#this is the river i crawled from and i refuse to drown here 「Lucy S. / hc」

[nolaraised]

this is the river i crawled from and i refuse to drown here「Lucy S. / ic」

this is the river i crawled from and i refuse to drown here 「Lucy S. / mirror」

this is the river i crawled from and i refuse to drown here 「Lucy S. / study」

this is the river i crawled from and i refuse to drown here 「Lucy S. / hc」

[nolaraised]

@heavenconsumed asked  ➸ write a meta about what life would be like if lucy raised me

I have So Many feelings about Lucy and Nancy and the tragedy of the relationship they could've had but were robbed of because of rich white men and circumstances beyond their control.

First of all! Lucy makes it off of Horseshoe Bay and escapes from the Hudsons to the mainland. Whether she's given birth already or the Drews helped her escape beforehand? Doesn't matter baby! She survives!

They end up staying in this little appartment above a small, antique bookshop and for those first few months, Lucy doesn't let Nancy's out of her sight for a SECOND.  (She almost missed out on watching her daughter grow. She almost robbed her daughter of the chance to.) She's constantly watching her daughter while she sleeps, studying her tiny face and wondering what parts of her parent's will she inherit. Will she have Ryan's eyes? Lucy's? (She hasn't figured out how Ryan makes her feel yet.)  

The sweet little old lady who owns the bookshop lets her work there a couple of days a week for rent, puts a little basket behind the register for Nancy and gets a little sling for her when she's stocking the shelves. (Her grandchildren and the rest of the town drop off a constant supply of baby clothes and necessities for her, refusing to let them go without. It's the first time Lucy wears hand-me-downs and doesn't feel shame, that she experiences the typical smalltown experience and feels at home.)

She cries on Nancy's first day of school before leaving for classes of her own so she can get her GED. Maybe she gets curious and takes a creative writing class, remembering her embarrasing poem she wrote at seventeen and all the ones she's read since. She doesn't have to make a career out of it but it's freeing to reflect on her life and get words on paper.

(She publishes her first book of poetry when Nancy starts middle school. Hopes, someway, somehow, that Ryan reads it and understands why she had to do what she did.)

Eventually she feels safe enough to put down proper roots in the safe little haven she's found; makes new friends and wonders how Karen's doing, has a few dates over the years and wonders whether Ryan has managed to escape his family yet. (Wonders what would happen if he turned up on her doorstep?) Finally finds a therapist she feels comfortable enough with to tell the whole dirty truth, talks about childhood and the constant pressure from all sides because she refuses to be the kind of mother that Nancy feels like she has to treat with glass or protect, that she feels that she has to mother.

(She knows Patrice loved her in her own way but it's FREEING to talk about her without being called selfish or ungrateful for not seeing her as perfect.)

Lucy grows up alongside Nancy, making sure her daughter knows that she's ALWAYS there for her, because Lucy won't leave her daughter without a fight, won't be the reason she's crying by herself at night. She tries to be as open as she can with her but knows better than anyone that there are some things that need to wait until Nancy's older.

She makes sure her daughter knows how loved she is. In one world, Lucy Sable loved her daughter so much that she died to keep her safe. This one has a happier ending. This time she loves her enough to LIVE.

[nolaraised]

IT ALREADY FELT PERFECT. Lucy never pegged Ryan as a guy who enjoyed something as mundane as stargazing, more the jet-skis and high-living kind of Hilltopper but he surprised her every day. She'd never expected to hear from him again after the masque either, so sure his parents had practically forbidden him from seeing her again, that the rumors they spread in retaliation to her hiding in the wrong room had all but sealed the deal.

"Should i be worried about who else you've brought up here to see the stars?" She throws herself down on the blanket gratefully, resolutely not thinking about much this thing probably cost, worn out sneakers kept as far away as possible. A part of her feels bad for the implication but, well, she actually likes Ryan, despite all the crazy his family brings and the damage they could do. She needs to know she's not taking the risk for no reason, needs to know he's serious about this.

Ryan spread out the blanket for Lucy to sit on. "Alright, I know it looks boring now, but once the sun sets, it'll get dark and we can see the stars. This is the best spot in Horseshoe Bay to see them, trust me." He grinned. "It's going to be perfect."

| @nolaraised |