#this is the type of 'arrogance' that haters want you to despise i. yourself

[mxtxfanatic]

She even remembered that Cui Buqu once told her: If even you feel that your existence does not matter, then no one would take you seriously. I am different from you. I am me, even if I met with a serious illness and passed away just like that, all my limbs are paralyzed, no one can ever replace me as Cui Buqu.

—Chapt. 37: No One Can Ever Replace Me As Cui Buqu, fan translation

I know that's right!

[bbangsoonie]

goal: your heart

member: sunwoo genre: fluff word count: 5,423 synopsis: due to a budget cut, you have to follow the soccer team around for both the school newspaper and yearbook despite knowing nothing about sports. before you know it, you find yourself warming up to the team’s star player, who you swore was the most annoying and arrogant person ever.

a/n: this is a part of the star player collab with @atbzkingdom​ for sunwoo’s birthday! (also, this will be written with the american academic calander in mind)

You knew exactly what you were doing. You were the top student of both your class and school and the leader of many clubs. Your college application was full of achievements and your essay exquisitely written. The only problem? You had no idea what to do after graduation. You didn’t know where you wanted to go or what you wanted to study.

Growing up, everyone told you that you’d eventually find something you love. By senior year, you thought you would at least have an idea by now.

But nope, you were even more lost if anything. Dream job? That was just a capitalistic lie meant to make people happy to slave away for money.

Grumbling, you listened as your friends rambled on about the campuses they visited. It was only the first day back and everyone was already obsessing over one thing and one thing only.

“Y/n, you’re so lucky,” Juyeon pouted. “You don’t have to worry about getting into a university. Your stats are literally perfect.”

“I have other things to stress over,” you groaned. “At least you know what you wanna pursue.”

“Y/n has other things to worry about. She’s about to graduate without ever finding love,” Younghoon teased.

“It’s all our fault,” Jaehyun squinted as he pinched his nose bridge. “We raised her standards too high. I���m sorry, Y/n, that I can’t take responsibility.”

The notebook in your hand threatened to fly over to his seat. Luckily for him, he was saved by Juyeon’s very unnatural attempt at changing the subject. He inquired about the school newspaper that was barely spared in a major budget cut last year.

Thinking about it made you sigh. You had poured in so much effort over the years for the paper and it was almost taken from you. The school was cutting funds for a lot of clubs and diverting the money to the many sports teams that brought home trophies.

A part of the negotiations to save the newspaper club was to feature more sports events and student athletes in order to garner support for the teams. You weren’t pleased with the decision. Your plate was already full without trying to inflate the ego of players who had a god superiority complex. Jaehyun was a great example of the type of jock you didn’t want to raise on a high pedestal.

You had also promised Kevin, the president of the yearbook committee, to help out with photographing games since you had to attend them anyway. Despite the many tasks assigned to you, you were relieved that you could spend your last year continuing to write articles.

“Does that mean you’ll get to come to practice with us? The basketball team is always on my ass about introducing them to you. Now I can finally stop being pestered to be the middleman,” Jaehyun grinned.

“No shot,” Younghoon shook his head. “My swim team has already tried but Y/n puts up a cold front.”

“Hey, I’m a delicately guarded rose with sharp thorns,” you joked, making Jaehyun pretend to gag. This time, the notebook hit his arm.

“No one is good enough for our Y/n,” Juyeon defended. You turned around to coo at him and said something about him being the only nice one as Younghoon guffawed.

The first day of soccer practice meant you had to stay behind after dismissal to meet the team. The coach introduced you to the players and beamed when he got to the last one.

“This is our ace, Sunwoo. Although I’m sure you know that already,” he said proudly.

To be honest, you had no idea who he was. The school was too big to know everyone and you had absolutely no interest in sports. You rarely even went to Juyeon and Jaehyun’s basketball games and Younghoon’s swim meets.

Not wanting to offend anyone, you simply smiled. Sunwoo, catching your hesitance, raised a brow. However, he kept quiet until he approached you during one of his breaks.

“Do you really not know me?” he asked as he took a seat next to you on the bleachers.

Surprised by his sudden question, you blankly stared at the boy in front of you. Sweat was dripping from his hair but he paid it no attention as he chugged an entire water bottle.

“How cocky are you?” you scoffed.

“You really don’t know our soccer team’s star player, Kim Sunwoo?” he gaped.

“Sorry to disappoint but I really don’t care or know much about soccer. Or any other sports for that matter,” you shrugged.

“You’re going to write about the soccer team… when you don’t even know who we are or what we’re doing?” he asked incredulously.

“That’s why I’m here to observe,” you snapped back.

Finding you amusing, he finally wiped away his sweat as the coach blew his whistle to gather the players again.

Sunwoo always gave it his best but for some reason he found himself practicing extra hard that day. Knowing your eyes were on him motivated him to show off his skills by annoying his teammates and stealing the spotlight. After his third goal in a row, he looked at you to see your reaction but was baffled to see you busy writing something down.

Frustrated and peeved, he kicked at the grass with a huff.

When practice came to an end, he snuck up behind you to see what you were so intently focused on. Reading the notes on your notebook, he hummed.

“So that’s what you were doing instead of watching me,” he mused.

You were listing physical traits and personality attributes of each player. He scanned the paper for his name and frowned when he saw what you wrote about him.

“Arrogant and conceited? That’s all you have to say about me?” he whined.

“What? It’s true,” you deadpanned.

“Haknyeon gets “tall, bubbly, and extroverted” but I get “arrogant and conceited”? That’s not fair. This is biased journalism!” he exclaimed.

Realizing that practice was over, you gathered your belongings and stood up to leave. With his cheeks puffed, he watched as you left the field. You were unlike any person he had ever encountered.

“Sunwoo? Kim Sunwoo?” Younghoon repeated with his eyes wide. “The soccer caption Kim Sunwoo?”

Jaehyun and Juyeon’s chopsticks froze midair in shock. Finding their reactions odd, you nodded as you took another bite of your lunch.

“I can’t believe the lady killer got rejected by the man hater,” Jaehyun broke out into a fit of laughter.

“Now that’s a title I’d like to see on the school newspaper,” Younghoon snickered.

“Okay, first of all, I did not reject him because he did not come on to me,” you rolled your eyes. “Secondly, who the hell is he anyway? Why do you all know him?”

“He’s notorious for his fuckboy image. Although I think that’s an exaggerated reputation,” Juyeon said you picked out all the vegetables from your plate. He willingly moved them to his own and you smiled gratefully in response.

“So my first impression of him was correct,” you said.

“He’s not that bad. He’s actually pretty cool. Rumors don’t do the sweet guy justice,” Juyeon explained.

“Our lovely Juyeon sees the good in everyone,” Younghoon gushed as he pet his friend, earning him a smack on the back of his head.

“We were partners for a history project,” Juyeon clarified. “I got to know him a bit and he’s a good guy. Just enjoys attention a little too much. Like Jaehyun.”

Weirdly offended, Jaehyun scowled. You shrugged it off, returning your attention back to your food. You had no intentions of getting to know Sunwoo anyway. At least, that was the plan until he bombarded you in the hallway while you were walking to class.

He blocked your path with that irritating smirk on his face. Exasperated, you asked him what he wanted.

“So I’ve been thinking about what you said yesterday,” he started.

“Oh, so you do think?”

“Hey!”

“Do you think you can move and get out of my way?”

“Anyway, as the president of the newspaper club who’s in charge of covering the soccer team, I think you lack way too much information about the sport. And our school’s players.”

“How do you know I’m the president?”

“I asked around.”

You look at his eyes, trying to peer through any ulterior motives. He was being suspiciously generous. But he wasn’t entirely wrong. Even you thought it was ridiculous that a person who didn’t know a thing about soccer had to write articles about it.

You were also aware that any interviews with the athletes would be surface level stuff that all the students probably already knew. You were the only one out of the loop.

You pursed your lips, annoyed that he was right. Realizing that you were in agreeance, Sunwoo grinned.

“I am offering you the very special privilege to follow me around and learn everything there is to know about the team. For the paper of course,” he quickly added the last part after seeing the look on your face. “I can teach you about both soccer and my teammates.”

After pondering his proposal, you finally nodded.

“Deal,” you eyed his happy expression. “What do you want in return?”

He was taken aback by your question. He hadn’t expected you to assume that he would demand compensation. Your presence and attention were what he was after in the first place. However, he couldn’t let the opportunity pass by.

“Bubble tea,” he declared after some thought. “You can treat me to bubble tea after practice and I can tutor you then.”

“Fine,” you sighed before pushing him aside to make it to class before the bell rang. He was left behind with a stupid smile on his face.

The first tutoring session was extremely awkward for you. You weren’t used to hanging out with guys other than Juyeon, Younghoon, and Jaehyun. They were the only members of the male species you didn’t despise. This riled up Sunwoo’s competitive side. He was determined to get close to you.

He couldn’t stand having someone not like him. He was used to being on friendly terms with everyone—including teachers and even wallflowers. He had a strong desire to receive acknowledgement from everyone.

Perhaps that was why so many girls fell for him.

Nevertheless, the wall around you remained thick and high. Just as he was well known for his playboy persona, you were infamous for never letting guys in. You cold heartedly turned down any and every guy who asked you out. And there had been a lot.

Sunwoo, on the other hand, was excited to spend time with you. Bubble tea was just an excuse to meet you outside of school grounds.

His phone dinged, notifying him of a text. Haknyeon had sent him a screenshot of a post made on the school’s gossip page and wrote “this you?”. He snorted at the content speculating his relationship status after supposedly receiving another confession and rolled his eyes. Curious, you asked him what he was looking at.

“Ah, it’s nothing,” he shook his head as he put the device away. “Just the stupid tea account.”

“Oh you mean that anonymously run social media page that popped up over summer break?” you frowned.

You hated everything about it. It spread rumors, without fact-checking, and started drama. It resulted in both a breakup and the end of a friendship in the span of two months. It was exactly what you and the school newspaper stood against.

Nothing could be done to stop the false information and invasion of privacy because it wasn’t officially affiliated with the school and the students continued to feed into it. People even sent in stories to be posted.

“So tell me what you do know about soccer,” he leaned in and propped his chin on the palms of his hands.

“I know the very basics from catching glimpses of the World Cup,” you leaned back on your chair, making him pout.

“Well, to be honest, explaining the rules is a lot easier to do when directly pointing things out during a game. There’s a match airing tonight. Do you want to come over and watch it with me?” he asked expectantly.

“We can watch the replay tomorrow during study hall,” you said.

“Then we can start by talking about me today,” he chirped. “My squad number is 19 because 9 is usually worn by centre forwards but I wanted to be special and added a 1 in front of it. I’m the centre forward, which is the main striker. That means playing offensive is my main objective. Which is why I’m the highest scorer on the team.”

You wanted to wipe the smug look off his face. It irked you how he so easily bragged about himself.

“I also really like movies and can play the guitar. A true all-rounder and romanticist,” he smiled.

He continued to reveal fun facts about himself for another half an hour. It was only at the end that you realized most of it was useless when writing for the paper. You groaned, realizing you had fallen for his trap.

Still, you learned some things about soccer and his position in the team. Following him to the cafe hadn’t been a complete waste of your time.

The next day, Sunwoo hunted you down to make sure you kept your promise about watching the game together. He dragged you to the computer room during study hall and pulled out the earbuds he prepared. He had purposely rummaged through his drawers the night before to the share wired ones with you.

You had to admit he was extremely helpful when explaining the rules and strategies of soccer. Despite being uncomfortable with the proximity of his body to yours, he was a great teacher. He made everything sound so simple. After you began to understand the game, you even found yourself enjoying the match.

After spending a week with him, you hated that you couldn’t say you still disliked him. After all, you two met almost every day for hours.

You had a gut feeling that you would come to regret it and were proven right. You had a bad feeling the moment you saw Jaehyun run up to you as if his life depended on it. Panting, he barely pulled himself together to show you the post that made him immediately report to you.

“KSW and Y/INITIALS seen cozily spending time together. Will he be the one to finally break through her?” you read aloud.

A photo of your backs from the computer room and a mosaicked side shot of you two at the cafe were attached to the title. The comments under the post were even more ridiculous.

“A challenge to be anticipated.”

“Poor girl will only end up as one of his many heartbroken playthings.”

“I know who KSW is. Who’s Y/INITIALS??”

“The legendary man hater? With a guy?? Wow how good must he be 👀”

“Damn so she rejected me for him?”

Your blood boiled and you shoved the phone away. Trying to calm yourself down, you closed your eyes and took a deep breath. And failed.

“What is this, fucking Dispatch?” you exploded. A few students passing by stared at your outburst and widened their eyes when they saw that it was you. You sighed, knowing that the whole school saw the post.

“I’m not a celebrity! Why are people so invested in fake rumors about me?” you yelled, trying to keep your voice to a whisper as you pulled Jaehyun into an empty classroom.

“I’m sure it’ll blow over,” he assured.

“If I ever find out who the admin of this page is, I will ruin them,” you glowered.

You almost didn’t go to the soccer practice that day. But you knew that avoiding him would only add fuel to the fire so you sucked it up and went to the field after school as usual. You heard the hushed murmurs that stirred among the team when you arrived and you wanted to turn back around and leave.

Before you could, however, Sunwoo appeared and shut everyone up with a warning glare. He announced that the coach would be late and to start by running laps.

You were more annoyed than upset about the post. It just stupefied you that people really had nothing better to do than gossip about you. You didn’t think you were that interesting.

You were so close to escaping after practice but Sunwoo caught you trying to sneak away. He stood in front of you, crossing his arms as if to ask where you were going. Giving up, you muttered a “fine” and waited for him to change out of his uniform.

This time, you two wordlessly agreed to go to a different cafe. With the bubble teas on the table in front of you, you sat in silence until Sunwoo finally spoke up.

“Don’t mind what the post or others say,” he huffed.

“I’m not too bothered by it,” you shrugged.

“Good. Because I want to get to know you as just Y/n and Sunwoo. Through whatever you wish to tell and show me. I feel like we’re always just talking about me.”

His words left you speechless. Juyeon hadn’t been kidding when he mentioned how thoughtful Sunwoo was. You felt your heart warm as you smiled.

“Well what do you want to know about me?” you asked.

“Anything. Everything.”

So you spilled about your interests, hobbies, and goals. It was strange. Although it hadn’t been long since you met him, you felt comfortable around him. He made you feel at ease and you didn’t think twice about opening up to him.

You told him about your struggles as a high achieving student. About the pressure you felt and how embarrassing it was to tell people that you didn’t have any dreams.

With your grades, all the teachers expected you to apply to medical school. On the other hand, your parents encouraged you to work towards a high paying and stable salary as a corporation employee. Your friends suggested that you go for something in journalism because of your passion and commitment to the school newspaper.

But the club was just something you did for fun. You didn’t know if you liked it enough to pursue it as a career.

Sunwoo listened attentively as you went on about your concerns. From the outside, you looked like you had your life together. You were the perfect student and the girl that many guys chased after. But as he spent more time with you, it became clear that you were very uncomfortable with boys.

“Can I ask how you got so close with the Bermuda line?” he asked.

“The Bermuda line? What’s that?”

“You’ve never heard of the term? Juyeon, Jaehyun, and Younghoon are called the Bermuda line because they’re the most popular athletes out of all the sports teams. The girls say that once you fall for them, you’re stuck in between them forever because you can’t get out.”

You hadn’t laughed that hard in so long. You knew they had fans but found it hilarious how the trio even had a nickname.

“Oh man, I can’t wait to make fun of them for this,” you laughed, nearly in tears.

When he told you that they actually took great pride in the title, you bursted out in laughter again. Their self love truly was on another level.

“So how’d you end up friends?” he asked again.

“Juyeon, I’ve known since middle school. We were in the same class for all three years. Jaehyun didn’t go to the same school as us but he was friends with Juyeon because they played basketball together. I met him and Younghoon at the end of freshman year. They kinda crash landed into my life but we really clicked so that’s why I still bless them with my friendship.”

Sunwoo giggled at your own overwhelming confidence. He loved that you never sold yourself short. He didn’t notice he had been staring at you until you pointed it out. Blushing, he insisted that it was nothing and took another sip of his bubble tea.

Two months passed by and you eventually came to call Sunwoo a friend. Younghoon teased you about him being more than a friend and at first, you thought he was crazy. But with him planting the idea in your head, you began to question your own feelings. Cursing Younghoon, you blamed him for confusing you.

As the designated photographer, you tagged along to the soccer team’s last match. The entire team was nervous as it would determine the winner of the tournament. Even Sunwoo was anxious.

Before the game started, you offered him a supportive smile and he felt all worries lifted off his shoulders. He erased all thoughts of winning and losing and just concentrated on the ball. He wanted to enjoy the last match of the season and look cool in front of you. That was all that mattered to him.

Fortunately, he got both plus the win. The crowd erupted into cheers as he scored the winning goal just seconds before the whistle was blown to signal the end of the game. His knees fell to the ground and his teammates rushed to surround him.

Seeing how happy he looked brought a smile to your lips. He jumped up and scanned the bleachers for your face. When he finally spotted you, he broke away from his team to run up to you and embrace you in a giant hug.

Caught off guard, you froze as his teammates hooted and applauded. You felt your cheeks heat up at the attention.

“Congratulations,” you chuckled, patting his back. “You did well.”

“Did you get a lot of pretty pictures of me?” he grinned, pulling away to look at you.

“No, I only took pictures of Haknyeon,” you joked. By now, he was used to your teasing and simply ruffled your hair in response.

“There’s gonna be an after party tonight,” he brought up carefully. “I’d really like it if you came. Only if you’re okay with that type of scene though.”

Surprised, you nodded before you fully thought it through.

That was how you ended up moping at Jaehyun’s house. The invitation was extended to the Bermuda line as well and they were all planning on dragging you there. Younghoon was excited at the thought of finally going to a party with the whole group and Juyeon was picking out an outfit for you from Jaehyun’s sister’s closet.

“I don’t know if I trust your fashion sense,” she made a face at the top he held up.

This was your first party and you weren’t sure how you felt about it. There was a reason you hadn’t gone to one throughout your high school years.

Nonetheless, you were dressed up in an outfit that definitely reflected Jaehyun’s sister’s style more than yours. She fawned over how pretty you were and urged you to go with the boys.

So you walked through the doors and into the house vibrating with music. Everyone who recognized you was shocked to see you there. Feeling awkward, you stuck by Jaehyun’s side as you maneuvered around the throng of people. When he finally caught sight of Sunwoo, he dipped and left you alone with him.

“Thanks for coming,” he shouted over the loud music.

“Thanks for inviting me,” you shouted back.

Sunwoo offered you a drink, which you declined. Following your choice, he opted for a soda instead as well. You weren’t much of a dancer so you enjoyed people watching instead. It was fascinating to see your classmates have so much fun.

You giggled when you saw Juyeon be so painfully oblivious to a girl’s advances and walked away to dance with Younghoon. Meanwhile, Jaehyun was having the time of his life flirting with girls. You blocked your eyesight when you saw him leaning in to kiss one of them.

“Ugh, gross,” you cringed. “I do not need to know this side of my best friend’s love life.”

Laughing, Sunwoo offered to take you outside for some fresh air and a change of scenery. You gladly agreed and let him guide you to the backyard.

The night sky was full of tranquility that contrasted the chaos that ensued indoors. You sat on the grass and Sunwoo joined next to you.

“You look beautiful today,” he commented.

“Only today?” you laughed.

“Especially today,” he answered in a serious manner. His sincerity made you clear your throat and look away. He stunned you by cupping your face with his hands.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked.

“Are you drunk?” you blinked.

“I haven’t had a single sip of alcohol.”

His voice was slow and raspy. Your heart was beating faster than you wanted it to and you knew the corners of your lips were betraying you.

“You can either lean in or pull away,” he said as he brought his lips closer to yours.

Your heart now felt like it was about to jump out of your chest. Red alarms were going off in your head and you didn’t know what to do. All you knew was what you were only a few centimeters away from kissing Sunwoo.

So you did what any insane person would do and closed the gap between your lips. You wanted to punch him when you felt him smirk but he pulled you closer and held onto you tightly.

The weekend passed without much changes in your relationship with Sunwoo. You were worried that you had either ruined your friendship or that he was sick of you but Juyeon reassured you that he probably wanted to talk about it in person. Anxiously, you overthought things until Monday finally arrived.

Wanting to keep yourself busy until you met Sunwoo, you stopped by the club room early in the morning to import the photos from the last game. Shortly after you connected the camera to the computer, you heard a knock on the door.

Startled, you looked at the door and saw Jacob sheepishly poking his head through the door. You told him to come in and he took a seat next to you.

“Kevin told me to drop by before class for an interview,” he said. You nearly facepalmed. You had completely forgotten about that. You were supposed to interview him for the paper.

“Oh yeah! Hold on, let me go get my notebook,” you searched through your backpack to find it.

The volleyball player was this month’s star of the month and you had to write a piece on his past achievements. He was extremely kind and was careful not to use any advanced sports terminology to make sure anyone could easily read the interview, which you were grateful for.

Before you parted, he gave you a side hug out of habit and apologized when he realized that it was only his first time meeting you. You laughed it off and insisted that now you could be friends since you two hugged already. Relieved that you weren’t disturbed, he happily waved goodbye to you as he walked away.

Being in a different class than Sunwoo meant that you had to wait until lunch period to see him. You honestly didn’t even know if you wanted to see him. You weren’t ready to face him yet.

When the bell finally rang and it was time for lunch, Juyeon forced you to go to the cafeteria instead of hiding out in an empty classroom. The moment you sat down with your tray, however, you felt all eyes on you. Your stomach dropped, knowing it couldn’t be good news.

“Y/n, is this true..?” Jaehyun asked, showing you the new post on the gossip page. You hated that you were always right about bad intuitions.

KSW and Y/INITIALS caught making out at last night’s party… is BJY a side hoe?

You had no idea when a photo was taken in the brief second you and Jacob hugged that morning. When you scrolled and saw the next part, your heart dropped.

A shocking revelation of history: Y/INITIALS and SYJ used to date in freshman year. Does this have anything to do with the swimmer and basketball players always next to her?

You felt your breath caught in your throat as you read through the comments.

“Isn’t BJY on the volleyball team and SYJ on the baseball team?”

“Wow she clearly has a type.”

“I guess athletes just hit it well 👀”

“And here I thought KSW was the hoe… who’s playing with who?”

“Aye so KSW finally managed to break through her. Thanks for my $10 bro.”

“Aren’t the basketball players LJY and LJH? And the swimmer KYH? The Bermuda line, right?? I always thought she had a thing with one of them.”

“So much for the icy Y/INITIALS. She was acting all pretentious when she was already having all her fun.”

Juyeon grabbed the phone out of your hands and glared at Jaehyun. You never thought your past relationship would ever get exposed. There were only a handful of people who knew about it and it had stayed hidden under the rug up until now. It was something you wanted to bury and never think about ever again.

Shakily, you got up and ran out of the cafeteria with Younghoon calling out after you. You ran as fast as you could. You didn’t stop until you busted through the doors and collapsed on the rooftop. Your lungs were on fire and you closed your eyes to stop the ringing in your ears.

Meanwhile, Sunwoo was running across the school to find you. When he didn’t see you in the club room, he changed his target and sought out Eric.

“Is it true?” he demanded when he finally saw his friend.

“I can’t believe people already figured out that it’s me,” Eric sighed.

“Is it true?” Sunwoo repeated.

“Yes, yes, it’s true,” he answered with his hands up in defeat. “She never wanted anyone to find out. We didn’t exactly end on good terms. It’s something I’m not proud of.”

“What happened?” he asked, trying to contain his anger. “What did you do to her?”

“I…” Eric trailed off. “I cheated on her.”

“What the hell, Eric?” Sunwoo yelled.

“I-I was stupid! And young. It’s the biggest mistake I made in my life,” he admitted.

Frustrated, Sunwoo left and ran off in search of you again. When you weren’t anywhere to be found, he checked the rooftop as a last resort. He didn’t expect to actually see you there.

“Y/n,” he breathed. You felt a lump form in your throat. It was the first time he had addressed you by your name.

“Get away from me,” you glared. “Was I nothing but a bet to you? Was I just a challenge for you to win?”

“Y/n, I never placed bets on you. I don’t know what other people have been betting on but I have always been genuine with you,” he affirmed.

You refused to let your tears fall. There was no way Kim Sunwoo was going to see you cry.

“I like you,” he confessed. “I like you a lot. I meant to say this that night but got too flustered. So I wanted to tell you today. Whenever I see you, the butterflies in my stomach won’t go away. When I don’t see you, I miss you like crazy. You inspire me to become a better person and all I want to do is hold you and call you mine.”

And now Kim Sunwoo has officially seen you cry. He bent down to wrap his arms around you as you sobbed into his shoulder.

“You’re an asshole,” you mumbled after you calmed down.

“I think you mean the opposite,” he chuckled. “Whatever barriers you put up to protect yourself, I’m going to take them down one by one. With you. Together.”

“Who said I’m helping?” you muttered.

“Then I guess I have to work twice as hard to prove myself,” he softly smiled.

“This is embarrassing,” you groaned.

“This will only be embarrassing for me if you reject me,” his hand reached out to the nape of his neck. “So what do you say? Will you go out with me?”

“I’ll think about it,” you huffed, prompting a chuckle from him.

[mochideleche]

maybe draco malfoy isn’t all that bad...

pairing : draco malfoy x female ravenclaw reader

summary : when one fateful day your new potions seating plan ends up with you sitting next to draco, but from that springs a little friendship with little library sessions and astronomy tower rendezvous that leaves you constantly in internal conflict 

A/N it starts in third year but it isn't a full-blown fanfic if u get me just the important parts. i tried my best to follow the harry potter plot to make it seem canon as possible but there might be some bits that don't overlap because my memory is a bit fuzzy, hope you enjoy! ;) (also my requests are open)

warnings: fluff, lil bit angsty, no smut because that’s cringe 

It started in third year when you were made to sit next to him. Of course you were scared, you were being made to sit next to the draco malfoy, the son of a supposed death eater. Yes, you had heard all the horrible things he had done, seen the way he had treated those he deemed unworthy and witnessed as he bullied countless people for his own entertainment. You despised him for it. Thankfully, you had never been at the end of his wretched tormenting but that didn’t change the way you felt towards him. 

But for Draco on the other hand, he was over the moon when he saw you sitting next to the desk he was assigned to. He stared at you, eyes focused on your textbook, hair falling in your face and your hand tapping the table as you read. He loved it when you did that, he noticed how you hands seemed to have a mind of their own when he first laid eyes on you in transfiguration, 1st year. He loved the way your eyes sparkled when you laughed, he loved how nonchalant you were when you answered a difficult question with ease and he loved the way your smile made him feel. Although, that smile was never directed at him. He would never admit it, but you were the prettiest girl he had ever seen and let’s say, he developed a soft spot for you. Making sure that none of his cronies made you their victim and always steering clear of your path when crabbe and goyle where looking to attack anything with a pulse. But he’d never let anyone know, he could never let anyone know that the cold slytherin pureblood had fallen in love with a ravenclaw sweetheart. 

You refused to acknowledge his presence, letting him drop his books on the desk and slouch in his chair, resting his chin in his hand and he looked at the front, boredom evident on his face. You sat stiff in your chair, trying all the best to concentrate on the instructions snape was setting. Not only did you have to take a dreaded class with Hogwarts’ most hated teacher, but you were now made to take the class next to Hogwarts’ most hated student. 

But to your surprise, it wasn’t as bad as you thought.

 Through out the year you and Draco became- well, close-closer than you were ever expecting, but you wouldn’t call yourself friends.

 It started when you just couldn’t seem to get your fire going and were falling behind as your classmates took the best pick of the ingredients, you rolled your eyes at your sudden inability to produce a fire and knew immediately you would be left with scraps of herbs and powders and a low grade. 

But before you could drag yourself to the store cupboard to collect what was left of the ingredients, you noticed a neat pile of the ingredients next to your cauldron. Your eyes whipped up to Draco who was staring into to his pot, already mixing the concoction with a lazy hand. He looked up to you gave you a small smile and went back to stirring. 

So he had done it. You couldn’t believe that draco malfoy had just done something nice. Maybe he wasn't all bad...

The rest of the year went on like that, little things in potions such as you starting both yours and his fires as he got the ingredients, him chopping up things you didn’t like the smell of and you tidying up his desk when he went to present his final potion to snape.

 And not in just potions too, he also sent small smiles to you in the hallways, gave you little waves across the great hall when nobody was looking and sometimes making small talk as you two approached your next lesson. 

And throughout the months, you began to realise, Draco wasn’t all he seemed to be. Of course, you said nothing of it - not to anyone, not because you were scared what people may think if they found out you didn’t totally despise the muggle born hater but because you knew that Draco didn’t want anyone to know that he didn’t totally hate his ravenclaw potions partner. 

Then came fourth year, you weren’t seated next to draco, but hermionie granger who you absolutely loved. Now the two smartest girls in the year were partners in potions. 

That year you had sat next to her in the majority of your lessons and the two of you became rather close. This was one of the reasons you weren’t so upset that you weren’t sitting next to Draco anymore. Hermionie was a great reminder of all the dreadful things Draco was responsible for doing. 

Over the summer you found yourself thinking of a certain someone. You didn’t want to admit it but maybe coming to not hate Draco was an understatement, but you didn’t want to say that maybe you had fallen for him. 

You shook the thoughts out of your head on the first day of school. Maybe it was because the attention Draco gave you made you feel special and caused you to think that you were in love with him, no- not in love- you couldn’t be in love, it was only a small crush which was entirely unreasonable and would go away soon...right? 

Besides, think of all the horrible things he’s done, they didn’t just go away because he was nice to you? He’s an arrogant pureblood supremacist, bullies other houses and freely uses the term mudblood. You could not let yourself fall in love with someone like him. 

Not to mention his father, but you couldn’t set that as a reasonable excuse, children are not their parents choices. But you still deemed Draco as a bad idea. And just looking at hermionie, an avid victim of Draco’s terror, made you guilty that you even considered  being civil towards him. 

But despite all that, nothing stopped your heart from pounding when the same blonde hair boy tapped you on the shoulder one night in the library. 

“Y/N, can I ask you a favour?” he had asked, scratching the back of his head, as his stormy grey eyes looked everywhere but you. 

“yes?” you answered, looking up at the boy who seemed, for some reason, nervous.                     

“Is it alright, if you help me with this? please” he said, placing down he herbology essay that was due the next morning.

You stared at him as if he was joking, draco malfoy, asking for help?

“You’re one of the smartest people in our year” he reasoned, pursing his lips and trying to avoid eye contact, “ so I thought maybe you knew how to-”

“I can help,” You said softly, wanting to stop Draco from trying to persuade you, it just made you all the more flustered.  

His eyes lit up and he hurriedly sat down in the chair next to you as you took your quill with a shaky hand and began explaining. 

You scribbled away at the piece of parchment in front of you as you tried to explain the various uses for different types of herbs and plants but out of the corner of your eye you could see that Draco wasn’t looking at your detailed diagrams or flowcharts, but at you. 

You hoped you weren’t as red as you thought you were. 

the two of you sat there for what seemed hours but thankfully draco had got the answers he had came for and had began on his essay. After you had explained, you had hoped he would go to another desk or back to his common room 

but he stayed there with you. 

You could not concentrate on a single word you tried to read whilst he was there. You glanced over at him, his back hunched over the desk, his eyes, narrowed, following his quill as he wrote away. 

You were surprised he took in that much, you were never a good teacher. In a weird way, it felt like the old days, when you two would get on with your work not giving each other any attention but fully aware that the other was there next to them. 

You did your best to read, your hand tapping away at the desk as it always did, when a large hand enveloped your own. 

“Do you always have to do that?” Draco asked, a small smirk on his lips and a raised eyebrow cocked towards you. 

“Sorry, I can’t help it” you replied. Your heart pounding even louder, since when did Draco take in that little detail? 

“Well, I guess we’ll just have to give your hand something to do then” and he moved his hand from on top of yours and settled his long slender fingers in between your own. Holding your hand gently. 

you were definitely as red as you thought you were now. So you turned away, not wanting him to see you blush, your face facing straight down at you book but your eyes were not reading the words on the pages. 

you heard him chuckle and that made your heart explode.

 And the night went on like that, you, trying awfully hard to read the textbook and Draco scribbling away and all the while your hands settled on the desk between you, holding on to each other. You were estatic.

However, as much as you dreaded it, the night had to come to an end, 

Draco walked you out of the library and you came to notice that you two were the only ones left in there. 

“Thank you, by the way” he said, his eyes scanning your face as if he was looking for something. 

“It’s alright,” you said and with fear of being left in awkward silence you began to walk away slowly. 

Draco seemed to get the message and began retracting too, towards the stairs that led down to the dungeons, “Goodnight Y/N” and he turned around, a large smile painted on his face.

“Goodnight Draco,” you said quietly, not sure that he heard but a small laugh escape his lips as he walked further away leaving you with an equally large grin plastered on your face. 

Maybe Draco Malfoy wasn’t all that bad. 

The rest of fourth year went on like that, little visits from Draco now and then when you were in the library. He’d sit next to you and you’d both get on with your work until curfew. 

He’d even break into small hushed chats with you and through those you got to know him more. He’d go on forever about how he wanted to travel the world, learn all kinds of magic and how he’d get himself a pet dragon. How he adored flying, how he loved his mother, how hard his father was on him. 

It surprised you, that the Draco you grew up to know was nothing like the blonde haired boy sitting next to you. He was simply- misunderstood, so to say. But you knew it was more than that.

and at the end of every session, he’d walk you out the library and wish you a goodnight. 

But you thought nothing of it. 

At least you tried to, but you heart thought otherwise. 

You kept on having to remind yourself of all the horrible things he had said and done- and it wasn’t hard either, not when he was tormenting people on the daily. Word spread and you heard it. And it kept you grounded. 

Not to mention your growing friendship with hermionie, through her you heard of all the rivalry between harry and draco, finding yourself favouring harry despite not knowing him very well. But deep down, you kept thinking, what if I could be the one to change Draco? 

As far as you knew, Draco was only ever sweet, gentle and well- pleasant around you. To everyone else he was cold, pompous and malicious. If everyone saw him how you did, they would see that draco wasn’t all that bad.

But the guilt came flooding in when you heard hermionie was crying from being bullied and being called, yet again, a mudblood by draco. He’d gone too far. 

That night when you saw him walking down the aisles of the library towards you, you scooped up your books and walked away from him.

And of course he followed you.

“Y/N!” he shouted after you as you stalked down the hallway, away from him.

He grabbed you by the wrist, you turned around and unleashed your fury.

“Why do you do it?” you asked, doing your best to stay relatively calm. 

“What-” he began, confusion washed across his face, but you weren’t finished.

“Why do you act the way you do? Thinking that anyone who isn't pureblood is less than you are, thinking that it’s alright to call people disgusting names, thinking that you can just bully anyone for your own entertainment?” You rambled, obviously shocking Malfoy greatly, he had never seen you angry before.

“You act so-so-so different towards me!” you exclaimed, trying to find the right words to explain how you felt, “not arrogant, not egotistical, not haughty at all, so why draco malfoy, do you chose to torment the rest of the school? What makes me so different that you show me someone nobody else knows? why can’t show who you really are to the rest of the world, show them how I see you? or is the person you are when you’re with me all an act?” you said, your eyes brimming with tears. 

It was so difficult, having this constant internal conflict of wether you should give draco a chance or not. It was difficult feeling so guilty whenever you heard another evil deed he had carried out yet you still let your heart loose control when you saw him.

Then he did something unexpected.

He hugged you. 

You felt his arms engulf you before you were aware of what he was doing. He pressed you against his chest, arms wrapped tightly around you as if he was scared to letting go. 

You breathed in his minty scent, the smell of his freshly washed uniform, you felt his heart beating incredibly hard against his chest. 

Then you were crying. 

You two stood there, holding each other like your lives depended on it, what an odd sight to see. For anyone who would stumble into the third floor hallway, they would be completely baffled to see Draco Malfoy hugging a crying Y/N Y/L/N. 

Because, nobody knew.

Nobody knew how Draco and you became aquatinted, nobody noticed the smiles or waves draco sent your way, nobody saw how your eyes lit up when you saw him, nobody walked up to you two when you were together in the back of the library, nobody knew how much you cared for draco, and nobody knew how hard draco had fallen for you.

“It’s because I’m not ready for the world to see yet” Draco whispered into your hair as you clutched at his sweater vest. 

The next few weeks, you were beginning to see how wonderful life could be. 

Draco no longer sneered at everyone, but kept to himself and was rarely starting fights anymore. He didn't even try to start a row with harry every time he saw him but just ignored him and walked on. And ever since that night, you had never heard him call anyone mudblood again. 

Hogwarts was relieved that they were free from Dracos torments but that didn’t mean they weren’t all still scared shitless by him.

And you were also very thankful that hermionie kept harry and ron civil too, so life at hogwarts was pretty great, you were sure everyone would see that Draco Malfoy wasn’t so bad...

Then fifth year started. 

Umbridge, made your life a living hell. not to mention, Voldemorts return. but you couldn’t let that get in your way. As a newly chosen prefect, you found yourself comforting people more than ever, telling them how things would work out, how dumbledore would come back and how they shouldn’t give up hope so easily. 

Easier said than done. 

You saw less of Draco these days. With Umbridge’s stupid rules keeping you apart. 

Although his visits always made your week no matter how infrequent they were. 

He even made an effort to sneak up to the astronomy tower where he’d bring you food from the kitchen and you’d spend all night lying next to each other and looking up at the stars. 

“Do you see it?” he asked one night, pointing up to the sky as you two stood shoulder to shoulder by the railing, “sirius, the brightest star” 

“Where?” you asked, leaning in closer to his to see his point of view, the top of your head resting just next to his chin.

“There” and he moved his hand to wrap around behind you and pointed up to the sky, his long, slim fingers coming out from the corner of your view. 

“Oh, I see it” you giggled, turning your face towards his which was much closer than before causing you to hold your breath.

“Oh really?” he smirked, bending his head down towards yours, looking down at your lips for a quick second, then back up to your eyes. 

“mhmm” you replied as you felt his arm now making its way to your waist as you turned your body to face his. 

And before you knew it his soft lips were pressed against yours. 

You couldn’t stop yourself from smiling. 

Sooner or later, you thought nervously, as you walked to transfiguration. 

Sooner or later, people will find out that i’ve been fooling around with Draco Malfoy.

These days, your never saw Draco. After your kiss, his visits began to gradually stop which made your heart ache. 

You knew it was because he had his stupid inquisitorial squad to lead but on the other hand you were rather relived.

It took a lot of convincing but hermionie had got you to tag along to the dumbledore’s army meetings. Of course you wanted to go and thought it was brilliant that harry was teaching defence against the dark arts: You absolutely despised the new system umbridge was forcing onto you and you weren’t going to fail your exam. 

But, you knew very well that umbridge was breathing down your necks trying to spot rebels who disobeyed her rules,

and one way she did that was through draco. 

Through out your little rendezvous you never mentioned what draco was doing for umbridge and neither did draco. Things were simpler like that. 

You didn’t want what you had to be ruined. One of the only things that kept you sane throughout your painful days of rigid education. 

But that very same thing kept you apart.

And oh did that barrier cause so much inconvenience when one fateful night in the room of requirement, where the walls being bashed down from the outside. 

Harry told you all to run off first, and so you did. You, dean, seamus and Angelina all running down the seventh corridor like your lives depended on it.

 But not before you saw a tuft of blonde hair out of the corner of your eye when you raced down the stairs.

There was no hope now. 

You knew draco had seen your name on that list. And it had been a week and he still hadn’t talked to you. 

Not to mention his father being thrown into azakaban. 

You knew he was suffering because of it, and you wanted to comfort him, but how? How on earth were you meant to comfort draco when you thought that lucius malfoy had every right to be locked up? 

And after what draco did to your friends? After all of fourth year getting him to change? Suddenly going back on his word and becoming horrible again and helping umbridge terrorise hogwarts, the place you though of as a second home? 

No, you had been too kind for long enough. 

Maybe Draco Malfoy was a bad idea. 

But what about all those times you spent in the library? on the astronomy tower? When he kissed you? 

No, Draco Malfoy was a bad idea and you needed to stop denying it. 

Sixth year - the first year you weren’t excited to be back. 

The return of voldemort had finally settled within the community and it made everything so dreadful. 

As a prefect, people came to you for advice and comfort surrounding school and homework, 

now people came to you scared and overflowing with anxiety wether their families would be okay or whether they would make it to another year of hogwarts. 

Then there was draco. 

You first saw him get off the train when you arrived, taller than last year, paler than ever, and with a permanent frown on his face. 

You had to admit, his black suit made him look extremely dashing but, no

You had to stop thinking of him like that. 

But he always caught your attention, the almost white blonde hair was hard not to miss.

 You tried not to notice but you couldn’t help it, you couldn’t help noticing how he looked sadder these days, picked at his food, never seen around the castle if it wasn’t in class. 

Heck you even changed your prefect duty so that it would be on the same night as his, but he never seemed to show up for it. 

You couldn’t help but worry about draco. 

But he acted as if you didn’t even exist 

The stolen glances, the small smiles, little waves thrown across the hall, all gone. But you didn’t care...did you?

Then you started hearing things, how draco malfoy was a death eater, how he was seen with death eaters during the summer and how he was the one to curse katie bell. 

You tried to not let it bother you, you shouldn’t care. 

But you did care when you heard what happened in the bathroom. 

Without a second thought you ran to the hospital wing, in the early hours of the morning when you were sure nobody would be around. 

You saw draco, his torso wrapped with bandages and your heart broke. 

Collapsing on the side of his bed you cried. Oh God how hard it was to see him like this, how hard it was to pretend that you didn’t give a damn about what happened to him, how hard it was to pretend that you didn’t love draco malfoy. 

You left as soon as you could, not wanting draco to see you at his side, not wanting to face an awkward argument and not letting him know that you still cared. 

But as draco woke up and found the side on his blanket wet and smelling vaguely of a certain perfume, he knew exactly what you’d done. 

And it made his heart break. 

The astronomy tower was where you used to go when you couldn’t sleep, which was very often but now, you avoided that place like the plague. 

It had now become yours and dracos place, where you’d spent nights together, where you’d wish on stars together, where you’d had your first kiss with him...

you hadn’t stepped near that place at all when you started the year and now you stood there, and it felt so wrong. 

You wanted some time to think, sitting down in your pyjamas, knees tucked up to your chest and staring at the sky. 

You looked at all the constellations trying to make out the ones that draco had pointed out to you-

Nope, for fucks sake.

But before you could get angry at yourself you realised you weren’t alone. 

Someone had come to the top of the stairs, their footsteps echoing down the empty stairwell, stopping once they saw you. 

You stayed put, you didn’t want to turn around, maybe if you stayed still for long enough, they won't even realise you're there. 

Oh, but they did.

He stood next to you, his glossy black dress shoes right next to your legs. 

Oh you’ve got to be fucking kidding me. 

He sat down, crossed his legs but kept his gaze up at the sky. 

“Do you see it?” He asked softly, you hadn’t heard his voice in months.

You shook your head not knowing what else to say. 

“Sirius, the brightest star” 

Your heart pumped against your ribcage, as if wanting to escape, tears began welling up in your eyes and your voice choked as you spoke, “where?” 

He leaned in closer, pointing up to the sky and tilting his head so it brushed against yours, “There” 

“Oh I see it” you said quietly, without emotion or bounce to your voice like you had said it before. what was he doing?

“Oh really” he said sadly and you forced yourself to look at him. 

He was staring right at you with sad grey eyes. 

“I’ve missed you” he croaked out, and you couldn’t help yourself. 

You flung yourself on him, almost causing him to lose his balance and fall back, but you felt his arms encase you around your waist and he held on tight. 

Oh how you cried. 

You were sobbing, getting his jumper all wet, but he didn’t seem to care. 

He began mumbling softly, his voice cracking as he choked back tears, “Y/N Im so sorry, im so so sorry, the things I did...” 

He stroked your hair, rocking the two of you back and forth, “I had to- I don’t want to do it. I-I-I have no choice. he’s making me do these things, I can’t do it, but he’ll kill my family, he’ll kill you” 

You stopped breathing at that point, so it is true.

Draco was a death eater.

But you couldn’t bring yourself to rip away from him and interrogate him, you decided it was best if you let him let it all out.

So that was why he was avoiding you, Voldemort was threatening to kill you if draco didn't obey him. 

Oh God, what had draco got himself into?

“It’ll be okay,” You said, you didn’t think it would be but what else could you have said? 

“I’ll be here for you, no matter what happens” You stated, wrapping your hands tighter around his neck, “Promise” 

“I’m so sorry” he shuddered against you, heaving greatly and crying into your shoulder, “I can’t let him hurt you...” 

And from that moment you knew Draco Malfoy wasn’t all that bad. 

his words ringed through your ears “Please promise me, you’ll stay in your dorm tomorrow night, please I beg you” 

You couldn’t say no.

He had held your hand in between his, grey eyes pleading with you, to not lay a foot outside your common room until morning. 

And so you did. 

But as soon as you heard the commotion, fellow housemates running around and the sounds of mass of students leaving the common room, you had to leave.

I’m sorry draco.

But as soon as you got out of the castle you wanted nothing but to go back inside.

Seeing you headmaster, crumpled on the floor caused your heart to drop 10 feet. 

And knowing who had done it made your heart stop beating all together. 

At the funeral you felt so guilty, knowing that the act was going to take place but you hadn’t said anything about it to protect draco.

Of course you didn’t question him on what he was asked to do, you didn’t want to force him to speak about something he so highly detested. 

You were so conflicted, you loved a murderer. 

But you knew that he only acted to protect his family, to protect you.

You spent the next few days locked up in your dorm, crying.

Draco had disappeared and you had a very good idea why.

The day before you were due to leave school, a knock came on your door. You thought it was just another one of your friends bringing you the dinner you had always decided to skip but this time it was hermionie. 

You didn’t even question how she had got in, she sat on your bed and took a hand to comfortingly pet you. 

“ Draco didn’t do it” Hermionie said suddenly, and you sat up.

“He didn’t?” was the first of many questions you wanted to bombard her with, your heart rate picked up speed, how did she know about you and draco?

“It was snape, draco couldn’t do it” 

Relief spread over you, but it quickly disappeared, if draco couldn’t complete his task, what was going to happen to him now ? 

“I saw you together once” Hermionie started, looking at you with kind eyes, “in the library- and I couldn’t believe it, but then when i noticed how behaved he was being and i had a good guess that it was because of you” 

you nodded your head and let her to continue.

“then when you declined to join dumbledores army, well it all clicked then, but it was so strange i didn’t know why you’d wanted to date draco, no offence “ 

“none taken” you sniffled, she had every right to think that but you wondering, how could hermionie be so calm about the subject?

You felt so bad about keeping it from her that you immediately broke out into a ramble,

“hermionie, i want you to know how awful i felt at the start when i had even had the slightest feelings for draco, but then i started to see it was all an act, to please his family, he’s not all that bad, he’s sweet, caring and-” 

your voice faltered, but hermionie understood. 

“he said-” you continued, tears falling out of your eyes again, “that voldemort had threatened to kill his family- to kill me if he didn’t do it” 

Although hermionie was incredibly smart, and smart enough to figure out what was going on between you and draco, this seemed to surprise her. 

“And now he’s failed to do it, i don’t know what’s going to happen to him” you cried, and hermionie rushed to hug you.

But it brought no comfort at all. 

Seventh year, you didn’t want to return at all. 

Hogwarts was no longer your second home, but a prison.

You didn’t care about your education anymore, all you cared about was surviving. You spent countless nights planning and sneaking around the castle, trying to evacuate as many people as possible without getting yourself killed. 

You hated life.

But you had to keep going. Classes were down to about 10 people per class- mostly slytherins, and your common room now only consisted of a couple of younger years and the older students who were insisting to stay to take back hogwarts one bit at a time. You were one of them. 

Then there was draco. 

When you fist saw him in the great hall you were thankful that he was alive.

 unfortunately, the good news ended there.

 he’d ignored you, like the beginning of sixth year but now you hoped it was for good reason, because he was protecting you. besides, he had a lot of his own reasons to worry about.

 But seeing him and not being able to talk to him made you even more depressed, it just made the whole thing a lot more worse. 

As a person from dumbledores army, you were taken in, questioned about harry’s whereabouts, where the missing students had left to and how they were leaving. 

The carrows and slytherins were horrible, forcing you to drink veritaserum, locking you up until you agreed to talk and using crucio on you once or twice. 

the pain was unbearable but you didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of seeing you crumble. 

So when you were finally kicked out of their office, you strode away with your nose held high but as you were out of sight, you allowed yourself to slump. You held back your tears though, crying wasn't going to solve anything.

Then you were pulled aside into an alcove which once held a statue but now remained empty.

Draco’s grey eyes were looking down at you with the upmost concert, scanning your face and gripping the sides of your arms tightly.

It broke draco to see you like this, he knew exactly what the carrows had done to you and everything you had to go through. He hated that he couldn’t stop it. 

You were thinner, paler and you had a fresh scar on the side of your left cheek where a 7th year slytherin had hit you during one of your questionings. 

Tears where welling up in dracos eyes as he cupped your face in his shaking hands, “leave, please,”

“Draco i can’t-”

“I know you know where they are, please leave, for your own sake, I can’t bare to see them hurt you anymore” 

You knew that draco wanted to stop them but he couldn’t do it without making it obvious he had someone to care for on the enemy side. 

it wouldn’t do any of you good. 

But you couldn’t reply as the moment was cut short by the sound of blaise and pansy’s voices echoing down the corridor. 

draco left you with one last pleading look as you stood deep within the alcove. 

“draco!” pansy squealed and the sounds of their footsteps leading away faded down the stairs. 

 the battle of hogwarts had started. 

It was a blur, you tried your best to keep everyone calm as you helped usher the students through the portrait hole and out of hogwarts wondering if you’d live to see them again. 

you were assigned to kingsley’s team but you evidently got separated from them as you battled for your life. 

Deatheaters were screaming avada kedavra, luckily none of them hit you. 

You could never imagine saying it, so you stuck with your ‘stupefy’s but at one point you found yourself standing at the body of one of your friends, so you resulted to spells that your victims couldn’t ever heal from.

It hurt seeing your friends attacked, outnumbered and hit. You faught with a constant panic within you, narrowly missing and blocking spells which would had definitely killed you. 

But you saw it through.

It pained you to see draco’s family screaming for him, no longer occupied with the war but only for finding their son. 

No doubt you too felt the same but you couldn’t see the tuft of blonde hair anywhere throughout the night or the early morning as ran through the castle. 

Once the whole thing was over, you made your way around the hall, helping to heal the wounded, comforting the mourning. But you had have enough, you couldn’t take it. 

And somehow you found yourself back at the astronomy tower.

In ruins now, yes, half of the end wall had been broken down so it opened to a 100ft drop to the bottom of the mountains, asphalt and bricks laid everywhere and half the railing had been torn off, now hanging lonely over the edge. 

staring down at the castle grounds you hoped that perhaps it could be rebuilt, even stronger for the next generation to come. How far you had come, how lucky you were to have survived, it was all over. 

then like a miracle you heard foot steps walking up of what was left of the stairs, you turned and standing there in his white dress shirt, ash stained trousers and missing his blazer, was draco.

You couldn’t believe it. At the end of the battle you didn’t know what to think but when you couldn’t spot any of the malfoys, you assumed- you had hoped, that they escaped-along with draco, to safety. But you couldn’t help but think, what if he didn’t make it out safely?

Now he stood there, in front of you- all in one piece, when you had braced yourself for the worst.

“you’re alive” he smiled, and you ran to him, jumping on him and encasing him in the tightest hug you could muster. 

Tears that you had been holding back fell from your eyes as you rammed out your ‘i’m so glad your safe’s and ‘i’ve missed you so much’s and ‘where were you?’s

a small laugh escaped dracos lips and that reply was all you needed.

“I love you” he whispered against your hair as you sobbed never ending tears of pure happiness and relief.

“I love you too,” you croaked out between your intakes of breaths with a  smile appearing on your face.

you forced yourself to step back a bit so that you could look up to the face you so dearly missed. 

“your family, are they alright?” you asked genuinely concerned. 

“Yes, they’re fine. they’ve had to come to face a lot though, and I don’t think my father would be happy if he found out i had fought for your side” he sighed, looking down at you with a tired face and a lazy smile. 

your eyes widened, “you fought for our side?!” 

your heart leapt for him even more.

“Of course i did!” he smiled, leaning down so that your foreheads touched, “I couldn’t see you at all, i tried to find you as soon as the fighting started but-”

“well im here now” you interrupted, seeing the anxiety creeping back on his face. you decided it was best to remind him that the two of you were there together and that was all that mattered. 

“and so you are” he grinned and with that he placed his lips on yours, just like he did that one night two years ago. 

[rabble-dabble]

im assuming that youve seen hs2 update due to unfortunately circumstances

if the unfortunate circumstances is my own will, betrayal by my own mouse click, then yeah, it is.

But as much as i do shit on hs2, its because i'm intrigued. For the wrong reasons!! I despise the story direction, and the events in it. But reading hs2 is like reading the rise of its failure - in which, its not so bad that its good, but you just can't help yourself into seeing all the ways it'll crumble on itself! And sure, there's enough people who like it to have the idea of keeping it going. But, unless that's your intention with the content you create, you don't want that kind of attention (even if it turns more eye to your provided content). I'm betting that Homestuck itself had a little more than it's share of "haters" at its time. But now, it's a lot of the fans of Homestuck Prime who visibly (and audibly) despise what events happen in hs2, it's really not the type of support you want from an audience.

You can have a "love-to-hate" theme, for as arrogant Ultimate!Dirk pokes and jabs at the readers. But it's so much more than that - hs2 is bringing up powerfully issues without ever addressing them, or being really disgusting with it's treatment of it. The writing team has said that Hussie made some "non-negotiable" plot points, but honestly, there has to be a point where you can recognize that your audience is displeased with you for obvious reasons, or that as a creator you have made a mistake.

Ignoring hs2 is theoretically easy - but seeing it fall so far from Homestuck Prime is very intriguing. Inconsistancy and a jumble of problematic issues is entertaining not because it'a written by one guy, but by an entire team approved by one guy that manages to okay the updates without (somehow) finding any problems with them. Hs2 is dubiously canon to the Homestuck universe, but I don't think it'll ever have that "sequel on ao3" feel as if it were written by some 16 year old with an idea to do sadstuck with a twist of angst and drama. It feels professional.

Professionally bad.

And that is really, really interesting.