#this is the worst day of my kpoppie life

[sunmisbf]

NOT WOODZ GOING TO THE MILITARY LETS ALL JUST KILL OURSELVES 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[zzhhbloom]

demon (or world's best matchmaker?)

≡ᶻᶻ༄ synopsis: a demon from the underworld (read: an owl) has invaded your room. despite your best efforts (involving a lot of running around and deep breaths and textbook projectiles), you resolved to running out of your room after you exhausted your best methods for an exorcism. and unfortunately for you, you ran into hallway crush lee heeseung, who, fortunately for you, was more than willing to assist you in getting your room back.

≡ᶻᶻ༄ genre: heeseung x gn! reader || college!au || acquantainces to friends au || mostly crack and a sprinkle of fluff?

≡ᶻᶻ༄ warnings: cussing and really weird sentence structure that barely make sense im sorry lmao. also y/n is a total scatterbrain and a simp

≡ᶻᶻ༄ word count: ~1.9k

≡ᶻᶻ༄ a/n: i~~~ haven't posted in a while but here we are. a lot of my stories, i'm finding out, are just the most randoms scenarios u can ever imagine translated into a passable reader x [insert character here] fic.

≡ᶻᶻ༄ disclaimer: this does not in any way shape or form represent the real people whose names are mentioned, this is just a deranged kpoppie trying something new :)

“There’s...an owl in my room.” 

“I’m sorry, who?”

“Yes, that. It sounds exactly like that.”

You were never going to keep your window open ever again. 

It had been approximately two (2) months and three (3) days since you moved into the boarding house a block away from your school. Two (2!) months and three (3!!!) days of living on your own for the first time in your life. It was going well, as you had assured your dad that morning. What a naïve fool you were. 

Nothing was fine anymore. 

Not with the foot-tall demon spawn with bright yellow eyes fluttering around your room as if it owned the place and was looking to clock in after a long day. 

You ducked in between your bed and bedside table, praying that it would fly back out the way it came. But after several stretched-out minutes of attempted breathing exercises, you had had enough. You scanned the floor of your room, which was usually pristine but was presently a mess thanks to your frenzied panic. You took hold of your biology textbook, prepared to use it either as a shield or a projectile depending on what the situation called for. 

“You can do this,” you hissed at yourself. All you had to do was shoo it back out the window. Simple. “Just think of it as a...a ball. Yeah. A big, easy-to-hit ball. With wings.”

You took three steady breaths. You stood up. You caught sight of it in the corner of your eye, glaring at you with the full force of hell. That was all it took for you to abandon ship without a second thought. 

You ran out the door, a silent scream stuck in your throat. You slammed the door behind you on the way out, adrenaline coursing through your veins like ice. 

“Are you...okay?”

You looked up at the only other person in the hall at this unholy hour, considerably more sane-looking than you. You knew Lee Heeseung--he was one of the other dozen students that lived in the same boarding house. It was impossible not to notice whenever he walked in a room, much less impossible to avoid looking at him, because JEEPERS did he win the gene pool lottery. 

However, at this particular point in the evening, Lee Heeseung was not somebody who you wanted to see you in the middle of the hall wearing the worst pair of pajamas the world had ever seen. So what if you’d only spoken to him a few times? You still wanted to look normal.

“Are you alright?” he repeated. God, how bad did you look? 

“Yeah, yeah,” you swallowed, now having to battle through two (2!!!!) completely different shocking situations. Frankly, you felt like a lot like y/n in one of those cringe imagines people write online.

"There's just a..." you gesticulated vaguely in the direction of your closed door. Way to make a new impression. How the hell were you going to explain...THIS.

"Did somebody enter your room?" Heeseung asked apprehensively, lowering his voice to a whisper and pitching forward so you could hear. He made it sound like you were hiding some saucy secret behind those doors.

"Um..yes? In a sense, I guess you could say that--"

Heeseung looked around and reached for a Swifer mop that so conveniently leaned against the wall like a piece of modern art (and, living in a house with a few fine arts students, it might as well could have been). "So someone is in there? Do you know who?"

"Yeah. That's exactly what they sound like."

"I'm sorry?"

"I think it's better if I just..." you took hold of the door knob and held up your textbook-turned-shield. Heeseung took that as a warning signal and tightened his grip on the neon-green floor mop. You swung the door open as quietly as you could.

A swoop of wings and scrapping of talons burst out of nowhere, heading straight for at you.

BAM

You slammed the door shut. You looked up at Heeseung as if to say, "Do you see my problem?"

"Holy shit," he stared at the wood of the closed door before turning to you. "How long were you trapped in there for?"

You shivered. "Way too long."

Heeseung set his jaw, pulling his hood up over his head like it was a helmet that could do anything against a set of very sharp claws. He tightened his grip on the mop.

"You don't need to do this," you said apologetically. "I can ask someone else."

"I doubt any of the housekeepers are up right now," he extended the mop handle to its maximum length, locking it in place with a click. "So unless you'd like to spend the night in the common room and hope to God it's gone by morning..."

You shook your head vigorously, turning to face the door, your knuckles white around its knob. It was like a spider. Better get it out of the house before you lost sight of it. But even spiders were better than an imp from the underworld.

"On the count of three," he whispered to you.

"Slowly," you nodded. "One..."

"Two,"

At your unified whisper of "Three-!", you twisted the knob creaking the door ajar as quietly as you could. Heeseung peaked in over your head.

"It's on the blinds," he whispered. You could feel his breath ruffling your hair. Snap out of it, you hissed at yourself. Deciding to panic about this scandalously close proximity another day, you creaked the door further open.

The owl perched itself rather uncomfortably on the blinds above your open window. It had its head tucked underneath one wing but looked relatively unharmed. You noted, with immense relief, that your room was also in a better state than you imagined. You guessed it hadn't really done much while you were out except to fly around in a confused circle, and you had been the one at fault for recreating a crime scene.

"It's right there," you hissed at it, gesturing at the wide-open window half a foot away from its talons.

The owl untucked its head and gave you a steely glare. You let out something that sounded a little like "meep!" and held up the textbook up to your face. Psh. Like you could scare it away with diagrams of cell membranes and respiration cycles.

"Let me try," Heeseung stepped in front of you, taking the door knob from your hand and pushing it open micrometer by micrometer. You stared at the owl from under his arm. It stared back at you. Everything about it was unflinching.

Heeseung took a slow, cautious step into the thresholds of your room, holding the mop at the ready. (Some part of your schoolgirl mind was screaming at the fact that the infamous hallway crush Lee Heeseung was in your bedroom!!)

You fell into silent step behind him, clutching your own weak excuse for a weapon and closing the door behind you. The last thing any one of you wanted was to have the owl fly out into the hall and wake up everyone in the house (and risk getting kicked out now that you've finally made contact with Lee Heeseung. Of course that's not what was really important).

The two of you crossed the room, holding your breath and freezing up your joints whenever the owl so much as blinked. At one point, it stretched its neck to an unnatural length and lifted its wings. Heeseung took an instinctive step back, nearly knocking you over. And like in all those cliché y/n moments, you would have promptly fell over on your behind if you hadn't caught hold of the back of his hoodie. Thankfully, Heeseung wasn't as much of a klutz as you were, and he braced himself to keep you both from falling over, reaching an arm back to steady you if you needed it.

The owl was so close now. Heeseung extended the Swifer's mop end. Slowly, carefully, he lifted it until it was inches away from the owl's talons. It flapped its wings and your heart almost stopped permanently.

"Hey, buddy," Heeseung murmured soothingly in a voice that would have put babies to sleep in seconds. He poked the mop carefully against the bird's scaly talons of death. "Need a ride outta here?"

Somehow, the owl decided it quite liked this human with a weird stick it was shoving in its face. It shifted its weight onto the stick, offering one, slow, inquisitive blink.

You pinched the corner of Heeseung's hoodie, ready to pull him backwards to safety or offer him as a sacrificial offering depending again on what the situation called for. You needed to be ready for anything.

Soon, he began to lift the Feathered Thing with Eyes of the Highest Hatred away from the blinds. Slowly, carefully, steadily, hushing soothing nothings all the way. You knew it was meant for the bird but damn, was it working a little too well.

The mop was now low enough that all the owl had to do was turn around and fly out. But it kept its gaze fixedly on the two of you, as if two humans had gone and flown into its bedroom.

"Don't you dare fly at me," you told those all-seeing eyes.

"You heard them," Heeseung warned, voice slow and deep as he slowly inched the mop--and its passenger--out the gaping window. "Don't. You dare. Fly."

The mop was now hanging a foot outside the window. You wondered how the scene would have looked like to a passerby below--a bright green Swifer mop poking out of an open third-story window at a ridiculous hour with--heaven help them--an OWL perched ever so precariously atop it.

The owl stared at the two of you, as if to say "What now?". The two of you stared right back at it, unflinching.

A stale eternity passed. Dust particles could have been heard resting lightly on the tabletop.

Then, without warning, Heeseung shook the mop vigorously, sparing no profanity in exclaiming, "Good fucking night to you, sir!"

The owl flew majestically off into the night as if it hadn't just been thrown off a mop head. You ran to the window and slammed it shut. You didn't realize you were laughing until you tried to say something and choked on the words. Heeseung was laughing, too, pulling his hood back and looking up at the Swifer in equal parts disbelief and reverence.

"I ca't believe that worked," you managed in between bouts of laughter.

"This is going on my list of greatest life achievements for sure."

"You could start a business."

"Of throwing owls out of windows?"

"Oh, for sure," you pointed at the Swifer. "You could even get sponsored by them."

Heeseung laughed, and your face warmed. "Would you testify to the quality of my services as my first client?"

"Sure," you piped. "Cute, extremely efficient, but nearly threw the mop out the window. I demand 5% of the profit, by the way."

Heeseung was still hung up on the second word you said, a smirk spreading across his face and eyes sparkling. "I should get going. It's late. You probably want to fix up." He waved at the crumpled sheets and scattered books littered across your little room.

He picked his way through the obstacle of your belongings, turning around at the door to say. "I can't guarantee you 5% of my smashing new start-up," Heeseung went along with the bit. "But how about we hang out some time instead? Preferably without any feathered wildlife present, if that's...cool with you?"

You were laughing a lot today. "Yeah, yeah," you leaned against the door frame. Maybe that owl wasn't such a demon after all. "I'd really like that."

---------------------------

bonus: From the trees, the owl watched the exchange between the two humans happen with a smug expression. Or at least, as smug as an expression an owl can muster.

Mission accomplished. With a triumphant "whooo!" it pushed off from the branch and flew off into the night.

[tetsorous]

life update... again ?

my last life update was posted about 2 years ago, here it is. honestly i just read it through and like ...wow i was still so young back and had so many things in store for me. 

also updated my masterlist and pinned it! life update below the cut

tldr; became a kpoppie, finished college, might get back into writing.

am i gonna continue writing:

i honestly don’t know if I’m able to commit for a list of reasons. i’ll write it out in a list form:

college made me dumb. i haven’t wrote anything descriptive in so long i honestly forgot how. I was reading my older fics and i was genuinely so impressed by my writing. all i can write now is thesis, reports and like idk analysis. college stupefied me 

my internship right now albeit not too stressful, is incredibly time consuming. I’m working 6 days a week and by the time i get home i honestly just wanna crash in bed, but i’ll find a way

i really REALLY do wanna get back in writing and rekindle my love for writing and reading but its so hard to get the motivation to do so. its even harder right now because i open up my writing app and just stare at it for like, 30 minutes and nothing comes out. I’ll probably start small and write headcanons and slowly build my way back up.

education and all that jazz:

The last time i consistently posted updates on this blog was about 3 years ago, I was 16 then; I’m about to turn 19 in month and this blog has somehow stuck with me for the good and for the worst. 

2 years ago I mentioned that I just started college, I was naive to what the world had to offer. 2 years later: I graduated and just finished my diploma, I’ll be starting university to get my degree next year. To keep it short, college has been a wild, wild ride.

I had a boyfriend 2 years ago then but right now I’m single and exploring my sexuality. I’ve been through a rather traumatic experience last year with my second ex and I haven’t fully recovered from it yet. But i learned to accept solitude and independency: I love being single, it’s freeing and immensely gratifying. I’m in a way better place than I ever was since I was 12. I’m happy now. And for the first time, I’m confident when I say that.

The friends I made in college in the past... well, most of them didn’t stick through the 2 year ride, except 1. I’m sure he’s gonna be a friend for life. 

College sometimes sucked ass but I picked up some skills along the way. I finished my internship requirement back in March this year, and after graduating I decided to intern for my aunts company, which brings us to today; I’m doing well.

my interests and all that

To keep it short, I suddenly became a kpop stan— much to my and everyone’s surprise. I fell in love with BTS during a very dark time and their music was the one keeping me sane. I stan other groups too but they’re my ults :) I also run a stan twt account and made more friends there. One of which I would call my ‘friend’ soulmate.

to be frank, i fell out of love with haikyuu for about 2 years and stopped keeping up with updates. But come quarantine this year and I watched season 4; needless to say, I fell in love all over again and I love that show more than ever before. The ending of the manga made me bawl like a 15 year old but I was so, so happy with it. The new episodes every week are the one thing I look forward to nowadays.

apart from haikyuu, i also fell in love with BNHA but the fandom on twitter puts me off a little so i’m not too crazy over it. but bakugou <3

i also got back into anime now, and my obsession (read: addiction) is pretty bad right now! I’m close to watching a 100 shows now and it’s really fun picking up new series. Here is my anime list.

extras

if you read all the way here, thank you :’) this is definitely gonna be a challenge to get back into writing and honestly the sole reason why I’m back here again is because of the lack of ushijima fics and it’s getting on my nerves but u didn’t hear that from me 🤨  anyways im excited to be back, see u soon <3

[1112lw]

Every question!!

SDFFSDFG DAM OK SIS

LONG POST AHEAD IF U LITERALLY WANNA KNOW ME PERSONALLY JUST READ THIS LMFAO

1: Name: Arche/Jupiter, my close friends know my real name so!

2: Age: High school has just been done so try to guess

3: Fears: Heights, oral presentations, the dark

4: 3 things I love: Drawing, men- concept art n stuff like that

5: 4 turns on: Oh here we go- uhh thighs, messy hair? when they give u The Look or when they. say things i will not talk about here HHGBDF n uhhh Arms 👀👀

6: 4 turns off: weird macho attitude, overly confident bullshit, being selfish and fuckboys in general

7: My best friend: not sure what this means but my bff is named Daphnée n i love her and ive known her my whole life so 

8: Sexual orientation: homosexuale

9: My best first date: :))))))) as if

10: How tall am I: sigh. I’m 5″4

11: What do I miss: sometimes i miss the feeling loved ig

12: What time were I born: 12:19

13: Favourite color: pink!

14: Do I have a crush

15: Favourite quote: My senior quote!! “if what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, I’m telling you I’m immortal”

16: Favourite place: well? my room ig? I like my yard too

17: Favourite food: ugh ramen,,,korean dishes are TASTE as fuck but i also like classic ass spaghetti so like lol

18: Do I use sarcasm: does it look like i dont

19: What am I listening to right now: dr.phil LMFAO

20: First thing I notice in new person: Hair and eyes!! also how they laugh

21: Shoe size: Like. a 7-8 in women’s 6 in men’s 

22: Eye color: Hazel/Golden yes bitch let me be special

23: Hair color: it’s either dark brown or golden brown idk

24: Favourite style of clothing: bruv its either kpoppie fuckboy or uwu skirts pastels

25: Ever done a prank call?: no i have anxiety

26: Meaning behind my URL:

27: Favourite movie: rise of the guardians and HTTYD

28: Favourite song: Comeback Home (BTS cover)

29: Favourite band: looks in the camera i dont know nan molla huh

30: How I feel right now: I’m fine im hungry

31: Someone I love: shoutout to my babeys in my server ily

32: My current relationship status: Single(tm)

33: My relationship with my parents: theyre fine ig just a bit tired

34: Favourite holiday:

35: Tattoos and piercing I have: Ear piercings? that’s it

36: Tattoos and piercings I want:

37: The reason I joined Tumblr:

38: Do I and my last ex hate each other? I sure hope not?

39: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? A bit ig?

40: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? Literally no

41: When did I last hold hands? Like last Friday

42: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? 20 minutes

43: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? no i havent shaved in like months

44: Where am I right now? in my room, in quebec, canada

45: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? bitch i sure hope my friends would

46: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? fuck my ears 

47: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? yeah

48: Am I excited for anything? yeah? yeah

49: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? ig? always

50: How often do I wear a fake smile? just at work tbh

51: When was the last time I hugged someone? not long ago i cant tell but my friends r cuddle monsters so 

52: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? i havent kissed anyone so 

53: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? lemme think uhhh no not rlly im not dumb 

54: What is something I disliked about today? i woke up n i thought i had school lol

55: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? oh john cock i want to be ur best friend

56: What do I think about most? i daydream 24/7

57: What’s my strangest talent? uhhh i can put my thumb behind my hand?

58: Do I have any strange phobias? trypophobia, if thats “weird”

59: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? depends on what the video is, mostly behind

60: What was the last lie I told? idk answering to my deadname

61: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? online

62: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? I slightly believe in ghosts? also aliens GOTTA exist so 

63: Do I believe in magic? i think!

64: Do I believe in luck? yeah

65: What’s the weather like right now? very pretty i filmed a video outside!!

66: What was the last book I’ve read? L’Étranger d’Albert Camus in french class

67: Do I like the smell of gasoline? yes my dad’s a mechanic

68: Do I have any nicknames? a lot a lot

69: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? bitch @ my birth #neverforget 

70: Do I spend money or save it? i have 40$ in my name right now

71: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? no

72: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? yes highlighter

73: Favourite animal? cats or otters

74: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? FBISDFD NO WE DONT TALK ABOUT IT

75: What do I think is Satan’s last name idk he can have any last name he wants!!!

76: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? everytime i start hearing “waiting for you anpanman” or “i just wanna go home” 👀👀

77: How can you win my heart? aaahh. be a twink. b fashionable. b funny. cheesy. pls romance me like a npc in the sims 2

78: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? s(he) died smh

79: What is my favorite word? cunt is SUCH a satisfying word

80: My top 5 blogs on tumblr? oh great uh honestly cant be fucked 

81: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? please have brain. PLEASE

82: Do I have any relatives in jail? i sure hope the fuck not?

83: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? either invisibility or mind reading

84: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? ahaaa “what are your intrusive thoughts”

85: What is my current desktop picture? my lesbian sims getting married LMFAO

86: Had sex? no

87: Bought condoms? no

88: Gotten pregnant? NO

89: Failed a class? i think yeah maths last year

90: Kissed a boy? :(((

91: Kissed a girl? no

92: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? no

93: Had job? I have a job rn so 

94: Left the house without my wallet? yeah when i go to school

95: Bullied someone on the internet? define bullying?

96: Had sex in public? virgin squad

97: Played on a sports team? yeah

98: Smoked weed? no ew

99: Did drugs? no ew

100: Smoked cigarettes? NO EW

101: Drank alcohol? yep 

102: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? no i’d die

103: Been overweight? i’m twig

104: Been underweight? i think i was underweight when i was young? i was very Small

105: Been to a wedding? yes very long boring

106: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? bruh. everyday

107: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? probably?

108: Been outside my home country? ONCE

109: Gotten my heart broken? TWICE !

110: Been to a professional sports game? yesss canadians game!!

111: Broken a bone? no

112: Cut myself? not technically 

113: Been to prom? SOON SOON SOON SOSOSNSBFSHDD

114: Been in airplane? once

115: Fly by helicopter? i am not rich bitch

116: What concerts have I been to? noneeee- WAIT NO MARIE MAI

117: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? not sex but for the purpose of pretending i have a penis yes plenty

118: Learned another language? yeah!! i learned english, i almost learned spanish and i’m trynna learn korean now

119: Wore make up? i try!! but i’m not super good

120: Lost my virginity before I was 18? not 18 yet but it’s goin that way

121: Had oral sex? as if 

122: Dyed my hair? i wishhh

123: Voted in a presidential election? I WISH THE ELECTIONS R ONE MONTH B4 MY BIRTHDAY 

124: Rode in an ambulance? nope

125: Had a surgery? yes at a week old 

126: Met someone famous? i think yes but i was super small

127: Stalked someone on a social network? define stalked?

128: Peed outside? yes

129: Been fishing? YES

130: Helped with charity? i think? we do volunteering so 

131: Been rejected by a crush? not directly

132: Broken a mirror? no 

133: What do I want for birthday? boyf......boy..boyff

134: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? oh man uhh maybe 2-3, i dont know their names yet honestly

135: Was I named after anyone? MY DAD NAMED ME AFTER A FUCKIN CLIENT HE MET. as for my actual name now I named myself after my fav video game character. lit

136: Do I like my handwriting? yeah!!

137: What was my favourite toy as a child? bitch hot wheels

138: Favourite Tv Show? hells kitchen,,,,judge judy,,,anythin like that

139: Where do I want to live when older? honestly i wish i could just live in japan or tokyo, or new york? but i will most likely end up in montreal 

140: Play any musical instrument? i used to play the clarinet last year!!

141: One of my scars, how did I get it? the one on my knee, i scratched my desk with my knee 

142: Favourite pizza toping? my dad makes AMAZING sea food pizzas,,,

143: Am I afraid of the dark? a lot

144: Am I afraid of heights? A LOT

145: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? idk prolly? im a bit of a goody two shoes or however u spell it

146: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end: dont we all

147: What I’m really bad at: organizing my anxiety n shit i get overwhelmed

148: What my greatest achievments are: finishing high school 

149: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: honestly has to be that time someone dug up my vent post about being dysphoric to try to say i hated myself with some dumbass DySphorIa Is SelF HaTRed argument

150: What I’d do if I won in a lottery: pay my parents’ debt off, buy 284223$ of BT21 merch, pay my whole college/uni and transition

151: What do I like about myself: idk i like how i literally do not give a fuck anymore and ive learned to love myself instead of trynna care

152: My closest Tumblr friend: @peptobismol-official​ @ace-landofthesun​ @dorkalisious​ and ana but idk her @ anymore :((( ana pls

153: Something I fantasise about: we dont talk about that

154: Any thoughts on the paranormal?: lit. please stop crawling in my ceiling !

ok now that u know my whole biography. go doxx me ig. bye bye

[latejulys]

asdf no nothing in particular happened i'm lonely in an "i'm yearning for love ugh how pathetic" kind of way (though i'm also actually lonely irl but that's another problem for another day)

i'm just frustrated bc why is it always this man specifically. i'm literally a kpoppie and i watch anime so why hasn't it been a kpop or anime boy i don't get it

it's hard for me to recall the details in this dream but in the first half i think we were actually dating? (or flirting with each other a lot :/) i think we went to his house to hang out (i have never been to his house irl) and like nothing major happened but it was still very sigh this is happening again

apparently my brain has caught on that i don't like/care about this man anymore (but not enough to actually expunge him from my memory ig) because in the second half of the dream apparently we had separated for some reason and when i saw him again i felt... frustration and sadness? and i was trying not to be awkward around him, but it seemed very calm abt the situations soo....

even more stupid is that i have had other love/romance dreams before with actual cuddling and kissing but [redacted] has never been in those dreams and each time i had one of those dreams it was a different person. but why.... why is he the only recurring character in my love/romance dreams? literally the worst where are my y/n moments with my kpop men?

idk like.... I DON'T KNOW. like what do i do with this information? where do i go from here? i've never even been friends with him so it's not like i'm hung up over him for other reasons? he never saw me as more than a classmate and i never saw him as more than classmate i acknowledged was cute. at this point, it's me battling myself saying "i don't like him that way, i swear" and i know i'm right but some evil force inside of me is saying "but what if you did" and sometimes at night the evil force wins and entertains the idea of love

i know i'm writing so much for a man i supposedly don't care about but i swear.... i don't care about him. i'd just rather it be someone else.

- boys anon

u're so valid 😭

ALSO WAIT U ARE A KPOPPIE????????????????????????????? WHICH GROUP DO U LIKE 👀👀👀👀👀

SCREAMMMMMM the gorilla grip he has on ur subconscious is SOOO 😭😭😭 wig, i can relate though. he's exactly like some guy i don't have in my life anymore fdkjfdkjf and not the y/n moments please ✋✋ made me laugh irl

u know what bestie it might just be the isolation that's doing shit to us fjdjkfd

[clarz-cc-archive]

answered July 4, 2020

Q: https://twitter.com/clarz/status/1279531373263556608?s=21 this is absolutely great advice & thank you for voicing it! i totally agree. i do wish though that i could adhere to it better. in the case of a fandom as huge as army, i honestly find it difficult, even when muting certain words and blocking/muting people, to keep myself from seeing stuff that upsets me and not be affected by it. i cant help coming across tweets that promote that whole btspop/anti-kpop narrative, which personally strikes me as inherently xenophobic and somewhat problematic and those takes always leave me uncomfortable. same with some other (very loud) opinions that seem so ubiquitous recently on army twitter. i block left and right these days, but i honestly find it almost impossible to avoid certain parts of fandom twitter that i don’t agree with because they are everywhere. i’m literally just here to see cute pics of the boys and engage with my circle of friends, but wow its becoming exhausting. how do you manage to not be affected by this?

A: i agree that it's impossible to avoid EVER seeing takes that make you uncomfortable or upset! for me it helps to have good fandom friends who you can vent to when you see something that annoys you; i frequently try to avoid actually tweeting about fandom stuff that i find annoying unless i think i have something new or useful to add, bc tweeting publicly always means engagement, since more people will respond, which naturally extends the length of time over which i have the convo (plus even if they agree with me that Thing Bad, they might disagree about why thing bad and then that's a whole thing lol.) i find that certain days are worse for me than others, whether bc army is being particularly spicy or bc my temperament is particularly cranky, and i know it's hard to do but the only surefire solution i've found is just to get off twitter for a while! if twitter is not making me feel good that day, i'm not gonna be on it.

for me it also helps to speculate about what people's motives could be for tweeting the things they do. MANY ppl just suck, but i think a lot of people have bad opinions in good faith and have been indoctrinated into thinking that they're being a Good Fan by doing what they do. frankly, i think a lot of the upset caused by seeing tweets you disagree with comes from assuming the worst possible motives from the person tweeting it, and i try to ask myself like, "does it really affect my life if this person wants to be anti-kpop?" and so often those anti-kpop tweets are obviously SPECIFICALLY looking to upset "kpoppies," so if i allow myself to be upset about it, that person gets what they want! just... how sad must their life be that they feel the need to court controversy in order to make themselves feel good.

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