#this is the only gf thing I'll post... possibly ever. just got really into all the posts and decided to make this

[cyanide-sippy-cup]

So, Book of Bill, huh?

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not defending an ex-friend when people called her a slut?

I (20 f) fell out with my best friend and roommate M (20 f) at the end of sophomore year of college. reason we fell out isn't the main subject of this post but I think it's relevant so I'll try and keep it as brief as possible.

For context I'm Black attending a VERY white school. Frenshman year I was the only black girl in my building and this was just post-covid so student groups were pretty dead. So first trimester most of my college friends were the girls from my floor including M (white) and S (20f, asian american). It was very isolating tbh, esp bc I experienced a lot of microaggressions, but the girls I befriended were pretty good at sharing my outrage and letting me confide in them.

The worst incident was when at a party, a guy (G, white) made some very racist comments towards me and in general (said the n-word a few times). I admit I escalated it by engaging w him and the whole thing got out of hand, a lot of people saw, and he got a reputation as a racist. Afterwards, he was always rude to me, blaming me for egging him on while drunk and just constantly making disrespectful comments about me and my 'attitude' where i could hear. no one ever said anything to his face but were supportive of me after the fact - S was always particularly supportive and said she could relate.

I was generally fine with avoiding G esp in sophomore year when we moved out. I lived with M and another friend (P) and it went pretty well. We were asked in like November if we would renew our lease, and though M and I wanted to the third friend didn't, so we began to think of replacements, and S was looking for a place.

Thing is, while S and I were still on good terms I felt like she was being a bit secretive w me. She'd often come over and talk privately w M and I got the gist she was seeing someone and didn't want me to know. I shook it off as us growing apart and the fact I'd gotten more involved in Black student groups and hadn't hung around with our dorm friends as much, but then in Jan, as we were planning to sign the new lease, I found out she was dating G. Tbh at this point we weren't even close friends that I felt a strong personal betrayal, but more so I was mad at them both for not telling me while making plans for us to live together. They knew I was uncomfortable around G and wouldn't want to live w his gf, esp without knowing. It felt like they were almost purposefully going behind my back.

I didn't do anything at the time, just slowly backed out of the lease renewal and made other arrangements. I stopped hanging out with S almost completely and was just cordial w her and took a big step back from M and our dorm friends.

The other relevant bit of context here is M had a boyfriend (T, 20 m) who was in our freshman dorm and very close to our year one friends (lived with them sophomore year and now junior year too). She broke up w him in Feb, which led to a lot of her friendships w our dorm friends (her only friends really) to deteriorate a bit, esp as she was no longer super comfy hanging around where he was. this especially became an issue in the spring trimester bc she got a new boyfriend over the break, a friend from her classes T hadn't liked.

So, M kept pressuring me to hang out w her and our dorm friends a lot more, which inevitably meant seeing S and now G, who they'd all decided they were cool being around when I distanced myself. I told her why i didn't want to and I didn't want to see G again but she promised he had 'changed' and wouldn't say anything to me. eventually I folded and went out w them all once and it honestly sucked. M completely abandoned me to be w her other friends, G didn't say anything but kept glaring at me the whole time, and I felt very out of place. afterwards I told M i was sorry, I know she felt awkward around her ex without me, but I wouldn't do that again.

She left it till like the end of the year then there was a big dinner she really wanted to go to that T would be at (her bf was not invited), w all our dorm friends. I kept saying I wouldn't go, but then she told me she checked w the hosts and confirmed (and promised) G wouldn't be coming. I said okay but asked we sit next to each other and made it clear how I felt around S etc, and she agreed and promised we would. Long story short G was there, I wound up next to S and across from him snickering at me the whole time, with her on the other end of the table. I texted M about it, she said it was 'fine' and I was imagining it and to try and enjoy the gathering.. yeah no. I dipped before desert, she chased me outside asking what was up and I explained why i was upset, she said i can't expect her to be there for me the whole night and she's allowed to 'have a good night without my drama,' i said racism wasn't drama and she literally dragged me along to deal with her drama, nevermind my comfort, and that she was an incredibly selfish friend for putting me in this position. I left, she wound up crying with everyone comforting her, everyone there (M included) went off at me for being an unsupportive friend/dredging up year old drama with G/overall making everything about race, I cut them all off and moved my stuff into my girlfriend's place a week after all this and didn't speak to anyone since.

which is pretty much all the backstory (longer than the main bit, sorry), that gets us to the actual AITA situation. Junior year starts, I'm at a welcome back party w some other friends and i'm vaguely aware my old dorm friends (including S and G) are also here, but it's a huge party and i'm w my very supportive friends who ik will back me if anything happens so i dont really care. eventually M arrives w her bf, gives me an awkward look but doesn't say anything to me.

Then at some point, I'm upstairs using the bathroom and I hear the girls from our dorm group speaking to M in the hallway. Apparently it came out over summer she'd hooked up w her new boyfriend before she ended things with T and they were all pissed at her (esp for her playing the victim w her ex). I tried to stay in the bathroom until the conversation ended but someone was pounding on the door and I wound up having to get out and waddle past them awkwardly to get back downstairs. When I got out one of the girls was calling M a slut and other names and while i tried to avoid it I accidentally made eye contact with M, who was super upset and crying. I kinda just shrugged and went downstairs.

Later that night i got a long ass message from her new bf about how he knows I'm upset with her but it wasn't fair for me to just leave her in that situation, and that it was petty and selfish of me (esp bc I'm usually the person calling out this shit). I spoke to my gf, and she said she understands why i did nothing but also that it's never okay for people to call someone a slut. I agree with that 100% and in any other case i might have tried to diffuse the situation (like if it was safe and I thought I could). I've told a couple friends who think I did nothing wrong and it wasn't fair to expect me to say smth when she never said/did anything to defend me and that she had it coming, but my mom told me I should've done the kind thing and not stoop to their level and it's made me feel really bad. I think I might be TA bc i could have stood up for her without anything bad happening to me beyond being in an uncomfortable convo, and also bc it kinda felt good seeing her friends turn on her? Like she threw me under the bus to be in their good books and defend them and they dropped her ass anyway, and if I acted from a vengeful place then thats asshole-y of me. but also no one in this story has apologised to me once and as my friend says its not fair to rely on black ppl to fix racist white ppls mess.

so, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[mothwithapencil]

your street fighter art has brought me much joy...thank you ^_^ i wasnt too familiar w vega b4hand but. he's got me in his claws now... i'm seeing the vision....i would like to hear more of what u've concocted for his siblinghood w cammy if you would like 2 share! what the dynamic could be like when cammy was still a doll under shadaloo, vs when she started fighting bison, etcetc. the silly the serious how things change over the years >:0 apologies if this is a tall order

(Also. mike tyson cartoon balrog knocked me back. What are the odds that he, too, has a van with "BI GUY" on the license plate)

I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE A VEGAHEAD NOW.... He got me in his claws as soon as I saw him... The vega army grows stronger...

His siblinghood with Cammy (and also Decapre) is so very special to me. You can check out this post first for some stuff I said about them that I'll extrapolate on here. RAMBLE TIME.

Vega and Cammy are very similar and share several traits and I think a lot of it has to do with him having to train and take care of her and the other Dolls. It makes me so very insane that Vega is generally portrayed as this cold and uncaring murder guy who only loves himself, and yet...

Please look at these dialogues from Alpha 3. HE CARES ABOUT HER SO MUCH. IT HURTS. There's so much here. He wants her to be safe. He cares about the girl he took care of so much that he calls M. BISON A COWARD. Bison could kill Vega by looking at him and yet he stands up to him for the sake of someone else's safety. I rambled about their relationship and his feelings towards her more in a text to my gf I'm too lazy to rewrite:

Btw yes I am making a drawing about the braids. They hold so much symbolism TO ME. The braids he did for her... One of the few remaining things connecting them.... It means a lot to him, and you can see how much it means to him in A Shadow Falls:

While she's passed out he just stops to pick up one of her braids and his eyes immediately soften. And then he leaves without really doing anything because he sees that Cammy wants to protect Decapre, who she knows is her sister. He doesn't try to kill Cammy or anyone she loves. Every time he fights her he just sees her as a worthy foe (in the Alpha 3 dialogue up there he later changes his mind about Cammy not being a good opponent as he rescues her from the Shadaloo base). And later in A Shadow Falls when Cammy and Decapre are fighting the other Dolls, he goes against Shadaloo's ideals and frees the Dolls from the Psycho Power controlling them. At the end of the story he throws away his mask. Vega is not heartless... He has kindness and compassion... He has sweetie powers.... He just doesn't want you to know that because he hasn't been allowed to have emotions for so long... He's just stuck working for people he hates. Every time Bison isn't a direct threat to him he just goes back to Bullfighting. He doesn't care about those guys at all and the only thing truly keeping him is probably the fact Bison or another Shadaloo member would show up at his home and kill him if he quit. I think he wishes he could have the same freedom Cammy has... He's proud of her for breaking the cycle of being used as a tool by Bison and wishes he could be afforded the same luxury...

They all even pose the same way... There's a couple pieces of art where theyre posing this way and they share some similar moves too.... The parallels... They compel me....

I don't know if Cammy will ever piece together that Vega is her weird questionably evil possibly clone-related big brother. Decapre is much more similar to him visually and maybe that will tip her off. But for now all of her past growing up in House of Bison is known only to Vega and the fleeting memories kill him every day. He may feel particularly closer to Cammy but he stills shows care and compassion for Decapre too. He loves his sisters so very much and thus....

SOMETIMES A FAMILY IS WHATEVER THIS IS ↓↓↓ ‼️‼️

ITS SO HARD BEING A SINGLE MOM WHEN YOURE AN ASSASSIN FOR SHADALOO AND ALSO A GROWN MAN💯💯

(Also, for the last portion of that ask: I do think Balrog has a "BI GUY" vanity plate. Beef IS Gross, Unethical, and Yucky. That IS what he reads when he sees it. He DOES look at the bi men checking him out and say "we like to put the same thing in our mouth!" Its true. I saw it happen. Lmfao)

[twiddlebirdlet]

I think and I hope there isn't anything between Chris and Minka. But your post for the marble countertop makes me feel worry anyway. But she had always the habit to cook and post the finish product and it was never for one person. Personally when I cook I make more even if I'm alone. I'll be really disappointed if he comes back for the 25489 times with her. But before Ben, when JS didn't post people though the worst too.

More Anons:

“I wish people wouldn't start the Minka paranoia. But I would honestly take a break from the fandom like I did with J and MK before if we do have to go down this road again.

“That would quite honestly be the most random thing they haven't been seen together in years lol. Anything is possible but I highly doubt they would get back together just when quarantine starts.”

“People speculating about Minka and Chris once a year because of something to do with social media is like the new Minka Day.”

“I think Chris finally moved on when he started up with Jenny and eventually Minka moved on as well. I mean she got dumped over the holidays and he was in another relationship like 3 months later...he was done.”

“I think Minka has white marble in her own kitchen. You can see it in some of her really old photos.”

“Where does Minka typically live? Isn't it L.A. or NYC? Why would Chris have his brother come stay with him for weeks if he had his assumed gf with him? And would Scott post all those videos from the house, knowing there's a chance someone might spot something suggesting a woman/Minka could be there?”

“I like Minka, she is much better now than when she dated Cevans, but I think she would only take Chris back if he came to put a ring on her, I think she got tired of being a game for him.”

“Minka posted more stories about cooking today, and it looks like the food is on a wooden counter/table. And this time it did look like she was cooking for herself. I never want to say never with Chris, because he's surprised me (sometimes unpleasantly) before, but after all this time, it would surprise me if they tried it for what, the 5th time? I mean that's just lazy, "I can't be bothered to find anyone new" rather than "Oh no, I've definitely realized now that they're the love of my life."”

“Lol I wonder will we ever get to a point where Minka isn’t brought up in relation to her proximity to Chris. It’s been literal years, I’m not sure why folks want them to still be seeing each other so bad?”

********************

It seems that every now and then you start seeing comments in forums, asks being submitted in tumblr, etc. bringing up Minka again. Speculation. Rumors. It’s kind of odd.

I got some Asks submitted to my blog talking about how they were together, weaving some fantastical webs that had a lot of plot points that were really out there, and were easily dismissed by anyone that closely follows either of them. I could have posted them and argued with the anons, but I chose to keep them to myself and not post them because they didn’t make any sense.

It was pointless to stir the pot. Now, I’m glad I didn’t.

Her recent posts have made it clear she’s not with him, and most likely in Los Angeles where she lives full time. At this point I think we should just leave it at that, imo. Minka is history.

[todanceistodream-blog]

On a train to the dentist I was sat opposite to two mothers, without really going into too much into detail about the mothers as beyond what you see on the exterior you really have no idea. One of them was white, the other a very beautiful reflection of modern Islam.

The moment that got me smiling was the 4-5 year old girl, maybe younger, who at some point got off her seat and started marching towards the train door and insisting on it with her finger with a deadly serious look on her face. They were apparently 2 stops early but thinking about it all got me giggling. She wasn't exactly grumpy either (or was she) as she played with her friend but thinking about it made me realise just how open kids really are, and it is us and the world who teach them to hate and all that other delightful stuff.

Both the mothers and kids knew each other from before, but it got me just thinking about the future and whats possible if many start giving eachother human respect they deserve. Surely its the least we can do to start overcoming dishonesty and the pain of those in countries less fortunate than ours. Those that realise they don't want certain people continue ruling over bits of this world, be it a bar or a country, in a way that would make anybody feel unsafe.

I know its wishful thinking, but..

The one that had me think further on how far we've all come and yet to go was when the other mother's child was hoping to get a cuddle by sticking his hands in the air and trying to climb on top of her. Initially I thought she was going to but then sat him down all sensible in the seat next to her, which could've happened for a million reasons, but its fun to wonder.

Finding out the truth about people is one thing, but preparing yourself for moments where you can really help the people that surround you the right way, no matter where they've come from or what they've done is something, is something completely different.

As time goes I'll continue speaking to people in what will be increasingly accessible spaces which can then focus on promotion to the world and getting incredibly inspiring music into Kyiv at such a pivotal moment in its history. For people who will try their hardest to speak their mind as honestly as it comes, and others around who will be able to support that honesty with their own, for hopes of a stronger world.

Full anonymity will have to be ensured in many moments (all the extra measures for those that need them) because I know there are many more people out there who will be speaking about things that much (probably) of the world would rather we don't.

Yesterday I finally returned to Stour Space after many months of distancing myself from it and everyone there (because I simply wasn't ready, will talk more about this later) in hopes of speaking to people I had found the last time I was there, and just to be heard by people who actually listen and already know where the world is headed.

The person I did end up speaking to came out of the blue and also happened to be the first person that I ever spoke to when I came to Stour Space, showed me around, and made me feel a kind of safe different to everywhere I had been before. There were other places in the past that you'd also hope to be that and in a lot of ways were that, but were simply organised by people a kind of dishonest with themselves that affected how honest they would be with you.

A fair bit of awkwardness ensued and head went racing. To think I nearly left at some point to come back tomorrow because that voice really was definitely trying, but ended up just calming down and writing finishing a witness statement by the canal and sunshine for about 2 hours. Was quite a ride but pulled through.

The one I wrote the day before was a much more personal statement about just what happened working at this bar, and why it shouldn't ever have happened in the first place. Personally a first for me but such situations aren't going to continue so I'm staying strong.

It all changes from this moment, and all those difficult situations before happened so that I could truly understand now why it is so important that I continue trusting my gut. After all those other people and places who dismissed me, many who simply would rather shun and shame instead of support, and for all those people who just aren't in a position to do it themselves.

I'm not gonna name any other names here or in the future but know that I've been all over London and even though it has been exhausting its the fact that in it was actually empowering me, little by little.

It got to a point where I was feeling strong enough to discover Stour Space about 6 months ago. I walked in and something only really possible with the idealising I'll never let go of. Even though it got me into all sorts of bad places before I never stopped believing it would get me to people and places the kind of good I've been daydreaming about for a very long time.

What I will be doing is posting both of the witness statements (exactly as they will be seen in court, if it comes to that) a little after I've spoken to the good people from See It From Her (link below) which isn't to say that I'll change my mind or what I wrote but I'm just not ready to share that here. There might be nobody reading now or for a while but it's what feels right and that's a feeling that when respected has gotten me further than I could've ever imagined.

Before writing them I knew that I'd want them to be public just because of how clear the harassment was (on top of many other things) how I felt about it, and I knowing that this situation needed me to be a kind of ready that I'm not letting overwhelm me. I know I might have to go to very serious lengths but See It From Her will be there to support me through the process when I feel ready to proceed.

It's the fact that this is something far bigger than me or this bar and I'm not letting them get away with breaking a law that is almost 9 years old now. It is a very good establishment with a lot of growth on the way, but first it has to first get with the times or people will eventually think twice about who is creating their experiences.

Sincerely believe they are a very good future of bars, only if they have as much passion for it (or money, haha) that will encourage them to do everything that needs to be done to make their bar(s) safe.

Thank you for getting this far, no matter how long it took. Whether you believe it now or not we're going to figure this all out together <3

https://www.seeitfromher.com

See It From Her + (SIFH+) is a project that supports women and those who feel oppressed because of their gender identity, to have a voice and be heard through photography and image.

SIFH+ is exclusively run by, and supports all women (trans, intersex and cis) non-binary, agender and gender variant people

-GF-