#this is the only type of post I wanna see on my dash from now on

[lemonjestercoffee]

horses! horses! horses! horses!

i redesigned them! with my own hcs and species design quirks. also woe, height chart be upon ye

some notes for everypony:

Twilight Sparkle- i like gold on her design but not the absurd amounts everyone else gives her for some reason, so i made it an accent color. yes her magic is gold now too because of her eyes. her hair was also inspired by Mikan Tsumiki's cause i thought a more orderly version of her choppy mess would look good on Twilight, i was right. also glasses go brr, i think she looks cute in 'em

Apple Jack- while i love the long fetlocks people give her, i can't see her actually doing that because they'd be a pain to keep clean, so i did the opposite and had her shave her feathering off. i also put her hair up to keep it off her neck so she doesn't overheat while working. her cutiemark is my favorite part cause it's that family symbol where two adults and a kid make a heart, but i made it an apple instead, does a better job at showing her emphasis on family ties. no hat cause i like the idea of her hat being from her dad, and she doesn't want to mess it up wearing it daily so she wears it exclusively to special events

Rainbow Dash- i decided to make her less of a living lightening bolt and leaned more into her lazy side, going for the type of butch lesbian look that makes her feel like she wears tank tops and hangs out in the basement getting drunk and listening to rock. i wanted her to look like the only part of her she actually puts effort into maintaining is her wings

Fluttershy- i take great enjoyment in making Flutters a fucking lumbering giant compared to his friends (yes my Flutters is a guy), taking fluttertree and running with it. no notes aside from tall and green patterns and long hair and ooo pretty bronze jewelry. ig also his cutie mark is like- it was suppose to just be a paw and a butterfly but i accidentally made a parasprite with it, and instead of fixing it i just rolled with it and made it look more intentional

Pinkie Pie- THIS HORSE GAVE ME SO MUCH TROUBLE!! every part of my body was like "give her patterns! add things to her hair! it makes sense for her!!" but everything i did looked wrong and i couldn't get it to work. so i bit the bullet and made her really plain... and it worked. i don't know why but she just.... looks so much better with a really simple design, the hair texture does all the heavy lifting really

Rarity- of everyone, she's the one who'd have the long pretty fetlocks, and i decided to double down on that by not only making them so long you can't see her hooves, but also by making her have the longest and softest coat in general. she has the time and dedication to take care of such a high maintenance coat and she's gonna do it. it's even more impressive when you realize ponyville uses exclusively dirt roads. aside from that i think she deserves nice jewelry, and they use leather straps cause i think leather would be a ponyville fashion staple, she shows her hometown pride in her fashion

Spike- i thought it was weird he was so small the whole run, he should have had a growth spurt at some point imo, so i made him a bit bigger and more proportional to the older teen dragons, this is less of a redesign and more of a "make him actually grow up" thing, he's still small but not toddler small. this is the point where Twilight starts complaining about him sitting on her back cause he's getting too heavy. i also don't like how adult Spike ended up looking, but i haven't made a redesign of him yet

i have made an older alicorn Twilight design that i've been referring to as Ethereal Twilight, but i might hold off on sharing that for a while cause i have some funky hc lore ideas for the alicorns that i wanna refine a little before posting her. maybe i'll have older Spike drawn by then too, who knows

[thedragonqueen1998]

Today at work i got insanly inspired to write and once i got off work, i immidiently went on my phone to type it out. XD I just finished a 3 hour long writing ses(had a 15 minute food break in the middle). ^^ Probably just gonna forever gonna be a wip thing, but it was fun and i'm kinda proud of it. Despite it being rough in some parts, mostly because i wanted to rush to the 2nd half and i didn't wanna get stuck, i'm happy to share it. ^^

It's a kinda long, so i'm gonna add a Read more line to not fill your dash with text. Also, first time trying formatting out! XD

So, originally this post was just gonna be a "i actually wrote something! Look!" thing, just showing of some work i did, but after writing the reason why i wrote a line a certain way, it went into something very sad and kinda dark, so if you don't wanna read about death, a light mention of suicidal thought and grief... just stop after What even is my life.

Idk why i wrote it, but it took alot of effort and it feels... important to me, i guess. Part of processing and such. So, yeah. Read at your discretion. Thank you for your time. 💜

Ezio had many regrets in his long life. Not being there when his father and brothers were arrested. Of not being there more for his sister and mother. Of not trying to be together with Cristina. Not being able to save her. Or being able to save Uncle Mario and Monteriggioni. But biggest of all, not having spent more time with his family before the execution.

He had love, but didn't cherish it. Didn't truly feel it and took it for granted. But unlike so many others, Ezio could take those regrets and change them. Thanks to Desmond.

When he walked into the Library, he thought he might get an answer or two in return for many more. He truly didn't expect that calling out Desmonds name while the Apple bathed the walls in gold would result in it being answered by the being himself.

The being looked like a man, clad in a white light, eminating from a strange device under his right arm. His face looked like an exact replica of Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad's face, though his build was closer to his. Broad shoulders hidden underneath a strange hooded white doublet and long legs wearing strange tight fitted pants made from a material he did not recognise. Even the scar was the same as his! Was Ezio made in the image of the one he was the Prophet for? Was Altaïr the herald? All questions Ezio wondered, but not knowing if Desmond was like Minerva or not, he dared not waste any questions if the beings patient was thin.

But first: "Are you Desmond?" He had to know, have it confirmed, even if the being appeared after the name was called.

"Ezio? Is this the Library? Am i seriously bleeding while dying!?" Desmond was looking around at the empty tomb, before his eyes returned upon Ezio.

"Yes, this is Altaïr's library. You are bleeding? I do not see any blood and you are dying!? Is there anything i can do to help you? Please, my lord. Tell me what i need to do to save you." Ezio was desperate to know his purpose and if all his life lead to this moment, where he could save Desmonds life, he would fulfill it.

"There's nothing you can do. I am dying semi willingly and even if this is some Animus infused death hallucination, it is nice having my last moments with you, even if your not really here. I am so sorry i couldn't answer any of your questions or try to save you from losing everything. You never deserved any of it. In the end it didn't really even matter. I am sorry you wasted your time chasing riddles and ghosts." He looked so grieve struck while saying it and the look Desmond had while gazing down onto Ezio could only be described as lovingly.

"What do you mean? Could you have saved my uncle!? My father and brothers!? Why didn't you if you do not think i deserved it! I have served the Brotherhood almost my entire life, sacrificed so much trying to find out what Minerva meant and now your telling me that it was all for nothing!? If you think i wasted my time then give it back!"

Desmonds eye's widen before softly smiling and saying: "Your right, you wasted your time and sacrificed too much for nothing. Let's change that."

Before Ezio knew it, the world went white and he knew nothing more.

—————

When Ezio awoke, it was to a bed he hadn't seen in almost 40 years. His childhood bed and his room. He couldn't believe it. He was given a second chance. To live his life. To right wrongs. To save his family! To think going to the Library would result in this!

At the thought of the Library, Ezio suddenly remembered Sofia. To have forgotten her and even abandoned her without a second thought left Ezio feeling guilty. Would she wait outside the Library before realising he would never come back? Or because he is now in the past, a past where he intends to change the future, would she never meet him? Never exist? The thought of her hurt, but like so many others, Ezio knew that him being in her life would have risked hers. Even if she knew and accepted it, it is still better if she never got the chance to know him and inevitibly suffer because of it. Same with Cristina. Though he could now choose her, he knew that despite the many mistakes in his life, the Brotherhood was not one of them and his refusal to properly let her go killed her. Letting that life affect her once again was too cruel. It was for the better to just let her go.

Federico nudged him with his elbow. "Brother, what has you thinking so hard you look like you bit into something bitter?"

"Nothing much, just wondering what i should get." Ezio smiled and laughed. He was currently out with his family on a trip the market. The last time around, he had decided to sneak off to spend some time with a girl he didn't even remember the name of anymore instead of spending time with his loved ones, to his great shame and regret. This was the last thing his family had done together outside of dinners before the execution in 3 days. That he missed out on it was one of his biggest regrets, but Desmond let him change it.

That Ezio might never truly understand or know what or who Desmond is, how he watched him in the Vault or even what Minerva's people and the Pieces of Eden truly were will forever haunt him, but the trade to see his family again and to even be able to save them is a fair trade. He can go his life wondering these questions and maybe try to find them now that he will have more time, thanks to already knowing the Templars plans and who will be an enemy or ally.

He felt a finger poke him inbetween his eyebrows.

"There you go again Brother. Thinking too hard! Be careful or you might hurt yourself." Federico teased before yelping and then laughing when Ezio pushed him.

"Please don't start fighting now sons." Their father said before turning back to the stall owner to continue discussing what wares to buy and the prices.

"Sorry Father!" Ezio said before giving his brother a teasing look that promised this was not over.

Ezio remembered this day well enough. Not to remember the woman he decided to chase, but enough to know that when his family had been at the market a horse had run wild there and according to Claudia, nearly trampled her down in the confusion.

He was a bit sceptical to believe it was as close as she had made it out to be, but he knew horses much better now than he did before. After years of riding them to and from places in the chase for his targets, he knew that having one running towards you in a blind panic could scare anyone. Even though he knew to be wary of them and treat them with respecy during his original childhood, he didn't truly get how these gentle beings could be as scary as his sister had made the poor creature out to be.

According to his family, it had been a war horse, bloodied, running around in a blind panic, probably scared from a skirmish. Being chased by guards hadn't helped and eventually the guards got a good shot at it and put it down.

Ezio wanted to save his sister years of fearing horses, so he kept an eye and a ear out for any signs that the animal was on it's way.

There. A scream. Everyone stopped and looked around for the source. The source was still hidden by the crowds, but in the distance you could start seeing people moving away from something coming this way and the screams were getting closer.

Ezio breathed and slipped into his Second Sight, the Eagle Vision, as he now knew Altaïr had called it. Or more accuratly, Eagle Sense. With the years, his constant use and need for it had changed his Sight. It had become much stronger, letting him see farther, expanded his hearing, to let him hear his enemies heartbeat and even know what moves they were going to make. Even let him know where his enemies was going to go on a patrol route.

It truly was a gift and now he would use it to try and predict where the animal would go, as to lead his sister and family away from the danger. Then he saw it. The shine of something important. Something that glowed as strongly as the Apple of Eden had. The horse.

There was much about his Gift he could not explain. He had tried, but it is much like explaining sight to a blind person. Why things he didn't even know about could glow gold and lead him to the answer. Why allies glowed blue and enemies red, nor how he could tell friend from foe and now. His Sight told him, with the same intuition as telling friend from foe, that this horse was Desmond.

How is Desmond here? Why? Did he lie about dying? Or was certain death only a large chance that Desmond beat? Ezio supposed it did not matter. If he lets events play as they had before, Desmond would be struck down by an arrow within minutes. Oh, maybe Desmond had tried to prevent his father and brothers demise, but was struck down in the attempt? Though, why choose to do it as a rampaging horse? Either way, Desmond was clearly panicking, almost upon him now. If Ezio could not calm him down, his death was guaranteed.

But how? Ezio has just seconds now to plan a way to stop him before he is trampled down.

Then, he finally realises, that among the bright gold he shines, he also glowes blue. Such a deep colour which he has only seen in the greatest friends or closest family and he knows, Desmond would never harm him. The look of pure love on Desmonds face made more sense now.

So Ezio decides to not move and simple raise up his hands, as if to pet the horse.

"EZIO!"

————

Desmond was in pain. He knew that Juno lied about his death being quick and painless, but god, why did it have to hurt so much!? During his hallucination, it wasn't nearly so bad! And can't forget the weird nightmare he's having ontop of it. He's a goddamned horse on some battlefield. He was rearing up when the nightmare started, neighing as his rider was shot and killed by an arrow.

There's so much blood. The smell strikes fear in his heart. There's so much red. He slips into Eagle Vision and there's even more red. Not a spec of blue. A sword slides against the armor he is wearing and the screech of metal is too much. He bolts.

He needs to run. Away from the monsters with sharp sticks. Away from the smell of blood and death. Away from the shadows hiding hunters. They follow him. They chase him for a long time.

He is getting so tired.

He needs to get back to the barn. His owner would make everything alright. He would croon soft noises he did not understand, but the tone was soft and gentle. He would give him a treat while brushing him down after a hard days work.

He did ride him into scary battles he did not understand, but afterwards he would wash and groom him extra thoroughly, while feeding him the best apples, crooning more sounds in a happy tone. He would repeat one of the few sounds he understood, which meant "him" and "pay attention to me".

Dante.

But he wasn't on his back anymore and he didn't hear his voice. Just the loud, scary noises of more men in the shiny hard thing. They had the pointy sticks too and tried to take the things dangling from his mouth. Only his owner can touch that! Only he is to be trusted with them.

Running is getting harder, there is large, straight hills in the way and the path is narrower with many strangers in it.

There is still so much red. He can still smell the blood, feel it clotting his fur. Too much red!

Blue.

Suddenly there's blue in front of him. He knows blue means ally. Though why and how this person is blue confuses him. But he is Blue and running him over is not good, but why is he standing there!? Does he not see the red!? Smell it!? Does he not understand we need to run!?

"Desmond"

That single word pierces the fog of fear and wild panic that has flooded Desmonds mind. Ezio is in front of him, hand already gripping the reigns while the other rests on his muzzle.

"There we go Desmond, everything is alright."

Desmond still feels phantom threads of fear, but with Ezio's calming blue glow and his voice saying gentle reassurances, it feels far away.

Now with his mind fully human and not driven by horse instincts or memories, the question becomes: How and why the fuck is he a horse in 15th century Italy with Ezio!?

What even is his life.

————

So, a couple parts i'm stupidly happy about is the "He had love, but didn't cherish it. Didn't truly feel it and took it for granted." part. This, as you can probably tell was inspired by the famous quote "When I was a young man, I had liberty, but I did not see it. I had time, but I did not know it. And I had love, but I did not feel it."

I believe Ezio didn't fully understand liberty until he tried to live a peaceful life with Sofia and realised he would always fear Templars taking revenge on his family and time, because the knowledge that he would never see his children grow up to adults had never been a concern before he met Sofia. He probably thought he wouldn't have a family at all.

But love. Love he would understand what he missed. He would understand it just days after he lost his father and brothers. Those moments you missed out on. Of opportunities to spend time that you squandered away. Time you will never get back, because in real life we don't have time travel.

And now i understand it. Before the end of the last year, i was like Ezio before the loss. Before i lost my grandparents only a few weeks apart.

Those opportunities to spend time was rare and thankfully i took most of them, but i still squandered it away by not actually spending time with them. I just visited and hid away in my room, wasting the time by sitting on the phone.

I will forever regret that because ny memory is shit and besides a few childhood ones, i have no memories of them. I still remember their voices, they were pretty distinct thankfully, but how long until i forget that.

It hurts and as someone who is afraid of death and it's finality, such a reminder that time and love is finite is soulcrushing. It is only recently that i have truly started to think of my grandparents and i guess try to process the fact they are gone forever.

When we first got the news that my grandpa had died, i was even more glued to my phone, not wanting to acknowledge what was happening. I also didn't wanna sleep and only got some when i passed out from exhaustion. We even went to the doctor to get time of work and some sleep medication i didn't dare end up taking.

I even had thoughts of just taking all the pills and just sleeping, to get away from the pain forever. But i'm thankfully too much of a coward, so it just stayed thoughts. I'm doing much better now and as i mentioned, i think i'm starting to process the fact that they are gone.

So, yeah. This post went in a direction i didn't expect. But it feels important and maybe in a few years i can look back at this post and see a snapshot of who i was and reflect on who i am now. So, here's to the future me and anyone else who needs to hear it:

I hope things are going well and if they're not... well, things get better. They always do. You're loved and even if your loved ones are gone, they live on in you. You will carry that love with you, for the rest of your life. 💜

[pandorkful]

do you have any posts showing off any of the art in the merfolk colouring book? it looks like something i’d be really interested in but i wanna see the types of colouring pages it in before buying and the listing only has the cover lol

Ack sorry for the delayed response! I haven't been on tumblr much lately due to the way these darn solar storms have been scrambling my internet connection. >_<

But yeah, I'm happy to share some book interior pics! I wish I could add previews to my lulu book page too, but if that's an option they have I've never found it... at some point I wanna move the coloring book fully to my fourthwall store, since I have way more control over presentation through them than I do through lulu.

Anyway, have some previews! I'll put most of them under a readmore for dash saving purposes.

(Colored example from my personal copy :3)

(Another coloring wip from my personal copy, pretty happy with how this paper takes alcohol markers! Tho you definitely need a plastic sheet behind the page to prevent bleedthru when you use them.)

And that's all tumblr mobile will let me add to the post!

I wanna avoid nitpicking my own work too much, but if I do manage to corral my braincells enough to focus on an updated version someday, I really want to add more background/environmental elements... the book is made from a couple years worth of my MerMay sketches and as a side effect is just way more figural centric illustrations than actual scenes.

But that's not necessarily a bad thing, it certainly leaves room for any drawn additions you want. And some folks do get overwhelmed/fatigued by background detail heavy coloring pages--I know I certainly was when i was a kid!

Now that I'm an adult making an effort to try coloring every page of my own coloring book, I'm feeling like I'd really enjoy some more environmental and decorative details to color in.

So, that's on my checklist for a future version. (Tho I seriously doubt I'm going to be able to get myself to focus on making those additions for another year or two.)

Anyway I hope those previews are helpful, and thanks so much for your interest in my MerFolk coloring book and for reaching out!

[cherrycokedup]

i need liked posts to be turned off on tumblr guys i dont need to see that my mutal liked the post "getting FREAKAY in the freak room part five million" like im happy you have hobbies. hobbies are great actually! just. i dont wanna see it, its like getting a cruel vision from the lord above of what your friend is doing at any given moment and it's like the deepest privaacy violation ever. it's like if i was walking down the halls of school and a random person walked up to me and shoved a photo in my face of someone having a moment. like good for them, really, but also i dont think i was authorized to see this information and i dont really thing i wanted to see this information. i feel like some type of wild ass archive of all the sins of my mutals because obviously im not gonna walk up to their dms and be like "hello kind and beloved friend, how was your binge on lego ninjago dick sucking?" because that is insane. how am i supposed to kindly tell me friends that their tumblr is backstabbing them and showing all their muatals their liked posts unprovoked on my dashboard. yknow what is my worst nightmare to see? " liked by --" sometimes it is good and a fine post, and i can like it too. i like it when you can share in our liking and not reblogging! but too many times it has me learning something i dont think i really needed to know. and who knows. maybe i did need to know. maybe the reason tumblr is showing me that my friends are liking "𝖂𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝖎𝖋 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖜𝖊𝖗𝖊 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖙𝖗𝖚𝖓𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖇𝖚𝖑𝖑𝖘 𝖋𝖆𝖛𝖔𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖊?" is because it is trying to broaden my horizens, it is trying to show me a whole new world of debachery. which sure, introduce me away but i am like not very open to this because you opened the introducion with "you know what your friend of three years that you just helped write a college submission essay has been really into lately?" like i know they have been into spreading love and joy and kindness. i know they have been into their stardew farm. i know they have been into getting a job. and yet there is more horror to come. you know what REALLY horrifes me about this tumblr feature? it's the idea that tumblr might be snitching on ME. it fills me with all the fear of someone who did not pack a bomb going through airport security. because what if once in 2018 i did pack a bomb and now tumblr is coming onto my friend's dashes with a creepy grin, waving around a screenshot of me packing a bomb and going "LOOKY, LOOKY HERE. LITTLE FUCKING SLUTTY BITCH WHORE OF THE CENTURY LIKED AN EMBARSSING FANDOM SEX POST FOURTEEN YEARS AGO." except it would not give them the timestamp. for all my friends would know, i liked that post today. everyday i check that my liked posts are still private. everyday i go into my tumblr settings and make sure that the "share your liked posts!" switch is off, like im the guy who has the watch the nucular reactor radar but on a far more worst and catastrophic level. i feel like the last one of my seer kind, unable to forget or turn off my wretched visions, and I cannot tell any of them for they would not understand so it is my curse to bare alone, until I die out. It is my curse to know that some people in the world, some people who i look upon with all the fondness in the world, people I would save over myself in a heartbeat if it came down to us standing at the end of the world and there is only enough room in the saftey shuttle for one more person, it is my curse, and mine along to bare knowing that that person liked a post of Jack in the Box mascot having his bare ass cheeks on display for the rest of the world. If there is a way to be done with this torment, I do not know. I have scoured the settings and the only option i can find is to hide my own likes, and hope any sins of my long forgotten past will stay locked in a vault so deep even I can't dig them out, even I can't remember what they once were.

[bitbrumal]

BLOG REOPENING

hewwo hewwo fellas & fuckos. winks with both eyes. i'm possibly going to slide in around here throughout the holiday season bc the writing itch be itching, so i'll provide an update on the muse list & the dynamics / threads i'd like to keep ( if y'all are also down ) from before my break.

if you would like this post if you're ( still / again / whatever ) interested in writing with me, i'd really appreciate it ! it'd let me know where to get started again ❤ i'm mainly looking for threads over meme replies, although the threads don't have to be lengthy or involved per se. inbox things just aren't doing it for me.

MUSES

UNDER RECONSIDERATION : KHIONIYA / TSARITSA ( open to all )

I wanna keep her, but I've gotta rewrite her. I've been going on pure wishfulfilment MommyTM vibes, but we need a bit more canon accuracy lmfao. Goddess/Archon of Love, yes, but I ought not ignore that she has become like a reversed tarot card :joy:

SCRAPPED : ALHAITHAM

I should be feeling this criminally autistic nerd, but I'm not. Maybe I will some day. I'm leaving him be for right now.

SCRAPPED : CAPITANO

't isn't happening. i'm not... doing what i wanna be doing with him & i also don't care so fwhoop that one's going.

ADDED : WRIOTHESLEY

No-one's surprised. Daddy came home with the milk the moment I called for him, & uh. As soon as I actually fucking play the Fontaine quests I'm sure I'll pick him up. ( I accidentally spoilered myself on his tragicTM backstory & on god this man is a king. ) ( If I fall sideways into neuvilette instead nobody laugh at me. )

KEPT : DOTTORE ( semi-selectively open to all - he's picky & that limits my options ) REGRATOR ( for select fatui threads unless smth Happens ) TARTAGLIA ( open to all ) KAEYA ( open to all ) DILUC ( open to all )

THREADS & DYNAMICS

Obviously I understand if we're not on the same page about carrying on where we left off, no hard feelings. We can start over, pick something new, slap new muses together, or do nothing it all. Issal GucciTM.

LIKE I NEVER LEFT LOL :

I'd love to pick back up where I left off with @galactia, on any & all muses, their dynamics, & also threads c:

The same goes for @bunnyshot, although I see you haven't been online in ages! Regardless, if we're ever on the timeline at the same time again you know I am down to clown. This includes your other muses.

@torrentide HOMIE. HOMIE. HOMIE. HOME BREWSKI. i am down for everything from before & more, idc what.

If @greedbent is still down to clown, I'd love to carry on with what we were brainstorming in the DMs.

Same to you, @howthesleeplesswander!! I see you writing in another fandom on the dash atm, so I get it if you're not in the vibes for what we were brainstorming in the DMs, but I'm still hype to write with you if the mood strikes you. Lmk if you're down :thumbsup: ❤

@xiielians You know idek wtf you're doing right now bc much as the dramatic chinese gaylords captivate me, I haven't indulged in the fandom + I'm waiting patiently on that novel of yours with eyes peeled—but if you wanna play with anything ( whether I know the fandom/char or not ), I'm sure I'll be game!!

@ncrthlandbank I'd love to continue what we were doing with vlad & alyos ❤ if you're down! The thread where regrator terrorizes vlad is one of my alltime faves & still lives rent-free in my head :weary: it's the only time i did him any type of justice & your no-longer-non-playable-characters are awesome.

REBOOT :

Here go all of my moots with who i never fully settled anything ( dynamic / muse / thread-wise ), but was vaguely interacting with on the dash here & there... I am down to clown with all of you, I'd love to start something be it serious or silly. Whether you wanna continue vaguely doing things here & there or you wanna plot something out, idgaf I am so down to clown i am . the whole circus. vamos lmao.

[ben-the-hyena]

Quick little rant y'all can ignore (I just love ranting too much)

Unpopular opinion : it is NOT to be a hipster or to be like "I'M NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS~" but very often either I will hate or just not be interested to watch at all the newest Tumblr fandom. I really feel like a Tumblrite but sometimes it feels like I just can't enjoy or be hyped by whatever the others are hyped with without doing it on purpose, as if we have nearly no common taste. I mean sure we all are unique and loving everything others we do is boring and impossible and would prove the person is shallow and can't be true, but just, absolutely nearly every big Tumblr fanfavorites annoys me

Superwholock ? Sherlock was nice but not THAT nice and the others never interested me. HH/HB ? Loathe the characters and story. Lackadaisy ? Don't understand the hype. Nimona ? Don't care. She-Ra ? Hated it. The Owl House ? Can't stand the posts on my dashboard nor the charadesigns. Centaurworld ? I know it is one of those things that look lame in the trailer but from what I got gets deeper, but I saw it being so much overhyped I can't. Green Eggs and Ham ? Ugh couldn't it have just been the old cartoon ? Arcane ? The more people said it was revolutionary the less I wanted to check it out. SU ? I used to love it but then it betrayed me with how badly written it endes up to be. SVSFOE ? Except one or 2 arcs it was not my type and the ending infuriated me. Ducktales ? Only season 1 was good to me. Miraculous Ladybug ? It broke my heart so fuck you show. Encanto ? "Narcissic families are ok and misunderstood if they are pretty". Wendell and Wild ? The demons did look interesting and I was curious for them but sadly the main character is insufferable and Idgaf she is sad she is still an asshole but gets away with it. Wednesday ? Tim Burton understood NOTHING avout the Addams Family and flanderized Wesnesday. HtTyD ? Should have been a standalone. LOK and to be fair ANYTHING coming after ATLA books comics and upcoming series included ? Burn em to the ground. Rise of the Guardians ? Seriously the animation is gorgeous but you have the blandest plot and characters ever but everybody calls it original and groundbreaking wtf ?! Arlo the gator boy/I Love Arlo ? Ew it looks ugly as fuck and I am VERY wary of titles that self congratulate (coincidently the Lou! franchise became very shitty when it was renamed into I Love Lou Very Much so it ticks me off) makes me wanna do the contrary and hate Arlo. Carmen San Diego ? Didn't care. The Cuphead Show ? Only season 1a is good 1b and 1c are shit but because "gae devil" everybody loves it holy shit the game is better. Frozen 2 ? Admit it, you liked it ONLY because you see Elsa like a lesbian and wanted to go "HAHA GET FUCKED" to Let It Go. AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON LIVE ACTION REMAKES

Some I even actually just didn't dislike it or care at first but it was seeing all the excessive posting and love for it despite 1) not wanting to watch (I love Arlo, never I wanted to kill a gator child so much force of seeing him on my dash) and/or 2) seeing legetimate problems and flaws and yet everybody ignoring it (Encanto, I hated the end but I did like the movie itself but seeing everybody justifying the end made me loathe it) it turns into hate. But some I hate from the start but seeing everybody love it anyway makes me wonder if at that rate the problem is me and I nitpick too much or of course like everyone I just have my own tastes and what pops up on my dash is not a reflect of universal taste ?

But I often call it a curse because everybody seems to have fun and it's as if I am doomed not to like and it looks like what the audience usually loves is just not my type, which sucks because I don't have many people to vent about it, not many people to gush about the obscure things I love because I am cursed to really invest myself in old fandoms I only find about now or stuff that don't even interest much people but fit my specific niche tastes, dashboards flooded with "OMG GUYS WATCH IT IT IS *SO* IMPORTANT AND THE BEST EVER" making me want not to whereas only 3 likes on posts of franchises I love that are barely known or loved... Probably why I have so many obscure fandoms actually. I am SURE it is subconsciously why I wanted to give a chance to Elemental and Avatar 2 since nobody talked about it in good or at all here !

I am not even sure and just like me those who love these franchises and are part of these fandoms must just have their own specific intersts peaked of course and if so it is absolutely alright ! But often I see they all have a pattern and I feel like, like when I ranted in my posg that defends Elemental, that they will love it and adore it just for ONE element not matter the rest hence why they only talk about that one element that irritates me when I am flooded in posts praising it but really it is just that element. "Omg so much representation" ok cool what is the plot "it is a trans allegory" yes but more precise ? "it is so GAY (affectionate) and girl power !!!" yes but ? The characters ? "Oh the characters are minorities some are LGBT half are POC and some even have a disability and they fight heteronormativity and traditional beauty standards" ok ok I GOT it but what are they like as people !?! "there is a canon gay ship in it I love them little blorbos" I DON'T GIVE A SHIT DAMMIT WHAT IS THE PLOT AND HOW ARE THE CHARACTERS "also it has a varied cast and is made by minorities and women !" Ok bye now I won't be able to help but see it being loved only because of those and not for its story and it will make me bitter about it as if there is nothing else but that to defend because it implies the scenario itself isn't that special for people to only talk about the Christmas present package rather than the content

It is very occasional I will actually get curious because it IS my type thanks to Tumblr : WOY, Pinky and the Brain Undertale, Good Omens, TDC : AOR. It needs to strike a sort of special chord in me to go "uh !?! A modern cartoon that feels like an old cartoon with funny designs and animation and funny characters !??! Uh !?! 2 gay mice that were probably not meant to be gay but they accidentally cracked many eggs in their portrayal and to think I was not interestee when I thought Brain was bidimensional and didn't give a shit about Pinky like I thought ??! Uh !?! Fun skeletons and a macho fish woman with cute pixel style !? Uh !?! Angel and demon are friends and were on Earth for years looking for a kid !?! Uh !?! In that prequel it shows one reformed Skeksis being actually good helping Gelfling and in a relationship with his Mystic ??!" And other Tumblr favorites I loved like idk FNAF, MLP FIM, Spiderverse, Puss in Boots 2, The Bad Guys and usually in general most popular big studios block buster animated movies I loved and others did were stuff I found by myself which Tumblr just coincidently did too so it doesn't count. Some I even discover them years later when the hype died down and nobody speaks about it anymore (reinforcing my idea that IS probably wrong that they don't even really love it but just go "OO SHINY" when something is new and pretty) that I can notice and love years later or at least late a franchise, like I don't wait on purpose I just really discover it at this moment or something peaking my interest only happened recently or peaked my attention now

Those aside most of the time I will really not be interested, a third of the time because "I am told to so I don't wanna" and it has to be myself or it will feel like a chore like when I am recommended stuff IRL I will actually postpone even if if I had not been recommended I would have started watching it earlier (I heard from a friend this looks like a symptom in a type of neurodivergence but I AM NOT SURE), a third of the time it really doesn't look or sound like my type of story at all and I keep wondering why there is nothing new for me and why everybody is so hyped by it, and a third I actually give a try and I end up straight up hating it or just finding it meh and overrated. I just need to find my own fandoms myself, even if they are obscure, that spark my interest, hoping they don't become bad in the end (SU, Ducktales, the Cuphead Show, Miraculous Ladybug etc. Sigh) which happened too many times already and makes me even more wary force of experience about what is popular since even when I myself find it becomes shit people still love it. And of course they totally HAVE the right to never would I harrass and police what people have to like and dislike, but it kind of feels lonely at times and sometimes it makes me think if something is wrong with me not to enjoy what seems to be enjoyed by everyone else and if it is my fault ; and thinking that even makes me anxious and guilty feeling like I am ranting for nothing and people will think I am an attention seeker making me even more gjulty and so on which becomes a vicious circle with my anxiety

[mastcrmarksman]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER.

REPOST DO NOT REBLOG !!

NAME : Izzy

PRONOUNS : they/them

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : I'll hand out my discord here and there, but you can reach me by DMs.

NAME OF MUSE(s) : Clint Barton, and then I've got a handful of other blogs; but Clint will literally devour my soul and I can't write anyone else when this happens (it's happening)

BEST EXPERIENCE : Honestly, this come back to tumblr after being away for like 3 years. The friendships and dynamics I've built with Clint on my return has been amazing, and I'm also very glad people like how I write him, cause I've pretty much picked up comic Clint and said "he's mine now. i'm giving him a whole new arc/plot/story to explore and away from canon" and people are buying into that. Thank you so much everyone! I love all my friends and writing partners here so much <3

RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS : Uhhh, pet peeves? I don't quite get what's with people not liking posts anymore or using the reply/comment feature more, like if you see someone posting an hc. Take a second to read? Give it a like or comment a heart even, if you're really that pressed to control your likes..... Dealbreakers, I haven't encountered anyone, I guess it'd be just if I pushed to write or make smut centric, but no one is doing that.

MUSE PREFERENCES : I like characters that have an internal struggle (lol that could be anyone). I don't know. I try to write so many types of characters, but characters like Clint I always come back too. Honestly, whatever is the character type that's been Clint Barton and Pepper Potts.

PLOTS OR MEMES : Memes are usually good to start, but I definitely wouldn't mind doing more plotting and giving a general direction to a thread. Although, really memes are great, and I truly appreciate those who send a bunch of memes, or don't mind treating some memes as one shots ( i love one shots ; just look at the length of some of my ask responses )

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : Both. I want more shorter threads right now, but I have a knack for getting wordy and writing long things. This is why length matching does not matter, as long as there is enough substance to continue or something to help move something forward; a shorter reply to a longer reply is good; just as I tend to take a shorter thing and get longer with. This is also why I tend to like or mention with meme responses, like you can just reblog/save this and treat this as little one shot/drabble I wrote for you. I also tend to do the same.

BEST TIME TO WRITE : I don't get a lot of work, I am home all the time. So i'm bored a lot. So literally anytime, although I have a tendency to write a lot more late at night. For me, why I'm not writing is usually mood, or I don't have a very good set up for writing long haul; so if my neck, back, or hands and wrist start to cramp up cause my sit down to write isn't a good position/only position. That usually defeats me; like after I post this I will probably take a break, stretch, keep on my break and write a bit in a few hours.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) : Yes and no / I don't know. I know I'm the type of neurospicy where Clint Barton has rotten my brain for like the past 15 years or something; and I've been writing him for like 10 years; that I'm probably funny like Clint is, but who actually knows lol. I try to be normal and healthy with muse and mun separation; even if his whole recovery arc is very important and real to me; and I will live in the delusion that is what I am getting from the comics as in I will just write it myself on my roleplay blog (this is a joke; legally I have to say that I think)

tagged by; @danversiism evil boops you infinity, ily tania <3

tagging: lol im suppose to tag people; if you wanna expose yourself, do it. flash the dash. i'll probably read it and like it.

[valeffelees]

An Ask Game for Writers to Procrastinate Working on Your WIP(s)

thank you kindly for tagging me @shrekgogurt @youarenevertooold, and @monbons i've been seeing this game make its rounds on my dash and was really hoping someone would pull me in!

🦈 Tell us the name of one of your WIP(s)

my main three wips at the moment are without sun, ballad of the final sparrow, which is more commonly known as bitverse, and fragile things (and how to break them), but i've also been fucking around a bit the last two or three weeks with a new (terrible, evil, very self-indulgent) wip called god-forbid.

🍄 Describe one of your WIPs in the format of “___ + ___ =___”  

i think i might be dumb bc i don't understand this question at all.

🌍 What tags or warnings will your WIP(s) need if you intend to share it?

bitverse: heavy angst, psychological horror elements, alcohol abuse, allusions to suicide, unhealthy coping mechanisms, dead dove: do not eat.

🧭 An alternative title to one of your WIP(s)?

ballad of the final sparrow -> baz is typing fragile things (and how to break them) -> there's a werewolf in london god-forbid -> the gap between a tragedy and comedy

⚠️ Which WIP you��re most likely to finish or update next?

i have no idea. i mean, you'd think the answer would be without sun since it's the only fic i actually have posted at the moment, but unfortunately i am an untrustworthy villain.

💾 What is the document of your WIP called? (Not the story title, but what you’ve saved it as.)

same as the fic title. if i start a new wip and don't know what to call it, i'll pick something at random and add (working title) at the end.

🖍 Post any sentence from your WIP

from without sun:

“You don’t like peppermint,” he says. But maybe she does. Maybe that’s one more thing he can add to his growing list of things he got wrong about Agatha Wellbelove. No. 1 — Dislikes peppermint; actually, she is quite fond of it. No. 2 — Likes Simon Snow; him, not so much.

♻️ A scrapped idea for your current WIP

one of the biggest changes i made to the plot of without sun really early on was penelope's role in the story. i had a clear idea of the story i wanted to tell as soon as i saw the prompt for the fic. without sun was always supposed to be about more than simon and baz. the story is about grief and love, and the space we take up in the lives of the people around us. but n e way, in my orig draft, penny was actually supposed to be able to communicate with simon a bit, and there was gonna be a whole sect of scenes in the middle of the fic where they sat around together trying to break simon's curse what we know and what we don't know style via passing notes. i ended up tossing this idea really quickly tho, and i'm glad i did bc one of my favourite moments i've ever written in any fic happens in chapter two of without sun and it belongs to simon and penny.

🤔 What’s a story you’d love to write but haven’t even started yet?

so many. or, well—what counts as "haven't even started"? i hate to let ideas sit around in my head bc it feels like leaving raspberries in the fridge for too long, like that shit is gonna get mould on it, so usually the first thing i do is rough out a few scenes and/or script out a very rough outline of the plot (like this / this / this style) so that i have something to come back to later. i have dozens of zero drafts just lying tf around. but otherwise, yeah, so many. one big idea i have is called heart on fire and it's based on fanart, but i haven't started it yet bc obvs i wanna get permission from the artist first but i've been holding off reaching out to them about it until i've knocked a few of my less intimidating longfics off my wip list bc heart on fire is gonna fucking hefty so i don't wanna give'r until i'm sure i can manage it.

🤡 How many WIPs are you actively working on?

LMFAO

🛠 Is there a scene or anything in the WIP you are struggling with right now?

i'm having a real bitch of a time with agatha's main scene in chapter two of without sun, i've been fighting with it on and off for months, but i can't get it to do what i want it to do.

❤️ Not a question, just a second kudos to send.

cheers!

sorry for any doubles but, tagging: @drowninginships @cosmicalart @that-disabled-princess @fatalfangirl @cutestkilla @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @artsyunderstudy @thewholelemon @roomwithanopenfire @hushed-chorus @blackberrysummerblog @imagineacoolusername @nightimedreamersworld @prettygoododds @confused-bi-queer @mooncello and an open tag for anybody else who wants to procrastinate their wips!

[bubacorn]

alright, so this is gonna be so cheesy, but i wanna make a post with some of my favorite ST fics i've written this year, if for nothing else, just to remind myself that i can arrange words around, and they can come out half-decent. so, yeah, sorry in advance to anyone who has to see this, i wouldn't dare put the fandom fanfic tag on this, this is only for my dear followers, you are lovely, i apologize if this appears on your dash.

Come Beside Me (This Won’t Hurt I Swear) okay, so i remember being so in love with the last part, especially the whole morning sunlight thing. that was (is?) my favorite piece of writing at that point (which really wasn't hard, cause there wasn't much to pick from yet)

God Gives His Toughest Flus to His Sleepiest Vessels this is just pure mush, but stubborn sick Vessel being taken care of is very close to my heart

And I Don’t Wanna Get in Your Way this all started with the "Get comfortable" "I am" and the "You're allowed to take up space". in my mind, they're watching either The Matrix or John Wick at the end for some reason

I Got Problems Down in My Bones gods, this one. the little parts just wrote themselves and there was this common thread between them and i loved this one so much (still do). there's some pieces of me in this and it makes me feel sad, but seen that people related to this one (i love you, i hope you're doing well)

I Will Shield You from the Waves, if They Find You this is very sweet and all, but i always think of it more as sad

Break and Bend to My Basic Need didn't plan on writing this, but the brainworms made me and then it turned out kinda good

It’s All Your Fault, Even When You Don’t Mean To this. this and the next one are twin fics for me, i always think of them in pairs (probably cause i wrote them back-to-back). can't articulate, but it's also very close to my heart. IV holding the back of Vessel's head and wiping his tears and making him feel worth it make me feel very normal, i almost feel like it wasn't me who wrote it

This Is the Start of Something this!!! i made them watch worst cooks in America cause why not. this one's also very close to my heart, definitely one of my favorites i've ever written

I’m Frantic in Your Soothing Arms okay, the implication that Vessel knows nothing makes the transformation easier from his own experience suffering, but he still tries anyway, cause he would take a tummy ache from III without hesitation, if he could. also, rubbing his stomach is just so intimate and he's so desperate to help, even though he knows he can't, but still tries. and Vessel calling III 'my heart' and 'my III' just came to me and they made me lose my mind so of course i had to include them. feeling very normal about this one, too

And the Pain Still Hates Me for some reason i love the base idea of this, i don't even know how it appeared in my head, but i'm so glad it did. blowing kisses was a last-minute addition, also didn't know where that came from, but it's so cute

And Honey, I Only Appeared So I Can Fade Away this one! i had half an idea for this and like one sentence typed in, then just started writing and i loved writing this, it was so much fun and i adore the end product, one of my favorites. now that i'm thinking, maybe i could expand on this

I Believe I’m Not Alone this was kinda based on one of those posts that was like 'you deserve to be loved and chosen, not almost loved and almost chosen' and my brain went 'Vessel!' and then i wrote this. again, pieces of me, pieces of him

Come Squeeze the World and Drip It Down My Throat Again i was a bit afraid with this one, cause i felt it was a little clumsy (?), with the way the smaller parts revolved around a main idea but weren't all very closely connected. but gods, i made my own heart hurt with this one a lot. also, love this title, some of my favorite lyrics. loaded with layers of trauma, but it's very dear to me

I’m Doing What I Must, Which Is Attempting to Kill the Little Boy Inside (But as Hard as I Try, the Child Will Not Die) again, loosely compiled together around an idea, but this took a shorter time to write i think. it flowed well for me, and again, it hurt right in my meow-meow, but i love this a lot. also, the title just wouldn't leave me alone and i wanted to use it for something and i felt that this was a perfect fit. then at the last moment i added a parallel, cause my brain thought it would be nice. i have to say, it is

okay, so this is just pure self-indulgent rambling about my Sleep Token fics, but writing gave me a lot these past months and i really love it and still have ideas that i wanna share. huge, huge thank you to everyone who's read anything i wrote, left kudos and comments, you are wonderful, i hope you are doing okay! 💕 drop by my dms/tag me if you want to yell at me or something

not gonna say have a great next year or anything like that, cause i don't like making a big deal out of the beginning of a year, as it just puts pressure on it and that's so unnecessary. have a lovely day, i hope you got some rest and could do something you enjoy and i wish all the best to you! see you around! 💖

[bitchofdarkness]

How to Tumblr

(there are probably endless posts like this, but I'm too lazy to look them up)

I want to start this post by saying this is not to shame/call out anyone and that it's for educational purposes only. In this case @key2525 commented on one of my posts-- letting me know they are new to the world of social media and reblogging. And I figured a lot of twitter (X) refugees and the like ended up here as well. And maybe some other people could use the refresher on how to participate in fandom aka reblogging creators stuff.

The best way to start and prevent other people from assuming you're a bot (yeah, we got a huge issue on this website with those) is by changing your banner and profile picture. Now, you do NOT have to (and I highly advise you don't) use a real photo of yourself. Never. Just don't. It's the internet and you're entitled to privacy. You can use a screenshot or photo of your favorite character or scene or a random picture off the internet that is free to use. If you wanna use license free pictures that won't get you into trouble, you might wanna look at pages like pexels, pixabay or vecteezy to find something that fits you and your blog. You can search up any type of theme/topic on those pages and find nice pictures to use.

If you want to use a gif from someone who made said gif on tumblr, then please ask permission first, wait for their answer and credit them in your blog bio once given permission. And I mean actual credit and not "credit to the owner" kinda sentences one might find under some peoples instagram posts, I mean (i.e.) "gif in banner/pfp made by @/1liv". (The / is so the user isn't drawn to this post right now, I don't wanna bother them, but they are the gifmaker of the one shown in the posts screenshots underneath)

(This will be a longer post, stay with me and tap on the readmore below)

So, if you have made your blog look a little more like a person by adding those two and perhaps a bio stating your age (some people who post mature or explicit content block you if you have no age listed or if you're underage) and/or preferred pronouns. Or add a title. (tumblr also gives you the option to switch off the title from being visible btw).

The red arrow points to the part that would be seen by people who look at your blog. All the posts that are not posted privately will show up on your followers dashboard. It also helps making you look like a person and not a bot. The green arrow is all the things you like. That ones not shown as the first page to anyone and you can turn it private. Liking something is more like collecting something into a little box for no one else but you to see. Reblogging is where it's at.

Now comes the part that is important for fandom.

Red arrow is reblog 🔁, which means it will end up visible on your blog (won't be empty anymore). Green arrow is likes ❤️. And the blue one is pointed at the comments 💬. Easy so far. All the hashtags like #sweet home 2 in the picture above can be added when you reblog something. It often helps when you add the name of a movie or show that you reblog in the tags, in case you ever want to look up something on your own blog. It'll pop right up under the hashtag you used. This also works for when you want to search someone else's blog for a specific show or movie. You just tap on the magnifying glass 🔍 next to "posts" on anyones blog.

Now, when you click on the reblog button this is what you would see:

"#add tags" - this is where you put the show or movie name, the actors name or a shipname. You can also ramble to the creator what you liked about whatever it is you are reblogging. Or on other types of posts add your opinion.

The black arrow on the right bottom corner points to more options:

All pretty self-explanatory. What I personally like is that if you come across a lot of posts you want to reblog but are afraid you might spam the whole dash of your followers, you can tap on "Schedule" at the bottom:

And it'll give you options when to reblog a post. You can pick the date and the time and fan out the posts you want to reblog. That way you won't lose the posts you found and you won't reblog in bulk at the same moment. It's honestly really useful. I tend to forget stuff and then not find it again, so I either schedule the posts or put them in my drafts to reblog later.

You might think "what followers, I have no followers yet" Well, if you continue to have a blank blog, no one will even consider following you since there is nothing you ever reblog. Would you voluntarily want to stare at a shut off tv for hours? I don't think so.

Tumblr isn't like twitter (X) or instagram where a lot of people have this "follow for follow" mentality. People follow the blogs that look interesting and interaction between the posts you reblogged as well as those you might make in the future will grow.

Think about it this way: If everyone stopped reblogging, users dashboards will stay empty except for the wacky tumblr ads and blazed posts. There is no algorithm on tumblr, you see what you want to see by following the people who post and reblog what you like. By continuing that tradition you'll inspire other people to do the same and keep this website as well as fandoms alive. And that's honestly kinda cool, if you think about it, right?

Hope this helped anyone who needed some sort of direction 💕

[gorillawithautism]

things i would like my mutuals to tag !!

easy catch-alls: #awae from pae, #away from pae

i'm not gonna like,, make detailed descriptions of what triggers me publicly available (i will be leaving some things out and not really elaborating to the fullest extent) because internet safety or whatever but if you have questions about other things i would like tagged or clarifying questions you may dm me and i may or may not provide further information

also: nobody is obligated to tag any of these things. it's not a big deal if you forget or just don't have the energy. it might make my life a little easier if they're tagged but if you don't it's entirely guilt free please don't worry about it

that said, here's the list:

#rat harm - use this for any posts that talk about rats being hurt or killed in any way

#reblog bait - this is for those posts that are like "reblog this if you care about [cause]" to guilt you into it or "reblog this for good luck"/"if you don't reblog this [bad thing] will happen." other kinds of reblog games are fine.

#gore - excessive blood and whatnot

#nsft - sexual stuff

#antisemitism - generally self explanatory but i will make a note that antizionism in itself is not antisemitism. i am an antizionist jew i don't take any issue with antizionist posts

#bbc merlin arthur death - feel free to help me workshop that tag idk it feels a little long and clunky but regardless i don't really wanna see art or screencaps of that scene

#pjo, #fnaf - because there are zionists involved in production i don't wanna see stuff about these media/fandoms on my dash

brainwashing - this is a word i have muted rather than a tag so if you post a screenshot of something like a tweet that includes the word i just ask that you find a way to also make sure the word is typed into the post somewhere

that's it for now :)

if i update this list i will probably reblog it

again, no guilt if you can't/won't/don't tag these things. for my own safety, i've very intentionally only listed things i can handle coming across even if i would rather avoid them, so if you're unable to tag things purely for my sake that's still something i can handle.

[usertiff]

TLDR: no rent money, last time i was late w rent by 2 days i got an eviction notice, my cat needs urgent medical help, i’m out of work due to severely debilitating pain. extremely disabled, indigenous lesbian desperately in need of help. also a paragraph about how much i am sorry

my friend said, “nah bestie asking for help isn't shameful in any way. there's strength in knowing what you need,” but i still feel like crud

i am literally sobbing as i post this because i just feel... i feel like a loser, i feel worthless, i feel so many emotions right now because i’m so terrified and tired of asking for help. i’m terrified of people just being sick of me because i’ve needed help before, and i don’t know. i would never shame anyone else for needing help, and i know realistically it shouldn’t be shameful, but i personally feel shame because i feel like a failure. i feel like a loser/worthless/failure because of something that’s completely out of my control, and yet, the feeling is still there. i’m exhausted. i’m exhausted from being in this stressful, urgent situation. so i’m sorry. i’m so sorry i’m asking for help again, i’m so sorry. i feel horrible, i really do. i feel guilty for needing help. i feel sick. i’m trying not to, and i’m trying not to cry, but i’m typing this through very blurry vision rn.

as i’ve mentioned on my blog, i’ve been out of work due to severe chronic pain. i was able to work through my other disabilities. narcolepsy, my shitty mental health auDHD/bipolar, etc. but this chronic pain has been completely fucking debilitating. medical fatphobia tw incoming: i saw a neurosurgeon today and they won’t give me surgery because of “my weight being a risk for post-op complications, such as stitch rips”, so i just have to deal with the pain until i can lose enough they’ll operate on me ????????? i dont know what the hell i’m going to do........... this sucks so fucking bad i just wanna go back to work i hate living like this

my fiance needs her wisdom teeth removed really badly, but we had to cancel her appointment because the money we saved for it had to go to our cat.

possible animal death tw: my cat has bladder stones now................................. last time he had stones it costed almost $1k in surgery. the bladder stones will kill him if not treated, because toxins build up in the body and if he cannot pee... just sldfksldfkj i don’t wanna talk about it. he’s miserable. 

i’m going to have to dip in to our rent money, which was actually our tax money because i’ve not been working so tax money was our saving grace this past month, to keep taking him to the vet. however, last time i was late on rent just 2 days, they gave us an eviction notice and only 7 days to come up with rent. that was a fucking disaster. so i’m TERRIFIED!!!!!!!

i need help so bad. with just surviving being out of work, and now my cat... i’m super annoyed because i was desperate to get my baby sister a doll for her birthday but there’s no way that’s happening now. 

anyway, i’m sorry. i’m sorry for everything. i’m sorry i need help. i’m sorry if you’re sick of seeing me on your dash for like the 3rd time needing major help.

i have set up a gofundme here https://www.gofundme.com/f/uwkhj-help-my-family-survive?utm_source=customer&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_campaign=p_cf+share-flow-1

however, if you’d prefer to donate directly, due to the fact that gofundme takes a big portion of funds, here are my accts:

pypl: selinaaakyle@gmail.com, v: @oraclelauren (3177), ca: $selinaaakyle

every donation is going to be greatly appreciated, and i promise to pay the kindness forward in every little way that i can

please don’t put yourself out to help, but if you can help, my heart goes out to you with forever gratefulness 

[man-im-so-high]

as you probably have figured it out - i am the anon

idk why i thought anonymous could protect me from the consequences. i really don't.

the "call out post" was beas and coucous idea. i have nothing to do with their personal issue with lena. this will be about my side and i'll only be speaking for myself.

for some time in may, i was friends with lena. but then they and george (also very sorry for them misgendering you) started interacting with me less and less. i reached out to lena and the situation was cleared. it was alright and all talked out. yet, i was overthinking and probably over-interpreting the messages.

then, a week ago, i posted a post where i was mad at my moms boyfriend and said something very insensitive and horrible about him being a drug addict. lena rightfully called me out. i tried to explain my situation, tired to apologize for it. i also tried to apologize on tumblr, by making a post. i'm very sorry for what i said. i'm in a very bad place mentally and getting my thoughts out helps me (as you probably know by seeing me on your dash all the time), but there are thoughts that shouldn't be said or even be thought - that one being one of them. i should've never even thought that, since the main post had nothing to do with it. it was wrong and unforgivable, that was my first mistake.

then i posted that i want to be friends with everyone on 75blr and someone said that maybe there's a reason why i'm not. it made me anxious and overthink, jumping to conclusions, thinking it had to be lena.

i talked to coucous, telling them about my assumption. they told me that they had problems with lena in the past and told me about the situation with bea. i remembered lena and george talking about it once when we were in a groupchat together. and i told bea and coucous. another mistake. i should've just kept my mouth shut. i should've never said anything. i'm sorry for telling them, it was none of my business. i wasn't part of the situation, i had nothing to do with it all, so why did i say anything? honestly, because my brain kept telling me that lena hates me. yet lena said they DON'T, i just didn't believe them. why? insecurities.

now, the post. they planned it, typed it out and before it got posted, i read it and approved it. i can't apologize for the misgendering, since i'm trans* myself. i didn't think of george using other pronouns now. i'm really sorry for that, but i understand if you don't forgive me. if we do a call out post, we could've at least fact checked your pronouns. embarrassment at its finest.

it was so indescribably wrong to even create this post. i didn't think of the consequences it could have on lena, george or jj. i thought i could get away with it. i don't even wanna imagine how you felt when you read it, i already felt terrible finding out you figured out i'm the anon.

it was an impulsive decision, made from insecurity and my terrible mental health. i mean, it just shows that i have no balls - i was too scared to reach out to lena again, so what do i do? i hurt them? why the fuck did i do that?

i was so scared of getting cancelled for the shitty ass thing i said, that i tried cancelling someone else. i was trying so hard to protect myself that i hurt other people. it was selfish, probably even narcissistic.

i'm sorry, i should've kept my mouth shut. it was a situation between lena and me, not for all of 75blr. if you hate me now, i get that. it was the wrong way to handle a situation that was not that deep. i take all the blame for my behavior.

finally, i gotta face my consequences. if you want to unfollow or even block me, do that. i'll be taking some time off tumblr and focus on my mental health.

lena, i hope you can forgive me. i understand if you don't wanna talk to me ever again, this was so wrong and unethical from me. i sorry for how i treated this, it really wasn't that deep and if i had reached out to you before ever thinking of this post, we could've possibly talked it through. but i get if you don't ever wanna talk it out, and i'll live with that.

george, i'm sorry for the misgendering. i'm also sorry for telling them about what you and lena had said in the groupchat. that was none of their business. the whole situation between you all was none of my business.

i hope you can forgive me one day. and maybe, when i'm in a better place mentally and when i have worked on my flaws, we can at least get along again. i'm already in therapy and believe me i would love to see my therapist rn but she's on holiday, i'll see her in 2 weeks. i realized that my behavior hurts others. maybe it's just my anxiety, maybe i just really am selfish. i mean, my dad is a narcissist, maybe i actually am too.

well, i guess that's it. i'll delete tumblr for now

i'm sorry that i hurt you.

- kimi (man-im-so-high // lukeslights4ber)

[gayofthefae]

I have spent the past weeks randomly, probably every Tuesday? seeing a massive inflow of posts about 911 from you and you've got me. It's happened, I'm here and I'm caving in and I'm asking what is this show?????

What is going on???????

Is this a supernatural magic type show? Is this just a normal drama about firefighters? Is this a slowburn romance show? What is going on, what is this, what is happening?

Who are these dudes I keep seeing on my dash and why do you love them so much lol?????????

Haha, happy to answer! They have the trauma levels of a supernatural show FOR SURE lmao but the show is called 9-1-1, it's a regular-world procedural drama about first responders, mainly focusing on a group of firefighters (but it also has a 911 dispatcher and a police sergeant). And it is VERY much a found family show.

The romance has not gone canon yet but it is VERY popularly shipped and widely believed that it will go canon (there are lots of in-show parallels to other couples on the show, queercoding, and subtext as well as just - unlike many past queerbaits - their general relationship being repeatedly plot central and above all: they have MOMENTUM). Overall, the two are very much treated as life partners by the show and its cast). (Of course, if you don't wanna risk it, I would understand).

I love them because I love a good slowburn, I love friends to lovers, and these two are just adorable in general. They are wonderfully communicative, attached at the hip, and they've built a sort of life together as life partners, like I said, frequently being treated like all other life partners (couples) on the show narratively as well as directly paralleling them (and even being the source of parallels the other couples make to them).

I can't really describe my love for them except by saying they're a hyperfixation, lol, but they check all the boxes of criteria for me to be one: slow burn, communicative, just generally adorable. It's just THE VIBES okay.

This show does a great job at fleshing out individual characters' and their trauma and arcs very well and the two are both wonderful individual people as well as incredibly complimentary in their personalities and mental health arcs (oh yeah, mental health arcs are a BIG thing with this one and they are incredibly supportive partners through it, although there is some angst it isn't contrived). So they really just have an ultimately very sweet and healthy relationship while simultaneously working through things like abandonment issues and such.

Really it's just -GAH!- [note: I want it to be known that I initially mistyped "gah" as "GAY!"]. As far as character arcs go. This ship is "man who wants to be loved x man who wants to allow himself to love". The general state right now is that "not knowing what you've been searching for has been slowly building and under your nose the whole time." Also, the really great general romantic thesis of the show is "you don't find [love], you make it" aka you find a person you're compatible with and then you choose every day to love them by putting in the work and grow with them.

tldr: They are incredibly complementary to one another's mental health arcs, they are a slow burn, they are best friends to lovers, they are life partners, they are communicative and great representation of healthy relationship behaviors not only when you're at your best (but still realistically flawed, just not to a contrived extent), and most importantly, they are just visibly happiest together (Eddie has repeatedly smiled immediately literally just from seeing Buck's face))

Also, if you start watching this show please tell me and post about it for entirely selfish reasons because I love living vicariously through people's first watches. (Warning though if you do watch: Eddie is not introduced until episode 1 of season 2, the 11th episode of the show)

To close out, here is my favorite gif of them:

[stormcried]

name—  Mika!

pronouns — he / they / them

preferred comms — Here or discord c:

name of muse — Drake Jackson Conningway: my oldest and most written muse on this hellsite

experience in RP — Been roleplaying since 2012, but I didn't get TOTALLY get involved with the actually RPC until around late 2013- early 2014 (which is when Drake was first born! :D)

best experiences — honestly? My best experiences was meeting one of my closest friends on here that I still talk to this day meeting them in 2018. This was after a VERY terrible drama that happened that involved me and I had to recreate due to me not wanting to be involved with it. But, these friends saved me from a dark period and I'm so utterly grateful to them.

pet peeves / dealbreakers — Consistent negativity. Only I don't mind people venting on the dash and needing support, shit I do it! But, It kind of irks my anxiety / depression / etc when all I see is negativity post after post. I tend to follow less towards those kinds of people. Also drama hoes. You know the ones. The ones that only seek validation by smearing other people. Fuck those people.

muse preference ( fluff, angst, slice-of-life, found family ) —  I honestly LOVE anything pertaining to angst, drama and slice-of-life. I actually have more of a preference to tragedy and angst and dark shit. But, my favorite part about it is having Drake heal through those dark moments with happiness and bliss and happy tears c:

plot or memes — memes mostly, but I'm getting better about going for more plot based stuff now!

long or short replies — Long replies. I am a WRITING HOE. I love just tying and typing giving the characters emotion and feel and how they really feel. So; long replies are my bread and butter. I usually at the least do two paragraphs minimum ^^;

best time to write — night time. I'm very distracted during the day and usually I like to knock out replies dead into the night xD

are you like your muse —  Yes and no. Drake is very close to me because I've been writing with him for so long. It's taken me 9 years TOTAL to make him a VERY fleshed out OC with emotions, cadence and backstory, so to say he's one of my closest characters in the world. I actually plan to make a novel with Drake one day!

tagging: whoever wanna do this <3

tagged by @rubctosis

[sansloii]

@hhemeraa | send me a number

10. anons

Imma be real honest--i don't use anon much anymore. anything i send, i usually just... send as is. mostly because tumblr is weird and will eat things without explanation so it makes more sense to not use anon so i have the option of following up and be like "hey, i sent you an ask. did tumblr eat it?" if i need to. if you send it on anon... kinda defeats the purpose of anon if you have to ask about it ( thus revealing yourself ). i'm also of the belief that if i send something to you, i want you to know it was me :) it's probably very obvious anyway but still.

i don't mind getting anons though! sometimes, stuff has to be sent through anon ( such as asks from rp sideblogs and such ) so i keep it on for myself purely 'cause of that.

19. smut

when i started this blog waaay back in... 2016/2017 (it's one of those years) i was not at all confident in my ability to write it at all. it was one of those things where i was like "oh i can't write it well and it's gonna be on the dash and everyone will see it and judge me" or some shit like that. i didn't even write it on skype ( which i still had at the time ) or discord ( i think i had one in 2016 but barely used it ) and just kinda like... alluded to the fact that some spicy things had happen.

fast forward a couple years and meeting my lovely, lovely friends on this hellsite and now I don't care as much about the insecurities i had in the beginning because i realized we are all struggling with the same things. if it's not a generalized "what the fuck is anatomy?", it's "how many ways can i describe this body part that doesn't make me want to toss my laptop out a window" or "did i write that already? lemme go back and see if i did." or "i don't have enough adjectives in my vocabulary or mental brain power behind my eyes to intricately write muse a gave muse b a sloppy toppy."

we're all struggling. we're all trying to make our muses sexy. it's okay. we can struggle together!

i can totally understand if someone is not comfortable with writing it for a myriad of reasons and honestly, more power to you. do what makes you comfortable and i honestly don't care if someone does or doesn't write it. or chooses to just write it in dms with specific people. if that's more your speed, then fly down that highway.

29. blocking

as someone who is a former "blocking is mean. what if i hurt their feelings? i can just ignore it" type of person, i will tell you that the block button is your best friend. some of the weirdest/worst people i have ever met have come from this site and after being here for just under a decade and going from one blog to another and just... settling here? i have no patience for nonsense that really gets on my nerves. i am here to mow ass and eat hay and if you disturb that, you need to go

that isn't to say that i use it liberally or that my block list is a mile long, though. it's more that i know the block button is a tool the site provides for you in order not see anyone you don't want to see or don't want to have in your space. and so, i am going to use that tool when i see fit and so should you. i have people i don't like and don't want interacting with my posts. i'm sure someone somewhere doesn't like me and doesn't want me interacting with their posts. block button fixes all that.

i also use blacklists to reinforce this little wall i have up so me? I am a happy camper here. i have my bubble, my space, and i'm content with that.

the only time i can say where it really sucks is when... someone i'm actively talking to and thinking i'm getting along with blocks me. it hurts and i get a little sad about it... but again, they're well within their right to do that. whatever is going on in their head and caused that, however, is another complicated story that's between them and god unless they wanna talk about it.