#this is some Anne of green gables shenanigans but some part of me is like ‘this is not dignified or romantic enough’
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itspileofgoodthings · 2 years ago
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My mom to me this week: Maria you’re very pretty, a fact you have always had trouble believing
#look I’m back on my bullshit of talking about my looks again even though I know it doesn’t matter/I have largely moved on from struggling#over it#But sometimes I still DO and I also still like to talk about it#And yeah. Man. I’ve always had such a fraught relationship with my face#this is some Anne of green gables shenanigans but some part of me is like ‘this is not dignified or romantic enough’#like it’s so shepherdess/baker of me#Also a part of me has gotten over that of course#A bigger part of me knows it doesn’t matter and also has let it go#And a part of me has fully accepted that I’m pretty#But really I guess I want to talk about it (to myself I mean) because it just was such a concern of mine for so long#Caused me such angst!!!!!!#Also I don’t think it helped that I got a) no male validating b) a lot of female validation#My high school classmates VERY quick to tell me I was pretty#Me knowing enough to know that it must be a very non-threatening prettiness if they could say it so fast#Also of course packaged in the high school girl snide/silliness of ‘let me do your makeup’ which I never did lol#I did let one girl straighten my hair though which was a fun experiment#I still occasionally LOVE having straight hair#it’s just literally such a new self for me#And it’s funnnnnnn#Anyway the tall blonde at my sister’s wedding who walked across the room to ask me to dance healed a lot more hurt inside me#than he had any idea of#(No he wasn’t the love of my life) (the moment was ROMANCE though)#anyway like. Again. Mostly there is no point to me chattering on about this and I don’t want to gain anything by it#Because I know all the things I need to#It just really is—the way I experience life is still very much being content with my appearance#And then having these FLASHES of either total ego or complete cringe#And both are very intense! I know I know the human condition. The feminine condition! Lol#Okay I’m done. Thanks for listening
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rlainarin · 3 years ago
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@antivan-beau tagged me a few days ago in this ao3 meme
How many works do you have on AO3?
36! and a few orphaned ones out there I'll gladly claim if anyone remembers, I just orphaned all my Torchwood stuff when my special interest faded
What’s your total AO3 words count?
128,143. 71,000 of that from one fic!
What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
5: Sentimentality - character study of Renarin and Jasnah's relationship, because I am very passionate about cousin relationships!!!
4: make an honest man of me - lol, my spitefic against the fact that nobody was writing any sexual fic for the autistic character. sure I don't write smut, but at the very least I can write a character exploration of an allo/sex-neutral ace relationship with some adorable wordplay
3: And Your Light Sets Me Free - hey wait this one is also a spitefic lol. my first Kalarin fic by a long shot so it's had a while to accumulate them
2: The Rhythm of Calling Renarin Kholin Cute - second fic for the ship, the one that started the tag, fresh off the nigh-canonization! got a lot of feelings about Renarin and Rlain I'd been assuming nobody else cared about since Oathbringer out, lol
1: This Is Ourselves, Under Pressure - I am SO proud that my most popular fic is an autism one!!!!!!!!
Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
usually! I don't always have anything to say but I try to. we're all in this together!!!
What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?
oh, away from all these useless fears, and change for sure. death of the self + immortality combo, and the hints I dropped about how things went for Renarin and Adolin...
What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?
Can You Feel The Love Tonight, my oooold singular Warehouse 13 story, for the fact it's also an unspoken fix-it for certain facts that get in the way of ideal found family shenanigans.
Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve ever written?
ok so I haven't posted one since my ff.net days but I have like, three pages of a Stormlight Archive/Stargate SG-1 crossover somewhere in my files
Have you ever received hate on a fic?
nahhhh lucky for my somft self
Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
does translation without consent count?
Have you ever had a fic translated?
I had one of my Fullmetal Alchemist fics from my ff.net days posted in Russian without my permission!
Have you ever co-written a fic before?
not truly co-written per se but definitely brainstormed a lot with other people
What’s your all-time favourite ship?
mmmmm Kalarin <3 it's just been part of my soul so long!!!
What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?
I'm not ready to give up on now you know me, and I'm not afraid, but two books of canon-divergence and the death of a friendship with my main beta and cheerleader on... it's rough
and I'm pretty sure I'm never going to finish the third in my immediately post-Oathbringer Kalarin series, where Renarin meets Lirin and Hesina. :(
What are your writing strengths?
banter and p a i n <3
What are your writing weaknesses?
striking a medium between no description and paragraphs of it for everything T-T
What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?
man, I wish I was good enough to conlang
I wanna do so MUCH stuff with languages and language barriers but I am... extremely monolingual so I'm not confident in a n y t h i n g
What was the first fandom you wrote for?
I once turned Anne of Green Gables fic in for homework <3
What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?
gotta be now you know me <3 poured my damn heart and soul into that one
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Femslash Exchange Letter!
A03 Name: LadyReisling
First of all, thank you SO MUCH for creating something for me. I know I’m going to love whatever you come up with! I truly appreciate  the time and effort you are going to put into this. PLEASE do not stress over it; I am really very easy to please and just looking forward to seeing what you come up with. I’ve jotted down some basic prompts here, follow them or don’t--the choice is yours!
Style Stuff:
Competency is absolutely my greatest kink. I also have a decent-sized hair kink and love hair-touching/stroking/brushing, etc, as well as any kind of safe touch. I like friendship in love, equal partnerships, ass-kicking females, friends to lovers, grudging respect that becomes not so grudging, fluff and cuteness, light angst (angst over the perfect gift, for example), caretaking, hairbrushing, cuddling and tender kissing, blanket/bed-sharing in a totally platonic way, all the non-sexual intimacy and tenderness, late-night talks, letters. Tenderly-described safe touch makes me squee. I don’t mind sex so long as it’s consensual between adults, well-written, driven by emotions, and true to character. My favorite AUs are coffee shop and library.
My A03 bookmarks are pretty heavy on MCU and Hamilton, my two latest obsessions. I love mission fic/casefic, adventures, unwinding/caretaking after a mission, hurt/comfort with emphasis on the comfort, celebrations, and all the happy things.
I adore setting detail and good descriptive writing. Fall is absolutely my favorite season--so perfect for walks, crisp air, toasted marshmallows, apple orchard trips, cider and donuts, colorful leaves that crunch underfoot, hay rides, cozy sweaters, knitting, lazy weekends, bonfires (or fires in fireplaces) new pens and notebooks, etc. I also love holidays and celebrations--all of them equally, so whatever feels natural to you and the characters is great. Cultural descriptions and events are fabulous, as well as setting, time period, and seasonal details. I’ve been blessed to grow up and live my entire life in a place with four distinct seasons, and as long as I’m not driving in them, I actually adore blizzards and being snowed in. If you happen to live in a place where you don’t have seasons, I’m sorry! But pull up some Google images and describe away and I’ll love it.
Dislikes:
D/s relationships, PWP, A/B/O dynamics (I don’t understand how these work), dark/dystopian or supernatural AUs, kidfic.
Hard Squicks:
Please no rape/non- or dub-con, rough sex, underage, graphic violence, suicide or self-harm, depression, or non-canonical character death. All of the above are major triggers for me. Also, in general, I feel like the world needs to come together and celebrate love and inclusion without judgment. In other words, please use this exchange to make the world a softer place for everyone.
Specific Fandoms and Prompts:
Code Name Verity - Maddie, Julie
This is one of my absolute favorite books ever. WWII is one of my favorite periods to study/read about, so play up the setting and the war and the clothes and makeup and all of those details. I would love to see the early days of the war, how they became best friends and maybe something more. Show me each of them knowing more about the other’s job than they strictly should--Maddie showing Julie how to navigate/fly or fix an engine, Julie teaching Maddie how to communicate in code. Did they write each other letters in a code known only to the two of them? Give me their stolen moments of friendship or dates in the middle of mayhem, nights at the pub, bike rides, perfecting cover stories, meeting each other’s families, days when Julie doesn’t have an assignment and Maddie is grounded because of weather or the need for repairs, sharing newspapers and iced buns and making jokes out of their fears. Show me the cuddling and comforting that goes on after missions/interrogations, saving up ration coupons for special treats, or using up the saved-up rations for something like comfort food. Give me a missing scene from that time that they don’t see each other, during which Julie’s brother Jamie gets hurt. Do they have an umbrella that they pass between the two of them as a token, a reminder of their first meeting? Was the whole meeting between Maddie and Jamie a setup on Julie’s part, so that Maddie could be taken care of/stay in Julie’s family if something happened to Julie? Was Maddie’s relationship with Jamie originally meant to be a front for her and Julie’s relationship, which then became something entirely different that grew out of their shared grief over Julie? How does a lesbian couple manage to date in the middle of a war, and particularly World War II? How much pining goes on before it comes to fruition?
MCU: Peggy, Angie, Dottie, Natasha, Maria
Agent Carter is absolutely my favorite of the MCU shows, and I was so sad when it was cancelled. See above about my WWII obsession. I love the dynamic of Peggy and Angie and would love to see them sneaking around the Griffith or enjoying Howard’s house. I think that Peggy capitalizes on Angie’s acting skills at some point for something minimally dangerous but mission related, perhaps even without telling Angie what was really going on until later. And speaking of such things, what is Angie’s reaction to her newfound knowledge that her BFF is a super-spy? How does she help Peggy keep in tune with civilian life and help her unwind after missions? I also love that Peggy and Dottie are basically two sides of the same coin. Would Dottie ever turn sides and act as a double agent for Peggy? Do they ever get to a point where, even if there’s not love, there’s a grudging or not so grudging respect for the other’s craft? Would a rehabbed Dottie give Peggy espionage advice?
I really feel like Peggy and Nat have a special connection--it works best with Nat’s comics background, but I love my mental images of Peggy handling Nat’s onboarding with SHIELD, helping her reconcile her past and find her way and not carry a ton of guilt, and carefully handing her over to Maria. I tend to OTEveryone in the MCU, so go wild with whatever characters you like in whatever way you want. I prefer espionage to action, and please, please don’t bash anyone--I ship Peggy with all the things, too: Peggy/Steve, as well as Peggy/Bucky/Steve.
West Wing: Abbey/C.J.
West Wing is a new fandom obsession for me, but these are my two favorite ladies in that show. I love how Abbey plays the matchmaker for, like, everyone, and I adore C.J. in every capacity. I’m still in the early seasons, but I feel like these two ladies have been looking out for each other for a very long time. Did C.J. help Abbey find her platform and her voice as First Lady? Help her pick out her inauguration dress? Does Abbey ever worry that C.J. works too hard and doesn’t have a social life or might settle for less than she deserves because of her job stress?
C.J. is such a strong caretaker and I feel like she probably had to fight her way up in the ranks to get any cred in a male-dominated profession, a male-dominated workplace. President Bartlet obviously has the utmost faith in her, but did he come to that on his own, or how was Abbey involved in that staffing choice? Were they girlfriends/gal pals in college until Abbey went to med school and C.J. went to J-school, and was working for Abbey’s husband just a cover for staying close? I love this show so much, so play with whatever background characters you like, too. (Do the assistants ever get on C.J. for being basically the only female senior staffer before Mandy came on board? How did she handle that, and how much help is Abbey?) Give me all the West Wing shenanigans, and I will be a happy, happy person.
Anne of Green Gables: Anne/Diana, Anne/Katherine
I truly love best friends in love, and there’s no better pair in fiction for that trope than Anne and Diana. I love how Anne encourages Diana to let her imagination fly and Diana keeps Anne as grounded as possible. What would it have been like for them if Diana had gone on to college with Anne? Would she have left early to get married, or planned to do so and then decided not to because of Anne? I like that Diana encourages Anne in her writing--what passion does Anne encourage Diana to follow?
For Anne/Katherine: Was Katherine just playing hard to get all that time? Did she shy away from Anne because she was head over heels in love and didn’t think that Anne would ever want her? I love that Anne wore Katherine down--show me that period from Katherine’s perspective! But was there ever a dark night for Anne when she almost gave up on Katherine? I love the setting of Green Gables and PEI and Charlottetown, so countryside rambles and social outings and other fun would be very much appreciated.
Again, thank you so much for your time and creativity! I can’t wait to see what you come up with!
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