#this is the hyperfocus that makes me feel the most bonkers | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

greeneyesclosed · 8 months ago

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Okay. Alright. I'm going to preface this rebuttal by saying that I have nothing at all against the writer of this post, or Ashley's character herself. Genuinely, I love this game and it's characters, and I love Ashley just as much. I think she and her brother are both deeply terrible people, of course, and this is indeed what the game is about, but I DO love them.

That out of the way, this entire post stunned me with its confident, grandiose incorrectness. At times it reads like it's satirical. I'm not entirely sure it's not satirical, honestly, and I would be entirely willing to accept that it is, but I'm like, PRETTY sure it's not. So I'm going to tear it apart. No hard feelings.

I think the first thing we need to do here is address the bonkers couching going into the opening paragraph here. I think you can often tell how confident someone actually is in an argument by the amount of qualifiers they'll give before making it, and oh boy, do we have some qualifiers here.

Because of that, I want you to read it with an open mind; if you hyperfocus on one or two smaller details I might've gotten wrong or are fallaciously interpretated, and either use that to discount the whole essay or go into the comment section and immediately try to debunk my interpretation of that event, that'll make it obvious to me that you're not trying to seriously engage with the core of what I'm trying to say.

This is a hell of a thing to open with. Like, I usually don't start my literary analysis with "if you think I'm wrong about anything specific, and you try to tell me this, I'll consider you completely disingenuous," but go off, I guess.

Because unless quite literally everything I've said here is wrong, I feel confident in saying this: Ashley Graves did nothing wrong.

It's kind of difficult to properly emphasize the magnitude of hubris going into this statement. Like, just to rephrase this, the thing being said here is that the argument being made is somehow holistic, and can only be disproved in its totality. The claim here is that the argument does not hinge on anything. That's... not actually possible. The core of logic is that all arguments hinge on premises, and if any of those premises can be shown to be false, the argument fails. But I'll steelman the point here: OP is going to present multiple arguments, and unless all of them can be disproved, their greater point will remain. Unhinged burden of proof, but you know? Sure. I'll take that challenge.

With the couching out of the way, let's see what you've got for me.

First of all, TCOAL plays with a lot of different taboos- demon summoning, cannibalism, incest, murder- but the game goes through great lengths to muddy the moral weight of the siblings' actions. Every single action they commit is portrayed in the most neutral possible light- killings were done in self defense (with one notable exception), or done to people who greatly wronged them, cannibalism was a necessity to survive (also with one notable exception), incest is shown to come from a marked improvement in their relationship- leading me to believe that this game is taking a hard morally nihilistic stance. Else, they'd be shown to suffer for their actions, when in reality, the literal exact opposite is happening; they are being rewarded for it. This isn't necessarily glorifying the actions, but instead showing that even the worst of actions can potentially be excused, but whether or not you do is up to the reader. Hence, nihilism, or at the very least, skepticism (as noted by Lisafication). There's an existentialist reading of this too, but I think much of that is contingent on the events of chapter 3 so I won't get into that here.

We're starting off with a series of really weird equivocations, and a misunderstanding of what nihilism, like, is. Let's start with a really easy shots o take at this point: saying "the cannibalism was necessary to survive, with one notable exception" is incredibly misleading. There have been two instances of cannibalism so far. One was necessary to survive, and one decidedly wasn't. Claiming a full one half of the incidents constitutes an "exception" comes off as almost deliberately deceptive.

Alright, real point: that's not what nihilism means. Nihilism, in this paragraph, is being equated to the existence of karma. The idea that if you take immoral actions, you will be punished for it by the world. This is, first of all, demonstrably untrue, and second of all, completely unrelated to nihilism. Nihilism is a moral philosophy suggesting that there are, in fact, no morals. A nihilistic narrative would be completely unconcerned with the morality of its characters, and therefore wouldn't even feel the need to demonstrate that terrible actions can be justified. By implying that the narrative is making moral arguments for the things Andrew and Ashley do, such as the first instance of cannibalism being necessary for survival, you're disproving the idea that it's nihilist in nature.

It contrasts this mostly nihilistic perspective on interpersonal taboos with the deep societal ills that drive people to commit such actions. Evil exists at every level of analysis here, but curiously, the only thing that are shown to do direct harm to others without having a justification of some kind- be it self-defense or retaliation- are those societal ills. There is no (morally) good reason to quarantine people, starve them, and harvest their organs. There's no good reason to burn all evidence and then put a hit on the ones who did escape. There's no good reason to extort sexual favors from someone in exchange for food. These are deep structural problems that force people to either retaliate/lash out or enable people's most exploitative or abusive habits lest they just let themselves die.

I don't like where this is going...

And thus, the obvious evils become much less obvious. The game makes a point of subverting the obvious or the well-known when it comes to morals, and I think it does so when it comes to everything else, too. Outside of those societal ills (so far, ch3 might have something else to say), every situation where someone could obviously be shown as the bad person in a situation is immensely more complex than it first appears. So much so that I'd argue that displaying said complexity and subverting simplicity to force/encourage people to analyze things deeper is one of the central themes of the game.

Right, okay, there it is. I probably should have expected this argument, but that doesn't make it any more sane.

So like, no, other characters doing terrible things in the game doesn't make it okay for Ashley to do terrible things. Yes, TCAL is a dark game, filled with all kinds of characters doing exceptionally bad things. This does not diminish our ability to call all of those bad actions bad, does it? Like, is the claim here that at a certain point, everything just sucks so much that it's not fair to say Ashley has also done terrible things? We don't have a limit here.

So why, exactly, does he blame so much on her? It's because Ashley is the world's most convenient scapegoat, and the game is well-aware of this and displays it in ways both obvious and not. First off: the title screen has Ashley wielding the cleaver, establishing that she’s the violent one. It's covered in blood, too, implying that she's the one more driven to kill. The reality of this is the opposite; Andrew is the one with less hesitation to inflict violence on others, the cleaver is his weapon, and most of the kills in the story are done by him (and fully justified). Ashley might push him to do these violent acts, but… does she?

I'm actually going to skip through directly quoting the vast majority of the text following this paragraph, because it's all basically the same argument. The thing being said here is that Ashley is not fundamentally a violent person.

The main argument here is that Andrew commits more abject violence than his sister over the course of the game. This is true. I've actually noted this before, that Andrew is much more violent than he lets himself believe. What isn't true is the idea that this somehow excuses the people who Ashley does directly kill: the other warden, and both of her parents.

Yes, you're correct. Andrew Graves is not a good person. This is not an Andrew apologia post; he also does terrible things over the course of the game, and not all of them are a direct result of Ashley's influence. But the entire argument following this point just straight up ignores the multiple murders that Ashley racks up over the course of the game, often to Andrew's direct protest. Like, you could make the argument that Andrew kills Ms. 302 because he at least thinks it's what Ashley would want, right? Ashley kills both their parents in front of Andrew's eyes, as he freaks out over her doing that. There is NOTHING being influenced about her decision there. She just, like, kills two people. On purpose. On her own.

Honestly, this entire line of argument can be completely discarded due to the obvious omission of any violence that Ashley herself commits. Like, no attempt is even made to explain Ashley's murders they are simply ignored so that Andrew's can seem more out of place.

I'm sorry, I know I said I wasn't gonna directly quote much in this part, but I NEED to respond to this directly, because what? I'm sorry?

If that's how you read that scene, I don't even know what to say. It is NOT Ashley heroically holding Andrew accountable for his misdeeds. It's the second most obvious scene of direct manipulation we see in the entire game. Ashley deliberately brings up the most traumatic moment in Ashley's life not to make him take responsibility or something, but to taunt him. She is lashing out because she (unreasonably) believes Andrew may have been unfaithful to her, and wants to punish him by making him relive the worst thing she ever did to him. If that scene of extremely obvious manipulation and abuse came off as just on Ashley's part, I don't know what to tell you.

I acknowledge that this isn't the most charitable framing for Andrew, and maybe too charitable for Ashley.

I'll say.

Let's move on to the next actual point, since I think the points for the excusability of the 302 scene have been pretty firmly rebutted by now.

Next up is the Nina situation. This one is obviously cut and dry- Ashley manipulates Andrew into killing Nina because she wants no competition between the two of them. It's not Andrew's fault and Ashley was an evil abuser from the jump. Obvious, right?

Pretty much. A little hyperbolic- we could drop the word "evil" to make this come off as less judgmental, but that was what you wanted, anyways.

No. It's really not.

Oh. Do go on?

It's pretty strongly implied that Ashley was mistreated by people her whole life. The Lemon Cupcake scene shows this in more detail, about how people always neglect or ignore her birthdays, but she also says that nobody likes her because she's weird and loud in the Nina flashback too. But unless something big happened in between the two flashbacks, none of this behavior indicates particularly maladaptive or even strange tendencies on Ashley's part. She's a needy, bratty child, and the closest thing to a friend she has- Nina- wants to take away the one thing from her that's a source of comfort and emotional validation.

Oh no. I can feel where we're going here, This is a Poor Little Meow Meow argument, isn't it?

It's not entirely rational, sure! But it also -makes perfect sense-. NOBODY treated her well throughout her entire life; it's strongly implied that Nina never did either, given Nina's reaction to Ashley being there and the lower left-hand painting past the Questionable door showing her being distant from the two of them. We can also see a star bouncing off of her head, and stars represent closeness in this game, so it shows there was an attempt made somewhere along the line, it's just not clear as to who made the attempt.

Okay, I'm gonna stop playing the "I don't know what's coming next" character here, and be honest: this argument, the attempt to defend Ashley's extremely clear murder of Nina, is the most unhinged part of the post. That was always going to be the case, I suppose, because it truly is hard to defend the indefensible, but the effort is appreciated. Even though it does catastrophically fail.

So, first of all, I need to state the obvious: Ashley's actions being understandable doesn't make them defensible. You would think this is clear from the jump, but a huge amount of the post following is going to hinge on that idea.

OP has correctly observed that TCAL has tightly-written characters, and that all of them have reasons for their actions. The immense neglect that Ashley experienced throughout her childhood shaped her into the person that she is today! This is, and I mean this genuinely, just good character writing. People, even bad people, do things for reasons. However- and I can't believe I unironically have to say this- that doesn't excuse Ashley from being an abusive, cannibalistic murderer.

Second of all, I want to go into what's actually being said here:

But it also -makes perfect sense-. NOBODY treated her well throughout her entire life; it's strongly implied that Nina never did either...

No it isn't. This is unequivocally not implied. The only things that you could even construe as an implication of this would be that Nina was surprised and perhaps a little miffed that Andrew brought his sister along to what she assumed was a date, and that she was... far away from the both of them, in the Questionable scene? Neither of these constitute a shred of evidence. Shit is just being made up here.

At the very least, Nina's reaction of disappointment fed into Ashley's preconceived notions of how people treat her, and how she deserves to be treated. Although, from what has been directly stated, rather than implied, Nina was nothing more than an innocent victim in this scenario; I don't mean to take that away from her.

Oh, okay, So OP immediately acknowledges that the extremely weak evidence that Nina mistreated Ashley is directly stated to be untrue. That's good! I sure hope they don't immediately proceed under the assumption that Nina mistreated Ashley, perhaps even grossly.

"But she didn't care when Nina died?" So? If Nina treated her like trash for most of her life, why should she care? She didn't expect Nina to die. It was just an acceptable consequence.

Nifty!

Jokes aside, this point is fucking heartless. I have also been mildly mistreated by people over the course of my life, but I would probably be distressed if my actions resulted in their death, especially if they were the friend of someone I considered close. Like, would you not? That's concerning.

Andrew, meanwhile, was the one who told Ashley that they had to lock Nina in the box to keep them in there. He's the one who looked for and found the stick to keep them locked in. You could say he was coerced by an abusive person into hurting someone, sure, but you'd be wrong. Cataclysmically wrong, even. Like, if you actually think that a seven year old girl (nobody wears overalls past the age of seven) can have anything approximating an abusive dynamic with her as the perpetrator with someone both older and stronger than her, you frankly have some issues with women you need to work out. That's simply not how abuse dynamics work at that age.

Alright, what the fuck are you talking about? At this point we are COMPLETELY off the rails. First of all, you don't get to just make a quip about overalls and pretend you've canonized the ambiguous ages of Andy and Leyley. I would put them around 10 and 12, personally. Second of all, you can't just say "young Ashley would have no idea how to manipulate someone, because she's young" while ignoring the EXTREMELY clear scene after they bury Nina where she manipulates Andrew. She literally says to him, says, aloud, that she'll tell everyone what he did if he doesn't do what she says, and proclaims out loud with her voice that she's going to use this to force him to stay by her side. You're just ignoring the single most openly manipulative scene Ashley gets in the entire game, which occurs with her at that age, to insist that Ashley has NO idea how to manipulate someone at a young age, and that she couldn't POSSIBLY be abusing Andrew!

I'm skipping a huge chunk of reiteration here. I think we can consider the points against Nina's scene to be dealt with.

As much as the game frames Ashley as a manipulator- and much of the fanbase uncritically accepts- she is given shockingly little in-game control over many of the actions committed. Even in the case of the Hitman- as a good friend of mine pointed out- the only choice the player is given is whether or not to check the closet and be killed; an impulsive decision leading to a swift and unceremonious end. In the end, Andrew is the one given the choice to kill the hitman, and we can consciously choose whether or not his reaction is panicked or measured. No such choice is given to Ashley, as most of her reactions are impulsive and spontaneous rather than planned. This is not the makings of a standard "manipulative evil bitch" trope. She's pretty consistently portrayed as someone with poor impulse and emotional control who loudly and aggressively states her intent in every single scenario she's in.

What?

By now, OP is beginning to come off as deliberately deceptive. I don't know how else to explain this. In order to make this point- that Ashley is not a manipulator because she has little ingame control over her actions- you have to just fucking ignore that the most important choice in the entire game, the PRIME choice that determines whether you end up on the Decay or Burial route, is Ashley deciding whether or not to deliberately manipulate Andrew. That's what's going on in that scene. If she trusts him, their relationship improves. If she continues to manipulate and mistrust him, it decays further. This entire paragraph ignores that completely. COMPLETELY. I don't even know what to say.

And you can still call what she says and does manipulative despite that, sure, but at what point are you just pathologizing relatively normal (if extreme and highly emotional) social interactions for the sake of fitting into a narrative you already held?

Ah, yes, right, of course. I had forgotten how normal it is to tell your brother that if he ever leaves you, you'll tell everyone about the murder you made him commit. Sorry about that, I'll try and keep it in mind next time.

Okay. A lot of the following is about Mrs. Graves, and I think Mrs. Graves is a piece of shit, so I don't think there's a lot I disagree with here. Yes, it's unquivocally a bad thing for Andrew to accept his mom's offer. This is because she's a terrible person who, unlike Ashley, doesn't even care about Andrew in addition to being a terrible person. No issues here.

But no matter what ending was picked, things could be better. They could've been better all along. Compared to chapter 1, their dynamic in chapter 2 is already much healthier. Their banter is less venomous, and while they still poke and prod each other in ways that aren't exactly great, they don't get into the same violent fights we saw in the 302 room. By all accounts, what happened in that room was an outlier. Even when they find themselves in their parents' house, where they stand to do the One Thing That Means They Would Never Be Normal Again, Ever (ignoring the fact that this is already a lost cause by then), Ashley doesn't get into any fights with Andrew in the same way she did back in the apartment. All she wants is affirmation and security. She doesn't even lay into her mom like she lays into Julia over the phone, even in their private conversations.

I don't disagree that their time in the Coffin was probably an outlier in terms of how horrible they become- in fact, I think this is more a defense of Andrew than it is Ashley. I could make a whole post about how people misconstrue the 302 scene as Andrew having a hair-trigger temper and a proclivity to violence, when in fact it comes after months of Ashley prodding at him, and being in one of the highest-stress situations I can imagine, but this isn't that post. This is all fine. Yes, they have a slightly healthier dynamic than most people realise, but that doesn't excuse the obvious abuse coming from Ashley.

We’re led to believe that she’s still getting worse because the actions she’s taking are more extreme, but her attitudes and behaviors are much, much different. The actual actions they're taking are so obviously the right thing to do (both morally and practically) that I don't think it's until they eat their parents that you should make a double take and go "Wow, maybe these goblins actually are kinda fucked up," because until then, well… everything is justified! Perfectly so! Even then, eating their parents serves a purpose, even if not a mentally healthy one.

I don't... think that... Ashley going about murdering and eating two people with a smile instead of a frown actually makes her a better person...?

I don't think I need to make any further points on that one.

Look, this is getting overly long, and I think I've very firmly established a lot here. Most of the remaining post is either iterations on the Poor Little Meow Meow argument, or just claiming that it's okay for her to abuse Andrew, because she's worried he might leave her, which is batshit enough on its face that I don't feel the need to debunk it.

Let's just conclude, okay? My brain is tired and my hand pain is flaring up.

I see this attitude a lot in fandoms for fucked up characters, where people feel the need to excuse the actions of a bad person before they can appreciate them as characters, or identify with them as people. I think this is misguided. At some point I'll make a post like this one for Andrew, where I go through all the arguments for why he, himself, is merely a poor little meow meow being abused by his sister and rebut them, because Andrew is a bad person, and he is fucked up, and you don't need to excuse his actions to like him.

Ashley Graves is a terrible person. Andrew Graves is also a terrible person. I love both of them incredibly deeply. There is no moral conflict here.

Go drink some water <3

Ashley Literally Did Nothing Wrong, Fuck You, Fight Me

Alt title: Ashley Graves: The most convenient scapegoat in the world

I'm going to espouse a take here that will no doubt be controversial, as you can tell by the title. This is a take I've created from my hollistic understanding of the events of the game, and isn't dependent on any one single point I make in this essay. Because of that, I want you to read it with an open mind; if you hyperfocus on one or two smaller details I might've gotten wrong or are fallaciously interpretated, and either use that to discount the whole essay or go into the comment section and immediately try to debunk my interpretation of that event, that'll make it obvious to me that you're not trying to seriously engage with the core of what I'm trying to say. Because unless quite literally everything I've said here is wrong, I feel confident in saying this:

Ashley Graves did nothing wrong.

Moreover, I think Ashley is on the level of people like Rossiu, Shinji Ikari, and Skylar White as far as people who are mistreated by their fandoms goes.

At first this was going to be an essay about how I don't think the demons are evil, using textual and thematic evidence to show that they're just part of a system that deals mostly fairly with humans and doesn't have any nefarious plans, or at least nefarious plans that stand to fuck anyone over. But then I realized that, goodness gracious, that is boring as shit to write! But I looked at what I had written already and realized that I could write something else with it: something better. I could sum up a lot of the points made in my prior essays and elaborate upon them in much more detail, showing why I think certain themes are obviously present within this game. And here, I intend on doing that.

I've spoken a lot before about how Ashley is a scapegoat for all of Andrew's worst habits; and to a lesser extent, her mother's. The game makes it seemingly obvious that she's the bad one, and generally just a Very Not Good person. It shows her and her brother committing many different acts that are, under most moral systems, wrong, and implicitly implies that she's the reason that Andrew ever did those things. It implies that she's corrupting him, that he could be better and refuses- or is unable to- due to her poking and prodding. But… is that the truth? Is that how their relationship actually works, in practice? I don't believe so. I think I've made it obvious by now that I believe the exact opposite!

I'm going to start off by tackling the morality behind their actions, especially relative to the world they're in. Specifically, I'm going to tackle how the game presents the morality of their actions from a thematic point of view, and any statements it may or may not make.

So why, exactly, does he blame so much on her? It's because Ashley is the world's most convenient scapegoat, and the game is well-aware of this and displays it in ways both obvious and not.

First off: the title screen has Ashley wielding the cleaver, establishing that she’s the violent one. It's covered in blood, too, implying that she's the one more driven to kill. The reality of this is the opposite; Andrew is the one with less hesitation to inflict violence on others, the cleaver is his weapon, and most of the kills in the story are done by him (and fully justified). Ashley might push him to do these violent acts, but… does she?

Her reaction to the death of the first warden is one of utter shock.

And her expression afterwards?

This is not the look of someone who enjoyed the fact that someone killed for her sake. This is not the look of someone who finds joy to be had in violence. It's not even the look of someone who is apathetic towards violence. It almost seems to express shame or guilt, but at the very least, she's timid over it. At the very least, it's an "oh shit, he actually had to do that for my sake" face. Not a "haha, I am making him worse!" face.

Not to mention, not only does Andrew kill the first Warden without a care in the world, he proactively kills the 302 lady to eliminate all witnesses, and because he believes Ashley would want him to. But Ashley actually grills him for it; she didn't want the 302 lady to die, although she hardly had good-person-reasons for it. But that's not my point. The point is that she is not the violent one between the two of them.

The door doesn't open in response to violence, remember?

The game intentionally misleads us.

And what happens when Ashley tries to make him take responsibility for all this violence? To point out that she didn't force him to do anything and that he chose to do all of it, including lock Nina in the box? She lashes out, hits him a few times… and then he goes to strangle her, and doesn't let go until she acknowledges that he has no reason for her to be around. He literally doesn't cease his threat to her life until she acknowledges she's useless to him.

I acknowledge that this isn't the most charitable framing for Andrew, and maybe too charitable for Ashley. After all, she wasn't indignant. She was mocking him. She found it hilarious. But I have reasons for that charitability that I'll go over towards the end. But even with that charitability in mind, I don't think my reading is too off base. Defaulting to laughter or mocking in stressful situations is just what Ashley does. She's not indignant about it; she just finds it hilarious that people keep pretending to be better than her, when they're not.

Andrew killed the 302 lady and used Ashley as a scapegoat to justify it; this is indisputable, stated in the text during the dream. This alone validates Ashley's point of view. There is no interpretation of this event that doesn't paint Andrew as every bit as unscrupulous as Ashley, and thinking she corrupted him into this- when it was both one of the first actions he did on his own in the story and something he explicitly uses Ashley as a scapegoat for- is just ridiculous. It's frankly unreasonable. She has every right to be sick of being used as a scapegoat. And at the very least, whether or not you accept the idea that Andrew only let Ashley go once she acknowledged that she's useless to him, he's still so taken aback by his misinterpretation of Ashley's desires that HE goes to strangle HER.

This is NOT Andrew triumphantly standing up to his abuser. This is both of their masks slipping; Andrew revealing how violent and insistent on keeping up his internal narrative that he is, and Ashley revealing that she's getting tired of being blamed for everything.

And then, when he finally lets her go… she hugs him, and acknowledges that she's happy that Nina is gone, which makes little sense at the face of it. Why would that be her first response to being let go, when it was ostensibly what made Andrew so upset to begin with?

I think, to her, it's a conciliatory gesture. As chapter 2 showed us, she's more than willing to take responsibility for violence to relieve Andrew of stress over it, as evidenced by her finishing off their parents. This is an earlier instance of that; by acknowledging she was happy that Nina was dead, she took responsibility for it. She willingly framed herself as a bad person here, so Andrew wouldn't have to be.

She let herself be the scapegoat, because it's all she ever knew. She put the mask back on.

This alone is enough to challenge the idea that Ashley 'corrupts' Andrew in any meaningful way. How, exactly, can you define it as corrupt when society itself is twisted enough to force these actions to survive? In a more sane world, a lot of their actions would've been bad, sure, but they're also actions that the siblings probably wouldn't have done in a more sane world. Ashley's actions aren't making Andrew worse, they're helping to ensure their survival. You could say that this is still corruptive in its own way, but at that point it seems like your reasoning is motivated by having already had that narrative rather than making a good-faith reading of their dynamic.

At no point did she actually make him worse; he was already like that and just used her as an excuse.

No. It's really not.

"But she didn't care when Nina died?"

So? If Nina treated her like trash for most of her life, why should she care? She didn't expect Nina to die. It was just an acceptable consequence. You can say "That's not how normal kids act!" all you want, but there's a level of spite and apathy that comes with intense bullying and emotional neglect that I don't think you really understand unless you've been there to the extent someone like Ashley has implied to be.

Andrew wasn't entirely responsible for it either, mind- he was just a kid who should never have been saddled with this kind of responsibility. But that's not my point; the point is that it enables other people, Andrew included, to use her as a scapegoat to avoid his own responsibility. All this scene does is retroactively justify any preconceptions you might've had about them from seeing their adult selves first. But the moment you start digging, it becomes much less obvious who's really culpable here. Andrew was, as evidenced by the blood oath scene, fully aware that he held the advantage over her in strength, and managed to give up nothing when making the oath while he made Ashley swear to silence. He was fully aware that he could've chosen to do better, but he refused, and instead opted to reinforce Ashley's insecurities for the sake of exerting control over her.

I've said before that the 302 lady was murdered without any input from Ashley, but this is also relevant on a meta-level because it's done without any input from the player, either. Both of the murders in chapter 1 were like that, whereas all that we, the player can choose to do in that chapter is either solve puzzles, or hilariously, die. The only person with control here is Andrew, the character, and this is reinforced by the fact that we have no control over him for much of the Nina flashback, too. He locks her in the box regardless of our input, even though Ashley spends a lot of time trying to convince him. The main difference between the Nina flashback and the scenes in the apartment is that Ashley had absolutely no idea that any of that was going to happen in the present, whereas it's something she wanted with Nina- which isn't that big of a difference when discussing how much agency she really has.

We see Ashley's status as a scapegoat for people to use to pretend to be normal reach its most blatant with the parents. This time it's pretty cut and dry to anyone that doesn't already have it in their mind that Ashley is evil and unforgivable. Mrs. Graves explicitly brings up the possibility of a normal life without Ashley to Andrew in the basement, and claims that Ashley was at fault for shutting her out. She would've been a normal parent otherwise, right? Well, no; the game wastes no time in showing that this wasn't the case in the Burial ending.

From when Ashley was a baby, Mrs. Graves was already tired of her shit, and too emotionally exhausted to be a parent. Despite her attempts at blaming Ashley, she would've never been a normal parent unless Ashley was a golden child in the same way that Andrew was. And yet Ashley didn't even deny shutting her mom out. She didn't deny the chance to be used as a scapegoat; it was all she ever knew. The fact that Mrs. Graves had the audacity to claim that she was a saint when she was never prepared to be a parent for a child who didn't make it easy, and when she was willing to sell out her children and let them die for a life insurance payment is absolutely astounding.

This alone should've been enough to recontextualize everything we supposedly know about how responsible Ashley really is in all of this, but bad parents have a knack for being great at manipulating both family members and everyone viewing from the outside, including the people playing the game.

And almost including Andrew.

Andrew almost accepting the mom's offer is the single most tragic moment in the game, by far.

Dandy said it best in his video essay: By Ashley leaving Andrew alone with their parents, she showed that she is capable of changing. That she is capable of getting better. She showed that she loves and respects Andrew enough to be able to put aside her usual role as the scapegoat and allow him to make the decision that was for the best for both of them. And make no mistake, it was for the best; if the mom really DID sell out the siblings, and given the two of them were already on the run for supposedly being dead, there was no hope of any of this ever working out. They saw through the conspiracy and knew the truth of how the quarantine operations really worked. They were an active threat to one of the most powerful entities seen in the setting so far, to the point where they had a hitman sent after them.

Mrs. Graves had every reason to sell them out again, for their presence in a public setting was more than enough to put everyone in their family in danger. Mrs. Graves had every reason to believe that the normalcy she wanted was nothing that could ever be grasped again so long as her children were alive, and as such, it was clear that she had nothing to offer either Andrew or Ashley. Ashley trusted Andrew to see through their obvious manipulations and lies, and understand that the parents had nothing left to give them. She trusted him to love her more than the false promises their parents could give.

…And yet. In spite of it all.

In spite of her love, in spite of clearly displaying that she can grow up and become a person that causes him less stress, and in spite of Ashley showing that all she wants now is their safety and security…

Andrew can still choose to consider Ashley the problem. He can still choose to use her as the scapegoat he always has.

He can still choose to see her as the one thing that caused him to be this way, that stands in between him and normalcy, when she, not once, forced him to do anything.

Were he to accept Mrs. Graves' offer, this would've been the single most tragic moment in the game. It almost was, and still stands to be, because he ignores every indication that things could be better for the sake of his own narrative, and a narrative echoed by much of the fandom.

Maybe she’s calmer because she’s in control over the situation, but if the calls she made to Julia are any indication (independent of the theory that she didn’t actually say those things), were she unchanged as a person, she still would’ve lashed out at their mother over how much more useful she is to Andrew than their parents were, or something of that nature. Something about how nothing their mom offers could compete with what Ashley gives. But she makes no such claims. She feels no need to prove anything to her parents, or to reaffirm her place in Andrew’s life even in the face of her mother challenging it (or at least implying such a challenge). Regardless of her insecurities, she’s changed. It’s hard to see, but she has.

And then Andrew can ignore that and consider betraying her because he refuses to believe that she's willing to make their dynamic work, when she shows many different indications of being willing to concede as long as Andrew stops giving her mixed signals.

A friend of mine put it best, and I'm pretty much quoting her word for word here, because of how strongly I agree with it. When I look at Ashley, I find very few actual "flaws." I see familiar wounds.

The Burial ending, despite being triumphant and not nearly as "dark" as some people think, is still very, very sad. A lot of abusive dynamics are characterized by someone having to fight every step of the way to get what they need from the other person, usually some kind of emotional validation or relief. This is what happens between Andrew and Ashley for most of the game: Ashley wants Andrew to treat their relationship as special, to acknowledge there's something to it beyond just him going through the motions. And yet for most of the game, he refuses to, especially in chapter 1. And then, in Burial, when he does…

She's confused.

A lot of people view this as her being afraid of losing control over Andrew, since her "Andy," who she can push around, is gone. Andrew has changed, and the same tricks wouldn't work. But that's not what that is; it's not about control, it's about her finally getting what she wants from him without having to fight. She still thinks about using sex as leverage to keep him around, but that's because she's never understood what it's like to have someone actually want to be around her. And I speak from experience; when you no longer have to fight for every little bit of emotional validation or relief, when you no longer have to keep checking your messages to keep an argument going so you can finally be proven right, when you no longer have to force yourself to let go, to stop engaging, the reaction isn't happiness. It's not relief.

It's confusion. It's discontent.

Because something you've tied so much of yourself up in to is no longer there, despite it being more peaceful, it still feels wrong. The dynamic still has to be this way in your mind, because you've never known anything else. You latch on to whatever you can in order to justify that, and your actions are still heavily biased in favor of maintaining your place in that nonexistent dynamic. This isn't manipulation; it's trauma. And the fact that Ashley almost immediately understands that Andrew is changing is nothing short of a miracle. By consolidating past and present Andrew into a single person rather than splitting them into two, she showing that she can actually heal from that trauma. And all Andrew had to do to enable this is to acknowledge that she CAN change, that things CAN be better, and that everyone who claims to be better than her is full of shit.

I've analyzed the events of the story in a way that may seem needlessly antagonistic to some characters, and overly charitable to others. But I have to ask you, that if you disagree with anything I've said:

Where does that disagreement come from? What about my narrative clashes with your own? -Why- does it clash? Is it because the game presents your interpretation as obvious, whereas mine is not? Is it because you've experienced someone like Ashley before in your life, and you know it when you see it? Maybe you strongly identify with Andrew, and view his status as a doormat with no agency to be obvious? Or did you just accept the narrative that much of the fanbase has taken at face value, without further analysis other than building on top of it?

I don't believe these things to be contrarian; I've held most of these opinions since my first or second playthrough. I don't believe what I do because you don't, I believe what I do because I understand what Ashley has been through. I've experienced a lot of the specific traumas she had, such as deep feelings of isolation and being deprived of the emotional validation I need from the people who need to give it. I know what it's like to be misunderstood, to have who and what I am taken for granted, and to be terrified of being abandoned by the people I need the most. I see what I do because I understand.

And I want to give her that understanding that nobody gave me.

Maybe you should think about it. Why do you take it for granted that Andrew is a doormat who is strung along by Ashley? Why do you find it so odd when the trope of a woman corrupting a good man through leveraging sex is drawn into question? Why is Ashley seen as crazy, when all of her actions are so straightforward and rational? How is she corrupting him, when the single most needlessly violent act in the whole story- outside of the Nina flashback- is done without her influence? Why is Ashley seen as the abusive one when Andrew both threatens and resorts to physical violence and witholds emotional validation?

Weirdly personal tangent aside, Ashley and Andrew are two of the most well-written characters I have ever seen. They're not written like archetypes who interact with each other through a series of tropes; they're written like real people who's words and actions have astoundingly human motivations. They come from places that we can understand and relate to.

And just like people, they deserve respect. In spite of all they've done, they deserve love.

But make no mistake, Ashley is not the one stopping that love from happening. She just has the audacity to still want it in spite of everything telling her that she doesn't deserve it. We're led to believe she wants too much, but all she ever wanted was the bare minimum that she was never given.

And she has every right to be mad about it.

#ashley graves #andrew graves #tcoaal #tcoaal essay #the coffin of andy and leyley #gaming

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imanativeofswlondondahling · 4 years ago

Text

Becoming A Stark? (12) - Peter Parker x Stark! femReader

Word Count: 4014

Warnings: Mention of needles, swearing

Author Note: Lots of Peter, Tony, and Pepper. All my favorites. Enjoy! Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list! Next update will be this weekend- after my finals are done hopefully.

Chapter One || Previous Chapter || Master List

Your dad has never seen you do a pump change or a sensor change. Honestly all the supplies live in your room so it’s just easier for you to do it there. But after Peter and him finished in the lab on Friday, Pepper asked Peter if he wanted to stick around for dinner, which then turned into him staying to watch a movie with you, Pepper, and Tony. But in the middle of Labyrinth, which is your favorite movie, your sensor fails. “Goddamn it Wallace.” You mutter looking at your phone screen, displaying the replace sensor now message as Chilly Down plays in the background.

“What’s wrong?” Tony asks you before speaking to FRIDAY. “FRI- pause the movie.” Sarah and all the swamp creatures, if you can call them that stop moving as your dad’s attention is focused on you. “You high? You low? Tell me what’s happening?” He asks.

“Sensor failed. Like five days early too.” You reach under your shirt and pull off the sensor that isn’t doing anything for your now. But your nails trace over where the sensor had been. “But the only good thing is I can scratch the itch that has been driving me bonkers.” You admit.

“So what do you need?” You dad has turned his hyperfocus on, but this isn’t something you can’t handle.

“I just have to grab the stuff to change it. Give me like five minutes and I can change it while we watch the movie.”

“I’ll grab some more drinks for everyone while we do.” Pepper says with a smile. “And maybe make some more popcorn too.”

Walking into your bedroom, you open the drawer that’s filled with all your supplies. You grab the four things you need: the sensor, alcohol wipes, a Skin Tac wipe, and an over patch. Oh shit! Your transmitter was supposed to last through this last sensor, so you’ll have to replace that one too. Picking everything up in your hands you make your way back down towards the living room.

“Got enough stuff kiddo?” Your dad asks as you sit back down.

“You should see what it looks like when I have to do a double site change. So much more trash.” You notice Peter has your old sensor in his hand and is turning it over, looking at it from all the angles.

“Sorry.” He mumbles as he notices you staring at him. “I just found it interesting.”

“It doesn’t bug me. It’s trash now.” You lift it from his hand and snap out the transmitter. “This comes apart, since normally you reuse the transmitter for three months at a time. But that one bit the dust with the sensor failing.” You explain before motioning towards the box with the new one.

“And this whole thing reads your sugars?” You nod.

“That wire there gets inserted under the skin into this tissue or something that my lack of science can’t explain. But it reads your fluids or stuff that’s there and reports that data through the transmitter to my pump and to my phone.”

“Do you feel the wire under your skin?” Peter asks.

“Nope. The most I feel from the whole sensor is if I like lay on it wrong, or if I start reacting to the adhesive. Or if I place it in a spot and a door rips it off. That fucking hurts.” You think back to the last time that a door ripped your sensor off and wince slightly.

“Hold on, go back. You react to the adhesive?” Your dad’s voice is suddenly concerned.

“Well I’m allergic to latex and some other adhesives so every now and then I react to the Dexcom adhesive.” You shrug. “That’s why I use these.” You hold up the over patch and the Skin Tac. “They produce barriers and help it stay on long enough.”

“You’re allergic to your medical device and yet you still wear it?” Your dad voices his concern.

“It’s either that or wake up multiple times a night to check my sugars. I’ll take some hives and blisters over that. I like sleeping.” You say with a shrug. Opening the bag that holds the sensor, you lay out all the things that you need for this sensor change. You wipe down your thigh with the alcohol wipe before taking the transmitter out of the box so you can pair it. While it works on pairing, you take the Skin Tac wipe and wipe down the skin so the adhesive can become tacky. While it’s drying, you break off the safety handle off of the sensor.

“What the fuck kiddo? That needle is like six inches long?” Your dad exclaims, seeing it through the plastic inserter.

“Yeah, it has to be so that it can get deep enough for the sensor to work. But it gets pulled out. I can go in the other room if the needle thing is going to be an issue?” You sometimes forget that other people aren’t as calm around needles as you are after ten years of being a diabetic.

“No it’s fine. Stay where you are. I just thought it was something that you like placed on your skin.”

“But how would the wire get into the tissues?” You ask rhetorically. You pull the papers that are blocking the adhesive and lie it down where you want the sensor to go. You’re not going to say anything to Peter or your dad, because their eyes are already on you, but you actually hate plunging this needle down. Place the sensor in the wrong spot and it hurts badly as it plunges through veins and nerves with no mercy. So instead of showing the fear of hoping you’ve picked a good spot, you take a breath, smile at them and say “Three, two, one,” and slam the needle down. “Motherfucker!” You exclaim as you feel it shoot through a nerve. You pull the needle out and rub at the skin around the sensor. Your dad is by your side in seconds, while Peter jumps up, not sure what is causing you pain, but doesn’t want to be the cause of more pain.

“What can I do, bambina?” Your dad asks. Peter’s arms cross as he watches as one of your eyes scrunches up as you continue to rub the same spot on your thigh. Tony’s arm wraps around you once he knows that he won’t hurt you more.

“Nothing. I picked a shit spot to put it. Hit a nerve.” You explain. You put the transmitter in clicking it in, hearing the double click to be sure. And twist off the end piece of plastic. Lastly you add the overpatch that has roses drawn on it to secure it in place. “I’m good now, I promise.” You look up at your dad, seeing that he doesn’t believe you.

“I hate seeing you in pain.”

“It’s part of diabetes. We deal with a lot of pricks.” You joke, but he doesn’t laugh.

“That doesn’t mean I have to like it.” His arms wrap around you and you’re pulled into a crushing hug. “If I could take all the pain for you, I would.” You lean into your dad’s arms.

“Who’s to say I want you in pain?”

“It’s my job to protect you kiddo. You’ve had enough pain. If I want to shoulder it, I should be allowed to.” You rub over the overpatch making sure it’s holding as he talks.

“Or neither of us could hurt and we could finish the best movie of all time.” You say as you hit the buttons to start the warm up period.

“What’s your number?” You shrug.

“Takes two hours to warm up. Testing kit is in my room.” Tony reaches for the drawer in the table. “Last I looked I was solid 180s. I’m fine.”

“You start feeling shaky or anything-”

“We’ll both be shocked, but yes I’ll let you know.” You look at Peter. “You going to stand for the rest of the night?” Tony’s just glad he didn’t jump onto the walls or worse the ceiling. That would have blown the whole Spider-Man thing. Instead he stays focused on the feeling of having you in his arms as Chilly Down starts to play again. He’s a little surprised that Labyrinth is your favorite movie, but he’ll take learning anything about you that he can. And this is one of those little moments that Pepper was talking about you sharing with him. So as the puppets dance around the screen, Tony’s arm holds you closer. You don’t even look up as you scoot closer and lean against his shoulder.

As she walks back in from the kitchen, Pepper snaps a picture of you and Tony from behind the couch. The sight of you curled into his arms is something that he will want forever, but this moment, she wants to stay in as well. Seeing Tony as a dad- it makes her love him that much more.

After last night, Peter doesn’t expect to be back at the tower so soon, especially after spending two days in the lab last week with Mr. Stark, but they’re finally making progress on the new webbing solution, and Mr. Stark said “why don’t you come over tomorrow to keep working on it Pete?” And Peter wasn’t going to turn down the chance to work with Mr. Stark, or a chance to get to see you more. But what he wasn’t expecting to see when he entered the tower was you dancing around the kitchen as you cleaned it. Peter was used to doing chores, sure, what teenager wasn’t? But he never would have though Tony Stark one to make his kids clean house to earn their keep. Honestly, he would have thought Tony Stark would have had someone, or even a robot, to clean for him. However you didn’t seem that worried about cleaning.

“Hey Y/N.”

“Hey Parker. You’re practically living here these days.” You look stunning, even though you’re just in weekend clothing of a tie-dyed shirt with the Mystery Machine printed on it that says Scooby Doo underneath, a pair of jean shorts, and your hair pulled up into a ponytail with a blue scrunchy.

“Your dad and I are trying to finish up a project.”

“Must be important for you to be giving up a Saturday to get it done.” You laugh as you pour some powder cleaner on the counter top before running a sponge over top it. You’re not on the wrong path. The new webbing solution is pretty important.

“The paparazzi would lose their mind if they knew Y/N Stark spends her Saturdays doing chores like the rest of us peasants.”

“Celebrities, they’re just like us.” You smirk. “Unless you’re planning on grabbing a sponge and joining in, you should probably head on down to the lab.”

“See you later Y/N.” You smile as Peter heads out of the kitchen, letting the music of your playlist take over as you keep cleaning. Focusing on something other than the essay you don’t want to write for your science class is nice. Also it seems like no one has cleaned the kitchen since the fight between your dad and the rogue Avengers. Pulling the burners grates off the stove, you see grease and crumbs that could have been easier to clean had someone wrapped the grease trap with tin foil. So it’s time for some tender loving care and jamming out to Carry On My Wayward Son.

“Hi Mr. Stark.” Peter says, not wanting to surprise Tony as he walks into the lab.

“Morning Pete.” Tony takes a sip of the coffee cup to his right as he looks over the numbers on his tablet. “Did you manage to get any sleep last night? Karen said you went patrolling after you left here.”

“I got some sleep.” Peter nods. “Did you? I feel like your whole family has been up since I left last night?”

“We all slept. I think Y/N might still be in bed. She was when I came down here.”

“No, she’s up, working on her chores.” Tony turns from the numbers cranking in front of him, to look at Peter with confusion marking his face.

“She doesn’t have chores.”

“Well she’s upstairs cleaning the kitchen. I just thought she was working on chores, but I guess I guessed wrong.”

“We have people that we can call in. I don’t know why she’s cleaning… You mean like with a sponge and wipes and such?” Tony asks, trying to clarify and Peter nods his head. “She must have her reasons. But I’m not making her do it.”

“I believe you.” Tony turns from the datapad or- as Peter had started calling it since Tony had started tracking Y/N’s blood sugar on it as well- his Dad-apad,

“How do you feel about working on one of the cars while these numbers crunch? We can’t continue on the aspects to add until they finish crunching.”

“Sure Mr. Stark.”

“You can call me Tony kid.”

“I know Mr. Stark.” Tony rolls his eyes at that.

“FRI, turn on Tony Stark Can Rot.” Peter is confused at the name of the playlist, but the songs that start playing sound somewhat familiar. From what he had seen in his time working in the lab, Tony wasn’t one to name his playlists, but to name one so angrily towards himself seems unlike Tony. But Tony doesn’t seem to think anything of it as he climbs under the side of his Audi and calls out for some tools. Peter hands him the wrench and falls into the habit of working with Tony until Friday calls out a while later.

“Boss, Y/N just asked Miss Potts where the first aid kit is.” Tony goes still.

“Stay here.” He leaves the lab without more than the two words.

It was an injury that only you were capable of. How does someone get hurt cleaning? And a paper cut, if you could call it that, on tin foil nonetheless. You didn’t want to bother your dad when he was busy on a project with Peter. Pepper was the easier option since you just don't know where bandages are kept. “FRIDAY can you ask Pepper where we keep a first aid kit?”

A moment later, Pepper is coming down the stairs with one in hand. “We keep a few all over the house. This is from the upstairs bathroom. What did you do?”

“Paper-ish cut.” You should her, removing the paper towel you’re holding over the cut that is bleeding still. “The tin foil attacked me.” You explain as she looks at the small cut.

“Why are we needing first aid kits? No one should be getting hurt.” Your dad’s voice comes from the doorway to the lab and you roll your eyes. Of course FRIDAY had told him.

“Tattletale.” You mutter as Pepper wraps the bandage around your finger.

“If people are asking for first aid kits, I want to know.” Tony defends himself.

“I cut myself on tin foil. It was stupid. I’m fine.”

“Ok, then do you want to explain what’s with the deep cleaning? Peter literally thought I gave you chores. Which is not something that I would make you do. Plus you know we have people who can be called in to clean right?”

“That such a spoiled right person thing to say, you know that right?” You say with a roll of your eyes.

“Avoiding the question.”

“Actually I’m avoiding a biology paper. So I figured cleaning would be a good avoidance technique.”

“Next time you’re avoiding SI business, can you take a page out of her book?” Pepper asks Tony in a teasing tone.

“I build things. It’s productive in it’s own way.”

“You destroy things. That’s different.” Pepper points out. “What’s your biology paper about?”

“Some life cycle bullshit or something.” You turn back to scrub the counter. “I’ve dealt with enough of it that I don’t want to do it. But my choice is write a paper or build a model and that’s not my go to.” You choose to not explain that it’s literally over the one lifecycle of yours that doesn’t work.

“You have a choice to build something and you went against that? Pep, we need to get her tested to make sure she’s my kid.”

“Tony, she literally acts and looks like you. I don’t need to test her DNA to know she’s yours.”

“Is everything ok? Someone dying?” Peter’s voice comes.

“No one’s dying. Just my dad overreacting.” You say. “He could have gone back to the lab ages ago.”

“Why don’t you come with?” Tony suggests and both you and Peter look at him in surprise. However only you voice your surprise. Peter is trying to figure out how to hide Spider-Man if you come down to the lab.

“Why?”

“Because there’s plenty of stuff down there to make a- if I say so myself- bitchin’ science project.”

“But I can also just stay up here and write a paper after I avoid it for a few more hours?”

“Which project is it?” Peter asks, trying to figure out who you have for your science this year.

“Never said I was doing the project.”

“No one ever chooses to do the paper when they have the option to do a project instead.”

“There’s always the chance to be the first.”

“But you’ll score higher with a project. At least there’s the chance to anyway, depending on who your teacher is.”

“Shah.”

“Mr. or Mrs.?” Peter asks.

“Why does that make a difference?”

“Because they grade completely differently.” Peter explains. “Mrs does great experiments but is a harsher grader.”

“Well, I have Mr. Shah so what does that mean?”

“It means you better get started on your project. He hates papers.” Peter says with a tight smile.

“Ugh. But writing a paper all about me was going to be a sinch.” Three pairs of eyes fall on you in confusion. “Endocrine system. Explaining how pretending to be one sucks. It was going to be a great paper.”

“Isn’t there a company that’s in the process of trying to make a closed loop system?” Peter asks, which makes you nod hesitantly. “Why not make a project showing the differences between a closed loop system and what you’re currently doing? Explain why a closed loop system would be so much better.”

“Sorry, maybe I’m the only one lost here-” Pepper starts to ask.

“You’re not.” Tony interrupts.

“-But what’s a closed loop system?” Pepper continues.

“It's a system where basically Wallace and Queenie would basically be able to talk to each other. So if I started rising too high Queenie would be able to give me more insulin. Or vice versa, if I go too low, Wallace would tell Queenie and she would stop giving me insulin. It would hopefully prevent me from going too low or too high as often. Or going low enough that I’d need a glucagon again.”

“How far out are they from that being made?” Tony asks.

“Few years at least. The couple companies that are doing this haven’t even made it to human testing yet.”

“I want-” Pepper interrupts him, already knowing where he’s going.

“Tony, no. SI is not-” Tony cuts her off.

“Why not?” Pepper doesn’t have an answer ready and he plows ahead. “It’s for her. And millions of others. I don’t want to see her in the medbay ever again. Not because I had to stab her with a needle due to her sugars being so low she could die. So why can’t we add this to things we’re working on?”

“Well for one thing, we don’t have the technology to do anything diabetes related.”

“Dad, you’re jumping into something you know nothing about.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time. Wallace and Queenie, what are their companies' names?”

“Why are you going to buy them out?”

“I’m going to see about working with them.”

“Dexcom and Tandem.” You knew there was no stopping him once he was in this mindset. SI was going to be joining the insulin supply game. Especially since Pepper didn’t seem to be trying to stop him either. “You don’t have to do this.”

“Yes I do!” Tony’s voice explodes from him. “Iron Man can do a lot of things. But I can’t keep your blood sugar stable. I can’t keep it from dropping too low or rising too high. I can’t do anything but watch when you’re shaking from not enough sugar or look like you’re going to fall asleep during the day after you’ve been up all night from your sugars keeping you awake all hours of the night. I can’t take away the pain when your sensor hits a nerve and I can’t take away all the times you have to plunge a needle into your skin to draw blood sample after blood sample. I can’t stop any of that. But this? Science related stuff. This is something I can do for you. I can put the best technology on the market. I can help make sure that your devices are the best possible things so that you have the least amount of pain possible. That’s what I can do for you since I can’t do anything else for you.” As his voice rips out of him, voicing all the things he’s never felt like he could say to you, you inch closer to him. You’ve only had him in your life for a few months now, but you know what you’ve been told is true. Tony loves you a lot. He takes a breath, trying to calm down from his explosion of words. Your arms wrap around him, breathing in the smell you’ve started to associate with your dad. “Kiddo, I…”

“I love you.” You breathe in the smell of the motor oil from the cars he probably had been working on with Peter, the smell of the cologne that he must only lightly mist on because it only lingers along his shirt, and the smell of what must be an aftershave from the almost minty scent to it.

“I love you too kiddo. So much.” The words are spoken softly, left on a puff of air into your hair. His own arms wrap around you, getting slightly tangled in your pump tubing, but ignoring it as he holds you close. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Better than Iron Man?” You tease.

“So much better than Iron Man.”

Across the kitchen, Pepper and Peter are watching the interaction. Peter can’t help but whisper the question he can no longer hold back. “Y/N has gone low enough to need a glucagon?” Pepper nods slowly. Peter must have been doing some research about your condition.

“It’s only happened once since she moved in. But it scared him. Worse than anything Iron Man related.”

“From what I was reading, that’s supposed to be a, like, last resort type thing.”

“It was a last resort thing. I wasn’t there when he gave it to her. But from what I heard, she was unconscious, having seizures and very low.”

“Could she have died?” Peter doesn’t want to know the answer, but feels like he needs to know.

“If she had been alone, possibly. But she wasn’t. She was with Steve, Clint, and Natasha, who then called Tony.”

“So this was before…” Peter trails off, knowing that Y/N only knows so much about what happened in Germany. Pepper nods.

“She hasn’t seen them since. But I know they would do anything for her again. If Tony would let them near her.” Peter nods, knowing from spending time with Tony and you that Tony would let the world burn if it saved you. You are his child. Which made the feelings Peter has for you harder to manage, because Tony would murder Spider-Man before letting his daughter near the superhero.

Permanent tag list: @wormonastringonastick

Becoming A Stark Tag list: @persephonehemingway @iamaunicorn4704 @furiouspockettoad @daughter-of-stark @eternalharry @huntective-kyeo @riiis-stuff @sunnyoongles @cosmicqueenieb @sovereignparker @bbarnestan @teenwishes08

#peter parker #peter parker fan fic #peter parker fanfic #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker fan fiction #peter parker x stark!reader #peter parker x reader #Tony Stark #tony stark can't be dead if you just don't let yourself believe it #tony stark daughter #tony stark x daughter!reader #tony stark x daughter!you #Pepper Potts #peter parker imagine #imanativeofswlondondahling #becoming a stark?

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