#this is the same dude from Insisted On A Rank Upgrade In Our Silly Little Medieval RP With Complete And Utter Seriousness fame

[warpweighted]

actually wait have I told this story before? I dont think I have, but I've stopped giving a shit if this gets back to him so [extremely offline mutual who hasnt heard this story but will definitely put names together] hiiiiii if this comes across your dash dont even worry about it <3

so okay. I made friends with Name Redacted at age sixteen, was part of group of long-distance friends with him, texted him one-on-one fairly regularly, etc etc. mid-October he confesses An Crush using the most obvious contrivance possible (Aiden I have a crush on a girl at school what should I doooooo, what would you want me to do if it was youuuuuuu) and I, who spent my teen years doggedly pretending romance didnt exist, completely fell for it lmao. but! rejection was immediate, I Value Our Friendship rigmarole was completed, a little awkward but we'll make it work.

because it turns out he did value our friendship! as a means to get attention from his crush. >_< after at least the second "but why dont you like meeeeeee" crytyping session (which I, having no boundaries at the time, patiently consoled him over and subsequently wondered why on earth seeing his text notif pop up was exhausting alluva sudden), via my lack of boundaries I ended up visiting him in his city one-on-one

which I had not done with any other of the friends in our little group before, and wouldn't do again for quite some time

and midway through "city tour, frozen yogurt, and a movie" my man Name Redacted finds it relevant to tell me that he wants to pay for my frozen yogurt because "this is the closest he'll ever get to a date with me."

like. maybe it was a bit of an overreaction but in retrospect its obvious why I was so tense during the movie lmao

anyways I say all this to bring up two other truly baffling instances that followed:

firstly that a few months later he asked for a pity date with me ("if we both go to the same college and youre still single and I'm still single -")

secondly that the last one-on-one text convo I had with him was during a round of shitty-innuendo in the group chat, which I had to put down to rescue a banana that'd fallen off the stem. I texted back what has to be the least sexy double entendre in existence, "sry I missed these messages yall I literally had to pause to put plastic wrap on a banana" and this boy

immediately

messages me directly and says

"dammit, Aiden, I had been so proud of myself all this time that I didnt want to have sex with you. Don't change that!"

like. ???? lol