#this is wesawbears on my sideblog btw

[demisexualgeralt]

To start off my @witcher-rarepair-summer-bingo card, I have a slightly angsty Mother's Day fill for Yennefer and Ciri, for the prompt "Take me instead". I hope you enjoy!

Prompt: Take me instead/expendable Relationships:  Yennefer & Ciri Rating: T Content Warnings: some blood/violence, non-graphic. Allusions to torture Summary: Yennefer contemplates motherhood while trying to keep Ciri safe when they're captured on the run

--

From the moment she felt herself wake on the floor of that cave, she had known she’d made a mistake.

So many had patronized her, explaining as though she were a child that her ability to be a mother didn’t begin and end with a womb. As if she didn’t know that, as if it were that simple. Or worse, like Geralt, they told her of her faults, of all the ways she was unfit, as though she didn’t count her sins like sheep when she lay down at night.

No, Yennefer knew these things. But it didn’t fill the ache inside her as she looked around at her life and thought of how lonely it was.

When Geralt first came to her (damned wish) and told her of his child of surprise, of his belief that she should be a mother to this child, she’d laughed. “Many men more clever than you have devised better lies to get me back in their beds.”

But the girl was there and Yennefer had no words, no defenses when she saw her, strong, and naive, and so far in over her head. Kindness didn’t come easily to Yennefer, felt like a bone that had been broken too long and creaked stiffly, stubbornly, when she tried, but she saw Ciri and decided that she would try, no matter what it cost.

She promised to protect her, to keep her safe, and yet here they were, in some dank cell surrounded by enemies, who saw her daughter only as something valuable to be sold, or experimented on or used.

They’d bound her hands immediately once they knew who she was. She wanted to bite, to kick, to tear them apart and herself too if that’s what it took to get Ciri away. But more than that, she wanted her hands free to hold Ciri close to her and know she hadn’t failed her daughter. But the more she fought, the more they pulled Ciri from her, so she took her rage and pushed it further down, until she could use it.

“If I give you what you want, will you let her go?” she heard Ciri’s small voice ask. She wanted to scream.

A man laughed. “We don’t care about the witch. Not when we have something far more valuable.” The man held his finger to Ciri’s chin and Yennefer bit her lip until she was sure it bled.

“Let go of her. Take me instead. She’s not trained. You’re more like to die in the crossfire than get anything useful out of her in this state.” She pleaded with Ciri to understand, to know she didn’t mean it.

The man considered and nodded. “Kill them both then. At least they’ll be worth something to someone.”

Ciri screamed.

--

Yennefer woke to a ringing in her ears. She shot her head up, ignoring the rush of pain. Ciri- they had Ciri, she had to find her-

“Mama?”

Her breath caught in her throat. “Ciri. Ciri, are you alright?”

Her daughter lay a bit away, blood oozing from a cut on her head, her hair matted to her cheek, but she was alright, she was breathing.

“Did I-” Ciri started, “I- I killed them.”

“It’s alright. They can’t hurt you.”

Ciri swallowed. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

“They deserved it. Far worse, in my opinion.”

Yennefer crawled to her. She let Ciri free her hands and set to work healing the cut on her face. “They’re not going to stop. That’s why we need to take your training seriously.”

“So I can kill people?”

“So you can defend yourself. A powerful girl in the world is a beacon for shitty people. You need to be able to rely on yourself.”

“Like you?”

“Hmm,” she said, cleaning the last of the dirt from her face. “I’ve gotten myself out of a fair bit of scrapes.”

“Because of your magic.”

“No. Because of myself.”

Ciri nodded and huddled close to her. “I want to be strong. Like you.”

She wanted to say all the things she felt. That Ciri was already stronger than she could ever hope to be, that it was Ciri who’d saved her, in more ways than one.

“You will be,” she said instead. Let herself pretend she was needed for a while longer.