your face.

You thought you knew Jay perfectly and that he knew you perfectly. After all you had been friends for so many years before getting together which is why you believed you knew everything about him, strengths and weaknesses, and he knew the same about you.

Unfortunately, however, this wasn’t true at all and you soon realized reality was very different from what you thought, being in a relationship with someone was totally different from being their friend. When you’re in a relationship you see that person differently, that person becomes the center of your thoughts, and everything they say and do have a weight on you whether you like it or not, you start to analyze everything with different eyes, you pay more attention to details, and you don't miss things that you wouldn't notice with a friend.

And that was exactly what happened with Jay.

You and him had been together for about six months when you started to notice something that among other things slowly took a big toll on you.

Given the nature of your jobs – him being a detective and you being a firefighter – there were times where you weren't able to spend much time together. He never let a minute pass without sending you a sweet text telling you how much he missed you and how much he wanted to be with you, but when it was time to see each other he sometimes preferred to go to Molly's with his friends.

Of course there was nothing wrong with that and you yourself told him to go, but when you started to notice this happened very frequently, taking time away from the two of you, you started to show him your discomfort.

You never wanted to create arguments, you just tried to communicate with him and express something that was starting to weigh on you but he didn't take it that way and a big argument were created from this. You knew Jay, you knew he was the type of person to keep everything inside, to not express his feelings right away, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt you. He accused you of alienating yourself from him, telling you he’d invite you to go with him when he went to Molly's and you were just being dramatic.

You tried to let it go for the sake of the relationship, trying to swallow the lump and think he wasn't doing it on purpose.

But from this episode everything started to go downhill.

When you were with him at the bar, or somewhere else, with his colleagues or friends you couldn't help but notice the way he and his colleague, Hailey, were particularly close. You tried not to let your mind wander, not to listen to your paranoid thoughts but when all you did was see the way they laughed and joked you couldn't keep the jealousy that gripped your stomach at bay.

You had known her since she joined Intelligence. You always knew they were good friends but since you got with Jay you couldn't help but wonder if their relationship had always been like this or if you saw it differently now just because you were in a relationship with him.

As with everything else, you started asking him questions about her and things like that and he didn't think much of it at first but when he started noticing the insistent way Hailey had become involved in your conversations, it started to bother him.

He had tried to reassure you, to tell you there was nothing going on with her but it wasn't enough, since he said the same thing to you too and yet you ended up together. But other than simple phrases and some sweet words thrown into the wind, he didn't seem to do anything to convince you otherwise.

You had never been the jealous type of person, you both had your own circle of friends, but the way Hailey always seemed to be up his ass, bothered you more than you’d never admit.

One evening, after work, you joined Jay at Molly's where you knew he had met with his colleagues and other friends. A strange sensation gripped your stomach as you tried to convince yourself it was only tiredness but inside you knew what the real reason for that anxiety was.

You hoped until the last minute to not see her there, you knew it was wrong, but you didn't want to be in her presence and you didn't want Jay to be either. But when you entered the bar and from afar you saw him and her sitting at the same table, that hope was destroyed in a second.

Jay looked up from her and immediately saw you walk in and a huge smile spread across his face as he waved his hand towards you. You approached the table, greeting everyone with a smile anyone from a mile away could tell was very fake.

“Hi baby, you're finally here.”

Jay stood up and hugged you tightly to his body. You returned that hug, your heart pounding in your chest even though you couldn't just let yourself go completely.

He let go of you and to your surprise pressed his lips to yours in a sweet, chaste kiss, eliciting a series of small squeals and whistles from the table. You giggled and, cheeks burning, went to sit next to Jay on the chair he had kept free for you.

A small smile – this time sincere – appeared on your lips. Jay wasn't the type of person who made sensational or dramatic gestures, he was a rather private person but when it came to you he didn't care about these things, he was very physical and always needed to have you close, to have a hand on you and feel your warmth in a way or another.

But, let's just face it, you loved that gesture mostly because he did it in front of Hailey and the territorial, irrational part of you was doing backflips.

God I don't recognize myself anymore.

“How was work? Wait, first tell me what you want to drink so I can order it for you,” Jay said immediately, an arm around your waist as he looked at you with a sweet smile on his lips. He didn't let you answer though. “You're so beautiful baby, you know that?”.

You giggled like a schoolgirl – being careful to let everyone hear you – and delicately smacking his chest before awkwardly resting your head on his shoulder, trying to hide the bright blush on your cheeks.

He laughed back and left a kiss on your forehead and that was enough to calm you down, to convince yourself he loved you, that he only wanted you, or else he wouldn't have acted so affectionately in front of her.

“What are you drinking?” You asked, feeling his arm move up from your side around your shoulders.

At that same moment a sudden flash blinded both of you for a second and as you looked up you noticed Adam taking photos of you and Jay with his cell phone with a huge grin plastered on his face.

“Ruzek what the fuck!” Jay exclaimed even though he was actually laughing. He paused and then continued, “Make sure to send us those pics man.”

You burst out laughing and at that same moment, while everyone was joking around and making fun of you and Jay, but you couldn't help but glance at Hailey and notice the way her face was twisted into a serious expression while pretending to play along.

You tried not to think much of it, but it disturbed you, because it was just further evidence she had an interest in Jay that went beyond work.

“So tell me about your day baby,” Jay brought his attention back to you when the others finally decided to give both you and him some spite.

“It went well, we only had one intervention. A man stuck in a car after a car accident,” you sipped some of his beer, earning a fake look of disappointment from him, “Really bad story, but everything went well, he survived and they managed to get him to Med's in time.”

“Just because you were there, love.”

“Kiss-ass,” You rolled your eyes, giggling. “How about you? Something interesting happened?”.

What you didn't expect was for Hailey to answer for him, as if she was listening to your conversation the whole time and was just waiting for the moment to intervene. “Oh my god today was hectic. We busted a drug trade. You should’ve seen it Y/n! Jay faced I don't know how many traffickers alone! Come on Jay, tell her!”.

You tried to keep your expression as neutral as possible as you directed your gaze towards her, noticing the way she suddenly perked up and how she looked at your boyfriend.

Did she seriously intruded while you were only talking to him?

Jay on the other hand didn't notice this attitude and laughed with Hailey as they started joking about what had happened that day. They made jokes, laughed as if it was just the two of them and the way his attention had completely shifted towards her caused you quite a bit of annoyance.

You remained silent as you pretended to listen to what they were saying, trying to bite your tongue and not say anything about the fact she was practically hanging on his lips and licking his ass as she praised him.

This was enough to knock your mood into the ground and throw you back into the spiral of paranoid thoughts you managed to keep at bay for a moment.

You hated the way he joked with her, the way they laughed together. Fuck it, he didn't have to feed her illusion and you couldn't even accept how he couldn't see she was blatantly flirting with him.

Your hands were shaking with anger but you wanted to act like a mature person, you wanted to try to stay calm and not let your emotions get the better of you.

“I think I’ll leave now. Jay, can you give me a ride home please? I didn’t came here with my car”.

What? Did I hear that correctly?

You almost had a heart attack, anger now flowing through your veins.

How could she be so bold? Did she forget you were there too?

“Sure, no problem,” was Jay's response and you almost smashed his head on the table. You looked at him in dismay, now unable to keep calm and act like a mature person.

“Jay do I have to remind you I'm here? You’re really going?” you spoke as he was getting up. He looked at you with an apologetic smile, completely unaware of the fact you were furious. You didn't care if they heard you, you didn't care about making a scene.

“But I'm not leaving baby, I'll just take her home and come right back here.” He pressed a kiss to your lips before leaving the bar with her.

You were so angry you couldn't say anything except watch them from afar.

You couldn't believe it.

This was fucking unbelievable.

You looked from the now closed door to Adam, who was sitting in front of you looking at you with frowning eyes and a surprised and confused expression.

“Wow…” you managed to let out, the humiliation forcing you to run your hands over your face for a moment, elbows resting on the table.

“Hey it's okay, calm down,” he tried to reassure you.

“Adam am I seeing things? Is this just my imagination?” You looked at him, still stunned.

He didn't respond but shook his head slightly, effectively answering your question. “But not from his side,” he pointed out “He only has eyes for you Y/n, believe me, but I can't deny this shit isn’t ridiculous.”

“I'm going home.” You blurted out, standing up and not listening to Adam, and then Kim, who tried to calm you down and convince you to stay.

But you couldn't think straight, not at that moment.

Your boyfriend had left you at a bar to give a ride to the female colleague who was actually crazy about him in a way everyone had noticed except for him, without even trying to ask if you wanted to go too or if it was okay with you.

You were so angry, so furious as you had been a few other times in your life, wanting nothing more than to smash something. You hated her, you hated him, you hated yourself for feeling that way.

You hated everything.

When Jay returned to Molly's after about twenty minutes, confusion appeared on his face as he immediately noticed you were no longer sitting at the table as he expected. He approached his friends, not ignoring the dirty looks they gave him.

“Where is Y/n?”.

Kim glared at him, making no effort to show the irritation towards him. “She's gone.”

“What? Why?”.

“Why? Are you fucking serious Jay?” Adam intervened, causing an even more confused expression to appear on his friend's face. His heart was pounding as he thought of every scenario, thinking you hadn't been feeling well.

“What's going on guys?”.

“You're so damn stupid,” Kevin scolded him, sharing the thoughts of his friends. “That was fucked up man.”

“What part of your brain convinced you that taking another woman – who casually has a crush on you – to her house and leaving your girlfriend here was a good idea? Do you understand how absurd this is? She was more mature than me, I would’ve kicked you in your balls,” Kim continued.

Fucking hell.

He realized he screwed everything up really, really badly this time. Without responding to those words, he immediately ran out of the bar, intending to rush to your house.

That night he tried to apologize and make up for it but you didn't want to talk about it and closed the door in his face when he showed up at your house. You didn't care if you seemed exaggerated, or even crazy, you didn't want to give in and you weren't going to let him disrespect you like that.

You completely ignored him for two days, not responding to any of his calls or texts, still too angry to seek a mature confrontation. When you thought you had calmed down, the memory of Jay leaving the bar with Hailey was enough to make you go back to being even more furious than before.

You understood the problem you had was much deeper than you would’ve ever wanted to admit and what hurt you most was not being understood by him.

You spoke with an open heart, you shouted at him and he understood the mistake he had made, promising you he’d try to fix it and stay away from these situations.

This wasn't the case though, in fact this was just one of numerous arguments you and Jay had over the topic of ‘Hailey’. You didn't feel reassured and his attitude did nothing but fuel your unease, making you feel even crazier than you thought.

On the other hand, you understood he too must have gotten tired of arguing about the same things so this contributed to making your relationship with him deteriorate considerably, the lack of trust he perceived made everything even worse.

The breaking point, however, came one morning and from there nothing was the same as before.

That morning you woke up to Jay's cell phone ringing. You had spent the night before together as he stayed over.

“Jay…” you murmured in your sleep, covering your ears to stop hearing that damn ringing. “Who the hell calls this early?”.

Jay removed the arm wrapped around your hip and let out a groan before propping himself up on his elbow and picking up his cell phone, answering the call without even checking who it was. “Halstead”.

You couldn't hear who it was but you turned to him, now giving him your full attention, wide awake.

“Oh yeah I forgot…” he said, rubbing a hand over his face before taking the cell phone away from his ear for a moment and checking the time “Yeah… I know it’s late. I’ll be there in half an hour. Okay. See you later.”

He ended the call before placing his phone on the nightstand and sighing.

“Who was it?” You asked as he stood up.

“I forgot I have breakfast with Hailey…”

Just hearing that name was enough to make your blood boil.

What the fuck?

You couldn't stand her anymore, why was she always around? Why did she always have to interfere? And why the fuck did Jay always have to run to her?

“Jay are you fucking serious?” You exploded, hair standing on end in anger as you jumped up from the bed.

He picked up his pants from the floor, starting to put them on and button them. “I know baby, but I completely forgot it but it's for work I swear or…”

“Work? What kind of ‘work’ is necessary for you to go have breakfast with her? You really think I'm that stupid Jay?!”

“Of course not! What the hell are you even talking about Y/n? I wouldn't even have told you if I had something to hide!”.

“Do you realize what you're doing? Do you realize how you always run to her every time she calls you?! You were in bed with me just five seconds ago and now you're going to her!”.

“I just told you it's for work! We have to go on an undercover mission and we just need to discuss the details Y/n stop implying things that don’t even exist!”.

You ran your hands over your face, frustrated and angry as ever as you watched him put on the shirt.

“Work doesn't tell you to always be up her ass Jay!”.

He looked at you like you had just grown a second head after hearing one of the craziest things in his life. “What the fuck are you even saying? Do you hear yourself when you talk? You realize how ridiculous that sounds? I don’t care about her why are you saying this?!”.

“And of course I'm ridiculous now, great! My boyfriend gets out of bed to go have breakfast with someone else he knew I fucking despise and I'm ridiculous! I'm fucking tired of this relationship and I'm fucking tired of always having her around Jay what the fuck can’t you understand that?!”.

Your words hit him like a tsunami.

I’m tired of this relationship.

Jay felt a sinking sensation in his chest, as if all the air had suddenly been sucked from his lungs. He was silent for a moment, his jaw clenched as he tried not to let the pain caused by those few simple word overwhelm him.

“You’re tired Y/n? You’re fucking tired?!” He almost shouted. “How the fuck do you think I feel when all we talk about is Hailey? You don't talk about anything else! You don't realize how obsessed you have become!”.

“Don't you dare blame me!” You yelled furiously through clenched teeth, pointing a finger at him as you continued to look at each other as if you were both ready to jump on your necks. Your eyes glare at the other, sending lightning and bolts full of anger and resentment. “We wouldn't be in this fucking situation if you had shown me some respect, if you had set boundaries with her! You seem to care more about her than me! Jesus, you know how all this shit makes me feel, you know how much all of this hurts me but you don't seem to give a fuck!”.

“That’s absolutely unbelievable, I can’t even believe how you’re doubting my feeling for you, how can you say something like that? I only have eyes for you Y/n! The whole world knows it, everyone sees it except you! You’re just choosing to let your weird obsession take over everything else.”

“Maybe you’re just shit at proving it because trust me leaving your fucking girlfriend to go have breakfast with another woman doesn’t seem a great way to show her your love!”

“Are you fucking serious right now?”. He clenched his hands into fists to try to maintain the tiny bit of calm he had left, pressing his nails hard against the skin of his palms to vent his anger.

“Yes Jay, I'm fucking serious!”.

“What the fuck are you doing with me then if that's what you think?! Since apparently I can't give you anything and you’re so fucking ungrateful you can't see the good things I do for you!”.

“What the fuck are you doing Jay huh?! Tell me! Is going to Hailey as soon as she calls you a good thing you do for me? Is this how you do it? Flash news my dear, that's not how this fucking works!”.

“I'm not fucking doing anything that’s the damn point! How the hell am I supposed to tell you she's just a colleague and I don't give a shit about her or anyone else but you! Why the fuck do you have so little faith in me!”.

“Because I don't trust you Jay! You really think an ‘I love you’ thrown in every now and then and a bouquet of flowers will fix everything? No it doesn't work like that, you don't solve the problems by just showing a fake reassurance that only lasts a couple of days!”.

“I will have to model myself for her majesty then, to be at her complete pleasure since…-”

You interrupted him. “For fucks sake Jay stop playing the victim! You don't get to do it, you have no right! You're the one going somewhere else what the fuck do you expect from me? Waiting for you with open arms? I'm not ungrateful, maybe you're just a shitty ass boyfriend who can't show me that he cares about me!” You screamed, throwing out everything you had kept inside for a long, long time, regardless of the destroyed and furious expression with which he was looking at you. “You show no respect for me, for my feelings, you don't give a fuck about what I tell you and that’s not even the first time I’m telling you this! It's not the first time I've told you how much this situation hurts me!”.

“Didn't it cross your mind, Y/n, that maybe you're the fucking problem here? That you're so fucking obsessed with that bitch you can't see anything else? That you're just a fucking child and all you can do is whine and whine and whine! You're making my life a living hell with your luck of trust! Every fucking day is a fight about something! You're always so needy, nothing is ever okay with you! Everything I do is wrong!”.

You took a step back at the sound of those words, as if to create a distance between you two. A pain radiated through your chest as your eyes stung while you continued to look at him. You fought with all your being not to let it go, you refused to cry in front of him.

You had come to the realization that maybe you weren't meant to be together, that taking your friendship to the next step was a mistake, you shouldn't have let your feelings get in the way and in that moment you realized that nothing between you would ever be the same.

You looked at each other, furious, both hurt by the words you had said. You looked at each other as if you didn't know each other, as if you were each other's worst enemy and this broke your heart.

“Get the fuck out of my house.” You ordered in a low, trembling tone, a stark contrast to the screams that had been filling the room just moments before. “It's over.”

Did he hear that right?

It’s over.

He was shocked. Getting hit by a bullet would’ve hurt less. He never once thought in his life that hearing you say those words would hurt so damn much, he actually never thought he’d hear those words at all. He swallowed the lump in his throat, suddenly feeling it close and his breath catch, his eyes filling with tears.

“Get out!” You screamed again, your voice cracking from crying. You turned to the window, hands on your face as you waited for him to leave.

You didn't want to see him anymore.

You didn't want him there anymore.

You jumped when you heard the front door slam shut, making a deafening noise. At that precise moment you felt as if all your strength had abandoned your limbs and you fell to the ground, bringing your legs to your chest and crying like you had never done before.

You tried to think through everything that had happened.

You and Jay broke up.

You couldn't believe it, although you knew that moment would come sooner or later.

You had just broke up with the love of your life and felt like the world was collapsing on you. You never wanted it to come to this, damn it, that man was the most beautiful person you'd ever met, you imagined your whole life with him, how could it all be over? How did you end up like this?

Why couldn’t he understand you? Why didn't he try to do it? Why couldn't he see how much you were hurting and how much it hurt to not see any reassurance from him? After all this was what you wanted, just a little reassurance.

You hated him and you hated yourself because despite everything you would’ve taken a bullet rather than see him suffer but you had reached breaking point, you couldn't continue like that.

You loved him so damn much and hated him with same intensity.

You cried all the tears you had in your body, until it was physically impossible for you to expel any more and you remained in that position, sitting on the ground for a time you couldn't quantify.

However, you knew that unfortunately you couldn't stay there forever and that, despite your broken heart, you had a job to do.

As soon as you set foot in the fire station all your colleagues immediately noticed something was wrong. Your eyes were puffy, visible from a mile away even though you were staring at the ground, your posture tense.

You went to your locker and put down the bag with your things inside it, trying with all your being not to cry again. You were at work, you had to be efficient and personal problems had to be left out.

“Y/n, honey, are you okay?” Stella's voice caught your attention but you didn't look at her, you couldn't do it or you would’ve collapsed. You were holding on to the only bit of strength you had to keep from bursting into tears.

“I’m fine.“

“It doesn't seem like it…”

“I'm fine dammit!” You exclaimed loudly, slamming your locker shut and making her jump in fright. You looked at her and a wave of guilt washed over you. “I'm sorry Stel-…” your voice broke as you burst into tears, covering your face with your hands so she wouldn't look at you.

She immediately hugged you and you cried in her arms as she held you and reassured you with all the warmth and affection she had. “Oh darling it's okay, you're not alone, everything will be okay.” She caressed your back and then your hair, while you let yourself go for the second time in less than an hour into one of the most desperate cry of your existence.

Your heart felt torn, completely shattered, as if they had taken it from your chest with their bare hands and dug their nails into it.

“It's okay, I'm here with you, cry as long as you want.”

You had an abyss inside, a storm that was overwhelming you painfully like you never thought it was possible. You didn't believe it was possible to feel such pain, you didn't believe you could even think of suffocating.

And if you were desperate, Jay had reacted in a totally different way.

He was furious.

So angry.

He had never felt something like this, he thought he might explode with anger.

He was angry at you, at himself, at the whole entire world.

It was as if something had flipped a switch inside him, because he could no longer think clearly. After leaving your apartment he didn't know how he managed to get back to his house without getting into an accident, all the way his body was driving but his soul seemed lost, his mind elsewhere.

He slammed the door so hard the noise reverberated throughout the house.

What the fuck had happened? How the fuck did you get to that point? How did you two manage to go from sleeping together the previous night to breaking up the next morning?

It's over.

Your words continued to echo in his brain, repeating over and over again as if he was listening to a broken record.

How could you have done that? How could you have left him?

He was so fucking furious.

“Fuck!” He screamed at the top of his lungs, not even caring if the neighbors could hear him. He would’ve punched anyone who dared to approach him at that moment.

He didn't know how or when it had happened but in the grip of blind fury he found himself breaking any object he came across, throwing vases against the wall, chairs, glasses, anything. The deafening silence in that apartment was broken only by the sound of his heavy and uncontrolled breathing mixed with the crashing of objects against the walls.

This wasn't enough though, he wasn't even able to partially calm the anger he felt.

“Fuck everything! Fuck you!” He screamed again as if you were in front of him.

It's over.

Why?

Jay couldn't give himself an answer. He knew things weren't going well for a while but he’d never, ever, ever imagine leaving you. He wanted to face everything with you, any kind of obstacle, because he wanted it to work, because since he had met you and even when you were just friends he hadn’t doubted for a second you weren’t the woman of his life.

He had said horrible things. Things he didn't even think.

You hadn't ruined his existence, on the contrary, his life would probably have ended in the abyss if he had never met you.

He was shocked.

He didn't want to believe it, he just couldn’t.

He was sure everything would be resolved, your love couldn't just end that way. He hadn't spent years pining for you only to lose you like that, just because of a misunderstanding.

His cell phone rang but he didn't pay attention to it as his shining eyes looked at his half-destroyed apartment.

He had to get out of there, he needed to distract himself as he couldn't stay in that damn room where everything reminded him of you, where everything screamed your name. Hell, if he closed his eyes he could hear your laughter filling his apartment as he chased you one night after you stole the bag of chips he was happily eating.

By the time he arrived at the district the intense anger had somehow subsided even though he was in no condition to do anything as his mind was completely elsewhere.

He had to suppress the urge to roll his eyes when he saw Hailey sitting on his desk. It was her fault and he was hating her for it.

Inside he actually knew this wasn’t true, it was only his fault for not being able to do things differently and yours for not trusting him enough but he wasn’t thinking clearly.

“Halstead where the hell have you been?! I waited for you for more than half an hour!”.

Just hearing her voice was enough to make him go back to the anger he had so difficultly tried to suppress. He didn't have the strength or desire to put up with anyone, especially not at that moment when everything in his life seemed to be falling apart.

“Hailey don't start this bullshit okay? God I can't stand you anymore just leave me the fuck alone! And find yourself another fucking partner from now on I’ve had enough of this shit!”.

Jay's loud voice made Voight leave his office but he didn't care just as he didn't care about the shocked expression with which she looked at him, not expecting that outburst in the slightest.

“What is going on here?” Voight's gravely voice echoed through the unit.

Jay gave him a look and without another word he left, ignoring his boss' voice calling out for him. He was walking down the stairs when he bumped into Kevin.

“Hey man dammit! Woah, are you okay?” Kevin asked, stopping in his steps and getting worried when he noticed the frantic way Jay was walking. He didn't answer him, ignoring Kevin completely as he continued towards the exit of the district.

He couldn't do this, he couldn't deal with this.

He couldn't function if you weren't there.

How was he supposed to do it?

-

The two months following the breakup were one of the hardest Jay had to face. Since you had met years ago that was the first time you hadn't spoken and to say he felt like shit was an understatement.

Some would’ve thought the reaction was exaggerated since you’ve been together for just few months, but Jay had loved you long before he even confessed his feelings for you. You had entered his life like a hurricane and now that you left he felt empty.

Empty.

Lost.

That's how he felt.

And not even these words could remotely describe how he actually felt. He was so used to having you in his life, to sharing everything with you, than even after two months he could resign himself to your breakup.

The anger had subsided but it was still there, no longer towards you – or rather only in a small part – but above all towards himself.

He was angry with you because he couldn't accept how you had given up so quickly at the first big obstacle. But then again, who was he kidding, you had every reason to do it and this was the reason why he, on the other hand, was furious with himself.

After the initial shock, as time passed, Jay had reflected on everything that had happened and what had led to the breakup and, also after speaking with his friends and brother, he realized how many mistakes he had done and how right you were saying he had been a shitty boyfriend.

He had disrespected you by not considering your feelings, he had neglected them thinking every problem would just go away on its own.

He had accused you of being irrational, oppressive and he had never realized how harmful these things were, not trying to really reflect on why were acting like that.

But it was too late.

You only realize you had something important only when you lose it, this was so true.

He mistakenly hadn't given enough importance to your feelings, your thoughts, your fears. He hadn't reassured you enough when you expressed your fears, he hadn't done what was necessary to make you go to sleep peacefully at night and he would’ve cursed himself forever for this.

He was hurting but he knew it was nothing compared to what you had been through with his carelessness and superficiality for so long, so he deserved to suffer. It's true, he deserved it – he thought – but every morning he woke up and wondered when it would end, when that emptiness would go way, when that constant sensation of his lungs being compressed and not being able to breathe would stop.

Talking to Adam one time, he pointed out Jay was wrong for not to setting boundaries with Hailey even though their relationship had always been like this even when you and him were still friends.

“We all noticed how Hailey was looking for every opportunity to get close to you man so I'm sorry to say but everything that happened was your fault. You’re like a brother to me you know this, but Y/n has every reason to be furious with you, you should’ve set some boundaries and shouldn't have never let her think another person comes before her. I don't blame her for breaking up with you.”

These words made Jay open his eyes, although ever since that day when he made that outburst against Hailey in the unit he had relaxed their partnership to the bare minimum after asking Voight to change partner. He no longer spoke to her except for work, he no longer went out when she was around, he didn't answer any calls or messages and god only knew how much he wanted to call you to tell you that but he also knew it was too late to fix it since he should’ve done this much sooner.

He thought about how he would’ve felt if the roles had been reversed and he didn't have to think twice about the fact that he would’ve reacted even worse than you did. This obviously only made him feel worse.

The question he asked himself two months ago was never answered.

Jay didn't know how to function without you. He didn't know how to exist in a world where you weren't part of it.

He couldn't sleep well anymore without you beside him and even though two months had passed, every night he found himself looking at the photos of you two and, God, how much he would’ve paid to go back to those moments and be able to relive them.

His gaze landed on one of the pictures Adam took at Molly's the fucking night when he decided giving Hailey a ride home would be a smart thing to do. God, on second thought if he could just go back in time – not giving a shit about seeming mean and insensitive – he would’ve even let her walk in the rain and snow if it meant having you with him again.

A bitter smile played on his lips as his vision blurred with tears. He had cried so much in those past months, more than he’d ever want to admit, and there were countless times where he called Will to come over and always ended up crying in front of him.

Fuck he missed you so much.

How was it possible to want someone so bad? How was it possible to miss someone so much he felt like he was dying everyday even after two months?

He sniffled as he paid attention to the photo again. You were so beautiful and seemed so carefree. He had his arm around your shoulders and you had half your face buried in his chest as you both laughed about something he couldn’t remember.

Jay struggled to recognize himself.

He didn't remember what it was like to be so happy anymore, to smile so much his jaw hurt, to feel his heart full of joy. By now he no longer smiled, if it wasn't for the strained and fake smiles he addressed to colleagues and friends from time to time.

He was so fucking happy with you and he had let slip the only source of such happiness, the only person who had ever managed to make him almost touch the sky with a finger.

He wiped away a tear that had slipped down his cheek as his finger traced the outline of your figure imprinted in the picture. This was all he had left. Just some photos and videos.

You were so beautiful, the most gorgeous woman his eyes had ever had the pleasure of laying on and the way you smiled in those photos, God, your smile was breathtaking.

The movie played in the background as he continued to look back at all the photos and videos of you he had saved in his gallery for the millionth time. He would’ve let someone rip his organs out with bare hands and let them being sold on the black market if it meant having you back.

He wanted nothing more than to go back to those happy and carefree times, to those moments he seemed to take for granted.

What would he have done to be able to make you laugh like that again, to hug you so hard until he took your breath away. What would he have given to have you back with him, to be able to open the car door for you, to hear you sing all the songs you knew on the radio or to be able to take you to your favorite restaurant and watch you stuff yourself with food with your eyes shining with joy until you exploded.

What he would’ve given to see you watch your favorite movie a thousand more times and be moved every single time while he hugged you and dried the tears you always denied having.

What would he even give to see you so grumpy and sad when your period was about to come but how that nervousness instantly disappeared and how your face lit up the moment he went to your house with a bag full of chocolate and junk food.

What would he have given to be able to sleep beside you again, to be able to cradle you in his arms and whisper sweet words until you fell asleep when you weren't sleepy or when, on the contrary, you denied you were sleepy but ended up falling asleep literally three minutes later . What would he have given to open his eyes in the morning and see you lying next to him, with only the sheet covering your body, to see your hair scattered on the pillow and some strands in front of your face, or feel your scent invade his nostrils every time you were close to him.

And, damn it, he would’ve given anything to even take back your cooking and your terribly prepared dishes. He missed going to your house and seeing the kitchen upside down with literally all the dirty dishes and pots. God, you were a terrible cook but he loved so much the immense effort you put into cooking something you knew he loved and yet he still ate whatever you made for him with a smile on his face, not admitting the food was overcooked or raw or even charred, just so he could see the look of pure joy on your face as he ate it.

He had never left a single plate full.

And that was the difference between you and him.

You always tried hard for him, you always tried to improve, to bite the bullet even if you didn't like something just so as not to bother him. You did it until you reached your breaking point and he understood this, even if it was too late.

Stupid.

Stupid.

Stupid.

The guilt was eating him alive. He couldn't accept in any way the most beautiful things that ever happened to him had ended that way and above all because of him.

He couldn’t stop thinking about you.

What were you doing? Were you thinking of him? Did you miss him? How were you?

It had been two fucking months since he had seen you, that he hadn't heard from you even though he had tried several times to call you and text you even though – understandably – you had never replied to him. He went to your house so many times he couldn’t count them but every single time before knocking on your door he’d froze, not knowing what to do and fearing your reaction. So he turned and walked away, not sparing himself crying like a three-year-old.

He had asked his friends with whom you had kept in touch about you but they said it wasn't their place to say things that concerned you since you two have broken up and that he had to stop hurting himself and take the matter in his hands.

Jay had stopped going out, his life was now home-work work-home. He didn't even know how he managed to do his job, let alone think about going out and sitting at a bar.

The truth was that he was scared as hell.

He was afraid to see you again, he was afraid to look at you and know you no longer gave a fuck about him, he was afraid of how he’d react after so long without seeing you.

He jumped when he heard someone knocking on the door and quickly wiped away his tears, locking the phone and throwing it on the couch before getting up and going to see who it was.

Oh, and the cell phone was new obviously. He didn't want to think back to how he had destroyed the old one by throwing it furiously against the wall.

“Will what are you doing here?” Jay asked as he opened the door and let his brother in, closing it behind him.

“Go get dressed, we’re going out.”

“I'm not going anywhere, I'm watching a movie.” He sat back on the couch, looking at the TV even though he didn't even remember the name of the movie.

“It wasn't a request Jay. I've had enough of seeing you like this. You have to take your life into your own hands, aren't you tired of this?”

Jay rolled his eyes. “Will just leave me alone please, I don't want to go out.”

Will walked over and took the remote control before turning off the TV and placing it back on the coffee table. “Like I said, it wasn't a request. Go get dressed, let's go to a bar for a drink and we are not going Molly's don't worry. You need to get out Jay, you've been doing nothing but staying inside the house for two months.”

“Will… I swear to God,” Jay scolded, feeling his anger and irritation grow more and more.

“No brother, listen to me. I know it hurts, I can only imagine how much but it's time you start to move on. I know you still love her but it's full of people out there you might know. She left you and it was probably for the best...”

Jay didn't even let him finish his sentence.

He suddenly got up and grabbed him by the shirt, seething with anger and refraining from giving him a punch just because he was his brother.

“If you know what's best for you, don't even dare to finish the sentence,” he spat through clenched teeth and Will nodded, knowing he was in no condition to think clearly. Jay let him go but the anger was still there.

“Jay, listen I'm sorry…”

“No fuck you! How can you think it’s better this way? How could you say that! She is the best for me, if it’s not her I don't want anyone else. After all this time, you know what I’ve been through since we were just friend, you know how I won't be able to love anyone like I love her so stop trying to pair me with someone every fucking opportunity you get, I'm sick of it!”.

Will nodded, feeling guilty for pushing his brother so hard. “I’m sorry Jay, you’re right I went too far but I’m just worried about you. I hate seeing you this way and I wasn't kidding about taking back your life. You can't keep going like this,” he said “Let's at least go have a drink and get some fresh air, I promise I won't say anything else.”

So this was how Jay found himself sitting at a bar he had never been to before with his brother – who had also invited other friends besides those from the unit – regretting the fucking moment he agreed with that shit.

Hailey was there too but he didn't even say hello to her or gave her single glance. He didn't care although he knew she had nothing to do with it but he couldn't help but feel resentment towards her.

Don't blame others for your bullshit and for not being able to keep your girlfriend, his conscience added.

Jay ended up drinking and getting drunk until he couldn't stand without help. He wasn't the type to drink but in that moment he would’ve done anything to just stop thinking about you even for just a minute. But the thing was that even when he was drunk he couldn't stop blurting out your name and not think about you, so this was no use.

Will ended up letting him sleep at his house, not feeling like leaving him alone, a chasm in his heart while looking at his brother reduced to that state and not being able to do anything to help him.

“Oh Y/n what have you done do to my brother,” he sighed before casting one last glance at Jay asleep on the bed in the guest room before closing the door behind him.

But if only Will had known what conditions you were in too, he would’ve asked this same question to you.

What have Jay done to you?

In the two months after the breakup, not a day had gone by without not wanting him back and cry in his arms, telling him you regretted leaving him.

It was hard, damn it was, but you had to be strong.

You didn't know how you didn't give in but no matter how much you loved him, no matter how much your heart ached agonizingly, you couldn't go back, not if there was no change.

You believed that at least after the break up he’d try to fight for your relationship, that he’d demonstrate he loved you as much as he professed but you started to wonder if it was even true or not.

The passing of those two months could be compared to riding a roller coaster. One day you were angry like never before, another you seemed to feel better, another you had to ask for a work leave because you had spent the night crying all the tears you had in your body until you didn't even have the strength to get up the next morning.

You had also discovered that alcohol could be a good companion but after three weeks of continuous drinking and you calling some of your friends in tears, you realized it really wasn't that good and it made you think of Jay more than you normally did. You lost count of the number of times your friends had taken your cell phone from you to prevent you from calling Jay in your drunken state.

But you missed that bastard son of a bitch so much.

And you hated yourself because you couldn't hate him even when he had made you suffer.

You asked yourself so many times if it had been the right decision, if you hadn't made it too hastily, letting yourself be guided solely by your negative emotions.

No, your conscience quickly intervened when these thoughts crept into your mind.

You had already spoken up to him many times, you had explained to him how uncomfortable his friendship with Hailey made you feel but he had decided to ignore your words and not give importance to them. All of this hurt you so damn much, especially knowing he didn't care enough like you thought he did.

It didn't matter how much you had to suffer, this wasn’t what you wanted for yourself.

You didn't want to have to beg for his attention, you didn't want to have to tearfully tell him every single time how bad the way he talked and laughed with her made you feel or how ignored you felt sometimes. You wanted a carefree love, you wanted a love where the person next to you took you above all others, a love where your man saw no other person but you, you wanted a love so intense you had to be the center of his world.

And you really thought you won the lottery with Jay.

He was the perfect man for you, or at least he had been for the first few months. God what would you have given to relive those times. They were pure heaven, you felt like you were constantly floating on clouds, almost exploding with happiness. You really felt like the center of his world and you wondered what had happened, why everything had fallen apart.

Maybe you were too pretentious, maybe you lived too much on fairy tales and romance novels, maybe you were destined to be alone and not meet anyone who’d give you what you wanted. Maybe you had to settle down and lower your expectations.

But no, damn it, you’d didn’t want to do that.

You’d never settle for a mediocre love or a person who gave you the bare minimum, even if it meant dying alone.

You knew Jay was and would forever be the one and only, you wouldn’t be able to love anyone like you loved him.

“Y/n you still there?” Stella's voice brought you back to reality.

“Oh yeah, sorry, I was just… A little bit lost in my thoughts.”

You and Stella were taking a walk in the park after your shift, even though it was cold. You had initially refused, wanting nothing more than to go home and cry yourself to sleep as you looked at the photos of you with Jay and regretted the love you had probably lost forever. But Stella didn't want to listen and you had to thank her. You wouldn't have known what to do if she hadn't been there in those two months. She had truly become your rock.

“Don't worry, I get it,” she replied with a sweet smile on her face. “You want to tell me what were you thinking about?”.

“No, I don't really want to talk about it, I've already stressed you out enough with this whole thing,” you said, putting your frozen hands in your jacket’s pockets. There was almost no one in that park if it hadn't been for a few passers-by who were taking their dog for a walk.

Autumn had already begun, the trees were mostly almost all bare from their leaves and you couldn't help but feel like them. Empty, bare, devoid of any emotion other than a sense of loss and profound sadness.

I hate you Jay Halstead.

And I also love you so damn much.

“Y/n I told you a thousand times not to keep things inside, I'm here and I’ll happily listen to you, don't think for a second you can be a burden to me.”

You turned to her and gave her a smile, perhaps one of the only sincere ones you'd given in the last two months. You felt your eyes fill with tears and you cursed yourself for feeling so emotional, how you seemed to do anything but cry at the smallest thing.

She understood you instantly, even when you looked away from her and wrapped an arm around your shoulders, giving you an encouraging hug.

You let out a sigh as the cold air prickled your face, immediately wiping away a lone tear that slid down your cheek.

“I don’t know Stella, I’m so confused…” you started to speak “I miss him so much and I… I wonder when I’ll stop feeling this way.”

“I know you miss him, it's natural Y/n. Don't pressure yourself about this, give yourself time to get over it, it's only been two months,” she paused for a moment, giving you a look, “But you don't want to get over it, do you?”.

How did she know exactly how you felt?

You nodded feebly, feeling terribly stupid.

“I don't want to go on without him, I don't know how to do it... He made me feel like shit and all I can think about is that I’d love nothing more than for him to knock on my door,” you spoke, giving voice to your thoughts “I feel so stupid because I should be mad at him and fuck I am, I wish he had fought for us, I wish he hadn't limited himself to few stupid calls and texts, I wish he had listened to me when I talked to him about our problems, but… God, at the same time if he came back I know I’d go back to him in a heartbeat because I don't know how to be without him...” tears were now streaming down your face and Stella listened to you carefully while she continued to keep her arm around your shoulder. “Am I being crazy?”.

“Oh darling, of course you aren’t. Like I said, it is more than normal, in fact I’d be worried if you didn't feel this way.”

“Was I stupid to leave him?”.

“No, you did the right thing if that’s what you felt, I would probably have done the same thing if Kelly did this or worse. Even if you love Jay to death that doesn't mean you have to spend your relationship feeling anxious every time you see him with Hailey or constantly worrying that something might happen between the two of them, or asking him to spend time with you and take you on dates or something like that. It's best to set the record straight from the start, if there's one thing you shouldn't do it's keep it all inside you. Just know that sooner or later you will explode and believe me, if you had done this the outcome would’ve been far worse.”

“I know, I know… You’re right,” you sighed “But when will this end?” you sniffed at the same time she handed you a tissue.

“I wish I could answer that Y/n, but unfortunately this is love. It's beautiful and ugly, it's joy and pain. I always thought love and hate were two sides of the same coin and it doesn't take much to erase the line between them,” she sighed, feeling sorry for you.

“Well, love sucks right now.”

You both let out a laugh and you dried you tears, again. “Trust me honey I know but… Can I tell you what I think?”.

“Yes, please.”

“I think if fate wants it, it’ll bring you back together. Darling, you two broke up not because the love ended but because you reached the breaking point after so much tension and arguments. I’m one hundred percent sure that everything happened between you was due to communication problems: he didn't fully understand your problems and you didn't have the patience to make him understand them,” she softly spoke.

“Unfortunately, you have to understand you’re two different people honey and as such you have different thoughts and views of life so what’s important for you doesn’t mean it will be as much as important for him and vice versa. He wasn’t good at understanding this and I think this was his fault; he had to put himself in your shoes, and you couldn't take it the fact he didn’t immediately get why his relationship with Hailey – along with other issues – made you feel the way you felt,” she took a pause while you listened with meticulous attention to every single word.

“He was superficial, this is true, but his problem didn't come from this. Think for a second how it must’ve felt to be constantly accused of something that I myself am certain isn’t the truth, to feel the lack of trust from the person you love,” she continued to speak as you both kept waking slowly.

“Y/n that man lives and breathes for you, his heart beats for no one but you, I see the way he looks at you and the way he talks about you when you’re not there. I saw the way he’s struggling right now and I’m very sure if you called him this very moment he’d be here begging you on his knees to come back with him. I’m not on his side though, like I said, I really think you guys just had communication issues and you need a little more patience with each other. I'm not saying you didn't do the right thing, on the contrary, I think this breakup however painful, could be the turning point for you and I'm one hundred percent sure you’ll get back together, just mark my words.”

-

You spent the following weekend locked in your house avoiding any social interaction.

You did nothing but think over and over again about Stella's words during your walk and you would’ve been lying if you said the idea of calling Jay or going to him hadn't crossed your mind more intensely than before.

You didn't do it though, fear and pride blocking you.

What if he had moved on? What if he had already forgotten about you? What if he hooked up with Hailey?

No, no, no, fuck no.

These questions continued to haunt you and were what stopped you from doing something stupid. You wouldn't have been able to bear it, you weren't ready to know this and probably never would’ve been.

It had been two months since you had seen him or heard from him but every time you wanted to ask your friends about him you stopped yourself out of pure selfishness, because you were afraid of the answer. You knew if they answered those unexpressed questions and make your fears reality, it would’ve killed you. You’d never recover, no matter how dramatic and absurd that sounded.

Selfishly speaking, you hoped he was feeling as shitty as you were, just because that would’ve meant he still cared about you and that you were still somewhere in his mind like he was constantly in yours.

Monday came slowly and you were never so grateful for it, feared that if you were left alone with your mind another day you’d shoot your brain out with a rifle.

You entered the shower with the intention of washing yourself quickly, trying to ignore the memories of the ones you took with Jay.

“God please, stop,” you whispered to yourself. Why didn’t it get easier? Why couldn't you do anything without some fucking thing reminding you of him? Why couldn't you just forget?

You burst into tears, letting them mix with the tap water that wet your face. You leaned against the cold tiles, as you sobbed into your hands covering your face.

You couldn't take it anymore.

It was getting unbearable.

You placed a hand at your heart level, feeling how it was beating wildly. Your chest rose and fell rapidly and as numerous sobs came out of your mouth and copious tears from your eyes, you started to feel the horrible sensation of not being able to breathe, as if the walls had suddenly started to close around you.

You were familiar with that feeling unfortunately, it wasn't the first time it had happened to you in those last two months and all you could do was just let it happen, sit on the ground and wait for it to pass.

And that was exactly what you did, sitting on the floor of the shower, letting the water hit your back until it got cold and you calmed down.

When you arrived at work you felt like a zombie.

You hadn't had breakfast, your twisted stomach prevented you from being able to swallow any food, and you felt rather weak.

Absurdly you hoped there would be an accident, a fire, any kind of thing that would allow you to keep your mind occupied for at least a few hours.

And for once in your life, fate seemed to follow your will.

Your team was called to the scene of an accident that very morning, a couple of hours after you arrived at the fire station. It was a road accident, a car had crashed into a guardrail and the victim was trapped in the vehicle.

When you arrived at the crime scene it started raining, making that shitty day even shittier.

You didn't have time to think about the rain, you had a person to save but it made the job even more difficult. The car was completely destroyed in the front and there were pieces of glass from the car windows and braking marks on the asphalt, making you wonder how fast the driver was going to end up in that state. You were even surprised he was still alive.

“Hey buddy just hang on okay? We'll get you out of there, just hold on for a few minutes and don't make sudden movements,” you tried to reassure him, slightly leaning forward so you could look at him. The driver was a boy who couldn’t have exceeded the age of twenty and he was about to have a panic attack. You didn't blame him though, no one would want to be in that situation.

“Get me out of here!” He kept screaming.

You and the other firefighters on the scene worked together to get the victim out of the car which was now reduced to a pile of scrap that looked more like a can of tuna.

You managed to get him out of the car but not before putting a collar around his neck to stabilize the cervical vertebrae in case they were fractured. You and your colleague, Alex, removed him from the car and immediately placed him on the stretcher, locking the straps around his body.

Even though he was almost out of danger, the stranger continued to move, shouting to let him go.

“Hey, hey, hey! Listen to me! It's okay, you're safe now. They’ll take you to the hospital where they’ll treat you okay?” You tried for the umpteenth time to calm the boy down before looking at the paramedics and nodding at them, signing they could finally transport the victim on the ambulance.

“Y/n! Come here!” Alex's voice caught your attention and you joined him towards the crashed car.

“Am I tripping or does this look like blood?” He asked, pointing to the rear trunk which was closed and from which streams of what certainly appeared to be blood were coming out.

“Holy shit,” you let out and you both exchanged a worried look. “Take the crowbar.”

With no small amount of ease you managed to open the trunk and nothing could have prepared you for what you found yourselves facing.

“Fuck!” “Oh shit!” You and Alex exclaimed almost at the same time, covering your noses from the nauseating smell that had hit you right in the face, simultaneously taking steps backwards.

There was a fucking dead body in the trunk of that car and in that moment you understood why the driver was so agitated and in a hurry to run away.

“Call the police.”

It was the Intelligence who intervened at the crime scene and it wasn't even necessary to say you were a bundle of nerves. Your stomach was churning in anxiety as you tried to stay calm, the thought of having to see Jay again almost made you throw up.

You breathed a sigh of relief when you saw Antonio arrive alone, fuck, you weren't ready to face Jay, not on the crime scene where you had found a body.

“Mornin’ guys. So what do we have here?” Antonio asked as soon as he greeted you and Alex. He gave you a longer look than usual, giving you a smile that screamed pity and sorrow.

God, did you look that bad?

Alex explained the situation and everything that happened while you listened. The rain was incessant and by now all your hair was sticking to your forehead even though it was tied up in a ponytail. The cold was almost unbearable even though you were wearing your uniform jacket which was quite heavy.

You were talking to Antonio after Alex got back to your other colleagues when you saw him and you almost had a heart attack.

Jay.

You froze in place, feeling all your muscles suddenly atrophy and paralyze. You blinked several times, fearing you were having a hallucination.

“Y/n? You okay?” Antonio's voice reached your ears very far away, your attention focused on the only person who had ever made your heart beat so fast you feared it’d stop.

You know when you hear in a movie the characters say time stops when they see the person they love?

You had always thought it was just a cliché thing but in that moment you really realized how truth that statement was.

Everything seemed to disappear, rain evaporated, people vanished.

It was two months. Two months of not seeing him. Two months of pure torture and hell and now he was there in front of you, beautiful as the sun.

He was wearing a jacket whose pockets he had put his hands in, a hood covering his hair as he walked towards the yellow police tape. He put a hand out of his pocket to lift it and go under it after nodding to the cops, tucking his hand back into his pocket immediately afterwards.

You felt your knees give away and you didn't know how you managed not to collapse there in front of everyone.

But it was when your eyes met that your breath was completely knocked out of your lungs.

Jay stopped in his tracks instantly, as if he'd bumped into something. He couldn't help but widen his eyes and part his lips as his brain processed the vision in front of him.

Was it really you? Wasn't he dreaming?

The cold vanished almost instantly as a sensation of heat coursed through his body, causing every cell in his system to light up on fire. He didn't expect to see you, not like that and not after two months.

He had to repress the desire to run to you and throw himself at your feet and pray for your forgiveness. He was overwhelmed by a wave of emotions.

Happiness.

Sadness.

Repentance.

Emptiness.

Anger.

Pain.

The memories of your last meeting overwhelmed him. His heart shattered even more than it already was when he remembered the last time he had seen and spoken to you, you both had shouted the worst evil things at each other.

It's over.

Even from afar your eyes managed to hypnotize him but he couldn't help but notice how the light that characterized them, that light in those eyes he continuously dreamed about and which he still loved with all his being, had disappeared.

And it was his fault, he was the one who did this to you.

He had noticed the dark circles surrounding your eyes, perhaps even worse than his, and guilt was added to all those feelings he felt.

It was all his fault.

His eyes filled with tears when you looked away, wanting nothing more than to run away and cry.

He saw Antonio turn towards him and give him a look before returning his attention to you and saying something. Jay didn't have the strength to get closer, the fear was paralyzing him. He couldn’t even let out a sound.

But how much he wanted to scream at the top of his lungs how much he loved you, so deeply you made completely lose his mind to the point he couldn’t breathe without you, sleep, or even eat.

He just stood there like an idiot while staring at you, not moving a single muscle.

You’re so fucking mesmerizing Y/n. How can someone be so beautiful?

You said something to Antonio and looked at Jay again before turning your back and walking away, joining the rest of your colleagues who were about to go back to the fire station.

“Halstead you okay?” Antonio asked as he approached him but Jay didn't even seem to listen to him as his eyes were following your every move. “Jay.”

“I'm fine,” he murmured, never taking his eyes off you. You were taking some tools he couldn't even identify and loading it onto the fire truck.

“Jay, man, look at me please.”

But he didn't.

He didn't take his eyes off you until you got into the truck and drove away, not before you exchanged another look.

Jay let out a sigh he didn't even know he was holding, then ran his hands over his face wet because of the rain.

He looked at the gray sky for a moment, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath in an attempt to regain control of himself.

He hated all of this. He hated you still had so much control over him, his thoughts, how you managed to mess him up so badly he couldn't properly function anymore. You had such power over him and you didn't even know it. How the fuck could you even doubt he didn't care about you?

“I’m sorry,” he murmured when he realized how idiotic he must have looked.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“How is she?”.

Antonio sighed. “She… She’s not doing very well Jay, she was shaking when she saw you. Why don't you just talk to her and solve your problems? It's so obvious that neither of you are over it yet.”

It was now late afternoon and Jay was out of his mind.

For the rest of the day he thought of nothing but you and meeting you that morning. Even as the team investigated the case about the body you found, everyone had noticed how his mind was totally elsewhere.

He said something from time to time, participating in the investigations when he seemed to wake up from his thoughts and then immediately distanced himself from them again.

He didn't miss Voight's lecture, who chided him about how distracted he had been lately. He told him he understood the hard time he was going through but that he should leave his problems outside the district.

He was quite understanding, even when Jay came to him and told him he no longer wanted to be partnered with Hailey, but enough was enough. Jay had to be concentrated, he couldn't afford distractions in a job like his because just one small mistake could’ve cost him his life.

“What happened man? You seem even more out of your mind than usual today,” Adam stated when he entered the break room and saw his friend sitting on the small sofa, looking down and a cup of steaming coffee in his hands.

“I saw her,” Jay replied softly.

“What? Seriously? When? Have you guys talked?”.

Jay shook his head. “This morning, at the crime scene, she was one of the firefighters there,” he sighed as his mind was haunted by your eyes “We didn't talk. I just looked at her from afar.”

Adam sighed as he poured himself some coffee too. “How much longer are you planning to go on like this? You're becoming unbearable Halstead.”

“Excuse me?”.

“Yes, you heard me mate. You’ve been a pain the ass. Either you get back with her or move on, just stop crying to yourself like a baby and do something. Are you waiting for a fucking miracle to get you back together? Then you can wait forever because it will never happen. You make your own destiny.”

Jay looked at him not knowing whether to laugh or feeling offended.

But damn, was he right.

He was tired of feeling this way, of this continuing suffering, of being without you. It had been too long and he didn't want to live that way anymore. He no longer wanted to wake up in the morning and constantly wonder when the damn day would end, he no longer wanted to roll over in bed and not seeing you lying next to him, he no longer wanted to wake up in the middle of the night because of some nightmare where you were happily in love with another man.

He wanted to be your man, he wanted to give you all the happiness you deserved, he wanted to be the one to give you everything you needed.

He had been so stupid for even letting this much time pass.

All he had to do was go to you and do everything within his power to make you truly trust him again, to proving you how much he loved you, how much his world revolved only around you, how much only you made him happy.

Either it was you or he’d die in total solitude and he didn't want that. He wanted to be with you, he wanted to die like a decrepit old man while he held your hand.

He hadn't spent so many years of friendship longing for you only to give up like that and let you go, he couldn't do that. He didn’t want to live with that ‘if’, with the fear of taking a few steps towards you because he was afraid of your rejection, even if it would’ve hurt him, he wanted to give his all.

For this reason he placed the cup of coffee on the table and ran away at the speed of light, leaving Adam standing there who, however, immediately understood the intentions of his friend and grinned to himself.

Jay didn't bother wearing his jacket or getting an umbrella to protect himself from the rain that was pouring incessantly since the morning, not caring about anything other than coming to you.

Although it was only 5:30 PM, it was already dark outside. The rain was pounding so hard the walk from the district to his car was enough to get him soaked from head to toe.

If in other moments he would’ve torn a limb rather than get into the car with his soaked clothes and wet the seats, in that instant it was the last thing on his mind. He thought about how you’d react seeing him in that situation, he knew you’d tease him forever. Just the thought made him smile.

It was Monday and he knew you had a double shift that day so he drove to the fire station at the speed of light, hoping to find you there. He didn't care you were in the middle of the shift, he just needed to see you.

He parked the car crookedly, got out and ran towards the fire station. The first person he met was Stella, who looked at him with a weird look as soon as she noticed the condition he was in.

“Stella, hi... Where is Y/n? I need to talk to her.”

He gave her a confused look at her when he saw her slightly grinning as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Finally Halstead, took you long enough don't you think? Two months…”

“I know, I've been a stupid piece of shit,” he interrupted her not being able to contain himself anymore “But please tell me where she is.”

“She went home an hour and a half ago, she said she wasn't feeling well.”

Worry took over. “Wait what? Did something happened?”.

Stella rolled her eyes. “You're such an idiot Jay. Physically she's fine, emotionally not much and it's because of you,” she pointed her index finger at his chest. “You better fix the mess you've made.”

He felt like shit, more than he already was. He hated the thought of you being in pain, especially because of him. “I'll try, if she still wants to talk to me.”

“She has every reason not to,” Stella commented.

He nodded. She was right. “She’s home right?”.

“Last time I checked, yes.”

“Thank you Stella.”

Jay started to walk away but her voice made him stop.

“I never want to see her cry again Jay so if you don't believe in what you're doing and if you think you can't give her what she needs you better turn around and drive your stupid ass back to your house,” she threatened him. “She wouldn't be able to go through everything she's been through these past few months again, so I'm warning you, I'll rip your balls off and make you wear them like earrings if you make her suffer again.”

“I'm not going to Stella, she…” he sighed trying to find the right words to describe how he felt about you “She is my whole world, I've never been as sure of anything as I am of how much I love her, I just want her back.”

Stella nodded. “Now go.”

When Jay arrived outside your apartment building, a wave of relief went through him as he noticed your car was parked in its usual spot. But it was soon replaced by disappointment when after knocking your door several times there was no answer.

He thought about calling you but he didn't want to scare you away, he didn't want you to have the chance to escape since he wanted to talk to you at all costs.

He went outside again, and sat on the steps outside the main entrance waiting for you, his head bowed as droplets of water were falling on the asphalt. He luckily managed to sit where the rain wouldn’t come although the still soaked clothes were starting to bother him. He didn't care though, this was truly the last thing on his mind.

Where were you? Were you alone? Were you with anyone else?

He shook his head. He didn't even want to think about it, knowing he’d most likely get a life sentence without parole if he ever saw another man next to you.

He didn’t also want to think it wouldn’t be his businesses since you two weren’t together anymore.

Contrary to what Jay thought, you had just gone for a walk, unable to stay at home since you were afraid if you were left alone with your thoughts again you’d go crazy. You thought you were stupid for asking to leave early from work so you could stay at home and rest but then didn't want to stay because the anguish was so intense you couldn't even sit still.

So you ended up taking an umbrella and going out for a walk, without a specific destination. You just wanted to clear your head and get some fresh air. Even though the rain was bothering you since that morning, you still loved the sound of it and the smell it left in the air.

Seeing Jay had shocked you more than you would’ve ever imagined, even though you knew quite well how it’d end. You had wondered numerous times what it’d be like to meet him again after two months of not hearing from him, you knew it wouldn't be easy, but you didn't think it would’ve such a deep effect on you to not even let you do your job.

It was as if you jumped back to the day you broke up and that very little progress you had made over the course of those months disintegrated as soon as you met his beautiful eyes.

You walked for a time that seemed infinite to you even though barely an hour had passed and when your hands started to lose sensitivity due to the cold, you decided it was the time to head back home.

The journey to your apartment building took longer than expected, not in a hurry to return to those four cold walls as you knew the rough night awaited you. That is, crying and alcohol.

But if you had known what – or rather who – awaited you, you would’ve run until your lungs burned.

“Jay…”

You almost had a heart attack when you noticed the figure sitting on those steps, recognizing immediately the very and only man who managed to take your breath away and the ground off your feet with just a look.

You immediately saw how soakes wet his clothes were and how he wasn't even wearing a jacket over his long-sleeved shirt and your heart ached painfully.

How long was he there?

He shoot his gaze up from the ground when he heard your voice, fearing for a moment it was too good to be true and you weren't really there. He stood up quickly, standing in front of you.

“What are you doing here?” You asked with a shaky voice, struggling to hold the eye contact. Why did you want to cry so suddenly?

“I… I’m sorry for popping in here unannounced, I need to talk to you.”

Your stomach tightened in a vice, though you knew you had no other choice. You had to do it, you needed it too.

You nodded. “Let's go upstairs though.” You continued, feeling your heart break at thought he might catch something.

He nodded back and at the same time let out a sneeze before looking down in embarrassment. If it wasn’t for the fact you had broken up badly and this was the first time you interacted since that faithful day, you would’ve found it funny.

You closed your umbrella and entered your apartment building, aware Jay was behind you, and you both walked up to your home in complete silence.

Jay almost burst into tears when you opened the door and let him in, feeling a wave of nostalgia wash over him. He could smell your scent perfectly – well it was normal since it was your house – but he missed it so fucking much he thought he’d collapse on the floor.

He looked around, noticing everything was the same, but different at the same time. Two months had passed since he had set foot in that house but it seemed like an eternity since it had been the worst time of his life.

Silence reigned supreme as he looked at you taking off your jacket and hung it on the coat rack, after placing the wet umbrella in its stand.

You disappeared into your room for a moment and he stood there frozen, not knowing what to do.

He hated that feeling so fucking much, he hated not knowing how to act around you, what to say or what to do. You had always been his best friend, the person he felt most at peace with, you were the love of his life and yet at that moment he couldn't even look at you in the eyes without feeling like complete shit.

“I brought you some dry clothes, you can go change and put the wet ones in the dryer,” you said as soon as you walked out of your room, holding some folded clothes that Jay immediately recognized as his.

A little hope lit up inside him.

You still had his clothes, a black t-shirt and sweatpants. He had even forgotten you had them in first place but the relief and joy he felt from that small gesture almost made him burst into tears.

God I feel like a fucking emotional teenage girl.

“I thought you threw them away,” he replied, moving closer to you. You shook your head, but didn't look at him, too embarrassed to do it. If only he had known you had spent nights wearing those clothes and smelling his scent while crying yourself to sleep.

He took them and as he did it your hands touched.

You both tried to maintain a neutral facade but from the brief glance you exchanged you knew it affected both of you at the same way. It was as if an electric shock ran through your bodies and that small, almost imperceptible touch was enough to throw both of you into a whirlwind of indescribable emotions.

“Uhm… I-I… Well… I’ll just go,” he stammered before running to the bathroom and closing the door behind him.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, Y/n what are you doing to me,” he whispered, resting his forehead on the door as he caught his breath.

You let out a deep breath you didn't realize you were holding, placing a hand on your chest in an attempt to slow down your heart that was beating so hard it felt like it wanted to escape from your rib cage.

“I need a drink,” you said to yourself and went to the kitchen with the intention of drinking something strong.

You were still processing what was happening.

Jay was at your house.

Your ex-boyfriend and the love of your fucking life was at your house, in your bathroom, changing his wet clothes.

You tried to convince yourself it was reality and not just your dream as you poured some whiskey into a glass and downed it in one gulp like a shot.

You were so lost in your thoughts you didn't even realize Jay was back. You gave him a look, cursing yourself as you did since Jay in black was one of your weaknesses.

Lord please have mercy on my poor soul.

“How long have you been a whiskey drinker?”.

“Do you really want to know?” You responded with another question, looking up at him and taking another shot of alcohol, the burn along your throat now quite familiar.

You looked at each other for a few seconds and he shook his head slightly, knowing full well the answer to that question. He lowered his eyes to the floor, the guilt too strong.

“You want something?” You politely asked as you closed the bottle.

“No, thank you.” He wanted to talk to you as clearly as possible.

You nodded and placed the dirty glass in the sink.

Silence reigned supreme again and you walked past him before going into the living room and sitting on the couch. Your palms were sweating and you wondered why this had to be so damn hard.

Jay followed you like a puppy, but remained standing.

“You can sit Jay.”

He never thought about it but his name never sounded so wonderful until he heard you say it. Everything that came out of your lips was pure poetry to his ears, except when you insulted him, that was like getting stabbed by thousands knives.

He sat down on the couch, painfully far away from you.

“How are you?“ Was the first thing Jay asked and he mentally smacked himself on the forehead for his stupidity. He hadn't seen you for two months after you two had a horrible breakup and the smartest thing he could think of was ‘how are you?’.

Fucking dumbass.

You raised your head and your eyes met his, looking at him with an indecipherable expression. “You want the honest truth?”.

“Always.”

“Not very good Jay,” you gave a fake tight half smile “And now that you're here even less so.”

He sighed, obviously expecting this response, leaning back on the couch as he thought about what he could say.

“I'm sorry.” Was all he could spit out.

You imitated his gesture and leaned against the back of the sofa too, crossing your fingers over your belly while your eyes were fixed on the ceiling as if it was the most interesting thing you had ever seen.

You both remained silent for a moment. You looking at the ceiling and him looking at you.

With his eyes he traced the outline of your profile in meticulous detail, thinking about how much he missed being able to be close to you and look at you. He analyzed every inch of skin of your face, taking pictures with his gaze with the hope of imprinting them all in his memory in case he was no longer able to look at you like that.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” you asked, not looking at him.

He had to bite his tongue to keep from telling you how beautiful you were, fearing he’d get nothing more than a slap in the face, probably deserved too.

“So many things but I don’t know where to begin, I… I had a speech but I can’t even remember my own name now.”

You turned your head towards him and you looked at each other for a while in a way Jay couldn’t decipher, making him wish he could read your mind.

Your eyes never left each other as silence filled the room, the air was so tense it could be cut with a knife.

“How did we end up like this Jay?” It was you who broke the silence after a while, your voice so low you thought he hadn't even heard you.

“It was my fault,” he replied without hesitation “I… You were right Y/n, I was a shitty boyfriend,” he continued referring to what you had told him that fateful morning.

“No, it was my…”

“No bab- Y/n…” he tried to correct himself but it was too late because your heart had already skipped a beat. “I won't let you think it was your fault. I neglected you, I took you for granted, I was arrogant enough to think that once we got together we could just be happy without any effort. But I was wrong, I didn't realize I had hurt you so much and believe me... Please believe me, I’ll spend the rest of my days beating myself for this.”

“I hurt you too…” you whispered, feeling your eyes full of tears and afraid you’d start crying at any moment.

His chest tightened as he saw your sad expression and God only knew how much he wanted to hug you, holding you so tightly to his chest until he’d make all your pain go away.

He shook his head. “You were just angry, now I know, I understand it. I know your constant arguing with me was your way of telling me I wasn't doing enough for you and I'm sorry for putting you through all of this… I… I'm sorry for making you doubt me and I’ll never forgive myself for that Y/n because I lost the best thing that ever happened to me in life.”

Hearing those words made those little defenses you had managed to built collapse. You got up suddenly as tears ran down your cheeks, wiping them away in the process. You stood by the window, turning your back to him so he wouldn't see you.

He stood up right after you and carefully approached you. He moved his hands with the intention of resting them on your shoulders to comfort you but he stopped, not wanting to overstep your boundaries and make the situation even worse.

“Look at me Y/n please, I need to look into your eyes,” he whispered in a pleading tone. You quickly wiped your tears with your palms and turned to him, but kept your gaze lowered. “Hey…” He called your attention and you finally looked up at him. Your eyes were incredibly shiny from the tears but they had never been more beautiful than they were in that moment and finally being able to look at them so closely was like being punched in the stomach.

“I don't blame you, I don't blame you for a single thing you did or said, I hope you know that. I'm angry at myself for not giving you what you needed and for not realizing in time you were slipping through my fingers,” he confessed, “I haven't been fair to you, I've been superficial and selfish and… I stupidly thought our love would be enough for everything to go easy, but I was so wrong, because love is not just this, love is also understanding, patience, compromise and I failed giving you this...” he talked so softly it made your heart hurt.

Tears continued to leak from your eyes down your cheeks as you listened to the words you had wanted to hear for so long. This was all you ever wanted.

“I hate seeing you like this and I hate myself more for being the cause of it,” he continued in a whisper as the lump in his throat prevented him from saying anything else. “Can I?”.

You nodded without even knowing what he was referring to and your subconscious cursed you for reacting so quickly to whatever he said.

He lifted his hands and cupped them gently on your face, wiping away every tear with his thumbs with so gentle movements you thought you were dreaming of his touch.

You closed your eyes at that touch while at the same time letting out a sigh of relief. It didn't matter how long you denied it to yourself, you missed that man like oxygen, you were nothing without him.

“I hope you'll forgive me one day even though I know I don't deserve it…” his voice broke at the last words and with a blow to your heart you realized that he too was crying.

“Jay don't-…” you managed to mutter with a shaky voice.

“No, wait, please, let me talk,” he interrupted you, sniffling and never leaving your gaze “I need to tell you these things, I need you to know how much I care about you and how much I love you. I…” he stopped again, unable to continue moving forward and lowered his gaze, not being able to look at you anymore.

“Can I?” You whispered back and his eyes met yours again, chuckling through his tears before nodding. That time you were the one wiping away his tears with your fingers, gently stroking his skin with your thumbs, enjoying that sensation you missed so badly.

“Fuck baby, I don't deserve you.” He murmured hoarsely. “But I'm too selfish to let you go.”

His thumbs continued to caress your cheeks as you slid your arms to your sides.

“Let me decide that.”

“Before you do I want you to know I’ve never for a second stopped thinking about you. These past months have been pure hell, a fucking nightmare and I deserve it, for the way I treated you but I'm so pissed at myself because you didn't deserve it at all,” He croaked “I disrespected you by not respecting your wishes, and not giving your feelings the importance they deserved but I swear to you Y/n, I swear to you because you’re the most important person in my fucking life,” he looked intensely into your eyes, so much as if he somehow hoped you could read his soul. “Nothing has ever happened with Hailey or any other woman and I am so sorry I made you doubt it with the way I acted.”

“You’re the only woman of my life, you’re the woman I want to build my future with, you’re the woman I want to marry, you’re the woman I want to be the mother of my children, you’re the woman with whom I want to grow old and with whom I want to die,” he spat out as more lonely tears marked his cheeks, tears you immediately took and wiped away without hesitation. He softly smiled, making your heart race and your breath quicken, as he leaned against your touch.

“I can't exist without you, I can't function if you're not here baby and I wish I could let you into my head and heart… Fuck… You wouldn't doubt for even a second every fucking cell of my body don't have your name written on them I swear. You own me, in a way you’ll never imagine.”

You couldn't answer the question of how you were still standing as with each passing second you felt your knees buckle more and more. You were a crying mess, you couldn’t even look at him properly because of your blurred vision.

“I've been a selfish son of a bitch but I swear to you, and please believe me, there hasn't been a time since I first saw you that night at Molly's years ago that you haven't been in my mind. You came into my life like a hurricane Y/n and from the first time you smiled at me I never doubted for a second I finally met the love of my life, the greatest I could ever ask for.”

His fingers caressed your hair while you feared you’d have a heart attack at any moment.

“I know these will probably be empty words but if only you’d give me a chance my little angel, I promise I’ll do everything I can to make you happy and give you everything you deserve,” he whispered “I'm not giving up on us, even if now...

The ringing of his cell phone interrupted him and he let out a “Fucking hell” before taking it from his trouser pocket.

Contrary to what you expected, he rejected the call without no hesitation or even looking who it was and threw the phone on the sofa, not caring it bounced and then fell on the floor.

“I'm sorry…” he looked at you again.

“Why didn't you answer?”.

“Because I don't care about anyone else beside you right now.”

“But what if it was important?”.

“Nothing is more important than you Y/n, I hope I can convince you of that one day.”

“But…”

“Nothing but baby,” he placed his hands on your face again, freezing when he realized what he had just said “S-sorry I…” He didn’t realize it but he had already said it few other times.

You tried to hold back a smile and shook your head, letting him know it didn’t bother you. In fact, the way that pet name made you feel was something indescribable.

“I don’t want you to think I was thinking about her but Hailey’s not my partner anymore.”

He dropped this news like a bomb without even finished what he was saying earlier, leaving you in shock, not expecting something like this at all. “What? Why?”.

“Because it's something that bothers you.”

“Jay it didn't bother me she was your partner but…”

“I know,” he interrupted you, “It bothers you the way I behaved with her even though it meant absolutely nothing to me, the fact I was with you and when she called me I answered her, that I gave her a ride her, and all the things that happened. I know, I get it now, and this was fucked up on my part and I only now understand how you felt about it and I'm so sorry...”

“I'm glad you understand now but you still didn't even have to change partners Jay.”

“Y/n, I know it. I know it wasn't even necessary not to speak to her anymore except for something related to work but this is what I wanted and want to do. It might be dramatic but for me it's the least I can do for you,” he spoke in a firm and decisive tone “I had to set some boundaries, show you respect and understand how much all of this hurt you. I had to understand it was something that deeply troubled you instead of fueling your fears and making you feel like you were a burden.”

You looked at him with shock.

Who the hell was this man?

“You come first angel, everything else is worth less than a zero for me. I now get that if something hurts you than I have to figh tooth and nail to prove to you that whatever goes through this little head will never make me stop loving you, caring about you or needing you more than the air I breathe, so if you tell me my partnership with Hailey is bothering you, I'll get rid of it.”

“But it's not fair you… You don’t have to give up your friendship with her for me. I don't want you to have to deprive yourself of all this Jay, I never asked for this...”

“…You just wanted to be reassured,” he continued the sentence for you and you nodded feebly. “But listen to me. I know you didn't ask me, no one did, I decided to do it and there won't be anything that will make me change my mind. Y/n I want to do everything I can to make you trust me again, I don't care what it entails, even if it means burning up the whole world to the ground I will do it, without hesitation. I want you to understand that nothing’s more important to me than you, that you come above anyone else. Please, I don't want and I can't be without you anymore, I can't baby...”

Jay stopped talking for a second but continued noticing your silence. “And if this makes you feel better, I don’t want to keep a friendship with someone who acted the way she did. A friend doesn't try to intrude on your relationship, I was just too trusting and stupid to understand it and I'm sorry you had to pay for it.”

You pulled away from him for a moment, suddenly feeling suffocated. You sat on the couch again, resting your elbows on your knees and your face covered by your hands as you considered everything Jay had said so far.

Your mind was in a whirlwind of emotions and you couldn't figure out which of the thousand thoughts to listen to first.

Your rational part would’ve told him it was too late, that it was easy to fix your mistakes when the damage had been done.

But your non-rational part, the bigger one, would’ve thrown your arms around him and hugged him until he lost his breath.

You appreciated everything he had told you, so relieved he had finally understood what your real problem was with everything that had happened.

You loved him so much, so terribly much and the relief you had at hearing those words lifted a weight off your shoulders. But you still were so confused and didn't know what to do.

You didn't want to make hasty decisions following only your heart and you equally didn't want to make others that you might regret.

You felt the sofa sink next to you, a sign Jay had sat down.

“I… I know my job is to show you how much you mean to me and you might think that by rooting out Hailey's problem I've just gone with the easy solution but I hope you know that's not the case. I would choose you in a room with a billion people, I would still looking for you. It's just been my way of making you understand that neither Hailey nor any other woman is as indispensable in my life as you are, none of them are worth losing you.” He spoke softly. “I’ll never get tired of repeating you’re the only one who exists for me, I have eyes only for you and it will be like this until my last breath. All I want is to see you happy baby, I want to make you happy. The problem wasn't just my friendship with Hailey, I know that, I didn’t pay enough attention to you and I want to make up for every single mistake I made... And…”

You started crying again, just when you thought you had managed to control your emotions and he noticed.

“And I love you so damn much,” he whispered these last words like some sort of spell.

After what seemed like an infinite amount of time to him, you finally looked up at him. He gently wiped away your tears for the umpteenth time, trying not to focus on how painful it was to see you like that.

“To say these two months have been hell is an understatement,” you sobbed, but still tried to speak, “I've been so angry at you Jay.”

“I know and you have every right to.”

“Every single day I hoped you’d knock on my door and say these exact words to me. Why didn't you do it? God Jay, I would’ve gotten back with you before I even let you talk. Why didn't you fight for us?”.

His heart broke into a thousand little pieces. “Because I'm a stupid piece of shit. I know you won't believe me but I was scared as fuck. I've come here so many times, actually, but I've never had the courage to knock on the door.”

“Really?”.

He nodded mentally smacking himself for his stupidly as he could’ve avoided to both of you months of suffering. “Yes, I was scared to face you. I was afraid you’d tell me it was forever over and you didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore, I honestly wouldn't have been able to survive something like that. As twisted or dumb as it sounds, I had the hope one way or another fate would bring us together again and I was afraid that if you told me no then this hope would die.”

“What made you come here today?”.

“Seeing you this morning reminded me of everything I had lost. In reality, Adam also helped me knock some sense in me but, well... I realized I don't want to cry anymore and that I want to do everything to get you back.”

You looked at him for a few moments in silence, studying his words and his wonderful features.

“I’ll fight for us Y/n, I can't be without you anymore, I feel like I'm going crazy.”

“I don't want you to think it's all your fault though, it's not.”

“Indeed it is…”

“No. It was also my fault, I shouldn't have given up so quickly, I should’ve trusted you a little bit more and explained myself better, be more patient and give you the time to understand my feelings and demanded to fix them immediately, without thinking you too had to adapt your own thoughts to mine. I was selfish too Jay.”

Jay looked at you with so much intensity and so fervently it suddenly made you feel small and naked under his eyes. He looked at you as if he wanted to get under your skin, he looked at you like a painter looks at his own work of art, like a sculptor looked at his own creation. He looked at you with so much love and sweetness this alone would’ve been enough to make you fall into a thousand pieces.

God, how much you missed the way he looked at you. As if you were the only one in the world, as if you were the most beautiful of the seven wonders of the world, as if you were everything his eyes wanted to see. This was what you missed, what you wanted: feeling like you were the only one for him.

“Don't slap me but I want to kiss you so fucking bad right now,” he whispered, fearing your reaction but at the same time unable to hold his tongue.

You let out a small chuckle through your tears as you dried them and straightened your back. You would’ve been lying if you said you didn't want him to jump on you.

“I'd like to see you try.”

“Oh don't tempt me sweetheart. I could make you squirm under me in less than five minutes if I wanted.”

Please just say yes baby.

You let out a louder laugh this time and threw one of the sofa cushions at him, especially because he was completely right and it wasn't something you wanted to find out at that moment.

He let out a mock cry of pain even though inside he was exploding with joy. He didn't know if it was more the fact you had thrown the pillow at him and actually jokes with him or because he finally heard you laugh. He was almost tempted to tickle you even though you hated it just so he could make you laugh and record the sound and set the recording as the ringtone on his cell phone.

Did he already say he loved you so fucking much he couldn't breathe?

“I'm scared Jay.” You whispered as the air became serious again. He moved closer to you and took your hand, drawing imaginary circles on its back with his thumb, a gesture he used to do to comfort you.

“I know, but I'll make it worth it. I never want to spend a day without you again, I’ll give you the world. I promise,” he whispered as his eyes caressed your face in a little dance, observing your features and every peculiarity of your beautiful skin. “I can't even tell you in words how much I love you Y/n. Just… Just tell me what you want and I'll give it to you. You want me to get on the roof and jump? I'll do it. Do you want me to blow up some buildings? Give me the address. I’m begging you…”

You chuckled again and he felt victorious for managing to make you smile again. He left out the part where he would actually do anything he just said.

“I love you to death Jay, more than you could ever imagine…” you murmured “And I'm so scared because if... If it doesn't work I won't be able to go through this again,” you paused for a second. “I don't have the strength. I never want to experience anything like that again, I would rather shoot myself.”

“No, no, no, no, this will never happen. There will never be an 'if it doesn't work' again. I'm here to stay and I want to make you the happiest you've ever been, please Y/n, I can't be without you anymore.”

He placed his free hand on your cheek and before your brain could even process it, your body had already responded and you found yourself leaning against his touch.

You looked at each other for few moments, still not believe all of this was real.

“I want us to take it slow. We went too fast the first rime we got together thinking we knew each other well because we were friends before. I want to know the real you, and I want you to really know me.”

“Yes, yes, yes, fuck yes, whatever you want baby,” he replied so quickly he embarrassed himself while he felt his heart beating so fast it was most likely going to explode.

“Or maybe it's better that we just be friends again. It seemed to work just fine,” you decided to tease him and the look of pure horror and shock that crossed his face was priceless. You so badly wished you could take a photo of him in that moment.

“I know you're taking the piss out of me right now, but you and I could never be friends again, never, ever, ever, again.”

“Why?”.

“You’re seriously asking me why? Have you heard any of the words I just said?” He raised an eyebrow and you shrugged, trying not to laugh. “Because there hasn’t been a single day where you were just a friend to me. I have loved you much longer than you’ll ever know baby, so no. Absolutely no friends.”

You bit your cheek to try and suppress a smile but it was in vain, Jay realized it before you could even try to hide it from him and he had to suppress the urge to kiss you right now and there.

“That's not what you should say when you're taking things slowly, you know?”.

He sighed. “You're going to torture me aren't you?”.

You nodded and his eyes lit up like a Christmas tree as they looked at you and he swore if you looked closely you could see his pupils had turned into a heart shape.

“Baby, I'd let you tie me naked to a pole and in the middle of a storm if that's what you wanted, don't even play with me right now.”

You laughed, your heart now lighter.

You didn't know if you were doing the right thing, if you had reacted hastily and without thinking but at that moment you didn't care. After all, that’s how love was: it was irrational, unconditional, vulnerable, overwhelming, it was messy. You couldn't just follow a plan or predict what to do.

You were aware you were taking an immense risk, that you were risking hurting yourself again in a deep and irreparable way but you wanted to have a little more faith in him. You had always wanted that intense love worthy of fairy tales and you knew he was the only one who’d be able to give it to you even if it meant facing the unknown and the possibility of suffering again.

And the more you looked at Jay, the more you were convinced this was a risk you were willing to take.

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[goodnightmemes]

ABIGAIL (2024) SENTENCE STARTERS

❛ Fuck. That’s not part of the plan. ❜

❛ You grab me like that again, I may have to respond. ❜

❛ Y’all might want to hold on to something. It’s about to get real accelerated in this bitch. ❜

❛ You know the rules. No real names, no backstories, and keep the grabass to a minimum. ❜

❛ I’m like a expert at reading people. ❜

❛ Wow. You might be the least perceptive person I’ve ever met. ❜

❛ Crisp $100 bill, you can tell me one true thing about me. ❜

❛ You’ve basically got a fucking neon sign over your head that reads “muscle.” ❜

❛ That’s cheap, considering you come from money. ❜

❛ Don’t ever fuck with me. I will know. ❜

❛ Can you take the blindfold off? It’s really tight. ❜

❛ We’re keeping you here until your father gives us some money. ❜

❛ Do you know who my father is? ❜

❛ Can you promise me you’re not gonna let anybody hurt me? ❜

❛ I pinkie promise you that I’m not gonna let anyone hurt you. ❜

❛ I’m sorry about what’s gonna happen to you. ❜

❛ Oh, my God, you’re gonna be a real pain in my ass, aren’t you? ❜

❛ I don’t scare easy, so when I do, I pay attention. ❜

❛ I like you. You’re scary, though. ❜

❛ What’s going on? What’s going on is that we are fucked. ❜

❛ What if we just, like, you know, like, give her back and say sorry? ❜

❛ If seven million per person isn’t worth the risk, then what is? ❜

❛ Everyone stay alert. Any threat is gonna come from outside, so we set a perimeter and we hold it. ❜

❛ Hey, listen. I don’t trust any of these other fucks. So let’s watch each other’s backs. ❜

❛ His head fell off. ❜

❛ Why do you have a dick on your face? ❜

❛ It looks like a fucking wild animal ripped him apart. ❜

❛ I, for one, would like to revisit the cut-and-run idea. ❜

❛ This whole thing is a trap. ❜

❛ Can you pinkie promise me that you’re not keeping a secret? ❜

❛ We can take ’em. ❜

❛ We’re gonna get through this. ❜

❛ Why’d you do it? Bring us here to kill us. ❜

❛ I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, but you don’t sound very calm right now, Little Miss Paranoid, so forgive the precaution. ❜

❛ Wow. You got a lot going on up there,  but your brain’s not quite putting it together, huh? ❜

❛ You’re not as smart as you think you are. ❜

❛ Fucking put it down. I’d really prefer not to have to fucking shoot you. ❜

❛ We kidnapped a fucking vampire. ❜

❛ Someone has been messing with us ever since we got here. ❜

❛ We got to get out of here. There’s got to be another way. ❜

❛ Okay. What do we know about vampires? ❜

❛ What are we talking about, like Anne Rice or True Blood, you know, Twilight? Very different kind of vampires. ❜

❛ Okay, how do we kill a vampire? ❜

❛ Hey, we got a real fucking situation here. So I don’t give a shit what you think. Either you’re helping us, or you’re dead weight. Which is it? ❜

❛ There’s pool cues in the game room. Go sharpen ’em into stakes. ❜

❛ I’m not betting our lives on your fucking hunch. ❜

❛ All right, let’s go kill us a fuckin’… vampire. ❜

❛ You’re so bloody and so gross. ❜

❛ Oh, if you fucking say, “I told you so.” ❜

❛ Listen, you sit here and bleed, or you trust me. ❜

❛ Vampire on my ass! ❜

❛ I’ll kill you fucking fucks! I’ll rip your fucking heads off and gorge myself on your blood! ❜

❛ I’ve had a few centuries of experience. ❜

❛ Tell us how to get out of here, and we’ll let you go. ❜

❛ Hey, what’s gonna happen to me? Am I gonna turn into a vampire? ❜

❛ We would never have taken you if we knew who your father was. ❜

❛ Haven’t you wondered why I brought you all here? ❜

❛ If this is about revenge, why didn’t you just kill us? Why’d you bring us here? ❜

❛ What can I say? I like playing with my food. ❜

❛ If you touch that door, I will shoot you. ❜

❛ Fuck that shit. I’m not staying down here…with that. ❜

❛ Open the door, and I’ll let you keep all your blood. Oh. Organs, too. ❜

❛ Wait. A deal’s a deal. ❜

❛ Still gullible at your age, you fucking freak? ❜

❛ That’s why I took this job. With that money, I can start over, you know? ❜

❛ God, everybody’s got to be a fucking victim now. ❜

❛ Oh, I’m sorry. Did I hit a fucking nerve? ❜

❛ Fuck this job. ❜

❛ Fucking dream team. ❜

❛ You got any other bright ideas, Nosferatu? ❜

❛ Goddamn it. Why did you all listen to me? This isn’t gonna work. This is so fucking stupid. ❜

❛ You got people out there that you care about? ❜

❛ You and me. You’re my friend. ❜

❛ Lot of painful memories. But it’s never too late to make new ones. ❜

❛ I brought you back here to offer you a deal. ❜

❛ You fucking set me up. ❜

❛ You can die here, or you can help me kill [name]. ❜

❛ Yes, drink, and you’ll be one of us. ❜

❛ Our game ends here. ❜

❛ Well, well, well. Look who came to join the party. ❜

❛ Here’s the thing about being a vampire. It takes a long fucking time to learn how to do all the cool shit. ❜

❛ I came when you needed me. I’m here now. ❜

[moonlitdesertdreams]

By the Sea (part 1/?)

A/N: Why am I on a True Blood kick in February of 2024? I have no idea, but please enjoy if you also are. Tags: Eric Northman, vampires, Eric Northman True Blood, True Blood Imagines, Eric Northman x OC, Eric Northman x mythical creature!reader, Eric Northman x Reader WARNINGS: Canon-typical swearing, overwhelming amounts of sweet, confused Eric Summary: Eric's been cursed to forget all his memories, but you stick out... and have to deal with the aftermath.

Word count: 1.6k+

You had no interest in meeting with the new King of Louisiana.

Bill Compton’s new position as King had given you nothing but pause, and part of you recognized his calling upon Eric as a power play.

So you lounged in the back office at Fangtasia, drifting in and out of consciousness. You could hear the faint arguing between Sookie and Pam in the other office, no doubt about relinquishing ownership of Sookie’s house. The same issue, you assumed, that Bill had requested Eric to discuss. You chuckled at the remembrance that it was your idea to buy the decrepit old farmhouse when Sookie went missing, both to keep an eye on the new King and have a safe haven for Eric away from Fangtasia. 

Despite never being fully human, sleeping was one of your favorite indulgences. And tonight you were content to let Eric handle Mr. Compton’s silly requests while Pam argued with Sookie in the other room and you remained at ease. The couch in Eric’s office was worn and comfortable, and you settled yourself underneath one of his jackets, propped against the armrest. When Sookie’s annoying voice drifted away, you were left with the dull roar of protestors outside Fangtasia. 

Dreams of blue seas and daylight walks with Eric plagued your mind. The warmth of the sun on your skin, and the golden dance of his hair in a Mediterranean breeze flitted by, and you relished in the fuzzy feeling it brought. 

But the invigorating daylight suddenly vanished, replaced with a drab gray office and the annoying scream of a cell phone. You quickly realize it was not in fact your cell phone, but the Fangtasia office phone ringing obnoxiously on Eric’s desk. The sound of Pam and her… company through the wall gave you the idea she wasn’t getting to the phone anytime soon, so you yawned and climbed to your feet, having half a mind to let it ring till it quieted. 

However, the newest anti-Vampire movement was raging, and everything at Fangtasia now was about saving face and playing nice. You picked up the receiver and tucked it in the crook of your shoulder, putting on your best vampire purr. 

“Thank you so very much for calling Fangtasia. How may I be of service?”

“Y/N?” 

You grimace, recognizing Sookie’s sing-song twang. “What do you want?”

“Listen, this is no time for your normal attitude-”

A snarl breaks through your lips. “Watch your mouth, brat. I’ll be on that doorstep before you draw in your next breath.”

“Y/N!” Sookie breathes heavily. “It’s Eric. I found him walking down the road on my way back.”

You stiffen. Sookie’s house was less than a mile from Compton’s, and the thought of what happened to Sophie-Ann at his mansion invaded your mind. 

“What’d Compton do to him?”

“This wasn’t Bill.” Sookie’s tone was defensive in spite of everything he’d put her through. “I’m not sure who did this. Y/N… he doesn’t remember me. Or, much of anything. He keeps saying your name.”

Your slow-beating heart ticked up a notch. “You’re home?”

“Yeah. I’ll see you soon.”

You call on every power you have, letting your eyes fall closed. Teleportation was more of just extremely fast flying, mostly manageable but just exhausting. Sookie’s front porch materializes in your mind, and shortly after you feel a warm Louisiana breeze on your face. The sound of screaming cicadas followed, ringing your ears to the point of a migraine. 

Before you can get a hand on the doorknob, the wooden panel flew open. Six feet and five inches of blonde viking greeted you, big hands palming at your shoulders and arms as he drew you close in an instinctual embrace. Sookie’s scent caught your attention as well, but your face was buried in Eric’s bare chest, too busy reveling in his closeness to care. He hummed against your hair nonsensically, nose nuzzled into the roots. 

“Älskling” Darling. 

He murmured the Swedish word into your hair, pushing a soft rumble through his chest. You finally found it in you to return the embrace, rubbing what you imagined to be reassuring circles on his torso. His behavior was startling, as public affection was not his favorite. He wasn’t afraid of it, per say, but he was more brutish. Eric was possessive and pushy, grabbing onto you and nuzzling against your body to mark you with his scent before visiting vampires or their nests. Coddling and dotting outside of that was usually reserved for the bedroom and private rooms away from prying eyes. 

“Eric?” You take a step back, and your heartstrings tug painfully on one another. 

His blue eyes are wide, full of confusion and apprehension The air of calm and power he usually carries is missing, replaced with the naivety of a scared child. You reach a hand up to cup his cheek. 

“What happened, my love?” You whisper, ushering him to sit on the porch swing.

As you walk away from the entryway, Sookie’s eyes meet yours. She nods briefly, and steps away before closing the door with a soft ‘click’. Eric reaches for you once he’s settled on the cushions. You allow him to have a hold of your hand, but maintain a bit of space and sit cross-legged facing him. 

“I’ve missed you.” He murmurs, even though you saw him less than five hours ago. 

The gush and fluttering of human emotions was something you haven’t felt in years. “I know. What’s the last thing you remember?”

“The sea.” Eric takes your hand with both of his. “Where we met. You were so beautiful.”

His words were full of emotion and love, and you hated that your face blanched. When you met, when he could smell and taste the shore of the North Sea as it danced under sunlight, was the last few days of his humanity.

“Do you remember what happened to you tonight?” You implore him to continue, trying not to choke at the sight of his ruffled hair. 

Eric’s face fell, far away from the contented glaze he had when speaking about the sea. “I know I am a vampire. You are mine. But I… I don’t-”

“Shhh, Shhh.” You hush him gently. “That’s okay.”

Eric shakes his head, gripping your wrist as if you could take his memories via osmosis. He mutters in Swedish, and you prompt him to speak up. The words he utters tell you of flashes he’d seen, but couldn’t provide any context. 

“Det var hon, men det var inte hon.” It was her, then it wasn’t her. 

The description is of a face morphing from older to younger, but nothing more. 

What the hell had Bill Compton done to him?

Sure, Eric recalled a woman’s face, but there was nothing to say Bill didn’t set him up. You were suddenly pissed at yourself for not accompanying him to the new King’s hold. You hadn’t so much as asked why he was going. Pam was her normal stoic self upon hearing about him being beckoned, but you bet she had asked why. 

“Eric?” His eyes are fixed on you, unwavering and diligent. 

“Yes, my queen?” 

You almost blush at the pet name. “Can you go sit inside with Sookie? I just have to call someone.”

A lopsided grin stretches his face. “Anything for you.” 

Eric leans in and meshes his lips with yours, and it’s the sweetest kiss he’s ever laid on you. There’s no possessive undertone, no domineering fangs brushing against your lips. It’s an innocent show of affection, driven by absolute base instinct and a loss of personality. 

“I love you.” He murmurs, breath fanning over your lips. 

“I know.”

That amnesiatic smile twists his lips again, and he shuffles back into the farmhouse. You dwell for a moment on the odd behavior before withdrawing your cell phone and immediately dialing Fangtasia.

“Good evening, Fangtasia, Northern Louisiana’s most fang-tastic club. What do you want?”

On any other day, you would have laughed at Pam’s greeting. And you tried so hard to be nice. 

“Pam it’s me.”

“Are you really callin’ me from the other office? I thought we talked about-” 

“Something happened to Eric.” You stop her,  “I don’t know what’s wrong.”

The line goes silent, and you half expect her to come rushing onto the porch as you had. 

“Elaborate.”

“Sookie called me… She found him wandering down the road on the way home from Fangtasia. He doesn’t remember anything.” You force yourself to keep your voice steady.

“What do you mean, anything?”

You sigh. Nervous Pam is not good for anyone. “The last thing he recalls is the last days he was human…. When we met. He knows what he is but not who.”

Pam’s voice quakes, and you can’t tell if it’s anger or fear. “Bill set him up.”

You raise a brow. “I had an inkling. What did he go there for?”

“Some new coven of fuckin’ witches in Shreveport. Rumored to have been practicin’ necromancy.”

Your blood runs cold. “And Bill sent him in alone?”

“Probably knew it was a trap, too. Wouldn’t be the first time he’s tried to get rid of Eric.” Her hatred of Bill is palpable, even through the shoddy phone connection. “If the AVL finds out, they might sign off on assassinating Eric.”

“Alright.” You scrub a hand down your face. “Thanks Pam. I’m gonna take care of him”

“Y/N… be careful. I don’t trust Sookie.” 

Said southern belle is trying to covertly look at you through the window and you turn away. 

“You know I will.” A pause. “And Pam?”

“You get all mushy with me and it’s just gonna piss me off.”

You laugh for the first time that night. “Just do me a favor and don’t worry.”

The line disconnects, and you know she’s worrying. From inside the house, Eric smiles at you, dopey face swaying ever so slightly in the window frame. You look at the sky, wishing you didn’t know there was no such thing as God. 

“Fuck my life.”

-------

True Blood Masterlist | Send me an ask!

[billskeis]

Hiii, firstly i LOVE your work its amazing <3

Seccodnly could you please make a story where Tom is a vampire n he like hadn't fed for quite a while due to a lot of touring n concerts. Also 'y/n' and him are dating and she knows about him being a vampire n stuff?

ᡣ𐭩 vampire bf tom p2

“thank you so much everyone for coming tonight!” bill screams as loud shrills and cheers fill the stadium. tonight marks one of the last nights of tokio hotel’s world tours and they just about had it. the teens are tired, and need rest, and most importantly, food.

especially tom, who’s hungry.

as the four boys unwind in the backroom, their manager enters the room, “great job everyone! you now have only three more concerts left to perform and then we’re finally done.” they’ve already had like 6 concerts back to back, constantly sleeping on the tour bus.

the beds are extremely uncomfortable, and obviously being nomadic, could not have been provided a proper food source.

tokio hotel is what you call, vampires.

blood feeders.

murderers.

and of course, the staff knew and found out. to an avail, they kept them. why? eternity. immortality granted them a lifetime of fame, which in end means a lifetime source of money. humans we’re greedy humans, one can think.

now when you met tom. you had no idea, but you knew something was off about him.

upon first meeting, you have thought of him as some sort of playboy. he was funny, and definitely kind, but distant. too distant, it was something that left you wanting to know more.

and to his surprise, you asked him out on a date. he doesn’t even know why he was surprised, maybe it was over the fact that you wanted to take him out to eat instead of hooking up straight away. those were never your intentions.

all went well, after the first date was a hit, you guys went on more dates. next thing you knew, tom asked you to be his girlfriend! and obviously, you said yes. while on the dates you didn’t like him as much as you initially thought, but decided to give it a try. to be something official.

he was the same. never one to settle down, but the band encouraged him to at least give it a shot. you seemed like the right person to do so. kind, patient, beautiful, smart. man, you’re everything in the book!

finding out tom was a vampire was like culture shock. you walked into his bedroom to find him with a blood-pack in his hands. like those that come from the hospital.

he panicked, felt his already cold blood run colder. did he fuck up already?

you locked yourself in his bathroom, not knowing what to do. your boyfriend was a vampire? what the fuck? how did he hide it so well from you? maybe that’s why he always felt so, mysterious, so cold and so distant.

needless to say, you were definitely afraid, but you couldn’t find yourself pulling away from him. he was your boyfriend after all.

exiting the bathroom you witness tom sitting on his bed, his body was curled up at the headboard with his head resting in his arms, knees up to his chest. you look to see that the blood pack on his bedside table was empty, clear, finished.

you sat yourself on the bed, tom feels it dip and immediately looks up, “y/n… i—i’m sorry for keeping this a secret. i didn’t know how you react and if you’d want to leave me, i just really liked you and didn’t want to risk the chance of los—” you place a hand on his arm, breathing in sharply.

“tom, you don’t need to explain yourself. obviously being born a vampire isn’t something you could help. and if anything, i think it makes you hotter..” “so you don’t want to leave me?” “no! see it as me getting to know you better, your true self, yea?” “mm!” he nods, smiling brightly, he lunges at you to hug your body.

plopping down on the soft mattress, his body on top of yours, you felt a glimpse of warmth.

not sure if it was him or yours, but your heard definitely did skip a beat.

11:38pm

hi tom! come to your hotel room quick, i left a surprise there and i wouldn’t want it getting ‘cold’ ;)

11:42pm

schatzi?? what’re u talking about??

11:43pm

getting colderrr :D

11:47pm

omw u little maus >:(

you hid behind the closet door, waiting for your boyfriend to finally arrive back at his hotel. luckily for the band, for the rest of the concerts they’re staying in a hotel. finally, comfy beds!

the door clicked with the assuming scan of the keycard. as the door opened and closed, you popped out from the closet and hugged your vampy boyfriend.

“tomi!!” “mein liebling!? what’re you doing here??” he held your body within his arms, slightly swept off your feet he swings you side to side as the two of you share an embrace.

“i wanted to surprise you! bill gave me an extra keycard to your room,” you pepper multiple kisses on his face as he hugs you, “missed you so much.. didn’t you miss me, happy to see me?” “more than anything baby, but fuck—your scent is making me crazy..”

since the two of you established a relationship, it’s natural for tom to feed on you. it’s a mutual thing, just as long as he didn’t take too much blood, you would be fine.

you were definitely more delicious than anything and anyone else he fed off of. which is why the amount you agreed on would suffice for him.

you were different, and he loved that.

“that’s why i’m here..” you tilted your head to the side, sliding away the hair that covered the surface of your neck. tom licked a long stripe before breathing in hard, “mein Gott.. thank you y/n.”

sinking his fangs in, tom begun feeding. the pain was bearable, and you were pretty much used to it by now. your body heated up, and you felt your face flushing.

despite the frequency of the feedings, you still felt yourself embarrassed whenever tom fed. maybe it was the way he held onto your waist, or maybe it was how he would suckle on your neck before and after drinking your blood.

knees giving in, you felt yourself becoming weaker. this is when tom knows to stop and immediately unlatches himself from your neck. a final lick left on your skin to stop the blood from running down your neck.

“you okay schatzi?” “y-yea.. still gets me every time though,” he kisses you, a coppery taste lingering in your mouth, “‘m sorry,” “nono, it’s okay.. i’m not dead am i?”

he giggles at you and brings you to lay on the bed with him, “no, no you’re not baby. not as long as you’re with me.”

[melancholymetropolis]

PillowTalk

plot: A normal breakfast takes a steamy turn.

pairings: Aizawa Shota x Pregnant!Reader

genre(s): Marriage of Convenience AU; Shameless Smut

warnings: MUTUAL PINING. former boss/assistant. mansion in the middle of the woods. stay-at-home wife (kinda). CEO husband. ROLEPLAY. reader is a book nerd. chasing. lowkey beauty & the beast au. toxic ex. library sex. PIV SEX. rough. table top. mentions of voyeurism + masturbation. pet names (princess, little wife, beast, prince charming etc) light breeding. teasing. Aizawa is a simp for his wife. y/n is a dirty -talker. BOTH OF THEM ARE REALLY HORNY FOR EACH OTHER

w.c: 4.4k

Aizawa Shota lowered the newspaper from his view and lifted the coffee cup to his lips. He took a hefty gulp of the cool drink and I felt myself squirm in my seat. 

My kinda-husband was simply too hot for words and I was beginning to lose my mind. His dark hair was pulled into a messy bun at the back of his head, but a few (selective) strands framed his face. He decided to grow out his facial hair a bit, sporting a deviously dark five o’clock shadow. The white dress shirt framing his chest was seconds away from breaking at any sudden movements. The black suit he wore was tailored to his body perfectly— framing his butt and thighs gorgeously. Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones or the lack of pleasure I had acquired in recent months— I wanted him. I wanted him badly. 

I wanted my fake husband to toss me to the table and devour me, just like how he did our breakfast.

I wanted him to mount me like the sexual beast I knew he was and pound me into the table.

I wanted him to ruin other—

“How are things?” He asked, snapping me out of my reverie. 

“Uh. . . what things?” I asked absentmindedly. 

His black eyes flicked onto my face, taking in my flushed expression. “Are you hot? Do you want me to turn down the thermostat?”

Oh, I am hot. Hot and ready for you to slurp me like—

“N-No,” I stammered, bringing my iced tea to my lips. I took a slow sip before setting the glass back on the table. “And everything is fine! The doctor said my blood pressure and cortisol levels were not as high as before and were leaning toward normal. She also told me to start drinking okra water and to work on my breathing, since I reaching the end of my trimester.”

Aizawa nodded. “Seems to be all good news. I am happy to hear it.”

“Well, there is only good news because of you and your support,” I said sheepishly. 

The statement was very true, if it weren’t for Aizawa I probably would’ve been dead by now. That was not an exaggeration whatsoever.

We didn't marry for love, nor was this union arranged. It was a simple matter of convenience. I was his secretary and he was the CEO of the company. I was already engaged to another man prior, but he left me mere weeks after I had fallen pregnant. My fiance cleared our joint account and fled the country. Leaving me with nothing. I was forced to consider going back to the united states and sleeping in my childhood bedroom with a newborn.

Aizawa, out of the blue, presented the possibility of a marriage between us. He would pay for everything. The medical bills, food, car payments, baby supplies— all I had to do was manage the house staff: sign off on repairs, oversee their daily tasks, and inform him of anything out of the ordinary. He was basically paying me to be a housewife, without the strenuous duties of cooking, cleaning, and tending to the kids. Plus, Aizawa suggested I get a night nanny so I could rest a little better.

The deal sounded a little too good to be true. But, given the two years we spent working together, I knew he was trustworthy. I took the leap and ended up living an absolute fairytale life for the past 5 months. I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Although, deep down, I wished we explored a little past our new normal.

Maybe even find ourselves entangled in the sheets and trying out all kinds of positions.

I’m pretty sure I can still get my leg over my head if I really tried. Giving him enough room to dig deep in me and rearrange my guts.

"You don't have to thank me every chance you get," a small smile stole his face. "In fact, I should be thanking you."

"Oh really?" 

The smile widened and the brunette adjusted his position in the chair. His arms crossed against his broad chest and the buttons strained from the action. The muscles in his forearms flexed underneath his rolled-up sleeves. His biceps bulged a little against the cotton fabric. The longer I looked at him the wetter I felt the seat of my panties become. If he kept being so absentmindedly attractive, I would soon find myself sprayed out on my bed, fingers probing my slick walls, wishing he were on top of me.

Damn, I have it bad.

“Y/N!” Aizawa said in a raised voice. 

I blinked several times and cleared my throat. “Y-Yes?”

“Are you sure you okay?” He asked, leaning forward. 

“Yeah! It’s just the. . . hormones!” I blustered. “You know, all those raging, sweaty hormones that make it hard for me to focus.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Are sure it's only the hormones? And not some other factor?”

“Uh. . .” I stammered. 

Aizawa, suddenly, rose from his seat and walked around the round table. His eyes never left my face and a smirk was forming on his lips. He appeared next to me in an instant. He pressed one hand on the table and another on the back of my chair. Aizawa leaned forward until our faces were mere inches apart. 

“I heard you the other night,” he stated, a certain hunger in his eyes.

“What are you talking about?” I gulped.

“You cried out for me,” he said, plainly. “Begging me to. . . how did you say it? Oh! ‘Split you apart with my thick dick’.”

The realization hit me like a sledgehammer. It had been the night he had come back from a run around the block. He was shirtless and the shorts were low on his hips. His sculpted v-line was on full display, along with his sensual muscles. He was breathing so heavily, panting and mewling from the strenuous exercise. He claimed to have “overdid” it this time. He ran at full speed for the last few blocks and all the way up our long driveway. His long hair was, again, pulled into a messy bun, highlighting his sharp jaw and rugged features. 

He looked so hot. So fuckable. I wanted to mount him like the stallion he was and ride him into the sunset. 

". . . Oh," I murmured, turning away from him.

"'Oh' is right," he chuckled. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop but you were so loud and luscious that I couldn't help myself." Aizawa leaned forward, his lips brushing against my earlobe. "And saw you too. Your door was cracked open just for me to see."

Shivers ran down my spine and my womanhood throbbed. His hot breath was caressing my ear, whilst his mouth did the same. His body was so close, yet he wasn't laying a finger on me. The temptation was swiftly sending me over the edge. I hated the slow, seductive game he was playing. I knew the ending would not be in my favor. He wasn't the type of man to spread me open like a Thanksgiving feast, nor was he the type to treat me like an animal. He wanted me begging, weeping for his touch. Despite the rather x-rated thoughts running through my mind at the moment, I couldn’t allow myself to succumb to his game so easily. 

“Who knew you were such a little perv,” I giggled, lifting my mug to my lips. I took a small sip of the hot tea and hummed sweetly. “But, I guess, if I was holed up in my office for 40+ hours a week I’d be a little… frustrated as well.”

His fingertips brushed against my arms, tickling me the same way a feather would. “You are playing with fire, little wife.” Aizawa groaned and gripped the back of my chair. “Ever since that faithful night, I have not been able to think straight. Seeing your legs shake and your toes curl, while you work yourself with that sparkly pink toy—” He sucked in a breath and released the back of my chair. He pushed his body away from mine. 

Immediately, I rise to my feet and turn to face him. The brunette placed a significant distance between the both of us. His breath was labored and his hand was balled at his side. There was an oblong shape intensely prominent near the zipper of his slacks. The member was only semi-hard and I could already tell that was quite massive. Probably bigger that the sparkly pink dildo I had in my nightstand, certainly thicker that the toy as well. 

My assumption was right. 

He did have a long, thick dick.

“I like to think myself a patient man,” he started. “A respectable man. I tried my best to keep my distance from you and to give you all the space you need to grow. To heal from whatever happened before our union. I never wanted to force myself or my desires onto you. I never wanted you to think you owed me anything because we were simply married and living together." Aizawa’s brown eyes bore into mine, just as the morning light gracefully captured his face. It gave him an ethereal glow. Made him look even more beautiful that he already was. “I promised myself that I would not touch you or make any advances toward you until I have obtained your explicit consent. However, being near you, feeling your luxurious presence and capturing your delicious scent, while trying not to press my mouth against that gummy pussy is pure agony. ”

Aizawa was so eloquent with how he spoke, sounding like a pure gentleman. Up until that last bit. 

“So, from what you’re saying,” I said, tilting my head to the side a little bit. “The beloved prince charming I married 5 months ago is gone? And he was preplaced by a horny, insatiable beast?”

A smirk pulled at his lips. “That’s not exactly true, princess. Charming was always a beast, at least during the night. It took a very special lady to set him straight by morning.”

I hummed once more and pulled my braids into a messy bun. I hiked up my dress and gave him a smile. “Where is the closest soundproof room in the house?”

“A few doors down,” he replied. “It’s the library.”

I took off in a swift jog toward the room, turning my head back to say “You can’t catch me, you fearsome beast.”

His laughter was explosive. “Are we roleplaying, princess?” Aizawa shouted after me.

I was already halfway down the hall, the double doors of the library were swiftly approaching. “Only if you want to,” I shouted back. 

“You cannot hide from me, young damsel!” He boasted, as heavily footsteps came stomping my way. “I will capture you one way or another!”

I giggled at the sound of his “beastly” voice and proceeded to quicken my pace. “Please do not harm me, furocious beast. For I am innocent in this matter.”

I have no idea what possessed me to put on this whole act.  Maybe I was watching too much Bridgerton or reading entirely too much erotica, but the idea of being chased by a massive man, just to be savagely fucked in the library was exhilarating. The book nerd in me was jumping with joy.

I pushed through the library doors and sped over to the nearest flat surface. A wide table with several wooden chairs surrounding it. I shoved the chairs aside and hopped right on the table. Anticipation ran through my veins. The big, hulking man burst through the room with a loud grunt. The smile on his face was undeniable. My little charade had done its job perfectly: it had taken us out of earshot of the bustling maids in the house and eased the thick tension between us. Aizawa’s playful mood was igniting something within me. Something I didn’t recognize. It had been a while since I had seen him actually enjoy himself. His smile was so wide and genuine that I thought he was a different person.

Not the stressed-out, sleep-deprived spouse that I often avoided.

But the bubbly, fun husband that I always wanted.

His immediate acceptance and active participation in my game showed me that there was a chance. A chance for us to have a real, authentic marriage. A union where we love and cherish each other.  One where I didn't have to question whether or not he felt the same way.

“Sweet, delicate princess,” Aizawa groaned, inching close to me. ���Please allow me the opportunity to voice my desires without prejudice or ridicule.”

I looked away from his face for a moment and tapped my chin. “Fine, you may.”

“I want you. In every way possible,” he confessed, closing the distance between us. “I have wanted you from the sheer moment you opened your heart to me. From the moment you started staying up a little late to have dinner with me, or when you made it a point to pack me lunch on a particularly long day. When you made Sunday nights my favorite time of the week and got me addicted to Outlander.”

“Since when were you into Outlander?” I asked in disbelief,

“Since you started screaming at the TV, cursing out Sir Jack Randal,” Aizawa chuckled. “I never heard you use so many curses in a single sentence.”

“I still can’t believe he did that to Jamie,” I grimaced.

Aizawa nodded in agreement but carried on with his statement. “You have been the object of my desires and the capturer of my heart for months now. I go to sleep dreaming of your big brown eyes and beautiful smile. I hear your sweet voice in my mind all day long and wish I could spend every moment with you.”

I reached out to grab his hands, which he gladly handed to me. I brought them to my thighs and allowed them to hike up my skirt. The beige fabric lifted from its place at my ankles and exposed the bronze skin underneath. Aizawa settled at the small space between my thighs and gently placed his hands at my sides. His brown eyes bore into mine. The older man looked at me like I was the only woman in the world. Like nothing else mattered but us at this exact moment. His gaze was so pure I could almost cry on the spot. 

I hooked my arms around his neck and started to lean closer to him. My eyes fluttered closed and my lips slightly parted. He captured my mouth moments later and his arms swiftly wrapped around my plum form. Aizawa moaned against my lips as if marveling at the sensation. His mouth danced across mine gracefully, following my lead and patiently waiting for the next step. 

My hands were in his hair and my thighs rested against his hips. I gently rolled my damn center over his semi-hard front. The lust was quickly growing the long he kissed me and soon I  wouldn't be able to contain it. The confession had provided me with all the information I needed— our feelings were mutual. He wanted to give this fake marriage some authenticity and turn it into a real one. I was beyond excited.

I tore my lips away from his searing embrace and whimpered as he dragged a tongue along the side of my neck. 

"Take me," I gasped, clawing at his back. "Right here. Right now."

The brunette lifted his head from my neck and immediately started fumbling with the buttons on my blouse. Seconds later, he exposed the lacy number underneath and growled at the sight. His skilled fingers undid the finicky clasp in the back, exposing the plump mounds to his eager eyes. 

"Your breasts are so full and round," Aizawa groaned.

His thumbs gently ran across the pebbled nipples and a hiss left my lips. 

The older male immediately paused his actions. "Did I hurt you,  princess?" 

A blush flickered on my cheeks as I sheepishly looked away. "No. . . They're just really sensitive."

"Well, I'll try to be more careful with them," he stated, lowering his body until his face was directly staring at the bosoms. 

His hot tongue tenderly flicked the right nipple several times before giving it a long seductive lick. Shivers ran down my spine as he kept giving sloppy kisses to the sensitive bud. The seat of my panties was drenched. My arousal practically glued them to my lower lips. My legs were vibrating with anticipation. The hot mouth moved over to the left nipple and I thought I ascended to heaven. Aizawa moaned as he sucked on the breast. He was enjoying the lewd act and it was intriguing to see. 

He released the bud and a long string of drool connected the two as he pulled away. He brought his lips to mine and gave me a mind-numbing kiss. His fingers dipped between my thighs as we made out. He pressed two fingers against the wet area and started to rub small circles right at the top of the slit. My poor clit was already throbbing from the foreplay and it seemed to pulse after that action. I moaned against his lips and pulled away. The area was so wet and sensitive that I knew it wouldn't take long to push me over the edge. Especially after he gave my nipples such delicate care. 

"What a cute face my little princess is making," he purred, pressing his forehead to mine. "Looks like she wants to cum."

I nodded, keeping direct eye contact with the seductive man. "I do, you beast. I want to cum all over your pretty cock and gorgeous face. Will you let me?"

The older man groaned and removed his hand from my panties. "Coming on my face is just gonna have to wait until our next rendezvous. I'm afraid if I don't slip into that dripping wet pussy I'm gonna burst. And we wouldn't want that, right?" 

"We sure wouldn't," I said absentmindedly rubbing my baby bump. 

Aizawa smirked before slowly unbuttoning his dress shirt. He threw the cotton garment aside before fiddling with his belt. His eyes never left my face and that seemed to make his actions even hotter. He pulled his pants and boxers down in one swift motion; leaving the thick, long member to spring free. 

My eyes widened at the sight. He was certainly bigger than I imagined. Definitely bigger than my ex, who could barely last 5 minutes without busting. Aizawa was indeed a patient man, a kind man. That was the only reason I could gather for why God would bless him with such a beast. Maybe I too was God's favorite, since he allowed me to marry such a good man. 

Not only was he fine as hell, tall and rich— his dick was big. I had no doubt I had hit the lottery in the husband department. 

"Are you okay, princess?" He asked. "Would you like to take a breather?"

"I breathed enough," I shot back. "Come take these panties off and pound me with your long, thick dick." 

Aizawa chuckled and hooked his thumbs under my waistband. He pulled the cotton panties down my plump legs and tossed them to the side. He aligned the head of his cock with my womanhood and just before easing himself in, Aizawa paused and gave me a final look, as if to ask me ‘are you sure?” I nodded immediately and widened my thighs a little bit more. The thick member sunk right into me with little resistance, on account of how wet my womanhood was. Pregnancy amplified all my bodily functions to the hundredth degree, including how soiled my underwear became anytime I saw something that appealed to me. Or, anytime I saw my husband.

The brunette helped me lay flat on my back against the table and adjusted the position of my legs. He hooked my limbs over his forearms and continued to push into me. I gasped when every inch was nestled into my greedy pussy and my eyes fluttered closed. I placed one hand above my head, gripping the edge of the table and the other underneath my belly. I braced myself for impact. Aizawa started off slow, rolling his hips against my pelvis gently. I could feel every inch inside of me. The slow thrusts softly pushed against my sensitive spots, causing me to squirm and wiggle underneath him. 

"Can I move a little faster, princess?" He grunted, tilting his hips a little bit. 

"Please move faster, beast," I panted, digging my nails into the table. "I cannot take this teasing any longer." 

Aizawa took a firm hold of the table and chuckled quietly. "As you wish, Your Majesty."

 The older man’s hips gradually began moving faster against mine. At first, my little mewls remained relatively uninterrupted by the change. I pretended to be disinterested in the movements, rolling my eyes and telling him to move faster. To fuck me harder. Informing him that I was displeased by his treatment, Aizawa’s persistent behavior of treating me like a delicate flower was starting to frustrate me. I was a woman above anything else. This pregnancy had almost everyone in my everyday life view me as fragile. Something that could easily be broken with little force and it struck anger in my being. Since my body is sturdy enough to grow an entire human being, I was pretty sure it was strong enough to handle some power thrusts from a man.

“Come on, beast,” I teased, a smile kissing my teeth. “Don’t tell me this is all could do? Some half-hearted pumps and expected me to be satisfied? I thought you were more of a savage than this.”

Without a word, Aizawa started to snap his hips against mine harshly. A good portion of his force was colliding with my body and it made my heart sing. My breath was caught in my throat and my legs started to tremble. I rested my body on my elbows and looked into his dark eyes. He was already looking at my face. The smile on his lips was stirring something within me. Almost like he knew I wouldn’t last long or I couldn’t handle the power of his thrusts. There were two words lingering on his tongue that I was dying to hear him say. Something that would definitely send me over the edge.

The man towering over me tilted his hips once more and a squeal shot out of my mouth. My back fell right back onto the table and I raised both arms above my head to grip the edge. The plush head of the cock was hammering the underside of my cervix, a very sensitive area deep within my cunt. My body started to tremble in response and my breathing became hollow. Pressure started to build in my abdomen and a pool started to form. My walls started to pulse against his massive cock and I couldn’t string together a single thought. My body started to tingle and my mind started to blur. Drool spilled from my lips as my eyes started to roll back. 

The orgasm was slow, deep, and damning. My body twisted and contoured into various weird positions as I rode the hot wave. I said my husband’s name like a prayer, chanting it over and over again. I begged him not to stop, to keep going, to take me to heaven. And he did just that. Aizawa kept his hard, sharp pace. He continued to drill that girthy dick into my snatch like he became addicted to the feeling. My body completely succumbed to the pleasure, not wanting to do anything else but relish in it. It wasn’t long before another orgasm began to build and my legs started to tremble all over again. 

“Fuck!” I cried, arching my back against the table. 

“Come on, princess,” Aizawa cooed. “Give beasty another one. I know you have it in you.”

The older man’s hips started to sputter and twitch, indicating to me that he was next to reach his peak. But, like the respectable man he was, Aizawa continued his sickening pace. Eventually, my eyes gradually opened and I took in the scene before me. A hulking man with rippling muscles and a gorgeous face was looming over me. Drilling his cock in me at a record pace with a smile on his face. He held my legs nice and wide in a seductive ‘v’. He was watching my every expression, movement and taking in my sounds. Aizawa was fully invested in pleasuring my horny, pregnant self and I was grateful. I never wanted this moment to end. I wanted to feel the weight on his body forever. I never wanted to part from him. I needed to be with him as long as humanly possible.

The second orgasm was harder than the last. It tore through me like lightning and forced my toes to curl. My eyes were wide open for this one. I watched Aizawa lean forward and gather me desperately. He held me close and proceeded to rut into my creamy pussy. He pressed his hot mouth to mine while his hips trembled and spasmed. His head fell on my shoulder when the pleasure became too great and he couldn’t hold out any longer. Hot cum shot into my awaiting womb, gradually filling me to the brim. Aizawa’s slow and rhythmic thrusts made the feeling even more sensual. It was as if he was fucking the semen into me, hoping to make me pregnant all over again. 

I never thought I’d have a breeding kink, but his actions convinced me otherwise.

Soon, it was nothing but our labored breathing filling the library. Our bodies were still one and his chest was still pressed against mine. My fingers were slowly running through his hair while his arms were tightly wrapped around my back. It seemed like the older gentleman had no intention of letting me, even though we were both sweaty and panting. It made me feel special.

“Is this okay?” He asked, breaking the silence. “Me holding you like this?”

“It’s fine,” I replied with a sigh. 

“Okay. Just let me know if I am crushing you or the baby.” 

“Alright, Aizawa,” I giggled.

Suddenly, he lifted his head from my shoulder and pressed his forehead against mine. 

“That’s not what you’re supposed to call me, princess,” he acknowledged. “I am your husband, not some stranger on the street.”

“Than what am I supposed to call you then?”

He thought for a moment. “I think Shota would be fitting.”

“Shota?”

“And Beast/Charming on special occasions,” he said with a wink.

----------

a/n: there are hints in the story letting you know what kind of fic I'll be posting next. let's see who can guess it before sunday.

Also, a little update, I will be posting FULL SMUT SCENES from this point forward. So get ready for 2k - 4k worth of filth. Good luck going to sleep at night.

Finally, let me know if you would like to be added to my official taglist. I will be alerting you everytime I upload!

bye for now!

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Forget-Me-Not 2

Warnings: non/dubcon, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Characters: Loki

Summary: You return to your childhood home to put the past to rest.

Part of the Backwoods AU

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

You spend the night on the couch. You don't go further than the bathroom. You can't bring yourself to check her bedroom or the one you left behind.

You go out to get your bag and change in the yellow haze glowing behind the faded curtains. You check the time. Jan is expecting you in an hour.

You emerge into the dewy morning and tramp down to ground level. You get in the car, reversing out without looking back at the dingy house. The final farewell can't come soon enough for the slanted walls.

Jan is out in the yard, hammering a pineboard as you drive down his lot. His white hair curls with the sweat beading on his skin. He stills the hammer and wipes his forehead as you pull up. 

You get out as he greets you in the way all the villagers do. A manufactured friendliness that cannot erase their true judgement. They smile in face just as easily as the mutter your name under their breath. You mother harboured little good will in Hammer Ford and blood is sacred here.

“Sorry to hear,” he says.

“Matter of time,” you shrug dismissively.

“Isn't no way to come home,” he shakes his head and coughs into his fist, “walnut,” he points the hammer over his shoulder, “like ya said.”

Walnut, like the dining table. Where she sat and drank herself into that box. You nod and follow him over to the casket. The hinges are brass and the finish is rough. What does it matter? It's just going into the dirt.

“Got cash,” you say. Jan doesn't deal with the bank, everyone knows that. Funny the little things that stick with you.

“Thanks,” he accepts the bills as you count them out. So much for a rainy day. The sun shine bright as if mocking the grin affair beneath its watch. “I'll have it taken down to Norn's.”

“Yep,” you agree, “she's there.”

You head out without further niceties. Neither of you uphold those. Better to say what you mean and nothing else.

You get to the property line and idle. You turn away from the woods. You're not ready to go back yet. 

You stop by the church first. Father Oswald sits with you to discuss the ceremony. You'll say a few words at the grave site. You don't think anyone would come to a wake. You don't want them to.

You set off again, still reluctant to retrace your steps. You drive to the spare core of the village and park outside the library. You cross the street and peer in through the window of the bakery. It wasn't there when you left.

You venture inside and peruse the sweets behind the glass. You order a black coffee and a cinnamon bun. You pay the woman behind the counter, vaguely familiar. You're certain she was a few years behind you at school.

You sit and pick at the glazed dough. You don't have much of an appetite. You don't feel much of anything. You're just wading through, try not to get lost in the tide.

You sip the coffee. Bold but rich. Not bad. Better than the instant powder gone stale in your mother's cupboard.

The door opens and shuts, several times over as you stare at the table. The city taught you apathy. You don't let the noise bother you.

The chair across from you slides out and a figure plants themselves on the seat. You raise your head, your vision narrowing to make sense of their features. You turn your head to gaze out the window as Loki blows over the top of a mug. 

You slide out your phone, a defence mechanism. Still no reception. You put it down and keep your attention diverted. He clears his throat and taps his toe next to yours.

“You know, I do have an important matter to discuss with you,” he says.

You don't react. You know that's what he wants. That's why he showed up the night before. He undoubtedly insisted on being his clan’s representative.

“You've sent your condolences.”

“Mm, yes, but that isn't what I mean,” he traces his finger up the handle of his mug. “The house.”

You lower your brows and keep your eyes beyond the window. The village moves slow as ever. Not like the endless flow of the city streets. There's no where to hide here.

“My father has an offer. The property has value.”

You check your cup, almost empty. You swig the last of it. You stand and gather the cup and unfinished dessert. You put the porcelain on the counter and toss the cinnamon bun on your way out.

The door doesn't close behind you. He's following you. Your heartbeat piques. In an instant, you're hurled into the past. You're running through broken twigs as he snickers behind you. You ball your hands as your breath hitches.

You cross the street without looking, only just dodging a bumper. You go to your car, fumbling with your keys. Before you can stick them in the slot, there's a snare around your arm.

You spin and shove Loki off of you, biting down on a shriek. You glare at him and point the key at his chin.

“Not interested.”

“My father will give you more than the bank,” he counters. 

“Don't care.”

He sniffs and quorks his head, “is this because I never called?”

You choke on a scoff. You turn and ram the keys in the slot and twist. You open the door as you step around it. The edge hits him as you swing into the driver’s seat.

“The house is worthless. The bank will give you pennies for the land.”

“Go tell your daddy you failed,” you sneer and yank the door shut, hitting the lock with your fist.

You start the engine without a glance in his direction. You pull put as he barely avoids getting his toes run over. Just as ever, this village belongs to the Odinsons. They won't have to pay the bank much to get what they want but you will never sign your name next to theirs.

[harrywavycurly]

Trouble Next Door Part 15 part 2: Porch Convo

Find Part 15: Here

Masterlist: Here

TW: Cursing, Steve is drunk, mentions of cheating and divorce and a tiny small bit of violence

Tag List: @sinczir @rach5ive @bruher @kellyxo1 @tiannamortis @makingmunson94 @angelina16torres-blog @tlclick73 @gretavankleep37 @melaninjhs @amira0303 @robyn-118 @idkjoequinn @jaydaaasworld @squidscottjeans @rockstarmunsons @alanamarie @dandelionnfluff @aol19 @eddiesguitarskills @vampdaisy @br66klynbaby @raven-rust @daisyridleyyyy @i-love-ptv @josephquinnsfreckles @mrsjellymunson @hideoutside @eddiemunson-fanfic @paprikaquinn @burns-in-the-sun @cherrycolas-things @exploding-bonbon @krazyk99

A/N: I didn’t wanna have to make y’all wait too long for this so I hope you enjoy and that it’s everything you wanted it to be😂✨

“Yo Steve you’ve gotta go man….you don’t live here anymore.” “Where did…did you come from?” “Uh…my house?” “Oh…figured you’d be moved in here by now…why aren’t you?” “What? Why would…you know what it’s pointless…you gotta go okay? She doesn’t want you here.” “I miss her.” “Cool…but miss her from somewhere else before I call Hopper.” “She loves you.” “No shit we are bestfriends…we love each other…” “no she’s in love with you…it’s fucking obvious…so so obvious and I…I married her anyway and now…now everyone hates me and Dustin won’t even talk to me…” “you have to lay off the whiskey dude…it’s not your friend…clearly makes you delusional.” “I’m not fucking delusional you asshole! My wife is in love with you and the only way I could…test if she cared about me was to…do this.” “What…did you just say? You cheated on her to see if she actually cares about you?” “She doesn’t…she just kicked me out…Chrissy kissed me you know? During game night…she kissed me because she knew you wouldn’t care.” “Stop talking Steve.” “Said that you only care about one person and we both know who that is….so Chrissy just kissed me.” “Steve…for the love of god shut the fuck up and get off her porch.” “I don’t want a divorce…I don’t want Chrissy…I don’t love her…I love my wife.” “You don’t get to cheat on your wife just to see if she loves you or not then say you don’t want a divorce….you fucking sleaze-ball…now get up.” “Maybe I can make her love me the way she loves you…maybe she’ll come around.” “Not gonna happen…do you not see where you’re at? You’re outside her house begging for her to love you…but why would she ever let you into her house or her heart again…when she was actually madly in love with you what did you do? You fucked my wife…just to see if your actual wife would care? You’re a sick motherfucker Steve and you need to leave.” “Madly in love with me? Are you fucking joking?” “Does it look like I’m joking?” “She’s never been madly in love with me Eddie…she’s just been too stupid-” “don’t you ever call her stupid you fucking asshole.” “Jesus Christ…I think….I think you broke my nose.” “I didn’t…we’d both know if I did….now fucking leave before I do actually decide to break something of yours…” “I just want her to love me…like she loves you.” “Well…can’t say she’s gonna love me when I go in there and tell her I punched you in the face…I just need you to know something Harrington.” “What?” “She doesn’t love me the way she loved you…she didn’t marry me…she married you…she didn’t pick me…she picked you…not because she needed a place holder but because she fucking loved you.” “What?…what? No…no that’s not-” “it is true…she loved you man…but you fucked it all up…” “I…I gotta…I gotta go.” “Bout fucking time…oh and tell Chrissy all this shit about not loving her will ya? She is convinced you’re in love with her and want your happily ever after with her…but do it..gently please…” “Uh yeah…okay…yeah I’ll…do it gently…tell her I love her?….please?” “No…now goodnight Steve…go take a cold shower and have a cup of black coffee and you’ll be fine…send me the bill for the dry cleaning to get the blood out of your shirt…”

[baronessblixen]

Fictober Day 13: Birthday Surprises

Prompt: "That's not the point"

A surprise birthday party for Mulder - thrown by someone you might not expect. Rating: T, wc: 1,512

This is a birthday story for @randomfoggytiger! It's got fluff, baby William, and Bill Jr.

Tagging @today-in-fic @xffictober24

“We need to talk.” It’s good that he’s just put William to bed because her words make him drop the dirty diaper.

“What happened?” he asks, searching her face. His first thought is the big, fat D’s. Death. Divorce. Disease. He rakes his brain; she’s been fine yesterday, and every day before that. And they’re fairly happy, too. He’s sure of that.

“I got a call from my mom,” Scully says, taking his hand and leading him away from the nursery, toward the living room and the couch. So it’s ‘let’s sit down’ news. His hand feels ice-cold but if it is, Scully doesn’t mention it. A call from her mother could mean anything. The two big contenders are now death and disease.

“Is she- is she sick?” Mulder stammers.

“Hm? No. Mulder, you’re shaking.” She holds both his hands in hers even though his are so much bigger.

“You said we need to talk. I’m not expecting good news,” he admits.

“Oh, Mulder,” Scully says with a soft laugh. “I shouldn’t have just dropped this on you.” Like he dropped William’s used diaper. It’s still just sitting there, waiting. Much like Mulder here on this couch. “Relax, please. It’s nothing like what you’re imagining. Mom called to inform me that they’ve planned a surprise party for you.”

“A what?”

“A surprise birthday party.” Scully sighs, leaning her head against Mulder’s shoulder. “For you,” she adds, unnecessarily. After all, his birthday is in three days. For the first time in a while, he’s anticipating it. He could do without growing older, but this is his first birthday as a dad. It’s the first time they’re celebrating something together with William, apart from his birth.

“Why?” Scully sighs again and he’s learned that’s not a good sign.

“It’s Bill.”

“Bill? As in Bill Jr.? Your big brother who hates me?”

“He doesn’t hate you,” Scully says, playing with his fingers. He’s no longer shaking and the blood has returned to his extremities. “I think this is his way of apologizing.”

“A surprise birthday party?” He shouldn’t have feared the big D’s. Now it’s big, old brother Bill Jr. he needs to worry about.

“Mom wasn’t supposed to say anything, but she wanted to make sure we didn’t have any other plans.”

“Let’s make plans,” Mulder says. “It’s not too late.”

“It is now. I said we’re home. They all want to meet Will.”

“Who is ‘they’, Scully? How many people are we talking? Will anyone I know and like be at my birthday party?”

“Will and I will be there.” He loves it when she makes a joke, but right now he can’t appreciate it. “My mom, Bill, and his family. A few others.”

“A few others,” Mulder parrots and Scully nods slowly.

“She said she’s not sure how many people will show up.” She bites her lip, glancing up at him. It’s true that they haven’t made any plans, but he’d secretly hoped that they could sleep in. Or as long as William would let them. Have breakfast together as their small family. As though reading his mind, Scully leans up and kisses his cheek.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbles. “But here’s something you’ll love. My mom is making you pumpkin pie.” He smiles down at her. He does love Mrs. Scully’s pies.

“Hm.”

“You love pie.”

“That’s not the point.” He leans over, kissing her lips. “But we’ll make it work.”

What choice do they have?

*

This isn’t the first he dreads a birthday; he’s merely thought this year would be different. Two decades ago, for three years in a row, all he wanted for his birthday was to open the door and for his baby sister to be there, grinning at him and yelling surprise.

After that third year – the year his father forgot the day altogether – Mulder gave up. The day became a day like any other. It didn’t matter. Not until Scully. Every year, she brought him a little gift. Even that first year when they barely knew each other. No matter where they were, no matter what else was going on, she always remembered.

A surprise birthday party isn’t the end of the world. Not even one thrown by Bill Scully Jr. It’s been a while since he’s last seen the man. Being dead does have its advantages, too. Scully sent him out an hour ago, not pretending it was for any reason except that the guests could slip in and surprise him upon his return. Scully had kissed him for so long that William had grown impatient in his arms.

That hour has passed in record time and now it’s time to go home. William – strapped to his chest – is half asleep after having seen squirrels and a duck at the park. At least his son is happy, no matter what else will happen today.

“Will,” Mulder says quietly as he reaches for the key in his pocket. “I hope you’re ready. I know I’m not.” He unlocks the door, taking a deep breath.

“Surprise!” A choir of voices greets him and Mulder puts on his best and biggest grin, acting surprised. However, they forgot to let William in on the secret. He hiccups and stuffs his hand in his mouth, drawing several awws from the guests. Then, without any warning whatsoever, he starts wailing.

“Hey, hey,” Mulder says, trying to soothe him.

“Poor baby,” someone says and Mulder nods, for the split of a second believing they mean him. Scully takes the baby from him, who calms down when he sees his mother wearing a colorful, silly party hat. Without his son in his arms, he’s free to be attacked – and people do. Maggie Scully is the first to hug him and press a kiss on his cheek. Then a bunch of women Mulder has never seen in his life proceed to do the same. A few men shake his hand and Mulder just nods and plays along.

“Finally someone I know,” he says when he sees Skinner.

“Mrs. Scully invited me.” And he seems positively tickled by it. “Happy birthday, Mulder,” he says, patting him on the back. That leaves Bill Scully Jr. The other man is wearing a party hat, too. It’s crooked on his head, making him look ridiculous – and like someone who won’t kill him after all.

“Happy birthday, Fox,” he says. Scully’s brother is uncertain whether to hug him or shake his hand and so they perform an awkward dance that ends with their shoulders bumping. “Can I call you Fox? Mom does it.”

“It’s fine,” he says.

“I, um, realize this is not- I figured you’re part of the family now, and well, birthday parties are what we do. Surprised Dana once in college and that was not- not the best idea.” When Bill smiles at him, Mulder warms up the man. His smile reminds him not only of his favorite Scully but also of Melissa. He knows Scully has been missing her sister even more after having William. And Bill is making an effort. He’s trying, so Mulder will be too.

“Thank you, Bill,” he says. “Birthdays haven’t always been easy for me, but I’ve heard a rumor that your mother made pumpkin pie.” The other man’s eyes light up.

“You’re a pie fan, too, huh? Maybe we should talk.”

And that’s what they do. As it turns out, Bill Jr. isn’t an asshole – or not as big an asshole as Mulder might have thought. He meets baby Matthew who – as the boy himself declares – is no longer a baby. He talks to various Scully family members who all knew about him and whose names he’s never even heard. At one point, Scully joins him, standing close to him and stroking his back.

Later, after everyone’s left and most of the chaos is taken care of, Mulder joins Scully in bed where she’s nursing William.

“He slept through most of the party,” Mulder says, sounding envious.

“Are you tired?” Scully asks him quietly, a hand on his arm, and he just nods. “Did you have any fun at all today?”

“I did,” he replies honestly. “Your brother can be fun, Scully.”

“He has his moments.” She’s smiling.

“We’re gonna play basketball on Christmas,” Mulder muses. “Weather permitting. And well, if I’m invited.”

“Why wouldn’t you be invited?”

“I’m not an official member of the Scully family, am I?” He’s asked her. Several times. As much as Bill Jr. may like him now, Mulder is sure that he’d prefer if he made an honest woman of his sister. So does Mulder. He wants to show the world that it’s them. Mulder and Scully, partners in everything.

“You’ll always be a member of my family,” Scully says. “Whether we ever make it official or not.”

“Did I hear a maybe to my marriage proposal?”

“It’s more than a maybe,” she whispers, leaning over to gently kiss him.

“This has been one of my favorite birthdays,” he admits quietly, gazing up at her.

“Let’s make it even better,” she says, kissing him.

[the-hinky-panda]

War of the Roses Series: Part III

Warning: Mention of miscarriages and grief

At first, Bill doesn’t understand why you’ve taken him to a small courtyard that sits between the barn and the small indoor arena. It’s not a large area, just a square piece of grass with a few shrubs and flowerbeds. There is a small area surrounded by a low stone wall that has a bench and three rose bushes planted in the corner. It’s a quiet, thoughtful space that seems out of place with the barn. 

But then he remembers something from his childhood. It had been raining for three days, not out of the norm in Missouri. His mother had recently returned home from an overnight hospital stay, and he was under strict orders to keep his twelve-year-old bullshit to a minimum. He then watched his father, the toughest son of a bitch he had ever known, go out into the rain and dig a hole in the garden off the back porch. He remembers how his father’s white t-shirt clung to his back as he planted a white rose bush. He remembers how his mother couldn’t watch from the back porch, and instead curled up in the corner of the couch and sobbed. 

It’s a memorial space. 

He touches the stone wall as you lead him into the space, says a silent prayer for the sister he never got to meet and the three children you were never able to hold. The somberness saps the fire he had been feeling since watching you sit across from him at dinner. For some reason though, standing there with you, knowing what you’re showing him, it feels far more intimate than the moment you shared in the barn. 

“This,” you say quietly, “this is why he hates me.” 

“You would think with the lives we provide them, scenery like this, homes like ours, never wanting for anything, they would be motivated to do their actual fucking jobs.” 

Was this what Cal was talking about? Three miscarriages, was that reason enough to divorce someone? You gently take his hand and force him to unclench the fist he had made. “How can he hate you for something that’s out of your control?” 

You shake your head. “The world is filled with people who hate other people for things out of their control. That’s nothing new, Bill.” 

You made a solid point. “He thinks you’re doing this on purpose?” 

“He does. He only married me so he could have someone to pass everything onto when he’s too old to manage it himself.” Your thumb fiddles with his pinky ring. “That’s how it works in your world too?” 

It should make him uncomfortable that you acknowledge his true line of work but it doesn’t. If anything, it seems to pull you even closer to him. “It is.” 

“I know I’m on my way out of this marriage. He needs someone to provide an heir and I’m not that person.” You swipe at your face with the back of your free hand and he realizes you’re crying. “I can’t do that for you either. So just keep that in mind.” 

He pulls you close against his side, holding you firmly there and trying to ignore the feeling of just how fucking perfectly you fit there. “There are more important things in life than heirs and lineage. There will always be someone to take over a business, blood related or not.” He presses a kiss against the crown of your head. “You keep that in mind.” 

You release a long breath, sinking into him for a moment before standing up straight. He sees the armor being put back into places and it causes something to twinge in his chest. It shouldn’t be necessary but he understands why it is. He takes one last moment, standing in this sacred place, and kisses you gently on the lips. 

“You call me if you need anything,” he tells you. “Day or night, promise me you’ll do that.” 

You smile slightly but nod your head. “Okay.” 

He knows he needs to head back up to the house, that he’s been gone far too long and his guys will want to get on the road soon. But something is telling him to take you with him, to not leave you here. But you’ve survived for the last six years with Cal so he takes some comfort that you can survive another couple weeks before he can make it back to Tulsa. 

***

When you go back to the house later that night, you go in the back door and take all the back hallways to the master bedroom to avoid Cal. You strip off all your clothes, bury them under your running clothes from this morning and then stand under scalding hot water for twenty minutes. You reluctantly wash Bill’s cologne from your skin, wash his fingerprints from your body and it feels wrong. 

Cal doesn’t love you, he hasn’t from day one. The realization of that hits you full force. He knows of the rose bushes, the memorial garden that you planted there in the only place on the property that felt like yours. Cal hates the horses, never wants to see them or touch them. He flat out refuses to step foot into the memorial garden you planted and care for. 

But Bill, who has no stake whatsoever in your plight, came to see the horses, not even knowing you were there. He willingly went to the small garden, stood there, understood the significance of what you were showing him without having to speak the words. He shared that burden of grief with you when your own husband, the father of the lost children, couldn’t be bothered with it. 

You need a plan to get out of this farce of a marriage. You turn the water off in the shower and grab one of the towels. Your mind is racing as you dry off. You’ll need money, clothes, a place to stay, a place for your horses. The roses. Somehow you need to take the roses with you. You can’t leave them behind. Cal will forget them. He’ll forget them. You can’t let that happen. You pull on your satin pajamas and walk into the bedroom to a sight that makes your blood run cold. 

Cal is in one of the leather wingback chairs in the sitting area of the bedroom, a whiskey glass in his hand. “Did you have a nice shower?” 

Your eyes haven’t left the three suitcases sitting at the end of the bed. “Cal?” 

“I think it’s obvious our agreement has come to an end.” 

“Agreement? You mean our marriage?” 

“Is that what you would call this? Huh.” He takes a sip of the whiskey. “I was under the impression that a marriage was between two people working towards the same goal. I told you what that goal was when we married.” 

“I can’t…I don’t know…” 

“Can you finish a sentence please?” 

You take a deep breath and slowly release it. “I don’t know what you want me to do about not being able to carry a child. I can’t control that.” 

He finishes the whiskey and sets the glass down on the side table. “What I want you to do is take your shit to whatever other bedroom you wish where you will sleep tonight. Tomorrow morning, you leave with what’s packed in those suitcases. You’ll get the horses out of the barn as soon as possible because they’re going to the knacker by the end of the week.” 

Your stomach roils to the point that you bring a hand to your mouth. How are you going to find transportation and a place for your horses in four days? It’s going to cost thousands of dollars and you’re certain Cal isn’t giving you any portion of the estate. 

“I’m going to take a shower now and when I walk out of there, I don’t want to see you in this room again.” Cal stands up and walks past you. “And as far as things that you can control goes, perhaps you shouldn’t have fucked my new business partner in a fucking barn.”

[the-one-where-casey-watches-tv]

Pacing and True Blood

Considering the discourse I’d read about True Blood before watching it, which ranged from lukewarm to outraged by the show’s trajectory, I was so pleasantly surprised. And I’m starting to think some people just don’t enjoy stories that unfold over years. I read so many complaints that True Blood “ran out of compelling stories” by the final season and got “too preposterous” because “things just kept happening”.

Folks, things have to keep happening in order for a story to continue. Action is the backbone of narrative. Of course, there are effective and ineffective ways to do this, and many initially strong shows do suffer from repetition or lack of direction after tacking on last-minute plot devices to a completed story in order to milk more seasons out of them. True Blood is not one of those shows. But it seems to be perceived as one for reasons I don’t really understand. In fact, watching it felt like a master class in how not to do that- I’m blown away by the cohesiveness and forethought put into this show from start to finish.

Reflecting on it after watching the series finale, that is what stands out to me more than any one episode, scene, or character- and I consider that a good thing. It’s more than a set of individual moments that all have their own merit; seasons 1-7 are one entity, it stands collectively as a unit. Not only are plot lines thorough and foreshadowed well, but they are informed by and consistent with the rich characters of Bon Temps, Louisiana.

I’ll start from the beginning: the pilot alone sows seeds that aren’t harvested until years later. The circumstances in which Sookie meets Bill in the very first episode are both mysterious and highly specific. She’s drawn to him because of her telepathic abilities that have been a fact of her life from birth- she can’t hear his thoughts and that’s incredibly refreshing. She then rescues Bill from a hate crime attack, hurling a chain around an assailant’s neck with superhuman strength and precision. She herself is clearly surprised by this, but nothing is said about it for a very long time. The episode ends with a target now on Sookie’s back when she is attacked by the same couple seeking retribution. This time she’s rescued by Bill, who nurses her back to health with his blood.

By the time the details of these events become relevant, I had forgotten about them- this is good storytelling. Revelations should be hard-hitting because, as an audience member, you didn’t connect these dots yourself, but you could have. You had all the information and now that it’s out in the open you realize it’s been staring you in the face all this time.

Towards the end of season three, Sookie finally learns that she is part fairy. This is why she is a telepath, why vampires have made it impossible for her to lead a normal life, and why she had surprising success in a life-threatening brawl in the pilot. Sookie embodies many qualities of the damsel in distress trope, but there is a reason for it all, and this allows her to seize control and turn the trope on its head. She doesn’t just happen to be beloved by several suitors for no apparent reason; she isn’t just ‘different’ than everyone else for some quality no one can put into words.

Sookie’s fairy identity is at the very heart of the series in so many layered ways. Revealing this so late in the game in a show that has already broached shapeshifters and werewolves in addition to vampires could have had the disheartening effect of feeling like an afterthought (now there are fairies?! Come on) had it not been clearly intentioned from the start- and had the show itself not quickly acknowledged and dispensed of the potential fantasy fatigue (“I’m a fairy?! Well, isn’t that fucking lame.”). Not only has Sookie’s telepathy been well-established and normalized from the start, but it’s had a well-explored impact on who she is as a person. After a life of fatigue from hearing a bigoted town’s every thought, from running from every potential relationship after hearing men’s frightening intentions, it’s no wonder she’s so compelled by a seemingly open-minded vampire whose thoughts she can’t hear at all.

In addition to all of this, it turns out that Sookie’s fae blood has catalyzed everything we’ve seen so far without her even knowing it. A couple episodes after Sookie learns who she is, Eric drops the bombshell that Bill has known all along; in fact, Sookie drinking his blood after the brawl in the pilot was a pre-meditated move on his part to manipulate her into falling in love with him. This kind of attention to detail isn’t cooked up in retrospect, and the ramifications carry us through the rest of the series.  

The way fairies are handled in True Blood is unique, and despite its central importance to Sookie’s journey and the emotional heart of the story, it fits right in among the other happenings of Bon Temps. The revelation of Sookie’s identity struck me as a very delicate thing for the show to navigate- it certainly could have been a low, but I think it’s actually one of the series’ high points.

While there has always been cause to wonder why Sookie is a telepath and why vampires seem particularly interested in her, the fairy community is foreshadowed in earnest several episodes in advance when Sookie meets another telepath. At the time, she is thrilled because she has never met anyone with her ability before and wants to connect with this stranger. As a standalone moment, it serves to make Sookie feel less alone and othered, and the juxtaposition of this new, fearful telepath highlights Sookie’s strength and sense of self. In the bigger picture, it opens up the reality that there are others like Sookie and raises the questions who are they? Where are they? How many are there?

Consistently, happenings that were not out of place at the time- and in fact, had significant implications as a standalone incident- end up having long-lasting ramifications that allow a new chapter of the story to begin seamlessly.

Like Sookie herself, the fae are traditional in a lot of ways. They are deeply desirable woodland beings that lure people in with their irresistible beauty. Sookie even has a fairy godfather. Once again, the ‘classic’-ness of these qualities is exactly what allows them to be played with in a fun and different way. Sookie breaks the ice of the introduction of yet another supernatural being with her underwhelmed reaction upon learning her identity. It’s an endearing self-awareness of both her character and the show that allows us to accept this level of fantasy. The show is very silly; the characters are very down to earth.

In the season three finale, Sookie visits the fairy plane, a very classic fairy tale setting that seems like a wonderland, with the caveat of a mysterious and delicious fruit being forced on her. Sookie, never the fool, doesn’t eat it, and without its magic the beauty of the fae plane quickly falls apart. Within minutes, Sookie sees through the illusions, learns that the fairies are attempting to lure and trap their entire bloodline in their plane, and promptly breaks free of it. She also meets her grandfather, who has been missing all her life. Her grandfather is devastated to learn that he’s been gone for years- he could swear it’s only been a few hours. The absence of any familial figures in Sookie and Jason’s life has informed so much of who they are, and once again, there is a relevant explanation for their circumstances.

Her grandfather dies moments after bringing Sookie back to the human plane- eating the fruit makes it impossible to return. Despite having not eaten any herself, Sookie learns that the 15 minutes we spent with her there has translated to a year in Bon Temps. This time jump is maybe the most masterful piece of storytelling in the whole show.

One of my favorite things about True Blood is the sheer size of its ensemble. There is so much going on in Bon Temps, all of it intertwined. Characters and events weave in and out of each other with precise, seamless timing. While Sookie, Bill, and Eric explored vampire royalty and the existence of fairies throughout season three, the entire Bon Temps clan was being carefully set up to be in incredibly compelling positions after the one-year time jump revealed in the season finale.

Arlene, finally at peace with the loving Terry, discovers she’s pregnant with the late Rene’s baby and is convinced the child will be evil. Sheriff Andy has the first inklings of experimenting with V. Jason’s lustful ways have abruptly left him with the obligation to care for a backwoods, impoverished community of were-panthers. Nice guy Sam has finally snapped and shot his own brother. Tara has reached her limit and left Bon Temps in an attempt to escape her trauma along with it.

As soon as Sookie returns from the fae plane and learns how much time has passed, it struck me how deliberately every one of these plotlines have been threaded- they had all been building organically throughout the season, but they left off in a place where they will be at their most compelling one year later. Time jumps can feel abrupt and disorienting when we’re invested in the current timeline, but this timeline was crafted with the time jump in mind. One meaningful look at an evidence vial of vampire blood, and we’re ready to explore Sherriff Andy’s full-blown addiction. Now that we know Arlene is pregnant with a serial killer’s baby, we can get right to the real plot point- how she and Terry fare once he’s born. It’s all an immense trust in the audience to pay attention to detail and connect the dots on their own- and it pays off.

These long-game moves continue throughout the series: the cowboy boots gifted to Sheriff Bud at his retirement party turn out to be the fateful clue that exposes him as the center of a violent hate group; Sarah Newlin’s frantic downing of some mysterious vial during the prison revolt is only later revealed to be the cure to the fatal hep-V virus; Mrs. Fortenberry’s very in-character death proves to be a vehicle for Hoyt’s return and reunion with Jessica.

All this to say, True Blood is the most intentional show I’ve seen in a very long time. Its eventual conclusion is true to its characters and core message. At no point did I feel it had lost or gotten away from itself, and it’s all due to its foreshadowing of upcoming storylines well, well in advance in ways that are so relevant to the ‘now’ that they are remembered but not questioned.

I’ll close by briefly joining the conversation that piqued my interest in the series in the first place: I don’t at all consider True Blood’s vampires to be a queer allegory. Alan Ball, a gay man himself, has said this view is harmful and (not that it matters what I think in relation to him), I agree. Don’t get me wrong, True Blood has a rich and decisive political message, but it doesn’t hide behind its fantasy elements to express it. The blue collar, rural Louisiana setting is not a superficial choice, and everything the show has to say about race, religion, and sexuality, it says outright. The juxtaposition of high fantasy with hyper-realistic characters, setting, and dialogue is part of the show’s allure, and a big part of that is not shying away from southern culture and the political beliefs that come with it. If you really want to get to the meat of the show, we should talk about Sookie’s relationship with Christianity and pretty much everything about season 7. And I would love to! This show has been such a refreshing watch for me and I’m not ready to put it behind me, so hit me up if you have thoughts and opinions!