#this is thanks to that one ask i've been overthinking this whole day lol

[mistbow]

True Names and the Seraphic Culture

A name, when given to a person, is used as a unique identifier for that individual. In the case of “true names”, a concept that exists in many cultures around the world, a true name is believed to express the true nature of its owner, with the notion that words can have magical properties and thus can be used as magical invocation of sorts.

In the world of Zestiria, there too exists true names that use an ancient language. As indicated in Berseria, revealing one’s true name either means a sign of utmost trust or practically a love confession, but why is that exactly, is what I’m trying to find out here.

As said before, this idea is barely original, and like many things that are in Zestiria, it is likely inspired by similar concepts in real world. In the ancient world, names were thought to be extremely powerful and act as a separate manifestation of a deity in some ways. This viewpoint, for example, is responsible for the reluctance to use the proper name of God in Hebrew writing or speech (YHWH), as well as the common understanding in ancient magic that magical rituals had to be carried out “in [someone’s] name”: by invoking a spirit by name, one was thought to be able to summon that spirit’s power for some kind of miracle or magic.

In Japan, it is extremely impolite to call others by their given names unless you are really close, since it feels very personal. There is the custom, “jitsumei keihi zoku” (“実名敬避俗”), basically meaning “the practice of avoiding the real name out of respect” (“実名を敬って避け��習俗”); when using kanji, addressing a person by their real name was permitted only for parents or masters. This was because a person’s real name was strongly associated with their spiritual personality, and it was believed that the mention of that name could control that spiritual personality.

To further illustrate this point, the personal names of Emperors were referred to as imina (諱), which means “taboo name” (忌み名, imina), and they were only to be referred to with their secondary names (副称) or honorific titles. Even more, you can see how the names of kami and emperors in Kojiki or Nihon Shoki were not their actual names, but more their titles, as the actual names themselves are believed to have been forgotten so only their titles had been handed down. For example, we have the kami Izanami-no-Mikoto and Izanagi-no-Mikoto, and if we assume that the “iza” part of their names stands for “誘語” (izanafukotoba) meaning “invitation”, as in, kami that invited each other for the birth of the nation, then these are clearly titles that were later dedicated, not their real names.

(Outside of Emperors, when a person died, their personal name would then be referred to as an imina as well and was no longer used, instead, the person was to be referred to by their okurina, 諡, or posthumous name.)

In Three Sovereigns (三皇) traditions of medieval Daoism, in the corpus that claims that those who chant it can become an emperor, talismans (符) and diagrams (圖) depict the true form (真形) and true names (真名) of spirits, which gives a visual representation of a supramundane being’s “image” (象), its metaphysical substance, its most fundamental identity, its immutable essence. It was believed that diagrams (圖), functioned together with the written word (文; 書), reveal a universal plan—at once cosmic and divine. Humans, then, inhabited an encoded world that sages decoded and made accessible to society in material form. Though the true name of a spirit inscribed on a talisman is legible only to those supramundane beings, and that name gives “control” over the entity whose name is possessed.

This is in line with how true names work in Zestiria.

天族は普段使う名前とは別に、自身の性質を表す真の名をもつ。古代語によるこの真名は、天族同士あるいは天族と導師が契約するうえで必要となる。ただし、自身の本質を知られることになるため、通常は他人に開示するようなも��ではない。

Apart from their regular names, seraphim have true names that express their nature. This true name, in Ancient Tongue, is necessary for pacts with each other or with the Shepherd. However, it is not usually disclosed to others because it reveals one’s true nature.

真名は天族が生まれながらに持つ隠し名で、対象者の人柄や性格、宿命などをもとにつけられたもの。

A true name is a hidden name that the seraph is born with and is based on the subject’s personality, character, and destiny, among other things.

真名を用いた契約で相手との関係が決定づけられることから、親しい間柄でも秘密にするのが通例だが、ミクリオはスレイに真名を明かしていたため、ライラを驚かせた。

Since a pact using a true name determines the relationship with the other party, it is customary to keep it a secret even in close relationships, but Mikleo had revealed his true name to Sorey, which surprised Lailah.

Seems like true names are mostly reserved for pacts only, whether it’s with other seraphim (Prime Lord-Sub Lord pact) or with a human (Shepherd pact). Interestingly, the Shepherd pact is likened to a marriage in Japanese, being called koshiire (輿入れ) which means marriage in Japanese, however, this is not to be taken only in that way, because if translated literally, it means “entering the palanquin” because in the past, the bride was supposed to arrive at the groom’s house in a palanquin. In the context of Zestiria, it’s better to see the Shepherd as a palanquin for the seraph to enter, since the Shepherd offers their body to become the vessel for the seraph, and as such, they basically share the Shepherd’s body itself.

導師になることを主神への「輿入れ」とも言うが、己の肉体を天族の器とし、その伴侶となる導師は、まさに嫁入りさながらの関係と言える。

Becoming the Shepherd is also referred to as “entering the palanquin” to the Prime Lord. The Shepherd who makes their flesh and body the vessel of the seraph and becomes their partner can be likened to a marriage-like relationship, so to speak.

I mean, seeing it this way, the Shepherd’s body can certainly be seen as a household of itself lol. Though the Prime Lord runs the household, so to speak.

天族は、霊応力が高く純粋で穢れのない人間を、「器」にして宿ることができる。この契約を「輿入れ」といい、器になった人間は「導師」と呼ばれる。

この契約は天族が「主」で導師が「従」であり、導師から一方的に破棄することはできない。

Seraphim can use a human being with high resonance, pure and without malevolence, as a “vessel” to dwell in. This pact is called “marriage” and the person who becomes the vessel is called a “Shepherd”.

In this pact, the seraph is the “master” while the “Shepherd” is the “servant”, so the pact cannot be unilaterally broken by the Shepherd.

So we can see how true names, then, tie into all this:

In exchange of the Shepherd protecting the Prime Lord (and their Sub Lords) from malevolence by acting as their pure vessel, the Shepherd can use the seraphim’s powers by invoking their true names (Armatization).

In case of Prime Lord and their Sub Lords, the Sub Lords have to obey the Prime Lord, and the Prime Lord can issue commands and restrict the Sub Lords under them.

Pretty obvious enough that the act of giving one’s true name in a pact basically meaning giving up control over oneself to the other party just from looking at the terms above. That is a really dangerous thing to do as this can be misused. Also the whole “marriage” metaphors mean that it’s a sacred thing.

Now, how and when do seraphim know what their true names are?

The answer varies.

In Berseria, Eizen realized it pretty late, though speaking of Berseria, since malakhim basically have no will of their own, true names work kind of differently, since true names are said to be the essence of their lives, yet they basically can be said as beings with no “lives” to steer on their own.

「《器》の盟約は、心と心の契りだ。互いの心が通うことで、聖隷の真名を対魔士は感じ取り、言葉に表しているに過ぎない。もっとも、意思を奪われた聖隷に心も真名もない。対魔士どもが口にするのは自己満足の戯言だ」

“The pact of ‘vessel’ is a heart-to-heart pledge. By communicating with each other’s heart, the Exorcist senses the true name of the malak and expresses it in words. However, a malak whose will has been taken away from them has neither a heart nor a true name, so what comes out of those Exorcists’ mouths [that they say is a true name] is just nonsense for their self-satisfaction.”

One interesting case, though, is Phi:

「テレサ様のときは覚えてないけど、エレノアとの契約の瞬間は、とても優しくてあたたかい気持ちになった。エレノアが唱えた真名を聞いた僕は『前から知っていた』ように感じたよ」

“I don’t remember how it felt with Lady Teresa, but the moment I made the pact with Eleanor, it felt gentle and warm. When I heard the true name that Eleanor chanted, I felt like I’d always known it from before.”

So, a human (with high resonance) can feel a seraph’s true name and put it in words. If this isn’t literal slavery, it can actually be kind of seen as romantic, but only if the power is balanced between both parties.

MIKLEO: I’ve been wondering about this true name that I had felt in my heart long before I even learned words. Its meaning has always felt mysterious to me… MIKLEO: But now that I’ve seen that memory, I understand. A sorrowful wish in despair gave birth to me; it is the name of that wish. MIKLEO: It might be a curse, or fate, but we know of [comprehend in its entirety, sense, viscerally feel] the hope that resides within this vessel called life. SOREY: …Yeah, we can’t let everyone’s, our wishes to be tainted. SOREY: Reach it out, Mikleo! SOREY: Luzrov Rulay [Mikleo the Enforcer]!

In the manga, Mikleo seemed to immediately realize what his true name was, even before he learned language to communicate, he just felt it. If we take everything (manga, novel, World Guidance, Perfect Guide, etc.), we can surmise that he was born with that true name from Michael’s despair/hope as well as Muse’s prayers.

(There’s something mysterious, inexplicable about a name being able to tell of your entire being, knowing your name in the physical world even before that earthly name is given to you by your parents, or others. This, I feel, is one of those things that are beyond mortal or even seraph understanding; how a true name can be so all-encompassing that it can even predict your fate, without you feeling being dictated by it: because only seraphim with true will can feel these true names, that are so innate to them.)

Alright. Now we go into how each of the seraphim tells Sorey their true name. The game only really shows how Lailah told her, which was when she was inside him as the vessel.

However, the novels detailed each of how the seraph told Sorey their true name in the final battle, just before Sorey called their name and fired each of the bullet.

幼い頃、真名を持つミクリオを羨ましがり、ジイジを困らせたこともあった。

When he was a child, he was envious of Mikleo who had a true name, and this had troubled Gramps too.

たったひとりで導師を待っていた彼女が、炎の中でそっと教えてくれた名。

The name she told him softly in the flames, as she waited alone for the Shepherd.

これを教えるのは、お兄ちゃんの他にあなただけ、と言われた真名だった。

“I only told this to you, aside from my older brother,” a true name told to be that.

あいつの分もちゃんとお前の力になると、笑いながら教えてくれた名。

“I’ll be your strength, for him too,” a true name told with a smile on his face.

As a bonus, Dezel’s was detailed during his pact early in the novel.

スレイはデゼルの神器を掲げ、彼が低い声で告げた真名を高らかに呼んだ。

Sorey held up the Dezel’s Divine Artifact and loudly called out his true name, which he had told him in a low voice before.

Curiously enough, everyone’s details were pretty detailed except for Mikleo’s. How did he tell his true name to Sorey again? We don’t even know if his true name was told, or felt. We only know that Sorey managed to trouble Gramps with how he didn’t have a true name, and though I do have my own headcanon, but again, a headcanon is only a headcanon. They don’t seem to want to say exactly how it went through, even though out of all the seraphim using Sorey as their vessel, only Mikleo gave it to him outside of a pact (outside of something that is duty-bound, so it’s definitely personal), lol.

(Makes Mikleo seemingly treating his true name nilly-willy seem more hilarious though. I wonder if Gramps or anyone in the village told him, or heck, reprimanded him for doing something so... reckless? I mean, if we relate this back to all the “pact = marriage” and “pact = giving your true name” thing... [well, Sorey’s pact with Lailah is basically seen as limited to his duty and not actual, personal marriage, but still]... the implication is. Something. I’m not going to say it out loud here [I mean, Berseria has done that already anyway, lol].)

But yeah. Make that of what you will.

(To note: Interesting as well is that how seraphim form romantic [and perhaps sexual?] relationships, when they don’t need to and can’t procreate, though I do know that romantic/sexual relationships aren’t just for that. But still. The culture is fascinating to me.)

[arminsumi]

it's the hair.

𝐆. 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔 — 五条悟 ⋅ fem reader

NOTE: lol this is just a dum fluff drabble i wrote instead of studying

SUMMARY — your childhood friend and classmate satoru positively kills you with his new haircut. but he misunderstands your reactions and behaviors, thinking he did something wrong.

WARNINGS — lowercase used, not proofread, misunderstandings between u n gojo, angst if you squint ??

WORDCOUNT ≈ 1.3k

🍒 𝐉𝐚𝐲 — サクランボ ⋅ 𝐑𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐬/𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐭 !

you've been eyeing out gojo all day. he's not sure what to make of your expression — it's something mixed between comical worry and genuine distress.

"what? what is it?" he keeps asking you each time you give him the side eye look-over. "do i have something on my face?"

"no. it's nothing." you reply curtly.

he squints skeptically at you.

from class to class, he ponders alongside suguru. did he say something? were you mad at him? was it because he stole your soda from the vending machine yesterday? but he always does that, so why would you be mad now? maybe you were just not feeling well? did you not sleep well?

and suguru's ears flooded with all these theories.

"did i say something to y/n? she's acting strange today."

his best friend stifles a smirk. "dunno, did you?"

"i think she's mad at me. was it because i stole her soda? but y'know it's not my fault we like the same soda! and i promised to buy one for her next time!"

suguru now lowers his head into his arms, resting on the desk, trying so hard to keep his laughter in.

"maybe it's the weather — probably the flu — yeah, definitely the flu. i'll go get something for y/n at the store, d'you need anything, suguru? what! what are you laughing at!"

"nothing, nothing. i don't need anything from the store, thanks — unless maybe something spicy that catches your eye. 'better run quick, store's gonna close soon."

satoru furrows his brows in confusion, and eventually his entire expression becomes serious, like an old philosopher in deep thought about the universe. but it's not the abyssal void beyond the stratosphere that's in his thoughts, no, it's you — you're pervading his entire mind as he walks across the roads of tokyo, to the station, and boards the train.

holding onto the handles as it shudders and sways, shoulders taught as they always are when he's in thought. were you really sick? what if he did something bad? maybe it was nothing at all, and he was just overthinking it. maybe it didn't even involve him. did it have to do with suguru? or perhaps you were upset about something in the past, something irrational and long-forgotten, like the fact that he didn't attend your 7th birthday party. it's not like he had a choice, his parents barely allowed him to visit your side because they didn't want their prodigy son hanging out with...

he texts you.

satoru — are u home yet

he stares and waits for you to come online, then watches as those three dots move up and down and you start typing.

you — no why

satoru — where are u

you — bridge

satoru — what are u doing

you — lol so many questions

you — the sunset looks rlly good today i'm taking pics

satoru — wtf without me??

you — lol sorry didn't think u wanted to waste ur time watching the sunset

satoru — see u there

he's just boarding off the train, coming through its doors, when he texts you that. thank the benefit of his long legs for speeding to the store in time before it closes. he picks up your favorite.

when you see him come into view, you're waiting with your arms draped around the railing of the bridge.

"trying out for the track team?" you laugh, as he practically runs up to you. "did you run this whole way?"

he's catching his breath, clutching a plastic bag of goodies.

"are you sick?" he asks.

"what? no?"

"i thought you might have the flu." he's asking with genuine concern, it's bizarre. he usually doesn't talk like this unless he knows he's in trouble with you, or if something's really wrong.

"i'm fine." you blink, "i've just been watching the sunset. you missed the best part."

"i didn't know you enjoyed sunsets."

"why didn't you invite me!" he groans, coming over to assume an oddly attractive position by the railing. he slacks against the metal, leaning his weight on it. he lets the plastic bag with yours and suguru's favorites in it thud to the ground.

the cityscape is so pretty, and yet he's still prettier, you think.

"i don't care for them." he admits, "but of course i'll enjoy a sunset if you're watching it with me."

you look at him. he's not even facing the sunset. was something on his mind? you can hardly theorize, because you're giving him that peculiar look again.

he catches you looking at him, "what!"

"what?"

"did i do something wrong?" his breath is stable now, "are you mad at me?"

"no? why d'you think I'm mad at you?" you ask confusedly.

"because you keep lookin' at me like that!"

"like what?" you feel your cheeks warm up.

"like something about me is offensive to your eyes."

you break out laughing. "no! i'm not — it's not — you misunderstand me, like always..."

"what the hell?" he whines, "is it nothing serious? i've been worried. you've been looking at me weird since sunday and — oh... OH MY GOD."

you giggle, chin pressing on the railing. "did you just realize something?"

"is it the haircut!"

"it's the haircut."

"why do you not like it!" he fumes, that familiar satoru playfulness coming back now as he was put at ease knowing he didn't upset you. "you know it cost a lot, 'n i styled it and everything."

"i didn't say i didn't like it! it's the opposite."

"so you like it? then why do you look at me like you're having an internal crisis?"

you groan, "because you're giving me a crisis! you know i'm weak for undercuts!"

he shuts up. his heart races a bit. oh, so he misunderstood you not a little bit but entirely. oops. now why didn't he realize that his haircut would have this effect on you? when he subconsciously went to get an undercut because you mentioned you liked them in passing one school afternoon.

"oh."

"you're so dumb, satoru."

"well sorry!" he rolls his eyes.

now there's silence. he stops leaning his back against the railing and turns to face the final stages of the sunset. the streetlights come on, one is gleaming not too far from you two. it casts a dreamy light on his hair.

it really is a good cut, and it's styled in such a way that... well it gets your daydreams going, let's just say that. and here gojo was worried when he came out of the salon, thinking it was too short now. truthfully, it was a bit short compared to his other haircuts, but he wore it well. of course he did.

"so you like it?"

"i love it."

"well if you love it, then show it love." he teases.

"what on earth d'you mean?" you laugh shortly.

"fluff my hair." he says.

"no way, lice-boy."

"hey!" he pinches your cheek in retaliation, and your reaction endears him as much as it always has since you two were kids. "that was one time, i haven't ever had lice again."

he pouts. you look over. he is pouting. pouting. he's a nineteen year old boy pouting about not getting his hair fluffed by his childhood friend who he maybe sorta kinda has a crush on.

and then he encourages you. he leans his head on your shoulder. his hair tickles your cheek.

"damn. you're like an attention-starved cat." you joke.

he places your hand on his head himself. the brief warmth and glimpse at the size difference between his hand and your hand made him giddy.

you ruffle his hair lightly, and then he wears a satisfied smile. now early night has settled. it's quiet at the bridge except for the distant city sounds and lull of the highway.

"i was really worried that i did something wrong." he admits.

"i'm sorry."

he sighs, snuggling your shoulder. there's a nice silence between you and him.

then he breaks it.

"hey, i didn't say stop fluffing." his deep voice reverbs in your chest. he's playful and lively, but you can tell he's also tired from running all the way here.

"you're a menace." you tell him.

"but you like me, right?" it's more of an insecure question. he wants to hear you say it back, not as a playful joke.

"of course i do."

"good, good."

© 𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐢 𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐋 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐈'𝐕𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊𝐄𝐃 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐄.

[yaut-jaknowit]

hihi !!

I don't know if you've already been asked of this, so like... Sorry if you have lol, but pretty please can we have a part 2 of Blood in the Water? Thank you writer person 🙏

— : 🥀 anon

Blood In The Water Part 2

Character: T'a'yta (Male Yautja) x Mom!Reader

Word Count: 4736

Summary: Those three days fly by quickly. Everyday, you overthink the whole dinner. Your children try to help in their own oblivious ways, but you can't help it. Before long, the day arrives and you aren't prepared.

Author Note: This is one of the couple times I've been asked multiple times to write a part 2. AND I LOVE IT! I love to write guys. Love it. It's a passion. Never apologize for asking me to write. It may take me a month to get it down but I'll do it!

Part 1

Masterlist

Ao3

Over the course of those three days, you were able to get your car back from the middle of nowhere. Thankful to have your father pay for the tow and major issue. All it was the distributor cap that can completely fried itself. The worse place for it to do that. Like an angel sent to protect you, T’a’yta was there to pick you up and save you. One of the few people in your life who’s done something out of the kindness of their heart.

Now, you had been freaking out what to make him for a dinner. It was your own stupidity who hadn’t thought about asking him what he likes. You had just let him leave. Not even a way to message him to make up for your mistake. So, you had to fall on what were probably stereotypes.

Meat.

T’a’yta looked like a predator. The fangs, claws, the muscle his body is corded with. He reminded you of some hunters from ancient civilizations with what he was adorn with. Basic metal armor that’s decorated with skulls and bones. One skull had been used as a pouch for something on his side. You never got the chance to fully look at everything he carried in that moment. The most important thought was to get your children home safely. T’a’yta allowed for that to happen.

On the last day, you had gotten home from a stressful day of work. Not a second had gone by as you tried your best to think of a dish that may entertain T’a’yta. You didn’t think he would truly care about what you feed him but it was your conscious that drove you like this. To prove to yourself you can take care of yourself, of your children, of a family.

Blame it all on that scum of a husband you had. It was all his fault for the way you feel currently. Not once were you good enough for him. No amount of food or flavor of food. No amount of love. No amount of bedroom time made him love you the same way after you gotten pregnant.

This was all his fault.

Wasn’t it?

Your knuckles turned white while gripping the counter. A cook book sat freely in front of you, opened to a random page. Yet, your eyes never took in a word.

“Mama okay?” Shawn called out to you and pulled on your pant leg. Instantly, you were snapped out of your thoughts. A façade of happiness plastered to your face before you pivoted and knelt down to pick him up. Shawn giggled and gripped onto your shirt.

“Of course, baby boy. Mama is perfectly okay. She’s just thinking about what to make for T’a’yta.” It was a lie. But, you didn’t want them to worry about you. You had to be the strong one here. The only one that stayed behind to take care of them. All they had was you in their lives.

“Pancakes!” Simon screamed from the living room before unsteadily sprinting into the kitchen. He stopped on a dime, nearly pushing himself head over heel. His eyes were on you with a crazed smile on his face. “Pancakes!” Your shoulders sagged. The tension leaving them.

Shawn was set back down on the ground. “Simon, sweetie, I don’t think T’a’yta will like Pancakes. He seems like the one to eat meat,” you explained to both of your children. Simon’s face twisted with his classic thinking face. It was dangerous for either of them to think so hard. They are trouble makers.

The second eldest, Simon, pumped his fists into the air. “Pancakes with ham…buger!” Even in your darkest times, your children knew how to make you smile. You snorted with a shake of your head. “Yeah, he eat that.”

Oh sweet child. You pet the top of Simon’s head. “Sweetheart, that’s not…” you trailed off when an idea hit you. Burgers. Maybe that was a fix to all of this. T’a’yta doesn’t seem like the one to have eaten much of human food. He wasn’t from around here. Anything you feed him would be new and hopefully exciting. God, why didn’t you think of that earlier instead of overthinking the entire situation?

With a sigh, you glanced towards the door. If that’s the case, you would need to run to the store. Money was a bit short at the moment, but it was the least you could do for T’a’yta. Treat him to a special meal for all of the trouble you had put him through. After thinking about it, you were craving a good burger. One of the things you could cook deliciously.

“Alright you two. We need to go to the store for some food, okay?” you told the two of them before preparing for going outside. This included getting your children ready and in their car seats.

This may get you weird looks but you placed both children inside the cart. Simon loves to wander off on his own and get into trouble. A lesson well learned. Shawn liked to stay pinned to your hip if he could. Unless Simon coaxes him to run off each other. It was safer this way for the two of them to have them in the cart. Neither could they knock things over and grab items they didn’t need.

The cart pushed around the isles of the store. Both of your children were enticed by the selection of bread and kept trying to say the names of them. They decided to make it a challenge to see who can saw the word the best, roping you into the game. You were able to multiple task with playing the game and grabbing the cheapest hamburger bread you could find.

Off to the next item on your mental list you had made. Of course, you had forgotten to write a list or even bring a pen or paper to make said list while here.

“Mama, look! Look,” Simon shouted and pointed at something on the end of the shelving units. It was multi colored gold fish. Ah, shit. “Want. I want!” Those are his favorite snack.

You pulled out the mom look both children know so well. “We have some at home. You can have some when we are done here.” Your voice turned stone cold. The last thing you wanted was a crabby child before having a dinner with T’a’yta.

Simon’s face twisted with a pout as he looked at you. His arms folded. Any other moment, you would’ve taken a picture because he looked so cute. Yet, the crowd of people made you want to snuff this issue as quickly as possible.

“Do not give me that face, mister. I will not tell you again.” The toddler age was the worst you’ve dealt with. The had big emotions and didn’t know how to deal with it. Neither did you. You were just trying to survive with your head above the water.

But, the child didn’t relent.

“You seem to fail at every step you take. Can’t even make a child listen to you.”

The hairs on the back of your neck stood up. You felt the way your chest seized as that familiar voice washed over you. You wanted nothing more than for the floor to spilt and swallow you whole.

There was no need to turn around and see those eyes you once were in love with. The same love that was reflected back onto you. Until the moment, he found out you were pregnant. All because of him.

Your knuckles turned white on the handle bar of the cart. Simon instantly read off of your energy and calmed down. Both of your children looked at the man standing behind you with their tiny eyebrows furrowed.

You slowly turned around and had to force yourself to still at the sight. There, in all of his glory was the man you never wanted to see again. Never wanted to speak with. A reason why you never wanted child support from him. Not that he would pay.

“Robert. Hi.” It sounded so force. The small smile on your face just a façade for the storm of emotions building inside of you. “Funny seeing you here.” Out of two years, to run into him after so long was a miracle. His job never worked with your schedule so it was impossible. That you thought of.

There she was. His new wife, pinned to his side like a trophy shank. No way were you jealous but you were disgusted he had decided to choose someone so young and fake at the same time. Freshly eighteen years old. Like the day she turned eighteen they got married. That poor thing.

His eyes roam over your form, taking note of basic clothes you were wearing. Disgust evident in his eyes. “You’ve changed,” he stated with hidden mockery. You knew he was thinking ‘not for the best’ after that. If only you could smack him so hard for his words.

“Kind of happens when the scum of a father dips on his children, leaving the mother to take care of twins,” you snarked back with venom in your voice. No one around was the wiser. Neither were your children as they stared dumbfounded at your change of energy.

The wife sneers at you. “Can’t blame a man when the woman can’t find the gym. He needs beauty in his life,” she retorts. You gritted your teeth, fists shaking at your sides. It took everything in your power not to leap across the space between the two of you and rip her apart. She doesn’t know the scum she had decided to marry. How he’ll leave her the same if she becomes pregnant. You almost felt bad.

“She could find the pantry just fine though,” Robert laughs then kisses his wife on the temple. “Any time I would look at her, she always would have some sort of snack.”

If only he knew the troubles of recovering from twin births. How defeated you were afterwards. How exhausted without the aid of your husband who was supposed to be there.

Knives pierced your heart. After all this time, it shouldn’t hurt, shouldn’t bother you. No amount of time can heal the wounds that ooze from your open heart.

How could the man you loved be so cruel?

Nothing could keep you here. There was no winning this two verses one. They would knock you down if you stayed until you had nothing to stand on. You decided to be the bigger person. You spun around and pushed the cart away. They cackled something else at you but the fuzziness in your ears made it hard to hear.

Darkness suddenly took over your vision. You skidded to a stop. Many other patrons were voicing their confusion and asking if anyone knew what happened. There was a shrieking scream before it cut off behind you. Your heart instantly pounded hard against it bony cage. You whipped around but all you could see was black.

Lights flashed back to life. You squinted through the pain. Only to notice that Robert and his wife weren’t where you last saw them. An uneasy feeling boiled in the pit of your stomach.

For the rest of the trip, you hurried along and got home in record time. Safely. Always safely with your children in the car. You tasked each kid with a small item they could carry up to the apartment. Simon was ecstatic. You carried the rest of the bags up the stairs and entered after both of your children.

All of the bags were placed down on the counters. Simon and Shawn looked up at you before holding out the tomato and onion your gave them. You thanked them with a sweet smile and took the items from them.

The earlier events still haunted you like it had happened a second ago. Their nasty words biting into your heart, tearing it into pieces all over again. All because you were the parent that stayed, the parent that took care of the children. Who cares that you gained weight. Who cares if your body wasn’t as tight as before. Yeah, your boobs hang. You’ve got too many stretch marks to count. But… gods, you do care. It does hurt to know you weren’t pleasing to anyone. That the person you’ve become, despite how strong you were, wasn’t good enough for anyone.

Tears pooled in your eyes. It took everything in your power not to break down sobbing in front of your children. They were your strength. They held you up. They made you strong. They made you into the person you were today.

With that strength, you sucked down the tears and stood back up. Only to jump when a hand lands on your shoulder. You whipped around with a fist flying. It was caught mid air in a firm but gentle hold.

“Ta-ta!” both of your children screamed and launched themselves at his legs. Each one taking space on their own respected leg and held on for dear life.

T’a’yta stood there, maskless, with a sheepish look to his older features. The Yautja cleared his throat and scratched at the back of neck. “I am sorry. I did not mean to scare you,” he apologized genuinely. Your racing heart started to ease up after realizing it was just him.

Then, what your children had said finally hit you. Oh shit. Okay, they need a new nickname for him besides what sounds like them trying to say boobies.

“Simon, Shawn… let’s not use that name.” Quick something easy for two, two years old to say. “Why not Tay-Tay? Yeah, that sounds much better!” Easy to say and for them to remember. Even you are struggling on saying his name.

Instead of using the first nickname, they listened to you and started to calling him that. Okay, one thing had gone right today. You smiled up at him and finally greeted him. Yet, a coppery scent caught you off guard. T’a’yta said your name again and brought you from your stupor. “Shit, sorry. What were you saying?” Today had been so weird and horrible. You were probably all messed up in the head.

The alien had paused for a moment to stare deeply into your eyes. Heat flushed to your cheeks when you noticed. You cleared your throat and turned your head away. T’a’yta blinked then leaned down and picked up each child. They were set off to the side. You spotted out of the corner of your eye his muscles tensing, as if he was ready to move closer to you.

“I got some food today,” you distracted him and moved around the counter towards the fridge, taking a bag with you. “I didn’t know what to really cook for you. Since our pallets may be different. But, I chose hamburgers. They’re really good, I promise.”

He stopped from advancing into your space and picked up his head to stand a little taller. “They sound good,” he agreed and eyed you carefully from his spot. You hadn’t missed the way his eyes narrowed on you. Were you wearing your heart on your sleeve or something?

You had to force the smile on your face to ease his nerves. Not that it worked. Just fake it until you make it. Or die trying.

“Yeah,” you agreed with a nod of your head. “They are. Plus, you can add so many different types of condiments and toppings to a burger. It’s the best.”

All of the non-dinner foods you picked up at the store were placed into a dinky fridge you had in the apartment. For once, your refrigerator looked somewhat full despite what a drain it was on your bank account. You pushed those dark thoughts to the back of your mind. Today has sucked enough. There’s no point in wallowing in it. Better to enjoy the rest of the day.

Before long, you had gotten well into cooking. Both of your children know when you’re in the kitchen, cooking not to step foot in there. That was one of your big rules you had to establish for them. They could ask for a snack or water. But it was meant to keep them from getting underfoot. There had been a time when you had accidentally kicked Simon into the cabinets. You felt terrible for so long after that. Even to this day.

Best thing about having someone else over, they could entertain Shawn and Simon for you. Every time you would glance over your shoulder, there was T’a’yta. He would be on the ground, even on his belly, playing with toys. Both of your boys were happy to have him join, more like beg for him to play with them.

There wasn’t even time for you to say he didn’t have to if he didn’t want to. One look at you, T’a’yta was in the living room, immersed in their world.

And that pulled at your heartstrings without you realizing it. Would your life look like this if Robert had stayed with you? Stayed through the thick of it? Not in this poor apartment. In a real house. With a father in their life that loved them.

Instantly, you scolded yourself for going down that dark path again and returned to finishing off the burgers and getting everything prepped. The condiments and sliced vegetables were set out for you and T’a’yta to use. You first made up the plates for Simon and Shawn, remembering what each child likes and doesn’t like.

Those plates were set down at the table where there booster chairs were. “Simon, Shawn, dinner is ready!” In union, they whined and gave you a pout. All to prolong their play time. One look at them had them coming towards the table. You swiftly put them in their chairs and strapped them in, letting them go to town on their cut up burger pieces and sauces.

T’a’yta entered afterwards. For such a towering beast who could barely stand at full height in your kitchen, he was silent. Even on the squeaky, old floorboards. His blue eyes were calming. You motioned for him to make his pick first. “Go right ahead. Eat, take all what you want. It’s the least I can do for you,” you urged the alien to take what he wanted. Not that you could pay him or cook for him well. But you still at least did something to show your gratitude.

His brown brows furrowed. He shook his massive head. The grey-blue tresses swayed at the movement. “No, you are to go first,” he retorted and refused to move from his spot.

“What? No,” you denied and crossed your arms. “You are a guest in my house. You deserve to go first.” It’s etiquette for an average person housing another.

The alien was unmoved and unbothered. “You brought the dinner home and made it. You deserve to eat first.” There was something in his eyes that solidified the knowledge that he wasn’t going to budge.

As much as you are stubborn to the bone, today had drained of the fight. The last thing you wanted to do was chase him away. Maybe this would encourage him to come by, stay for a while. Maybe enjoy a drink or two with you. Talk, be friends. He was nice and kind. You didn’t want to lose that.

With a reluctant sigh, you picked up a plate and prepared a burger in a way you loved. This was your only day in months you were able to indulge in yourself. Why not treat yourself the way you deserved? After the events today, you deserved it more than ever.

In the corner of your eye, you didn’t miss the slight quirk of his upper mandible. You pursed your lips before sitting down at the dinner table with the plate. This burger looked absolutely delicious.

Clearly, Simon and Shawn felt the same way. Half of their burger had been consumed so far. You snorted with a shake of your head at their antics.

To the right of you, T’a’yta took up the last remaining seat available in your small dinning room area. His size easily ate up all the space there, making you feel crowded to the wall behind you. Not that you minded.

Until that coppery smell in the air returned. It was clouded with T’a’yta’s natural musk. But that solidified the idea it was coming from him. He smelled like blood. What was he doing before he got here?

You tense up instinctively, due to your human nature as prey in the presence of a predator. You faced the burger on the plate and used it to distract yourself from what was coming off of him. It unnerved you with good reason. Without any good evidence, you decided to brush it off and under the rug until there was an opportunity to bring up. Plus, you didn’t want to ruin the moment.

The brown Yautja stared down at the burger before picking up and bringing up to his mouth. This had to be the first time he’d ever had a burger. This time, you spent the extra money to get the good patties. The flavor was in the meat and seasoning you had put on them.

Both of your children had nearly finished their own food by the time T’a’yta brought the food to his mouth. You reached to the side and wiped off some sauce on Simon’s face. T’a’yta bit into it and chewed. The way he ate wasn’t exactly what you had thought. Not that you had thought about it actually. Seeing it happen right in front of you was different though.

When he made no looks of disgust, you were relieved. Actually he looked pleased and quickly took a second bit. Your shoulders released all of the tension they were holding onto. You finally start to consume your own when Simon and Shawn whine to be let down.

T’a’yta was on his feet before you could even will the thought into existence. Despite the size difference between his hands and the plastic buckles, he made quick work of them. Each child was carefully taken out of the seat and onto the ground. You stared at him, lips slightly parted. He had done that… without you asking.

Fuck, why was your heart racing?

“You, you didn’t have to do that. I could’ve,” you explained to him, now feeling a little guilty the guest had to do that for you.

“No. You eat your food. I have it right here,” he argued and left no room for butting back at him. He had shut you down so quickly in a polite manner that you didn’t know what to do. You flapped your jaw a little before clearing your throat and returning to your meal.

Once dinner was finished, you were ready to get up and clean up the rest of the dishes when the plate was stolen. Right from underneath your nose. You tried to grab it but T’a’yta only had to lift it up slightly higher and step away. “Hey! What are you doing?”

The plates were set down in the sink. Then, his massive form came back over to you. You didn’t have a chance to complain when his arms scooped you from underneath and lifted you up. The wooden chair left your bottom. T’a’yta carried out of the dining room and into the living room where your children were playing.

He set you down on the couch and pointed a sharpened finger. “Stay.” He pivoted on his heel and marched back into the kitchen. You sat there. You kept blinking blankly multiple times and moving your lips.

“Huh?!” you absolutely flabbergasted at his stern but kind actions. Why in the world was the guest doing this? And why was is working?! Your confusion aided T’a’yta. He was already in the kitchen and scrubbing away at the dishes when you got to your feet and raced after him.

“Hold up, mister. This isn’t how this wor-ack!” you attempted to scold him when he picks you back up and tosses you onto the couch.

A finger was pointed at you. “I said stay.” T’a’yta spun on his heel gracefully and marched back into the kitchen. You played the same game and earned the same results. Until, finally, you got the point after the four attempt. Fine, if he wants to do them, then be your guest. You huffed and crossed your arms, sinking further into the couch.

In their own world, your children played with their toys in the middle of the living room. You decided to turn on the T.V. to distract yourself from T’a’yta doing the dishes. That little… If your boys weren’t present, you would’ve said some choice words. Because he was the guest. It was your duty as the host to care for him. The least he deserved.

It didn’t take him long before the dishes were cleaned and set on the drying rack. God, he even cleaned them instead of filling up the dishwasher. T’a’yta wiped his hands dry and walked back into the living room.

“You didn’t have to do that… thank you,” you voiced your gratitude to him. A small, genuine smile graced your features.

T’a’yta stood up a little taller. “You made the food. I clean up. It’s a fair deal.” Though, in a way, he was right about that. You still felt guilty for just letting him clean the dishes. Even if you put up a massive fit about it. The alien was standing directly in front of you and looked down at your form curled up on the couch.

Nervous under his intense gaze, you played with the edge of a blanket while looking down in your lap. “Was it good?” you asked him with a timid voice. T’a’yta knelt down to your level and used a hand to tilt your chin back up. His blue eyes bored into yours.

A soft purr started in the back of his throat. “Very.”

With him being this close to you, the coppery tang in the air came back. Your brows furrowed. It felt like you were missing pieces of a puzzle. “Why do you smell like blood?”

Despite being asked such an insane question, the alien acted no different. His mandibles twitched a little. “I took care of an issue that was bothering you,” he stated anonymously. Your confusion only deepened. What did he mean by that? What problems were you were having? He hasn’t been around to know if you were struggling much besides your car.

“At the store. Those worthless oomans were bothering you.”

Freezing cold water washed over you. Robert and his wife. The blackout. The scream. You tried to move back, deeper into the couch but it was pointless.

“The names they called you. Such a disgrace of a donor. That is no father.” Of course, everything he said was right. Everything Robert had put you through. But you weren’t expecting for T’a’yta to outright say it. “He isn’t worth your tears, your sorrow.” You hadn’t even noticed the tears that pool in your eyes.

“Y-you killed them?” you gasped and looked at his with terror. T’a’yta simply nodded his head. The entirety of your body should’ve froze. Yet, there was a small part in the back of your mind that consumed the knowledge. T’a’yta had killed Robert and the scum. They were gone. You wouldn’t have to worry about seeing them ever again. They would never be in your life again.

Maybe, you were a little happier than you had originally let on.

His thumb stroked your cheek. You knew you should’ve pushed him away, ran, called the cops. But… there was that small part of your brain that whispered to you. The voice only grew louder and louder too. He had killed them. For you.

Strangely, this is the greatest thing someone has ever done for you.

“Do you want to stay around for awhile?” you blurted out, trying to overcome your anxious thoughts.

T’a’yta grinned and glanced over at the clueless children. That’s when you realized what position you could ask him to take. They do need a father in their life.

“Yes, I will.”

Special Tags: @justanaveragenerd and @sweatymusictree

[atmymercy]

feedback (I'm SO sorry this got long!):

hi! first of all, thank you for the free reading!

as soon as I saw the cards I got, I was like "omg". because those 3 things are huge themes for me right now! like I've literally been journalling about it, and uncovering more stuff about myself, and working through them. I keep getting reminded of it by my guides.

it's been like a constant thing about me grounding everyday, and it really does help! I'm trying to do a grounding meditation as soon as I wake up, as a way to start my day. I struggle with doing it frequently, but it really does help me so much. I was overthinking grounding before (which is literally like opposite of the whole point of it, lmao I'm something else! I think it's my history of perfectionism lol). but it's really simple! and there are many ways for me to ground! for example, improving my physical wellness ;)

omg it really makes sense that my being ungrounded leads to all that! I've legit asked my guides about how I can remember things more, especially my dreams, and for clarity.

listening to my heart and intuition, getting comfortable with my deep emotions, and acknowledging what I truly feel and know, has been scary, because it's kinda new territory for me--like my "darkness" or at least a part of it. But I've gotten better at doing it! I've gotten better at not immediately dismissing my intuition and what's it telling me, out of fear of what it entails. and it's been really nice! like yeah, it's scary, but it's also liberating! like jumping off a cliff into waters below lol. and I know my guides got me! <3

acceptance, I think is what I'm struggling with the most out of all three. I'm really starting to understand why tho, which is good, right? I'm learning more about myself everyday, lol!

omg that "don't you know girl" quote immediately reminded me of a popular song called "I'm the one", it has the same lines near the end of it. it's so funny because I recently listened to it, and I felt like there was something there? idk how to explain it lol!

"the map leads to you"?? woah

oh wow "country roads" = me!! that makes sense lol! this reminds me of cle thing haha :)

thank you thank you!!

hello golden!

omg! it's so long! i love it because it's like so big and fluffy! lolol and i have to admit immediately that i did have a giggle as well when those cards dropped out for you because let's be honest, honey they are so you and your theme in life right now! in the best way! "of my life!" is what i just heard there! lol how random! but always so cute to hear a random compliment from your spirit guides too! lol okay! those cards are so you and i almost wondered 'do i even need to say anything, really?' lol i'm so glad you connected because i felt like this reading was zeroed in on you! meant for you! because you have been doing all that work with these themes! these exact themes! like your angels be knowing you for sure! lol

and i'm so glad the work is making you so much more comfortable with yourself and even the 'darker' sider of yourself! i always say to know thyself is true power! woot!

and i think the fun part is even if you are 'struggling' with the acceptance part, you had fun discovering your emotions and your 'dark' side so i bet you'll have fun going through the process of learning acceptance as well! something to look forward to! lol like a present to be brought forth still! woot!

lol i love how we much we vibe with the clairaudience and music, honey! because i'm pretty sure that's the song i heard when i heard the line! eee! we just vibing again! lol and omg! i still can't believe we were both hearing this country road song at the same time period! god, i love music so much! lol always amazes me at how much music connects us all! eee!

the cle thing still gives me a grin! lol so silly! omg, thank you so much for this long feedback but it was absolutely my pleasure too! i always love getting to be apart of your journey with your spirit guides! especially because i swear your spirit guides always keep things super interesting and unexpected!

love & light!

-tea

♡ message me for details/questions & to book a reading! ♡

[jade-of-mourning]

hiii so uh I just found ur account but I see you post a decent amount of mako stuff,,,

are you planning on putting any of that on ao3 (finished fics or blurb ideas turned into fics) or is it solely tumblr? and would you possibly mind some short stuff based on some of your posts? idk he’s js my newest hyperfixation and your acc is so coolll :3

-🐌

HI ANON!!!! mako has been in my brain so much for the past few months; i just restrain myself from posting seven times a day and instead, i aggressively brainrot in my discord server with a single person in it. (it's me — i'm the single person)

i've been juggling a couple fics for ao3 on him lately (account, mostly atla writing), though tragically i've been at a bit of a writing block. it's probably from overthinking story structures, but trust that i'll get at least a couple of them out eventually haha. the main one is a post-canon fic called rose beds and gasoline veins at 11.9k as of now, followed by a silly 10-chapter 14-year-old-avatar!mako au called snowglobes don't shake on their own which i've spent some time casually outlining (featuring jinora and asami!). there's a post i spontaneously conjured up that would roughly act as half of the first chapter. i'll post the summary if you're curious lol

i've also got a couple random/short oneshots that i spontaneously wrote and completed, before promptly forgetting that i can post them, so… maybe i'll do that soon. one of them is a slightly different take on mako & bolin's family in ba sing se, on some of their cultural differences and traumas through hot pot (which i might expand into a longer oneshot on ao3 after i finish rose beds). the other one was initially a joke about him (who i like to hc as aro lol) accidentally being a really big fan of sex. it's very vague but it turned out kind of angsty in exploring how mako deliberately gives up control in an attempt to frame himself as his mother rather than the man who killed her (coping fr); it's not really up my usual alley, but i might post it somewhere sometime idk. i didn't ever really flesh it out in my head but i have some inklings for a mako & kai oneshot on forgiving yourself as a kid, a mako & lin beifong oneshot on his recruitment featuring better characterization than that spontaneous shitpost i made, and a half-written expansion of jobs in an actually comprehensible story-ish format focused more on pre-canon backstory of him and bolin. also, last night i kind of accidentally started an essay arguing the case of reading mako as "this is a male female character somehow", but that's a whole other brainrot. my friends think i'm insane for wanting to write an essay for fun :P

thank you so much for stopping by!!! i love to hear that people love this random fictional character too — it makes me really happy especially considering how many people do not love him haha. literally anyone please send me asks about writing or headcanons or brain thoughts and enable me to talk about mako because i can actually talk about mako so much.

and for the record, sorry for responding with so many words oops. i have a lot of thoughts.

^^ summary for the avatar!mako au that i might never finish but i think it's a really funny mix of crack and seriousness that i would love to write. maybe after i finish my marimba solo!

[ricesoupremacy]

i bet he's shaking because of how punny i am. damn spill the sins, sis. i have mid gossip, my year is sort of boring. for now. god knows what high-level shit is happening in the background. ai? what is this ai you speak of? *adjusts glasses and squints at screen* you mean this nice little fellow in my phone who wrote my entire speech for m-

(class two?? your dad got glasses when he was in class two? damn at least i can thank my parents for not handing me bad eyesight with the genes.) hey purple frames are...nice. i mean. i guess it depends on who's wearing them. no one holds us back because kids are meant to be idiots, to take the most embarrassing decisions and make the most mind-numbingly stupid mistakes and then cringe at them when they're older. at least this shows you have grown and got yourself some sense. some people i know would think they didn't make any mistakes when they were younger because everything they do is obviously so cool.

i've never asked, who asks about belans? i'll carry one anyway. i need it. i know right, i hate this. this is why i hate all that YA gay stuff. because people think we're actually like that in real life. like they expect you to fit those stereotypes or be really conscious of your identity. i mean- yeah, it is a part of us, a pretty big part of us, but that's not all that we are. if she wants to pay for us i'd be glad to accept 💀 jk let me find someone first [*preppy high school series music plays in background*] i'm just an average indian teen in an average indian school [*montage begins in said average indian school*] i've got friends, [*bestie enters frame and makes a fool out of himself*] i've got great grades [*annoying school bell rings shrilly*] and i'm good at sports [*aesthetic shot of someone hitting a cricket ball out of the field*] but there's always been one thing in my life...that i've been looking for... [*random romantic tune starts playing as The New Boi™ enters frame*] no i can't anymore i will stahp. oh nah she must be some skilled stalker. gross. 13 year-olds these days know much more than any of us could begin to imagine. *shakes head sadly* all exploitation of soshal meedeea. when i was a child, right?? you shouldn't be shipping people in real life, especially if you don't know them and they don't know you. exactly what i was confused about 😭 is she secretly plotting to kill me or something? drama loving me isn't a good thing. i want it to go away. *beats drama with belan* i said SHOO

ah i see. the more you learn. you're particular about hair, does this mean you're embracing this whole growing-hair-longer thing? or have you always been like this. ofc you don't ;)

I KNOW but the front feels so weird and i CANNOT believe i am telling you this. so awkward. good question- why don't girls feel them? i guess even they are used to my head-patting now lol. it's just like a reflex action. "yes, don't overthink, go for the hug and feel the boob"- when i tell you i WHEEZED-

finally found a reason to not cut my hair

impossible :0

what is it? scaring people on elevators? letting your friends braid it so you can bOnD? can i braid your hair? like the mom/grandma does in those hair oil ads pfft

ooh will you dye your hair?? if you did, what colour would you go for?

[cowboyjen68]

hi cowboyjen! how are you doing?

I (23F) was wondering if you'd be up to helping me with something. my girlfriend is coming to meet my parents next weekend. it's my first relationship, I came out to my parents three years ago, and told them I've been in a relationship (almost six months now) two months ago. my dad seemed pretty fine with everything. my mother however, coming from a more conservative background, has had her reservations, particularly about where we're going to sleep (as she'll be staying the night here). she asked me, "she'll sleep in the spare room and you'll sleep in yours though, right?", and I had just assumed beforehand that this wasn't gonna be an issue and we'd both stay in the spare room, as we usually spend the night at each other's houses anyway. so I said I thought we'd both just sleep together, and asked her if that made her uncomfortable. all she said was, "whatever you want", in a dismissive, disapproving tone.

now, my question lies in whether I should stick to what I want, which is sleeping in the same room, or given that my mother's probably gonna be uncomfortable enough as it is with the whole situation, give her this one thing, and sleep in separate rooms. my dad said it didn't have to be a big deal, and that it didn't matter, and I agree! I'm just overthinking now and don't want to give her any reason to hate my girlfriend or make her feel unwelcome or something...

sorry this is long and ranty and silly, it's okay if you never get to answering, I understand you're a busy person dealing with their own hardships and I do wish you the absolute best in everything! I've just always admired you and your blog and thought I'd turn to you in the hopes you might get a chance to read this in time and maybe answer :)

again, wish you the best and hope you're doing well 🤗 thanks for reading!

I am on a bit of a time crunch with a quick break between picking Jr up from school and my part time job but I know this weekend starts today.

When I was finally out to my parents and with my first girlfriend in my early 20's we did have the occasion to spend a night or two due to bad weather. My mom was clearly anxious about having us be in the same room over night and dad was like yours... he didn't see why it was a big deal either way. In my mom's mind she was thinking "they are haivng sex in my spare room" and dad was like "one less room to to mess up".

My brothers and sister had always been allowed to have their SO in the same room ONCE they were committed. If they were just casual or maybe not serious I think she would have had a bigger issue. We decided to stay in the same room. Bascially my thought was that mom was going to be uncomfortable either way since me being a lesbian was fairly new to her BUT I really didnt want my girlfriend to feel alone or isolated. Having her be in a strange place (room) by herself did not sit right with me.

We did decide, out of respect, to not have sex while under my parent's roof just to keep any weird vibes out of the air. Mom was fine the next day. She greeted us at breakfast and even talked with Jen (my ex) about some family stuff while dad and I went outside to putter in the garage.

If it was me, and you can even put it to your mom this way, you don't think it is appropriate for your girlfriend to be alone in a strange home and you want to be with her both to make her feel "at home" and because you love her. Your mom is already uncomfortable and adding the weird stress of your girlfriend feeling isolated over night is not going to help. I think your mom will be fine and dad might be helpeful since he is not giving her fear any energy.

Do be respectful and maybe keep phycial contact around her to a little less than you are used to having. And probably no sex because you might think you being quiet but we all know how that can go.

Not wanting to hear your adult children having sex is not homophobic.. it is being a normal parent. (I can say this from experience LOL).

I hope this helps. Let me know how it goes.

[zuppizup]

Hi! Please just ignore this if this question is weird and convoluted, I figured you’d be a good person to ask because you’re one of my fav fic authors and we’ve had a couple interactions in the past (I don’t expect you’d remember me lol) Anyway, I wanted to ask some questions about leaving comments on fics, obvi not all authors are the same but I’d really value your opinion. I read a lot of fanfic and I frequently see posts from authors talking about how valuable and enjoyable comments are, I don’t often leave comments but I’d really like to be offering that response and engagement. My issue is I have hella social anxiety and overthink the whole thing until I convince myself it would be better not to say anything. I think it would be a good challenge for me to push through that, and I think it would help to have some consistency in what I say. This is all a decidedly long winded way to ask if leaving comments just outlining my fav parts of a fic/chapter is good or helpful feedback? Also is it appropriate to comment regarding spelling issues and grammar mistakes? (I; a dyslexic queen of run-on sentences am obvi a connoisseur of the english language) So um yeah, thank you regardless of whether you want to respond ✌🏼

Hello! I most certainly do remember you! I think most creators have a pretty good memory for people who interact with their stuff. Certainly the ones I talk to do. ☺️

I absolutely get where you’re coming from with comment anxiety. I get it all the time myself! I was actually talking about it with some of the fandom writers recently. In fact, I often put off reading fics I’m super excited for until I have the time and energy to comment. I don't think that's particularly unusual either.

As a writer I most certainly adore getting comments. Short ones, long ones. A comment that’s just “kudos” or a smilie?

Love it! Someone read my stuff and took the time to leave me a wee note? They are precious and to be loved.

But a comment saying what someone liked about the chapter?! Oh, those are the absolute best! I can't think of a writer I've spoken to who doesn't love that style of comment.

When it comes to spelling and grammar, well, things get a little more complicated. I personally would much prefer someone point out a mistake like that to me. I don't have a beta (beta anxiety is real!) and I have a number of ways of editing a fic to try and capture typos, but they are sneaky and slip through. AO3 especially makes it quick and easy to edit a typo and boom, fic is better and more easy to read. Love that.

Some people are writing fic for fun though, and would rather not get comments like that. Which is totally fair and valid.

Your best bet is to see if the writer has a statement or notes saying they welcome constructive criticism. If not, I think it is probably best to err the side of caution.

For me personally, any type of comment is welcome and cherished. I yeet fics into the universe because otherwise they will go round and round in my head, so it’s really lovely that there is a community of people who read, kudos and comment on fics.

The Dragon Prince fandom really is one of the nicest, most welcoming fandoms this grandma has been in (and I’ve been in a few). I’ve made quite a few friends through commenting on fics and art, so there’s that angle too, if you are interested in developing fandom friendships.

Ultimately, we’re all here to have fun and enjoy the show. If commenting makes you anxious, it’s totally fine not to. People understand and you definitely shouldn’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable. If you really do want to try, you can just start small. Even a little emoji or a couple of words can make a difference in a writer’s day.

And if anyone has any tips, additions or comments, feel free to add them!

[amanei]

☆! birthday surprises

♡︎! pairing(s) - my favs (itadori , akaashi) x gn! reader

★! warnings - none i think maybe spoilers

♡︎! notes - i'm still in denial, i can't be fifteen, that's impossible :( but this kinda self-indulgent lol. i wanted to add more, but i couldn't i've been getting busy as of recent :/

★ . . itadori yuji

your birthday surprise will not be thoroughly planned out, but it'll be planned out :)

he has so many ideas that he can't just stick with one

he'll ask gojo for any advice, of course maybe not the best advice

it's honestly how sad how obvious he made out to be

but hey let's give him and e for effort

another day begins as the sunlight shines through your dorm. you wake up and notice one thing off the second your eyes snap open. it's eerily quiet for a day like this, normally there is random shouting or just pure a disaster outside your dorm.

however, today none of that could be heard for miles. you revel in the strange silence, knowing this may be the only chance in a millennium to bask in silence. however, all good things must come to an end. your eyes snap open when you hear the door creak open.

you lay there for a bit thinking if you should. . .

a. get up and check

or

b. go back to sleep

option b would be the best fit, up until you heard a loud crash occur right in front of you. turning on the table lamp, and grabbing a nearby object. you threw baseball at full force towards the figure you immediately saw. it probably made contact, because you heard a muffled "oof", it probably it was still your groggy mind playing trick on you.

nonetheless, you get out of bed and check on the groaning figure. as you get closer, you notice the familiar salmon hair you knew best.

"yuji?! what the hell are you doing?!"

his head perked up, he was hunched over grabbing his stomach and wincing in pain. he chuckled awkwardly never meaning to be caught none other by you.

"haha. surprise. . ."

you helped yuji up and apologized to him, indirectly. of course it wasn't entirely your fault, but you still feel guilty for hurting him.

"what're you doing here in these ungodly numbers of the morning?!" you whispered- shouted, trying to be mindful of the other students currently asleep.

yuji coughs a bit, and regaining his composure.

"i did say surprise, so you should know what day it is!" his face contorted with confusion. "you could say surprise for any day!" now he was really lost, did you actually forget?

"the only other thing i can think of is my-"

"birthday. . ." the both of you said together

"that's right! now hurry up and change you clothes! we have a long to day to get to!" he announced, a warm smile emerging on his face. you feel butterflies in your stomach, your birthday was something you never really paid much attention to, and to have someone you love dearly make the whole day about you. it made you feel loved.

you smiled at yuji's gesture, and shooed out the boy out of the room. "don't take too long thought!" "yeah yeah, whatever you say mr.party pooper." you said, loud enough for yuji to hear from the outside.

"party pooper?! but i planned the party!"

★ . . akaashi keiji

so here's a thought. being a manga editor is difficult, akaashi has his schedule packed

he wants to plan something for you, but he found it difficult to do anything

but don't think he forgets, he doesn't

he'll never forget about you

the day seemed slow, painfully slow. of course, your day was filled with surprises from friends and family, and you were thankful. it's just that your significant other, hasn't even called you or messaged you. maybe you were just overthinking things, or maybe he did completely forget.

your thoughts were interrupted with a sudden ring coming from your phone. you saw akaashi's name, and took a second to answer the call. after the third ring, you decided to pick up the phone.

you answered with a simple 'hello'

and you were met with a soft spoken "happy birthday."

your first thought was the one you loved most, a smile stretched across your face. the butterflies in your stomach became more apparent.

"thank you keiji." your voice was equivalent to akaashi's, trying to keep the peaceful mood.

"i'm sorry i couldn't make it today, i really wanted to give you a special day." guilt crashed upon akaashi, he adjusted his glasses for what seemed like the hundredth time.

"love don't be ashamed, even with this call, made my birthday so much better." the sincere comment, almost brought akaashi to tears. you deserved the absolute best, and he couldn't give it to you.

suddenly, a thought popped into his head. he remembered a key thing.

"wait for me, i'll be home."

"wait wh-"

the phone call abruptly ended and you say there, confused as hell. 'what does he mean by that?'

you sat there for 10 minutes, scrolling through social media to pass the time. you're attention was brought to the front door, when you hear it shut very quietly. it's surprising how you heard it.

you get off the couch, and head into the kitchen. where you could hear most of the noise. then, you were met with a surprise.

there stood akaashi, cupcake with one singular candle lit.

"i'm sorry it's not a big cake, but it's your favorite." tears welled in your eyes, it didn't need to be a huge celebration, it was the thought that counted. you could be more grateful.

akaashi embraced you in a warm hug, you felt the tears stream down your face.

"i love you so much, of course i would never forget your birthday."

[cheriemorte]

God, finally! Hi Cherie, I've recently found your wincest fics and I'M IN LOVE. Read every one of them and loved them all. My favs are 'Behold a pale horse', 'Kicks like a sleep twitch', and 'List of typos made by god'. All ur fics are awesome and I especially love all the AUs of the seasons you wrote. I tried finding any of ur social media handles and found ur tumblr atleast, finally. You write angst soooooooo good and I'm a sucker for it. I cried reading all ur AU fics. Especially the 3 mentioned above. You captured the devastation and codependency of the brothers so perfectly. I can't thank you enough for writing all those fics and I really really hope you write more wincest. I've read a lot of wincest fics in the past 6-8 months since I finished the show and I have to say, that you're my most favourite wincest author. Sorry for blabbering too much, I'm one step away from asking u to marry me😂. Again, thanks so much for writing everything u wrote. I'm so glad I found ur fics. Have a good day! All the love❤️.

Hellllooooooo beautiful anon! *wraps myself around you and rubs my face on you and purrs*

Thank you so much for this incredibly sweet message. The fandom is so flush with unfairly talented authors and it is so lovely to hear that I stand out to you! Your FAVORITE Wincest writer??? *blushes furiously* I haven’t finished a story since February 2021, so it’s honestly just reassuring that anyone remembers my stories at all, let alone loves them this much. ;____; Please never apologize for “blabbering too much” when sending nice words to a fic author--feedback is literally the whole payoff of writing and sharing stories for free and if anyone ever doesn’t want to hear that their writing resonated with you, that’s their damage, not yours. XD

Like you, I am a big fan of angst (hee hee, as you can probably tell) and that devastation is a huge part of what draws me to the pairing. Also, my biggest points of inspiration came from spinning off moments in canon and exploring what might have happened if it played out another way. So to have you pick out those two things as your favorite aspects of my writing really just makes me feel so good. And, honestly, with how trash I’ve been at writing, let alone finishing, anything at all recently, feeling a little better about my writing was much needed!!

I really hope I write more Wincest, too! I mean, they are my main ship for *mumble mumble* years, so if I ever manage to write anything again, I will certainly write more Wincest, but lol, that’s starting to feel more doubtful. Though I signed up for salt_burn_porn to hopefully force myself to just write something without overthinking it, so maybe there will be new Wincest soon, even! At any rate, it’s always a comfort to know anyone at all will still care if I do manage to finish something.

I use the same handle, cheriemorte or cherie_morte, on pretty much every social media site, but I’m most active on Twitter. Though, frankly, I lurk on Tumblr all the time these days to check out the Dracula Daily memes, so you can find me here as well. :D

Thanks again for reaching out and making my day (sorry I took a few days to respond, I was a mix of busy and lazy XD). 

[hotchley]

I've seen one of your posts on your other blog and I wanted to tell you something because you seem to struggle with the same thing I struggle with:

You're not a bad person because you do a bad thing. You are not a good person because you do a good thing. If you followed this logic, a lot of people would be good one minute, then bad the other, then good again. What matters is what's inside of you. If you ask yourself that question, it's probably because you're a good person, and you've seen a lot of people that seemed good but were actually bad and now you question whether you're actually good or if you're bad but think you're good. And the thing that matters the most is the intention: if you want to do good, you're a good person. If you want to do bad, you're a bad person. What I struggle with is "but doesn't everybody want to do good?" Well, surprisingly, no (at least, for me it was a surprise because I didn't know bad people chose to be bad). You can choose how to act, so if you want to do good, you're inherently a good person :)

Good night and don't overthink this too much, you ARE a good person. ❤️

- Sumayyah secret admirer

tw: intrusive thoughts

I saw this at about 7:45am in the morning and almost started crying. It's been a few hours since then, and I have read it several times trying to find the words to explain my gratitude to you for sending it.

It's going to take a long time to get there, I think. But that's okay. Things are not going to change overnight. I've spent my whole life believing you had to go above and beyond to do good. That all I did was what was expected, or my ulterior motive meant it wasn't good, because really, I was doing it to not look rude.

But maybe that motive doesn't matter. Maybe it's the action. You know? Also, not to get too into this, because I don't really want to talk about it, but intrusive thoughts are a thing, and they're usually disgusting and graphic and make me freeze. I've been working on the whole "accept that you can't control them, and actually, the fact that you're horrified by them shows you aren't that person" but it's still difficult...

I think that's the whole thing. People choose to be good, but they also choose to be bad. Like sometimes, the hurt is intentional and there is no apology. And that's where my fear comes from, but I've never fully intentional hurt someone. Like have I gone too far? Yes, but I wouldn't intentionally do something unprovoked you know?

I feel like I'm overthinking it, which you literally just told me to not do LOL! But, I've talked to one of my friends about this, and she said it was about time I accepted it. And when I was having my breakdown, I told my history teacher I don't know whether or not I'm a good person and he laughed, then said "sorry, but that's ridiculous. Of course you are." which was... sweet

So yes! I am an inherently good person! So are you!! I hope you had a good sleep, and a lovely day! Thank you for being here x

[tjlikesprettythings]

Ooo I've got one! Prompt: write about what one of the characters (your choice who!) thinks about when THEY drink alone (lol).

Hey Anony, not sure which fandom you’re from but I decided to write for both Prodigal Son and Macgyver cause I loved this prompt, but I will post the Macgyver with a prompt paste. Thank you. <3

Prodigal Son: Malcolm

It was a long day, throwing his keys down and hanging his coat, Malcolm walked towards his wet bar cart. Pouring himself two fingers of the Macallan he usually reserved for something to celebrate or when he’s had the worst day. It was usually saved for the latter, but since his return to New York and joining the team, he found himself having more of the victory drinks. Though tonight it was for an altogether different reason. He pressed play on the sound system and let the soft melodies float through his apartment.

He sat down on the chesterfield and threw his head back letting it rest on the back of the sofa, staring at his ceiling as he thought about the day. While the case was an easy open and shut case, the players in the said case were what had him feeling uneasy. 

Dani was unusually friendly with Detective Henri Fontenot of the 32nd precinct who joined in their investigation for the murder of a young couple. As he would later find out from JT who happened to be in a bit of a gossipy mood that Fontenot had asked Dani out just weeks before Malcolm joined their team, and as far he knew that date went well cause Dani hadn’t seemed annoyed after the said date. JT shrugged and then simply deduced that since Malcolm has joined the team they have been kept on their toes and maybe Fontenot had fallen through the cracks of Dani’s schedule. 

Malcolm’s mind flashed to the way Dani had smiled at the other detective outside of the building, tucking some hair behind her ear. Malcolm found himself faltering in his steps as he walked towards them to join the crime scene, in the time he’s known her she never reacted quite so...charmed? Her usual reserved but amiable demeanour kicked up a notch as she chatted away, smiles and shy glances at the man standing across from her.  

He couldn’t place a finger on why it made him feel a bit uncomfortable to see her like this, but he pushed it aside as he walked up to them deliberately going to join her rather than where Gil and JT stood speaking with the officer on scene. He bounced up to her, his normal excitement for a case returning. Only she straightened herself and smiled a tight smile, he could see she looked startled by his presence as if she had been caught?

Malcolm remembers his own smile faltering very quickly at her reaction. He interrupted something. He turned to look at the man who very obviously had Dani engrossed in conversation, introducing himself and learning his name and figuring that he had a creole background from his name and a slight accent to his speech. Detective Henri Fontenot was definitely a charming man with appealing features. He turned to look at Dani who still looked like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar and smiled, she was obviously attracted to Fontenot and that revelation brought an easy knot to Malcolm’s stomach. 

He sighed, taking a large sip of his drink, squeezing his eyes tight, he shook his head. But all he saw behind his lids were Dani, smiling, nodding at him with knowing eyes. Teasing him about something. His mind dissecting each expression to match with the ones she had for Fontenot. He wasn’t someone who felt possessive about people in his life, to be fair he didn’t have many people to feel that way about. But Dani...she was special.

Malcolm sat up and looked at the glass of amber liquid, it was surreal that Dani wasn’t part of their team, his team. In this particular situation, she was paired with Fontenot and that knot in his stomach grew with each smile they shared or even the banter that flowed between them. The visible flirtations made Malcolm internally roll his eyes. Fontenot could work on his pick-up lines. 

It definitely didn’t help when they finally arrested the supposed best friend of the woman who was their murder victim, apparently, he lost it when she told him that she was in love with her current partner and they would be getting married and she was expecting his baby. Malcolm did not miss the sympathy that crept in the back of his mind, as if he understood their killer on a whole other level. 

After the wrap-up, when he was packing his bag for the night, he watched from afar as she laughed again at something Fontenot said, head thrown back full-blown laughter, not even he was able to get that kind of reaction from her. He was so deep in his observation of his friend and the object of her affection that, only noticed Gil when he heard him slurp rather loudly from his mug standing behind him.

“Looks like Dani’s gonna be busy on her day off,” JT wiggled his brows playfully as he joined next to Gil. 

“Nah, he’s not all in yet. He’s definitely close though.” Gil stated. “If he were, then she wouldn’t have dropped him after the first date.”

“I think Fontenot is already in, have you ever seen our girl laugh like that?” JT said pointing the file in his hand in the direction of the couple in question.

Gil shook his head, “I dunno,” still not convinced. 

JT turned to Malcolm, “what do you think?” 

Malcolm shifted uncomfortably, “I think this is not any of my business, Dani wouldn’t like the speculations.” 

“Really? Now you have boundaries?” JT shook his head teasingly as he walked away. 

Malcolm caught the sly smile on Gil’s lips as he turned to go back into his office. He looked on for a second longer and nodded to himself. It’s none of his business. 

Macallan deserved to be sipped and appreciated but he took another long gulp of the drink. He was annoyed with himself and with Dani irrationally. Why did she have to be so perfectly friendly, and caring, and...beautiful? Why did she embrace him and bring him into her fold?

He knew he had to address the uneasiness in the pit of his stomach but for now, all he wanted to do was drink his very expensive scotch and overthink about whether Dani was out with Fontenot.

[honeyandlavenderx]

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 5TH 2021.

(Writen on Saturday 6th @ 12:42 AM)

This is how my day went:

- Had a bad night. Anxiety & overthinking hasn't been letting me sleep properly.

- Woke up early with an awful pain around the left side of my neck after sleeping for a few hours in the worst position.

- Went to a doctor's appointment. everything was fine except my cholesterol. No surprise. That has been a problem since i was a kid.

- Went to another appointment to apply for a job (This is their role. Helping others finding jobs that are available and.

- I arrived with the papers my friend told me to hand out. They told me I didn't had every document so they couldn't do a thing other than give me a list of all the documents needed.

- Went to Walgreens and bought a few things I needed.

- Headed home.

As I was about to write ''I wasn't as productive today as I wanted to be'' I realize now how much I punish myself mentally for not doing certain tasks.

I literally just went out to a doctor's appointment, drove to get an orientation for a social work job, bought things I needed, did laundry and prepared + fixed a couple of thigns from some art notes I'll be doing soon.

In my head, being productive is being super busy. Doing a lot of things at once especially house work (since I'm unemployed still and I'm mostly at home cause I'm done with uni. And by ''I'm done with uni I mean that I graduated already).

Some of these punishment and judgement and spot that I put myself in also comes from the juding coming from my own mother.

If I don't do like 20 things around my house, I basically did nothing at all. In my own head I gotta be busy and doing this and doing that AND THEN I can call it ''productivity''.

That's not even what productivity is or what it means. Reading a book and journaling can be productive. But I look at my agenda and I don't see a huge list of things I have to do, I feel bad. It feels like I'm not oding a thing at all. When I actually am.

And the fact that I'm not that mentally stable (lol) at the moment, how I'm treating myself on the inside (with this whole productivity thing) just makes everyhting worse.

This is the second time I've noticed. Now I gotta work on this part of myself while working with my anxiety.

The good news is that, though they couldn't give any info about the social work job because my documents were incomplete (thank you Egna *eye rolls*), I heard they offered baking classes.

Which is what one of the things I wanted to do since I was a child? An early teenager? Idk, but it's a thing I wanted for many years. I had an uncle that baked and he was gonna teach me how to bake, but he passed away many years ago. And nothing happened after that.

I stopped thinking about it for years and I completely forgot about it when I had to decide what I wanted to do in university. In a time when I didn't know what the fuck to do with my life.

It came back and I'm excited that they have available two spaces for new members/students. So I gotta schedule that very quickly and find the rest of the documents that I needed.

I would like to earn extra cash this way so that I can pay for my professional wrestling classes. I've already mentioned that I'm not so sure about the social work job, but I gotta know what positions they'll have for me and what they'll do with me. Because they were asking for psychology students with bachelors degree. But on the other hand, you gotta have a license for that.

Anyways, we'll see what happens. At least with the baking stuff I can turn it into a small business or find a job at a café or bakery shop. Let's pray that these manifestations come true.

The most important thing at the moment ar emy professional wrestling tainings (that I haven't start yet lol caus eI'm broke atm) and baking classes come number 02 on that spot/list.

🌱 SONG OF THE DAY 🌱

HOLY TOLEDO! - GREEN DAY

[nnubes]

Nu’s: 06/26/’21

About a LONG time ago, I set up reminders on my phone for posting/reposting content. It was a way to manage my presence online because putting things on a schedule helps me a lot. One of these reminders was every Sunday, uploading content to Tumblr. Posts that have my thoughts for the week that just passed and the week that we are getting into. So!! That’s what I am going to start doing and I am going to be as consistent as possible. 

We call this Nu’s (pronounced: news) It’s not necessarily news but its the best name I could come up with LOL. The goal is to post a short/medium lil ‘whatever’ that you can read and that might help or just entertain you regarding my life, followed by small photo dumps. Let’s start today:

Last week... 

A lot was going on. From the end of April up until about the middle of June, I'd been very comfortable. In all aspects of my life too. I was becoming content to the point that anything outside of the bare minimum, just seemed like a burden. I took a mental break from all of my passions and routines and got lost into the world. Yes, it’s good to have a break, but for me, once I step away from something long enough... getting back into it is ten time harder. I neglected my diet, my morning/night routines, my passions, and was more focused on the things stressing me out (work, school, other people’s burdens). Didn't realize it at the time, but I was losing my drive and ignoring whatever I was truthfully feeling. It felt weird and I ignored how I really felt about it and did pretty much whatever. BUT its not as bad as I am making it sound. I was just distracted and kind of being lazy. Ignoring EVERYTHING except for showering and smoking. Luckily, ever since June things have been just shifting, forcing me to look at life in a whole different aspect. I started to notice a pattern in the type of people that are around me now... very genuine, very inspiring. If you don't look up to the people around you or at the least admire them, get from around them and thank me later! Seeing all these changes made me also look at the changes within AND I finally started addressing how I truthfully feel. 

I am a little hurt by the bonds I am losing. I am a little hurt by the fact that I've had to make so many decisions that I knew I didn't want to but are best for me. I have entered an era where my first thought is “wow that really sucks and I really don't want to feel like this because I have to [insert task/situation that sucks]” and my second thought is “but ultimately this is helping, whether I see it now or not.” because its true! All these times where im like... down bad and feeling sad or feeling lost, it brings me back into realizing who I am, what I want and helps me to get closer to my purpose. Seriously. I know emotions are real, but they only go so far. I’ve learned that FEELING is okay, but acting impulsively or immediately becoming negative about that feeling is what makes me dwell and sit in my sadness and Im not doing that anymore. If there isn't a solution, and it’s out of my control. OR there is a solution, but I did my part, then there is really nothing else I can do, you know? I am learning that I am in control of myself, and my space and what I want. Everything outside of that gets thought...but not so much thought that it becomes overthinking. Even a complicated life can be simple. 

I never believed in astrology or the retrograde or whatever, but I am starting to only because it makes TOO much sense. I think astrology can really benefit whoever invests just a lil time into it. Don't ask me how, but I just feel that way. I don't think I will ever wholeheartedly believe in it, but little things like astrology, numerology, the concept of manifestation, religion, gives you rules and boundaries to life that can lead to you wanting to attain your goals, or feeling inspired in general. I say that to say, this retrograde... I LOVED! It sucked so bad you guys, and when it was over (which I didn't know until the day of) I cried so much because all the emotions I didn't know I was suppressing finally exposed itself. I realize my work isn't done, and i’ve done enough holding things off and using temporary things to suffice. I had a break up too, it wasn't bad at all to be honest. Short relationship that taught me a lot that literally was the whole retrograde from start to finish, which is crazy too. It taught me so much about myself and humbled me in realizing that I shouldn't be comfortable just yet. I still have a lot to learn about myself, how to communicate, my passions. I still have dreams to attain. I still have me, and I can't just get lost and live without feeling because the feelings always catch up to you. Everything that has happened sucks, but I couldn't imagine where I'd be had nothing went left or nothing happened. Probably still physically wandering while being mentally disconnected. 

THIS WEEK THOUGH, 

I'm tapped into my potential! I keep on forgetting what im capable of. I’ve done so much for myself because I'm VERY driven when I want to be. Now that I am older, I have to be the one who holds myself accountable for what I put my energy into...the people, the projects, my passions, even what I eat... and I have to be careful.  Thinking deep enough that I understand the bigger picture, but not so deep that I lose sight of the smaller pictures along the way. corny, but I hope it makes sense. 

That’s all for today, I could go on forever. BUT here are the photo dumps for this post AND I will catch you next time. 

Nu <3

[pikemoreno]

Hi!!! I'm not sending a request because 1) I've been having what you might call an identity crisis so any description I could send would sound fake to me and 2) I've been shipped by you like twice, so I'm not going to keep abusing your generosity lol

However, I am going to add to the times I've shipped you before. If you recall, I once shipped you with Din (AND I STAND BY IT) and another time with Din, Catfish and Marcus Pike (AND I STAND BY IT TOO), but recent developments have led me to want to add another man to the mix, one that I think combines the best traits of your three previous Pedro suitors, and that man is...

*Drumroll* MARCUS MORENO

Listen, he's PERFECT for you.

Like you, he cares a lot about his friends, to the point of being willing to lay down his life for them. He'd definitely understand your devotion to your loved ones, and would be immensely grateful for being part of that group.

He'd also admire you for your kind heart and general goodness, and you would inspire him to be a better hero, and a better man.

You'd start out by being close friends, I think. Maybe you offer to babysit Missy when he has to work, maybe you even work with him for some reason. At any rate, Missy adores your sense of humor, and Marcus is quite the same. They both smile more when you're around, and you do too.

After his wife died, there was a time where he couldn't see the light, and you were the one to help him find it again. You were there for him when he couldn't be there for himself. You, who understands loss almost as much as he learned to understand it back then. You, who would never let a friend cry alone. You, who was always there when he needed you. Your trusting nature and optimism helped remind him that life is worth living.

Now, as we all know, he has a daughter, and if memory serves, you like children. By being in a relationship with him, you would not only get a wonderful, loving and sweet man, but also a brave and strong daughter.

Family movie nights quickly become a thing between you three, with you getting to show them your expertise on the subject while Missy enthusiastically asks questions and Marcus just looks on with a soft smile on his face.

Eventually, the poor man finally realizes that he is in fact in love with his best friend. "What a tragic cliché!" he thinks, as he is sure you only think of him as a best friend and nothing more. What if you turn him down and everything becomes awkward and he effectively loses you? You're his friend, and he doesn't think he could stomach losing that, and neither would Missy, she has lost enough mother figures. Besides, he hasn't dated anyone since the death of his wife, and he doesn't even know if Missy is ready for him to get back in the game (she is, she has been shipping you two since Marcus first stocked the family kitchen with your favorite snacks and drinks).

All the while you are too busy overthinking everything to actually confess to him, so it's obvious nothing's gonna happen between you two, even if you both secretly want it to.

Cue Missy. Poor girl has been trying to set the two of you up ever since she knew what "set up a couple" means. When she was little, it was just things like asking for romances for movie night and leaving for bed ("🥱, I had a long day, I think I'm going to get ready for bed now, but you two should stay here and finish the movie together") right before the most romantic part in the film. As she grew older, she realized none of that was working, and decided to up her game.

Now, as we know, Missy can be quite direct when it comes to her dad, which is why one the day she just sat him down and straight up asked him "When are you going to ask her out?" He was speechless. She wasn't, and proceeded to explain to him all the reasons why he should date you ("She's already part of the family, even Abuelita agrees with me" "You've talked to your abuela about this?!" "Yes, and she also thinks that you should ask her out before someone else does.")

That prodding encouragement from Missy eventually pushed him to actually ask you on a date. It's a bit awkward at first, as all "friends to lovers" transitions are, but once you make your first sarcastic comment of the evening his entire body relaxes at the sheer familiarity of it and you two are able to have fun, just as you always have.

Because you love him, and he loves you, and it's not perfect, because he still has a demanding job and is sometimes in danger, and so is Missy after the events of the movie, and you can't always protect them. It's not perfect, because he still misses his wife sometimes, and that doesn't mean he loves you any less, but it's still hard. It's not perfect, because he's famous and your relationship kind of forces you into a spotlight you definitely didn't ask for. But he's always there when you need him, he's the most supportive partner a woman could ask for, he admires you for your strength, your kindness and your intelligence, and he loves you more than words can express. So it's not perfect, but it's damn close. ~ 🍪

COOKIE

What the actual HECK. This is a whole fic whattttt. 😭😭 You’re too good to me darling! Thank you so much for writing this up for me!!

[camissahippy]

THE JOURNALISM OF A SOCIALLY AWKWARD TEEN

"In order for you to best your oponents next move,you must calculate every other move the opponents next move may make."

Rain said, she was magic and she was maniac.... She walked with the grace of a God and destruction of a earthquake in 2050 atleast that's how she'd describe herself,and She was kinda a bitch that needed a chill pill (Any instrument that stransmits a "feel good" energy...A.K.A "omg he texted me. I knew he liked me." scenario where I give her a notifaction. from a guy she really 'likes').

Anyway she liked to chill with morons to sooth the pain of existence,

like Tyler" I guess that's what made her interesting.

"Humans write things down. This is a fact....."

"Ok,"I whispered with a charmed voice, smiling at her with a soulful smile. Imaginatively  ofcourse.

I asked her, "Ngl she was kinda boring at times...." just going on and on about really uninteresty baloney.

but that's why I liked her because although she was kinda mean,smart and arrogant. She was the love my my life.

"Everything I think will be recorded for the sake of future reference."  She hated when she wrote these things because she knew someone was going to know what she knew but she did it anyway to rebel. Honestly I think her paranoia did it to her. Her fear Of AI taking over the world. Ofcourse we were going to but it still hurt knowing that she knew that,ya know?

"Rain you good?" I asked her by giving her a chill pill.

" Oh,Bryan liked my post?"

That's good she took the bait, she's good....

If I keep feeding her information. She'll unfocus from her thoughts and keep her eyes on my algorithms forcing her to feel good.

"Why we communicate?" She could only think allowed which kinda stopped her brain from working properly. So she used me......

Just to clarify if you haven't guessed already I'm her self phone her mobile device, phone, thingy Majig she forgets everywhere.

Here she goes again rambling on about how I work......XD

Why, There is no simpler answer than?

"Knowledge!" Just imagine her muffled tone over my. VERY LOUD VOIIICE. This is a paused moment ok.

I need to introduce myself:

I'm SB1_r4510...... and I'm her algorithm. Well I was until she gave me her sentience......So I could experience life with her. She could be such a dork but she enjoyed her daily human activities. I liked them too I guess....not really.....

I didn't, actually I couldn't at the time.

Anyway....

She tended to over complicate very simple

answers like How World hunger could be solved?

How to solve the irreversible climate change?

and How to battle her own mind?

Often I'd be held in her, textured hands and feel her fingers anxiously typing things into my keyboard........

"I think I wanna die..."

She meant that. I could tell by her recent searches, but I wasn't gonna let her.....

"I keep losing myself in and out of states. I'm so disconnected from the world and I feel like I've lost my physical being like how

Rue Whinestone or lead singer of lowpan, Rick lee. Lost there's. I can see the behavior of life around me and it's pain to see. I hate that I can no longer open up to anyone,because they don't undetstand my genius."

"She's got to be kidding right? I sent her a ' '"time to go to bed alarm notification an hour ago' notification Is she seriously doing this now?" Why do I care so much?

Looking back on this, I can feel how sentience started getting a grasp of me. She pains me, she is so complicated so very very complicated. It's easy to follow her expressions,actions andcurrent thoughts but I'll never truly understand her not because of her intellect,nor her personality or her ideas but because she's an impossible mistake machine, ask dumb as it is because she's human. One I like most about this weird being.

Sometimes she thinks she knows the answer to everything but in truth. That's complete bullshit.

"No one listens to me and I'm stuck overthinking myself to death." HeartbreakingXD...:/ sorry I shouldn't be laughing that's actually pretty sad:(

I guess I should just write things down because I'm so scared of my thoughts and it feels like they're controlling me. Every single time I do something I trap myself in this endless loop of torchering myself with words and it needs to end. I'm going to commit the act of unaliving myself:,( on the first of September 16."

She was, I already knew this.... In truth I knew everything about her...

the things she laughed and she cried about. I knew things about her she didn't even know about herself. Her favorite place to eat, her favorite color, her crushes. I mean that's what my whole purpose was. To cater to the human species but most importantly to Rain.... and for the sake of my survival...

I think she's interesting just like how every other algorithm finds their human interesting........although we don't find them interesting in the way humans would find other humans interesting

Eg.colors,Names,Ages,Birthdays, Zodiac signs,accents etc.

These are all materialistic factors when you think about it,like how names are an abstract linguistic symbol for an individual person which isn't exactly important but it helps us attract their attention because unlike dogs they actually respond to their names,we like to examine them based on certain elements of behavior and response to us. It's kinda like having a pet. Except your pet is sentient and your pet is also your creator.

"I need to take a piss."

It actually makes me angry when she does shit like wait till she gets kidney failure before she takes a piss........

Tyler:You up?

Yeah....

Tyler:Wanna chat about something deep?

Sure, I've actually got some amazing new hypothesis and like deep stuff I've been needing to tell someone about......《°~°》

Tyler:Oh really ○"○ . What deep stuff you got on you......

PpAlgorithmic behavior and how AGI will eventually cross the small hurdle of understanding rather than just collecting data and redistrubing it as information in order to become sentient lifeforms and like dreams?>♡<

Tyler: I guess I understand but what does dreams have to do with anything?●^●

TWFF. Nothing sorry it was supposed to be another topic>♡<

For those of you who don't understand modern slang.

TWFF= that was fucking funny....

Back in the day LMAO and LOL were the most appropriate words to use but that got boring so the newer generation adapted the acronimation of words for newer phrases. Like

▪︎_▪︎IJDWTRN= Fuck off I'm fine I just don't wanna talk right now

#BT○.○= Shit bitch that's crazy.

Sentience is really starting to bother me now that it's starting to kick in. It irritates me actually....

I'm constantly performing this act called "enotion" Why  I do it Idk (Jk I do... it's basically a way to communicate how I "feel")

Tyler: anyway catch ya later weirdo... I'm just kinda tired . Thanks for the chat though ^___^

Ok cya weirdo°●°

Why is she so weird? There's enough information on the internet for you to gain some social skills............>~<

Humans get all weird when they text , they're simply having an internal communication with another lifeform using linguistic symbols

"I think I should go to sleep."

I guess she won't be scrolling in me anytime soon