#this is the reason I've been really not here except for recently haha (this and school at the start of december at least lmao)

[m0nnypie]

01. [PROLOGUE]

✿ warnings. to all the boys I've loved before!Au, quirkless!reader, teacher!reader, aged up characters, all the boys are pro-hero (including Deku).

✿ synopsis. Your childhood letters, the ones in which you declare your love for every crush you had, ended up being sent without your permission. What could come of that?

✿ words account. 1.2k

MASTERLIST

You remember the last time your life was really in turmoil, you were only 15. And you were just some random person in the middle of a villain attack, who was saved by a bunch of teenagers in training. You certainly thanked most of them, except for that stupid blond guy you don't even like to mention by name.

But why reminisce about the past? Especially if your present was everything you wanted it to be. It wasn't news to many that people without a quirk rarely got on in the world. Especially considering that they were in the minority.

You didn't care either way, you didn't have extreme dreams for a normal person like you. You just wanted to be a teacher, and it's not as if it wasn't an important profession. It's thanks to people like you that people like the pro-heros are who they are today.

You loved how peaceful your life had become once you became a teacher. Well, more or less peaceful, I mean, a lot of the time your pupils were a bunch of jerks. But you loved them, until now.

You were already late, something that never happened. And to make matters worse, the road you took to school was in the throes of a villain attack. How wonderful. You needed to get out of there as quickly as possible.

And before you could even think about getting out of there, a piece of debris made by the fights started hurtling towards you. You were very lucky. But of course you don't have to worry, do you? The wonderful and amazing Dynamight was there to save the day! How wonderful.

"HEY YOU EXTRA! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING! CAN'T YOU SEE WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIGHT?!!!!"

You just wanted to roll your eyes at his every word. Honestly, you'd rather have been hit than even have to look that blond bastard in the face. But before you could tell him to fuck off, your eyes hit the person next to him.

"Kac-Dynamight! You can't treat civilians like that!" Those green eyes looked straight at you. "Are you all right? Where are you going? I can take you close to make sure it's safe."

He smiled at you. An adorable smile, but one you wanted to hate with all your heart. You simply didn't say anything to either of them, and began to withdraw from their presence. As you walked away, you could see the green-haired man stopping the blond from probably talking some shit that would ultimately backfire on him.

After you've finally arrived at school, and get a little scolding from the principal. You walked happily to your classroom, completely forgetting recent events.

As soon as you entered the classroom, you were greeted by your little henchmen, whom you called students. You wondered how 7-year-olds could make such a fuss at 8 in the morning.

"TEACHER! TEACHER! WHY ARE YOU LATE?" Many asked at once, and you wanted to simply ignore each question and tell them to be quiet and go sit down. But you couldn't do that, could it? How sad.

"Please be quiet!" You tried to calm the adorable little pests. "I'll only speak as soon as everyone is quiet!!!"

At that moment everyone was quiet, and you finally explained the reason for your delay. Killing the curiosity of some, but piquing the curiosity of others, who wanted to know more about the hero Dynamight and Deku.

"Were they handsome?" "Did you talk to them?" "Were they like princes?" "I wanted to marry them so badly." Silly questions from children, you know?

How you wanted to tell them to their faces how unbearable each of those stupid heroes were. But you couldn't, haha. So you just gave a fond smile and said.

"Oh yes! They're great heroes! If it weren't for them, I wouldn't even be here right now!" All your students seemed impressed and fascinated that you had come into contact with the heroes they tried to love.

"Right, kids! Now let's get to class! No more talking!" They all exclaimed sadly.

"Today's activity... is to write a letter to someone you love!" In the background, you could hear several boys and girls saying "ew", while some even seemed excited about the idea.

"But teacher! I don't know how to write a love letter!" You laughed, reaching into your bag for something.

"That's why I brought examples for you to see!" You showed them letters that were at least a few years old. "These are some I made back in my teenager days! It's not much today! But back then they were everything to me"

"Why didn't you hand them in, teacher?"

"I don't know. I guess I didn't like them enough."

"Or was it that they didn't like you, teacher?" You hated the sincerity of children.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful, everyone got to write their letters. Some wrote to their parents, some even to you! You loved your students too much!

All this letter business reminded you that you really should get rid of all those old letters. That would certainly be the first thing you did as soon as you got home.

After almost dying when you got home, you wanted to just throw yourself on the bed and forget all about today. But then you remembered the letters, and how you wanted to just set fire to them.

As soon as you went to look in your bag, you didn't find anything at first. It seemed strange, but you thought it might be at the bottom, or in the middle of a folder.

But after turning that bag upside down, none of your letters were there. None of them.

"Damn it! Shit! Where is it? Where is it?"

Desperation began to hit you. What if someone from school found and read everything you wrote when you were only 15 years old? Until a memory popped into your head.

Flashback on -

"Teacher!" Kenji, one of your students raised his hand.

"Yes, Kenji?" He looked at you with a smile, a smile you hated because you knew your own students so well.

"Why don't you send the letters you made years ago now?" He said almost innocently. Almost.

"Oh... because it's been a long time!" You said with a strange laugh.

"I could give them, teacher! Me and Kaito! We know how to get the letters to them!" He said, excitedly....

"Honey, don't make this stuff up! This is all in the past!"

"Then why do you still have it? If it was in the past you could have thrown it away." Sometimes you hated being a teacher of seven-year-olds.

"You're just going to do your activity, right? Forget it!"

"Right, teacher! I'll forget it."

Well, that's what you thought. That he would forget about it, but life has a strange way of messing up your life, doesn't it?

Flashback off -

"Fuck. Shit."

You realize what a fuck-up you've made by trusting your own students, how could you trust those little henchmen?

And worse. What would happen to the letters? What if they read them? What if they thought you were crazy and came to make amends? You certainly know exactly who in those four letters would do that.

But this was no time to freak out, you needed to calm down.

"SHIT!" Right. You were freaking out.

Tag List. @erisawrites @homeless-clown @mtsyik @kryscent @ita606 @babylambdietcoke

[cosmicjoke]

Hi, Cosmic! I was considering this scene from a Levi story on AO3 which I had read a while ago, where it described his life in the Underground before he met Furlan (maybe it was one of yours, I'm not certain). It talked of how he would often go days without speaking at all, and ultimately delved into his loneliness and how he hadn't realized how alone he'd been until he wasn't. I had also read recently an analysis stating that Levi's attachment style would be fearful-avoidant due to how he grew up, which, I mean, makes perfect sense.

Thus the combination made me wonder: How do you think Levi felt when he and Furlan moved in together? Did it trigger his abandonment issues in any way, letting Furlan in emotionally when his last relationship (that we know of) was with Kenny? Given the concept of attachment styles, Levi was probably both distant and reliant with him, so how do you think Furlan reacted to this?

Hmm, that could have been one of my stories, haha, I've definitely written a few stories (all of which remain incomplete, lol) about Levi's life Underground. I feel like it's a period in Levi's life that's just ripe for exploration, but very few people seem particularly interested in writing about it, for whatever reason.

I know I do explore that idea in "This Life, After", of Levi being sort of functionally mute because he gets so little social interaction, and I think that's a pretty fair assumption to make about him growing up, especially after Kenny left him. As far as we know, Levi didn't have a single friend until he met Furlan, and we know, from the extra stories included in the "No Regrets" manga that Levi met Furlan when he was essentially full grown. I've talked before also, pretty extensively, about how it seems very likely that Levi had no social interaction with other children growing up, even when living with his mother. I don't know if you've read my analysis posts on this, but I'll link you to them here:

Anyway, I'm not a psychologist, so I can't really speak to what specific attachment style Levi may or may not have. In truth, nobody, even an accredited and practicing psychologist could definitively diagnose Levi with any, specific mental disorder or condition, because of course he's a fictional character, lol. But I don't think you need to be a psychologist to make accurate or educated guesses about what sort of mental health issues Levi might be suffering from. For example, I think it's fairly obvious that Levi is suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, because it would seem to me nearly impossible for him not to have been deeply traumatized by the experiences, not only in his childhood, but as an adult too, and I say that because of Levi's obvious emotional sensitivity. He feels things very keenly and I think more deeply than any other character in the series. That well of emotional depth, along with his immense empathic nature I think renders Levi more susceptible to emotional pain, and more easily given to grief over the loss of his comrades/friends/family than even an average person. I just think Levi feels things more deeply than is common. I think that's also what gives Levi his exceptional emotional intelligence, his ability to accurately read people and understand who they are at their cores.

To get to your specific question, it's an interesting one.

Levi is definitely someone who I think is fearful of getting close to others out of a fear of losing them, knowing the pain it causes him when he, seemingly inevitably, does. No doubt that finds its roots in Levi's earliest childhood experiences. People often talk about Kenny's abandonment of Levi (with good reason), but I rarely see it talked about how Levi's mother, in a sense, also abandoned him. Not intentionally, the way Kenny did, but the fact remains, Levi's mother died and left him alone, which very nearly led to Levi's own death. I think that absolutely must have had an impact on Levi and caused an expectation in him from very early on of abandonment. Levi couldn't have been more than five years old when his mother died, and those are obviously very important developmental years for a child. You add to that Kenny's abandonment, and it seems pretty likely to me that, yes, Levi has a fear of abandonment by the people he loves.

What's interesting about Levi, though, is that even with this fear, and even in his efforts to keep his distance from people in order to spare himself the emotional and mental distress of losing them, I think Levi's higher level of empathy and compassion renders him incapable of escaping that emotional pain, even when he doesn't know a person well, even when he's intentionally kept away from them. I've spoken numerous times of how Levi shows the same level of care and concern, and makes just as much of an effort to save the lives of people he doesn't know or doesn't know well as the ones he does know well and is close to. He even extends that same level of care and concern toward people who have been actively hostile toward him, such as the merchants in Trost who badger and bully him over the failures of the Survey Corps, to the point of even personally insulting him, or in "No Regrets", we see Levi go out of his way to save the lives of soldiers who have both endangered his own and actively mistreated and been cruel to him. We see Levi do this with Dieter, during the Female Titan arc. Despite Dieter's cruelty toward Levi, calling him a heartless monster, Levi gives him Petra's badge and tells him it was Ivan's. He gives up his own comfort to someone who's been nothing but hostile toward him, and who would have rightly been in for a scolding and even punishment for endangering the lives of the unit. But instead of being unkind in return, Levi shows Dieter nothing but compassion.

All this to say, I think even when Levi isn't emotionally or personally close to people, he still feels the weight of their loss as if he were, and he still empathizes with and understands their emotions and thought process as if he were. There's a part in "No Regrets" in which Furlan laments that they had better hurry up and complete their mission to get the documents from Erwin before Levi and Isabel start genuinely considering "dedicating their hearts" to the Survey Corps. I've talked about how this clearly indicates that Furlan is aware of Levi's tendency to get attached to people, even when he's actively trying not to. Levi, for example, doesn't want to teach his combat techniques to any of the other SC soldiers because he knows if he does and then they end up getting killed, he'll hold himself responsible for it. Again, this is indicative of Levi's tendency to become emotionally attached and involved with people, even those he doesn't know well, to the point he would feel responsible for their lives, and responsible for protecting those lives, even when, again, he doesn't know them well, and even when he hasn't been treated particularly well by them. We have to remember, upon entering the SC, none of the other soldiers showed any particular friendliness toward Levi, outside of Hange. He was even faced with pretty blatant classism from some of them, and plain resentment. But he still knew himself well enough to know that he was already beginning to feel responsible for their lives. Even with being treated as an outsider by them, he still isn't able to keep himself detached from them. We see this play out too, in the story's climax, when Levi makes his choice to go after Erwin alone. He makes the choice with full consideration of what he thinks will be best, not just for Furlan and Isabel, but for Flagon and the rest of their squad. He's equally concerned for their well being, and determines that all of them will have a better chance of survival if Furlan and Isabel stays with them. Again, Flagon has been nothing but hostile toward Levi through the entire story, but he still cares about Flagon's life.

So basically, to get to your specific question, lol, I think Levi likely became very attached to Furlan fairly quickly. There's even a similarity to Levi's relationship with Furlan and what I laid out above, in terms of how Levi even cares about people who have been unkind to him. We know from one of the extra stories that Furlan first met Levi by attempting to entrap him and force him through physical assault to join his gang. So Furlan's first interaction with Levi was one of deception and an attempt to use him against his will. We learn later from a conversation Levi is having with another scout that Levi saved his life from his own gang, when they eventually turned on him. This is consistent with how we see Levi make just as much effort to help and show just as much concern for the lives of people who have previously been unkind to him in some way or even attempted to hurt him in some way. Levi saves Furlan's life, despite Furlan trying to deceive Levi and force him into a situation against his will.

So I imagine, once Levi became actual friends with Furlan, and moved in with him, at that point, I imagine the bond between them was incredibly deep and unbreakable. I think over time Furlan would have begun to recognize that Levi's aloof demeanor and lack of expression wasn't at all indicative of the actual depth of attachment and care he felt toward Furlan himself. I always say that I think Levi's relationship with both Furlan and Isabel was more than simple friendship. I think Levi viewed the both of them as his family, and objectively speaking, I think he was probably closer to the two of them than anyone else in his life. Part of that, I think, would come from the fact they were his first, actual friends, and also because they were the only people Levi ever knew and was close to who were from the same world he was. I think Levi likely was fearful at first when he first moved in with Furlan that he might lose him in some way, that Furlan might leave him, or be killed, etc... But I also think it's a testament to Levi's resilience and open heart that, despite having already been abandoned by the two most important people in his life up to that point, he still allowed this new person into his life and allowed himself to grow deeply close to him. I think, also, that's a product of, again, Levi's inability to close his heart off to people, due to his immense empathy. Even though Levi is afraid of losing people and wants to shield himself against the pain of that, he continually fails at remaining detached, because he just naturally cares too much about other people to ever, truly separate himself from them or freeze them out. He's never been able to not care. I think Furlan probably understood that pretty quickly about Levi, and as I already said, he probably understood that Levi's aloof demeanor and seeming distance didn't actually mean he didn't care. I think Furlan understood that Levi would protect him no matter what and would always stay by his side. Isayama even said Levi is extremely loyal. He isn't ever going to abandon anyone himself. So basically, I think Furlan understood Levi, after a time, and would have recognized that Levi's appearance of apathy in truth was just his way of dealing with the fact he actually feels and cares more deeply than anyone. He only keeps his emotions held inside so he can remain reliable to himself and others, because if he allowed himself to fully feel what he was actually feeling in any, given moment, it would be overwhelming. People that know Levi truly know this about him. And so Furlan definitely would have realized that.

Anyway, I hope that answers your question, lol. That got WAY too long. I can never seem to keep my answers short.

[theresa-of-liechtenstein]

art by em year in review 2024!

i find myself surprised i drew much at all this year considering the circumstances (completing a bachelor's degree. concerts. international trip. starting a phd. general state of world.) however, for the fifth time i am happy to present my yearly retrospective.

as always, reflections under the cut.

jan: i feel like my weakest pieces always happen in january 😭 this was definitely one of those where concept > execution; some of this feels woefully flat and i wasn't too enthused about how herc looked. oh well. that was literally one of the only things i drew in january

feb: one of the developments that came about this year in my drawing was that of my cartoon/comic style, because i wanted to have a record of all the funny shit that happens in my music life. i've continually been surprised at the reception of it online haha. tita conductor is OUR internet microcelebrity now i guess

mar: ah, the douglas seventh wheels the hercolyn wedding fic i've been saying i'd write for almost two years. well, that actually got written and will go up later this week. but anyway, Hurt That Old Man!

apr: in which some professor of media studies with a slide whistle chose to examine a 160-year-old novel through the lens of an intergenerational relationship, and i took it personally. i was not drawing a lot during this time, so i was naturally falling back on my favorite subjects, namely. herc and linda. so much for branching out this year LMAO

may: a pen test for my graduation gift to tita conductor (finished version here, which she loved so much she couldn't stop talking about it when we next saw each other in september). someone once said to me 'it's weird that you can draw her from memory.' i replied 'looking at her is kind of part of the job description.'

jun: drawing theresa is probably one of the ways through which i measure my art progress, given that out of all the character designs i have (bar one, which i don't share on this blog for Reasons) hers is the one that has stuck around the most persistently. the grey is here to stay‼️

jul: i drew this one while having stomach problems in the philippines 😭 but something about the philippines (and like. being around people of my ethnic background on a daily basis) made me think a lot about my character designs for the soft-shoe-shuffle trio, so i wanted to do something with them a bit

aug: for all i talk about martin i sure never draw him, ever 😂 it's probably not obvious, but i was trying painting an base layer rather than an overlay (which i've been using pretty consistently since last year). in the future, i want to experiment more with coloring: i think i've not been eager to touch that part in my art and that needs to change. also pour one out for what i almost captioned it:

if i got onto a plane and i saw a twink in that mfing pilot seat i'm jumping off 😐🤚🏻‼️

sept: the piece that got the most attention this year i think. i'm not sure how well it came across that douglas is supposed to be ever so slightly horny in this one. oh well. it was funny.

oct: i think it was this piece that made me start to realize that i have kind of developed a problem with making everyone's faces super long. which. i don't really know how that happened. anyway this is really cute still. read the theresa-becomes-a-pilot fic.

nov: omg guys remember when i was obsessed with the theresa-maxi dynamic. well it came back for a blazing second of glory in november. maybe it'll come back to me again for good. we'll see

dec: again, familiar subjects during a tumultuous time. not much of note here, except i have noticed myself getting very lazy with lighting recently. also i wrote a fic about this.

overall: going into the new year, i think the whole 'making everyone's faces look super long' thing needs to be addressed; otherwise, as stated earlier, i really should start experimenting with coloring and base layers and shading and lighting.

thank you everyone! and a happy new year to all!

[spockandawe]

Hello! I've been thinking about binding some danmei novels in my native language, but I don't know where to start. I found your blog recently and find it very inspiring! I was wondering if maybe you could share with me what tools and materials would be good to get started with?

Sure!!!! So, I'm on mobile and don't have links at hand, but if you go back through my bookbinding tag, there are other replies I've got about the materials for making a book specifically. The renegade publishing blog also has resource documents that walk through the bookbinding process and include links to educational materials, etc. So for here, I'll focus on the danmei side of things!

So, a fun feature about these books is that they tend to run LONG. I've seen a number of people try to take up bookbinding in google docs, and honestly, it's doing things on hard mode. For many danmei, it's basically impossible. I think my EARLIEST earliest attempt at svsss began in gdocs, and that's not a super long novel, but gdocs was choking on it. A word processor on your desktop is going to be your best bet. Personally, i invested in a microsoft office license, because it was familiar and i could afford it. But the free parallel to that will be libre office, which does basically everything word can do, with just minor differences.

On the fancy end of bookbinding software, affinity, indesign, and microsoft publisher are also names you may hear tossed around. These can do fancier, more artistic layouts, but also come with a heavier price tag. And because i had webnovels on my radar from the start, i wanted something ROBUST. I wanted to be able to dump all of the husky and his white cat shizun into a single file and work from it. And i did eventually do that! Being able to typeset a single file rather than repeat each step across several is great, especially since i tend to tweak design choices as i go.

For danmei, you're also going to want a robust printer. I have a color laser that's been an absolute beast of a machine, but a black and white laser can get you a long ways, and monochrome designs can be very elegant. You don't want an HP brand printer, their toner subscription practices are downright predatory, but Brother and Canon are names I've seen recommended highly. You probably don't want an inkjet printer, because long books take a LOT of ink. The one exception would be if you can find an affordable ink tank printer.

And the last major thing i can think of is that if your main computer is a laptop, consider typesetting with an external mouse and keyboard! Danmei novels are split into lots of short chapters, frequently split across just as many web pages, with lots of footnotes to format, and laptops are convenient but not ergonomic. Doing too much on there is just asking for a repetitive strain injury. I've done it, but often paid for my sins in pain! And your laptop keyboard may start complaining too, I'm almost certain my first typeset of mdzs was the nail in the coffin for my last laptop's keyboard, haha

I hope that helps! Best of luck to you! Ive found binding cnovels to be EXTREMELY rewarding, even though my original reason was because these things would NEVER be licensed in english 😂 I'm delighted to see people experimenting with it for other translations in other languages, I really hope it goes well for you!!!!

[asexual-society]

Just looking for some advice about how to tell my best friend I’m aroace. I was trying to find a way to ask other people in the community and found this blog so I hope it’s okay to ask. I do apologise if it’s not.

About three years ago, I tried telling her. I hinted at it, but in the end, I was too scared to actually tell her. I have two other really close friends that know, but one of them figured out I was ace before I did haha. They’re both very understanding of me due to their respective identities.

Recently, it’s been eating at me more and more. I write fanfiction and have been really wanting to explore aroace characters. We are actually co-writing a fic now and she’s one of my beta readers too. One of the characters I write the most about gives me major aroace vibes and I want to write about it and discuss with readers about it. The problem is that she reads my stuff. She’s supportive like that.

I’m just scared about her reaction is all. I don’t particularly care about what my family thinks because I have no intention of telling them. Not out of fear or anything, but for other reasons that don’t really matter at this point in my life. It’s my best mate I’m worried about :/ I don’t want her perception of me to be changed nor do I want her to start saying things like “you haven’t met the right person” or whatever.

This was long. I’m sorry 😭 I kept it anonymous because even though she doesn’t have tumblr, she knows my account and I’d rather not risk her seeing this :)

Hey Anon, I'm not gonna lie, I hate coming out. I've been putting off coming out to some people closest to me for so many years. But on the other hand! I totally understand having a hard time ripping the plaster off, and the feeling of it eating at you, so I can give you a couple of low-confrontation methods that might work in a pinch, and a couple of slightly scarier options and how to deal with them in case you're feeling brave?

You said she knows your blog but doesn't have tumblr, so you could try posting more about aroace stuff on here, or put it in your bio. That way, since she doesn't follow you, the chances of her seeing it are low enough that you have plausible deniability that you didn't think she would see it, and if she does, you were Definitely just about to tell her. Effectiveness: 3/10, she might not see it, in which case you'll be worrying about it for nothing.

A similar vibe of coming out is letting someone else do it for you. This only works if you have mutual friends, either online or irl. You don't have to be there when it happens, but I find it's less unpleasant if you are; finding out someone has outed you after the fact is for sure worse, even if you intended it to happen, but someone else offhandedly bringing it up takes the power out of your hands, which is scary in a different way, but it can technically work. Effectiveness: 5/10, it'll do, but it will not feel good. Requires mutual friends. If one of your friends is a loudmouth with no filter it might even happen organically at some point, but you can't count on it, so if you are there (even just in groupchat form) being able to steer the conversation in that direction might give you the small push you need to say it yourself, since it's way harder to just bring it up out of the blue by yourself, and also having another already supportive person present who has your back always helps. Effectiveness: 8/10, getting onto the topic might be hard, but having moral support is good. Requires mutual friends.

Similarly, you could engineer a situation where you're coming out to her and one other person who you know will be supportive (or you're already out to, if you're okay with a little deception) at the same time. She can't say anything shitty if there's someone else already there being cool about it. You don't even have to be coming out to the other person, you can just mention it while they're there (so it works the same as the above, except a little more intentional). Effectiveness: 8/10, points deducted for deception, but if it gets the job done, does it matter? Requires mutual friends.

Bargaining. Set yourself a deadline and have people to hold you accountable to do it. Effectiveness: 3/10, absolutely would not work on me, will probably not feel good, could be the kick you need to do it but only if your brain works that way.

Come out to someone else first and use the momentum to tell her right after. Works best if the first person you tell isn't close enough to you that it'll be really bad if they suck about it, but if they do suck, you can use that as a jumping off point to tell your friend (e.g. I told someone I was aroace and they said XYZ shitty thing), and you can sneak in an example of something that was hurtful that your friend will know to avoid saying. And if they don't suck about it (fingers crossed!), it could give you the confidence and boost you need to tell your friend. Effectiveness 6/10, requires you to come out twice as many times. You may be able to substitute in someone else being aphobic but not directly to you as a jumping off point instead.

You could try testing the waters by mentioning that you headcanon the character as aroace and seeing her reaction, if you haven't already, and then you can say "I sort of relate to them actually" and see where that gets you? Effectiveness: 5/10, high chance of backing out at the last minute, high uncertainty means this might be the scariest option.

If you have ways of making yourself do scary things already, do as many of those as you can, but if not, I can tell you that when I want to do something I'm low key terrified of but I know will help me in the long run, I write myself a letter to open as far in the future as I feel like (there are websites you can use for this), and I tell me-of-the-future about what I want to do and that I'm scared about it, and then I imagine them reading it and imagine how it'll be by then if I haven't done it yet, and how much better it'll be for them if I do.

Sometimes it's really hard to do things for ourselves, but imagining you're doing them for you-of-the-future gives yourself enough distance that you can convince yourself that you're actually doing it for someone else. It might also help to imagine that you of the future will be proud of you for doing it, and this is a pretty instantaneous reward situation, because you get the little kick of someone being proud of you before you do it just for deciding to do it, and then as soon as you've done it you get to be proud of yourself. Effectiveness: 8/10, high risk-high reward, will feel really good if you do it, but you have to do it.

If you're still worried about her saying specific unsupportive things, coming up with a few good responses to the most likely ones that you can use in the moment without even thinking can take some of the power away from her (or anyone else) saying them. If your friend is only attracted to one gender you can use the "how do you know you just haven't met the right [person of gender she isn't into]?" or "it hurts me that you think I don't know myself well enough/that you don't trust me to know this about myself". If someone you come out to isn't supportive you are legally allowed to be petty or guilt trip them, if they know you're not just gonna back down when they try to disagree with you, it shows you're serious, even/especially if you wouldn't normally go on the offensive like that. Effectiveness: ?/10, depends on your personality and how assertive you are, and can be difficult if you're worried about confrontation with your best friend, but it could just be what needs to be done, and is likely but not certain to get your point across.

I'm not saying all of these are good methods, but they are definitely methods that you could use. And hey, if you do it, let us know how you did it and how it went!

Best of luck, I hope you figure it out <3

~mod key

[bunglegaydogs]

Dazai's relationship with pain.

it's another Dazai rant, what the fuck did you expect

Anyways, I've always thought about this and I've been thinking about it a lot more as of recently. This one I can definitely relate to, me and pain also have a bit of a weird relationship lmao.

(Spoilers for Ch. 107, 55 Minutes, The Time I picked Up Dazai, basically just don't read if you haven't like read any of the novels or the manga or any extra content :) )

Firstly, I just wanna talk about his obvious dislike for pain (valid) and the fact that he has verbally stated on multiple occassions how much he really really does not like feeling pain, and there's such a heavy thing on how he wants a quick, easy and painless death.

It's just common knowledge that he has a strong distaste for pain, as he's announced many a time.

But what really gets me is his reactions to it.

He has none.

When Dazai is experiencing pain, he shows absolutely little to no reaction, except when it is shown for comedic relief, like during the Cannibalism Arc when they're in the back of the truck and he's like "Owowowowow don't move around so much, I'm wounded" to Atsushi and Akutaguwa. Or during season 1 when he's in the oil drum, despite him saying "I'm not at all interested in pain and suffering." "This is more a method of torture." and how much it hurts. But other times, he just has no reaction. Monotonous. Stone faced. There are certainly times when he does show how much pain he's in for very valid reason. When Fyodor gets the sniper on him, you can clearly see he's in pain. In the Azure Messenger episode whilst he's being fucking strangled against the window, we obviously see him in pain here. There are so many instances of this. But it also always just seems a bit... underexaggerated. In 55 Minutes, he gets stabbed, and whilst anyone would be like "fuck, this hurts, I've been stabbed through the chest clean through" he was smiling because he was happy, despite him not liking pain. Like??? I can't be the only one who finds it all sus can I? He literally has the most calm reactions to pain ever. In Ch. 107, he's grimacing a bit and is cracking jokes after HE JUST FELL IN A FUCKING ELEVATOR AND BROKE HIS FOOT LIKE HELLO?

The only thing I will say about this is that he looks away and clenches his jaw (I'm guessing that's what the 'clench' means, not his foot) when like assessing whether his foot is broken or not. But, not going to lie, I think that's the most emotion we've seen from him when he's in pain. In Dead Apple, he gets stabbed, and is like "haha sweet I'm dying" (common occurence fr). This is probably just a deluded and sleep-deprived rant but I can't keep this shit in any longer, it's baffling.

I also went deeper down the rabbit hole in another rant I wrote on a fucking WordPad document (that is where all of my rants start, I'm not joking) and likened Dazai to Q and their relationship with pain too. Q obviously has a very high tolerance for pain due to their ability and all, but they still have a fucking limit. They're a child. Strapping them to a tree and making it feel as if they're being sawed down about 600 times at once and stood and stepped on and chopped up is obviously not going to feel fucking great. But, they still have bizarre reactions to pain, such as (TW) having countless razorblades strapped to their arm and smiling as they lift their sleeve up to reveal it, not even batting an eye. Like, I have a really high pain tolerance, but goddamn. That shit is strange. But, they're like Dazai in that regard. During Dazai and Chuuya's first meeting, he literally beats the shit out of him.

Ah, right, okay, so I'm going to explain the three different versions of this, because there's the anime, the manga and the LN. LN of course goes into more detail, but the manga visualises it easily. The anime doesn't go too deep into it, but Chuuya is much more hostile towards Dazai in the LN/Manga.

(ngl love how Chuuya basically calls him 'cool' here, also him realising that Dazai has a personality after saying that? I can't lie, not many people would go along that line of thinking, they'd go the opposite way; I'm fucking definitely going into this in more depth in a different post but anyways)

In the LN, this is obviously their first meeting. Dazai literally fucking soars through the goddamn air, crashes through buildings and debris, rolls down a fucking hill, then gets stomped on by Chuuya. Then his deadass response, "It hurts. I don't like pain, you know." Motherfucker is stone cold. "Dazai's voice remained flat despite being attacked by the enemy and hitting the ground and buildings."

Listen, even Asagiri acknowledges it.

When Chuuya first steps on his fist, he literally is like "yeah this is fine" he literally looks at it "like it was someone else's". This motherfucker-

Also, emphasis on the "full of wounds". Chuuya is stepping on already fresh wounds and crushing them and his fucking bones beneath his foot, yet Dazai's like "mhm".

The next bit though is like finally. "Dazai sounded like he was in pain." Astute observation fr. Anyways, Chuuya fucking boots him and this is like one of the only times we see a normal reaction to pain as he "cries out". And then him "grimacing from the pain" which is once again a valid reaction. What's not valid is that despite Chuuya telling him he's prepared to kick him over and over again, and Dazai saying "yeah I don't like pain" and having a visceral reaction to being kicked like that, but still messing with him regardless knowing that it'll just end up with him in more pain. I fucking can't with this guy.

Mans got booted so hard that he fell and crashed into a fence, yet still is fucking with Chuuya and messing with him. Then, whilst he's been booted again, he STILL fucking taunts him, earning him a swift kick to the face that makes him bleed. He laughs at the pain. This is also a common reaction to pain that we see from him. Remember when Chuuya punched him in Dead Apple during the Dragon's Head Conflict and he just laughed?

Like, he's clearly in a lot of fucking pain from the last sequence of events that just occured, yet he still taunts Chuuya, and ends up getting hurt multiple times like?

Then, in the manga;

His deadpan face, not assed, no emotion.

Like, look at how violent that is. Mans literally winds his fucking leg up for that stomp, and the effect is literally "smash".

We all know how fucking violent and harsh Chuuya's kicks on. Because, despite his gravity not being able to work on Dazai, he can still build momentum to prepare for that kick against him and make is legs faster. I was reading up on how much a kick to the head would hurt/damage you the other day, and there were a lot of things saying "a kick to the torso/back/leg is scary because you need to care more about injuries than pain" and someone was saying that their friend was out of commission for fighting for a year due to a particularly fesity kick to the head that she received, and his other friend was out for six months, and that was martial arts fighting matches where they lessen their impact of their attacks so as not to severely damage their opponent. Apparently, a taekwando spinning back kick has been reported to hit at 1500lbs of force. For reference, a sledgehammer hits at just under 1000lbs of force. So, in a street fight or in a situation where the person attacking is doing so out of malicious intent, this could cause some serious fucking damage.

Yet this man bats not a single eye. He gets kicked, we clearly see him react with the "cough" and his facial reaction, but then, even whilst he's keeled over on the ground, his face returns to it's normal stoic, stoney faced reaction.

Chuuya here kicks him in the face again, and he literally just says "That hurt." with the deadest look in his eyes.

Then, when the Mafia surround him with guns and Dazai's just chilling there, motherfucker just boots him across the face again and knocks that bitch out.

He kicks him so hard that blood is fucking spilling out.

Take note of the kicks I was on about before.

THEN THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS JUST GETTING BACK UP AGAIN IN THE BACKGROUND AND HOLDING HIS FACE LIKE "Ow, that kinda hurt." LIKE NO SHIT?

Once again, absolutely fucking clocked in the torso by Chuuya's kick and is just casually explaining it.

Then, of course, in the anime;

At this point, we do see him kind of grimace before he reverts to his normal deadpan state, to be fair.

Again, stating his disapproval for pain.

Very much so a hard kick, the fucking impact just sounds scary.

You can see the damage from it, yet this motherfucker still just remains as deadpan as ever in the face of pain and adversity.

Amongst all the other differences, this is one of them. In the anime, Dazai sounds more in pain and is shown to be affected more by when Chuuya kicked him than in the manga or the LN.

In the anime, it cuts out a lot of Chuuya just beating the shit out of Dazai lmao.

Like, this entire scene just gets me like "huh?" across all the different media's. We know how strong Chuuya is now, because he's honed it in the mafia and has gotten stronger. However, we also know how strong he is here. The fact that he's the strongest in the Mafia and the most skilled martial artist just shows his sheer strength, and despite him being only fifteen here, he's still fucking powerful, with or without his ability, which we see by when each time we see him fight against Dazai and how he easily overpowers him with sheer strength alone, it's just that Dazai outsmarts him in a battle of wits.

This is most certainly not me calling Chuuya dumb or Dazai weak, it's the fucking opposite and I hate people who deny it. Chuuya is not fucking stupid, he's so smart, he's a Port Mafia executive for a reason, it's just that strength is his strong suit. Dazai is not weak, he's just not as strong as some of the most skilled martial artists in the series. Dazai is fucking strong, again, he wasn't a Port Mafia executive for nothing. He can protect himself. Anwyays, sorry, it just irks me lol.

Anyways, my point is that Chuuya is fucking powerful, in my opinion, the strongest in the series. It shouldn't really be up for debate, not only is his ability powerful, but his physical strength surpasses almost all of the characters. Physical strength alone, he could easily beat Kunikida, Hirotsu (as we've seen), and any combat based character, maybe with the exception of Fukuzawa and Odasaku, however with his ability (again, exception of Odasaku) maybe he'd stand a chance. Because Fukuzawa's ability doesn't help him in combat, it helps him to be a leader. It's just that he is exceptionally proficient in martial arts. Anyway sorry this has turned into me just swooning about how powerful Chuuya is (I still stand by the fact that he wouldn't be able to beat Odasaku, simply because he can literally see the future. However, Corruption is literally OP as fuck, so maybe Odasaku's only option would be to run. Or just wait it out. I don't know, sorry anyway-)

MY POINT IS, CHUUYA IS FUCKING STRONG.

He literally is beating the shit out of Dazai, yet the only reactions we've seen from Dazai are him grimacing, or yelling out in pain when he kicked him real hard in the torso. All other reactions are just him with a stone cold expression in his monotone ass voice.

This was a bit long winded for one scene, I'm so sorry, I just fucking love this scene sm.

Anyways, I've always found Dazai's relationship with pain exceptionally bizarre, simply because of his underwhelming reactions to it, despite him exclaiming his distate for it multiple times over the course of the series. No other character has outright gone "you know I don't like pain, right?" except him. Why? It should be a natural human reaction/instinct to not really enjoy pain, except for when you do (you know what I mean obviously I hope) and so I just get confused when he announces it, yet doesn't move an inch or show any hint or trace of emotion. Pure baffles me, and I love to look into more.

Another scene of note, is when he's captured by the Mafia. Once again, he is provoking Akutaguwa into attacking him. Why? Why the fuck? I've literally always thought this since I watched that scene for the first time; just why? Why, for a man who goes on and on about how much he hates pain, does he provoke anyone and anyone who will clearly hurt him? When he's fighting against that big dude, he once again is provoking him, despite knowing the shit he'll go through. He provokes Chuuya, Aku, Kunikida, Fyodor, like? He goes into the situation with Fyodor knowing that he'll be fucking shot. He literally (fucking redacted my god) the nurse despite having a gunshot wound? Goes into the car knowing it will crash? Saves Sigma and crashes in an elevator? Even his fucking suicide attempts like, that shit's obviously not painless despite how much he wants it to be. In the BSD Drama CD, he literally fucking hangs himself in the room? He actively seeks out pain and puts himself in these situations and has self-destructive behaviour and tendencies despite his suicide. Anyways, sorry, the scene I was on about. When he gets captured by the mafia, and is literally getting smacked the shit out of by Aku (bear in mind that we didn't see that full scene from after Aku punched him, and whoever else went there to him, or whatever else happened. What happened when Kyouka took him, when he was chained up, etc. Also, the fact that it is a place used for torture, like. Anyways) yet still provokes him. For about three or something days that motherfucker was chained up and suspended like that's gotta hurt. Yet, he still provokes absolutely everyone around him and they end up inflicting pain on him. It just like... huh?

Anyways, I have so much more to say about this, but it's quite literally 4am and it's getting lighter outside. I have so so SO much more to say on this, though.

I just say way too fucking much lmao.

This is not going to make any sense to anybody else but me and for that I am sorry, and I apologise for me not being very concise or articulate. Any questions, don't hesitate to ask me and feel free to add your own brainrot to this :)

Have a lovely day/night! Thanks for taking the timr to read this bullshit fr <333

[celticbotanart]

Been feeling under the weather these past few days (hence why I'm a bit inactive here, as per usual); so let's go for another music post~

I've recently finished the season 1 of "Constellation", highly recommend it if you are into scifi, space/astronauts and time-alternative dimension-fuckery. The show is pretty awesome, and Noomi Rapace, who plays the protagonist is also a favorite of mine (and she's killing in this role as always <3).

I won't elaborate a lot, due to personal reasons but also bc spoilers, but the finale really made an impression on me and I've been thinking a lot about it. It also reminded me a lot of a couple of songs I know with these themes of "lost in space (metaphorically and literally)", longing, loss/grief and so on, and I want to share them with y'all~

1- "Moonhearts in Space" by Tina Guo ft Serj Tankian

You were undressed With your lies, I confess But I don't want to know 'Cause we're going to space Children, let's pretend We can see everything But we can't I can make the pain go away No, you can't

For context, Tina Guo is the original cello soloist in the soundtrack of the game "Journey", which is majorly cello all over it, as the "voice" of the main character. And also yes, that Serj Tankian (vocalist of System of a Down), haha. An unlikely pair that really pays off in this collab - Tina has a very intense and emotional playing style, and Serj really goes hard with sensitive, beautiful vocals as he does <3 I love how the lyrics are "all over the place", like someone's thoughts going from one thing to another really fast~

2- "Toki no Kioku" ("Memory of Time") by Yoko Kanno

Far away, long ago Wandering lost, so alone Passing eyes, parting sighs Some pains come through Where time flows, no one knows Pulsing dreams, barely seen In skies, thoughts of love go by

This is the ending theme of an anime / 6 episode OVA called "Please, Save My Earth" - the main plot is kind of inspired by the tale of Princess Kaguya (moon beings experiencing humanity). The story of "Please Save My Earth" tells about these teens who start to have dreams from their previous lives, where all of them worked together in a space station at the moon, trying to find a way of helping Earth and humanity, longing for it. It's a very strange anime, ngl, but I found it so captivating, from the detailed 90s anime style to the mysterious, introspective narrative. The music is by Yoko Kanno (most known for her work on Cowboy Bebop's OST), and "Toki no Kioku" really reflects the somber and melancholic tone of the story. I'm linking the version with the ending credits because I think the beautiful animation adds so much to the music's experience!

3- "The First Corpse on the Moon", by Lethe

Lethe is a project featuring Tor-Helge Skei and Anna Murphy (former Eluveitie, current Cellar Darling). No lyrics here because they are nowhere to find online, and I can understand only some bits of it (I have a hard time picking up English in singing). It's enough though, cause the title is pretty self-explanatory. Out all of these songs, it's probably the song that makes me think of "Constellation" the most (if you know, you know). I've always loved Anna Murphy's vocals and how she goes for darker, more introspective themes too, and this song is no exception

[i-may-be-an-emu]

hey my dude, happy birthday! (i saw someone else say happy birthday but idk how old you are lol)

I've been wondering how other Christians on the autism spectrum deal with praying, experiencing God, etc. Personally I didn't enjoy my old church that much because The Building Is Ugly and The Lights Are Evil, plus the songs were all about "I, the singer, am experiencing an Emotion about God" which I couldn't always relate to. I do try to pray regularly but I don't often have a lot to say (bc I have no life haha).

Building relationships is hard enough with other humans, especially neurotypical ones but even others with autism. It's a lot more cloudy and confusing when you're trying to build a relationship with someone whose voice you can't hear. But I love the physical humanity of Jesus because all through the gospels he talks to his friends, he loves them, cares for them, eats with them...and I can identify with that humanity. He knew what it was like to be alone, or mad at everybody, or mad at the guy who's preaching because of what he's saying. And he took care of people who were hungry or sick or even DEAD, and I can identify with those things too

(probably one reason I like SFTH so much is that they also make love and care for the characters, and for each other, visible and physical and obvious and said out loud, like Jesus himself but on a much smaller scale)

Anyway I'm not sure what I even came here to ask, except what does Christianity look like for another young autistic person? Is Regular Church hard or unpleasant for you? Do you pray even when you have nothing to say? I don't really want advice, I'm just curious about your perspective

First of all I’m so sorry for taking so long to answer this, but thank you for the ask!! :))

I definitely relate to the sensory nightmare that church can be, I block a lot of it out and kinda shut down mostly- although my church has a “quiet room” specifically for adults and teens with sensory needs (it’s quite a big church, like several hundred people possibly more) and I think you can go in there and there’s low lighting and low volume and you watch the service on a TV (i don’t use it so maybe its only for big services?? Like Christmas?? But idk I think its every service)

The songs have always been a bit confusing to me too, especially cause they often use a lot of metaphors that don’t make sense to me or there’s factually incorrect things that are commonly said but not technically correct and I’m like ???? I also tend to overthink things a lot and it’s hard to actually just be in the moment.

l experience hyper-empathy, which honestly with Christianity helps me a lot? Cause I feel it so intensely, but then it’s hard to decipher what’s my own feelings and what’s God. And idk 🤷 it’s helpful but kinda annoying sometimes.

And yeah I honestly pray just whenever, even when I have nothing to say, I kinda just talk to God about anything. Although, recently I’ve noticed that I don’t as much anymore and I’m trying to fix that.

But yeah :) autism does definitely affect my faith in the way that I see the world. When I was younger and I learned stuff like Jesus leaving the 99 to find the lost sheep I always thought stuff like “but what if I’m not the lost sheep and I’m just one of the 99 and he leaves me” kinda thing. Cause it’s a metaphor and the people giving the example are trying to help you to understand what they’re getting at but my brain would always look at it another way.

I still do quite often, and sometimes it’s good. It’s good to question things and look at things in another way, but I do get caught up in the details rather than just listen to what the person preaching has to say sometimes.

thank you for the question :)

[bunbunpawz]

BlackLess Jirai Kei

So recently Jirai Kei has always had options for Blackless outfits but it is the easiest to add the black to make it Jirai Kei. So lets look at how it works, kind of? I am not 100% sure on it either and I think other people might be just as lost. 1. Tunic "one piece" + shorts. The best way I've seen a blackless Jirai Kei outfit was when they wore tunic + shorts "one piece" outfits where the main clothing items either have a pattern, or are just a slick single color. You can add black to it in the form of a pattern such as :

How ever You can also for an outfit that is completely blackless (except for maybe the shoes)

All of these would be considered Jirai Kei:

As you can see the pink and gray do have a black ribbon, but the blue has a white ribbon, and lately the pink has also been coming with white accesories. It is still recognized as Jirai Kei. Heck even without the black shoes, usually a full pink and white outfit or a blue and white outfit. Example of an all blue and white Jirai Kei

I assume the reason why Blue and White has been more in Jirai Kei lately is due to the rise of the fashion of "mizuiro" or "blue and white" style. It is seperate from the Tenshi Kaiwai as it is a different type of accesories, style and vibe, the only thing that is similar is the color. Its somekind of mixture between Tenshi Kaiwai with Jirai Kei. It is one of the reasons Jirai Kei has become and umbrella fashion, such as Gyaru with Gyaru categories. I assume we are heading that way with Jirai Kei. Here is a Blue X white X pink jirai kei outfit

The blue x white is due to popularity , and the pink bow is due to the black outfits + pink bow being popular as well. Pink x White, Jirai kei?

This one could either be Ryousan Gata Or jirai kei. Seeing as the model is usually Jirai kei and you can tell by her make up and overall style she is on the jirai side, this pink x white no black outfit works really well. Pink x pink x white Jirai Kei

Again we see the tunic + shorts be the best indication of it being Jirai Kei despite having no elements of black. It seems if you can capture the vibe it can be jirai kei regardless of what colors you use.

Over all it seems that white is the new black? or maybe pink is? In anyway, I have made a mess of a post, hope that was enjoyable for someone haha some people might not agree with the no black jirai kei but it cannot be stopped and you may take it as you would.

[castlebyersafterdark]

omg it's so emotional about you getting into makeup! i wonder if this part of yourself will always be connected to stranger things and by extension, noah, now... like in the future you might look back and remember that you discovered that part of yourself though this show and your love for the actors. it will always be in your heart, perhaps <3

also why did i swoon a little when you said you have brown eyes? like... youre one of THOSE redheads. what people in the redhead makeup industry would call gossamer, maybe? copper auburn hair, lots of freckles, peachy skin and cinnamon eyes? special. for some reason because you said you have irish roots i was assuming you would be more copper-carrot with ice blue eyes.

i've got scottish roots and i'm more strawberry blonde, no freckles except in strong summer sun. the hardest ever shade to even get people to acknowledge haha! double the discrimination, for being a blonde bimbo or being a ginger! haha! oh life. all this to say, i would advise looking up redhead-specific makeup brands if you do want to get into this - you can get specialist red/auburn mascaras. changed my life! but... for these purposes, a dar brown that's got impact might work better for you! go bold!

It's a bit emotional for me too, but I have this fandom corner to thank for many things lately, you're so right. I don't think I would have experimented or considered without it!! So, definitely. Always will come back here, no matter where this goes. It's funny, he didn't even really wear it, it was a joke filter - but Noah in the makeup really did affect me in such an unexpected way. Yes, he looked hot but something really shifted when I thought about it. "Do I want him or want to be him" as is such a common thought train for me with guys. A little of both here. Been interesting to work this out, I'm still not fully there but it's... something. I'm onto something.

I'm blushing over the brown eyes swooning. I don't know, but it made me smile. Thank you 😌 I'm learning so much, about color and features I might not have really thought too hard about. I definitely have Irish roots but there's some other stuff too, so who knows!! But I'm going to take the advice and look into stuff! Color theory. I tried a less costumey look recently than for Halloween (just in the mirror to test, went a little softer). I think the black is throwing me after these conversations, might go this other route the next time I'm back at the store. I think of the guys in a lot of my favorite rock/pop-punk type bands and the liner many wear. I always thought all those guys were so cool, so I think it's another influence as I observe what I'm doing here. Kind liking a little as an occasional enhancement rather than a glam thing. You know who would be sooo hot with a little liner? Biased, but 💙 Hmmm. Boy. I gotta convince him. He's already got such lovely features and these gorgeous eyes, he'll knock me tf outtt if I can convince him just to try it. I can be very persuasive.

And to the second - I think I get what you mean!! It's more of an enhancement rather than a big glam thing. Which can be cool, too, but not completely applicable here? I think that's what appealed to me. Because I did think the lipstick and blushy cheeks added to his vision and his attractivness there, but not something that appeals to me for me? So yeah, his looks was a bit more. Cute clown/jester! I see it. I thought he also looked like a seductive cartoon bunny but I think we know that's a pervasive (in a positive way) image many of us in this corner have grown fond of. (Ooooh wait - Noah as the Lola to my beloved Bugs Bunny oh, the vision the vision ANYWAY). But still more towards what you said - exaggerated version than specifically Noah as a woman. Like, nothing wrong about another's journey but I don't really think for myself it's specifically with the makeup tapping into a true femininity thing personally, it's really... it's different. I'm not sure what's going on! Exaggerated enhancement is the name of the game.

But again, to your last point... maybe things can mean multiple things at once. It's probably safe to say the 'guy in makeup' thing is part of it with Noah, I don't think that's inaccurate entirely. There's truth there. But not as much of really a thrill for me in a taboo way not like uhhhhhhh maybe certain styles of, gosh, why am I so embarrassed to admit stuff? Is that proving our point here? The taboo. Fuck it, certain style of lingerie garment worn in the bedroom. Fill in the blanks. Why can I talk about certain things here but others I'm nervous?? Point proven!! Anyway. Excellent point. Concepts of gender rather than rules of gender itself. I do love breaking rules and roles. Now I'm all over the place where this started as a pretty put together conversation and I'm blushing and sputtering hahaha. Anyway...

[kasienda]

So you reblogged a post recently about how you should never give unsolicited cc on ao3 fics and I 100% agree but I want to hear your thoughts on something.

Once several months ago I read a fic where the main characters were very misogynistic and the narrative was justifying their misogyny. I went into the comments and there were a few other people who pointed out the misogyny in the work. I replied agreeing and said it was kind of uncomfortable. The author replied basically saying "don't like don't read".

Ever since then I've wondered if I was being a jerk for making that comment. Is unsolicited cc justified if the author is misogynistic? Or should I have just ignored it and moved on to a different story? I've been wanting to ask someone else for a while now but I've felt kind of guilty about it

Hey anon!!

I don’t know if I’m an authority on this topic, but I’ve actually been in similar situations, and here are my few thoughts.

1) I don’t think the rules are different when I come across stories that don’t agree with my values. And I think that criticism will still come off as rude. And I think it’s up to YOU to decide if it’s something you care about enough to not care if it’s rude or not. And if it’s something you care about then, I don’t think you need to worry about hurting that author’s feelings. It’s definitely not worth your guilt for days or longer after the fact. Like it’s a can I live with being rude? Can I live with myself for NOT saying something even if it is rude?

2) on the other hand, saying something in the comments is not really going to change anything. There’s lots of people who are prejudice in some way and that’s always going to come out in their artwork. That’s the world they live in in their head. And hearing from a stranger on the internet is not likely going to change their minds or make this person suddenly reflective and self aware.

I have learned (by making a lot of mistakes! Haha!) usually that if I’m reading a story that I don’t like because the author and I clearly have very very different values, that I’m better off just not engaging. I hit that back button. Because if I do say something, and the author responds we usually just get in a back and forth and I get all worked up and angry, and they get all worked up and angry and double down, and it’s just not worth it.

Now I have made an exception before when it felt like the writer wasn’t aware of how it was coming across, and would want to know. But even then, I don’t phrase it as criticism! I usually say something like, “omg! This is so good! I have so many feelings! I can’t believe character x didn’t respect character Y’s no!! I can’t wait for Y to kick them into the sun!” And this works because a lot of the time the author DID mean to write it that way and this comes across as me engaging with their story instead of criticizing the story! And if they didn’t intend for x to be unlikeable in that scene, well, now they know that it landed that way anyway!

I will tell you that if someone has already commented about my issue, and the author has responded defensively or reflectively, I don’t need to say anything.

It also helps me to remember that stuff I find awful is always going to exist! Always! And it being awful is not a reason for it not to exist! Because there’s someone out there who is going to find some of my stuff just as awful! (I’ve even heard from some of them!). My comments and values are not going to stop that kind of stuff from existing. I respond by creating stuff that I wish existed instead. I call that spite fic! Haha!

I also want you to know that I’ve messed up before, I’ve been rude on purpose before (usually in defense of writers, but not always), I’ve apologized for my impact before when something didn’t land as positively as intended, and I’ve not commented on stuff that I abhored before. I’ve done it all! And from that, I’ve learned how I want to engage with fic and fandom. And I have gotten to a point where I almost never comment criticism to a writer I don’t know. But it wasn’t always this way. I LEARNED that by doing it other ways and it blowing up in my face. Mistakes are awesome like that because they are the biggest opportunities to learn.

So if you take one thing from this, I hope it’s this - your guilt is not needed. If it was a mistake, learn from it and move on. But only you can decide if it was actually a mistake or not.

[summercourtship]

I had to watch a 42 min video that explained the lore of “Fallout: New Vegas” to read (I have never watched/played Fallout before, except for the TV series) your Vulpes fic! and i have to say… it’s soooo good!!!! I have never heard about Vulpes before, he definitely has a hot voice… and face… and body… (what i’m trying to say thanks for introducing him to me) I’m so excited to keep reading it and seeing how their relationship goes from there! I loved the way you managed to portray Vulpes arrogance and Ena’s quick thinking skills, her shaving her head was so personal and emotional to me bcs (for me) hair is part of my personality, so her doing that was a very clear way of showing that now, she is forced to change who she is.

Also, that part where he looks at her hair and she’s self conscious about it, reminds me of that scene in STBOTDI where the reader is checking out Edward’s hair and he’s self conscious about it! Haha… but, yeah Vulpes was probably just seeing that she had a recent hair cut and thought “Huh… that’s abnormal…” (or not… i might be just dumb)

(Oh… and… I've said this in other Ask’s... but I feel obliged to repeat, English is not my native language, so… if some sentences seem strange and without punctuation it's because of that... the fact that I'm on mobile doesn't help either… I just don’t want you to think i’m a child that doesn’t know how to write)

your dedication is insane, thank you so much. like, i'm genuinely flattered that you went through that effort just to read my lil fic <3

i definitely radicalized at least three people to paul dano's riddler through STBOTDI so if i can do the same with this fic, that would just be really funny tbh. I love Vulpes (and I also love blowing him up in game but that's neither here nor there)

It's always a journey writing new characters- I'm always afraid that I end up writing the same characters over and over again. Especially with this fic being in a POV I don't write very often, I've been very nervous about how they're coming across. Thank you for letting me know that, if nothing else, I portrayed them how I'd hoped.

I actually went about six years without getting a hair cut (from my senior year of high school to last year). Even though I didn't go anywhere near shaved head, it was a big shift (even if I knew it was ultimately for the better). While Ena knows that shaving her head is necessary for her survival, it must feel much like the 'final nail in the coffin' for her.

Vulpes is suspicious of her from the get-go, so his thoughts when he was looking at her hair were definitely somewhere along the lines of "this hair has been cut recently, what does that mean?" It's all just evidence that he's gathering for her being not who she seems. (and the reason why he hasn't done anything about it will be revealed later in the fic. also he generally needs to not act for the fic to work idk)

Your English is really good! It gets the message across and I can understand it, which is what language is for. So I'd say you're doing a pretty good job! <3333

[incandescentflower]

bad buddy fandom getting-to-know-you meme!

a getting-to-know-you meme for people to introduce themselves in the bbs fandom by @fiercynn

note: "fanworks" are defined here as pretty much everything people create related to a fandom, including but not limited to meta/analysis/discussion, gifs, fanvids/edits/fancams, filk, fanart, fanfic, fan food, fan crafts, etc. please include this note with the meme unless you have a different definition!

name and whatever you want to share about yourself

I'm MJ. I love writing fic and talking about shows with people. I write mostly BL. I am in a few fandoms, but bbs is definitely one I'm still writing (albeit slower lately).

this is crazy long so here's a cut -

when did you watch bad buddy/join the fandom?

I started watching after episode 2 aired. The name first turned me off. I didn't actually know who Ohm or Nanon was, lol I know right? I enjoyed some Thai BLs but none had hit for me. I saw a gif set of when Pat and Pran were looking at that empty dorm and Pat grabbed Pran right by the thigh and I was like, what the hell, I have to know what is happening there. Except, they were fooling me that this was just a light, silly, flirty show and hit me with such emotional resonance that I haven't freed myself yet. I wrote my first fic at the end of November 2021 and have been writing for them ever since.

favorite ship(s)

I am Pat/Pran through and through. I like other ships too but they are the reason I'm here.

favorite character(s)

I love both Pat and Pran. I like writing more from Pat pov because honestly Pran hits a little too close to home for me. :) All the side characters are fun and that is one of the reasons I love this show - Ink/Pa especially.

favorite episode(s) - these kinds of choices are just cruel but I would say episode 11. The raw emotions throughout it just killed me.

favorite scene (s) - rooftop aside, I recently mentioned the "thanks for trying to make this silly guy happy" scene from 11 as one of my favorites of all Thai bl (it's true), besides that, the scene when Pran brings Pat the drink, Pat tries to offer to say they aren't together anymore, the way Pran initiates them holding hands under the table and the way Pran knows Pat liked his drink less sweet. My heart tugs just thinking about it. <3

one thing you would change about the show if you could

more Ink/Pa would have been so nice and also, stop teasing us P'Aof and give us Wai/Korn

what are some of your favorite fanworks made by other people?

This is absolutely impossible. This fandom has so many wonderful creators in so many ways - art, fic, meta, edits. I think some things just stuck in the brain either because they were given to me because that's what I love about fandom most - the giving - or I was struck by them as they really hit my feels about the show at the time. but this is by no means an exhaustive list and I don't even know how I'd do that.

@geonbaeeee makes all kinds of amazing art, but I loved this one because they are some of my favorite scenes.

when I think of bbs art, I always think of this series. I don't even care about weddings tbh, but I just love how all their personalities are displayed here and I do think this is exactly what Pat and Pran would want haha

@funyasm made me this wonderful mood board for bbs as gift that was a big heart hug

@creativityobsessed wrote the coolest music meta about episode 5 and I still think about it sometimes.

I've been fortunate enough to be given two really wonderful gift fics. @galauvant gifted me Family Ties with some good Jindapat siblings content and triplelovescore gifted me a crack in the foundation with some excellent Pat hurt/comfort. Both were so good at giving the heart a little twist.

(if you create fanworks) what are your favorite fanworks that you’ve made?

I would say if you've only read one work in the fandom by me it's probably Up the Ante. And I do love it, but I think honestly, my favorite might be one of my least read - "I'm here, if you want me," which I wrote in the week between episode 11 and 12 in that "you had to be there" time in the fandom. It was a "if they really did break up let's fix-it" fic. I think it could have actually been a longer AU if I had any patience at all, but I needed soothing in the moment lol. Pat's love for Pran shown in the way we all know he would give it - as self-sacrificing as possible, and Pran's love of Pat shown through his music. It just felt right.

Anyway, I have others too. Honestly, it's like trying to pick a favorite child. Fanworks are works of love and each have their reasons for why I wanted to write them and why I love them.

a song that makes you think of bbs (the ones in the show don’t count lol) ha ha, look, this show has a theme song with multiple versions, a secondary song, another song that is now an in canon Pran-written song, Pat's ourskyy song, the og trailer song, the when we were younger instrumental, when the lyrical version is also amazing, and one of my faves is Keep Coming Back to the Start which we only hear for a tiny bit at the end of episode 6, but is an awesome song. but okay, yeah, beyond that and the instrumentals, I have a whole playlist that includes these and others. many songs come from some of the amazing edits out there. anyway, that's a long answer to mention "If our Love is Wrong" by Calum Scott, which I got from this edit (yes this is a cheat to link another fanwork)

idk anything else you want us to know?

I've met some really kind people through the bbs fandom and I really appreciate them very much. <3

I know that there are definitely people who used to be in bbs fandom not tagged in someone else's posts but I am not sure who still considers themselves in it. so this is a chance to say so. :)

[thelikesoffinn]

Do you play other rpg? It would be cool to read your opinion on cullen from dragon age Inquisition ❤️❤️❤️

Ooooh no, the question I've been afraid of ever since people started asking me stuff! For now I must out myself as someone who usually doesn't really...like classic rpgs?

Now, before we throw stones - let me explain!

I do like gaming and I do that a lot, but those things that are classically recognised as your standard rpg aren't really my cup of tea most of the time because, quite frankly, I. Get. Bored.

Really, I keep trying, but I'm rarely engaged. Like, I played the witcher II and III, oblivion, guild wars 2, teso and, as a wee lass, I played Fable. (And I think I did play Dragon Age Origins and Pathfinder but that was when I was a depressed teen in survival mode, so I'm not counting those for a hot moment because I remember nothing about them 👉🏻👈🏻)

In my experience, there's often a lot of running about and "go collect THIS in THREE VILLAGES AND EIGHT HOURS OF FOREST over and then come back!" and I can't deal with that sort of unnecessary grind that does nothing but make the game longer. (Now, we don't count cozy farming games or pokemon here, aight? Those are a different category in my book.)

Especially in new-ish titles where they, quite blatantly, go "yo okay you can only go HERE if you did all the side quests on that island over there otherwise you're too weak and that little wolf overhere will absolutely decimate you".

It's hard for me to stay engaged and actually finish the game, so they never quite managed to capture my heart, which is why I, at some point, stopped looking into RPGs as a whole.

(A few exceptions that I did enjoy were VTM Bloodlines and, more recently, Hogwarts Legacy.)

I'm more into narrower games that are a bit more story focused - like Stray Gods, omfg that one was so good - and don't let me wander off for 69 hours without to collect buckwheat for the farmers cousin twice removed, hehe.

(Btw, that's also why I'm so mad at the newer assassins creed games - ESPECIALLY Odyssey and Valhalla - because I absolutely love assassins creed as a whole, but I hate that they're so huge and open-worldy these days. Like, what is so wrong about a more story focused game? Let me enjoy this for a few hours and then back tf off please.)

The whole entire reason why I got into bg3 is basically the lovely @harcove because she was sharing a lot of clips and pictures - mostly of Halsin back then, haha - and I thought that game actually looked really fun so I decided to, potentially, throw almost 70€ into the fire and trust the opinion of someone I'd never talked to and here we are I guess 👉🏻👈🏻

(Haven't regretted it. I love bg3 dearly, and it's nice to find a proper rpg I actually do enjoy!)

So, to get back to your question: Unless you want me to tell you that Sebastian Sallow is actually a sweetheart if you look past his desperation or you want me to go on a rant of how amazing Malkavians are - which they ate omfg they so 100% are - or about how Geralt z Rivii is an absolute treat for anyone into the broody type, I don't think I can do a lot of talking about other rpg's, darling, I'm sorry!

[polyamorouspunk]

hi hello I hope you're day evening etc. is going alright. sending metaphysical pancakes or sth your way if you want them and if you're up to it maybe asking for. advice. in return. though I'm strongly assuming the only solution here is ✨communication✨ but unfortunately on occasion that is scary and hard to figure out

so. my partner wants to live with me. ideally for me to move in with them. which is great! I've been sorta dreaming about that for years! all good, right?

well. the thing is. we've been planning to live together in the past. repeatedly. repeatedly and not continuously because somehow the plans were always cancelled, and hate to say it but never from my side. I don't like pointing this out to them bc it sounds like I'm holding a grudge or sth, though they always had valid reason for backing out and obviously it's better anyway for both of us if they back out if they don't feel ready rather than having to deal with a difficult-to-reverse situation like sharing a living space. but nonetheless it has happened... 3? 4? times over the last... decade or so and I'm having a hard time trusting that this time it's not gonna suddenly pulled back again which would. y'know. hurt kinda.

additionally, we've both moved into our respective flats fairly recently (2 and 1 years aho respectively), and neither is really made for 2 people. theirs would work alright if needed but I'm fairly certain we'd want/need more space sooner rather than later, and I don't really want to move all the time since it's bloody exhausting. and like... we DO have pretty different idk styles of living? they're all about pretty places and a good level of tidiness, and I'm kind of a mess with stuff everywhere and mismatched furniture and decoration bc functionality trumps style and also I collect all the stuff that I like and display it regardless of whether it objectively looks "good". meaning, and in the past we'd always agreed on this, that it'd be good if we both did have separate spaces at our disposal, so the general living space can be nice and aesthetic and they can decorate their space how they like and I can contain my chaos in my own space without bothering anyone much. except now out of the blue they seem adamant to move in together asap and get really excited about it and I HAVE explained most of this but they seem insistent on making it work somehow which is. sweet, and I do love that apparently it's become so important to not be separated from me for long, but I have a hard time trusting that as well due to uhhh our relationship history idk.

it's just. it's sweet and I should be over the moon but I can't share their optimism regarding making it work (I don't want fighting to happen bc I left my stuff lying around too much) and I can't fully trust the whole thing so now it's just them being excited and me being sort of a buzzkill and I'm not really sure how to. address. all of it

sorry this got long haha please don't feel obliged to answer or anything, and take care!

I think your feeling are totally reasonable. I’ve had a partner who would always say they were going to come over and then something always came up so I just… stopped hoping. It’s soul-crushing! I think it’s a reasonable boundary to say “listen this has been an issue in the past and every time you say you wanna move in and then back out even if you have your reasons and they are valid it still hurts me, even if it doesn’t have anything to do with me”. I’m lucky that my ex and I both had similar living styles so the idea was when we moved in together like we would function well. We pretty much already lived together on weekends, so we knew we worked out well. I think having someone stay at your place/stay at someone’s place for a few days is a great test to see how you guys live together. But yeah, as someone who is poly, I’ve always been adamant about the fact I would want my own bedroom in a polycule situation. For a lot of reasons I need my own space in a shared living area. Things like that aren’t easy, and I’m not going to say “it’s just about communicating” because while it is yes it also seems like “maybe your partner needs to work on not getting your hopes up about things like that only to back track” (aka you establishing that boundary).

[cellsshapedlikestars]

How’s the supervisor gig going?

I'm tired haha

Basically what happened is that a supervisor stepped down and they called me and "asked" if I wanted the position and it all got dumped on me really quick after that. There's a reason I've never applied for supervisor before, because I'm not a "work is life" person and I've only recently learned how to really manage my anxiety/depression and didn't want added stress. But here I am.

Honestly the job itself is easy enough, except that ex-supervisor left me with a huge mess to clean up, a brand new person to train, and a person who has been here for six months, but it turns out she basically gave up on him like 2 weeks in and didn't give him a fair shot so I have to retrain him. She's also causing problems by never coming into the office and I've had to go in every day this week because of it. I've got a 45 minute drive each way and I'm learning new things and fixing old messes and my brain hurts.

The good news is I've managed in a week to clear up a lot of her work and even started helping the other supervisor with his (which he was behind on because it turns out he was doing the ex-supervisors work on top of his). So far he has offered to drive out to PA to hug me because I'm actually working, and our department manager told a different super that X stepping down & me taking the job was "like second Christmas", so that feels very validating. And I got a really good raise, which also helps of course.

Anyway. I haven't had much time for anything this week (I haven't gone grocery shopping & you should see the amount of take out I've ordered), but I promise I'm working on the next chapter of tmg. Maybe this weekend?

I just got home and am going to take a nap now lol