#this is the tippity tip of the iceberg

[jamiesfootball]

Okay I have treats I should be answering, but since I typed it all out anyways-

*rips open trench coat*

Here's the list of Jamie AUs I have puttering around in the brain:

-Jamie-is-Zava AU! In which Jamie never gets traded to Richmond. Instead he ends up at a different club, one that's meaner AND within driving distance of Manchester. Because this is Jamie, he never stops battling, and within three years he is an angry shell of the person but also an absolute killer as a striker. His relationship with his dad is also the worst its ever been. So the entire league is stunned - stunned! - when one Leslie Higgins runs into him in the bathroom during a match and jokingly says, "I don't supposed you'd ever want to play for a team like Richmond" and Jamie Tartt agrees! (Men really do be giving each other jobs in bathrooms)

-hockey Jamie! (this is based on nothing I just like hockey jerseys and ice skating)

-figure skater!girl!Jamie (based off someone’s previous post about a girl jamie getting pushed into it by her dad) Again, ice skates. outfits. but now also with music. Also Jamie being stuck in another high-control environment. Ough.

-bartender Jamie! He got injured in the academy and, well, bars are really the only other place his dad ever dragged him, so it was easy enough to get a job, wasn't it? And it's not like he doesn't get tipped well. He's a handsome lad and great at charming people (makes him uncomfortable sometimes when it's the older women flirting with him, but he doesn't like to think about that much)

-bartender Jamie again! This time with an accompanying Roy Kent who is also a bartender because neither of them 'made it out.' Roy is a tired, overworked line cook who has had it up to HERE with this new guy who works the front of house. Makes him want to spit in the guy's shift meal, but he'd never do that to the food (which he at least respects). And well, sometimes the guy looks a little desperate about the shift meal. Roy's been there - was there the whole time he was helping his sister with Phoebe while she was getting her nursing degree. Didn't mean he signed up to teach him to cook. But they did just lose another line cook. Fuck.

-lawyer jamie! He wants to make sure people like his dad don’t happen to other people. He brings a very Boston Legal energy to Roy's The Practice energy. Keeley is a paralegal. Rebecca owns the firm now. Ted is HR.

-criminal profiler Jamie! Going full Criminal Minds here people! Heavy on the themes, and the whole 'using your trauma to profile the unsub' thing, and the 'we don't profile each other (except for when we do)

-CSI Jamie! But it’s the fake CSI where they are borderline detectives and he keeps getting threatened/kidnapped. He is basically the Nick Stokes of the crew

-Rockstar Jamie! He got famous because of his face but he actually IS talented! But they won’t let him play any ‘real’ music and he has loads of anger he’d like to scream about thanks. He's always wanted to work with Roy Kent, but Roy's old band notoriously broke up in the messiest fucking manner and Roy's been working in a limited, behind the scenes fashion ever since (and fucking loathes the sort of music Jamie makes).

-Movie star Jamie! He’s a palatable actor, but what he secretly really wants to do is direct. Meanwhile former indie-darling director Roy who had a string of failures got low-balled into directing this run-of-the-mill drama. When the first actor dropped out without warning, Keeley called in a favor to get her somewhat-famous ex-boyfriend to star in it instead and he will not. stop. giving. Roy. notes.

-Bonus AU mentions:

-Jaeger pilot Jamie (Pacific Rim au)

-Hitter turned hacker Jamie (Leverage au - I have a whole tag for it)

-Dead Jamie (The Good Place au) - he is fairly sure he is not supposed to be in The Good Place and is white knuckling it so he doesn't get caught. Ted is Michael. Chaos ensues.