#this is somewhat based off of ingrid cold
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Outlast Characters and a variant S/O
"I don't want to go among mad people!"
"Oh, you can't help that. Most everyone's mad, here. You may have noticed...that I'm not all there myself..." - The Cheshire Cat
Synopsis: You're a variant who escaped from Murkoff amongst the chaos and the bloodshed. You're more aware of your madness than the others, and you always have a way of escaping danger.
You're essentially like the Cheshire Cat. I totally didn't get inspired after watching Disney's Alice in Wonderland or anything like that...
Again, these can be seen as platonic or romantic. All up to you.
Enjoy!
(❁)----------------------------------------------------------------------
Miles finds you amusing the moment he sees you grinning and making remarks about his missing fingers. Your outfit is stained with blood, yet none of your own, and he can tell you're a tough cookie. You intrigue him.
Waylon is freaked out. He doesn't want to be rude, as you clearly went through hell here, and the last thing you needed was to be told that you were horrifying, but you just... weird him out. Your eyes are unblinking, you hum, your grins are wide and unsettling...he's surprised you haven't shoved a knife in him, yet. He guides you out, but he's cautious.
Blake is reminded of Val, if he's being honest. You both act somewhat alike, even your outfits were somewhat alike; you're wearing a dirty uniform that obviously came from an asylum, and Val wore remains of their cassock. He'd much rather deal with a variant than a cultist, he's sure of that. You're helpful, too. Giving him hints and deciphering the Latin phrases scattered among the town of Temple Gate.
Lynn is reminded of Val, too. You were taken in hours earlier, and you found your way to Lynn after traversing through the tunnels. You looked to her pregnant stomach with a look of knowing and a chilling grin, questioning her if she knew her child was one of delusion and falseness. She was...confused as to what you meant, but you wouldn't continue. Val, however, got a little angry at you for suggesting that their lord was nothing but a simple trick of the mind. You didn't seem to care, however.
Trager is intrigued, as well. You popped up in his little section of the asylum, curious about his work, and he didn't have the ability to shoo you away or steal your tongue. He tried so hard to understand you, and yet he couldn't, to his dismay. You're a hell of a lot more interesting than the priest or his little buddy.
Jeremy is freaked the fuck out and thinks you're trying to get revenge on him. He remembers the day he submitted you, and yet here you are, looking into his eyes with wild hair, blood on your uniform, and an unsettling grin that showed off your teeth. He starts to get used to you once you help him escape from the other variants. You know he'll succumb to the Walrider, anyway. Might as well give him hope...
Eddie is fascinated. He could squash you like a bug, and this is something you tell him, but he doesn't wish to. Much like Trager, he tries to understand you. You're so silent, and whenever he's enraged, you're always...gone. He loves the grin on your face, because he has the same exact one!
Walrider and you are one and the same. You disappear at will and love to mess with the other variants. He doesn't care for you that much.
Frank Manera is...freaked out by you. The scary, cannibalistic variant wielding a saw is scared of a silent yet witty variant with a horrifying grin and a wise gaze. He doesn't even try to eat you. The last time he threatened you with a saw, you just grinned at him, your teeth and eyes the only things apparent in the dark room. He felt vulnerable.
Chris doesn't care whatsoever, and is far too focused on locating the Walrider. However, he does find the grinning variant that roams around the upper floors of the asylum a tad too...strange.
Marta is convinced God sent you as a sign to make her stop her 'righteous' activities. Your eyes shine a menacing white, and so do your teeth, and you're all she sees when roaming the dark fields of Temple Gate. She threatens you with a glare and a wave of her weapon, but by the time she's near where you were last standing, you're gone without a trace. Maybe Val sent you as a spy? Who knows.
Val fucking ADORES YOU. An escaped variant from god knows where, they think you're a blessing with your scary aura and your knowledge about their god [which you know nothing about, you just enjoy feeding them bullshit. It's kept you alive]. Your eyes are as white as theirs, and they find you mysterious. You're an enigma. The heretics love hearing you make remarks and rhyme about things. The members of the New Testament used to attempt to ambush the heretics, but after seeing you appear near every entrance with a menacing grin, they've halted all efforts.
Laird and Nick have opposing views. Laird thinks you're a demon of some sort, as no human being has such white eyes, and Nick finds you cool. He enjoys hearing you read to him, as your voice is as smooth as silk.
#outlast#outlast fanfiction#outlast headcanons#i love cheshire cat#this is somewhat based off of ingrid cold#he's fucking creepy#miles upshur#waylon park#richard trager#eddie gluskin#val#jeremy blaire#walrider#chris walker#too lazy to tag the rest lol my bad
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Compare and Contrast: The ‘Rival’ Characters
In each house there’s like this one guy who doesn’t really get along with the House Leader
I swear this is the last rambly essay. Or... second to last.
Felix
Perhaps the most “typical” rival - The Blue Lions in general are designed around basic fantasy or anime archetypes with a twist here and there so its not too suprising that Felix starts off like a less chliched/ more reasonable variant of your basic anime rival.
He’s your basic ‘Arrogant Kung Fu Guy’, a loner, not very friendly, focussed on gaining strenght, used to be friends with the MC once, not a fan of “the power of friendship” but not immune to it either... though unlike most examples he’s not envious or obsessed with beating Dimitri nor actually particularly arrogant. When Leonie beats him with a trap in their support he’s like “Wow thanks, you made me aware of a potential weakness”
Like your classic anime rival he is the strongest of the Lions apart from Dimitri himself, but has a contrasting fighting style - Dimitri is big, tanky and has immense brute strenght, but is clumsy; Felix is lithe, agile and has a very skill-based fighting style. The second strongest deer or eagle would not be Lorenz and Ferdinand. It’s definitely Lysithea for the deer, and probably either Hubert or Petra for the eagles.
Also like your classic anime rival, he’s got a backstory that parallels the hero’s. He also lost a beloved relative in the tragedy of Duscur and also still feels a lot of attachment to people who are gone, but he deals with it very differently than Dimitri. Unlike most cases you can’t really say that one of them did ir ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ both have their dysfunctionalities resulting from the loss if anything Felix is more level-headed though his rejection of all attachment isn’t grounded in maturity either.
They managed to have the classic “ideals are BS, only strenght matters” line actually make sense in a non-voldemordy way for once if you consider the context where he grew up, he definitely has a point. Though he would protest the notion he actually has a moral code of his own (Dimitri clearly offends it - though mostly he’s really thrown of by/ doesn’t know what to make of the Dr. jekyll and Mr. hyde situation) he just wasn’t ever told that it “counts” as it’s not what passes for morals in Faerghus. He’s present and results oriented, rather than guiding principles or rules of thumb he likes to focus on wether it actually saves lifes. (”We’re protecting your subjects not your ego”)
Likewise it makes more sense for him to be the team contrarian when Dimitri actually does have no plan or regard for safety while he’s in Avenger Mode, but ultimately he very much wants Dimitri to succeed.
Another thing of note is that since Claude and Edelgard are revolutionaries, their rivals are the token traditionalists of their respective teams, whereas Dimitri is someone who wants to reinstate the order - He doesn’t like oppression any more than the others but he thinks the existing social institutions have their merit; As he sees it they’d work just fine if they were just carried out virtuously and as a service to the people, not selfishly abused. Hence his rival is one of the two more independent-minded Lions.
Lorenz
Of the three he’s probably the one who most dislikes their leader and who is most genuinely flawed at the start of the game.
With Ferdinand it’s not more than a passing first impression you quickly notice that while he may be naive about how he comes across he isn’t actually arrogant nor does he hate or have seditious intentions toward Edelgard, he’s actually a deeply good guy, a straightforward hero to contrast Edelgard as an anti-hero. He lived an easy live in a good environment which allowed him to develop his potential to the fullest whereas Edelgard was forced to resort to things she doesn’t like because of her harsh life and precarious situation. She just wants to live quietly in peace but had to to grand impactful actions because someone needs to fix the broken system and she happened to have power she never asked for, meanwhile Ferdinand really wants to be a politician and go down in history but is afraid that he’s not making enough of an impact. Felix is more complex, he truly IS mean and spiteful as a real character flaw (with Dedue and Dimitri he has arguably valid principle-based reason to dislike them; But with Sylvain and Ingrid he’s just being mean for meanness’ sake due to his own issues with attachment and says some genuinely awful things to them) but its the one sharp edge on an overall principled dude who actually does care for his comrades, Dimitri included, and he is not a bad person.
Lorenz meanwhile is certainly not what he seems either, he’s not just a superior twat and actually very dutiful, believes that the nobility should actually live up to their obligations and is sort of a cautious shrewd political mind, surely not half as naive as Ferdinand. At the same time he has real shortcomings, at the start of the game he’s somewhat immature and frivolous (very apparent in his pre-timeskip supports with Sylvain and Byleth), though his intentions are not per se impure (he really wants to marry and is actually picky and romantic), he just doesn’t get it in his head that those girls he’s hitting on find him annoying.
But eh, he was like 18 at the time. More damning is his callousness and lack of perspective. He doesn’t really look past his immediate surroundings and the self-interest of himself and his own, and at several times alledges that he wouldn’t have particularly minded if Claude wound up dead in a ditch. He doesn’t know him and genuinely doesn’t care about him, making cold, dissing comments all the time in early part 1.
Of course when you get more context and get further in both their support chain and the plotyou find that he actually has good reasons to distrust Claude, it’s not just snobbishness and prejudice he just really cares about the Alliance and doesn’t trust it to someone who just showed up out of nowhere under suspicious circumstances after the previous Duke had an ‘accident’ (which, ironically, was the work of Lorenz’ own father) - but that doesn’t change that he’s genuinely a little callous.
If you don’t spare Claude on the empire route Lorenz stands out as the only person who will diss him - everyone else, imperial leadership included, is either sad or gives him the worthy opponent treatment, even Hubert who’s not usually the sort to point out his enemies’ redeeming features. He will also diss him in the Kingdom route and express spite that he didn’t get to be Alliance leader.
Indeed while Ferdinand and Felix will wind up supporting Edelgard/ Dimitri if they’re not recruited, Lorenz always opposes Claude unless you’re on the GD route. Even some of the arrogance is real, see his A support with Byleth, he really thought that commoners were ultimately less consequential/influential even though, as he later admits, Byleth was right in front of him the whole time.
To some extent this might be due to his upbringing his father was very much a “Look out for Number one” sorta person who cares only for the wealth of his own territory the rest of the Alliance be damned. Compared to that starting point Lorenz is already a whole lot more considerate as he thinks that his father at least ought to consider the rest of the Alliance, and would certainly NOT stab a rival in the back or callously kill commoners as collateral damage, even at the start of the game.
I don’t wanna get too down on Lorenz tho, once you get to know him he’s adorable and sensitive (his caution comes from actually being somewhat afraid/anxious underneath) and as a friend he is very helpful generous and considerate. I love that support where he keeps offering Ignatz jobs, it’s probably his best moment. He got layers and ultimately ends up having a positive political legacy. And if you’re playing GD or CF he even gets more open-minded by the end.
He also makes for an excellent contrast to Claude - both are somewhat self-interested, opportunistic and distrustful, but Lorenz is cautious and conventional, whereas Claude is unconventional and a risk-taker. Ultimately what brings them together is appreciation for the other’s shrewdness and good intentions, they’re both natural politicians. They also both love poetry.
And Claude’s storyline is one of bringing different people together and convincing them to come to his side/ have them come around. He uses deception to accomplish it, yes, but ultimately he wants people to see his point - Even someone who is as different from him as Lorenz is. After all he wants to build a world where there’s a place for everyone. So when he finally wins over Lorenz halfway through part 2 it means a lot to him. Claude probably half doubts that it’s possible but he wants everyone to truly come around.
Whereas Edelgard would surely prefer convincing as well, but failing that she’d strongarm or eliminate someone like that. (Though it has to be said that she would do so because she cares deeply about the net result and one priviliged twat’s feelings, or even her own, are not more important that ending oppression asap IMHO Both have a point and both have their shortcomings.)
Another Detail is that while Ferdinand and Felix are each from the Second most Powerful house in their respective countries, the number two spot in the Alliance is probably held by the Gonerils; But the Alliance by nature is more flexible and there is more rising and falling in influence based on wealth merit and your ability to convince and rally the other nobles. Lorenz actually could take Claude’s job, and early on, actually wanted to, so he’s the closest to a real political rival - and Claude’s strenght is more in politics and planning than it is in punching so this is fitting.
The other two are more one-sided, as Dimitri flat out ignores any hostility coming from Felix and would really like to be friends again (also Felix wants Dimitri on the throne ‘cause he’s still vastly better than Chaos or Cornelia, he’d just like him to act reasonable and get his act together, and is ready to support him once he does) and Ferdinand, try as he might, is simply no match for Edelgard in any way as she is the single strongest individual among the younger characters, she’s evenly matched with Byleth in the Church Route reunion scene and ends up with the highest total stats out of all the playable characters.
Ferdinand
Though he’s introduced as always trying to one-up her, makes sure to tell you that he’s the one in charge when you first walk in (no doubt naively repeating something his father said), can end up being full-blown enemies with her in 3 out of 4 routes including the Church route, he doesn’t actually have any sort of personal beef with Edelgard and out of the three ‘rivals’ he probably has the least actual issues with/ dislike toward his respective house leader.
Even when they wind up as enemies he’s actually one of the characters who speaks of Edelgard in a respectful fashion after her death (in GD he mentions how she wanted the next ruler to be chosen based on merit and how she really believed it), and at one point offers Hubert to let the two of them flee right under the Church’s nose if you have them fight. (Especially notable since the Church route is probably the least sympathetic toward Edelgard)
He IS the one who gets the classic rival trait of being competitive, jealous and attention-seeking - I tend to hate these sorts of characters but that’s usually because they are petty, spiteful people who begrudge other’s happiness and are always putting others down so I expected to hate him but actually ended up loving him to no end because he isn’t like that at all. He’s deeply good and has a heart of pure gold. He never lashes out. If someone dislikes him, his reaction is usually to come up some grandiose elaborate gesture to prove his worth and make them like him (Mercedes, Bernie, Dorothea etc.)
Ferdinand was raised by an actual supervillain who clearly wanted to bring him up with an ellbow mentality but that clearly bounced off his inherent goodness like teflon. His sheltered luxurious upbringing might’ve left him a bit naive pre-timeskip in ways that make him come off a tad arrogant or annoying, but he doesn’t think he’s superior to anyone - indeed he works hard to be worthy of his inheritance and justify being in the position that he’s in. He’s somewhat aware that his father’s a crook but his response to that disillusionment is to become the real thing himself. He wants to actually be exceptional and live up to the hype. The old man surely told him that he’s got to make the princess his bitch with some thinly veiled euphemisms but he kinda didn’t catch the seditious treasonous parts of it.
He doesn’t hate Edelgard nor does he wanna doublecross her or put her down, rather, he figures that he’ll be a pretty poor Minister if he can’t hold his own against her he must have something of his own to offer and just generally strives to constantly improve himself. He also strongly believes in thinking for oneself (in that sense he’s kinda like Felix but its a more intellectual thing for him) - In the Church route that’s why he views it as his duty to oppose Edelgard even if it costs him alot. If he sticks with them instead, he eventually realizes that she and Hubert are actually all for independent thought and actually pretty open to his input once they come to trust him (which doesn’t really happen on the other routes). If recruited to the Kindom he’ll also not be afraid to criticise Dimitri. Can’t recall any scene where he criticises or defies Claude right of the bat but then again Claude doesn’t exactly go around saying what his objectives are.
He certainly sticks out among the eagles the way Felix does among the lions - not quite to the same extent cause he’s not that polished and inadvertedly annoys people a lot early on, but they’re all pragmatic, antisocial or both and also largely unconventional and quirky, whereas Ferdinand is very sociable, optimistic, has high ideals and traditional. He’s the one among the nobles who actually wants his father’s job, he’s also the one believer among the largely secular Adrestians, though he’s not exceptionally devout. Though he values collectedness, he’s an expressive romantic sop and very genuine in contrast to the more stoic and unsentimental Edelgard and Hubert (as well as Byleth if they’re on the team), i mean Dorothea’s also extroverted and friendly but she’s often wearing a mask and kinda jaded too. Caspar’s nice and honest but he basically lives to fight. Basically if the Crimson Flower cast were Section Nine, Ferdinand would be Togusa - and like the Major, Hubert and Edelgard actually appreciate him for that though this is not immediately obvious to him.
Ferdinand obviously matures some as the storyline continues but - consider that Lorenz basically gets schooled and Claude is 100% right, and Felix gets to get over himself and stop being so tsundere, he’s not all wrong but he’s not right either and in his Kingdom route endings usually winds up continuing his dad’s legacy after all, even winding up in one of those chivalric tales he used t hate in his paired endings with Dimitri. Lorenz’ position is understandable, Felix has a valid point and comes from a good place, but largely, they are wrong. Ferdinand does somewhat change what he thinks but it’s more of a hegelian synthesis. He’s a helpful ally who contributes a lot and Edelgard and Hubert kinda know this before he does because he was busy comparing himself to her. He’s not gonna beat Edelgard at Edelgard stuff but he has a lot to offer precisely because he’s Ferdinand, and because he’s different from them and actually helps them improve and refine their plans.
After all if you want to replace a flawed system you’ve got to understand why it persisted and your new system has to solve all the problems the old one solves and then some, if it is to last.
Unlike Felix Ferdinand’s very proud of his country, but this is in the context of the Eagles’ main storyline being to put right what their parents done fucked up (or, in the case of Dorothea and Petra, what created the sucky circumstances they lived in) whether they do it with Edelgards revolution or through reconciling their homeland with the church.
Of course Ferdinand isn’t blind to his homeland’s flaws and wants to fix it because he cares about it.
Leonie
Now onto the MC’s own designated rival.
She probably can be said to be have a shade of petty jealousy but since it’s centered around a shared mentor figure and largely harmless it comes off with a distinct annoying-younger-sister vibe more than a more serious rivalry. She never really gets overly upset that she can’t beat Byleth; She just kinda keeps trying undeterred; Might as well shoot for a high target.
Notably she is actually a remarkably chill person in her other supports and has a lot more characterization than just the jeralt thing, with her poor village background and frugal, pragmatic outlook being pretty interesting, she just doesn’t get along with Byleth, but since they’re the POV character and Leonie is kinda constantly aggro at them that works in her detriment. For all that I’m frequently praising how even the more gimmicky characters are seldom one-note I still think they could’ve eased up on the gimmicks now and again.
On the other hand, it shouldn’t be so strange that even Byleth can’t immediately get along with everyone xD
Much like most of Bernadetta’s supports start with her freaking out and running away, Byleth’s usually go like this: At C the various characters act largely how they act toward everyone else (the nice characters are nice, the blunt ones are blunt etc.), then at B they spill their life story and worries and Byleth is like “pat pat”, by the second half of part II the monastery dialogues also evidence some level of fondness and familiarity even with the students that aren’t in your house (which is important cause most of them are pretty sad and apologetic about having to fight Byleth later on)
But of course there’s exceptions here, you have cases like Felix and Edelgard who instantly like them because of obvious similarities, people who take distinctly longer to be won over such as Hubert and Dimitri but ultimately do click with them after a certain point, and then there’s cases like Claude and Dorothea who DO like Byleth but are still somewhat stumped by their somewhat unreadable demeanor, they’re used to dazzling ppl with their charm, not getting the expected reaction and hence their defense mechanisms are lowkey active, indignation for Dorothea and suspicion for Claude.
Leonie doesn’t fit either category she sorta tries to apologize for her latest outburst each time but then ends up going off again.
On the one hand the fact that she isn’t overawed isn’t always a negative thing, it’s like she’s part of the family, and particularly the human side of it.
After they merge with Sothis most the students are awed and excited about their new power/looks and comming divine revelation - some of the eagles are notably cooler on this as they’re not as religious, Bernie’s lowkey scared, Dorothea seems kinda worried about them/ that this will distance them from normal people, Edelgard is secretly heartbroken cause she takes it to mean that they’re destined to be enemies - they’re not the only ones tho Lysithea notably worries about side effects (she would), but then there’s Leonie who’s like “But it’s still you inside there, right? That’s what important.” Like... I think Byleth really needed to hear that.
Instead of “wow everyone mysteriously likes you, you must truly be blessed” she’s like “you accept ppl as they are just like your dad no wonder people like you. ”, she just looks at them with a different perspective.
I mean Cyril and Catherine get a bit jelly that they get so much of Rhea’s attention but then that’s tied up in their own adulation of Rhea and so ultimately the magical destiny thing.
Even the infamous B support evidences a somewhat different, less distanced dynamic - Anger is a natural stage of grief but she’s going off in Byleth’s face when they’re still half in schock, which is a not so great situation but also different from the usual dynamic where Byleth is the calm in-control leader person while their conversation partner spills their soul - they can’t be, because they’re involved. Jeralt’s death affects them both in different ways and that leads to a rather painful clash.
Contrast wise Leonie is maybe what Byleth might’ve been like if they had been born normally. She’s also kinda sassy has a pragmatic fighting style and comes from a common, nonfancy background where she had to work on her own survival by catching her own food. But she doesn’t have the magical destiny/ random religion ready to throw itself at her feet, as she often points out she doesn’t have a crest or money so she has to be shrewd to even get her hands on good equipment instead of having a mystical legendary artifact just falling into her lap.
One wonders if Byleth and Edelgard ever ended up hiding out in some odd place in order to escape from two lance wielding redheards looking to duel them XD
Outcomes
Though Ferdinand gets this dialogue where he wonders about what might’ve been and laments the “Adrestia-shaped hole in his heart” his endings are actually pretty similar regardless of what faction he ends up with. He almost always becomes a statesman or politician of some sort.
He didn’t rely on things just falling into his lap so when they stop doing that he still succeeds, besides with his optimistic go-getter attitude and determination, it’s not a surprise that he’d be fine no matter what happens. It’s a big shock to him when his land gets confiscated on non-empire routes but he always deals somehow and comes out on top through the trials and tribulations.
By contrast Felix gets tons of unique dialogue for each route (with the most, but not complete overlap between VW and SS) and his endings are vastly different depending on wether he sticks with Dimitri or not to the point that even paired endings with the same characters can be vastly different. Generally speaking if he sticks with Dimitri he suceeds his dad and becomes Dimitri’s Right Hand Man (or Left Hand Man depending on where Gilbert and Dedue end up) whereas on the other routes he becomes a wandering mercenary and kinda doesn’t seem as satisfied with the independence and strenght that he used to want so badly.
Only Bernie and Alois come significantly close to having such hugely divergent endings based on route (He becomes the leader of the Knights of Seiros - unless he turns against them then he just chills with his family. Bernie gets a lot more “confident” endings in CF, the one with Byleth is a 180 and the Hubert one is similar, also she’s out of her room a lot more and talks about traveling etc. and even there it’s not ALL endings nor quite as pervasive. )
As for Lorenz there’s three ways it can go. If not recruited he plays ball with the empire out of self-preservation and, its implied, to save his father who’s not worth half of him, and gets killed in the process should the empire lose.
If he’s on your team there’s 2 basic paths depending on whether you’re on one of the ‘revolutionary’ routes (VW and CF) or the ‘restore order’ ones (SS and AM) Either he initially follows to pursue his own interests but eventually comes around to Claude’s and/or Edelgard’s ways of thinking, or, you spare him, since he joined the empire ‘cause they looked to be winning he’ll have no qualms jning you when you appear to win, esp once you nap that pesky bridge through which the Imperial troops would’ve marched in, so he has more leeway to do what he actually wants to do, ie oppose the empire and go down in history like he always wanted. He doesn’t change as much but gets plenty of opportunity to show off his more gallant side and redeem himself for the initial turncoatery.
As far as Leonie’s endings go, it’s nice to know that there was someone to take over Jeralt’s mercenary troupe - Byleth probably always thought they would do it but now they’re off being King/Queen/Archbishop/ eating cake with Edelgard
So she needn’t have worried/ eventually was able to take on Jeralt’s legacy like she wanted precisely because she isn’t magic
Of course there’s also the outcome where she dies somewhat ironically either at Gronder (”Can’t back down because I know you I’m a proper mercenary”) or Myrrdin (particularly ironic since Jeralt didn’t trust Rhea one bit and Solon and Kronya did, not, in fact, report to Edelgard. She was ostensibly trying to get Jeralt on her side post Remire.), in either case to fulfill her dream and become like her mentor she’s pitted against that mentor’s own kid, no option where she can be truly true to her allegiance.... slightly less so in the empire route since she believes she has good cause for revenge here, und understandably so. Edelgard can’t exactly go around yelling “I mean to DOUBLECROSS you!” where the slitherers can hear so she did look guilty.
It is supposed that she died offscreen at Gronder in the church route. :( Better recruit her. And Alois, if you’re doing CF, so poor Byleth doesn’t have to hack through all their remaining quasi-relatives.
#fire emblem three houses#fire emblem: three houses#fe3h#ferdinand von aegir#lorenz hellman gloucester#felix hugo fraldarius#leonie pinelli
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Best Horror Movies to Watch on Shudder Right Now
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It’s safe to say that the world is a bit weird right now. Much to some people’s surprise, horror movies can often be a way for fans to make sense of things and confront their fears in a safe space. Streaming service Shudder offers a large array of horror movies, TV shows, and even podcasts covering the full spectrum of the macabre. But how do you know where to start?
We’ve put together a guide to some of the best films the service has to offer. The Shudder catalogue is always growing and changing so we’ll keep this updated – head back for the latest additions and new suggestions.
(All entries are available in both UK and US unless stated otherwise!)
Hammer
The Vampire Lovers (1970)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE US
After literally decades in which the classic Hammer Films library of horror titles was often difficult to see (especially in uncut, properly framed prints), the legendary studio’s catalog has been gradually trickling out in recent years via specialty home video companies and the streaming space.
Read more
Movies
13 Greatest Hammer Horror Monsters
By Marc Buxton
Movies
The Vaults of Hammer: 14 Unmade Hammer Horror Movies
By Marc Buxton
The Vampire Lovers — based on a story by Sheridan Le Fanu — was one of the films that marked Hammer’s turn from the somewhat staid films of the 1960s toward the more lurid material of the ‘70s, spiced up with more sex (especially of the woman-on-woman kind) and larger quantities of blood. Polish actress Ingrid Pitt gives a breakout performance as the vampire Carmilla and the movie is entertaining, but one can’t help but cringe at the leering approach to sexuality, no matter how beautiful the subjects.
Hammer
Countess Dracula (1971)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE US
Countess Dracula stars Ingrid Pitt in her second big Hammer role, this time as the title monster, who preserves and replenishes her youth by bathing in the blood of virginal young women. The story has nothing to do with Dracula, by the way, and is loosely inspired by the legend of 16th century Hungarian noblewoman Elizabeth Bathory.
Like other Hammer films of the time, Countess Dracula ramps up the blood and sex in an effort to keep up with the changing film marketplace of its era. It’s not one of the studio’s better efforts, but director Peter Sasdy (Taste the Blood of Dracula) lets the period details and Pitt’s unabashed charms do most of the heavy lifting.
Wake in Fright (1971)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE US
Ted Kotcheff’s nightmarish story of a school teacher who becomes trapped in an outback town after drinking too much and running up a gambling debt is highly unusual horror. This is a nihilistic and bleak view of outback life as the locals coerce the broke John (Gary Bond) into increasing destructive behavior and a full on descent into hell. Wake In Fright is grubby, brilliant and highly disturbing.
Black Christmas (1974)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE US
Stone cold classic slasher film where a group of Sorority girls are hassled by a stalker making obscene phone calls during the holiday season. Black Christmas is that rare beast, a stalk n’ slash which turns out to be actually scary, thanks in part to classy central performances from Olivia Hussey and Margot Kidder, and the masterful direction of Bob Clark, who went on to make Porky’s.
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE US
One of the true landmarks of ’70s horror cinema, Tobe Hooper’s The Texas Chain Saw Massacre remains one of the most relentless and terrifying films of all time — even as it barely spills a drop of the blood that its title seems to promise. Its simple tale of a small group of hippie kids running smack into a houseful of rural cannibals spoke to the cultural divide roiling the country at the time, and its low-budget aesthetic gave the whole thing an air of documentary realism. A delirious masterpiece.
American International Pictures
Squirm (1976)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE US
There’s something inherently gross about earthworms which writer/director Jeff Lieberman milks to maximum effect in this low-budget 1976 chiller, one of that decade’s wave of “nature strikes back” horror movies that included efforts like Day of the Animals, Kingdom of the Spiders and Frogs.
This time, a downed power line sends an electrical jolt into the ground, causing hordes of eyeless creepy-crawlers upstairs to munch on the inhabitants of a small town. Rick Baker provided the gory make-up effects, which led the MPAA to demand numerous cuts to the film upon its initial release. There is some clumsy direction and acting, but the worms more than make up for the movie’s flaws.
The Hills Have Eyes (1977)
Wes Craven’s 1977 cult classic sees an extended family become stranded in the desert when their trailer breaks down and they start to get picked off by cannibals living in the hills. It’s brutally violent but it also has things to say about the nature of violence, as the seemingly civilized Carter family turn feral. The film was remade in 2006 but the original is still the best.
Severin Films
Patrick (1978)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE US
This 1978 Australian shocker tells the story of a woman named Kathy (Susan Penhaligon), who works as a nurse and begins taking care of a comatose patient named Patrick (Robert Thompson). She soon discovers that not only is Patrick responsive to her, but he has unforeseen psychic powers that he can turn to murderous use against anyone who upsets him.
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Best Horror Movies on Netflix: Scariest Films to Stream
By David Crow and 2 others
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The 20 Best Horror Movies on Netflix UK – Scary Films to Watch Right Now
By Rosie Fletcher
Patrick was a cult hit in its native land, spawning both a 1980 sequel and a 2013 remake, and it allowed its director, Richard Franklin, to get to Hollywood and direct the actually pretty good Psycho II. There is quite a large repository of horror and other genre efforts from the land down under, but Patrick remains one of its most entertaining examples.
The Changeling (1980)
A classic haunted house ghost story that frequently makes horror best of lists The Changeling sees a bereaved composer move into a creepy mansion that’s been vacant for 12 years. Vacant that is, except for the spirit of a little boy who met an untimely death…
An unravelling mystery with a sense of intrigue and pathos that draws you into the narrative, all the way to the sad and disturbing final act revelation.
Anchor Bay
Fade to Black (1980)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE US
This 1980 psychological thriller stars Dennis Christopher as a lonely, troubled young man who is obsessed with movies — and begins to kill those he feels have wronged him while dressed as famous cinematic characters.
It’s kind of surprising that no one has remade this over the years — the references to other horror movies and self-aware sensibility predate the Scream franchise by 16 years, making this an early example of the kind of post-modern horror that dominated the genre for several years. On top of everything, it’s a witty, crackling yarn with a terrific performance by Christopher (watch also for an early performance by Mickey Rourke as a bullying co-worker).
The Beyond (1981)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE US
Italian workhorse director Lucio Fulci dabbled in many genres, but was clearly most in his element with horror. His “Gates of Hell” trilogy may be the highwater mark of his career, and the second film, The Beyond, is a gruesome, surreal, Lovecraftian treat about a Louisiana hotel that may be a portal to said nether regions. It doesn’t always make sense, but the movie is a must-see and a Fulci favorite.
Hellraiser (1987)
Directed by Clive Barker based on his novella The Hellbound Heart, Hellraiser is an infernal body horror featuring S&M demons who’ve found a way out of a dark dimension and want to take you back there.
This is the movie which introduced chief Cenobite Pinhead (played by Doug Bradley) – who would return for seven more Hellraiser sequels. But the first is of course, remains the edgiest and the best. Hellbound: Hellraiser II is also available.
Society (1989)
This outrageous body horror satire was the directorial debut of Brian Yuzna. It stars Billy Warlock as a young man who suspects his family are into some weird stuff when his sister’s ex gives him a video tape showing seriously sinister activity. Part Stepford Wives-esque mystery part utterly bonkers gross out comedy Society is a cult classic which demands at least one watch.
Tetsuo: The Iron Man (1989)
A cyberpunk hybrid of Eraserhead, Blade Runner, Scanners, and your worst nightmares about machines run amok, Tetsuo: The Iron Man was the first feature by iconoclastic Japanese filmmaker Shinya Tsukamoto (who also stars in the picture). Surreal, shockingly violent, and unforgettably relentless, Tetsuo is a fever dream of orgasmic human/metal mating and murder that is almost indescribable and utterly strange. You can’t unsee this perverse triumph of twisted imagination
The Exorcist III (1990)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE US
Of the several attempts at a sequel, only this one by original author William Peter Blatty (who also directed) hits the mark. Woefully underrated at the time of its release, The Exorcist III puts a handful of secondary characters from the first story at the forefront of a chilling new tale that respectfully spins off the original in a new direction. And one central sequence (the hospital corridor scene) remains a minor masterpiece of sustained unease leading to a shocking payoff.
We wrote more about how great this movie is right here.
Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE US
It may not the precisely faithful retelling that the title implies, but Bram Stoker’s Dracula — filtered through the vision of director Francis Ford Coppola — remains one of the best versions of the story to date.
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The Bleeding Heart of Dracula
By David Crow
Movies
New Dracula Movie Coming from Blumhouse
By Tony Sokol
Gary Oldman is magnificently over the top as the Count, and it’s terrific to see characters from the book that were never realized onscreen before appear here. Best of all is Coppola’s insistence on practical, in-camera effects, old-fashioned camera tricks and a lush color scheme, making this not just a fine Dracula movie but a love letter to all the great Hammer and Universal films that came before it.
Ring (1998)
Hideo Nakata’s adaptation of Koji Suzuki’s novel is one seriously scary film which marked the height of the J-horror explosion into the West. It features a haunted video tape, which, seven days after you’ve watched it causes the viewer to die with a look of contorted agony on their face.
Iconic J-horror girl ghost Sadako has been riffed on and ripped off so many times by now that her incredible power may be somewhat diminished but this is still a masterful horror film that demands to be seen at least once.
Audition (1999)
Takashi Miike’s horror classic is a weird mix of melodrama, mystery, and excruciating torture as a widowed man fakes a casting call for a made-up movie in an attempt to meet the perfect woman and gets more than he bargained for. Frequently making it to best horror of all time lists, Audition is a beautiful nightmare of needles and piano wire that’s impossible to forget.
Ginger Snaps (2000)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE US
Ahead of its time in many ways, this cult Canadian favorite from director John Fawcett and screenwriter Karen Walton stars Katharine Isabelle and Emily Perkins as death-obsessed teen sisters whose relationship is put to the test when one (Isabelle) turns into a werewolf. Sharply funny and deeply insightful about the bonds of sisterhood, the fearsome power of female sexuality, and the loss of innocence, Ginger Snaps is a film well worth rediscovering.
Wendigo (2001)
Maverick independent producer/director/actor Larry Fessenden – who runs his own low-budget genre film factory called Glass Eye Pix – had perhaps his finest moment behind the camera on his third directorial effort, an eerie, low-key tale of a family from the city running into menaces both human and supernatural during a trip to the country. Fessenden is adept at blurring the line between what is real and not, creating a hallucinatory experience that is uniquely his own.
Dark Water (2002)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE UK
Remember when J-horror was all the rage and you couldn’t move for long-haired, jangly pasty-face ghosts? Dark Water was one of the best of them.
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Best International Horror Movies: A Beginner’s Guide
By Don Kaye
Movies
Best Horror Movies on Hulu
By Alec Bojalad and 1 other
Based on a story by Koji Suzuki and directed by Hideo Nakata – the team behind apex J-horror Ringu – it sees a mother and daughter move to an apartment which seems to have haunted water. Creepy but not gimmicky, there’s a family drama at the center of this chiller.
A Tale Of Two Sisters (2003)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE US
Kim Jee-woon’s chiller sees sisters return to the family home after a spell in hospital to be tormented by their new stepmother, and troubled by ghosts in the house. Released at the peak of the J-horror/K-horror boom, this is a highly sophisticated and deeply scary addition sub-genre. It was remade in 2009 as The Uninvited but skip that, the original is infinitely superior.
Oldboy (2003)
Park Chan-wook’s shocking, twisty revenge thriller sees a man held hostage in a hotel room for 15 years with no idea of why. When he’s finally released he has just days to track down his captor and discover his motives.
The second part of director Park’s Vengeance Trilogy (which is also a standalone – though Sympathy for Mister Vengeance and Lady Vengeance are also available in the US), it’s packed with standout sequences like the infamous corridor hammer massacre and the eating of a live octopus. The ending is bonkers too.
Teeth (2007)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE UK
Vagina Dentata is the mythical condition at the centre of this satirical horror that sees a virginal young woman bite back when she’s pressured into sex. A comedic take on the rape revenge trope, Teeth casts Jess Wexler as the avenging angel taking down the men who try to assault her in a cautionary tale that might feel even more satisfying post Me Too.
Let the Right One In (2008)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE UK
Let the Right One In is a beautiful Swedish supernatural romance between a lonely bullied 12-year-old boy and a little girl (in the film) called Eli who looks 12 too, but most definitely isn’t. It’s a tale of companionship and loyalty but also murder and revenge. Delicate and nuanced, this is one of the most interesting vampire movies of recent years.
The House Of The Devil (2009)
Ti West’s authentically ‘80s looking homage to ‘Satanic Panic’-era movie making is a very successful slow-burn indie, which sees a young woman take a babysitting job and find herself in grave danger at the hands of her mysterious employers. Comes with a slightly bonkers ending but the attention to detail and great central performance should please genre nuts no end.
Buried (2010)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE UK
Ryan Reynolds stars in this incredibly tense horror thriller from Rodrigo Cortes. Based entirely around a man (Reynolds) in a coffin with a phone and a lighter trying to work out what’s happened to him and why, it’s almost unbearably claustrophobic at times. Will he be rescued in time to save his life? What the devil is going on? And why are there snakes down his trousers? All is revealed over the course of 95 stressful minutes.
Absentia (2011)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE US
An early feature from Mike Flanagan, the man behind Oculus, Doctor Sleep and The Haunting Of Hill House this is low budget and not entirely polished at the edges but shows early signs of Flanagan’s deft hand at suspense, slow burn hills and emotional horror. The story follows a woman who’s husband has disappeared discover that a strange tunnel might be the key. Well worth checking out.
Antiviral (2012)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE UK
Brandon Cronenberg’s directorial debut is a good-looking but icky body horror that delves into the world of celebrity obsession. Caleb Landry-Jones stars as a man who works at a clinic specialising in selling celebrity viruses. In this world super-fans can pay to be infected by their idols’ pathogens making them feel more connected. But warring big businesses want to control the rights to the hottest celeb diseases and a virulent black market has blossomed.
Following in his father’s footsteps, this is a smart sci-fi horror that’s not for the squeamish.
The Bay (2012)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE UK
Oscar winner Barry Levinson directs this found footage eco-horror charting the spread of a deadly parasite in a small town on the Chesapeake Bay. Constructed from snippets of news reports, police footage, and personal videos it’s a nightmarish portrait of what might really happen to a town during an outbreak, which was praised for its realism.
Black Rock (2012)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE UK
Directed by Katie Aselton from a screenplay written by her husband, mumblecore darling Mark Duplass, Black Rock is a taut tale of former friends on a girls weekend who are hunted by a group of men after a horrible accident. It’s a somewhat generic story elevated by the performances of Aselton herself, Kate Bosworth, and especially Lake Bell who goes full feral in the fight for survival.
The Pact (2012)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE UK
A film of two halves that’s not always entirely successful, The Pact is worth checking out for several terrific scares that’ll have you jumping out of your seats (and then possibly thinking “wait, what?”).
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Best Horror Movies on Amazon Prime Right Now
By Alec Bojalad and 3 others
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New Horror and Sci-Fi Movies Break Out at Fantasia Fest
By Don Kaye
Caity Lotz plays a young woman who returns to her childhood home after the death of her mother and disappearance of her sister who starts to experience strange phenomena in the house. Is it something supernatural, or could it be something scarier still? Not entirely consistent but when it works it really works.
Big Bad Wolves (2013)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE UK
The second feature from Israeli directors Aharon Keshales and Navot Papushado is a black-as-sin super-violent crime horror about a child killer, the cop who wants to bring him down, and the father of the latest victim. Released the same year as Denis Villeneuve’s Prisoners, it plays almost like a brutal and occasionally darkly funny companion piece.
The Borderlands (2013)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE UK
The Borderlands is a British found footage movie with shades of The Wicker Man and Kill List which focuses on a small church in Devon which appears to be experiencing miracles. Men are sent by the Vatican to investigate and discover strange phenomena which could be related to former pagan worship in the area.
The Borderlands is a cut above your average horror movie for it’s great chemistry between the lead, dry sense of humour and an absolutely terrifying ending. Released as Final Prayer in the US.
We Are What We Are (2013)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE US
This US remake of the Mexican horror of the same name is a slightly different beast to its counterpart, and perhaps better for it (you can watch and enjoy both for different reasons). Cold In July’s Jim Mickle directs this suspenseful, bloody tale of a secluded family who indulge in violent traditions who become more visible to the world than they’d like after the matriarch of the family dies. Ambyr Childers and Julia Garner star in this nuanced cannibal tale.
It Follows (2014)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE UK
A different kind of infection movie. David Robert Mitchell’s breakout horror hit is a terrifying tale of a sexually transmitted ghost – a shape-shifting ghoul that will relentlessly tail its victim at a walking pace until the curse is passed on. Maika Monroe stars as the latest to be tagged, trying to find a way to either pass the curse on or destroy it forever.
Deeply spooky, It Follows will stick with you long after the film has ended.
Starry Eyes (2014)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE US
This satanic horror takes a swipe at Hollywood as a nervous young starlet, Alex Essoe, sacrifices her body and soul in exchange for fame and fortune.
Starry Eyes is a #metoo movie ahead of its time, and a gross out body horror to boot. It’s directed by Kevin Kölsch and Dennis Widmyer who went on to make the not-that-great remake of Pet Sematary from last year, but don’t hold that against them.
The Hallow (2015)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE UK
Corin Hardy’s directorial debut is a folk horror mixed with fantasy as a conservationist and his wife and son move into a woodland home only to discover there are strange creatures living in the forest. Some effective jump scares, memorable monsters and a weird wistful ending marked Hardy out as one to watch.
Better Watch Out (2016)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE US
Another Christmas horror movie, this one much more recent. Olivia DeJonge plays the young babysitter trying to protect her 12-year-old charge Levi Miller when intruders threaten the house. Or at least you’ll think that’s what the film is about for the first 20 minutes at which point the rug gets well and truly pulled. Violent, funny, fresh and with excellent central turns this is a fun horror at any time of the year.
Train to Busan (2016)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE US
Just when you thought the zombie genre was running out of gas, Train to Busan comes barreling down the track at full speed to give it a jolt again. Director Yeon Sang-ho wisely puts an endearing relationship between a father and his little girl at the heart of the movie, keeping audiences invested as the pair fight to stave off an undead invasion on their bullet train. The zombie action is familiar if also freshly orchestrated, but the movie is gripping to the genuinely moving finish.
The Transfiguration (2016)
Loved Let the Right One In? Check out this similarly arthouse slow-burn vampire-adjacent tale about a troubled teenage boy obsessed with vampires who finds love and redemption through his relationship with an equally damaged girl. It’s set against a backdrop of violent crime in New York and plays like a social realist drama with genre tropes built in.
One Cut Of The Dead (2017)
Very much a film of three parts, it starts as what looks like a low budget Japanese zombie film gone wrong, morphs into an interesting meta movie, and ends with a final third that’s more joyful than you could possibly imagine. The fun is in the discovery so try to avoid reading about this, instead hang around until the end for a clever, funny, and uplifting love letter to indie film-making.
Terrified (2017)
A weird Argentinian horror with some extremely effective scares, Terrified is probably best avoided by anyone shut in alone prone to hearing strange noises in the house. Terrified begins with a couple who hear sounds coming from the sink and rapidly escalates into a story of multiple ‘hauntings’ by otherworldly creatures, and the paranormal investigators who are trying to crack the case. Non-linear and not exactly packed with logic or explanations, what Terrified does have is scares in spades.
Tigers Are Not Afraid (2017)
Issa Lopez’s horror fairytale is also set against a background of violence, this time in the Mexican drug cartels. We follow Estrella, a recently orphaned ten year old, who joins up with a group of orphaned kids. Estrella believes she has three wishes, but in her world wishes don’t often come true as planned.
Similar in tone to Pan’s Labyrinth, Tigers Are Not Afraid is a beautiful, lyrical fantasy, rich in imagination, juxtaposed against horrific real world events
The Witch In The Window (2018)
A creepy ghost story which sees a father and his estranged son attempt to fix up an old farmhouse which is haunted by its previous occupant, a malevolent spirit who only grows stronger as the house gets repaired. A family story with successful scares, The Witch in the Window could be a good pick for anyone craving an old fashioned chiller.
The Beach House (2019)
The Beach House is a quirky new Shudder original from debut writer/director Jeffrey A. Brown. It sees a young couple take trip to a holiday home but find friends of the young man’s parents are also staying there. Then as night falls a strange fog descends, bringing with it something strange from the sea…
Plot light, FX heavy body horror that’s slickly executed and well worth a look.
Gustavo Figueiredo/RLJE Films
Color Out of Space (2019)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE US
The works of legendary horror author H.P. Lovecraft have always been difficult to translate to the screen, since much of his prose is told from inside the crumbling minds of unnamed protagonists who sense — but often never actually see — the evil cosmic presences closing in around them.
Director Richard Stanley (Hardware) has an innate sense of what makes Lovecraft work, however, and Color Out of Space — about a family whose farm is infected by a nameless entity that crashes to Earth inside a meteorite — captures much of the otherworldly eeriness of one of the author’s most famous stories. But the movie also stars Nicolas Cage, who does his Nicolas Cage thing and occasionally ends up fighting the material.
Read our full review here.
Host (2020)
You thought there were no new movies being made during lockdown? Turns out you were wrong. This utterly ingenious horror was conceived, shot and completely in just 12 weeks during lockdown.
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Movies
Host Explained: How it was Made, Easter Eggs and all Your Questions Answered
By Rosie Fletcher
Movies
Host Review: Zoom Horror That’s Fresh and Frightening
By Rosie Fletcher
Host is a found footage film told via Zoom and it is comfortably the most current and relevant thing you will watch. It’s also extremely scary, in part because of how terribly relatable it is but also because of the excellent FX and stunt work which elevates this from a cool concept to a genuinely exciting and cleverly made horror that will almost certainly be the defining genre movie of the year.
Shudder
Spiral (2020)
ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE US
Marketed as a gay-themed response to Get Out (and not to be confused with next year’s Saw spin-off using the same title), this Shudder original finds same-sex couple Aaron (Ari Cohen) and Malik (Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman) moving from the big city to rural Illinois along with Aaron’s teen daughter (Jennifer LaPorte) from his previous marriage. Once there, the family encounters not just plain old homophobia (the film is set in the mid-1990s) but other secrets hidden beneath the peaceful small-town veneer.
Bowyer-Chapman gives a strong central performance as Malik, a struggling writer who is the first to sense that all is not right, but your mileage may vary regarding the fairly obvious set-up and whether the social commentary is woven as successfully here as it was in Jordan Peele’s groundbreaking thriller.
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Affectionate Kiss Full of Bitterness and Regret
Draft based as a follow up to this (x) Finland mentioned: @sininensalo
Since I rarely have more descriptive threads I thought I would write something outside of normal rping and expressing very little of the struggle she has personally at the moment that she doesn’t let anyone in on. See it as a mini fanfic or something similar.
Background: Ingrid and Jaakko is just chilling having fun, however Ingrid drinks too much and ends up kissing the Finn (very affectionate and sweet). Instead of immediately pushing her away they have a heated kiss that seem to be heart wrecking for both of them, yet they deal with it differently.
Things were always so much easier when being tipsy, so many things could be blamed on the alcohol if things got too awkward, but simple moments like this with my ex husband where we just hung out drinking – or well it was just me drinking wine – talking and having the telly on just for some background noise. Despite much baggage between us I was truly lucky to still have somewhat of a close relation to the Finn, close enough to almost be half way into his lap, snuggling up against his shoulder and listening to him comment on the tv programme. Truth to be told, even in this drunken state I was surprised how he had allowed me to stay so close. It was warm and very comfortable, my frame fitting so well against his that for a longer moment I fell asleep listening to him speaking in a calm manner. When I woke next I was disoriented, not only in place but apparently in time as well. With my mind and focus dimmed the first thing I recognised was the familiar scent…it was very close just like the radiant body heat that made the nerves under my skin tingle and a sting of happiness that warmed the depth of my heart, feeling safe and home. I guess you could say I was wrapped up in the moment and just went with it, went with my most basic instinct, and reached for the Finn – reaching for his nape, pulling him in, pulling me in, breathing in his scent until all I knew was him.
Must have caught him off guard because he froze underneath my lips, my lips so gently and affectionately touching his, caressing in such an alluring way…until he broke through to me and stole my breath away with such eagerness it was my turn to be taken by surprise. The way he always seemed to devour me sure set my nerves aflame, the sparks on my lips igniting the dopamine in my brain and a strange feeling of happiness bloomed out in my chest that made me frown despite continuing hungrily taking what he gave me. Happiness? Not possible. What I did know however was that kissing him make something crack and crumble inside, an old tireless ache that longed for soothing; for passionate love, affectionate warmth and gentle touches.
The more I drank from his lips, the harder it got to stop – or perhaps I didn’t even want it to stop? But the more this addiction of physical contact, this intimacy, the clearer my head got and I could hear but barely notice the sound of the tv. I never thought I’d react this strongly to someone I kissed on a daily basis…or was there more to it? Despite great skills as a kisser, too many small inhaling breaths in between the clashes of moist lips it would all make me more dissy than I already was thanks to the wine, so the break between them came natural yet the closeness remained. It wasn’t until I took a step back from the intoxication of the Finn that made me realise there was someone talking in the background but that didn’t stop me from reaching out to fondly stroke the hair from his template, back over his ear and down to his nape…
There was something about about he froze under my touch that turned inside my chest and my guts freeze to ice. At the same time I realised the conversation in the background was the telly meaning this wasn’t back in the old days––this was the cold harsh present where I wasn’t wanted…where I was brokenhearted and overstepping the boundaries, jeopardising what was left of our relation. After this there wasn’t going to be anything left to salvage. I don’t think I’ve been this scared for a very long time, even if he didn’t say anything or move yet I could feel the energy, the fury in him flaming hot and burning. Not scared of what he could do, no I was afraid of see hatred and boiling anger in his eyes which was why I took my time before opening my eyes. My prediction had been right, however no matter how much I had tried to prepare myself for this moment it struck me head on, feeling how my heart instantly contracted and it truly made it hard to breathe making me holding it instead. At this point my eyes were like Mímir’s well, open and all-knowing to my most secretive and hidden feelings. I was too taken by the moment to cover up, to look away. My lips were slightly parted which allowed my lower lip to quiver. I truly must have looked rather pathetic at that moment; overly emotional, showing remorse, begging for forgiveness and the love for him that never truly left.
When he pulled away the ice in my belly spread to the rest of my body, turning the colour of my face to an unnatural grey pale colour. I felt sick enough to throw up…but then I found my own strength in his rage. Of course it had to be this way! There had never been a time before when he actually…cared. That’s right, how ridiculous to ever think anything else. By the time he practically spat in my face my face had gone completely blank, eyes staring blindly in front of me with the amount of liveliness of a lip fish. I fell back, moving away from the Finn, as a eerily calm smile cracked through the marble mask covering my face.
“ Självfallet. ”
The strong flood of emotions had more or less sobered up my mind and senses, giving me some more control over the situation. There was no idea in dwelling on a place where I was unwanted. Even if my mind had cleared apparently my body wasn’t as alert as I was so I almost fell when I rose to my feet, taking a stumbling steps into his coffee table and definitely bruising my knee. While standing next to it I snatched my car keys with me before stumbling not so gracefully towards the hallway in search for my coat. It also took me a few extra minutes to realise that the door was locked and I had to unlock it before leaving.
Slamming the door shut behind me hard wasn’t my intention but it just happened along the way and the moment I was out, surrounded by the cold winter night I finally felt like I could breathe but doing so I felt everything crumble again. I couldn’t help but to start hyperventilating, anxiety choking me and ripping in my throat and chest. My legs gave in under me and I slid down against the door behind me, hand clawing at my chest but he shap pain from my nails marking skin was nowhere near what I felt on the inside. Even if the cold temperature would normally calm me, memories of the way he had looked at me…I felt how tears burnt in the back of my eyes, yet unable to release even a single one of them. You’re ridiculous. Stop. You’re pathetic. I didn’t have anything to breathe into but I did the best I could using my hands. Conceal. You don’t feel anything. You’re cold. Keep it that way. Slowly but steady my breathing recovered yet the knife twisting pain in my chest refused to go away. Conceal. The only solution is to be alone. Don’t show your weakness.
“ Käften. ”
I struck the back of my head against the hard wooden door, hard enough to make my vision go blurry with grey areas flickering before my eyes. It was enough to knock some sense in me, even if my breathing still was shallow I managed to stand up––pathetic… With some difficulty I dress myself in my coat, to then pat down my hair and pinching some life into my cheeks. This was a mere step in the wrong direction, or perhaps a major setback, but if something I knew how to, it was living with a broken heart.
When I wandered off in the direction of my car I was still very shaken and ache great enough to not notice I was barefoot walking in snow…
#Writing: Affectionate Kiss Full of Bitterness and Regret#ℐ █ ▌writing#haha I stayed up all night finishing this…took longer than I intended#sininensalo
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Night on Fic Mountain 2017 letter
Dear writer,
Hello and thanks for writing for me! I hope these prompts inspire you!
Chronicles of the Kencyrath - P. C. Hodgell
Relationship: Brier Iron-Thorn & Torisen Knorth
Relationship: Jamethiel Knorth & Torisen Knorth
Relationship: Kirien Jaran & Torisen Knorth
Relationship: Torisen Knorth & Yce
Relationship: Trishien Jaran & Torisen Knorth
Some prompts:
A continuation of The Sea of Time – Torisen’s reaction to discovering Jame has bound a Kendar when he’s Highlord and lord of his House and struggles with binding all his Kendar. Now that the plot summary of The Gates of Tagmeth has been announced, feel free to write the start of or an episode based on that. I love this series’ combination of high and low fantasy, dark magic, loopy humor, complex characterization, dread destiny looming over all yet people kicking against destiny all the while, and rich worldbuilding - any/all of that in fic is swell.
Torisen before he was Highlord: I’d prefer a story about what it was like for him and Jame growing up in the Haunted Lands or Torisen growing to young adulthood once Jame was gone and he had to witness Ganth going mad on his own, rather than a story about his time with the Southern Host.
Torisen spends time with Brier and discovers they may actually be kindred souls (both closed off from the world yet bursting with perceptiveness and emotion, both underestimated by most people in their surroundings).
Brier anything – her childhood, her life after her mother died and she served the Caineron, how she copes with being bound by Jame while still serving Torisen, a canon divergence for Brier, speculative future fic…
Yce grows up from puphood in Torisen’s company and learns many things (bonus points if you do Yce’s wolf-girl POV) and/or Torisen deals (probably by not really dealing, because he’s Tori) with the likelihood that Yce sees him as a potential future mate and that is why she’s so protective of him and jealous of others who are close to him.
Jaran shenanigans, especially if you can combine their devotion to scholarship (which Hodgell depicts with such loving humor) with the customs of the Women’s World, and possibly something about the revelation of Kirien’s gender to the other Highborn lords. OR Kirien balancing out being the head of a house of scholars and singers with her position in the vipers’ nest which is the Highlord’s council, with Trishien’s help and advice. OR Kirien learning both knowledge and life skills from Trishien as she is groomed to be the head of her house.
More interactions between Tori and the Jaran matriarch! Could Trishien help him navigate his discomfort about being a Shanir? Could she help him banish Ganth once and for all?
For a probably darker fic, any/all of these character combos enter Perimal Darkling or join the final battle against him – what happens? Do they live (you can ignore ‘major character death’ being my DNW in this instance)? How are they changed by their experiences in the Master’s House?
Just as a general point, if you could avoid making the incest barely-subtext between the Knorth twins text and the center of the story, that would be swell.
Deutschland 83
Relationship: Ingrid Rauch & Lenora Rauch
Relationship: Lenora Rauch & Tobias Tischbier
Relationship: Lenora Rauch & Walter Schweppenstette
Relationship: Martin Rauch & Walter Schweppenstette
Character: Lenora Rauch
I loved this show’s combo of characterization, mild soap opera, historical detail, and sympathy for what would soon prove to be a failed political and social system. I’d love to see any of these character relationships explored either in terms of their backstory, the complex shifting of affection and resentment and power between them (siblings, parents and children, fellow spies, spies and handlers), or in a post-canon setting, either the very last years of the Cold War or in reunified Germany.
One of my favorite things about the show is how it takes characters who are frankly terrible people (Lenora, Schweppenstette) and makes them sympathetic without whitewashing them, and it takes likable, sympathetic people (Ingrid, Martin) and has them do really iffy things or knowingly make choices which endanger themselves and others.
I’d especially encourage divergences that still make sense in terms of real events in the period: Martin discovers who his father is before, during or right after canon? Martin’s mother is Lenora rather than Ingrid - how does that influence her choices as a mother and as a ruthless spy? Lenora is the agent embedded long-term in the West, and Tischbier is her handler who risks his cover while partaking of the West’s gay scene?
If you’d prefer to stick to canon, that’s great too! How much does Ingrid really know about her sister’s work? How does the sisters’ relationship develop after Lenora’s escape to Africa (and possible return after 1990)? How did Lenora “run” Tischbier all those years and what does she think of him – is he just a tool, does she care about his well-being at all, has she ever used his sexuality to keep him in line or blackmail him? A day at work with Lenora and Schweppenstette being devious or their phone conversations from Bonn to East Berlin, knowing they’re being listened to, by their own side probably? Martin and Schweppenstette post-canon, in the days and weeks right after Martin’s return or years later – what do they both know and what are they both willing to admit about their relationship?
The Sandman
Relationship: Corinthian & Dream
Relationship: Death & Dream
Relationship: Dream/Thessaly
Relationship: Lucien & Matthew the Raven
Relationship: Matthew the Raven & Thessaly
Character: Mazikeen
For Dream/Thessaly, a look at their relationship – I love Thessaly for being always herself, as unlikable as she can be, and often wonder how she and Dream ever hooked up, made a go of an actual relationship, and/or what all contributed to their breakup (besides their both being difficult people used to getting their way and being alone).
For Corinthian & Dream, I’d love to see this from the Second Corinthian’s perspective – requited or not (not seems more likely), tied up with all of the Corinthian’s identity issues and memories of his past self and his role in the Dreaming and the world, the maker/creation relationship he has with Morpheus. This can go as dark or erotic (/ instead of &) as you like, but please heed my DNWs.
For Lucien & Matthew as well as Matthew & Thessaly, I’d love something humorous (darkly humorous or droll - it’s the snarky raven!) and Dreaming-set. A book in Lucien’s library isn’t where it’s supposed to be, either a quest to find it ensues or the missing book somehow endangers the very fabric of the dreaming. Matthew is forced to spend time with the boss’ new girlfriend, maybe as a sort of honorary guard while she explore the Dreaming, and much snark and possibly some chilling magic happens.
For Death & Dream, a slice of whatever passes for life among the Endless. Dream accompanies Death on another day at work and learns a different life lesson than in The Sound of Wings. Or Death accompanies Dream on a mission in his realm or in the waking world, possibly with an agenda of her own which he discovers along the way. They might argue. Or they might get ice cream.
For Mazikeen, I just find her fascinating. She’s like a gruesome parody of a femme fatale, all mysterious and devoted to her man/boss/devil and deadly yet not really EVIL from what we saw of her in canon. Her backstory (how did she gain her half-woman, half-corpse appearance?), or what Lucifer did to win her love and eternal devotion, or a (dark, funny, darkly funny) incident from their time running a piano bar, or Mazikeen goes on a mission, armed with her mask and slurred speech and maybe lingering infernal powers… I am somewhat familiar with Mazikeen’s story in the spinoff comics, but I’d prefer it if you stuck to what we know of her in the Sandman canon (as far as The Wake) only.
Likes:
I love pre-canon, canon, post-canon, canon-divergent, and “missing scene from canon” stories. I love character-driven and plot-driven stories equally, and I love fics which mix humor and angst/serious business when appropriate for the canon. I’m also requesting in-canon meta here, so fictional excerpts from diaries, letters, histories, novels/fairytales/songs would be awesome.
I love character studies, characters at work and play, stories about group dynamics, family dynamics (including constructed families), professional partnerships, friendships, alliances, rivalries, intimate couples, UST-ridden couples who are not just UST-ridden but connected in other ways too, parents and children, siblings, etc.
I love irony, snark, 5+1 stories, bittersweet endings, hopeful endings, happy endings, canon-fitting crack, worldbuilding, characters who are their own worst enemies as well as those who learn to get over themselves, characters with conflicting values which may or may not be reconciled/resolved in a believable and IC way, characters who treat each other with respect and as equals even if they hate/annoy/can’t stand/love to dislike each other.
I especially love workplace stories (this can mean anything from an office/procedural setting to anything that revolves around the canon world in which the characters live) in which the characters are competent and dedicated to the job, and while they may not be exactly friends and they may well irritate one another, they still manage to rub along to get the job done and maybe even grow to care about one another (much to their surprise and sometimes reluctance/discomfort). Or, if they can’t get along, show me why not and what’s preventing them from finding common ground.
DNWs:
Kinks, MPREG, A/B/O, knotting, D/s, incest, underage, genderswap and genderbent characters, non-con, dub-con, torture and abuse, dwelling on bodily fluids (mentions of gore and come are fine where appropriate), toilet humor, character bashing, soulmates and soul marks, major character death (unless it’s canon), pregnancy and children as the lynchpin of the story (unless strictly canon appropriate), characters agonizing over/analyzing/dwelling on their or others’ sexuality as if it’s the sum total of their existence, secondary characters acting like shipping the main pair is their be all and end all, fluff and schmoop, OCs (except for worldbuilding purposes – I just don’t want a fic in which OCs are the heroes and canon characters are cameos), PWP or porn-centric fic, issuefic, fic written in the first or second person, holiday or wedding setting or theme, AUs which have nothing to do with canon (cop characters working in a coffee shop, high-school janitor characters in space, etc.)
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