#this is the most verloc copypasta i have ever read tho

[antonverloc]

i didn't get no sleep cause o' Y'ALL, ya'll not gon get no sleep CAUSE OF ME

    ❝ you swine. you vulgar little maggot. don’t you know that you are pathetic? you worthless bag of filth. as we say at haworth labs, i’ll bet you couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. you are a canker. a sore that won’t go away. i would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you.

     you are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. you are degenerate, noxious and depraved. i feel debased just for knowing you exist. i despise everything about you. you are a bloody nardless newbie twit protohominid chromosomally aberrant caricature of a coprophagic cloacal parasitic pond scum and i wish you would go away.

     you’re a putrescence mass, a walking vomit. you are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. you are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. your life is a monument to stupidity. you are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.

     you are a bleating fool, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. an insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.

     i will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. you are a monster, an ogre, a malformation. i barf at the very thought of you. you have all the appeal of a paper cut. plague wastrels avoid you. you are vile, worthless, less than nothing. you are a weed, a histoplasma mushroom, the dregs of this earth. and did i mention you smell?

     if you aren’t an idiot, you made a world-class effort at simulating one. try to edit your writing of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. the evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.

     you snail-skulled little rabbit. would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. may you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.

     you are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. you are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. you are foul and disgusting. you’re a fool, an ignoramus. monkeys look down on you. even sheep won’t have sex with you. you are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.

     and what meaning do you expect your incessant phone calls of childish, irrelevant rubbish to have with me? what fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?

     you are a waste of flesh. you have no rhythm. you are ridiculous and obnoxious. you are the moral equivalent of a leech. you are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. you are sour and senile. you are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meatslapper.

     on a good day you’re a half-wit. you remind me of drool. you are deficient in all that lends character. you have the personality of wallpaper. you are dank and filthy. you are asinine and benighted. you are the source of all unpleasantness. you spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

     i cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. i mean rock-hard stupid. dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. you are trans-stupid stupid. meta-stupid. stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. singularity stupid. blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. you emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. quasar stupid. your “prank calls” have to be a joke. nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. i’m sorry. i can’t go on. this is an epiphany of stupid for me. after this, you may not hear from me again for a while. i don’t have enough strength left to deride your uninvited calls and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. duh.

     the only thing worse than your logic is your manners. your attempt at constructing a creative call was pitiful. i mean, really, stringing together a bunch of barbecue sauce and vengeful “threats” among a load of babbling was hardly effective…maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. true, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal” people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. but we sometimes forget that there are people like you in this world who find these things more difficult. i wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you. ❞