#this is very random a post i know but it came up on dash and

[iwaasfairy]

also people constantly doubting young women and their ability to make decisions by themselves, for themselves? what is up with that? it bothers me so much that older people and younger people both constantly refuse to believe that young women are perfectly aware and okay with being in an age gap relationship.

if these young women are consenting and happy, maybe don't assume that stupid dumb young woman doesn't know about the dangers of the outside world.

stop acting like young women can't make their own choices. their own mistakes. like they have to be sheltered. i find nothing to be more insulting and belittling than acting like a young woman is by nature making a mistake doing a thing that might be a red flag, just by virtue of being a woman and being young.

the thing that’s obnoxious about a lot of age gap discoruse is that it feels less about curbing out potential abuse and more the fear of getting old/being around older people, particularly when stops even being about actual relationships and just older people being AROUND younger people.

 like people saying it’s “creepy” for older gay men to go clubs that also contain younger gay men or people saying it’s “suspicious” for older people to go to all-ages concerts. which i don’t know, just isn’t a healthy way to live considering that if you actually go outside you’re going to find your self around people who are not in you’re immediate age range and your going to have to deal with that.

[luvverslair]

Hi!

So, tumblr did a thing! I saw your post that said your requests are open, and the very next post on my dash was a list of prompts and one really stood out to me!

"Instead of fake dating, everyone is convinced that you aren’t actually dating."

May I request that with Soap/Ghost/Gaz (tho let's be real, it's perfectly believable that Gaz can pull anyone!)

Thank you! 😊

hi !! thank you for your request, i love this idea so much and i hope you enjoy!!

Ghost: When you and Ghost first started dating, you kept it to yourselves wanting to savor your relationship just for the two of you. However after a while, Ghost decided to tell his teammates about you, He started by talking about you to them saying things like “Yeah the missus dragged me out to this restaurant the other day.” and things like that, his fellow teammates would look at him like he was crazy, but would still indulge his conversation thinking he might just be lonely or trying to prove he can have a relationship. Ghost then started sharing pictures of you, whether it be pictures he took of you on dates or just funny ones around the house. This made the team even more confused about the whole situation as they like to call it, they wondered how he found so many pictures of someone online and why was he showing them off like you were actually with him, had he finally gone mad? One day Soap finally spoke up when he was again showing off pictures you had sent him while he was deployed, “L.T, we all know you’re not dating them. Who is that?” before Ghost had time to respond Gaz chimed in saying “Yeah Ghost, you started to freak us out.”Ghost let out a low chuckle before saying “I promise you they are actually with me, I’ll be the first to admit it’s shocking they out of all people chose me but they did.” Soap and Gaz brushed him off still not believing a word he said, that was until one day you came to the base because Ghost had left something he needed at your shared home. You walked into the room seeing Soap and Gaz shooting them a smile before saying “Hi, Have you guys seen Simon anywhere? Or I guess Ghost to you sorry.” They both stood there eyes wide and mouths agape, they pointed you in the direction of Ghost to which you thanked them and went to go find him, from that day forward they never said anything when Ghost would share things about you.

Soap: From the moment you both started dating, Soap immediately started telling everyone he knew about you, he loved showing you off. The only problem was you were gorgeous and seemed like a well-rounded person which didn’t seem like anyone Soap could pull, So when he started telling his teammates about you, they congratulated him and didn’t mind having conversations about you, and then he started showing pictures of you. That’s when the suspension started, nobody would ever believe someone like you would be with someone like him. One day Gaz had enough of listening to him ramble on about some random person that Soap claimed he was in a “relationship” with, “Jeez Soap stop rambling about your imaginary partner, everyone knows you lying about it.” Soap was stunned before saying “Imaginary? What in the bloody hell do you mean imaginary I’ve been with them for months for Christ's sake” He looked towards Ghost before adding “C'mon L.T. you don’t think I’m lying do ya?” Soap fully expected Ghost to call Gaz crazy and say Soap one hundred percent wasn’t lying but boy was he wrong “I do think it’s a little suspicious Johnny, from what you’ve shown me and told me, It’s hard to believe” Gaz smirked at Soap while he was in utter shock, “Just wait ya pricks, I’ll let you met them one day and when I do, it’ll shut you up real fucking fast.” Ghost and Gaz snickered while just saying “Whatever you say, Johnny”. About a month later, Johnny had the opportunity to bring you to the pub as your schedule was free. When you walked in heading over to Soap kissing him before sitting down, You introduced yourself to his fellow teammates shaking their hands while saying “Hi, I’m Y/n, I’m Johnny’s Partner nice to meet you all.” They all stood there in shock.

Gaz: Gaz and you had started dating a while back, he never really thought to mention you to his team, until one day Price was asking him about going out to the Pub on the incoming Friday with him and the rest of the squadron, Gaz quickly declined to say “Sorry Cap, I’ve got a date with the Missus that day.” Soap quickly laughed before saying “Yeah right more like you’ve got a date with your right hand, mate.” Everyone around him let out a laugh before Gaz interrupted them “Fuck off, For your information I do have a partner ya twats.” they all kept making fun of him and calling him a liar he sighed walking out of the room shaking his head, oh would he show them. The following week he had brought you to a restaurant for a date, it just so happened that his teammates were dining at the same place. You both walked in sitting down as he pulled out your chair for you, his task force immediately saw the both of you a couple of tables away, they were in utter shock, to say the least. After the both of you had finished your dinner and you were walking out, Gaz felt their eyes on the two of you so as he had his hand around your back he used his other to flip them off as you both left, before walking the both of you to his car, His teammates didn’t expect that, any of that.

well I hoped you enjoyed this !! it was a lot of fun to write and thank you again for your request and as always any feedback is appreciated !!

luv, luvver

[spotsandsocks]

Tumblr story time

Now you may not be interested but I was thinking it might be interesting to share how we all got stuck in here and tell the story of how you ended up as the tumblr blog you are today .I’ll go first 💜

Joined tumblr, 2015 looked around, thought hmmm a lot of people have very intense feelings about Sherlock and left. I suspect this might be the superwholock phase I hear tell of.

Time passed, I tried again, now there are two guys on my dash. A lot. Firefighters?

One of them did something the other one is forgiving him. People are quite invested in this. Maybe I can watch it somewhere, no.. not available here… but more gifs of them turn up, hope I don’t get dragged into something … no I can resist this … then the well scene hit my dash and well that was that for me. Then 911 came to a TV near me…

So I lurk and I move from McDanno to buddie tags on ao3, I read, kudos but I don’t comment, too shy to do that. I lurk some more on tumblr then I start liking, then reblogging and then summer 2021 I write something and put it on ao3 (it’s then I start to commet on fics because I understand what it means to get a comment now.) I post my fics on my blog.

A few more followers turn up which is exciting then I get tagged in a writing game and I’m off. My stuff, your stuff… Reblog reblog reblog, followers go up… Get braver start sending asks (anon) get braver and go off anon… make some friends sharing some more, more followers, more sharing more fun.

So I’m still a very small part of the fandom not a big blog in any way I think but now I’m spotty to my pocket pals, and people I’ll never meet think of me when they see dragons- and that makes me so happy. I have strangers I care about across the world and can make smile by sending a silly picture or an ask or just saying hi. It’s fun and I like it very much. The world is brighter because I ended up here and said hello to some of you and you said hello back. Thank you my lovelies.

My blog is now 60% 911, 20% sci-fi stuff and 10% randomness and the last little bit is the strange and peculiar musing of the spotty one herself . I have somehow gathered more followers than I ever expected and written nearly a million words of fanfic in 3 years.

How remarkable! How wonderful.

So here I am and I’d love to hear about your blogging journey if you want to share tag me in or just come say hi. Never be worried about coming to say hello to me, I adore it.

I know some people are on hiatus so no pressure but tagging you just in case (sorry if I missed you 😔)

@shortsighted-owl @monsterrae1 @loserdiaz @thekristen999 @steadfastsaturnsrings

@inell @shipperqueen6 @rogerzsteven @underwaterninja13 @bekkachaos

@hippolotamus @bi-buckrights @djdangerlove @fiona-fififi @giddyupbuck

@theplaceyoustillrememberdreaming @buffaluff @honestlydarkprincess @daffi-990 @diazsdimples

@the-likesofus @eddiebabygirldiaz @thewolvesof1998 @hoodie-buck @ronordmann

@bidisasterevankinard @wikiangela @weewootruck @rainbow-nerdss

@tizniz @actualalligator @loveyouanyway @bewilderedbuckley @caroandcats

@elvensorceress @repressedqueen @jesuisici33 @exhuastedpigeon @lover-of-mine

@stagefoureddiediaz @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @spaceprincessem @pirrusstuff

[from-izzy]

i'm home | tbz lee sangyeon

» ​PAIRING: tbz lee sangyeon x gn!reader (please tell me if i made a mistake!)​ » TROPE/AU​: established relationship au!, long-distance relationship au!, non-idol au! » GENRE​: loving boyfriend sangyeon, very supportive sangyeon, fluffy fluff, bit of angst (ok, maybe more than a 'bit'), comfort comfort and...comfort, reading blushes cause of sangyeon (hehe), boyfie sangyeon who's taller so that you can comfortably hide your face to his chest » WORD COUNT: 4625 » ESTIMATED READING TIME: ~17 mins » WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!): mention of religion once, proofread once, workplace hardships navi/masterlist!! 🤍 part of 'especially to you...'

i was a little bit nervous about posting this, especially since it was very rushed! sorry, i didn't plan this well 🥹 nothing came up till the last minute 😞 def didn't freak out or anything— 🤠 i'm gonna hype myself up and think this is fine considering i was racing against the clock (which i didn't manage to beat 😞) and have study to do (exams who? nov 9 who?).

but first of all to me: i know you rejected a lot of opportunities, drowned yourself in a lot of regrets, and i understand that planes are scary for you. i hope that you will find a reason soon to finally see the world like your younger self was dying to do. you were so close to doing it in july and i'm so proud of that first step. keep going, okay?

and! to you @winterchimez...i don't think there are any words needed. welcome home, soulmate! 🫂

Nothing will ever feel as much at home to you as Sangyeon could ever be.

You knew this the moment you told him about how you got the opportunity to work overseas. You remember when it felt like you were fighting endlessly with yourself. Around two years ago, after your weekly date, a loving kiss on your lips and the way Sangyeon would flash you that endearing smile, you thought that everything would be fine. You pushed, what you thought, to be a slim chance that you would be able to work overseas to the back of your mind. At first, you felt crushed about the video interview that you messed up, stuttering and using filler words while you internally scolded yourself for not preparing answers to simple job interview questions. Your head was overloaded with information between things to say and not to say, what would be the best answer and how to play your cards right. In the end, as soon as you pressed the red button on the video call interview, you reached out for your phone to call the first person on your call logs.

Sangyeon remembers that video call, the line of tears cascading down your cheeks as you vent your feelings out. He always waited for you to finish your sentences, nodding along to your words and giving affirming body language to show that he was actively following. Along your stream of words, you didn’t realise that Sangyeon stepped outside in the cold air, his phone at a new low angle and the lights from the buildings were the only reason why you were still able to see his smile across the screen.

“Wait…why are you outside? Where are you going?” You grabbed the new box of tissues from your bedside table, ripping the top part of the box with the dashed lines to help you retrieve a new paper instantly.

“Just grabbing some things.” Sangyeon leisurely answers, bringing the camera closer to his puckering lips, “I’m sure you did amazing, baby. Don’t worry too much, alright? And if you didn’t make it, then I’m sure God has other plans for you.”

You both continue talking over the phone, wiping your eyes, drinking a ton of water and burying yourself underneath the blanket as Sangyeon continues his little errand run. Soon enough, you finally understood why the phone was tilted upwards towards the sky and why Sangyeon didn’t show the things he bought—all the usual things that he would share with you during his random, night errand runs like this one. 

It was when he finally brought the phone up to be in line with his face that you recognised the familiar street background that he was walking in. You gasped, throwing your blanket to the floor, and opening the door suddenly to face your parents who looked at you with shocked eyes. They couldn’t even voice out any of their thoughts because you were out the front door as fast as you exited your bedroom door.

Knowing well that you found out about his plan, Sangyeon made a final sprint for your house, the contents inside the plastic bag ruffles and his earphones your excited laughs and words fill his earphones, mixed in with some of your still sniffling sounds from the devastating earlier events.

That night wasn’t the first time that Sangyeon would run over to you with no notice or hesitation but Sangyeon had been going through a tough time with his personal life and you didn’t know that he would still be able to have such energy to take care of you. It’s a miracle that you were able to still go on dates that these days would be impossible to plan. That night was a reminder to you, especially with the way that he lowered his lower body down, wrapped his arms around your waist, and lifted you as he buried his face into the crook of your neck, that you really love your boyfriend and that he has always been your number one supporter.

In his arms, with some final tears that Sangyeon wiped away delicately from your still-red cheeks, you were sure that everything would be fine. 

Your tears started because you were stressed but it ended with comfort.

But you got another huge headache about a week later when you got the final results of the interview. It could be the acceptance letter (that you were still sure you weren’t going to get), but you knew that you needed to at least open it, read it and accept whatever result it was to move on with your life. So, you tapped on the notification without much thought and you will forever remember this sentence: We look forward to working with you. You froze then and there, your jaw open in disbelief and your fingers went back to the main email page, pulling the inbox page down to refresh the screen. Lo and behold, you were faced with a challenge that you didn’t bother to think about.

You sprint to Sangyeon’s house as soon as the reality sinks into you. Once again, you left your parent’s house after breaking the news to the owners before leaving. Usually, you would have never been able to run that fast and long without a break. The adrenaline and anxiety took over your whole body, and you let your legs guide you to your boyfriend’s house. 

Sangyeon welcomed the news with open arms, his feet adorably tapping on the spot and a deep, soft kiss on your lips that still held his radiant smile. But unlike him, you could only stand at your spot in front of his house and give him a reluctant smile. To this, his smile drops and so did the arms that were in the air a moment ago to celebrate this new journey of yours. The vertical lines between his eyebrows made itself evident and you could only respond with a series of head-shaking and quivering lips.

“Hey…” He cradles the back of your head with one hand, the other on your cheek as he steps forwards towards you, “What’s wrong? You’ve always wanted this.”

Your arms surrounded Sangyeon’s lower body tightly, taking a handful of his sweater and your cold nose slowly became warmer thanks to his body temperature, “I know. But now that it’s happening, I’m having second thoughts.”

He continues to dig further into your thoughts, wanting to understand your feelings more and why you were having second thoughts about something you worked so hard for, “Do you want to elaborate further now? Or do you want to come inside first?”

“If I say the latter, will you cuddle with me?”

This is the you that he knows: the one that would always wish for a kiss, then a cuddle and then another kiss. You lift your face from his chest, increasing the distance between you both slightly. Sangyeon sees the sparkle in your eyes and the slight pout on your lips when you look up at him with a silent plea for a positive answer to your question. 

Who was he to refuse and break your heart like that? 

Plus…he wanted to cuddle with you as much as you did.

And so with the support of your loving family, chaotic friends and encouraging boyfriend, you packed up, headed onto the new country alone and started a new, independent life. Thankfully, you were able to find a place close to your workplace and the foreign place became your home quickly with your three kind housemates. Splitting the chores around the house, cooking, and establishing times to use the washing machine was never a problem. Living in the same house made it easier for you all to spend some time and get to know each other better, leading to routine Friday nights to be spent with each other, going on road trips and eventually overseas trips.

Your workplace has been rewarding as you found the same good qualities of your housemates in most of your co-workers. From day one, everyone has welcomed you to their lives with open arms and you knew for sure that these people wouldn’t be the reason that you would ever have to leave to go back home.

“It’s just so unfair.” It was the company, the workplace and the conditions that they put you in. The logic didn’t make sense: the place was understaffed yet they won’t hire any new people. Of course, there were many underlying factors around it, but after being so overworked, adapting to the new culture, being homesick and, your body trying its best to adjust to the new season changes that you would never have to deal with back home, it was inevitable that you were going to break down soon, “Why? Just why do they have to do that?”

“I’m so sorry you’re going through that.” Oh how much Sangyeon just wanted to jump out of the screen and hug you tight. When was the last time he ever got to do that anyway? He missed having you in his reach—his favourite love language not being able to be expressed for about half a year now, “Hang in there, baby. I know you can do this. Stay strong, hm?”

Through your blurred vision, you could still make out his sorrowful smile, his hand that just hovers the top of the camera on his phone as if to recreate the feeling that he was touching the side of your head.

Perhaps, the worst part of being away from home is your inability to ever interact with them in real-time. The time difference made it too exhausting for everyone on the other side of the world to communicate with you properly. Sure, there were rare days when they could, but the way their moon would rise when the sun said its greetings here made you swallow down your tears at night, forcing you to reassure yourself that ‘everything is going to be fine.’ Because of this, it was a routine for you to drown in your thoughts throughout the day, waking up with a heavy head and heart from the previous nights as you plaster on a weak but still genuine smile when you greet your coworkers. 

With the help of your housemates, your family and Sangyeon have managed to surprise you on both of your birthdays as well as some gaps between their schedules. Those memories would be the ones you would replay in your head as you cry your heart out in the middle of the bed that’s in the middle of the room, in the middle of the night.

Other than the visits and calls, the only things that would connect you to them are the daily pictures and videos. At the very least, they captured the lives of the ones you love back home. Unlike the memories that you could only see and keep for yourself, the physical evidence of their smiles is another big source of comfort for you, especially when all you wanted during your lonely walk home was just life updates from the people that you love most. Somewhere along the way though, the pictures and videos became too much for you, and you start to imagine what the picture would be like if you filled up the negative space within it. 

How would it be like to share that laughter, smile and experience of the atmosphere that the picture manages to capture? What was the air around there like? Humid? Cold? Warm? Aromatic? Or maybe perhaps, would you have been too entranced by Sangyeon’s presence that the only thing you could smell was his signature perfume mixed in with his laundry detergent? 

How would it feel just to have Sangyeon’s shoulder pressed up against yours whenever he has that habit of putting an arm around your back to grab the opposite side of your waist? To have his bigger hand securely intertwine with yours? To have him press a kiss on the side of your head after he whispers ‘I love you forever’ to your ears—knowing well that you were the only one in the world that he would ever confess that phrase intimately to.

How would it feel like to just have the familiar buildings of your neighbourhood, your city and the familiar murals or paintings in your life again? Would it be more comforting than the pictures of the same scenery on your phone? Would your heart be more at ease walking in the night even if all the lights were off or there were no signs of life?

As an answer to your thoughts, after two years of learning, gaining life experiences and missing the air of your home, you bravely decided not to pick up the pen on the table and sign your initials on the new contract paper. 

You decided: I’m going home. 

It’s been a really wild ride. A ride that you would never exchange for anything else. For one, you made friends from the other side of the world. Friends that you knew you could always hit up and visit if you ever come back. Two, it was real when people say that ‘the distance makes the heart grow fonder’. Sangyeon has always been the boyfriend who would cry and carry his burden alone but would always welcome your hardships into his life. Before, even though you could pick up some of the signs on some occasions, the limited video calls allowed you both to pour your feelings out, exchanging confessions and true thoughts. Had you not been across the world, you were confident that Sangyeon would step out of his shell eventually but you were thankful that the distance did its job healthily and your relationship with him strengthened with the tears and chuckles that he showed. 

When the time came and you finished training the new worker who would soon be taking your place in the company, you did your final preparations before stepping out of the house that sheltered you for two years. Final goodbyes, tears being shed, words of affirmation and promises for occasional updates were made before you drove off to the airport. Rolling down the car window, you twist your upper body to face the back of the car, your hand waving up in the air. 

The ride to the airport is bittersweet. You put your phone down after texting Sangyeon that you would call him when you pass through security. All you wanted to do at this moment was to look out the windows and take in the colours of the journey, half-scared that the scenery might turn monochrome soon if you didn’t pay close attention.

Keeping your promise, you connected your earphones and turned on your camera to be faced with Sangyeon leisurely lying in bed, one hand on the back of his head on the headboard, blinking his eyes to fight the sleep from his system.

“You should sleep.” 

Sangyeon shakes his head, straightening his back and sitting up. He takes a deep breath, his chest expanding in volume as he does so, “You only have a few minutes before you have to go anyway. I can stay awake and accompany you.”

“You’re the best, you know that?” 

Thankfully, you found a seat for yourself in the busy atmosphere. You place your backpack on the floor in front of you between your legs, being mindful of the other passengers in the busy airport who most probably had a long day before this, now having to spend overnight in a metal column.

“Love that hoodie on you. Where’d you get it?” Sangyeon wiggles his eyebrows playfully and you roll your eyes, “Good to know that you didn’t leave it behind.”

“I would be crazy to leave this behind.” You pull on the strings of the hoodie, fastening the circumference of the hood around the outline of your face, pouting cutely to your boyfriend who just laughs at you fondly.

“Can’t wait to hold you.” That sentence holds so many meanings and tugged on your heartstrings so much. It hurt for a bit to hear him say that, especially when his voice sounded so tired, “I love you so much.”

“I love you so much.” You whisper to the microphone, holding the tears that you didn’t want to show to your friends throughout the whole week, “I miss you so much. I can’t wait to go on physical, real-life dates again.”

“A few more hours.” He reminds the both of you, holding on just a little bit longer, “Everything will sort itself out then.”

That’s right.

A few more hours until you will both be able to be in the same space again. Just a little bit more before you’ll be able to steal a kiss from his lips whenever and wherever. 

You can’t wait to be back in the comfort of your bed, saying ‘goodnight’ to your parents and slipping out of your windows shortly after to meet Sangyeon at the convenience store. 

You can’t wait to spend some time with his mum—who he gets very jealous of sometimes—and steal more childhood, baby pictures of him. Along with that, you can’t wait for his mum to let you sneak into his room to steal some of his clothes. 

You can’t wait to see his blushing face as he freezes between the doorframe when his eyes land on how his sleeves would completely cover your arms, and your thighs and expose a little bit of your shoulders. 

You can’t wait for him to scoop you up in his strong arms, eliciting your series of squeals and giggles that he has fallen deeply in love with. 

You can’t wait for him to tuck you in bed, pulling his blanket up to your chin. He would then frame his larger body over yours throughout the night, making you sleep deeper and better. But your night, wouldn’t be complete until you delicately kiss him on his chin, cheek and lips. His night wouldn’t be complete either until he kissed your forehead, nose and lips, taking his sweet time on the last body part. 

Most importantly, the night wouldn’t be complete overall until your lips part each other and exchange ‘I love you’s.

As soon as you landed, the adrenaline of finally being in the same country, the same land, the same building knocked out the jetlag and you were suddenly wide awake. You felt a bit bad for the bottom of the seat in front of you and your backpack which was violently ripped out from its peace, but you would like to think that they would understand your sudden burst of energy. You race and slip yourself between the bodies of people who were most probably confused and amazed by how much your eyes were darting around the conveyor belt so quickly, trying to find your check-in baggage—but you didn’t care.

You care about is Lee Sangyeon.

Now, you passed through every security check, every random bag inspection, opening and relocking up all your luggage again one by one, your patience running out by the minute.

But it’s okay.

Because now, only one glass door stands in the way between you and all the people waiting on the other side. 

You watch from the distance as the automatic door opens and closes through other passengers. You were even able to catch a glimpse of some of your fellow flight passengers who spotted their loved ones immediately in the crowd, their hands releasing the handle brake of their trolley when they rushed into the crowd. Their loved ones cry and gasp at the presence that they have been so desperate for, their bodies swaying side to side to keep some of their emotions regulated in public.

Oh, how you know you wouldn’t be able to hold in your tears.

Exhaling and inhaling a couple more times, your hands grip the handle of your trolley, doing a final baggage check that everything is securely held in place and that you didn’t leave anything. Finally, you push the handle to release the brake and you start to walk over to the translucent glass doors. 

Time didn’t slow down. 

It just felt still. 

It didn’t stop though—it just felt still.

You could hear your heartbeat through your ears, your palms were sweating in nervousness and you could barely feel the ground that you were walking on with every step of your feet. The gush of wind pushes your hair back dramatically and your eyes water at the cooler air from the other side of the door. Metal barricades separate the arriving passengers from the crowd from both sides of your body and you force your teared-up eyes to carefully scan through the rows of the crowds and the signs that they held up. Your back straightens to accommodate your eyes’ effort in addition to your lips that move in the shape of the name of the person you miss the most. Unfamiliar faces fill your visual field and your feet finally take you to the end of the barricade, heart feeling heavy at the unsuccessful event to pick out anyone in the crowd that you know. 

But then…

“Found you.” 

His appearance explains why you were unable to quickly pick him out from the crowd if you didn’t focus on detail. Sangyeon grins at your shocked facial expression, watching your eyes slowly lift from the bouquet in his hands to the freshly black dye on his hair.

“Y-You—”

“What do you think?” His pointer and thumb raise to twirl a bit of his hair, his eyes still on you, “You always said that I would look good with black hair.”

“Good?” Oh, he knew what kind of effect this is having on you and he’s having fun with this, “Sangyeon, you—” 

His facial expression softens straightaway when the tears that you’ve been holding for so long finally drop to the ground and he strides forwards immediately as soon as he catches a glimpse of your quivering lips. Forget about the flowers, forget about the people around you, forget about how you were standing in the middle of the walkway. He sets his ‘welcome back’ gifts on top of your things, swiftly wrapping an arm behind your shoulders while the other one cups your cheeks. 

Sangyeon held your shaking body against his tightly, and it was good that he did, otherwise, you would surely be on the floor. You relished in the scent that you missed the most, purposely taking in deep breaths to ground yourself back to the present. The boy smiles at the realisation, letting your free cheek cutely rest on his chest. He hushes you softly, the swiping motion of his thumb on your cheek giving you a physical reminder of his presence—a reminder that he is with you at this very moment. Multiple kisses were pressed on your forehead in an attempt to calm you down and responded with a whimper as you tried to form words.

“It’s okay.” It really is, “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

Your body responded to his affirmation, your arms finally wrapping around his waist, the tips of his fingers just barely intertwining behind his back. Your palms lay flat on his smooth leather jacket and your ragged breathing found a stable pace once again. The increased oxygen in your blood allows you to finally feel Sangyeon’s plump lips on your forehead and the blush begins to form across your cheekbones. 

“You’re really here.”

“I am.” You feel the way his chest vibrates at his deep chuckle. 

That’s all he said and it’s way more than enough. Eyes closed, in Sangyeon’s embrace, his familiar scent, his lips hovering on your eyelids to press kisses there—everything is starting to feel like home.

“You look handsome.” For the first time since you arrived, you finally look at this new hair colour properly. Your eyebrows furrow, almost a look of dissatisfaction and disapproval, “Too handsome.” This time, one of your eyebrows raised at the way he responded with a teasing smile, “How many people asked you out already?”

“Honestly,” He starts to act, tightly closing his eyes as if to think very hard. He prolonged his hum with the way you glared at him cutely, wanting to tease you for longer, “quite a lot.”

The answer made you scoff, tilting your head away and you started to pull away from his embrace. Sangyeon didn’t let you walk away fully though for he pulled you right back to his body. Your hands attempt to stabilise your body the sudden act by resting on the curves of Sangyeon’s shoulders. The playful look in his eyes disappears and the extra layer of moisture shows itself—it tells you that he has been waiting for the only person to ever see his tears to be within his arms again. Both his hands rest on your waist and your own eyes search for the emotions behind his, a hand wiping his lower eyelid. That act makes a tear fall before another one falls and it soon becomes a fountain of emotions for the older male.

“I missed you. So much.” The way that Sangyeon puts so much emphasis on the second and fourth words sent chills down your spine.

Your hand on his shoulder slides upwards to cup his face, the other downwards to do the same on the other side. With all the strength you have left in your legs, you put your weight on your toes, fluttering your eyelids close and lifting your body to press a longing kiss to his lips. You tasted his tears on the curves on his lips, but knowing well that it stemmed from love, made your heart slowly start to heal. Sangyeon reciprocates immediately, travelling his hands to the side curves of your body, stopping at your neck, gently tilting your face upwards to deepen the kiss. The kiss sweetly alternates with his own hugging your bottom lips, pulling away for oxygen, a little ‘I love you’ and diving back in to hug your upper lips.

This is what home feels like.

It’s not some building or some land that could be pointed out on a map. It’s not necessarily the photos and videos that you received, even though they comforted you on cold nights. It’s not necessarily the rushed talks and recounts of your lives because the second hand on the clock mocked the little time you would always have, even though you were thankful that you had that small gap to do so.

It’s actually experiencing all of the above, going through all those trials, all those confusing emotions, and still feeling love and support. It’s being able to just walk with defeat over the day’s work but as soon as you arrive back home, the feeling either washes away or you’re able to just vent it and cry it out. 

With the right people, you were able to let these experiences turn into lessons and precious memories—similar to how there are specific bricks to build the proper structure of a house. As those experiences build, so does the clear image and structure of a house. Sure, houses break down due to inside and outside factors but when it does, you’re confident that you can work it out and make it stronger. 

With those thoughts in mind, the corner of your lips tugged upwards and no words were needed for Sangyeon to know that the smile wasn’t mischievous, teasing or playful.

It’s one full of relief and happiness.

“Welcome home.” Sangyeon changes his words between your kisses.

You hum, waiting for the next time he pulls away to give a proper response.

“I’m home.”

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 'especially to you' tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️

[scummy-writes]

Ikemen Tier List

whoaaa two posts together whoaaa (you guys didn't witness me doing this first to see if I had the energy to post a finished drabble today)

I've had trouble with the tier lists for a while because I feel like it didn't explain how I felt about these dudes half of the time, but I figured out a better way to mark the tiers and I feel like this sums it up great. And now you too can have a handy dandy 'How does Scum feel about X?' list! If Roderic had a sprite, I would put him in the daily thing, or maybe the top one? hm

Anyway, I'm gonna explain the tiers under the cut for extra clarifications.

[*Wants to write fanfics for 24/7*] : The Current Main Blorbo. All tremble before him - for he holds the writing braincell and he's all anyone hears about forever and ever - until another blorbo takes his spot (usually takes a few years). You'll see him as icons and photos and and and--------

On my mind daily, in some form: Sometimes these characters will be paired with the #1 chara, and so by extension they're thought about often. Sometimes they're not paired with them, but still thought about often. Despite my posting habits, I do enjoy these guys still. A lot, actually.

Think about a few times a week, offhandedly: Rubs chin. I think of Chev and Elbert as a rare comfort. A type of quiet one that is a plesant encouragement in some way or another. Or I get perplexed thinking about how they'd look ordering shitty coffee. Not much of an inbetween. But really I sometimes just enjoy the quiet comfort thoughts when i need them with those two.

Think about a few times a month: They used to be higher up in the faves, but I either got enough of them at some point (in a good way), friends love them with such glee that i just enjoy watching them simp for them, or they just got naturally shifted down in the line as more characters came into view. I won't talk about them much but I do like em in multiple ways.

Scared to think about (for my wallet): legally not allowed to like because I cannot max out my credit card (a joke). I really really really like Alfons and Victor but I am terrified they'll shoot the ranks in a couple of months, and that my wallet will be screaming to be spared (darius is still up for debate)

Want to like but (and/or for reasons cannot): hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Random simping once a blue moon (idk why): I read a translated story of roger once when sitting in my car on a lunch break. I was reading as I was getting out, and nearly fell into the horn when reading about his cock. It tormented me for a week. This happens ocassionally with the others... maybe not a translated story, but i'll have a random thought that hits me like a bullet train and suddenly I'm stumbling and struggling to think about anything else for a bit. (Leonardo is here as punishment, he knows what he did)

Was Favorite when playing but ghosted game: Ikerev was the first(?) cybird game I played, followed very very closely by ikesen. I don't see a lot of stuff for them naturally on my dash, and bluntly ikerev just could not hold my attention especially after I lost my data and got cockblocked by shitty gacha pulls, but I hardcore simped for these dudes when I played. Well, jonah did get pushed to the bottom of that tier fairly quickly, but Shingen is still #1 there. Anju (oc) was originally made for him, and I suspect that when his...eternal(?) is released in eng, I'll be feral for a little bit and then go back to gil simping.

No opinion really: I just.....shrug. They're neither bad nor good. These are characters who I was either SUPER excited for and then sorely disappointed, characters I haven't felt drawn to, or characters I just....never....felt anything towards...even after reading their route... I'm assuming they're just not my type and that's why they're here.

No: I hold negative opinions due to XYZ personal reason. Or their vibes are just rancid to me. I don't care if others like them or not, I don't judge others for liking them.

[g0ldgauntlet]

Memories I Unlocked About My Little Pony (G4) That Made Me Realize Some Things.

(Image Description is in alt text. Post also contains minor spoilers for Arcane Season 1)

The "Party of One" Episode

Pinkie's portrayal in that episode felt like a fairly accurate representation on how mental health can fuck with you (Though, please note that I'm not a mental health expert, I just found her really relatable in some ways as someone who is undiagnosed). She has some of the most intense range of emotions, even going a bit overboard before and during the initial birthday party for Gummy to the point of exhausting herself, but her friends don't judge her for her behavior (Even if it's clear from the expressions on their faces that they don't agree with every decision she makes).

However, the moment that Pinkie feels like her friends are hiding something or trying to avoid her, her mental health begins to decline (Especially because she knows she's being blatantly lied to). Then we see her lack of emotional regulation and starting to overthink everything based on these interactions, assuming the worst. You can't even fully blame her for it because, again, no one is communicating with her properly, but the severity of her actions still showcases that her mental health is playing a part in her blowing the situation a bit out of proportion.

Plus, there's this quote-

Tell me that my friends are all lying to me and avoiding me because they don't like my parties and they don't want to be my friends anymore!

-which is a conclusion that she came up with herself. No one actually said this to her, but she assumes this is the case, and she wants Spike to validate her assumption even though he knows that's not true either. Spike gives in and tells her what she wants to hear, though, and she enters a depression because of it. This is now what she actually believes.

Of course, after this, we get the infamous facial expression that is this:

By this point, Pinkie is in the middle of having a mental breakdown. She's trying to isolate herself from her friends, now viewing them as enemies, and she's replacing them with random things that she's trying to use as a coping mechanism as she attempts to host her after-party for Gummy. The kicker is that these methods are failing. Pinkie much more rapidly shows signs of losing her composure as she puppeteers for these inanimate objects like they're real people. She keeps twitching, and then eventually it feels as if the objects have actually come alive, but in reality, the next conversation that takes place is all in Pinkie's head. These inanimate objects take the form of her negative thoughts convincing her that she's justified in believing that her friends are actually horrible people who think horrible things about her and that she shouldn't associate with them ever again, even though Pinkie herself doesn't actually believe any of that deep down. It's a very good visualization of how Pinkie's new view of her friends is still eating away at her despite her trying to shift to a new sense of "normalcy." This scene is honestly a child-friendly version of Jinx having "conversations" with the voices in her head during Arcane Season 1 (Her even going as far as to make inanimate versions of her dead friends), with Jinx also initially trying to hold onto hope that Vi still cares about her despite her mental health continuously declining.

When the other five members of the Mane Six are finally ready to talk to Pinkie, she explodes and tries shutting them all out. While they're all concerned for her due to the way that she's acting, they don't give up on her. At most, Rainbow Dash just calls Pinkie's inanimate object party creepy once she finds her, but she's still determined to drag Pinkie away from the unhealthy atmosphere (And mindset, in a metaphorical sense) that she's locked herself into. Dash takes Pinkie to the barn at Sweet Apple Acres, and it's revealed that there was a party waiting for Pinkie. Unfortunately, she continues to assume the worst of her friends, and by extension, the motives behind the party.

It's then explained that the reason why they were avoiding and withholding information from Pinkie was because they were trying to keep the party a surprise, and it was meant to be their way of celebrating Pinkie's birthday...which she forgot was that exact day.

When I tell you that I felt secondhand embarrassment-

Yet, it's not even unrealistic. A bunch of misunderstandings and a lack of having the full context to the situation led Pinkie to assuming the worst outcome and letting her negative thoughts consume her, which I think multiple people (Myself included) have experienced before. Pinkie is still given a rather mature moment, though. She perks right up after realizing that she was wrong about her assumptions, but then she feels ashamed and embarrassed for how she acted and for having doubted her friends so much. However, they reassure her that they hold no ill will towards her and make it clear that anyone can experience these types of misunderstandings.

Then we get the central message from Twilight: That good friends have your best interests at heart, and you shouldn't immediately assume the worst of them. I think it's a good way to encourage people to work on their sense of trust in others, as well as encouraging them to find ways to manage their mental health in any way that they can without necessarily demonizing those who are struggling with those issues.

I think this episode was why I was never the biggest fan of the MLP creepypastas, such as Cupcakes. I can definitely see that people had fun with this crazy portrayal of Pinkie (And I'm not going to tell you that you're wrong for liking it), but I think her canon portrayal is much more sympathetic to those who struggle with mental health issues.

Fluttershy Would Swear If MLP Had a Higher Age Rating

I remembered how upset she could get whenever she was pushed too far, and one of those moments was when Twilight brought up Discord early on in the series. Fluttershy saying "That...big...dumb...MEANIE!" with such vitriol instantly made me think that she (Or the writers, honestly) actually wanted to say, "That...MOTHER...FUCKER!" instead.

Then I decided to check out an episode from one of the later seasons that I didn't watch: The one with her brother, Zephyr Breeze. Fluttershy says that she's "peeved," and it's treated like she said a swear word. She absolutely would have said that she was "pissed" if this wasn't a kids show.

Does Fluttershy need to swear? No, definitely not, but it would be very funny and not all that unrealistic to me if she dropped a word or two whenever she got angry.

Flash Sentry Deserved Better

This boy got screwed over so hard that it's honestly really sad. He's a good example of MLP's consistent lack of development within a lot of its male cast, but it was much more noticeable with him since he was the love interest of the main character, and as a result, a lot of attention was focused on just him.

I honestly wouldn't be able to tell you much about Shining Armor (in the show, not the comics, which I have never read) aside from him being Cadance's husband and Twilight's brother, and then basically being used as a partial plot device so that Cadance could use the power of love to defeat Queen Chrysalis. The same goes for Big Mac, whose most defining trait was not saying much besides two words, and I believe that Soarin also has minimal development. I don't even remember that much about King Sombra in the initial first few seasons aside from what the cast members tell us about him (though I could be wrong here, it's been a while since I watched the show and I heard he gets more characterization later).

It seems fairly obvious to me that a large reason behind why Flash - and his dynamic with Twilight by extension - was not expanded upon later was because Bronies (and by that, I specifically mean a very vocal crowd of older adult men) within the fandom sent so much backlash over this character in Hasbro's direction that they decided to sideline him instead. It still astonishes me that grown ass men had so much influence over this show when they weren't even the target demographic, and that's not even the only time that they had ruined something for other people. Flash was not that different from what I just mentioned about the male cast members, meaning that it's not a "Flash Sentry" problem - It's a "Male MLP Character" problem.

I will, however, acknowledge that the decision to have main universe Twilight go to a universe where the cast members are highschoolers was a strange decision by the writers. A college setting would have been just fine, especially since Lauren Faust has said that Twilight might be at least around the age of a college freshman in human years.

As a kid, I liked Flash, and I used to theorize about what the writers were going to do with him later on. As I got older, I realized that way more people liked Flash than I thought (Especially on TikTok. Good lord LOL), and others were mostly indifferent towards him. It was upsetting watching him get sidelined, and I didn't like Timber, who I had assumed was supposed to be Flash's replacement but ten times more annoying.

Flash had become the fandom scapegoat and punching bag. I think it would be more fun to see people reclaim him and make content of him in their image based on their headcanons or whatever, like they did with several other characters in the show. I, for one, am definitely planning on doing so myself!

Rainbow Dash Is Basically Sonic For The Girls and I Owe Her An Apology

I used to HATE Rainbow Dash as a kid. I thought she was the most annoying out of the Mane Six (With Fluttershy as a second-least favorite but that was a whole other thing. I don't dislike her anymore, don't kill me LOL). However, it was not lost on me that people would constantly make comparisons between her and Sonic, and I'm now realizing as an adult that this makes more sense beyond them both having super speed.

Dash is sweet, but like Sonic, she can also be cocky, competitive, heroic, and reckless. She is the one who influenced the rest of her friends' lives early on (Via the Sonic Rainboom), just as Sonic did with his friends, eventually forming a tight-knit group. She gets up to shenanigans with a cheerful, pink-themed character (Pinkie, of course), and has a yellow-themed friend who decides to stand up for herself and can keep up with Dash when she puts her mind to it (Fluttershy). Like Sonic, she also loves reading, and her presence revolves a bit around having a cool factor.

It is kind of shocking, yet funny that I held this double standard against Rainbow Dash as a child, since she and Sonic share similar traits, and yet I thought Sonic was cool while Rainbow Dash was unbearable. Internalized biases have a chokehold on people, I suppose.

Sunset Shimmer Is a Reformed Villain Done Right

(Please keep in mind that it's been years since I watched the Equestria Girls movies, so I might have some details wrong here)

She started out acting like an arrogant, highschool queen bee type of person who thought she was owed everything, only to be humbled by Twilight. Then she begins to realize the error of her ways, and while the Humane Six forgive her right away, not everyone else does, and Sunset Shimmer simply has to live with that. The sins of her past continue to haunt her, but she still finds the resolve to strive to be a better person and help other people who need it (Such as SciTwi).

I think her arc was a realistic portrayal of someone who had done something messed up and then realized later that her mistakes will cause people to see her differently. Despite that, and despite knowing that some people may never forgive her, however, Sunset wants to keep moving forward so that she can make amends and help people heal rather than hurt them. I liked the message behind this as well - That people should continue to try to do good things, even if your past mistakes can't be reversed. The past shouldn't hold you back for the rest of your life.

[moonyasnow]

Chat tell us about Junias parents

yayayayayyayayayy!!! ^^

So this is them!

Her mother Lydia and father Argus

Argus' hair is supposed to be darker, but this is the best I could find in this picrew and I don't wanna spend hours looking for another picrew that lets you make a masculine-looking person with pink hair and pink skin

The way Argus died is that he just kinda went out one day and he just never came home. He had a notoriously bad sense of direction so it's likely he just got lost and ended up a bigger, stronger mer's meal.

I think, had Argus lived, he and Junia would've gotten along amazingly. He was also autistic, though like Junia he was never really brought to see a doctor about it.

I sadly don't have a lot to say about him because he and Lydia knew each other for a very short amount of time, and just never had the time to properly get to know each other.

And Lydia I talked a bit about in Junia's post, but not a lot

I haven't developed all the details yet, but she did not have a very safe life growing up. Her family was a bit more well-off than average, at least at first, but she was still a very colorful mer in the Coral Sea (both Lydia and Argus are Rainbow Parrot fish mer) so she and her family were 'easy prey' in a sense. I think their family were actually 'kicked out' of the safer parts of the Coral Sea when she was quite young, and with it their social standing fell quite a bit. So she still remembered the much better life she'd had when she was young, and wanted to return to it. And she had to watch a few of her family members die early on because they just couldn't adapt.

So this would obviously instill in her a strong sense of self-preservation. And as a smaller mer and with way less physical might than most others you'd find in the more dangerous parts of the sea, she had to learn to rely on her few remaining relatives to keep her safe.

And eventually she managed to marry Argus.

I don't think they knew each other very well, if at all. It was a political marriage in every sense of the word.

Argus did try his best to get along with Lydia, and even wanted to try 'dating', for lack of a better term- basically he wanted to try to make things work romantically too.

But alas, he died just a few month after the wedding. The parts around where they lived had also started to become way more dangerous, hence why the marriage happened in the first place.

And Lydia, having just found out she was pregnant, basically said 'fuck this shit, I'm out' and took the risk of moving all the way to the Queendom of Roses. Basically all by herself. Argus' family stayed behind, since they weren't close with Lydia at all, and still believed Argus would come back (he never did)

But, even though the Queendom of Roses was a lot safer, and she had all she really needed, she still held onto the dream of going back to the glamorous life of her youth, and already had plans of, just like she had, working her way up in the world through either achievements or marriage. So she was going to either raise her child to become skilled enough to obtain a good position at court, or she'd try to marry them off to a suitor of the highest social standing she could find.

Edit: I don't know why but this isn't showing up on my moots' dashes so I'm tagging people

@another-random-paradise @cactus13-rolloflammesimp @faefum @thehollowwriter @beneathsakurashade

@theolivetree123 @babyghoul138 @skibidibabygirl @screamintoad @nyx-of-night

[regexkind]

You think determinism is real??? Unfollowed.

No, but seriously, would you possibly mind explaining a bit more? I have been Having Some Feelings about the ways in which life plays out that are very uncanny and to see and recognize all these patterns has been tripping me up (frustrating me, too, but that is good I think—there is information in there) and there's a sense of delusion I've been trying to shake off because, honestly, I Want To Believe, especially in myself and my senses, even if the idea of being told what to do by something else is very annoying to my sensibilities. I don't even believe in Angel Numbers, really, but I have been constantly seeing eights and sixes and I know what they mean, regardless. Sorry. Infodumping.

Seriously, though! It is neat and it does feel like I have been claiming some sense of power and just... being on the right path.

And because it's a topic that has been on my mind right now, and I came across that post, I thought that I would just ask.

Hyper-glib answer: my view on free-will is close to that espoused in the "Thou Art Physics" LessWrong article, with a dash of Daniel Dennett's perspective in "Elbow Room" that what people are distressed by in the question of free-will is the feeling that their agency is being encroached on, and that even if free-will is an illusion, a life in which the decision-making algorithms inside your skull are an ingredient in the outcomes is totally sufficient for happiness.

Less glib, and more in response to your actual ask: I also recognize that what you're talking about when I say "determinism" seems to be different than what I am talking about. Your response makes me think you're imagining that "determinism" is necessarily the result of some sort of planner—you are concerned about being "told what to do by something else", but that isn't necessarily what I'm imagining at all.

The thing I mean is more like the determinism that is implied by the thought experiment of Laplace's Demon. The idea is that if you know the state of the universe at a fixed point in time, and knew the ruleset along which evolution of the universe progressed, you would be capable in principle of computing the state of the universe at any given future moment. Nothing about this scenario presupposes that there was any intentionality in this initial configuration.

In fact, what seems much, much more likely is that the universe is both vast and essentially random in its initial configuration, so that it was inevitable that some corner of the cosmos would contain the seeds for our particular world. It isn't the result of any plan. For a sufficiently small change from our world, there would be a size of universe that would be big enough to contain a version of our world that is that distance away or smaller, and in an infinite universe, arbitrarily small variations of our world prevail. (This is Tegmark Level I multiverse theory; I would link to the specific part of the article but every day mobile web browsing becomes a worse experience and I can't do that anymore it seems)

Anyways, the type of determinism I espouse seems very very different from the one you seem troubled by.

[cherrycokedup]

i need liked posts to be turned off on tumblr guys i dont need to see that my mutal liked the post "getting FREAKAY in the freak room part five million" like im happy you have hobbies. hobbies are great actually! just. i dont wanna see it, its like getting a cruel vision from the lord above of what your friend is doing at any given moment and it's like the deepest privaacy violation ever. it's like if i was walking down the halls of school and a random person walked up to me and shoved a photo in my face of someone having a moment. like good for them, really, but also i dont think i was authorized to see this information and i dont really thing i wanted to see this information. i feel like some type of wild ass archive of all the sins of my mutals because obviously im not gonna walk up to their dms and be like "hello kind and beloved friend, how was your binge on lego ninjago dick sucking?" because that is insane. how am i supposed to kindly tell me friends that their tumblr is backstabbing them and showing all their muatals their liked posts unprovoked on my dashboard. yknow what is my worst nightmare to see? " liked by --" sometimes it is good and a fine post, and i can like it too. i like it when you can share in our liking and not reblogging! but too many times it has me learning something i dont think i really needed to know. and who knows. maybe i did need to know. maybe the reason tumblr is showing me that my friends are liking "𝖂𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝖎𝖋 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖜𝖊𝖗𝖊 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖙𝖗𝖚𝖓𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖇𝖚𝖑𝖑𝖘 𝖋𝖆𝖛𝖔𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖊?" is because it is trying to broaden my horizens, it is trying to show me a whole new world of debachery. which sure, introduce me away but i am like not very open to this because you opened the introducion with "you know what your friend of three years that you just helped write a college submission essay has been really into lately?" like i know they have been into spreading love and joy and kindness. i know they have been into their stardew farm. i know they have been into getting a job. and yet there is more horror to come. you know what REALLY horrifes me about this tumblr feature? it's the idea that tumblr might be snitching on ME. it fills me with all the fear of someone who did not pack a bomb going through airport security. because what if once in 2018 i did pack a bomb and now tumblr is coming onto my friend's dashes with a creepy grin, waving around a screenshot of me packing a bomb and going "LOOKY, LOOKY HERE. LITTLE FUCKING SLUTTY BITCH WHORE OF THE CENTURY LIKED AN EMBARSSING FANDOM SEX POST FOURTEEN YEARS AGO." except it would not give them the timestamp. for all my friends would know, i liked that post today. everyday i check that my liked posts are still private. everyday i go into my tumblr settings and make sure that the "share your liked posts!" switch is off, like im the guy who has the watch the nucular reactor radar but on a far more worst and catastrophic level. i feel like the last one of my seer kind, unable to forget or turn off my wretched visions, and I cannot tell any of them for they would not understand so it is my curse to bare alone, until I die out. It is my curse to know that some people in the world, some people who i look upon with all the fondness in the world, people I would save over myself in a heartbeat if it came down to us standing at the end of the world and there is only enough room in the saftey shuttle for one more person, it is my curse, and mine along to bare knowing that that person liked a post of Jack in the Box mascot having his bare ass cheeks on display for the rest of the world. If there is a way to be done with this torment, I do not know. I have scoured the settings and the only option i can find is to hide my own likes, and hope any sins of my long forgotten past will stay locked in a vault so deep even I can't dig them out, even I can't remember what they once were.

[mamadoc]

1, 2, 11, 20😊

1 - Talk about someone who changed your life.

Okay. I took far too long to think about this. Since we're all in a post 6x6 and TTPD era, here's a vulnerable, tortured answer.

I had a very close friend for several years. My husband and I were very close to her and her husband. Our kids were friends. We went to the same church, all loved to travel, had similar interests and tastes, had all lived internationally, went on double dates, etc. We even considered having them raise our kids if my husband and I both passed away. In sum, we were super close.

Then COVID hit. As a doctor COVID was difficult. I struggled a lot because I was taking care of sick patients. I recall one tearful day of talking to a pregnant mom who was about to be transferred to the ICU and was saying goodbye to her other children. It really wasn't safe or comfortable to go to work for a long time. I wasn't really dealing with it well, especially with the people around me treating it like it didn't matter. I was really depressed for the first time in my life.

This friend didn't understand that or if she did, she didn't care. So, when I said I wasn't interested in going out in public and having any type of birthday celebration for my birthday (who wants to celebrate turning 41 anyway?), she started attacking me on a personal level. I was already in a dark place and instead of being a good friend and supporting me, she just keep sending me hateful messages.

That was the first and only time in my life I considered suicide. I reached out for help and got it. I wasn't in that dark pit for a long time. I'm much better now. I mostly have my sister to thank for that.

I brought her flowers for Valentine's Day with an apology note a few weeks after that. She never apologized. I brought treats to her a few weeks after that with an apology note explaining why I felt so hurt. I tried to call to explain how I felt so that I could heal. She never answered the phone.

I'm still not sure what I have to apologize for or why she never seemed to accept or offer an apology. But that was two years ago. We still don't talk. Our husbands don't talk. Our kids don't play together anymore. For a long time, I didn't like going to church because I knew I'd have to see her.

Most of that is better now. I'm just sad for a lost friendship and for the dark place I had to crawl out of.

I've used a slight modification of her name for a character in one of my stories who betrayed Lucy. I thought that might be therapeutic, but it just brought the situation up to the surface again.

Uhhh... I can't believe I just wrote all of that. I'll try to keep the rest of the answers a bit lighter.

2 - Talk about something you really want to do.

I LOVE to travel. I've been to 47 states and 16 countries. My husband and I had all of our plans in place to get to all 50 states before we turned 40. Then COVID hit and all of our plans were dashed when travel shut down. We're going at a slower pace now, but we're getting close to it. #48 (NM) in October, #49 (HI) July 2025 as a 20th anniversary trip, and #50 (AK) the summer of 2026.

11 - Share something you're proud of.

According to AO3's stats, I've posted over 339k words since I started posting 7 months ago (plus another 9-10k chapter I hope to finish tonight). I know there are those that blow me out of the water (Ahem, ahem @girlintotv and @centralperkchenford) with their numbers, but I'm pretty proud of that as a first-time writer and working mom with 4 young kids.

20 - Share with us a random fact or two.

I'm afraid I've already overshared. *yikes* But here we go.

I'm the oldest of 6 kids. The first 4 of us are all 23 months apart, then 27 months apart, and 25 months apart. So, we're essentially every 2 years for 10 years with all of our birthdays clustered together. 3 boys and 3 girls.

I had the chicken pox for my eighth birthday. My grandparents came to visit for my birthday, but they were afraid of getting shingles. So, I had to stay in my bedroom on the second floor, and they stayed on the first floor for the whole time they were visiting. I still remember standing in the hallway near the dining room while they sang happy birthday. One of my siblings blew out the candles for me and my mom brought me a piece of cake in the hallway. (Man, I'm still rocking those depressing TTPD vibes, aren't I?) I was officially not contagious the day my mom came home from the hospital with baby #5 in our family, and I remember being so excited to be healthy enough to hold my baby brother.

Sheesh. Now you probably won't ever ask me anything again. Between TTPD, 6x6, and the angst I'm supposed to be writing right now, I'm coming up with some strange answers.

Sorry to be the Eeyore in the crowd. Thanks for asking me to play though.

Ask game

[hangmanssunnies]

I know I missed @lewmagoo 's positivity night cut off. Which first of all, Leah thank you so much for doing one. You are wonderful, and seeing mentions in my activity and all the positivity on the dash made me grin. However, there are so many fantastic wonderful people that I feel compelled to shout out! So I wanted to make quick post about it. This fandom is so great and full of kind souls and talent there really too many to name. Here are a few though ...

@bradshawsbitch Alex, is not only an absolutely lovely human but also a fantastic writer. She also puts up with me and my nonsense at all random hours of the day. Chef Rooster in Mise En Place is a complicated dream and I really wish he was mine. Not to mention her fic songbird which is some of my favorite Rooster smut. I haven’t stopped thinking about riding roosters abs since. She also makes very pretty gifs, which have been known to send me into a tizzy.

@top-hhun They just get Jake, he is always sooo well written and interesting. The way they write him is fantastic, line of sight is a particular fav.

@callsignspark I love Elle's writing and even though I am horribly behind on reading and leaving comments, I know their Mar(r)y Me fic is phenomenal, and loved anything for you.

@theharddeck so so so many fics that I could shout out of theirs but honestly my favorite might be their Coyote series. It drove me insane, and the little details they put in their writing is next level.

@wildbornsiren I have proclaimed shelly a queen of writing threesomes and I will do it again now.

@sushiwriterhere someone else I know has written fantastic threesomes, and I really loved all the content that came out to the threesome writing challenge they did.

@libraryofantiquitea I still think about their Jake fic Tell me my name and the two follow up parts they wrote.

@say-al0e it should be illegal to make me fall more in love with Bradley Bradshaw, and yet... they always seem to manage. I love all their fics though for real.

@sugarcoated-lame I love kricket's fics! Their recent Dilf Bradley story has had me particular enamored.

@myfaveficrecs I love their fics, and I love the positivity they spread in the fandom with confession Wednesdays as well as writer spotlights.

There are so so so many fantastic creators I could go on and on and on. Genuinely I love this fandom it's one of the best I've ever been in. Which is why I still am here over a year later some how. I love you all, and if I didn't shout you out, please know I do adore you too.

[servampaddict]

A random theory for u all

i've seen lots of posts lately about how kuro's name was Adam and it has something to do with the story of Adam and eve (at least I think so) I'm not religious but I do know about Adam and eve so this is a random theory based on my little knowledge about it (please let me know if anything about Adam and eve is wrong I will fix it) So when mahiru sees kuro's memories it shows his conversation with hugh and how his job is to pursue immortality.

I never really understood what he meant by that. Because the servamps are immortal so how can they pursue something they already have. So Adam and eve are supposed to be together right? What if the count got the idea of an eve by knowing kuro's name? I think that the count/hugh didn't mean pursuing immortality for themselves but for their eves or others. They can do that for the subclasses but they never could get their eves to live forever. The count also said after kuro has woken up they hr wasn't perfect yet. I wonder if his way of perfection is to make them able to make there eves immortal the ones they should care for the most. So basically to try and clear this up. The name for a servamps master has to do with kuro's real name. The vamps need to "pursue" immortality for others and the count wanted to make them perfect by making them be able to live alongside there eves forever or give them the ability to reincarnate (which I think is similar to Adam and eve except they couldn't live forever I think) Of course this was is all just a theory, I also haven't listened to hellokittyvampire reading of the chapter yet so this could be completely wrong which is very x10000000000 ect likely. I kinda came up with this on a wim so I hope it makes since. This is kinda side tracked but I wonder if that was all of kuro's battle or if there is more. Personally I think that their will be more ,but not with the demon, maybe we will see more of kuro's memories maybe of when he is alive? What do u guys think?

(side note. I haven't checked my dash board yet so this probably has already been proven wrong if so pls let me know)

[shallowseeker]

Was it you that pointed out that Dean gets showered with hate for allowing Jack to make himself into a bomb, when in season 11 his entire family was willing to let him do the same? I've been thinking about this a lot...

Sorry, not me. But I do talk about this and other Jack stuff in some of my ramblings about #SPN parenting, and I believe @jackgirlbluntrotation and I batted the tragedy of the Jack-and-Dean soul bomb parallel back-and-forth a few times, so you could look there as well.

But to get what what I think you're getting at, I think yes: Dean, is judged more harshly for this. I have some vague ideas why below. And I can't answer without being longwinded about all of it, and because I am NOT feeling very cohesive this week, behind the cut it goes...

Not meta, just random thoughts... I tried to edit it into something that made points. But I couldn't. Sorry. I'll try to revisit it later. This is like...three separate unrelated topics.

Sam & Cas + violence + getting onboard with Dean's sacrifice:

Sam and Cas do not object to Dean becoming a live bomb in season 11 to serve God's Big Kill-Amara-Cause. I haven't seen this held against Cas or Sam, and certainly not as a moral transgression. (This is not a hit piece against Sam or Cas. It's just a note that they're a little differently tied up with the idea of war-as-sacrifice.)

Furthermore, when talking about child sacrifice, I don't typically see a lot of Emma or Oskar or even Jane the Nephilim crop up in conversation, and when it does, people sometimes get annoyed about it ("I just don't care about them that much.") I do occasionally see Cas re:Jessie the Antichrist and May Sunder. Occasionally I see Sam:Emma. But hardly ever Oskar or Jane. But Dean is the caretaker. He's not supposed to cross this line of killing complete innocents. Also, as "parent," he has an obligation to Jack that adds another layer.

My point is...and I'm not certain about this...but I suspect that if Dean had overseen any of these above murders, it would be a much more daily appearance on the dash, especially Jane and Oskar, who were completely innocent.

Of note, re:Oskar.. Sam and Cas are The Two Men post-Lucifer that Rowena identifies as Love Matches. (She reserves her ire and hatred re:Oskar for scapegoat child, Crowley.) To Rowena, maybe even to the audience(?), the violence of Sam and Cas is expected, maybe even sexy? Maybe even the mark of a strong protector. Who knows? All I know is that we politely look the other way. And so does Rowena...

And I'm not trying to keep score in a murder show. Just...yeah. Something about this is tied up with Dean's role as heart/hearth/caretaker, I think. Maybe. Also parental roles. But that's always going to be conjecture. Let's look at more interesting stuff, which is how family sacrifice gets passed around:

Dean + sacrificial bomb

Dean -> The bomb sacrifice is framed as Dean's choice, even though it is just as coerced as what we see in season 15 with Jack. To make Dean's bomb even uglier, the reason Dean is the bomb in the first place is part-strategy, part-gross. "The enemy is sexually attracted to you, ergo, you can get closer to her." Dean is, once again, rendered as sexual (?) bait.

Cas -> Cas is the one who came up with the idea of the soul bomb, but he immediately shows regret and offers to die with Dean. Which releases the tension of how awful it is that he doesn't object... After this, Cas is forevermore anguished at the thought of sacrificing Dean and in season 14, he completely Objects to Dean's Suicide as Solution, even when solider mode!Jack suggests it. Of note, it may also be that in season 11, Cas put up a strong front about sacrificing for the God partially because Chuck was present(?)

Sam -> We are sympathetic to the idea of Sam being "okay" with sacrificing Dean because, at the start of season 12, we-the-audience are shown Sam's guilt over it, and that eases the narrative tension of how horrific it is.

Maybe the guilt over everything wrought in season 10 is what makes Sam and Cas more willing to not object to the bomb in season 11... But overall, for the audience, Sam and Cas's emotions about it make us more likely to look upon the situation favorably. Plus, neither of them is Dean's "parent." We'd be much harsher if John came up with the bomb idea, or Mary for that matter.

To reiterate, no one is responsible, exactly. I'm really just bringing it up as a point of contrast. Each character's relationship to war swings like a pendulum and is greatly affected by their psychological-wounds-of-the-moment. They all tend to swing the extremes, from Apple Pie Escapism to Holy Cause to Black-and-White Rules, etc. (And no one, save Metatron, has the proper mindset in season 11 with regards to war. And he gets killed for his trouble, too...)

Dean + Ma'lak box + "Jack iSn'T fAmiLy"

Notably, in season 14, Sam and Cas flipflop on the idea of sacrificing family. They strongly object to Dean climbing into the Ma'lak box--a stark and welcome contrast to season 11's soul bomb.

Of note, sacrifice MUST BE a complicated topic for Dean here... When you look at the two sacrifices, in Dean's mind, they were collectively rewarded for his hero's sacrifice/soul bomb (the return of Mary) but punished for his "selfish" non-sacrifice/Ma'lak box (the loss of Jack's "personhood" + Mary's death). So yeah, sacrifice is complicated topic. It never emotionally feels like the right thing, but in media and religion and hero stories, it's the heroic thing.

Finally, Jack's bomb is also complicated by the "Jack isn't family" of it all. Dean has more trouble sacrificing and walking away from "family," whereas Sam n' Cas, were always more pragmatic commanders by nature, and have seemed, at least from a distance, way more comfortable sacrificing their (military) family members (See: Balthazar, Rowena, etc). Thus, Dean sunders Jack from family role in order to make the loss more tolerable. It's awful! But very real.

Honestly, I think it gets at the heart of the matter that they're all soldiers struggling with soldier relationships to Cause, especially Dean. The longer Dean fights, the more he becomes like season 4 Cas or AU Earth Michael in terms of feeling insecure in his wayfinding.

The grayer morality gets, the more he can feel the tension of his own wrongdoing and the less "real" everything all feels (derealization/depersonalization). The soul bomb parallel plays into what they're ALL struggling with in season 15--purpose. Purpose/meaning is The Answer to AU Michael (and Chuck's) nihilism/nothing matters theme. But they don't even know what's real anymore.

The war and the horror and the heartbreak has dissolved all the meaning.

That plays into what each of them is struggling with in the terminal seasons. Their shadow selves and their best selves.

Sam - "Martyrdom Versus Heroism" -> You and you alone can do it / Save the world / I won't break your independence even when your safety is at stake / Saving the world at the expense of your own life is brave and noble and heroic -> (Sam's tentative answer to that problem: "I still think it's wrong, though.") He seems to realize, somewhere in there, that restricting power can be protective; that disinhibition of all boundaries doesn't look so great from the other side of parenting. He has an "aha!" moment where he understands Dean's relationship to him re:the complex nature of protection. Yet, Sam's eureka moments don't quite hit. It needs more time to resolve, possibly in the form of parenting his son, Dean, IMHO.

Cas - "Destiny Versus Genuine Hope for the Future" -> Serve the right cause and even heinous actions take on noble meaning / Live up to the big destiny / Be the God I couldn't be / If you're alive, then your life has to Mean Something Big and Awesome / Wield the totalitarian power the right way, in My Image and in Your Mother's Image and in My Chosen Family's Image, and bring the universe to its feet -> (Cas's tentative answer to the problem: "We don't love you because you're part of some grand design. We love you for being you." Cas squeezes in a late "aha!" moment only after the revelation of Jack's incoming second death. Cas rediscovers his faith, but it takes him awhile to have faith in the Small Things, not just the Big Things. Having faith in the future is healthy. Having faith in predestination is not. Like Sam, Cas is not quite given enough room to resolve, but his gets the closest of the main three.

Dean - "The Law of Purgatory Absolutes Versus the Complicated Gray of the Real World / Nothing matters I don't matter" -> Kill the right enemy and the law becomes just / "My life's work is a hoax" / I've been burying my anger all my life and it's finally spilled out like angry Leviathan chompin' at the bit for blood / So, get revenge / Take out the threat / Serve the ugly cause at the cost of our own lives so others can be happy / We are already ruined heroes / We don't matter / Save our loved ones (Dean's tentative answer: "The ultimate killer is not who I am." ) Like the other two, Dean never quite resolves. It would need another good one or two seasons to do so. The Winchesters actually helps with the above! He specifically talked about it in 1x12: The Tears of Clown. However, in SPN Prime he at least doesn't seem to be languishing in a complete loss of hope, which is one positive way to spin the finale. Nor is he switching to a complete pacifism at the expense of the lives of the two Crowther boys they wind up saving. He's not running away/escaping. He's really trying.

And finally... Through all this, there is also the parallel of giving up ("sacrificing") your son to War or to God's Cause, so that you can finally retire, which is the entire Ugly Thing with War as a Concept. Non-fighters (typically symbolic mothers & daughters) + aging fathers are sold the lie that they must give up sons to the Cause in order to preserve and enjoy Freedom (which is WHY Jack's AU Earth nightmares are directly juxtaposed with Dean's dreams of Hawaiian shirts and beaches in 13x23).

Always peace OR freedom, never peace AND freedom.

More than any other character, Jack is symbolic son. He is treated as Heir to his fathers' burdens and responsibilities. And the burden is too heavy.💔

One last set of parallels, then, with Jack AS each main character's Symbolic Fate:

Jack as doomed child (Sam; Boy-king/gold)

Like Sam at various points, Jack becomes the cursed child, kneeling to accept his execution for the crime of "murdering" his own mother.

It's the Sacred Executioner's suicide, too, because this is truly, as Cain said, "The murder that Dean would (literally) not survive." Like with Sam, Dean balks at the order from the father-God and throws the gun away. Tragically, Dean is excommunicated and tossed into a literal headstone, a motif for his eventual Death in the story. Jack dies. Dean "dies."

Sam wounds God in the shoulder and suffers a left shoulder / heart connection with God. For a time, this "infects" Chuck with hope.

Jack as tool of war / blunt instrument / bomb (Dean; Death/myrrh)

When Jack takes the rib-bomb, he becomes Dean from season 11. He feels "unworthy," so he "might as well be the hero / blow himself up to ensure the happiness of others."

The would-be victims and civilians even thank him for it. As Dean told Death, "I don't matter." Heroes matter only so much as their sacrifices are worth.

Also, in comparison to Sam, Jack is fundamentally WAR SON. Whereas Dean was love-offering-object-sacrifice chosen by Amara's hunger, Jack is simply "Simba." He is heir to the burden of Heavenly hero by birthright, outranking Sam and Dean in terms of hierarchy.

Furthermore, Jack is not Earth-son; he's a Heaven-son (the "son" to Sam's earth-son "daughter" role here...I hesitate to use gendered language, but it's about the hierarchy an the expectations of War as a Concept. Jack outranks Sam in terms of hierarchal expectations).

It's also why it's a rib that is blowing up Jack. The rib also calls to mind "Mother," or the simpler, non-gendered poetic: "Earth," as Jack is literally being sacrificed by Earth.

Like with Dean's soul-bomb, Jack survives the lighting of the fuse. Dean survives by getting defused, and Jack survives by detonating in The Empty.

Paralleling the Equalizer confrontation, Death tries to take Jack anyway, the way God took him even when he survived his initial Moriah trial. This time, it's Dean who takes action. He wounds Death with her own scythe, in the shoulder, just as Sam injured God's shoulder.

Jack "escapes" bomb death and Death!Billie, and Dean sets into motion the death of Death!Billie. (Sam's enemy is Chuck!prime and Dean's enemy is Death.)

Jack as God (Cas; God-king/frankincense)

Finally, when he takes God's power, Jack accomplishes what Castiel could not.

This is the final destiny that Jack seems unable to escape--"eating" up all the power and becoming more God than God.

Despite Cas's change of heart in the final episodes, it is ultimately Castiel's burden of Being God and the expectation of Heavenly destiny that Jack inherits when he ascends.

Since during the Equalizer confrontation, Sam wounded God, and with the rib-bomb confrontation, Dean fatally wounded Death, the narrative parallel for Cas here would be to fatally wound or seriously injure powered up!Chuck-mara. But instead, he sacrifices himself for love. (I saw a meta about SPN being a battle royale between Chuck and Cas...this lends some WEIGHT to that!)

In the final confrontation, Cas is absent (dead!KIA in this case), as Cas tends to be. (It's one of his absent!father motifs.) So Jack, as Heavenly son in terms of rank, has to stand-in for Cas, and the price is TOO HIGH. :(

It's a terrible fate. Even when Jack wins, he loses. He becomes nothing and everything.

Sorry. sorry. That was a lot. I was stuck at medical facility, so.

[skylermadness]

Evoked from Indigo Embers (Demon (Rat Snacks) TF/MC)

(Original Date of Upload: March 8, 2023)

Original Description:

A story written as a commission for ArticulatedArtisan. Admittedly I was not expecting my first commission to be this spontaneous but whatever. It happened and I'm glad it did. I do feel like the MC could've been done a bit better though, but the end result was still well received so I don't think I really mind! And overall I'm pretty proud of how I managed to write this out. Short pre-TF and post-TF, but a very meaty TF segment. Also I think I just like hot sexy demon TFs in general. This is definitely the most obscure character TF I've ever written though. Random character who shows up for one minute in a three minute short film? Yeah I can't see that catching up in the TF ranks. But then again, who knows... Rated Mature because of a single groin nullification segment.

   A shortcut back home was all this was meant to be. A quick detour through an alleyway so Arti wouldn't have to spend an unnecessary amount of time walking around the block, especially this late into the evening. That was what this was meant to be. Instead, Arti's attention was diverted halfway through their trek in the alley as they came across what could only be described as… strange, to say the least.

   Among the darkness of the alleyway, the bright purple glow of the weird object(?) was extremely noticeable. As a result it was rather badly hidden in a small deadend that was cast to the side between two buildings. A normal person would ignore it. Disregard the strange purple light and instead continue on their intended pathing. But Arti was a curious individual, and they wanted to find out what exactly the source of this peculiarity was.

   Their steps on the alley's concrete softly echoed between the brick walls of the dead end path. With the exception of the end of the path much of the place was still rather dark. Arti had been in here long enough to have adjusted to it however. The grungy smell of the place was persistent though. It almost made them consider stepping back and leaving the place. Those considerations were quickly dashed though as their eyes properly laid onto the mysterious source of the one light in this place.

   "What the hell…" they whispered to themselves, eyes wide. The source was a pentagram of all things. An odd and perfectly drawn summoning circle on the ground. Purple in coloration and intense in luminosity. The outlines of the shape were also moving, as if they were just slightly lit aflame.

   That's where everything became convoluted. Why was there some kind of satanic iconography drawn in the middle of an alleyway of all places? Was there some kind of cult or something they weren't aware of? …Were they accepting new members?

   They shook their head and blinked, wanting to refocus on the pentagram itself. Although they weren't quite sure what to even do with it really. They don't really have a stick to poke it with. Although…

   They removed a glove from one of their hands and knelt down close to it. They held a hand out just close enough to feel any warmth from the pentagram. Unsurprisingly it did seem to exude some kind of warmth. It wasn't as intensely fiery as one would expect from the dim looking flames, but it was something.

   …Now… what would happen if they stepped into it…

   It was a rather sudden jump from one idea to another, but they felt oddly compelled to do it. It wouldn't hurt, right? They decided to sacrifice their other glove and throw it onto the circle's arc closest to them just to reassure that thought. After a few seconds of the glove not setting on fire, Arti made the assumption that a whole human body would probably be fine. They took a few steps into the circle, then into the star, and soon directly into the middle of the pentagram. With the exception of a nice warmth being introduced to their feet, nothing really happened.

   "...what was I expecting?" They weren't really sure. Although they had a feeling that they did something they really shouldn't have supposed to.

   They then noticed a small stream of smoke emitting from below them, accompanied by the smell of said smoke. Looking down they found the glove they threw onto the pentagram was starting to burn, then it was almost instantly being consumed by purple fire. "Uhhh…" they vocalized, their brain having trouble processing what they had just witnessed.

   They weren't given much of a chance though. The fire that was emitting from the pentagram was intensifying, getting larger and surrounding them in a wall of indigo embers. Deciding they didn't want to be incinerated, Arti attempted to escape the pentagram's confines. And while they lifted one foot from the ground, their other one got rooted to it as a spiral of flames snaked up from the ground and went around the leg.

   They dug the other foot into the ground and looked down at their leg, noticing the flame crawling up it. It was not burning them, but it was still intense in heat. "What the fuck!?" 

   With the other leg now meeting the ground as well it wasn't long before a spiral of flame latched onto that one too. What was perhaps even more peculiar however was the feeling of something else moving up their leg. A strange object emerging from the flame like some kind of snake and steadily slithering its way up from their lower body and onto their torso. From the intense light of the pillar of fire they were in, Arti could make it out to be some weird strap of black leather with a silver metal buckle. This object continued to move up their body, the leather strap managing to stretch around their arms and loosely going across their back. The buckle positioned itself on their chest, then pierced the air with a click as it buckled itself.

   In that instant they could tell what this object was: a harness, albeit a loosely fitting one. One that would probably work more for someone larger than them. Despite all the concern they had in their mind though, they did want to admit the harness looked kind of nice. Their arms were still free, so Arti moved the left one up to try and fiddle with the harness a bit, but stopped once it properly entered their field of vision.

   The skin on their hand looked a bit darker. Lifting up their other hand, Arti also found the skin on it having darkened slightly as well. "Whuh…?"

   Their skin coloration only seemed to continue darkening. Pale coloration was deepening to that of a dark gray, and those grays only continued to form and spread across both hands. At the same time the size of both hands were stretching out to be larger with each finger getting thicker. As the mass of their fingers increased, the tips sharpened as flesh and nail were combined into massive claws on each individual one. And this would only progress as the deep gray tone expanded its territory across both now much larger hands.

   These changes had not stayed on just their hands though. The deep gray surged upwards and beneath their sleeves, the lower arms next in succession as they started to thicken. Both sleeves got tighter, the muscle mass in their forearms being forced to increase in size. Their once thin size now being packed with raw strength that spiraled across the region, and their arms getting filled with pure heat at this instant workout. It didn’t take very long for this increase in mass to strain the arms of their jacket to a point where they were beginning to tear. The now dull coloration of their forearms became visible. Although it seemed that once the color shifts got two-thirds up their arms it gained a wave-like patterning. And from beyond this pattern, a bright red entered their skin instead.

   The tightness of their sleeves progressed as things moved further upwards. Their upper arms filled with a new musculature as well, bulging and expanding in size significantly. More rips pierced the air, the perfectly red skin gaining more visibility as their biceps and triceps grew in conjunction with each other. Large and strong, filled with an untold raw power that they couldn’t comprehend. More and more tears continued to etch across their jacket sleeves, their shoulders swelling due to their rapidly developing deltoids. 

   “F-fuck!” Arti grunted out. To them, all of these changes were concurrent and quick. They could feel their clothing still persist in getting tighter as well, them knowing that what was happening is still surging across their entire body. Whatever heat that emitted from the fire was somehow drowned out from the heat within them. They felt sweltered, beads of sweat starting to form and trickle down their body.

   They clasp a clawed hand at their leg and try to pull it out from the grasp of the flaming tendrils holding it down, but even with this newfound strength it seems that their legs were rooted. Stuck to the ground, with whatever satanic magic this pentagram possessed being forcibly funneled into the young guy at a rapid pace. 

   Arti themselves still persisted though, attempting to pry their legs from the grasp of the sigil. But a pressure was starting to wrack their body, their clothing becoming even more stringent with each passing second. The zipper of their jacket started to steadily move downwards, their frame expanded sideways as their body was widening in size. Their undershirt was quickly gaining visibility as a result with the neck straining against Arti’s increasingly broadening size. At the same time, the bottoms of both articles of clothing were starting to ride up their belly, their height also increasing at the same time.

   As their body got larger the muscles in their torso were growing as well. Their chest started to swell, their once barely noticeable pectorals steadily getting thicker. Mass being constantly piled on, the two pecs being forced large and larger. Cleavage was etching into their undershirt, but between this and the increasing size of their body it was almost instantaneous that the undershirt split horizontally across the middle to reveal their much meatier pecs and glistening red skin. With this constant increase in growth it didn’t take very long for them to start sporting two massive slabs of raw meat on their chest, very warm and very firm.

   With all this increase in size it wasn’t long until their chest began to slot perfectly into the harness that snapped onto them just a minute prior. Much like everything else the harness only seemed to get tighter. The size of not just their body, but their entire form seemed to just be enlarging. Sleeves burst apart, their undershirt was practically getting ready to shred off their chest, the slider of their jacket had stuck itself halfway through and the zipper was about ready to split itself apart by force. Their pants and shoes were also steadily getting tighter as well. Their entire self was just enlarging, enlarging to a size that likely was not human. Arti practically growled as all of these feelings of internal pressure and mass shifts were getting to them. They just wanted to rip apart this ill-fitting clothing and be done with it.

   An aching surged at two points of the upper half of their back. Their deltoids and trapeziuses were already mostly reaching a musculature equivalent to that of the rest of their body. At the same time however, two bumps were emerging on their back. They were small at first, but as the coloration of them started to darken to the same dark gray as their hands they began to form into something much larger. The bumps pushed against the back of their jacket attempting to burst out of it, but as Arti’s form got larger their jacket effectively started to split down the midline. This split was wide enough to uncover the bumps, allowing both of them to fusillade outward and form into something coherent. New bones and flesh expanding and burgeoning, taking the shape of a pair of small demonic-looking wings.

   Concurrently the lower half of the zipper finally started to come undone as their abdomen was rippling. The region churned as the muscles in that area started to formulate and mature. Abdominal muscles were forming, rows pushing outward sequentially until a solid six-pack had formed in that area. They were large and noticeable, possessing deep crevices that divided them evenly. The upper rows had even etched themselves into their undershirt (which had at this point gone halfway up their lower torso). 

   Arti’s clothing could only hold on for so long though. Between the growth of their body, their new musculature, and the new appendages on their back, it had all become too much for their jacket and shirt. Everything finally tore apart against their size, clothing officially being ripped to shreds. Deep blue cotton sloughing off their skin to reveal the almost ruby red of their skin and their massive pectorals and firm abdominals. What remained of their jacket sleeves bursting apart and falling onto the ground, only to be burned by the pentagram’s flames on impact. The nylon of their jacket tearing apart, zipper slider busting off and the fluffy hoodie falling away unconnected to what was once a full article of clothing. All that would remain on their torso was the harness, perfectly hugging their chest and squeezing against their pectorals.

   “Damn!” they yelled out, their voice cracking as it sounded a hint deeper. A part of them were relieved at the disappearance of all that pressure, but also their clothing was just torn off and…

   …their pecs were… large…

   “I got… I got muscular…” they stated to themselves. Their grip on their legs faltered as thoughts of trying to escape seemed to dash. They didn’t know what they were becoming, but whatever it was was thick. Thick and strong.

   A hand finally removed itself from their legs, now being lifted upwards instead. It was slow, shaky, but after a few seconds they cupped their chest with it. Letting their sharp claws grasp the massive meaty slab of muscle. They couldn’t help but give it a light squeeze, feeling its soft firmness. Feeling its warmness. Staring down at the bright red gleam of their skin that seemed to almost shine beneath the pillar of flame that enveloped them.

   “Grruhh… what am I… doing?” they ask themselves, their voice continuing to crack. Albeit less-so now. It was getting noticeably deeper. Masculine, a hint of power entering it. Kind of sexy…

   The question still stood though. What were they doing? They were trying to escape this damn thing and now they’re groping themselves. It was absurd, it was counterintuitive. Where did all that fear go? Was it still there even? Arti couldn’t really answer any of these questions though. It was as if a single glimpse of their transforming body was just enough to quell those fears. And something about it felt… better than their normal body even.

   They then started to run a claw up the cleavage of their pecs, a light fog starting to enter their mind. “I do look pretty hot in a harness now…” they said with a nervous chuckle.

   As Arti’s trepidation subsided their changes only continued, progressing downwards. While their change in size was beginning to slow, their jeans were reaching a point of just barely holding on. With their now already wide waist getting slightly wider, the button holding their legwear together snapped off as the zipper pushed itself downwards. The region in general was also flushing with the same scarlet that had consumed much of their skin. 

   A wave of arousal washed across them, more drastic changes occurring in their groin. The area smoothed out and simplified, everything within that area sinking inwards. Soon nothing would be in that region, leaving it to just be as plain as the rest of the skin on their body.

   Concurrently, the seat of their pants got tighter as it filled out more. Their glute muscles were thickening and their rear was rounding out. Their rear only got larger and more protruding, and the size of it only persisted in growing until their pants couldn't contain it anymore. The denim split in the middle, and their underwear clung tightly to their now massive ass. A small bump then appeared where the base of their spine was located, then after a couple seconds burst out from the cotton of their undergarments. A long thin tail slithered out from the rip, an arrow point forming at its tip.

   The rest of the muscles in Arti's lower body were also gaining significant musculature. It was effectively a mirror to that of the changes within the rest of their body. Legs gaining substantial mass, thighs getting thicker with bulging larger quads and hamstrings. Due to the new scale of their body, their legwear was practically torn in an instant as the jean's seams ripped down the sides and revealed their already changed skin. The lower half of their pants tore apart next as their calves ballooned and pulled the denim apart effortlessly. As the color changes in their skin reached the lower half of their leg's crus, a similar wave pattern to that on their forearms started to form before the color changed back to dark gray.

   At this point Arti's scale changes came to an end, them being significantly taller than they used to be. As more and more of the sides of their jeans tore apart, the portion that went around their waist was ripped apart as well against their larger size. This resulted in their pants falling off their body, with their underwear tearing apart shortly after for the same reason.

   The toecap of their shoes had formed multiple bumps, five at first before those bumps started to move. Within the footwear, their toes were shifting and merging together. Five to four before squeezing into three. Much like with their hands each toe got sharper, becoming thick claws. All the while their feet were getting larger, heels digging into the back of the shoes while the sides of their feet pushed up against the footwear's sides. Eventually their shoes just exploded, cloth being flung into the air while their larger, clawed feet were now visible to the outside.

   The spirals of flame slowly started to slink away from their legs, but Arti had a mind that was a bit too muddled to notice. They were pretty much still playing around with their pectorals, both hands now cupping them as they squeezed them. Admiring their much sexier body. Although at this point everything was feeling confusing.

   "This feels good…!" they said with raw confidence. Their voice had settled to being fully deep and masculine, and that sense of power was coursing through it. It helped that their transformation was running upwards and going up to their neck to make it wider, almost trunk-like.

   But that aforementioned confidence wasn't running through their mind. Dazed, confused, they weren't fully sure what they were doing anymore. This indulgence felt common to them, which was something they didn't really experience before. Or at least that's what they think. Everything was conflicting in their mind. 

   Bright red soon started to etch onto their face. Pressure wracked their skull, the entire steadily structure shifting as they thought. Their rounded chin chiseled and became more squared. Their entire facial shape hardened as it got more rectangular. Their nose got sharper and more triangular, and their ears elongated and grew more pointed. Their eyebrows also got thicker, the hairs becoming a deep black as their shape slanted.

   As for the hairs on their scalp, those seemed to be steadily retracting into their head. Long and messy, getting shorter and shorter. And as they shortened, two bumps emerged from the sides of their head. Their hair only continued to pull back, and as it did so those bumps grew out longer and became a more concise form, that being a pair of horns. It didn't take long for the hair retraction left them completely bald, meanwhile the horn growth persisted a bit as they got long horizontally before crooking upwards for a bit and tapering to a fine point.

   A huff escaped their mouth, Arti grasping a horn in unfamiliarity. Those weren't theirs, were they? Then why did they feel so familiar…? These… had to be theirs… They shifted their legs closer together, turning their head slightly to look behind themselves. Some confusion occurred for a split second as their eyes laid on their wings, but it subsided almost instantly. They unhandled their horns and brought their hands down. This form was becoming more familiar. It was becoming theirs.

   These strong, massive muscles. This burgeoning power that was welling within their body. Their sexy, sexy body. They were one hot Demon~

   "Why the heck am I feeling so fucking confused?! Of course this is my body!!" they said with a smirk, giving their butt a little squeeze as well. Yeah, this was definitely them.

   The purple pillar of fire seemed to put itself out in almost an instant, the pentagram's purple flames dispelling from beneath their feet. As all the light died down the demon had found themselves in the middle of… an alley.

   They stopped admiring their form for a minute, slightly disappointed that they had to do so, in order to take a look around. There was no summoner, they had no recollection of some sort of transaction for their summoning. Last thing they could recall is enjoying themselves back in Hell.

   "What the hell!?" They exclaimed. If there was no summoner or transaction, why were they in some random alleyway with a pentagram at their feet?

   They growled in annoyance. "Great. Guess I have to start looking for my summoner…"

   Stepping off the pentagram, the Demon started walking to the end of the alleyway. They weren't sure how they were going to complete that goal, but they sure as fucking hell will…

[causenessus]

HELLOOO GOOD AFTERNOON!! how are you doing <3 i already told u ab what happened at my school today but MORE HAPPENED. i was walking out to my friend's car since it was the end of the day and we were gonna drive back to our apt BUT BRO???? ness idefk what happened but a car bumped into me im not even joking 💔 like bumped me from behind and made me fall over. like how does that even happen omf 💔 not demure, nor mindful. BUT IM PERFECTLY FINE DONT WORRY!! i just scraped up my palms and my arms a liiiittle bit 🙂‍↕️ so i hate parking lots that was not cute at all

I SAW YOU AND MANGO ANON TALKING ABOUT ZODIACS A LITTLE BIT ONE TIME WHEN U ANSWERED THEIR ASK AND WAS LIKE OH!! NOW IM CURIOUS!! like im really not big on astrology i only know that im an aquarius thats all ive got! but i was searching up like what certain signs' relationships look like? i guess? or like compatibility? one of my friends are a cancer AND I KEPT SEEING THAT THEYRE THE LEAST COMPATIBLE W AQUARIUSES? (is that the right plural of it? aquarians? idk whatever) so like i had a revelation and i remembered you were a cancer so i was lowkey disappointed with all of the zodiac compatibility stuff i was seeing online 😞 ALSO I SAW THAT MANGO ANON GOT A BURNER!! (i mean like i saw through your post i didnt find their blog LMAOAOA) is this the end of an era?? if it is im gonna miss seeing their asks and your responses on my dash aaaaadbsjk they are so cute!!

ANYWAY lately ive been really pondering (i feel like this word is funny to me) what an ideal friend looks like to me because someone at school asked me that😭 i feel like the first people that came to mind were you and mango anon!!! i keep mentioning them SORRY i just adore how sweet they are omf 💔 why am i telling you this? idk! but i feel like in terms of friendships i seek out people like you!! i cant really describe the traits SPECIFICALLY but i feel like you're a super good friend ‼️ i was also curious what an ideal friend looks like to you though! cause i feel like people always look for specific traits or have traits that theyre naturally gravitated towards and they're always super different from person to person, yk? KINDA RANDOM THO LMAO

ALSO today in my speech n debate class my friend started drawing on my hand as we listened to people's oo's from the national oratorical (is that even what it's called i have no idea) and like... i totally zoned out.. so now im behind in that class JUST A LITTLE!! listening to peoples speeches can be so boring i have serious regrets regarding choosing that class honestly 😞 but i feel like it's also one of the more fun classes you can take to fulfill the speech credits for graduation so i GUESS im staying... some of the people in that class are super cool!! getting peer pressured into joining the competitive team sigh

THATS ALL IVE GOT TODAY!! I FEEL LIKE THIS ONE WAS KINDA LONG OOPS. how are you doing ness!! i hope you're getting enough rest! make sure you're drinking enough water and eating! AND DONT FORGET YOUR MEDS ‼️ I LOVE YOU

HELLO SAV!! i??? i??? i can't? A CAR BUMPED INTO YOU??? LITERALLY DID THEY LIKE APOLOGIZE??? MAKE SURE YOU WERE OKAY??? ANYTHING AT ALL???? THAT IS SO HORRIBLE 😭 I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE OKAY BUT OMG THAT'S LITERALLY AN INJURY?? LIKE????????????????????????

AND AWH DW 😭 tbh i don't think i know many aquariuses (idk the plural version either!!) BUT THE STARS HAVE NOTHING ON US </3 AND YES!! MANGO ANON GOT A BURNER BUT I THINK WE'LL STILL BE YAPPING THROUGH ASKS A LOT <3 IT'S JUST FOR US TO BE LIKE "i miss u </3" and tell each other short things in the meantime 😭

AND AW THAT'S SO SWEET AND KIND THANK YOU SO MUCH :((( PLEASE DON'T APOLOGIZE AT ALL FOR BRINGING US/MANGO ANON UP!! you're not doing it a lot or anything so don't worry at all <33 idk who my ideal kind of friend is!! like everyone is so unique and i think i get along with most people <3 i just really appreciate people who are like very understanding and kind!! like obviously i'm very?? like soft hearted?? or like gentle. like for example i don't like to curse outside my fics bc for me i always associated it with being mad?? or just kind of scary?? like ofc i really don't care if other people curse!! it's just a personal preference/choice and so i think i just appreciate people who are observant and kind!! idk everyone super cool :D and i've learned a lot from people who are different from me so i like most people!! (just not middle school freshmen boys who are super rude and annoying and loud yk 🌝)

SPEECH AND DEBATE SOUNDS HORRIBLE 😭 I'M SORRY BUT I COULD NEVER I'M SO LUCKY MY SCHOOL DIDN'T HAVE A SPEECH REQUIREMENT OR ANYTHING BC I WOULD NOT HAVE SURVIVED </33 and i've always been like a very "idc!! u have ur opinion and i have mine i'm not gonna try and convince u to have my opinion!! like seriously idc pls i don't want to argue or debate!!" so i really just could not survive that class at all but best of luck to you!!

IT WAS GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU SAV!! i am doing ok!!! it's nice bc idk my manager didn't really schedule me this entire week 😭 BUT I'M NOT COMPLAINING!! I AM LIVING MY BEST LIFE WITH ALL THIS FREETIME LIKE I ACTUALLY AM REALLY ENJOYING IT so that's been nice!! AND THANK YOU SO MUCH <33 TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TOO!! I HOPE YOU TOOK YOUR MEDS!!

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

1, 12, 14 for Lucius and Driscoll? 👀

HELLO FRIEND THANKS FOR ASKING!! referring to this post.

since this all qualifies as Deep Lore Hours (which i love!! you're the best!!), and i'm a wordy person, have a cut checkpoint on your dash:

1. What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering (name, appearance, backstory, etc.)? 

lucius actually happened because i asked claire for a starting blirb [sic] in ms. mecoli's creative writing class in high school (remember that???), and she gave me a bit about lucifer standing outside a churchyard with a big black dog*, and i thought "hm. bit on the nose," (for the weird little christian fiction thing i thought i was writing, which has obviously since mutated Significantly), so i changed it to lucius. originally he was the Antagonist™, and human although he didn't realize he came out of a test tube just like bewinged lili did, and all i knew about him was grown-up white dude with black hair.

obviously, he has since undergone SIGNIFICANT revisions (lol. lmfao, even), but embryonically he started with a modified name!! (i went digging through my archives, and i do in fact still have the index card with claire's pencil writing below my pen request! wild.)

(i don't actually remember when i decided he needed wings too, but i think it was around the time i realized i wanted my protags to be all Not Exactly Me, and therefore boy protag would be Different, and then he got his black wings!)

*the big black dog has also made it back into this version, after falling out of the intermediates!! vanya, my beloved, ...

for driscoll, i vaguely remember the purple hair probably being first (i recall chewing on finding The Right Name for a while?). to confirm, i went into THAT archived notebook (red, helpfully labeled "LIMINAL PREWRITE," with "LANGUAGE AND COMP" obliterated beneath thanks again, high school).

weirdly, the first four (4) pages of the driscoll thing is NOT the character profile (that shows up on page 5, and does mention purple hair/brown eyes/physical appearance), but one of these OC ask meme type things, transcribed into the notebook. hilariously, the very first question is "If they want to buy a firearm, what would it be for?" which. omg. (my answer eventually got to "no they wouldn't lol," but it's wild to see how that slow revelation happened on september 3, 2017, when i was first figuring this kid out.)

so apparently first for driscoll i wrote some random character finding Q&As, and then i have the story of their misplacement, and then the physical details, which: wild, on all fronts, to me. (it's a good thing i keep my notebooks in an archive refrigerator tower, or i would've bluescreened on driscoll 100% haha.)

12. What have you found to be most difficult about creating art for your OC (any form of art: writing, drawing, edits, etc.)? 

oooh, good question. my lucius answer is probably biased, because i hadn't started doing the Bitch Journal while i was working through that drafting/those revisions (and i have the object permanence of a fruit fly), but i THINK my biggest difficulty was figuring out the right balance of ~Interiority~? and i still don't love where i left that querying draft at (now, after four years' distance, lol), but getting the right balance of Thoughts and Reactions down on the page was difficult for me, which i suspect was because i've been too in his head for so long, if that makes sense? like the things he notices and what he narrates on imply enough of the interiority to me that i don't see gaps readers do (because, shocker, they HAVEN'T been living in his head since uh. 2007.). and i think i cut away some of the interiority in my preliminary Wordiness Passes, which nerfed me, but i started fixing that in the fourth draft!

my driscoll answer is just. a web of angst lol. and i know most of it is Living Situational/Circumstantial, so we're going to Ignore That and just answer with the Actual Textual Difficulties.

so: driscoll's Actual Textual Difficulties are mostly that i started out writing thing as "someone i'd like to be" with regards to kindness and gentleness and how much they care about people, but somehow i had to backpedal and get a Character Development Conflict in there, which is hard when my starting point was "very good noodle." i think i'm getting there!! but nesting competing wants into a late-stage draft without breaking anything (or, y'know, while finding stealth-broken things that i didn't think were), is a Trying Time™. i'm leveling up about it! enjoying the leveling up!! i'd be leveling up faster if i wasn't burning all this emotional bandwidth on a bullshit living situation! we're fine!!

14. If you had to narrow it down to 2 things that you MUST keep in mind while working with your OC, what would those things be? 

OH FUN, i percolated on this on my WHOLE BIG WALK yesterday, thank u for this enrichment

lucius: first, physicality is key. he has to be Very Aware of where he is in physical space/how much of it he's taking up (because an 18+ foot wingspan really doesn't fuck around, and only half the time is he somewhere that his dimensions are accommodated). when his awareness slips, it (1) has to be for a good reason and (2) usually results in something breaking, and both of those are fun to play with >:D

second, what he notices needs to read like More Than Human--he's got raptor vision, and he's spent half his life around other hybrids with combat training, so he's very visually Intense™ and good at reading a wide variety of body language. and because he's Friends with these combat trained hybrids, he's asked a lot of questions, and he notices a lot more than human people would.

driscoll: first, child, you have physical limitations, and you ignore them at your own peril. i put this kid in a shifting monsterscape armed with pretty much just a flashlight and the distinct ability NOT to be able to run away from their problems (because their lungs don't cooperate), so both driscoll and i have to be very aware of the Exit Plan for any situation they get themselves into (and they get into a Lot of Situations).

second, another dual-wielding type of thing: driscoll is both weirdly in tune with In Between and mostly cannot tell people that, so how i write about them navigating has to change depending on who they're with. hazard is the only one they're fully open with at the start, and they have to be carefully guarded with the other walkers/crew, AND they have to tell newly misplaced just enough to inspire confidence without revealing so much that they (the newly misplaced) will be Suspicious if they stick around to become townspeople themselves. it's a Lot to keep in mind (perhaps uh. More. than i kept in mind. in drafts two and three lol. we're working on it.)

THANKS AGAIN FRIEND THIS WAS SO FUN!!!