#this is very inspired by someone's photo but i don't remember whose

[animatedjen]

Nightsister Merrin | Jedi Survivor

[lee-aveyourmark]

besties with chenji!

∘.∙°. masterlist Pairing: Zhong Chenle x reader x Park Jisung; chenji x bestie!reader Genre: sickening fluff, so much crack Warnings: insecurity of having a large head, mentions of food Wordcount: 646

you know those dance challenges where three people dance at 1%, 100% and 1000%?

yeah, you're 100% - the middle ground between jisung (1%) and chenle (1000%)

if provoked, you can definitely get chenle to use his inside voice

more often than not, those provocations arise from jisung's persistent complaints of his ears ringing at chenle's astronomically loud shouting

at other times, you're inspired by chenle's energy to hype jisung up to dance to snsd's 'gee' in the middle of the living room

you and chenle are harsh critics when it comes to jisung's dancing

"i don't remember there being any popping in the choreo!" "your line needs to be more curved, stick your hip further out"

there is just s o much joy when you guys are together, y'all naturally get abs and free therapy when meeting up, with the laughter so obscene that everyone is crying, breathless and clutching their stomachs

and you guys laugh over the weirdest things that would never be funny if the joke was explained to someone else

90% of playdates are just gaming, sorry i don't make the rules

but gaming with them would be so cute, especially if you're not that familiar with the game

it means that you can reduce chenle's competitiveness by often being the reason why your team doesn't win

and can you imagine jisung teaching you different plays and just,, praising you for being able to do all of them while surviving? his praises may be backhanded sometimes but still jisung best boy

the other 10% of time spent together is cooking in the kitchen (read: chenle cooking while jisung sits and watches after cutting up 2 mushrooms)

if you can cook, there will be challenges to see whose dish jisung likes more where chenle's competitiveness rises again

the prizes are literally bragging rights and jisung's approval, something that means a lot to the two of you

if you can't cook, it's okay! chef chenle is more than happy to become a single dad and cook for all three by himself

on another note, if you've been self-conscious about having a large head like me, be worried no more because these two will turn your insecurities into your charms

you three will also make your large heads your personalities, and change the group chat name to "the 3 large-headed musketeers" from time to time (not mark finding out about the chat one day and feeling left out)

yes, chenji are very good hype men indeed

whatever you choose to do, they will support you wholeheartedly

thinking of buying a new sweater? jisung will find 10 different compliments about how it fits you, while chenle will offer to buy it for you and even add on an accessory

at the same time, chenle will be very critical towards whoever becomes your potential someone, incessantly warning you of "bad men" out there

he also says that he's the model male, but rejects you before you even fall for him

"you want me right?? weLL, you can't have me :D"

back to the group chat, it's 300% memes and scandalous photos of each other used as blackmail material

there's also many voice messages consisting of nothing but chenle's laugh followed by a selfie from jisung with a concerned look on his face

but also, you three like to use voice messages to talk about tea and avoid getting caught by others

that tea is how each of you lost or broke something of another member's, but have yet to be caught for the crime

if you're a well-behaved child, you'll receive preferential treatment and will be patted on the head in understanding

if you're anything like chenle, prepare to get an earful from renjun

but, as the youngest, you three are babied so much by the other dreamies and y'all take full advantage of your youth <3

[tranquilpetrichor]

as we navigate the stars

synopsis: it is never easy following the path of an aeon, let alone one whose existence came to an end unexpectedly. however, hongjoong and the rest of the astral express crew do their best, following the tracks of the star rail.

cast: hongjoong, yeosang, wooyoung, seonghwa (ateez)

genre: sci-fi, honkai: star rail!au

wc: 638

warnings: n/a, but not proofread

a/n: i love the idea of ateez in space. could expand on this au because i love this game so much but i wanted to write a few paragraphs to start out with and see how i feel from there. might need to make a glossary of all the unfamiliar terms i used lol. consider this very rudimentary because i want my inspiration for writing back and this piece just made me happy.

navigator kim hongjoong has spent a long time traversing the universe on the astral express. since the first time he was able to get the train to even start, to meeting the express's conductor and beginning to stride on the path of the nameless, he's seen countless events, enough to fill many lifetimes.

naturally, passengers come and go like the passing of seasons, becoming a small part of the express's journey. of course, there were a few passengers that have stayed for a while now and made a memorable impression on hongjoong.

there's kang yeosang, who's cold and somewhat awkward on first impression. hongjoong likes him, though for being a hard worker and protective of his friends. since his arrival, he's wholly dedicated himself to recording timely and accurate data entries in the express's database and guarding the express with his trusty spear, cloud-piercer.

sometimes, hongjoong wonders if yeosang is pushing himself too much, but it's yeosang. he's capable of quite a lot—perhaps, even more than hongjoong is aware of. still, that boy needed to rest sometimes.

note: check up on him in the next few days.

his own past on the xianzhou luofu is something he rarely talks about though, and the crew (mostly) respects it, even the perpetually talkative wooyoung.

ah, speaking of wooyoung. he too, was memorable in his own way. hongjoong still remembers the day the express encountered a boy floating in the middle of deep space, frozen in a block of ice.

after saving him, hongjoong asked the stranger what his name was.

he looked at the red-haired man before him with confusion. "well i... i don't really know," was his response. "can i choose one?"

the captain nodded, and the boy continued.

he was more hesitant back then, less sure of himself. "how about... wooyoung?"

hongjoong gave him a warm smile. "alright, then. welcome aboard the astral express, wooyoung."

as a passenger, wooyoung has been bright and energetic, capturing photos and making those around him smile. those who didn't know him well enough would never guess that he harbors a deep-seated desire to uncover his past. hopefully, he would get his wish.

hongjoong spots a sketchbook on a side table, no doubt belonging to park seonghwa, another seasoned member of the astral express. as someone with a wide breadth of knowledge on various topics, he is a valuable companion to have when visiting other worlds.

he also used to be an animator but still maintains his passion for art, hence the sketchbook.

but beyond that, seonghwa is perhaps the closest friend that hongjoong has ever had. everyone's paths are different on this train, but the two seem to be destined to be intertwined on this celestial voyage for a while.

maybe it was due to them being the senior members of the crew, but there's something to be said about a long-lasting friendship.

hongjoong walks into the passenger cabin. his energy is dropping, and even though he could probably get by with another coffee, a nap would probably be more beneficial. he opens a door leading to a long hallway—his room is further down.

on the way, he runs into the conductor, pom-pom. they're quite short and cute-looking with bunny-like ears, but hongjoong would never doubt the creature's experience. the cuteness of a child with the responsibilities of an adult.

(actually, he's not sure if the conductor's considered an adult within their species—well, he doesn't even know what the conductor's species is. an inquiry for another time).

"off for an afternoon nap?"

he stifles a yawn. "yep, the usual."

"alright then, get some good rest! wouldn't want you tired when we reach the space station."

hongjoong can't help but smile at their caring words. "thank you, pom-pom."

such is another day on the train that travels throughout the universe.

[madaboutmunson]

I'm A Spy But On Your Side

I Think I Could Have Been Someone - Chapter 6

Ao3 Link

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Link to fic overview and all parts

Chapter Summary: Steve POV of the aftermath of meeting Eddie for the first time

Author Notes: This is a mature story, definitely 18+ only. Note specifically for this chapter: Don't Panic lol :D

Tags/Warnings: rockstar!AU; band; touring; music industry; alternate universe; drug usage; alcohol abuse; performing; enemies to lovers; road trip; stobin; platonic stobin; platonic with a capital P;

Word Count: 2.9K

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I Think I Could Have Been Someone - Part 6 - Steve POV 

Steve didn't wake up alone this morning despite his friends leaving and no hired help because he hasn't even been to sleep, not for two days now.

He's holed himself up in the studio surrounded by instruments, dry marker scrawlings over every glass surface apart from one whose job was to store the thing that was helping him stay awake, to pull on this thread of inspiration. 

In between are pulled-out pages from catalogues, scribbled-down telephone and product codes, ashtrays full of cigarette butts and a few empty beer bottles.

When the door swings open and Buckley steps in, he feels a waft of fresh air rush in, making his skin goose pimple. He's so excited.

"BUCKLEY!! You aren't gonna believe this! Look, I've written, like, three song demos, and-and I've found the best photography kit currently available, but I'm not allowed online without a chaperone, so I'm gonna need you to order these for me. Eddie's gonna be so pleased. I just know it!"

Robin nods, starts gathering up papers, looks at them and then slowly walks towards Steve, backing him towards the vocal booth. He's confused but still so excited about inspiration finally appearing again and how he's going to make everything up to Eddie. And they would have the best time in Vegas together, and he'd think about the consequences afterwards.

Once the soundproof door slides softly closed behind them. Robin roughly unplugs all the wires in the booth.

"Hey! This is very expensive equipment here, you know. You could be a little more gentle!" Steve complains and is starting to get a little annoyed that Robin is killing his buzz.

Robin dumps everything on the small chair in this tiny space before raising her hands to either side of her head and yelling at Steve, "What the hell were you thinking?"

“What do you mean? What was I thinking?” He frowns deeply at her.

“The photo, Steve, the one I said to not do anything stupid with!” She whisper-shouts back at him. Steve draws a blank. He’s trying frantically to recall, but his brain is swimming with ideas, not whatever this is. “Jesus, Steve, you don't even remember, do you? The picture of your photographer outside your home?” The words are flying out of Robin’s mouth like machine gun fire, and there is no room in the vocal booth for him to step back enough to dodge their intended impact, “The one you absolutely had to have? So I sent it to your stupid secret phone, ringing any bells? Which I knew was a mistake, but I was taking pity on you because you were all dewy-eyed!” She wags her finger at him.”But then Steve, you decide you want to get your little super-sleuths on the case and post it undercover to your fans?” Then it all comes rushing back to him, a moment of weakness. He knew his fans would find out everything about Eddie for him, and all he had to do was pretend it was some girl leaving his house. He knows Robin is mad, but he is hungry for intel. He locks eyes with her and feels himself lick his lips. She rolls her eyes and flops her arms to her sides in defeat because she knows what he’s about to ask.

“Did they find anything?” Steve quietly enquires, biting his lip back into his mouth immediately as the words leave him, and he winces a little.

“Of course they did!” Robin’s eyes widen as if he’d asked her the most ridiculous thing in the world, “They are minutes away from his blood type, his hairdresser’s dog’s name and what his regular coffee order is!”. Steve cautiously releases his bottom lip and looks around the ceiling, desperately trying not to ask what he wants to know. “Unbelievable!” she scoffs and shakes her head.

Steve tries a different tack, “Well, it's not like I can take it back now, is it?” he gives a little shrug and laughs as his eyes search the ground he is currently toeing at, “Sooo….” He looks up at Robin through his eyelashes.

She sighs and rolls her eyes, “He’s not married.” Steve punches the air, and Robin tuts and folds her arms, “I still stand by what I said, Steve. I’m getting weird vibes from him and the mountain of evidence that he wasn’t falling over himself to work with you.”

“We’ve been over this. He was busy! We both shot up the ranks at roughly the same time. He was fully booked for two whole years, and then we just couldn’t get our calendars to line up, that's all. His agent always sends those nice apology gift baskets with the little truffles you like in? Remember?” Steve searches her eyes with a slightly forlorn hopefulness. He needed her on his side. He needed this. Something to ignite his long, snuffed-out candle of creativity.

“Steve, no one is that busy.” Robin scoffs.

“I don’t know what you want me to say. He’s here now, isn’t he? He’s signed up. What does any of the past matter? I’m not bothered by it. Maybe he just wanted more money, or, “ he raises an eyebrow at her, “Maybe he wanted an international celebrity to beg for him?” He laughs as Robin screws up her face in absolute disgust.

“I don't think he was busy at all.” She says seriously, but Steve waves his hand at her dismissively and laughs.

“What? He’s just been getting offers from me, refusing, and twiddling his thumbs? Is that what you think? Oh, come on, Rob!” He puts his hands on his hips, “That's ridiculous!”

She starts to say something but stops, and he watches Robin read over the many partial lyrics, chord tabs, diagrams, and randomly noted ideas. The corners of her mouth twitch up slightly, and her eyes finally find his, “Just be careful, ok? You’ve been doing so well since I started. I know that isn’t just down to me, and I know you’re still struggling and still indulging in too much, Steve, but you're doing so much better than when I got here. I just don't want you to sink back down there again.”

“Please, babe. I’m into him, yes. But it's not all that serious, you know?” Steve half-smiles.

“Are you sure about that?” She gestures around them.

“I’m just inspired. That's all it is. I know you haven't seen much of that so far.” he reaches out for her hand below the sight of anyone looking through the booth window, “It’s nice that you care, though.”

She pats his hand, moves away and starts plugging wires back in, mumbling, “It's kinda my job.” 

“Was that what you came to tell me? About how I shouldn't have sent the picture?” Steve asks, picking up some of the papers.

“No, actually. It was just Heidi messaged me, but it’s nothing important.” Robin says quickly, trying to leave the booth.

“I thought she flew home the night she left here? Don't they start filming this week or something? I barely take in anything she says. She talks so much.” Steve shakes his head with a little smirk. Then he takes a pause. He wasn’t sure if the lack of sleep was finally catching up with him, but Robin seemed a bit hurried. No, she looks nervous, and that is not something Steve ever has or ever wants to see in his bodyguard, “What did Heidi want exactly?” he pries, crowding Robin a little, holding out his hand for her phone.

“I honestly don't think it’s important right now. Don’t you wanna get back to your writing?” She tries, with a grimaced half smile, and he immediately knows it's not good news she's attempting to save him from. 

He knows he could walk away from this, go into the other room, rack up a few more lines and forget all about whatever this is, but within Steve, unfortunately, is a hunger to know. He sometimes wonders if it's because he is a glutton for misery. It's almost like he’s so used to it being impossibly attracted to him that he now tries to ambush it first.

He makes a grabbing motion with his hand at Robin, and she takes the phone out of her pocket, “This is a bad idea.” She says seriously and softly. Steve looks at the floor and stretches his hand towards her again, “Shall I just tell you what it is? Maybe that would be easier, huh?” Now, he was perturbed. What on Earth had Heidi done? God, he hopes she hasn’t posted anything fucking stupid, so he’d have to cut all ties with her. He wasn’t planning on anything serious with Heidi, but at least she was easy enough to get along with. She doesn't ask too many questions and gets what she wants. Steve gets what he wants, and they both go their separate ways. She wasn’t a friend, but at least an amiable acquaintance.

Robin finally places the phone in his hand.

The trepidation on Robin’s face works its way into himself until there is almost a feeling of static between his thumb and the screen. He takes a deep breath and opens the message.

Tell Steve I think I figured out why the photographer didn't want to stay over.

A little picture collection sits in a box below the words, and Steve already feels he knows what is contained within. Cloud 9 busting ballistic missiles. He could hand it back. He could save himself from reality and continue floating around in the happy haze of crushdom. He could keep this Eddie on his pedestal.

His thumb hovers over the small box of thumbnails. He wasn’t with Eddie. He didn't own him. He was a colleague. A really cute one. One that Steve had been waiting years to be in the same room as. One that captured the real him when no one else could see, and Steve had drowned in that particular work, night after night for years. He thought he’d be meeting some greying gent, an artistic sage, who Steve could thank profusely, and they’d discuss that particular photograph over cocktails or coffee and become real friends, and Steve would have someone that he didn't have to pretend around because this guy had seen the same photo too. He must have seen the dull, desperate hopelessness in Steve’s eyes against the vibrant backdrop of live music.

But instead, he’d manifested an impossibly hot, almost looked like a rockstar himself, of days gone by. With huge brown eyes, a dazzling smile, and ringed solid hands that looked perfect for capturing Steve not just through a camera lens, who moved like a panther and made Steve’s heart skip a beat whenever their eyes met.

His self-preservation, which had been trying to warn him away from thoughts of Eddie since his eyes were graced with him the first time, shoves the starry-eyed part of his psyche off the ledge of indecisiveness into the reveal.

His thumb taps against the screen, expanding the images, and a smile creeps over his face. There he was, sitting at the bar, chatting with the bartender, giving her one of his gorgeous smiles.

Swipe.

This one is a little more difficult to interpret, his eyes cast down toward his glass. He almost looks a little blue, and doesn't that just make Steve’s heart bleed. There should never be a day that makes a beauty like that look glum this way. He feels a ridiculous urgency to make it right somehow. Rush to the hotel he’s no longer at to put a smile back on the face of the man who is no longer there.

Swipe.

Steve’s heart stops, and a breath catches in his throat. He’s sitting with someone else. He feels his eye shoot to Robin as his chest rises and falls a little quicker, but she’s already looking at the ground. That's when he realises it's only going to get worse.

Swipe.

Eddie is beaming at this guy that Steve can see a little better now because he’s throwing his head back, laughing with a slight blush on his cheeks. 

Eddie’s made him laugh. 

Steve’s stomach drops as if his imagination rollercoaster nudges his emotions over the top, and down it falls. No brakes. He sniffs and pinches the bridge of his nose, wipes his hand down the lower part of his face and zooms in on the other guy. Sunkissed, muscular, younger. Clothes that unintentionally hug his figure simply because of his build. He feels his mouth downturn because, for a moment, he doesn't know why it hurts so much. He looks down at himself and what he’s become. When he and Eddie first crossed paths all those years ago, that is what they would have looked like together. That perfectly coiffed swoop of hair and that chest-hugging polo shirt would have been his. He feels his eyelids flicker, swallows down the crippling self-loathing, and the green-eyed monster of a coach, calls his inner masochist off the bench.

Swipe.

His hand is on Eddie’s knee as he leans forward mid-conversation, and he’s completely captivated him. Eddie's eyes fall a little lower than the man’s eye line, a subtle smile on his lips.

Swipe.

Eddie is holding up a cherry, and the younger man obediently opens his mouth to receive it on his tongue. Steve's lips are a tight line now.

Swipe.

But the last picture just bounces in place. There are no more images to beat himself up with. He swipes through them all again a few times in absolute silence before handing the phone back to Robin, who tries to look at him compassionately. She opens her mouth to say something, but Steve beats her to it.

“I don’t blame him. He’s cute.” Steve says, forcing a smile to his face, but too quickly, the bitterness races over his tongue, “Just another airport hotel slut looking for a hookup. Probably rinsed Eddie for all he’s worth. What could they even possibly have in common? Slim pickings in airport hotel bars, in my experience.”

“Right.” That is all Robin says as she tucks away her phone in its holster on her belt and goes to leave the booth. She stops halfway through the doorway, “Do you want me to stay and talk about it?”

Steve forces a laugh, knits his eyebrows together and his mouth twitches, “Buckley, please. I’m a fucking grown-up, ok? I just wanted to jump his bones, that's all. I’ve got time. For god's sake, I feel the same about the new gardener.” Her eyes look him up and down in a careful systems scan. He knows she doesn't buy it but hopes his display is enough to shout, I’m done here. He nods, “Buckley.”

It must be because she nods respectfully, “Mr H.” she says and leaves.

He busies himself reorganising the cables in the vocal booth. Buckley had tried her best but had no clue how this all worked. As he toils away, his thoughts only get louder. What was with this guy? He could have spent the night here with me, and he decides to go back to the hotel and take his chances in a bar? No, this is ridiculous. He catches a glimpse of his reflection in the booth window as he stands to leave. As usual, he takes his own bony jaw in hand and twists it this way and that. Tilts his head up and down, widens and narrows his eyes until his reflection holds that tested and true Harrington pose. There is just no way Eddie isn't attracted to him. Sure, he looked different. He didn't look like modelling had just spat him out into the music industry any more. His body attests to his journey. His tattoos are a coded skin tapestry of the lives he’s lived. Most lines on his face are fine, except for the ones caused by lack of sleep.

There must be something else. 

This pity party would not do. He’s Steve Fucking Harrington!

He leaves the booth and heads back out to his earlier station at the mixing desk, locates the treats he’d lined up for himself before Buckley turned up. Inhales his ‘medicine’ like a good boy and springs up with a “Goddamn!”

He does a whole-body shudder and reasons with himself in the nearest wall mirror.

Here are the facts. You, Steve Harrington, are hot, wealthy, famous, talented and successful. There is nothing here not to like. Not a damn thing.  This guy at the hotel is nothing. The next time you see Eddie, they could only have possibly been seeing one another for two weeks. Nothing serious. Nothing incorruptible. If they even saw one another again at all, which was probably unlikely the way that preppy whore was mediocrely guzzling down that cherry in public. If you want Eddie, you can get him. You’re Steve Fucking Harrington!

The only interactions Steve had with Eddie until this week had been that concert and then years of practically begging Eddie to work with him, which wasn't a great look, granted, but it was honest. Maybe he’d messed up their meeting a little? Perhaps he was a little overzealous? Maybe Eddie doesn't like to be chased? Perhaps he wants to do the chasing?

A small smile spreads across Steve's face. So, let's give him something to chase.

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Songs that inspired this chapter: Private Eyes by Hall and Oates Don’t You Want Me Baby - Human League

[counttwinkula]

i gotta say that one of my least favorite things about the modern internet is the ease with which people just accept that an image exists without any thought of its provenance

like, the most obvious cases of this are when an illustration gets turned into a meme and spread across the internet without the consent of the creator

how many times have you seen the original form of a viral image spreading around tumblr with people reacting in shock and awe, "that's what the original said?"

and here's an example that makes my blood boil: remember the iconic "one fear" comic?

do you remember when someone removed the artist's signature, and then dozens of edits were spread with the words "one big meme" in its place?

it's like someone was out there trying to make my point for me: that once the image goes viral and becomes exploitable (as we called it back in the encyclopedia dramatica days) the artist's identity gets filed off of it

but the other half of this issue, which is the part that really just confounds me altogether, is better represented by the sculptor izumi kato. if you don't recognize the name, you may recognize a very specific photo of his work:

this photo of a work by kato (untitled, 2004) accompanied the original SCP creepypasta. in the years since SCP-173 was first posted this photograph and depictions of the character it inspired—a character whose physical appearance was taken directly from kato's art—has been spread far and wide across the internet's horror communities

(yes i know the SCP website has removed the image from the official website and i applaud that decision)

unlike teen comix, where any viewer immediately, if unconsciously, knows that this is a drawing and that therefore someone drew this, i think that the public does not have that same awareness when it comes to photographs

as many art critics have noted since the advent and spread of photography, the photograph occludes not only the concept of authorship (which is beyond the scope of this post), it also alienates the viewer from the idea of context—the image exists for its own sake, separated from the subject of said image

the internet is built on weird images spread without any sort of context, and i get that. i also know that i'm the kind of person who thinks about this stuff and not everybody is

(chris sharp, fire hydrant jack, ca. 2007)

what just makes me crazy is how people seem so willing to look at a picture and just think "i guess that exists" without taking a moment to think "someone must have made that"

and what irks me is how many blogs here—beloved blogs with tons of followers—repost and reblog this content without any thought put toward attribution when the item in question is obviously an art object. the blogs that come to my mind, and i do not say this with any malice, are ones that reframe the subjects of these photos within a D&D context, placing the focus on their "bit" and entirely eclipsing the artists whose works their blogs rely upon for content

the issue of attribution has become even more urgent because the efficacy of google's reverse image search function has plummeted

i cannot tell you how many times i have scoured the internet for any sort of image source for a work of art, wading through scores of pinterest and tumblr links, before suddenly finding the artist's name—or before declaring the whole matter a lost cause

that was when reverse image search was still useful, and nowadays for whatever reason (i am not knowledgeable enough to say why or how) it has ceased to be useful altogether. i have no idea what alternatives we have, and so i really think it falls on us to try to apply some code of ethics to this matter

i'm not saying i only reblog attributed images, i know that's basically impossible, but i am imploring people to at least think twice about this, and i am asking blogs with big follower counts that rely on other people's images to think about the impact they have on further distancing the art from its creator

[sinceileftyoublog]

GUM Interview: Use It or Lose It

Photo by Grant Spanier

BY JORDAN MAINZER

One of my recurring dreams involves missing chunks or even the entirety of festival sets of my favorite bands. I'm always glad when I wake up, remembering that it's the dead of winter, reminiscing on the musical events of the previous summer and looking forward to the months to come. At the same time, I'm taken by the fact that these anxieties are all-but made-up by my brain. "Race To The Air", the lead track from Jay Watson's latest GUM album Saturnia (Spinning Top), puts a positive spin on similar perturbations: rushing through a festival crowd so you don't miss a band playing your favorite song. With sweeping strings and elongated jams with squalling guitars and drum fills, it's the soundtrack of passing by the various stages and the disparate sounds you hear, or perhaps even the contradictions within your favorite song itself, the product of a restless head.

Watson, while raising his newborn son, worked on the Saturnia songs, essentially, in his restless head. Though they certainly changed from conception to recording, each song is an homage to music-making and how it can shape the inner workings of our minds. The sort-of title track "Saturnism" refers to an old-school term for lead poisoning, inspired by Watson and his then-pregnant partner and their child moving into a new house that had lead paint on the walls, about which Watson became paranoid. "An avalanche of cognitive dissonance and harmony / Eloquently null and void / Consequently paranoid / And even though I try to fight / There is a sore upon my mind," he sings, his worries lurking behind every note on the record. There's "Muscle Memory", whose antithesis is crippling doubt, not being able to play music after periods of inactivity. The very title of "Fear Of Joy" suggests that behind everything positive is something else sinister, or vice versa, a shimmery, tempo changing, bossa nova-imbued song that's unexpectedly life-affirming. "If you've had enough of living / Think of someone who loves you and stay," Watson repeats. "Someone who loves you," could be Watson's partner and children; perhaps it's his songs. After all, Saturnia is his declaration that writing and recording is the most remedial act of all.

I asked Watson some questions over email about Saturnia, healing, playing live, and his songwriting tendencies. Below, read his responses, edited for clarity.

Since I Left You: A lot of Saturnia seems to deal with the tangible aspects of music (how it sounds, playing it) versus the more abstract aspects of it (the compositional process, the context). Do you tend to think about music that way?

Jay Watson: I think the way that I think about music is always a mix of those two elements, the practical and the abstract. Purely practical, and the music is rote and stale, and purely abstract, and it's not that enjoyable to listen to.

SILY: The title "Muscle Memory" makes me imagine you, after months of writing in your head, picking up your instruments to bring to life what you were thinking. Do you find you need some warm up time after long periods of inactivity?

JW: To be honest, my ability to write and play music drops off so quickly after a period of inactivity that I'm terrified of taking a break. It really is a muscle you have to keep active.

SILY: "Argentina" is an old, retro-sounding riff you wrote juxtaposed with unexpected tempos. Does layering seemingly disparate elements help you avoid wearing your influences too much on your sleeve?

JW: I didn't really think about it like this. I think that writing with this sort of critical thinking in mind prevents ideas from being interesting or natural or honest. In terms of influences, I have as many as ever, but I find they don't come out as obviously as they used to.

SILY: How does the visual identity of Saturnia (the album art, the videos) complement and/or contrast the music itself?

JW: It's all a reflection of where I'm at at the time, musically and visually. I try not to keep it too focused all together because it can come across a bit product-y when everything matches perfectly.

SILY: The title of the album is an old name for lead poisoning, referring to your paranoia about lead-based paint in your new house. Was making this album therapeutic in helping you conquer that fear?

JW: For sure. Most of my music is about fear and love and how it's related. Making music is my way of dealing with that without having to explicitly talk about it all day.

SILY: The song "Real Life" reminds me of something from Beck's Sea Change. Even if that wasn't an influence or even if Beck isn't someone you listen to, do you admire artists like him with shapeshifting musical personas?

JW: Yeah, I've always wanted to make any music that I've felt like, even if it doesn't come out in a realistic way. The attempt and failure to do a style of music authentically is where new ideas lie, I think.

SILY: How are you bringing the Saturnia songs to the live stage? Is adapting them to a performance as artistically rewarding as writing and recording them in the first place?

JW: It's artistically rewarding for sure, especially because I get to improvise on guitar a lot more than on the recordings. I've been having so much fun just making up lines and melodies and noise on the spot.

SILY: Are you the type of songwriter that's always writing? Anything else next for you?

JW: If you don't use it, you lose it! I've got a lot in the pipeline, but not much time to finish it all, so I'm just trying to get things done one at a time.

SILY: What have you been listening to, watching, and reading lately?

JW: I saw this band Geese in the US, which blew me away. I've been listening to their new record. I've been digging the new Tex Crick album Sweet Dreamin'.

[mimisempai]

Every time I look at you, I fall in love again

Summary:

As he gazes at his sleeping lover, Loki remembers the moments where he fell in love with Mobius.OrFive times when Loki's heart pounded in a special way and once when it pounded in a familiar way.

Notes:

Tumblr request : a 5+1 - it could be about moments in their relationship where Loki falls more in love w/ Mobius

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32821156

2084 words - Rating G

1.

For once, Loki woke up this morning before Mobius.

Leaning on his hand, he took the opportunity to watch his beloved while he slept.

As he gazed at the sleeping features of his lover, he was once again taken aback by the strength of his feelings.

Loki had little or no experience with love, so he had nothing to compare to what he was experiencing with Mobius right now.

No one had made him feel the way the man made him feel.

It was as if Mobius had wrapped his roots around Loki's heart little by little but without imprisoning him.

Mobius' love had set him free.

In return, Loki's feelings had taken root in Mobius' constancy.

Sometimes Loki liked to think about how his feelings had developed, because it had all happened so quickly that he had never been able to enjoy those stolen first moments.

It would be hard for Loki to say exactly when he had begun to notice that his relationship with Mobius was different from any relationship he had had before, but what he was sure of was that no one had ever been able to see through him as quickly as Mobius.

"I don't like to talk."

"But you do like to lie, which you just did. Because we both know you love to talk. Talkie-talkie."

Honestly, at that moment, Loki thought fondly, if he hadn't been so angry at being found out, he would have laughed.

As a matter of fact, it had become a fond memory for them. Whenever Loki would go into one of his grandiloquent tirades, Mobius would simply make this little gesture with his hand and would mouth "Talkie Talkie"

" You don't know anything about me.

"Maybe I'd like to learn."

It was probably at that moment that Mobius had begun to touch something in Loki that no one had ever touched. The fact that anyone would even bother to genuinely learn about him was in itself new. Except for his mother and Thor, most people had always assumed the worst of him.

"Honestly, I'm actually a fan. Yeah. And I guess I'm wondering why does someone with so much range just wanna rule?

Mobius had been the first to make him question himself.

Of course, at the time, he was not at all receptive to what Mobius' words really meant.

It had taken him some time to admit the truth.

The moment he had admitted it, the naked truth, without any more artifice, he had been ready to receive the final blow, the ratification of his vileness, but no, nothing like that.

"Because it's part of the illusion. It's the cruel, elaborate trick conjured by the weak to inspire fear."

"'A desperate play for control.' You do know yourself."

"A villain."

"That's not how I see it."

That's not how I see it.

At that moment, Loki's heart had pounded for the first time.

The man in front of him had seen all the lowliness that Loki was capable of and yet he did not see him as a villain.

From the first hours of their meeting, he had made it impossible for Loki not to love him and from then on, his feelings had grown exponentially.

2.

As he walked down the path of his memories, Loki continued to gaze at Mobius as he slept. A small miracle in itself for Loki.

Knowing who Loki was, Mobius slept in his presence. The perfect image of absolute trust.

Loki sometimes still had trouble feeling worthy of such trust.

Seeing him sleeping like that, he thought of the day when he himself had first fallen asleep in this way with Mobius.

The day he fell a little more in love with Mobius.

It started with Mobius taking the blame for the failure of their first mission together, when it was all Loki's fault. They could have just pruned him, but no, Mobius had pleaded his case to Ravonna.

Then Loki had presented his theory to Mobius, admittedly with a rather shaky metaphor, even ruining one of his lover's favorite dishes.

"Well, here's a fun theory. You lure me out into the field, and then you stab me in the back. And that's a theory I don't wanna test."

"I'd never stab anyone in the back. That's such a boring form of betrayal."

"Loki, I've studied almost every moment of your entire life. You've literally stabbed people in the back, like, 50 times."

"Well, I'd never do it again, because it got old."

Mobius laughed and chose to follow Loki's theory, even though Loki had given him no reason to believe in him until now. Even though his theory was based on almost nothing, Mobius had chosen to believe Loki.

Then they returned from Pompeii and something happened that had never happened to Loki, he had fallen asleep. Loki, who was distrustful of everything and nothing, had simply fallen asleep in the presence of someone he hardly knew. As if his heart had understood before his mind that he had nothing to fear from Mobius.

When Mobius had woken him up, Loki's heart had pounded for the second time, and it wasn't fright that had caused it, but the realization that Loki was falling in love and falling deeply.

3.

As he looked up from his contemplation of Mobius, Loki's gaze fell on the photo that lay on his nightstand. A memory of their first vacations, when Mobius had finally realized his dream. In the middle of the paradisiacal decor of an island in Midgard, Loki had taken this photo of Mobius piloting -at last- a jetski. So much joy on his face.

Another thing that made Loki fall in love a little more: the passion of his lover for some small insignificant things.

Josta, salad, jet-ski...

"You know, some things... Actually, most things in history are kinda dumb, and everything gets ruined eventually. But in the early 1990s, for a brief, shining moment, there was a beautiful union of form and function, which we call the jet ski, and a reasonable man cannot differ."

"You ever been on one?"

"No... No. I think a TVA agent showing up on a jet ski on the Sacred Timeline, that would create a branch for sure."

"Oh it'd be fun, though."

"Yeah, it'd be really fun."

"So, why read about them?"

"It just helps remind me of what we're fighting for."

The expression Mobius had had at that moment, when he had said something like that with such candor had made Loki fall even more.

And his heart had pounded for the third time.

While he had sensed that what would happen next would destroy what Mobius believed in, Loki had not been able to stop himself from wanting to protect him and his happiness, and to hope that one day he would be able to realize his dream.

With his eyes on the photo commemorating a very real memory, he felt a sense of satisfaction, because his lover had been able to realize this dream and Loki had been there to witness it.

4.

"Loki... Don't go..."

Loki's eyes returned from the picture to his lover, whose features were now tense, probably from a nightmare.

"I'm here love, I'm not leaving. I'm staying with you."

Saying this, Loki gently strokes Mobius' cheek and his expression immediately relaxes. After a few seconds,he was sleeping peacefully again.

Loki didn't need to read Mobius' mind to know what he had dreamed.

He had known that he had taken a huge risk when he had decided to follow Sylvie and he had known that the reunion with Mobius would not be easy.

After all, he had betrayed him. But of all the acts of betrayal that Loki had been guilty of, this was the one that had cost him the most. Because of the feelings he was beginning to have for Mobius.

But what he hadn't imagined was that Mobius would almost turn into a jealous lover, even though at that point they didn't have that kind of relationship at all.

Loki had been incredibly surprised that it wasn't Loki's betrayal that had hurt Mobius the most, but the fact that he had made a connection with Sylvie.

"Come on. Look at your eyes. You like her."

"You like her. Does she like you?"

"Both of you were just swooning over each other."

"It's breaking my reality right now. What an incredible seismic narcissist. You fell for yourself."

"I'm supposed to believe your terrorist girlfriend"

"What, your female self that you have some demented crush on…"

Loki's heart had pounded for the fourth time when he realized what it could mean. He had fallen a little more at the thought of Mobius, at the thought that the man might be jealous, at the thought of what it might mean about Mobius' feelings for him.

5.

Then there had been that moment of grace, the exact moment when Loki had known that he was definitely in love with Mobius.

For the first time, when everything was against him, someone had chosen to believe in him. That someone was Mobius.

Even though he was clearly angry with Loki, he still listened to him and chose to believe him.

Despite Loki's attempts at manipulation, betrayals, and mistakes, Mobius renewed his faith in him and spoke those words that were imprinted in Loki's head.

"You could be whoever, whatever you wanna be, even someone good. I mean, just in case anyone ever told you different."

Loki's throat tightened as he was overwhelmed by the emotion of the memory.

Mobius had no idea how many wounds he had healed in Loki at that moment.

After what Loki had done, where Odin and Thor had not forgiven him, not only had Mobius forgiven him but even more amazingly, he had shown that he believed that Loki was capable of being good, of doing good.

At that moment, Loki's heart did not pound once, but thousands of times, at full speed.  Because of the joy and love that filled it.

The sudden disappearance of Mobius just afterwards had been all the more cruel. Because at that moment, they didn't know about the Void and Loki had thought Mobius was lost forever. He had been devastated.

He couldn't help but touch Mobius' face, gently so as not to wake him, then he whispered softly, "You too Mobius, do not ever leave me."

+1

They had found each other again.

When he first saw Mobius after he thought he had lost him, it only confirmed Loki's feelings for Mobius.

The way his heart had pounded at the sight of the one he loved was impossible to ignore.

So when they had to part once again, Loki had not been able to resist the pull of his heart, and instead of grabbing Mobius' hand, he had taken the man in his arms.

Loki had held Mobius in his arms many times since that moment, but he would never forget the feeling of that first hug. The feeling that the universe was in place. That he was where he belonged, that he was home.  He had expressed without words all that he felt and Mobius had answered him in the same way. They had to part again, but this time the bond between them was undeniable and unbreakable.

They had to go through a lot to finally enjoy their love, without the sword of Damocles, without the threat of the end of the world, or of a multiversal war over their heads, but they had made it. They were here now.

With each passing day, Loki fell a little more in love.

The Midgardian saying, I love you more than yesterday and less than tomorrow, had become his.

Because every time he looked at Mobius and realized the love they shared, he felt like it was stronger.

Mobius moved in his sleep, making the sheet slide off his shoulder.

Loki could not resist and leaned over to kiss the bare shoulder. Mobius woke up and turned to face Loki with a sleepy smile on his lips.

"Hey there handsome," Mobius whispered to Loki, gently kissing Loki's cheek. Loki's heart fluttered in a familiar way now, at such gentleness and at the adoration he read in his lover's eyes.

"Hey love," whispered Loki.

Mobius kissed him, his lips pressing lazily against Loki's. Loki smiled and kissed him back, happy.

Together they enjoyed the delights of a perfect, quiet morning.

_________

All other one-shots of this series here : X

As always, bear with me as it is not beta'd I hope you enjoyed it 🥰

[havekiddoswilltravel]

#notwithoutmychild An American Traveling Family’s Take on the Zero Tolerance Policy

Let’s attempt to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes...

Photo credit: Rebecca Wilhite Photography

When our first born was 15 months old, my family traveled to the Dominican Republic on an extended family vacation with my parents and sister. At that time, children could travel with both parents with an official raised seal United States birth certificate and didn’t need a passport. As a first time parent, I was naive enough to trust this process and off we went. We entered the Dominican Republic with no problems, a bienvenidos and a smile. We spent 7 nights enjoying the picturesque waters and beaches of the island, while also visiting family and friends. To our surprise, at the end of our trip as were going through customs and immigration in Santo Domingo, we (my husband, baby girl and I) were separated from my parents and sister and brought into the back room. After several minutes of complete silence, agents looking at our passports, plane tickets and her birth certificate while whispering to each other in Spanish, we were called to the desk. It turns out that the custom agent whom check us into the country stamped the adult’s passports and inadvertently didn’t stamp our daughter’s birth certificate. Thus, there was no record of her entering the island and we basically looked like child traffickers. Here we were, young law abiding American Citizen parents stuck in limbo in the holding area with no idea how to get out of this predicament.

Our story had a happy ending for many reasons

First, I am a Dominican born United States citizen and was traveling with a U.S. born U. S. citizen husband who also happened to be an M. D. Why does this matter you may ask? I’m fluent in Spanish and could understand all of the speculations being made by the officers. I could also advocate for our family fluently in their native language without needed U.S. embassy involvement. Dominicans are known to value and respect education and titles. Having my husband be a doctor may have actually helped them believe me and added credibility to our side of the story. Having licensiado and doctor in front of your name goes a long way in Latin American culture. 

Secondly, I am obsessive with documenting our children's lives and had a lot more time to do so with just one child. As a result, I was able to produce pictures on my phone and camera from her birth, first year of life and our family vacation on the island. I even had pictures of her on the plane and as we entered the customs area a week prior. Phew! By the grace of God, we dodged that bullet, but the scars have stayed with me.

Lastly, as a Dominican American who’s traveled in and out of both countries extensively, I had an insider’s view of both cultures. I was able to navigate and use that to our advantage and this resulted in us leaving many other people behind in that holding room and not even missing our flight. Others are not so lucky. 

The lack of empathy and dehumanization of immigrants is troubling and hurtful. Our family’s immigration story is the epitome of the American Dream, on the surface at least. My mother is a college educated Dominican whom actually taught English in the Dominican Republic prior to our family immigrating to the United States in the early 80′s. This did not protect us from the trauma and pain associated with any immigrant story. My parent’s decision to move to the United States was made in order to provide their children with educational opportunities. What started off as an idealistic and financially tasking undertaking, turned out to be one of the most traumatic experiences of our family’s lives. It has shaped my passion for social justice and the disenfranchised. 

My father traveled to the United States first (once our papers were granted) in order to secure a job and set up a place for us to live prior to my mother traveling with the three kids. My mother unexpectedly got a call that my father had been detained and held while attempting to enter the United States. She had to immediately leave her teaching job, home and three children behind in order to clear my father. Why? My mother had been sponsored by her eldest sister and she had in turn sponsored my father and us. She was not aware that because her name was the primary on my father’s residence card (green card), he couldn’t legally enter the United States for the first time without her. I was the youngest of their three kids at that time and though only four years old, I remember the confusion, sadness and pain associated with that experience. It’s for this reason that I cannot stomach watching videos and images of children being separated from their parents. What if this was your story? What if what you’re leaving was that difficult that you were willing to risk death to leave it? How do we decide whose life has value and whose children to protect? 

In order to protect my extended family’s privacy, I will leave out the details of much of the pain and trials that we’ve experienced in our adventures in the United States. All of us are now Naturalized United States Citizens. My father passed his immigration test at the age of 70. My parent’s “American Dream” became a reality, as all three of their children have college or masters degrees, however that “dream” came at a cost. My passion around #notwithoutmychildren comes from a place of deep personal pain associated with immigration and time away from my parents as a result. 

My personal life experiences as well of those of my extended family and friends still make me slightly distrustful of the “system” that is suppose to protect us. I treat our family’s passport like treasures. I never let them expire and don’t leave the country by air, land or sea without them. I also when solo traveling with my children, travel with a letter from my husband stating that he’s aware that I’m leaving the country. I’d rather be safe (slightly paranoid) than sorry, when it comes to spending one night of my life away from my children. 

Where do we go from here?

Are you struggling with understanding, processing and responding to what’s going on with families? These are resources that I’ve used with my family to discuss and attempt to understand how we got here and where we stand on this issue. Also, I challenge you to turn off the news and attempt to interact with real people in real life on this issue. Do you know any immigrants of color? Have you broken bread with them? Have you heard their story from their own mouths? If you don’t know any immigrants of color, I’m willing to share some of mine. Here’s my cousin Lorena’s story. Read it, process it and take a step forward in better understanding people’s experiences. This blog post has been in draft form for over two weeks. Why? This stuff is painful. It brings up old hurts and creates triggers like no other experiences in my entire life. I’m letting you into a very personal part of my history in hopes that hearts will be moved and we can move toward empathy and love. Choose love. 

Additional resources:

This is a great resource that can be used to discuss the current events with our children in a manner that protects them and their sensitive hearts. We don't watch the news and I personally can't stomach watching the videos or images on this issue. My focus has to be on raising our children to be different, and looking for ways to advocate for those with no voice. 

One of the challenges that I believe many of us have in regards to engaging on this topic is lack of understanding of our country’s history. Dr. Kira Banks did a great job putting together a video outlining our history and sharing ways to help us makes better understand what is going on.

I will continue to update this blog post with additional resources that I’m using to make sense of what’s going around us.

History doesn’t have to repeat itself...

What are you doing to have your voice heard in this matter? 

Let’s start by sharing our stories. 

Pin it for later:

THE BEST WAY TO HELP IMMIGRANTS AND REFUGEES WHO HAVE BEEN ARRESTED/DETAINED

”Immigration advocates have noted one sure-fire way to help people separated from their children: Posting their bail. This is one of the fastest ways to reunite immigrants with their family,” said Pilar Weiss, project director at the National Bail Fund Network said.

This is true for undocumented people who have been detained by ICE across the whole Country, including in my home state of CT.

Here are two organizations that can help:

National group

Connecticut Group: http://www.ctbailfund.org/

About Ruth: I’m a wife and mami of 4 active and globe-trotting kiddos. I’ve always loved a good adventure and truly believe that it’s possible to travel with kids. Join me, as I share our adventures and inspire you to get out of the house with your kiddos. Whether you’re planning a family vacation, a road trip or a trip of a lifetime to an exotic destination, I’ll share insights, trip reports and information that will inspire you. Check back often to stay up to date on things to do with kids at your next travel destination.

[bethevenyc]

Don't try to label this actor a 'woman' or 'man'

“Billions” star Asia Kate Dillon speaks on playing non-binary Taylor Amber Mason in the hit Showtime drama series. (Photo: Build NYC)

Asia Kate Dillon is a fierce actor with arresting eyes and a buzz cut, known for breakout roles including a Nazi skinhead inmate in Orange is the New Black and, currently, a calculating hedge-fund intern on Showtime’s Billions. But what the 33-year-old gets asked about perhaps most frequently is gender identity: Dillon’s is “non-binary,” with the preferred pronoun of “they.”

Still, frequent explaining is not something they mind one bit.

“I’m really grateful for that,” Dillon tells Yahoo Lifestyle at New York City’s Build Studios (part of Yahoo’s parent company, Oath), where they had dropped by for a live studio interview. “I mean, I spent so many years not understanding my own gender identity, not having the language to talk about it, and not feeling safe in many environments to talk about it. And so now, having the opportunity to talk about it and have it printed is extraordinary for me, and it doesn’t get tiring.”

One particularly notable moment of explanation was when Dillon was a guest on The Ellen Show, noting about being non-binary, “It’s a term used by some people, myself included, who experience their gender identity as falling somewhere outside the boxes of man and/or woman… Female is a sex, and sex is between our legs, and gender identity is between our ears.”

Dillon’s Billionaire character of Taylor identifies as non-binary as well ��� a point that caused them to weep with joy upon first reading the script. “If there had been someone like Taylor on TV when I was young, it would’ve meant a great deal,” they say. Below, some highlights from our quick but deep conversation.

Why is it important to you to identify as non-binary rather than to just expand the definition of what “woman” can mean?

It’s important to me because it is me. That is my experience of myself, and so I’m just living my life as me. Non-binary gender-nonconforming and trans people have always been around, just as long as any other type of person. So in that sense, I think expanding the definition of what a woman is is great — for people who identify as women and want to work at expanding that definition for themselves and the world at large. That’s not where I’m coming from and so that’s why it’s important to me.

So have you felt excluded, then, by the women’s movement, and specifically the Women’s March?

The short answer is yes. I think a lot of the women’s movement is perpetuating the synonymous use of “woman” and “vagina,” and not all women have vaginas, not all people with vaginas are women. And the pussy hats — not all pussies are pink, but that association is totally exclusive, and not just of non-binary people, but of transwomen and people of color. And so the future, to me, is inclusive, and it’s intersectional, certainly. And if it’s not intersectional then it’s not feminism, really. So I do feel left out of conversations that continue to align femininity and womanhood with uteruses and vaginas. I think that’s an archaic alignment, and I’m excited for a future in which we don’t do that.

Let’s talk about your buzz cut: When did you first do it and why, and what does it feel like for you?

The very first time I buzzed my head I was 21 — I’d had short hair since I was 14 —I just remember it was like two in the morning and I just was like, I really want to do it, I want to see what I look like and what my head shape is. And I remember taking the clippers that my roommate had at the time and just going for it. And it was incredibly freeing… and ultimately, I felt like there was nothing to hide behind, it was like, here’s my face, here’s what I look like, and the world is going to really see me now.

Since then, I’ve had all different kinds of styles and colors, and for Orange Is the New Black I played a skinhead, so it worked for that. And then when I was cast as Taylor, it felt like the shorter buzz just felt right for the character, honestly, so that’s why I’ve maintained it. I’m so grateful that neither Brandy nor Taylor wear any makeup — although they do cover my neck tattoo for Taylor — but it’s a real easy time in the [hair and makeup] chair for me.

Asia Kate Dillon attends the Showtime Golden Globe Nominees Celebration at Sunset Tower on Jan. 6, 2018 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo: Tara Ziemba/Getty Images)

How challenging was it for you to play Brandy, the pretty scary white supremacist skinhead character on Orange Is the New Black?

I was really grateful to be playing a white antagonist in a Black Lives Matter storyline, because you need white antagonists to tell those stories. And I’m certainly happy as a light-skinned white person to play an anti-hero onscreen, because we have so many examples of white people as heroes. Is it hard and challenging to play a character like that? Certainly. Although as an actor, I’m never judging the character that I’m playing, because that’s not helpful. My job was to show up on set, put on the costume, play the character, and then take off the costume and leave the character at work. So that’s what I did.

In my real life, I’m a Black Lives Matter social justice activist, and so it was incredibly interesting to me to play somebody coming from the totally opposite side, whose beliefs are as deeply entrenched — as deeply felt, and given as much gravity, as I give my beliefs. And I think just knowing that, understanding that, allows a possible road towards a way in which to approach conversation with a person who is coming from a totally different perspective, but who is holding it in the same place within themselves that you hold your beliefs.

Read more from Yahoo Lifestyle: 

Your kids are nervous about school shootings — here’s what to say

Teen banned from prom at Christian school for wearing a dress with mesh cut-outs

People are freaking out about Britney Spears’ face: ‘Such a shame’ 

Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter for nonstop inspiration delivered fresh to your feed, every day.

[hemcountry]

DON'T THINK TWICE....A NUMBER 1's ALRIGHT!

Hello Everybody,

Welcome to the latest update of my country music diary. If you’ve been here before, then welcome back and thank you so much for returning. If this is your first time joining me, then I’m delighted that you’ve chosen to take some time to stop by. Hopefully you’ll enjoy the next little while in my company and come next time ’round I’ll be welcoming you all back, too!

Well, it’s really been a pretty crazy time since my last diary! But thankfully, crazy in some truly amazing ways for me. There’s been the release of my latest single, ‘Don’t Think Twice’, which has also become my first ever number 1. And in just the last week or so, my brand new video for this single has also been released. And before all of that, I was lucky enough, not to mention both honoured and humbled too, to pick up my second big award in country music when I received the Gene Stuart Inspiration Music Award at this year’s Hot Country Awards Concert. In fact, I picked up another wonderful and thoughtful surprise from Hugh O’ Brien (Hot Country founder and host) on the night, too. More about that later on!

Olivia being presented with her Hot Country Award by Billy Morrissey

This year’s concert was held in the beautiful Slieve Russell Hotel in Ballyconnell, county Cavan, the same venue as last year’s show. I was scheduled to take to the stage early, much to my delight as it meant I didn’t have to worry about being nervous for too long! And that’s always good with me! Anytime you perform in front of over 1,000 fans, though, and not too mention so many of the biggest names in the business as well, I think a few nerves are probably normal! Most of the time at awards concerts it’s a good sign that you’re likely to be winning something if you’re also asked to perform. But even knowing this, I can honestly say that I wasn’t even thinking about anything like that as I was waiting to go on stage. I just wanted to make sure I gave all of the fans there a performance worthy of the night that was in it. We decided to play ‘Good Hearted Woman’, another of my singles, because it’s such a well-known song and it always goes down well ‘live.’

As soon as the song ended I was joined on stage by the well-known music promoter and songwriter Billy Morrissey who presented me with the Gene Stuart Music Inspiration Award. If you’re a fan of Irish country music, then you’ll have heard of Gene. Sadly, he passed away in recent years but he’s still every bit as loved now as he was during his lifetime. For me, as a singer, to be in any way associated with such a huge figure in the history of Irish country music, well, it’s something I’m still in shock at in some ways, if I’m honest. But I’m also very proud of it, too, of course. And I’ll do my best to live up to the honour every time I step up on stage.

Olivia Hot Country Red Carpet

The other wonderful surprise that Hugh O’ Brien had for me, the one I mentioned briefly earlier, was the gorgeous piece of Galway Crystal that I would have received last year had I been able to attend the Hot Country Awards Concert and perform as planned. Unfortunately I was very sick at the time and just wasn’t able to be there. But this year, as I was chatting with some fans, Hugh came over and said to me, ‘You stay where you are now, I’ll be back in a minute and I have something for you.’ I didn’t think too much about it because we were posing for photos left and right at the time, but sure enough when Hugh returned a few minutes later he had a box in his hands which he placed in mine with the words, ‘Now, I didn’t forget about you.’ When I opened it up and saw what was inside I couldn’t believe it. I think an act like that says a lot about Hugh and the kind of man he is that he kept that safe for me all year round and then, with a whole new concert to organise for this year, he still remembered to bring it along. A lovely gesture, and one I definitely won’t forget. Thanks Hugh!

In fact, that whole week turned out to be one I won’t forget in a hurry. The Hot Country Awards Concert was on the Tuesday, and the following Friday my new single, ‘Don’t Think Twice’, was officially released. As some of you guys will know, I still work a full-time job during the week as well as gigging at weekends, and often times on week nights as well. So by the time that Friday came around, I was in a fair old state of tiredness! Not very ‘rock and roll’ to admit, I know! The upside of that, though, was that I probably wasn’t as nervous about the single being released as I’d usually be about something big like that, because I was so badly in need of some decent sleep!

Olivia on the set of the ‘Don’t Think Twice’ video shoot

When the news reached me on Saturday evening that ‘Don’t Think Twice’ had gone to number 1 on the iTunes Irish country chart, my first time to top the charts, I couldn’t believe it. I was as happy as I can remember being in a long time. For one thing, it meant that people actually liked the song! That’s something that every artist worries about and none of us take for granted, believe me. So yeah, weird as it might sound, one of my first reactions was simply relief. I’ve often heard stories about people getting to number 1 and they’d say they only found out when they heard it on the radio, or got a call from their manager or whatever. And I used to wonder if finding out about something as huge as getting to number 1 could really happen so casually. But now I know it can, because that’s what happened to me. I was sitting at home having a cup of tea, half-trying to get some rest, half-thinking about what I needed to do to get ready for a gig that night, when I got a text from a friend with a screenshot of the chart. It was definitely a little surreal seeing my name above Taylor Swift, I can tell ya! And I’m pretty sure it made the last few sips of that cuppa taste even sweeter than usual, too!

I was also delighted to be invited along to play at a special concert organised by the radio station Tipp FM the week after the Hot Country Awards. Trudi Lalor, who has been one of the leading ladies in Irish country for many’s a year now, is also a presenter with Tipp FM, and she and Billy Morrissey (the same Billy who presented me with my Hot Country Award) were kind enough to ask me to come along and be part of what turned out to be a sold-out show and an amazing night. Even though I could barely walk, because by this stage I had no good ankles left after somehow managing to sprain them both in the space of a few days (it could only happen to me!!), I didn’t let that stop me from being there!

Olivia and Keelan at the Tipp FM Concert

Something else that I’m really excited about, and delighted to be able to tell you all about, is the brand new video for ‘Don’t Think Twice’ which has just been released as well. I’ve teamed up with Uppercut Productions again, and as always, the results have been fantastic. I’m a big believer in letting talented and creative people do what they do best when it comes to my videos. I’m always open to different ideas and possibilities. Obviously, as the artist involved, I think it’s important that I have some input into what happens, and that I feel comfortable about the project. But once I buy into and believe in a concept I try to make sure I allow as much freedom as possible to the team of people charged with bringing a plan from the blueprint stage into reality. I think that kind of mutual respect and trust is one of the biggest factors in producing results that everyone involved can be happy with and proud of. And I’m definitely happy with and proud of this video. I hope you guys will like it too!

Olivia at John Hogan’s 30th Anniversary Show

Before I leave you, I want to take a moment to send out a very special word of congratulations to John Hogan, who is celebrating thirty years in country music in 2017. Without even the slightest shadow of a doubt, John is one of the true gentlemen of this business. I’ve never heard anyone with a bad word to say about him, and if I ever do, I know that will reflect more on whoever’s talking than it will on John. He always has time for any young artist starting out, and is so generous with his time and his experience. He’s one of a kind, and it was a real pleasure for me to be a part of another one of his Thirty Years celebration shows at The Well in Moate recently. Also there on the night was the brilliant Caitlin, one of my own favourite singers, and a beautiful lady whose personality is every bit as warm and wonderful as her gorgeous voice. And here’s a heads-up for you all: keep an ear open for a young girl called Sarah Hogan, a niece of John’s, and someone who has everything it takes to keep country music fans in Ireland either glued to their seats or packing out the dancehalls all across the country. Sarah has a voice I can see everyone quickly falling in love with, and with her uncle John in her corner, she has the very man to guide her in the right direction.

Sheerin Shindig poster

Well that’s all from me for now. The next big date for me is the Sheerin Family Summer Shindig where I’ll be joining my old friend Robert Mizzell, the brilliant Lisa McHugh, and the lovely Matt Leavy for a day of country music fun! I can’t wait for it, and I’ll tell you guys all about it next time we meet.

Until then, folks, take care of yourselves, and look after each other, too.

Much Love, Olivia xoxo

DON’T THINK TWICE….A NUMBER 1’s ALRIGHT! was originally published on HEM COUNTRY