#this is the first time after that 2022 renjun era...

[freakywonbin]

damn this guy fr got me blushing giggling kicking my feet...

[boyfhee]

soo, jan 2020 i was addicted to watching funny videos on youtube, like a compilation of them. then i discovered bts funny videos or bts on cracka nd then they were so funny istg i still remember even laughing to them in my sleep.

then feb 2020 i actually search up who bts were since i have been watching their funny videos. for a month i thought they were comedians 😆 who make a living. and i actually see they a kpop group.

that's how i came across kpop, i wouldnt say my first comeback was on because the day i started bts, on era started. my first cb with them was dynamite and i never thought bts would become a world wide sensation :0 like how??? i love them

and my first kdrama, obviously TRUE BEAUTY!!! are team seojun or team suho ??? i am team seojun!! and then i saw 2521 and business proposal in 2022 after watching true beauty in 2020. such a long gap ;-;

my first bias is kim namjoon and then later in june when iland profiles were released, i knew that my 02z were my babes and jayhoon is my one and only unit. but in iland pt2, i inclined emotionally more towards jay </3 he is my heartbreaker :(

my first anime would be jjk, my friend forced me to watch anime so i started like sept 2023, so recently. megumi is my fav but gonna hate sukuna, stupid bitch :( and i live for studio ghibli films, makota shinkai movies too :( they are comffort 🫶🏼

sadly, i don't collect any kpop merch or albums but i have spy x family manga volumes till the last recent one 😁😁 my mom challenged me that if i secure first rank in my college semi finals, she said she would buy me as my bday gift :] and guess what,?? i was the only one who scored 75/75 in maths A and B 😤

these are my firsts btw. do you have anymore firsts rather than these, like love??? 😊

— lover club anon <33

bts as comedians TT these idols can very well be comedians cause they are so effortlessly funny lmfao .. also me too ^^ i became an engene in dimension : answer era but only a few days in or around the comeback, my first was manifesto :O and with bts .. i don't remember :'>

i've never watched true beauty O_O i started it but got bored and dropped it .. but i've seen seojun clips and i definitely support them, also because i lowkey am familiar with the storyline since i've read the webtoon + it's a bit predictable. but, i LOVED 2521, made me cry so much .. and 20th century girl too TT my heart was in pieces, i wrote so much angst during that time hehe and since you've watched business proposal, PLEASE READ THE MANHWA 🙏🙏🙏🙏 it's 100 cuter, better, funnier >< they even have kids omfg .. the drama is no doubt amazing but it can never top the manhwa for me

speaking for manhwas .. do you read them? or webtoons? i was a huge fan of them even before getting into kpop and all but my interest has been wavering lately .. trying to get back into them !

i don't think i had a bias in exo / nct at first because i wasn't really familiar with all this stuff ?? besides, i only listened to their music and didn't watch their other vids .. but now, my bias in nct is renjun TT love him sm, can we just free him from the sasaengs :/ and bias in enhypen is jay, obviously TT i have so many reason, but it's mostly because i like his mindset ( also he's hot as well i feel like i need to be lobotomized whenever i look at him )

my first anime was haikyuu, and of course cause my friends forced me as well .. then i watched jjk which i absolutely love, sk8 to infinity, ohshc, free!, assassination classroom— then i sort of lost interest and switched to studio ghibli and other movies. forest of fireflies is still my favourite and broke my heart a million times TT i took a break from all that too before getting into spy x family and my most recent one is my happy marriage and romantic killer, that i'm planning to watch

i don't have kpop merch either .. i had the option to buy the orange blood album last year but my smartass said she'd rather buy crime and punishment and a few other books that i haven't read yet, mind you.

also my first love erm ... i don't think i've had anything so serious for it to be 'love' ( i don't play around when it comes to that word ) but i've had two boyfriends and one of them was exhibit a for why men suck !!! bro had no sense of personal space and violated my privacy SO MANY TIMES. 10/10 not recommended. although my first bf was sweet and it was lowkey dream come true type of relationship, i'm sad we moved to different cities and don't talk anymore despite being in touch TT do you have a first love or something?

[yellowko]

dear renjun,

its been more than a year na rin pala nung huli kong letter. I just want to say........... I think i have my atlas na. hehe r u surprised?! cuz i am HAHAHAHA so backstory muna.... sa tip din sya nag shs but we didnt know each other. he was courting someone and i was on a long term relationship that time. we both have different lives before, invisible string? i think so too. DELULU YARN HAHAHAHA we only began to know each other nung college na, and through online nalang. he dmed me saying na tagal na daw nya gusto mag hi and the rest was history. jk, dami nangyare before kami dumating sa point na to. 2020 we talked and he confessed but i rejected him kasi honestly, di ko sya bet nun. My first impression for him was just a typical guy, medyo mayabang, and immature. but part of me kinda admit na kaya mejo harsh ung first impression ko sakanya because i was comparing him to the guy i liked that time and trying to move on from. Then 2021 came, i was surprised na he still tries to talk to me from time to time and he's okay with us being friends. dahil din dun medyo natuwa ako sakanya and kinda got infatuated with him? ang mali ko lang, nung umamin sya ulit, nadala lang ako and i said na gusto ko rin sya. which ahxhshxh i immediately regret kasi i was still getting to know my feelings for him plus the fact na im still vvv scared sa commitment and doesnt see myself getting in one anytime soon djcndj tas biglang ganun and i felt na ang bilis ng mga nangyayare kasi nilalandi na nya ko (which is understandable naman sa part nya kasi syempre sabi ko gusto ko rin sya e) and all djcndjc biglang gusto ko umatras. which wasss such a dick move, lalo na unti unti ko sya nun ginoghost. and in result, 2022 syempre he got hurt and he got mad. i understand his anger but he said hurtful things plus the fact that i wasnt supposed to see that.... so of course, i got mad na he got mad. djcjdjd so after we "talked", i kinda thought that that was it. tapos na. end of an era. i remembered nalungkot din naman ako nun. but he reached out again, i was surprised but i was still angry. we met and i can see that he was trying so hard to make it up to me and we talked about the issue again. he kept saying sorry and he knew his faults. i can see his efforts naman so we became okay again but i was still uneasy with him so i still didnt gave him a chance that year. We stayed friends but whenever i feel like he'll overstep a boundary, na mag eeffort sya sakin ng more than a friend, pinapatigil ko na sya agad. I was harsh, but he stayed. then 2023 came, he tried moving on and thats when it hit me like a truck HAHHAHAHXHSHA namiss ko sya and hindi ako sanay na hindi nya ko tinatry kausapin. So when he reached out to me again (it turns out di nya raw kaya mag move on but i didnt know that) nag effort na ko kausapin sya and makipag kita. However, this year i also met the lowest point of my life for which he stayed and comforted me. i think thats what convinced me to really gave him a chance. Binabalewala ko nanaman sya that time but never sya gumanti or nagalit. He would still checked up on me and would ask me out on dates even if sobrang hirap ko ayain. and months later, here we are. He's still the maeffort guy i know. And he's still very muchhhhh down bad to me. HAHAHAHAHA i thank God he didnt gave up on me and i wish i get to give back to him all the efforts and patience he has given me ever. He's very sweet, understanding, caring, funny, and everything na i couldnt ask for more. Ramdam na ramdam ko na minamahal ako. Sobrang swerte ko sakanya. He's my atlas, renjun. Matagal ko na pala nahanap, but it took time before we got it right. -110823

[nctsjiho]

What Are We? Friends? [Part 3]

cw: strong language, angst, violence(?) || era: March 2022

❀ The dreamies confront Mark about his behaviour towards JiHo and Haechan but things seem to take an unexpected turn

read part 2 here

“I still don’t understand why you have to meddle with someone else’s business,” Renjun mused. His unbothered attitude and relaxed position on the couch of the practice room irked Mark, as the older boy felt like his head was about to explode.

“You don’t get it Renjun-”

“You’re right! I absolutely don’t get it,” the smaller one scoffed, “what were you trying to achieve?”

Mark rubbed his sweaty palms together and dropped down on the couch opposite of Renjun with a prolonged groan. “I just want this comeback to be good, for us to do even better than what we’ve showed before-”

“So, you make Haechan feel like shit by telling JiHo to ignore us,” Jeno interjected, taking his place next to the other 00 liner, “which by the way, also bothered us a little. At some point I was sure JiHo actually didn’t want to hang out with us anymore.” The pink haired boy looked at Renjun who he shared a nod of agreement with.

Frustrated, Mark roughly ruffled his own hair. “I just don’t want things to happen that have happened before. I’m looking out for Haechan, okay?”

“What things?”

“Just, certain things. You wouldn’t understand. There are things you don’t know about JiHo and it’s not my place to tell you these things.”

Both Jeno and Renjun shared an incredulous look before the shorter of the two let out another scoff. This time, Renjun stood up and took a few steps towards Mark. “Are you hearing yourself? You might as well tell us now! After you told JiHo about Haechan’s crush on her, which he didn’t even confirm to us yet. After you told JiHo to back off. For all of those things you weren’t in a place to tell them.”

“Okay! Okay! Okay…,” Mark sighed, “Ten told me… about JiHo and Hendery. They were… like, a thing. I mean they weren’t officially dating but- JiHo broke it off before they became official. You know, because JiHo doesn’t ‘do dating’. I don’t want Haechan to go through that. He might not take it that well. God, I heard Hendery didn’t take it that well either. Imagine how Haechan would-”

“Wow~ Your inability to realise how much of an asshole you sound like right now is close to bordering on idiocy,” Renjun said with a roll of his eyes. “I know Ten, I know Hendery, I already knew all of this, Mark! But you can’t compare this to JiHo and Haechan. Have you ever considered that things between Haechan and JiHo are vastly different?”

The other dreamies, bar Haechan, were all in the practise room as well. They heard everything that was being said between the three oldest members and though they wanted to stay “away from this mess”, the boys couldn’t help but feel frustrated at everything they were hearing.

“You should’ve had a talk with Haechan hyung if this concerned you so much, instead of going to yell at noona,” Jisung mumbled, but it was loud enough that everyone had heard him.

Looking up from his seat Mark saw Jisung, Chenle and Jaemin look at him with, what could be described as a, dejected look on their faces. Out of the three Jisung looked the most upset, while Chenle looked a bit more angry. “JiHo can’t help it if Haechan hyung likes her. For all we know this is just one of his ‘phases’, just like when he liked Renjun hyung during our last comeback,” the Chinese boy grumbled, sitting down next to Jeno who placed a hand on his shoulder and told him to “not get mad”.

“And what’s the problem anyway with Haechan liking JiHo? She rejected Hendery hyung, because she’s not interested in dating - like you said. So what’s so different now?,” Jeno sounded genuinely confused. The question made everyone eye Mark curiously.

“I- I just,” Mark started stumbling over his words, “I don’t want anyone else to get hurt! Guys and girls can’t just be friends, okay?! First it was Hendery, now Haechan. I know even you had a crush on her-”

“ME?!” If the couch wasn’t right up against the wall, it surely would’ve moved back with the force Jeno used standing up. An almost trembling hand was placed against his chest while angry veins became visible against the skin of Jeno’s neck and arms. His voice boomed throughout the practice room when he shouted, confused by the sudden accusation.

Mark looked a little intimidated, but scrambled to come up with his explanation. However Jaemin beat him to it, “Jeno might be clingy and he might love JiHo’s attention, but I wouldn’t go that far as to call it a crush,” he chuckled - an attempt to lighten the overall mood. “Why though? Are you perhaps… Jealous?”

With bulging eyes, Mark stood up holding up his hands shaking them in disagreement, but not yet saying anything. Chenle gasped when his leader couldn’t even seem to say no and yelled out, “WHAT?! You have a crush on JiHo?”

Fortunately - or maybe not, since Mark hadn’t got the time to explain himself - the door to the practise room opened. A clueless Haechan wandered into the room before spotting his six other members in one corner of the room. Haechan watched them for a second, noticing the slightly panicked and confused looks on their faces before a wide smile appeared on his own features.

“Ah~ What is this? Did I ruin something, hmm? Were you guys planning some sort of surprise for me while I was away? Don’t worry, I didn’t hear a thing. I’ll just act surprised whenever it happens.”

Whether Haechan really did believe his own words, or whether he read the room correctly and wanted to lighten the mood was unknown to the members. But Mark was incredibly relieved when Renjun suggested they’d do another run of their choreography and he could drop the conversation he had with the other boys - at least for the moment.

Fortunately that moment seemed to last longer than Mark expected as everyone went back home that night without bringing up the situation. Sure he did feel an insane amount of guilt in his chest wherever he went, knowing he hadn’t apologised to JiHo still and Haechan continued to act as if nothing had happened. It was what Mark wanted anyway. For Haechan to focus on the comeback, and he did, he always had. So, why did Mark still have to feel this bad?

“I completely destroyed the hyungs in Mario Kart last night as well,” Haechan beamed as he told JiHo all about his week. It had been a few days since JiHo visited the dreamies to tell them her schedule was almost completely empty for the time being and that she’d hang out a little more often as long as she wouldn’t disturb the boys - still wary about Mark. “I know I’m better than you. So if you come over, expect to get first place again,” Haechan’s famous cocky smirk earned a scoff from the smaller girl.

“Don’t be too confident, you might cry when you realise you still aren’t better than me- oh- wait, don’t move.” JiHo leaned in closer to the boy, who was sure his heart was about to burst with the close proximity. JiHo’s eyes stayed focused on a spot on his hair, but all Haechan could process was how pretty JiHo looked from this close. “There!” She moved back again before waving her closed fist in front of her. “There was a bug in your hair,” she explained before standing up to throw it away in the trash bin.

At the information, Haechan let out a squeaky sounding shriek and combed his hands through his hair in a panic. The sight made JiHo laugh and wish she had her phone in hand to film his reaction.

“What are you going to do when you can’t save your future girlfriend from a bug?,” she asked, still amused by his slightly disturbed state.

His expression quickly turned smug as he winked at her, “I won’t have to worry about that if my girlfriend is like you.”

The comment made JiHo stop in her tracks for a second. Mark’s words came back to mind as she thought about the actual meaning behind Haechan’s words. He didn’t actually mean her, right? He didn’t actually see JiHo as a potential girlfriend. She was already past the point of denying Haechan had feelings for her when he more or less confessed that one night before the incident with Mark at the boys’ dorm. But, still, she wanted to believe that his feelings weren’t that serious, that things would blow over soon.

“Hey! I can see the gears grinding in your pretty little head,” Haechan laughed, earning an awkward laugh from JiHo as she sat back down in front of him. “All that Mark hyung told you, you shouldn’t let those things get to your head too much. You finally stopped ignoring us again, it would be nice if we could just hang out like normal.”

Something about the way Haechan worded his sentences troubled JiHo, feeling somewhat condescending, but more than that, there was something else that JiHo picked up on, “you know about that? You know what Mark said?”

“Hey! Do you all think I’m that dumb. I can put two and two together, and it’s not that hard when the other boys think they’re being quiet when they talk about everything,” he explained, “so, stop being a dummy and forget about Mark because you really hurt me when you started ignoring me.”

JiHo’s initial smile completely fell, making Haechan worry. “Yah~ Do you think I wanted to ignore you? Do you think it’s that easy? Do you realise how hurt I was because of all of this? Or are you just like Mark? You all just believe that I don’t have feelings so I can’t get hurt.” Haechan vigorously shook his head once hearing those words, realising how selfish he - and mark - had been. “Forget it. Lim JiHo is just a heartless person anyway,” she sighed, resting her head back against the mirror of the practice room.

“No, no, no! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it like that,” Haechan frowned, trying to lock eyes with the girl who tried so hard to avoid his gaze, “please, JiHo, look at me.”

A pout was prominent on his lips as he tried to get JiHo’s attention, “I suck, I know. But please just look at me again. I’m really sorry.”

When his pleas didn’t seem to work, he decided a more “hands on” method was needed. He started tickling JiHo’s sides, cooing at her and using aegyo to garner her attention. “I’m an idiot, please forgive me.”

Not able to fight the tickling anymore, JiHo burst out in laughter and started to push Haechan’s face away with her hand. He nuzzled into her palm as he pushed closer and closer to the short-haired girl. “JiHo~ Look at me~,” he whined, voice slightly muffled through JiHo’s hand on his face.

He moved closer and closer, JiHo’s legs pressed against her chest, separating their bodies. His hands moved lightly against her sides, just enough to make her squirm. Face incredibly close - unbeknown to both of them as their eyes were closed. Closer and closer until the laughter stopped. Their eyes opened in shock and they met each other’s gaze, eyes only maybe a few centimetres away from each other’s.

JiHo moved her hand from the side of Haechan’s face to his shoulder and lightly pushed him away. “You…”

Haechan didn’t dare say anything. He didn’t know what to say, even if he wanted to.

“You… you kissed me?”

Haechan didn’t know how it happened, he just knew that he was pushing his face closer against JiHo’s hand until suddenly his lips pressed against hers.

“I’m sorry, JiHo. I didn’t-,” he shook his head in disbelief, scared of JiHo’s unreadable expression.

“Your lips, they were against mine and you kissed me.”

Noticing the sheer amount of panic in JiHo’s eyes made Haechan’s heart race incredibly fast. “It was an accident-”

“Oh God, my first kiss was an accident.” Panic turned into horror and if Haechan didn’t know JiHo any better he would’ve taken it personally. JiHo didn’t “do dating” as Mark had put it. It took a while for JiHo to be so open to everyone’s skinship, so this must have been a big thing for JiHo. And by the way she was reacting, it didn’t seem like this was something she was ready for.

“I’m sorry-,” Haechan apologised, but JiHo shook her head, hand on her lips as tears swelled in her eyes.

“It’s not your fault. It’s okay. I’m okay,” she nodded, but it sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than anyone else. At least Haechan felt the tiniest bit of relief knowing JiHo wasn’t upset with him, but it still didn’t ease much of his nerves.

It was only when the door opened behind Haechan and JiHo got a good look of Mark looking at her - and Haechan - that the two snapped out of their shock.

“I’m gonna go,” JiHo’s voice was barely over a whisper when she pushed herself off the ground and ran past Mark, leaving the room in a hurry.

“What was that?,” Mark asked, confused. His eyes locked onto Haechan’s shaking ones, before realisation set in. “What was that?!,” he was yelling at this point, “you kissed JiHo?!”

Haechan felt his gut twist at the sudden anger Mark radiated. “It was an accident! So what? Why do you care?”

“After everything I did for you. To make sure JiHo wouldn’t be a distraction, you go ahead and throw yourself onto her?”

Haechan was heaving with his own anger now. “‘Did for me?’ You did this for me? What exactly were you doing for me?”

“I was looking out for you, Haechan. If the public finds out- if SM finds out, we could all be in trouble!”

The younger of the two scoffed at the ridiculousness his leader spat. “We’re not even a thing, it was an accident! But,” Haechan glared at his leader now, “this isn’t about me, or JiHo. You’re doing this for yourself, right? The sight of me and JiHo makes you sick, right? You’re jealous! Isn’t that it?”

Haechan let out an incredulous laugh and took a step closer to Mark, who didn’t say a thing. “Me and JiHo are friends, as long as she doesn’t want to take it further, and after today I can almost say she will never want to, we’re just friends. Yes! I like her, but… You’re jealous. You’re jealous of what me and JiHo have, what me and Jeno had. A genuine friendship. Because despite me knowing JiHo doesn’t want a relationship, I can still hang out with her as a friend. But you-”

Mark hissed, eyes colouring in angry red. “Shut up, Heachan.”

“You hate that you can’t see JiHo as just a friend, right? Because you-,” Haechan spoke through gritted teeth.

“I told you to shut up!,” Mark yelled, the warning signs very clear.

Yet, Haechan ignored them, “you like her-”

Haechan didn’t know whether the sting against his cheek or the sound of the slap ringing in his ears hurt more, but he just smiled through the pain as he looked Mark in the eye. “I can’t blame you, but I’m not going to back off for you. I might have messed up my chance with JiHo, but I’m not letting your pettiness get in between me and her.”

Haechan turned to grab his bag, hand still soothing his stinging cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow at practice.”

Mark didn’t watch as Haechan left the room, eyes locked on his red palm and fingers.

---

read part 4 here

masterlists: main masterlist || jiho.writings masterlist

[renjunsdiary]

HUANG RENJUN’s page.

tuesday, 12th july, 2022.

hello there!🌷let me introduce myself {in short way}, the easily way to get closer between you and i as the new petals who’s ready to blooming as the prettiest petals in the garden. so goes by the name, my name is huang renjun, 黄仁俊, 런쥔. but everyone {or my czennies} might know me as the prince of jilin, golden hands, injun, shoulder gangster, injeolmi, the one who lights up the world, pure boy or jun–jun! i made my debut on the sub–unit nct dream with our first digital single “chewing gum” on 24th august, 2014. one of the favorite song or era of nct dream is hello future, why i choose hello future? because hello future is a hip hop dance track with a powerful synth sound and trap rhythm. the energetic song has a hopeful message of overcoming struggles to grow together with love and trust. and for the next stage, here we go a little #TMI about myself! so first revealed when i was kid, i was is sitting at the edge of the toilet and i fell in it because i got distracted by my own thoughts. i got stuck because the toilet bowl was big and i was too small that time, so i just yelled my mom to come here and help me from this toilet bowl. the next tmi is such a sad stories i’ve ever had, so time when i wanted a pet when i was a child but my mom didn't allowed me so i had a yellow balloon that i bought after my class and treated it as own pet. 😿😿 that’s all from me, for the next information you can contact me on @renjuung!🕊

[nctsjiho]

What Are We? No Longer? [Part 4]

cw: strong language, angst, a little dialogue heavy || era: March 2022

❀ After the rollercoaster of emotions Haechan, Mark and JiHo all experienced, all three members long for some kind of closure to all the drama. However that closure might not be what they expected

read part 3 here

From JiJi-JiHo:

“Come to recording studio 7b after your dance practise”

Mark’s eyes widened as he read the message, heart seemingly beating at hundreds of miles per hour. He didn’t know if he should respond or not. It wasn’t even if JiHo asked him anything, it was more of a demand yet it felt almost wrong to not reply. What if she was expecting a message back? Would she think he’d be ghosting her if he didn’t reply?

However it was already too late when his other members took note of his shocked state. They peered at him in suspicion for no longer than a few seconds before lunging towards him.

“What’s that?” Chenle asked as he reached out for the leader’s phone, but Mark was quick to lock it and clutch it to his chest.

“Nothing.” Mark bit his lip anxiously, praying to God that the boys wouldn’t continue to pry. The younger ones didn’t buy his front though and tried to push a little further.

“The faster we finish practise the quicker we can go home,” Haechan commented in a monotonous tone earning the attention of the others. The black haired boy didn’t even bother looking at his members as he finished stretching out his arms. “So let’s stop playing around. I’d like to go home as soon as possible.”

Besides the obvious tension between the (former) best friends – Haechan and Mark – the leader’s nerves also caused a lot of distraction during practice. His mind kept chanting JiHo’s message at him and for the first time SM’s best trainee and hardest working idol was doing the absolute worst at practice. But since everyone at SM and their mother heard that there was some drama going on between a few NCT members, the dance teacher decided not to go so hard on Mark this time; even going as far as calling practice early.

“Let’s leave it here for now,” the teacher sighed, giving Mark a knowing look. “Maybe figure out your personal affairs outside of practice – or not – and come back with a fresh mind next time.” The seven boys all agreed, grabbing their stuff to head out to their dorms.

“Hyung, Haechan is coming with us to the dorms,” Renjun announced, giving the older one a pat on his shoulder. “You okay?”

Mark forced a tight-lipped smile and nodded. “I’m fine. Just look out for Haechan, okay?”

The both turned to the boy who was silently gathering all his stuff, obviously a lot less cheery then he normally was. “JiHo hasn’t talked to him since” – Renjun cleared his throat – “the incident. I’m trying to keep his mind off of it but–”

“I know,” Mark interjected. Maybe Mark and Haechan weren’t on the best terms right now, but there was no way Mark couldn’t figure out how the other was feeling. They had been friends for too long for him not to realise how dejected and hurt Haechan must have been feeling.

“No,” Renjun’s firmer tone earned Mark’s full attention again, “I’m serious, hyung. You have to find a way to fix this because in your whole mission to ‘have a good comeback’ and ‘not distract Haechan’ you’ve done the complete opposite.” It was clear that Renjun wasn’t happy either. All the members had become slightly more careful around the two boys after their fight and it was bringing everyone’s mood down. “Fix it, and do it quickly.”

“Are you ready to go, Mark?” Behind him, Mark’s manager called out for him. He’d be the only one in the car along with Chenle, who’d be dropped off at his own house, while the others would cram into another manager’s car.

“Oh– actually, I have something to handle first. Don’t worry, I’ll get back home myself,” Mark smiled politely, ignoring the confused and curious stares from his members and heading out the door of the practice room.

-November 2021-

“Ten hyung?” A distracted hum sounded from the other side of the call as if Ten was occupied with other things. “Can I ask you something?”

It was quiet for a second, the sound of something falling on the ground and Ten silently cursing under his breath the only thing Mark could hear. “Hmm? Go ahead.”

“Are Hendery and JiHo dating?”

To say Ten was surprised by the sudden question was an understatement, but the amusement he felt simultaneously was much stronger. “Why? Jealous?” he asked, clearly smiling widely.

Mark stuttered in bewilderment before answering, “No! It’s just that during practice JiHo got really happy when Hendery walked in and they spent the whole time talking to each other.”

“So? When she hangs out with the other boys, doesn’t mean that she’s dating them,” Ten stated.

“Well sure, but this is different. JiHo hasn’t been this cheery since her hiatus. And before, she and Hendery couldn’t even hold eye contact for longer than a few seconds. Today they spent so much time together,” Mark explained. “It’s just–  I haven’t seen JiHo smiling this happily in a while. It’s just weird, unexpected; that’s all.”

Ten chuckled. Even if the boys didn’t tell him directly, he always knew all the gossip he wanted to know. And with him having teased JiHo a lot about her unexpectedly close relationships with even more unexpected members, this was something he definitely was interested in. Mark was at the right address.

“They’re not, ”Ten laughed heartily. “Sure, they were almost in a relationship at some point, but JiHo ended things before she went to China. They got really close before that, but JiHo said she didn’t want to pursue anything because the ‘timing wasn’t right’. I’m sure that was just an excuse though,” he mumbled that last sentence to himself. “But anyway, Hendery was devastated for a while, he really liked her, I’m sure he still does. However, when JiHo started calling him almost daily when she was in China they grew really close again; as friends.”

Mark hummed understandingly, but he still felt a bit unsure about the whole situation. When he saw JiHo’s face light up earlier that day during practice for ‘Beautiful’ when Hendery showed up, he couldn’t help but be suspicious. And he wasn’t the only one.

“Listen, just because JiHo didn’t take note of your crush on her doesn’t mean she is incapable of liking someone,” Ten commented, ignoring the incoming stutters and words of denial from Mark. “I’m sure JiHo had some sort of feelings for him at some point, but they aren’t dating. That’s in the past now. Just like how you convinced me your crush was in the past– ”

“It is!” Mark defended himself, feeling his face flush – thank God Ten couldn’t see him or he would have teased the living daylight out of him. “This isn’t about me. I was just wondering, that’s all.”

Ten chuckled at the younger's defensiveness before cooing at him, “I’ll believe you for now. It would be really tragic for our group if guys and girls couldn’t just be friends.”

-March 2022-

“So, can we – a guy and a girl – not just be friends?”

Mark’s eyes widened as his eyes found JiHo standing in the door of the studio, his once anxious, racing heart skipping a beat. Since his practice ended earlier than normal, he had arrived earlier than JiHo probably had anticipated. At first he thought being earlier would be better than walking into a room with JiHo waiting for him, but with every minute that passed by of him waiting for JiHo, his mind grew more and more nervous.

“Who–”

“Chenle called me yesterday to see how I was doing. He told me what you had said. Told me you liked me–” Mark jumped up from the couch, trying to explain, but JiHo was quicker. “I didn’t believe him though, so … I’m asking you now. Do you like me?”

Suddenly the small studio felt even stuffier than normal. The soundproof padding and lack of windows did not help Mark’s palms which gradually became sweatier. “I can explain,” he whispered, earning a coaxing nod from JiHo. “At some point I did” – Mark gulped – “like you. But! That was a long time ago.”

JiHo couldn’t help but let out a scoff in disbelief. “If it was a long time ago, then why are you making such a big deal of Haechan liking me?”

Mark felt slightly defeated, even more embarrassed and didn’t dare look JiHo in the eye. “I don’t know… I just, lately– I– and you and Hendery.” The words came out like a jumbled mess as Mark desperately tried – and failed – to explain his actions.

“Why do you have to bring Hendery into this?” JiHo asked, confused. It didn’t take a genius to sense that JiHo was getting a bit agitated. Although the frustration she accumulated over the past month probably took a big part in that.

“Because!” The sudden increase in volume caused JiHo to take a small step back, shocked by the loudness. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell,” Mark apologised, his eyes softening, but JiHo could see a heaviness in them. And if Mark hadn’t ducked his face down a second later, JiHo would have seen them glace over with frustrated tears.

“I was upset. Because I liked you for so long, and you never even noticed. And suddenly Hendery comes along, when you’re not with us, avoiding us … and he just sweeps you off of your feet and all of a sudden he’s the only one you look at so happily. I was upset because if he was able to make you so giddy and happy, he must mean so much to you. And I was hurt that that wasn’t me, but what hurt me more was the fact that Haechan might try to be with you, but the only man you could see in that way, romantically, is someone else.

“I didn’t want Haechan to go through that, but I didn’t realise how much I would be hurting him. I handled it so wrong, but I just wanted to protect him,’ Mark choked on his own words and turned away from JiHo trying to hide the hot tears that rolled down his cheeks.

It was hard to miss the way he wiped at his face, even if he tried to be discreet about it. Not knowing how to react to the new information, JiHo hummed softly and leaned her head back against the wall next to the door. The atmosphere continued to grow more tense – to the point the two members almost felt like they could choke on the air.

“How are you so sure about me and Hendery though?”

Mark chuckled at the question but hiding and ignoring the pain that coursed through his heart wasn’t really working. “Maybe I don’t know you as much as I think I do after knowing you for 7 years, but … when Hendery walked in with Kun on that day, during practice, the way your face lit up and you ran towards him … You spent the whole day with him and you only talked Chinese with him so no one felt like they could join you two.” JiHo’s mouth fell open in surprise, not expecting that kind of answer. “And maybe it was me being jealous, but when I saw you look like an actual couple, I felt troubled.”

“Mark, it’s really nothing that serious–”

“I liked you for 3 goddamn years, JiHo!” Mark's voice boomed in the tiny studio. The only place where the sound could go was straight into JiHo’s ears. The sight of Mark being so troubled – almost angry – slightly scaring JiHo. “Three years that I for once didn’t only care about practising. Where above anything, I just wanted to be closer to you. When people would compliment me for working hard, but in actuality you were the person who constantly occupied my mind. But the only thing people told me was how you didn’t want to date anyone, and that you weren’t interested in those kinds of things.

“So, eventually, I gave up. Because I knew you’d never see me the way I saw you. But then you and Hendery began hanging out and for the first time you looked like you were actually interested in someone.” Mark’s chest moved up and down rapidly as his emotions took over. “I know it’s not fair, and that it isn’t your fault. But I felt so betrayed! The girl, that said she’d probably never be interested in someone romantically, the girl I liked so much it hurt, she looked at another guy as if he put the stars into the sky,” he chuckled again, this time wiping his tears not caring that JiHo saw him do it.

“You– you really liked me like that?”

“Yes, JiHo. So please believe me when I say I didn’t have bad intentions when I told you to stay away from Haechan. I really shouldn’t have done that in the first place, but I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. But when I told you that face to face, I guess that the image of you and Hendery came back to mind and I got upset again, which is why I was such an asshole to you.”

A certain stinging feeling grew in JiHo’s chest as she processed everything Mark was telling her. “But that was months ago,” she reminded him.

“I know, I know,” the older one huffed. “But you still talk to Hendery, and you’re still close and– JiHo, I know that all of this isn’t an excuse for why I did the things I did and acted the way I did. I’m sorry.”

JiHo shook her head, as she pushed herself off the wall and went to sit down on the small couch. “What about Haechan? If you were just protecting him, why did you hit him?”

“Who told you–”

JiHo interjected him whilst bouncing her leg up and down impatiently. “It doesn’t matter who told me! Just tell me why you did it.”

Taking another deep breath Mark sat down next to her – as far away as possible as the small couch allowed – and started explaining, “because I’m an idiot and … When I found out you two kissed, I guess I felt betrayed?”

A scoff left the girl’s lips as she eyed him bewildered. “Betrayed? By who?”

“I know it doesn’t make sense to you– God! It doesn’t even make sense to me. I just never got closure for my crush on you. I just gave up on it and called it a day. I didn’t confess to you, you didn’t reject me, no one told me that my crush on you was dumb. I just moved on and thought I would be fine with you just being my friend. And I was, for a while. Until I saw you and Hendery and I realised that maybe I hadn’t moved on. And then Haechan kissed you and when I heard that I just felt like my crush on you never had gotten me any further than just … being friends? I don’t know–”

“So what are you saying? That your crush on me was just a waste of time?” JiHo questioned firmly.

“No! That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Then get over yourself! Here! Have your closure. Mark Lee, I’m rejecting your feelings for me. The ones you have or the ones you had, I don’t know, but I don’t see you that way and I never have and I never will!”

It felt as if time had stopped, as the two members stared each other in the eyes. The silence was most definitely deafening with the tension in the room so thick you could surely cut it with a knife. That all until the handle of the door seemed to click back into its place. Mark and JiHo quickly whipped their heads around to look at the door and when they could make out the silhouette of a person through the frosted glass, Mark stood up and lunged towards the door, opening it with force. The sudden movement caused the person behind the door to fall inside with the door as his hand was still on the door’s handle.

“Haechan?” JiHo’s eyes widened as she reached out to help the boy who fell on the floor. “What are you-”

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but hyung left his phone in the practice room and I saw you’d be here and” – Haechan bit his lip as his neck and cheeks flushed from both guilt and embarrassment – “I just wanted to see you and apologise again. You’ve been ignoring me ever since the … yeah; and I just needed to see you again.”

Mark felt around in his pocket, realising he indeed didn’t have his phone on him. The whole time he had been waiting on JiHo he had been so lost in thought going over every scenario that could happen when she would come and see him that he didn’t realise he had forgotten his phone.

“Listen, Haechannie,” JiHo began. The nickname made Haechan smile softly, although he still felt the need to be careful around the two other members after what he had heard JiHo yell just seconds before Mark swung the door open. Even the soundproofing wasn’t enough for JiHo’s shouting to not be heard right outside the room. “I’m not mad at what happened. It was an accident and I understand that. I just needed time to process since it was my first kiss and I wasn’t really expecting it,” she chuckled lightly at the end causing even Mark to smile a bit.

“Guys, I just don’t want to come in between you–”

“Wow,” Haechan cut in. “If anything it was Mark coming in between us.”

JiHo shook her head. “But we’re still good aren’t we?” she asked, earning a hesitant nod from Haechan. “You’ve been friends for longer and I don’t want to ruin that. So please, I want you two to make things alright again.”

The two boys looked like two fish out of water, opening their mouths to say something, yet not knowing what to say. Their eyes continued to make contact before eyeing JiHo and then her phone that she fished out of her jeans pocket.

“I’ll have to go now. I have a meeting,” she smiled softly before quickly reaching out for Haechan’s hand. She let her thumb grace over his fingers and then gave his whole hand a soft squeeze and tried to let it go, but Haechan changed his grip to hold her hand more tightly.

 “What for? NCT related?” He asked, earning a confirmative nod. Mark and Haechan immediately looked at each other upon realisation, thinking back to the first time JiHo had to go to an NCT related meeting on her own. The same one that caused her hiatus.

“Just make up, you two. I don’t want to come between your friendship, okay?”

Mark took a step closer quickly grasping JiHo’s other hand. “Don’t do anything stupid, okay? Promise me you won’t let my stupidity ruin your career!” He pleaded, the desperation clinging onto his every word.

JiHo only smiled before pulling her hands from both grips. “Just be friends again and go home safely. I’m going to be late.”

And before anyone could say anything more, JiHo walked out of the room with a bit of added haste in her step.

“Hyung?” Mark shook his head, trying to calm down both his and the younger’s worries. He reached his arm out for Haechan and pulled him closer by the shoulders, wrapping his arms around him.

“Don’t worry about JiHo, she’s smart and won’t do anything dumb.” Mark patted Haechan’s shoulder as he told him that.

“But she’d always put us first–”

It wasn’t surprising to Mark that Haechan entertained the idea of JiHo giving up on something, for the two of them; used to JiHo being selfless when it came to her members. Definitely because Mark was entertaining the same thought.

“Let’s not think like that,” he told the younger, squeezing him a bit in his hold. “And I’m sorry for being such an asshole. I–”

“I think I understand hyung. I kinda heard a bit of what you and JiHo talked about and … I don’t blame you. I don’t want to fight with you anymore.”

Mark carefully pushed Haechan away from him so he could look him in the eye. “Me neither, let’s go back to the dorm and talk there, hmm?” Haechan nodded at the proposition.

“It’s all going to be okay now.”

---

S/N: Sorry for the delayed post, I was gone yesterday night and pretty much rewrote 3/4 of this story today but this time I actually liked it so I hope you did too. ^^ This is the last official part of the series, but there might be some little spin-offs (a.k.a. smaller writing) about things that happened during this periode of time in the story. With an emphasis on might. Thank you so much for reading 'What Are We?' it was a fun little project and you guys made it 100x better.

Also remind me to never do angst that's more than 2 parts ever again. There's a lot of things I can't do and this is one of them. (-_-;;)

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