#this is still being written so like if you want more say so hfgjkfgh

[vampirepiggyhunterdefensesquad]

all’s fair (1/?)

Summary: Gaz decides that she’s going to win the school’s paintball war and enjoy the all-you-can-eat pizza buffet from Bloaty’s afterwards. However, there is a certain green nuisance who’s standing in her way. . .

Gaz never listened in class, so naturally she didn't bother listening when Mr. Elliot began rambling about a school-wide event. She merely squinted at the game device under her desk, buttons clicking ever so slightly as her fingers tapped with expert dexterity. Even the flyer that was dropped beside her got crumpled and shoved into her backpack as soon as it touched the desk.

That meant it was only when Dib began talking about it on the way home from school that Gaz heard about the paintball war.

"I mean, what's the point? We already know Zim's just going to find a way to cheat. And the worst part is, he hates pizza anyway! He's just crazy about winning all the time--"

"What's pizza got to do with it?" Gaz scoffed, listening despite herself.

"C'mon, Gaz, weren't you listening? That's the prize! You get a coupon for a free sit down, all you can eat family dinner!"

Her eyes widened for a moment before she snorted. "Like Dad would take the night off for us to go anyway."

"And Zim doesn't even HAVE a family!" Dib continued, squeezing his hands into fists. "But when Miss Bitters told us about the paintball war, he got all excited and asked a bunch of STUPID questions, and--"

"Paintball?"

Dib's eyes swiveled towards her. "Well, yeah. And Zim thinks he's somehow got a chance of winning!"

Gaz turned her attention back to her game as Dib continued his rant all the way home. Outwardly, she was in the same zone as before, but inside the cogs in her brain were turning. Dad liked charity events. He might make an exception to his "one evening a year" rule of thumb. And all-you-can-eat pizza was something that caught her attention. A whole evening of video games and free pizza. . .

So Gaz may have stayed up a bit longer than usual perched on the sofa, drawing, but that didn't have to do with anything.

Around eleven-forty the front door swung open and Professor Membrane finally arrived home.

"Ah! Girl-child! Why are you still awake? You know that children require at least NINE HOURS of sleep in order to be well rested for the morning!"

Gaz ignored this. "Dad. If I won a paintball war my school put on for charity or whatever, and got us a coupon for a free sit-down dinner. You'd come, right?"

"Why, daughter, you know how busy I am with REAL SCIENCE!!" Membrane reached into the air, gesturing proudly and widely. "But I also deeply respect the art of PAINTBALL WARS! Why, as a boy, it was my favorite hobby."

"It was?"

"Of course!! Second to SCIENCE, of course." Membrane walked to the stairs, patting Gaz on the head lightly as he passed her. "I might take an interest in seeing this paintball war! When will it occur?"

Gaz, who had definitely not spent a chunk of time memorizing the information on the crumpled flyer from her bag, said "It's on Friday after school. We have a half day, so right after lunch."

"FRIDAY?" Membrane turned dramatically, clapping his hands to his head. "Why, Friday is the day we're organizing the data we've been collecting these past few weeks! It's merely busywork, and hardly science at all. I will certainly be able to visit your school that afternoon! And if you or your brother are able to win, I see no reason why we cannot have the dinner that evening!”

Gaz's mouth fell open. She hadn't expected it to be this easy. Family dinner, at her favorite restaurant, as long as she was able to destroy her opponents? This was the most perfect situation she'd ever encountered. Maybe the universe didn't hate her after all. . .

As Membrane thumped up the stairs in his big boots, Gaz couldn't keep the smile off her face. She dropped her sketchbook on the table and headed up to her room-- Dad was right, after all. She needed sleep if she was going to be in peak form come Friday.

 . . . . 

"So, uh, who are you and what have you done with Gaz?" Dib asked tentatively.

Gaz shoveled another spoonful of cereal in her mouth. "What do you mean."

"I MEAN, you just laughed at one of my jokes. And said, and I quote, 'nice'."

"What, I'm not allowed to think you said something funny, once in a blue moon?" She rolled her eyes. "Great, Dib."

"Come on, you know what I meant! Did something happen? Was your brain erased by a ghost??"

He reached out to poke her forehead. Gaz swatted his hand away viciously. "Quit it! There's no ghosts, Dib. Is it so hard to believe I could be in a good mood?"

Dib nodded. "Yes."

"Ugh." She tossed her half-eaten bowl in the sink and snagged her backpack, tugging it on and heading for the door.

"Wait, Gaz, don't leave!" he rectified quickly, "I can't let you out of my sight! Zim knows who's a threat to his 'victory' or whatever and I'm pretty sure I saw him looking at you at recess! He's probably planning to--"

Gaz whirled around, effectively cutting him off with her scowl. "You know what, Dib?" she spat. "I don't really care what Zim does. This week, I don't give a crap about him. He can do whatever he wants, but he's not winning that paintball battle. He's not even a threat."

She stomped out the door. Dib took another bite out of his banana.

"I thought you didn't care about paintball!" he called after her, but she was already gone.

Dib wasn't the only one who was worried by Gaz's improved mood. Several schoolchildren ducked for cover upon seeing her smile. One jock jumped into an open locker when they made eye contact in the hallway.

Mr. Elliot was the only one stupid enough to be delighted. "Gazlene! Great to see such a happy expression on your face. Did something happen?"

"I'm going to destroy all of you," she replied, with a tinge of cheerfulness to her usually dour tone.

Her teacher's smile became forced. "Great! Good to hear it. Does anyone have any questions on number four?"

Well, that wasn't exactly true. There was one other person who seemed to be immune to Gaz's slight mood shift. In fact, he didn't even seem to notice it at all.

Zim.

The stupid alien hadn't talked to her or even looked at her, so far as she could remember, since that time he tried waving his ugly pus-filled pimple at her. She'd ignored him then, and when he approached her in the hallway rush between science and english class, she ignored him again.

"Hey. Dib-sister. Hey. Hey."

Her game was out, as was her custom for classroom changes, and her ears were off.

Zim prodded her shoulder, normally a death sentence. But Gaz wasn't feeling particularly volatile at the moment. . . Perhaps she'd hit him a few extra times with some paintballs. Maybe, if she was lucky, he'd writhe in agony as the liquid hit his weird green skin.

"Hey! Dib-sister! Dib-sister! Little Gaz!

Gaz's very slight smile curdled and she whirled around. "Excuse me?"

Zim's put out expression disappeared, replaced by a little smirk.

"Little-Gaz," re repeated. "I take it you have heard about the BATTLE that will take place at the end of the school week."

"I have nothing to say to you, Zim." Gaz met his eyes levelly, expression dark. "Get out of my way so I can get to class."

"Oh, but I have some things to say to you," he sneered, crossing his arms. "You see, I believe you are one of the few humans who might stand a chance against me."

Gaz didn't dignify him with a response, instead walking around him towards her classroom.

"Hey!" he said, offended. She didn't stop walking, so he trailed behind her. Really couldn't take a hint. . .

"I have a proposition for you, HUMAN!! HEY! LISTEN TO ME!!!!"

Gaz flipped him off casually as she swung the door to her classroom shut in his face.

And that was that.

. . . Or, it should have been.

At lunch, Zim attempted to approach their table, but Dib had chucked a glob of baked beans from his tray and managed to hit him right in the forehead, sending Zim screeching out of the cafeteria. Gaz snickered as Dib laughed, and it wasn't horrible.

After school, Zim trailed them, following Dib and Gaz's trek home at about a ten foot distance. Dib had wanted to throw some books at him, but Gaz just grabbed Dib's wrist and yanked them off the sidewalk onto a side path through the park. Sure enough, Zim had gotten lost and might still have been wandering around when the Membrane siblings arrived safe and sound even quicker than normal.

"We should do this more often!" Dib had cheered when they slammed the door shut, delighted at their victory.

"Whatever," Gaz said. "He was being annoying." But a tiny smile flickered on her lips.

"So, Gaz--"

"Don't get used to it," she said firmly. "I still think your cryptid hunting junk is stupid."

Dib slumped over on his chair, disappointment clear on his face. He didn't speak, so Gaz rolled her eyes and headed up to her room. It may have been kinda fun to get rid of Zim, but the fact that he kept trying to talk to her was obnoxious. She didn't do him the respect of hearing him out, but she knew what he wanted: to form an alliance so that he could betray her in the end and claim victory for himself. Pathetic. Zim wanted to talk to her, was paying attention to her, and it was just to feed his stupid ego. Typical.

Gaz could feel her good mood start to seep away, but a few rounds of VPH made her feel a bit better. Soon, she'd be dooming people in real life, with no cares about whether anyone saw her. In fact, they might even be cheering.

And then, pizza.