#this is very oof because it makes me smad

[reivun]

be quiet if i shatter.

in which ivan confronts his guild master about the death of s-class mage leona.

Tw: discussion of death and violence. one scene with a dead body sort of.

in the back of his mind, there was only white noise. it had been there since he saw leona’s body, still and cold in his mother’s house. isley was in another room, gravely wounded but alive.

ivan wasn’t sure how long he stayed in that room, starring at his wife. he often liked to watch her sleep, because she was a fitful sleeper and moved so much it was amusing — especially when she snored. she swore up and down, left and right, that it was anti leona propaganda that said she snored. and he was the villain for spreading it.

he would have given his right king to hear a snore from her then.

alas, there was no snore. there wasn’t anything. and now, ivan was approaching the guild. a false peace overtaking him. he wouldn’t want his magic to reflect his feelings at the moment, no. his guild members didn’t do anything. only his guild master.

said guild master looked over when the wind pushed open the doors of the guild. makarov knew immediately something was up — no one had yet told him, then. he seemed too casual until ivan walked in. good. ivan ignored the hellos from his guildmates and made straight for the guild master’s office on the second floor, not a word to anyone.

ivan didn’t sit this time. he learned his lesson a little more than a week ago on how sitting meant his father would jump on his desk to be taller. instead, he leaned against one of the filing cabinets. ivan wasn’t sure if makarov even used these for more than decoration, but he supposed at some point pretcht might have. ivan had only heard tales of that man, a studious man, if the books he left were anything to go by. strange to think fairy tail had a guild master like that.

luckily, ivan didn’t have to wait long, as soon enough, makarov entered the office. there was an air about him now, too. no longer happy. ivan had that effect on his father. the way his father’s smile dropped when he saw ivan was forever etched into ivan’s memory. he was only fourteen and confused why his father was kissing a woman who wasn't his mom. how silly he had been, then.

“ivan. thanks for letting me know we have a meeting.” makarov joked. there was nothing funny but ivan figured letting him get the first words may sate him for a bit. ivan couldn’t look at him yet. just at the wall directly in front of him. “how can i help you today, my son?”

“leona is dead.”

a pin drop could be heard in the silence that followed. ivan still refused to look at makarov. “she’s dead?” makarov’s voice sounded as if he spoke in the middle of a breathe.

“isley transported them back with her plant travel spell. she’s heavily injured, sleeping at mom’s. leona’s body is there. with mom and rob. i just came back.”

“ivan…” makarov spoke.

nothing else. just that. that was all makarov had to say? ivan finally looked away from the wall and at makarov. the old man’s eyes were wide, in shock that one of his fairies could fall, perhaps? or that his grand plan was a mistake — just as ivan had said it was. his mouth hung open and his face was pale. ivan waited with bated breathe, for anything. anything. there was a part of him begging for something more but as the moment dragged on, nothing.

the illusion shattered.

ivan started to reflect his emotions outward, the way he had been stopping himself the entire time. light magic was tricky and though he was no melee power house — he was still for better or worse, a part of a powerful magical family. which meant he did have significant power whether he liked it or not and light magic, souls and reflection were his specialty. all the rage, despair, remorse, guilt, desolation, outrage and sadness oozed out of him as he looked at his father’s face.

makarov’s face began to melt and with narrowed eyes he chastised ivan, “reign in your emotions, ivan.”

“reign in my EMOTIONS?!” ivan asked and he finally stepped away from the cabinets in the middle of the room. “that’s all you have to say?”

“what do you want me to say, ivan? i’m still processing!”

“you’re processing!?” ivan guffawed. “oh, excuse me, i’m sorry i forgot to let you process the fact YOU KILLED MY WIFE!”

“i did no such thing!” makarov yelled back. “leona dreyar is — was — a talented, strong, s-class mage of fairy tail taking a quest that was meant for mages of her calibur! this was a tragic accident! you did her a disservice when i gave her the job and you’re doing her a disservice now! she—”

“a disservice? it’s a disservice to recognize that maybe sending someone whose full team isn’t there off without at least giving them an equalizer?! i volunteered!” ivan yelled back, cutting his father’s speech in half. makarov was on the desk now and ivan was standing, glaring with a glow around him. he would make his father feel everything.

“you volunteered after questioning your guild master because you wouldn’t let it go, ivan! the job wasn’t meant for you!” makarov informed him. “isley ainley is powerful herself, she’s on track to be s-class!”

“and jio jones is their equalizer, as i’ve said! script magic is versatile and always helps because leona and isley are melee focused! as i said eleven days ago when leona was still alive!” ivan could feel some spit but he truly didn’t care for once. “and the demon in question used lots of earth magic which creates difficulty for lightning magic to get a steady ground to strike on! which we know! because we’re both not complete fucking idiots despite your recent decisions!”

“don’t you insult me, boy!” makarov pointed a finger at him. “i’m your father, too! not just your guild master!”

“please don’t remind me that you’re my father when i’m informing you of killing my wife, it makes it a little awkward. father.” ivan spat.

“i did NOT kill her, ivan!” makarov yelled back, just as powerful. in fact, there was a little kick to his voice just then that made ivan blink just a bit. “you come into my guild after not coming for days, not talking to me at all, enter my office to throw leona’s death in my face just say you’re right — give me a moment to think, ivan. i don’t want to argue with you, you’re obviously bereaved and not thinking straight.”

“i’m thinking plenty straight, father!” ivan stepped forward with his brows furrowed. makarov looked at him with almost narrowed eyes. “i know if she wasn’t sent on that mission, she would be alive. i know if you had listened to me at all, if you respected my own perspective as an s-class mage of fairy tail then maybe she’d be here! don’t tell me it’s me proving a point when there’s entire lives on the line!”

“your arguments are filled with what-ifs, ivan.” makarov cut in.

“my arguments are filled with frustration at your leadership!” ivan yelled, louder so that makarov couldn’t interrupt him. “your own daughter in law died, did you think of that? huh?! you couldn’t allow yourself to adjust ‘your well thought’ plans with outside input given, despite the fact i know the mages much better as i’ve fought beside them! your pride and ego have her blood on its hands and how many more mages, i am forced to now wonder, will be forced to die or get injured or bleed for your ego’s sake! how many will it take, makarov? it already took leona’s and isley’s!”

makarov paused. “you said isley was alive.”

“that’s what you focus on?!” ivan threw his hands up. “i — she is. she was fatally injured and her best friend died before her, i think it’s safe to say a part of her died today as well.” ivan rubbed his forehead. “you really piss me off.”

“that, i’ve known since you were 14.” makarov said with a sardonic twist of direction. “i’ve always known i’m the second parent in your eyes.”

a stone dropped in ivan’s stomach. “what are you talking about, father?”

“i’m talking about how you’ve always preferred your mom. i notice you’re not at her doorstep right now, blaming her for not healing leona. if i have leona’s blood on my hands, then so does she!” makarov pointed out, as if he was onto something.

“you are not making a lick of sense. what does mom have to do with this?”

“ha!” makarov shook his head. there was a smile on his face, one that ivan had never seen. it wasn’t his goofy smile, or his secret smile he did when he was up to something and wanted ivan to go along with it for the humor of it. it was almost mean. it made ivan feel a little nervous. “you’re that set to be against me, then. of course porlyusica had nothing to do with leona’s death, she has the same amount of blame as i do, as the official healer of fairy tail.”

that was his angle. ivan felt the nervousness wash away back to good ‘ol anger. “you cannot be this dense. you’re being obstinate! you’re really going to argue like that?! mother did try, i could tell because some of her wounds were cleared even though she was dead on arrival! did you hear that? dead! on! arrival!” the windows shattered at the explosion of ivan’s magic, but neither dreyar cared to pay attention to that.

“you’ve always held her to a lower standard than me, i’m not surprised you’re doing it now. your saintly mother and sinner father, but we shouldn’t argue about this. you should be with laxus —”

“do NOT say my son’s name!” ivan interrupted. this time, he was the one wagging his finger. “don’t even THINK about my son! about leona’s son! the one with her smile and eyes and magic affinity. the one who loves lemons as much as her. okay? just don’t. i’m the one that has to go back to macao’s and bring laxus home and tell him — tell him that his mama is never coming home. you’re saved of that duty the same way you’re saving yourself of any kind of consequence!”

“ivan—”

“SHUT UP!” ivan felt his throat scratch against the skin of his neck as he yelled. “just…just shut up.” ivan closed his eyes, no longer able to stomach the sight of his father. he covered his eyes with his palms and shook his head. “this is going nowhere.”

“i’m not going to shut up while you throw accusations against me! i’m hurt, too! leona was — leona makes you so happy ivan and that’s all i want for you, my son. to be happy.” there was a croak in the old man’s voice that felt like nails against a chalkboard to ivan.

ivan shook his head. “if you wanted me to be happy, then you failed, father. i will never be truly happy again. and it’s your fault.” ivan turned and before his father could say another word, ivan reached for the doorknob and unlocked it.

“ivan!” makarov’s voice called but the door opened with a sudden bang. ivan saw his guildmates, those in the s-class session all pointedly looking away, somewhat miserable. the entire atmosphere was miserable.

oh, that’s my magic.

whatever. ivan slammed the door behind him, ignoring any calls to him from anyone. he had a destination and a job to do. everyone else? could leave him alone for all he cared.

[bae-leth]

I looked at the spoilers in a discord I'm in because I'm the kind of person that still enjoys a game even if I technically ruined it for myself since I looked before and let me say I'm so mad and sad. I'm smad. Very smad. Like I wish I can vaguely tell you what it is that makes me Smad but I can't. Just know I'm Smad and I'm disappointed

... Oof... I won't ask what disappointed you, but oof :((