#this is weird but its the least-likely-to-have-the-FBI-mildly-concerned evil plan i could think of

[basil-the-bulbasaur]

My sibling told me if I was a super villain I would only ever be as evil as Dr. Doofenshmirtz and my mom reacted as if that was an insult

Like, I don't think you understand, that's the dream. Sure, theoretically my goals involve world domination, but that's mainly because I feel like I should have goals. I don't know what I would do if I successfully took over the world.

The real dream is for my evil plans to be comically thwarted by my nemesis, who is an non-human animal in a tiny hat, perhaps a fly.

"A bluebottle fly?" I say, before they put on a tiny fedora, "Barry the bluebottle fly‽‽‽ I shouldn't be surprised you'd show up so soon." and then I catch them in my net and put them in a jar (with air holes of course) (I may be evil but I wouldn't hurt a fly).

"I'm certain you've come here today because you noticed the drones I've positioned over the fields. You see, Barry the bluebottle fly, ever since I was a young lad I've hated eggplants. It did not matter much when I was young, and rarely encountered that foul nightshade, but then- I came out as gay. People love a phallic symbol, but of course, the one they use just has to be the dreaded eggplant. The people deserve better than that disgusting food. Which is why I am going to release a swarm of locusts to destroy all the eggplants! And society will be forced to choose a new symbol to represent the-"

That's when I'm interrupted by the sound of glass shattering, as Barry, who was knocking against the side of the jar, succeeds in getting it to roll off the counter I set it on.

They quickly distract me by flying directly towards my eyes, causing me to flinch and drop the drone controller. I attempt to catch it, but fumble, hitting the self destruct button and foiling my own plan.

"Curse you Barry the bluebottle fly!!!!" I scream as they fly out the vents, leaving me alone to grieve another failed plan.